When we were growing up, Leana would make us pick favourites between us. Well, it was more like she would tell us who each others favourite was. For example, Rob and Seth were always together so according to Leana, Seth was Robs favourite sibling. Dexter was my favourite according to her and Jesse was the baby so he was just there.

There were times me and Rob would look at each other and just shake our head, but we couldn't really say or do much.

I would have my own room sometimes, but I only remember that happening twice. Once or twice in that big house in Belmont; the bedroom at the back of the house was mine for a little bit, but more often than not I shared the front room with the boys. I shared the back room with Aunty Krisa at one point.

The other time I had my own room was in Pioneer St. Oh, and in Hiller Lane and Clifford St. I don't think that was for long though because I don't really remember much.

Out of town me and Dexter shared a bedroom while Rob and Seth shared. Jesse was the one with his own room.

Eventually, me and Justin moved into a little flat just down the road from HILAC.

All it was, an open kitchen/loungeroom with one bedroom and the bathroom and toilet separate.

We were happy for a while, but I had my issues. I had no idea how a real, healthy relationship worked; and ever since I was a kid, I was never really interested in relationships or sex. He didn't know any of this, and not because I didn't want to tell him.

I liked being with him, but at the same time I felt guilty. I was never shown any emotions except fear and pain and anger. I had no idea what love was, so to me it was only a word.

Justin never hurt me or forced to do anything. The only thing that frightened me about him was when he would yell and scream and throw his PlayStation controller. I know now that most gamers get like that or similar, but at the time it scared me so much since I was so used to yelling and screaming growing up, my automatic thought was: I know what comes next, even though we didn't really fight or argue, or at least I don't remember if we did.

I had my 18th in that house, where only a handful of people came. I remember Justin getting upset for some reason. I can't remember exactly what it was over, but I think it something to do with another male.

Reece and Justin became good friends at that point, and they would hang out at times.

I can't remember how long after my 18th, I thought it was a good idea to leave Justin. I was afraid that the anger would escalate, and I would be right back in a similar situation like I was at home.

I opted not to tell him I was leaving or talk to him about it. Aside from the fear of it, I knew from experience that if I spoke to him about it, told him or even gave him an idea what I was feeling or going to do, I would end up being trapped again. That's what I thought would happen anyway.

Justin and Reece decided that they would go out to Justin's older siblings farm and just hang out for the weekend. I agreed, but decided to stay home. I did this for 2 reasons. I didn't believe his family liked me, so whenever I was around them, I felt uncomfortable even though I tried not to show it. The other reason was I'd use this time to "escape".

I was on talking terms with Lucas again by this time. I think that only happened because when I was at tafe, he was going there at the same time. I did try to avoid him, but we had the same friends at that point, so it was difficult. Just another thing I didn't feel I had a choice about.

I also found out at tafe from Emily the reason she tried to punch Will (my ex) that one time. She told me to drop it but I wanted to know. She ended up telling me it was because he was cheating on her with me and broke up with her to be with me. I felt bad and apologized. Her response was telling me not to be sorry or feel bad. I remember her saying: Did you know about it?

I said no, so she said then why would I blame you? After that, I think we talked a lot more and hung out more.

I contacted Lucas and asked him to help me leave. He agreed, and I think that was only because he didn't like Justin and because he thought that I would get with him. I had no interest in doing that.

I remember going to Laura's house and getting some stuff that I had left there. Its only a vague memory, and I only really remember standing out the front with them.

I moved back in with Leana and Chris, who had moved to Brucknell out on a farm at that point. Brucknell is an area out somewhere between Warrnambool and Timboon.

On the way there, Justin tried calling me but I didn't answer. Then either he or Reece called Lucas. Lucas answered and asked me if I wanted to speak to him. I just shook my head. Looking back, that was definitely a red flag. He didn't need to answer the phone or ask me such a stupid question. I can now see what he was trying to do.

The farm house was only a 2 bedroom, so I had a bed out on the undercover verandah. I had a single bedframe, but no mattress. I would use blankets as a mattress and the dogs would sleep on me for extra blankets and warmth. Ziggy was a big Labrador, so I barely had room at times. Smithy, a Kelpy cross, slept on me too, but he wasn't as big.

There were a few cats and ferrets in the house as well, and only the 3 younger boys were living at home at this point.

Whenever Leana, Chris and the boys went somewhere, I would sleep in the adults bed, just because I could. I think I slept in the boys room at one point, but that was only once or twice.

Reece was talking to me again at one point and he came over to stay while everyone was away. That time Leana had 2 foster dogs and they were running around in the yard. The farm was out in the bush so there was kangaroos and koalas everywhere.

I heard noises and looked out the window to see these 2 dogs playing tug of war with a koala. I went out and chased the dogs away and grabbed the koala to take it to the wildlife vet that was in Timboon.

I didn't have my licence at that point so Reece had to drive us. We jumped in the car, the koala covered in a towel or jumper. I can't remember which.

Reece drove down the road and pulled down a driveway on Baxters Road. He started talking to his uncle who was driving the other way. I kept saying to just keep going to get to the vet, but his response was that he wanted to talk to his uncle.

For anyone who doesn't know anything about koalas, they can be very dangerous. Google koala claws, and what damage they can do when they're agitated.

I was wrestling with an agitated koala at this point and we still had another 10 or so minutes before we even got to town, not to mention it was a weekend so nobody was there when we finally arrived. Reece only started driving again when I said that if I lose control of the koala, that he would get hurt too.

We had to wait for a wildlife person to show up, and then we had to leave the koala there. No, it didn't have severe injuries. They're tough little fuckers.

Eventually I started looking for a house in town. I had started tafe in Warrnambool, and the constantly travel was difficult. I looked at the bulletin boards and there was a flyer with a number advertising a room for rent.

I ended up moving into a fancy new house. It was a 3 bedroom, 2 story house. The 2 housemates I had were male, Emmanuel and Mika. Mika was pretty quiet and didn't come out of his room a whole lot. Emmanuel was a little more talkative with me.

The first night I was there, he crawled into my bed with me and started kissing me but nothing went further than that. I can't remember if I actually verbally said no or if he just figured it out.

Most of the time I would just stay up in my room. I felt really uncomfortable going downstairs to do anything, and talking to them about or for anything was difficult.

When I had been there for a bit, me and Mika were in Emmanuel's room, since he had the biggest tv. Emmanuel must've been at work or something. I was looking around his room and spotted a picture of a girl on the chest of drawers and asked Mika who is was. Mika said it was Emmans girlfriend, because of course it was.

I would walk from out past Red Rooster to the tafe in town and back. I think once a week was a night class, but I walked that too.

I met some of the guys friends, though I didn't actually become friends with them. I remember once some of the guys friends were over and I was in the loungeroom watching the Lion King and they were on the other side of the room just talking. Then one of them came over and just started watching it with me. They were all nice guys that never really tried anything. Not that I remember anyway. Aside from Emmanuel.

I met Emmanuel's brother, Solomon, too. He lived in Timboon, but often come around and since they worked at the same place he would drive them sometimes.

I remember talking to him once about going to tafe and I told him I walked. He asked if I walked at night and I said yea. I can't remember if he gave me his number, but I do remember he picked me up from the night class at least once.

The times that I did get to talk to Solomon, I started to like him a lot. I was happy when he would come over.

I was still about 18 and I think he was about 22 or 23 maybe. I can't remember exactly.

Some friends would come up and stay too. Well, mostly Anthony and Lucas, at separate times. I wasn't with either of them, but obviously stuff happened because that's just how it goes.

I didn't know how to stop what was happening with those 2, and I didn't know why I liked Solomon. I didn't have the comprehension for it all.

I decided that I wanted to move up to where my grandparents lived, though I can't remember exactly why. I felt like I had more support from them and Howie at the time.

I told Mika and Emman that I was going to move but the only thing I remember before moving was somehow I ended up sleeping in Emmans bed. Same thing happened as the first time, so not much. I don't remember whether I called him out or not though. I doubt I did.

I moved up to my grandparents, and I was staying with them while I looked for a house I think. I don't remember much about staying there, other than when Lucas called me late at night abusing me because I apparently didn't tell him I was leaving. I'm pretty sure I did, but anyway.

It was late at night so I had to be quiet. He made my cry, which is stupid to think about now. He was acting like an idiot and implying we were in a relationship or something when we weren't.

The plan was to look for a house in Donald, which is about 30 minutes drive from St. Arnaud.

Reece wanted to move out of his parents place, so the plan was to get a house together as housemates. He would come up and he would go around looking for jobs and I would apply for houses.

I ended up getting a house on the main highway, on Woods St, but I told Reece to wait until he got a job before he moved in. He was still working so I didn't want him to quit and then not be able to get a job up here.

I kind of regretted telling him that later on.