I forgot to mention that while we lived in Clifford St, I was going to Scouts. Might have been while we were in Hiller Lane for a bit. Also while we were in Hiller Lane, after I come home from St. Arnaud, I somehow started talking to a boy the same age, who was going to Monivae College. He tried to get me to go over the road one night to hang out with him and his friends. I didn't do it. I wasn't stupid. I might have been paranoid, but I had the feeling something would happen so I refused. And I told him that too.
When I was in Scouts, I was still very introverted and didn't really interact much with everyone. We all took turns doing something with the flag and saying a pledge like a speech. I hated public speaking but they made me do it anyway.

Eventually I became comfortable with them, and sort of became friends with them.

Sometimes we would hang out outside of scouts, but I don't think it was too often. At some point, we linked up with the Portland scouts. They didn't have many people, so when we did events and stuff, Portland would jump in with us.

We had the opportunity to go to Tasmania for 2 weeks, but the cost was $2k each person. I remember that specifically because prior to this, I found out my parents had opened a bank account for me when I was born and put money in it each week. Bruce was like a guarantor person, so had access to it all. He took it all out and put it into shares. He did this with Robs money too and because I had more, he split my money and gave Rob half of mine. So both of us had money in shares. We got it out easily enough. Rob spent his a tiny bit unwisely, but I used mine to got to Tasmania.

The Portland scouts came with us, but even with them coming, there were barely 15 of us.

I remember some of the names, but maybe not all of them.

We all got on a mini bus with a trailer to drive from Hamilton to Melbourne, got on the Spirit of Tasmania ship. The ship was big enough to have overnight cabins, a buffet restaurant thing and a cinema. I remember we went in there to waste time and Inglorious Bastards was playing.

I had somehow become friends with Shelby either before this trip, during the bus ride to Melbourne or on the ship. I'm not sure when exactly.

I remember she kept getting texts and phones from some guy, and it got to the point she told me he was basically stalking her and the only way he'd leave her alone was if he thought she was with someone. So we decided that we would start dating to get him off her back. He ended up calling her phone and I answered to tell him to leave her alone. I can't remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of telling me off or telling me bad things about Shelby.

I told him that if he kept his shit up, I'd hang up on him. After I had already hung up on him once or twice. Eventually he started speaking nicely to me and he promised to leave her alone, and as far as I know he did.

We travelled around from Devonport and went the way down to Hobart and Port Arthur. We did the ghost tour there too. Then we went to Beachport and all the way to Queenstown. I dont think we went as far as Smithton though.

While we were staying at a scout hall, I wrote something. I can't remember what it said but Georgia and Shelby found it and thought it was a suicide note. At the time, I didn't really think too hard about it; I had these thoughts before and just writing that stuff was more of a release or something. I ended up getting upset and telling them some things but nothing really came of saying anything.

We also went on a Huon jet boat thing, to the Cadbury factory and a animal sanctuary.

I don't remember going home though.

While we were living on the farm, I organized to stay with friends in town once or twice a week so I could go to Tafe and SGAE. Tafe would run until 4 or 5pm, so I would miss the bus home.

I remember staying with Laura's family a lot, though not during the week I don't think.

I met Tara and Tyra was also going to SGAE. I remember when I first met Tara Tyack, I physically could not say her name because I was so used to saying Tyra's name. It was kind of funny.

We weren't exactly close, but we had the same friend group, so we were around each other often enough.

We had a fairly large friend group, but I don't know if I'd be able to remember everyone's names. It doesn't matter really, but it would be easier to follow.

A few people that I went to school with like Tyra and Kirsty, went to SGAE as well. We met a lot of people there and we all got along with our class as well as we could.

I didn't like one kid though. His name was Billy and for some reason he thought I had a crush on him. I said something to the affect of I have no interest in someone who thinks hes gods gift to everyone.

Helen had asked me in class once who I liked and somehow I knew what she was trying to do, so I told her that I liked Micheal, the guy that would come around for parties and stuff when I was still living in Pioneer St.

She told me later on, I think a week or more later, that she told him she liked him and that he told her he was gay. She was really upset, but I was thinking in my head: that's what you get for trying to be sneaky.

I would go on the SGAE computers and go on chat rooms but nothing really came of that. People tried to be sus with me, but I already knew about kind of thing, so I told them to fuck off.

I don't really remember too much more about that first year aside from the end of year formal. The principal, Kathrine I think her name was, let us pick the theme but when we said rock and roll, she tried to pull rant but everyone rebelled; but most people just ended wearing black, and I wore a bright pink torn look dress; and I hated pink too.

The 2nd and 3rd years I was there was a bit of a blur of going to SGAE, Tafe, parties; both at home and other places, housework and reading books.

I used to read a lot; a lot more than I do now.

We had 3 dogs, 2 cats; aside from kittens we fostered, 4 guinea pigs and 3 ferrets. That's also besides the 2 calves we looked after.

There was still 7 people in the house at the time, and more if we had friends around.

I think I was about 16 when we had a party at our house, with alcohol I'm pretty sure. I think it was winter time but we still put up 3 tents for us all and camped out under a tree.

Only me and Rob, and our friends would be camping outside. The boys, Leana and Chris stayed inside.

All of us played truth or dare which obviously turned sexual so I stopped playing and have never played it since.

Me, Tara, her boyfriend at the time and our friend Anthony all shared a tent, and I remember we all were talking about something, but I think that turned sexual too, but not with all 4 of us. I think it was just brief.

I also remember waking up in a literal puddle that was actually pretty deep.

I would stay with Tara's sister, Jane and their mother Joyce. Tara lived elsewhere, but Jane and Joyce let me stay with them sometimes during the week so I could go to SGAE and Tafe.

While, I was staying out the farm, Leana would try to force me to go to parties at my friend Sam's house. Sam lived in Coleraine with her mum.

I didn't want to go most of the time because I wasn't interested in parties and drinking and all that stuff.

The times I did go, I did drink but not much and I didn't smoke anything. I remember the music we played and dancing and sometimes we'd watch movies.

I was seeing Anthony at his point, but we weren't actually together. Well, at least I didn't look at it that way.

I would go to his house, where he lived with his mum. I went to his friends house with him as well. He was at my house a fair bit as well and Leana liked him so she let him stay.

Well, there was always someone staying with us.

Once Anthony stayed and it was just him that stayed. Me, Rob and Anthony stayed up with Leana and we were all bored so Rob and Anthony decided that they were going to put on a couple of the dresses I had at the time, as well as makeup. They said they'd only do it if I did it so obviously, I did it. I still have a photo of them 2 with makeup on. I did have 2 photos of them wearing my dresses but they've disappeared.

There was another time Anthony was staying with us and I was very, very sick with tonsillitis. I threw up after sitting in front of the toilet for half an hour in the middle of the night, that's how bad it was. The antibiotics had to be very strong to get rid of it.

A lot of these memories of going to friends houses and wondering around town and all that stuff is very blurry.

One memory that is not very blurry or vague is when a group of us were at HILAC. I remember only 4 of us being there, but only because they were in my eye sight. Laura, Tara and Anthony.

I was in the deep end, floating towards the edge where Anthony was sitting. He leaned forward and pushed my head under the water. I don't know how long before he let me up, but when he did, he wasn't laughing or even pretending that it was a joke. He just had a blank look on his face. I got out of the pool and walked towards my stuff and left. Laura followed me but I don't know whether she saw or I told her what happened.

We had parties at home between times when I wasn't home.

My friend James, from St. Arnaud, came over I think for one of these parties and he ended up making his mum come get him. All I remember is him sitting at the kitchen table. Apparently he overstayed his welcome when he disrespected one of my brothers. I think it was Jesse, who was about 4 or 5 years old at the time.

I remember Leana's step father, Hank, was talking to her once and afterwards we found out that he got a triple bypass (I think that's what it was) and had a very low survival expectancy. Apparently during that visit, he apologized to Leana for all the abuse he did to her.

The times I would stay with Jane and Joyce, sometimes I would become so sick, I stayed in bed all day asleep. I now know it was anxiety related, but that was because of everything at home. Even when I stayed at Laura's, I got really sick and once when I threw up, it was a black and grey slime looking thing. Just a slimy mass that should not have come out of my stomach. I had no idea what it was, but I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I tipped it down the sink and went back to bed.

Leana had made me start taking the Pill when I was 13 years old. It made me physically sick, but it didn't matter. When I got my periods, it was extremely heavy and painful; and that's not including the cramps. I was so sore and sick that sometimes I couldn't even go to school.

I would get on the bus from Hamilton to St. Arnaud to go stay with my grandparents. I would go by myself, and I remember vaguely some of these trips. I would have to go from Hamilton to Ballarat, then switch buses to go to Ballarat.

I would also go to Bendigo on the bus with Howie at times. He had a friend he met in prison named Robert Noll. I think that's how it spelt. From what Howie told me, Bob Noll was in prison for 20 years from killing a police officer. Of course, that's just I was told. Whether it's true or not is another story. Bob was a tattoo artist, so Howie got most of his tattoo's from Bob. At some point, I also found out that my brother Rob was named after this guy. I also was told by Leana that I was named after one of Howies "old roots".

Howie also told me had a daughter with someone before he met Leana, but apparently the mother of the girl ran off to Melbourne. I don't actually know if this is true. If it is, I would like to meet them at least once.

Sometimes, Colleen, Howies mother, would come with us. She even bought me a teddy that I still have.

I remember the set up of the Ballarat train station back then at least.

The year when I was 16 and a few months into me being 17 is a big blur of stuff. I remember things that happened but not necessarily in order.