CHAPTER THREE: I'M SHIT AT ADVICE, BUT LIKE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU REALLY NEED SOME

akira: hey you might want to look out for this regular

akira: fancy uniform, stuck up, fakest smile you've ever seen in your life, extremely punchable face

akira: he hasn't come in the last week so he's gonna drop by soon

ed:?

akira: he's picky with his coffee

ed: Ok

akira: make sure to use the house blend with oat milk and three sugars

ed: Fancy guy with a horrible sweet tooth

akira: yeah

ed: Is that all beef boy

akira: i hope he rakes u alive library kid

akira: how did i get downgraded from beef bowl guy to beef boy

ed: Easier to type. Rolls off the tongue better

ed: Good luck on that crush or whatever

akira: wtf

ed: You have never talked about any customer ever. You confuse like half of them

ed: Why would u bother with warning me about this one guy in particular

akira: i hope he sets u on fire

ed: Wouldn't be the first fucker to try

akira: ?!

Goro swings open the door to Leblanc, the small bell ringing his entrance. The comforting scent of coffee and spices fills his nose, and he breathes a sigh. He spots a figure hunched over the sink, head blocked by the shelves of coffee beans, the sound of running water filling the cafe.

"Good evening, Kurusu," Goro starts, sliding into his usual seat near the phone on the counter. His attaché case settles with a clack on the floor, leaning against the wall. His eyes flutter close for just a moment of respite, then wander through the labels of the coffee bean jars in front of him. "I apologise for not visiting the past week. Work has been hectic, with Okumura and all."

The sound of running water hisses to quiet, the clack of dishes and cutlery rings in the air, and Kurusu shuffles to the front — oh.

Instead of Kurusu, a golden-eyed blonde teen stares back, hair tied back in a ponytail. He wears a simple, long-sleeved black shirt and black leather pants (How strange and gimmicky for anyone to wear leather pants at work, Goro's brain unhelpfully thinks), with a plain, dark red apron on the front. Goro's surprise must have shown quite obviously on his face because the teen blinks and then says, "Edward Elric. New part-timer." A beat, and a strange, uncomfortable stretch of silence where the two stare at each other. The teen — Elric — nods to himself. "House blend, oat milk, three sugars." Then he turns away and starts the order, even though Goro himself hasn't said anything about that. Though, right now, Goro has a lot to say to Kurusu for not warning him about this new part-timer.

"I'm terribly sorry for mistaking you for Kurusu, Elric-san," Goro says, cheeks flooding with heat. God, he's so embarrassed. He hasn't felt embarrassed on this scale in a while. He almost feels set up. Why didn't Kurusu mention this at all? Goro fiddles with his phone, spinning it idly with his left hand, then shoves it back into his pocket before he eventually drops it and embarrasses himself even further.

"That's fine," Elric says rather nonchalantly. "Most of the regulars like Kurusu's coffee better than mine, anyway." He really should have noticed the smaller stature; Kurusu is a whole head taller than Elric. He's going to blame the long workday and the recent lack of sushi bribing from Sae. Elric starts the slow, mechanical process of brewing fresh coffee.

"How did you know my order, anyway?" Considering that Elric identified his order with nothing more than a few glances at Goro, he's fairly curious about the descriptors that Kurusu has likely given.

"Akira said that there's an annoying picky regular who hasn't come in a while," Elric says without missing a beat.

Goro smiles wryly. "How unfortunate that that is his impression of me."

Elric snorts. "He didn't exactly say those words, but he did say you had a punchable face and a fake ass smile."

Goro's smile only curls upwards in amusement. "I didn't realise I was so unlikable." Kurusu is always so surprising, defying expectations of all kinds.

Elric's startling golden eyes flicker from the coffee machine to meet Goro's eyes for a brief second, then he turns his attention back to the coffee. "Maybe you'll be more likeable if you'd be more honest with yourself."

A startled laugh escapes Goro before he can stop himself. "What do you mean?"

Elric raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "I think you know what I mean, mister detective prince."

"I'm afraid I haven't been honest with myself in ages, let alone anyone else."

A length of silence, only interrupted by silverware as Elric stirs oat milk and sugar into his coffee. Perhaps Goro said too much, even for a first meeting. He bites his tongue.

Elric unceremoniously places his steaming cup of coffee in front of him, handle on his left.

Hmm.

A hand waves at him towards the cup expectedly, as Elric tilts his head. Goro obliges and takes a slow sip.

It's pleasantly sweet, just a little sweeter than how Kurusu usually brews it. The underlying bitterness spreads on his tongue, along with a nutty aftertaste.

"Not bad," Goro allows. "But a little too sweet for my taste."

Elric rolls his eyes. "Okay, mister three sugars. Too sweet, yeah." He crosses his arms. "I've seen your socials, you're just hunting down every sweet place ever."

Goro shrugs. "I don't actually enjoy the sweets that much," he admits. His image as a polite, likeable student detective has been scrubbed out by Kurusu, and Elric doesn't seem like the type who enjoys sugarcoated words. There's not much of a point in playing up the role.

He's not sure how Elric manages it, but Elric rolls his eyes even harder. Any harder, and it'll roll out of his skull. "Oh my god, of course, you're one of those," he mutters, "fucking Mustang-types running around everywhere."

Goro doesn't know who this Mustang person is but feels that he should be offended regardless, on both of their behalf.

"Stop looking like that," Elric says. He wrinkles his nose. "Your poker face is horrible. You'll never succeed in politics."

Goro forcefully schools his face into something that isn't a frown and takes another sip of his coffee. The sugary aftertaste lingers on his tongue. "Good thing I'm not looking for a career in politics, then."

Elric sighs like he thinks Goro is a lost cause. He's having a blast at first impressions so far, and the blame goes to Kurusu. He needs to obliterate Kurusu in the next chess match to feel better again. "Real question. What's up with all the interviews and social media? You don't look like you enjoy it that much."

"I don't owe you an answer." The words slip out guarded, ruder than he should speak. This conversation has somehow spun wildly out of his expectations. He isn't that easy to read, is he? It makes Goro feel on edge, and his left hand grips the coffee cup a little tighter.

Leblanc employees are all so fascinatingly unpredictable and observant.

"You don't," Elric replies, unphased by his attitude. Goro taps a finger on the counter. Tap, tap, tap. Is he a member of the Phantom Thieves, too? Kurusu always seems to collect the troublemakers and the bizarre eccentrics. Another blonde delinquent isn't out of the question.

"What do you think of the Phantom Thieves?" He asks instead, flashing a pleasant smile. Really, he should just finish his coffee and leave, but leaving would be admitting defeat and he doesn't feel like losing so thoroughly to someone who slipped past his mask and wants to shatter it completely.

That, and Elric is a head shorter than him and called him annoying and picky. Goro is allowed to be spiteful, he is fueled by spite.

"I don't like them," Elric says bluntly.

Oh?

"I get it, why they do what they do," Elric continues, "like, 'be thou for the people' and all. But the methodology involved is, in all honesty, a frightening thought. It's essentially brainwashing, for the lack of a better word. Sure, they're doing it for good, but what if other people get to do the same thing? Who's to say it isn't already happening? Tampering with others' personalities and mindsets doesn't sit well with me, because that makes us who we are. If someone were to change my personality overnight, would I still be the same person?

"What makes a person evil? Does a person's mistakes define them? Where is the line drawn? They're all fairly philosophical questions, but applicable in this case of morality."

"That's… very well put, Elric-san," Goro says. He's said some of these points before, too, though he doubts that Elric has actually watched his interviews. He can probably scrap the Phantom Thief theory. The band of thieves probably can't even begin to consider that line of thought Elric just ranted on.

Elric hums. "On the flip side, you can't disregard the good they've brought to others. I don't know why they did what they did to Okumura, and nothing will excuse them for that, but personally, I would have punched that Kamoshida fucker if given the chance."

"You wouldn't condemn them for being murderers?"

Elric looks at him, steely. When he speaks, there's a weight to his words that Goro can't quite place. "Sometimes good people do bad things. The world isn't all black and white."

"No, it isn't," Goro agrees. He finishes the last drenches of his coffee, stands up and smiles at Elric. The smile is more brittle than it should be. "This has been a pleasant conversation. Thank you for the coffee. I'll be back for more."

"You're welcome," Elric waves him off. "Come back when Akira's in instead, otherwise I'll start adding more sugar to your coffee."

Goro laughs, this time a bit more genuine. "I will."

He steps out of the cafe, and tries not to ponder about the line between good people and bad people, and where he lies in all that.