I appreciate everyone who is still reading this, I really do. I'm sorry that I'm not real good at explaining some things, and I know I'm especially terrible at explaining emotions. I'm still learning about those things.

I'll be honest; I don't like it. Emotions are weird and painful, and I'd prefer to not feel them.

The house I got was through a private rental. That basically means I just pay the landlord directly instead of going through a real estate agent.

I can't remember the landlords name, but believe me, if I could remember I would be putting his name in block letters.

The house was on the main highway, towards the outside of town heading to St. Arnaud. I'll add a couple of maps so you can see, especially since seeing the area is important later.

3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. The loungeroom was at the front of the house, the bedrooms were in little room/hallway with rooms off it; the 3 bedrooms and the bathroom. The kitchen was in the middle and the laundry and toilet rooms were at the back of the house. There were 2 floor to ceiling windows with backdoor in between.

The backyard was huge, even separated by an tin fence. There was a opening that could've had a farm gate there, but there wasn't when we were living there.

There was also a fernery at the side of the house which we eventually enclosed with a small gate/door. It was about $150 per week.

Reece would come up and stay, putting his resume to different businesses. When he left, Lucas would come up to visit.

I can't remember how long I was there before I get a text message from Lucas. He basically said that he had gotten a job up in Donald, quit his job where he was, and now didn't have anywhere to stay.

I was so angry.

I told him I didn't care if he didn't anywhere to live, it was his own fault for doing this to himself. I even said that Reece would end up hating us both if I agreed.

I can't remember how long the argument went on, but eventually I said fine but once you get a house you can leave and I don't want anything to do with you after that.

Reece was mad at us, and stopped speaking to me, but I don't remember that conversation at all.

Lucas moved in and took over one of the spare bedrooms. I went out of my way to walk into town and pick up house listings to give to him. I even reminded him every single day or so to go and look.

One day, I was showing him the listings and he just turned on me yelling: I am never moving out, or I am never leaving.

I can't remember if I said anything to that, but the feeling I got was just dread.

After that, I don't know how long after, but he wormed his way into forcing a relationship.

The job he got was at Eatwell, a factory that made tofu. Eatwell was only around the corner from where we lived; easily walking distance, but he drove every day.

I got a job at the IGA supermarket. At this point in my life, anxiety was coming back hard and I didn't want to be around people. I would start getting sick again from the anxiety. It didn't help that I was being told how terrible and awful I was everyday either.

On days off, or when I was bored, I would go down to the op shop and sometimes buy some things. Other than IGA, I got money from Centrelink. Basically government pay.

I would buy trinkets and presents for my brothers, and I found out that Sam and her kids lived on the other end of town, so I would sometimes try to get stuff for them.

I would also try to buy snacks for us, but I would get an earful for spending money. I felt like I wasn't allowed to spend my own money because of how he projected. He would yell at and degrade me for buying presents or snacks. He would complain that he was the one paying the bills, but I was the one paying the rent. My pay was only enough to pay rent and shopping. I was lucky to have spare money at times. I would even put extra money on the rent sometimes. I tried doing that once a month.

Nothing I did was ever good enough. As far as he was concerned, I was there to be a slave and do what he wanted. That's how I felt at any rate and he certainly wouldn't ever say that out loud.

My sister Teagan would come over to visit and sometimes stay the night. She started texting me and sometimes would text Lucas too. Teagan was only about 11 years old at this point. Kelly was also living in Donald with her boyfriend. Kelly was a year younger than me, so she would have been about 18 years old. I would have been 19 by now, but I don't remember my birthday.

Teagan would ask about mine and Lucas' sex life, but the detailed questions she asked I wasn't comfortable with answering so she would text Lucas. I don't know if he ever replied to those texts, but I remember him once telling me she was texting him.

Kelly somehow got Lucas' number and would text him as well. I don't know if this was after her and the boyfriend broke up, but the split was traumatic for her, so she went off the rails a bit. She moved into a place down the road from us, but I don't think I ever went there.

She had a son to her ex too, and the child was a baby at this point.

I remember going to one of Lucas' work do's. Basically an end of year Christmas work party. I didn't want to go, but he basically forced me. I didn't feel comfortable being there at all. I think that if I was drinking, I only had 1. I remember sitting there, trying to be as small as possible because I didn't want to be noticed. He tried to get me to dance with him, but I freaked out and shook my head. He got mad and stomped off. I don't remember if he told me off later, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Just writing all this and remembering some of it is making me want to drink. I can't though because it's the middle of the day on a school day. I'll drink later.

Another time, Lucas brought up the idea of having a 3way. Basically him with me and another female. At the time he asked, I wasn't offended. I hadn't had any experiments with girls at that point so I was curious. What bothered me was he already had a specific female picked out. The lady was someone he worked with and I didn't really know her, but I knew of her. As soon as he told me who it was, I instantly said no. He asked why and I explained it was because I knew who she was. She was someone who was Leanas friend WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS! I was not going to go there with someone my mother used to drink with. He literally said: So? Even when I said what if it was his mums friend. There's just some things you don't do, man.

Lucas was not happy that I said no and flipped out, saying if it wasn't with her, it wasn't going to happen. As soon as he said that, I knew he wanted an excuse to sleep with her without being labelled a cheater. Either that, or he had already done something with her and wanted to rub it in my face without me knowing.

He also got it into his head that I thought he was cheating, which I didn't at the time. There were arguments about it and he gave me his phone saying: here if you don't believe me, check my phone. I only did it to appease him, but I did end up finding text messages between him and my step sister, Kelly. I read them and I still remember what they say to this day.

Lucas had text her saying that he saw her walking down the street and she had replied with: If I had have seen you, I would have fucked you in the ute.

His response? Ok, next time I see you then.

I can't remember his excuses when I showed him the messages, but next time he basically threw his phone at me, those specific messages were gone and he said that was never said. Back then, individual messages from text threads were able to be deleted.

Teagan also would message men on her Facebook with her friends and talk to them, ask them for photos and lie about her age. Her mother, Sam, came to me and asked me to change Teagans password and give her the new password so she could see what she was doing.

I had to go to the library to do this, and I saw some of the messages that were on there.

These men, knowing what Teagan and her friends looked like, still accepted what she told them her age was (she said ages between 16 and 26) and would send nudes. Only 2 or 3 of these men would say they didn't believe her and one guy even said he sis not believe the age she gave him but would happily be her friend.

I messaged all these people telling them off or thanking them, depending on what their messages were.

I called Sam and told her to meet me at the library and I showed her the messages. I can't remember what happened afterwards, but I remember Sam telling me off for going onto Teagans facebook, even after I told her that she asked me to do it in the first place.

Keep in mind that Teagan was only 11 at the time, and should not have been blamed for this. Sat down and explained to why she shouldn't do things like this, yes, but certainly not blamed.

And for those who say "11 year olds should know better", get your head checked for a start and secondly, facebook had an age limit for it. 13 used to be the youngest age allowed to get an account. An 11 year old can not get a phone number, email account and figure out a password by themselves. Especially back then.

At some point, Leana text or called me to say that they were being evicted from the farmhouse in Brucknell, so she asked if they could stay with me until they found a house. I agreed because apparently they only had 2 weeks to get out.

They moved in, so the boys had the middle room while Leana and Chris had the spare room. They also had 3 ferrets, 3 dogs and over 20 cats.

I was thrown pretty much straight back to living at home, even though it was my house, so most of the first few weeks is a blur.

The next memory I have is Lucas went to some kind of work party thing and I wasn't keen only dealing with him drunk so I gave him 2 options: don't drink or if he gets drunk, he sleeps on the couch. He agreed.

He came home drunk and refused to listen to me and passed out in bed, face down in the blankets. He managed to sit on the bed, then fell forward and passed out.

I ended up sleeping on the couch. For reference, I probably wouldn't have cared too much, but seeing as Chris was a messy drunk I didn't want to deal with Lucas being one too. I also had no interest in Lucas trying to touch me.

I can't remember how it happened but I ended up kicking him out. I spoke to Leana about it, basically saying that I wasn't going to deal with the same shit she deals with.

Lucas came to my house with a bunch of flowers and tried to apologise. I closed the door on him but I'm pretty sure he forced me to take the flowers.

I refused to let him back at the house so he had to find his own house. Just like the original plan was in the first place.