The beginning of the worst day in Natsu's life started surprisingly normal.
He arrived at the guild, ate a breakfast that consisted of fire, threw a chair at Gray (he deserved it for looking like...that) and declared himself winner of a guildwide brawl all before nine.
So, all in all, a normal Fairy Tail morning.
Natsu was practically bouncing off the walls by the time Master Makarov arrived in the Guild, anxious to get the S-Class trial underway. He would even suffer through the train ride and sailing to Tenrou island without complaint today (his stomach rolled uncomfortably at the thought of the trip ahead).
He had finally made it! As one of the seven participants selected for this year's S-Class trials, Natsu felt a sense of pride not only in himself, but also in his guildmates. He was honestly so amazed by all of them and how far they had come. Things over the past couple years had gotten intense. They had been thrown in battle after battle, with their odds of surviving becoming slimmer with each fight.
Natsu was rarely the pessimistic type, he'd much rather hope for the best outcome and do everything in his power to make it happen. With every passing day they got so much stronger, he knew that without a doubt they were going to leave him in the dust sometime soon. His guild often heralded Natsu as one of their stronger mages, but quietly he believed he was probably the weakest amongst them. His flames were unrestrained, burning anything they touched, he had no ability to transform his magic or adapt it like most of his guild could. Most days it took it all he had to keep the fire under his skin contained, feeling as though at any moment, if he stopped focusing on holding it in, he would explode.
His guildmates would always be on his case about zoning out and not paying attention and yeah, Natsu could admit it was partly because sometimes it was boring, but most of the time he was fighting back against the sudden wave of magic that threatened to burst out of his skin.
They never seemed to have this problem. He knew that one day, probably soon, they would leave him behind, and really he was fine with it. He was.
Elfman could successfully perform a full body takeover, which made even the bravest of enemies falter. Levy's magic had left Natsu confused most of the time, but damn was it impressive! She could translate anything in a heartbeat and was wicked sharp when it came to strategy. Freed was similar in that regard, his intellect and runes made him an incredibly fierce opponent, in addition Natsu had heard he had even held his own in a fight with Mira! Cana was a wild card, but this was her 5th trial and he knew she wasn't going to be pulling any punches. Something told Natsu that she had a real reason to keep fighting to the end.
And Gray. As much as he loathed to admit it, and Natsu would never say it to his face, he was one of the strongest mages he knew (aside from Erza). He got up after every defeat, no matter how bad, and fought on. His ice creations were so precise and he always managed to give himself an edge that Natsu felt he could never match.
He knew they were going to leave him behind, but he didn't think it would be like this.
Natsu wondered if it was his fault. All he was good for was destruction. Anything he touched burned and those he loved seemed to suffer the same fate.
It should have been him that died on that island.
Not Wendy, who had so much life ahead of her.
Not his family, who had a million more adventures to go on.
...it should have been him. They would have been fine without him, hell they would have been better off if he'd never existed!
They never needed him like he needed them.
It was inevitable after their death that Fairy Tail would crumble. But that day...the day when Natsu entered the Guild's doors, bloodied and alone, they knew it was over. The image of the ever cheerful Natsu covered in horrendous wounds, limping through the doors, with an indescribable hollowness in his eyes…it would be burned into their memories forever.
It wasn't for lack of trying, Macao did his best to keep them going as long as he could, prolonging wallowing in his own grief and instead doing everything in his power to keep them bills piled up and the requests dried up. It was never enough. They didn't have a Jewel to their name after paying their debts.
Macao considered a loan, but he couldn't even manage to make the greediest loan shark in Magnolia go for it. Twilight Ogre knew they were done for- flat broke and down on their luck. Even the Magic Council who would usually jump at the chance to have a guild in their debt had decided that Fairy Tail was better off gone then under their thumb.
In the end it fell to Macao to announce the closure of Fairy Tail to its few remaining members. In the past few months the Guild had been reduced from a bustling hub of activity, to a mere 20 members, many citing the depressing atmosphere or lack of jewels for their departure. While he understood the latter, Macao had a kid to feed too, it was hard to watch.
He waited a few moments until they had all shuffled in, the unease in the room growing to almost stifling levels, before he broke the silence.
"Look guys...I know it's been a rough couple of months but..." He sighed, trying to think of his next words. "I-I'm afraid I have some more bad news. As you all know, we're not doing good...financially...and the meeting with Twilight Ogre didn't go like we hoped." Macao swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing, "With the way things are, we can't even keep the doors open for one more week. I've called you all here because," Why was it so hard to get the words out? "I think we should close the guild. Permanently. As you know the Magic Council has never been our biggest fans and there's been talk that they are already drafting our foreclosure notice. They've been ruthless at the moment with the fines and penalties and I'm sure you all understand what they're trying to do. What I'm suggesting is we get the final say. We go out on our terms."
He had expected anger, tears and arguments.
All he got was silence.
"Guys?"
He was right about one thing, there were tears. Silent and unshed but glistening in everyone's eyes. Macao was met with silent understanding, they knew what needed to be done, however much it felt wrong. None of them could bear to see Fairy Tail wither away anymore. The past six months had been torture enough, if they could do this one, small thing, to preserve theirlegacy, then it didn't matter how much it hurt.
Besides, they were Fairy Tail, weren't they? Even though their paths may change, they would always be watching over one another.
Macao found all the unshed tears, the grief of losing his family and sleepless nights fretting over their future catching up to him in that moment, the tears rolled unbidden down his cheeks.
"You've done a great job, Fourth Master."
Wakaba.
"The old man would have been proud!" "Hell yeah he would have!"
Jet. Droy.
"You did your best! We wouldn't have made it this far without you!"
Kinnana. The outcry of support from everyone was too much, he didn't feel he deserved it at all, but it was what he needed. The guilt of failure would sting for a long time, maybe the rest of his life, but for tonight its weight eased..
"T-thank you, thank you all!"
They spent their last night in the guild hall throwing the rowdiest party they could manage on limited time and funds. They partied well until morning, most of them sleeping where they dropped, whether that be on the floor or the guild benches.
Macao settled on a bench next to Wakaba, both of them having one last question on their mind.
"How are we going to tell Natsu..."
Natsu wasn't good company these days.
For all the guild like to tease him about his social ineptness, he was perceptive enough to notice the subtle changes in their attitude. The way people talked to him gently, as if the next words might shatter him. Or the way they practically walked on eggshells around him, like he might explode at any minute. He wanted to throw up after Macao offered him money after he noticed the way Natsu looked at the request board on the only occasion he visited the guild. Natsu was a mage dammit, but the thought of going on a job without them, he just couldn't. He wasn't ready.
He had declined the money. He didn't need to eat this week.
He was fine. (He wasn't)
Macao has a real family to take care of, he can't afford to take care of you too.
Natsu didn't sleep again that night either. He couldn't remember the last time he slept, probably before Tenrou. He had a vague feeling that he shouldn't be able to function after three weeks of not sleeping, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Nothing mattered anymore. Not going on jobs, not sleeping, not eating. Nothing.
He had worn himself out from apologising and begging. That had lasted for at least a week. He had then tried to make deals, to swap his fate with theirs, but no god was ever kind enough to respond.
Fuck the gods. They had taken everything from him.
Natsu had then retreated into a bitter shell of himself, swinging between throwing everything insight in a fit of rage, to then weeping at the wreckage. He had been practically inconsolable after a particularly nasty episode had knocked over Lucy's dress from their mission at Everlue's
Porlyusica said the final stage was acceptance, but Natsu could never accept this. A world where they were gone wasn't a world he wanted to live in.
He hadn't re-bandaged any of his wounds from Tenrou since his initial visit to Porlyusica. The bandages were beyond soiled with blood from reopened wounds, not that he paid it much mind. Occasionally Natsu would consider rebandaging them, sometimes he even managed to muster up the effort to care. He would get all the way to the door where he dumped the pile of bandages Porlyusica gave him, he would bend down to grab a fresh roll and get hit with the most nauseating, agonising wave of pain radiating from the cut on his chest.
Not worth it, as far as Natsu was concerned. His natural healing factor would kick in sooner or later, it always did. There was no way he was going back to Porlyusica either, she would beat him to death for not taking proper care of himself, revive him, then do it again. She had sent him home with various salves, bandages and strict care instructions, not that he paid any attention to them. At the time he was too busy watching the one tear that she'd failed to harshly scrub away, trail down her cheek.
Huh, I've never seen her cry.
The pain from his unhealed wounds was the only thing that reminded him he was real most days. Otherwise, it was a blur. Wounds from the battle with Hades, as well the cuts and bruises from where Acnologia's attack had hit, combined with the half healed damage from his fight with Zancrow and Kain had really done a number on him. But the pain was nothing compared to what he felt when he turned to ask Happy what he wanted for dinner only to remember he was gone.
He had never felt so small and alone than in that moment. Not even after Igneel had left.
It was three weeks after he lost them, that he felt that he was really starting to lose it.
Memories of a time long ago flashed across his mind...of two boys playing in fields...and of a dragon attack that ended his life.
These memories...they couldn't be real, could they?
He'd say they were dreams, but he didn't sleep these days.
Natsu would have dismissed them as some trick, or hallucination due to lack of sleep but when they came to him, he knew. He knew without a doubt they were his memories. He didn't even realise how much he was missing until they returned.
Natsu remembered dying.
He remembered running for his life while dragons fought above him. He saw countless villagers vaporised instantly in the attacks they threw haphazardly.
He remembered reaching out his hand and grasping the hand of a boy his age, a boy he used to play mages with, trying to pull him out of the fallen rocks, Only to be left holding his severed left arm. Natsu remembered carrying that arm as he wandered, crying for his mother. The torn flesh, ripped just above the elbow, left a trail of fresh blood behind him.
He had been hit by a stray explosion, that didn't kill him, but the shrapnel that flew from the building and lodged in his neck did. He had been blown back and thrown down a small ditch, rolling a few times before landing face up. The shrapnel, which had been dislodged during his fall, had been pulled from his neck in such a way that it almost decapitated him. Natsu still had the scar. It had hurt, more than anything he had experienced in his 6 years of life.
He remembered bleeding out next to the corpses of his entire village. A leg lay next to his head, half of his mothers head could be seen in the corner of his eye.
Oh.
In the end he found his mother, but he could barely tell it was her. Her skull had been crushed, covering most of her face in gore. Her eye was missing and there was a gaping hole stretching from her empty eye socket to her forehead. Blood, pieces of skull and clumps of her brain matter stuck to her hair, which was splayed around the remainder of her head, oddly serenely, like a halo. Natsu wished he remembered her name. He wished he didn't have to see her like this. His own death came swiftly after.
His last sight was the dragons.
It wasn't a pleasant memory, he honestly wished he could forget it again. Natsu laughed bitterly at the fact he and Gray had even more in common (he couldn't fight off the tears, Gray was gone).
Focus.
It all led back to the man he met on Tenrou.
He had known Natsu.
He had callen his name, uttered in a way Natsu had never heard it said. In a way that was so devastatingly familiar it made him want to weep. Natsu knew him, he was so sure of it, yet he could not recall a single specific detail about him. Not a name, nor his personality, his voice, nothing.
Why was he so familiar?
Something important had been forgotten, someone - something he must remember. He had all the pieces, it just didn't make sense!
The next month was a blur as he poured over memory after memory, turning them over and over again trying to examine them in new light. Sometimes he would think of his dearly departed Fairy Tail family, most of the time however he would spend thinking of a boy, now a man, that he could not place. The answers were so close he could taste it.
The Tenrou tragedy, Igneel's disappearance, the mysterious man, his memory of death, they were all connected. If only he could piece it together. Thinking was never his forte, much preferring to hit first and maybe ask questions later. Not for the first time, he wished Lucy was here, she would have figured it out by now. More than that, he just missed everyone. He would still be hit with random waves of sadness, but now a bone deep emptiness had settled in him.
Natsu still had not slept. He hadn't visited the guild. He had barely eaten,the only thing keeping him going was the mystery of the man on Tenrou and the memories he couldn't understand. He was pretty certain that not sleeping for 7 weeks was abnormal (he'd deal with it later) but he had to know who that man was. If his memories were real, and he died…he was here now, was't he? Could this man bring them back? Natsu needed to remember.
The small part of his mind, that sounded suspiciously like Erza, whispered that this needed to stop. It begged him to take care of himself, to please eat, shower, do something other than stare blankly at the wall. Natsu knew it spoke the truth. Isolating himself and obsessing over some man that knew his name wasn't going to bring them back. But it was the only thing that was keeping him going. It was a small ember of hope that Natsu was desperate to fan into a flame because otherwise he had nothing.
He had mentioned earlier that he thought he lost it 3 weeks in?
No.
Natsu truly lost himself seven weeks, four days and three hours after Tenrou Island was destroyed by Acnologia.
Had he been a little bit more observant, he would have noticed the ink that had begun to form at his fingertips and curl up his hand. Noticing this would not have helped him in the slightest, becoming a demon was Natsu's destiny, after all.
Where once was a hollowness, a longing for those who had gone, now only one thing remained.
"Zeref…I Must. I Must Kill Zeref."
E.N.D had been awoken.