Natsu had been very young the first time he had met death.

His first death, the one that had altered this world's fate, the one which turned them down this dark path, had happened so quickly that Natsu never had the chance to understand it. His second memorable encounter with death came not from himself, but from another.

He had been tucked into Igneel's large body, relishing in the warmth the dragon exuded, when a loud - BANG! -had sounded. Whipping his head to look at Igneel, who had not stirred, Natsu untangled himself from the bundles of furs that lined their nest and peered towards the cave entrance. Peeking his head over Igneel's enormous red wing, Natsu waited for an agonizingly long time, ears pricked as his eyes flicked side to side, scanning their cave. His breath caught in his throat as he waited. For what exactly, he wasn't sure. Rain continued to pour overhead and the soft rumbles of thunder reverberated off the stone walls, echoing in his ears as he stood stiff.

… Nothing…

Shaking his head, Natsu leaned down to grab the nearby fur blanket that had rolled off him.

Fwip-fwip-fwip

Natsu skittered quickly into Igneel's side, burying his body into the heated red scales. Eyes screwed shut, Natsu's sensitive ears strained to hear over the storm that continued to rage. The smell of rain clouded his senses, making it impossible to scent any oncoming danger.

Fwip-fwip-fwip

There it was again!

Natsu's first thought was to shout for Igneel, whilst his second, and admittedly more reckless thought, was to charge head first at whatever dared to step foot in their cave. Deciding all too quickly that option two was best, Natsu scrunched his eyes closed tightly and summoned all the courage he had in his tiny frame.

Without wasting another second he ran, eyes still closed, full speed towards the sound. Fists bared and wisps of fire curling off his fingers Natsu adopted a fighting stance and steeled himself for what lay before him. With a final surge of courage, he opened his eyes, ready to come face to face with whatever beast had dared to enter a fire-dragons home.

Fwip-fwip-fwip

A small bird lay in front of him. It flapped one wing frantically, wildly throwing its body from side to side as it attempted to right itself. A small puddle of water lay around it, droplets soaking into the stone floor as it continued to flail.

It was by far the smallest bird Natsu had ever seen. He could remember vividly the orange/red hue of its belly against its damp black and gray head and wings. One of its wings, the one that lay limp on the floor as it convulsed, stuck out at an odd angle. Small smears of red stained the uneven floor as it continued its erratic dance.

Curiosity quickly overtook his fear and Natsu slowly leaned over the bird. He had never seen one up close before, they had always flown off at the sight of him. As gently as his wobbly hands could, Natsu nudged the bird into his cupped hands. It tried to resist at first, almost falling to the ground as it made a desperate bid for freedom.

Eventually he managed to cradle it ever so gently between his two small hands. Natsu marveled at the creature as it moved in his hand, admiring the softness of the wet feathers against the skin of his palms. The bird lay limp against him. Its head tilted at an odd angle, facing the entrance of their cave. It was surprisingly warm in his hand. There was an erratic heart beat, one much faster than his own, that he could feel echoing through his palms.

Natsu looked between the bird and Igneel, biting his lip as anxiety bubbled in his stomach. What should he do? Should he wake up Igneel? Would he be mad? Could he fix it? He stood, glued to the floor, unable to do anything other than stare uselessly between Igneel and the bird.

It was so sudden, that he barely had time to register. The bird gave one last shuddering breath and then… it was gone . The warmth leached out of its small, battered body quickly against the cold wind that blew in from the open cave entrance. The involuntary contractions and spasms of its muscles ceased. Its eyes gained a waxy, almost glassy sheen as it lay unmoving in his hand, as if all the light had been sucked from them. The bird continued to stare up into the sky, its tiny black eyes fixed on the darkened horizon.

Natsu remembered running back Igneel in a panic, shaking and yelling for the dragon to wake up as tears formed in his eyes. Igneel had been rather patient with him that day. He had run a claw tip gently through Natsu's hair as he explained a concept that he struggled to understand.

" Death is a natural part of life, Natsu. One day, when we can no longer go on, you and I will also stop moving. That is the inevitable fate of all those who draw breath. All living things will die one day, some soon and some far, far into the future." Igneel leaned close to Natsu, his reptilian eyes taking in the sobbing human child. It was understandable. Despite being magically advanced for his age, Natsu was only a six year-old (somewhat) human child. Igneel softly smiled as he closed his wings around Natsu, covering him entirely, as if the motion could shield him from the unfairness of the outside world. "There, there, Natsu. It will be alright…

You and I will also stop moving.

You are doomed to die from the moment you draw your first breath.

Natsu lay at the foot of a tower, his eyes fixed endlessly on the sky above. His neck had been broken immediately, the agonizing snap echoing his ears as he hit the ground. It reverberated up his spine, bounced in his skull and made his fingers and toes tingle and an endless wave of pain ripped through him. His limbs burned, as if someone had filled his bones with acid and let it seep through his broken body. Natsu's legs were bent at unnatural angles, slivers of bone peaked through cold flesh, a pinprick of white against a sea of red. The grass itched at the exposed parts of skin as he lay there, poking into his back and making his skin crawl with the irresistible temptation to move. If only he could.

A thick wetness covered the back of his head, slowly dribbling down his scalp, soaking his hair in its crimson hue. The force of the impact had shattered his skull, he knew this much to be true. A spattering of blood spread outward from him covering the well manicured lawns.

Natsu lay there cold and alone as his body shuddered to draw its final breath. Except he never did. The agony continued. Well beyond what he thought he could stand. Well beyond any kind of pain he'd known. His final breath…he had drawn it over 400 years ago.

Natsu was never good with change. He had hated it, loathed it with every part of his being that had the capacity to store rage. Change meant leaving something behind. People moved on, died or no longer cared, and he'd be left on his own, caring about things that had long since passed. But now? There was the cold indifference that settled in his heart. A numbness that spread from his fingers to his heart. There was this weight on his chest that no longer hurt but just felt…heavy. He wasn't even angry anymore. Change had come and taken away everything he'd tried so desperately to keep. His family had been ripped from his grasp, then his sense of self, then his sanity. What more did he have to give? What was the point of holding on to things he knew were no longer true. Natsu Dragneel, the real one, had lived and died over 400 years ago. Accepting it came too easily these days because it just didn't matter anymore.

Natsu's body shuddered as a broken rib pierced further into his lung. Thick, coppery blood surged forward in this twisted throat, bubbling up and overriding his senses. He couldn't even manage to cough up the liquid that pooled in his mouth, only able to muster a pathetic gurgle as he drowned. Blood leaked from nose, his ears…his eyes. Everything was stained red and there he lay on his back experiencing an endless death.

What's even the point? What do I do now…

He lay silently as his skin itched, aflame with the need, the burning desire to peel it off. There was something wrong with him and maybe, if he could pull himself apart enough times, he'd be fixed. A foul energy had settled into his bones, one that oozed out of his skin, thick like mud, and it screamed at him all the awful things he knew to be true.

Natsu's eyes flicked closed.

I'm sorry everyone…I've let you down again…

"And just how long exactly, do you plan on lying there?"

Zeref strode into the courtyard, unperturbed by the crowd that had formed. He continued forward, ignoring the horrified whispers of the palace staff, walking with purpose towards the body on the ground. The crowd parted as he reached the body. With a wave of his hand, Zeref dismissed the onlookers, clearly unamused at the sight before him. They dispersed quickly, eager to leave.

Natsu lay on the ground, his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared up into the sky. The sun had begun to set and the palace gardens were bathed in a rich orange hue. The wind gently ruffled his hair and the insects in the surrounding bushes chirped merrily. He flicked his eyes towards Zeref, taking in his disappointed frown before returning his gaze upwards.

Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Zeref sat by Natsu's head, unperturbed by the pool of blood. There were no words, no way that Natsu could think to express the feeling that came over him. How could he explain that there now lay a desire within him to peel back his skin. How could he say that But Zeref understood…he always did.

He knew the feeling well, the itch that lay beneath both their skins. Being told you were deathless and experiencing it were two very different things. He just wished that Natsu would have followed his example and been a little more methodical with it. Instead his troublesome little brother preferred to launch himself headlong into the nearest situation that seemed dangerous enough. Zeref shouldn't be surprised, pushing one's limits, to the point of breaking, seemed to be a family trait. Much like their father and mother, who'd suffered the effects of magical overuse long before their own natural deaths, to Zeref; who had experimented and documented every way in which his cursed body could be killed but not die. It made sense that Natsu had followed in their footsteps. Shaking his head fondly at the memory of his younger self, Zeref regarded Natsu.

"Do you know why I created Alvarez?"

Natsu looked at him, somewhat taken aback by the abrupt question, but outwardly remained blank and impassive. Guilt, something he was familiar with, began to gnaw at him the longer the silence remained. Zeref had been nothing but patient with him, yet here Natsu was causing so much trouble. The odd compulsion to apologize lingered on his tongue, though he swallowed it quickly. Zeref's gaze reminded him too much of a home that was now gone, so familiar in a completely unknown way that made his chest ache every time Natsu managed to meet his eyes. Even now, as his ruptured organs and broken bones began to mend, the thought of disappointing Zeref was more unpleasant than the physical sensations. Natsu wished he had healed enough to turn his neck and hide away from the stern, yet kind, gaze that reminded him so much of Gramps.

"...No."

Zeref leaned a gentle hand down and brushed the stray hair away from Natsu's eyes, careful to avoid smearing anymore blood over his face. "I made this place so that one day, I would be able to kill Acnologia."

Natsu's eyes widened. A whole country, just to kill Acnologia? Was he that strong? Did we ever stand a chance? He opened his mouth, dozens of questions ready to spill from his lips, but the words died in his mouth as Zeref continued.

"I hadn't expected for you to seek me out like this. I had made plan after plan over the last few centuries, and yet even in my wildest dreams did I expect to be able to speak with you like this." There was an emotion in his gaze that Natsu couldn't decipher. It was similar, devastatingly so, to the way Happy looked at him, as if being there was enough. It was the same look that had driven him away from the guild after they were gone. That expectant gaze, looking at him as if he was worth something , as if he had the power to do anything . An expectant silence fell between the two. Natsu closed his eyes, scrunching them tight as if doing so could make it all go away.

It didn't.

He opened his eyes slowly, a tiredness present that had been concealed moments ago. "-I don't-" Natsu swallowed, the words getting caught in his mouth. "…I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore…All my life, I've just done what I was told, what was needed of me. First you, then Igneel, then Fairy Tail. I don't know what to do without them! I don't know anything!" Natu closed his eyes tight, ignoring the burning sensation. "I'm…I'm not smart like you. All I know is how to fight, and I can't even do that without hurting people." Natsu held Zeref's gaze, eyes misty. "Why , Zeref? Why me? Four-hundred years of suffering just for one person… why? …I'm not worth that…"

"...It was worth it to me."

Helping Natsu into a sitting position, back against a nearby willow, Zeref continued. "Natsu, you don't have to do anything. All I ever wanted was for you to live. What you do, how you choose to use that life, it's up to you. I created Alvarez to destroy Acnologia. I did this so that, even as a dragon-slayer, you wouldn't need to fight. Natsu…it's enough for you to just live . "

The sun had long since set. Though the sky was dark, the stars weren't visible from the palace, something Natsu missed about Magnolia. You could always see the stars in Magnolia. Natsu struggled for a long time, seemingly losing the words every time he went to speak.

"…I want to fight. I want to kill Acnologia."

There was a small spark that ignited within him the moment he uttered those words. Never in his life had he spoken something with such conviction. Those words made everything else he'd ever said sound like a flimsy lie in comparison.

Zeref eyed him, a small smile playing on his lips as he hefted Natsu up. Despite everything, he was still Natsu. There was a part of him that wished that Natsu would have chosen the easier option. That he would have asked to live a simple life, far away from all of…this .

"Are you sure? This path is not a pleasant one. The power you will need to kill Acnologia is not something that can be gained easily. The road ahead is paved with suffering."

Natsu nodded softly, as the hint of a smile played on his lips. I won't take the easy way out.

"...I'm all fired up…"

Natsu had died again.

His chest, which had been torn open, -spread wider than humanly possible-, began to mend at a dizzying speed. Crows, which had descended upon him at the promise of an easy meal, squawked indignantly, fluttering away as their feast was interrupted. Natsu dragged himself towards a nearby tree, pulling himself into a seated position with one arm as his other wrapped around his midsection in a futile attempt to keep what remained of his organs in his body. His bloody hands pushed at the rapidly cooling organs, shoveling them inside him without care or forethought to their proper place. His bones shifted and fused uncaring of what they tore through, intent on returning to their rightful place. Shredded muscle parted as his ribs began to reform. His skin shimmered with an ancient magic as his internal organs convulsed before taking root in his body.

The parts Natsu no longer had, the ones torn from his body completely, became ash. A burning sensation erupted in his chest, more potent than the feeling of eating lava (he had been a curious child). Down his esophagus, all through his eyes and ears, an acidic burn lingered. On his tongue, the taste of blood and ash. A coppery tang with a smoky aftertaste that clung to his teeth and the roof of his mouth, coating it thickly as he tried to swallow. He had grown all too familiar with this taste. As he waited each second punctuated with more snapping of his bones, Natsu observed in awe the twisted beauty of it all. For a long moment, the forest was overtaken with horrid noises, cracking of bones and mending of tissue. It was nearing its end, the telltale spasm of muscle and bone began to taper off, though it did nothing to stop the mounting pain. Phantom tears welled in his eyes but he had not yet regained the ability to cry. Bones fixed and muscle knitted itself together, everything had been returned to how it was before.

Natsu pulled in a shuddering breath, his lungs catching at the unexpected motion. His mouth watered, nausea that he struggled to contain rose and he folded over himself. Hands stained with ink and blood grasped his stomach, unable to soothe the uncomfortable churning. The blood in his ears became deafening, roaring and racing through him with renewed vigor. Waves of pain radiated through him, echoing through his bones, washing over him. Pain so cold that it burned, or so hot that he was freezing. His head spun, eyes failed to focus as he lost the battle against his stomach. Natsu turned his head, gagging as the contents of his stomach burned their way up his body.

Black blood like ink left his lips, its acidic, metallic scent clogging his nose. Natsu's clothes hung heavy against his frame, soaked in blood that slowly dripped onto the forest floor. He remained hunched, long strands of bloody salvia falling from his mouth, collecting in a pool under him. When his stomach finally settled, Natsu threw himself back against the tree with a resounding crack.

5 minutes and 36 seconds…42 seconds quicker than yesterday…

Tentatively, Natsu reached into his magic container, feeling a trace amount of shifting ethernano and curse energy within him. Damn, it still took almost all of my magic. Resurrecting like this…it wont work against him. I need to be faster…need to use less power.

Sighing, Natsu leaned back further, allowing his head to fall against the rough bark of the tree. Was this his limit? What good was coming back again and again if he didn't stand a chance against Acnologia. A single roar from the black dragon was strong enough to destroy all of Tenrou. He needed to be quicker, smarter and to push through the pain until the bitter end…

Sighing for the twentieth time that night, Natsu looked out towards the sky. The air was warm, a soft breeze blew past carrying the barest hint of jasmine and orange blossom from the palace gardens over the hill. Cicadas chirped pleasantly and the stars, which usually weren't visible from the city, shone with a newfound radiance. It was a nice night, the same kind as when they had left for Tenrou a little over a year ago.

Does anything I do even matter anymore? It's not going to bring them back…nothing can bring them back…All I can do now is avenge them. Stop what happened to me from happening to anyone else.

Burning hot waves of anger threatened to consume him at the mere thought of the damned black dragon. The thought of putting Acnologia's head on a pike was the only thing driving him most days. His rage and pain drove him forward, but it came at a cost. There would be times where Natsu couldn't rein it in. It would crest, breaking through his resolve and clouding his mind. He'd lose himself in the feeling, the anger overwriting everything he knew, everything he was, and he would return to flame. Smoke and ash would curl around him, luring him deeper into insanity with its frantic rhythm. His blood would boil and his bones shook, barely able to contain his fury. Just when he felt he could contain it no more, at the moment the fire began to eat away at him, Zeref's spell would activate. Shackles of black ink, writings and incantations etched into his skin would activate and force his body back into a solid state.

Five weeks of hellish training. Five weeks of this kind of training no one but him or Zeref could survive and yet Natsu still needed to rely on his brother's temporary spell to stay whole. Learning to take his body apart and put it together, each time getting quicker as he became more familiar.

Yet he was still too slow.

Zeref had 400 years on him. He was able to practically negate death, unconsciously healing his body whilst the damage was still being caused. Was that even a level he could reach?

The long walk from Fiore to Alvarez had required a constant expenditure of curse power. In doing so, it pushed all his magic out of his body, which caused his container to slightly expand as it fought back. He even managed to increase the speed his magic replenished, learning quickly how to draw in ethernano from the air and earth to fill his container. Though Natsu disliked using this method as it sapped the life force from his surroundings, leaving behind only gray, dried up husks.

Zeref had also unlocked his second origin within the first week of their training, which was a new type of agony. Under his guidance, Natsu's dragon slaying magic flourished. It was nostalgic, having a teacher again. Being hit with the bamboo cane Zeref would pull from the air when his stance got sloppy, reminded him of how Igneel would flick him with his claw when he slacked off. The sting of the sharp bamboo against skin would spur him back into action, muscle memory kicking in as he slid between stances.

Despite his success with his Dragon-slayer magic, his curse eluded him.

Natsu was nowhere near being able to control his Etherious form as Zeref put it, but even tapping into his curse overwhelmed him. The negative emotions consumed him, disintegrating his will and blinding him with pain. Overwhelming agony aside, there was another issue. Using his curse…it was nothing like magic. Calling out fire was as easy to him as breathing. His magic felt like an extension of his body. Bringing it forth was like moving his arms, it just felt natural. But no matter how hard he tried, how many hours he spent trying, he was unable to control it. It clung to his skin, choking him, drowning him in cataclysmic pain that made it impossible to tell which way was up.

Karmic Debt.

That was the name of his curse, or at least what Zeref called it. It was the price he paid for glancing at the true form of Ankhseram. Fragments of an ancient gods wrath that lingered in his body and soul. It caused him pain, a suffering beyond anything he'd experienced. It was an agony equal to every sin in the world, to every taboo broken and every line crossed. And Natsu's body would bear it all, the divine justice for every negative thought and terrible action committed, past, present & future. In exchange for his torment, the negative energy condensed into a power he could harness. Through him, Karmic Debt manifested as a black, inky flame. It was a type of fire that burned all it touched, and would leave nothing behind, not even ash. It could burn flesh & bone, metal, magic and, as Zeref theorized, potentially even memories and concepts if he got proficient enough.

But as he was, Natsu could not wield it.

Every time he called it forth, it would pour out of him in an unrelenting stream. He could not control its flow as it left him, exiting through his eyes, his nose and ears. It would burn in his mouth, eating away at his flesh as he tried to scream. Inky tears spilled from his eyes and the world became black. Vile thoughts, horrid impulses, would flash though his rotting mind as the fire continued to consume him. Voices begged Natsu, pleaded and screamed all their misery and rage directly into his mind. A symphony of human suffering poured into his brain. He melted under their heat, his voice stolen as they howled louder and louder. They screamed at him that there was something under his skin, something vile he needed to dig out. The voices would claw at the corners of his mind, reverberate through his bones and settle on him, thick and heavy. They would tell him to desecrate everything he'd ever loved. To defile it with his own hands, because this too, was a form of love.

Natsu would claw at his skin, peeling desperately, trying to separate himself from the cacophony of voices. Fingernails would catch at the flesh beneath, carving ragged groves as he tried desperately to think , think of anything beyond the agony he felt in that very moment. Words had no meaning, time did not exist. The Natsu before this point was just a dream because nothing existed before or after the pain he felt in this moment. A visage of something terrible, something so other, was burned into his mind. The agony increased as it approached, its form beyond words and meaning.

Natsu saw it in all its horrific glory. His mind was melting the longer he looked. He could not tear his eyes away. He had seen it once, for the smallest of moments before Zeref snatched him away. The visage of death. The true form of the divine. It had been a parting gift, Natsu's eternal punishment for what had been stolen.

Unknown to him, his fingernails would bleed that sickly black as they dug deeper into his own skin. The groves became trenches as he dug and dug, desperate to make it stop. He couldn't breathe-he couldn't think-he didn't know anything-

-then he'd wake up in the infirmary again.

It was an awful price, the one he paid.

"It's rare for you to indulge me, Invel." August studied the board carefully, his fingers settling over a piece before deftly moving it forward three spaces. He laid his hand on the nearby clock listening to the mechanical tick as his timer paused and the other began. Invel's pale hand hesitated for a moment before moving his piece.

Tick

"His majesty has been rather preoccupied the past two months." Invel watched as August's pawn slid towards him.

Tick

"Well, that is to be expected, given the…circumstances. Though-" August eyed Invel carefully, watching as the ice-mage picked-up his knight. "-you're not one to relax just because your other duties have been fulfilled."

Tick

"Nor are you."

Tick

Two members of the Spriggan 12 meeting for a social game of chess wasn't exactly front page news, but beneath their calm exteriors lay something dangerous. By the mere act of seeking one another out, a common understanding was exchanged.

Something had happened. Something…unexpected.

Tick

Pale hands slide a folder across the table at the same moment August pushes his knight. Neither acknowledged the action, their eyes fixed firmly on the board.

"Check."

Tick

Invel frowned gently, observing his pieces one last time before shaking his head. Though the game had been a cover, being defeated so soundly was quite… disappointing for the winter general. Still, Invel reached a hand over the board.

"I believe that's Checkmate. Well played."

He then leaves without another word, the board and plain folder left undisturbed in front of August. Pausing slightly to adjust his glasses before making his exit. August carefully waved a hand over the board and the folder, sending it back to the pocket dimension where other such… sentimental …items were kept.

It would not be till much later in the night, far too late to even call it night anymore, that August would open the folder. In his office, one which had been converted into a magnificent library, August pondered the contents. Within the folder was a slim set of papers, meticulously bound into a makeshift book. Unassuming but clearly official, if the emperor's crest was any indication.

August flicked through the book, his face schooled into a neutral expression, as if reading the morning paper or a mildly unpleasant weather report.

How…unexpected…

August burned the volume without a second thought. Watching as the smoke rose, he could only ponder what great scheme lay ahead of them. Their emperor, August's…father, had plan upon plan laid, carefully waiting for the correct moment to unleash them. It would not be the first time that August had been taken by surprise by one of Zeref's erratic decisions, yet their Emperor had never once been wrong. For their safety against His Majesties curse, the Spriggan 12 were regarded as little more than pieces in Zeref's game. This was just another instance of a pawn being traded for a grander piece as Zeref guided them across a board of his own making. Perhaps his age was getting to him, but August was almost…sad for this poor pawn.

…Spriggan 12 senior staff, holder of seat number —- —- …has been found to be in breach of Code of Conduct, Section 34, section 7C article-…

-The penalty to the aforementioned charges is —- , to be carried out by the Royal Imperial Majesty, Zeref. D…

August sighed. At his age, he had seen many deaths, and outlived countless of his closest friends but it never made it easier.

Goodbye, my dear comrade. Though our time together was brief, I shall remember you fondly.

August wondered when he'd become such a sentimental old man.

Zeref sat at his desk, eyes stern as he watched Natsu fiddle with the edge of his seat across from him.

"…It's not too late to change your mind."

Natsu shook his head, offended by the mere suggestion. "No. This is what I want. I want to see that fucker burn."

Zeref sighed as he slid a sealed document over to Natsu. So much for the peaceful option.

"Listen up, I'll only explain this once to you." Natsu looked up, sitting straighter in his chair. "Alvarez currently has 12 seats below my own position. At the moment all of those seats are currently filled.-" Sensing an oncoming protest, Zeref held up a hand and continued. "Yes, Natsu, you do need a seat in this council to be privy to our plans and research on Acnologia. And no, I cannot just make another seat or give you the research. Besides, this will be a good learning opportunity for you. This-" Zeref tapped the sealed document on the desk. "- contains information of the seat that I'd like you to fill, however, it is currently occupied."

Natsu looked at him blankly, then to the document. A tense silence filled the room. "You want me to…" Natsu drew an ink stained finger across his own neck. "…y'know."

Zeref nodded, his tone light as if he was discussing the weather. "Do you want to kill Acnologia? Have you ever killed anyone before? And before you make the argument that Acnologia is a monster, you should know that he was once, and in a way still is, human. I'm not asking you to do this for my own gain, rather there's an awful lesson you must learn. If you cannot do this, then I cannot allow you to face Acnologia."

Natsu looked down, his gaze fixed firmly at his feet. Kill someone? I've never… the image of two bodies wreathed in flame flashed through his mind. I…I'm not so sure I haven't…I don't remember much of that time…Gramps, Igneel…what should I do…

Sensing his turmoil, Zeref moved from his seat towards him. Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, he spoke. "The person I've chosen has killed hundreds, some admittedly under my orders, but also of their own accord…if that makes it any easier."

Natsu wasn't so sure it made it better. If he was to do this…would knowing more about them make it easier, or impossibly hard to do what must be done? The binder in his hand felt like it was made of stone. Should he look? Should he learn the name of the person he had to kill? Would looking into their eyes break his resolve? Did they have a family, friends, a child waiting for them at home? Did he even want to know that?

Gramps had often told them that it wasn't their jobs to be judge, jury and executioner. Yet here he was trying to play all three. Someone's life rested in his hands, just because they stood in his way. But if he did this…Natsu could find Acnologia…he could save thousands. Was this person really any different from Acnologia? They had both killed hundreds, thousands, possibly more…was it really so different because one wore a human face?

Igneel had been pretty ambivalent towards killing. Do not seek violence, but do not hesitate to act if violence has sought you. Maybe it was because he was a dragon, a being bound not by human laws, but by the cycle of nature. To respect the cycle of infinite deaths, births and misery, Samsara, was what Igneel taught. Natsu stood on the border line of both. He had been human once, but he was no longer. Which laws was he bound by? Which code should he follow?

In his mind, memories of three distinctly different childhoods played through his head. Which guide was right? No matter the choice, he'd disappoint one of them.

Zeref…Igneel…Gramps…

Zeref…was the only person he had left. Igneel had left him. Thrown him away once he grew tired of pretending to be his father. Igneel gifted him magic, as if it meant Natsu could now fend for himself, and then abandoned him. Gramps died because Hades had played on his kindness. Natsu's own naivety had gotten them all killed though...he'd believed that together they could do it, that no one had to die. If he'd just been able to accept Gramps's sacrifice, everyone else could have lived!

Was it really so bad? Killing one person to save thousands? Natsu's own hands were already dirty. They were stained with the stink of failure, soiled beyond recognition. Zeref…had never led him wrong. Everything only started to get bad once he left.

Natsu's hand shook, slowly inching towards the binder on the table.

Everything was my fault…but I can make it better. If I do this, I can save everyone. I'm not even human anymore…I can't go back to the way things used to be…to the 'person' I used to be.

He opened the folder to the first page.