Hold On – Kim Wilde
In the day I can smile though I wanna die,
I hold on, hold on
I can keep it together for a little while
And be strong, so strong
But when the sun goes down and I'm all alone
I haven't the strength to fight
That's when my tears give into the night
Tell me how
How much loneliness can one heart take?
Without the chance it will break in two
And why I'm holding onto a love that has gone
Tell me how to carry on
In the day I can smile though I wanna die,
I hold on, hold on
I can keep it together for a little while
And be strong, so strong
But when the sun goes down and I'm all alone
I haven't the strength to fight
That's when my tears give into the night
I believed that meeting you would be my destiny
Your love would come to set me free
So why am I left standing here alone
Won't you please come and take me home
In the day I can smile though I wanna die,
I hold on, hold on
I can keep it together for a little while
And be strong, so strong
But when the sun goes down and I'm all alone
I haven't the strength to fight
That's when my tears give into the night
Tears give into the night
In the day I can smile though I wanna die
Tears give into the night
I can keep it together for a little while
In the day I can smile though I wanna die
Tears give into the night
Of all the people to attend her wedding breakfast (well attend may be too strong a word), the Queen was not the top of her list.
"Her Majesty the Queen" The announcement surprised everyone.
"Lady Featherington." The Queen's tone was a strong indication her arrival was not made with the intent to enjoy herself. Although the Queen's most frequent expression was one of boredom.
"Your majesty." Clearly Portia Featherington was a mixture of stunned by the Queen's presence, joyful of her being there but unsettled by the Queen's tone.
"Everyone who is not a Bridgerton may go." Obviously the guests were not moving fast enough for the Queen. "Now."
This did not seem a good thing. As she turned to go she felt Colin's hand on hers. "Penelope. You are a Bridgerton now." That's right. She was, but it was so new that it hardly felt real.
"Someone in this room has something to hide." Oh God. Had the Queen discovered that she was Lady Whistledown? "And I shall not leave until they come forward and reveal themselves." Should she step forward or would that cause trouble for her new family? The family she had always dreamed of belonging to. "The longer you delay, the greater my irritation. Step forward. Confess."
Just as she was about to step forward, Francesca beat her to it. "It is I." What secret had Francesca been keeping? "I bear the secret."
"You?" Even the Queen seemed amazed by this particular Bridgerton stepping forward.
"Yes. I am engaged to Lord Kilmartin." That was hardly a secret. In fact it was rather obvious. "I have been humbled by your majesty's interest in my prospects, perhaps so much so that I have not been bold enough in declaring myself. But I love Lord Kilmartin. And I plan to marry him." For a moment Francesca looked quite proud of her own bravery. Then she remembered she was addressing the Queen. "With .. Your majesty's blessing, of course."
"That is no great mystery, Miss Francesca." No the greater mystery was how Lady Danbury who was not a Bridgerton had remained with the family, with no comment from the Queen. "Your romantic sensibilities have been obvious for some time. You do not need my blessing to marry." Since when?
"But that … is not why I am here. I speak of Whistledown." She felt Colin's hand tighten on hers. "I know she is in this room. I was close last year. Tantalizingly so. And now, only when the Cowper girl publishes lies about this very family, suddenly Whistledown rushes to print. Surely, she suspected what Miss Cowper intended to publish. That is what roused her from her hiding place. And why? Clearly because she is one of you." A day earlier and the Queen would not have been so on point. Although she had hardly been close to uncovering who Whistledown was last season. In fact she had been completely wrong in assuming it was Eloise.
"Your majesty. I assure you if such a thing were happening in my home, I would know of it, and I would have put a stop to it a long time ago." While Antony's words may have proved Eloise's innocence of the Queen's suspicions last season, to step forward and reveal herself would make it appear as though he did not know what went on in his own family.
"Very well. Hold your tongue another night. I shall loosen it soon enough." And with that she swept out of the room and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Colin walked out of the room. Feeling it was best if she explained herself, she followed him. "I did not know if it would help or hurt your family if I were to speak."
"I am glad you stayed silent." Thank goodness. "But surely, this is a signal of the right path forward. That it is time for you to give up your column. Yes?" What?
"Colin, I …" Her column which had discredited Cressida's lies about his family. Even the Queen could see how it had benefited his family.
"She will find you, eventually." Not if she was careful. "And as long as you are Whistledown, forever this lie will hand over all of us." Well, that was a bit dramatic.
"Do you know what it is like to have nowhere in the world you can truly be yourself?" Of course he didn't. His family loved him no matter what. "You cannot possibly know because you are not a woman. You have the choice to be any kind of person you wish to be, while the only choice women have is to conceal the parts of ourselves the world will not accept." She had spent so much of her life feeling as though no part of her was good enough. "I am Whistledown. I will not change that."
"I cannot accept that." He could not accept that or he could not accept her?
"Colin, it is our wedding night." Technically it was still day, but even so.
"I shall sleep on the sofa tonight. I will find our carriage." He left her in the foyer although one of the servants could have easily set for the carriage.
The tears flowed down her face. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. When Eloise put her arms around her, she couldn't stop herself from fully sobbing. "It will be alright. It will." Somehow Eloise words were of little comfort.
Colin did indeed sleep on the sofa. She, however hardly slept at all. She had never felt as lonely as she did in what should have been their bed. When she rose the next morning Colin was already awake and dressed.
"Good morning. How did you sleep?" By the looks of it, better than she had.
"Fitfully. I am off to Bridgerton House for breakfast." So he could not even bear to sit at the breakfast table with her?
"But my mother is coming." Even to her own ears that did not sound inviting.
"I will give you and your mother some privacy." It was as though he could not get out of the house fast enough.
"No, you do not have to leave." After all it was his home as much as hers. In fact it was more his than hers.
"I wish to." Was this how their marriage was to be? With him barely able to be in the same room as her? He almost knocked Rae over in his haste to leave the room.
"Ma'am, you have a visitor in the drawing room." Drat, her mother was early. She probably wanted to know why the Queen had kicked them out of their own home yesterday.
"Umm. Serve her tea. I am not yet ready." She needed to compose herself before she faced her mother. On the bright side, the day could not get any worse.
It turned out, it could. It was not her mother in the drawing room. It was Cressida, who not only had discovered she was Whistledown, but also outted her to her mother who had the worse timing and then proceeded to blackmail her. As if Colin needed another reason to be angry with her. It was not looking as though she was going to get her happily ever after.