.6.

Ana

My surroundings evaporate as I numbly follow the nurse to an exam room in the same ER I was in last night. My eyes haven't left her ponytail that sways with every step she takes and the roaring in my ears prevents me from hearing whatever it is that she's saying to Grace, who's walking alongside her. However much I wish that Grace could be the doctor to examine me, it just can't be, and it isn't because she's a pediatrician who doesn't work in the emergency department. According to Carrick, it wouldn't be fitting since I'm pressing charges against Declan, who's aware that I'm close to the Grey family. Carrick told me that Grace treating me was out of the question since we know one another personally, and no judge would believe that Grace could be unbiased.

What she can provide is privacy, and that's why we're walking to a proper room with a door and not a hard table enclosed by a flimsy curtain that enables everyone to hear all.

On one side, Mother is holding my hand and gently rubbing it with her thumb. She's long stopped crying and is quiet, as is Kate, who has my other hand in a death grip. Her wedding rings are digging into my skin painfully, but I'm grateful for it. I concentrate on the sting they leave and it keeps my fear at bay.

Along with my humiliation

Kate towers over me in her high heels and is staring ahead with a blank expression on her face. Her back is ramrod straight and her cheeks are so flushed that they're maroon. My best friend's make-up is gone from crying and a few locks of hair have escaped her French braid. Kate declared that she didn't give a fuck about her appearance and doesn't give a shit what anyone has to say about it. If anything, Kate looks like she's going to the battle of Agincourt.

I had only agreed to tell Carrick, not wanting anyone else in my life to know about Declan, but my argument fell on deaf ears and I was honestly too tired to fight about it.

Christian called my mother and father and asked them to come to Carrick's law firm, setting off alarm bells in my parents ears. It took Christian several minutes to calm them and reiterate that they were needed, and that I was fine.

After he hung up, Christian looked at Jason and then his father. I knew what he was going to say, and that they would back him up, but fuck if I wanted to hear it.

Elliott had to be told. Since Declan works for Grey Construction, he could possibly go to the office in the morning only for the Seattle PD to stroll in and arrest him. If that were to occur without warning Elliott first, he would find out why and a possible beat down could occur. Carrick made the point that his son wouldn't want to employ any man who lays his hands on a woman and I finally acquiesced.

Begrudgingly.

If Elliot had to be told, so did Kate. In all honesty, I was grateful when Christian told Elliott he needed to get Kate and bring her along. I'd wanted to confide in my best friend for so long and to burrow my head in her neck and weep. The guilt I have over every lie that I told her for such a long time is heavy on my shoulders. My sore and aching shoulders.

Like I told Christian hours earlier, his dad was going to tell me things that I already knew and that's what Carrick did. He said for me to go back to the emergency department at Swedish, where I'd been treated last night, and tell them my knee was hurting – which isn't a lie. He instructed me to say whatever I needed to, give any reason that would cause a nurse or physician to see the aftermath of Declan's brutality, and for me to be completely honest about the abuse. Then the police would arrive, and I'd make a complaint naming Declan Beckett as the man who's been abusing me. I'd also have to file a restraining order, even if they do no good. They're a waste of a perfectly good tree.

Carrick reminded me that pictures would be taken and asked if I had any bruises or marks on my body that aren't visible. I nodded and then heard a crash. Christian had kicked his father's waste basket across the room, and Carrick wasn't pleased with his hot-headed son. Although I have to admit it was amusing watching Christian Grey pick up the mess he'd made.

Kate and Elliot arrived before Mom and Dad, and despite Kate's demands for information, I gave none. I only wanted to tell this hellish story once, so we waited for my parents. Once the arrived, I told them everything and their reactions were as I expected; they blamed themselves for not seeing it. But I was never asked why this, or why that. No one asked, and fuck if I'm grateful they're the kind of people who know better. I should have trusted one of them long ago, but I couldn't. When you're repeatedly told that not a single person in the world will believe a piece of shit like you, you eventually believe it. You also believe that you're a piece of shit.

And now we're all in this hospital.

I'm ushered into the exam room with Mom and Kate still glued to my body. My knee hurts terribly as does my shoulder, but I don't complain. I know it could have been worse. I know that too many women have it so much worse than me and they don't have the support and help to get away from their abuser like I do.

That makes me feel so fucking guilty

A teary-eyed Grace stands in the doorway. "Ana, dear, it's best if I don't stay with you. Even if I don't touch you, a lawyer could argue differently, and we don't want any charges against that horrible man to be dropped," she tells me.

The sawdust in my bone-dry mouth prevents me from answering her. I nod and she kisses me on the forehead before shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Ms. Steele, my name is Beth," the petite nurse begins, handing me a faded gown that opens in the back. "I need for you to change into this. There's the bathroom." She points to a closed door across the room. "And take off your shoes, please."

"Do you need help, baby girl?" Mother asks.

"No, I've got it."

I reluctantly take the gown and shuffle to the small bedroom. Once inside, I flip on the light and stare at my reflection in the mirror. The woman staring back at me is worn down with vacant eyes. She looks like me, yet, she doesn't.

I gingerly remove my clothes and slip into the faded gown. I attempt to reach around the back to tie it, and my shoulder screams out in pain. It nearly takes me down so I don't bother another attempt.

I wish so much that my mother and Kate weren't in the room. They'll see what I've been hiding and it's going to upset and hurt them.

I leave my clothes on the closed toilet lid and walk out to find three sets of eyes on me. Kate's green ones are scanning my body and I know that she wants to open the gown and inspect every inch of me.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I avoid eye contact with Mother and Kate. Beth, who has a kind demeanor, gets all of my attention and tells me what to expect.

Like I don't know

She starts with taking my blood pressure and does it again. "Your blood pressure is a little high. Do you have high blood pressure?" she asks me.

"No."

"I'm sure it's because you're stressed and it's nothing to worry about. Are you in pain?" She's looking at me sympathetically but without pity.

"Yes."

"Where?"

"My left shoulder and my knee. I also have a headache."

Nurse Beth, who looks younger than me, is typing away on a computer's keypad. I hadn't noticed the laptop when I came in. But I didn't notice anything when I came in. It's all a blur. This day has been one long blur.

"Ana, did you hear me?" Beth's voice garners my wayward thoughts.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"

"She asked you to rate your pain, Ana Banana." Kate has finally opened her mouth. "On a scale of one to ten. Ten the worst." Her voice cracks and I look at her.

The pain in her eyes blaze, and tears are running down her cheeks. Kate is hurting and it's my fault. I've never felt so responsible for something, for anything or anyone, in my twenty-six years on this planet, and my guilt feels tangible.

"Not being dramatic, my knee is a ten." I stop and point to my offensive shoulder. "I'd give that a solid eight."

The nurse nods. "I'll get you some pain relief once we're finished here."

"Why don't you give her something now? She's been hurting for a god damn year and shouldn't have to wait anymore. She's injured, fix her!" Kate yells, each word bounces off of the four walls around us. "She shouldn't have to wait for you to ask inane questions while she's in pain." If I didn't know her so well, I'd say Kate's nearing hysteria.

I reach for her and take her hand. She's trembling like a leaf on a windy day and the air around her is darkening. She's furious, but only because she can't fix what's wrong.

"Kate, hush. It's fine. If you can't handle this, you need to go out to the waiting room," I tell her.

Rapidly wiping the tears off of her face with a tissue that Mother passes her, Kate shakes her head no. I stare her down and she receives my message to shut up, and plants her lips into a thin line.

Nurse Beth ignores Kate's outburst and continues her questioning until a tall, gray-haired woman enters the room after knocking. I watch as she looks around, smiling as she makes her way into the room.

"Ms. Steele, I'm Dr. Harris. I won't ask how you are, but will ask if I can examine you. We won't do anything you don't want and I'll stop if you tell me to." Her straight to the point words are softly spoken and don't sound condescending.

"That's fine. It's what I'm here for."

"Are you in pain, Ms. Steele?" she asks.

"Yes, and please call me Ana."

"Beth, let's get Ana some relief. Nothing narcotic. She's to speak to the police so we can't knock her out."

The fucking police

Pulling a stethoscope from a pocket of the lab coat she's wearing, Dr. Harris moves close to me and it all begins.

Every awful thing that I've dreaded begins. I pull out every bit of strength I have left to deal with this, and pray that it's enough.

Five fucking exhausting hours later, and after one of the most heated arguments that I've seen or participated in, my body is now resting half way on Mia's lap on a love seat in Grace and Carrick's living room. I'm finally relaxed and pain free from the Percocet I was given once the police were finished with me; they took pictures of what seemed like my entire body, and I described how and when I received each injury. If the police officers thought my memory was crazy, they didn't say anything.

After all was over and done with, I followed Mother and Kate into a small waiting area that fortunately had a door. Everyone was crammed in, including Mia.

The waiting room needed a door because everyone loudly pounced on the topic of where I was going to go the minute they saw me. And then everything went sideways and people were shouting at one another. It felt like they were each pulling me apart as they fought over where I'd be spending the night.

Rather, where they were going to hide me

Oddly, Christian was at the center of the argument. He was behaving like a petulant child and I was his toy that he didn't want anyone else to play with. It was confounding. At one point, I thought Dad was going to swing at Christian. My parents wanted to take me home. Christian vetoed that like he had the right to, saying he couldn't put adequate protection on me if I did go with Mother and Dad. That didn't fly at all. Dad reminded him that I was his daughter and that their house had a security system along with a gun case that looked like an armory. Then he asked Christian why he was so insistent to be the one to oversee protecting me. Christian never answered him.

Then it was Kate who went toe to toe with Christian when she said I would go home with her and Elliot. She reminded her brother-in-law that she had a CPO that could watch over me. Christian replied, quite loudly, that Kate's CPO didn't stay at their house, he was only with her when she was out. She shouted that Christian could put security in the house overnight and asked if he'd forgotten Elliott would be there. But it wasn't Christian that told her their place was the last one I needed to be at. It was Elliott. He said that Kate was going to be Declan's first attempt to find me. Especially after he was arrested. Kate couldn't argue with that because she knew Elliott was right.

We all know that Declan will be bailed out as soon as his father finds out that his son was arrested. We also know that the restraining order won't stop Declan if he does come looking for me. They were talking like I have a target on my back, and I'm aware they're right and it terrifies me.

Then Christian announced that his penthouse at Escala would be the safest place for me. He went on about elevator security codes, in house security, and how his apartment is basically a fortress.

Kate looked at him like he was nuts and I'm sure I had the same expression on my face. I held my breath because I was afraid that Kate would blurt out, "How do you think Miss Washington will feel knowing you have another woman staying with you?"

Yeah, Christian, what about Ava

That ridiculous plan was shut down after Carrick said I should stay with him and Grace. His reasoning was that Declan wouldn't think that I'd go with them and I finally spoke up and agreed with Carrick. Grace said that she would stay at home with me tomorrow and invited my parents to spend the night. Then she looked at her gray-eyed son like she dared him to disagree with her. He didn't.

So, the project to hide me is complete and now Mia is stroking my hair and I'm getting sleepy. I've yet to ask who let her in on this clusterfuck. But I don't mind. If I had to choose who I wanted to know about Declan, it would be Kate and Mia. Kate's a hot-headed female version of Christian, but Mia can calm her down better than anyone.

Hell, Mia calms me down

Work pops into my head and I realize that I don't have any clothes except those I'm currently wearing, and a flannel button down and athletic pants aren't appropriate. I also need my anti-depressant.

"Someone is going to have to go to my apartment and get me some clothes to wear to work tomorrow," I say to no one in particular.

Kate and Elliot left an hour ago and my parents are up in a third-floor guest bedroom. Carrick and Grace went up to bed, too. That leaves me with Mia and Christian.

"You aren't going to work tomorrow, Ana. You're staying here with Mom, and Jason's hired a guy to be your CPO. He's going to stay in the house at all times and he should be here soon," Christian replies and looks at his watch. "And don't give me any shit about it."

I carefully raise my head and stare at him. He's in a recliner dragging his hand through his hair and holding a glass of what looks like whiskey. Surely, it's not. Christian doesn't drink hard liquor.

"Excuse me? Christian, I have to work. It's the only place that keeps my mind occupied and I don't stress over Declan. Now get Jason or one of your hulking goons to go to my apartment and get me something to wear tomorrow. I also have medication that I need." My voice would sound firmer if I wasn't on a Percocet high.

"What kind of medication?" Christian asks, his eyebrows drawn together.

I sit up because I want to walk across the living room and hit him upside his head.

"That's none of your business. Jesus, you've been insufferable for hours. What's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem, Ana. I'm attempting to solve yours," he bites back.

What the fuck

I make it to my feet and point at him.

"Excuse the hell out of me for making your life hard, Grey." I scoff and do my best not to cross the room and toss his drink in his face.

"You aren't making my life hard, your boyfriend is." He sounds like the pissed off and caustic CEO that I know so well.

"I've got a newsflash for you, buddy. Just because I asked you for help doesn't give you the right to make decisions about my life or tell me what to do. At work you can, but once we're out of Grey House that shit stops. You've got a fuck ton of nerve to judge me," I say in a soft voice that's hard enough to cut a diamond.

Christian sits his glass down and walks over to me. I can feel his breath on my face and our feet are almost touching.

Mia's eyes are closed and she's shaking her head.

"I'm not judging you. I'm attempting to find ways to keep you safe. What I said came out wrong."

He's placating me and it's only adding fuel to the fire between us. I swear smoke is coming out of my nostrils.

I look at Mia.

"Mia, will you please drive me to my apartment. I need clothes and my medicine," I ask her.

Not ask. Plead

Christian's shaking his head and looks like a snake that's about to strike. But I don't give a fuck. This man doesn't scare me.

"Mia isn't taking you anywhere. No one is taking you anywhere. I can go upstairs and get Ray for you. He'll agree with me. You need to be reasonable."

I laugh at him. "I'm always reasonable. You're the one who can't be reasoned with. Even if I don't go to work tomorrow, I still need clothes to wear."

"Forget going to work. You aren't, and I'm telling you that as your boss."

"What?" I shriek. "You're going to pull the boss card on me?"

"If it keeps your ass in this house I will. Don't push me, Ana."

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" I whisper. "I'd try my absolute best to see things like you do, but I can't get my head that far up my ass."

Christian's fingers are digging into the bridge of his nose. His stupid and beautiful nose.

Nobody can make me this mad. Nobody can drive me as crazy as this man.

"How about this." He begins in a much calmer voice. "Why don't you write down everything that you need and Mia can go with security to pick it up. See, I can compromise."

"You aren't-"

Suddenly, a throw pillow from the love seat flies past my head and hits Christian in the chest. I glance around and Mia's on her feet with another small pillow in her hands. She looks exasperated.

"Will the both of you shut the hell up? Do you hear yourselves? You sound like a bickering married couple," she exclaims loudly. "Christian, you are being an overbearing asshole, and Ana, you don't need to go to work tomorrow. My God, you're literally limping. How the hell did you even go to work today?" Mia sighs. "Ana, if you write what you need and where to find it, I'll be more than happy to pick it up for you. Just stop arguing for fucks sake."

I cross my arms and look at her, then back at Christian, who's giving his sister a dirty look. He can be such a jerk.

"Thank you, Mia. Can you get me some paper and a pen?"

She doesn't bother answering and I watch her back disappear into the hallway.

I'm still up close and personal with Christian and neither of us moves. My head is tilted back so I can see his face. His scent is overwhelming my senses and my skin is warmed by his body heat. It's then that I compute his tie is gone and several top buttons to his shirt are undone. His rolled up sleeves show off his muscular arms. Staring at his neck and chest causes my heart to race and it hits me that it's been years since we were so close.

I look back at his face and catch him staring at my mouth with some unknown expression on his face. My pulse hammers in my chest and every mixed up and confusing emotion that I feel for this man is bubbling to the surface. I'm like a volcano, teetering on the edge of an eruption that I can't prevent. One that I honestly don't want to prevent and I wish like hell I knew what Christian is thinking. And then his warm fingers push a lock of hair behind my ear and I nearly combust. Christian never touches me.

What the hell is happening? Is something happening and I'm too confused to realize it? All I know is that his fingers are still behind my ear and their touch is scorching.

"I'm sorry," he states quietly and I hear the sincerity in his voice. "I didn't mean to sound like a bossy asshole, I swear I didn't, but your safety is paramount, and until we rid Beckett from your life, I'm going to make sure that you're safe at all costs." I watch as his eyes roam around my face and settle once more on my mouth.

I exhale the air I swallowed while he spoke, and before I can reply, Mia bounds into the room with a note pad and pen and I quickly step away from Christian. Shit. Is the Percocet that I took the reason my body feels on fire or is it all down to Christian Grey?

"Here ya go," Mia says. "Be specific and tell me exactly where everything is. I don't want to screw it up and end up in a fight with you like the two of you just had." She gestures between me and her brother, and for a second, I think the corners of Mia's lips curve up into a smile.

Taking the notebook and pen, I think about what I need. I'm not going to argue about going back to work tomorrow because I know it's pointless and I'm not interested in having another fight with Christian. I also know that I don't want to limp around Grey House in pain. Again.

I think of my aching knee and glance at Mia and Christian. "Do you think I should take my sick days until I get the stitches out of my knee and it's healed?" I ask them.

They answer yes at the same time and I start to write down everything that I need and after I scrawl across the paper, I hand it to Mia who's already slipped on a raincoat.

"Hold up," Christian says. "Let me text Jason to find out which guys are outside. I want every one of them with you."

Mia usually gives her brother hell over her security but not tonight and I know it's because she's afraid of Declan.

Join the club, Mia

Christian finishes texting and tosses his cell on the recliner he was sitting on. I've heard that fucker buzz all day long and he only answered it when it was Jason, Ros, or Andrea. He sent the other calls to voicemail.

"Ana, I put a t-shirt and pajama pants in the guest room that's next to my bedroom, and a new toothbrush in the adjoining bathroom. Now go upstairs and get some sleep. Your eyes are drooping," Mia tells me.

"Mia, don't touch Ana's cell or bring it here. Beckett put a tracking app on it and can see where she's at," Christian says.

Mia's mouth drops open and her eyes are as wide as saucers.

"Are you shitting me?" she asks staring at me.

I shake my head. "Nope, he's definitely not shitting you. I left it at my place so the bastard thinks I'm at home. If he's called without me answering, I'm sure he's furious."

"You don't have to worry about him being furious anymore," Christian says softly. "He'll never touch you again."

I nod, although not believing what he's saying. Eventually, I'll have to leave the Grey's home and put myself back together. And I don't have a doubt that Declan is going to let me go easily.

"Okay, it's time for me to jet. How many guys are going with me, big brother?" Mia asks him.

"Three. And listen to what they say and don't go all rogue Charlie's Angels on them. Jason isn't in the mood for games and he might kick your ass."

Mia rolls her eyes and salutes her brother and scurries out into the rain. I feel bad that she's doing this but am endlessly grateful that she volunteered. My apartment isn't anywhere I want to be right now, and I wonder if I'll always feel this way.

I make my way back to the love seat and stretch out so my knee isn't bent. Christian's phone buzzes again and mumbles into it before ending the call abruptly. He looks at me. "That's Taylor. Your new best friend just arrived and is headed in to meet you." He gives me a pointed look and I groan.

Best friend my ass

With a smirk on his face, Christian walks out of the room and I can barely hear him disabling the security alarm. Then a bevy of male voices fill the air and Christian ushers in Jason and another man who's so handsome that I nearly fall off the love seat.

Dressed as sharply as Jason, the man, who I assume is to be my CPO, is well over six feet tall and has short, wavy brown hair and green eyes that seem to look through me. Despite wearing what I can tell is an expensive suit, I can see this man is built like a brick wall with muscles for miles.

Christ, I think I'm going to enjoy him being my new best friend

I stand and shake his proffered hand that engulfs mine. His fingers are calloused and his handshake is firm.

"Ana, this is Luke Sawyer. From this moment on, he's your CPO, but unlike Ryan and Reynolds, who only stay with Kate and Mia when they're not at home, Sawyer will be your close body, meaning he'll be with you inside, outside, or upside down," Christian informs me with a raised eyebrow and expression that's screaming for me to not argue about it. I don't, and hope I'm not drooling.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," says the green-eyed Adonis. Hell, he has the hint of a southern accent. Kill me now.

I shake my head. "No, no. Please call me Ana. I'm too young to be a ma'am. It's nice to meet you, too, Luke."

He just nods and steps back with his arms behind his back.

Christian stands behind him and is giving me a dirty look that only I can see. What's his problem? Maybe I am drooling.

"Sawyer, Ana. Call him Sawyer," Christian all but barks. "Security isn't meant to be your friend."

Ignoring him, I glance back at this Luke Sawyer, who I will be calling Luke, and ask him, "Where are you from? I detect a hint of a southern accent."

"Originally from Alabama, ma'am," he replies.

I don't tell him to call me Ana again because it will only set Christian off onto another edict. I don't know why he looks so irritated.

"How did you end up in Seattle?"

"Work, ma'am."

My eyes flit to Jason, who's standing beside Christian, with his head down. I think Jason's trying not to laugh.

"Let me guess. You were in the military," I say, a genuine smile on my face.

"Yes, ma'am."

"What branch?"

"Ana, this isn't twenty fucking questions," Christian says impatiently while glaring at me.

Nearly smiling because I often like to get underneath his skin, I decide this isn't the time or place to do so. Instead of goading my brooding boss, I sit down without another word, even if this is all about my life.

"Taylor, give Sawyer a tour of the house and codes to the alarm system. Ms. Steele will be staying in the guest bedroom on the second floor…The one by Mia's room."

"Yes, sir," Taylor replies. "And he's already been shown the layout of the property."

"Good. Once you've shown him around here, take him back to Escala so Mrs. Jones can get him settled into the staff's quarters. I'm spending the night here. Sawyer, I want you here at six in the morning. My parents are aware that you'll be in the house." Christian closes his eyes and when they open, he's staring at me like he's never met me. "Taylor, you're with Elliot at GC, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Don't beat the fuck out of Beckett if he does show up in the morning and don't let Elliott touch him. He's already planning on what to do with Beckett's body."

"I'll make sure of it, sir. I'd also like to add additional security for Mrs. Grey as well as Ms. Grey. Beckett's probably going to think they know where Ms. Steele is and will contact both of them," Taylor tells him.

Christian scrubs his face with both of his hands and sighs. "Do whatever you have to keep them safe. I'll be going to the office tomorrow so tell one of your guys to be ready to take me."

"Yes, sir."

I wonder if Jason enjoys being told what to do. I swear, the man's entire existence is being at every whim of Christian Grey.

"I think we're good here. Go get some sleep. It's going to be an early morning, and possibly a fucking shit storm tomorrow. Taylor, make sure the guys you're putting on Beckett know the assignment and if they screw up, fire their ass."

"Yes, sir," Jason replies and gives my new hot best friend a short nod and they leave.

Christian's hot on their heels to re set the security system. I'm yawning when he walks back into the living room. He looms over me and I narrow my eyes.

"What?" I ask him.

"You need to go to bed."

"I won't argue with that, but stop sounding like my boss. We aren't at work." I stand and wince.

My knee hates me

Christian moves back into my personal space and before I know, he's picking me up bridal style.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelp. "Put me the hell down, Christian. Now."

He pulls my body closer to him and my breasts are pressed against his chest; the friction on my nipples feels so good as it travels down my body and rests in between my legs.

He smells of whiskey, cologne, and like Christian, because his scent is unlike any that I've breathed in. It's as sweet as a cube of sugar and right now, I want to stick my tongue out and lick his neck.

He's heading towards the stairs. "What I'm doing is carrying you upstairs because of your knee. Do you want to pull your stitches out?"

"This is ridiculous. Are you going to carry me up and down the stairs the entire time I'm here? What about when you're at work? Put me down, Christian Grey!"

"No."

I'm protesting about him carrying me, but I'm secretly relishing it. I could lose myself being encased in his strong arms but I can't allow him to know that so I continue to complain until we reach the guest room I'll be sleeping in.

Christian carefully puts me down and opens the door without stepping into the room, which I'm grateful for, because I can't quit remembering that he kept staring at my mouth. I can't quit picturing myself tracing his with my tongue.

No, Ana. You can't think about that

I flip on the light and see the t-shirt and sleeping pants that Mia tossed on the bed for me to wear and turn to face Christian, well, I had to step back and tilt my head to see his face. He's looking at me in a way that he never has and I'm sure it's because he's obsessed about the safety of everyone he's close to. Still, the light in his eyes is bright and I'd love to ask him why.

Staring at him, I think that no matter how much time passes me by, I'll always get weak in the knees when it comes to this man, and it scares the hell out of me because I want to be loved. I want to love someone. And I'm never going to taste Christian's love, and he'll never receive mine. I'm forced to admit the painful fact that the love of my life won't be the person that I spend the rest of my life with, and I'll have to watch him love another woman. He'll marry her and father her children. Those thoughts nearly bring tears to my eyes, but I can't let any of that show so I'll put on a brave face and pretend that I'm fine. It's the weight of the universe that I'll carry alone. I'll smile, like I've done for over five years, go about my days, all the while feeling like I'm breaking.

Loving Christian is a balancing act of my true feelings that are raw and wearing a façade that the world sees. That he sees.

And honest to fuck, all of it adds another level of pain to my life. I can only wish that one day I do meet a man who I fall madly in love with and who will love me back so hard that I'll forget Christian Grey existed. I pray for it, shit, I've been praying for it, and maybe one day it will happen.

Maybe

I break eye contact and clear my throat. "Okay, thank you for securely depositing me in the room. That means you're off Ana watch and I can crawl in bed and try to forget what tomorrow may bring."

Christian makes the slightest move of raising his arm, then dropping it. If I'd have blinked, I'd have missed it.

"Don't worry about tomorrow. Whatever happens will happen and you'll be free from having to endure it," he says. "Sleep late, don't walk around too much and don't worry about Beckett. He's fucked whatever goes down."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

He sighs and his shoulders slump. "Don't worry about it. Stop worrying about shit that hasn't happened yet. You're safe here and Beckett will have to get through an army to even see you."

Nodding, I feel too exhausted to stand here and continue a conversation with the man I'm in love with and who will never love me.

"Goodnight, Christian," I whisper and begin to close the door.

He pauses like he wants to say something, but he doesn't, and I'm actually grateful that he didn't. I currently don't know which way is up and he's confused me all day.

"Goodnight, Ana. Remember what I said about tomorrow."

"I remember…" My words trail off when his cell buzzes in his pants pocket and he swears.

"You'd better take that," I tell him.

Christian looks at his phone and nods at me absentmindedly. "Ava," he begins and turns away. I hear him sigh. "I've been busy…"

Then I close the door before he sees my eyes water up because I can't stand to hear anything that he says to the woman he loves.

The woman who isn't me.

OK, I might have a computer issue. If you read my previous story, you may recall it fell into a swimming pool. Well, the piece of shit I have now is refurbished & on its last leg. I've literally had to scotch tape the screen to the keyboard. It took me 6 days to write this chapter & I spent over 3 hours trying to upload it. If it dies, & let's pray it doesn't, it will be after Christmas before I can upload another chapter. Writing this one has been a nightmare. If I don't update it before then, know that I can't & you don't have to ask what's going on.

I've also seen questions about the now very fucked up Love, Interrupted. Last week, FF decided to delete chapters 2-5. I did my best to fix it & re uploaded the chapters, however they didn't go back in the correct order. If you're reading that story you'll notice that chapters 2-5 are at the end of the story. I'll clean that shit up after I deal with this dumpster fire.

There are probably 1000 mistakes in this chapter because I was writing it with one hand while the other held one side of the computer that's fallen off & I am not a happy woman right now. Do me a solid & don't leave a guest review droning on about a misspelling or any other dumb inconsequential bullshit.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading & a new character finally enters the narrative in the next chapter.