Testing Audio -DK Principessa

by kibass91

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21. Thisbaint a love somg

Summary:

After the disaster of a Featherington Ball, the words from Colin, the hatred from Eloise and the increased maltreatment from her family, Penelope Featherington takes her Lady Whistledown funds and flees Mayfair in search of a better life. Four months after her disappearance her new life is disrupted by the last voice she wants to hear, in the last place she'd expect to find him.

Rating will be going up. Colin/Penelope slow burn.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"Penelope? What in the hell are you doing here?" an incredulous voice asked out of nowhere.

Looking around furtively, Penelope Featherington tried to see who would see her or even worse, know her in this foreign port. She had been "missing" from Mayfair for four months now, truth be told she had run away, unable to take being in her home, being in society for another moment. Pushed to her limit after being declared unmarriageable by one of her oldest and best friends, being turned upon and called an insipid wallflower by her other best friend, being ostracised within her own family, under her mother's increasingly controlling and demanding thumb, her foolish sisters' ideas on how to make the spinster useful to the family, or her cruelest sister's demands and orders…her list went on.

Tired of being Lady Whistledown, not finding anything worthwhile to keep her in Grosvenor Square or Mayfair any further, she planned her escape. It took almost a year, with very helpful tips that she had claimed from Colin's letters about travel, what to expect and what to be wary of, she took all of her savings from under her floorboard, the few sentimental pieces she had in her room, some favourite books and she made her escape.

After ditching her fancy clothing, she used her maids' outfit to flee to the first ship she found going to the Continent, and upon her arrival promptly purchased a boat ticket to take her heading towards Athens, and a fresh start.

Being a quiet wallflower, her safety lay in her ability to blend in and not be noticed by the rougher sorts that tended to be found on the passenger ships. This is the first time anyone had mentioned her with any sort of familiarity.

She had been in Athens for two months, learning a new way of life, deciding if that is where she wanted to stay. Two months of trying to banish memories of her old life. Trying to forget everything and everyone. Especially Colin.

Taking a shallow breath, Penelope turned to face the voice that had called out to her. She saw a shadow coming closer and waited for the stranger to identify themselves. "Penelope?" the voice repeated.

"Who's asking?" Penelope replied, trying to appear unfazed even though she was ready to drop everything and run back to the safety of her boarding house.

"Do you not recognize me?" the voice became incredulous.

"You're standing directly in front of the sun, I have no way to identify you Sir. Kindly do me a favour and move so I can see you clearly or identify yourself."

The voice sounded amused. "How long has it been since we've seen each other? It's Colin Bridgerton. What on earth are you doing here? Where is your chaperone?"

Of course, clearly she had committed a crime in a previous life. Pinching her lips together, she raised herself up to her full height and looked over to face the one person she had never wanted to see or speak to again. "Colin." She said flatly. "What a surprise. What are you doing here of all place?"

"I feel I should be asking you that Pen. Athens is no place for an unaccompanied, gentle-bred lady." Colin replied, arching an eyebrow at her

"I left Mayfair." Penelope said simply.

"What do you mean you left Mayfair?" Colin asked incredulous.

"Living there had become unbearable, I couldn't take it any more, I had nothing left, no one who cared so I decided to leave. I'm curious to know how long it took people to realize that I was actually gone." Penelope explained. "I regret nothing, I had to leave and am now slowly exploring where I would like to go to make my new life. If I am going to be a spinster and forever alone, I will do it on my terms and not those foolish ones my family had me obeying, or the ones created by the Ton."

Colin was looking at her bemused. Where had his quiet wallflower friend gone? In her place was this strong-spoken, defiant, fiery redhead who knew what she wanted, who she was, and put him in his place after a few sentences. It was impressive. It was arousing. "Where are you staying Pen?"

Penelope raised her chin. "I found a boarding house not too far from here, I reserved a room for three months to decide if I want to live and settle here or carry on somewhere else. I'm enjoying my time here, I have another month to go but I will be leaving Athens after my time is over. Lovely to visit, but I do not want to live here, I find it wanting."

"Where will you travel to next?"

Penelope looked thoughtful. "I was thinking of heading back towards England, and then heading to Ireland. I've had enough of being in this part of the world I think."

Colin looked at her in disbelief. "What do you plan to do in Ireland?"

Penelope gave a tight smile. "I got the idea from Kate. I'm going to be a governess. If I will never have my own, taking care of them will have to suffice."

"You're not a spinster Penelope!" Colin burst out, unable to listen to her gloomy outlook of her life.

"I was in my third year on the Marriage Mart with no prospects and no suitors. I have stood on the sidelines for years, watching and listening to everyone else. My life is not my own, is dictated by everyone else and your own words condemned me to spinster life." Penelope said angrily, her eyes flashing. "So don't you stand there and act like you care about me Colin Bridgerton! You're a big part of the reason why I am here so just piss off" she swore, causing Colin to blink at the curse falling from her lips "go back to ignoring me and I will go on with my life and we'll depart as strangers."

Colin looked torn and upset. "Penelope don't act like this. Don't do this. "

Penelope glared at him coldly. "You condemned me with 17 words Colin. You have no further say on anything to do with me. "

Colin had no response for her. Part of why he had left on his tour so soon after the Featherington Ball was his horrified realization once the hangover wore off was what he had done and said, in front of some of the worst rakes in the Ton. He felt shame, and embarrassment at what he had done. "Pen…you must allow me to apologize for that night. I was deep in my cups and didn't mean to disparage or insult you."

"I don't have to allow you to do anything Colin." Penelope replied. "We're not in Mayfair and I'm not restricted by the Rules of Propriety or Society. I DON'T have to listen to a damned thing you're going to say. More importantly I don't want to. I'm leaving. Please leave me alone."

Turning on her heel, Penelope continued heading the way she had been going before she was distracted by Colin. The irony of her walking away from him didn't fail to make her chuckle ruefully. She was purposely leaving the company of the only person she had ever wanted to be with. She had to remind herself that she had hardened her heart against all Bridgerton's, especially Colin.

She glanced over her shoulder, and sure enough like a good, loyal gentleman, Colin was several paces behind her, following her to her boarding house. "Go away Colin, I don't need you following me."

"I'm looking out for you Penelope. Do you know what could happen to you if the wrong person saw you?"

Penelope rolled her eyes. "Colin, I have done just fine by myself these last 4 months. I will continue to do just fine. Please leave me alone."

"I can't do that Penelope." Colin replied seriously.

Penelope could feel her temper starting to slip at the stubbornness of this man. How could she once have admired his pigheadedness? Truly she had been a delusional child to think that this was her dream man. "Colin, I'm asking you one more time to leave me alone. If you don't stop, I'm going to the authorities."

"To tell them what, exactly?" Colin seemed amused now. "That you, a runaway lady of the gentry of England are having trouble with someone who is concerned for your honour and virtue?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Penelope gasped.

"Try me Pen." Colin challenged her. "I will not allow anything to happen to you."

"Well congratulations on keeping me safe. We're back at my boarding house. You can go now." Penelope gestured to the road. "keep walking."

Colin grinned at her. "I'm staying here too Penelope. How convenient. I will start to make plans to take you back home."

Penelope looked frantic. "I'm not going back there Colin. You cannot make me. I have nothing to go back to anyway. I will not be returning. Ever."

Colin frowned. "You'll need to explain to me why you've come to this determination over supper. You should go get changed and we'll sup together. I will find your room and call for you in an hour."

Penelope thought she was going to burst in frustration. He wasn't listening to a single thing she had to say and it was making her livid.

Sighing sadly, accepting the rapid change in her plans, she went to find the proprietor to check out and get some quick travel directions . She should be able to get on a late-departing ship heading for Italy. Happy she packed light, she went to make the necessary changes and slip out of the boarding house, hopefully before Colin realized she was gone. Most people never noticed when she wasn't around anyway, she figured Colin would be just as oblivious.

Making her plans, she continued to the proprietor's room to explain her situation. Penelope did not notice the brooding, fuming Bridgerton standing out of her sight in the shadows. Colin should have known that Penelope wasn't going to capitulate so easily to his demands. He had realized how boorish he sounded and was returning to apologize, to see the redhead standing in the middle of the hallway, a pensive frown on her beautiful face. In that instant, Colin knew exactly what Penelope was thinking and he knew she was going to scarper.

He had to make sure that he was on that departing ship before her. Would she be angry? Absolutely? Was her anger the sexiest thing he'd ever seen? Also absolutely.

Colin caught himself and shook his head. "Sexy? Penelope?" he muttered.

Now that his mind had gone to where it hadn't before, Colin found himself bombarded with thoughts of Penelope in various states of undress.

Realizing he needed to think about this new development and get to the ship before her, he made haste to his quarters to grab the luggage that hadn't yet been unpacked and head back to the ship he had vacated only a few hours previous.

Chapter 2: Only fools all know it all

Chapter Text

Having made the necessary arrangements, checking out of the boarding house and grabbing her meagre belongings, Penelope moved rapidly towards the gangplank of the docked ship. She had heard favourable things about this ship and Captain, and he was frequently taking passengers and had quite comfortable accommodations. Only a handful of private or single-shared rooms, everyone else had to berth in a similar manner to the crew. It was not conducive to privacy and she was hoping she could at least secure a single-share room. After enduring life with her sisters, she was positive she could handle any manner of roommate. Unless it was someone like Cressida Cowper, in which case Penelope would leap off the side of the boat and swim back to England. Made her wistfully wish she could swim.

"Captain!" she called out, waving her hand over her head as the Captain was dockside, heading for his vessel.

"Kali'spera.*" he replied, tipping his hat in her direction. In a thick accent, he switched to English. "What can I do for you missus?"

"I am hoping you have space for myself to berth heading to Italy?" she inquired.

The Captain stood back and looked at her critically. "I do. But it'll cost ye. And there'll be extra if you want added protection from the men on board."

"That won't be necessary Captain." Penelope said in an attempt to reassure him. "I am quite capable of taking care of myself."

"I won't be having a lightskirt on me vessel, to spread pestilience among my crew. They're good lads and I will have none of that." The Captain replied angrily. "Nor will I take ye as my woman for special protection."

"I'm not asking for any of that!" Penelope protested. "I just want a berth so I can head towards Italy, eventually making my way to Ireland. I have no desire to entertain any male in any capacity. I will remain quiet and unobtrusive, out of the way of your crew and other guests."

"Are ye involved in something illegal missus?" the Captain eyed her thoughtfully. "I won't be bringing any issues with authorities upon myself. Are ye running from something? Or someone?"

"I am merely in search of a place in this world that I can settle and create a new home for myself." Penelope said quickly. "Please Captain."

The Captain stroked his beard for a moment as he consulted with himself. "Payment up front, with the knowledge that the crew is men. There are very few female passengers aboard and certainly none travelling alone. I suggest you be very careful and grow eyes in the back of your head missus."

Penelope gratefully handed over the fare which she had already put in her bag so it looked as though it was all the funds she had on her. "Bless you Captain, for helping me get home."

The Captain took the proferred money and tucked it into his waistcoat. "Ye be thanking me now, let's see if you feel that way in a few weeks or months."

"Months? It doesn't take months to travel to Italy from Athens." Penelope replied, confused.

"True, it doesn't." the Captain sighed. "But you're trying to get to Ireland. I'm not going that far but if you stay with me, I can sail you to England. After that you'd have to make your way. Of course if you choose that option, I will require more funds as I'll need to increase my provisions at the next port, but I can offer you a room and place to stay."

"Why would you make that offer to me Captain? As you said, I won't be your woman nor am I lightskirt."

The Captain eyed her critically. "Missus, I been doing this more years than ye been alive and one thing I have learned is to spot a woman in distress. You're running or avoiding something. I won't ask, your business is your own. However, I too have sisters and daughters and if it were one of them away from home trying to get back, I would hope that one man out there would be as I am now."

Penelope's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "You are a good man Captain, and I will take you up on it. Thank you kindly."

"None of that weeping." The Captain said gruffly. "Get yourself on board. I'll lead you to the room I have available. I must caution you with your witches hair to keep it covered or stay out of sight once we leave these lands, as some of my sailors are highly superstitious and I would not want to be fishing ye out of the ocean."

"Of course Captain. I will remain discreet. I have books to read, and items to write with. I will be no trouble or disturbance."

"Follow me." The Captain said as he walked past her onto the gangplank. "And keep up."

Hastily, Penelope re-shouldered her bags and lifted her skirts to board the ship. She glanced over her shoulder to bid a hasty goodbye to Athens and then focused ahead of her and her next leg of travel.

The Captain walked briskly through the ship, heading down several levels to where the passenger dwellings were located. "You're lucky you showed up when you did. I'm almost full up and was getting ready to slip the dock when you arrived."

"I appreciate you delaying your departure for me." Penelope said kindly.

The Captain stopped and opened a door. "Here be your quarters. The head is down the hall, privacy is at a minimum. You have a washbasin in your quarters but you are responsible for filling and emptying it. Galley will be available when ye hear the bell being rung. Inclement weather means you are confined to quarters until one of the crew states an all-clear."

"I understand." Penelope said quietly.

"Welcome aboard." Was all the Captain replied. "I'll be by later to get the rest of the payment owed."

"You trust that I have it?" Penelope asked, astonished.

"Ye would not be risking as much as ye are if ye didn't." he said matter-of-factly. "I don't know what you're running from, or why, or who but as long as you can pay, I care not."

Penelope nodded and headed through the open door. It was a single-share room, with one other occupant. Single beds on either side of the room, two desks and some basic amenities.

"This looks lovely." She said to Captain, trying to stay on his good side.

"Enjoy." He said gruffly and turned on his heel to head to the bridge.

Penelope drew in a long breath after he departed and entered the room and shut the door.

"Took you long enough." Said an amused voice from the room.

Penelope let out a shriek, dropped her bags and jumped. Sure enough, she had a roommate, and it was the last person she wanted to see. Again. "Colin?" she asked, stunned. "What are you doing here? Why are you here?"

"Just seeing you safely home." Colin answered calmly. "I had a feeling you were going to scarper on me, since you have proven proficient at vanishing."

"Leave me alone!" Penelope demanded. "You are part of a life I no longer want to be a part of, something I want to forget. Begone from my sight!"

"We're roommates for the foreseeable future." Colin pointed out. "I cannot begone from your sight. You're going to have to get used to me, and we are going to use this time to discuss what is going on and why you have decided to continually put yourself in danger!" he said angrily, his voice rising towards the end.

"It's not your business, nor am I your concern. To put it in language that a male might understand," Penelope said witheringly. "Bugger off!"

Colin's mouth dropped open. "You're developing quite the potty mouth Penelope. That's multiple curses I have heard from your lips since running into you this afternoon."

"Almost as if there's a correlation isn't there?" Penelope said snidely.

"I am unable to decide if this is incredibly attractive or irritating. I will let you know when I do." Colin replied mildly.

"I care not for if you find me attractive or appealing in any way. You've already ruined my life enough." She said haughtily. "If we are to be roommates, kindly remain silent when you are around me."

Colin chuckled. "My own family could never get me to be silent for quiet time, and you think that you are able to tell me to hold my tongue?"

"I will find a way to silence you."

Colin shook his head and let her bring her items to the far side of the room. Her only way in or out was past him which gave him a sense of calmness. When had Penelope started to permeate his every thought? In truth, he'd been battling these feelings for a long time and now they were coming to the surface. Being alone with Penelope in a way that they were never able to before made him feel dizzy. There were no Rules of Propriety here. He was certain in his charms towards her, and knew of her longstanding affection.

But Penelope was different. She wasn't falling for his charm. His smile. His friendly words towards her. Truly she had hardened her heart against him and he needed to know the full reason why. There had to be more to it than what she was very reluctantly telling him.

Colin wasn't concerned. It was the two of them in this room for over a month. He was sure he could eventually get the truth out of her.

He had to admit to his worry, upon arriving in Athens to be bombarded (for once) with letters from his family, Lady Danbury and even Lady Featherington in desperation. All speaking to the same thing: Penelope had gone missing and no clues had been left behind. He was being contacted to keep an eye out for her if he crossed paths with her during his travels. He never would have dreamed that he'd find her so far from England, however.

No one had details as to why she had left, though he did notice a curious lack of any letters from Eloise, and the few he did get had no mention of her missing friend at all. Had they fallen out? It was quite curious and something else that Colin was going to have to look into. He was currently of two minds to write and say that she was found and safe, and he'd bring her home or to maintain her privacy and let her stay hidden for a little while longer.

He would have to talk to her before making his final judgement since clearly, she didn't know what was best for her.

Sighing in frustration, Colin turned to the other side of the room to check on his roommate who was in the process of unpacking a writing desk and placing it on her bed.

"Are you writing to your family and mine to let them know that you are coming back to Mayfair?" he inquired.

Penelope snorted unladylike. "I highly doubt anyone has noticed I'm gone, and if they have then the only concern is to get me back under my mother's roof so that I can continue to be belittled, abused and ignored. No thank you."

"Why have a writing desk then?" he asked mildly.

"To write." Penelope snapped.

"Write what?"

"None of your flopping bunnies!" Penelope snarled. "My business is my own, keep your nose and inquiries out of it. You have no say or part in my life as I keep reminding you. You don't have the right to dictate anything about me."

"I am a gentleman of honour, who will protect your virtue until you are brought home. I have had many letters detailing your absence which HAS been noted."

Penelope shook her head. "I don't care. I'm not going back. Do not make me hate you further Colin."

"Why do you hate me now?" he asked, curious.

"There are many reasons which I choose not to get into at this time." Penelope said primly, sidestepping the question.

Colin frowned as he watched her continue to set up her space, then smiled as her back was fully to him. "Challenge accepted." He murmured quietly.

Penelope, trained over a lifetime of listening to murmurs heard him and fumed silently over him being such a man. If he thought that smiling and talking friendly would erase the past, he was wrong. And if he thought she was that easily influence by him still, then Mr. Colin Bridgerton was in for a very unpleasant surprise indeed.

The evening was calm and crisp as Penelope heard the voices of the crew begin yelling, as the ship lurched, lines brought in and before long they were coming out of their slip in the dock. Penelope breathed a sigh of relief at knowing she was heading in the correct direction, towards another new adventure and perhaps…fulfillment?

From the other side of the room she heard Colin speak. "How is your stomach faring Pen? I have ginger candies should you need them if you're feeling seasick."

Unable to think of a snappy retort, she just shrugged. "I'm feeling fine right now."

"How did you fare on your first voyages that you did alone?" Colin asked, genuinely curious.

Penelope smiled ruefully, forgetting for a moment that she had taken an oath to reveal nothing more than basic fact to this man. "Better than I had thought honestly." She said. "The crossing to the Continent was short and pleasant. I enjoyed it quite a bit. The other crossings I did as I headed down to Athens were not as pleasant, especially the ones that took place during poor weather. My stomach has remained stable thus far however, so you should have no concerns about me being ill."

"Good to know." Colin nodded. "The offer for them is there should you wish to avail yourself."

"Thank you Mr. Bridgerton." Penelope replied formally.

Colin arched an eyebrow. "Back to Mr. Bridgerton are we?"

Penelope raised her eyes to his. "We never properly left, nor should we. You might have somehow figured out that I was going to depart early, you figured out which vessel I was going to be on and miraculously booked the last cabin so I would have no choice but to be your bunkmate, but I do not have to reveal any new aspect of my life to you." She said firmly.

"We aren't bound by the Rules of Propriety as you yourself mentioned earlier this afternoon." Colin said reasonably.

"We are not, but for my comfort level since I am bunking with an unmarried male, spinster or not it doesn't look good."

"I didn't think you cared what people thought of you."

"I never said that. If I didn't care, perhaps I would have stayed in Mayfair."

"Why did you leave?" he challenged.

"I had to." Penelope replied vaguely.

"Why?"

"There was no future for me and nothing left for me." Penelope said, eyes blazing with anger. "And that is all I will say about it. Do not act familiar with me Mr. Bridgerton. You have no idea who I am now."

"What if I want to learn?"

"It's not your place." She said shortly.

"It used to be." Colin persisted.

"No further." She held her ground. "Enough of this line of questioning. I am ready to ask the Captain to let me berth in the hammocks with the crew to get away from you. Certainly I would feel much less threatened."

"You think I'm threatening?" Colin was taken aback.

"You poke at me about the Rules of Propriety, about being alone, unchaperoned and needing guidance and protection. What about protection from yourself? From your damned inescapable Bridgerton curiosity? Or pig-headedness?" Penelope burst. "Yet by your own standards, a lady has asked you repeatedly to leave her alone, to not ask questions, to mind your own business and you have not respected the request in the slightest way."

Colin blinked at her, staring at her like she had grown a second head at her anger. He felt frustration that she was holding her ground, and he felt the heat of arousal begin to make his breeches twitch. This was not the Penelope he remembered. This was not the Penelope he knew.

This strong woman was infinitely more intriguing. "Pen…?" he cleared his throat. "I'm warning you…"

"You want to hold me to some moral guideline when you yourself have flaunted and ignored said guideline whenever it suits your purpose." Penelope snorted derisively. "Some gentleman you claim to be."

Colin's eyes flashed at Penelope, anger starting to build. "You question my intentions? What a barb."

"I'm good at them, remember?" she shot back.

"Careful Penelope. My so-called good manners and upbringing are the only thing keeping me from teaching you a well-overdue lesson." Colin cautioned.

Penelope laughed. "I highly doubt it. You've proven yourself to be more of a cad and a rake than your brothers ever were." She turned her back to him. "I wish to be left alone and not carry this asinine conversation any further."

Colin's eyes darkened as he decided to show the redhead just what she was tempting by questioning his honour. In a few strides he had her pinned, facing her bed and the wall. "Conversation about what made you run from Mayfair is never considered asinine." He murmured. "And you taking for granted that my intentions will never slip IS however asinine."

Penelope froze, feeling him pressed flush up against her back. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked, feeling her stomach start to twist ever so slightly.

"Showing you what happens when I decide to no longer be a gentleman."

Penelope didn't move as she felt his hands brush her hair away from her neck. "If I wasn't a gentleman, for example" he said softly. "I would be ravishing this neck that has a spot I am desperate to run my tongue over. I would already be loosening and lowering that dress that covers these beautiful diddys so that I could squeeze and play with them. I would loosen your stays since I know you can't put on a corset alone and I would have you stand in front of me bare as I ravish you first with my eyes, and then with my hands." He blew over her throat, smirking at the gooseflesh that rose from her. "There are so many indecent…ungentlemanly things I would like to do to you Pen." He slowly lowered one hand to her breasts which were starting to rise and fall rapidly.

"And I know you would like them all." He finished. "And I would want to see you at the culmination of pleasure as I made you mine." He squeezed one breast for good measure, making her moan unexpectedly.

Penelope felt flushed, felt heat rising from her cheeks at his indecent words as he pressed himself against her backside and she felt a slight hardness forming. As much as she didn't want to tell him anything, he had made her wanting to learn more. "I stand corrected." She said faintly, clearing her throat.

Behind her, knowing she couldn't see his expression of want and desire, Colin leaned forward to deliver his final point. "And finally, Pen," he said, kissing just below her ear causing a sharp intake of breath from her. "If I wasn't being a gentleman…you wouldn't be standing at all."

Unable to hold back a quiet moan, Penelope tried to move from the confining space he had boxed her into. "Quite a lesson Mr. Bridgerton."

Colin took a step back before he forgot himself entirely. This was a new sequence of events that he needed to evaluate. He couldn't figure out why he hungered for Penelope so much, or when she had become so appealing. "Don't forget it." He said in a low voice as he crossed back to his side of the room.

Penelope kept facing the wall after she felt his firm heat dissipate from her back, and closed her eyes, breathing rapidly. What was that? Why had her body reacted that way to Colin's proximity? Why was she so…achy in her core from the semi-obscene words Colin had whispered into her ear? It made her wonder what it would sound like in the heat of passion, to have him whispering in that voice into her ear as his hands explored what had only been for herself.

For the first time in many months, Penelope felt a yearning for Colin, she felt a stirring in her heart that had existed before he shattered her world and dreams. Reminding herself of what awaited her should she return to Mayfair, she tried to shut away her thoughts and keep her mind focused on her goals and intentions. She had to stay strong, even as her brain fell into the dangerous fantasy-land she had promised that she wouldn't go back to.

On his side of the room, Colin reached in his pocket for a flask to stop the shaking in his hands. He had no idea that Penelope could be so heady, a drink of the finest proof that he suddenly craved more of. He had felt this yearning prior to his leaving on tour, after the humiliating and hateful words he had spewed to men he didn't even like associating with.

He had been steadily dreaming of Penelope in increasingly risqué ways since he had left Mayfair, and to see her standing across the room, aroused and panting at the mere suggestion of what he would like to do to her and he began doing sums in his head to calm himself down.

When had she become so important?

Why had she run?

What was she wearing underneath her dress? Colin's eyes bugged out when that thought crossed his mind as he realized he would like nothing more than to find out what was under her dress, and then inhale her scent. He gave his head a quick shake as he felt himself start to stir and this time, he was unable to slake the feeling. Muttering to Penelope about going to the head, he quickly left their shared quarters realizing that perhaps his cheeky plan to find out everything about why she had left and bring her home safely as her hero was going to be much more difficult than he had anticipated as he hadn't counted on his attraction to her going into dangerous territory.

Closing his eyes in the head, he let his head fall back as he moaned and took himself in hand, picturing Penelope, her wide doe-eyes, her lips begging to be kissed. Her neck desperate to be suckled. Her beautiful breasts, meant for plucking, playing and burying his face in between. He hadn't yet pictured what could be down towards her quim. Were her curls red? Was she wet? What did she smell like?

Biting on his lip as his pace sped up, he tried to purge the thoughts of his former best friend from his brain, but for every indecent image he rubbed himself to, three more took it's place as Colin Bridgerton began to accept that he was not her friend anymore. He never wanted to be her friend again.

He wanted to be her lover.

Chapter 4: There were nights that I died for you

Chapter Text

Upon hearing a bell being rang, Penelope knew it was time for evening soup and a final repast prior to lights out. She wasn't overly hungry, having arrived too late for the supper meal but didn't want to have tea prior to sleep. Her mind was a whirlwind, thoughts processing too fast for her to stop for anything else.

Sitting at the desk, she pulled out a journal, quill and ink to start writing the things that had happened that day, as well as to work on her own ideas. Penelope had discovered that despite being disillusioned with Lady Whistledown, writing was a part of her soul that she couldn't and wouldn't give up. She had some ideas for fiction stories of her own, and one of them was more than a bit autobiographical. She hadn't breathed a word of her ambitions to anyone, for who would listen? She'd be laughed at, ignored or backhandedly insulted by Eloise, as much as she was loathe to admit it.

Eloise had been one of her oldest and longest friendships, one that she treasured and meant more to her than anything, however with Eloise's silence and cut from her life, it had made Penelope more observant. For all that they were the closest of confidants, they were also just as much at odds. Some days Penelope felt she was putting in more effort to their friendship than Eloise had and was expected to bend to her stronger will and agree with her more frequently. As much as her heart hurt and she missed Eloise, Penelope had to admit that it was refreshing to not have her every comment and thought analyzed to death for an ulterior motive.

Or it had been. Until an object named Colin Bridgerton had appeared on a random street in the middle of Athens. Cursing her luck, Penelope began to pack her items away and secure them for the night, as she chose what she was going to read before bed. Doing her level best to ignore the unwanted interloper in her cabin, she looked around for some rope that she could string and secure to divide the room in two.

"Pen!" Colin exclaimed, coming back into their cabin. "I brought you some tea, I thought you must be famished."

Penelope grudgingly took the cup from him. "Thank you Mr. Bridgerton, but you really needn't take concern with myself."

"I'm a gentleman." Colin reminded her with a wicked smirk. "Your wellbeing is of the utmost concern to me."

Penelope shook her head. "You are no gentleman." She sighed as she brought her tea over to her side of the cabin and placed it on the desk.

As she was turning, she turned face first into what felt like a wall. "Ooof!" she huffed as she looked up to the glittering gaze of Colin who had rapidly crossed the room and trapped her again. "Why are you over here?" she asked, trying to get around his very solid body.

Colin grinned, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Careful Pen." He murmured, his breath caressing the outer shell of her ear. Nipping at it lightly with his teeth, hearing her rapid intake of breath, he reminded her "Remember what will happen if I choose to not being a gentleman. So do not cast aspersions on me unless you want to be stripped down, fingered to climax, licked to completion and then shagged into oblivion."

Penelope tried to take a step back but was cornered by the desk and Colin. No one had ever spoken so plainly, so crassly to her before. It was inappropriate. It was vulgar.

It was wildly arousing.

Pen bit her lips together to try and keep the moan that she felt rising in her throat quiet. "Mr. Bridgerton, that is not how you speak with a lady."

"True, it is not." Colin agreed. "But you are no lady."

Penelope's eyes widened. "Then what am I?"

"You are Pen…Pen." He smiled. "And somehow you have become the most beguiling woman in the ton."

Penelope's jaw dropped. "Are you drunk?"

Colin laughed lightly. "Only mildly so. It's going to become necessary if I'm sharing a cabin with you until we get back to England."

Penelope shook her head. "I'm disembarking in Italy."

"For what point and purpose?" Colin queried.

"For the point and purpose that I wish to be away from YOU." She said pointedly. "Since clearly my opinion and wishes mean nothing to you, I will disembark and find another way to get to Ireland – not England."

"Penelope, I'm not letting you get away." Colin cautioned. "The sheer number of frantic letters I have gotten notwithstanding, there is no way I could have ever imagined finding you in this part of the world. I have had many months to think over things that were troubling my mind when I left Mayfair and I have come to some very important decisions."

"I'm not yours to hold on to." Penelope said firmly. "I belong to no one, save myself. I am of twenty years of age and am an adult and do not need a minder."

"And of those who are desperately missing you?"

"Who?" Penelope put her hands on her hips and demanded. "Who misses me Colin? My former best friend who has turned against me? My mother who is probably missing her indentured punching bag? My sisters who are missing their favourite tormenting object? Cressida Cowper who probably has something else nasty and soul destroying to say to me?"

Colin said nothing.

"I have no one to return to Mayfair for. I'm sure your family is concerned about my whereabouts in the friendly manner that they have for every friend they have that is in the ton."

Colin opened his mouth to protest as she held up a hand. "You do not know of my life that I left behind. You do not know of what I hold deep inside. You do not know what I felt or what I do feel now. You do not know."

"Then tell me." He encouraged.

Penelope shook her head. "It is past. I have moved on. I will not give life to what has been left behind in England."

Changing the subject, Colin cleared his throat. "What were you trying to do when I came back in here?"

Penelope flushed. "I was trying to find and strong some rope, so I can hang some blankets for privacy from you."

Colin shook his head. "You won't find anything like that on a ship, they can't run the risk of too many things hanging and weighing down the ship."

Penelope bit her lip. "I didn't have a problem with it on my crossings previously."

Damn. She saw right through his ploy.

"Aren't there room dividers strapped to the wall?" Colin asked, pointing to several panels on the opposite side of the room.

Penelope's eyes lit up. "Oh even better. Then I can manage to not see you at all."

Colin said nothing, very encouraging of her plan to have room dividers. Too much of a man to let the growing object of his desires know that he would be able to clearly see her silhouette, as she stripped herself naked to change, as she washed herself. As she touched herself in bed. He wondered if she thought of him when she touched herself.

"Let me help you get them set up." Colin offered.

In a matter of minutes, the room was fully divided except for a small opening that Penelope could use to exit the room. "Thank you, Colin." She said politely and vanished onto her side of the panels.

"My pleasure Pen." Colin smirked as he went to sit on his bed. Sure enough, with the lamp on her side creating a brightly lit up part of the room on the other side of the partition. With fascination he watched as she brought her arms up behind her to undo her dress. As it fell loosely from her ample bosom and he saw the outline of her stays, he felt himself start to harden again. He saw her silhouette loosen and remove her stays, and his jaw fell open at the silhouette of her unbound breasts, nipples puckered, and she raised her arms to shake out her hair.

Changing positions Colin lightly began to stroke himself. He was going to have the worst case of blue balls by the time they made it to their destination. He watched as she lowered her skirt and untied her stockings. Standing completely naked on the other side of the partition, no idea that her image was perfectly outlined for his eyes, Colin tried to think of the brutality of battle, of anything that would help take the edge off of his hardness.

Hearing a quiet sigh, his eyes shot open and back to the images that were going to be imprinted on the back of his eyelids. He had been figuring that Penelope was going to be preparing for bed, which was true, but he was not prepared to see Penelope lay upon her bed and spread her legs. Putting his fist in his mouth, he watched as Penelope's silhouette was about to do what he thought it was, and near groaned in desire when he saw her reach between her legs. Fighting the urge to go over to her side of the room and begin to ravish her was overwhelming. She thought she had privacy, he should leave. She is a gently born lady.

It would have taken an entire team of horses to pull him out of that room once she started quietly gasping. It would have taken a firing team after he heard her moan his name.

Pulling out his flask, he gave himself another drink as he cleared his throat. Penelope's shape stopped moving as he regretfully coughed again. "Pen, I'm going to start to get ready for bed and I'll be dimming my light. Sleep well."

"Goodnight Colin." Penelope said, breathlessly. Is that what she would sound like after he pounded her to completion?

Colin immediately turned the light on his end of the room out, so he could continue to watch the most erotic thing he had ever seen. He saw Penelope's fingers slowly enter her heat and was irrationally jealous of them being where he felt he belonged. He watched as she pleasured herself slowly, gradually picking up the pace with her fingers. He almost exploded when he watched her pinch one of her nipples and lave her breast with her tongue. He began to doubt that she was in complete ignorance over what he could see and if she wanted to play this kind of game, he was more than willing.

He watched her fingers speed up, her legs begin to shake as she began to whimper, unable to silence herself anymore. Pretending he didn't hear anything, he fisted the crown of his phallus trying to hold off on the increasing pressure he felt building. "Colin…Colin…Colin…like that Colin…" he heard Penelope's voice chanting his voice quietly as she pleasured herself to forbidden thoughts of a man she was desperate to forget, but was unable to. She arched her hips off the bed, impaling her fingers further into her wetness as she thumbed her clit. "Fuck! Colin!" ripped from her lips unintentionally.

Hearing her call out his name pushed Colin past the brink as he felt himself explode, ropes of cum covering his vest and shirt. Panting in his bed, he lay back thinking that this was going to be the most delightful torture. He had much to work on with Penelope, to regain her trust, to get her to open up. To get her to invite him into her bed where he would worship her in every way he knew of until he was sated. Her use of profanity along with the most erotic thing he had ever seen caused him to release with such force that he thought he was 15 again.

Sitting up to clean himself up discreetly, he let his thoughts wander about the incredible thing he had just seen play out in front of him. Whores at brothels had nothing on Penelope Featherington pleasuring herself.

On the other side of the partition, Penelope panted lightly, her body covered in a sheen of sweat as she lightly continued to stroke herself. "Hope you enjoyed that Colin." She thought to herself as she stood up and rubbed her breasts gently facing the partition. She swore she could hear a light groan from his side of the room as she smiled wickedly. Wantonly.

"Now we'll see how argumentative you'll be tomorrow." She thought to herself. "Maybe watching me finger myself will be enough for you to leave me alone."

She had doubts, but she had to try. She could not fall back down the rabbit hole of lust and desire for Colin, to care about him or anyone ever again. No matter how much she craved him. No matter how much she dreamed of him. No matter how much she cried over him.

Prior to reaching for her nightdress, she spread her legs one last time and quickly thrust three fingers up herself, causing herself to gasp and mewl at the feeling. Letting the loud suction sound echo through the room as she pulled out of herself again and fingered her nub, groaning at the sensation and got ready for bed did she hear a long breath let out on the other side of the room.

"Goodnight Colin. Sweet dreams."

Chapter 5: When you said goodnight...

Chapter Text

'Sweet dreams.' Colin thought with irritation the following morning as he sat bleary-eyed in the galley, sipping a concoction he had become quite fond of in his travels, coffee. It was wildly popular in this part of the world, and he was particularly fond of the beverage. 'The woman is trying to kill me.'

After a particularly sleepless night, in which Colin was plagued by his eyes replaying the 'show' that Penelope had given him earlier, and his ears kept repeating her breathy moans of his name. After spending the night harder than he could ever recall and unable to bring himself over the edge to climax, he was in a very grumpy mood. While the only thing he wanted was to bring his dreams and fantasies to life or to cross the room, tear down her barriers – in all manners of speaking – and touch the creamy skin that covered her body.

Having said many prayers that, she was done tormenting him after her climax it was granted. It had taken Colin close to half an hour to clean himself, his bed and change his clothes without letting on to Temptress Penelope that he had feelings for her. All his time abroad and alone had been making things clear, putting them in perspective, however it wasn't until Colin was faced with the very real possibility of never seeing Penelope again, never having her in his life and never seeing her beautiful smile or eyes again.

Colin had never tasted true despairing fear until that thought sank in and became reality.

Had it only been one night so far? They had another 3 before Italy, and many more until England. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed deliberate, Penelope's shadow show last night. She was trying to distract him; he was sure of it and probably so that he'd let her make a mistake and try to disembark and slip away when they next came into port. Colin knew Penelope as well as he knew himself, he often thought it was a special bond that came from being the third born in both their families.

She had only been back in his life for less than a day and already she existed in every corner of his mind. Colin realized belatedly that maybe she always had, and it took a shock like this to bring everything to the fore that he had been blindly covering under the blanket of pathetic excuses of friendship. If Colin was honest with himself, he hadn't wanted to be her friend for the last 2 years, as he watched her change into someone who haunted his dreams and was there every night.

Colin was loathe to admit that she was probably right about being able to take care of herself, after all she had been doing it as long as he had known her. But, he didn't have to like it and he certainly didn't have to accept it. He had been cutting his current tour short anyway to return to England to help with the search for Penelope. He didn't have words to describe the hollow, gut-wrenching horror that had swept through his body when he got the first letter from his mother. Followed by Anthony. Benedict. Daphne. Simon. Lady Danbury.

So many letters, all arriving so quickly in succession was overwhelming. Where he would usually be able to look forward to at least 2-3 letters to reply to, having over a dozen made him dizzy. Tellingly, the only letter he got from Eloise was to hope it found him well, wished him fair weather and that she wasn't going to be writing further. No explanation and her coldness took him aback. Colin began to suspect that Eloise also played a part in Penelope's asinine decision.

Penelope said she had wondered how long it took people to realize she was missing, and the Bridgerton's had noticed by promenade the next day that something was amiss. Lady Featherington and her two oblivious daughters and their husbands noticed nothing. When asked where Penelope was, Lady Featherington casually mentioned that she was probably being a slug abed in her room or was off fantasizing over a book in the drawing room. She might not be feeling well, she wasn't sure and she wasn't going to take time out of her social calendar to find out. Penelope would come and join everyone when she felt like and it no sooner.

It wasn't until tea…four days later that Lady Featherington finally lost her patience and went to find her recalcitrant daughter to discover her room empty and had been for several days. Nothing was newly disturbed, and the air was stale as no one had bothered to check inside the bedroom until almost 6 days had passed. Items were missing, floorboards and rug cast back revealing every Lady Whistledown ever written. Lady Featherington apparently screamed at Rae for saying nothing about Penelope being gone, only to find out that she didn't know either since Penelope had given her a generous amount of money and gave her a week off. Since Lady Featherington had already made it clear that Penelope wasn't as much of a priority as the other ladies when they came over for their daily visit.

In a fury, Lady Featherington stormed across the street to the Bridgerton residence, ignored every Rule of Society for calling hours and let herself into the informal drawing room where the Bridgerton's had been getting settled for tea.

According to the letter Colin read, she proceeded to scream and rant like a fishwife, throwing many accusations at every Bridgerton present, convinced Penelope was being hidden like a criminal in their midst. The words Lady Featherington used to talk about her youngest daughter was nothing less than horrifying and scandalous. According to the letter from Lady Bridgerton, Lady Featherington then turned on Penelope's character and morals, using descriptions that left little to the imagination of the youngest Bridgertons who had many questions. Especially Hyacinth.

From Anthony's letter Colin was able to determine that the entire Bridgerton family suddenly had a small glimmer into Penelope's home life, the part she kept hidden from them all as Lady Featherington spewed hatred upon the name of her daughter. Her opinion became crystal clear as Anthony described how he had to stand before her and use all his weight and authority as Viscount to get her be silent. He then coldly informed her that they were not sheltering Penelope, and even if they were he would not hand her over as she was a fully grown adult female, society or not. If she did show up and request sanctuary with them, he was fully prepared to grant it as clearly Lady Featherington had nefarious plans with her youngest once she returned home.

In a third letter from Hyacinth, she continued that before Anthony could begin a diatribe, Kate stood up entered into the fray and with her special brand of withering commentary, proceeded to verbally slay Lady Featherington until she let herself back out, head drooping and downtrodden. Defeated because she was unable to sway or threaten the Bridgerton clan she crossed the square and returned to her cold home.

A fourth and surprising letter came to Colin, from Lady Featherington herself. He was able to read between the lines of her imperiously worded letter to see that she was a mother who was terrified for her missing child. Colin's task from Lady Featherington was to find out if she had been abducted and was being held for ransom in one of the "Godless dirt-infested countries that he has been known to traipse through."

By this time Colin had worked himself into a complete panic as he went through the rest of the letters reading various accounts of Penelope's disappearance. And one from Benedict that included what he was hearing at White's from the men that Colin had foolishly ruined Penelope's prospects.

Benedict had apparently been in more than a few bar fights over her besmirched honour, and the men referring to her as a strumpet and worse. Lord Fife was one of the worst and frequently saying that he wished he could have ruined her before she ruined herself and it wasn't fair that Colin was the only man to have a taste. Many of the men were figuring that Penelope had left to bear Colin's illegitimate child and that was why he had said he'd never court her. What many would court a woman that they could have a tryst with instead? After all, wasn't that all the youngest Featherington would be good for anyway? Not wife material, but her breasts were enough to have most men in White's lusting after her.

Lord Cho had made the error of saying she was a whore in training in the presence of the Duke of Hastings who proceeded to pummel Lord Cho until Mr. Mondrich and Anthony pulled him off. Lord Cho got a warning on proper speaking about a gently bred lady, and the Duke of Hastings was offered a free drink.

Mayfair was in an uproar. No one had any leads on where to find the missing spinster, no letter was left. Not a single clue left behind as Penelope had pulled off an almost unheard-of gambit.

Colin was mulling over ways to get Penelope to tell him what exactly had been happening, starting with her home life. He knew it wasn't the best, and he knew that Lady Featherington and her daughters could be cold and heartless, but it seemed like something else was under the surface, something that had pushed Penelope over the edge completely. Ladies did not just give up and abandon everything they have for unimportant reasons, and he was determined to find out what.

Seeing the Captain, Colin held up an arm and headed over to him. "Kalimera Kapetánios."

The Captain grunted and nodded at him as he lit his cigarette. "Bridgerton."

"First I wanted to say thank you for accommodating my rather unusual request yesterday."

The Captain took a deep puff of his smoke. "Not the most unusual that I've heard in my time. Been doing this longer than you've been alive sonny, and when it comes to women most men act a right moron. Like yourself."

Colin wasn't sure if he was offended or not. Dismissing the Captain's semi insulting words, he continued. "I'm hoping you'll help me keep her on board when we get to Italy. I wouldn't put it past her to try and sneak off the ship."

The Captain leveled a look at him. "Bridgerton, I am willing to assist you to a point with this plan you have, and only because you were a very great assistance during the last voyage during the storm that would have sunk us and the aftercare for my crew. However, I am not your personal ship. I will do what I can to keep the chit on board, but I have business to take care of and that does not include babysitting a flighty female!"

Colin held his hands up, placating. "I meant no offence Captain. I am just trying to look out for her."

The Captain snorted loudly. "Seems to me the young missus doesn't need looking out for. You sure you're not pressing your suit where it's not wanted?"

"She's told me it's not wanted." Colin replied honestly. "I'm choosing to disregard that."

The Captain shook his head, amused. "This is not going to end well. For you." He said pointedly.

Colin smiled ruefully. "A man can hope."

"A boy can hope." The Captain said sharply. "A man does something." He turned to stride away. "A bit of advice from an old salt dog who's been married longer than your mother is old – that girl is hurting and is protecting herself. I will watch over her as a favour to HER, not you. And in much the same way I told my son-in-laws when they first came to ask my blessings, if you make her cry – I will make you cry."

"Why do you care so much about her?" Colin asked, suspicious.

"That girl plainly has no man in her life in any capacity for her to lean on."

"You are correct." Colin agreed. "She's always had my family though."

"But they are your family, not hers. I will stand for a young woman who needs someone for her." The Captain said sternly. "So, remember that to get to her, you have to go through me. I'm not so old yet that I can't shield a young woman from impropriety."

"And that is why you have such excellent feedback from everyone who does business with you." Colin murmured.

"Indeed. And I will not risk my reputation for anyone."

"I understand Captain. I will leave you to your day." Colin excused himself and headed below deck to return his mug to the galley. He had much to think about regarding Miss Penelope Featherington and his task suddenly seemed much more complicated than the lark he thought it would be when he first got letters asking him to be on the lookout, even though he, and everyone else thought it would be remarkably easy to find Penelope and return her to the fold.

Her resourcefulness and intelligence were something Colin would never take for granted again.

Chapter 6: ...You really meant goodbye

Notes:

This chapter touches on some mental issues, PTSD and bullying. The bullying are some examples of what my son faces in school. The PTSD flashbacks are my own. Feedback appreciated.

Chapter Text

"You shattered my dreams with that one statement! Along with loudly declaring to many eligible and unmarried gentlemen that you found me so wanting as a woman that I wasn't even good enough to court by YOUR standards, it ensured every other man who wanted to stay on your good side was going to go along with it and agree with you! Who wants Colin Bridgerton's rejected seconds? Of course you would have had to have thought of me first as a woman to even consider rejecting me!" Penelope exploded. "And then you sabotage any potential engagement I MIGHT get with Lord Debling to have SOME kind of life on my own, some opportunity to reach out and hold onto happiness with both hands, and you interfere in that!" Penelope was furious.

"I am not a Bridgerton! I never will be! I am not one of your sisters, or a distantly removed cousin! I am the pudgy neighbour girl across the street with the worst case of puppy love for you that you continually laughed off! I stood on the sidelines and watched you flirt and pay attention to every other female in picnics, balls and gatherings, and not once, ever, in our history Colin, did you ever look my way with anything in your eyes other than easy familiarity. I thought I could live with that. I thought it would be enough."

Penelope paused and took a sip of her tea. "It wasn't, obviously. I was willing to take whatever you were willing to spare me, but it wasn't ever going to be enough. And then you made your declarations and opinions public. It doesn't matter that you were in your cups. It doesn't matter that perhaps you were using bravado whilst speaking in front of a group of drunken rakes. It matters that you thought it, and then you said it. No matter what, at some point in your mind you thought that about me and vocalized it." Her voice broke. "You were the one person I thought I would always have on my side. The one person who would stand up for me when I had no one else. I was wrong. You're no better than the rest of them. Once I lost you, I had nothing else to lose. So I left." Penelope shrugged.

Colin stood there silently, digesting her story and berating himself for the idiot things he had done over the years, carelessly. He never realized just how much he was hurting the one person he had learned to love above all others with his priggish, boorish behaviour. Until that moment, all of Eloise's and Daphne's comments about male privilege never made sense. Until he saw that Penelope had been the worst recipient of all.

Penelope cleared her throat. "Anything else?" she arched an eyebrow at him as she sipped her tea.

"I don't have enough words to apologize to you about what I did and said in the past." Colin began, ignoring her waved hand brushing it off. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

Penelope laughed. "I spent so much time making calf eyes around you and praying for you to notice me that I never had a decent thought until long after you were gone. I would then spend my time replaying our conversation and try to sound better the next time so you'd think I sounded smart and not like a foolish airhead."

"I noticed the calf eyes," Colin admitted. "But I never would have guessed at your feelings towards me. I thought you were particularly shy and modest."

"In my household? Trust me when I say that I stood out in the worst way." Penelope smiled sadly. "Being who I was wasn't a boon."

"Who you were? Or who you are?" Colin asked astutely.

"Who I was Colin." Penelope replied. "I'm someone completely different now, you don't know her. No one does. And I intend to keep it that way."

"Why have you shut out so much?"

"Protection." Penelope said simply. "I made these choices and changes, no one will ever speak for me or on behalf again." To quote a phrase I remember learning in my French classes "Je me casse." (I'm out of here).

"Penelope…" Colin paused. "I know I was an idiot, but what if I had wanted to tell you how much time I spent thinking about you? Lusting about you? Wanting to make you mine?"

Penelope shook her head. "The time for such sentiments has passed Colin. I wished for so many years to hear you say things like that to me, and you never did. Now you say them, but the time is done. I don't feel like that towards you anymore and I don't think you were ever romantically interested in me, it was just because I stopped being there for you that you even noticed I was upset."

Colin bit his tongue. The truth of her words hit him hard. "You feel nothing for me anymore?" he asked instead.

Penelope shook her head. "No, nothing. I've banished every memory and fantasy of us that I ever had and will not reopen that door."

"Pen…"

"Thanks for the tea Colin." Penelope said abruptly. "I'm going to return the teacup to the galley and then go read. I'll see you around later."

"Pen…" Colin said to her receding back.

"Told ye she was protecting herself."

Colin jumped as he saw the Captain standing unobtrusively behind a mast a few paces away. "Ye certainly have dipped yourself into the soup haven't ye boy?"

"I had no idea about half of what she just told me!" Colin protested in his defence.

"Were ye headless for a number of years? Or just completely oblivious to that lass?"

"Well clearly I was oblivious!" Colin retorted. "I knew she had a crush on me, but I never thought it was anything more than that! And I had no idea how she perceived myself, my sister or her own family! She never spoke of it."

"But ye have eyes." The Captain said gently. "Two eyes, two ears, one mouth. You should observe twice and hear twice as much as you speak. You've been raised privileged and entitled. That is not your fault. How you treat others is, and it seems that that poor lass left for all the right reasons. For her."

"Her reasons aren't the right ones!" Colin said angrily.

"Because they brought her away from you? From what I heard it sounds like you were a boy who didn't realize what he had until it yelled at him in the middle of the Mediterranean."

"Are you done?" Colin asked, blinking back what felt like tears.

"Now you know." The Captain said grimly. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

"I want to marry her." Colin muttered angrily. "I was going to go back and try to court her and ask her to marry me."

"I do believe she'd rather wed an ass than yourself right now." The Captain said idly. "At least an ass is honest about what it is."

"I'm honest about what I am!"

"And what is that?" the Captain goaded.

"I'm an idiot!" Colin burst. "A blind moron who didn't realize that my words and actions harmed the one person I think I have loved since I learned what romantic love was!"

"So you ARE capable of accepting responsibility." The Captain nodded. "You have integrity young Bridgerton."

"Do I?" Colin asked miserably.

"Now you figure out what to do about it. You're a man, not a boy. Act like it." The Captain said sternly.

"Yes Captain." Colin nodded.

"Don't let her down again. Or I'll drop you off the side of me ship with a cinder block tied to your waist."

"You sound like her father." Colin chuckled.

"A father yes. Not hers, but it doesn't matter. I will always be a father to those who need one. Even yourself young Bridgerton."

"Excuse me?"

"You're a lost man. I've seen it many times. Father died, older brother unable to fill the void?"

Colin's jaw was hanging open. "How did you know that?"

"You're not the only one. So I will help you both whilst you are still on my ship."

Colin held a hand out to shake the Captain's. "You're a good man Captain."

"I have a reputation to uphold. Keep it to yourself." The Captain replied as he walked off, lighting up a cigarette at the same time.

Penelope sat in the galley after returning her teacup, lost in thought. While she was physically on the ship, her mind was a million miles away in Mayfair. A parade of past and present memories stampeded through her brain making her unable to focus or think clearly. Completely disassociated with herself, Penelope tried to make herself very small until the memory trap passed. This was not unusual to her, when the past was forced, when she had no choice but to confront it, it always caused nightmares and flashbacks. It was something Penelope had been battling for a number of years, and she thought she had finally escaped the flashbacks.

She just learned that she was wrong.

She knew there would be nightmares tonight.

Chapter 7: There were nights that I died for you

Notes:

This chapter mentions self harm and PTSD nightmares. All experiences are my own.

Chapter Text

Penelope returned to her room and sat at the desk, her back facing the door as she put her head in her hands, for the moment feeling nothing but bitter defeat and despair.

Damn Colin to hell! NOW that she had steeled her heart, NOW that she had left and was living life on her terms did he show up and speak words she had only heard from him in her dreams. Where were these words, this sentiment when she needed it? Where was all of this when she was at her darkest moments, and had been pushed to the brink? Where was all of this care, and affection when her life narrowed itself to a single silver tip from the knife she had held in her hand?

Penelope was not stupid, despite what her sisters and her mother thought. She had held her life in her hands on one very dark night when she truly didn't think she wanted to see the next day and had nothing else to live for. She spent that night tortured in her mind as she battled her internal demons, and in the morning as she panted in her bed, spent from the internal battle she had fought did she make her irrevocable decision to leave Mayfair.

Having been pushed into the shadows on the sidelines her entire life, and then as a wallflower in the ton, Penelope had had enough. There had to be somewhere for her where she could be seen, and thought of as a real person with feelings and thoughts.

To find the man she had yearned for with every part of her heart since the day she met him was hard enough. To have him confess feelings for her was beyond agony for her to hear, especially when she had gotten herself to a point where she didn't need to hear them anymore.

But a hopeless romantic heart is a difficult thing to move on from, especially when it was hers. Hopes. Dreams. Love. Fulfillment. All things she had yearned for, all things she accepted she would never have.

Colin hadn't yet returned to their shared quarters, so Penelope let the tears flow as she sobbed quietly and lowered her head into her arms on the desk. A montage of memories raced through her mind, all of them negative as she reminded herself why she could never go back.

Colin slowly opened the door to their shared chambers, thinking he had heard sounds of distress. He was shocked to find Penelope, his wonderful, strong, admired Penelope sobbing at the desk. His brain shut down and he reacted, seeing her so miserable. Not thinking about anything other than how to get her to stop crying did he stride briskly across the room, lift her arms and head up from the desk and hold her to his chest.

Penelope stiffened immediately, and he gently brushed her hair from her face. "Don't try to be strong right now. Let it out before it can fester. Whatever it is, I will hold you and nothing more."

Penelope shook her head in denial. She did not want Colin to make an offer like that. "I am fine." She replied wetly. "I can handle it on my own."

"I'm sure you can." Colin agreed. "however as a man who has four younger sisters and a mother, I can assure you that I am well-versed enough to know that when a woman says she is fine, she is the absolute opposite of it." He pulled her back against him. "You don't have to be strong at this moment. The door is locked and there is no one here to know that you've broken down and wept."

"You won't tell anyone?" Penelope asked, suspicious.

"My honour as a gentleman." Colin reassured her. "Cry and let it out. Vent. Yelled. Hit my chest if you need to. Don't carry it with you any further."

"You know nothing of what I carry with me!" Penelope cried, frustrated as she did in fact punch him on one of his pectorals. "No one does! No one ever will!"

"I am here Pen."

"And I don't want you to be!" Penelope vented, tears running rivers down her face. "I don't want you of all people to be here. I can handle everything. I promised myself I would never show weakness in front of the Bridgerton's ever again. I'm tired of all your pity."

"When it comes to grief Pen, we know more than most." Colin pointed out. "And at no point has anyone in my family ever judged anyone for needing to cry. Tears can be healing."

"Or poisonous."

"That depends on the intent of the tears Pen." Colin gently caressed her cheek. "I am offering to be a place of safety for you. To be a sounding board. Perhaps you do not desire me as I do you, but we have many years of friendship behind us. Talk to me now, as you once did, before the desperate urge to strip you naked and have my wicked way with you became my predominant thought."

Penelope was stunned silent, even her tears lightening up at his word. "You desire me?"

"I have for years." Colin admitted. "I won't lie or hide my thoughts and feelings any further when it comes to you. I've wasted enough time. I don't want to be your friend anymore Pen. I want to be your lover. I want to be your husband. I want to be with you always."

Penelope sniffled, very unladylike. "Colin…I don't know how to process this. You hurt me. You RUINED me."

"In retrospect," Colin mused. "I believe it was unintentionally intentional on my part. You have always been mine; I was just too stupid to see it. To know it. I let the opinions of others sway me when I should have always been listening to my own instincts and voice."

"I am not ready to hear this right now." Penelope said in an unsteady voice. "It's too much."

"I am going nowhere Pen. I will follow you to the depths of hell itself before I let you go again." Colin said softly. "Take all the time you need to sort out whatever you need to. Talk to me. Write a journal. Scream at the sky – it helps sometimes trust me – but know that I am here and I will not leave you alone. I've left you enough."

Penelope was silent. "This is MY journey Colin. Me trying to find myself. To find a place where I might belong in this cursed world. Not yours. You've already had your journeys."

"I would be honoured that all my future journeys have you in them."

"Colin, I am in no way ready for anything you are mentioning. I have nightmares, horrific ones in which I am pulled back into memories I cannot escape and I cannot forget."

"I have heard of such ailments before. It must be terrifying to fear your own mind." Colin said quietly.

"It is a horror I wouldn't even wish on Cressida Cowper." Penelope admitted.

"Then it must be horrifying indeed." Colin attempted a light chuckle. "Whatever you decide Pen, I'll respect it. Just don't shut me out."

Penelope sighed deeply. "Thank you for comforting me Colin, I appreciate it a lot. I didn't realize how much I missed basic human touch."

Colin blinked. "You're not used to hugs?"

"I'm not used to any physical affection. If you want to slap me or hit me where my dress will cover up, I can do that a lot better."

Colin felt his rage start to rise. "Who did that? Where are they?"

Penelope smiled wryly. "It doesn't matter. It's the past. But it still hurts."

"No one should lay a hand upon a lady!"

"What if it's another lady Colin? Where are the Rules then?"

Colin was dumbstruck. Out of everything he expected to hear from Penelope, this was not part of it.

"I will be fine Colin. Thank you for reminding me what a true friend you are."

The word Friend hung between them and Colin had never hated a word more. At that moment he felt bitter regret of all the times he had pushed the word 'friend' between them, to distance himself from her eyes and feelings that were just under the surface. Now, he felt the pain he was certain Penelope felt every time he said the word 'friend,' knowing that he would never be interested in her or want her.

Except now he did.

Colin needed time to think of how to deal with Penelope going forward. "Can you at least promise me you'll stop trying to scarper until I get you back to England?"

Penelope shrugged. "The Captain was nice enough to offer me berth to England, I have been debating accepting it. I'm still getting off the dock when we arrive in Italy, but I will return to the ship and let it bring me towards Ireland."

"You still desire Ireland?"

"Colin, I was not exaggerating when I told you there was nothing left for me in Mayfair. I let every bridge I had burn."

Colin decided to drop the subject for the time being, but he would be addressing it when she was calmer. After all, she had just confirmed that he would have at least 3 weeks to a month of uninterrupted time with Penelope and he would slowly work through her barriers and defences.

Penelope stepped back from Colin's unexpected embrace, feeling slightly less tense and a bit lighter. She hadn't realized the relief that would come from unburdening herself to Colin, the former bane of her existence. It was miscommunication, years of miscommunication and fear. She was confused at the fact that he had outright claimed her as his woman. His future wife.

Did she still want that? "Thank you again for the comfort Colin."

"I will always be here for you Pen. I will always comfort you."

"I don't know what I want or where I'm going, ok? I have ideas in mind for my future – just my future." Penelope looked into Colin's eyes. "I need you to respect that and back off this overbearing, arrogant Bridgerton male attitude that you have. I know you can't help yourself, being raised by Anthony who I am convinced if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass in a week there'd be a diamond."

Colin snorted at the visual, before blinking. "More profanity Pen! I'm getting increasingly proud of your vocabulary."

"Oh Colin," Penelope smiled wickedly. "You haven't heard anything yet."

Colin felt parts of himself perk up with interest. "I would like to hear more."

"Follow my rules and we'll see. But seriously, stop acting like we're still in Mayfair and the ton. I have no desire to relive that life right now, when I am finally free and on an adventure for me."

"You know what makes an adventure more intriguing?" Colin asked.

Penelope shrugged. "What?"

Colin pulled her down into his lap and whispered hotly in her ear. "Having an illicit romance with a man who will make love to you until you pass out."

Penelope pulled herself away from him and his growing hardness. "I'm not there right now Colin."

"What about another shadow show?" he asked eagerly.

Penelope blushed. "I don't know what came over me or why I did that. I apologize for embarrassing you."

"Embarrassing me?" Colin asked incredulously. "Pen, I have been into brothels and bordellos. Your show was the most erotic, arousing thing I have ever seen or heard. I hope next time to see you bare fully, not just through an opaque barrier."

"Well that backfired on me didn't it?" Penelope chuckled. "I thought you'd be so embarrassed that you wouldn't be able to look me in the eye or speak clearly without a stutter."

"You're not the woman you were Pen. I am not the man I was." Colin said simply, his eyes darkening. "I very much want to get to know the woman that you are now."

Penelope bit her lip, which made Colin supress a growl. "I will consider things Colin. You've given me plenty to think about."

"Agreed. But I am going to show you what it means to be my woman. I won't take you to bed until you beg me, but that doesn't mean I can't use casual touches so you know you are desired."

"I don't know what to say to that."

"Say yes." Colin encouraged.

"We'll see." Was all Penelope would agree to.

Colin would have to be content with that answer. For now. He took a deep breath, feeling relieved for the first time since he had found Penelope on the streets of Athens. They had taken the first baby step to rebuilding their past, and Colin couldn't wait for their future.

Chapter 8: If the pain that I'm feeling so strong

Chapter Text

Penelope wandered back topside, seeing a very distant dark smudge. She smiled, hoping that it was sight of land and Italy. She let her mind wander back to the very confusing and unexpected interaction that she had just had with Colin, and sternly told herself to not let her mind go down the path that he had offered her. All of her buried and forgotten dreams had just been offered up to her on a platter of delectable man. A man she could not forget had been the main star of her dreams since she was a child and source of her fantasies since she was five and ten years old. He now spoke words she had dreamed of when she had cried herself to exhaustion and lay in her bed yearning, hoping, wishing for something more.

Colin was a Bridgerton, he had always known a supportive and loving family. He knew nothing about families that behind closed doors were spiteful, spewing hatred, insults and abuse. What did any Bridgerton know about being starved, being physically abused and assaulted, being derided and torn down every day of their life?

Penelope was a realist. The last few years had truly ripped off her rose-tinted lenses of how she viewed the world. She had always held out some kind of hope for a soft landing, for someone to care about just her. After being abandoned by Eloise and forsaken by Colin, hunted by the Queen and told she was a waste of skin and breath by her mother, Penelope no longer believed in a soft landing. She no longer believed in anything but the harsh reality of life and scoffed at the debutantes and gentry who believed otherwise.

Then Colin shows up in her life with all the force of a trebuchet launched projectile, offering and promising the soft words she had always yearned for as she had watched earnestly from her window settee. There had always been laughter and fun and love inside and outside the Bridgerton home, it had been like water for the parched for love Penelope, and she could always close her eyes, hear the faint sounds of laughter and conversation and imagine herself as one of them. For a time, it seemed like she was. Until she wasn't.

Then she saw what she believed was the shunning by the entire Bridgerton family. Once Eloise cut ties with her, the same night Colin ruined her socially, she noticed that invitations to join the family decreased significantly. She noticed that while not being given the cut direct, she was frequently avoided or passed by. They would never be so rude as to completely ignore her, but to her mind they found other ways to let her know that she was no longer acceptable and no longer fit into their perfect Bridgerton Bubble.

It *hurt* so much once that occurred. Penelope had to withdraw into herself to try to survive, she had so much pain in her heart. Without the Bridgertons, without a friend in the world did melancholy begin to creep into her heart and overtake her mind. Every day was bleak. Every day was the same. Every day was empty.

She spotted a crewmember walking past and reached out to tap him on the shoulder. "Sir?" she asked politely.

The man jumped, crossed himself and backed away rapidly. "Do not hex me, ye with the witches hair."

Penelope kept a straight face, wanting very much to laugh at the startled reaction. "No hexing needed messir." She said. "I simply wanted to know how much longer until we dock in Italy?"

The crewmate looked to the sky and took a breath. "We've had fair winds and following seas, and are making good time. We anticipate coming into port if not tonight then first thing in the morning. Cap'n is figuring we'll be here for several days while he fully restocks and then we'll be heading for the big open water to head back to Europe."

Penelope nodded. "I appreciate the information."

The crewmate looked her up and down. "A bit of advice m'lady?"

"Of course." Penelope smiled.

"Be careful in Italy. It truly isn't safe for a woman to be on her own."

"What could possibly happen to me?" Penelope asked.

"What couldn't happen to you is the better question." A slightly irritated voice said behind her.

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Colin standing just out of sight, clearly having heard her conversation. "It is beautiful here to be certain. Romantic as all get out. The place virtue comes to die. It is also a very large human trafficking port for the unwary."

Penelope's eyes widened. "Human trafficking?" she saw the crewmate off to her side nodding vigorously.

"M'lady?" the crewman ventured tenatively. "I am from the area and I wouldn't let me sisters out alone without a minder. And they have husbands and babes of their own."

"And you are a gently bred lady, with red hair who is clearly a virgin." Colin continued. "You are a prime morsel for abduction."

"What do you mean clearly a virgin?" Penelope demanded, slightly insulted. "Is there some kind of sign?"

The crewmate choked back a snicker as he knuckled his forehead. "Sir, missus. I'll be taking my leave now."

Penelope and Colin were in what looked like a staring contest as she realised just how much she depended on her wallflower ability to keep her safe. "Colin, I told you I'm going onto dry land when we get into port."

"I have no objections in the slightest." Colin said agreeably. "And since you are lacking a ladies maid and chaperone, I will be your protection during this time."

"I don't need your protection." Penelope ground out. "We've already been over this!"

"When we were in Greece, I would agree. Italians are a bit more aggressive when they want something or someone. You wouldn't believe what the 'Contessas' will try to do when they think no one is looking. The men are more aggressive, and unless you want to be pushed against a wall and pounded into by a stranger who will then leave you in a heap of spent skirts, you'll take me up on my offer."

"I thought YOU wanted to push me up against a wall and pound into me?" Penelope arched an eyebrow.

Colin smirked. "You have no idea what I want to do your luscious body, but I won't take you without your consent, and I certainly won't do it in a place where you will be in danger. If you go ashore, I will be your escort and I will be a gentleman in almost every way."

"What is almost every way?" Penelope questioned.

"I'm a man, and you have the most delectable set of diddy's I have ever seen. I have been and will continue to enjoy the glimpse of them that I get to see while I fantasize about how it will feel to sink my face in between those beautiful dugs and suckle, caress and squeeze each one." Colin said with no shame. "I told you I won't hide my desire for you any further."

"It's indecent to talk to me thusly!" Penelope insisted.

"If we were in Mayfair, surrounded by the Rules of Propriety that you despise so much, you're correct. If we were courting it would be even more scandalous. But none of that applies here. You are on a ship pulling into Italy and believe me, you'll hear far more suggestive things than what I just described." Colin explained.

"Like what?" Penelope's curiosity was getting the better of her.

"I won't tell you that until you beg me to bed you." Colin purred in her ear. "And I won't bed you until you agree to be mine. In every way."

Penelope turned from him, her red hair covering her face in a curtain. "Colin…"

"Don't turn me away." Colin persisted. "I'll take things at your pace. On your timeline. I'll do anything Pen, but please don't turn me away and shut me out again. I have lived for almost a year without being in your light, without your smiles, your words. It felt like I was in an oubliette."

Penelope said nothing.

"Have your journey, have your adventure. I won't interfere – much and only when your safety is threatened – but let me start living my life with you."

"Colin, I'm not yours." Penelope reminded him.

"You will be." Colin said confidently. "And if it ends up that it never occurs, then at least let me bask in your light before you leave me for some imaginary man who will NEVER love or pleasure you the way that I can."

"Colin, I told you I'm not interested in being physical with you or anyone. I'm not ready."

"I understand Penelope." Colin said seriously, looking into her blue eyes. "I understand that very well, and I am willing to wait until you are. Or until you find someone that you want instead of me – it might kill me to watch – but I will stay by your side through it all."

Penelope chewed her lip as Colin stared enviously at the small piece of flesh. "I need some space and time to think. You seem to keep popping up everywhere I go."

"You have no idea." Colin muttered.

Penelope briefly let a wicked smile cross her features, before settling back to her placid face. "I'm sure I don't understand what that means."

"I've seen some of the books you have with you Penelope Anne Featherington. Trust me, I'm fairly certain you know EXACTLY what I mean."

"You snooped through my things?" Penelope gasped.

"I read the book spines of the books you left out on your desk." He replied. "I would not invade your privacy in such a way." He leaned closer. "And based on the content of several of them, should you have questions or want a practical example I am more than willing to contribute to your further education." He waggled his eyebrows as he made his statement.

Penelope burst out laughing. "Oh Colin…thank you, I needed that."

Colin looked confused. "What?"

Penelope shook her head. "I appreciate your concern for my education."

Colin tilted his head as he eyed her. "Why do I get the feeling you're laughing at me?"

"Because I am." Penelope replied cheekily, before wrapping her shawl around her shoulders. "I am going to our room to read one of those books now. I shall see you later."

Colin groaned as he watched her swish through a doorway and start to descend the ladder. The thought of her in their room reading one of those novels was going to torment his brain. He remembered seeing "The Passionate Fictions of Eliza Haywood" in her pile and decided to not torment himself further and stay away from his quarters for a few hours. If he knew she was reading erotica he wasn't sure he would be able to control himself if he could see her.

He had also noticed one that he wanted to borrow for himself. "Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue." He muttered. "Why on earth would she want to read that?" then he chuckled. "Why do I want to read it?"

Realizing that his promise to wait for her was going to result in an epic set of blue bollocks Colin still had no regrets. He had let her slip away from him one time too many, and he wouldn't allow it again. It was a slap in the face (literally) from Benedict that made him realize that his world began and ended with Penelope Featherington.

He had already felt the pain and agony of losing her once. He wouldn't lose her again. And he had decided to forgo ever using the word friend with her again.

Going to the common area to look for some paper and ink, he decided he would write two brief letters to be dispatched when they docked in Italy. One would be to Anthony who he knew as the head of the family felt responsible for Penelope. The other would be to his mother to let her know that Penelope had been found, unharmed and physically alright. What they did with that information was up to them, however he would not betray her trust and tell them where she was headed or even where they were now. They didn't need to know that mentally she was fighting monsters in her head.

Colin would be there for her if she crashed and burned.

Chapter 9: Then I'm wrong

Notes:

I've tried to be accurate with my research and words. If there are errors, I apologize in advance.

Chapter Text

Penelope eagerly stepped off the gangplank onto solid land for her first time in days and wobbled slightly. She laughed to herself, remembering her desperate flight from England when she was far too scared to even leave the ship until the Captain had banged on her room door and told her to get off, they were at the end of the line. She remembered the terror the entire way, more of being found than of being attacked.

She sighed as she glanced behind her and saw that several steps behind was Colin Bridgerton. Faithfully following her, protecting her and watching out for her as he had promised to do. She wanted to take his promises and shove them sideways up his perfectly muscled arse. The thing that Colin didn't know, that no one on the ship knew, was that she could make herself invisible. And she was good at it.

Yet it felt nice for once to know that there were people looking out for her safety and well-being. It was a feeling Penelope wasn't used to, save the occasional time that Anthony had acted in her best interests as an honourary Bridgerton which didn't last long once she was on the outs with two members of the family. To be fair, she knew she was the one who had put herself on the outs with Colin, who, in his blind ignorance to realize that not everyone can withstand the scrutiny or rumours that would race through the ton quite like a Bridgerton.

She often wondered how Eloise was doing in her new life. Was she still close with Cressida Cowper? Penelope had felt her heart die when she saw them walking arm-in-arm on a promenade. She knew that Eloise had done it intentionally, to show her true pettiness and how it made Penelope feel that their entire friendship, the last ten years had meant nothing unless Penelope did what Eloise wanted.

After long hours spent thinking and reviewing things in her head did Penelope realize that even with her best friend, when she tried to do things her way, or had an original thought or idea, or something Eloise wasn't interested in, much like her family did, Eloise would insult or deride the idea. Though Eloises' form of derision was different from her families. They were direct, pointed and gave no quarter in their opinions of Penelope. Eloise did it in a more backhanded way, a way learned by those who have never been on the receiving end of constant criticism their entire life. It rankled. It hurt.

Following the crowd Penelope found what she considered the High Street, with all the shopkeeps managing their stalls, hawking their wares to everyone who passed. It was overwhelming. It was confusing. It was intoxicating.

Penelope turned in a slow circle, taking the chaos in and feeling calmness in her soul. The smells. The sights. The sounds. It was a delight for her senses and she decided promptly to ensure that she visited every single table and shop on the High street. She had funds, she might as well use them.

A small voice in her brain reminded her to not show herself to be a woman of any kind of means. Penelope waited until Colin was distracted and staring at a brawl that had spilled out of a local tavern and then she took several steps back into the crowd to make herself invisible. She saw the moment Colin turned to check on her and didn't find her.

She saw his eyes widen as he began to frantically look around. She swears he looked right at her but didn't see her at all, as always.

Feeling triumphant, she headed towards the first store she saw on her right, conveniently a book store. She entered the dimly lit store and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of parchment and ink. Looking around, she took herself to the man who seemed to be in charge, and hoping she had the correct translation she had worked so hard to memorize once she found out she was coming to Italy, she cleared her throat. " Mi scusi signore, ha qualche libro in inglese?"

He put down the book he had been placing on a top shelf and looked at her. In heavily accented English he spoke "Over in the left corner." He grunted. "I appreciate your attempt to speak Italian."

"I apologize if I made any errors." Penelope said politely.

"You at least made an attempt." He nodded. "Unlike others who travel here and expect everyone to speak their language. I respect that."

Penelope smiled. "Do you have any copies of The Last Letters of Jacopo Ortis in English?"

"Indeed I do miss. In fact an updated second edition just came out this year which I have in stock. I have at least one English edition."

"I'll take that one and I'd like to look around for others." Penelope decided.

"Take all the time you need miss." The shopkeep smiled. "I'll get your book and wait for you by the counter."

Penelope squealed quietly in delight, feeling independent in a foreign country, able to discuss and purchase books. In that moment she felt a bolt of power go through her body as she realized she WAS able to make her way alone, without any damnable Bridgertons.

She spotted a copy of 'Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded' and quickly grabbed it as it was a scandalous novel, one that was forbidden for the gently bred ladies of the ton. She had been desperate to read it and was thrilled she had found a copy. Something to keep her occupied on the long trip back to England. She saw a section with Jane Austen novels and decided to get a copy of Emma and Mansfield Park. However, she had found that her taste for romance fading slightly as she also wanted to look for more books that had adventures to coincide with her new, adventurous lifestyle.

Gathering a few more books, she counted to make sure that she didn't weigh herself down too much. "Could these be delivered to the ship I am on?"

The shopkeeper nodded. "I have runners available for just such a purpose, though it does cost a bit extra."

Penelope smiled. "I have no issues with that. Please have these brought to Penelope Featherington on the Diana."

The shopkeep smiled, completed the transaction and took some of her extra money she had left on the counter to call for his runners.

Feeling quite accomplished, Penelope left the bookstore and squinted in the sunlight as she decided where to head next.

"Quite the amusing trick, trying to lose me." She heard off to her left.

Penelope turned her head to find Colin leaning against a wall, watching the crowd idly. "Colin, however did you find me?"

Colin smirked. "You are nothing if not predictable. Much like myself, once on shore you head to a bookshop." he paused. "And the fact that I saw you, looked right at you but let you wander off on your own anyway."

Penelope inwardly cursed herself for her foolishness. She should have thought of that! "I am continuing to shop. Do not feel the need to accompany me."

Colin stood up straight. "Did I not impress upon you the dangers here for a lady."

"I just proved I can handle myself perfectly fine!" she protested.

"In one store." Colin dragged a hand through his hair. "Penelope," he sighed. "I'm not trying to be overbearing or smothering, but your safety is a very real concern to me. I'll hang back if you wish, though I would very much enjoy having a discourse with you and showing you some of the things I have learnt and seen here. The choice is yours."

Penelope was taken aback. Colin actually asked her something and would take her decisions into consideration. This was a refreshing change from him just lumbering and taking over. "No comments on anything that I stop to look at."

Colin nodded. "Cross my heart." He held out his arm to her. "Please, direct me."

It was a pleasant morning and afternoon that they spent patronising shops and Colin pointing out certain places and experiences he had had. He had pointed out a bistro they stopped in for lunch and Penelope was in love with her first taste of gelato. They passed stories and conversation, and for a brief period it felt like it used to be. Before life had pushed Penelope over her limits.

"It's coming on dark." Colin said idly. "We should head back to the ship now. It's not really safe after full dark."

"Is it much worse than Mayfair after dark?" Penelope joked.

"Very much so." Colin agreed. "Even a man doesn't walk the streets alone after dark. There are cutpurses who are out, along with other sorts with illicit dealings after dark."

"There are so much more fun things to do in the dark than crime." Penelope commented offhandedly.

Colin missed a step. "Um…yes. Indeed."

"Is it safe for you to go to brothels after dark?"

"Higher risk of being mugged. Besides, the 'good' whores are usually the ones who work mornings and afternoons when they have the most energy and you can see them in the light of day."

"Is that something that you like?"

Colin nodded. "I appreciate the beauty of a woman, and I appreciate seeing her in full light so that she can feel beautiful. If a woman feels beautiful, she feels confident. If she feels confident, it is a better time in bed for all."

"Interesting." Penelope mused, filing this new information away for later when she could write it out and evaluate it properly. "What else occurs in the bed?"

"Penelope, it is not appropriate for me to speak of."

Penelope snorted, most unladylike. "Colin, if we were still in Mayfair we'd be marched to the church to be married for the way we speak and have conversed over these last years. We have broken many Rules of Propriety."

Colin stopped walking and held her hand. "Would it really have been so bad to be caught?"

Penelope felt a hitch in her chest as memories flooded back. "Once it would have been my greatest dream."

"And now?" Colin asked softly.

"Now I dare not allow myself to dream of you. Of us. Of anything along those lines. I am a spinster. I am on the shelf and that's ok. I have made peace with it. I have made peace with the fact that I will be a governess and watch someone else's children, raise someone else's children as I will not be blessed with my own. I am unmarriageable. I am broken Colin." Penelope explained.

"Pen, I would very much like to find out everything that has happened to you to give you this mindset. What has turned you so?"

Penelope took a deep breath. "I'm not ready to talk about it with you Colin. I'm not ready to let you back in. You hurt me. Not just your family, but you, specifically, hurt me. Whether out of ignorance or deliberate it hurt and wounded me. You must give me time to rebuild trust in you and see if I even want to tell you the dark truths surrounding me."

"I would be honoured to learn everything, in your time." Colin said quietly, rubbing the back of her hand.

"I wanted to let you know that I appreciated you not acting all possessive over me, saying I will be yours today. I am not your prize to claim, nor do I appreciate you acting thusly towards me."

"I wanted to let you know…"

Penelope cut Colin off. "You've made things very clear, and I appreciate it. I wish you had had such elucidation when we were back in Mayfair. Maybe things would be most different now." She paused. "But I will not be forced Colin, and the harder you try the further away I will go to escape you. I will not be forced or coerced into anything against my will again. I escape for a reason."

"You must understand that it is difficult for me to act the way you want when you refuse to tell me the reasons that you are holding me at arms length." He sighed. "I will be patient. I will wait for you to unfold yourself to me and I will try not to push."

"Thank you Colin." Penelope took his arm again. "Let us head back to the ship, I would like to examine my books in closer detail."

"And I would be delighted to look through them with you. And perhaps borrow the Dictionary of Vulgar Language." Colin grinned.

Penelope let out a genuine laugh, it sounded musical to his ears hearing her laugh like that. "I would be happy to loan it to you."

"And evening spent in each other's company, with books? I couldn't ask for me."

Feeling calm and confident, Penelope gave him a radiant smile that took his breath away. "Then lead on Mr. Bridgerton. Let us pass this evening in friendly companionship."

"Agreed."

They headed back towards the ship, talking about their day, having touched on the slightest of Penelope's baggage while Colin once again cursed the word. Friendly.

For Penelope, he would endure. For Penelope, he would be patient. For Penelope, he wouldn't push further than she was capable of handling. He hadn't realized how fragile she was until she began speaking about Mayfair. The pain in her voice did more for him than her explanations.

For Colin, Penelope was debating letting him into her trauma. She needed to ponder it more but she had decided he'd been trying hard enough that she could pull back the curtain a bit more so he could see more of what drove her from Mayfair and everyone she had ever held dear.

Chapter 10: The reason I'm holding on

Notes:

This chapter deals with abuse, depression and self harm. Experiences are my own.

Chapter Text

Penelope opened her eyes the next morning with a smile on her face. Never could she have imagined having such a pleasant evening with Colin Bridgerton of all people. They had returned to the ship and her purchases had been delivered to her quarters. She had gone to bed and woke up very excited this morning, wanting to explore carefully each new treasure she had purchased.

It was liberating to purchase what she pleased and not be criticized for it.

Eagerly she unwrapped the parcel of her books, looking for one in particular that she had been told was possible to absolutely ruin a genteel woman. Then she chuckled ruefully. Once she was away from England, she went out of her way to find some of the most provocative and forbidden books that she could. She couldn't bear being treated like a wilting, delicate wallflower.

Wallflower she may be, she agreed, but delicate she was not and she refused to be coddled from what in her opinion should be common knowledge amongst ladies. Why did they have to be kept so cloistered? From what Penelope had read, there was no need for all the secrecy and fear that was firmly established around carnal relations. In other countries, she had been shocked to find how commonly talked about intimate relations were, even amongst the nobility. How it was not forbidden or taboo.

It infuriated her, seeing what she considered the dumbing-down of females in the nobility, and it had been the future she had been raised for, to sit still and look pretty and play the pianoforte or do needlework and simper whilst reading nothing but gossip sheets.

It was part of why she was so disillusioned with being Lady Whistledown. The ton lived off of gossip, they thrived off of it. Her coffers were certainly proof enough of that, but out of the hateful words that Eloise had spewed at her the day their friendship broke under the weight of Penelope's secret she made a very valid point about Penelope's content.

No one wanted Lady Whistledown to change however, and her sales reflected that when she tried to take a broader approach, to add or change the content of her gossip sheet. The ton wanted gossip. They wanted FACTUAL gossip, which Penelope had always prided herself on providing as opposed to other columns, and that was why her gossip sheets had outlasted several other publications.

She sighed happily as she unwrapped Fanny Hill. Finally. A copy of her own to keep, not borrow.

"Fanny Hill Pen?" Colin's eyes skimmed the title of the book. "Aren't you just full of surprises."

"It's all part of my promise to myself to become better informed." Penelope replied. "If I could get my hands on your old schoolbooks I'd read those too."

"Ah, all about the women's equality like Eloise?" he smiled. "Not saying I disagree with the point. The most attractive part of a woman is her brain and I do enjoy a woman who can make intellectual conversation on a variety of topics. Nothing is more fun or intimate than having a conversation that just doesn't end with varying points of view."

Penelope bit her lip. That was almost verbatim how she felt as well. "How can a conversation be intimate Colin?"

Colin smiled wider. "I'm sure you've noticed when you were with your sisters – ok bad example – with Eloise or our family, when we got caught up in a particularly rousing conversation how propriety and titles would go flying out the window, how language flows more naturally without all the pomp of court rules, and at the end of the conversation everyone feels better, closer and usually have a smile on their face due to the newly discovered close bonds." He paused. "I love having vigorous conversations like that. I miss them."

"A downside to travelling alone I suppose." Penelope commented as she opened her small suitcase to attempt to cram her new books into it and realized she was likely going to have to purchase another piece of luggage for her growing library.

"It is, and one I have grown weary of myself." Colin said idly. "It was another part of the reason I was returning to London, in search of companionship."

Penelope froze. "Was this the Season you were going to take a wife?"

"It was the Season I was going to ask the object of my affections if she would be interested in my suit so I could properly court her."

"I'm so sorry to be keeping you from her." Penelope apologized. "You're on your way back to England now though, so you should see her in a few weeks."

Colin shook his head, amused. "You're adorable. You're brilliant. You can be so blind sometimes Penelope."

She scowled at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm with the woman I was going to ask to court. I'm with the woman I want to wed. Getting those frantic letters about you going missing and people begging – begging Pen – to try to help find you. How could I not?" he fixed her with a grim glare. "You have no idea the terror that raced through me when it was discovered you'd scarpered. No hints left behind at all – well done you – and no one had any idea if you were safe, abducted or dead."

Penelope had the grace to look abashed. "I didn't think anyone would care."

"You thought wrong." Colin said sharply. "My mother regards you as one of her own and she has done since you first knocked me off my horse and came over to apologize." He paused. "Lady Danbury – she wrote me. She NEVER writes anyone, ever. To get a frantically worded missive from that Lady of the ton – you could have knocked me over with shock Pen. She cares about you a great deal, I don't know how you didn't know that."

Penelope bit her lip and looked down at the floor. "Interesting how I had to vanish for people to suddenly give a damn about me. Is Mayfair missing their gossip?" she said mockingly.

"You mean Lady Whistledown?" Colin arched an eyebrow at her quickly indrawn breath. "hate to break it to you Pen but you vanishing and Lady Whistledown ceasing made things pretty clear to even the most dense of people."

"So my mother knows my hidden identity." Penelope mused.

"Your mother isn't dense." Colin defended. "She's not much else, but she's too shrewd to not have made that connection instantly. Your sisters however…I'm curious to see how they would have reacted to the news."

"My mother didn't give a crap about me Colin. She never has since the day I was born and failed to be the son they desperately wanted." Penelope retorted. "Don't start to assume you know ANYTHING about my home life."

"Then enlighten me Pen!" Colin had shot back. "Tell me what made you leave everything and everyone – even me."

"You know why I left you. And the Bridgerton family had cut me out a long time ago and was purposely cutting me out." Penelope explained.

"What are you talking about?" he said sharply.

"After what you said, after my falling out with Eloise about being Lady Whistledown – that's what broke our friendship after all – suddenly the Bridgerton family ignored the wallflower. No invitations came forth for tea, or to meet for a promenade, or even to go to Aubrey Hall for a vicious game of pall-mall. No, none of that happened and when I did encounter your family when I was out, there was eye contact, perhaps a small smile or nod or acknowledgement and then I was summarily dismissed."

"Not my family." Colin denied.

"Your family." Penelope confirmed. "The only family that I truly knew because mine was so deplorable. The only people who treated me like I was worth something. Ignoring me and shunning me, just like everyone else." she blinked tears from her eyes. "I still don't know why your family suddenly turned against me and shut me out. What did I do Colin?" she almost wailed.

"And you had overheard me speaking drunkenly to the others…" Colin trailed off, realizing how close to the surface this pain was. No wonder she didn't want to tell him about it.

"What did I have left Colin?" Penelope asked, her brown eyes wide. "I had no friends. I was abused at home. I was abused at balls by bullies. I had no soft landing. I am no Bridgerton, able to withstand such things. I have been on my own my whole life. Since I had no one but myself, I used your letters as a baseline to gather information to make my escape."

"My letters?"

"You yourself told me how to get out of Mayfair by various means. Your letters gave me the best ways to travel, what to avoid and what to look for."

"My letters?" Colin seemed stuck on that point. "I'M the reason you were able to vanish?"

"Indeed." Penelope said smugly. "And to ensure I didn't make any mistakes, I brought every letter you've ever written with me."

"You kept them all?" he asked softly.

"Every single one. Even the ones I didn't read because I was furious with you."

"It really saddens me to know you didn't ready any of my letters from that time because of my foolish words."

Penelope shrugged. "Colin, you have to understand that I have traveled some very dark paths over the last year. I tried to scream out publicly, I challenged the Queen! I tried to get some kind of attention to feel like I was actually being heard. Instead, I was silenced ever more except through my column."

"A column I'm given to understand that is missed." Colin pointed out. "Even with the shock from the ton that it was you who wrote it – and I don't mean that with any offence."

"None taken." Penelope shrugged. "I had a feeling that was going to be the overwhelming reaction and once the shock wore down it would be people hell bent on revenge towards me, as I was not the kindest."

"You only ever targeted those who needed to be brought down a peg – and I hate to admit it but there were times that my family needed that too."

Penelope slowly brought her eyes to Colin's. "Eloise didn't think so. I tried to save her from ruination."

"Eloise has far too much pride." Colin retorted.

"That could be true for every Bridgerton!" Penelope shot back. "You're wonderful, loving people but you are all so egotistical that I could scream sometimes! And you won't hear anyone's opinion unless it is yours and unless it happens to be exactly what you are thinking anyway!"

"Don't you mistake me for Anthony!" Colin said sharply.

"I'm not," Penelope challenged. "Or do you not remember just 24 hours ago how you kept insisting I was yours and refusing to listen to any part of what I had to say about my reasons?"

"You didn't tell me any goddamned reasons Pen! You waxed poetic about your past, and terrible things that happened but you won't tell me anything!" Colin said, frustrated and almost yanking at his hair in agitation.

"Well forgive me for wanting to trust you again before I tell you some of my darkest secrets that not even Eloise knows!"

"Name one!" Colin spat.

"My family has starved me regularly ever since I was 5 in an attempt to make me slim and fit the ideal attractive woman." Penelope revealed. "I have gone up to a week and a half with no food, and having only water to drink or whatever I could scrounge from the servants who were instructed to not sneak any food to me on pain of termination."

Colin had nothing to say to that. "It got worse once I started getting my courses and developing. My mother went even stricter as my father got more distant. When I was small it was easy for him to pretend I was a boy. Once I got fitted for my first corset he wanted nothing to do with me, as I was his failure." She paused. "My mother would put in corsets that were far too tight, I have scars on my back from where I was cinched into them and refused food. I had to sleep in my corsets for years."

Colin blinked at her. "And then," she continued on a roll. "If that wasn't enough, if I wasn't proper enough, or my mannerisms exactly what my mother wanted, she would take a very large etiquette book and either her or my governess would take turns beating me with me, where my clothes covered so no one would ever see. I once was beaten to unconsciousness because of hunger, beatings and unable to take a deep breath and I was left for almost a day on the floor of the nursery. No one checked on me. No one carried me to my room. I was left there Colin! I came to alone, hurt and confused with not a soul to give me any kindness."

"Penelope…" Colin said softly, her words starting to sink in.

"I learned to pick myself up Colin, because no one in this world cared enough to do it for me." Penelope said grimly. "I was in a house of horrors, derided, insulted and tormented by every member of the household. So my mind grew dark and I began to harm myself in various ways. I fell into melancholy and not even you or Eloise noticed."

"What ways did you hurt yourself?" he said quietly, fearing her answer.

"A knife to my flesh was my go-to." Penelope said plainly. "Easy to hide cuts and blood under my clothing. Not like anyone would give a damn if they noticed I was bleeding. Or they'd just think it was my monthly blood." she paused. "No one ever looked close enough to see where my cuts were, no one noticed a missing knife that I kept by my bed and no one would have cared if they did know." she snorted. "Prudence would have told me to cut a little deeper and be done with it."

"Where did you hurt yourself?"

"Maybe I'll show you one day." Penelope said. "So, now that I've drawn the curtain back a little do you MAYBE understand why my trust is so hard to claim?"

"I had no idea." Colin repeated.

"Of course you didn't. No one did. I'm a VERY good actress Colin." Penelope said pointedly. "And knowing all that, you still want to claim me as yours? I am far too broken to ever be wed, it just took me this long to realize it."

"You are not broken!" Colin said abruptly. "Bent maybe, but not broken. And perhaps you need someone to help put you back together."

"I put myself back together Colin." Penelope replied. "I don't need anyone to do it for me."

"But wouldn't it be a bit easier if there was someone who was there for you?"

"Like who? You?" she sneered.

"Yes." Colin said firmly. "You've trusted me this far with things that you have never revealed to anyone else. Trust me further and let me in. I can't promise I won't hurt you again – no one can make that promise – but I CAN promise to be there for you, even when I stupid things up which I inevitably will, because hey – it's me." He gave a half smile.

"If you want to be there for me, if you know me as well as you claim, then what do you think that I need right now?" Penelope challenged.

Colin paused for a moment, running his hand over his stubble. "After a conversation like this?" he took a breath. "You need a good cup of tea spiked with some whiskey to fuzz your nerves, possibly a ploughman's or a good large plate of sweets to take the edge off, and then a spirited evening of talking about your new books and perspectives on if I might have read the same literature – here's a hint, I have." He winked.

Penelope's jaw hung open slightly. "That's…almost exactly what I was thinking, except instead of spirited conversation I was going to curl up quietly with a new book or I was going to write."

"I would love to hear about what you are writing right now." Colin added. "And you curling up with a book is a given, but since we have each other's company, let's save the quiet reading for when we're sick of each other after weeks at sea when we're forced to be confined to our cabin because the weather is so horrid it's too dangerous to go topside."

"I'm sorry…what now?"

"Pen, we're travelling during the time of year that storms are prevalent on the waters." Colin looked at her seriously. "This is a part of travelling I know very well. It can be exhausting being alone during this time of sailing, once the excitement wears off. It is part of why I am so glad that we are at least on a conversational basis."

"What else would we do if we didn't talk?" Penelope shrugged. Because she was turned away she did not see the quick blaze show up in Colin's eyes as he bit his tongue with the suggestion that he wanted to give. He had gained so much ground this evening, he was loathe to take any steps back so he swallowed his words until he could swallow her.

"How about we read for an hour or two and then pause to stretch our legs and converse?"

Penelope smiled gratefully. "I'd appreciate that a lot Colin."

"You get yourself comfortable." He said, loosening his cravat. "I'll go get us some tea and food and be back shortly."

He let himself out of the room quietly as Penelope smiled to herself and let herself bask for just a moment as someone took care of her. For just a moment, she let herself soften and dream.

As he walked towards the galley, Colin smiled broadly, greeting people as he passed. He felt that he had made incredible progress this evening, and all he had to do was remember to ignore everything Anthony ever told him about how to act as a Bridgerton, because it was not what Penelope needed and Colin wanted to be what she needed. Bridgerton name be damned.

Colin also decided to send a letter to Lady Danbury when they next were in a port to get some advice on how to handle Penelope's trauma. He had a feeling that the old Countess knew far more than she was letting on about Penelope and that was part of why she sent such an urgent missive. He wanted to prove to her that her trust in him was not misplaced, but he also wanted to respect Penelope's decision, seeing now that she did not come to it lightly.

Her complications only made her more attractive to him. He wanted to be her comfort, her soft landing. Her baggage didn't scare him away like she thought it would, and perhaps that was both of them needing to grow.

He was back in her life. He wasn't going to lose her again.

Chapter 11: I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong

Notes:

The chapter includes a very real description of a PTSD flashback and the aftereffects. Experience is my own as a veteran with PTSD.

Chapter Text

Colin awoke rapidly, looking around at what the cause of the strange noise, he heard was. Being on board a ship, anything that sounded out of the ordinary was always quite suspect. After first glancing towards the door to ensure it was still locked and not open, he let his gaze drift around the room until it fell upon a writhing, groaning Penelope. He let his mind start to think lascivious thoughts until he noticed that she was covered in a sheen of sweat, and her face was contorted like it was in pain as she writhed and cried out softly.

She was having a nightmare.

He saw her begin to cry in her sleep as she bit her pillow and let out a muffled scream of agony.

Colin had seen enough. Disregarding that he was in his smallclothes he crossed the room to her and took her in his arms, whispering words of comfort and shushing her. She swatted at his hands angrily as she writhed some more trying to escape. "Hush Pen. It's alright." he whispered huskily into her ear. Penelope's eyes snapped open as she bit off a scream and stared up at Colin who was caressing her cheek gently. "Pen, it's alright. You're safe."

"C…Colin?" she asked in a wavering voice. "Am I awake?" she was shaking violently in his arms, her shift soaked with sweat, tears in her eyes.

"I've got you. You're safe." He repeated gently as she shook off the remnants of the nightmare.

"Safe…" Penelope trailed off and then went limp in his arm. "Never safe. Never protected." she cleared her throat as she shook off the last bit of sleep. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"I'm not." Colin said firmly. "For how long have you had nightmares like these?"

Penelope sighed while not noticing that she was snuggling up closer to Colin. "For several years now. It's part of why I don't like talking about my past homelife or even thinking about Mayfair. The night terrors always come and I back in the worst memories reliving them. Unable to get free until the memory is complete and I have been tortured once more."

Colin held her closer, slowly edging onto her bed so he could cuddle her pain away. Penelope did not argue, she inched towards the wall giving him a small spot as she took comfort from his presence. "No one has ever comforted or held me after one of these incidents." She explained. "My mother instructed the maids to never come into my room until the noises stopped or it was dawn and rising time."

"No one ever came to check on you?"

"I was deemed unimportant." Penelope shrugged. "Colin, you wanted to know some of my secrets, I'm telling you them. This is what I carry with me every day."

Colin caressed her head, giving her a small massage. Penelope closed her eyes and moaned softly. "I am here. You are not alone Pen."

"I don't know how to let people in." Penelope confessed. "I've never had to and it's never mattered."

"I told you, I will take things at your pace. Just don't shut me out. You matter so much to me Penelope. What started out as friendship has grown stronger. You are fully aware of how I feel towards you and that will not change, even if you are prone to night terrors."

Penelope looked at him, wide eyes and terrified. "Are you sure?" she whispered brokenly.

Colin gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Very sure Pen."

Penelope bit her lip. "I'm not encouraging anything, but would you mind holding me for a little longer?"

"It would be my honour." Colin said sincerely, shifting his weight so she could lay on him more comfortably. "I will be a gentleman."

"If you're not a gentleman I will use a move that your own brothers taught me that you will certainly not appreciate." Penelope murmured.

"What do you mean?" Colin asked, smiling.

"After a fencing match, oh…two years ago I believe," Penelope mused. "After everything that went down with Daphne and Nigel and that magnificent facer that she gave him, Anthony and Benedict realized that having no male figure in my life made me vulnerable. Daphne has always talked of how having four brothers has taught her how to defend herself. I only knew theory."

Colin nodded. "I recall, it was a worrisome time for us brothers."

"So Anthony and Benedict took me into the yard behind Bridgerton house and proceeded to show me several ways to incapacitate a male should I need to extricate myself from any unpleasant situations. Not enough to seriously harm him – so they said – but enough to disorient him so that I may flee to safety."

"Good on them." Colin smiled. "I wish I had've known, I would have joined. I am very passionate about ladies knowing how to impress upon others that no means no."

"Funny you don't follow your own advice." Penelope mused, then shook her head. "Anyway, I took their lessons to heart and practiced on my own. Simon found me one day when I was especially vexed over Lord Fife and Lord Cho's comments, and I was throwing punches in the air. He came over and calmly corrected my form, showed me how to properly make a fist and how to put weight behind it."

"Simon did? Really?"

"It shouldn't be so surprising." Penelope replied. "For as much of a reprehensible rake that he was he would never force his attentions on a woman who didn't want it."

"True." Colin agreed. "It is one of the first rules of being a gentleman."

"Again, you really should try to recall these lessons yourself." Penelope mused. "Simon showed me several ways to defend myself as well as what Anthony and Benedict had taught, so I haven't really feared anyone coming after me or trying to compromise me. Of course, who would want to compromise the ton's most repulsive wallflower?" Penelope laughed, self-deprecatingly.

Colin bit his tongue. This was the time for truths, this was the time of night when nothing existed other than lovers or close friends, when the only words spoken into the dark are the most vulnerable words of the heart. "I'm glad that you have this knowledge and a bit of training." Colin decided to say. "It makes me feel better knowing that you, whilst already being a force to be reckoned with, are even more of one and you can surprise any attacker."

"I'm tired of being weak Colin." Penelope sighed as she shifted in his arms. "I'm tired of being scared. I just want to live. To be happy." She shrugged. "It shouldn't be such a radical idea, it's no different than anyone else."

"Agreed." Colin replied.

Penelope was silent as she grew calm in his arms, letting the last vestiges of her nightmare dissipate. "Thank you, Colin, for being here for me."

"Of course Pen." Colin kissed her forehead gently. "You don't have to face these things alone anymore."

Penelope let out a deep sigh. "I really want to believe you Colin, but I've been too naïve in the past to let myself fall for pretty words and stories again."

"I understand that Pen, and I also understand how Mayfair is a toxic place for you." Colin paused. "But if you returned – under your terms of course – everything would be different."

"How?" Penelope asked, her voice full of derision. "What would be different Colin?"

"I would assist you in finding you a home for yourself so you wouldn't be under the thumb of your poisonous family first." Colin began. "I would ensure that if you wanted to be a governess, you'd be a governess. Or you could be a well-off lady of eccentricity who choses to live alone. Then I would have a one-way conversation with my family about what in the hell they were doing acting the way that they had done to make you feel that you were shunned and alone from the only people who ever accepted you without question."

Penelope was silent as he continued. "Then I would make it very clear to the ton that any scorn directed towards you as being the former Lady Whistledown is ridiculous. If people didn't want to be written about in a scandal sheet, they shouldn't have acted scandalous and then been shocked when they were called on it."

"Even your family?"

"Even the mighty Bridgerton clan." Colin affirmed. "Perhaps some of us rested on the laurels of our reputation a bit too much. You kept us humble. Mostly."

Penelope gave him a half smile. "You have reached an understand and compassion that Eloise was unable to give me as she called me an insipid wallflower, a nothing, a traitor and various other hateful words. I have heard Eloise turn her tongue on others, but this was the first time she sounded like my sisters." She sighed. "My mama told me I deserved whatever cuts your family gave me, I was too haughty and high on the instep from associate with the Bridgerton's." she hesitated. "Then she took a switch and beat me bloody under my clothes and refused to buy me a new corset. Told me the bloodstains on mine would be a reminder to watch myself and remember that I am nothing, no one and worthless."

Colin was silent. Fuming at the thought of the pain Penelope had gone through, caused by the one person who should love her without question. "If you return to Mayfair, you will also have the protection and wardship of Lady Danbury. She loves you as much as my mother. I have in fact, in the vein of being fully honest with you, penned a letter that I will be sending to her at our next berth to let her know you have been located and are safe." he smirked. "I would pay good money to watch Portia Featherington go up against Agatha Danbury. We could sell tickets."

"Colin…"

"I'm not going to tell her where I found you, where you are now or your plans, but when Lady D sends an urgent missive, only a fool doesn't reply."

"I guess I can accept that. Thank you, Colin, for reassuring her in that way."

"Would you like to include a note to her as well, so she doesn't suspect that I am lying?" Colin raised an eyebrow.

Penelope paused. "I will think about it. Lady Danbury never did me harm in my life, and I greatly admire and respect her. I should let her know of my plans for Ireland and being a governess."

"I believe it takes a wallflower to recognize a wallflower." Colin said softly.

"Hard to believe the ferocious Lady Danbury could have once been a wallflower like me." Penelope chuckled ruefully. "Except I guarantee that she was never fat."

"You're not fat Penelope." Colin protested. "You are a beautiful figure of a woman with curves for days. How other men don't look at you and have lascivious thoughts is beyond me, however I was one of those blind idiots so I guess I can't say much."

Penelope blushed. "You don't have to say that to placate me, Colin."

"I'm as serious as a heart attack Pen." Colin said seriously. "You are the ideal figure of beauty in my eyes, you are radiant, brilliant and I'm sure packing a good right hook."

Penelope giggled and Colin's heart lightened to hear it. It was the most carefree he'd heard Penelope in years. "I just curse that I have been so blind to you for all these years, and I pray it's not too late for me."

"Colin, I've trusted you with more than I have anyone ever. I'm afraid." Penelope said honestly.

"Afraid of what Pen?"

"I've been betrayed or hurt by every person I'm supposed to love and trust. I do not do it easily. I am afraid you will hurt me again and then leave me. I survived walking away from you once. I do not think I would be strong enough to survive again. That's why I want to go to Ireland. To outrun all the memories."

"I understand Pen." Colin said gently. "I want to earn your trust and show you that I will not be that idiot and hurt you like that again – never knowingly. I'm Colin Bridgerton and a bit of an idiot, so I might inadvertently hurt you – but you call me on it, and I will rectify it immediately." He hesitated. "I have to ask with respect, I know your intentions for Ireland and your dreams, but…will it REALLY help you to heal and get over your past? I speak as a professional avoider."

Penelope was silent, thinking of his words. "I have to believe it will."

"Has it helped these last months?" he asked softly.

"It has." She affirmed.

"Will it help forever?" he questioned.

"I want SO BADLY to believe that it will." Penelope said, anguish in her voice.

"Trust takes forever to earn and seconds to destroy as you are teaching me. If our past relationship has ever meant anything to you, could you try to give me a chance to regain it?"

"You're in your smallclothes holding me in bed after an attack of my night terrors Colin." Penelope said wryly. "If I didn't trust you then right now you'd be sounding like a soprano."

Colin chuckled. "Point taken Pen. Are you ok to go back to sleep?"

"I never go back to sleep after one of these. I'm going to light a lamp and read for a bit. Will the light disturb you?"

"I'm one of eight children in a household that is nothing but chaos and loudness. A little lamp with the quiet turning of pages will surely not bother me." Colin began to disentangle himself. "I will leave you to your reading. If you need me, just call out to me."

Penelope grabbed his arm. "Actually Colin…I'm comfortable with you right now. I'm afraid to be on my own in case I begin to disassociate again and have a waking nightmare – something I am also prone to now – would you object to staying with me?"

Colin blinked, stunned. "I'm sorry, I must have air in my ears. I could have sworn you just asked me to CONTINUE holding you in bed?"

"Don't make a big deal about it. Grab a book and come back. Don't make it weird and keep it in your pants." She grumbled, blushing.

Colin was not a stupid man. Moving quicker than he ever had, he crossed to his side of the room, picked a half read book at random and was back settling into Penelope's bed as she lit a lantern and picked up Fanny Hill.

He sure as hell wasn't going to turn down the only invitation to her bed that she'd ever offered.

Settling comfortably together, they both let out contented sighs and settled to read the wee hours of the night together, until daylight came to dissolver the remnants of Penelope's nightmares for good.

Chapter 12: I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy

Notes:

This chapter includes a direct quote from "This Ain't a Love Song" by Bon Jovi, and a quote from the Book of Ruth, along with several lines I peppered in from Season 3 Episode 5. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

Much to Penelope's surprise, they fell into an easy routine over the next few days. Colin had told her their next port was going to be in Cartagena Spain before they headed to Lisbon and gradually began making their way towards the English Channel. After thinking about it, she decided to pen a short missive to Lady Danbury and another one to Lady Bridgerton. No matter how hard she tried, she could not harden her heart against the only true mother she had ever known.

Lady Agatha Danbury, 13 Jun 1816

Greetings Lady Danbury, I hope this letter finds you well. As you have noted by this time I have left Mayfair, possibly forever. I had the opportunity to encounter Mr. Colin Bridgerton on my travels and he informed me that you had sent him a letter in concern over my disappearance.

I want to assure you Lady Danbury that I am fine. I have not been abducted, nor have I been mistreated in any way. My life in Mayfair had become completely unbearable in ways I will not describe by letter should it be read, however I decided to reach out so you can put your concern away and rest comfortably knowing that I am well.

It is uncertain at this time that I will ever return to Mayfair, my aim now is to head to Ireland and become a governess as I am an on the shelf spinster with no prospects and unable to live under my mother's roof any further.

This is not a plan I came to lightly; it took much planning and mapping and there is no one who was involved save myself. No one deserves ire or anger save anything directed towards me. Once again, this is a reason why I will likely not be returning to Mayfair.

Your kindness over the past few years has meant everything to me. I thank you for everything you did for the ton's resident wallflower.

I do hope that you can now be at peace.

Fondest Regards,

Penelope Featherington

Penelope sighed and sealed the letter to Lady Danbury. She then turned her sights to writing to Lady Bridgerton.

Lady Violet Bridgerton 13 Jun 1816

Greetings Lady Bridgerton,

I had the opportunity out here in the world to encounter your son Colin who mention that you were quite worried about my absence from Mayfair. I would like to reassure you that there is nothing nefarious about my disappearance, I simply decided it was time for me to no longer be in Mayfair due to circumstances beyond my control.

I am well and thriving. It is unlikely that I will be returning to Mayfair as my plans are to settle down as a governess. It is improbable that I will ever have my own children or husband, so I have decided on this course of action. It is neither impulsive nor poorly thought out.

I do miss you and your family. I do not understand why we lost touch prior to my departure however it matters little now.

Please take this letter as a sign that you do not need to worry about me any further. I've not been abducted nor am I being forced to write this letter.

Fond regards,

Penelope Featherington.

After sealing the second letter, she brought them from her desk over to Colin's and dropped them on the corner. "One to Lady Danbury and one to your mother." Was all she said before retreating back to her side of the room.

Colin was astute enough to realize that Penelope was likely quite emotional about having to write to anyone in Mayfair, but he commended her strength for being able to pen these two missives.

Colin turned back to his own letter that he was writing to his brother.

Anthony,

I hope that you read this letter and not add it to your ever growing pile of paperwork. You do not need to reply, you never do anyway. I wanted to let you know that I have located Penelope Featherington and she is currently travelling with me (all proper in case you were wondering).

I will try to see if she is willing to return to Mayfair to set her affairs in order, however right now it seems very unlikely that she will ever return of her own free will. We Bridgertons had no idea what was going on with her right across the street. She has faced horrors that we have only read about and for that I am angry at us for not recognizing the obvious signs of abuse towards a gentle bred lady, from her own family.

She has a very well thought out plan and I do not see many flaws in it, however before she can move onto her future she does need to settle her demons in the past. In that vein I am going to attempt to sway her to return to Mayfair so that she can settle everything and move on towards her dreams and goals without the pain of the past weighing her down.

I will travel with her.

Anthony, I have decided to take Penelope Featherington as my wife when she is willing to accept me. If she does not return to Mayfair, I will not either. My future is with her. I foolishly damaged her prospects on the Marriage Mart, and I am shamed to say I was part of the reason she fled Mayfair. I am now working on making things up to her as I had been travelling back to Mayfair to officially court her.

Crossing paths with her whilst both of us were far from England seems like providence and I am taking it as a sign. My world belongs to her now, and her happiness my sole reason for being.

I understand if you dislike this choice and choose to cut me off from my inheritance. It is a risk I am willing to take for the woman I love.

I will send another missive when we next make landfall.

Your brother,

Colin.

He sighed as he prepared to send a missive to Lady Danbury.

Lady Agatha Danbury,

Lady Danbury, I'm sure that this will arrive with Miss Featherington's letter as well. As you can tell I was successful in locating her and she is currently travelling in my company at this time. She is physically quite well and unharmed, however mentally it is another story.

Lady Danbury, I'm not sure if we ever realized the horrors that Penelope (I use her Christian name as you had in your letter to me) faced at home. As a result she is incredibly reluctant to ever return to Mayfair. If she does, she will not be staying at Featherington Manor.

She is in a very fragile state right now and I am working to rebuild and regain her trust.

The search for her can be called off, she is with me and I will never let her go again.

Regards,

Colin Bridgerton

Gathering and addressing all the envelopes he headed topside towards the bridge to add them to the outgoing mail bag that was going to be taken in a few hours once they made it to Cartagena.

Upon his return he looked across the room to see Penelope worrying her lower lip as she nibbled on it, her eyebrows drawn and her eyes hooded as she seemed to lose herself in her thoughts.

"Pen, what's going on in that lovely head of yours?" he asked gently.

"Lots of things." She replied softly. "I'm overthinking and rethinking everything of my grand plan. I'm spiralling inside my head."

"How can I help?" Colin asked, inquiringly.

"Would you…could you…come hold me?" Penelope asked, tentative. "I feel like I am falling apart and can't hold myself together."

"You only ever need to ask. I will hold you anytime, anywhere. It might not always be in the proper place, but all you have to do is ask." He said smiling as he walked over to where she was rocking herself, knees to chest on her bed. "Scootch."

She shuffled over as he sat next to her, lifted his legs to stretch out and then held out his arms. "Come here, get comfy. Let's talk if you want. Or we can read. What's your pleasure m'lady?"

She was shaking in his arms and slowly started to relax and calm herself. "Perhaps we can talk a little?"

"Of course." He said agreeably. "What shall be our topic of conversation today?"

Penelope sighed. "Us."

Colin choked and coughed a little. "Us?"

"I'm ready to talk about your intentions and the things you have said towards me." She said quietly. "I have thought about it at length since you burst back into my life and am ready to tell you I've come to a decision."

Colin felt a cold shiver go down his spine at her words and gulped. "I am ready to hear your decision."

"Colin, I want your word that you will accept whatever decision I make."

"I gave you my oath and I plan on keeping it." He affirmed.

"Good." Penelope took a deep breath. "I'm not good with expressing myself verbally, it's part of why writing and Lady Whistledown was such a big part of my life. It was all I had. I am unfamiliar with the ways of the popular debutantes, and of the ladies of the evening that I know you and your brothers have frequented. I am overweight – let me finish…" she said sternly seeing him open his mouth to protest. "And I am not a beauty. There is nothing appealing about me at all. I am prone to word vomit when I'm nervous and rambling. I have the spine of a weakling and lack confidence and the ability to stand up for myself. All in all, Colin, I am no prize."

Colin opened his mouth and closed it again at her glare as he held himself still, caressing her arm while she got her feelings out. "I was content to be a spinster. Prepared to live a life alone and loveless, knowing I would never feel physical love and holding all my hopes on gaining the love of a stranger's children that possibly haven't even been born yet." She sighed.

"And then you show up and you speak every single word I have ever dreamed of hearing since I TRULY began to realize what love was and fell in love with you. You are not the perfect man Colin, you have many flaws. But you are perfect for me and you accept your flaws and are learning from them."

"I'm trying to be a man worthy of you." He said softly.

"I know. And I appreciate that. You are bringing a perspective to all my thoughts that I hadn't considered during my flight from Mayfair." She continued. "Yet I have doubts about your intentions. I have doubts about you. I do not fully trust you." She said plainly.

"Penelope…"

"Still not done yet. I've heard many soliloquies of yours, now you will listen to mine." She said firmly.

He gulped and nodded at her to continue. "You've made me start to hope again. You've made me start thinking that perhaps happiness IS in my future. You've done something no one has ever done before – you've cared for me, expecting nothing in return. That means more to me than you could know. You've made me feel seen in ways I've never felt seen before and that is thrilling and terrifying." She paused.

"What I'm trying to very inarticulately say Colin," she took a deep breath. "I accept your suit. I can't keep pretending that I don't still love you. It would be easier to cut out my own heart than to keep you at a distance and only be your friend. You have offered me your heart. I offer you mine as well."

If a bolt of lightning had struck in the room, Colin wasn't sure he could've been more shocked as her words sank in and he felt his spirit begin to life as he realized that she was not rejecting him. "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life." She said solemnly. "I want you. I tried and I tried, there were nights that I cried for you Colin, I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy.*"

"Penelope. I'm going to kiss you now." Colin said in a husky voice. "I'm going to kiss you the way a woman deserves to be kissed by the man who adores her. Tell me when you want me to stop or I might not be able to." He let his hand trace along her arm and down her breast lightly. "There are so many parts of you I have been dreaming about." He murmured. "I can't believe that you have chosen me. I will spend every day showing you that I am worthy of your love."

Penelope nodded shyly. "I've never been kissed Colin." She looked down. "I know much in theory from my books but no one has ever touched me before."

Colin smiled wolfishly. "That thrills me beyond belief Pen. I am the only man who has ever and will ever touch you."

Having had enough of words, he brought his hand behind her head as he slowly brought his lips to hers, pulling her close to him and gently kissing her. Realizing he was going to have to fight his baser instincts to not take this too far. She was sweeter than wine and twice as intoxicating.

"I love you, Penelope." He said honestly before leaning forward to kiss her harder, his tongue tracing the seam of her lips until they opened. Pulling her closer into his lap, he made no attempt to hide his slowly growing hardness as he plundered her mouth, her moans and sighs blurring the lines he had drawn in his mind.

He wasn't sure how long they lay there on her bed, kissing and caressing each other as they both came to face this new aspect of their relationship but he knew that he would follow Penelope to the gates of Hell itself.

Penelope felt the pain that she'd been feeling so strong, as the reason she was holding on begin to loosen it's grip on her heart as she felt the maelstrom of emotion crash over her like a wave.

"Penelope, I don't want to go too far this first time." Colin said thickly.

"Colin…" she whined a little.

"I am not going to waste this glorious opportunity to introduce you to the pleasures of the flesh. We have a lifetime together and I am not going to take advantage of you while you are still emotionally distraught." He explained. "I am not rejecting you – Lord how could I, you are every single sin to me – but I wanted you to know why I'm stopping. I will not push you farther than you are ready to go."

"You really want me." She mused to herself. "You want to keep me. No one ever has before."

"I'm not going anywhere from you ever again Penelope." Colin said solemnly. "'Wither thou goest, I will go. Wither thou liest, I shall lie.'" He quoted.

Penelope smiled at him and it was like sunlight breaking through dark clouds. She was his.

Most importantly, he had to make sure he never forgot that she belonged to herself first.

Chapter 13: I thought you and me would have the best of times

Chapter Text

It took a total of 4 days to travel from Spain to Portugal, and Penelope had honestly never felt happier in her life. She felt fulfilled. She was able to live a dream of standing on the deck of a ship with Colin's arms around her as he pointed out the Rock of Gibraltar as they sailed past. With more joy than she thought it possible for a person to have, her face hurt from smiling instead of crying.

Colin had been incredible. Since she decided to accept his suit he had been more attentive than she had ever thought possible. He never pushed or forced her for more intimacy than she was ready for as she was truly trusting him again. At least the Colin-sized hole in heart was healing.

As they berthed in Portugal, Penelope was looking forward to seeing some sights in Lisbon before they did the long and direct route back to Southampton. The Captain was cautious about timings as he'd been tracking some very dark clouds rolling in on the horizon and the water getting increasingly choppy and difficult for the ship to make any good distance or time. He did not want to get caught in open water for what looked to be a very strong storm.

"I look forward to walking around Lisbon." Penelope told Colin.

Colin sucked in air through his teeth. "We might not be going on shore Pen."

"Whyever not?" she asked, wide eyed.

"There is a bad storm coming in. I've been listening and talking to the crew. If it begins to rain, we're to bunk down on the ship and not take shelter in an Inn. If the Captain needs to slip the dock he has to do it quickly. Even his crew is being denied shore leave for this one."

"So what will happen to our letters?"

"They're already gone." Colin smiled. "When we passed Gibraltar, don't you remember us coming close to the shore but not quite? Captain threw the bag of letters to the mail boat and continued on. I've given strict instructions that our letters are to be delivered to Mayfair with all due haste. I estimate that they should be arriving on English soil either today or tomorrow, and then brought to Mayfair."

"Did you tell anyone where we were going? Or my plans?" Penelope asked nervously.

"I did not. I promised you I wouldn't." he paused. "I did mention that we would be in Southampton however to get a different ship or mode of transportation though."

"I told Lady Danbury. I don't know why, I just felt the need to let her know my full plan." Penelope confessed.

Colin smiled. "Pen, if you did it on your own recognizance then I am very proud of you." He hugged her gently. "It's another step towards healing."

"I've been thinking about things you've said about Mayfair and my grand plan," Penelope let out a wry chuckle.

"What are you thinking?" Colin asked softly.

"Still forming coherent thoughts." Penelope replied. "I'll let you know when I have more than unformed consonants that sound similar to animal speak and can make a proper sentence."

Colin laughed at her description. "You have a way with words my love."

The Captain walked up to them, smiling. "This is looking promising." He nodded. "As long as there is no coercion here?" he arched an eyebrow.

"Captain, she has accepted my suit." Colin said proudly. "She will eventually be my wife."

"Lad that makes me happy to see you do good by her. I admit I was not pleased to berth a single woman with a single man. It was only that you had a previous knowledge of one another that I even considered it." Captain nodded. "I come here on other business however."

Colin nodded. "I've been expecting it."

"Those clouds are getting angrier and moving quicker. You can feel the wind starting to pick up and I am going around confining everyone but my crew to quarters."

"How long do we stay there Captain?" Penelope asked, a bit of fear in her eyes.

"Until ye get a knock at the door giving an all-clear. If you hear myself or the Master of Ships calling Abandon Ship, ye get yourselves topside to the life crafts soonest."

"Is that going to happen?" Penelope looked terrified.

"This is a big enough storm it could. That's why we are staying here in the dock instead of trying to take on this storm in open waters. I'd rather take damage in a port where I can get immediate repairs then on the ocean where we could potentially sink." Captain explained. "No worries missus. You're in good hands, as long as you follow our instructions."

"Will the galley still be serving food?" Colin asked, concerned.

"Aye, to me crew only though. I highly recommend if you need to stock up on things to eat to get you through the storm you do it now. I suggest water, and keep a chamber pot in the room as getting to the head could be difficult." Captain nodded. "Good question, most don't think of that."

"I've been travelling extensively for a number of years Captain." Colin explained.

"I know sonny. You've been on my ship often enough in the past few years." Captain smiled. "I'm off to talk to the remaining passengers. Get yourselves settled and safe."

"Aye aye." Colin nodded as they watched the Captain, walk off. Colin turned to Penelope. "I want you to go back to our quarters, I'll take care of everything."

"No." Penelope said firmly. "Tell me what to do. What can I do to help?"

Colin looked surprised. "I hate to ask you, but since I'm going to take care of food and water, would you mind ensuring we have enough paper for the chamber pot and getting a clean one into our quarters?"

Penelope smiled gently. "I'm not such a wilting flower that I am going to swoon at being asked to get a chamber pot and paper."

"Many ladies do."

"I'm not many ladies." Penelope argued.

"We'll argue about that when we're safely in our quarters. In the meantime, time is of the essence." Colin stopped the growing argument abruptly. "I'll feel better once we're both sequestered in our room."

Penelope was smart enough to realize that Colin was right. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and then headed to the opposite end of the ship and down below to get necessities. She had no desire to try to hang her bottom out of the porthole window to do her business. Thank goodness she wasn't currently on her courses or that would be an even bigger nightmare. She had been lucky to not have had them since she left Athens, but her courses had never been regular anyway, likely due to her poor health and nutrition. It was yet another reason Penelope was convinced she would never bear a child of her own.

As she put those thoughts out of her mind and focused on the task at hand, she felt a tiny bit of fear realizing this would be her first large storm since leaving Mayfair. She had been lucky so far, only having encountered minor weather issues but this would be the first one where they would be delayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mayfair~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very sweaty and exhausted horse and rider thundered towards the stable of Lady Danbury and stopped suddenly, the rider filthy but firmly clutching two letters. He handed them to her footman instructing that Lady Danbury get them with all due haste. The footman brought them to the Lady herself and was summarily dismissed. Seeing the handwriting on the letters, Lady Danbury lit a slim cigarette and opened the first one from Mr. Bridgerton. She nodded to herself as she read his brief missive, breathing a sigh of relief for the first time in months knowing that Miss Featherington had been taken in hand. She set the letter aside to remember to pen a response post haste.

She opened the seal on the one from Penelope and slowly read the words. As she read, her anger towards Penelope's flash cull family increased. Her heart sank as she read Penelope's plans, knowing there was so much more that young woman could do, and cursed herself for not intervening sooner. She would have gotten involved if not for her extreme distaste for Portia Featherington. She had focused too much on too many different people to see the suffering and swore out loud for being a fool.

Rising and heading over to her writing desk, she snuffed her cigarette and called for fresh paper and ink.

Miss Penelope Featherington, 18 Jun 1816

My dearest Penelope,

How glad I was to receive your letter and what a weight off my heart to know that you are of whole mind and body. I have been frantic with worry since the day you left, having noticed with the Bridgerton's that you had vanished off the face of the earth. I began making inquiries immediately, but no one had noticed anything as you had planned. Bravo. I even consulted the Bow Street Runners who came up empty.

I did talk to the Queen, as she realized who Lady Whistledown truly was. I wanted you to know how proud I am of you for doing that all these years. I had always known it was you and was more than happy to keep your secret and sometimes send tidbits from the Palace your way.

If you are wondering, the Queen bears no ill malice towards you. She merely wants her verbal sparring opponent to return, keeping in mind that she IS the Queen so perhaps dial back on the attitude towards her a bit? You have a full pardon – not that you needed one – and royalty that would like to invite you to tea and a game of chess.

There is much gossip that I would love to fill you in on, much news and things have changed and passed in the five months since you've been gone, but that is not for this letter. I do hope we can have tea together soon and catch up properly. Mayfair has been dreary, this year without a summer as it is being coined and decent conversation with someone who has more than two wits to rub together is scarce. Truly Penelope, if I hear anymore hate spewing from Miss Cowper's mouth I might have to do something incredibly inappropriate with my cane.

I can always claim eccentricity and old age. Others cannot.

Your plan is a well thought out one, but I ask you to please come and stay with me at Danbury Hall prior to heading to Ireland. I want to talk to you and bid you farewell if that is the case.

I miss my other set of eyes and ears. I hope that you are well and that I will see you in short order.

Yours in friendship,

Lady Agatha Danbury

Smiling to herself and sealing the letter, she set it to the side and addressed the next one to Mr. Bridgerton.

Mr. Colin Bridgerton, 18 Jun 1816

Mr. Bridgerton,

I can't tell you how relieved I was to get your letter stating that Penelope had been located and was now travelling with you. It is a great relief off my heart to know that the girl is safe and with someone honourable. (You had better be honourable Mr. Bridgerton, that girl has been through enough and you WILL answer to me should she mention anything that could dishonour or ruin her.)

I have been aware of some of the things going on in the Featherington household but being kept at the vestiges of Society have had benefits for them, in that they have been able to commit an atrocity against an innocent and get away with it. I believe I know of some of the horrors that you speak, and I let my extreme dislike for the family get in my way of trying to intervene sooner.

I will intervene now.

If you are able to get Penelope back to Mayfair – know that I have extended an invitation to stay at Danbury Hall so she doesn't have to see anyone she doesn't want to – then we will try to right the wrongs that have been committed against her ruthlessly.

Do not try to sway her mind at this time. I can tell she must be quite vulnerable and open to suggestion. Let us not trouble her any further until she is able to actually talk to someone (other than you) and lighten her heart.

I will expect word upon arrival in Southampton. Lord help you if I find out without having gotten a missive from you.

Keep her safe Mr. Bridgerton. Or answer to me.

Sincerely,

Lady Agatha Danbury

Feeling confident she got her point across in the letters, she called her footman to have them dispatched immediately to the Southampton harbour. The letters would be in their hands before they disembarked off the ship.

Pouring herself a glass of whisky, she sat in her drawing room and began to make plans, letting all her shrewdness come to the fore.

Across town, Lady Bridgerton and Lord Bridgerton opened their letters together, Lady Bridgerton reading Penelope's words first. She gasped and tears filled her eyes as she read the noncommittal, almost cold words on the page. She didn't understand why her family had begun giving Penelope the cut, why they had stopped inviting her to things, but she was going to find out. If this was because of whatever disagreement Eloise and Penelope had had, her second daughter was going to be in for a tongue lashing that she hadn't seen since she was ten.

Violet's heart hurt realizing that the whispers amongst the matrons of the ton about life in the Featherington household held more truth than gossip, and she had left a young lady that she loved so much she wished her son would marry her and make her an official daughter – in a house of misery. No wonder the light began to die in Penelope's eyes and face prior to her disappearance.

She looked over at Anthony who was reading Colin's letter, a half smirk on his face. "What news from Colin my dear?"

Anthony handed the letter over to let his mother read it. A smile broke out across her face. "This is the best news!"

"That Colin may never return to Mayfair?" the Viscount questioned. "Or that he thinks I am going to have him disinherited?"

"Not that, but that he has realized his love for Penelope, and he wishes to make her his bride!" Violet clapped her hands together, eyes dancing. "I've wished for this match since they first met, and I recognized the signs that they were meant for each other."

Anthony nodded. "I agree. But I have to wonder just what happened to break her back and drive her away for good."

Violet looked across the street at the Featherington house, crouching like a toad in it's neat block and her face went grim. "We will find out." She called for Mrs. Wilson. "I am going out dearest, I need to talk to Lady Danbury."

Anthony nodded. "I will pen a missive to Colin for his arrival in Southampton and try to see if we can meet face to face for a discussion."

Violet smiled. "We will find out what happened and hold those culpable accountable."

"Stay safe Mother." Anthony said, giving her a brief kiss on the forehead before heading to his study.

Getting behind his desk, he cleared a spot for a new letter to be written and began writing with haste.

Mr. Colin Bridgerton, 18 Jun 1816

Colin,

Your letter has given both Mother and me a great deal of relief. We have been very worried for some time, and I am grateful that you were able to locate Miss Featherington.

Whilst I understand your desire to look out for her and make her your wife, I want to ensure this is not a decision made in haste or with your wick. Until we discuss things further, I do not wish to make public your decision to wed her.

I expect a missive when you arrive in Southampton. I will expect to see you shortly after that.

Your inheritance has not been ceased at this time. You have been quite frugal and responsible with your funds so I see no need to punish you by cutting you off.

We will speak in person soon.

Your Brother,

Viscount Anthony Bridgerton.

Anthony quickly handed the sealed letter to his footman with instructions to have it delivered right into Colin's hands once his ship made port.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin had returned with a small feast for them and proceeded to put everything away securely and tidily. Penelope had set a far corner of the room for them to do their necessary things, and had hung a blanket to ensure privacy.

She was seated at her desk, paper out as she was writing and her mind a million miles away, and did not notice Colin coming over and leaning over her shoulder to kiss her ear. "What are you working on my love?"

Penelope blushed and fought the urge to cover her work. "I'm working on a piece of original fiction, as well as some columns I was thinking about seeing if I could publish in Ireland as a freelance columnist. I love writing and have missed it terribly. I feel it will also serve me well as a governess."

"May I read some?" Colin asked.

Penelope blushed. "I'm not comfortable sharing my work yet."

"I understand." Colin nodded. "I myself keep a travel journal, so I know what it means to not yet be ready to share something that could be considered very vulnerable to others."

"Thank you Colin." Penelope said softly. "Your understanding means everything to me."

Colin's smile lit the room. "Come, you've been sitting at your desk for hours. Take a break and take a turn about the room with me." He held out his arm.

"All five feet of it?" Penelope chuckled. "I would be delighted Mr. Bridgerton."

Standing she swayed with the boat, which had begun to rock as the winds grew increasingly stronger. She shivered slightly as she looked out the porthole and saw the black clouds overhead, fat and ready to dump rain on the unwary.

"Are you afraid Pen?" Colin questioned idly.

"I do not do well with severe storms." Penelope confessed. "In truth I am terrified of thunder and loud noises. It can completely incapacitate me."

"A normal fear." Colin gently put a strand of hair behind her ear. "Fortunately I love a good cracking storm, so I will keep you safe."

"I truly believe you will." Penelope agreed. "This room is too crowded and we are stuck inside. Did you want to read together?"

"If reading is what you wish to do, I would love to." Colin smiled.

"Do you have any ideas for anything else? Do you have a deck of cards?"

Colin's eyes lit up. "You play?"

"I'm not the best but I have been known to play some card games from time to time."

"Well just sit right down Miss Featherington and I'll grab my deck. It would be nice to do something other than play solitaire."

"Sounds solitary." Penelope cracked.

Colin rolled his eyes. "That was a terrible joke."

Penelope laughed. "Get the cards Colin, let's do something different tonight."

This time she did notice the blaze in Colin's eyes as she realized how her words could be interpreted. Instead of trying to clear things up, she let them hang between them, a possibility of more wove itself through the air. Perhaps, Penelope thought, it was time for more than just kisses on the lips. She felt almost wanton as she realized she was ready for just a little bit more.

She hoped Colin was.

Chapter 14: If the river I've cried ain't that long

Notes:

Welcome to the first smut chapter

Chapter Text

"You know you could have told me you're a card shark." Colin commented after he lost another round of Pique.

"I'm as amazed as you are." Penelope replied, giggling. "I was never very good at card games."

Colin arched an eyebrow at her as he gathered up the cards and stretched, his shirt riding up and showing his stomach slightly. Penelope felt a shiver go through her at the small sight of his skin.

She'd been trying very hard to not look at him since the night he crawled into her bed in nothing but his smallclothes.

The wind shifted outside, and a hard downpour of rain beat against their window as she stood up to look closer at the storm.

"Want to take a break from cards?" Colin asked from behind her. "We've been playing for hours, and I can't feel my bottom anymore."

"Sounds like a personal problem to me." Penelope quipped as she turned to look at him and shot him a wicked grin. She paused. "I was thinking of doing some writing actually. I find the storm inspiring, and my muse has woken up."

"Must be nice." Colin muttered. "My muse has been firmly asleep."

"What do you write Colin? I remember you telling me that you were working on a travel journal."

"It's nothing really Pen." Colin said embarrassed. "I have my travel journal and I had been debating possibly seeing if it was interesting enough to get published, and then I also have some personal writing that is just for me."

"If you ever feel like sharing, I'd be honoured to read what you've written. No judgement from me, just a second opinion." Penelope said seriously.

"What are you working on these days, now that you've retired Whistledown?"

Penelope smiled. "Like I said I was interested in finding out how to become a columnist at a local publication once I get settled in Ireland, or wherever I end up, and I'm also working on some original fiction for possible consideration."

"What's your genre?" Colin asked, genuinely interested. This was the first time the two of them talked as prospective authors with writing in common. It was exhilarating to find out about such an important shared interest.

Penelope blushed. "I have always enjoyed stories of love and romance, though after the past year I also found myself turning to stories of adventure."

"And the story you're currently working on?"

"It's actually a romance adventure idea that I got while sailing to France."

"Brilliant." Colin smiled, his eyes shining. "Perhaps sometime soon we can do a mutual exchange of reading material."

"That would mean so much to me." Penelope said. "You're the first person I've ever shared any of my work with, my personal work I mean. I was always too afraid to tell Eloise what I wanted to try and write, as I didn't want to be berated for being part of women's problem and continuing to perpetuate the female stereotype."

Colin chuckled. "That sounds like Eloise." He sighed. "It just astounds me how oblivious all of us were to you and your situation, especially your best friend who was always over at your house."

"Was she?" Penelope asked gently. "Or did she come to get me and we escaped to the garden in my backyard because it was preferable to staying in Featherington Hall? Or did we just end up back at Bridgerton House because it was larger, nicer and far more pleasant for us to occupy?"

"I really am ashamed of how none of this was ever noticed." Colin shook his head. "I can't apologize enough Pen about how you left to suffer alone for all these years."

Penelope shrugged. "It's over now Col." She gave a small smile. "I'm much better off than I was. If nothing else I have learned to live outside of my mothers roof and be independent. That thought is no longer so daunting to me."

"I'm glad you've learned to rely on yourself." Colin nodded. "It's confidence building."

"I have a long way to go, but I'm working on it." Penelope smiled.

"Then let us take some time to let our muses out and we'll come back together for a snack in an hour or so?" Colin suggested.

"That sounds perfect." Penelope blew him a kiss before sitting at the desk, swallowing a bit at the rocking of the ship. "Talk to you in an hour."

Colin stood on his side of the room, his jaw hanging open at the fact that she had just casually blown him a kiss. He felt his insides warm at the sweet gesture, and the fact that she was comfortable enough to make such a small gesture pleased him immensely.

They both took out their writing supplies and soon all that was heard was the howling of wind, the driving rain and the light scratching of quills on parchment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mayfair~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dowager Viscountess Lady Bridgerton!" a footman announced loudly to Lady Danbury.

"Excellent." Lady Danbury smiled. "Show her to the private drawing room with refreshments and let her know I'll be down momentarily."

Lady Danbury quickly checked her reflection in the mirror and shrugged. Her friendship with Violet has progressed to a casualness in her appearance. She did not feel the need for headdress or dressing up formally. She grabbed her cane and headed towards her private drawing area.

She opened the door to find Violet having a cup of tea poured as she looked out the window. "Violet! I'm so glad you came by."

Violet Bridgerton turned to smile at her friend. "Agatha! I'm so glad to see you. It's been a few days and I wanted to touch base." She paused. "I also got a letter from Miss Featherington that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Glad you got one as well." Agatha nodded.

"Oh you did?" Violet asked surprised.

"Indeed. A fairly lengthy one with some details about what occurred and what her future plans are."

"Mine was quite short and cold." Violet admitted. "I'm afraid I still don't fully know why. I know that in Anthony's letter from Colin mentioned that our family had been disinviting her and giving her cuts, and I'm afraid I didn't notice, I've been so preoccupied with Francesca and keeping an eye on Benedict and Eloise. To say nothing of Hyacinth and Gregory preparing to go to Eton." Violet sighed. "But it's no excuse. The child is practically one of my own and has been since they moved across the street while she was still in leading strings."

"I have formulated a friendship with Penelope," Agatha began. "From one wallflower to another over the years. She's very wise and perceptive that one."

"Agreed. However else could she have carried off being Lady Whistledown for three years?" Violet shook her head. "I never would have guessed her."

Agatha chuckled as she took a biscuit. "I always knew, she writes like she speaks, you just have to listen. Not an insult towards you Violet."

"Not taken that way." Violet replied quickly. "My attention is so occupied on my children that I tend to miss things like that outside of my own family."

"So, let us address the bright yellow elephant in the room." Agatha said, picking up her teacup. "Portia."

"I'd heard rumours from other matrons who live near the Featherington house and can hear what goes on on the estate, and I know that Mrs. Wilson has heard talking amongst the servants, but they're very tight lipped."

"Probably afraid that if what really goes on gets out that they'll be sacked. If no one is talking and then everyone is, it could have only come from one source and they know that. Dislike her I may, but Portia Featherington is a shrewd woman." Agatha agreed. "And far too late for us to notice until the damage is done towards poor Penelope."

"You know more than once I could have sworn I saw what could have been traces of blood on her dress? I shudder to think what her corset or stays must have looked like underneath." Violet shook her head. "I wanted to talk to her about it, but she's as timid as a mouse and was always running to hide. I didn't want to embarrass her by asking if it was blood, and then she was usually humiliated by Miss Cowper which then rendered everything moot."

"It certainly didn't help her reputation." Agatha nodded. "I do not blame her for running away. You know that your own son had a part in her deciding to leave correct?"

Violet nodded sadly. "I'm so disappointed and shamed by Colin's behaviour. He's been raised better than that."

"A man can say many foolish things when deep in his cups." Agatha pointed out. "It seems she has begun to forgive him, though I do hope she makes him work for it."

"He does need to be humbled a bit." Violet agreed. "I love my son to distraction, but he does tend to rest on the laurels of the family name and think that no one notices."

Agatha chuckled as she nodded. "I've seen it a few times with my own brood."

"How can we make things better for Penelope when she comes back? I know no matter what they'll be stopping somewhere because Anthony has ordered Colin to check in with him before he travels anywhere else." Violet revealed. "Colin also plans to wed Penelope, if she'll have him."

"Took him long enough to get his head on straight." Agatha snorted. "He has much to make up to her however. I've already warned him that he will have to face me if he causes her any more harm."

"He may never come back!" Violet laughed.

"Now, let us start making some plans for their however brief return and for how we are going to make Portia Featherington pay for this." Agatha said grimly. "Perhaps we should get something stronger than tea."

"For these kind of plans, I agree." Violet nodded.

"We need some ratafia in here!" Agatha called out to her butler as she moved closer to Violet and they brought their heads together in collaboration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few hours, Colin poked his head up to check on Penelope, the storm having gotten ever worse and the boat rocking with the waves so much that writing legibly had become impossible. "Pen, how are you doing?"

Penelope looked up, her face pale and ashen. "I can't write anymore; it's rocking too much for me to concentrate or properly hold the quill."

"I've encountered the same issue myself." He said casually. "Are you alright?"

"I'm scared." Penelope said quietly.

"Want me to hold you?" Colin asked gently.

"Very much." Penelope murmured. "Do you mind?"

"Penelope, I am always happy to hold you, anytime, anywhere. Could get embarrassing because I have no problem holding you in public either." He smiled. "Your bed or mine?"

Penelope shrugged. "Mine?"

"Am I sleeping there?"

Penelope nodded. "This storm isn't going to let up anytime soon, and you help me not have nightmares or be afraid."

"Then I'm going to prepare for bed now. Did you want a snack before climbing in?"

Penelope shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"I'm going to have a sandwich before I prepare for bed if that's alright?"

Penelope smiled. "Not even a storm is enough to stop the stomach of Colin Bridgerton."

"You know it." He chuckled.

While he went to help himself to the stack of sandwiches he had brought back, Penelope was discreetly trying to put on a sleep dress and brush out her hair.

"Your hair is so beautiful." Colin said from behind her, munching on a sandwich. "Like a fire waterfall."

Penelope stopped brushing. "Really? No one has ever complimented my hair except to say I was spawn of the devil."

Colin frowned. "Foolishness. Your hair is gorgeous, and it's always made it so much easier for me to spot you in a crowd."

"So I should dye it?" Penelope joked.

"Bite your tongue. You don't change the colour of a single hair on your head." Colin said sternly.

Penelope felt flush at the compliment. "I don't know what to say when I get complimented."

"You say thank you." Colin said helpfully.

"Thank you Colin." She said quietly.

"You're welcome Penelope."

She crawled into her bed under the blankets and moved over so there was space for Colin when he was ready. "You're really inviting me into your bed again? I just want to clarify."

Penelope snorted. "Come and get into bed with me Colin. I need you tonight."

Colin bit his tongue so hard he thought it might bleed. She could not possibly know how inviting or the double entendre that went through his mind. He'd fantasized about hearing those words from her, in a much more sultry tone but he was not going to quibble. She was again inviting him into her bed, and he would never say no to that. "You don't need to ask twice." He smiled as he moved to his side of the room to remove his clothes and then crossed over to crawl into her bed. He held out his arms as she snuggled into him and he kissed her forehead.

"Colin?" Penelope asked quietly.

"Mmmm?"

"Kiss me."

Colin smiled at her. "Always." He leaned forward and caught her lips in a gentle kiss.

She broke the kiss. "Colin?"

"Yes?"

"REALLY kiss me." She said firmly.

His eyebrows rose. "Are you sure?"

"I'm ready for a bit more." She confessed.

"Tell me when you want me to stop." He said, his eyes darkening as his touch became a bit rougher and he pulled her close to him.

"I promise." She whispered. Those were her last words before he kissed her firmly, opening her lips with his tongue as his hands wandered down her body, cupping and caressing her breasts as he plundered her mouth, giving her a taste of the desire he had been building for years.

Penelope gave a small moan as she clutched his shoulders and returned his kiss with ardor, following his lead as her tongue snaked its way into his mouth and they warred together, sending tingles down her body as she felt heat begin to pool between her legs.

Colin left her lips as he peppered kisses down her throat to her chest, kissing the tops of her exposed breasts. His hands squeezed and caressed her breasts as one of them began to slowly trace it's way past her hips and hover over her core. Breaking his kiss, he looked at her, his voice thick. "You are so beautiful Pen. I've dreamed of you for so long, having you under me is better than any dream I've ever had."

"I want more Colin." She said raspily. "I feel a burning I've never felt in my core, I feel wetness gathering and a yearning that I don't know what to do with."

Colin growled lightly. "Do you want me to touch you there?"

"So badly." Penelope begged. "Touch me Colin. Kiss me. Love me."

"I'm not going to make love to you." Colin warned.

"Why not?" she sounded sad.

"I want our first time to be in a proper bed, when you're not terrified out of your mind because of a storm outside." Colin replied. "And I want you to be in a room where you're not going to be heard as I make you scream in pleasure."

"And until then?" she asked, feeling a bit better.

"Until then," he said pulling her closer. "I get to explore this luscious, curvy body. I told you I will not go faster than you are ready for, even if you think you are."

"I trust you Colin."

"That's why I'm taking my time."

"Enough talk." Penelope said. "Kiss me. Touch me. Show me more."

"With great pleasure my love."

Colin deepened the kiss and relished her low groan as he put his hand between her legs, feeling her dampness through her night dress and slowly rubbing his hand back and forth.

Penelope arched under his touch and thrust her breasts forward. "Colin!" she gasped out at the sensation.

"Feel my love. Let me pleasure you." He murmured into her throat as he continued to nibble around her neck.

Penelope's eyes drifted shut as she got swept away by the sensations. Colin slowly lowered her night dress until her breasts were exposed. While not letting up his methodical pressure between her legs and relishing how the damp night dress was slowly becoming soaked with her arousal, the smell was intoxicating to him. His hardness was pressing into her thigh, and he made no attempt to hide his desire.

Penelope let out a small cry as he latched onto the nipple of one her breasts, kneading it gently. "Oh my god…" she trailed off as she threw her head back.

He pressed his cock against her. "Feel my desire for you Penelope. ONLY for you. I've never been this hard." He whispered hotly into her ear.

Penelope gasped as he ground his erection against her, and his hand continued to massage and caress her wet womanhood. He was eager to reach beneath her night dress and feel the treasure underneath but held himself back. It was not yet time.

As he alternated suckling and laving each breast with his tongue, his free hand traced lines up and down her body.

"Colin…I need…I feel…" Penelope could barely form words. "I don't know what I need."

Colin pressed down harder into her wetness, giving her the friction she needed as he brought her closer to completion. "Let go and just follow your body." He said softly. "I've got you."

Penelope felt almost boneless as he increased both pace and friction between her legs. His lips hotly took hers again and his hand teased and tantalized her breasts. Feeling herself start to tighten around him, she broke the kiss and looked at him with wide eyes.

Watching her carefully, he smiled. "Let go Pen."

Penelope saw stars as she felt her body contract and go through her first climax. She was almost sobbing as she rode it out on Colin's skilled hands. She bit her lip to keep herself from screaming as she slowly fell back to the bed, reality returning to her slowly. "Colin…" she breathed.

"I could die a happy man having heard the delightful sounds you've been making, and hearing you moan my name like that." Colin whispered into her ear.

She felt his hardness still against her thigh. "What about you?"

"I'll have a turn next time. This was all for you my love."

Penelope smiled beatifically, her eyes growing hooded. "I love you Colin."

"Not nearly as much as I love you." He brushed hair out of her eyes. "Go to sleep beautiful. You're safe with me."

Penelope yawned and snuggled up to Colin, her eyes closing. "Don't leave me." She murmured as she finally slept.

Colin ignored his hardness and focused on the beautiful woman beneath him. "Never." He promised.

Gently letting himself off her bed, he went to the corner where the chamber pot was to relieve his rather large problem and then he would rejoin the woman he loved in her bed that now smelled like her arousal.

Entwined together, they fell into a deep sleep, lulled into peace by the rocking of the ship as the storm raged on the outside.

Chapter 15: We were just legends in my mind

Chapter Text

"All-clear!" a loud voice bellowed. "All-clear!"

Colin and Penelope briefly broke apart from the languorous kissing that they were doing, as their hands drifted over clothing to touch each others bodies. "Do you think it would be in terrible poor form for me to yell bugger off to them?" Colin asked idly as he nuzzled between Penelope's breasts.

Penelope laughed lightly, her hands weaving patterns on Colin's broad back. "We don't want to be rude."

"To hell with rude," Colin grunted. "I'm currently living a dream, they are telling me it's over."

"Do we have to leave the cabin?" Penelope questioned.

"No," Colin replied grinning. "Just letting us know we can."

"You know what else we can do?" Penelope winked suggestively.

"I'm enthralled to find out." Colin smirked.

"You can go back to worshipping my breasts." Penelope chuckled as she thrust her half-covered breasts out to him.

"Yessss." Colin hissed as he brought one of her peaked nipples to his lips. "Much better use of my time."

Penelope let out a wanton moan as he sucked the puckered flesh into the warmth of his mouth. "Colin…"

"I could die a happy man hearing nothing but you moaning my name." Colin said huskily as his hands increased the pressure on her womanhood, still modestly covered but soaked with her fluids as he lightly rutted his hardness against her thigh.

"Oh my god…Colin…" Penelope arched her back and bared her throat as she felt his hardness. "I want to feel you on my core."

"I'm not making love to you." Colin reminded her.

Penelope whined. "I want to feel you on my core. I want more than the flat of your hand. I want more."

Colin chuckled. "I can help you out my beautiful goddess."

"How?" Penelope gasped as he nibbled on her throat, his hands squeezing both her breasts simultaneously.

Colin let out a dark chuckle and moved his hardness to where she wanted it. She gasped at the sensation. Despite her nightdress and his smallclothes, the friction she felt as he lights ground his hardness against her was delicious. "How's that my love?"

Penelope was unable to form words. All she did was let out a throaty moan as he began to simulate the act that he would one day carry to completion and ground against her creating friction. His smallclothes were showing signs of his leaking precum and Penelope's nightdress was saturated with her arousal.

Moving in an ancient rhythm, Colin thrust against her, her sounds making him harder than he could ever recall being, his own light moans joining hers in a duet only for lovers.

He could feel her hips begin to move jerkily against his as he captured her mouth and plundered it with his tongue, swallowing her moans that were starting to turn into shrieks.

Penelope shuddered against him, and he felt warmth spread from her nightdress as she climaxed, her wetness joining his on his smallclothes. He continued to thrust into her covered heat, yearning for the day there were no barriers between them and let out a shout as he climaxed.

Penelope watched as he went rigid and felt the pulsing of his cock and shivered at the sensation. "Is there more?" she asked breathlessly.

Colin cleared his throat, panting and looking dazed. "So much more my love." He fell on the bed next to her. "Give me five minutes. Maybe ten."

Penelope laughed softly. "I'm sorry you couldn't fully take me."

"I'm not." Colin said decisively. "This is a delightful build up to the day that there are no barriers between us, and I will be able to lick every inch of your skin, caress every curve and watch you take your pleasure over and over again."

"Should we get out of bed?"

Colin nodded. "We need to clean ourselves, change our clothing and your bedding and perhaps head to the galley for some hot food."

"Or we could explore more physical pleasures." Penelope said suggestively as she pulled him back to her for a searing kiss.

"You are a wicked wicked woman." He murmured against her lips. "A siren. The greatest temptation known to man. And you chose me."

"I have always chosen you." Penelope said softly.

"As wonderful as this is my sweet, we really do need to take care of some necessaries before we can continue."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

Colin eyed her seriously. "Do you know about the aftereffects of lovemaking? Or orgasm in general?"

"Not really." She shrugged. "Such information is not given to ladies until the eve of their wedding. I know what I've read in my novels, but washing up afterwards is never mentioned."

"It should be." He said grimly. "Staying clean after any sexual encounter is very important, especially for women. You don't want to get some kind of infection in your womanhood. It can happen, I've heard of it happening if not properly cleansed."

"I didn't know that."

"I highly doubt they're going to mention women's infections in a book of erotica." Colin smiled. "However, the act of getting clean has been known to make people quite…dirtier."

"How?" she asked softly.

"Let me show you." He grinned. He felt himself growing hard at the thought of cleaning Penelope. "Took less than ten minutes. Look what you do to me woman."

Penelope felt powerful, wanton and desired. It was amazing the power this man had to make her feel these sensations. To feel something other than hurt, despair and disgust at her body. "I love you, Colin."

"I love you more." Colin whispered as he gave her a deep kiss. "And if I don't get up now, I won't leave this bed until we get to Southampton."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, you minx," Colin laughed. "However, I do need to attend to some basic bodily functions."

Penelope flopped back into the pillows. "I know. It's just so amazing, feeling this with you."

Colin gave her a brief kiss on her lips. "Wait until we're in a proper sized bed Pen. I might not let you out of it for a least a week or longer. I don't know how long it'll take me to sate my hunger for you."

Penelope blushed. "Are you sure?"

Colin chuckled. "After last night and this morning I am beyond positive. You are the only woman I will ever crave."

Penelope gave him a kiss full of passion before gently shoving him onto his feet. "Go. Clean up. Find food."

"Or I could just feast upon delectable redhead." Colin wiggled his eyebrows.

Penelope giggled and her stomach growled. "Seems the decision has been made for us."

"Indeed." Colin smiled gently. "Let us get about the day."

Rising out of bed together, they embraced in a gentle hug before heading in opposite directions to take care of ablutions.

An hour later – it would have been sooner, but Penelope and Colin were unable to stop kissing each other – they were seated at the galley, drinking hot tea and enjoying some ten-o clock soup. "This is delicious soup." Penelope commented, having another spoonful.

"It really is." Colin agreed. "Of course I'm ravenous as well. I've expended a great deal of energy over the last twelve hours."

"Complaining?" Penelope winked.

"Never." Colin swore. "I'd rather have you over any amount of food any day."

"That IS a compliment coming from you." Penelope chuckled.

"Are you about done?" Colin asked. "I'd like to head topside. Feels like we've set off from port and are heading out to open water."

"I'm finished." Penelope nodded, handing him her bowl.

After putting their dishes in a basin for cleaning, he held out his hand and she took it firmly, looking at him with such affection in her eyes that the intensity shook him. It thrilled him.

"We need to discuss the order of events when we get back to Southampton." Colin said seriously. "If the weather stays clear we'll be there in a few days. I need to know what's going on in that lovely head of yours and where your headspace is."

Penelope sighed. "I know Col." She paused. "My head has been all over the place honestly."

"Let's get some fresh air and talk it out." Colin suggested as they headed topside. "Brainstorming can help."

"I know." Penelope squinted in the sunlight, listening to the cawing of seagulls as they flew around. "I had mentioned I was rethinking Ireland. I am, but I'm not. I still want to go to Ireland, desperately so, but…I'm not sure I want to live there anymore."

"Why?" Colin questioned, rubbing her lower back in encouragement.

"You've offered me a life I thought I would never have. One I had turned my back on and was prepared to live without." She explained. "You make the reality of a family of my own possible."

"Were you dreaming of being a governess?" he asked seriously.

Penelope shrugged. "Much like Kate, it was my only option really."

"And now?"

"I don't want to live in Mayfair." Penelope said firmly. "I will not."

"I understand." Colin agreed. "And I would never force you to live somewhere you were not completely comfortable."

"Even though you'll be living away from your family?"

"My family is already spreading out with marriages and children. Greg is due to head to Eton soon so that'll be another one gone for an extended period of time. As long as I can get together with my family occasionally, I will happily live apart from them with you." He paused. "It is part of the wedding vows, that a man leaves his family to cleave to his wife."

"I don't want you to resent me." She said sadly. "And I fear that you not being in Mayfair, near the heart of your family or balls will make you sad."

Colin eyed her incredulously. "You think I'll resent you if I'm unable to attend the Season's balls? Where I'll be hunted by predatory hungry mamas and their daughters? Or having my own mother push me in front of said piranha-like spawn?

Penelope snorted at his description. "It could happen."

"Pen," Colin said seriously. "I only ever went to those when Mother insisted, I needed to chaperon my sisters or to find you. And when I found you, we were always off to the side sharing a sneaky éclair and enjoying the barbs towards the others. I despise balls, though I would love to attend one with you as my fiancée or wife and show you off. Show all those idiots what they missed out and I was fortunate enough to find."

"I'm not a prize to be won Colin." Penelope reminded him. "And maybe I should have mentioned this sooner, but I will not vow to obey you. I am myself and do not want to be owned or possessed by anyone ever again."

"I only seek to possess you when we are in bed together." Colin kissed the tip of her nose. "You are a strong, incredible woman who I will proudly stand beside. We are equal partners in this relationship."

"You mean that?"

"Every word." Colin promised. "Besides, I'm tired of living in Mayfair anyway. Perhaps life in the country would better suit. Or we can head to Scotland. Ireland. Wherever you desire to settle down and live Penelope. You make that decision, not I."

"I will not make the decision alone." Penelope said seriously. "Now there are two of us to consider, but I appreciate you letting me make the final decision."

"I'm certain that there will be a missive from Anthony waiting for me when we get to Southampton." Colin sighed. "I will have no choice but to go to Mayfair."

"I will go with you." Penelope said softly. "As long as I don't have to see my family and am able to avoid most of yours. It hurts too much to be around them."

"I will request a guest room for you at the Palace if I have to." Colin sad seriously. "You will not see or speak to a single person that you don't want to. Just know that you will not be alone."

"You cannot stay with me!" Penelope protested. "We are not engaged, courting or wed."

"Yet." Colin grinned. "Once I get into Bridgerton house, I'm going through the family rings to pick out an engagement ring for you and I am going to ask you to be my wife."

"You still won't be able to stay with me."

"I will if I request a special license because I've had my way with you." Colin chuckled. "Don't worry Pen. If I have to be in a separate room, I'm fine with that, just don't lock yourself away from me."

"Don't treat me like a whore Colin." Penelope warned.

"Bite your tongue!" He retorted. "I would never think of you of as a whore! I'm sorry if my teasing offended you."

"I'm afraid Colin." She sighed and looked out at the sparkling water. "I'm afraid to face people. I was such a laughingstock when I left, I'm sure the comments are even worse. I don't want to embarrass you."

"You would never embarrass me. I don't care what people think or say, as long as I have you." Colin vowed resolutely.

"There's no avoiding going to Mayfair to at least settle anything that I left unfinished. I confess that when I fled, I didn't think of much else except getting distance from everything and everyone." Penelope confessed. "Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done."

"Pen." Colin looked into her eyes. "You managed a heist in which you, a gentle born lady of the gentry completely up and vanished like smoke in the wind. You've had everyone running in circles with no leads or clues for months. Do not speak to me about you being smart. And if you do argue, I will point out that you ran an underground gossip column for years and if you had not left no one would have figured out who it was."

Penelope looked at the ground. "I didn't do anything special."

"Stop that." Colin growled. "Stop thinking that you are worthless, nothing and stupid. You are not and if I have to tell you that every day until you believe it I will. You are no longer under Portia Featherington's thumb, you are your own woman and I love you."

Penelope took a deep breath and looked at Colin. "Then we'll head to Mayfair to meet who we need to meet. And then I will leave."

"And I will go with you." Colin promised.

"Just be my strength when we get there." Penelope said brokenly. "There's something about that place that makes me weak."

"I will be your sword and shield Pen."

Holding each other as the ship navigated it's inexorable direction towards Southampton, Penelope felt fear as she was returning to face her past horrors once and for all.

Chapter 16: The end of summer

Chapter Text

The remaining days on board passed swiftly, yet very slowly as Penelope felt a lump of dread form in her stomach and she began to get increasingly tense. Colin noticed the change in her and made it his singular job to try and distract her as he noticed her mind starting to spiral and darken. He had to start to force Penelope to eat, he noticed the sparkle that had started to reappear in her eyes vanish again, her complexion went sallow, and her nightmares began to get worse, even with him holding her at night.

Colin would whisper reassurance and love into her ears every night, he held her tightly and attempted to let her orgasm to try to take off some of the edge. He cursed himself for never noticing just how tense Penelope always had been, and it had taken him seeing her unbridled and joyful to realize just how much of herself she had kept hidden from everyone, especially from him.

He lay there, holding her to his body as he watched trails of tears sneak down her face as she whimpered in her sleep. His fury built up until he had nothing but vengeance coursing through his veins at how he was going to react when he next came face to face with the shrew that called herself Penelope's mother. How could someone treat their child in this way? Knowingly inflict these kinds of soul wounds upon a gentle soul, uncaring about the trauma that she would carry throughout her life.

Penelope's eyes snapped open as her mouth opened in a soundless scream, the look on her face on of absolute horror. Colin felt her start to shake, and he leaned forward to catch her lips in a gentle kiss. Penelope gasped and then returned his kiss with ardor. Her hands came up to tangle in his hair as she pulled him closer to her and kissed him with every emotion in her soul.

The stinging from his hair being pulled was both painful and pleasurable. Penelope could do anything she wanted to him and Colin knew that he would never complain. Trying to control her kiss before she tried to move too far, knowing she was being driven by primal emotions and was still partially in the grasp of her nightmare, he rolled her until she was beneath him and he placed his knee between her legs, encouraging her to grind against it.

Penelope's scream turned into a moan of pleasure as she took what Colin was giving her. Her hands drifted around his neck, and she threw her head back. He kissed her throat gently and inhaled her scent, the most intoxicating perfume he had ever smelt. "Colin…" she murmured. "Oh Colin…"

"Take your pleasure my love." He rasped into her ear. "Take everything I have to give you."

"I'm sorry I woke you." She whispered.

"Is that really what you want to talk about right now?" Colin inquired as his hands drifted to her breasts to squeeze and play with her nipples.

Penelope shook her head as he increased the friction between her legs, and she jerkily ground against him. "Colin…"

"God Colin hissed. "Don't ever stop saying my name like that."

Penelope panted lightly as he revered her body, letting his hands drift over her, relishing how reactive she was to his touch. He craved her and couldn't wait until he touch her without layers between them. "I love you." She whispered so softly that he wouldn't have heard her if his ear wasn't right next to her lips.

"I love you more Penelope." Colin murmured back. "Always."

She jerked against him faster, her wetness staining his smallclothes. "Let go my love." Colin encouraged her.

Penelope shattered beneath him, her mouth opening to scream again, this time in desire. Once again, he put his mouth over hers and swallowed her scream, as his tongue plundered her. She fell into his arms limply, kissing him gently as he stroked her hair. "Good morning." She murmured sleepily. "Can I request to wake up like that every day?"

Colin grinned smugly. "It would be my pleasure and delight my love." He brushed some hair softly off her forehead. "You were caught in a nightmare."

Penelope sighed and tried to turn towards the wall so she couldn't see him. "I'm sorry."

"You never need to apologize Pen." Colin reassured her.

"We arrive in Southampton today, don't we?" she asked in a small voice.

"We do." Colin affirmed.

Penelope fell silent as she fell into her thoughts. "I suppose we should finish packing up."

Colin held her hand and brought it to his heart. "You are not alone Pen. Never again. You are the strongest woman that I have ever had the honour to know, and you can do this. And if you can't, no judgement. I will take you away but the fact that you are willing to try this to settle your affairs makes me beyond proud of you."

"Don't leave me." Penelope whispered.

"Never again." Colin swore.

Penelope rose and headed over to the washbasin to clean up. "Let us not tarry and get on with the day then."

Colin nodded. "I agree." He rose and headed over to his side of the room to get dressed and begin to pack his things, after a brief detour at the chamber pot to deal with his angry, unattended erection.

It was a few hours later as Penelope stood and watched as the gangplank was being lowered to the dock, her bags at her feet as she felt the tension rising. She did her best to remind herself how far she had come since the day she fled this port, in tears and trembling. She returned now on her own terms, with the love of her life beside her. She had become a force to be reckoned with, she would be silenced no further. Colin came behind her and put an arm around her waist. "Are you ready?"

"No." she sighed. "But I'll do it anyway because it has to be done."

Colin nodded and picked up her bags and his and strode down the gangplank. He saw the Captain on the dock and went over to shake his hand and bid him farewell. "Once again an excellent voyage Captain." He smiled. "Always a pleasure to travel with you."

"And yerself Mister Bridgerton." Captain nodded. "And congratulations to ye on convincing that wee lass to be your bride."

"She hasn't accepted my suit yet." Colin mentioned.

"Then she's waiting until ye're not on a boat rocking in the middle of the sea. Smart girl." He chuckled. "I believe I gave that advice to me own daughter at one point."

"Safe travel Captain."

"Be seeing you again." Captain bid farewell. "Next time you'll be booking the private room for yourself and your wife."

"You'll be the first one I try to find." Colin reassured him.

"Good luck to ye." Captain tilted his cap slightly and then headed up the gangplank. "Do right by her sonny or I'll come find ye myself."

"I promise." Colin raised a hand in farewell. He sighed and turned to where Penelope had been standing, only to find no Penelope and no baggage. Feeling his heart start to race he was bewildered, she couldn't have gone through all that with him only to leave him now had she?

"Colin!" she called out.

"Pen? Where are you?"

He heard her gentle laugh. "Over here. I got us a hack while you were farewelling the Captain." He looked around and saw her near a nondescript black hack. "We've got our baggage already loaded and a few letters waiting for us which were immediately handed over. She held out two to Colin and kept one for herself. "Anthony and Lady Danbury wrote to you. Lady Danbury alone wrote to me."

"News I want to hear?" Colin inquired.

"I'm going to stay at Danbury Hall." Penelope smiled. "Lady Danbury has given me an invitation to reside there as long as I need to."

He turned to one of the carriage drivers. "Can word be sent via your fastest horse to Danbury Hall in Mayfair that Miss Penelope Featherington and Mr. Colin Bridgerton are on their way?"

"Cost you." A driver spit.

Penelope held up her purse. "Would thirty pounds be sufficient?"

The driver choked. "Thirty pounds? To deliver a message?"

"It's very important." Penelope said earnestly. "And it would mean oh so much to me sir."

The driver knuckled his forehead. "I'll go grab our freshest steed and be off before your hack is down the lane. Thank you, missus!"

Penelope handed over the money. "I'm sure you will also be handsomely rewarded by Lady Danbury, as she is expecting us."

The man didn't waste any further words, just ran to the stable to grab a horse while Colin held out his hand and helped Penelope into the carriage. "We'll be there in a few hours Pen."

"I can do this." She reassured herself. "You should read what Anthony has to say before we get to Mayfair."

"Or…" Colin grinned. "I can play with you in the back of a carriage to get you to relax."

Penelope leaned over and gave him a light kiss. "I love you Colin, but I won't like that right now being affectionate in the back of a hired hack is the last thing on my mind." She chewed her lower lip. "Do you think I'll see my mother?"

"As target practice?" Colin asked mildly.

Penelope snickered. "Colin! She will one day be your mother in law."

"And according to what I've heard said at White's, I'm under no obligation to like her."

Penelope laughed. "She is a little hard to take."

"Pen." Colin said seriously. "I understand you wanting to find the good in her, she's your mother, but she harmed you in ways that I have only heard of being used during torture. I have no softness in my heart for her and will be civil in her presence for your sake alone."

"That's all I ask." Penelope said quietly, lacing her fingers with his.

"All will be well." Colin reassured her. "I'm sure of it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mayfair~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rider thundered into the Danbury Hall courtyard as the rider raced up to the heavy door and banged on it repeatedly. "Message for Lady Danbury!" he yelled. "Important!"

The footman opened the door. "For gods sake man calm down."

"I have a message for Lady Danbury." The rider repeated.

"Well go on then." He heard behind the footman. "What is the message?"

The man looked behind the footman to see the Lady in question waiting impatiently. "Miss Penelope Featherington and Mr Colin Bridgerton are on their way to stay at Danbury Hall. Their ship just arrived an hour ago and they sent me on the quickest horse to give you the information. They should be here by nightfall."

Lady Danbury looked very pleased with this information. "You have done well Sir." She nodded. She looked at the footman. "Feed him, refresh his horse and pay him generously."

She turned to her head housekeeper. "Please prepare two rooms for our guests. Ensure that Miss Featherington's room is in my wing and one of my finest guestrooms."

"And Mr. Bridgerton?"

"Put him on the opposite side of my room. At least if he tries to sneak into her quarters he has to walk past my door, and we all know I'm a devilishly light sleeper."

The housekeeper almost felt sorry for Mr. Bridgerton. Almost. "I'm on it now Ma'am." She curtsied and headed off to prepare the rooms.

Lady Danbury turned to her other footman. "Send word to Violet Bridgerton to attend me here soonest. Let her know that her son is on his way."

"Ma'am." The footman bowed and left with haste.

"Time to pay the piper Portia." Lady Danbury murmured and smiled. "We are coming for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Penelope and Colin sat, hands entwined tightly as they drew into the heart of Mayfair, heading for Danbury Hall. Colin had helpfully drawn the curtains in the hack for privacy, so Penelope didn't have to see anything or anyone outside of their little bubble.

"Remember Pen, I love you and will not leave you to face this alone." Colin reminded her. "You are brilliant, beautiful and so strong."

"Thank you Colin." Penelope said quietly. "I'm so afraid."

"You will have myself and more importantly, Lady Danbury in your corner. If that doesn't make you feel brave, then remember that you have the Queen on your side."

"I forgot about her." Penelope smiled.

"How?" Colin asked, incredulously. "You don't look headless."

"I haven't really been thinking about the ton the last almost six months Colin." Penelope remarked, a bit exasperated.

"Just trying to lighten the mood Pen." Colin nuzzled her ear.

"I know." Penelope sighed. "I'm sorry I'm being petulant."

"Forgiven." Colin said easily.

The carriage came to a stop. "Danbury Hall!"

Penelope took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly. "I can do this."

"You are among friends." Colin reminded her. "And one hopelessly lovesick man."

Penelope smiled. "Let us go and get this over with."

"That's my brave bride." Colin grinned. He got out of the carriage first and held out his hand to help her down. "Come my love."

Penelope got out of the carriage to see Lady Danbury standing nearby, tears in her eyes. "Oh my darling girl." She said softly. "Come here."

Penelope was embraced and held by Lady Agatha Danbury and the two of them began to cry. Colin felt decidedly uncomfortable and out of place, but let the reunion happen, never realizing just how close the two women were. "Shall we head inside?" he asked. "I'm given to understand there's biscuits?"

Lady Danbury laughed. "I trebled the order just for you Colin."

Colin froze, she had used his Christian name.

"I hope you don't mind me calling you Colin. We are close enough and soon to be adopted family." She continued.

"I am honoured Lady Danbury."

"In private, call me Agatha." Lady Danbury chuckled. "Now, let us get out of the public eye and inside. Your rooms are all prepared for you."

For the first time in Mayfair, Penelope felt welcome and wanted. Colin took her hand and together all three of them headed inside.

Chapter 17: I guess that I was blind

Chapter Text

Once inside the Danbury Hall drawing room, Lady Danbury turned to Penelope again and embraced her firmly. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been since you disappeared?"

Penelope blushed and looked down. "I truly didn't think anyone would care if I wasn't here. I couldn't stay any longer Agatha."

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" Lady Danbury asked sadly. "Did you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"I didn't think anyone would," Penelope explained. "No one ever noticed a single thing before so why would anyone notice now?"

"You don't seem to realize how disliked your mother – truthfully your whole family is." Lady Danbury began. "Your middle sister Phillippa has gotten a bit better since marrying the cheese man Mr. Finch, but your eldest sister is an absolute shrew."

Penelope snorted. "You don't need to tell me Lady Danbury. I lived with their insults and derision my entire life. It was ingrained in me from birth that I was the failure they had to face every day for not being born a boy."

Colin stared at her, eyes wide. "They called you a failure?"

"And their greatest shame." Penelope affirmed. "Something I was told several times a day from my first memories." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter now."

Lady Danbury looked livid. "Just when I think I can't have a lower opinion of your family they manage to dig a deeper hole."

Colin was fuming. "Is there anything else?"

Penelope laughed brittlely. "You know very well that there is more Col. You see that every night when the nightmares take over. There is much more I haven't told you or anyone yet. It only exists between me and the darkness of the night."

Colin looked sad. "I hope one day you'll open up enough to trust me with all of it."

Penelope sighed. "We'll see Colin. Some of it I just want to move on from and don't want to talk about or think about anymore. I am not the wallflower anymore."

Lady Danbury clapped slowly. "Well done my dear. If nothing else your time away showed you that you in fact, have a spine and an ability to stand up for yourself."

"And she's learned a healthy dose of profanity too." Colin offered with a grin.

Lady Danbury let out a laugh. "Well behaved women never make history Mr. Bridgerton."

"Could we sit and have some tea?" Penelope asked faintly. "I'm quite thirsty."

"Where are my manners?" Lady Danbury exclaimed. "Of course, sit, sit and make yourselves at home. This is your home for the foreseeable future. You are safe here and no one walks through those doors unless I invite them. Anyone unwanted I will have removed with alacrity and roughness."

"Thank you so much for opening your home to us Lady Danbury." Penelope smiled.

"I opened my home to you Penelope. It is only my longstanding friendship with Violet that has me opening it to Colin as well." Lady Danbury said pointedly.

"He has been a blessing on the trip back as he helps comfort my nightmares." She admitted.

"When will you be wed?" Lady Danbury questioned, taking a sip of tea.

Penelope blushed. "Oh, we haven't…that is to say…I don't…I mean…"

"What she's trying to say Lady Danbury," Colin said smoothly. "Is we haven't discussed marriage yet. I haven't proposed. It is the end goal for me to be certain, but Penelope has accepted my suit to court her not to marry her."

"You two broke just about every Rule of Propriety even before she vanished." Lady Danbury pointed out.

"I don't care." Penelope said abruptly. "I don't care what people say, I don't care if I am decreed ruined or unmarriageable." She paused. "It's part of why I left Mayfair. I just don't care about opinions anymore."

"Be that as it may Penelope," Lady Danbury began. "No matter where you go you are still a member of the ton. You are a recognized member of the British gentry, you will always be bound by the Rules."

Penelope raised her chin. "I don't accept that Agatha." She said stubbornly. "I will not live by those ridiculous Rules any further."

"Penelope, should you bring down disgrace upon yourself or more importantly, the peerage and monarchy, you can be brought to prison." Agatha informed her. "I tell you this not to scare you, but to let you know about things that you might not have been informed about. These are not things spoken of lightly."

Penelope chewed her lower lip. "I can't stay in Mayfair Agatha. I won't."

"I'm not asking you to," Lady Danbury replied. "But I am trying to make you aware of possible repercussions that you could be unaware of."

"I certainly was." Colin interjected. "Pen, I don't want to see you thrown in prison."

"Is staying here or returning to my mother's house any different?" Penelope asked, dejected.

"You will not be returning to your mother's house." Lady Danbury intervened.

"What do you mean Agatha?"

"I have made Penelope my ward. Due to her home life, I sought a boon from the Queen, she only owes me a hundred or so – and told her of my request. It has been granted, with the Queen and Prince Regent's seal on the document. Should Portia Featherington darken my doorstep, she has no recourse. Penelope is my charge now."

"Really?" Penelope's eyes lit up.

"Welcome home." Lady Danbury held out her arms.

Penelope stood up and threw herself into Lady Danbury's arm, hugging the older woman tightly and enjoying the feeling of a motherly hug for one of the few times in her life.

Colin stood, smiling. His heart lightened at seeing someone treat Penelope well and with the love that she deserved.

"Dowager Violet Bridgerton!" the footman announced, allowing Colin's mother to rush into the room breathless.

"Colin Bridgerton!" she exclaimed, sounding half furious and half relieved. She let out a sound that sounded almost like a sob as she threw herself into her son's arms.

"Mother." He said warmly, embracing her reassuringly. "I'm alright. I'm here."

Violet loosened her grip around his neck and took a step back, then proceeded to swat him with her hands. "What in the world were you thinking?"

"What are you talking about Mother?" he asked, raising an arm to keep her blows from landing.

"I'm talking about the horrid things that you said that drove Penelope away! How could you act like such a cad? I raised you better than that!"

Colin flinched under his mother's anger. "I was deep in my cups speaking foolishness to men who I don't like or respect anyway!"

"To act so churlishly, to ruin a young maiden's chances on the Marriage Mart! Colin Bridgerton!" Violet swatted him again.

"I've already apologized at length to Penelope!" Colin protested. "And she's accepted the apology AND my courtship suit! Is that not reparation enough?"

Penelope's eyes narrowed at his choice of phrase. "What?" she said sharply.

"WHAT?" Violet almost shrieked. "Reparation? Have you lost what little mind you have left Colin?"

"Excuse you?" Lady Danbury arched an eyebrow.

Colin felt like he was cornered in a cage with some lionesses and heard a small voice pop into his mind squeaking 'I'm in danger' He cleared his throat and carefully chose his next words. "I spoke poorly. What I meant to say was that Penelope has been gracious enough to accept my very sincere apology, and she has forgiven me my words enough to accept my courtship suit." He paused. "I let her know of my very real emotions towards her and how over the past year or so I began to notice her in a less-than-best-friend way."

"And?" Violet said in a tone of voice that was glacial.

"I told Penelope that I have a genuine attraction and affection towards her, that I love her very much and would like to make her my wife." Colin looked at the furious trio hoping he was going to come out of this intact. "I did all of this out of love, not obligation. I had already been on my way back Mayfair to ask for her hand when I got all of the letters talking about her vanishing and asking me to watch out for her."

Lady Danbury and Violet softened. "Choose your words more carefully next time Mr. Bridgerton." Lady Danbury said sternly. "Violet, come sit in your usual chair and we'll have some tea and biscuits."

"Biscuits?" Colin looked hungry. "Where are the biscuits?"

"My son I think you have other concerns before biscuits." Violet said calmly, blowing on her tea.

"Mother?"

"Have you looked at the face of your intended yet? Agatha and I have backed off because you have to deal with Penelope right now. Good luck." Violet nodded and turned to Lady Danbury to discuss some of the latest gossip.

"Pen?" Colin asked tentatively.

Penelope stood there, staring at Colin her face shuttered and expressionless. "Reparation Colin?"

"Penelope, I didn't mean it like that!"

"Then how did you mean it, exactly?" Penelope said shortly.

"I truly wasn't thinking!" Colin said quickly. "I just said whatever words came to my mind. You are the cleverest, bravest woman I have ever known and I would not insult you thus! I have learned my lesson believe me." Colin paused. "I did warn you back in Athens that I would inevitably mess things up again."

"Athens!?" Lady Danbury and Violet exclaimed together.

"See? I just did it again!" Colin exclaimed. "I'm really bad at this Pen, but I can promise you that love was behind everything I said and did. Love is why I want you so damned much."

"Language!" he heard in the background.

"Love?" Penelope asked, hopeful and suspicious.

"Love." Colin affirmed. "I have loved you in so many different way from the first day we met. I will continue to love you in many different ways as we go through our lives together." He slowly walked over to her and pulled her close to him so he could rest his forehead on hers.

"Colin…I'm not worthy of such love." Penelope said sadly.

"I disagree Pen." Colin said softly. "You are worth all of the love in the world and I want to be the one to give it to you. Not just for what we have shared, but for what we will share in the future."

"A future that is not today." Violet said hastily, interjecting herself between the two of them. "That display alone is enough to send me to the Archbishop for a special license."

"Agreed." Lady Danbury pounded her cane on the floor. "I have to ask but I trust there are no looming progeny issues?"

Penelope shook her head. "I am a maiden still. Colin merely held me at night during my nightmares. He was a well behaved gentleman."

Colin tried to keep a straight face at Penelope's blatant falsehood. Lady Danbury and Agatha smothered grins. "Nice try Miss Featherington," Violet said dryly. "But I know my sons, especially when they are around a woman they are in love with."

Penelope's blush now encompassed her entire face. Violet walked over and hugged her tightly. "It is understandable, and quite normal. It happens far more than you think. I know that society frowns upon such things but even Edmund and I had trouble controlling our passions prior to marriage."

"Mother!" Colin protested. "I did NOT need to know that!"

"Stop acting like a child!" Violet scolded. "You're familiar enough with brothels to know what can happen between a true love match prior to marriage! I give credit to Penelope for resisting your advances as Bridgerton men can be wickedly convincing."

"Thank you, Lady Bridgerton." Penelope muttered. "It was a near thing to be sure."

"That is why Colin will be returning to Number 5 just as soon as you are settled here."

"Mother!" Colin protested. "I promised Penelope, I would not leave her! Especially in a place she hates and is so uncomfortable for her."

Lady Danbury put a hand on Violet's shoulder. "I've already accounted for that and placed them in separate rooms, on separate parts of the wing and they have to pass by MY room to get to either one. And I hear everything that goes on in my house."

Violet took a breath and went to sit back down to have more tea. "Penelope, we have much to catch up on, such as the reasons why you left in the first place."

"Lady Bridgerton," Penelope began. "I had many reasons to leave and not a fair few them were from your family."

"So I've been told. I would like to know what exactly." Violet nibbled on a biscuit as Colin poured tea for himself and Penelope.

"First of course you know about my rift with Eloise and that it was caused by my being Lady Whistledown," she began "Then Colin spoke the words that ruined me on the Marriage Mart and made my life at home much worse."

Violet nodded encouragingly.

"And then your family stopped wanting anything to do with me. I was no longer invited for tea or to any events, I was not worthy to speak to at balls or during promenades. I was given the cut by almost every member of your family and I don't know why." Penelope paused. "It was too much. To be so rejected by the only family and only people I have ever loved." She looked down at her hands. "I had no reason to stay after that, so I began making my plans, using Colin's own correspondence over the last few years as a guideline."

"Colin you wrote regularly to a woman you were not courting or betrothed to?" Violet asked, scandalized.

"Mother let us perhaps look at the Rules we managed to maintain instead of all the ones we broke? It will be much quicker." Colin scowled at his mother.

"You get that look off your face young man!" Violet warned. "You are going to get it!"

Penelope cut in. "Lady Bridgerton, I have to know. Why did your family shun me? Why was I suddenly so unworthy?"

Violet looked guilty and ashamed. "Honestly Penelope I never noticed. I was so caught up in the chaos of my family life that I didn't even realize at first that you weren't still around. I cannot speak for the rest of the family, though I know Hyacinth would rather cut off her feet than ignore you, she adores you. Gregory was preparing for Eton and I was trying to counter all the 'advice' he was getting from his older brothers."

Penelope nodded. "I never expected anything deliberate from the youngest Bridgertons. I understand."

"Francesca was in her debut year and had met Lord Stirling and Benedict was raking around half of London and the outskirts too! Eloise…Eloise." Violet sighed. "I can almost guarantee that it was her meddling. She is too prideful, too much ego and she would not let your so-called betrayal go. Even after you went public and you left, I'm sorry to say she continued to try to smear your name with Miss Cowper. Eloise has since been confined to Bridgerton House or Number 5. And to ensure that realized that she was wrong, I removed her reading material."

Penelope was stunned. She could not picture Eloise without a book in her hand, much like herself. "I did not realize she still loathed me so."

"She will realize her mistake soon enough I think." Violet said grimly. "You will be her sister soon and even if you don't keep in touch with her, she will have to accept your presence."

"I do not believe we will have her blessing to wed." Penelope said, sad as she realized her best friend had completely washed her hands of her.

"We do not need her blessing to wed." Colin said abruptly. "If Anthony approves then Eloise's blessings matter not."

"Was what I did so wrong?" Penelope asked, dismayed. "I kept a secret, for myself. I found the only way I could express myself and felt heard. I thought I was saving her and I apologized since and tried to restore her reputation." She sighed. "Eloise was right." She said so quietly they almost didn't hear her. "I am just an insipid wallflower, caught up in scandal and deception."

Colin had crossed the room and took her in his arms. "You know that is not true. Eloise and I speak before thinking, especially when surprised or flustered."

"Is that an excuse?" Violet shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. "I didn't realize Eloise had such hate in her heart."

Penelope began to cry into Colin's shoulder. "I was right. Leaving didn't matter an iota to anyone. Even being gone meant nothing to her or my family. I am worthless."

Colin slowly rocked Penelope, trying to calm her down as Lady Danbury stood up, her dark eyes flashing. "Penelope Featherington! Just because you have it in your name does not mean you have feathers in your head!" she beat her cane against the ground. "You pick yourself up the way you always have and this time you do exactly what you quoted in the very first Whistledown. 'Well let me show you my teeth.'"

Penelope looked at Lady Danbury, eyes wide. "I know Agatha. And I will. But I am allowed to be hurt, and I am allowed to hear what occurred after I left. All it does is confirm to me my absolute waste of space."

Agatha walked over and lifted Penelope's chin until they were looking into each other's eyes. "Listen to me Penelope, if I didn't believe in you I would not have made you my legal ward. You are strong, stronger than you know, you just don't believe it because you've never had anyone in your corner. You do now. Do not let your heart be troubled further. You have grown. Developed. Changed in so many ways. Others have not. Do not let their faults or failures grow overshadow the wonderous work that you have done." She said firmly. "You make yourself into the most fearsome creature in any room you walk into. You are made of fire, so much so that your hair is red. And no one with fire in their soul like you will ever let anyone dim them."

"Do you really think so?" Penelope asked, vulnerable.

"Have I ever said anything that I didn't fully mean?" Lady Danbury challenged.

Penelope shook her head. "Never within my hearing."

"Then you have no choice but to listen to my words. In my day youth had to listen to their elders. I am still alive, it is still my day."

Penelope smiled at the irascible lady. "I am not worthy of you."

"Child, if you weren't, you wouldn't be here." She helped Penelope to her feet. "Now I feel you have had enough upset this evening and you should retire to your rooms for a soaking bath and then bundle up into bed."

"A bath sounds delightful." Penelope agreed.

"Follow my housekeeper, and I'll send one of my maids to assist you. Relax my dear, you are home now and so very loved and welcomed." Lady Danbury smiled gently at her, a look so at odds with the usual scowl that was on her face.

Penelope left the room and headed upstairs. Lady Danbury spun around on her heel to face Colin who had a mouthful of biscuit. "There will be no sneaking into her bedchamber young man." She said sternly.

"No promises." Colin mumbled through the crumbling biscuits.

"Colin!" Violet exclaimed. "Stop acting like such a rake!"

Colin had the decency to look abashed. "I will try Lady Danbury."

"You will succeed. Or you will never make it to your wedding night." Lady Danbury warned. "Remember, I'm old and I'm rich. I can make things happen."

Colin gulped and nodded. He reached over to hug his mother. "Tell Anthony to send word when he is available tomorrow and I will come and see him and the rest of the family. I want to speak with them about what happened to Penelope and get her some sincere answers."

Violet nodded. "Until tomorrow dearest."

Colin watched as Lady Danbury and his mother had a quick hug of farewell and his mother be led out of Danbury Hall. Deciding that Lady Danbury had a good idea, he headed up to his rooms requesting a bath as well.

Across town, a shadowed footman whispered into the ear of another and the back door to Featherington Hall was opened slowly while a shadow whispered into the ear of Mrs. Varley. Mrs. Varley took the information, paid the shadow and closed the door, heading towards Portia's bedroom to deliver the news that her errant daughter had snuck back to Mayfair.

Chapter 18: Somethings never change

Chapter Text

Penelope stood in a beautifully decorated guest room, warm and clean after a very long bath, relishing in wearing a normal nightdress instead of a travel one. She couldn't send for her lady's maid from Featherington Hall, so she accepted the one that Lady Danbury had generously provided for her. Hearing that Marie was going to be her permanent lady's maid pleased her, and Penelope vowed that she would slowly open up to her and talk to her.

She knew Marie had been horrified by the scars on her body. She heard the gasp and intake of breath as she had both gotten in and come out of the bath. Normally Penelope was self conscious of her stretch marks on her lower belly, breasts and thighs, but her scars on her back from all the whippings were far more horrifying and unable to be hidden. She was thankful that Colin had not seen her fully unclothed, nor had he tried to run his hands down her back, for the raised skin was nothing attractive.

Penelope thought that once Colin saw her in all her nakedness, with all her flaws that he would be so repulsed he would take back his proposal of marriage and offer to court her. In fact, she was already hardening her heart against what she thought was going to happen and beginning to disassociate herself from Colin. Heartless it might be, but Penelope knew of no other way to protect herself. She felt so vulnerable in Mayfair, like she couldn't breathe properly even without a corset.

A faint knock at her door had her calling out. "Enter."

She heard a shuffle and saw Lady Danbury poke her head in the room and followed with the rest of her. "I thought I saw your light still on." She said, smiling. "Is everything up to your standards?"

Penelope snorted, a wave of negativity and anger rushing over her. "It's wonderful Agatha. I'm just not in a good headspace right now." She admitted. "I'm very angry and upset."

Agatha came in and sat on a chair near the door. "Understandable. I imagine you're being struck by many poor memories since coming back, brief as it has been."

"I don't think I can do this Agatha." Penelope confessed. "When Marie saw my body and my scars and my fat stretch marks, she was appalled and disgusted. Just like my mother always warned me that people would."

"Marie was appalled." Lady Danbury confirmed. "Because of what you have gone through. She is no new lady's maid, but she has never seen such signs of torture on a gently bred lady. She was so upset – not by you mind you – but on your behalf."

Penelope shook her head. "I'm horrifying and disgusting."

"Has Colin said that?"

Penelope looked down. "He's never seen me unclothed. I don't trust him that much yet. Most he has seen are my breasts and he hasn't commented on how ugly they are."

"I'm fairly certain he didn't notice." Agatha said dryly. "Most men don't."

"I'm so ugly." Penelope admitted. "Fat and disgusting. I always have been. Mama and my sisters were right. My father was right when he told me the only future I would have would be on my back as a harlot, as there were some chubby chasing me who would pay for me, but otherwise no man in his right mind would ever willingly choose to tup me over someone slender."

Lady Danbury swore she saw red. She heard an angry growl from the door she had left open and knew that Colin was listening from the hallway. "You have a suitor in the hallway who says otherwise."

"Now that we are on dry land, I have a feeling that Colin is going to rethink everything he said in haste and lust on the ship." Penelope confessed. "I've been expecting it, it's alright if he does. I don't care that I'm ruined, I never planned on being married anyway. I will continue on with my plans to be a governess somewhere. If not Ireland, perhaps I'll sail to the New World."

Lady Danbury shook her head. "Penelope, I want you to promise me that you won't make any decisions or scarper anywhere until we have an opportunity to talk things out calmly and clearly. You are in no danger here and if you choose to see no one while you stay with me, I will respect that. I won't drag you out to balls, promenades or picnics. In fact the only person I will bring you before is the Queen and that will solely be at her command."

Penelope sighed. "I don't know if I can make that promise Agatha."

"Penelope." Lady Danbury said sternly. "Promise me that you will not leave like a wraith in the night again." She stood up to her full height. "You've gone through horrors, and we will get justice for you. You deserve that if nothing else, to have closure and peace." She paused. "I was absolutely frantic for you and had been up until the day I got the missive from Mr. Bridgerton that you had been located and where unspoiled."

"Until he got his hands on me." Penelope admitted. "Perhaps those few weeks on the boat were all I deserve. I've had my happiness, now it's time to move on and hold those memories close for the rest of my days."

Lady Danbury was actually angry at this point. "Penelope, enough!" she stamped her cane into the ground. "You are entitled to your melancholy, you are entitled to your feelings, but wallowing in them to let them control and dictate the rest of your life is NOT the way to do it. I am going to chalk a lot of this up to being sleep deprived and emotionally drained. In the morning, we are going to sit together over breakfast and begin to formulate a plan. In the meantime, I want you to try to rest."

"I'll try." Penelope gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry Agatha, I don't mean to be like this. My defences are up."

"Lower them when you are here Penelope. This is a safe place for you. I am your safe person." Lady Danbury said gently, walking over to take Penelope in her arms. "You don't have to be strong here."

Penelope embraced Lady Danbury and sobbed into her shoulder. "Agatha, why me? What is it about me that makes me so reviled and loathed?"

Lady Danbury dropped her cane and wrapped both arms around Penelope tightly. "Because you are a good and pure person. Because you are kind. You are genuine. You are sincere and without artifice and people can't handle that in the ton."

"That's why I have to leave." Penelope said quietly. "I don't fit in. I never have."

"Balderdash!" Lady Danbury ground out angrily. "Now you're wallowing. You're better than that."

Penelope raised her red eyes to Lady Danbury's warm brown ones, seeing no pity, only compassion. "I think I should have a cup of tea and head to bed. My books are calling."

"Now you're thinking properly." Lady Danbury patted her shoulder. "I'll have Marie bring a fresh cup of tea up. And you'd better let Mr. Bridgerton into your room to say goodnight before he breaks down the door. I'll stay here as a chaperone."

"Mr. Bridgerton? Colin? What?" Penelope looked confused.

"Come in Colin." Lady Danbury called towards the door. The door creaked open widely and a sheepish and furious looking Colin stood in the corridor.

Once he laid eyes on Penelope he charged into the room, pulled her close in his arms and held her tightly. "You are everything Pen." He whispered harshly into her ear. "And if you think that I'm going to leave you because of what your body looks like you are dead wrong. I want to see every scar and kiss them because you are still here, and they are a testament to your strength. Your stretch marks are not unattractive, they are a sign of your body's growth." He kissed her eyelids where she had been crying. "In Greece, in Italy, Portugal and many other countries I have travelled to, stretch marks are not seen as a detraction from the beauty of a woman but rather increasing it. It shows the strength of a woman, after all, all new life comes from woman."

"Colin, you're not thinking clearly." Penelope said, sniffling.

"Don't you tell me how I'm thinking Penelope, and don't you dare try to ignore or excuse my behaviour since I found you." He said sternly. "I love you. I want to marry you. I am not going to change my mind on you because of marks on your body. I will tell you that every day if I have to until you believe it. Those fools out there in the ton who call themselves gentlemen have lost out on the most brilliant hidden jewel in Society, and I'm the lucky bastard who gets to keep you all for himself."

"Are you sure?" Penelope looked at him, lost and vulnerable.

"As a heart attack my love." Colin replied gently. "I will always be sure when it comes to you, and I will never say a word that I don't mean with my whole heart." He paused. "You know I can't be forced to say anything that I don't want to."

Penelope shook her head. "You can't really mean it."

Colin put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. "I mean every word Penelope." He said softly. "I love you. I will come to you and show you how much I love you."

"Oh no you won't!" he heard Lady Danbury pipe up behind them. "Not until there is an engagement ring on that finger."

"Lady Danbury!" Colin spun to face her. "You would allow relations outside of wedlock?"

"Eight months babies are not uncommon." She replied. "Once I am convinced that a marriage will happen, my objections to you two 'visiting' at night will cease."

Colin blinked in surprise at her comment. "Are you serious?"

Lady Danbury snorted. "Like your mother said, I am not so long in tooth that I don't remember what it's like to be young and virile. We've already discussed possible repercussions and as long as no aspersion will be case upon the reputation and honour of Penelope should she get with child, things will be fine."

"Pen." Colin turned to her and smiled. He pulled her close and kissed her deeply, pouring his love and strength into it, giving her everything he'd been wanting to since they arrived at Danbury Hall that afternoon.

He felt something hard hit his back. "That's enough." Lady Danbury chuckled. "Off her now and to bed with you both. Separate beds. For now."

"Goodnight Pen. I love you." He whispered, kissing her quickly again.

"I love you, Colin." Penelope replied, her eyes saying everything her words couldn't.

"Excellent, we all love each other!" Lady Danbury clapped her hands together. "I am unused to repeating myself, so I will say it once more – bed!"

Everyone let out a small chuckle before heading their separate way, as Marie entered Penelope's room with a fresh cup of tea.

The following morning involved Violet coming back over to break her fast, and the four of them having an enjoyable cup of tea and toast and laughing. "Colin," Violet began. "Anthony would like to see you at Bridgerton House for tea. He would also like you to bring Penelope."

Colin wiped the crumbs from his mouth. "I'll be happy to go speak with him and the whole family at tea. I will not speak for Penelope though."

Penelope shook her head. "I'm not ready for that."

Colin nodded and turned to his mother. "As you will. Penelope has given her answer."

"Anthony would really like it if you both came." Violet persisted.

"Violet," Lady Danbury cut in. "Penelope has declined. The Viscount will have to accept that. If he wants to speak to Miss Featherington he will have to present himself here."

Violet abruptly closed her mouth. "Of course. Colin I look forward to seeing you again for tea."

Penelope cleared her throat. "Does Eloise know I'm back?"

Violet looked uncomfortable. "She knows. She heard me speaking to Anthony last night."

"And?" Penelope asked quietly.

Violet sighed. "I want to shake that girl for her stubbornness. At this point whatever she's angry about is a moot point and everyone has moved on or forgotten, except for her."

"So she's displeased I've been found." Penelope nodded. "As I thought."

"Pen." Colin reached over to take her hand. "It doesn't matter. Whether Eloise gets over it or not, I still wish to wed you. I look forward to choosing your engagement ring this afternoon at tea." He smiled. "I've never looked at the collection we have at Bridgerton House. I am excited that it is finally my turn to choose something for my bride."

Penelope blushed. "I haven't said yes yet."

"I haven't asked yet." Colin winked at her.

A footman came discreetly into the room and went to whisper in Lady Danbury's ear. "Well blast and bollocks!" she cursed out loud. She turned to look at Penelope, sympathy in her eyes. "Apparently the yellow elephant has heard that you are here and is in my public drawing room waiting for you."

Penelope's eyes went wide as she began to shake. "No. No. No. I can't see her."

"Pen, you won't be alone." Colin tried to reassure her.

"Not safe. Never safe." Penelope whispered to herself as she began to rock, her hands covering her face.

Lady Danbury's face looked like a thundercloud. "I will deal with this."

Colin stood. "I will go with you." He said angrily.

Lady Danbury shook her head. "Not yet Colin." She paused. "You are going to be the surprise that gets sprung on her. She doesn't need to know about your involvement yet other than you are the one who found her."

Colin nodded. "I will stand aside. For now." He said grimly. "But the day is coming when I am going to stand before Portia Featherington and give her a piece of mind, a piece she won't find easy to digest."

"You can't win in a fight against her." Penelope said in a tiny voice from behind her hands.

"Penelope," Lady Danbury smiled wickedly. "I have not yet even begun when it comes to your mother. Now, pardon me everyone, I have a tongue lashing to give."

Striding out of her personal dining area, she ensured to be formally dressed before entering her public drawing room.

Violet and Colin exchanged glances and wordlessly came to an agreement as both of them scrambled out of the room and after Lady Danbury, completely intent on listening in on the conversation. They saw her head housekeeper waving to them. "Over here if you want the best seats in the house." She whispered.

Chuckling, the three of them quieted down to watch what could be the spectacle of the season.

Lady Danbury walked into her public drawing room regally. "Lady Featherington." She said imperiously. "What brings you to my abode outside of visiting hours?"

"I have heard that my wayward, errant brat of a daughter has been seen darkening your doorstep." Portia replied spitefully. "I demand she be returned to my household at once."

"I do not know what blather you speak Lady Featherington," Lady Danbury said archly. "But I assure you that you are incorrect."

"You mean to tell me that my overweight, spinster daughter who has brought nothing but scandal and nonstop shame on my household is not here?" Portia sneered.

"I know of no one like that staying in my household." Lady Danbury replied cooly. "And I suggest you watch both your tone and words while in my home."

"That little witch is somewhere here." Portia hissed. "I want to see her. I want her home as she is my child and my charge. She has much to answer for."

"I'm sure." Lady Danbury agreed. "How will you start? Starving her until she passes out? Or will you whip her so that she bleeds through her corset and clothing?"

"What are you talking about?" Portia said hatefully. "And how dare you comment on how I parent?"

"There is a fine line between discipline and abuse." Lady Danbury said. "And you've crossed the line into torture."

"She is fat. She is disgusting to look at. Her going without food will make no difference, it's certainly not like she's ever going to attract a husband." Portia ranted. "And that miserable freeloader owes me money for all the years I kept her under my roof."

"Ah, it's her money that you're after." Lady Danbury chuckled. "She has amassed quite a sum from her years as Whistledown. Smart business acumen that young lady has."

"She OWES me that money!" Portia exclaimed. "That worthless waste of flesh and space owes me that for putting up with her! If she had've only been one of the children who died at birth, but she couldn't even do that right! And then, she finally did something worthwhile and take herself away from our family and the little bitch returns!"

A slap rang out through the room as Lady Danbury lowered her hand. "You WILL maintain a respectful tone in my house Lady Featherington," she said angrily. "And you will keep a civil tongue in your head when speaking about your youngest child!"

"I will do no such thing!" Portia railed. "That stupid, clumsy, fumbling, bumbling bitch! I hate her so much but she owes me money! And once she is back under my roof she will be sent to the whorehouse to work on her back. A hole is a hole to most men."

As Colin and Violet watched and listened to the interaction, Colin felt his temper increasing. His hands were clenched in fists as Violet's hands covered her mouth, eyes sparkling with tears at the venom that Portia spewed towards her daughter. In that moment, they had the clearest understanding to date of the misery that Penelope's life must have been in the Featherington household. Violet held out a hand to rest on Colin's arm, concerned he was going to charge his way into the conversation like an enraged bull moose.

"She will be starved to lose weight. I will put her in the tightest corset I can find and if she does not find a husband on the Marriage Mart she will put into service as a whore." Portia decreed. "Now, where is that ingrate?"

"I would like you to leave Lady Featherington." Lady Danbury said abruptly. "You have said your peace, I have heard your venom from your forked tongue, and I want you off of my premises, never to darken my doorstep again."

"I won't leave without my daughter. You have no right to keep her from me."

"I have every right." Lady Danbury revealed, eyes glittering with rage.

"What are you talking about you old fool?" Portia spat.

"I have a document signed and sealed from the Queen and Prince Regent giving custody of Miss Featherington into my care. From the day the documents arrived in my possession she has been my responsibility and my ward. You have no claim to her."

"Ridiculous!" Portia curled her lip. "You can't do that."

"And yet I have." Lady Danbury said cooly. "You have no claim here. Leave."

"Where is she?!" Portia screamed. "Penelope! You heifer! You sow! Get your fat face down here you disgrace!"

There was no answer. "Get down here you bitch or your punishment will be worse!"

"There will be no punishment!" Lady Danbury said sternly. "Leave. Now!"

"Or what?" Portia scoffed at the elderly Countess.

Lady Danbury turned to her footman. "Please bring the Queen's guards. I have a trespasser who is refusing to leave my home and property."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Wouldn't I?" Lady Danbury arched an eyebrow. "I think you'll find Lady Featherington that I can do whatever I please."

"You old harridan!"

"And I outrank you!" Lady Danbury spat. "Now get out of my house!"

"I will get her, one way or another!" Portia warned.

"And I will have you arrested should you come anywhere near my ward." Lady Danbury said coldly.

"You're bluffing!"

"Try me." Lady Danbury challenged.

"This isn't over!" Portia warned, turning to leave.

"From my point of view this is very much over." Lady Danbury said sternly. "And another thing, Lady Featherington?"

"What?"

"I have no compunction about ruining YOU and your family in the eyes of Society, and I can and will do it with a smile on my face, you social rung climbing flash cull Lady – and I use that term loosely." Lady Danbury pulled her trump card. "And should things continue, I have no issues about getting the Crown involved. Your family is already under much scrutiny with the thievery issue that Jack Featherington left your estate in. Can you REALLY afford a proper investigation from Her Majesty?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Portia gasped. "I'd lose everything! And so would my daughters who are working diligently to provide an heir for the next Lord Featherington title."

"You would be amazed just what I would dare for those I love and care about." Lady Danbury said steadily. "I am not an enemy you wish to make or a person you wish to cross. Now get out of my house and keep your distance from myself and my ward or face a barrage of trouble that not even your lying tongue could get you out of."

Portia's face was a fascinating shade of red that Lady Danbury was uncertain she had ever seen as she let herself be led out to the courtyard and into her hack.

Lady Danbury waited until her hack was gone down the lane before letting out a deep breath and turning to find Penelope. She strode past Violet and Colin who were still in awe of her as she headed back to the dining room.

The room stood empty. Penelope was gone.

Chapter 19: Whatever we had ain't worth saving

Notes:

Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canucks out there.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Colin's eyes grew wide as a look of terror came over his face upon re-entering the empty dining room. "Where's Pen?" he asked, frantic. "I knew I shouldn't have left her, but that smackdown was too excellent to miss." he looked at Lady Danbury. "The reputation as a dragon of the ton is well deserved."

Lady Danbury looked calm. "Marie?" she called out to the lady's maid assigned to Penelope. "Can you tell me where Miss Featherington went?"

"How can you be so calm?" Colin burst out.

"Because Mr. Bridgerton," Lady Danbury looked at him levelly. "Miss Featherington made me a promise last night that she would not run away again until her matters are settled. She will do a lot of things, but she has never once broken her word to me."

"Lady Danbury?" Marie curtsied. "I believe Miss Featherington went out to the gardens, or perhaps the maze? All I recollect is that after Lady Featherington appeared she said she didn't want to be under the same roof as her and didn't want to risk hearing anything that she had to say, so she was going to seek the company of nature because at least nature won't insult her and call her a slattern."

Colin was fuming. "She's been called a slattern as well? Will the ignominies' never cease for her?"

Violet reached a hand out to Colin. "Calm down Colin. Getting upset will get you nowhere right now. At least she didn't run away, just took herself somewhere quiet where her mother wouldn't find her if that hateful woman had've pushed her way into Danbury Hall."

"I'm going to go find her." Colin said abruptly, leaving the two Ladies behind. As he dashed towards the door leading to the gardens, he wondered how long he had before they came looking for them both.

Outside he didn't see Penelope and he headed for the maze, remembering that Penelope loved mazes. He walked slowly into the shadowed hedges, the smell of flowers surrounding him like an intoxicating perfume. As he walked, he quoted a recent sonnet that he had heard and fallen in love with. "O solitude! If I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep, Nature's observatory—whence the dell, Its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell…"*

As he quoted the sonnet, he walked towards the centre of the maze, listening faintly to hear any footsteps. He heard nothing so he continued on with his sonnet, walking slowly and taking the time to enjoy the beauty of nature around him.

As he reached the centre of the maze where a small brook ran through and Lady Danbury had set out some benches, a flower arch swing and a small fountain creating a beautiful haven that was only rarely seen. He saw his beautiful Penelope, sitting on the ground, running her hand through the water. "Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, Whose words are images of thoughts refin'd, Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be Almost the highest bliss of human-kind, When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee."* he completed the sonnet and Penelope turned to face him, a smile on her face that took his breath away at the serenity on her face and the beauty of her.

She was in a sunbeam and in that moment Colin swore he believed in fairies and that Penelope was one. Her pale skin glowed in an ethereal way, he clear skin radiant with colour high in her cheeks. The sun was captured in her firey tresses and looked almost lit from within. Her eyes were bright and her lips a beautiful natural dusky pink.

She was radiant. She was his.

"Hello my love." He said smiling. "You scared the hell out of me."

Penelope blushed. "I couldn't risk hearing what my mother was going to say. I've heard it all before ad nauseum anyway." She shrugged.

"Very wise." Colin nodded. "May I sit?"

Penelope patted the ground. "Of course."

Colin lowered himself to the grass. "I'm sorry I left you after promising I would not leave you alone."

Penelope laughed softly. "Colin, I do not expect you to stay attached to my side every waking moment. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"You don't have to anymore." Colin said. "You have me in your corner now."

"I know." Penelope patted his knee. "And I appreciate it. Some things though I can still handle on my own, and I must confess that I have turned avoiding my mother into an art form."

Colin stared at her with admiration. "I am so proud of you Pen. What I heard that woman spew out her vile mouth was horrifying. I never thought a mother could speak so of her own child."

Penelope shrugged. "It is who she is. She can speak it. I don't have to hear it and more importantly, I won't."

Colin was mesmerized by her. "You are so beautiful." He whispered. "You look like an angel." He reached out to touch her cheek gently.

Penelope blushed again and looked down. "Thank you, Colin." She said softly.

"I'm so glad you didn't run." He said sincerely.

Penelope blinked at him. "I gave my word Colin. I hate to break promises and would never knowingly break my word, especially to you or Agatha."

"You are a very special woman, Penelope Featherington." Colin said, shaking his head. "And you chose me."

"You chose me right back." Penelope whispered as Colin moved closer to her. "Finally."

"Best decision I ever made." Colin murmured against her lips before pulling her close in a searing kiss that made his toes curl.

Penelope moaned lightly as her hands drifted up his back and tangled in his hair. He nipped at her lips, and she opened her mouth willingly, letting their tongues wrestle as he lowered her back to the grass, the only sounds their breathing, the water and the birds. He broke the kiss and opened his eyes, her eyes meeting his almost completely dark. "Why did you stop?" she pouted.

"Don't worry my love. I'm coming back. So impatient." He booped her nose gently before kissing her again and then lowering his lips to her neck. She threw her head back to give him greater access as she held him to her and wrapped one leg around his lower legs to hold him in place, her centre touching his.

"Colin…" she murmured in his ear. "I'm ready for more."

If there were more alluring words in the English language Colin didn't know them. "How much more?" he asked huskily.

"How much do you want to show me?" she replied.

"Everything." He said sincerely.

"I want it all." Penelope said simply. "And I will enjoy it. I want it all because I am with you." she kissed him deeply and he felt himself begin to harden. "I trust you Colin."

Colin groaned. "As my lady wishes." He lowered his head to hers and his hand slowly went down her body, tracing and caressing her breasts before starting to sink lower and start to gather up her skirts.

"Boy if you want to make it to your wedding night, you're going to lift that hand up right now!" a sharp voice cut in, interrupting the idyllic moment.

Colin sat up quickly, yanking his hand back up to see Lady Danbury smirking and his mother hiding a smile behind her fan. "Oh, Mother, Lady Danbury. Didn't see you there."

Violet snorted. "I highly doubt you were paying attention to much of anything."

"Just what matters." Colin said smoothly.

Penelope's face was crimson in embarrassment as she sat up and began straightening her skirts. "Agatha, Lady Bridgerton, I am so humiliated. I'm sorry."

Lady Danbury couldn't keep her laughter in anymore. "Penelope, I understand. However I did warn you two last night about no physical activity until you are engaged."

"You didn't specify clothing on or off." Penelope pointed out. "And we were just kissing."

"I've seen what that kind of kissing leads to." Violet broke in. "Why do you think Anthony was born so quickly after Edmund and I were wed?"

"MOTHER!" Colin burst out, scandalized.

"Oh shush," Violet silenced her son. "Stop acting like you weren't about to tup together."

"We weren't." Penelope cut in, cutting the conversation off. "I told Colin I am not yet ready for that step. He has respected it."

Violet smiled in pride. "Good man Colin. You're not a total rake after all."

"I'm not a rake at all!" Colin protested.

"In any case dearest, it is time for us to head to Bridgerton House for you to meet with Anthony, visit with the family and stay for tea. Penelope, are you sure you don't want to join us?"

Penelope shook her head. "I appreciate the offer Lady Bridgerton, but I would rather stay here with Agatha. We have much to catch up on."

"And I have a feeling I'm going to need drawing materials." Lady Danbury muttered.

"Drawing materials?" Penelope questioned. "I don't recall reading about that in my books."

Lady Danbury waved a hand at her. "Long story, I'll tell you later. It does have to do with the Queen when she was first wed though."

Colin leaned down to give Penelope a kiss on the forehead. "I will see you later love."

"Enjoy seeing your family again." Penelope said sincerely as she rose from the grass. "Agatha, how about we head to your library?"

"It would be my pleasure." Lady Danbury smiled. "Follow me, I don't believe I've brought you there before."

Colin held out his arm for his mother to take and they headed towards the front of Danbury Hall where the Bridgerton carriage was waiting.

It felt surreal for Colin to help his mother out of the carriage in front of Bridgerton House, yet at the same time he also took a deep breath because it felt so good to be home. Or close to home since he kept his room at Number 5. "It is good to be back." He commented to his mother.

Violet smiled at him, caressing his cheek gently. "It is good to have you back. Perhaps you will start to find reasons to stay here instead of gallivanting around the world."

"Perhaps." Colin shrugged. "I will go where Penelope goes. She is my guiding light now."

Violet almost swooned. "That is so romantically sweet Colin. It is wonderful to see you in love."

Colin grinned. "I had a good example."

They walked in the front doors of Bridgerton House to be greeted by his smiling, squealing siblings. Hyacinth threw herself at Colin for a hug, followed closely by Francesca and Gregory. "Colin! Welcome home!"

"It is good to be back." Colin repeated to his siblings.

"Colin!" Anthony called out. "Welcome back!"

"Thank you." Colin replied, smiling at him. "I am in high spirits." He looked around. "Where's Eloise?"

Hyacinth rolled her eyes. "Likely still sulking in her room. She rarely leaves these days."

"What about her friendship with Miss Cowper?" Colin asked.

"That went sour quicker than milk on a sunny day." Gregory interjected. "They had a row about something – we know not what – and Eloise ceased contact and communication with her."

"Ah." Colin shrugged. "Well, I will talk to her later. We have much to discuss."

"As do you and I." Anthony said pointedly. "Come with me to the study."

"I'm coming too!" Benedict said from the stairs.

"Where are you coming in from?" Anthony questioned.

"Just a morning stroll." Benedict winked at Anthony. "You used to be quite fond of them."

"I prefer to have a morning stroll with my wife." Anthony said firmly.

"Why do I get the feeling that morning stroll means something else?" Hyacinth commented from the crowd.

"Don't you have studies to attend to?" Colin asked, a bit exasperated with the youngest Bridgerton.

"I'm on a break right now." Hyacinth said smugly. "My governess had to run an errand."

Colin sighed as he followed Anthony and Benedict to the study. He turned to his mother. "Mother, after you find Eloise kindly have her wait in the family drawing room for me. I need to speak with her about matters of utmost importance."

Violet nodded her understanding. "Of course, dearest. I'll go check on her now."

Colin closed the study door behind Benedict and Anthony, while Anthony walked over to pour three tumblers of whisky. "I believe you have much to explain." Anthony said sternly. "Explain."

Colin took a sip of his whisky and shrugged. "Where would you like me to start Ant?"

"Why did she leave? You hinted towards abuse in your missive."

"I didn't hint," Colin said testily. "I downright said it."

"Again, explain." Benedict cajoled.

Colin drew a deep breath and began to speak. He told them about Penelope's past, about her abuse and horrors she endured at home, horrors she endured in the public eye with no one to step up for her, the insults, the derision, the nightmares, the misery, the attempts on her life and self injury. He held nothing back and told them every detail, stopping only when he mentioned finally seeing her in Athens and the hoops she made him jump through just to get her to talk to and start to trust him again.

Colin paused. "I told you in my letter Anthony, my intent is to make her my wife. I would like to see the betrothal ring collection and choose a ring for Pen."

"I am in shock over anyone, much less a lady being treated like that." Anthony murmured, his head in his hands.

"We didn't help matters much once we began ignoring her as well, cutting her out and not inviting her to anything." Colin said pointedly. "I am ashamed of how this family has acted and I still don't know why."

"Eloise had said that Penelope had requested to be left alone from us, that since they were at odds Penelope requested to be distanced from our family and she wanted nothing further to do with us." Benedict explained. "It never made sense to me why Penelope would do that all of a sudden, and so many times I wanted to ask her why when I saw her miserable and alone at promenade, at balls, but she was radiating pain and when I walked close to her she found a reason to leave."

"Eloise also mentioned that Penelope was the reason our family was scandalized so much over the years, betraying us all and spilling all of our secrets. She had gotten everything she wanted from us and was finished with us." Anthony added.

Colin's eyes hardened. "Nothing could have been further from the truth." He said grimly, taking another drink of whisky. "We only added to her absolute misery. And Anthony, her betraying us and spreading our secrets? She only did that a handful of times to save our family from true scandal. The Queen was hunting Eloise for God's sake!"

"Be that as it may, she must have expected repercussions." Anthony said stubbornly. "It is part of why I do not think this an advantageous match."

"I do not require your permission Anthony." Colin said angrily. "And yes, she expected repercussions, but what could possibly be worse to be done to her than how Society and her family have treated her for years?"

"You do require my permission if you want to continue getting your trust fund." Anthony shot back. "I am the head of the family."

"I do not need my inheritance." Colin said to Anthony. "Indeed I will forfeit the entire thing. I need Penelope. I love her."

Benedict and Anthony looked at each other in surprise. This was not what they were expecting to hear. "Have you told her this?"

"I have." Colin affirmed. "No need for furtive looks, there is aught amiss. I understand you might be concerned after my last betrothal; this is nothing like that. I have always felt something for Penelope, and as I mentioned, I was on my way back to formally request to court her."

"Colin, you could be expelled from Society."

"I care not." Colin shrugged. "I am a third son with nothing to my name. Penelope is miserable here in Mayfair. If she chooses to live somewhere else, I will accompany her."

"Colin…you have things to your name." Benedict interjected.

"Name one." Colin challenged. "It matters not, truly. I've made my peace with that. All I want is Penelope as my wife." He looked to Anthony. "Where are the betrothal rings Ant? I'm not leaving without choosing one for her. You can bring the family on board with her becoming an official part of our family, or you can choose not to. Either way, as much as I love each and every one of you I will walk away from all of it for her."

Anthony looked at him levelly before breaking into a smile. "I had to know if you were being sincere or being impulsive again." He stood up. "You are marrying her and for all the right reasons it seems." He held out his hand to shake it man-to-man. "Congratulations brother."

A knock at the door had Benedict opening it and turning back around with the ring collection. "We get to help though Col."

Colin smiled at his brothers, grateful for their support. "I couldn't do it with you."

"And do try to get Penelope back here." Anthony said gently, putting a hand on Colin's shoulder. "I would like to formally welcome her to the family."

"Ant, I'm not going to lie. Getting her here right now could be an impossible task." Colin looked him in the eye. "Portia Featherington already came calling at Danbury Hall this morning. Penelope has much pain in her, especially from our family. She was shredded to hear that Eloise knew she was back and didn't want to see her."

"I'm not pleased with how Eloise is acting." Anthony said grimly. "Neither am I happy knowing she manipulated us into staying away from Penelope when she needed us in her corner."

"She told me to pass along that if you want to go to her, she will receive you but it's going to take time for her to even want to come back here."

"Then we will take it one step at a time." Anthony said decisively. "I'll get Kate up to speed on everything as well. Once she gets involved, I'm fairly certain that this will be cleared up in no time."

"Could you wipe off the smug face about your wife?" Benedict scowled.

"I tell you men; it is a good thing to have a wife." Anthony wiggled his eyebrows. "Now Colin, let us choose a ring for Penelope."

The brothers stood together in the study examining rings while Colin focused on choosing the single most important piece of jewelry of his life. His conversation with Eloise was on the horizon and she was not going to enjoy it.

Notes:

O Solitude, if I must thee dwell - John Keats, 1816

Chapter 20: If the love that I've got for you is gone

Chapter Text

Colin stared at the ring in the box proudly, a beautiful flower styled halo with six pearls surrounding a white sapphire. It suited Penelope's small hands perfectly and he couldn't wait to put it on her finger. Farewelling his older brothers, he left the study in search of Eloise. The time for their confrontation had come.

As he was walking up the stairs, he passed a despondent Gregory who was sitting on the landing staring down at his hands. "Greg, what's wrong?"

Gregory looked up at him, unhappy. "Am I even considered one of the brothers?"

Colin looked at him, perplexed. "Of course you are. Why would you even ask?"

Gregory had a frustrated look on his face. "I'm never included in anything that you and the others do, and I know it's because I'm so young that I can't go out drinking or whoring with you, but I'm more than just the family pet!"

Colin's mouth hung open. "Greg, that has nothing to do with it. I don't care that you're not old enough to drink."

"Then why am I never included?" Greg burst out.

"Our topics of conversation are not appropriate for a young man of your age." Colin said honestly. "After you've been to Eton, we can start including you and doing rites of passage, but until then you are still considered in the nursery."

"What's not appropriate? Talking about copulation? I've read some books; I know about it!"

Colin tried to suppress a grin. "Gregory, first off, it's not called copulation except outside of those books. And the ones you'll get at Eton and Oxford go into much more detail. And yes, talking about sex is a big part of what the other brothers and I discuss, and we do not want to sway your opinions on anything before time. I understand it's hard being the youngest brother – you forget that it used to be me and there's six years between Benedict and myself. I didn't begin to forge a brotherly bond with them until I was old enough to shave and they didn't have to be so careful about what they spoke about around me."

"So, I will be included soon?" Gregory said hopefully.

"Greg, you leave for Eton in three weeks. I assure you that once you come home on your first school break, you'll be brought into Anthony's study with the rest of us and given a tipple whether you're old enough or not." Colin smiled at him. "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up."

"Did you pick out Penelope's engagement ring?" Greg asked, eyeing the box in Colin's hand.

Colin smiled proudly. "I did. Would you like to see? I would love to know your opinion on it."

Gregory smiled widely. "May I?"

Colin handed the box to his youngest brother and waited for him to peruse it. "Thoughts brother?"

Gregory handed it back to Colin, grinning. "It's beautiful brother, and a excellent choice for Penelope. She's pocket sized so it will look fantastic on her hands."

Colin arched an eyebrow. "Pocket sized?"

Gregory shrugged. "Sure. She fits under your arm neatly, and I've heard her be called pocket sized before. I didn't take it as a slur."

Colin chuckled at his brother. "I like that. I might have to use it on her. My pocket-sized wife."

"Don't exclude me anymore Colin, ok?"

"I'll do my best Greg, just remember that more things are coming as you grow and go through the proper milestones." Colin cautioned. "And I will include you where appropriate."

Gregory smiled. "Thank you for listening Colin."

"Anytime Greg." Colin said easily. "I'm off to find Eloise and get very angry at her so I need to excuse myself."

"I'll be with Hyacinth listening outside the door."

"You'll do no such thing! This is a private conversation!" Colin said adamantly.

It was Gregory's turn to laugh. "Privacy? Among siblings in this family? I think not."

Colin threw up his hands and sighed, mostly because it was true. "Very well, just don't interject alright?"

Gregory nodded and followed Colin to the family drawing room where Eloise sat with her arms crossed looking furious at one end, their mother, Hyacinth and Francesca sat at the other end, seemingly playing a card game quietly. Benedict sat reading a newspaper and Anthony had yet to show his face. Clearly this was not to be a private conversation at all. Gregory went over to the card game and asked to be dealt in while Colin headed towards the far fireplace where Eloise could have had steam coming out of her ears.

"Sister!" he said jovially. "How are you?"

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"It is so good to you. I've missed you. My travels? Why thank you for asking so politely Eloise. My travels were well but cut short when I got several frantic missives to go hunting for Miss Featherington. Imagine my surprise to find out that she had absconded from Mayfair." Colin's cheerful tone beginning to fade at the end.

"What's your point? You left. You travelled. You got some boring stories, and you found an insipid wallflower." Eloise spat. "Whyever, would you assume I was interested in any of it?"

"You've always enjoyed learning of my travels and my sharing with you." Colin said reasonably. "And Miss Featherington is your best friend."

"She is no such thing!" Eloise stood up; hands clenched. "She is nothing to me or this family! She is a double crossing, deceitful, lying, duplicitous bitch who should not be anywhere around our family!"

"Eloise language!" they heard their mother admonish from across the room.

"How so has she fallen out in your eyes?" Colin asked, his face hard at Eloise's words.

"She betrayed me – us! She's been lying to us for years! She's taken advantage of us like her social climbing mother and has not once ever been a true friend!"

"You once loved her." Colin pointed out. "You were going to be knights together. I remember after you read Don Quixote."

"I was devastated to learn that we couldn't fence." Eloise sighed before her anger got caught up again. "We have grown apart. She is the biggest liar in the ton, and the worst person! Worse than Cressida Cowper!"

"I would love for you to rationally explain your hypothesis." Colin said calmly, sitting down and pouring himself some tea.

"She's been writing about our family for years!"

"She has." Colin agreed. "And everyone else in Mayfair. She wrote the most read scandal sheet in Mayfair history."

"She ruined your first engagement!"

"Thankfully!" Colin snapped back.

"What do you mean? You loved Marina!" Eloise raged.

"No, I bloody well didn't!" Colin shot back. "As you would know if you'd bothered to ask me about it any time over the last two years. I didn't love her. I was infatuated with her. I was more in love with the idea of being in love than actually having feelings for her – and I would like to point out that she lied to me about something far graver than just loving me. She was going to bear another man's children! If she had been honest, I would have married her out of obligation for her honour – even though I had absolutely no responsibility or reason to do so, I would have. But any affection and so-called love would have faded quickly, and I would now be trapped in a loveless marriage with a shrewish woman who showed she has no compunctions about using others to get what she wants. I was not her George. I never would be and for that alone, she would never love me."

"You don't know that." Eloise said narrowing her eyes.

"I know it for fact." Colin said decisively. "If you recall, I did go to see her while Anthony and Kate were doing their anger-courting-foreplay relationship."

"You never told me how it went."

"You never asked." Colin pointed out. "She called me a fool. She called me a boy. She told me to stop living in a fantasy world and grow up. And THEN, Lady Crane – who by your analogy should have the most reason to hate Miss Featherington – told me to look at the one person who DID love me! The one who was ALWAYS there for me! Penelope!" he paused to breathe. "I was too mule-headed at the time to understand what she was trying to say but her words became very clear when I left for my tour this time and I didn't get a letter from the one person who always wrote me."

"She ruined me!"

"She saved you from the fucking gallows!" Colin roared.

"Colin! I will wash your mouth out!" their mother yelled from the other end of the room.

"She did not!" Eloise denied.

"Were you, or were you not being hunted by the Queen?" Colin asked angrily.

"Because of her!"

"Were you, or were you not going unchaperoned to rallies at the other end of the city? Were you or were you not spending an inordinate and inappropriate amount of unchaperoned time with a young printing press gentleman?"

Eloise froze. "You know about that?"

Colin sneered at her. "Yes Eloise. I know about that. I know about Theo. I know about the gatherings you went to. I know that you left Anthony's first wedding followed closely by the Queen's men which is how they found you in the first place!"

Eloise went pale. "That's not true. No one knew, I was careful until it was all spilled in Whistledown."

"You were not nearly as covert as you thought Eloise." Colin said firmly. "For Christ's sake…"

"LANGUAGE!"

Colin glared at his mother who was now standing, hands on her hips, any attempt to play cards long gone. "Yes Mother." He said testily before turning back to Eloise. "I followed you once, or twice. Or thrice. And you never noticed! I know that Miss Featherington begged you to cease what you were doing…"

"Because she didn't want me finding out the truth about her!"

"Or because she knew the dangers because she had been doing it herself for years and she was trying to protect your reputation and this families! Yes, she brought scandal to us, such a minor scandal that you weathered very well I might add – and the truth got buried! Your reputation maintained itself intact and your honour unsullied!" Colin stood up, livid.

"It's still not right what she did!" Eloise yelled, her face beet red.

"Did she warn you?" Colin asked, dangerously quiet. "Did she continually try to get you to listen to her?" he paused. "I know she did me, and I was too bullheaded to listen to her words."

"It matters not! She was worried about her own dirty secret!"

"Or perhaps the reputation of her greatest friend and her family! You do know that if you were ruined Eloise, all of us would be ruined. By you being careless and only thinking of yourself you put Fran's and Hyacinth's marriage prospects at risk as well? You put Greg's acceptance to Eton at risk. You put Anthony's seat in Parliament at risk!" Colin spat, his lip curling.

Eloise froze, her eyes wide. "That's not true."

"Actually it is." Benedict's voice cut in from across the room as he folded his newspaper. "I almost got kicked out of the art academy because of you. I left on my own terms, but a lot of what you did had me being looked at in two ways. Some of my more radical friends admired me – not my work – but me for having such an outspoken sister. The others were on the verge of shunning me. Did you know I almost got banned from Whites?"

Eloise's face went pale. "No one told me this."

"Would you have listened?" Colin asked ruthless. "Or would you have found another way to blame your actions on Penelope?"

Eloise opened her mouth and snapped it shut again. She folded her arms mulishly. "It doesn't change the fact that she lied to us."

"Let's also remember," Violet cut in from across the room. "That she took the information I managed to gather on Nigel Berbrooke and made it public, saving Daphne from a potentially abusive and loveless marriage. You think I did that for nothing? I was hoping Whistledown would publish. Despite what you think, she was a powerful woman with words that would even make men pay attention."

Eloise clenched her jaw. "I refuse to admit that any part of it was helpful."

"You might." Anthony said from the doorway, entering with Kate on his arm. "The rest of us decided differently." He kissed her cheek. "Once it was revealed who Whistledown actually was, all the pieces fell into place. I have to admit, I was incredibly surprised, briefly angry and overwhelmingly proud. Who would have thought that Penelope Featherington of all people was Lady Whistledown?"

"Oh yes, let's get on the everyone loves Penelope bandwagon." Eloise said angrily.

"Considering what she has gone through in her life and what she had to endure at home, it is a miracle that she was able to do it at all. It was her only escape." Colin defended.

"What about her home life?" Eloise sneered. "Her family taught her tough love. So what? It doesn't make her any different or special than anyone else?"

"Did she tell you about the beatings? The starvation?" Colin charged at her.

"She mentioned it once, and I told her to stop making up angsty stories."

Colin's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding? You do know that she almost died right?"

"Another one of her made-up stories to make people pity her." Eloise said loftily.

Colin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't even say that." He said shortly. "I've seen the scars myself. You have no idea what she lived through."

"Oh, and you do?" Eloise snapped. "So, she's a whore as well."

Benedict and Anthony put restraining hands on Colin's shoulders. "Dad isn't here to horsewhip me this time if I strike you." He said lowly. "Do not call her a whore ever again if you value your skin."

"Colin, you are a gentleman." Anthony reminded him.

Gregory stepped forward. "I'm not one yet. I could smack her."

"Greg!" Eloise exclaimed. "You must be joking!"

"Penelope is one of the nicest people in the world." Gregory defended. "She always made time for me when no one else would and didn't judge me ever. She never treated me like I was a burden and didn't get exasperated when I wanted to talk."

"Same for me." Hyacinth piped up. "When you were busy avoiding me and Fran was in Bath, she would sit with me and we would discuss my lessons, books, and yes, even gossip. She always made time to answer my questions and didn't care if they were appropriate or not."

"Eloise." Kate spoke up quietly. "It hurts my heart to know that you actively lied to this family to keep us away from a gentle and kind soul. You went out of your way to ensure that she was left completely alone and despondent. I am so disappointed in you that I don't think I can welcome you in Bridgerton House for a while. I request that you move your belongings to your mother's residence in Number 5."

"You're kicking me out?" Eloise asked Kate incredulous.

"You've hurt us terribly Eloise. I think that you retreating to think about what you did, not just to your best friend – who you never listen to I might add, I've watched you both – but you lied to your family. Openly. Willingly. Multiple times. I cannot forgive that at this time." Kate said gently. "Forgiveness will come in time, but reparations need to be made. By you."

"What about all of you? You listened to me! You ignored and cut her off as well!" Eloise said defensively.

"And we will be making reparation." Anthony said firmly. "We will go to her as she will not come here."

"Making a scene again, I'm sure." Eloise rolled her eyes.

"She's avoiding here because her heart hurts too much." Colin said stiffly. He turned to his family. "I must head back to Danbury Hall. I have said and done everything I needed to do here. I have a proposal to render."

"Of course, dearest." Violet said and gave him a quick hug. "Send our love to Penelope and let her know we will touch base with Lady Danbury and arrange to get together for a supper very soon. We have much to discuss with her, including an upcoming wedding."

"If she says yes." Colin grins. "I've never been more terrified in my life."

"That's how you know you're asking the right one." Anthony affirmed as he hugged his brother quickly. "Do send word if she accepts."

"I will do." Colin nodded. "See you all tomorrow. I will be back after breakfast. Perhaps we can promenade."

"Looking forward to it." Kate gave Colin a large hug. "Good luck Colin. And you will treat her right or I swear I will hang you by your heels, strip your flesh from your bones and then stop being nice."

Colin looked at Anthony wide-eyed. "And I thought Lady Danbury was terrifying. Better you than me."

Anthony looked smugly at Colin as he left and kissed his wife quickly before turning to his sister. "Eloise, you heard the Viscountess. Please gather your belongings for transfer to Number 5."

"You're all going to abandon me?" Eloise cried.

"Perhaps you need to know what it feels like to be forsaken by everyone you've ever known." Benedict said angrily. "I am so disappointed in you right now I must leave. I've never felt the urge to harm a woman but I'm starting to."

"Me too." Gregory said as he followed Benedict out of the room.

"Fancy some archery?" they heard Benedict ask Gregory in the hallway.

"I'll get the bow and arrows!"

Eloise stood silently, in shock, her anger beginning to dissipate considering what her actions had done. For the first time, she would have to suffer the consequences of stubbornness.

Colin whistled happily as he re-entered Danbury Hall. Lady Danbury held her arms out to welcome him back. "How did it go?"

"I feel emotionally drained." Colin admitted. "But I said my peace, got what I needed to, and Mother wanted me to let you know she's going to be sending a letter to arrange the family coming over for supper to try to make amends with Pen."

"Excellent." Lady Danbury nodded, satisfied. "I expect nothing less." She paused. "And Eloise?"

"I had to leave before I raised a hand to her Lady Danbury." Colin confessed.

"Then you were a smart man to realize your limits. So many don't."

Colin held out the box that had Penelope's engagement ring. "I got what I needed. What do you think?"

Lady Danbury opened the box and her eyes got misty. "You chose well Mr. Bridgerton."

"I want to plan something romantic for Pen before I ask her to marry me." Colin explained. "Can you help me?"

"Colin, nothing would make me more delighted." Agatha smiled happily. "Go say hello to your betrothed and find me in the private drawing room."

"She still in the library?" Colin asked eagerly.

"Hasn't left it since our little…anatomy drawing lesson. She will not go to you unprepared on her wedding night." Lady Danbury giggled like a girl. "She didn't stop blushing or stammering for three hours."

"You can be wicked Agatha." Colin chuckled. "I hope you don't mind I dropped the honorific."

"It's about damned time you did. We're going to be family after all." Agatha smiled. "See you in a bit, and remember until you propose, you keep your hands to yourself." She paused. "Remember, I have eyes everywhere in my house."

Suitably chastened, Colin put the engagement ring back in his pocket and went to find Penelope.

Chapter 21: This ain't a love song

Notes:

Smut! More smut! Then even more smut! I kindly thank my husband

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Penelope was sitting in the library, staring out the window, still slightly in shock over the 'lesson' that Agatha had pressed upon her. Despite her insistence that she knew the basics, she had read plenty and Colin himself had helped her learn it was not sufficient. She wasn't sure what to make of being told that her head might hit the headboard and that didn't sound appealing at all. The drawings were far more graphic than anything she had ever seen, and she had managed to sneak a English copy of Arabian Nights! She never would have thought that Agatha Danbury would have spoken so frankly to her.

The redness had finally started to leave her face and chest, as she had kept covering her face with her hands and swearing that the embarrassment was real as Agatha was blunt about names and what should go where. Penelope still had many questions but she was going to wait and hopefully figure it out for herself.

"Penelope?" she heard a quiet voice from the door call in.

She smiled in relief. She was afraid that Agatha was going to come back with more helpful 'information' or even worse, more illustrations. She was never going to get the look for some of them out of her head. "Over here Colin."

He came over and kissed her deeply. "I missed you terribly today." He said as he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.

"I missed you as well. I had a conversation with Agatha that I won't soon forget." Penelope chuckled.

"Tell me about it." Colin said suggestively.

"No!" Penelope exclaimed. "I'm going to try to forget it as soon as possible!"

"Is that wise?" Colin smiled at her. "After all, how else will you learn about what goes on behind closed doors, in the dark, with a man who is ready to rip your clothes off and ravish you?" he finished in a low voice.

Penelope felt a chill go through her at the suggestiveness of his tone. "If he is a good man, he will teach me."

"Penelope." Colin growled into her ear. "When I am finally able to make love to you, being a good man is going to be the last thing that you will want."

"I don't understand." Penelope blinked at him.

"You will." Colin affirmed. He wanted to tell her that he would treat her like a lady and fuck her like a whore, but it wasn't time for coarse words yet. Soon he assured himself.

"How did it go at Bridgerton House?" Penelope asked nervously.

"I yelled at Eloise." Colin admitted. "I had to actually leave before I struck her, I was so angry at her pig headedness."

Penelope sighed, tears filling her eyes. "It's hopeless."

"All will be well Pen. I'm sure of it." He said reassuringly, taking her hands and sitting down next to her. "I hate to speak so of my own sister, but I found out the truth of the lies and deceptions she had told the rest of the family and the way she did ensure that you were left ostracised and alone. Her mind seems muddled and full of spite. I've never seen anything like it and am flabbergasted at how she has twisted everything."

"And the rest of the family?" Penelope asked, her voice flat. "I'm sure they weren't overly impressed that I ruined her."

"You didn't ruin anything or anyone!" Colin said sharply. "Enough of that. Anthony said that he was quite proud of you, once the shock wore off. The rest of the family holds no ill will towards you. In truth Gregory and Hyacinth were your most vocal defenders. Hate it how she will, embarrassed as she was, Eloise needs to realize that you protected the entire family, not just her. She just isn't happy that you proved smarter than she."

Penelope sighed. "I'm glad your family bears me no ill will. Save Eloise of course."

Colin lifted her hand to his lips. "The family is sending a notice to Agatha that they would like to come to supper and make reparations to you for how you were treated. We are all horribly embarrassed at out actions. Kate actually asked her to go to Number 5, she's the most upset I think."

"She shouldn't be punished so." Penelope defended. "She's entitled to her thoughts and feelings, like them or not. Hurtful though they are."

"Pen, Kate knows better than anyone about lying and acting in what you think are the best interests of family and she even said that forgiveness will come in time, but just as she was gaining new family it was being torn apart from within. She can't forgive that yet. You know how Kate feels about family." Colin explained.

Penelope nodded sadly. "I was getting ready to head out for a walk around the gardens. Did you wish to join me?"

Colin kissed her cheek. "Nothing would make me happier Pen. I will join you shortly, Agatha has requested a few moments of my time first."

"Better go see her then." Penelope giggled. "Maybe she'll educate you on the ways of physical love."

Colin snorted. "My brothers are two of the biggest rakes London has ever seen. To say nothing of my brother-in-law. I highly doubt there is anything she can teach me that I don't already know about sex."

"Sex?" Penelope repeated the word.

"That's the formal phrase for it. Though Greg called it copulating earlier today." Colin mused. "The sooner he gets to Eton to advance his gentlemanly education the better."

"What are other names for it?" Penelope asked, wide eyed. "Amongst women it is mostly known as The Marital Act."

"Christ they make it sound intimidating don't they?" Colin rolled his eyes. "I prefer fuck - Fornication Under Command of the King. It's like royalty itself has decreed we must fuck."

Penelope blushed. "I'm sorry, I know I sound horribly uneducated despite all my reading and my books."

Colin kissed her gently. "My love, there are some things you can't learn in books, and I look forward to teaching you all of them. Including terminology." He looked towards the door. "Now I must get to Agatha. Enjoy your walk, I will come see you soon."

"I love you Colin." Penelope said softly.

"I love you more."

Penelope left to head to the gardens and Colin cleared his throat and headed to the private drawing room Agatha had summoned him to. He knocked on the door before entering, to find Agatha sitting and enjoying a long smoke and a drink. "Ah, you made it Colin!" Agatha smiled. "Whiskey?"

"I'd love a tot." Colin said as he headed over to pour himself a tumbler and have a seat with Agatha.

"I have been working on a surprise for both of you." Agatha smiled. "I think I have created a lovely area for you to propose in."

Colin felt nervous flutters in his stomach as he noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. "I hope she says yes." He said as he took a sip of his whiskey. "Smooth."

"It's older than you are Colin. It had better be." Agatha said dryly. "Nervous?"

"Terrified." Colin admitted. "What if she says no?"

"Do you have rocks in your head instead of eyeballs?" Agatha raised an eyebrow. "That girl has been desperately in love with you for years. You really think that she'll say no when you are going to offer her everything she's ever wanted?"

"She might. She's been so hurt by so many people who should have loved her. She's so scared all the time." Colin sighed. "And yet she is the strongest woman I have ever met and I admire the grit in her."

"That makes two of us." Agatha smiled at him. "She's walking in the gardens. Lead her to the centre of the maze. I will ensure you remain undisturbed until you come back out. And Colin – I will look the other way for any…frivolity that you two will choose to do for celebration. This time. My house is not a fornication den. You are doing right by her and I will permit it."

"Thank you, Agatha."

"Go on. Make an honest woman out of her." Agatha encouraged. "I am waiting on your mothers letter."

Colin stood, finished his tumbler and headed towards the door. "You really are amazing Agatha. I don't know why more people don't see it."

"Why because I don't wish them to. As a rule I tend to despise most members of the ton. You and Penelope are cut from a different cloth. And if you ever let any of this get out you will rue the day you crossed me." Agatha said idly as she snuffed out her smoke.

Colin bowed quickly to her out of respect and headed to the gardens, hoping the fluttering in his stomach soon settled. It would not be conducive to romance to have him lose his stomach on Penelope as he was professing undying love.

Walking out to the gardens, he saw his beautiful redhead smelling some flowers and he headed over to her. "My love," he held out his arm. "Come walk with me."

"I would be honoured." Penelope replied, taking his arm.

The walked slowly together as Colin headed towards the maze. "Weren't we here this morning?" Penelope asked.

"We were. Now we're going back." Colin replied. "Do you trust me?"

"You and Agatha only." Penelope said honestly.

"Then continue to do so and come with me." He murmured into her ear. Loosening his cravat, he removed it and covered her eyes. "I've got you."

Penelope was shaking slightly. "I trust you." She repeated.

Colin led her to the centre of the maze, acutely aware of her harsh breathing. When he got to the centre, his jaw dropped. Agatha and her staff had gone to great lengths to make this area even more dreamy and romantic than it was previously. There was a picnic basket with finger food, a bottle of champagne on ice and two glasses. Flower vines were wrapped around the swing and bordering the brook that ran through the centre. The fountain was wrapped in creeping vines and flowers. It was ethereal. "Take the blindfold off." He said softly.

Penelope quickly pulled down his cravat and blinked, taking in the scene before her. "Colin it's beautiful." She whispered in awe. "How did you do all this?"

"Agatha and her staff created this fairy wonderland for us." Colin replied, smiling. "After seeing you look like a fairy this morning, I had to replicate it with the setting sun."

Penelope walked around, taking in everything, her hands gently stroking some flowers. "It's magickal."

"Not as magickal as the woman who stands here now." He said honestly.

Penelope blushed. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"Who said I didn't mean it?" Colin asked. "I mean every word."

"Really?" Penelope asked, looking down.

"Really." Colin reassured her. "Penelope Ann Featherington, I love you with all my heart. I love you in ways that you have no idea about. I love you fervently. Ardently. I declare it loudly."

"I love you too Colin Bridgerton. I have always loved you." Penelope admitted.

Colin reached into his pocket to pull out a small box and Penelope's eyes widened as she realized what it must be. "I know that I'm a man of grand gestures and phrases, but I find in this moment that they all fail me. I have no fancy words, I have no grand gestures. I just have you, and I have a question to ask you." He paused. "I am a third son with nothing to my name. I don't know my future, I don't know my goals. I don't have a clear idea of how to be an adult or live my life." He cleared his throat. "But what I do know is that I will love you for the rest of my life if you'll allow me. I'll follow you to the ends of the earth to make you happy. I may not have much in my life, but if I have you, then I have everything."

He sat on the bench and opened the box as Penelope slowly came over to sit next to him. "What I am trying to say Penelope Featherington, is will you marry me or not?"

Penelope's jaw dropped as he held out the ring box. Her eyes glistened with tears as her smile threatened to break her face in half. "Colin Bridgerton, I would be delighted and honoured to marry you." She whispered, holding out her hand.

"Then accept this ring, and be mine forever." He said sincerely as he lifted the delicate ring out with shaking hands and slid it on her finger. It was slightly loose but an otherwise perfect fit.

"Yes." Penelope said simply, staring at the ring and at Colin. "Yes."

Colin's face split into a huge smile before he pulled her close to him and kissed her gently, pouring all the love and passion he felt into the kiss.

Penelope felt something hovering in the air in their enchanted bubble, it was strong, it was savage. It was cool as a breeze, it was warm to the touch, it was never enough and it was far too much. It did all the things love does, and that's how she knew it was.*

She gave into Colin's kiss, knowing that this moment, was THE moment. She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and he groaned into her mouth as his tongue warred with hers. One of his hands tangled in her hair as the other drifted to the back of her dress and began to loosen her laces. "You must tell me if you do not wish for this." He said roughly.

"I do not wish for you to stop." Penelope said clearly. "Make love to me Colin."

"As my lady wishes." He murmurs before his fingers complete unlacing her and he lowers her dress from her arms, watching it fall in a sage green puddle at her feet. Clad in nothing but her corset and slip, Colin turned her around to unlace the beautiful item on her body, resenting it for resting next to her skin.

He lowered the corset and stared for the first time at her naked back. He finally saw every scar that marred her beautiful back, some rough and bumpy, others smooth but still leaving marks. He reminded himself that at this moment, anger had no place here. He gently traced each scar with a finger tip, promising to soon follow it with his tongue.

"Beautiful." He said approvingly.

"It looks awful." Penelope said, ashamed. "I understand it's not attractive."

Colin spun her around. "Listen to me Penelope Featherington – those scars prove nothing except that you were stronger than what tried to break you. Those are you battle wounds and I couldn't be prouder of you or them. I do not see your scars as detrimental to your beauty, I see them as a war you fought and won. Do not think poorly of yourself my love, please. I only see a woman who I am about to introduce to passion. Those scars don't even exist in my eyes, just you. They do not make up who you are, they never have. They never will."

Penelope launched herself into Colin's arms, kissing him roughly, frantically. Trying to express in actions what she was unable to say. To let this man know just how much she adored him. He didn't find her repulsive like her mother always said a man would. He loved her. He wanted her.

"I love these curves." He murmured as his hand traced the outline of her hourglass figure. "I love every bit of you Pen."

"I feel far too overdressed." Penelope said coyly. "I want to see you too."

"My lady never has to ask twice." Colin acquiesced. He swiftly removed his waistcoat and vest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt before yanking it from his body. The fire that blazed in Penelope's eyes as she looked at him made him moan in want. He noticed her biting her lips and giggling slightly as he removed his boots and went to remove his belt.

She bit her lip as the belt came loose and he began to unbutton his trousers. "Colin, you look amazing." She whispered.

Colin simply smiled as he lowered his trousers and smallclothes together, standing before her fully nude and erect.

"Oh my." She gasped as she took in the sight of him standing proudly before her. "Will it fit?"

"Oh my love," Colin said gently as he gathered her in his arms. "It will fit."

"What do I do?" Penelope asked.

Colin shook his head and smiled. "I will do everything."

Penelope put a hand on his chest, stopping him. "No. Tell me."

Colin kissed her gently as he lowered her to the soft blanket that was near the picnic basket. "You could…touch me, like you did on the boat."

Penelope nodded as she began to run her hands over his nude form, marvelling at the defined muscles, the firmness yet the gentleness of his body, so different from her own.

Colin felt the cold metal from her engagement ring on his back and male pride surged through him. She chose HIM. She wanted HIM. If there was a more powerful aphrodisiac known to man, he had yet to find it.

He kissed her deeply, again and again making her heady and dizzy with want. Yearning for more. She felt his hands squeeze her breasts, his lips suck and lave them deeply as his hands continued their journey to her centre, bared to him for the first time.

She threw back her head and moaned as his fingers traced their way down and up her thighs. "Spread your legs." He said huskily.

Penelope let her legs fall open wantonly, no longer caring about anything but this man and these feelings he was giving her. His fingers deftly began to play with her outer folds, with her sensitive nub that made her cry out as he fingered her clit, one finger slipping inside her.

Penelope cried out as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out of her, stretching her and adding a second. Colin relished the look of abandon on her face and kissed her deeply, swallowing her moans. "Colin…"

"Yes." He hissed. "Keep saying my name like that forever." He kissed and nipped at her neck as he lowered his lips to where his fingers were ravishing her, her wetness seeping out of her. "You smell delicious." He said, his eyes almost completely black. "I must have a taste."

"What?" Penelope cried as Colin's tongue. "OH MY GOD!" she screamed as his tongue joined his fingers inside her and he fingers tangled in his hair. She wasn't sure if she was pulling him closer or pushing him away, all she knew was that THIS went beyond anything she had ever dreamed of or read about.

Colin made an "mmmm" sound with his mouth as he sucked hard on her clit, his fingers moving faster as he added a third.

Penelope was lost in a fog of bliss as she felt herself beginning to tighten around his fingers. "Colin, I'm close." She panted.

He lifted his face from between her legs, grinning wolfishly. "Oh I know my love. I want to feel you come undone on my fingers."

Penelope writhed beneath his ministrations, the wet sounds almost obscene from his sucking and fingering. She felt her climax building as she couldn't stop chanting his name like a benediction. "Colin, oh Colin…Colin…"

"Come for me." Colin said hotly. "Come on my fingers." He sat up to watch her come apart on his hand, trying to suck it inside her heat as she cried out and rode her climax.

Panting and spent, she opened her eyes to see Colin licking his fingers and looking proud. "Are you ready?" he asked gently.

"There's more?"

Colin smiled softly and nodded. He leaned forward to kiss her deeply, letting her taste herself on his lips. "This will hurt, but only for a moment and only for this first time. I promise."

"Colin," Penelope said, her fingers tracing their way down his back to cup his bottom. "Please don't let my head bang against anything like Agatha said it might."

It took Colin a moment to register what she was saying through his lust filled fog and he threw back his head and laughed. "I promise Pen. No head banging." He lined himself up at her entrance. "I intend to bang you in a completely different way." he shook his head. "You make me want to be so coarse with you."

Penelope looked at him eagerly and nodded. "Make me yours."

"You were mine the minute you accepted my ring." He growled. "I am your sole man for the rest of your life."

"Yes!" Penelope cried out as he began to inch forward inside her, being careful of how tight and wet she was. He groaned out loud as he inserted himself, pausing at the barrier of her innocence.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Take me." Penelope answered, already feeling so full of him as he pushed forward breaking her hymen. She cried out in pain and he froze immediately, giving her time to adjust to his invasion and then pushed forward until he was fully sheathed in her.

"I'm home." He said quietly, as he bit back a loud moan as Penelope arched her back and pushed her breasts towards him. "Now my love, the fun begins." He said wickedly as he pulled out almost fully before thrusting back into her hard.

Penelope screamed out as he began to roughly make love to her. Unable to be gentle, the yearning and hunger for her overwhelming all his senses and thoughts his hips thrust into and out of her dripping wet centre. He reached down to play with her clit as he thrust, loving how she was completely undone under him.

Penelope scratched her nails roughly down his back, leaving half moon indents in his bottom as he hissed in pleasure and approval. "Yes my love, like that. Just like that. You take me so well Pen. What a wonderful woman you are, owner of the clit to which I will pray." He rambled as his thrusts became harder and jerkier, feeling his testicles tighten up in anticipation of his release.

"I…feel….so…full…" Penelope moaned as he thrust. "I love this. I love you. I love your…"

"Cock." He supplied, grunting as he thrust. "My cock is fucking you now."

His coarse words along with his thrusting and fingers sent her screaming over the edge as she climaxed, grabbing his upper arms as she thrashed beneath him in her release. Colin watched her, her face flushed, her hair a mess and her torso covered in his love bites and felt satisfied that he was the only one who would ever see Penelope like this. With a roar, he hurtled headlong into his climax, his cock spurting what felt like an endless stream of his seed into her waiting and warm womb.

He collapsed next to her, spent and sweaty. He immediately gathered her up in his arms and kissed her gently. "I love you." He whispered. "I hope you liked that."

"I hope I was good enough for you." Penelope said quietly. "I know you are more experienced."

"Pen, nothing – and let me repeat it again in case you overthink it – NOTHING compares to this. To you. To us." Colin kissed her again.

"Can we do it again?" she asked eagerly.

Colin threw back his head and laughed. "You are a little insatiable minx." He held her tightly. "Give me five minutes. Maybe ten."

Together they chuckled, wrapped in each others' arms and promising their hearts to each other.

Agatha accepted the note from her footman with a smile, as she noticed Marie, Penelope's new ladies maid poke her head into the room quickly, flash her a smile and a thumbs up and then left again.

Joy in her heart at two people she loved as much as her own children consummating their love made her smile.

Opening the Bridgerton house seal, she quickly scanned the note from Violet and penned a response and invitation for supper the following night.

Lighting a smoke, she drew in deeply and let her mind drift to the man who had shown her that sex didn't have to hurt and that it was enjoyable with the right partner.

How appropriate that his grandson was currently naked in her maze.

Glancing at a clock, Agatha decided to give them exactly 30 more minutes before she was going to break them apart, and penned a quick note to the Queen.

Notes:

Quote from "It Was" by Chely Wright

Chapter 22: You're really on your knees

Chapter Text

Colin kissed Penelope deeply as they sat nude in the centre of the maze, drinking champagne and toasting their engagement. Colin had taken the time to stretch Penelope out fully and examine every scar on her front and back, on her sides. She told him which ones were from blades that she gave herself. She told him which ones were from a switch, from a whip, from the boning in her corset that her mother had removed the padding to keep her figure looking slim no matter how tightly she was laced in. He saw the scars from being forced to live in a corset for weeks on end. Her body had lines all over it like a map, and he personally kissed every single one, murmuring words of love and encouragement and letting her know they only added to her beauty instead of detracting it.

Unable to keep his hands off of his fiancée, he put down his champagne and pulled her close to him, his hands wandering over her body as his lips moved to suckle at her breasts. Penelope let her head fall back and let out a moan as she spread her legs for him. "Are you too sore my love?" he asked gently. "I know I was rough earlier, I should have been more gentle for your first time."

"It was perfect." Penelope replied. "I want more. I didn't want gentle – at that moment, I just wanted you. I want you show me all there is to know about sex, the rough and the gentle. The laying and the sitting and the standing."

Colin arched an eyebrow. "I really must read some of these books of yours if you know about standing sex."

"I don't expect it, I know I am far too heavy and would hurt you," Penelope said in between moans as his nimble fingers parted her folds and were playing with her gently.

"We'll disagree on that, and I would be honoured to show you everything I know about sex. And when we get the limit of what I know, I'll talk to my brothers to see if there's anything I've missed." He said roughly as he laved her peaked nipple.

"Take me now Colin." Penelope insisted. "No more playing. I need you so much."

"As my lady requests." Colin said smoothly as he lowered himself between her legs and lined his erect cock up with her warm and wet entrance. He slid in fully and they both groaned at the feeling of him filling her. "How do you want it?"

"Harder." Penelope whispered. "If I'm going to be sore anyway, I want to ensure that I feel you with every breath I take."

"You minx." He growled as he pulled out and thrust back in sharply. Penelope cried out in pleasure. "Like this?"

"More." She insisted. "Give me more."

Colin raised one of her legs to be over his shoulder, going deeper inside her as he fingered her nub making her cry out. He looked down to where he was thrusting inside her body and groaned at the sight. "Fuck Pen, this is the most amazing sight. You're so wet and you take me so well."

"Colin…" she began to move her hips in time with him. "Oh…Colin…" she hesitated and tried the words for herself. "Fuck me Colin."

Colin didn't answer, just focused on his fiancée and the cries she was making. He ran his hand down her leg, following with his lips on her calf as he threw back his head and thrust harder into her. "You'll feel me between your legs for the rest of the goddamned week."

Penelope was unable to form words as she felt Colin thrust into her, feeling her climax build as she dug her nails into his firm bottom and tried to pull him deeper inside her. "Colin…"

"Come for me Pen." Colin said thickly. "Come for me."

Penelope's world exploded in a flash of light as she screamed out Colin's name as she rode out her climax on his thrusting cock, his tempo never slowing. As she began to shake with aftershocks of her climax, Colin increased his thrusts as he felt his balls begin to tense signalling his impeding climax. Penelope cried out as a mini orgasm overtook her while Colin spilled himself in her womb again. She clung to him tightly as she shook slightly, coming down from her high.

She felt Colin soften inside her but refused to let him out of her yet. "I love feeling you inside me." She repeated softly.

"God Pen, you tempt me so." Colin groaned. "I could stay here forever making love to you, though I must tell you that it is much better in a bed."

Penelope kissed him, her hands tangling in his hair. "I want you. Forever."

Colin kissed her deeply, their tongues dancing together when he heard a very loud throat clearing. "You've had plenty of time for whatever frivolity and celebration you were going to have over the proposal. I am not stupid enough to walk around this corner but I'm letting you both know I expect you in the Hall in ten minutes. Don't worry about trying to make yourselves look presentable, just cover yourselves enough and I'll meet you outside our rooms." Lady Danbury's voice cut through the romantic moment.

Colin and Penelope froze, then looked at each other and laughed. They gave each other a gentle kiss and then separated, reaching for their clothing.

"Do I look a mess?" she asked shyly.

"Yes." Colin confirmed. "But you are my mess."

Colin handed Penelope one of his handkerchiefs so she could wet it in the brook and clean herself before they went inside, knowing she'd have a bath once she was in her chambers.

"Is this real?" Penelope asked, dazed as she began to lift up her dress and put her corset in her arms.

"Whenever you doubt that this is real Pen," Colin replied buttoning up his trousers, "Look at that ring on your finger. That should remove any and all doubts."

Penelope looked at her left hand and a gentle smiled crossed her face as she stared at the ring. "This is gorgeous Colin."

"I'm glad you like it. It was approved by my entire family." He smiled. "Mother was more than happy to give her blessing."

Penelope blushed as they walked together towards the house. "I should be upset that I'm completely ruined, but I don't care. Truly."

"You're not ruined." Colin smiled. "I'm marrying you, and since I'm the one who ruined you I just don't care."

"I never thought I could be this happy. I didn't think I deserved it." Penelope confessed as they entered the house and headed up the stairs.

"You deserve it all." Colin said sincerely. "After how you've suffered your whole life, you deserve everything I can afford to give you."

They stopped at the top of the stairs to kiss each other again. "Enough of that!" Agatha's voice interrupted them. "Detach your lips!"

They giggled as they walked down the hallway to meet Agatha who was waiting with her can outside their three bedrooms. "Agatha." Colin nodded. "She said yes."

Agatha beamed as she held out her arms to hug Penelope and kiss her forehead gently. "I'm delighted for you both." She approved. "Now, there are some new rules to be heeded."

"What rules?" Colin asked, frowning.

"You've given her your ring and she has accepted. You have lain together with my blessing. Now you must go back to observing propriety. You are not wed yet."

"What?" Colin exploded.

"You are not going to sleeping together at night until you are wed. You will maintain your distance in your separate bedrooms, however there might be nights that I permit visitation, but remember that my home is not a brothel, nor will you conduct yourselves in such a manner." Agatha lectured.

"We understand Agatha," Penelope agreed. "Thank you for giving us tonight."

"Would that I could do more for you child." Agatha smiled at Penelope. "I do this also for your protection as you could be with child now."

Penelope's face paled. "After just once?"

Colin cleared his throat. "Pen," he coughed a faint flush on his cheeks. "How many times did I expend myself with you?"

"Four before I stopped counting." Penelope nodded. "Why?"

"Oh, I didn't go over what happens AFTER the intercourse is done!" Agatha smacked her forehead. "I should get more charcoal and parchment." she paused and looked at Colin out of the side of her eye. "Four? Well done Mr. Bridgerton." she winked at a blushing Colin.

"NO!" Penelope exclaimed, eyes wide and looking slightly terrified. "Couldn't you just tell me?"

"Penelope, pregnancy risk occurs and increases every time Colin spends himself in you."

"Oh shit." Penelope's jaw hung open, not even noticed she had cursed.

Colin's eyes darkened at her profanity, and he took a step towards her until he got the tip of Agatha's cane in his sternum. "Not a muscle Colin." Agatha said severely.

Colin held up his hands and took a step backwards. "What does this mean?" Penelope asked Agatha, a bit afraid.

"We'll need to discuss where you are in your cycle and do some math, but there is a chance you might have conceived this night." Agatha explained. "And we are not going to increase that risk by having you fornicating all over Danbury Hall."

Penelope walked around Agatha to kiss Colin lightly. "I am going to rest and have a bath. I will see you both in the morning."

Colin kissed her back, keeping his hands well away from her lest he sweep her up in his arms again. "Until the morning my bride to be."

"I'll have a footman out here in the hallway all night to alert me if there is any sneaking." Agatha informed them. "Also, we have a busy day tomorrow. We have a meeting with the Queen in the morning and then the Bridgerton family is coming over for supper."

"The Queen?" Penelope asked, pale.

"You've been pardoned child." Agatha reassured her. "There's another reason we've been summoned."

Penelope nodded wearily. "I am suddenly very tired. I will overthink this in the morning. Good night, Agatha, Colin."

"Sleep well." Agatha nodded, hugging her one more time. "Marie is inside with a bath prepared."

Penelope moaned in anticipation, making Colin harden slightly. He would never again be able to hear her moan again without picturing her at the height of pleasure. "I'm off to bathe as well." He spoke.

"I've chosen a valet for you." Agatha said to him. "He's waiting for you in your chambers."

"Gratitude." Colin replied as he headed for his door. "See you in the morning Agatha, my love Penelope."

Agatha waited until both were in their rooms then summoned a footman to stand guard and then let herself into her chambers. Once inside, a giant grin split her face as she headed to her changing room to prepare for bed.

The following morning had the three of them enjoying morning tea and toast. "How did everyone sleep last night?" Agatha asked coyly.

Colin cleared his throat. "I slept fitfully." He admitted.

"I fell asleep quite quickly." Penelope said. "Though I woke up this morning and had a terrible time walking."

Colin grinned and winked at her. "I did warn you."

Penelope blushed and looked away. "Oh for gods sake you two! I don't want to lose my breakfast!" Agatha burst in. "Knock off the foreplay."

Colin laughed. "What time do we meet the Queen? I was going to promenade with my family today."

"We should be done by promenade." Agatha confirmed. "We can walk to the park together as I will chaperone you both until your mother can take over."

Penelope stood. "I am going to prepare to see the Queen. I shall meet you in the drawing room in thirty minutes."

Colin stood as Penelope walked out of the room and smiled at Agatha. "She's going to marry me." He said smugly.

Agatha walked over to Colin and smacked him in the back of the head. "Focus Colin!"

"Oh I am." Colin replied glibly before remembering who he was speaking to as she smacked him again.

"I'm not one of your drinking companions." She warned. "Friends we are but lets not be inappropriate while we are both sober."

"Understood." Colin smiled. "I'm going to find my valet and have a quick shave before being presented to the Queen."

Agatha nodded as he left to make himself presentable and she prepared the second part of her surprise for Penelope.

A half hour later they were on their way to the Palace, Penelope having withdrawn into herself, the reassuring words from Agatha not helping. Her face was white as she thought of all the things that could go wrong upon her arrival and did not discount the Queen for changing her mind at the last moment, as she was wont to do with her mercurial temper.

She followed Agatha, holding Colin's arm as she looked down at the floor. She looked up only when they were announced to the Queen's presence as she curtsied lower than she did the day she was presented to the Queen, years ago during her debut.

"Rise." Queen Charlotte's imperious tone bade them.

They rose and Penelope followed Agatha over to a resting couch to sit down between her and Colin. "Your Majesty." Agatha began. "At your request, I bring you Miss Featherington and her betrothed Mr. Colin Bridgerton."

"Your Majesty." Penelope said quietly.

"Come now girl, don't look down and act all meek at this late stage." The Queen said in a firm tone. "Look me in the eye and let me see my greatest adversary."

Penelope gathered her courage and looked up to meet the brown eyes of the Queen. "I am here as you bade your Majesty."

"You are indeed." Queen Charlotte said, satisfaction in her voice. "I'm sure Lady Danbury already informed you that you have been pardoned by the Crown."

"She did your Majesty." Penelope nodded.

"Did she tell you the caveat I attached onto your pardon?"

"What?" Penelope's jaw dropped open as her eyes went to Agatha who squirmed in her seat lightly.

"I didn't think so." The Queen said satisfied. "The caveat is that you resume writing your column, under your name instead of Whistledown. I want you to be just as caustic and biting as you always have been, with the exception of directly challenging myself."

"You Majesty." Penelope cleared her throat. "I am not intending on staying in Mayfair."

"What?" The Queen asked, her voice growing sharp. "What are you talking about?"

Penelope looked the Queen in the eye. "Your Majesty, I have endured and undergone too much here in Mayfair for me to want to live. I want to start anew, I was thinking perhaps Ireland as a governess."

"Don't been a mad fool." The Queen snorted, sounding like burlap ripping. "Why would you leave to be a governess? You are now to be married."

"Be that as it may your Majesty, I cannot return to Society or life in Mayfair. It does not fit and I do not desire it."

"Let me make this clear Miss Featherington," the Queen said clearly. "Your pardon exists only if you stay and do as I have requested. Should you elect to leave Society and move away from Mayfair without the blessing of the Crown, the pardon is rescinded and the warrant for your arrest returns."

Penelope's face went white. "Your Majesty, I cannot stay here."

"Before you make your decision – which should be quite clear cut in this case," the Queen continued. "I have another announcement to make to you."

"What?" Penelope snapped, forgetting herself in her frustration.

The Queen raised an eyebrow. "I realize you are startled, when you really shouldn't be child. I have given you a choice. A small choice but a choice nonetheless. Now," she gestured to Brimsley to bring forth several papers. "These are letters patent."

Penelope's eyes grew wide. "For what?"

"These letters patent, given that you are already nobility of your own right, bring you legally as the ward of Lady Agatha Danbury and her estate. These letters patent put you in the line of succession in the Danbury family and also these letters make you now a Countess." The Queen held them out to Penelope. "Congratulations Lady Featherington-Danbury." she paused. "It also ensures that since your line and Mr. Bridgerton's lines are already well established, the joining of these three nobility lines will continue and your progeny will not be excluded for being new nobility."

Penelope tried to stand but her legs gave out and she sat down hard on the couch. "What?"

"She seems to be stuck on one-syllable words your Majesty." Lady Danbury said helpfully.

"Clearly." The Queen replied. "Of course, this offer too goes away should you decide not to reside in Mayfair."

Colin cleared his throat. "Your Majesty, I ask a boon of you and a question if you permit."

"Go ahead Mr. Bridgerton, or should I call you Lord Bridgerton after your marriage to Lady Featherington-Danbury?" the Queen eyed him. "You will have a seat in Parliament near your brother the Viscount."

"Call me whatever you wish your Majesty, I wish to request a special license to wed Miss Featherington-Danbury immediately," Colin began. "And I request permission for us to live on the outskirts of Mayfair if not directly inside it. I ask this for my wife-to-be's personal mental health as she has endured abuse on levels equal to torture." he paused. "Must I have a seat in Parliament?"

"You have other intentions?" The Queen asked, imperious.

"I do in fact." Colin cleared his throat. "I am looking at becoming an author."

"Mr. Bridgerton, you can do both." the Queen said firmly. "Unless you don't want to?"

"As my betrothed mentioned, it is quite a bit of information to receive all at once." Colin said faintly.

"The special license I grant happily." The Queen began. "Indeed, the future Lady Danbury-Bridgerton will do well with the protection of your name." she paused. "Interesting that you mention mental health and torture. My mother-in-law always taught Lady Danbury and I to cover our bruises and endure, however, I remember my dearest George, your King," she said pointedly. "And I remember once having to come to his rescue when we was enduring what would be considered torture. I applaud you for defending and standing up for your betrothed."

"And my boon?" Colin asked.

"I will grant it." The Queen said. "I will grant you a country estate, and a residence on the outskirts of Mayfair if that is what it will take to have Miss Featherington-Danbury return to my court."

Penelope was gasping for air. "I can't breathe." She said frantically. "I can't." she said wide-eyed. "I can't do this." She looked at Colin. "You cannot be engaged to wed a criminal."

"I'm not." Colin said smoothly. "I'm engaged to marry the love of my life and my best friend. I see no criminals anywhere."

"I told you I cannot live here. I cannot be around my family." Penelope paused. "Now I am being forced back into a life that I left."

"Things are different now. You are different. Everything is different. Do you not think you owe it to yourself to at least find out before terminating your life here?"

Penelope turned to the Queen. "Is there a time limit on this request you make? Or am I to dance to your tune indefinitely?"

The Queen smiled, satisfaction dancing in her eyes. "There's my adversary. Cover your bruises and endure. I would request you do this for a minimum of two years, or until you change your mind whichever comes first. If you fulfill the two year requirement, you will keep your title, lands and fortune – the one I'm bestowing upon you and the one you will inherit from your new mother, not the one you earned from being Whistledown and the one you will continue to earn as my gossip columnist – and you will be officially pardoned with a copy of it for your records."

Penelope brought a hand to her chest. "Do I have time to think about this your Majesty?"

"I am not an unreasonable woman." The Queen agreed. "I give you until your wedding day to decide and give me an answer. Your wedding is in three days."

Penelope's jaw dropped. "So quickly?"

"I have no tolerance or place for laziness." The Queen said sharply. "You already know the decision you're going to make, but you want to prove to me that you are your own woman – I respect that – so you are going to make me wait because it is the smallest amount of authority and fight back that you can give to me. I am a woman of my word Miss Featherington-Danbury. I know you as well as I know myself and I know that your greatest strength is that you are an observer."

"Indeed." Penelope said, finding strength within and making eye contact with the Queen. "And should I change my plans going forward, it will be my own decision and not because you are trying to sway me."

The Queen nodded. "We have reached an accord then. I look forward to your answer and will see you on your wedding day." She paused. "Are there any other reasons to rush a wedding?"

Lady Danbury spoke up. "I believe there was frivolity last night in my maze celebrating the engagement."

The Queen smiled. "Young love. I remember it well. You have called in at least three boons today, Lady Danbury."

"Indeed." Lady Danbury replied. "That leaves you owing me at least a hundred and ten."

"You kept count?"

"You didn't?" Lady Danbury smiled at her Queen and friend.

The Queen laughed. "I did indeed. You are all dismissed now, and I look forward to your response Lady Featherington-Danbury."

Colin took her arm and Lady Danbury took the other one to lead an incredibly dazed and shocked Penelope out of the drawing room the Queen had hosted tea in. "We'll talk at home." Lady Danbury said quietly, leading them to her carriage. She looked at Penelope's shocked face. "It is not as bad as all that Penelope. We'll talk and you'll see."

"This is not how I planned any of this."

"Life never goes the way one planned it." Lady Danbury said calmly. "It's how you weather the storms that make it worthwhile."

"I can't stay here!" Penelope insisted.

"Can't? Or won't?" Lady Danbury shot back. "You haven't been back long enough to give anything a chance! Perhaps things aren't the way they used to be. You have now gained two families to defend you plus the Queen herself. You will NEVER be abused again by anyone. Can't you at least give yourself time to observe and re-evaluate as you always have?"

Penelope didn't say anything, just stared out at the scenery as the carriage brought them back to Danbury Hall. "Colin, I do not feel like promenading with your family today."

She said listlessly.

"Of course, I understand." Colin said, kissing the back of her hand. "I will make your excuses and you'll see them at supper tonight."

"Shit! I forgot about that." Penelope exclaimed.

"Pen, you have GOT to stop using profanity around me." Colin murmured. "It makes me want to do indecent things to you."

"Not in my carriage!" Lady Danbury spoke up. "Keep it in your breeches."

"Heard and understood." Colin smiled at her.

Penelope was lost in her thoughts and didn't see anything as the carriage drove towards Danbury Hall, her thoughts a complete disarray as she tried to make sense of everything that she had heard that morning.

What was she to decide? And was it really even a choice the Queen had given her?

Chapter 23: You think you're standing tall

Notes:

We begin a bit of the Peneloise rectification!

I was listening to This is Me from the Greatest Showman on repeat and used a few quotes.

Chapter Text

Colin was pensive as he headed towards Hyde Park to meet up with his family for their promenade, thinking of everything they had been told by the Queen that morning. He wasn't sure what he was going to do or how Penelope was going to react. He left her only because Agatha assured him that he had his skittish fiancée in hand and wouldn't let her out of her sight. If she had not been able to guarantee that, he would be glued to her hip. Agatha had wanted to talk to Penelope once she regained focus as she was clearly deep in thought and Colin had learned better than to underestimate her.

He saw his family heading towards him, surprisingly with Eloise in tow though her face was decidedly sour, and her arms were crossed over her chest. He gave a small smile as he waited for them to surround him. "Family." He nodded to them.

"Dearest, were you unable to convince Penelope to come?" Violet asked, looking around.

"This morning yes." Colin admitted. "We had a meeting with the Queen first thing this morning and it's left her feeling a bit out of sorts."

"She's not going to run again, is she?" Anthony asked, concerned.

Colin shook his head. "Lady Danbury is on it, and she isn't letting Pen out of her sight."

"What did the Queen want dearest?"

Colin shook his head. "Not my place to say very much, however I will mention that there were letters patent involved, when I marry Penelope – in three days – I will be an Earl and sit next to Anthony in Parliament."

Jaws hung open at his pronouncement. "I'm sorry, but WHAT?" Anthony asked, incredulous.

Colin sighed. "You'll get more details at supper tonight but the gist of it is with the Letters Patent that the Queen and the King regent have signed, it makes Penelope officially a legal ward and heir to the Danbury estate – after Lady Danbury's other children and heirs of course – where she is now Miss Featherington-Danbury and after our marriage she will be Lady Danbury-Bridgerton. She is going to be given a house outside of Mayfair and a country estate of which as her husband, I will be Lord." he paused. "I'm a third son! I want to be an author. What do I know about any of this?"

Anthony and Benedict looked at him, sympathy on their faces. Anthony put an arm around Colin. "Worry not Brother. I will come and begin to train you and teach you what you need to know. Benedict can take over the Bridgerton estate in my absence at this time since you will clearly need extensive tutoring. I don't mean that in a bad way Colin, but you know very well that Father began teaching Benedict and myself the ins and outs of running the estate from the time we were six."

"When I was born you mean." Colin muttered.

"The timing does seem to match up, but it was never meant poorly against you as a third son." Benedict pointed out. "Anthony had already been getting tutored for two years before Father began teaching me. We know he would have started teaching you basics but he died."

"Father wanted the three of us to have all the knowledge he did." Anthony affirmed. "He didn't care about birth order, honestly."

"It's true he didn't." Violet confirmed. "Now, let us promenade and discuss other matters."

"Delighted to." Colin nodded.

"Daphne and Simon will also be joining us this evening. I penned a letter in haste last night to let them know."

"Brother!" Hyacinth cut in. "We never got a letter last night, did Penelope accept your proposal?"

Colin smiled widely. "We are engaged!" he exclaimed proudly.

Francesca looked pensive. "Didn't you say you were to wed in three days?"

Colin nodded. "I asked a boon of the Queen since I was right in front of her and had nothing to lose."

"Except your head if she felt like it." Benedict muttered.

Colin tilted his head in acknowledgement. "I took a chance on her not wanting to execute her newest Lord."

Anthony stared at him in awe. "This is going to make some of those meetings so much more interesting."

Colin held his arm out to his mother who took it with alacrity to walk with him. "We shall have to talk to Lady Danbury this evening to arrange a trousseau and wedding dress for Penelope." Violet commented. "And figure out how to prevent Portia Featherington and her daughters from trying to ruin your happy day."

"That was something else the Queen had mentioned," Colin said casually. "That she was going to need the safety of the Danbury and Bridgerton names."

"People are going to want revenge." Eloise said from the back. "Now that she's back she could very well be in danger."

Colin froze. "Eloise, are you quite alright? You just said something logical and not venomous."

"A night being sequestered in Number 5 gave me some clarity." Eloise muttered. "However, I still stand by my opinions."

"I wouldn't have expected otherwise." Colin said as they walked as a united family through Hyde Park.

Penelope sat on a window settee, staring out at the elaborate Danbury gardens that she was now heir to and tried to quiet her racing mind.

"Want to talk?" she heard Agatha ask quietly from behind her.

"I don't know Agatha." Penelope sighed. "I have so many thoughts right now. The predominant one is that I will never be able to have my travel adventures that I yearned for, and the other that no matter what, I cannot escape Mayfair."

"I thought as much." Agatha sat down next to her and handed her a very full tumble. "Have some scotch."

Penelope eyed it warily. "I've never had scotch before."

"What better time than now?" Agatha arched an eyebrow. "It will help get those thoughts that are stuck in your head out."

Penelope accepted the tumbler and sniffed it. "Start with small sips." Agatha advised. "Less likely to spit it out that way."

Penelope took a small sip and began coughing. "It burns."

"Give it time. It grows on you." Agatha smiled. "Now, let's break down everything dancing through your head."

Penelope sighed, taking another sip of the scotch. "My biggest upset is that I am being forced to stay where my abuse took place. I have to see and hear everyone who ever hurt me and I'm supposed to pretend that it doesn't matter to me. It puts me back in reach of my mother and grasping sisters." She shook her head. "I don't understand why no one understands what I want to do, or no one cares. Not even those I love and trust like you and Colin. You keep telling me to give it a chance, that things are different now, that I am different now and it is all true, but it doesn't change my feelings in my core."

She paused then continued, taking a larger sip of the scotch. "To say nothing of the fact that I don't know how to be a Countess! How to be a proper lady? Want me to run a social ladder climbing scheme to bilk the funds out of the wealthy members of the ton? Done! Being a Lady in Society? I don't know anything about that!" she sighed. "I wanted to adventure. I wanted to travel and take time for me and now I feel that everything I dreamed of is being snatched away again. Don't get me wrong, I love you and I love Colin and want nothing more than to be his wife, but why must I choose one or the other? Is this my lot because I'm a woman? Is this my future because I dared to challenge the Queen and get her to think objectively about certain disparities in the ton?"

Agatha sat there silently, letting Penelope get it all out. "I'm sick of having to dance to everyone else's tune and that is part of why I left. I'm tired of being told how to live my life and on who's terms."

"Is two years an unreasonable amount of time that the Queen is asking?" Agatha asked gently. "In return for a lifetime of adventure and doing things on your own terms?"

"That's not what she said." Penelope shook her head in denial.

"That is exactly what she said, you were just too caught up in emotions to realize it and focused on the downside of everything." Agatha pointed out. "I would also like to point out that you will only be here during the Season and when Parliament in session, otherwise you will be in the country estate and away from everyone. If you don't want to be in the country estate, you can always do what Colin has done for the last few years and travel in the off-season."

"But I'm still being forced to stay in a place I hate." Penelope sighed. "They don't want me and my broken parts."

"How are you any different from hundreds of others Penelope?" Agatha questioned. "I'm sorry for your circumstances, I truly am, I'm sorry for your abuse, I'm sorry that you were mocked, I'm sorry for everything. That's why I've done the best I can to protect you as my own to keep some of the worst away from you. I've done what I did out of love for you, as I have loved you for years, especially once I suspected what was going on in the walls of your own home."

Penelope looked down at her half-empty tumbler, swirling the contents and lost in thought. "It's my life." She said wretchedly.

"I know," Agatha reached out and patted her hand. "Let's look objectively at a few things Penelope, ok?"

Penelope nodded, eyes glassy. "Alright."

"Now, try to keep an open mind and remember that I am in no way trying to sway you on anything, I am simply giving you another perspective."

"Okay." Penelope sipped her scotch again. "I trust you Agatha, I will listen."

Agatha smiled gently. "First off, I know everything that you endured in your house. I know this because while your servants didn't talk to anyone else, they did talk to my servants who kept everything confidential. I know about the things you HAVEN'T told anyone that occurred in that house, so I know very well why staying here in Mayfair is like a waking nightmare."

Penelope's eyes widened. "You know everything?"

"And I love you all the more for what you truly endured." Agatha affirmed. "I know the members of the ton who are so superior and obnoxious and made you feel less than a person. I know of what they did to you. I watched it. I heard it. I understand better than anyone how Whistledown came to be."

Penelope sniffled. "So, you see my point."

"I do." Agatha agreed. "I absolutely do. And I empathize with you. Now here are a few points you might not have thought of. I want you to have a complete picture."

"I'm listening."

"As I said, you now have the protection of my name and reputation, and Colin's in a few days which is going to silence many tongues. You were treated the way you were mostly because of … how did you phrase it? "'your tactless, tasteless mama'"

Penelope chuckled wryly. "I did say that."

"You did." Agatha chuckled. "I loved that phrase too." She paused to light a smoke. "However, you have accepted what you wrote and how you wrote it, and you called out no small number of people – deservedly so I might add – and I know of more than a few that are on your side, they respect you for what you said and did. You have far more admirers than you think." She cleared her throat.

"Now, for some of the other points I have. You have been back here for a whirlwind 48 hours so far. You need to give yourself some time to settle in back here – which you DID agree to freely – and properly evaluate everything critically. You've been so full of emotion you've been running in survival mode. You don't need to just exist and survive anymore, so it's time to start taking control of your life in a way that doesn't involve running off."

Penelope opened her mouth and Agatha held up a finger. "I'm not finished yet." She said sternly. "I know you're sick of everyone telling you to give it a chance and that it is different now, but it truly is and I feel that you are being too close-minded to give things a proper chance. I don't blame you Penelope, but this is where I must be a bit harsh. You are a woman, and this is your lot in life. Not to be abused and miserable and mocked, but to end up somewhere that you do not wish to be, how would this be different should you have made a match on the Marriage Mart and had to move to where your husband decreed?" Agatha paused. "You are also not the only young lady in the ton who has faced physical abuse in recent years."

Penelope kept her silence but was watching Agatha closely. "What I'm trying to say Penelope is yes, your life has been horrible and worse than anyone should have to live through, but you are not the only one, just the only one that you know about."

Agatha sighed. "I don't want to be harsh Penelope, but our greatest plans don't always work out. Look at me, I tried to escape the night before I was to be shipped off from Sierra Leone to wed Lord Danbury. I was unable to escape, my little brother tried to gain favour with our father by telling him of my plans, and I was wed to Lord Danbury. I lived here in misery; I bore him children out of obligation. I had an unfulfilling sex life, I hated the act honestly, it was dreadful. I was Black, I was different and far more noble than most of the nobility here in Mayfair."

Agatha closed her eyes and continued. "Let us also talk of the Queen who was caught trying to climb over a wall on the day of her nuptials."

Penelope choked on her scotch. "That's TRUE?"

Agatha nodded. "I saw her trying to find an exit from the cathedral prior to her wedding. And after she conceived with Prince George she tried to run away again and came – very pregnant I might add – and holed herself up here in my drawing room."

Penelope's jaw hung open; her eyes wide.

"I tell you this not to garner sympathy for either of us, but to let you know that as women we are very aware of your choices. It might seem harsh, but do you really think that Queen Charlotte has not fully thought through the circumstances of your life and future? In the end she is asking for two years and at the end you are free from your commitment to the Crown forever."

"And I can still travel in the off season when Parliament isn't sitting." Penelope murmured. "I can still have adventures."

"With your loyal husband alongside," Agatha affirmed. "And your foster mother eagerly awaiting news of all the adventures." She smiled. "Besides, once the babies begin to come you can rest assured that they will be safely and personally cared for by myself and a fleet of nannies. They will know their parents and when they are old enough, travel with you most likely and gain an education that they will never get in the nursery."

"Two years." Penelope sighed.

"Two years is what in a lifetime?" Agatha asked seriously. "Remember, Violet's circumstances are rare. Not every woman is lucky enough to married a titled man for love. The Marriage Mart is a business and you are at least lucky enough to wed a man who is taking your thoughts and opinions into consideration. Many women are not so lucky. I spent over twenty years convincing Herman that every good idea and thing that happened to advance us through society was his idea. Do you know how much it galled me every single time he took credit for MY ideas? MY work? But I sucked it up and carried on. The best thing Herman ever did for me was die mid-coitus."

Penelope blushed. "Are you serious?"

"Penelope." Agatha stared at her levelly, topping up her scotch tumbler. "He was in the process of attempting to take me from behind when he just died and fell off me." Agatha took a deep drag of her smoke. "I have never told that to another living soul except my ladies maid Coral so if I hear even a hint of it I will know from whence it came."

"I swear on my life I would never repeat what you have told me in the greatest confidence." Penelope vowed.

"I'm pleased that Colin seems to be a generous and giving lover to you. I believe every woman should learn the joys of good sex; we are just as entitled as men to our pleasure." Agatha shook her head. "I digress. Think of the adventure and challenge you'll have now – being the Queen's public gossip columnist. Everyone will know when they see you and you will now have to work for your gossip but how delightful when it gets out. Who needs fresh air when you have fresh gossip?"

"I didn't look at it that way." Penelope said slowly. "That was always one of my favourite parts of being Lady Whistledown was how sneaky I could be to get the information I did."

"Now it will be more challenging, and you have never turned your back on a challenge." Agatha said pointedly. "And this time? The wallflower got the man."

Penelope took a deep breath. "You've raised many good points I hadn't thought about Agatha."

"Some of them you had no need to know before. Now you do. And I look forward to you joining me at court amongst OUR peers, and introducing you not just as my ward, but as my adoptive daughter."

"What of your own children and their inheritance?"

Agatha waved a hand. "Taken care of decades ago. My children are well set and well off. My son, the current Lord Danbury has returned to take our royal claim in Sierra Leone. He allows me to run things in his absence, however upon finding out about you and your husband I'm sure he'll be delighted to hand the property over to you and Colin. Why return to London to be a Earl when he is a King in Africa?" Agatha reached out to lift Penelope's. "You know that I love you Penelope, and you deserve that love."

Penelope looked into Agatha's warm brown eyes. "There's nothing I'm not worthy of." She said softly. "I make no apologies, this is me."

"Show Mayfair and then the world that even a wallflower can bloom. Be an example to those young ladies who are coming behind you. Their future is not set in stone despite what they see and hear." Agatha said. "I will leave you to ponder everything we have discussed. I do not expect you to decide in this instant and respect whatever you decide."

Penelope nodded as Agatha left quietly, leaving her with her glass of scotch and the remainder of the bottle.

Colin bid his family farewell and headed towards Danbury Hall, electing to take the air instead of a carriage as the air and skies were clear. "Colin!"

He turned to find Eloise slowly coming towards him. "Eloise." He said stiffly, still raw from her words yesterday.

Eloise fidgeted with her hands as she looked down. "You and the family raised some points I hadn't considered yesterday."

"And?" he asked, still angry at his younger sister.

"And…" Eloise shook her head and bit her lip. "You're going to make me say it aren't you?"

"I'm not making you say anything Eloise." Colin said coldly. "Speak your peace so I might return to my fiancée – your future sister."

"Maybe I was wrong." She said softly. "I stand by my feelings of betrayal and anger, but perhaps some of my words were wrong. I didn't realize how I was jeopardizing Fran and Hyacinth. I didn't know I almost ruined my brothers."

Colin stood staring at her, waiting. "And?"

Eloise threw her hands up in frustration. "Perhaps after a year of being ignored myself as my repentance for my radical political dealings I can understand what it feels like to be a wallflower and can understand how someone could come to write it. I don't agree with her deception and I'm still plenty angry but I apologize for calling her a whore."

"I thank you for that." Colin said brittlely.

"I will come to supper tonight. I have much rectification to make towards the family." Eloise finally said reluctantly.

"And Penelope?"

"Let us take that as it comes. I feel a great deal with depend on her and her words as well." Eloise sighed.

"I ask no more than that. I will ask that you approach things with an open mind. It is what I am asking of Pen as well. You can't just forget a lifelong friendship, especially as close as you two were." Colin gave a small smile. "It's a start."

"Did she really say yes to your proposal?" Eloise asked, trying not to sound too curious.

"Oh yes." Colin smirked. "She said yes several times."

"I hope you didn't compromise her." Eloise said, concern in her voice.

"I did nothing to her that she didn't ask me to do." Colin said. "And I will not talk about this aspect of our relationship with you as it is unseemly, and you are my sister and a maiden. Simply know she is loved. She said yes and I am over the moon delighted that she is going to be my wife."

Eloise nodded. "I'll try Colin. I miss my friend and know it's my fault that I pushed her away. Let me come to terms with things in my own time."

"Do not make her cry again Eloise. Sister or not I will end you if you do." Colin warned. "She will be my wife. No one makes my wife cry."

"See you at supper." Eloise gave a small smile.

Colin stepped forward and engulfed her in a hug. "Things are not forgiven. Kate was right in that forgiveness won't be immediate, but we are on the right path Eloise." He smiled. "Peneloise forever, right?"

Eloise nodded and laughed lightly at the old battle cry she and Penelope had used their whole childhood to challenge the boys, and headed back to the carriage that her mother was waiting nearby. Colin waved to his family and turned back towards the road to Danbury Hall. He loved his family, and they were his past. His future was waiting for him down this road.

He did not know that his future was also slightly soused on Agatha Danbury's good scotch and was going to return to an armful of tipsy redhead.

Chapter 24: You and I were the renegades

Notes:

I've had some real life issues come up that threw me for a loop and delayed this chapter by a day. Sorry about that, but it's difficult to find time to write when your home life is...explosive and your mental health decides to rear it's ugly head and try to take you down from the inside. I've also had some feedback that critically affected how and whether or not I was going to finish this story at all. I will finish it and the other six plotlines that I have in my head that are demanding to be written.

This chapter is written at the loving encouragement of my daughter Elisha and is dedicated to her for believing in her mother and bringing her tea when she was buried under blankets crying. I hope everyone enjoys.

Reviews keep me going, even when they are not what I want to read. Rest assured, I read every single one.

Unbeta'd, all errors are my own.

Chapter Text

Colin arrived back at Danbury Hall eager to see his bride-to-be. He was met with a very mischievous looking Agatha Danbury. "Agatha is everything ok?" he asked, a tone of concern in his voice.

"Oh yes." Agatha replied, smiling broadly.

"Is Penelope alright?"

"She's better than alright." Agatha giggled. "She was stressing and overthinking, so I brought her some scotch to relax her a bit and get her to open her mind, and she wound up drinking my entire bottle of 30-year-old Lagavulin single malt."

Colin's eyes widened. "She's tipsy?"

Agatha snorted. "She left tipsy back in the palace. She's well on her way to East End soused."

"Christ." Colin muttered running his hand through his hair. "My family is coming over for supper tonight – with Eloise."

"Oh, I do relish a challenge." Agatha rubbed her hands together. "It's about time Penelope let Eloise know what she thought of how she's been treated by her so-called best friend."

"Eloise does feel a bit of remorse." Colin admitted.

"Then it's time for her to talk to Penelope directly. Or more specifically, for Penelope to let that exquisite temper of hers out." Agatha closed her eyes briefly. "Righteous rage is beautiful to watch."

"Penelope doesn't have a temper. Well not much of one." Colin amended.

Agatha arched an eyebrow. "As you believe."

"I have never seen her lose her temper." Colin persisted. "She's been vexed with me plenty and she has never lost her temper. I don't think she knows how."

"Or she's kept it tamped down under the guise of good manners and gentle breeding." Agatha interjected. "Either way, there will be fireworks tonight."

"Where is my drunk fiancée and could we get her a mixture of three raw eggs?" Colin looked concerned.

"She was last sitting in the window in my library where she hasn't left all day. I do believe I might have had another bottle of scotch brought into her discreetly."

"Are you insane?" Colin exploded.

"Frighteningly so." Agatha said, smirking. "Tonight, will be a night to remember."

Colin didn't have anything to say, he hastily headed towards the library wanting to see Penelope for himself. He ran up the stairs and opened the doors to the library, peeking inside to see if Penelope was still there. He saw the library empty and began to panic.

"Mr. Bridgerton?" Marie tapped him on the shoulder.

Colin jumped and turned around to face Penelope's lady's maid. "Marie?" he tried to control his ragged breathing. "Have you seen Penelope?"

Marie giggled. "Yes Mr. Bridgerton. I brought her back to her rooms so she could bathe and reduce the smell of scotch on her. I've also ensured to give her plenty of water to flush her system and some bread to absorb the alcohol in her system. She's currently having a bit of a nap as she has desperately needed sleep for days. Poor thing is so sleep deprived."

Colin took a breath of relief. "She's safe and she hasn't run off. Thank goodness. Thank you, Marie, for looking out for her."

Marie smiled gently. "I've grown very fond of Miss Featherington in the few days she's been here. I take my duty as her lady's maid very seriously and after seeing the state she was in; I knew she'd feel more comfortable in her chambers."

"You are very wise and clearly in need of a raise." Colin nodded.

Marie grinned. "I appreciate the thought, but I am very well compensated here, and my betrothed is your new valet. I have everything I could ask for."

"Please let me know when she wakes. I want to ensure she has plenty of time to prepare for tonight's supper with my family."

Marie curtseyed. "Yes Mr. Bridgerton, I will send word to you."

Colin watched her head back to Penelope's room as he turned to head to his own chambers to rest and order some food. He hadn't eaten in a few hours, so he was quite famished.

Penelope sat at a dresser, letting Marie fix her hair after she awoke and thought she both looked and sounded like a hacked-up hairball. "Do I smell of scotch still?" she asked.

Marie shook her head. "No. Thankfully you are a graceful drinker."

Penelope laughed shortly. "Is there anymore?"

"Don't you think that you've had enough today, Miss?" Marie asked tentatively.

"I have." Penelope nodded. "However, I'm going to need some strong liquid courage for tonight and I think also a bit of the hair of the dog."

Marie nodded. "May I measure it out for you Miss? I'd hate for you to make a bad impression on your future family."

"I truly don't care anymore." Penelope said honestly. "I am who I am. This is me and I've made some bad decisions. Learned a couple lessons and just don't give a good goddamn anymore if I make a bad impression. They've known me long enough; they know who I am and if they don't like me at this point then they're not going to like me going forward." She sighed. "I'm ready to just shuck it all and run like I originally planned."

"Why did you come back?" Marie inquired as she poured a carefully measured tumbler of Lagavulin and handed it to Penelope before beginning to carefully brush her hair.

"Love." Penelope said simply. "I threw everything that I had planned away because the man I have loved since I was ten years old tracked me down in Athens and spoke love to me."

"It was strong enough to come back to a place you clearly loathe?" Marie asked gently as she started styling her red locks.

"He raised some good points, and in the end Marie, I love him. He is willing to let me be my own woman; he is willing to leave his whole family behind to follow me and let me have my adventures still. He understands that I need more than this gentrified life and he is supportive. I haven't had support in my life and to get it from someone I both love and respect, even after he hurt me and ruined my chances on the Marriage Mart – I can't speak of how it feels deep inside."

"But he ruined you didn't he?" Marie questioned, reaching for some hair pins.

"Not in the conventional sense of being ruined." Penelope took a small sip of her scotch. "Reputation wise he did. But then again, my and my families reputation was never much of anything to go on anyway."

"You're very cynical." Marie commented.

"I prefer to think of it as pragmatic." Penelope replied. "I haven't had the luxury of being able to bury my head in delusion. I didn't know all of the hurt I could take, but I survived enough to get out of Mayfair."

"And now you're back."

"In a matter of speaking." Penelope paused. "The Queen gave me much to think on, however I have three days to decide. She may think she has me in checkmate, but I still have a card left to play. And she doesn't seem to realize that I don't care if I have to become a criminal. I will not be controlled by anyone."

"It would break Agatha's heart for you to leave again." Marie remarked.

Penelope sighed. "I know. My choices are not easy, but they will be mine." She cleared her throat. "We'd better finish getting ready."

Marie nodded as she finished Penelope's hair and brought over her evening dress. "I believe you will make the best choice for you and Mr. Bridgerton."

Penelope stared at her reflection and nodded. "You'd better lace me up. I have a performance to give."

Colin was pacing the hallway outside Penelope's room as he heard his family announced. One of Agatha's footmen came to inform him that his presence was required in the entry. "I'll be down when my fiancée is ready."

The footman cleared his throat. "Begging your pardon Sir but I was told to send you down post haste. No excuses."

Colin sighed in irritation. Sometimes Agatha's meddling could wear on a man's nerves as he headed downstairs, being shepherded by the footman until he came into the entry area where his family was there en masse, all of them with the except of Simon and Daphne's children. He blinked a few times as he came to stand next to Agatha and greet everyone. "I didn't expect the entire Bridgerton clan." He commented.

"Then you're an idiot." Hyacinth said glibly. "We could sell tickets for this meal."

Francesca was nodding in agreement. "I noticed prior to leaving Hyde Park that we had been overheard by Prudence Dankworth and Phillippa Finch."

Colin exchanged a glance with Agatha. "Should we expect a yellow elephant interruption?"

Agatha shook her head. "Penelope has enough to deal with tonight. I will not let that vengeful hag and her succubus daughters in my domain to attempt to confront my adopted daughter until she is built up enough to be confident in that particular confrontation."

Violet walked over to Agatha to hug her tightly. "I'm so glad that you brought her into your family."

Agatha sighed. "The poor girl needed someone on her side. You couldn't adopt her no matter how much you indicated you wanted to."

Violet nodded. "The scandal of her and Colin marrying would sink our family."

"Come," Agatha said warmly. "Let us move out of the entry way and make our way to the drawing room off the dining area. Penelope should be joining us shortly."

"Of course because it's all about Penelope." Eloise muttered resentfully.

"Eloise, you will keep your tongue behind your teeth." Agatha said sharply. "You've said and done quite enough young lady."

"How would you know?" Eloise challenged.

"I know everything, when will you learn that?" Agatha scoffed as she led the way to the drawing room.

"El," Colin said quietly, coming next to his sister. "I thought things were on the way to rectification?"

Eloise sniffed. "We'll see. Just…could everyone stop defending her?"

Colin grabbed Eloise by her elbow and spun her around. "Never." He said staunchly. "And until you've been in a position where you have been abused and derided your entire life, and then abandoned by everyone you ever trusted and loved perhaps you'll understand why defending her means so much to Agatha and myself."

Eloise rolled her eyes. "What abuse?" she demanded. "I never saw any abuse. Was she talked to poorly by her family? Yes." She admitted. "But they never laid a hand on her that I saw."

"There's the key phrase El." Colin said sharply. "That. You. Saw."

Eloise paused. "What are you saying?"

Colin cleared his throat. "I have seen the scars on her body from where she was struck, whipped and switched. I have seen and traced every single one of them. I assure you that she did not do that to herself. Those are marks that only come from repeated and consistent beatings." He paused. "When you prepared for balls together you mean to tell me that you never saw her body?"

Eloise shook her head slowly. "We were always behind dressing screens as was appropriate and modest. I never saw her until her undergarments were fully on and we were being buttoned up into our dresses."

"Then perhaps now things begin to clear themselves to you. Perhaps you should approach tonight with your listening ears instead of your critical mouth." Colin responded as he held his arm out for his sister to take.

"I will keep an open mind." Eloise conceded.

"Then the beat of reparation begins." Colin said solemnly as they entered the drawing room.

"I was about to send out a search party." Anthony remarked from the corner where he was examining some books on display.

"Just a brief conversation about the importance of tonight and keeping an open mind." Colin said smoothly. "Has Penelope arrived?"

"Not yet." Kate said. "I confess I'm anxious to see her. I have so much I want to talk to her about."

"Me too." Daphne confessed. "I have a thousand questions about…everything!" she threw her hands up laughing. "I never thought Penelope Featherington would be the biggest enigma to come out of Mayfair."

"Nor did I." came Penelope's melodious voice from the back entry to the drawing room.

"Penelope!" Violet exclaimed heading towards her, only to 'accidentally' walk into Agatha's cane on her shins as Colin crossed the room to her, eyes shining in pride as he kissed her hand and led her inside.

"Hello everyone." Penelope said softly. She didn't lower her gaze nor let her voice waver. "It is nice to see you all after so long."

Violet gently kicked Agatha's cane to the side as she came forward to embrace her tightly. "My darling girl, I am so happy for your news. Congratulations on accepting my loving, but thick-headed and bullheaded son."

Penelope snickered. "He was most persuasive and passionate in his arguments with me."

Benedict choked on his glass of wine. "I'm sure he was VERY passionate."

"Indeed." Daphne agreed, eyes dancing with mischief.

Penelope laughed lightly. "He at least waited until we were engaged before completely ruining me."

"Colin!" Anthony was about to admonish before Penelope held up a hand.

"Before anyone begins to get angry or upset with Colin about our…celebration activities, let me make it very clear that nothing happened that I did not want, know about or initiate myself. In fact, he has been an absolute gentleman until last night when I was going to compromise HIM." She said firmly. "And our relations from this point on are between us and not up for conversation or idle gossip. We consummated our engagement last night. Four times for you reformed rakes since I know you'll ask, and yes ladies, it was beyond romantic and more than I could have ever dreamed of. Books and overheard conversations do not do the act justice, nor does other things one might do in the dark." Penelope paused. "Getting that out of the way can we now move on to other topics?"

Most of the Bridgerton siblings were taken aback at her frankness. Simon quietly applauded from the window where he stood with a vibrating Daphne who had so many questions, she rather resembled a jumping bean.

"I will have follow up questions – for educational purposes of course." Hyacinth said calmly as she headed over to the lemonade table.

"I may or may not answer them." Penelope rejoined with a smile.

Penelope turned to Eloise. "Thank you for coming to celebrate your brother's engagement Eloise." She said stiffly. "I'm sure it was difficult for you to be in the presence of an insipid wallflower."

Eloise opened her mouth but Penelope had already turned away. "Agatha, how goes supper preparations?"

"I believe our starters are ready if we would all venture to the dining room. I have laid it out in an informal family-style meal so conversation would flow better and be less rigid." Agatha replied. "I have a feeling that it is going to be quite the night."

"Perhaps." Penelope smiled at her adoptive mother. "We'll play it by ear."

"Even better." Penelope turned to see Benedict rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "I love a good confrontation."

Penelope smiled at Benedict who then came over to Penelope, took her hand and bowed deeply in front of her. "Penelope, let me be the first to express my utmost apologies and regrets at how I treated you. Truly I had no idea of what was going on and believed the pap that was told to me by my sibling. I am a gentleman rake and would never treat an innocent such as yourself in such an abominable way. I regret that I am part of the reason you fled Mayfair in the dead of night, during a rainstorm to make it harder to track you – though I do applaud your ingenuity at your escape. Please accept my apologies and allow me to show you through actions my true regret and guilt at my part in it all."

Penelope nodded at Benedict, then reach over to give him a gentle hug. "Thank you, Benedict. I forgive you with a full and open heart." She took a step back. "Gentleman rake? Is that a thing?"

"It is now." Benedict said smoothly, winking at her.

Penelope's laugh filled the room and was a balm to Colin's agitate soul. Leave it to Benedict to be the first to wade into the upcoming fray so he could sit on the sidelines and observe for the rest of the evening.

Slowly each of the Bridgerton's' came forward to apologize to Penelope and offer regrets. Simon embraced her tightly. "I've always thought of you as a younger sister and knowing what you have gone through pains me." He kissed the top of her head affectionately. "Like recognizes like."

"I know." Penelope said softly. "And now I'm going to swing back."

"Good girl." Simon said approvingly. "And when you do, you'll have me behind you and woe befall anyone who thinks they can take me."

"We're all behind you going forward Penelope. You are family. You always have been." Anthony said kindly. "And despite what everyone thinks, you have always been Colin's since the day you knocked him off his horse and he laid eyes on you. Everyone else was always second."

"Can we eat soon?" Colin cut in. "My stomach is about to start gnawing at my backbone."

"As opposed to every other second of your life?" Anthony smirked at his brother's expense.

"Unless you want me to eat the table, we're going to get some starters." Colin insisted.

"Hear hear." Gregory echoed.

Heart full, Penelope walked with all the Bridgertons save one into the dining room, leaving Eloise in the drawing room to ponder over everything she had learned since entering Danbury Hall before following everyone else to the wafting scent of food. She paused to give Colin a gentle kiss, uncaring if it was seemly or not. "Pen," Colin whispered into her ear. "Have you been drinking."

Penelope winked at him. "Time to unleash the kraken my love."

"Oh dear God." Colin muttered.

It was supper time.

Chapter 25: The clowns wore smiles that would never fade

Notes:

Trigger warning - molestation and abuse. Body shaming.

This is a very vulnerable chapter for me as this describes some of my own experiences.

I dedicate this chapter to those of us who walked through hell and survived. We are not victims. We are survivors. And I see you.

Chapter Text

Lady Danbury preferred a more casual dining setting when amongst friends or drunken wives and set up her dining area that way. She had chosen a perfectly circled table that would seat everyone, no one being left out and no head of the table. Spots were not assigned, and everyone could clearly see each other and hear each other.

Colin and Penelope entered to find most everyone had already seated themselves. There were two seats that were left together for her and Colin, in between Agatha and Kate. Penelope smiled as Colin pulled out her chair to have her sit before taking his own and having a small sip of wine. "Let the festivities…I mean feast begin." Agatha announced and clapped her hands as the first course of starters was brought in. "No need to stand on ceremony, this is family style as we are all family at this point, and I know at least two Bridgerton men who are famished."

"I'm in the middle of a growth spurt." Gregory defended. "I don't know what HIS excuse is other than being a walking stomach."

Colin gave a salute to his brother with his wine glass. "Touche Gregory." He chuckled. "Just a few more weeks and you'll be at Eton enjoying their…cuisine. I wish you well with it."

Both Anthony and Benedict made faces as they recalled the meals eaten there. "You may actually lose weight brother." Anthony said honestly.

"I think they're counting on keeping the young men so famished from all the exercise and training that they'll do that they won't really notice that everything is lacking in flavour." Colin supplied.

"Is it that bad?" Gregory asked skeptically.

Three heads nodded an affirmative.

Daphne cleared her throat. "Penelope, I have so many questions that I want to ask I'm not sure where to begin."

Penelope gave Daphne a long look before taking a deep drink of wine. "Begin where you choose. I have nothing to hide so I will answer everything honestly – unless you ask me about the size or girth of your brother. That is between him and me." She said impishly.

Colin choked and turned red as the rest of the table stopped for a moment at her words before Agatha broke the tension with a laugh. "Well played my dear."

Daphne stared at Penelope like she had never seen her before. "Colin has mentioned that you had abuse in your household growing up. I would very much like to hear more about that and how we never noticed."

Penelope nodded. "Not surprising." She paused. "I am going to preface everything I say going forward with an apology should you feel called out or derided. It is not my intent however it will be crucial when I describe some of what I went though. Remember I love you and respect you all, however I was in a very dark place for a very long time and my phrasing will reflect that. I will make no further apologies for my wording beyond this one. If I offend you, I do not mean to – or perhaps I do and you'll just have to swallow it as I have had to on many occasions."

Every Bridgerton at the table blinked and nodded at her blunt words. "We will not take offence and if we do, we will not hold it against you." Violet said quietly from her seat. "We merely want to know what happened to one of our family's oldest and most trusted friends."

"Formerly most trusted." Eloise cut in.

Penelope closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm only going to say this once, I am not repeating everything and save snide comments and questions for the end. I have just enough strength to do this one last time and then I am done and so is this topic. Am I clear?"

"Eloise, for once in your life keep your opinions to yourself." Daphne hissed. "I want to hear this and will not have you escalating the situation further."

"I rather think Penelope has done that herself." Eloise said calmly.

"You would know better than others, wouldn't you?" Penelope said, levelling a look at her former best friend. "After all, if it is an opposing opinion or point of view from yours then it must always be wrong, and the person must always be the insipid one."

"Are we going to do this now?" Eloise asked, rising to the occasion.

"That is up to you. I did not agree to this meal with the intent of confronting or arguing with you on a dead topic. I was under the impression that the Bridgerton family wanted to make reparations for how I was treated based upon lies and deception that you fed them. If I was incorrect then I apologize for wasting everyone's time and I trust you enjoy the meal." Penelope began to stand.

Colin and Kate's hands darted out to sit her back down. "Eloise," Violet began. "You promised you were going to come here tonight to listen and not judge and not argue. I thought you wanted to be returned to the family fold instead of being sequestered at Number 5 with me. If this is not what you want, then the carriage will take you back to Number 5 now. Right now, you are doing the opposite of everything you had promised the family after today's promenade."

Eloise sat back in her chair and closed her mouth, duly chastised by her mother.

"Please tell us everything Penelope." Kate said gently, stroking her hand soothingly.

Penelope cleared her throat. "Very well. My father was a drunk and a gambler, this is no secret. My mother has despised me from the day I was pulled from her body. I was meant to be the son after all. I was meant to be the heir. I have been disappointing my family since my first breath." She paused to have more wine, feeling a bit lightheaded and knowing this was the state she needed to be in to get the story out. "I was left behind in the nursery, I was ignored by my parents and treated cruelly by my sisters. I was supposed to be their brother after all, not their sister nor did they feel any sisterly affection towards me. I was like a specimen under glass for them, especially Prudence. How much could she hurt me? How much could she make me endure? It was a game, one encouraged by my parents."

"I allowed it." Penelope sighed. "They were my sisters, and I didn't know any better. I was desperate for attention. For love. For anything. I got more care from my governess until she was told to stop and treat me like an urchin instead of a daughter from a minor noble house. I retreated from a young age into my books. My sisters never waited for me when they were playing, and I was left to my own devices more often than not. I was pudgy, I had baby fat that was persistent and that was when the insults to my form began from my mother.

"It was mild at first, just comments on how what we eat will change a lady's form, and then it was out and out insulting. I was compared to the pigs and a few times sent out to eat with them at our country estate. I was denied food to make the weight come off, I was put into a corset far too young. I questioned my mother why, why me? Why not my sisters? I was told because they are proper Featherington daughters, and I was just the disappointment." Penelope paused as she felt emotion well up in her. She closed her eyes briefly and when she opened them, she saw sympathy on every face – except for Eloise who rolled her eyes.

"I met Colin and then Eloise, and I glimpsed what family was supposed to be like. I questioned more at home. Every time I even mentioned the Bridgerton name I got whipped or switched. I tried to spend as much time at yours as I could, but I always had to end up going home where I was insulted, beat and starved. Mama was careful with where she put my marks so no one could see them lest I embarrass the Featherington name more than I already had by being the fat one."

Penelope took a breath as she plowed on. "I began to develop, and my mother would cinch me into tighter and smaller corsets. Because I wasn't expected to amount to much unlike my sisters, I had cheap corsets that had boning that would cut through the material and into my flesh. She didn't care. I have so many bloodstained corsets." Penelope shook her head to dispel the memories. "Once I began to develop, I attracted the interest of some of my father's…contacts."

Colin froze as Anthony's gaze grew razor sharp. "You didn't tell me this." He said softly.

"Because I am ashamed of it." Penelope confessed. "To help pay his debts, my father would allow his debtors time alone with me in his study. To…examine me. To touch me. To take liberties with my being above and below my clothing. My breasts and my lower regions. I recall once I had fallen asleep on the settee and woke up to a strange man's face near mine, as he knelt next to me, one hand in his breeches and the other hand on my breasts." Tears began to fall from her face. "I learned to hate my body. I felt it betrayed me."

"Your father condoned this?" Simon asked in a deadly calm voice.

"With my mother's consent. If I was never going to be a beauty or bring any wealth to the family name, I might as well begin my future career as a strumpet early. At least if they could dally with me, they didn't ask my father for money he didn't have." Penelope admitted. "From the time I was four and ten my mother let me know that the only worth I would EVER have would be on my back. I had no other worth or future and she had been making plans to bring me to a brothel to speak to one of the Madams and find out if she could make any profit off my body. She thought I could at least be auctioned off because I was a virgin."

A crack came from where Simon was sitting. "Apologies Lady Danbury for breaking your wine glass." He said through gritted teeth as he placed the broken glass and stem on the table. "I did not realize how hard I put it down."

"Trifles." Agatha said waving her hand. "Continue Penelope."

Penelope took a large drink of her wine. "I made my debut because it would have looked odd if I hadn't. After my debut Mama got even stricter with me about what I would say, how I looked, how I acted, how I walked. I was at this point living in a corset even to sleep. I was struck, I was starved and more than once hopefully left for dead. No one helped. No one could. If I breathed a word of it outside of our residence my punishments would have been more severe."

"How?" Francesca asked. "How could it have gotten worse?"

"I didn't ask." Penelope said tersely. "As a wallflower, being ignored was what I was used to. I was so miserable that I began Lady Whistledown and I found out I was good at it. Suddenly, people wanted to hear my voice and for the first time in my life I felt I was worth something. I would come visit and feel part of your family. I had Eloise who I loved more than my own sisters. I had all of you, and Colin, who I loved from the time I was ten. I loved him passionately from the time I was three and ten and I knew that no other man would ever quite measure up to him for me. It was a fruitless affection, I knew that. I knew it would never be reciprocated and I was ok with that."

"And wrong." Colin said gently as he took her hand.

Penelope gave him a small smile. "I felt powerful as people began to listen to me and I wielded that power in the wrong way. For that I apologize most humbly to you all. I was upset, I was emotional but that was still no reason to slander any of you. I did my best to warn you all where I could, to speak to you before I put words to parchment and when I was still ignored and rebuffed, or placated and patted on the head because what did I know? I'm the wallflower of the ton. The shame of the Featheringtons."

She sighed. "The rest you all know well. My life began to spiral and I fell into a deep depression. I would start to injure myself and a few times tried to kill myself."

Eloise's gaze flew to Penelope's face as her jaw dropped. "You didn't."

"I can show you the scars if you wish." Penelope said simply.

"How did I not know this?"

"You never paid attention to me in that way Eloise. I counted on it." Penelope replied honestly. "I was your best friend when you needed someone and I went along with every idea you ever had with no questions. I didn't care if I got caught. What was punishment to me? Could it be any worse than what I faced every day at home? You said it yourself, I am an insipid wallflower and that is how you have always viewed me." she stared at Eloise directly. "I would have stayed and endured anything if you hadn't turned against me."

"But for you to harm yourself!" Eloise protested, not denying that she had paid little attention to her friend.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Violet asked, hurt in her eyes.

"I was ashamed. And I felt that you all believed as Eloise did. I was just the annoying fat neighbour girl who hung around and ate your food." Penelope replied to Violet.

"Never!" Benedict said sternly. "You have been our non-related sister since the day you were introduced to us. I would have fought in your honour."

"As would I." Anthony said angrily. "I can't believe this was going on so close to us and we never noticed."

"I didn't want you to." Penelope said softly. "Shame is a blanket that covers one completely. You Bridgerton's have everything – the name. The money. The reputation. Each other. You have no idea what it is to be on the outside looking in at such a life. You want for nothing, none of you ever have. Deliberate violence and abuse is unknown in your household. Respect for each other is a given even when you are angry. You don't know what it means to be on the other side of scandal. On the bad side of Society. You haven't even gotten the most mild taste of it. I protected you where I could so that none of you would ever taste what I lived in my whole life."

She sighed. "Anyway, by this point Colin was doing his tours and writing to me regularly, incredibly detailed in every aspect and I began to form a plan and make notes. After the Featherington Ball when I lost everything – my best friend and the man I loved – I tried to stay in Society. I made an attempt to find a husband to free me from the mundane and miserable life I was living. The day Mama told me she expected me to take care of her when she was older along with selling my body was the day I felt something inside me snap.

"I put my plans into motion. I waited for the strongest storm I'd ever seen to hit, swallowed my fear and escaped into the night with my Lady Whistledown savings. I headed to the nearest port, got on a ship heading to anywhere – I think it was going to France, begged clemency from the Captain and vanished. I was free."

She chuckled wryly. "And then walking down a street in Athens, I hear a voice I never thought I would hear again and it all came back to me. Everything I had left behind but could not escape and could not forget."

"Why did you return with Colin?" Daphne asked.

"He was set in his ways that he would see me safely home, despite my protests that I had no desire to return to Mayfair ever." Penelope said honestly. "Stubborn, pig-headed man. He followed me. He knew how I thought. I was not going to escape him easily. And while he weaseled his way into my shared cabin on the Diana, he spoke to me some truths that I needed to hear. I cannot go to the next part of my life leaving unfinished business here which is why I came back. Colin spoke love to me. Finally, after years of wishing and wanting, he admitted that he loved me back.

"I've never been loved in my life. But I am now, and that is a feeling I cannot, will not, do not want to give up." Penelope finished. "I don't know what my decision will be to the Queen yet, but I do know that the choice will be mine. It means the world to me that Colin will follow and support me no matter what. The day he said he would walk away from all of you was the day I realized his sincerity. Since then he has done nothing but build me up and try to give me the love I so desperately yearn for." she sighed. "It's why I cannot stay or live in Mayfair. Every street, ever walkway is haunted with memories I wish I didn't have. I relive them. I can still see and hear them. Sometimes in the night, I cannot escape what lives inside my head."

Penelope cleared her throat. "So that's my story. Now you know everything."

Agatha shoved her chair away from the table as she stood and stalked over to where Penelope sat. She pulled her to her feet and embraced her tightly. "You are safe here Penelope. No one will ever hurt you again. I will kill them. You are my daughter now and I love you dearly." she kissed her head tenderly. "I understand why Mayfair is such a painful place for you, I do." she held her tighter. "Don't vanish on me again. I love you too much to give you up."

Simon followed suit. "Include me in that as well Agatha." He said grimly. "If your father were not already dead, he would be a dead man walking. As it is I want to dig him up and revive him just for the pleasure of killing him again."

"Your mother," Violet said a look of distress and disgust on her face. "How could your own mother treat her daughter so?"

"Penelope," Eloise said staring at her hands. "I never realized. I never paid attention. I'm…so sorry."

Penelope didn't have any words, allowing herself to be embraced in the love of Agatha and Simon.

Clearing his throat, Colin pointed to the table where the main course had been brought out. "Perhaps some food to settle our emotions after that tale?"

Penelope gave Agatha a kiss on the cheek and sat back down. "As a result, I have no tolerance for anyone who thinks they can insult or use me. I won't be used again. I won't be mistreated again. I've been bullied and derided by my family and by the ton - especially Cressida Cowper. Imagine my pain when all of you began to ignore and cut me from outings. Imagine how desolate I felt when you Bridgertons, who I held to the highest standard of all, looked at me with derision and hatred. Perhaps I did deserve it, but didn't I also deserve to have someone fucking ask me?"

"Language." Violet said quietly, but her heart wasn't in it.

"I don't care Violet." Penelope said honestly. "The way this family treated me towards the end hurt more than any switch or whip that my mother could have ever used on me. And not one of you ever bothered to try to ask me why."

Kate slapped Anthony in the chest. "I TOLD you we should have asked what was going on!"

"I believed my sister!" Anthony protested. "Do not strike me for believing in my family."

"After Eloise and I fell out, I truly didn't want to live anymore. That was the closest I've ever come to dying. That was the deepest the blade ever got on my skin. That was the worst I've ever bled. I still don't know how I lived to morning." Penelope confessed. "After that, I fled. I had nothing here."

Agatha wiped tears from her eyes. "Penelope. You should have run to me."

"Your first priority has always been to the Bridgerton's." Penelope said honestly. "You would have taken their side first."

"I would not have." Agatha protested. "However, the point is moot. Even my spies in your household didn't reveal the true depth of your family's…depravation."

"I am broken. I am less than nothing." Penelope admitted. "And yet for some reason Colin still manages to love me. For that alone I will cleave to him even though I am damaged goods."

Colin glared at her. "I am going to assume that you are overly emotional and that is why you are speaking such a ludicrous statement." He said angrily. "You were not damaged goods, and your innocence was well intact until last night when I claimed it and you for myself. I am angry to the point of violence towards your mother and sisters which is making it difficult for me to think clearly. You are amazing Penelope. You are strong. You are brave and you are radiant. You say I chose you, but you chose me right back. You are the reason I know what love truly is."

Penelope looked at him, her eyes full of tears. "You don't feel misled about me?" she hesitated. "You were not the first man to touch me."

Colin kissed the back of her hand. "Never." He swore adamantly. "If anything, I think I love you more. And if I find out who those men are, I'll cut out their hearts."

"I respect you more than any person I have ever met." Kate admitted.

"Myself included." Anthony agreed. "I hate that these are the circumstances required to bring you into our family, but I want to welcome you, make any and all reparations to you and let you know your days of suffering are over. I will stake my title on defending your honour."

"I have no problem entering into a duel." Benedict agreed.

"Or just beating people to a bloody pulp." Simon said casually.

"Simon!" Daphne exclaimed. "You don't mean that."

Simon stared at his wife. "Have I ever spoke a word that I didn't mean with my whole heart? When it really mattered?"

Daphne shook her head. "I know Simon, but must you always resort to violence?"

"In this case I can only amuse myself with the thoughts." Simon replied to Daphne. "I cannot lay hands on a woman."

"I can." Gregory piped up. "Remember, I am not considered a gentleman yet."

"Ah but the scandal Greg." Benedict reminded him. "We cannot risk Francesca or Hyacinth's marriage prospects."

"What about Eloise's prospects?" Gregory asked.

"Eloise's prospects stopped mattering to me the day she lashed out at Penelope because she had been caught risking her reputation and safety by going to political rallies." Colin said angrily. "Right now, Eloise will reap what she sowed."

"And what is to be done to Lady Featherington and Mrs. Dankworth and Finch?" Francesca asked. "I cannot believe that they can put a person through all that and walk away scot free with nary a concern."

"Leave that to us." Agatha and Violet nodded to each other. "We're involved now and Portia Featherington is no match for us. And if she thinks she is then she has another think coming, especially once the Queen finds out how a noble lady has treated her own child."

Penelope snorted. "As if the Queen would care."

Agatha stared at her. "Penelope, remember that in spite of a crown, she is a mother. She has borne 15 babes and loved every one of them. She will not and has never tolerated for abuse of youth and has staunchly been against it."

"You're not going to bring the wrath of the crown down on the Featheringtons are you?" Simon asked Agatha who was resembling the fire-breathing dragon she had oft been compared to by other members of the ton.

"You have no idea what I'm capable of. And more to the point, neither does Portia Featherington."

"And myself. I'm kind because I choose to be. That doesn't mean I won't bitch slap someone who has interfered and hurt me and mine." Violet commented, furious.

"Mother! Language!" Daphne cried out.

"As Penelope has been showing us, right now I don't give a damn dearest." Violet retorted. "I haven't been this angry since Edmund died and I blamed him for leaving me."

"There is much to be repaired with us." Kate smiled at Penelope. "Let us begin to try. I am so sorry for how I acted. I was too busy with my own troubles and worries to wonder why you were suddenly shunned."

"Forgiven Kate." Penelope wiped her eyes. "I never resented you in the slightest."

"Now that the unpleasant tale has been laid out, let us move forward with our plans and our meal." Agatha interjected. "Perhaps some sweet dessert and ice wine will help us digest such a heavy evening."

"Hear hear!" Colin encouraged.

"Excuse me." Penelope stood. "I need a few moments to gather myself."

"Of course." Agatha nodded. "Colin will accompany you."

"I need to be alone." Penelope insisted.

"I'm sure you do. You're also a flight risk, so your betrothed shall accompany you." Agatha replied. "This is not up for debate."

Penelope nodded and headed back to the drawing room, Colin following closely behind.

When the doors to the dining room closed, Penelope began to sob as the memories coursed through her one last time. It was the strong arms of Colin surrounding her that gave her the security to unleash the torrent of emotion she had been holding back. She let out an almost-inhuman wail as she proceeded to sob into his chest. Through it all, Colin held her, stroking her hair and murmuring gentle words.

Neither of them noticed the doors to the dining room open. Neither of them noticed that the entire Bridgerton family stood behind them, their own tears falling as well.

Neither of them saw the rage on Agatha's face as she began to plan how to take down Portia Featherington.

They only saw each other, and for the first time in her life, Penelope felt unconditional love and no shame.

And it was glorious.

Chapter 26: It made me so mad

Notes:

The outpouring of love and support over my last few chapters has been overwhelming and so much appreciated. You all mean the world to me and I'm so happy to get a notification every time.

Chapter Text

Portia Featherington was in a foul mood. Not overly different from how she was most days, but today she was in a fouler mood than normal. She knew that it all had to do with the return of her rotten, good-for-nothing youngest daughter. The little ungrateful sow had returned to Mayfair and was avoiding her. So far, Portia hadn't heard anything that the chit had said in public to anyone, and her eyes and ears hadn't reported her leaving the Danbury residence since she arrived some days ago. "Varley," she called out to her head housekeeper.

"Ma'am?" Varley replied, coming into the room and curtsying briefly.

"Has there been any news of Penelope?" she demanded.

"Nothing more than you were told earlier Ma'am." Varley said respectfully, lowering her eyes. "From what I have been able to determine and hear, Letters Patent were drawn up by the Queen and she is legally the ward and heir to Lady Agatha Danbury."

"Information that Philippa and Prudence had to get for you!" Portia spat. "How dare that old bat steal my child away from me!"

"Indeed." Varley agreed. "I have no other information on her currently. The Danbury servants are remarkably tight lipped and loyal to their mistress."

"Couldn't you bribe someone?"

"I'm sure I could Ma'am," Varley began. "With what funds am I bribing people? What is the maximum amount I can give to sway someone to give me information?"

Portia sputtered at her directness. "You shouldn't need financial incentives to get information from people!"

Varley eyed her like she had lost her mind. "Ma'am, I'm sure I don't comprehend Society as I am not one of you, however outside of the ton, money is what is used to make the world go round."

"I thought once my girls were wed, I would have more available assets."

"Perhaps if you were to tone down your lifestyle Ma'am?"

"Are you questioning me Varley? I will not put up with your impertinence!" Portia snarled.

"No impertinence Ma'am." Varley said, placating. "Merely pointing out what I see."

"Then you need to get your eyes checked!" Portia was furious. "That little harlot had money all these years and kept it for herself! It will be different when she is back under my roof, and I manage her money making. She'll make more as a whore than as a so-called writer."

Varley stared at her, disapproving. She had never agreed with how Portia treated her youngest, but she had a job at stake and kept her mouth shut. She was completely convinced that Portia had lost the plot long ago. "She was an excellent writer as Whistledown."

"Oh yes," Portia said, condescendingly. "Making our family be dragged through scandal after scandal."

"Are you sure that being so garish hasn't done that anyway?"

"Watch your tongue you swine!"

"Ma'am, as I have told you before, I will tolerate your temper and your rages. I will not tolerate your insults. Call me swine again and you can find a new housekeeper, and I assure you that it will not be as easy a task as you seem to think." Varley cautioned.

"I have been too lenient with you." Portia fumed.

"And you will continue to be so if you want the secrets that have been harboured under this roof to stay here." Varley retorted. "You will regret it if you raise a switch to ME Ma'am."

"No one needs to know anything." Portia said sullenly. "No one will believe anything Penelope says anyway. She's a born liar and storyteller."

"She does have scars Ma'am."

Portia snorted. "As if she could find someone who would want to see her fat body in a state of undress. Even when she is paid, she will keep her body covered. I was careful when I struck her."

"Anything else Ma'am?" Varley decided to end the conversation.

"Not unless you get me more information that wasn't already provided by my own daughters." Portia replied. "Honestly Varley, sometimes you can be as useless as Penelope."

"As you say Ma'am." Varley replied and left Portia in front of the window, staring out and stewing in her anger.

Colin rocked Penelope gently as her tears began to wane and she sniffled very inelegantly against his chest. "I'm sorry Colin." She said, muffled.

"Never apologise for crying to me." Colin said softly, kissing the top of her head. "It is done now. You have relived it for the last time, I promise. I have only one question for you left."

"What is it?" Penelope asked, her voice small.

"What were the names of your fathers' debtors?" he asked casually.

"Why?" Penelope asked, suspicious. "Does it matter?"

"It matters a great deal to me." Colin said honestly. "I have a score to settle with each and every one."

"It won't do any good Colin. I was just a debt to be collected to them." Penelope said, eyes closed. "They have no remorse and they have gone on with their lives. It matters not. Just let it go Colin."

"I will at this moment because you have asked me, and what my wife wants, she gets. But I will find out who was perverted enough to lay hands on a young girl and I will have recompense for your pain." Colin promised her. "I vow this on my entire Bridgerton heritage."

"And I stand behind him." Anthony piped up from the doorway. "I will use every tool in my arsenal to find these men and make them pay."

Simon nodded. "As a father myself I cannot even begin to imagine the horror you felt, knowing your own father had handed you over to those kind of men just because of his own careless gambling. I feel the need to punch many things. They will suffice."

Penelope chuckled wetly. "I appreciate it, all of you, but honestly it is done. No one but me was harmed and it's not a big deal. Just let it lie in the past where it belongs."

"Penelope," Kate said gently, coming over and taking her from Colin in an embrace of her own. "I need you to stop, and I will help you of course – but stop thinking and acting like it doesn't matter just because it happened to you. It happened. It was wrong. It doesn't matter what age you were, you did not consent and it was wrong. It has always been wrong and will always be wrong. Do not take this on yourself."

"Kate," Penelope said softly. "It has absorbed into my very skin. I don't know how to live without the miasma of this polluting my very essence."

"Then I will help you with that too." Kate said lovingly. "We are to be sisters and I will treat you like one. I will show you the true sorority that comes with sisterhood, something you have never known."

"Penelope…" Eloise cleared her throat. "I want to apologise for saying you were making up angst-ridden stories and lying about what happened to you. My anger and opinions on Lady Whistledown remain, and I have much to think of and work on in that regard, however knowing that you came so close to ending your own life by your own hand – I will never forgive myself for my blindness."

"I may never forgive you period." Penelope said honestly. "You have hurt me more than my Mama and her switch ever could."

"I deserve that." Eloise admitted quietly.

"You deserve more than that." Colin said angrily, but backed down as Penelope placed a hand on his chest.

"Colin, I love you very much and love you standing up for me and protecting me, but this I my fight and one that I was in long before you realized that you loved me. Let me handle it."

"I will let you handle this." Colin replied. "But I am your sword and shield, and I will fight the battles for you that you cannot."

"I love you, Colin." Penelope said, forgetting about Eloise and turning to Colin, her heart in her eyes. "Thank you."

Colin forgot that there was anyone else there other than Penelope, his hand stroking the side of her face. "You never need to thank me for loving you, Penelope." He whispered.

"Would that I could do more."

"You're here with me now. It is enough."

Agatha cleared her throat. "Hi, remember us? Remember you're in the middle of my drawing room?"

Penelope blushed as Colin stared at Agatha unblinking. "And?" he asked. "My soon to be wife needed comfort and reassurance. I don't care where we are, I will always give it to her when it is needed. It breaks my heart to see her in such pain."

"At least your clothes are on." Agatha sighed. "Come, let us enjoy dessert and talk of more pleasant upcoming events. Violet, Kate and I have a wedding breakfast to plan."

"And Benedict, Simon and I have a stag do to plan." Anthony added.

"That's not necessary brother." Colin held out a hand. "Truly. Our wedding is in a few days, a stag night is not required."

"Think of it as a gift from your brothers before you become a husband." Benedict interjected.

"Will I be included in this?" Gregory asked, expecting to be excluded again.

"I would enjoy if Greg could join." Colin added. "Even if we are drinking at White's."

Anthony stared at their youngest brother pensively. "You are off to Eton soon. Cannot send you off without you at least taking part once in a gentleman's party before you are one yourself. You will join us." He said decisively.

"Really?" Gregory's eyes lit up.

"Really brother. I often forget you are on the cusp of manhood. Thank you, Colin, for reminding me." Anthony smiled at his two youngest brothers.

"No brothels please." Penelope said from her seat where she sipped ice wine, feeling her head begin to throb from the events of the day and the amount of alcohol she had imbibed.

Colin chuckled. "Kate and Daphne would skin the two of them alive. Besides," he leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose. "I was ruined for all other women the moment I kissed you on the Diana. No one else exists in my eyes."

He heard the "awwws" from the other women in the room, and a slight gagging from Eloise but ignored everyone but Penelope. "How did I finally get lucky?" she asked, musing.

"You more than paid your dues my dear." Agatha said, lighting a smoke. "You deserve every good thing you get."

"I agree." Violet said, walking over to hug Penelope. "I am so glad you will finally be my daughter in truth and not just in my prayers."

"I've always wanted to be part of your family." Penelope confessed. "I just never thought it would happen."

"Well once Colin got his head out of his ass…"

"Hyacinth!" Violet gasped; eyes wide. "Such language!"

"Oh that's where we're drawing the line tonight?" Hyacinth shot back to her mother. "Over ass?"

"Line have been drawn over less." Benedict murmured. "Ass has caused many fights. Of course, it also depends on who belongs to the ass."

"BENEDICT!" Violet almost shrieked. "Do not bring your rake-speak in here!"

"Rake speak?" Benedict repeated. "I'm learning a whole new vocabulary tonight. The gentleman rake who uses rake-speak. I love it."

"Are we really arguing about asses right now?" Hyacinth chuckled. "I love this family."

Penelope couldn't help but start laughing at Benedict and Violet's argument. "I'm so glad I have not been in the middle of a Bridgerton argument. I will endeavour to avoid it if possible."

Eloise chuckled. "You're marrying into this family, and you've been around us over ten years Penelope. Being part of one of our arguments is unavoidable. Wait until you hear us at full volume."

"You mean I haven't?" Penelope's eyes widened.

Colin, Eloise, Hyacinth, Benedict and Gregory all stared at her with small smiles on their faces and shook their heads in unison. Penelope groaned. "Too late to change your mind." Colin smirked at her. "You may already be carrying our child."

"And when will we know that?" Violet asked eagerly.

Penelope opened her mouth and shut it again. "Um…er…that is…oh I don't want to talk about this right now."

"It affects the family line. There are no secrets at this point anyway." Anthony said dismissively. "Also, I think the only ones who have remained chaste until marriage – and even then, it was by a hair is Simon and Daphne."

Daphne smirked. "A VERY thin hair indeed brother. You have no idea what was going to occur in that garden."

"Ah but I did. Why do you think I met him with pistols at dawn?" Anthony rejoined.

Violet ignored the banter between her children. "Penelope?"

Penelope closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "I'm not sure. My courses have never been regular, I've never understood why although Mama, my sisters and several doctors always attributed it to my weight." She paused. "If my calculations are correct however, should my courses come when they are supposed to, I will know within another week or so."

"I can't wait!" Agatha clapped her hands together. "A grandchild I can finally spoil! All my other grandchildren live away from me."

"We don't know anything for certain yet." Penelope protested.

Benedict looked at her and grinned. "You did say four times. Well done brother!" he clapped Colin on the back. "Wherever did you find the stamina?"

Colin blushed slightly. "There are innocent ladies present. I will not comment on it."

"Right. Stag do questions. Understood." Benedict winked at him.

"What else did the Queen have to say?" Daphne changed the subject. "Colin mentioned a Lordship?"

Penelope nodded. "Indeed. As I am going to be Lady Danbury's heir and ward, I am to assume her last name. She is a Countess in her own right; however the Queen created me with Letters Patent and has given Colin an Earldom. I will have a country estate and a residence outside of Mayfair. She wants me to work for her for two years, reporting on gossip and then I would be fully pardoned."

"And you'll accept of course?" Francesca asked.

"I'm not sure." Penelope hedged. "The Queen thinks me in checkmate and having no choices going forward other than to flee as a criminal, or head to the gallows. I am no longer a wilting wallflower, nor will I allow her Majesty to treat me as one."

"You have limited choices." Anthony pointed out.

"I do. But they are my choices and I'm going to make the best choice for Colin and me." Penelope replied. "I still have an ace up my sleeve that I will discuss with the Queen the next time our paths cross. I am hoping it will be before our wedding as I don't want this hanging over my head more than necessary."

"What is your ace?" Simon queried.

"You'll know when she does. Not that I don't trust you all, but I know that walls have ears."

"Not these walls." Agatha said firmly. "My staff is well paid for their silence, with bonuses and extras always."

"Forgive me, I do not mean to impugn your staff Agatha, it is just years of being secretive are still with me. Especially when it comes to matters that might see me swinging from the end of a rope."

"Fair enough." Agatha nodded. "Apology accepted."

"This has been a very dramatic, delightful but informative evening; however I believe that I need to head back to Bridgerton House and head to rest. Tomorrow, we head to the modiste for wedding dress fittings and I want to be well rested. All the girls will come with us. Even Eloise if you wish." Violet cut in.

"I wish for Eloise to join if she so chooses. I do not wish for anyone to be forced to do anything they don't want." Penelope replied carefully. "I wasn't planning on being fitted for a wedding dress."

"Scandal!" Daphne gasped. "You will have a wedding dress as befitting a sister of the Bridgerton household and I won't hear another word about it."

"It's alright Daphne. I never expected to have a wedding dress."

"Penelope," Daphne began firmly. "Do not make me pull rank. You might a Countess now, but I am still the Duchess." She broke into a laugh. "I can't believe I said all that with a straight face! Seriously Penelope, don't let the small joys be taken away from you. It only gives power to those who hurt you for so long."

Penelope looked at Colin who was smiling broadly and nodding. "Then let's get me a wedding dress."

The supper party broke up with hugs and well wishes and promises to touch base anon. A figure just outside of the light near the carriages outside watched the entire thing with covetous eyes and began planning their next step.

Chapter 27: I wanted it bad for us

Chapter Text

After seeing the Bridgerton family off, Penelope sighed deeply and turned to Colin and Agatha. "I am drained. I am going to head to bed. I feel the need to be alone right now." She hugged Agatha tightly. "I'm so glad that I can call you, my mother." She whispered in her ear. She turned to Colin and kissed him deeply, making him moan slightly. "I love you, Colin. Thank you for loving me and all my flaws."

"I love you. Nothing else matters." Colin whispered back to her.

Penelope smiled at both of them and headed in the house, followed discreetly by Marie.

Colin turned to Agatha. "I should warn you, she gets horrible nightmares and waking dreams after having to face her past trauma. You will likely hear screams and crying tonight." Colin offered her his arm to lead her back inside.

Agatha arched an eyebrow as she took the proffered arm. "You are certain?" she asked.

"I saw it often on the Diana." Colin admitted. "We found that when I held her it kept her calm enough to get a few hours of sleep, so I began sharing her bed – platonically of course."

"That was why you wanted to share her quarters here." Agatha said slowly. "To help her when the night terrors come."

Colin nodded. "Pleasures of the flesh aside, listening to her in the midst of these dreams is absolutely heartbreaking. The fact that she trusts me enough to be a man holding her after what she has endured means the world to me."

Agatha and Colin headed for the stairs, making their way to their own rooms. "I'll make you a deal Colin," Agatha began. "Should either of us hear her begin to have a nightmare, you have my permission and blessing to enter her room tonight and lay with her. Should her screams of terror turn into screams of passion I will look the other way."

Colin smirked at Agatha. "You're just a big soft romantic at heart aren't you, Agatha Danbury?"

Agatha threw back her head and laughed. "You are one of a handful who knows the truth. As a courtesy I will sleep in the Lord's room tonight instead of my own, as it is at the end of the hall and decidedly soundproof."

"I think you're amazing. You know that?" Colin admitted.

"I know." Agatha smirked and lit a smoke. "But that doesn't leave this hallway."

Colin nodded and headed towards his room. "Please have someone come wake me immediately if she cries out."

"Of course." Agatha nodded. "I will see you in the morning at breakfast. We will be returning to see the Queen – a little surprise for both Penelope and Charlotte. Let us get this over with."

"Do you know what ace up her sleeve that she speaks of?" Colin asked.

"I have no idea, however that mind of hers never stops moving even for a second so I am not surprised she has come up with a third option. Indeed, she and the Queen are evenly matched when it comes to wits and calculation." Agatha admitted. "Watching the two of them face off against each other is thrilling."

"I agree with that." Colin chuckled. "Pleasant dreams Agatha."

"Ones in which I'm skinning Portia Featherington? Pleasant indeed."

"Ah we will have similar dreams then." Colin admitted. "As I want to find the men who molested my fiancée and cut their hearts out with a spoon."

The two exchanged very similar smiles, terrifying to those who they were directed towards and went their separate ways.

The screams started around 2 AM. There was no need to rouse Colin, he had been awake and waiting, working on his journaling. He knew that it was inevitable. In his smallclothes he ran into Penelope's room, seeing her soaked in sweat and writhing and she sobbed in her sleep. He climbed into her bed and pulled her close, kissing her forehead gently and caressing her back. "I'm here Pen, you're safe. No one can hurt you here."

Penelope screamed again, fighting against his arms. "Don't touch me!"

"I won't hurt you, Pen." He whispered in her ear. "It's Colin. It's your husband. I'm right here."

He kept repeating this phrase until she began to calm down, her struggles a little less as he tightened his grip on her, letting his scent and body heat begin to soothe her. Her eyes fluttered open. "Colin?"

"Right here Pen." He kissed her eyes gently. "I've got you."

She stared into his blue eyes, darkened by his emotions and dim light. "Don't leave me." She whispered.

"Never." He swore.

"Kiss me." She said softly.

"Penelope, I don't think that's a good idea." Colin said. "Normally I would be delighted to kiss you and more, but after a nightmare I don't think it is a good idea."

"Colin," Penelope began, turning his face to look at hers. "I feel their hands on my body. I am reliving everything that they did to me. I can feel the disgust, the degradation on my skin. Please kiss me. Touch me. Let me feel your hands on me, cleansing away the memories."

"Are you sure?" he asked huskily.

"So very sure." Penelope affirmed pulling his lips to hers. "Touch me, Colin. Make me forget that I once was used to fulfill fantasies that didn't belong to you."

Colin growled low in his throat. "Pen, I don't know if I can be gentle. I don't know if I can be a gentleman."

"I don't want gentle right now Colin." Penelope replied. "I want hard, I want rough. I want to feel you imprint yourself into my very skin so that I know I am yours. Not theirs. Show me what it's like when there's love. Don't be a gentleman Colin. Be a beast for me."

"My wife need only ask." Colin said heavily. He pulled Penelope to him and kissed her desperately. Her mouth opened and he thrust his tongue inside, battling hers for dominance as he felt like he was going to devour her. His hands ripped apart the front of her sweaty nightdress and he squeezed her breasts roughly, fingers tweaking her puckered nipples as she moaned into his mouth. His lips left hers and he nipped his way down to her neck where he teased and suckled on the sensitive right side of her throat where it met her clavicle.

Penelope threw back her head and arched her body towards him. "Mark me." She moaned. "Mark my body, claim me."

Colin needed no further words as he buried his face in between her breasts, laving and teasing them with his mouth and tongue as his hands drifted down between her legs, where she had already let her legs fall open, awaiting his nimble fingers. Colin sucked on the side of her breast until he saw the red mark and grinned wolfishly. He then proceeded to mark her other breast and leave love bites across her torso as he kissed his way down to her red curls, where his fingers were curling inside her making her moan loudly in pleasure.

Penelope was awash in sensations as she felt Colin worship her. For the first time in her life, she didn't hate her body – how could she when he loved it so much? For the first time she felt like her body wasn't her enemy – how could it be when he was worshipping it and praising it with every word, every kiss?

Colin put his mouth on her wet quim and laved the outside with his tongue as Penelope let out a long moan. He dipped his tongue inside her with his fingers moving and Penelope let out a small scream. He laved and played with her clit, teeth nipping ever so lightly, and he felt her begin to shake and knew her climax was close. "Christ Penelope, you taste delicious. Every time I eat you it tastes better than the last time." He said darkly, using words only lovers speak. "You make me hunger for you so much. This body, this woman…you are everything."

"Colin…" she mewled, feeling her climax begin to rise. "Don't stop."

"I'd rather die than stop." He growled, one hand scratching her inner thighs lightly as he opened his mouth wider and put in on her. Penelope began to thrust against his fingers and tongue. "That's right, you come on me. This delicious pussy belongs to me."

Penelope thrust her hips faster against his face, unintelligible words coming out of her mouth as Colin brought her to the edge of pure pleasure. "Fuck Colin…"

"You will." Colin assured her. "You will fuck Colin very soon. Christ Penelope I've never been this fucking hard before."

"I…want…to…touch…your…cock…" she ground out.

"First I want you to come on my face." Colin blew cool air onto her hot mound. "I want to taste your climax."

"Colin!" Penelope screamed as she saw stars, her climax cresting over her. Her hands held Colin's head to her quim, fingers tangled in his hair as she ground herself against his face. "Oh my GOD…"

"That's right. Scream for me. Fuck I love how you say my name." Colin murmured. "You make it sound so filthy."

Penelope fell back on the bed gasping for air. Colin began to move up her body, getting ready to thrust roughly into her when her hand stopped him. "My turn." She said thickly.

"Pen?" he questioned.

"Lie down on your back and take off your smallclothes." She ordered. "Let me see that cock."

"As my wife commands." Colin groaned as he complied. Penelope shrugged out of the shredded remnants of her night dress and rolled on top of him, her hands wrapping around his cock. Colin groaned loudly as she began to play with the leaking liquid coming out of the top.

"It's so hard and thick." She said, wonder in her voice. "I love it. It's beautiful Colin."

Colin was unable to answer, her hands gripping him tightly. "Move your hands up and down it Penelope."

Penelope complied and squeezed his cock tightly as her hands began to move up and down roughly. Colin placed a hand on hers. "Follow my hands, not too rough." He whispered.

Penelope got the rhythm down that Colin preferred and watched him close his eyes and lose himself in sensation. He moaned out her name as he began to gently thrust against her hands. Staring at his cock in awe, Penelope leaned forward to lick to the top of it with her tongue.

Colin's eyes flew open at the first touch of her tongue. Penelope smiled, liking the taste and his reaction and licked him again, slowly lowering her head to engulf the tip of him in her mouth, while her hands still worked on his shaft. "Holy fuck!" he shouted. "Pen…"

Penelope slowly brought her mouth down engulfing his cock in her mouth and sucking firmly. Colin let out a garbled yell as his hands fisted in her hair. Penelope began to bob her head up and down his shaft, sucking and squeezing in a way that made Colin unable to think. He swore his brain was scrambled by this point. When Penelope grabbed his balls and tugged them lightly, he pushed her off him and rolled her on her back.

Before Penelope could speak, Colin had her legs spread and thrust himself deeply into her wetness. She let out a shout as he pulled out and pushed forward again roughly, beginning a hard and fast rhythm that she couldn't keep up with. Colin reached down to play with her clit as he thrust into her, one arm lifting her leg to go over his shoulder. He relished her cries and screams of pleasure as she grabbed his ass and kneaded it tightly, leaving nail marks over his back and backside. Neither of knew of any world outside the bed as they thrust against and used each other, bringing the other ever closer to the edge of pure pleasure.

Sounds of their fucking filled the room, wet, lewd and flesh on flesh slapping. The cries, the grunts, the moans as the smell of their passion laced the air and drove their arousal further.

Penelope was beyond over stimulated as she felt herself begin to crest and Colin was counting backwards from a thousand to keep himself from exploding inside her. "Fuck Penelope…I'm going to come." He warned.

"Keep fucking me." Penelope demanded. "I'm so goddamned close."

Her filthy words were an aphrodisiac he didn't know he needed in his life. He felt her start to shake around him, her quim squeezing him tightly as she began to climax. He thrust fast, hard and short strokes into her until she screamed his name and shook around him, the feel of her coming on his cock more than enough for him to let go with a roar and spurt rope after rope of his seed into her wet and waiting warmth. "Penelope!" he yelled before collapsing on her, both of them sweating and panting, exchanging frantic kisses while they came down from their climaxes.

"I love you." She whispered. "That was incredible."

Colin groaned. "I think you killed me."

"Can we go again?" Penelope asked impishly. "Ten minutes?"

"I think you drained me of fluid woman." Colin chuckled. "I need a meal after that."

"I can still feel you pounding into me." Penelope whispered in his ear. "I can still feel your cock."

Colin's eyes shot open. "Keep talking like that wife and I'll take you much sooner."

"Good." Penelope grinned. "I want to use my body. Use me."

Colin's face grew serious. "I will never use you as a sex toy my love."

Penelope shook her head. "I want you to. I consent. I give you permission. I WANT you to use me. You have shown me I am worthy of love and pleasure. I want to be used only by you. This time I have a choice in who touches me, and I choose you. Forever."

Colin growled in the back of his throat, feeling himself start to harden again. "Fuck Penelope you are a goddamned siren."

"Again." Penelope whispered. "Take me again." She hovered her breasts over his lips, and he began to nip at them, unable to handle the temptation above him. "I want more of you."

Who was Colin to argue with his wife? He rolled over and began worshipping her body again.

Fortunately, Agatha had moved to a soundproof room at the end of the hall, as the rest of the early morning hours were full of the sounds of flesh against flesh, Penelope's screams of pleasure and Colin's groans of delight.

Penelope decided that sunlight was going to be her new enemy as light beamed through the crack in the curtains directly into her eyeballs. She stretched and groaned, her body aching in the most delicious of ways. She opened her eyes and stared at herself, covered in Colin's love bites, scratches and bruises from how tightly he had gripped her. This was the first time in hours they hadn't been all over each other and she rolled to her side to stare at his sleeping form, her heart full of love for this man. She had never felt so full, so loved, so content as she was in this bed. Incredibly, she felt hungry for him again and would have spent the rest of the day in this bed committing random acts of debauchery upon him, however she knew Agatha would be knocking on their door very soon.

Penelope reached over and shook Colin's shoulder. "Colin." She whispered. "Wake up."

"Fuck Penelope, I don't know if I can go again." He groaned half-asleep. "I've never come that much in my life."

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked, shy.

Colin's eyes flew open. "Enjoy it?" he repeated in disbelief. "Pen, we need to come up with another word for how much I enjoyed it last night. Holy fuck you were better than the best I've ever had. You were exquisite. You were amazing. If I didn't think I was in danger of dehydration I would be between your legs right now."

Penelope smiled gently. "Only for you Colin."

"Goddamned right only for me." Colin grunted. "That's why I want to hunt down those who harmed you and make them pay. You are mine and they saw what was not theirs. They must die."

Penelope looked down at the blankets. "I remember some of their names if you really want them."

Colin lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "I really do. When you're ready of course."

Pounding at the door brought their conversation to a halt. "If you two are done debauching each other, I would like you both to bathe, clean up and be ready to go in two hours!" Agatha yelled into the room.

"Where are we going?" Penelope called back.

"To the Palace. We are expected." Agatha replied. "And no extra rounds of shagging either! I think you did enough this morning."

Colin smirked at Penelope. "If you weren't pregnant before, I'm fairly certain you are now."

"As long as we can keep having sex like that, I don't care." Penelope replied frankly.

"Colin you can return to your quarters, your valet is there with a fresh bath. Penelope, Marie is on her way to get your bath ready." Agatha continued.

They looked at each other and laughed, kissing each other lightly. "I take it that means we're done." Colin grinned.

"Thank you for coming to me last night Colin." Penelope said softly, eyes downcast again.

"I made you a promise. I would always be there when you had your night terrors. Nothing will keep me from you again." Colin vowed. "I hate to break promises, especially to you."

"NOW!" came the demand from outside the door.

"I'm coming!" Colin yelled back.

"I'm sure you did!" Agatha retorted.

Colin chuckled as he reached for his abandoned smallclothes. "I will see you soon Pen."

"I love you, Colin." Penelope blew him a kiss.

"I love you more Pen." Colin opened the door to a semi-irate Agatha Danbury who stared at him appraisingly.

"She did do a bit of damage last night didn't she?" Agatha commented. "Go bathe, you reek of sex."

"As my Lady Danbury wishes." Colin said smoothly, heading back to his rooms.

Agatha watched his door close and waited until she was alone in the hallway again and then her face broke out into a wide smile as she sighed in contentment and headed to the dining room, ensuring to ask for a hearty lover's breakfast. They were going to need their strength for this meeting with Queen.

"So you've come back." The Queen said to Penelope imperiously. "I trust with an answer?"

Penelope nodded. "And some caveats."

Agatha piped up. "I also have some things I need to tell Your Majesty that are going to be unpleasant to hear. It might change your opinion and decision on how to treat Miss Featherington-Danbury."

The Queen smiled. "I'm glad to hear you accepting her new name."

Agatha smiled proudly. "She is my newest daughter and I am honoured that she will now carry the Danbury name."

"What is this information I need know before? The Queen asked, bored.

"It is lengthy your Majesty, and it will likely result in you changing your opinion of your nobles." Agatha warned.

"I am intrigued. Tell me now." The Queen demanded.

Agatha looked at Penelope who nodded slightly. "It's ok Agatha. Tell her everything." She said softly.

Agatha smiled slightly and began to fill the Queen in on all of Penelope's past.

"Ma'am?" Varley knocked on Portia's door.

"What?" she snapped. "Do you actually have something useful to say?"

Varley sighed. "They've left Danbury Hall in a carriage for the Palace. I assume for a meeting with the Queen."

"I wonder why." Portia mused. "It's not like the Queen would want to meet with trash in her Palace for no reason. Perhaps she's going to hang the little brat? Not ideal as she is worth much to me but if she is executed then I have the right to all her money."

Varley said nothing, letting Portia ramble.

"I saw her last night you know." Portia said angrily. "Outside Danbury Hall hugging the Bridgerton's like she's one of their family. Disgusting." She shook her head. "We need to get her back here. I want my daughter back." She looked at Varley. "Summon Prudence and Philippa, we need to plan."

"Yes Ma'am." Varley said tonelessly, going to find a footman to deliver Portia's demands. After she closed the door, Varley discreetly penned a letter to be delivered to the modiste, to be delivered to Violet Bridgerton.

Chapter 28: Should've seen it coming

Chapter Text

Queen Charlotte sat staring at Lady Danbury, her eyes stony and harsh as she turned to look at Penelope who was trying not to wring her hands together. "Is this true?" she asked in an icy voice.

Penelope lifted her chin as she made direct eye contact with the Queen. "I can remove my clothing if you doubt the veracity of my statements."

Colin interjected. "And several footmen and I at Lady Danbury's residence can verify the screams she had from her night terrors."

Lady Danbury coughed discreetly covering up a chuckle. The Queen took a deep breath. "This information does change my judgement on you Miss Featherington-Danbury."

"I had a feeling it might." Penelope said with quiet dignity. "However, before you bring any of that information into account, I wish to discuss the aforementioned deal you HAD offered in return for my pardon."

"Go on then." Queen Charlotte lifted an eyebrow. "Negotiate with me."

Penelope cleared her throat. "By your judgement, you wanted me bound to Mayfair for two years, writing on gossip for you."

"Correct." The Queen affirmed.

"And in the off Season I would be permitted to live outside of Mayfair."

"Correct again." The Queen nodded. "Yet you had seemed so determined to go to Ireland and become a governess. Do you still feel that way?"

Penelope sighed. "After the last few days, I have determined that I cannot live in Mayfair direct, that will not change. I will not be controlled by you with what I write or who I choose to write about, nor will I stop challenging you Your Majesty."

"The impertinence." The Queen smirked. "Go on."

"I believe part of what has made you so astute IS my comments challenging you. That will not change; but I WILL stop with the direct doubt and insults to yourself and your matchmaking abilities."

"Interesting." The Queen mused.

"If I am not in Mayfair, I would like to travel. I want my adventures your Majesty after a lifetime of being stuck in the equivalent of a prison and living either in Mayfair or the country, I want something more."

"Understandable." The Queen nodded.

"And I want you to pay for it."

The Queen chuckled. "You want the Crown to pay for your travels abroad? Sounds quite foolish and never going to happen."

"You say that Your Majesty," Penelope acknowledged. "Yet I have a proposition for you."

"Continue."

"I will write for you, with no complaints." Penelope nodded. "And in return you let me travel – even during the Season if needed to other lands. Other courts. Let me go as your representative and I will write special columns with the fashion, society and gossip of other courts. Now it goes without saying that while I am there I can be covertly listening for any potential threats to Crown and country. We don't repeat of the New World Colonies after all, and we certainly don't want anyone to cast aspersion on the sanity of our beloved King George."

"Very daring to speak to me of such things. But I have a spymaster already." The Queen said imperiously.

"You do Your Majesty." Penelope agreed. "And everyone knows who it is. It is the worst kept secret of the ton and likely in other courts as well. I am a wallflower. I can go undetected. I can show up as your representative, perhaps demonstrating fashions from the British courts of lesser nobility, I can speak of your graciousness and clemency even if I am kept away during the social season. In my absence, I could have a ghost writer here gathering my gossip and information and then when my regular reports come in, everything could be combined into special-edition issues. Of course, given that these would not be published as frequently as every second day ones that come out now, more would be charged for distribution but in return for my travel, a portion of the earnings I would take for my column would be repaid to the ghost writer and to yourself."

The Queen tapped her lips in thought. "Who would this ghostwriter be?" she questioned. "It would have to be someone who can mimic your style flawlessly."

"I have an idea in mind," Penelope replied. "However, I have not approached the person in question yet as I wanted to get your decision first."

"I like it." The Queen said abruptly. "All information is power as you well know. All knowledge is useful, and you are correct, we cannot afford to another uprising such as what occurred in the colonies."

"In return for my freedom – we would of course work out a pre-arranged schedule and itinerary, I will write for you without question for five years instead of two since you would be so generous. However, I would demand that my pardon be immediate with papers in my hands. I cannot risk going to another court with the threat of being a criminal hanging over my head."

"What of your lands? Your husband? Any children that arrive?" the Queen demanded.

"Mr. Bridgerton has already spoken to Viscount Bridgerton about being taught how to run lands." Penelope smiled at Colin. "Once he knows what he is doing, we had a thought to perhaps approach the youngest Bridgerton brother to learn stewardship once he is done his studies at Eton so that he can step in to assist, and in the meantime the second Bridgerton brother who has taken care of the Bridgerton lands in the Viscount's absence would take care of the lands and people, in collusion with Lady Danbury."

"When we are in country, in society we will fully run our lands and take care of the accounts and people. Should I manage to get pregnant, I will cease travelling until the babe is born and then bring them with us on our journeys. Should it be too risky to travel with a babe, I will wait until they are weaned and do shorter journeys so that I may still be a hands-on mother since I refuse to have my children raised solely by nannies."

"Admirable goals. And what of your future husband?" the Queen turned to look at Colin. "The man I have raised to an Earldom?"

Colin raised his hand slightly. "Your Majesty, I am a traveller by nature. As you know my goals are to be a writer myself. When my wife is travelling, I would join her to gather writing material and ideas for future books."

"What of your seat in Parliament?" the Queen questioned.

"Majesty," Colin began respectfully. "If it is a big issue that requires all seats in Parliament filled, I will be in attendance of course, however you and I both know that every seat in Parliament is rarely filled regularly as your other Lords have businesses and duties to attend to. Why would I not be one of those?"

The Queen sat back. "Brimsley, bring me snuff!" she demanded as she looked at Agatha who was nodding in approval. "I have to say Miss Featherington-Danbury, that you surprise me. Out of everything I was expecting to hear from you when you arrived today, this was not it."

"It is mutually beneficial." Penelope said to the Queen. "And then I am not forced to live in a place of nightmares where I will have to face those who punished me for merely existing every single day. I thought I could do it, but I cannot. There are some injuries your Majesty that CANNOT be covered to endure."

"I agree." The Queen smiled. "You surprise me which in turn should not surprise me. You have always been a worthy opponent and adversary. I rather like the idea of you working for me. You could even distribute your column in their foreign courts to give people an idea of what occurs in English court."

"And of course we would talk about equitable division of the funds." Penelope agreed. "Should you decide you like this of course. If not, I request a few hours to get away from London before you send out your guards to hunt me."

"Penelope?!" Colin turned to her shocked. "What?"

"I will not live with the equivalent of a headsman's axe hanging over my head if I don't perform like a dancing bear." Penelope said resolutely. "These are my terms your Majesty."

The Queen tapped her finger on her chair arm as she thought. "We have an accord Miss Featherington-Danbury. I am a woman of my word and will fulfill my end of the bargain in return for you writing for me for five years. I expect worthwhile content and your ghostwriter had better be up to the standard I expect and not a fainting chit who will faint should I choose to talk to them in person. Which I shall."

Penelope stood up and approached the Queen. She held out her hand. "We have a deal your Majesty."

The Queen smiled broadly. "I respect you Miss Featherington-Danbury. I respect you for standing up to me, not many people do." The Queen took her hand. "A deal has been struck. I will have your pardon written up and I believe you have a wedding to plan."

"Indeed." Penelope smiled broadly, feeling weight leave her chest.

"Your Majesty," Colin asked idly. "How difficult would it be to get ahold of a listing of the debtors of the deceased Lord Featherington?"

"I'm sure I could arrange it." The Queen replied, eyeing him curiously. "Why?"

"I want to find the names of the men who were given permission and blessings by Lord and Lady Featherington to molest my wife and systematically torture and kill them in painful and sadistic ways." Colin answered, staring at his nails casually.

The Queen's lips twisted. "I understand your need for vengeance, and I do not disagree, however there are ways to handle this, and I cannot bypass the law entirely. However, perhaps we can attempt a joint investigation and decide together how to deal with the perverts. I will tolerate and permit many things in this world Mr. Bridgerton, but the abuse and molestation of a child is not one of them."

"My wife bears the scars of what she had to endure to this day." Colin said angrily. "I want vengeance for her."

"I understand Mr. Bridgerton, and I believe we can work together on this venture. We will meet again at another time to discuss. Will it just be you and me in this deal?"

Colin shook his head. "No, your Majesty. The Duke of Hastings and Viscount Bridgerton also demand satisfaction for what was done to my wife."

"A decent group of me." The Queen mused. "I agree Mr. Bridgerton. To be discussed after your honeymoon."

Colin smiled broadly at the Queen. "You are most generous and merciful Your Majesty."

"I know." The Queen nodded. "This has been most informative, and much information has been given. I am pleased with how this has turned out. You may go now – Lady Danbury please stay as I wish to confer with you in private – and I will see you at your wedding breakfast."

"You are attending Your Majesty?" Penelope asked, startled.

"What better way to show no hard feelings from the Crown and to give you both my royal blessing than to show up at your wedding breakfast?" the Queen asked. "That should shut any naysayers up nicely."

"You clearly don't know the Cowper's." Penelope muttered.

The Queen let out a cackled. "I like your frankness Miss Featherington-Danbury, it is refreshing."

Penelope blinked. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

"Just don't be too frank around me." The Queen warned. "You two may go."

Colin and Penelope accepted the dismissal, bowing and curtsying their way out.

"No tupping!" Lady Danbury called from the room.

"Damn." Colin muttered as Penelope giggled.

"Just as well Colin, I have to meet your mother at the modiste. I assume Agatha will show up later." Penelope smiled. "And now we can look forward to being wed with nothing looming over us."

"Just your mother and sisters." Colin sighed.

"Ignore them. I do." Penelope advised.

Colin held out his arm for her to take. "Would you like to go to the park to promenade my love? I would love to be able to show you off publicly if you feel comfortable with it."

"I cannot hide forever." Penelope admitted. "And I do enjoy a good walk. Are we going to Rotten Row?"

"We'll decide in the carriage." Colin smiled. "I just want to spend time with you outside, talking as we used to."

"I love that idea." Penelope grinned. "Let's go."

Colin arched an eyebrow at her. "I'm hoping to run into my family anyway. I have a feeling I know who you want to be your ghostwriter."

"I couldn't consider anyone else." Penelope said honestly.

"If only Hyacinth was in society, she'd be perfect." Colin mused.

Penelope laughed. "That would be a holy terror. I love Hyacinth to bits, but she is a force of nature in herself."

"Heaven help whoever marries her." Colin sighed. "By then we should be well established together, and you should be heavy with my child." He eyed Penelope salaciously. "I look forward to working on getting you pregnant." He lowered his voice to whisper in her ear. "And I look forward to filling you with my seed."

Penelope closed her eyes and moaned softly. "You speak so lewdly."

"Only to my wife." Colin admitted. "And only because you love it."

Penelope nodded as she clamped her thighs together. "Thank you for showing me that my body is worth more than just being used as a plaything."

"I figured that was why you wanted it so rough last night." Colin said quietly. "You were showing yourself that you were deserving of and entitled to pleasure and that what happened to you did not change that."

"How did you know that?" Penelope asked, startled.

Colin sighed. "Because I've talked to women who were assaulted in the past. Not all women in brothels are there because they have no other choice. Some are there to prove something to themselves."

"That makes sense." Penelope said as the carriage pulled to a stop near Rotten Row. "Let us talk of other things now. It has been a heavy morning."

"Indeed, my love." Colin agreed. "Let me show you off to Mayfair. Let me show those fools what they missed out on and will never have."

Penelope blushed at his praise and took his hand instead of his arm and began to walk down the path, holding her head high.

Violet re-read and then folded the missive that had arrived in the dead of night, sent from the Featherington housekeeper. She needed to talk to Agatha, however she had alerted Anthony to the potential danger to Penelope already from her mother and sisters. Realizing that a very real kidnapping attempt could occur after the horrors that they had already subjected her to made Violet see red.

She had hired and placed a few discreet young boys to surround and keep an eye on the house under the pretense of playing and handed them more money to remember everything they heard when around the three households. She would risk no further trauma coming to Penelope.

Holding Benedict's arm as they traversed Rotten Row for the daily promenade, she kept her eyes scanning for Portia or her daughters. Anthony was in Hyde Park with Kate and Hyacinth, as she, Benedict, Eloise and Francesca walked Rotten Row, ears open.

Violet had sent a discreet reply this morning back to Varley who had expressed rather clearly that she would normally never betray her mistress, but her singular focus on her youngest had surpassed into a dangerous obsession. Varley, who had wiped Penelope's bottom as an infant could not endure seeing anything further happen to her, after having aided her in her escape all those months ago. Portia was becoming dangerously unhinged in Varley's mind and no longer listening to reason. By her reckoning that moved her unwavering loyalty to Penelope and her best interests.

Promising Varley protection and a position in Penelope's future household, Violet had struck a deal and then informed Anthony about it immediately. Agatha and Colin needed to be brought up to speed, however Violet had made an oath on Edmund's memory that the Featherington family would fall into such a scandal that they would never be able to show their faces in polite society for several generations.

Violet was a sweet and loving woman, gentle with a heart of gold. Until you crossed her by harming someone she loved, and then she was able to turn into the most calculating woman that had ever walked the earth, and this time, she was going to be joined by Lady Agatha Danbury.

May there be mercy on Portia Featherington's soul – though if Violet had her say, it would be in very short supply.

Spotting Colin and Penelope, she raised her hand to wave and smiled broadly. "Dearest! And Penelope!"

Colin smiled as he and Penelope walked over to join them. "Mother! Family! Good to see you!"

"How are you?" Violet asked Penelope, concerned.

"It was a rough night." Penelope admitted. "Very rough, difficult to sleep. My mind was racing."

"I imagine." Violet nodded in commiseration.

"Bet you don't." Colin muttered lowly, hearing Benedict snort as he overheard him.

"Colin helped calm me down and focus on other things, and eventually get me to sleep." Penelope continued.

"And dehydrated me in the process." Colin continued with his under the breath conversation. "Also, might have a slight case of chafing and am in desperate need of a large meal." Benedict's face was turning a splendid shade of red as he fought his laughter.

"He was most useful." Penelope finished. "I hope he calms me in the future."

Benedict could take no more and exploded in laughter as Colin shot his brother a dirty look. "Sorry Mother." He cleared his throat. "Just…thinking."

"I hope it was nothing inappropriate." Violet glared at her second born.

"Oh, completely appropriate mother." Benedict nodded. "What else could it be?"

Penelope blushed faintly and Eloise's breath caught in her throat as she caught onto the double entendre and started at Penelope. "For how long have you loved my brother?" she asked, incredulous.

"Since the moment I met him." Penelope admitted.

"How did I never notice this?" Eloise mused out loud.

"You never thought of me thinking of him in that way, and it never crossed your mind that I could have been in love with Colin or that he could ever love me." Penelope said to Eloise. She took a breath. "Are you available for tea today or tomorrow? I would like to talk to you."

Eloise stared at Penelope, pensive. She abruptly nodded. "I can come by for tea this afternoon."

"I look forward to seeing you." Penelope smiled. "Colin, I am going on ahead."

Colin tightened his grip on her hand. "Mother, family, I will see you later. I'm going to show off my beautiful wife."

Violet beamed happily. "We'll all walk together." She decided. "Just in case we see…yellow things."

Colin and Penelope agreed and as group they headed further onto the path.

Portia saw red. Her eyes narrowed as she, Prudence and Philippa glared across the field at Penelope and the Bridgerton's. "Impertinent swine." Prudence sneered. "Showing herself off. What does she have to show off? Piglet."

Portia agreed as she took in the scene. "How do we get her alone?"

"Tempt her with a biscuit?" Philippa suggested. "She always did follow food."

Prudence rolled her eyes. "Be sensible Philippa." She snapped at her sister.

Portia and her daughters shared a look. "We will have to make plans." She sighed. "Again. We are always having to make plans because that little bitch keeps messing them up."

"She's useless Mother." Prudence said. "Always has been."

"She may be of use to us yet." Portia cautioned. "Let me think."

Chapter 29: The roses died

Notes:

Hello everyone! Sorry about the delay, my area got hit hard with flash flooding from some torrential rains and then everyone in my family (myself included) got sick. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.

If you like Cressida, this is not a chapter for you.

Chapter Text

"Oh look, Penelope!" a shrill and most unwelcome voice cut across the path as Cressida Cowper put herself directly into the path of Penelope and Colin. "How wonderful to see you again," she tittered. "I had been so worried when you disappeared all those months ago. Absolutely beside myself with worry wondering about where the resident, pathetic wallflower of the ton had gone."

Colin pressed his lips together in a thin line as Penelope put a hand on his chest and turned to Cressida. "Good to know you thought of me." Penelope said in a cold voice. "I didn't think of you once."

Cressida lowered her voice – or seemed to but asked her next question with enough volume to ensure there was no discretion. "Did you have to flee so that you could give birth a bastard child?"

Penelope chuckled. "Is that the best you can come up with Cressida? Child outside of wedlock? Couldn't you at least be a bit creative when it came to me? I could have been fleeing from marauding pirates or been abducted and trafficked off for my purity."

Cressida blinked in surprise at Penelope's attitude. "Aren't you going to run off crying and then lurk in the shadows where your kind belongs?"

"And why would I do that?" Penelope asked. "I have just as much right to promenade as everyone else and I don't want to be in the shadows anymore."

"Unfortunately for you it's too little too late." Cressida sneered. "Everyone knows what Mr. Bridgerton really thinks of you. They know that he would never court you. You are completely unmarriageable."

Penelope sighed. "It's true. Mr. Bridgerton did in fact stand by his words about courting me."

Colin's jaw dropped and he opened his mouth to interject when Penelope squeezed his elbow tightly, letting him know not to say a word. "Exactly. Since you made everyone so happy when you left, why on earth did you bother coming back?" Cressida needled.

Penelope smiled gently. "Mr. Bridgerton kept his word as I said about never courting me, it's true." Penelope held out her left hand. "Instead he flat out asked me to marry him instead."

Cressida's eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she stared at the stunning engagement ring on Penelope's left hand. "You…you must have entrapped him. Seduced him." She spat. "Why on earth would the likes of him ever want to be with a worthless, fat, ugly piece of flash trash like yourself?"

Penelope continued to gesture to Colin to hold his tongue. "Are you so much better?" she asked loftily. "You've managed to be rejected by every man who's ever courted you, and no one has actually shown up at your drawing room asking for your hand. You've only ever gotten as far as you did with other gentlemen because you pounced on them like a starving tiger when they showed up in public and didn't give anyone else a chance to get to know them by sabotaging others. You think men don't notice that? You think that I'm the reason you're not getting offers? Perhaps Cressida, you need to take a long look in the looking glass before reflecting your insecurities onto every other young lady."

Cressida stared at Penelope in shock. "How dare you. I will not be spoken to like that by you a nothing!"

"That is your prerogative." Penelope nodded. "Now, my fiancé, future in-laws and I are going to promenade and enjoy this lovely day. I'll thank you to take your sour face elsewhere lest you ruin the day for everyone in the park." Penelope turned to Colin who was staring at her with a rapt expression on his face. "Shall we continue my love?"

Colin cleared his throat. "That was breathtaking." He smiled proudly. "And incredibly attractive. I'm looking for the nearest secluded area where I can take you and have my way with you. I don't think I have ever been more turned on by you than I am right now."

Penelope blushed and met his gaze. "I'm done letting people walk all over. Especially Cressida Cowper."

Colin smiled at her lovingly. "Self-confidence is an incredible turn-on Pen. I'm so proud of you right now, don't lose what you have gained."

Penelope raised her chin. "Thank you for letting me fight my own battles."

"Thank you for showing me that you can put one of the ton's biggest bitches in her place." Colin rejoined chuckling. He put an arm around her waist, pulling her into a side hug. "Come my beauty, let us see who else's tongue we can get wagging."

Penelope giggled. "If only Whistledown was still writing."

Colin looked at her seriously. "I thought Whistledown was going to still be writing."

Penelope shook her head. "I made a deal with the Queen this is true, but she never specified I have to continue to be Whistledown. In fact, I think she's looking more forward to the challenge of me writing under my new name. I have decided I will not publish until we are wed so I can completely stop associating Featherington with my name completely."

"My wife is wise." Colin nodded. "I think I love that idea."

Penelope grinned. "Then, on the day of or perhaps the day after our wedding I will have a double length special edition go to print."

Colin arched an eyebrow. "The day after our wedding? My love if you think I'm going to let you out of bed to write, you are very very wrong. Remember – fuck. Royalty is decreeing us to legally have sex."

Penelope laughed. "I know my insatiable soon-to-be husband. I'm already working on a new column, I'll fill in the remainder of the details after our wedding and get it to my publisher since I was hoping I'd have a reason to stay naked the day after our wedding."

"I will give you many reasons." Colin growled. "I'd give you a reason right now but we're in public."

"So?" Penelope challenged. "Have you seen all the weeping willows? I swear Hyde Park is designed for secretive encounters."

"Is that a challenge?" Colin asked. "Do you want to tup in public?"

Penelope blushed. "I read about it in one of my books. It sounded…titillating."

Colin groaned and ran his free hand through his hair. "Woman, you are going to be death of me."

"How so?" Penelope asked him innocently.

"Death by blue balls." Colin muttered. "Come on before I say to hell with it and the entire ton sees me dragging you off into the trees."

"Can't say as I'd mind." Penelope rejoined.

Colin shut his eyes almost as if he were praying. "Save me from my redheaded minx. Never mind, thank you for my beautiful siren and save me a spot in the handbasket going to hell."

Penelope laughed, and the sound to Colin was a benediction to his ears. "What a beautiful sound. If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever."

"Look who came crawling back." A cold voice said from behind them. "It was too much too hope that you would have stayed gone longer. Or died."

Penelope stiffened and turned around. "Prudence. How delightful to see you."

"I cannot say the same." Prudence sniffed as she stared imperiously at Penelope. "You look like you've gained some weight whilst you've been gone."

"You look like you still have a stick jammed up your arse." Penelope rejoined to her sister.

"You impertinent swine!" Prudence seethed. "When you move back to Featherington Manor you will be pay for speaking to me like that."

Penelope laughed humourlessly. "Joke's on your then Prudence. I am not moving back to Featherington Manor. In fact I have no intention of returning there ever again."

"You are an unwed spinster. You have no choice."

Penelope smirked at her sister. "I do have a choice Prudence. I have been formally made a ward of Lady Danbury and am the heir to her estate – after her biological children of course. And in a day I will be wed to Mr. Bridgerton and we will be assuming our titles of Earl and Countess."

Prudence froze. "You lie."

"I most certainly do not." Penelope replied. "The Queen wrote the letters patent herself and has blessed them."

"YOU? A Countess?" Prudence laughed with derision.

"Indeed." Penelope nodded. "Effective immediately. So Mrs. Dankworth I'll thank you to take your presence away from mine and do not darken my doorstep as you'll not be received."

"Sow." Prudence shot back. "Does your betrothed know that you used to eat with the pigs?"

Colin's glared at her angrily. "I do. I also know how she was treated by yourself and your vicious family. How dare you treat her like that?"

Prudence chuckled mockingly. "You would have loved seeing her on all fours, face in the trough with the other pigs."

"Enough." Penelope said in a frigid voice. "It is done and past. My betrothed and his family know exactly how I was treated in that house and what was done to me."

"Oh boo hoo." Prudence snapped. "Poor Penelope, poor fat little stupid Penelope, having to earn her keep. Maybe if you weren't so fat you wouldn't have been treated like the piglet you are. You certainly look like one." She turned her focus to Colin. "Do you prefer to mount heifers? I thought you were a man of discerning taste."

Colin smirked at her. "First a sow now a heifer. Does your husband know about your proclivities towards the sexual interest in farm animals? Have you perhaps been a bit too curious going to the local farms? Does the sight of a stallion excite you in ways that your husband cannot?"

Prudence's jaw hung open. "How dare you!"

Colin glared venomously at her. "I dare because I can. I dare because I love your sister and she has been treated most grievously by your so-called family. Why don't you take your farm animal obsession far away from us. Perhaps you are obsessed with Catherine the Great and want to engage in conjugal relations with a horse?"

Prudence gasped in horror as Penelope choked back a laugh. She tugged on Colin's arm. "Come my love, let us continue on our promenade. Aren't we meeting up with your family later?"

"You are correct. We have much more important things to do than stare at garishly dressed, poorly styled, self-important lesser members of the aristocracy." Colin paused and turned to Prudence. "I wish I could say it was pleasant to see you again but my mother taught me never to lie to a lady. Or whatever you claim to be."

Upon that final cut, Penelope and Colin walked away from Prudence, Penelope desperately trying to hold in her giggles. "That was far more fun than I anticipated."

"You have a heretofore unknown Machiavellian streak my love." Colin remarked. "Just when I think I can't love you more you reveal more of your personality and I relish it. How were you able to keep your true nature covered for so many years?"

Penelope shrugged. "When you are called a sow and told you are worthless and unloveable for a lifetime you begin to believe it. I did. That's another reason why I left. If I was so worthless, would the ton have hung onto my every word? If I was invisible would I have been tormented so by those who have their own issues and reflected them onto me?"

"You've become wise my dear." Colin smiled lovingly. "I find that I am not enjoying today's promenade."

"I am not either." Penelope agreed.

"Want to return to Danbury Hall?" Colin suggested.

Penelope smirked. "As fun as it would be to spend the afternoon engaging in sweaty carnal relations in which I ride you like a pony," she paused as Colin gulped and pulled at his cravat slightly. "I am hoping instead to head to the book store. I'd like a few new bookmarks and want to see what they currently have on shelves. I'm looking for something with a bit of…spice."

"My wife reads erotica." Colin said in a daze. "I will be the envy of every man in the ton."

"Not just reads." Penelope corrected gently.

Colin's eyes bugged out. "You write spicy stories?"

"Among other things." Penelope said impishly. "Perhaps if you're really nice to me, I'll even let you read some of it."

"What must I do?" Colin asked breathlessly. "I want to show you I can be REALLY nice."

"Perhaps an equitable trade of reading material?" Penelope said idly.

"I can do that." Colin agreed as he hailed a hack to take them shopping. "Do you need to shop for anything else?"

Penelope nodded. "I do in fact want to stop at the modiste."

"You're not getting fitted your wedding dress, are you?"

Penelope shook her head. "That's an appointment with your mother, sisters and Agatha that I will not break. I have something private to talk to Genevive about."

"Of course. I'll take that time to perhaps browse some of the other shops. Perhaps I'll meet you at Gunter's for a light snack?"

"Perfect." Penelope smiled as they climbed into the hack.

Neither paid attention to the fuming Prudence who had followed them and stamped her foot in anger as they drove away. Spinning on her heel, she went to find her mother and Philippa.

Agatha sat in her courtyard, pensive. She had gotten a quick letter from Violet about her missive from Mrs. Varley and realized that they had yet another piece in play. How could Mrs. Varley be used to their advantage was something that needed to be figured out and used to bring down the Featherington line. She was waiting to bring the Queen into the entire mess as she was the only one who could dissolve a Noble house and Agatha was firmly of the opinion to let them all burn.

Looking forward to tea that evening at Bridgerton House, Agatha stood and headed inside for some respite. She was restless and that was never a good thing. Perhaps she would spend the afternoon with the Queen as she needed the presence of someone with a bit more bite to them than the Bridgerton family.

Having her footman send a missive to the Queen requesting an informal audience, Agatha headed to her chambers to prepare herself to venture out into society and perhaps break herself out of this mood that she found herself in today.

She was still hoping to have the Queen back off of Penelope a bit more, though the young lady had surprised her with her counter offer and was able to hold her own against Her Majesty, a feat that very few had ever been able to do by Agatha's eyes.

Her admiration for her ward was growing in leaps and bounds. She couldn't wait for tea tonight to find out how the promenading went.

"Violet."

"Portia." Frosty tone met frosty tone as the two women stared at each other in Hyde Park.

"Where is my daughter?"

"I have no idea where Mrs. Finch or Mrs. Dankworth is."

"Where's my youngest? Where is the whore in training?"

"Off with her betrothed I believe."

"Seducing him you mean." A sneer in Portia's voice.

"No I don't believe so Lady Featherington. They were promenading here in the park."

"I saw them get into a hack heading towards the shopping district." Hyacinth intervened quickly. "Perhaps they are going shopping."

"Without a chaperone?" Portia pretended to be scandalized. "How wanton of my daughter. What kind of values did she learn from me?"

"Nothing beneficial." Violet said acerbically.

"Watch how you speak to me!" Portia said angrily

Violet sighed. "Lady Featherington, if I have not made it clear already I wish you to remove yourself from my sight and presence. I do not seek you out, I do not want to socialize with you. I do not want to have anything to do with you and yours. I do not know how to make my wishes any clearer."

"You seem to think that I'm just going to let my daughter marry into your family."

"It is a done deal." Violet said firmly. "The Queen herself has granted and blessed the union."

"She had no right!" Portia exclaimed angrily.

Violet smirked. "Please, go to the Queen's pavilion and let Her Majesty know that as the sovereign ruler she does not have the right to approve or bless the marriages of those in the ton. Let her know that you outrank her."

"And let it be in public so I might witness it." Benedict spoke up from his mother's side.

"It has been some time since the last public execution, hasn't it?" Hyacinth said idly. "Perhaps she could re-start the tradition with Lady Featherington?"

"Impudent chit!" Portia moved towards Hyacinth only to be met by the large presence of Benedict and the not-quite-as-large presence of Gregory.

"You will not speak in such a way to my sister." Gregory said in a cold voice.

"Move whelp! You are no man who has any say in anything."

Benedict raised himself to his full height. "And say you that to me?" he asked mockingly.

Portia looked around to realize that she was currently abandoned by both her daughters and their husbands. Seeing that she had no one on her side she bit her tongue and walked away from the Bridgerton group.

"Lady Featherington?" a voice called out to her.

Portia turned to see Cressida Cowper walking towards her. "Miss Cowper?"

"Let's talk." Cressida said confidently. "I have information you might like to have about your youngest."

"You have my attention." Portia replied, falling into step with the blonde. "Let us converse."

Chapter 30: Should've listened

Chapter Text

Upon their return to Danbury Hall, Penelope excused herself and headed to her quarters, quite satisfied with the day's events. Telling Cressida off was the biggest satisfaction that she could have thought of, other than being able to infuriate and annoy her eldest sister, which was not that difficult of a task to do since Penelope had been infuriating Prudence since the day she was born.

She pitied her brothers-in-law, Albion was a sweet idiot, clueless to Philippa and caring mostly about cheese and her sister. Philippa was just as clueless and they made a good match. Philippa had never been overtly cruel or nasty to Penelope, she was usually only insufferable when she was being pushed and encouraged by Prudence. Prudence had always had a mean streak to her, even as a child she would try to hurt things just to watch how they handled pain. Thankfully her husband Harry cared only about his looks and how he matched up with Prudence. He was blind to the more negative parts of her personality.

And her mother…what a relief she hadn't seen that so-called Lady! While Penelope had spent the last six months preparing for when she would see her face-to-face and how she would stand up to her. Even though she would likely be married by the time she faced her Mama again, Penelope was determined to stand up to her on her own.

She smiled to herself as she put some of her days purchases away, having found a few regular novels and with the recommendation of Genevive she had also secured the name of a book seller who specialized in novels of the spicier variety which was what she was looking for.

Penelope had also come up with a plan about gathering her gossip, along with the ghostwriter when she was out of the area on her adventures. She was eager to begin to share all the plans she had made, but she wanted to wait until she had married Colin as she didn't trust anyone to ruin her most precious of dreams.

She blushed as she thought about what else she had talked to Genevive about, a trousseau for her – but a private one that she chose herself. She knew that Violet and Agatha had plans for giving her a trousseau which she would gladly accept as she would never wish to offend the two greatest women in her life, but she had seen and learned about other traditions and customs for after marriage and she was eager to try some of them on Colin. She hoped he would be pleasantly surprised.

Sighing as she finally had some free time to herself without anyone lurking around her, Penelope took a seat at the writing desk in her room and pulled out some writing materials. It had been some time since she had worked on her novels and had been overflowing with ideas that had to be written down before she forgot them. Pulling out one of her new quills, she dipped it into the ink and began to work.

Colin took a cleansing breath and a deep drink of Agatha's scotch as he stretched his legs out in the private drawing room that was set aside for family. It had been a long morning, and he was grateful for some time to gather his thoughts. He had never been more attracted to Penelope than he was this morning when she put Cressida in her place. He had not been lying to her when he told Penelope that he wanted to push her up against a tree and have his way with her. He couldn't wait until they spoke their vows and he would no longer be constrained by the tenets of propriety, and he would be able to show affection to his wife openly, as she deserved.

After having spent the better part of a month with Penelope, he now understood a great many of her views and opinions on the way the ton ran and shared some of them. Having heard her full story, he now completely understood why she wanted to wash her hands of Mayfair.

Yet with her cleverness and wit, she had managed to not only confront the Queen but negotiate with her and come out on top was a feat that Colin marvelled at. It truly showed how much of Penelope's true nature had been kept buried and silence under the words of her mother and the bullying of the ton and society.

Colin still wondered at his willing blindness all those years ago.

"Mr. Bridgerton?" a footman stood in the doorway.

"Yes?" he looked up from his tumbler.

"You have a caller."

"Who's calling?" Colin questioned. "Did they give you a card?"

"No Sir. He said you know him and required no introduction."

Colin frowned. "I am not going to see anyone until I know who they are and why they are here. Please send my regrets but I am occupied."

The footman bowed and turned away to leave. Colin's curiosity was now gnawing at him as he decided to follow the footman to see who it was that was calling and decide if he would change his mind or not.

He heard the footman re-enter the entry hall. "I apologise Sir but Mr. Bridgerton is not available at this time. He has suggested that perhaps you call another time with a card, an introduction and a purpose for your visit."

"I see someone is becoming high in the instep." The voice sneered.

Colin scoffed. Reginald Fife. Curiouser and curiouser. "Not at all Lord Fife," Colin said easily as he walked in behind the footman. "Just a man who prefers proper manners instead of barging in somewhere where you might not be wanted or welcome. Like here for example."

Fife arched his eyebrow. "I had heard the most shocking and salacious tale whilst promenading in Hyde Park and had to come see if it was true."

"And what is this rumour that made you forget all your manners?" Colin questioned.

"Oh there are many." Fife smiled slyly. "Let's start with the most ridiculous that you are engaged to wed the Featherington sow."

"And continuing with?" Colin prompted.

"You're going to be an Earl?" Fife scoffed and laughed. "How laughable that you would suddenly be a high-ranking member of the aristocracy. You. A third born son. You're only good for going into the military or clergy as befitting your birth ranking."

"Anything else?" Colin asked idly, refusing to show Fife that he was irritated by his presence.

"You went before the Queen?" Fife asked a bit less pompously. After all, one did not talk freely about going in front of the sovereign unless it happened. It was well-known that the Queen despised gossip – about herself and her affairs.

"That is some interesting news indeed." Colin nodded. "And all in one afternoon! Who, pray tell, is the spreader of gossip these days? I've only recently returned from my time abroad less than a week ago, so I'm curious as to who the new gossipmonger is."

Fife smirked. "I was told it directly from Miss Cressida Cowper, who was told it directly from the Featherington chit." Fife paused. "You were promenading with her today were you not? Tell me, have you had a taste of her yet? Is she worth a bit of dallying?"

Colin ground his teeth together, using willpower to not cross the room and punch his old acquaintance in the jaw. "Do not speak of Miss Featherington in such a manner. She is an upstanding and honourable woman with unimpeachable honour and I will not have you sullying it."

"Far too late my friend." Fife chuckled, enjoying dragging this out. "Miss Cowper and Lady Featherington were telling everyone who would listen about her return after she ran away – most likely to bear a bastard child on the Continent. She's not marriageable material – harlot material yes, a man could lose himself quite happily between her bountiful tits. Since she has ruined herself and borne a babe somewhere, I don't see why the rest of the ton shouldn't have a taste."

Colin had never desired the urge to harm women more than he did in that moment. "Miss Featherington is my fiancée." Colin said firmly. "She is to be my bride. She is untouched by any other man and her purity is not to be questioned."

"Not according to her mother." Fife cut in.

"What are you talking about?" Colin asked, feeling his temper rise.

"You didn't know that Miss Featherington was permitted to be used by various men of the ton since the time she was a child?" Fife's eyes widened in pretend shock. "You didn't know that she has been in training to be a harlot with the blessing of her parents since she was out of leading strings?" he closed his eyes and smiled lasciviously, blatantly adjusting himself in front of Colin. "Just imagine the knowledge she must have on how to pleasure men! Don't be greedy, let the rest of us have a taste. You'll never know if any child she bears is your anyways. Bad blood breeds bad blood."

"What else did Lady Featherington say about my betrothed?" Colin asked in a voice that could have frozen water.

"That Miss Featherington knows her only worth is on her back and between her legs. No other man could want such a fat, stupid bitch with that horrible hair! How unattractive!" Fife mocked Colin. "Have your standards slipped so low?"

"My standards are higher than they have ever been." Colin said in a low, lethal voice. "And no one came close to meeting them except Miss Featherington who then exceeded them in every way."

"You know she pretends to be miserable? She is trying to be a victim in hopes that men will notice and take pity on her, protect her." Fife laughed. "As if any of us would. If she wants a tup in a dark closet, I'll be first in line. She'd be a pleasant handful to squeeze."

"You are the most loathsome excuse for a gentleman that I have ever encountered." Colin spat. "How dare you speak so of a gently bred lady."

"Her own mother is telling the whole of Mayfair that she and the former Lord Featherington allowed her body to be used to pay off his gambling debts! Just imagine what some of those men tasted!" Fife closed his eyes pretending to fantasize.

"Yes," Colin said in an acerbic voice. "Let's talk about those men. Let's talk about men of the ton, of nobles who decided to call in a debt and dally with a child! Let's talk about them!"

Fife blinked, taken aback. "I'm sure that's not…"

Colin cut him off, fury racing through his veins. "Let's talk about grown men who found it preferable, attractive and sexual to commit whatever atrocities that went through their minds on a young maiden who had no idea what was going on or why she was being treated as such."

"Her parents told her her worth and value when she was a toddler." Fife sniffed. "It would be nothing more than she expected."

"Or she was a frightened child doing what her parents told her as all children did, being forced to submit to grown, strange men committing whatever acts on her body that they felt like. Why aren't we talking about them? Why aren't we talking about the perversion of the ton when grown men feel the urge to sate themselves with a child!" Colin roared the last part. "And you have admitted to me that you are just as vile and perverted as these monsters Lord Fife!"

"She's not a child now." Fife defended himself. "And she would agree."

"What if she said no?" Colin asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

"What?" Fife questioned.

"What. If. She. Said. No?" Colin said slowly. "If you decided to try to get her alone in a dark corner – something I will kill you over if you do I might add – and she refused and said no. What then?"

Fife shrugged. "Women aren't allowed to say no to a man's attentions and appetites. If they are the ones who sway us to have such feelings and thoughts, it's their duty to follow through with it until we are sated. Such is the way of the world."

"Wrong." Colin said with finality. "I have travelled the world – you haven't. I have seen many different cultures and how they treat their women, and let me assure you that in ALL of them, fiddling with a child is an offence that will NOT be tolerated!"

"She's not a child. She's a plump harlot ripe for plucking. And I want to pluck her. Now, let us make an arrangement so that I may have some time alone with her. If she is to be your wife, I assume you're going to rent her out to other men?" Fife cleared his throat. "What will your price be?"

"Your balls." Colin said venomously.

"Excuse me?"

"You or anyone else comes anywhere near my wife and I will castrate you all to a man." Colin swore. "She is mine. She will be touched by no one else. She has always been mine and no one will go near her without her or my consent. Should anyone attempt to corner her, harass her or spread gossip about her and this most unsavoury tale that her vapid, vicious Mama is spreading their life is forfeit."

"You would duel every man over that THING?" Fife's face screwed up in disgust.

"I will kill every man who thinks that they can have their way with my wife." Colin clarified.

"You and who else? There's no other man in Mayfair that would risk their reputation over HER."

"Wrong." Simon said smoothly, entering the room, fists clenched and eyes flashing as he stared at Fife.

"Simon!" Colin said jovially. "Have you been here long?"

"Long enough." Simon replied grimly. "More than long enough to hear things I wish I had never heard, about a lovely lady that I love almost as much as my own wife. To hear my future sister being discussed in such a low and crass manner disgusts me."

"How the rakish have fallen." Fife harrumphed.

"Even at my most rakish," Simon began. "I was never ever tempted by a child and if a woman said no, even if she was a harlot, I respected her right to say no."

"You do know that harlots are not permitted to say no?" Fife asked, incredulous.

"I never relished forcing my attentions on a woman who was not interested." Simon shot back. "How is that pleasant for anyone?"

"Lord Fife, I request that you leave here at once and not darken the doorstep again." Colin said authoritatively.

Fife snorted. "This is not your residence. You have no right to throw me out."

"I do." A soft voice came from the hallway.

Colin, Simon and Fife turned to see Penelope standing in the doorway. She was white as a sheet and her fists were clenched at her side, but her eyes were narrowed, and she glared daggers at Fife. "Leave Lord Fife."

"Who are you to tell me what to do? You're nothing. But since you're here, lets discuss your price and when I might have my way with you." Fife said casually. "Your handler isn't sharing."

"I have been legally adopted by Lady Danbury and am her ward and heir." Penelope said in a firm voice. "This is my residence now with my adoptive mother and I am requesting you to leave."

"No." Fife smirked. He began to walk towards Penelope threateningly. "I want to see and sample the goods before I had over coin. Are you disease-free?"

Penelope waited until he was an arm's length from her, then stepped forward and threw a punch at his groin, putting all her strength behind it, following it up swiftly with her knee. Fife let out a yell and fell onto the ground. "How dare you touch me!" Fife yelled, gasping for the air she'd knocked out of him. "You have no right!"

"How many women have you speared that said the same thing?" Penelope hissed. "You will never touch me. You will NEVER have me. I have borne no children to anyone, and I will never bear any man a child save my husband Colin Bridgerton."

"You've been used like a penny whore since you were young. This treatment should not be unexpected." Fife defended himself.

Since he was still hunched over, Penelope kneed him directly in the groin again. He desperately tried to use his hands to cover the area so she would stop attacking him. "You know nothing of what I endured when I was young." Penelope seethed. "Was I used by other men? Yes, but not in the way you are thinking you disgusting man." She confirmed.

"You know nothing about me except the lies spread by the most vicious and hateful of women."

Fife was trying to stand, only to have Penelope knee him again and then plant her foot firmly in his chest and kick him onto his back on the ground. Rolling around undignified, Fife tried to shield himself. He looked at Colin and Simon. "A little help here?"

Simon stared at Penelope, a huge smile on his face. "Nice follow through on the punch and the kicks. Next time aim a bit more to the right to get the fleshy part of his sac and cause more pain and damage."

"Me, not her!" Fife yelled out.

"Well done little sister!" Simon said approvingly. "Very glad you remembered what I taught you for the quickest way to take down a rake."

"WHAT is going on in my entrance hall?"

Everyone froze and stiffened, even the writhing Lord Fife on the floor, as Lady Danbury swept into her hallway imperiously, followed closely by Violet and the other Bridgertons.

Colin was panting with the effort of restraining himself from lunging at Fife. "He came into Danbury Hall and has stood here for the last thirty minutes disparaging your ward, calling her all manner of names and requesting what HER PRICE is!"

"Among other things." Simon muttered.

"We've tried to remove him from the hall but he has refused stating that none of us have the right to remove him."

Lady Danbury walked over to Lord Fife and towered above him, every inch the fire-breathing dragon she was purported to be. "Lord Fife. You will remove yourself from my presence and my property. You will never again set foot anywhere near myself, my ward or my ward's husband and family. You will speak no further word against her lest you find your head on Her Majesties chopping block!"

Fife chuckled. "Such a woman. Her Majesty would never let a Lord be executed. And even if she did, the Prince Regent would prevent it."

Lady Danbury squatted down until she was at eye level with Lord Fife. "Are you willing to stake your life on that?"

"What's the worst that you can do to me?" Fife snapped.

Lady Danbury looked behind her and nodded. "Queen's Guards! Lord Fife, please come with us for questioning!"

Fife's eyes widened. "You have GOT to be kidding me! Over a fat strumpet? She's been used so many times she's pliable like a handkerchief! You have no right to hold me!"

"Her Majesty feels otherwise." The head Guardsman replied. "Please, feel free to struggle. I love it when the people I'm arresting fight."

Fife hung his head in resignation. "I will come, and make that sovereign bitch see sense…"

The head Guardsman shook his hand. "Pick him up and bring him with us."

He had moved quickly enough that no one, especially not Fife had seen the blow coming for his face. "You do not disparage the Queen in our presence."

"Thank you." Lady Danbury smiled. "And send my thanks to Her Majesty."

The head Guardsman smiled. "She told me to pass on that now she owes you one hundred and nine boons."

Lady Danbury laughed loudly. "Understood! I'll send her some fresh snuff from India as thanks. I have a shipment arriving soon."

"She will be most grateful." The head Guardsman smiled. "Until later Lady Danbury."

They watched as Lord Fife was unceremoniously carried out and dropped into the back of a paddy wagon.

Agatha turned immediately to Penelope who had tears falling silently down her face. "Are you alright Penelope?"

Penelope shook her head in denial. "My mother is telling all of Mayfair about what they permitted to happen to me." She said in a broken whisper. "Everyone is going to know my shame."

"No shame." Agatha crossed the room to Penelope and pulled her tightly into a hug. "Never shame. You were a child who couldn't say no. The shame is theirs, not yours."

"And if your mother is spreading this around Mayfair," Violet seethed, flexing her fingers as if she wanted to strangle something. "Then she has no idea of the hell she has just unleashed."

"And Miss Cowper as well." Eloise said quietly behind her family. "I am legitimately disgusted at her actions. Whether I am upset with Penelope or not this is beyond the pale."

Penelope's eyes shot to Eloise in shock. "El…"

Eloise walked over to Penelope. "We may never be friends the way we were before. I cannot get over your lies and betrayal, but perhaps we can attempt to build something else." She said rapidly. "And knowing that Cressida is endorsing using other women in such a manner makes me change my opinion of her completely." She sighed. "She showed me kindness when no one else would, but I had no idea of her true colours."

Penelope gave Eloise a small smile and turned to Agatha. "I need a bit to myself before I'm going to be fit company."

"Of course dear." Agatha patted her back. "Colin, please escort her to her rooms and help her calm down if needed. Stay out of my scotch."

"Ratafia it is." Colin nodded.

Penelope chuckled lightly as Colin put his arm around her and led her out of the entrance hallway.

Simon finally unclenched his fists and stared at Anthony. "That was beyond the pale."

"Agreed." Anthony nodded. "Let us go take tea and discuss how we are going to handle this unexpected interference."

"Not that unexpected dearest." Violet said idly as she took Benedict's arm.

"What do you mean Mother?"

"Agatha and I had a suspicion that Portia was going to sink this low. We've been waiting. Now, since she is as poor a gambler as her late husband she is beginning to show her hand."

"And we're waiting." Agatha smiled maliciously and nodded. "Come everyone, let us go and take a turn and shake off the poor vibes left behind."

"Lady Featherington?"

"What?"

"Lord Fife has been arrested. Charges are still forthcoming."

"Damn and blast! Well, that's why Miss Cowper and I sent the most audacious one first. Clearly Penelope has developed standards for who will go between her legs. Let us move on to the next one and ensure that we give the full details of how she was used by those men. The most audacious ones will be the first to corner her. Once she's stripped of her purity, Mr. Bridgerton and Lady Danbury will want nothing more to do with her."

"As you command My Lady."

Portia turned back to the window she was staring out of, thinking of how else to bring her wayward daughter low and back into the fold.

Portia did not notice that she herself was being observed, nor did she see the look of revulsion on Varley's face as she let herself out of the room behind the messenger.

Chapter 31: I tried and I tried

Notes:

Hello everyone! I tried to get this out sooner but life got in the way, specifically my two teenagers and the whole being a mom deal. Hope everyone enjoys!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The salacious gossip that was let loose by Cressida Cowper, Lady Featherington and Prudence Dankworth took on a life of its own. Before the beginning of that evening's ball hosted by the Mondrich's, everyone in the ton knew that Penelope Featherington had been passed from man to man from the time she was in leading strings, had fled to the Continent to bear an illegitimate child and had somehow ensnared Colin Bridgerton who was only marrying her out of obligation and the Rules of Propriety and the fact that he wanted to be her pimp and gain the funds that would come from loaning her out to a very select group of gentlemen with…discerning tastes.

It was a whirlwind of gossip, gaining traction and only being brought to life by those who wanted to see Penelope Featherington, the former Lady Whistledown brought to heel fully, as clearly, she had bamboozled the Queen in granting her a pardon and a title. As if she could ever be taken seriously as a Lady when it was now well-known that she was as good as a three pence strumpet.

The Bridgerton's could live down this scandal, as it was only a third son throwing his life away and he didn't have much going for him other than his dashing good looks and a great sense of humour. Perhaps lending his wife out would sate other…less reputable appetites that Mr. Bridgerton must have.

Lady Danbury crumpled up the evening gossip rag that had been delivered by those desperate to step into Lady Whistledown's shoes and gain her notoriety with little effect. "I have never wished to murder someone more than I do at this very moment." She seethed.

Penelope sat; her eyes closed as she absorbed what had been read out from the rag. "A bell can't be unrung Agatha. For some reason I have been the one chosen to have all their secrets laid bare to the ton. Perhaps I deserve it for having revealed so many other secrets over the years."

Agatha was livid. "Penelope, you only ever reported gossip that you overheard, in public. You did not go sneaking into homes, you did not hide in closets, you did not lie in wait on top of carriages hoping to overhear something. It was gossip spread freely, by people who were not discreet and didn't care who overheard. This is a blatant attack on you, for something that has been done and dusted. And that it has been revealed by your own mother. Why isn't anyone discussing your mother's failure to protect you?"

Penelope shrugged. "As you said, it is done and over with. I'm newly returned, of course I'm going to be the target of a scandal. For now. Until another thing arises and then as usual, the ton will focus on someone else. It is no matter to me. I am going to go out in public, I am going to the modiste to be fitted for my wedding dress and I am going to hold my head up high. Should anyone decide to throw stones at me, that's on them. I care not anymore."

Colin's eyes were shining with pride. "Just when I think I can't love you more you say something like that."

Anthony crossed the room to hug her tightly. "I am so proud to welcome you into our family, and prouder still little sister to see how you are paying the wagging tongues no mind."

"I was inspired by you Anthony." Penelope admitted, smiling slightly. "I remember before you were courting Kate and were interviewing every woman in the ton. I recall hearing you tell your brothers that you simply refused to deal with idiots and it cut your social obligations in half."

Anthony let out a deep laugh. "I had forgotten I said that!"

Benedict chuckled. "I remember him saying that, after I asked if he intended to insult every woman in the ton."

"It worked." Kate smirked. "He insulted me several times."

"Yes but no one realized it was foreplay!" Colin interjected. "And when we did…my eyes still have not recovered. I'VE SEEN THINGS! HORRIBLE THINGS!" he laughed.

"Give it time brother." Anthony grinned. "Soon I'm sure we'll be walking in on you and Penelope."

Agatha cleared her throat. "Speak for yourselves. My old eyes have seen things I thought long out of my life."

Benedict looked at Agatha and cocked an eyebrow. "Really?" he drawled. "Agatha I must know what you've seen and heard."

Agatha met his gaze evenly. "You're just a bit deviant aren't you, Benedict?"

"In all the best ways." Benedict replied smoothly. "Gentleman rake remember?"

"You must get used to it again Agatha if you are going to have a young, newlywed couple living with you." Violet added.

"Only until they move into their own residence." Agatha replied.

"How soon will that be?" Violet inquired.

"We could have moved into it the other day." Penelope said calmly. "The Queen has already given the title to me and the Letters Patent of Lordship. However, she and I decided that it would be better to wait until I was properly wed so no one could question why their new Countess is being pressed against a wall being railed by the new Earl."

Colin snorted tea out his nose and began coughing as Simon, Anthony and Benedict began howling with laughter. Benedict's legs gave out and he rolled on the floor as Gregory and Hyacinth looked towards their mother for clarification. "What does 'railed' mean Mother?" Gregory asked.

"Is anyone going to the ball tonight?" Violet asked, looking up from her tea, desperate to change the subject.

Penelope nodded. "I'm looking forward to it."

Jaws dropped open. "I thought you didn't want to return to society."

"And I believe I made a deal with the Queen. I might as well start right away so she can see that I am a woman of my word." Penelope winked. "Plus, I have a fantastic dress that I brought back from overseas." She turned to Colin. "Since I'm already the subject of a scandal I'm going to stir the pot a little bit. Perhaps you should stay home, as I don't want anything to affect you."

"Penelope, I would follow you to the gates of hell themselves. I thought I had shown you that by now." Colin said seriously. "I found you in Greece for crying out loud! I'm sure you know me well enough to know that I don't care what other people say or think about me at this point. As you say, it is the gossip du jour, they'll move onto another topic soon."

"Or not." Violet said somberly. "Let's remember the giant yellow issue that is going to continue to fan the flames and rumours."

Agatha snorted and waved a hand. "She is of no consequence to us."

"How so Lady Danbury?" Anthony asked as he had a seat next to Kate.

"The Queen is already on her case. She is suspicious of the Featherington family and some of their past practices. Of course, Lord Featherington's cause of death is still highly suspicious, as is Lord Featherington who swindled the entire ton and then vanished with all of the money, yet somehow Portia Featherington was able to pay off all debts and creditors and splurge on a new wardrobe and renovations. We all know that the Featherington's don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, they live off credit and bad deals." Agatha explained. "That alone has been enough to rouse the Crown and the tax-man's attention to enlist the Bow Street Runners. Add into the fact that is freely admitting knowing, aiding and abetting the abuse of a minor? Trust me, she has got more than the Queen's eye on her right now."

"You're going to let her hang herself." Eloise spoke up.

Agatha nodded. "Possibly literally. The Crown is going to keep giving her rope to see how long it gets. Add into the fact that she now has an accomplice and conspirator with Cressida Cowper, we may have another Noble house stripped of it's position. This is now bigger than I think Portia has realized, and neither the Queen, the Prince Regent or the tax collector. None of them appreciate being made fools of or losing money that belongs to them."

Everyone in the room smiled broadly at the thought of the Featherington's and the Cowpers getting their comeuppance. "What about my sisters?" Penelope asked quietly.

"They are wed. They may have some overflow on them but if they can prove they were not part of the larger schemes, they should make out alright. It will be up to their husbands to shield them from the storm coming."

Penelope snorted. "My brothers-in-law are very nice men, but they are as intelligent as a box of hair."

"Or a plate of cheese." Hyacinth helpfully supplied.

"But they love their wives."

"True." Penelope nodded. "I am more concerned for Philippa than Prudence," Penelope admitted. "But I don't want either of my sisters to sink." she shook her head. "Dislike each other as we may, we are still blood sisters and I am determined to do well by them. I just never want to speak to or be in their presence ever again for the rest of eternity."

"Did they know what was being done to you?" Eloise asked curiously.

Penelope sighed. "Philippa had no idea, I know that for fact. She didn't even like joining in on the beating and shaming sessions that Mama and Prudence would do but had to show up so they wouldn't turn on her – not that Mama ever would as Philippa was the type of daughter she could be proud of." She took a breath. "Prudence likely never knew about the men touching me or the sexual acts I was forced to endure, but she was very much a part of the beatings and starvation."

Eloise's eyes grew wide. "Why didn't I know this Penelope? After all these years?"

Penelope met Eloise's eyes. "You never paid attention Eloise." She said simply. "Just as you never noticed the wallflower who vanished for an hour or so every night at every ball. Just as you never noticed when I showed up in stained clothing or clothes that Mme. Delacroix had repurposed for me since Mama wasn't going to buy me new frocks. If it didn't affect you, interest you or challenge you then it didn't matter to you. You told me that perhaps we could rebuild our friendship but you cannot forgive my betrayal and lies. I have learned, Eloise, that perhaps I cannot forgive your betrayal."

Eloise's face scrunched up. "How did I betray you? I didn't lie to your face or hide a secret identity from you."

Penelope shook her head. "You turned on me so easily. You insulted me. You befriended my bully. You didn't even give me a chance to speak and then rebuffed me for months."

"Yes, but I've apologized."

"And one apology does not correct years and months of being shoved aside when something more interesting came along." Penelope looked at her with sincerity in her eyes. "If you want to rebuild and re-attempt to be friends again, as we will be sisters I am willing. But it will not be the same as before, and now I have self worth and I will not be shoved aside again. You have to accept that first before you can determine if we can move forward."

Eloise's mouth hung open as Colin interjected. "Pen, if you wanted to attend the Mondrich's ball, you should start getting ready."

Penelope nodded and stood, kissing Colin lightly on the lips. "Everyone, if I do not see you at the Mondrich ball this evening, I will see those of you who are attending my bridal fitting at the modiste in the morning and everyone else I'm sure I'll see at afternoon promenade or tea."

"I can't wait to see your dress." Colin whispered in her ear. "I'll be ready to accompany you when you are prepared."

"I love you." Penelope smiled.

"I love you more." Colin replied and kissed the tip of her nose.

Penelope waved and curtsied to the room and headed off towards her quarters. Agatha clapped her hands. "Well, everyone, forgive me if I don't see you out as I want you to treat this as your own home, but I have a ball to prepare for. I'm not letting my daughter plunge into shark filled waters alone."

Violet stood up. "I am heading back to Number 5 to prepare myself as well. United front and all that. And if I happen to spill a glass or three of wine on Lady Featherington completely on purpose by accident then so be it."

Kate laughed. "I love that, Violet. That's one of the best barbs I've heard in awhile." She stood. "Come on Anthony. We are going to support our new sister and your brother."

"As my Viscountess wishes." Anthony said smoothly as he stood. "See you all later this evening. Or not."

Slowly the Bridgerton's dispersed to begin their evening preparations. Eloise remained sitting alone, thoughts rolling around in her head about how Penelope had spoken to her like she never had before in all their years of friendship. It rankled her to know that Penelope no longer kept her opinion silent for fear of upsetting Eloise.

Silence fell as Penelope entered the Mondrich's ball, Colin on one side and Lady Danbury on the other. Penelope stood head high, face did not turn red in her glorious red dress with pearl detailing down the front and sleeves. Confidently she strode over to Will and Alice to greet them genuinely as she had missed them both in her travels. "Penelope," Alice smiled warmly. "I love your dress. You look beautiful."

"Why thank you." Penelope smiled. "I saw it abroad and fell in love with it. Since I had ample funds from being Lady Whistledown, I decided to splurge on myself."

"Excellent mentality." Agatha approved.

"Well, I can't spend all of my money on spicy novels." Penelope said impishly.

Alice giggled. "Loving this new side of you Miss Featherington – although I've heard through the grapevine that is going to be changing?"

"It already has." Penelope confirmed. "Currently, I'm Lady Featherington-Danbury, but in a few days when I marry Colin I will be Lady Danbury-Bridgerton and have no part of Featherington in my name or heart at all."

"I am delighted that the two of you are finally getting married." Will smiled and gave Penelope a light hug. "I didn't think he'd ever get his head out of his hindquarters."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Colin said, pretending to be affronted.

"Congratulations." Will shook his hand and slapped his back. "I can't think of two people I've wanted to see wed more other than Simon and Daphne."

"It is nice to be back amongst friends." Penelope smiled. "Even though everyone else is waiting to see me fail so they have reason to continue to slander me, I appreciate that you are not amongst them."

Will and Alice exchanged a look, their faces grim. "As parents ourselves we are absolutely appalled at what your parents condoned." Alice said shaking her head. "I will kill anyone who ever tries to lay a hand on one of mine."

"And you'd much rather deal with her than face me." Will said grimly.

Penelope smiled. "I appreciate your support and love."

"Always." Alice smiled gently. "Will we be expecting an invitation to the wedding?"

"Of course." Penelope affirmed. "I couldn't imagine getting married and not having you and yours there."

"Our children are invited as well?" Will asked, surprised.

"Definitely." Colin nodded. "We would never have a wedding without inviting children as well. Have you met us Bridgertons? We're very pro-child."

"At least the making of them." Penelope muttered.

"Just you wait my love." Colin gave her a lascivious look. "Being married to you will be one of the greatest things to ever occur in my life."

Alice and Will laughed gently. "We are holding up the receiving line." Agatha pointed out. "Perhaps we will see you at afternoon promenade tomorrow?"

"We'd be delighted." Alice confirmed. "Enjoy the ball."

"Thank you for the invitation." Penelope said politely as she squeezed Alice's hands and walked on into the room, Colin not releasing her arm. She swore she could feel him willing his strength and confidence into her even though she'd never felt stronger in her life.

"So trash comes out." Cressida's snide voice. "How can you show your face after everyone knows that you are used goods?"

"Is she a good tup?" Lord Cho's voice added. "How much do you want for me to have a taste of her Colin?"

"Are you going to be renting out often?" Lord Wilding inquired.

"Where will you be doing business out of?" Lord Stanton interjected. "I want my turn before she's no longer tight. How tight is that quim?"

"There is a lady present!" Colin said angrily.

"Where?" Cressida said sweetly. "I only see a strumpet and an old hag. No Ladies here."

"I'd watch your forked tongue." Lady Danbury said in a frigid tone. "You might be able to get away with disrespect to others Miss Cowper, but let me assure you that you WILL NOT be able to get away with it dealing with me."

"What are you doing to do to me?" Cressida mocked. "You're a washed up old lady who has far too many delusions of your own importance."

Lady Danbury smiled cruelly. "You are forgetting one very important thing Miss Cowper."

"And what is that?" she asked haughtily.

"I am STILL part of the Queen's court. The oldest part of her court and her most favoured and trusted confidante." She smirked. "All it takes is one whisper from me and I can have your entire family stripped of their title, properties and cast out to the farthest reaches of the realm."

"You wouldn't dare." Cressida challenged. "I'll tell her the things I've learned about you and your family."

Lady Danbury laughed shortly. "The Queen knows every skeleton in my closet. I have no secrets from her."

"Empty threats." Cressida sniffed. "You don't have the gumption."

"Try me." Lady Danbury met her gaze evenly. "I beg of you Miss Cowper, try me. You will not win and your family will not survive. You are not so well-established as your parents seem to think and you are a fairly young noble family. Only three generations, pity if your nobility was stripped from you in a public manner."

"That old biddy who sits on the throne wouldn't dare do anything to me!" Cressida protested. "She rather likes me. She almost had me marry her nephew."

"You think that." Lady Danbury nodded. "I can reassure you that her Majesty would have sooner hugged a small pox ridden leper than permitted Prince Fredrich to wed you."

Cressida realized there was no winning this argument. She glared at Penelope. "I'll find you later."

"Go piss yourself." Penelope replied, attempting to leave the crowd that had grown around her. Unfortunately, being surrounded by Colin's former friends they would not part to let her pass. Lord Stanton reached out to squeeze one of her breasts as his hand crept towards her hip.

"What beautifully soft and squishable tits!" he said loudly. "More than a handful for sure!"

Lord Cho grabbed Penelope's behind and tried to grab her hips to pull her against him. "This arse is meant for fucking." He said coarsely. "I can't wait to get you alone."

Before Colin could react to the violations that had been laid on his fiancée in front of him, he heard a loud yelp from Lord Cho who released Penelope quickly and jumped back as Lord Stanton was physically pulled from Penelope by Will who had an infuriated look on his face.

Penelope had ground her heel into the top of Lord Cho's foot as she simultaneously threw her head back directly into his face. Because Lord Cho had been leaning forward he was at the perfect height for her to break his nose with her head, and cause extra injury from the hair pins that decorated her hair. "That bitch broke my nose!" Lord Cho yelled as blood began to gush down his face and soak into his cravat. Lady Danbury had hit him firmly in the abdomen with her cane.

"Would you like me to break something else?" Penelope asked mildly. "Your first mistake my Lord" she spat "Was assuming that I don't know how to defend myself. Your second mistake was assuming that I was going to let you take liberties on me in front of my foster mother and fiancée."

"I should have you horsewhipped!" Lord Cho hollered, ensuring that everyone at the ball was paying rapt attention.

"You come near me again and I will cut out your heart." Penelope vowed. "I would rather pretend I was a child again and be forced to sleep in the barn with the pigs and cows than have you lay your filthy hands on me." Her face had an expression of disgust. "I hope that Miss Kenworthy will still be willing to accept your suit after seeing how you treat other women."

Lord Cho's eyes widened as he looked across the room to Miss Kenworthy who had just began courting. "Emma…"

"Do not speak my daughter's name so freely!" Lord Kenworthy blustered. "The suit is null and void. Do not darken my doorstep again."

Emma Kenworthy looked at Lord Cho sadly. "I cannot accept your suit." She said quietly. "You disgust me."

Lord Cho turned to Penelope. "You've cost me my courtship!"

"I rather think that you did that yourself." Penelope replied calmly. "Not my fault you chose to be a disgusting pig-man instead of a gentleman."

"Mondrich, I demand satisfaction!"

Will arched an eyebrow at the affronted Lords. "Of course, my Lords, it is your prerogative to demand such. I will ensure that the entire ton knows that you were unmanned by an unmarried young woman who is well over a foot shorter than yourselves. Did you want to challenge her to pistols at dawn?"

"I think the ton already knows that they were chastised by a young lady." Lady Danbury said helpfully. "Those who witnessed this debacle and those who I am going to tell - in detail. And let us not forget Miss Cowper who took part in and witnessed it all."

"You hateful old biddy!" Cressida shouted.

"You have no idea." Lady Danbury drawled.

"You can't force me to speak!" Cressida continued. "Not even that royal sow herself can make me say anything!"

"Dare I ask WHAT DID I JUST WALK INTO?" came an imperious voice from the entrance.

Several faces paled as Lady Danbury's face broke into a wide grin. "Your Majesty!" she called out cheerfully. "I am delighted to see you!"

"I demand an explanation. NOW." Queen Charlotte demanded, crossing her arms and waiting for an answer.

Silence. Penelope could not recall it ever being so silent at a ball before.

"You refuse to answer your Queen?" she asked angrily. "Let me try this again. What did I just walk into? For every second someone delays telling me the truth I will revoke three thousand pounds from your annual dividends. I will choose Lords at random."

"Well you see your Majesty…" Lord Cho began.

"I wish someone to speak with me who is not dribbling blood down their face." The Queen waved him away. "Brimsley! See that this oaf gets medical attention and does not leave!"

"My Queen." Brimsley bowed, leaping into action and guiding the bleeding and limping Lord Cho over to the Queen's Guards. "You heard her Majesty. You do not have to be gentle about it."

"Speak!" the Queen roared causing everyone to jump. "I am losing patience and do not enjoy repeating myself!"

"I'll tell you." Said a quiet voice.

Colin's face went pale as Eloise stepped forward in front of the Queen. "I'll tell you everything."

"I await with bated breath." The Queen said mockingly. "Speak or I banish your family from the House of Lords!"

"Yes, your Majesty." Eloise curtsied and opened her mouth to speak.

Notes:

This is the dress that I pictured Penelope wearing at the Mondrich ball./regency-red

Chapter 32: We never learn to fall

Notes:

Hi Everyone! Sorry about the delay in getting this out - we went on a family vacation to PEI and I was completely unplugged for a few days and spent far too much time riding the Tilt-O-Whirl. On the upside I have some great inspiration for this story and I have two more plot bunnies warming up in the wings, one of which will be a modern-day AU, and both of them will have Confident!Penelope. I'm eager to get started on them once this one is done.

Please read and review! Thank you again for all your patience!

Chapter Text

The Queen arched an eyebrow at Eloise as she focused her full attention on the Bridgerton daughter. "I am all a-twitter to find out just what has caused such a scene that resulted in the termination of an engagement that I myself had given permission for."

Eloise curtsied. "Of course, my Queen." She took a breath. "Lords Wilding, Cho and Stanton decided to attempt to take liberties upon the personage of Miss Penelope Featherington-Danbury. They approached her and propositioned her like she was a harlot and Lord Cho had very inappropriately grabbed her backside and pressed it against his so-called hardness. Naturally I have no experience or knowledge of such things however the look of disgust and horror on Miss Featherington-Danbury's face was certainly more than enough to let all persons around know that it was a very unwelcome touch and not asked for."

Eloise paused for a moment. "Lord Wilding decided to come over and ask my brother Mr. Colin Bridgerton if he was going to be renting her out and how much he'd be charging for use of his fiancée, my future sister, and Lord Staton began to speak about things he would like to do to her quim – what is a quim by the way? Is it another word for our centre?"

"Focus Eloise!" Colin snapped.

"It's a legitimate question!" Eloise protested. "Are there other names for it? How did it acquire these names? What's the big deal about it? Is it part of the marital act?"

"Go to a farm then!" Colin burst out. "I told you that three years ago!"

"Do sheep and pigs have quims?"

"Oh dear God." Colin muttered, running his hand through his hair. "We're going to be beheaded because you can't stay on topic!"

The Queen did not fail to hide a smirk when Eloise ventured off topic. "Continue Miss Bridgerton."

"The trio of morons then decided to surround Miss Featherington-Danbury and all of them were putting their foul hands on her personage, all the while disparaging her reputation, her body and her personality due to the foul words that have been spread freely by Lady Featherington and Miss Cowper." Eloise continued. "The idiots then refused to remove their hands from Miss Featherington-Danbury, and before any male could come and intervene, she took matters into her own hands, broke a nose, possibly broke a foot and gave the most delightful wallop to a man's bollocks that I have ever seen. I do hope she hit him right in the baby-maker." Eloise smirked as she glared at the men who were beginning to look abashed. "To make up for the loss of face that they had suffered, they then demanded satisfaction from Mr. Mondrich who said it was their prerogative and he would ensure that every male knew that they had been bested by an unarmed, unmarried woman."

Eloise turned her gaze to Cressida who suddenly looked worried. "However most disturbing of all your Majesty, other than the attempted assault in public of a young lady of the ton was the fact that Miss Cowper decided to openly mock, deride and insult Yourself. She has called you several quite terrible names and I'm sure if Lady Whistledown were still in business this entire unsavoury affair would be mentioned in the next issue."

Queen Charlotte cocked her head to the side and ran her eyes over the gathered assemblage. "Is what Miss Bridgerton says true and accurate?"

Lady Danbury nodded along with several other members at the ball. Miss Kenworthy came forward and curtsied. "After hearing and watching the appalling and deplorable way that Lord Cho behaved during this incident, and the insults that were spoken made me decide that I do not want to be wed to a man of this stature. When he became profane and insulting my Papa took matters out of my hands and dissolved the engagement."

"And I stand by it!" Lord Kenworthy said firmly. "I will not let my only daughter go to a reprehensible rake such as that!"

"Is your objection that Lord Cho is a rake or that he is reprehensible?" The Queen asked mildly.

"I care not that he is a rake as they can be cleaned up to make a decent husband." Lord Kenworth said ruefully. "I myself was quite the rake prior to wedding Lady Kenworthy." He lifted his chin. "However, I will not permit my daughter to wed a man who clearly thinks so little of women that he would openly grope another female in public at a ball!"

Queen Charlotte nodded. "I agree with your reasoning Lord Kenworthy, Miss Kenworthy, and I will dissolve the union and have the archbishop rescind the banns. This will not be held against Miss Kenworthy for backing out of the engagement."

The Kenworthy's all smiled in relief at the Queen salvaging their reputation.

The Queen turned her eyes to the Lords who had committed the offenses against Penelope. "You my fine Lordlings, I will expect you to present yourselves to me tomorrow morning at the Palace. I will expect you prior to you breaking your fast and your fate will be determined at that time. You can anticipate the Prince Regent also being present along with the rest of the court."

The three Lords in question had faces that were suddenly pale. They going to be judged and sentenced in front of all of society. The Queen only did this kind of judgement for what she considered the worst of her society when an example must be made.

Queen Charlotte's gaze fell upon Lady Featherington and Cressida. "Lady Featherington, can you not keep yourself out of scandal for more than a day?"

Lady Featherington raised her chin and stared down her nose at the Queen. "My Queen, Penelope is my daughter. I raised her. I will say whatever I will about her, however I see fit. I am her mother, and you have no say in how I raise my daughter or anything else about her past or her future going forward."

"Your delusions are amusing Lady Featherington." The Queen spoke in a strong voice. "However, I am your Queen, and I have say wherever I want. Let us have a brief lesson to know that your titles come from the Crown. Your barony comes from the Crown and exists at my pleasure. Everything you own is at my pleasure which is currently non-existent when it comes to your family." Queen Charlotte cleared her throat. "You and yours are my vassals. You serve at the pleasure of the Crown and you would do well not to forget it." She snapped. "I am already investigating your estate for fraud and back taxes and a slew of other financial discrepancies that have been brought to my attention."

"You have no right to enter my house and I refuse entrance to any who tries!" Lady Featherington protested.

Queen Charlotte smiled malevolently. "My dear Lady Featherington, they are already in your study. They enacted my warrant the second your carriage left your estate. I have sent my finest financial advisors to find information for me. Trust me, any secrets that you think you are hiding will be found." She smiled wider, showing teeth. "As for the other Lady Featherington, the Crown has very strict laws governing the raising of children of the ton and the standards they must meet. That also applies to parents. Discipline is expected, abuse is not. I am also investigating the ongoing torture that you willingly inflicted upon your youngest. As a Queen, should the allegations be proven to be true I am beyond disgusted with you. As a mother – I would like to take you out back behind the barn with one of my finer crops and see how you like it!"

Portia's face paled at the Queen's words. "You have no proof your Majesty." She blustered. "Just the words of a pathetic, whiny, overweight brat who only wants to bring our family shame."

"You do a good enough job of that yourself by dressing so garishly." The Queen replied offhanded. "I am done with you. I will send for you eventually. In the meantime consider yourselves on house arrest. I will have guards stationed at every entrance and exit to your home. Identification and reasons will need to be given to anyone attempting to seek audience with you. You will not squirm away this time Lady Featherington. All your debts are becoming due."

"You can't do that!" Portia stamped her foot and took a threatening step towards the Queen.

In less time than it took to sneeze, she was facing a sword that had been sheathed seconds ago and was now directly in her face. "Take another step." The Queen encouraged. "And he will slice you from navel to nose."

Portia took a step back. "This is under protest." She said stubbornly.

"Do I look like I care?" Queen Charlotte asked. She then turned to Cressida who was attempting to hide behind her parents. "Miss Cowper, once again having been brought to my attention and not in a good way." She sighed. "I will have to think on your punishment."

"For engaging in gossip?" Cressida chuckled at the Queen. "Will you be arresting yourself as well your Majesty?"

"Impudent chit." The Queen glared at her. "Your charges are not engaging in gossip, but rather slander of another member of the ton, who now outranks you."

Cressida scoffed. "No matter what you attempt to elevate her to, she is still a nothing."

"As you are about to be?" the Queen asked idly.

"You can't harm me." Cressida challenged. "Is your old age getting to you?"

Queen Charlotte turned to Brimsley. "Send her to the stockade for one night. Insubordination to her Queen."

"Immediately Ma'am." Brimsley nodded and bowed. "Guards, take Miss Cowper to the stockade."

Cressida's eyes widened. "Father!"

"My Queen!" Lord Cowper protested.

"One word and I'll have you join her before stripping your title." The Queen warned holding up a finger.

Lord Cowper snapped his mouth shut.

The Queen turned to Alice and Will Mondrich. "Excellent ball." She approved. "I don't think I've been so entertained in a long time." She praised.

Alice curtsied and Will bowed. "We are honoured your Majesty."

The Queen turned to Lady Danbury. "Excellent recommendation as always Lady Danbury. Truly you know what pleases your Queen."

Lady Danbury smiled. "I live to serve your pleasure." She curtsied slightly with her cane.

The Queen turned on her heel to walk out, pausing in front of Penelope who was looking dazed and shaken, and Colin who had one hand on her shoulder to support her. "Nicely handled Miss Featherington-Danbury. I just wish I could have seen your bollock blow."

Penelope snapped out of her trance. "I was taught by the best – the Duke of Hastings, Viscount Bridgerton and his brothers and Mr. Mondrich."

The Queen nodded approvingly at the names. "Well done gentlemen." She praised. "Miss Featherington-Danbury, I know it is close to your wedding but I would like to take tea with you and your foster mother tomorrow. Please bring Miss Eloise Bridgerton and her mother as well."

"Your Majesty," Penelope said tentatively. "I was to be fitted for my wedding dress tomorrow."

"We'll have the modiste come to the Palace. Consider it my gift to my newest Lord and Lady." The Queen said approvingly. "I love helping pick out wedding dresses."

"I am honoured." Penelope replied in shock.

"Of course you are." The Queen nodded as she swept out of the ball.

Penelope turned to Eloise and opened her mouth to speak, but Eloise held her hand up to stop her. "I know what you're going to say. It was the right thing to do and I was not going to stand by and watch such an abomination occur. I am appalled." She said rapidly. "As for the other, I am still struggling but I would like to begin to rebuild our friendship and trust. I am realizing that I was blind to so many things."

Penelope nodded. "It gives me relief to know that you no longer hate me, however Eloise the forgiveness has to be on my side as well. You hurt me terribly. You talk of my betrayal, but what of yours? What of you as my best friend? You never noticed me, you never noticed what I was going through. I am willing to move on and be sisters and perhaps friends, but I do not know if I am ever going to be able to call you my best friend again."

Eloise stood quiet, chastened. "I understand. I don't blame you for protecting yourself."

"It's time." Penelope agreed. "Now, I believe I have given Mayfair enough gossip fodder for the foreseeable future, I am heading back to the Danbury estate where I am going to write and rest."

"What are you writing?" Eloise blurted out.

Penelope paused, then turned slightly. "I've been working on an original novel. I'm almost finished and then was going to have it reviewed by an editor."

Eloise opened her mouth to ask more but Colin held out his arm for Penelope. "My love. Let us go home."

Penelope nodded. "We have several big days ahead of us." she replied smiling at Colin.

He smiled at her gently. "Indeed we do."

Lady Danbury walked forward. "I haven't been mother of the bride in some time. I look forward to experiencing it all one last time." She smiled fondly. "Entertainment is over everyone! Enjoy the ball! Oh, and in case anyone tries to come without invitation – wedding invitations to the ton will NOT be distributed." She said cheerfully. "Night everyone."

Penelope followed Agatha out of the room and when they were in their carriage heading back to Danbury Hall, Penelope turned to Agatha. "Someday I have to learn how to make an exit from a crowded room like that."

Agatha chuckled. "If you did that, I'd have to check you for brain fever."

Colin spoke up. "I'm torn between wanting to laugh foolishly at the events of this evening, drinking myself into a stupor or heading to find Simon for a round of boxing because I need to pummel the piss out of something."

"Piss could be messy." Penelope said casually, not really paying attention.

Colin stared at her and started laughing. "I love you Penelope."

Agatha smiled at the couple. "This is going to be a fun few days."

Penelope followed everyone into the house and wandered down the hall behind Colin and entered his room behind him.

"Pen." Colin asked, surprised. "You missed your room."

"I assure you I didn't." Penelope reassured him.

"What?" Colin seemed confused.

"You've been in my room. Tonight I will be in yours." Penelope said resolutely. "This evening has been a disaster. I am caught in a quagmire in my mind and I need distraction."

"What did you have in mind?"

Penelope looked and Colin directly. "As much as I would like remove all of our clothing and have my way with you, as I have several interesting ideas in mind from some of my books I've been reading, I do not think that a night of hot, sweaty sex is the answer."

"Of course not." Colin muttered. "Who wants to spend a night having multiple climaxes anyway?"

"Not funny Colin."

"Not trying to be Pen."

"Lets talk." Penelope suggested. "Or play cards."

"What do you want to talk about?" Colin questioned.

"Anything." Penelope sighed. "Everything. You know so much about me, you always have. Talk to me about you. Let us talk about anything we want. Our future. Our home. Our travels. The places we will make love. Just talk to me right now Colin. I need it more than I need carnal relations."

"Clearly I'm doing something wrong." Colin commented. "I'll have to double my efforts. And maybe speak to my brothers."

Penelope blushed. "That's not what I'm saying."

Colin smiled. "Pen, I'm teasing. Of course we can talk, and play cards. I'll order a pot of tea and biscuits." He leaned forward. "I look forward to finding out what you find lacking in our sex life." He whispered hotly, his eyes flashing. "And I look even more forward to making it better. I won't stop until you can feel me between your legs for days. Until I have filled you with my seed so much that it runs out of you while you lay wantonly with your legs apart so I can lick you clean. I look forward to playing with and sucking on your delicious tits, ravaging your mouth and having you scream my name until we find out why you are avoiding carnal relations." He promised. "I assure you, you won't be wearing clothing for many days."

Penelope was breathing hard and blushing by the end of it. "Colin…" she whispered, desire on her face.

"You like it when I talk coarsely to you Pen?" Colin growled in her ear. "You like it when I stop being a gentleman and become a rake? Do you like it when I tell you all the ways I want to fuck you?"

"Yes." Penelope breathed. "I do, so much." She grabbed Colin tightly and kissed him deeply, hungrily, ravaging his mouth. "But I'm learning that as much as I want you, as much as I desire you, I have to work through the storms in my head before I can succumb to your charms. And believe me I want to." She walked forward, dipping her fingers in her cleavage.

Colin growled. "You siren."

Penelope leaned forward. "Since we are having coarse speak Colin, then I will tell you that if I felt better this evening, I would already be on my knees with your cock in my mouth."

Colin groaned at the visual. "What? Where did you learn that?"

"I read Colin." Penelope said impishly. "And I talk to other women. I want to take you in my mouth and fell every inch of you with my tongue. I want to squeeze and play with your cock but not put it inside me like we both crave, until we are both weeping from want. I want to sit on top of you and ride you like a pony." She sighed. "But not tonight."

Colin was wildly aroused. "Pen, I must go take care of a small problem. Will you wait here?"

Penelope walked forward. "It's not a small problem to me. Looks quite large." She reached out to Colin and grabbed his hardness through is breeches.

"We're not doing that tonight." Colin said to Penelope.

Penelope smiled wickedly. "No Colin. I'm not doing it tonight. I never said anything about you."

"I'm confused." Colin looked blankly at her.

"I want to watch you pleasure yourself. Then I'm going to pleasure you to climax." Penelope whispered to him. "After you have been sated, we will play cards – strip piquet perhaps? We will talk. And if you're really nice to me, I'll let you pleasure me before I go to bed." Penelope winked at him. "All of that, and no tupping at all."

Colin was unable to get the look of shock off his face and replace it with one of seduction. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"Oh yes." Penelope said, running her fingers over his hardness. "Very serious." She stood up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "You're not the only one planning our honeymoon."

Colin moaned, long and low. "You're going to kill me. And I'm going to like it."

"Drop your pants Bridgerton." Penelope ordered. "It's time for me to pleasure you."

Colin stared at his fiancée, somehow having transformed into a philosophical vixen. "As you wish." He smiled at her as he began to unbutton his trousers and toe off his boots.

Penelope smiled as she watched the man, she loved remove his clothing and knew her night was just beginning.

Chapter 33: Your love drove me crazy

Notes:

Is there smut in this chapter?

Yes.

Chapter Text

"How do you want me?" Colin asked, slightly seductive, slightly nervous.

Penelope walked over to him, like she was stalking her prey. "I have a very serious question to ask you first Colin." She said solemnly.

Colin gulped and nodded. "Of course. Anything."

Penelope looked him directly in the eye. "Do sheep and pigs have quims?"

Colin stood dumbstruck for a moment before the question sank in and he began howling with laughter, almost falling over. "I can't believe she asked that! I honestly thought we were going to be killed by the Queen."

Penelope joined him in mirth and laughed with him. Colin failed to notice that she was slowly moving him over to his bed until it was right behind him and she lightly pushed him back. He fell onto his bed and bounced slightly. While he was adjusting to no longer being on his feet, Penelope had quickly removed his breeches and smallclothes, and stood there staring at his half-hard member. "You look good enough to eat." She murmured.

"Pen…what?" Colin stammered.

Penelope leaned close to her fiancée and kissed him deeply, letting her covered breasts rub against his bare chest before taking his face and putting it in her cleavage. Colin needed no encouragement, he began kissing, licking and suckling everywhere on her breasts that he could reach. His hands were frantically trying to unzip the back of her gown while he heard the light chuckle of Penelope who was tormenting him. His face buried in her cleavage, he felt her hands slide down his back and cup his buttocks, before sliding over his thighs and grasping his member. "Pen!" Colin shouted as he thrust up into her hands, member fully erect and beginning to weep.

Penelope began to move her hands up and down his member. "I don't know exactly what I'm doing as I've never done this before and have only read about it."

Colin let out a ragged groan. "Feels amazing."

"Excellent." Penelope smiled, then withdrew her hands. Colin let out a whine and reached for her. "Not how this is going to work Colin. Tonight, you listen to me. Tonight, I'm going to watch you work yourself into a climax and then I'm going to play with you. Remember the plan?"

"Or we could just fuck?" Colin asked, a bit desperate.

"Not while my brain isn't focusing on the task at hand." Penelope repeated. "I want to focus on us and not on what is in the back of my head. I want to be fully present when you and I next make love and right now I won't be. So, I came up with this idea. Just think how wet and wanting I'll be. Think of how the next time we tup, we'll be married and no one will be able to interrupt us." She whispered lasciviously. "Now, grip your shaft and show me how Colin Bridgerton pleasures himself."

"You're trying to kill me." Colin repeated as his hand wrapped around his shaft. "Can I stay buried between your luscious breasts?"

"Patience my love." Penelope smiled gently. "Now, stroke."

Colin began to slowly stroke himself lightly as Penelope let out a small moan. "Fuck Colin, you look so hot right now."

At her encouragement Colin began to stroke a bit firmer, his hand twisting over the head of his cock to spread lubrication and increase pressure. His other hand drifted down between his legs and began playing with his bollocks. He kept eye contact with his beautiful fiancée. "Staring at you while I do this makes it all the more real and erotic." He ground out. "I don't need to imagine you, you're right there."

"Am I giving you ideas?" Penelope asked coyly.

"Fuck, Pen…" he moaned as he stroked himself. Penelope grinned at him as she began to remove pins from her hair and let it cascade down her back. Colin stared at her, eyes wide. "You are more beautiful than any woman I have ever seen in this world." He said solemnly.

Penelope walked over and gave him ravenous kiss on the mouth before standing back to watch him. "Show me how you take your pleasure my love."

Colin could do nothing but obey his personal temptress. "I am getting close." He warned her.

Penelope's eyes were wide with lust and curiosity. "I have always wanted to see a man climax. Most especially you."

Colin grunted. "Not conducive to getting me off Pen." He cautioned. "Don't want to think about you desiring other men." His hands slowed down on his member.

Penelope smiled and walked back over to him. "Don't pout my love." She kissed him deeply. "You are the only man I have ever dreamed of, the only man I have ever wanted to see. The only man I have ever wanted to, and will ever touch in such a way." She whispered in his ear. "So come for me Colin and show me what you look like when you reach your peak."

"When you put it like that." Colin muttered. He gave a shout as he climaxed messily over his hand and stomach. "Oh Penelope." He groaned as he released himself and laid back. "I think you're going to kill me."

Penelope laughed softly as she came over with a damp cloth. "Regain your strength my love. While you get prepared for a second round, let us play strip piquet."

"Strip?" Colin's eyes widened as he propped himself up on his arms.

"I'm sure you don't think it's fair that you are starkers and I am fully clothed? Unless you do not want to see me naked in which case I can bid you good evening."

"I'm neither blind nor stupid." Colin scoffed. "If you think I'm going to let you leave when I have the chance to watch you strip yourself down and stare openly at your beautiful form, you are clearly suffering from brain fever."

Penelope chuckled as she crossed the room. "Which drawer do you keep your cards in?"

"Desk drawer, top left."

Penelope retrieved the cards as Colin sat up fully. "May I at least put on some undergarments so I'm not shrinking?"

"I thought you would be more concerned with spilling hot tea on yourself." Penelope commented idly.

"Doesn't hurt as much as you think." Colin commented. "Every male has tried it at least one. Hot soup is much worse in my opinion."

"How much naked eating have you done exactly?" Penelope inquired.

Colin blushed slightly. "Let's talk about that another time."

Penelope giggled and began to shuffle the cards.

"Your Majesty! This is a mistake!" Cressida shrieked as she was being led to the stockade. "You've got to let me go!"

"Her Majesty does not hear your pleas for clemency." Brimsley scoffed as he walked with Cressida who was fighting with the guards.

"Listen you fat sycophant," Cressida snarled. "I want to talk to the Queen. I am gently bred, you cannot stick me in the stockade!"

"I certainly can." Brimsley said with satisfaction. "I report directly to the Queen, and she has decided that you require a bit of humbling."

Cressida's eyes widened as she saw the stockade open and waiting for her in the centre of a square. "No! This doesn't happen to people like me! Find a Featherington! They deserve it far more!"

Brimsley said nothing and gestured to the Guardsman. "Get her in there and ensure that no one is able to go near her until the Queen sends her instructions for what to do further. I recommend they have a set of ear defenders until she's able to shut up."

The Guardsman nodded and smirked slightly. "May I stuff a rag in her mouth?"

"Do you really think it's going to help?" Brimsley replied.

The Guardsman chuckled. "My men and I are on it. Let her Majesty know her will shall be done." He looked up at the sky. "If only we could get a nice drenching rain."

Brimsley laughed. "A man after my own heart."

The Guardsman bowed. "If that is all Sir, we shall be about our duty."

"Brimsley! You overgrown oaf! You slug! Don't you go crawling off to the Queen! You come back here and you let me out of this you fat pig!" Cressida screamed.

Brimsley turned and waved jauntily to Cressida "Fat pig I may be Miss Cowper, but one of us gets to go home tonight, and sleep in a very comfortable bed and nightclothes. The other one gets to be humiliated on the stockade."

"I will find out your secrets and tell the Queen! I'll tell the ton!" she shrieked.

Brimsley laughed at Cressida. "I have been with the Queen for more years than you have been alive child. She knows everything about me and if you think she'll ever take your word over mine, you are truly delusional. Pleasant evening Miss Cowper." Brimsley gave her a short bow and walked away with a bounce in his step. It always pleased him to see Queen's justice actually being dealt to an over-entitled gentried member. And besides, he truly loathed the Cowper family.

"Mama?" Prudence approached her mother who had been pacing the drawing room floor, clutching at her hair and burying her face in her hands.

"What is it now Prudence?" Portia snapped. "Can't you see I'm trying to figure out what our next steps should be? I can't believe that brat brought the attention of the Queen down on us. I want her ruined. If she won't return to us and earn her keep on her back as she should, I want her destroyed."

"Simple." Prudence scoffed. "Let us go after the one thing that means the most to her – her fiancée. Let's make him aware that she is not pure and after they marry, he will find no proof of innocence and annul the marriage. She'll be so devastated and broken hearted that she'll either come crawling back to us or she'll vanish again. If that isn't sufficient, then we'll find some other unsavoury things we did to her in the past and use it against her. Penelope might have lived a boring life on her own terms, but what we put her through as a child should more than make up for that. We have tales we can spread through the entire ton, and her precious Bridgerton family will forsake her again."

"What else could we possibly say?" Portia asked, frustrated.

Prudence smiled. "Father is dead, so let us besmirch his reputation. Father had her first. Then the men who he was indebted to and then cousin Jack. After cousin Jack, she had to leave to birth the bastard Featherington child."

Portia perked up. "I love the idea. Not even a Bridgerton will touch a woman with such a stain on her, especially one left by her father. How delicious!"

Prudence lifted her chin. "Give me time. I'm sure I can think of another way to discredit her in the eyes of the ton and Queen. I did things to her that you weren't even aware of, simply because I could."

Portia walked over and hugged Prudence tightly. "I'm so proud of you. If only your sister Philippa was on board with ruining Penelope as well."

"Philippa is too simple to be part of these schemes. That's why I never included her in my Penelope experiments when we were younger."

"Then let us discredit your father, the old lech." Portia agreed. "How do we get out of this house arrest to spread the gossip?"

"Servants of course. They are not under the Queen's restrictions and they're all such huge blabbermouths anyway." Prudence shrugged. "Honestly Mama, do I have to think of everything these days?"

Portia sighed. "Of course not Prudence. I'm just concerned about the money the Queen is searching for."

"Don't ask Harry to help you out of that one." Prudence warned. "We barely have enough money to live as we do."

"You should have married a man that was titled then." Portia rejoined.

"I had to marry someone quick before my reputation was in tatters from cousin Jack leaving." Prudence said coldly. "Harry is sweet, he's pretty and dumb as a post. Leave him out of this."

"Agreed." Portia nodded. "Might as well ring for tea and get the news spreading."

"On it." Prudence walked over to the bell-pull and then sat down. "Let us talk of more interesting things other than Penelope."

"I do believe that the last piece of clothing is your forfeit." Colin snicked as Penelope tossed her cards on the table and removed her slip. Standing before her fiancée completely naked, she put her hands on her hips. "Well you win this hand."

Colin grinned at her, staring at her nudity. "In more ways than one my love."

Penelope chuckled. "On that note, lay on the bed. Time for me to play with you some more."

Colin groaned. "Aren't you worn out yet Pen?"

Penelope shook her head, red curls bouncing around her shoulders. "For some reason I'm just wide awake." She sighed softly. "My mind is racing. I'm wondering what stupid thing my mother is going to do next."

"You're not worried about Cressida?"

Penelope shook her head. "She's going to have her hands full dealing with her vile parents once she's out of the stockade. They're all about appearances and theirs has been besmirched badly. They're going to go into damage control. Right now, the Cowpers are the least of my concerns." She paused. "It's Mama. She's most dangerous when she's cornered and she's capable of anything. She has no morals or compunction about doing what she feels that she needs to do. She's going to ruin me Colin."

Colin got up and walked over to Penelope, lifting her chin. "Penelope, listen to me and listen closely. She cannot ruin you, not now or ever again. Nothing she says will be believed and everything will be discounted. If she tries, she will bring down wrath on a level I don't think she comprehends. You are a Bridgerton, you are a Danbury, and we protect our own."

"I'm scared that she'll come out with something that will forever change your opinion of me. Or that your family – who is finally accepting me back after everything – will shut me out again." Penelope confessed.

Colin kissed her forehead gently. "Never Pen. We will never forsake you again, and even if they do, Agatha won't. I won't. You will always have me." He gave her a small smile and went to lay back down on the bed. "I believe you promised that you were going to play with me?"

Penelope blinked. "Really?" she asked softly.

"You said your mind was racing. I can see that it's racing. If you need this to clear your thoughts, then use me as much as you need to."

"You are a good man, Colin Bridgerton." Penelope said brokenly. "Thank you for trying to understand."

"I love you." Colin said simply. "I will always love you." He winked at her. "Now I'm starting to get cold over here and you promised me something scandalous. I'm waiting."

Penelope's eyes were shining with love as she walked over to the bed to join her fiancée. "I know you are more experienced…"

"And none of them meant anything to me." Colin cut her off. "You are all the woman I will ever want. You are more than enough."

Penelope blew him a kiss, and then looked down at his soft member. "Looks like I have work to do."

Colin chuckled with her as he began to harden, staring at Penelope. "Play with me Pen." He whispered to her.

Penelope reached a tentative hand to his cock, sighing in relief as she wrapped her hand around it and began to firmly grip him and stroke him. Colin let out a shuddering sigh and closed his eyes with the sensation. Penelope gathered up her courage, remembered Fanny Hill and slowly lowered her mouth to his erection. Colin's eyes flew open as he looked between his legs and saw Penelope slowly licking the head of his cock and took him slowly in her mouth, hollowing her cheeks to create suction. "Holy fu…" he trailed off as she began to bob her head slightly and begin to take in more of him as her saliva and his precum lubricated the shaft.

Penelope moaned lightly when his hands fisted in her hair as she continued to suck and take more of him, inch by inch. One of her hands drifted to his ball sack and began to caress it, making him begin to thrust into her mouth. Penelope continued to sink onto his cock until she had taken him fully and her nose was buried at the base of his cock in his curls. The scent of Colin's skin and arousal surrounded her, making her moan again as Colin let out a stream of profane gibberish and started to thrust harder. "Pen, I'm going to come. Remove your mouth."

Penelope slowly lifted her lips off his shaft and stroked it hard as she tugged on his balls lightly. Colin let out an aroused growl as he came in hot spurts, covering Penelope's hand and his thighs. As he gasped for air, he slowly opened his eyes to see Penelope licking his seed off her hand. "I think I'm dead." He ground out, panting. "Or in a dream, because that is the most erotic thing I've ever seen you do."

Penelope reached for the cloth from earlier. "I wanted to taste all of you Colin. You taste a little bitter, but I like it. Next time I think I will try to swallow."

Colin's head fell back on the pillows. "You're going to kill me." He repeated.

"And you're going to like it." Penelope replied, smugly. Crawling up the bed, she snuggled into his arms. "Thank you for tonight, Colin."

"Anything for you Penelope." Colin said seriously. "I love that we can do things like this. I look forward to doing it more in the future."

Penelope gave him a searing kiss before resting her head on the pillow. "I love you."

"Rest my love. Tomorrow, you get fitted for a wedding dress. The day after, you become my wife. At last."

Chapter 34: The perfect crime

Notes:

Is there smut in this chapter?

Yes.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Penelope woke up feeling light kisses being peppered down her neck and across her breasts, as she felt Colin's hand sliding up her thigh and his fingers lightly spreading her cunt lips and massaging her bundle of nerves. Her nipples were hardening and her breasts beginning to ache. Penelope let out a long moan as she stretched her body out and her eyes snapped open as Colin's mouth covered her core and his tongue slowly followed the path of his fingers. "Colin…" she moaned heavily; voice still thick with sleep. "What…?"

Colin chuckled. "My delicious fiancée fell asleep next to me stark naked. I couldn't resist such temptation first thing in the morning." He murmured. "I'm a man not a saint; and my beloved, your body is every single sin." He reinforced his words with a long lick with his tongue against her full length that had Penelope garbling his name as she tangled her fingers in his hair, holding him to her.

"Oh Colin…" Penelope sighed deeply. "I could wake up like this every day."

Colin paused in his sucking on her to raise his face, wet with her arousal. "After tomorrow my love I promise to sample you every morning for the rest of our lives."

"Now who is personifying sin?" Penelope moaned as she began to pant. "More." She demanded as Colin slipped a finger into her wet channel, thrusting with his tongue and finger, sucking firmly on her clitoris and causing Penelope to thrash beneath his ministrations as she got closer to becoming undone. "Oh God…Colin…" she bucked against him as he used the base of his hand to press down and create friction against her mound making her cry out louder. "Colin!"

Colin smiled wolfishly as he added a second finger and Penelope arched her back and keened loudly. "Yes, pray to me as I do to your delicious cunt." He said smugly, thrusting his fingers harder into her. "You're so wet for me Pen." He murmured. "I love that only I can make you this wet."

Penelope opened her eyes and made eye contact with Colin as he fucked her with his fingers, the sound of his fingers thrusting in her wetness filling the room. She lowered her eyes to watch his mouth and fingers play with her as she thrust against him. "I can't…Colin…" she almost sobbed. "More, I want more."

"Hearing you scream out my name is the greatest aphrodisiac ever." Colin said in a husky voice as he thrust hard into her.

Penelope thrust her breasts forward towards Colin as she rode his hand. "Oh fuck Colin...it's too much...give me more... I can't hold on..." she cried as she rocked with his fingers, feeling like her cunt was swallowing his hand. "Deeper..."

"Yes, you can Pen." Colin said gently. "Feel what I'm doing to you and take your pleasure." He slipped a third finger inside of her it only took a few thrusts with them until he rubbed her g-spot and clit at the same time, and felt her tense, locking his hand inside her and watched her shatter as her climax rolled through her. Penelope was screaming, crying and riding his hand and face as she clasped him between her thighs, riding out the most powerful climax she had ever had.

"Holy fuck Colin!" she screamed as she shuddered with small aftershocks, still squeezing his fingers inside her. Colin gave her small strokes with his fingers, fingering her nub, mindful of how sensitive she would be after a climax that strong and heard Penelope groan again as she orgasmed again on him before pulling his hand out.

As Penelope lay panting, her body covered in sweat, Colin sat up looking smug as he licked her arousal off his fingers and cleaned his face from her juices. "That Penelope," he began. "Was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen you do to date." Colin leaned forward to nibble at her hard nipples. "I promise to worship these beauties later."

Penelope looked at Colin, her body flushed with arousal. "I want to return the favour."

Colin chuckled and shook his head. "I came when you did my love. I couldn't help it; you looked so seductive writhing on my face and hand. You taste as good as you look Pen." He licked his lips. "The housekeepers are going to have to completely change my bedding, and I can't feel bad about it." He stretched out next to her and kissed her deeply. "Good morning beautiful."

Penelope smiled at him, her eyes dancing. "Thank you for last night."

"Pen," Colin said seriously, his forehead resting on hers. "You never need to thank me for taking care of you. You told me what you needed, and I did my best to help you. We take care of each other like we always have. I do what I do for you because I love you, not because I must."

Penelope wrapped her arms around Colin and held him to her tightly in a hug. "I don't have enough words for how much I love you, but I promise I will try to show you every day."

"You already do." Colin said reassuringly. "Now, as loathe as I am to leave this bed and your delectable warmth, you have a wedding dress to be fitted for and a date with the Queen. You don't want to be late."

"I want to stay here with you." Penelope said softly.

"After tomorrow, no one will question it again." Colin kissed her nose. "Now, take this robe and head to your room."

Penelope kissed Colin and took the proffered robe. "See you later."

Penelope left Colin's room, closing the door quietly as she clutched the robe closed. "Have a pleasant evening?"

Penelope spun around to see Agatha; eyes twinkling watching Penelope leave Colin's room. "Agatha…we didn't…I mean I…"

Agatha let her stammer out an attempt at a sentence before cutting her off. "I know. I suspected you'd spend the night with him, and I appreciate that you are still keeping to my rule."

"We played strip piquet." Penelope admitted.

Agatha laughed heartily. "To be young again." She shook her head. "I enjoy a game of piquet but these days if I'm taking my clothes off, the lights had better be out and I'd be crossing the room like I was being shot at."

Penelope let out a gale of laughter. "I'm going to get cleaned up and ready for the Queen. I am beyond excited for my dress fitting today. I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow!"

Agatha's eyes got misty. "I am so proud of you Penelope. For whom you are and who you are becoming." She cleared her throat. "Now go get ready. I suggest a light colour today to reinforce the bridal theme."

Penelope nodded and headed to her room to get ready for the day.

The sun rose on a very filthy and gagged Cressida Cowper, thoroughly humiliated, having been discovered and mocked by those who she had bullied throughout the seasons. Her hair hung around her face in dirty strands as she waited for her punishment be over. "Have you learned your lesson?" the head Guardsman came over and asked her.

Cressida nodded weakly.

"I am going to ungag you. You will not scream, shout, yell or say anything. Understand."

Cressida nodded again, tears in her eyes. The gag was released, and she moved her jaw, trying to get feeling back into it.

"I will unlock you now." The Guardsman continued. "You are to leave this area. You can go home or go to blazes for all I care but do not return here. Your punishment has been served. I will tell the Queen such. I strongly suggest in the future minding your tongue and not disparaging our monarch or next time you'll lose your tongue or worse."

Chastened, Cressida stood and staggered away from the stockade, heading towards the Cowper residence.

Those who witnessed the encounter were all very quick to report that Cressida for once, had never said a word.

Cressida's mind was racing as she began to plot how to get revenge on Penelope Featherington and Queen Charlotte herself.

"Have you heard what Lady Featherington and Mrs. Dankworth are speaking about Miss Penelope?" a servant asked in a hushed voice to Varley.

"What?" Varley asked, dreading what it could be this time.

"Her father Lord Featherington had her as a child! She's never been pure!" the servant repeated, scandalised. "Mr. Bridgerton needs to know before he weds her! She is no virgin, and he will never know if any child she carries or bears is his as she's been passed from man to man since she was young!"

Varley snorted loudly. "That's the story they're going with now?"

"You don't believe them?"

"I don't." Varley said resolutely. "You have not been with this family long, but I have been with this family since the day Lord and Lady Featherington spoke their vows. I watched every single Featherington daughter from birth to the day they left this house, and I can assure you that there has been no bigger lie spew from their mouths than that one. Lord Featherington might have been a flash cull Lord, and a gambler and wanna be rake, but he never, not once, not even on the worst day of his life, despite his intense dislike for Miss Penelope, he never once EVER touched that child inappropriately. Never. He was capable of many things, and did even worse things to her, but he above all others knew the importance of keeping her purity intact. This is an ugly lie set up by those two women who are under house arrest."

"Are you positive?" the Cook asked doubtfully.

"They could hardly have asked for virgin price at a brothel for Miss Penelope if she wasn't intact, could they?" Varley arched an eyebrow in question. "If they had tried that and it was found out that they lied, they would have all been killed. You don't mess with brothel madams and their bouncers."

The Cook looked regretful. "I regret then that I was culpable in spreading this story to other servants when I was out getting food this morning. I'm certain it has spread through most of Mayfair."

Varley closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Not your fault Cook. You did exactly what they wanted you to do." She sighed. "Poor Miss Penelope, she can't catch a break and all she wants is to be happy and be left alone."

"She's too fat by half." Prudence's lady's maid sniffed. "She deserves everything her family does to her."

Varley narrowed her eyes and walked closer to the maid. "We shall agree to disagree on that Miss." She said in a venomous voice. "Or do you agree with torture and experimentation on children?"

"What experimentation?" the maid scoffed.

Varley stared at the maid. "You do know that Mrs. Dankworth is a sadist correct?"

"No!"

"She likes pain. She likes to inflict pain. She likes to watch how other people react to pain. She has always 'experimented' on Miss Penelope. She has burned her. She has cut her. She has whipped and switched her for the sole reason that she was there, and she didn't want another sister." Varley said in a quiet voice. "So, I suggest perhaps knowing all the facts next time before you take sides."

"She won't hurt me, will she?" the maid sounded worried.

"I'm not sure. I've watched her harm maids and serving staff before, and not be spoken to about it as her family believes it is our lot to suffer. If we weren't, we wouldn't be servants now, would we?" Varley replied. "I do suggest being on your guard." She paused. "You should go check on your mistress now. Have a pleasant day and remember – don't upset Mrs. Dankworth! You don't know what she's capable of."

"And you do?"

"I watched her learn and hone her skills. I'm very aware of what that hateful woman can do. And she's been enabled by her mother her entire life." Varley reminded her.

Varley looked at her pocket watch. "I have errands to run, and Lady Featherington wants me to pick up some ribbons and a dress from the modiste for her. I will return anon."

The other servants nodded and gathered to discuss the news that Varley had just disclosed that none of them had been aware of.

Varley watched them all, a calculating look in her eyes and then grabbed her reticule and slipped out the door. This time, she headed towards the Palace.

Penelope slowly raised a hand to her face as she stared at her reflection. Genevive was a miracle worker, and with her team of assistants had already pinned Penelope's gown and started sewing it directly on her body so it would fall in a form fitting manner. "Dazzling dress." The Queen approved. "Mme Delacroix, spare no expense with this to get it done for tomorrow."

"Certainment, your Majesty." Genevive bowed her head as she was in the middle of measuring.

The Queen smiled at Penelope. "I have the perfect veil for you to wear with this dress."

Agatha piped up, "and I have a tiara that I watched my only daughter wear on her wedding day. I would be honoured if my adopted daughter wore it on hers."

Penelope's eyes were full of tears. "I don't deserve this." She said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Queen Charlotte lifted Penelope's chin with her finger and smiled gently. "We have been adversaries for many years, and now we are of an accord. I cannot think of a better way to show the ton that there are no hard feelings between yourself and the Crown." She paused. "And as a mother I want to do for you what your own mother never would. My heart breaks for you and I wish I could have known about what you endured sooner. I will not tolerate child abuse."

"I appreciate that your Majesty." Penelope said softly.

"I know if anyone had've hurt any of my children, royal or not I would have executed each one of them." The Queen replied. "Children are the only innocents that we have. They deserve to keep their innocence as long as possible, pauper or royal."

Penelope nodded; eyes downcast. "Look up child." Agatha said gently. "You are a beautiful bride, and tomorrow you will marry the man who you've loved since you were nine years old."

Penelope smiled radiantly. "I can't wait. I used to write in my books Mrs. Colin Bridgerton."

"And tomorrow it becomes a reality." A warm voice spoke behind Penelope. Penelope spun around to see Violet and Eloise standing in the doorway, Violet's eyes glistening with tears. "My dear, you are radiant." She crossed the room quickly to hug her newest daughter. "Colin will be weeping when he sees you walk down the aisle to him."

"Penelope," Eloise said quietly. "You look beautiful."

Penelope stood in a blush silk dress that had a v-neck and cap sleeves. The waist was cinched around Penelope's new corset giving her an hourglass shape. "I feel beautiful." Penelope said in a soft voice. "I never thought I would ever be married, and I was ok with that. I feel like the last few weeks I have been living in a fantasy that I never thought I would have. Like I'm in an alternate reality."

"Good things happen to good people." Agatha smiled. "And you are one of the best."

"Now," the Queen said crisply as Genevive began to get Penelope out of her dress. "Who is going to walk you down the aisle?"

Penelope shrugged. "I thought of asking Viscount Bridgerton or the Duke of Hastings, as they have been like older brothers to me," she began to the approving nods of everyone present. "However, I have decided I want to ask my foster mother to walk me down the aisle. Without her love, without her belief in me, without her adopting me I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be alive."

Agatha gasped. "Oh Penelope, I would be honoured."

Queen Charlotte nodded in approval. "I agree." She clapped her hands. "Now, let us take tea and biscuits. Miss Bridgerton, I wish to speak with you."

"With…me your Majesty?" Eloise stammered.

"Yes," Queen Charlotte began. "Your report yesterday was most amusing and entertaining. You have impressed me, and clearly learned your lesson after your political radical dealings."

"I have your Majesty." Eloise agreed eagerly.

"I would like you to write a weekly political column." Queen Charlotte said idly as she snorted some snuff and accepted a cup of tea from Brimsley.

Eloise spat out her tea and began coughing. "I'm sorry…what?"

The Queen chuckled. "Your commentary and observations are amusing. Working with a more senior writer, I would like you to begin contributing to the local political column. I am interested to see where you go with it."

Penelope smiled. "We could be writing together like we always talked about Eloise."

"What are you writing?" Eloise asked, startled.

"Penelope Bridgerton's Society Papers." Penelope beamed. "I'm going to continue writing gossip around the ton, I'm going to be travelling to report on gossip and scandal from other courts and countries. The Queen is going to endorse and pay for my adventures. When I am not in Mayfair, which will not be often as I cannot live in Mayfair nor do I want to, I'm going to have a ghostwriter cover my work and gather my information for me." Penelope paused. "And I'm working on some original stories as well. I'm hoping to have them published."

Eloise's eyebrows almost crawled off her face. "And who is this ghostwriter going to be? Not me!"

Penelope shook her head. "I have a person in mind, I just want to talk to them first."

"Who?" everyone in the room asked.

Penelope smiled mysteriously. "That is currently known only to myself and my fiancée who agrees with my choice."

"I can get Colin to talk." Eloise said steadfastedly. "He's my favourite and he doesn't keep secrets from me."

"I don't think he's going to reveal my secrets to you." Penelope said delicately.

"What can you offer that I can't?" Eloise demanded. "I'm his sister."

"And I will be his wife." Penelope replied.

"I will get him to talk." Eloise persisted.

Penelope said nothing and Agatha sniggered. "I doubt you'll get him to say anything. He isn't going to go against his new wife."

"Why not?" Eloise continued. "I've known him my whole life. What can she do that I can't?"

Penelope blushed as Violet, Queen Charlotte and Agatha laughed lightly. "I'm not sure I'm at liberty to say." Penelope said quietly but firmly. "However you may be his sister but I'm certain that you have never had the urge to strip your brother out of his clothing and have your wicked way with him."

Eloise's face screwed up in disgust. "That sounds disgusting! Why would Colin want to participate in such activities?"

"Multiple climaxes in my opinion." Penelope said dryly.

Agatha choked on her tea as Violet pretended to not hear this information about her son. "My dear," the Queen asked idly, decided to venture into the fray. "Have you learned about ways to pleasure a male? I have advice for you if needed."

Penelope opened and closed her mouth like a fish, unable to form words. "I've…read books your Majesty." She said weakly.

"I certainly didn't hear any complaints being yelled out of his room last night." Agatha added impishly.

"What did you to my brother last night?" Eloise demanded. "Why would you make him yell?"

Penelope's face was scarlet. "Not that kind of yelling Eloise." She said through gritted teeth.

"Why else would he be yelling in his bed chambers?"

Penelope turned her gaze to Violet who was almost as red-faced. "It's not my place to say Eloise. Perhaps you should talk to your mother."

Violet's mouth hung open as she was taken by surprise at Penelope throwing her in front of the carriage. "Oh, Eloise, um…we'll discuss it before you get married."

"I want to know now! What did Penelope do to my brother?" Eloise persisted.

"Oh for fucks sake." Penelope muttered under her breath, making the Queen arch an eyebrow at her. "I look his member in my mouth and brought him to climax Eloise. I gave your brother his pleasures."

The three matrons looked surprised but nodded in agreement. "I don't understand what that means." Eloise said, confused. "Why would that make him not want to talk to me?"

"That's all I'm going to say on the matter." Penelope said primly. "Can we talk about anything else?"

The Queen let out a cackle. "You young gels amuse me."

"I'm just going to go find a rock to climb under." Penelope said calmly. "I think I've reached my daily quota for embarrassment."

"We are mostly mature women here, the secrets of the bedchamber known to most of us." The Queen shook her hand in dismissal. "And the secrets you don't yet know Miss Featherington-Danbury, your husband is going to have a delightful time teaching you."

"Colin always has been the most giving of my sons." Violet agreed, then realized what she had added on to and her eyes widened. "Oh! I don't mean…"

Penelope let out a small chuckle. "I know Lady Bridgerton." She took a breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Violet shook her head. "Edmund and I were unable to control our passions before our marriage. I understand. I can only hope my son is as generous a lover as his father was."

Penelope squeaked and looked down at her teacup. Eloise looked confused. "What does having a member in your mouth have to do with being a lover? That sounds disgusting."

Penelope put down her teacup. "I think I'm going to head back to Danbury Hall. I have a big day tomorrow."

Brimsley walked over to whisper into the Queen's ear. Her eyes widened and she looked at Penelope. "Please sit Miss Featherington-Danbury. We have an unexpected visitor with news that should be heard by all." She nods to Brimsley. "Bring her in."

Brimsley bowed and opened the door. A very dusty Varley entered quickly and walked over to give Penelope a quick hug. "I'm sorry to come to you under these circumstances Penelope." She said quickly. "But your mother and Prudence have set in motion, yet another salacious tale and this one involves your father taking your purity as a child. The tale is already spreading throughout the servants' houses."

Penelope dropped her head into her hands and began to cry softly.

Agatha, Violet, Eloise and the Queen had murderous looks on their faces. "Sit down Mrs. Varley." Queen Charlotte said angrily. "And start speaking."

Varley nodded as she took a seat and began to talk about the incident that occurred at the Featherington home that morning.

Notes:

Next chapter is a wedding! What could possibly go wrong there?

Chapter 35: Now it's so sad

Notes:

Smut! A wedding! Female gossip!

Chapter Text

Penelope squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose as Mrs. Varley finished speaking. She felt the frustration, the tears, the absolute anger at her mother and eldest sister rising in a way it never had before. She felt forlorn over the fact that all she wanted, all she had ever wanted to just be left alone to live her life and be her own person. However, it seemed that unless she was willing to change her name to Hannah and become a harlot and hand her earnings over to her mother, she would never be allowed to choose her own path. It was yet another part of the reason she had fled. She knew Portia was spiteful and vindictive, but she had no idea that it was to this extent. Towards her own daughter.

"May I be excused please?" she asked in a broken voice. "I would like to return to Danbury Hall and try to prepare for my wedding tomorrow." She was blinking tears out of her eyes.

Mrs. Varley stood up and walked over to Penelope and embraced her tightly. "I know it is hard Penny," she said in a quiet voice but everyone could hear her. "Those women have no joy in their lives and they have always strove to destroy yours. I am trying to accelerate their ruin because I have been disgusted by how they've treated you for your entire life, and I've been disgusted by how Lady Featherington treated and then fired my own daughter Rae. I swore vengeance the day I watched my daughter chased from the house like she was a craven interloper."

"Motherly vengeance can be an exquisite thing." Queen Charlotte replied from the background. "I applaud you trying to do this as honourably as you can."

Mrs. Varley straightened and curtseyed to the Queen. "She whipped my daughter ma'am. After Penny ran away, she blamed Rae – who Penny had thoughtfully kept out of her plans so she wasn't lying when she said she had no idea where she had gone, when or if she had money or not. But she was dragged to the first floor and I was forced to watch Lady Featherington torment and beat my daughter before summarily dismissing her. She stripped her down to her shift and put her out. I will not forgive that ever."

Penelope raised her eyes to Mrs. Varley. "Where is Rae now?"

Mrs. Varley patted her hand gently. "She's found new employment with another Lord and Lady who I shall not name. She is happy, she is safe and she has even formed a romantic attachment to the stable lad! He has come to meet me and is very pleasant. I hope for good things in the future and that he will work up the courage to ask for her hand soon."

Penelope hugged Mrs. Varley tightly. "I'm so glad. Rae was wonderful and I loved her dearly. I wish I could have brought her with me but I had to leave quickly."

"Which night was it that you chose to leave?" Mrs. Varley asked delicately.

Penelope felt tears roll down her face. "It was the night I'd overheard Prudence and Mama talking, I think Philippa was there as well but I can't be sure, and Mama was gloating over the signed contract she had secured for my work at a local den of iniquity." She confessed. "She was going to sell me to this particular place, meant for men with …spicier tastes than the norm as it would increase the amount of money she would get. Plus they were going to auction me off for virgin price. She was going to have me brought there the following morning to begin my life as a whore. I knew in that moment I had to leave. Immediately. I grabbed all my Lady Whistledown money, some sentimental items – shockingly few to be honest – and I fled with only a change of clothes on my back into the storm."

"You did the right thing child." Mrs. Varley reassured her. "I know of the place she had contracted, and they have a reputation for permanently damaging if not outright killing their working girls. They always need new blood."

Colin stood up and walked over to Penelope, taking her in his arms. He looked defiantly at Mrs. Varley and cast his eyes around the room. "Let me make it plain that if anyone tries to take my wife to any such place, I will kill them. And virgin price for Penelope is not possible anymore. I realize it could be distasteful to discuss in public, as it is a private matter between us, but I will publicly tell people that I can confirm that Penelope was a pure, untouched innocent until a few nights ago when I had the honour of taking it myself."

"You ruined her?" Mrs. Varley asked, aghast.

"We were celebrating our engagement." Colin replied. "Since I am the only man who had her, she is not ruined. She is perfect."

"Please let me go back to Danbury Hall." Penelope wailed. "The entire ton knows about what I've suffered throughout my life, everyone knows about my sex life and intimacies that were never meant to be made public. I am shamed beyond belief yet again and I don't want to be here anymore." She burst into noisy tears as Colin pulled her close to comfort her. "Why can't I just live my life? Without all of the things that people say?"

Eloise sat there with her mouth hanging open, glaring hotly at Penelope. "You seduced my brother?"

"THAT'S what you choose to focus on in this moment?" Colin burst out.

"Miss Bridgerton, it is most unseemly for my future columnist to act like this." Queen Charlotte admonished.

"She seduced my brother! No wonder he has to marry her!" Eloise said angrily.

"Oh for fucks sake Eloise!" Penelope yelled. "Enough already! You are hell-bent to find malice in everything I do! I'll have you know that HE followed ME. I had been trying to dodge him ever since he found me on the high street in Athens! I wanted nothing to do with him or to be brought back into the drama that is your family or Mayfair, and yet here I am! He came after me! He ensured boarding in a single cabin with me. He brought me back to Danbury Hall and stayed with me. I would love for you to explain to me how this is my goddamned fault!"

Eloise's mouth hung open at Penelope's outburst. "I do wish you luck Eloise with your future as a political columnist. I hope the senior writer you are working under teaches you well and you learn everything that goes into writing a successful and interesting column. I wish you everything that your heart desires, but I do not wish to be around you any further. I have tried and tried to get through to you, but even now after everything you've learned, everything I've said and admitted to, and you STILL manage to villainize me. I'm done! I'm done Eloise!"

"You know not of what you speak." Eloise said in a shaky voice. "You are overcome with emotion."

"I know exactly of what I speak." Penelope snarled at her former best friend. "I've lowered myself and made myself less, just for the privilege of being your friend again, and you've still willfully ignored everything I have gone through and endured. You have very clearly shown me that our dynamic has not changed and that unless I'm doing something you approve of or are interested in, I matter not to you."

"Penelope…" Eloise stood up.

"Enough Eloise." Violet cut in. "I agree with Penelope. You have been given multiple chances, even before she left and you spurned every one of them. You have done enough. Keep your tongue behind your teeth."

Eloise snapped her mouth shut as she spun to face her mother who stared at her with a disappointed look on her face. "Your Majesty, Lady Danbury, Mother," Colin bowed to them. "I am taking my fiancée back to Danbury Hall. Tomorrow is our wedding day and it should be a joyous time instead of me consoling my wife yet again over the hatred here in Mayfair." He said grimly. He looked at Lady Danbury who nodded.

"I will ensure that Genevive brings everything for her trousseau and dress to Danbury Hall." Agatha said gravely.

"No." Queen Charlotte cut in. "I forbid it."

"Your Majesty!" Penelope cried out.

Queen Charlotte held up a hand. "Everything will be brought to the Palace. The wedding will take place here. I defy anyone to show up into MY palace and disparage my newest Lord and Lady. And those who do I am very interested in getting to know better whilst they languish in my dungeons." She paused. "I have had enough of this myself. My battle with Lady Whistledown is concluded and you two have the right to a private life if you so choose." She looked at Penelope. "I dearly hope you will be my columnist as previously discussed, but after seeing for myself what you have to endure on a daily basis and it was worse when you were under her roof, I'm sure," she cleared her throat. "The Crown admits it's mistakes. You are fully pardoned with no period to serve before I issue the paperwork. I'll have it sent to you immediately as I see that it is imperative you be away from Mayfair."

"Thank you, your Majesty." Penelope said softly. "I truly do want to write for you. From abroad. And I will speak to the individual I have in mind to perhaps co-write my column instead of ghostwrite. Domestic and International perhaps."

"I love that idea." Queen Charlotte smiled. "Chin up child, we will get this sorted, get you married and get you out of Mayfair."

"At least to the outskirts." Penelope conceded. "I do enjoy being around you."

"Words I do not hear often enough." Queen Charlotte hugged Penelope gently. "Go back to Danbury Hall. Tup if you two wish with my blessing – after all Mr. Bridgerton, did you not say that the Crown itself was commanding you to fornicate?"

"Not quite the words I used." Colin muttered. "And I didn't say that in public."

Agatha coughed. "You MIGHT have said it in the gardens and I MIGHT have enjoyed the phrase enough to share it with the Queen."

"The Crown is hereby commanding you to fornicate the night before your wedding, as I'm sure there'll be no problems afterwards." Queen Charlotte said. "Take this as my blessing. One I do not give out lightly or easily."

"Thank you Your Majesty." Colin bowed. "Your will be done."

The Queen, Agatha, Violet and Mrs. Varley all snorted together and tried to hide their mirth as Colin almost ran from the room, dragging Penelope behind him. Eloise sat there wide eyed and turned to the matrons. "You're giving him permission to be intimate with her? How vulgar!"

"Oh be quite you impertinent chit." Mrs. Varley sighed. "You speak of matters you know nothing about."

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"I certainly can." Violet interjected as she stood in front of her recalcitrant daughter. "Or do you challenge me as well?"

Eloise fell silent.

"I do hope that your immaturity in knowledge of relations doesn't carry through to your political opinions as I truly am interested in your radical views. However, should I get a peep of complaint from the writer you are apprenticing to you will be gone in a heartbeat." Queen Charlotte said idly. "You may go Miss Bridgerton. Mrs. Varley thank you for your information and should you need a new position, I'm sure Lord and Lady Danbury-Bridgerton will need a head housekeeper once they are wed and their home established."

Mrs. Varley curtsied to the Queen, ignored Eloise and swept out quickly as Violet made her curtsies and grabbed Eloise by the hand and drug her out of the drawing room leaving Agatha and the Queen alone.

The two old friends burst out laughing when the younger ones were gone and the Queen called for a round of brandy.

Colin didn't think he'd ever moved as quick in his life as he did getting his bride to be back to Danbury Hall. He ran through the halls with her and once he got her in her chambers, slammed the door shut, locked it, picked up Penelope and shoved her against the door as he began to ravish her throat and breasts. "Fuck Pen." He grunted. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to take you in front of those women and give Eloise a proper education."

Penelope moaned lightly, reached up and grabbed Colin's hair. She pulled his face out of her cleavage to stare at him seriously. "We're going to do it hard and rough today." She said panting with desire. "And the last thing I want right now is to talk about your sister. Why don't you strip me naked and I'll play with myself while you remove your clothes. Why don't you then lay down and I'm going to sit on your face – which I read in Fanny Hill – and you're going to torture me with your tongue. Then I want you to shove your gigantic cock into me, fuck me until I can't talk and tomorrow I will walk down the aisle to you in a pretty dress and your seed running down my legs."

The visual almost made Colin explode. "You're going to say vows in Saint George's chapel with my seed running down your legs?" he groaned. "Fucking erotic."

Penelope grabbed his earlobe and nibbled on it, before whispering hotly. "I'm not going to have any underwear on Colin. I'm going to be before the Archbishop so wet for you."

Colin let out a feral growl as his hands ripped at Penelope's zip and laces, as he tore her dress into pieces getting it off her as he tried to yank her out of her corset while continuing to suckle at her nipples. Once she was in nothing but her stockings, he began yanking at his clothing rapidly, noting that when he began to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his breeches Penelope moaned loudly and he saw her hand move to touch herself.

Kicking his clothing across the floor, he walked over to her bed and laid down, stroking his member. "Come sit on my face Pen." He said seductively. "Let me lick every last sad thought away."

"There wasn't much detail in my book." Penelope admitted.

"That's ok." Colin murmured. "Let me guide you. Come, hover over my face and slowly lower your nether lips to mine."

Penelope did as she was told and threw back her head in a scream as she felt Colin's lips suck on her bud. She felt his tongue lick her seam, his fingers joining his tongue in a dance of torment and desire. Penelope had no idea that this could feel like this and in that moment she fully understood why women would throw away their entire reputations for feelings like this. "Oh Colin!" she cried out.

"That's it. Take my fingers. Take my tongue. Take your pleasure my bride." Colin said, the lower part of his face covered in her arousal. "Scream my name so all of Mayfair knows who owns your cunt."

Penelope's hips began to jerk as she started to grind against his tongue and fingers. "Fuck! Colin! Oh my god!"

Colin inserted another finger as he sucked and nibbled lightly at her clit at the same time. The dual sensations had Penelope screaming as she rode out her climax. Panting, she fell next to him on the bed. "Holy fuck Colin. I had no idea it could be like that." She confessed, her breasts heaving as she felt small aftershocks still rolling through her core.

"Oh God I think I'm still coming."

"Good." Colin growled as he lifted her legs over his shoulders and rammed himself completely into her wet and waiting cunt. Penelope let out another scream as he pulled out and thrust forward roughly. "Use your nails on my back and ass." He directed her. "Pull my hair."

Penelope did as directed, loving the masculine growls that escaped Colin as he began a rapid, hard pace against her. The only sounds in the room other than growls and moans of encouragement was the very wet sound of flesh on flesh as he thrust against her with all of his strength.

Colin lowered his fingers to where they were joined and began to caress around the area, rubbing her clit between two fingers as he nibbled down one of her calves and kept his pace up. Penelope was awash in sensation and beyond overloaded, floating on a cloud of arousal.

With a quick roll, Colin flipped them so Penelope was on top of him. He had not pulled out at all and continued his rapid, brutal pace against her tender skin. Penelope was screaming silently, her breasts bouncing in his face, her nipples scraping lightly against his chest. "C…C…Colin!" she cried out. "OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

"Come on me Pen. Take your pleasure." He grunted. "Let me fill you with my seed." He thrust harder against her. "I've never been so fucking hard in my life."

"I…have…to…bathe…" Penelope whimpered.

"They may wash your hair. They may wash your body, you may clean your quim area but I want my seed kept inside you, so that it does roll down your legs when you are standing on the altar. God sees everything, and I want him to see that."

"Fucking hell!" Penelope whimpered. "Colin, I'm so close."

"Yes." Colin grunted as he thrust as hard as he could. "Come on me baby. Squeeze my cock with your quim."

Colin grabbed her hips and guided her body in a rocking, grinding motion over his thrusting cock. Penelope shattered in his arms as she screamed and rode out her climax on him, squirting over his lower regions as she kept coming in a rolling orgasm. Colin kept her aftershocks going by continuing to thrust against her until he felt his balls tighten against him and knew he was going to come. "I'm coming Pen. You keep taking my cock." He ordered. "Take all of me."

Penelope could only sob in acquiescence as she was beyond oversensitive and felt him release inside her, ropes of his seed filling her, dripping out of her, reaching places inside her she had no idea about. "Colin…Colin…Colin…" was all she could chant as he held her tightly against him as he filled her. He rolled her over and thrust against her a few more times, ensuring he was fully empty in her. He then grabbed her legs and thrust them in the air.

"To keep my seed inside you longer." He whispered as he took a long lick of her seam, tasting the mix of their arousals. "We taste delicious."

Penelope was half unconscious, having been fucked within an inch of her life. "I never knew it could be like that." She whispered, her hands tracing through his chest hair.

"You wanted to be fucked hard and dirty." Colin said darkly as he gave her a bruising kiss. "Your man knows how to fuck."

"I can't wait to be your wife." Penelope gave him a lazy smile. "Can we do it again?"

Colin let out a laugh. "You're going to kill me, you little minx. And I'll let you as long as I die buried inside you with your tits bouncing in my face."

"Tomorrow, I become your wife." Penelope marvelled. "I've dreamed of this for so long."

"You became my wife the instant my ring went on your finger." Colin said, kissing her hand where her engagement ring lay. "Everything else is a formality." He kissed her deeply. "And I truly hope my seed takes root in you, but if it doesn't, I look forward to making love and fucking you every morning and evening."

Penelope and Colin shared a deep kiss, their tongues waging war. Colin reluctantly drew back. "As much as I want to stay here and continue to ravish you my love, I am a bridegroom and am heading to my chambers. I will not be here when you wake as I will be meeting my brothers at the Palace as is proper before our wedding. I can't wait to see you walking down the aisle towards me. I can't wait for the entire world to know you are mine."

Penelope kissed his throat, nipping at it lightly. "And I want all those other women out there to see you are off the market, and you are mine. And I do NOT share."

"As if I'd ever look at another woman." Colin scoffed. "You are more than enough for me. Now my love, I'm off before I stay and get off another way."

Penelope giggled, laying naked in her bed. As he pulled his trousers and shirt back on, she spread her legs and let her fingers play in the seed that was slowly coming out of her. "Sweet dreams Colin."

Colin swore and headed for the door. "The next time you that my temptress," he cautioned. "I won't have to leave and I will spank you for that impertinence."

"I haven't read about spanking yet." Penelope admitted.

"Read Pamela." He suggested. "Or Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. I WAS with you when you bought both."

"I love you." Penelope waved to him as he opened the door.

"I fucking love you more." Colin replied as he left and closed the door.

behind him. He made it to his room, thankfully not encountering Agatha and closed his eyes as he relived the hottest sex he had ever had in his life.

The morn was clear and bright with a light breeze. Colin had left before daybreak to head to the Palace and meet up with his brothers. He didn't want to risk seeing Penelope before the wedding on the sole reason of he was afraid he'd ravish her and ruin her wedding dress, and that was his treat for later.

Colin paced the room as his brothers came in, laughing and congratulating him. He felt himself relax, surrounded by his older brothers, Simon and the brother he chose, Will Mondrich. He took in advice from the married ones and listened to sexual suggestions from the rake. He drank carefully of the brandy Anthony handed him and relaxed. Today was the culmination of all his secret dreams coming true. Today, he was marrying Penelope.

Genevive and her apprentices had outdone themselves with her wedding dress and trousseau Penelope thought as she was tied into her corset in her rooms at the Palace. She stared across the room at the beautiful blush dress she had created. "Penelope," she began in her fake French accent. "Are you prepared for your wedding night?"

"Oh yes." Penelope assured her. "My fiancée has been very diligent in preparing me for tonight." privately Penelope was waiting for her dress to be on so she could remove the knickers she was wearing for propriety, so she could keep her promise to Colin as his seed was still very much inside her.

Genevive chuckled lowly. "I'm sure he had. Those Bridgerton men, they are excellent and generous lovers, no?"

Before Penelope could reply, every Bridgerton female came into the bridal chamber and Kate and Violet were nodding an affirmative. "Bridgerton men make the best lovers." Violet said with a wicked grin. "I should know, I had the original."

"MOTHER!" Eloise cried out, scandalised.

"Oh sorry Eloise. Why don't you take your sisters and head to the waiting area? This next bit is for married women only." Violet waved her off. Before Eloise left, Violet asked her "How do you think you and your siblings came to be? I assure you it was not immaculate conception."

Daphne arched an eyebrow. "Not sure I want to hear this about my brothers, but after hearing half of Simon's stories, I cannot say anything will surprise me."

"Mme Delacroix isn't married!" Eloise blustered.

Genevive laughed. "Oh Miss Bridgerton, I have heard it all. More importantly, I have done it all. Your brother Benedict was a great help in that area and I introduced him to some pleasures he was not aware of himself. Now, take your virgin ears and go."

Eloise opened her mouth to protest when she felt a cane hit the back of her legs. "Move child!" Agatha chastised her. "Go to the waiting area and let me look upon my daughter."

Eloise scowled at the Countess as she swept past her, reluctantly stepping back. "Did you fornicate with my brother last night?" she asked Penelope, pouting.

"Oh yes." Penelope nodded, eyes shining. "He pleased me well." and she wasn't going admit in front of Eloise that she could still feel him between her legs.

"I should hope so." Agatha muttered. "I had to clear out that level until you two were done. Since when did you become a screamer?"

Kate and Daphne let out hoots of laughter that Genevive joined in with. "What's a screamer?" Eloise questioned, backing out the door.

"Something you become if you are a very lucky woman." Genevive replied saucily to Eloise. "Close the door firmly please."

Once the door was latched, Agatha swiftly went over to lock it, just as the knob turned in her hand and the door opened to admit Queen Charlotte herself. "Am I in time for the matronly conversations?"

"Just in time in fact your Majesty." Violet replied, a smile on her face. "Come join in and I will do my best to forget that three of these ladies have tupped with my sons and that we're talking about them."

"Wise idea." The Queen agreed. "I've had to when people haven't realized that it was my sons' that they were raving about. Made me proud as a mother to know that everything works the way it should."

Violet turned scarlet and Kate sat hard in a chair, losing herself in peals of laughter. "Anthony's parts work great Violet." She howled.

"As did Benedict's." Genevive confirmed. "I often thought his name was more Benedick."

Penelope felt warm and accepted, joining the women in laughter and ribaldry. "Colin is far more than sufficient for me. If what I've read is true, his a well endowed and blessed man." she paused. "And vigorous. I ache in a way I didn't think was possible."

"They all are." Kate winked. "And isn't that after sex ache just the best?"

"Kate! Have you been improper?" Daphne asked, curious.

"Never!" the Viscountess protested. "But you do remember that all Bridgerton and Hastings men do enjoy swimming naked at the pond by Aubrey hall. I might be married but I am NOT blind, and if I chose to enjoy the scenery then lucky me."

Penelope's laughter turned to a deep indrawn breath as Genevive brought the dress down from the hanger and walked across the room. "Are you ready to become a bride Penelope?"

Penelope looked at her, smiling softly. "I've been ready to marry Colin Bridgerton since I was ten years old." She admitted.

"Then let us prepare you to meet your groom."

Kate, Daphne and Violet came over to give Penelope a multi-armed group hug. "Welcome to family at last sister." Daphne said, tearing up a little. "I've wished for this perhaps more than Eloise. I'm so glad my idiot brother got his head out of his ass."

"If he didn't I was going to beat him with my cane." Agatha admitted.

"Don't beat my husband." Penelope giggled. "I need him in working order."

"No promises." Agatha said seriously. "He makes you cry or miserable for even a second and he will find my cane shoved in a place that will be very anatomically uncomfortable for him."

Queen Charlotte looked at her oldest friend with affection and laughed. "I believe you said the same thing to the Lord who married your only daughter."

Agatha nodded. "Damn right."

Penelope looked at each of the women, each one a force in her own right. Joined together they were an unstoppable team. "Thank you, all of you. For everything. I don't deserve it and I love you all. I'm going to the chamber pot one last time. My nerves are getting the better of me today."

"Enough of that speak." Queen Charlotte hushed her. "Today is a happy day. And I am honoured to count you all amongst my confidants. You see me as a woman, not just a Queen. Now go pee."

Penelope dashed into the necessary room and removed her knickers, ensuring her slip and skirt were covering her nakedness.

"Ready?" Genevive asked. Penelope nodded and closed her eyes as the silk was drawn over her body. "Keep your eyes closed Penelope." Genevive said in her ear. "I want you to be surprised."

Penelope did as she was told. "Open." Daphne said softly, some time later.

Penelope opened her eyes and gasped, her eyes filling with tears. "No crying!" Daphne said quickly, handing her a handkerchief. "You'll smear the khol!"

"I look beautiful." Penelope said softly. Her hair was in gentle, waving curls, the red enhanced by an oil Genevive and Kate had rubbed into her hair. Her veil sat at the back of her head, held in place the tiara given to her by Agatha. Violet had supplied an heirloom necklace that she said Edmund had given her after the birth of Colin. Queen Charlotte donated a bracelet that she had gotten from her brother prior to her marrying King George.

"Let's make you a wife. Officially." Agatha added. "I know Mr. Bridgerton has been calling you his wife for over a year."

"What?" Penelope asked startled.

"I'll tell you later." Agatha said. "Lets get you on that altar before he paces the floor out of it."

"The boy does love to pace." Violet sighed. "I guess I should call him a man now."

"Nonsense!" Queen Charlotte took Violet's arm and walked with her. "My boys are all grown and I have yet to refer to any of them as men. Of course that could also refer to their maturity level but I digress."

Penelope stood alone with Agatha, behind the curtain, shaking with nerves. "Calm yourself Penelope." Agatha said gently. "He's not going anywhere."

"I'm afraid of facing the ton." Penelope confessed.

"In your moment of triumph?" Agatha asked, surprised. "Never. Let them see what every one of them missed out. A witty, clever, hilarious, talented young woman. Your circle of friends is set and trusted and none of them are included."

They heard the opening notes from the orchestra. "This is it." Penelope whispered to herself. "I'm about to live my dream."

The curtain opened and Penelope walked out proudly on the arm of her foster mother. Colin's mouth fell open at the sight of his bride, and Penelope focused on Colin instead of the smirking, sniggering faces of the ton. If had've looked, she would have seen a few faces smiling gently, in friendship and compassion. Penelope would have seen admiration in the faces of more than a few men and women. But she saw none of it, instead she focused on Colin.

Agatha took her flowers and stood back as Penelope ascended the steps to stand next to her groom. "Dearly Beloved," the Archbishop began. "We are joined together here in the sight of God and this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If there are any reasons why these two should not be wed, ye are to declare it."

"I OBJECT!" came a shrill voice from the back.

Penelope's eyes widened as she went pale in shock. She turned her eyes from Colin and with the rest of the ton turned her head to see Portia Featherington and Prudence Dankworth stampeding down the aisle towards them, dragging Philippa behind them. "I absolutely object!" Portia repeated, stamping her foot. She narrowed her eyes at Penelope. "Thought you could get away didn't you?" she hissed. "No one gets away from me."

Penelope's heart sank.

Chapter 36: Diamond Ring

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Penelope's eyes widened as she stared at her garishly dressed Mama who had come stampeding down the aisle of the chapel with Prudence. She saw Philippa trying to yank her hand free from Prudence's grip and back away, her eyes dropped in shame.

Before anyone could speak further, Queen Charlotte stood and applauded slowly. "Well done Lady Featherington." She said in her imperious tone. "You did show up after all."

Portia spared a glance for the Queen and then sniffed. "My daughter is being married under fraudulent circumstances. It will not stand with the church. I object to this union."

"And you are entitled." Queen Charlotte nodded as she walked forward. She turned to Colin and Penelope and winked before turning back to Lady Featherington. "Excuse me while I take care of some business and then we can get these two married and off to their honeymoon."

"Do take your time Your Majesty," Colin said smoothly. "I've got my bride on the altar of the church and I'm not leaving until she's my wife in truth."

"What he said." Penelope said in a small voice, unable to meet the hateful eyes of her mother.

"You are defiling the House of the Lord!" the Archbishop said in his imperious tones.

"You are defiling it by allowing a harlot to be wed in it!" Portia protested, ignoring the Queen. "She is not pure. She has been passed from man to man for years now!"

The Queen narrowed her eyes, reminiscent of a cat toying with it's prey. "You speak of this. How would you know Lady Featherington?"

"Because her father and I arranged it!" Portia said, her usually shrewd mind not thinking. "Her father took her first to ensure her barriers were open for the other men who used her." she explained. "He introduced her to all her first touches and was her first coach on how to please a man."

Colin cleared his throat with a look of pure disgust on his face at Portia Featherington. He looked at Penelope who nodded slightly and raised her chin. "I'm afraid I have to object to the lies you're spewing Lady Featherington. You're in the House of the Lord so no lies in here."

"Shut up boy! You don't know what you're speaking of." Portia snapped.

"I do actually." Colin said mildly. "And I don't appreciate you casting aspersions on the honour of my wife. I can speak plainly and honestly with my hand upon the Bible itself that your daughter was a pure virginal lady of the ton until the night she agreed to marry me and I had the privilege of being the man who took her maidenhead."

Portia snorted. "You lie. There is no proof. She was broken long before you had her. I know because I watched each time each man took her."

Colin shook his head. "I'm afraid to object again Portia. You see, I proposed to her in the gardens of Danbury Hall, which is also where I made love to her for the first time. Should you continue to object, I will have no choice but to produce the blanket upon which we laid, which has the proof of her innocence being broken. Do you dare to argue against me that I know not what it feels like to lay with a virgin?" he arched an eyebrow.

Portia opened and closed her mouth like a fish. "You…you lie! You used animal blood, the oldest trick in the book." She sneered.

"Normally I would agree it would be suspect," Lady Danbury piped up from where she sat. "However, in the tradition of old marriages, their initial coupling was witness by myself and two of my household retainers. The moment of breach was witnessed, as was the blood afterward. Do you doubt my word as well?"

"The marriage is still invalid! She wasn't a virgin!"

"She was taken by the man she is currently marrying," the Queen said. "And if anyone wishes to argue, it was with the blessing of the Crown." Queen Charlotte cleared her throat and turned back to Portia. "Now that we have established that Lady Danbury-Bridgerton was pure until her husband-to-be took his liberties as is his right as husband and Lord, let us go back to a far more interesting query I have. You were under house arrest Lady Featherington. I had guards stationed outside and inside your domicile. Please explain to me how you circumvented your house arrest?" she paused. "And then I have MANY questions about the fact that you WATCHED while your daughter was used by strange men as a child."

Portia clamped her lips together and gave a death glare to Prudence and Philippa who was still trying to get away, her eyes searching for anyone to help her out. "Indeed." The Archbishop added. "Confess to the Lord." He frowned.

Portia focused on Penelope. "So, you found someone who is willing to take you, taint and all. If he is going to rent you out, I want part of the profit!"

"You disgust me." Colin said to Portia, his face twisting. "My wife is mine. For me. I love her with more words than you could ever hope to know or understand. Let me make it clear to you and anyone else who is here for a show – which you are providing free of charge I might add – my wife is not for sale. She is not for rent. She is not to be loaned around to members of the ton. She is her own woman, and her body is her own. She has the right to refuse anyone, even myself of touching her in any way she doesn't wish. Should anyone attempt to lay a hand on my wife that is not of her choice, I will remove the hand and then demand reparations at dawn. I don't care if you are male or female, I will kill each person who thinks that my wife is a communal plaything." He looked to the Archbishop. "I promise to God."

"Amen." The Archbishop intoned.

Brimsley walked quickly down the aisle and handed a paper to the Queen who arched an eyebrow and smirked. "So, you manage to drug those within the house and somehow knock out those without to sneak out? You used a candle holder to beat a few people in the head it seems."

"There's no proof!" Portia protested. "And the violence was committed by Prudence. She likes the sight of blood."

The Queen laughed. "My dear Lady Featherington, have you not learned that anyone can be bought? You keep treating people like they are beneath you; you do not garner loyalty that way. Thankfully the people you drugged will make a full recovery and those who were beaten so cruelly are under care and should recover in time. My guards let you go. I laid a trap for you, and you sprung it without even thinking that it was a trap."

Portia looked at Prudence quickly, both their eyes wide. Philippa had finally managed to free her hand and quickly walked onto the altar near Penelope. "I beg your forgiveness, Penelope." She said sincerely. "I ask for your forgiveness for every mean and petty thing that I have ever done to you. I'm sorry. I wish I could have been a better sister to you."

Penelope reached a hand over to her sister. "I know. I saw it. And I got your notes that you would hide after a particularly bad discipline session. Thank you for ensuring that I didn't die. We may never be close sisters after everything, but I can forgive you and we can move on in our lives without animosity."

Philippa closed her eyes and nodded. "Be well Penelope."

"Have a good life Philippa." Penelope said simply. "Best wishes to Albion."

Philippa hugged Penelope quickly and walked off the altar and back down the aisle where her husband awaited her, and they left the church.

The Queen watched them leave and nodded her head. "As Mrs. Finch was not complicit in these current crimes, she will not be charged. However, YOU, Mrs. Dankworth and Lady Featherington have a list as long as my arm and growing. It is with great and sadistic pleasure that I place you both under arrest. You are to be kept in my dungeons to await questioning and sentencing. I have not yet decided if your lives are forfeit, however I CAN let you know that slander, lying, abuse, drugging and attempted murder of my guards and hand-picked members of my court have put you under all charges for treason. This is not including the financial fraud and money laundering I have recently discovered."

"T…treason?" Prudence's eyes widened. She turned to her mother. "You never said anything about treason Mama!"

Portia waved a hand in dismissal. "She's bluffing. It's a personal matter in our family. The Queen has no recourse."

"Are you stupid?" The Queen asked, a look of befuddlement on her face. "Or just that ignorant? I have recourse wherever I say I do. And when it comes to child abuse amongst members of the ton, you'll find I have quite a bit of say. When it comes to you drugging my guards and members I have in my employ, I have say. When it comes to you trying to SELL a member of my ton, I have a great deal of say." She snapped. "Oh, and let us not forget I'm YOUR QUEEN."

"At the end of the day, you're just a woman." Portia sneered. "The King Regent is the one who makes the decisions."

"How fortunate that he has signed a paper for your immediate arrest." The Queen said glibly. "And his arrest warrant isn't as pleasant as mine is. You have a choice right now Lady Featherington – oh and I'll be stripping the barony from you so enjoy being lady while you still can – accept my arrest warrant and it's consequences or accept the Prince Regent's. I should add that his arrest warrant includes a wonderful amount of torture, or aggressive questioning as I like to call it."

"It seems I have no choice." Portia huffed.

"As I once told your very intelligent daughter Lady Danbury-Bridgerton, you DO have choices. They are however limited, and I seriously doubt your ability to negotiate with me as skillfully as she did." She turned to the guards who had covered every possible escape after Philippa and Albion had left. "Take them to the dungeons. I'll be generous and allow them to be the clean dungeons. They make keep their clothing, for now."

"Yes Ma'am." The guards bowed and came forward to clamp their hands in irons.

"I would like to plead clemency for my wife your Majesty!" Harry Dankworth burst out from the back of the church. "Please!"

"You may come to me during my open court hours to plead her case Mr. Dankworth." The Queen said waving him off. "However, I strongly suggest you review all the facts before you do, as I have quite a bit of evidence of your wife's wrongdoings."

Harry looked heartbroken but nodded to the Queen as he bowed.

Watching Portia and Prudence being carted away, the Queen nodded to the upper levels of the chapel where Mrs. Varley stood, her arm around the shoulder of her daughter Rae and smiled. The Queen walked back to her perch and gestured to the Archbishop. "Now that the entertainment is arrested, all conspirators may leave now, and I will look the other way. Should I find anyone else who was complicit in Lady Featherington's machinations after this moment, I shall not be lenient." She paused. "I will make it public however that I have a list of the names that DID abuse Lady Danbury-Featherington and I will be coming for you separately."

Several people stood up quickly and shuffled out of the church, heads down, hats and hands covering their faces. Brimsley, faithful as always followed to record names and follow the conspirators.

The Queen turned to the Archbishop. "Proceed with the wedding."

Colin smiled quirkily at the Archbishop. "Will it save time I just say I do now?"

Penelope snickered at his joke. "I do too."

The Archbishop smiled slightly before resuming his place and re-opening his Bible. "We are gathered here today…"

Portia and Prudence fought with every bit of strength they had. Unfortunately, compared to the guards that were marching them through the corridors and down below, they were fluffy pillows trying to resist. "Stop fighting or I'll knock you both out and carry you down." One of the Guardsmen said gruffly.

"I'd do it with pleasure." The other guardsman sneered. "Selling your daughter's body to pay gambling debts?" he shook his head. "I could never do that to my daughter."

"Good for you." Portia snapped. "I did what I had to do."

"Abusing your child?"

Prudence tried to intervene. "You have no idea what it was like to live with her. She deserved it for not being the heir we needed. It was fascinating to experiment on her and see just how the body could respond to different types of pain."

"You are a sick and disgusting woman Mrs. Dankworth."

"That's going to be my primary defence yes." Prudence admitted. She turned to her mother. "Sorry Mama but I'm done with you. You can't get me my plaything anymore."

Portia shook her head in denial. "You can't abandon me Prudence, I'm your mother."

"Every woman for herself. Remember?" Prudence arched an eyebrow.

Another guardsman held open the cell door. "Inside with you both." He ordered.

"This looks filthy!" Portia protested. "The Queen said the better cells!"

"These ARE the better cells you imbecile." A guardsman snapped. "See? No restraints on the wall."

Portia flinched as Prudence perked up at the thought of seeing some torture. "Fascinating."

All three guardsmen shook their heads and locked the two women in their cell. "Someone will come for you. Eventually. Maybe."

They marched out and in the distance a heavy door creaked and closed. The click echoed in the emptiness and the cell being lit only by a single torch on the outside of the cell door. "Let me figure a way out of this." Portia demanded, looking for a bench to sit on and finding none. Grimacing in disgust, she lowered herself to some dirty looking hay in the corner. "Let me think."

Prudence rolled her eyes. "How did I ever think you knew what you were doing?"

"Let me think Prudence!" Portia shrieked.

Prudence sighed in disgust and sat down herself, closing her eyes to think of a way out of this mess.

Colin had given Penelope a kiss that rapidly became too intimate for a church or public. Anthony had to walk over to the newlywed couple and tap him on the shoulder a few times. When that didn't work, Benedict walked up behind Colin and smacked him in the back of the head, causing giggles throughout the congregation. "Oy! Save it for later!"

Colin barely lifted his lips from Penelope's. "No promises." He murmured as he reluctantly let Penelope out of his embrace, held her hand and turned to face the crowd.

There was applause and genuine happiness that Penelope was startled to see. As she and Colin walked back down the aisle she felt like she was in a dream. After all the years of dreaming, yearning and wanting, she had married Colin Bridgerton. The love of her life. Her best friend. "Could we skip the wedding breakfast?" Penelope joked.

Colin arched an eyebrow at her. "If you want to incur the wrath of my mother and Agatha and Kate, go right ahead my love. But YOU are the one to tell them."

"Are you hiding behind me?" Penelope demanded, a smile dancing on her lips.

"When it comes to those three? Yes." Colin affirmed. "I'm not the smartest man in the world but even I know to avoid riling the three of them up. I admit that I am man enough to hide behind my wife."

Penelope laughed and Colin felt his heart skip a beat at the sound. He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you laugh like you are right this moment."

Penelope brought her shining gaze to Colin's. "Really? I rather thought you'd spend the rest of your life keeping me in orgasms and making me scream your name in pleasure as you take me over and over."

Colin cleared his throat and abruptly moved his hips away from Penelope. "You little minx." He muttered.

"Still want to stay for breakfast?" Penelope asked wickedly.

"Too bad if he doesn't." Agatha's acerbic voice cut in. "You two can wait a few hours before heading to your new domicile for your honeymoon. It already has a skeleton staff for the next few weeks and then will be fully staffed. Violet and I are gifting you your staff. They are excellent people and very discreet and faithful retainers. In the meantime you'll have a footman, a maid and two cooks. They've been instructed to stay away from the Master bedroom unless called for and provided very thick pairs of ear muffs to drown out the sounds of profane screaming."

Penelope blushed until she matched her hair. "I'm sorry!" she apologized to Agatha.

"I'm not." Colin said proudly.

"Typical man." Agatha rolled her eyes before embracing Colin tightly. "Welcome to the family Lord Danbury-Bridgerton. You harm my daughter in any way and they will never find your body."

Anthony let out a chuckle as he came up behind him. "A bit more blunt than what I was going to say but the message comes across the same." He looked at Agatha smiling. "If we want to get them to their wedding breakfast we should separate them otherwise who knows what debauchery we might find when we get to Danbury Hall."

Agatha chuckled. "Already taken care of. I'm going to ride with the married couple just to ensure that everyone's knickers stay on."

Penelope blushed deeper if it was possible, before looking up at Agatha and winking. "I'm not wearing any."

Anthony became fascinated with the clouds as he looked up at the sky and pretended to whistle. Colin's eyes darkened dangerously as he stared at his bride knowing there was no barrier to getting to her delicious core except…Lady Agatha Danbury and her cane of doom. Agatha glared at Colin and then Penelope. "My girl, you are surprising me. I love it."

Penelope smiled at Agatha. "I don't have to hide anything any more. The best wedding gift I think I got so far was watching the Queen arrest my mother and eldest sister. It was almost orgasmic in itself."

"So I'm going to find my wife." Anthony broke in. "See you at Danbury Hall."

Colin watched his eldest brother leave. "I haven't seen him trot that fast away from me since the honey tree incident."

"Do tell." Penelope asked as Colin boosted her and then Agatha into their curricle. "Honey tree incident?"

Colin blushed and looked down. "An indiscretion I MAY have done when I was a lad of four and ten, having been dared by Benedict which should have cautioned me that it was going to be a bad idea." He cleared his throat. "I'm not going into detail save that it involved me, my cock hanging out, honey, an attempt to self-pleasure and a swarm of angry bees."

Agatha and Penelope's eyes were swimming in unshed tears of laughter as they nodded simultaneously. "Why didn't I think of that first?" Agatha whispered out loud before exploding into side-splitting laughter.

Penelope patted Colin's hand gently. She leaned over to her new husband and licked the outer shell of his ear before whispering to him "Perhaps one day I'll tell you about how I pleasured myself to you while you were swimming naked in the lake near Aubrey Hall."

Colin stopped blushing and stared at his wife, a low growl escaping his lips.

"Damn and blast Pen! What did you say to get him worked up now?" Agatha asked, her mirth fading.

Penelope looked at her foster mother. "I breathed in his general direction."

Agatha snort-laughed. "It doesn't take much. At least you know your husband will be true, as smitten with you as he is."

Colin kissed the back of Penelope's hand, admiring his wedding band that now adorned her finger. "Agatha, I can honestly tell you that as soon as I realized I was well and truly in love with her, all other women stopped existing for me. I didn't look at a single woman after that moment, nor was I tempted by any. I decided then and there that I would be celibate until the day I could claim Penelope and only Penelope."

Penelope blinked her eyes at him in surprise. "You were celibate for over a year."

Colin nodded shortly. "You were worth the wait." He murmured.

Agatha sighed in contentedness. "This makes me happy to hear. It is a true love match, one of the finest I have ever seen. I can die happy now."

Penelope's eyes whipped over to Agatha, startled. Agatha waved her hand and chuckled. "You're not getting rid of me anytime soon my dear. Just a figure of speech."

"Are we there yet?" Colin whined.

"Eager are you?" Agatha questioned.

"You have no idea." Colin winked at Agatha.

Agatha snorted. "I have a very good idea. Let us remember that unlike every other person at your wedding feat, I have HEARD YOU." She snickered.

"I make no apologies." Colin said staunchly. "And we had YOUR blessing as well."

Agatha winked at him. "I know my boy. I just love giving you a hard time. You should have seen me around my own biological children. I think that's part of why they don't talk to me that much anymore." She cackled.

"We're here!" Penelope said in a strained voice as the curricle rolled to a stop.

Agatha waited for a footman to open the door for her and help her down. She turned to the newlyweds. "I can buy you five minutes before someone comes looking for you. Use them well and DO NOT ruin her hair." She paused. "I recommend closing the curtains."

Her warning about the curtains was too late as Colin was already pulling all of them closed in his eagerness. The door was barely closed before Colin was pulling Penelope to him and ravishing her mouth with a deep kiss. Penelope let out a deep moan as she lifted her skirts to straddle Colin's breeches and deepen the kiss. Colin's mouth drifted to her neck and her exposed cleavage. "Mine. You're all mine Pen." He panted like a man starved. "Oh fuck I've been dying to touch you."

Penelope gave him a wicked grin. "I kept my promise Colin," she said in a breathy voice. "I had your seed dripping down my thighs while saying my vows and while my mother was getting arrested." she ran her hands through his hair. "I had so many impure thoughts standing on that altar."

Colin let out a deep groan. "That's so damned hot. That's all I could think about while I was putting the ring on your finger, was how much I'd filled you the other night when you were being such a filthy girl."

Penelope grabbed one of Colin's hands and proceeded to deeply suck his index finger. He watched his finger disappearing between her red lips and threw his head back.

"You're going to kill me." He thrust his hips up into her uncovered core. "I have the worst case of blue balls ever."

Penelope ground herself against him. "I'll make it worth your while if you keep being a good boy." She said hotly as she grabbed the back of his hair and thrust his face into her cleavage and proceeded to ride him, using his breeches for friction.

Colin let out a wordless yell as Penelope tempted him. All he could do was grip her hips and let her take her pleasure on him since he was forbidden to ruin her hair. He couldn't wait to wrap those red strands around his hand as she sucked on his cock. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He chanted as Penelope ground harder against him.

Penelope gave a shudder and came quickly, leaving a wet spot on his breeches that he couldn't care enough to try to hide. The scent of her arousal filled the carriage and he almost said to hell with the wedding breakfast and propriety and was prepared to take his bride in the curricle.

A discreet tap at the door came, giving Penelope a moment to get off Colin's lap before the doors opened abruptly and Anthony was standing there like a vengeful angel. Seeing that they were sitting on two separate benches and all clothing was in place he relaxed and held his hand out to Penelope. "Come my new sister, let me welcome you to the family." He gently helped Penelope down and turned to Colin who was brushing off his breeches. He cleared his throat. "Brother, perhaps you might want to take a moment, to let things calm down?"

Colin shook his head. "I recall you walking into your wedding reception well and truly fucked Anthony, with more than a wet spot on your breeches and a 'I don't give a damn' expression on your face. We were just wed, if anyone has any issues with me legitimising my marriage with the most attractive woman alive, that's their issue." He brushed past his brother and went to grasp Penelope's hand and lead her into their wedding breakfast.

Notes:

What is it with these two and carriages? ;)

Next chapter - honeymoon. Gratuitous smut galore! And a super fun question - will Prudence attempt to torture Portia because she's bored in captivity?

Chapter 37: Gonna tell the world

Notes:

Very sorry about the delay in getting this out! Life happened and with it getting close to back-to-school I've had to do the mom thing and the wife thing.

To thank everyone for their patience I tried to make this an extra-long chapter. I hope you all enjoy! Reviews and kudos are most appreciated and very helpful to my mental state.

Chapter Text

"Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Colin Bridgerton!" Anthony happily announced to the gathered group of friends, family and gawking onlookers.

Applause from those who mattered most to the newlyweds filled the selected drawing room at the Palace as they arrived to their wedding breakfast. Colin winked at his wife (in truth not just in want) and kissed the top of her head. "I'm famished. For some reason I couldn't eat a bite this morning."

"Same." Penelope muttered. "However I doubt that you missed eating because you wanted to ensure that your corset and dress fit perfectly."

"My wife sounds hungry as well." Colin commented casually.

"I wouldn't say that." Penelope smirked. "But I will say that your arms are starting to look very appealing – and not in a sensual way. I could eat one."

Colin's jaw dropped as he turned to his wife who had so casually suggested cannibalism. "You're quite vicious when you're hungry." He chuckled. "And I'm a little afraid."

Penelope looked him in the eyes. "Who's afraid of little old me?" she paused. "People should be."

"Welcome! Welcome!" Agatha swept over to the newlyweds. "This way to your table!" she lowered her voice. "If you two try to sneak away early it will be a very large insult to the Queen who is being magnanimous in hosting this as a public display of pardon and forgiveness to Penelope."

"Understood." Penelope nodded.

Colin looked disappointed. "I understand." He said glumly.

Agatha leveled a stare at Colin. "You can hold back your urges for a few more hours Mr. Bridgerton, or should I call you Lord Danbury-Bridgerton?"

Colin gulped, realizing that he was now an Earl. "Where's my brothers?" he asked faintly.

Agatha's eyes gleamed. "So conveniently over near the Queen's perch. Why don't you go speak to them as you are the bridegroom and I will walk your wife over to be introduced to the other matrons."

Colin's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

Agatha cackled. "You're married Colin. There are now women I can introduce Penelope to, a new level of conversation that it is now appropriate for her to take part in as she is no longer unmarried. It would be preparation for your wedding night however since you both anticipated your vows, they'll be giving and exchanging other information that is not for men's ears."

Penelope looked excited. "I can't wait! I've heard of this and never thought I would be invited to join in the matron's circle."

Agatha crooked her arm to Penelope. "Come my dear, let me introduce you to the next part of your life."

Colin gave Penelope's hand a squeeze. "Go my love. I will find you later when we are allowed to eat." He gave a pained looked to Agatha.

"Soon Colin." Agatha reassured him. "Everyone in here knows you can't go very long without having food." She smiled.

Colin nodded and headed over to his brothers who greeted him jovially. He watched as Agatha brought his beautiful bride over to a group of women to introduce her and smiled as each one gave her a gentle hug. It seemed Penelope was in good company for the moment and he turned to talk to his brothers.

Colin became aware of a silence spreading throughout the room and he turned to the door to see what had silenced the guests the Queen had invited so quickly and saw the Cowper family entering. Cressida's head was held high and she looked none the worse for wear after her one night in the stockade. She ignored the Queen and walked over to the group of matrons where Penelope was pale faced at the sight of her nemesis. Cressida stood before Penelope, sneering and staring down at Colin's pocket sized wife. "So you managed to entrap him after all." She sneered. "You good for nothing cheap slattern!"

Before another word could be said, Cressida had struck Penelope across the face hard enough that her head turned with the force of the blow. "You stole the man I was to wed!" she screeched. "I want the entire court, the entire ton to know that you stole my fiancée by whoring yourself out, you…you…nothing!"

Penelope stood silently, staring at Cressida and saying nothing. "Nothing to say for yourself for once?" Cressida sneered. "Feel bad about stealing another woman's man?"

"If he was yours in the first place, he never would have drifted from you. Colin is loyal to a fault and loves hard and deep." Penelope explained quietly. "He was never yours. He never made any promises to you, he never compromised you, and if I recall he once said that if he had a choice between you or a goat, he'd choose the goat."

Cressida opened and closed her mouth, her fury mounting. "Because of you I had to spend a night in the stockade!"

"Or because you decided to publicly deride and mock our sovereign." Penelope replied tartly. "You lack a basic ability to keep your mouth shut. If you had it, perhaps you wouldn't have been drug to the stockade and gagged."

Cressida blushed before continuing. "You are a nothing and I demand that this marriage be annulled. I object!"

The Queen had crossed the room and was standing unnoticed behind Cressida as she ranted at Penelope. Lord and Lady Cowper were trying to get Cressida's attention to get her stop her tirade. Colin had had enough, seeing his wife's face and walked towards her when Penelope opened her mouth. "You object to a marriage that was blessed by the Queen herself?"

Cressida snorted. "What can she do anyway?"

"A great deal." Penelope nodded sagely. "You'll be lucky if she doesn't string you up, or send you on a ship heading to Australia for your inability to shut your mouth."

"You don't get to insult me." Cressida snarled.

Penelope raised her chin and her eyes flashed as she looked her in the eye. "Actually, I do get to." She snapped. "You have crashed my wedding breakfast, you have accused me of being a slattern whore, you have accused my husband of cuckolding you from a made-up relationship that you thought up because you refuse to admit that no one wants to marry such a trumped up, arrogant, egotistical bitch with a face that looks like you are permanently smelling something foul!"

Colin froze where he stood, pride washing over him as Penelope stood her ground. "How dare you?" Cressida snarled.

"I dare because as of this morning, I outrank you Miss Cowper." Penelope narrowed her eyes. "I am a Countess, my husband an Earl and if you think that you can spread untrue lies you are sorely mistaken. If you think that I am going to stand back while you try to make my life a living hell like you've made most of it, you are wrong. If you think that I am going to let you ruin a single additional moment of my life you are wrong. You are nothing. And we now are in different circles forevermore." Penelope declared.

"How so?" Cressida snorted.

Penelope grinned maliciously. "You are not entitled to come and speak to me or offer any comments. Do you know why?"

Cressida shook her head, smirking. "I'm all aflutter to find out."

Penelope leaned forward. "Because Miss Cowper," she paused. "You are an unmarried virginal spinster and as of a few hours ago I am a married matron. Your ears are no longer entitled to hear anything I have to say in case I speak of the vigorous and pleasurable tupping my husband provides."

"It is not pleasurable!" Cressida protested.

Penelope smiled wickedly. "And how would you know that Miss Cowper? Have you compromised yourself?"

Cressida's eyes widened as she realized she walked into Penelope's trap. "I…I…"

"Or have you been educated poorly by Lady Cowper who has instructed you on things you ought not know about until the eve of your wedding?" Penelope continued. "Or have you acted in a most unladylike fashion and learned that which is forbidden to the unmarried ladies of the ton to keep your virtue intact? You've spent so much time focusing on my virtue, perhaps it's time to take a look at yours."

"My virtue has never been compromised!" Cressida protested.

"I believe that." Penelope nodded. "Because I have never seen a man stare at you with desire and want!"

Cressida choked. The Queen let out a slow clap behind Cressida and Cressida's face paled as she saw who was behind her. "One night doesn't seem to have been long enough Miss Cowper." She said casually.

"Your Majesty…" Cressida began and was cut off.

The Queen focused on Lord and Lady Cowper. "Your daughter is to be removed from my sight and from my court. She is never again to be brought before my eyes so long as I live. You two are expelled from Mayfair and are to spend the next five years rusticating in the country at your estate farthest from London."

"That's beyond Wales!" Lady Cowper protested.

"Good." The Queen said, her lip curling. "You can be Lord and Lady of sheep!" her eyes narrowed as she looked at Cressida. "Give me a reason not to send you to the colonies or hang you for your continued impertinence!"

Cressida stood tall, staring at the Queen. "I have no reason to give any explanations to you."

The Queen sighed. "You are not very intelligent are you Miss Cowper?" she shook her head. "Brimsley."

"Your Majesty?" Brimsley bowed from behind the Queen.

"Take Miss Cowper to the dungeons. Let her spend time with the Featherington and Dankworth chits. I will deal with the three of them. Eventually."

"As you wish." Brimsley bowed and gestured to a guardsman who hauled Cressida away as she began to fight back.

"You are not sending me to the dungeons like a nobody!" she screeched.

"Does all this screaming not give you a dreadful headache?" the Queen intoned. "Gag her if you must. Let her share a cell with the two other ninnies down there." She waved a hand and faced Lord and Lady Cowper who looked shamed. "You both have until breakfast tomorrow to vacate your estate and be well on the road to your furthest country estate. You are permitted to bring with you one ladies maid, a valet and a cook. Your fortune is now under control of the Crown and I am reducing it to a fraction of what it is now. Your earnings will be equal to that of a country baron."

Lord Cowpers' eyes bugged out of his head. "Your Majesty you cannot be serious!"

"I do get tired of everyone telling me I'm not serious." The Queen sighed. "Say it again and I will pauper you both and send you to the Americas and not Australia! See how you enjoy being a Briton in America where they are rejecting us!"

Lord Cowper snapped his mouth shut and Lady Cowper shut her eyes, shaking her head in horror, unable to believe that this was the downfall of the Cowper name. "Now, go." The Queen said with finality. "And let you not darken my presence again."

"Who will receive our estate?" Lady Cowper ventured timidly.

"That is none of your concern any further." The Queen replied angrily. "Do not make me repeat myself. Go."

The Cowpers shuffled out and the Queen took a deep sigh and turned to Penelope. "Apologies for the drama at your wedding breakfast. The ceremony was beautiful." She gave Penelope a light hug. "Welcome to the Matron's club." She welcomed. "Lady Danbury will fill you in on some of the more interesting things we get up to when you are around. I am very proud of how you stood up to that sow." She smiled. "And I can tell from the way you keep looking at your husband that you are eager to go and begin your honeymoon."

Penelope blushed. "Perhaps your Majesty." She agreed. "My husband does look very dashing in his bridegroom clothing." she lowered her voice. "He'd look even better out of it." she muttered.

The Queen clapped her hands together, eyes dancing with mirth. "Everyone! Let us farewell our newlyweds! They are eager to begin the next part of marriage!"

Chuckles went throughout the room. Penelope curtsied and blushed again as Colin finally reached her side and put his arm around her. "I hope no one minds that I am taking my wife and leaving right now." He said dramatically. "You'll see us around – eventually."

Knowing laughter followed his statement as they were waved off towards the door. After being hurried into a curricle and the directions given of their new residence, they were finally alone.

They made eye contact and exploded into laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Portia and Prudence heard shrieking and grunting as their jailers opened the cell door and shoved a disheveled person inside. Prudence smirked as she saw Cressida stumble and fall to the floor. "And what did you do this time?" Portia sighed.

"I told your slattern daughter off at her wedding breakfast." Cressida said proudly. "She deserved it for stealing Colin Bridgerton from me."

"Wedding breakfast?" Portia repeated.

"What?" Prudence spat. "Are you kidding me?"

"The wedding went on after you were imprisoned." Cressida explained. "The two of them are now off on their honeymoon at their new estate. Penelope is now a Countess and a matron!"

Portia's face looked envious at the accomplishments of her most hated child. "How did she manage this?" she asked out loud. "I've set that girl up for failure her entire life. How has she managed to come out on top?"

Cressida shrugged and Prudence ignored her mother. "Tell me Cressida," she began. "Do you like to hurt others?"

Cressida stared at Prudence in confusion. "Don't you?"

Prudence grinned wickedly. "Very much." She walked towards Cressida. "And since I've lost my plaything, you are now her replacement."

"What are you talking about?" Cressida asked, backing away from Prudence.

"Let me show you." Prudence said softly.

"Don't make a mess." Portia said absently as Prudence got closer to Cressida.

"Help me." Cressida said, eyes wide and staring at Portia.

Portia ignored her and went back to her thoughts.

Prudence had reached Cressida with an evil smile on her face. "Hello plaything." She whispered and reached for Cressida.

Cressida began to scream. The guards outside the doors of the cell moved farther away until her screams could no longer be heard at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin and Penelope managed to appear proper in the carriage until they arrived at their new estate on the outskirts of Mayfair. "Allow me." Colin said to his bride as he helped her out of the carriage. He swept her up in his arms and carried her into their new estate. Penelope was delighted to see Mrs. Varley in her new Danbury-Bridgerton livery as the head housekeeper and standing next to her was Rae. Penelope ran to Rae and embraced her tightly. "I am so glad to see you again." She whispered in her ear.

"Thank you for employing myself and my future husband." Rae said shyly.

Penelope raised Rae's face to hers. "Never thank me for that." She said gently. "I am thrilled to do right by you. I can't wait to meet your fiancé."

"He works in the stables." Rae said smiling. "He is a good and noble man and I can't wait to do introductions. Eventually." She winked at Penelope.

"Does he wish to become a valet?" Colin asked casually. "I find myself in need."

Rae tilted her head to the side and thought about it. "I'm not sure my Lord." She said respectfully. "You'd have to ask him. I know that he prefers the company of the horses and hounds but with us due to be wed in a few months I'm sure he wouldn't mind considering the opportunity to get our household finances in order."

"I'll speak with him in a few days." Colin decided. "My bride and I should be out of bed by then." He winked.

The rest of the household let out fond chuckles. "Please everyone, we run a casual home," Penelope began. "When we don't have guests we have no problem with informality."

Colin walked over to introduce himself to the Cook. "Pleased to meet you."

The cook shook his hand. "Lord Danbury-Bridgerton, your appetite precedes you." He smiled. "I will endeavour to make certain you are never without biscuits. I also have an apprentice in the kitchens to help make things more expeditious."

"Excellent." Colin smiled happily. "For the next few days I would like lovers suppers prepared as the Lady and I will be quite indisposed."

"As it should be." Cook smiled. "I recall my honeymoon with my wife many years ago."

Colin and Penelope looked at each other and smiled. "We'll have a grand tour of our new residence at another time." Colin stated. "My wife and I are heading to our bedchambers. She's a screamer so you're forewarned."

Penelope blushed and smacked him in the chest. "Colin!" she hissed.

"No worries, Sir." Mrs. Varley chuckled. "Lady Danbury was kind enough to provide the household staff with some very excellent sound-blocking earmuffs. We will make use of them when you two are in flagrante."

Penelope giggled. "I could be embarrassed but she's been with me since I was in leading strings."

Mrs. Varley hugged Penelope tightly one last time. "I'm so glad to see you out of that hell-house. You were always meant for more than what they planned for you. I'm glad they are getting their comeuppance." She winked and Penelope. "And I'm so proud of the woman you have become." She lowered her voice and leaned in towards Penelope's ear. "Go enjoy your wedding night. You deserve it."

"Thank you Mrs. Varley."

Colin's patience had run out as he took Penelope's hand and led her through the house, heading to where he thought the bedchambers were. "Your other left!" Mrs. Varley called out, seeing him head the wrong way.

Colin waved in acknowledgement and then ran down the hallway, dragging Penelope behind him. He located the double doors that led to the Master suite, almost threw Penelope inside and slammed the doors shut. They were in their sitting area, and beyond that were doors leading to their bathing suite and bedroom. Colin turned to his wife, desire blazing in his eyes as he let out a low growl. "I have been waiting to get my hands on you all day."

Penelope let out a gentle sigh as Colin reached her and began to unpin her hair so it fell down her back in a red cascade. He began to unbutton the back of her wedding gown and paused at the sight of her in her bridal corset and stockings, no other undergarments. "You are a vision of beauty." He sighed as he stared at her. "I am the luckiest man alive. You are mine."

Penelope reached for Colin to pull him to her and kissed him deeply. "You are mine." She whispered hotly into his ear as she began to nip along his jaw and throat, her hands removing his cravat and unbuttoning his waistcoat, shoving it from his shoulders onto the floor.

Colin lifted her into his arms as she wrapped her legs around him and he carried her to their bedchamber. He shut the doors and locked it firmly, not putting Penelope down until he lay her on their bed. She splayed herself across the bed seductively as Colin tore off his shirt and belt, toeing off his boots and dropping his breeches unceremoniously before heading to the bed to join his bride. He rolled her over to unlace her corset and palm the globes of her ass cheeks. Penelope moaned lightly as his fingers drifted towards her core, running them through her wetness. "So wet already my bride." He said in a dark voice.

"I've been wet since I saw you when I was walking down the aisle." She confessed. "Now unlace me so I can have my way with you."

"Impatient minx." Colin chuckled as he tossed her corset on the floor. He admired her behind before rolling her over. Penelope's legs parted as she put her arms behind her head, thrusting her breasts forward boldly. Colin was not a man to refuse such an invitation as he lowered his lips to her nipples, sucking on them and pinching the roughly. Penelope let out a cry of pleasure as he began to make love to her. "Welcome to our wedding night." He growled as Penelope threw back her head and moaned, her hands reaching out to trace his chest and drift down to grasp his hardness firmly.

Colin closed his eyes and let out a moan as she began to pump her hand up and down, spreading the wetness that was leaking from the tip while thumbing underneath the head of his cock. "That feels amazing." He whispered.

Penelope looked at him seductively as she shimmied down his body and lowered her lips to his hardness. Colin let out a loud groan as she devoured him whole, her nose resting in his curls at his base, one hand reaching up to cup his balls and tug gently, the other drifting across his thighs, her nails lightly scraping the sensitive skin.

"Fuck, Penelope…" Colin groaned as she sucked and hollowed out her cheeks, bobbing her head up and down. "You suck cock like a professional."

"Natural skills." Penelope murmured around a mouthful of his cock.

"My turn." He growled as he pulled her up his body and ravished her mouth as his fingers danced between her red curls, tracing her wet slit before plunging face first between her legs causing her to shriek.

"Colin!" Penelope gasped as he feasted on her, the sounds of his slurping as he ate her out lewd and erotic and filthy. His fingers plunged inside her, starting at three and making her shriek again as she threw her head back and thrust her breasts forward. "Oh my god Colin…!"

"I missed hearing you scream my name this morning." Colin admitted. "I must make up for the lack of orgasms."

"I want your cock Colin." Penelope panted. "I can't wait."

"Agreed." Colin growled as he pulled his fingers out of her, licking them as he shimmied up her body. "How do you want me?"

Penelope looked at him bashfully. "I want to ride you."

Colin rolled onto his back, pulling Penelope on top of him. "Take me. I'm yours." He said as she rubbed her wet seam against his hardness. "You tease." He groaned as she slid along his length but would not take him inside her warmth.

Penelope leaned forward, dangling her breasts in front of his face. Colin was just a man and he took the proffered breasts and buried his face in them, nipping and sucking her nipples, squeezing her large breasts. He let out a shout as Penelope slid onto him fully, taking him deep inside her.

They let out deep moans together as Penelope lifted herself and let herself fall back on his hard cock as she began to move her hips against him, twisting them in a figure eight making him babble incoherently. Penelope leaned forward to grasp the headboard and ride him harder, both of them grunting as sweat enveloped them. It was hard, hot and oh so pleasurable. Penelope felt a climax building inside her as she ground herself against him. Colin thrust up into heaven as they kept a rapid, hard pace. The sounds of their coupling filled the room as they used each other's bodies, chasing their climaxes.

Penelope stiffened and let out a scream as she crested, her hips wildly thrusting against Colin who held her and guided her through her climax before flipping her over and taking one leg over his shoulder, continuing to thrust and never leaving her spasming warmth. "Fuck you feel so good. Keep coming on my cock like a good girl." He grunted as he thrust into her. "Let me watch those delicious tits bounce as I fuck you. I'm going to fuck a baby into you tonight, Penelope, I hope you're ready because there will be no sleep. We have no one to stop us at last."

"Harder." Penelope demanded. "Talk coarsely to me. I feel so wanton." She grabbed the back of his shoulders and scraped her nails down his back hard enough to make him hiss in pleasure.

"Yes, that's just how I like it, my personal woman of pleasure. No one has ever been as good as you are, no one can fuck me like you can. Oh Penelope, oh Penelope…you milk my cock so good." Colin chanted filthily in her ear.

Penelope was beginning to let out little screams as she reached overstimulation from Colin's thrusts. "Yes Colin…" she cried as he thrust into her, her body open for him and him alone. Colin let her leg drop as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist to push him deeper into her.

Colin felt himself begin to approach his climax as his thrusts became harder, shaking her body and their bed hitting the wall as he felt feral ravishing his wife. "Come for me again Pen." He coaxed as Penelope thrust her hips in time with him.

Penelope threw back her head and let out a long, loud wail as she climaxed on him, her arousal coating his cock and thighs as he let out a loud grunt and let himself cum inside her. He felt like he was emptying his body inside her womb as he kept shooting rope and rope of his seed inside her. He felt himself begin to soften but refused to pull out of her, wanting to keep his seed inside her as long as possible.

Panting and sweaty, they collapsed in each others arms. Penelope caught the shell of his ear between her teeth and whispered to him. "You have five minutes my Lord, and then I want more. You promised me all night."

"With great pleasure my wife." Colin said sleepily. "I will take you anytime, anywhere."

"Take me again." She commanded.

"As you wish." Colin began kissing and nipping her again as he felt himself begin to harden slowly inside her.

Their night had just begun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside the master bedchamber in the hallway, Mrs. Varley giggled to herself as she listened to the sounds of passion from within, very pleased Penelope was finally being treated properly and making sure that other servants weren't lingering around the chamber door listening to what was not for their ears.

"Lady Danbury was correct," she said out loud. "She is a screamer." She paused. "Good for her."

She heard Penelope begin to moan again and hastily headed towards the stairs to the lower levels, away from the sounds of passion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lady Danbury?"

"Yes?" she replied.

"Dowager Viscountess Bridgerton to see you."

"Of course, send her in immediately." Agatha replied.

Violet was shown into Agatha's private rooms and handed a glass of ratafia. "Agatha, good to see you."

"It was a beautiful wedding. Certainly eventful." Agatha replied, smiling.

"How goes the progress on our secret little venture?" Violet questioned delicately.

Agatha opened a drawer and pulled out a list. "Courtesy of the Queen. There are more to follow but here are the first few names of the men who decided to use a child for their pleasures."

Violet's eyes flashed anger. "Excellent. And do we know these gentlemen?"

"I'm disgusted to say that we do." Agatha confirmed.

"What is our next step?"

"Maternal vengeance." Agatha replied coldly.

"Even better." Violet agreed.

The two toasted and smiled at each other, glad that their plan was in motion.

Chapter 38: Interlude

Notes:

I was in the middle of this chapter and lost my mojo big time. I had tried to put up another story earlier that I had outlined in my car this afternoon and after the comments I got I became very discouraged and have since deleted it. I am not in a good place right now and hopefully will do a more substantial update tomorrow if my desire returns.

Enjoy the Bridgerton chaos. Sorry to disappoint.

I write fanfiction for fun, expression and because I love Polin and the community. I am seriously thinking about returning to my anonymity and not writing further after today.

Chapter Text

Colin and Penelope awoke the next morning to raised voices and a cacophony of noise outside their master suite. "What is going on?" Penelope asked, bewildered as she heard Mrs. Varley raising her voice and trying to shoo people out.

"I haven't the foggiest." Colin admitted as he climbed out of their bed and looked around for a pair of trousers. Pulling them on and waiting for Penelope to put on a robe to cover herself, the unlocked and opened their bedroom doors to a sight that had him blinking in surprise.

"What is it Colin?" Penelope called from behind him.

"I couldn't explain it if I tried." Colin said honestly as he moved aside to let Penelope out.

Their master sitting area had turned into an impromptu Bridgerton gathering area. When Penelope came out in her robe, Benedict gave her a jaunty wink and applauded his brother. "Glad you two came up for air!"

"What in the bloody hell are you all doing here outside our bedroom?" Colin asked, bewildered.

"It's very simple brother," Gregory began. "With everything that occurred at the wedding breakfast yesterday, and how quickly the Queen let the two of you abscond to commit random acts of fornication upon each other, none of us got to congratulate you two or welcome Penelope to the family."

"So you decided to crash my honeymoon?" Colin questioned.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." Benedict grinned.

"For the record I did NOT think it was a good idea." Anthony interjected. "Although I am quite enjoying seeing you off guard like this."

"Oh Anthony, shush. How would you have felt if we were interrupted the morning after our wedding?"

"It's Colin's fault for not waking his wife in a way I know is quite popular amongst women." Anthony replied.

"Perhaps I didn't have time yet!" Colin said tersely. "We were very occupied most of the night!"

"I can't wait to hear about the honeymoon!" Daphne clapped her hands together.

"How about we get the chance to have one?" Colin burst out; his eyes wide. "Seriously! Was all this necessary?"

"Completely." Hyacinth replied, smiling impishly. "How better to catch you off guard?"

"I didn't think I had to be on guard!" Colin protested. "I just want to be locked in my bedroom with my wife!"

"Welcome to the family Penelope!" Benedict said cheerfully. "I would come and hug you however based on the glare I am getting from your husband I have a feeling it would cost me my eyeballs if I get a glimpse of something I'm not supposed to."

Penelope smirked. "If Colin is that insecure at this point, I should just strip off and walk naked around you."

Colin's head whipped around wondering who this mouthy siren was and where did his sweet wife go. "Pen?" he questioned.

Penelope winked at him and entered the room fully and looked around. "I'm guessing no one told your mother about this harebrained idea?"

"Pish and tosh." Anthony said. "She's over at Lady Danbury's this morning, left right after breakfast. And Eloise is…somewhere being Eloise. I didn't want to face her mood this morning so I left her in the library."

"I'm honoured that you all felt the need to come. If you give me a few minutes to wear something other than a robe and nothing else."

"I could help you." Benedict chuckled, ignoring Colin's outraged face. "Honestly Col, you're making this too easy."

Penelope walked behind her husband and whispered in his ear. "If you are a good boy during your families visit right now, I promise that you can explore some of the other naughty thoughts we shared last night."

Colin inhaled his wife's scent. "You mean with the blindfold and ties?"

"Yes." Penelope breathed in his ear. "Both ways."

Colin flashed his family a bright smile. "I am so happy to see you all and am delighted you are here. Please make yourselves welcome. Give me a few minutes to get decent and we'd be thrilled to host you all – not in my master sitting area – and catch up on everything."

"Damn Penelope what did you say to him?" Gregory asked with admiration.

"You're too young to know." Penelope giggled as she headed back into their room.

"We're timing you!" Benedit called out as the door shut behind the two of them. "You have five minutes then I'm coming in to join you!"

"Not interested in a threesome Ben!" Colin called back out.

Laughter came from the assembled Bridgerton's as they followed a harried Mrs. Varley to another room to wait in, with refreshments.

Colin sagged against the door as it closed. "My family," he shrugged. "I don't know what to say."

Penelope burst out laughing. "I should have guessed they'd track us down. We did leave quite abruptly yesterday after Cressida got herself sent to the dungeons."

"The Queen told us to go! We were once again ordered by royalty to fuck!" Colin protested.

Penelope gave him a light kiss on the mouth. "Get dressed my love. We have family to entertain."

Chapter 39: You're my everything

Notes:

Thank you. Thank you everyone who gave me such an outpouring of support that you made me want to finish this chapter, this story and write more. Thank you so much. This is what I love about this community, is the supportiveness of each other. I can't thank you all enough, but I tried with a really long chapter.

I hope you all enjoy. This is dedicated to all of you.

Chapter Text

Violet and Agatha leaned over the second list that had been delivered to Danbury House last night under the cover of darkness. "I can't believe how many names are on these." Violet said in disbelief. "Archibald Featherington was sick in the head."

"We don't know how many of these are because of Portia." Agatha reminded her. "The woman has her own addiction just as expensive as Archibald's."

"Shopping." Violet nodded. "She will beggar her household."

"She would have." Agatha agreed. "So many of these are debtors and other gamblers that Lord Featherington fleeced or lost to, but a certain number of these are proprietors who Portia had likely ran up excessive tabs at the more luxurious shops to keep up her pretense of being plump in the pocket."

"Very true." Violet replied, reading over some of the names of the paper. "But still – I cannot fathom getting so far in debt that the only way out of it was to sell off your child's virtue. Or attempt to in this case."

Agatha took a deep drink of her tea and snorted. "This is far too complex and disturbing to just have with tea." She rang a nearby bell. "One of the finer bottles of brandy." She requested.

"Agatha! It's barely gone 11!" Violet protested; eyes widened.

"Do you or do you not deny that alcohol is going to fuzz our nerves with what we are about to dive into?" Agatha demanded.

Violet shrugged. "You do have a point." She smiled. "As long as you have a coach to get me home after you get me completely foxed."

"I almost wish to accompany you to see the expressions on your offspring's faces." Agatha chuckled as the took the bottle of brandy that was proffered by the butler.

Violet sighed with a smile on her face. "You are a terrible influence."

"Part of why we are such good friends." Agatha smiled back and gave Violet a generous tot of brandy in her tea. "Slainté."

Violet toasted and took a sip of her tea which was more brandy at this point. "Oh my!"

Agatha held out the paper. "Now, onto the unpleasant business of cornering these men and making them pay."

"What about their families?" Violet asked, worried.

Agatha paused. "I've thought about that since I saw some of these names. Where possible we will try to shield the spouses and children, if we know that the spouses were not complicit in their atrocities. If they knew, then we let them burn along with their husbands. There is no honour or personal gain in what they were doing by choosing to terrorize a small girl who had no idea what was being done to her or why."

"Poor Penelope." Violet sighed. "I can't understand such hatred towards your own daughter."

"Any word from the newlyweds?" Agatha asked idly. "They were at their wedding breakfast so briefly, that if I hadn't travelled there with them in the carriage, I would have doubted they even made it."

Violet snickered. "Once the Queen gave them permission to leave to start their honeymoon, Colin practically ran Penelope out of the room and into a curricle."

Agatha chuckled. "He was as randy as a rabbit I admit."

"So much like his father." Violet said wistfully. "However, we can reminisce about my horny son and his insatiable father later. For now, let us figure out how to castrate the men of the ton."

"Castration?" Agatha arched an eyebrow. "Not saying no, just a bit concerned about this Machiavellian streak you're displaying Violet."

Violet turned to Agatha, a serious look on her face. "I will tolerate and put up with many things in this world Agatha, you know that. But you know as well as anyone that you come for my family, and I will use every bit of influence, and every favour owed to me to bring someone to heel. Penelope has always been my daughter from the day she met Colin and Eloise, it just took time to make it legal." She smiled. "I knew from the time Penelope was ten years old that she was going to marry Colin."

"We are of an accord." Agatha smirked. "So let us make plans. I got a personal note from Charlotte who would like to be kept apprised of our plans as she might feel the need to come out with us if we go vigilante. After all, the way she phrased it, who is going to arrest their Queen?"

Violet chuckled. "Speaking of Machiavellian streaks…I swear sometimes I love that woman."

"To work." Agatha said, laying the two papers out. "I recommend we choose names at random, to keep them on their toes."

"How long do you figure until they get the connection between them?"

"Not soon enough to save them." Agatha said grimly.

Violet and Agatha each took a paper and began to scan names and make plans, while imbibing on very good brandy.

"That took longer than five minutes." Benedict commented as Penelope and Colin entered their drawing room.

"When you get married and are on your honeymoon, remind me to regularly interrupt you and take you away from your bride." Colin said grumpily.

"How much fun could it be to spend all day in bed anyway?" Hyacinth said innocently. "Seems boring. There's more interesting things to do than lay in bed."

Penelope's face was bright red as she cleared her throat. "Well Hyacinth…" Colin began.

"NO." Anthony cut in. "No. No. And in case you didn't hear me, no. Hyacinth, you will learn as you get older. Don't ask before you're married."

Colin snorted with Benedict. "Don't interrupt a honeymoon with younglings brother." He said to Anthony. "Then there wouldn't be any risk of them hearing things they're not supposed to."

"Speaking of," Gregory began. "Was Penelope in pain earlier? I heard…"

Penelope at this point had turned completely away from the Bridgerton siblings as she listened to Colin, his brothers, Daphne, Simon and Kate all start snickering. Embarrassment coursed through her. Colin looked at his wife and sobered up and make a slashing motion across his throat to his siblings. He put an arm around Penelope and kissed her temple gently. "I'm sorry dearest. I should have thought about your sensibilities. I know that your family doesn't treat each other the way we do."

Penelope turned back to the Bridgerton's, eyes lowered. "I'm just not used to such ribaldry amongst siblings, especially about our intimate life." She raised her eyes. "You have to remember that such conversations in Featherington Manor usually involved what the men did to me and how I should entice them more."

Colin nodded. "I understand Pen. Come, sit. Let us have a wedding breakfast part two."

"Don't you dare slip away to tup." Gregory said seriously.

Penelope snorted her tea. "Gregory!"

Colin slapped his youngest brother on his back. "Don't be in such a rush to use words that don't mean what you think they mean brother."

"I know about tupping!" Gregory insisted.

Gregory rapidly realized that was the wrong thing to say in front of his three brothers, all of whom were rakes, and his brother in law. "And what, exactly, and with whom, exactly, do you know about tupping?" Anthony asked in a deceptively mild voice.

Gregory snapped his mouth shut and picked up his tea cup. "We will continue this conversation later." Benedict winked at Gregory.

"Let me know when." Colin added. "I plan on being there for this."

"Do you ever stop taking the piss from each other?" Penelope asked, overwhelmed.

Nine heads all shook in the negative. "I'm never going to survive it." She moaned while laughing.

"It gets easier." Kate reassured her. "And remember, all Bridgerton men have an immediate quiet mode."

"What is it?" Penelope asked eagerly.

Kate came over and lowered her lips to Penelope's ears. "Remember Pen, they can't argue with you if their cocks are in your mouth. Or other places. If Colin is anything like his older brother, it's an immediate shut up moment."

"I'll remember that." She replied. She turned to whisper to Kate. "Colin also can be silence if I loosen my stays and flash my breasts at him."

"And he likes it too." Colin whispered, plainly eavesdropping. He winked at his wife. "And Pen, if you ever want me to shut up by the methods that you and Kate are discussing, feel free and encouraged."

"What methods?" Hyacinth inquired.

"NOTHING!"

Colin chuckled and turned to the rest of his family. "Were there any other reasons that you chose to crash my honeymoon?"

"We never got to hug our new sister, welcome her to the family or sit and spend time with her and learn about her in ways that we now can, as we are family and don't have to worry about the damned rules of propriety." Benedict grumbled.

Daphne sat down next to Penelope, with a small plate of biscuits and muffins. "Have something to eat, you must be famished."

Penelope gratefully took the food. "I really am. I hardly got to eat yesterday. Well food anyway."

"What would you have eaten if not food?" Hyacinth called out from across the room.

"Are you part bat?" Penelope asked. "You are hearing things at levels the rest of us simply can't."

"I'm just very observant." Hyacinth said smugly.

"I know." Penelope smiled. "After my honeymoon, I have a business proposition for you."

"You have my attention." Hyacinth said standing up. "What is it?"

Penelope took a breath. "I was thinking of offering you a partnership with me."

"Partnership? With Hyacinth? Dear God Pen no!" Colin looked terrified at Penelope's words.

Penelope ignored her melodramatic husband and focused on Hyacinth. "I won't be staying permanently in Mayfair for some time, as the Queen is sending me on assignments in other countries to report back about the scandals and gossip in foreign courts. I will be one of her representatives while I am there with Colin, to help maintain cordial relations with allies."

"Exciting!" Hyacinth burst out.

"It is. I've always wanted to travel and now she's going to pay for me to do it, and let me keep my column. Unfortunately, I won't be here to gather the gossip and information locally." She paused. "I thought of you, who sees and hears more than even I. I wanted to offer you the opportunity to be my ghostwriter when I am not in residence and publish under my pseudonym as I don't want to put you in any type of danger, not yet being out."

Hyacinth's face broke into a smile. "You want ME, Hyacinth Bridgerton to write and take over the Lady Whistledown Society Papers column when you're not in country?"

"Yes." Penelope nodded. "I can't think of anyone more observant. I have yet to read your writing but I would very seriously like to talk partnership and financial compensation if you are interested."

Hyacinth threw herself across the room to embrace Penelope. "A million times yes!" she squealed. "You are my favourite sister!"

Penelope chuckled as she tried to loosen Hyacinth's grip around her throat. "We will discuss specifics another time." Anthony interjected. "However, I think this could be wonderful for Hyacinth."

"If she agrees, I will tell the Queen so she knows to have her under her protection." Penelope explained.

"Well," Daphne and Kate said, smiling. "If that is finished, we want to steal Penelope away for some married ladies talk. Francesca, did you wish to join us?"

Francesca blinked. "I'm not married."

"Yet." Daphne waved her hand. "You're so close that it doesn't matter anymore. We just have to forget that these two are speaking of our brothers and we'll have a delightful time."

"I want to start planning what I'll need for my new job." Hyacinth said excitedly. "You enjoy yourselves. I have many lists to make." She rubbed her hands together.

"I'm suddenly getting scared." Penelope smiled.

"Too late now." Colin interjected. "She'll never let you out of this one."

"Come on Penelope." Kate led her towards the outside patio. "Let's get to know each other as women, not just debutantes or spinsters."

Penelope stood with a smile and took Kate and Daphne's arms. "Let us adjourn ladies. Gentlemen." She winked. "Colin."

"Hey!" Colin looked insulted. "I'm a gentleman!"

Penelope leaned forward to kiss him. "A gentleman would not have done what you did with your tongue this morning." She murmured and straightened up. "Enjoy your time with your brothers."

As they were heading out, she heard Anthony asking Colin. "What exactly did you do with your tongue to have her not call you a gentleman?"

"Well…"

The door shut and the ladies giggled as they headed over to a shaded table. "What did he do?" Kate inquired.

"Well…" Penelope began.

Cressida had lost the ability to scream further. She was hoarse after enduring a night of Prudence's ministrations. She had no idea how one woman could have so many deranged ideas to hurt someone, and if it wasn't her, she would have admired it. For once in her life, Cressida was the target and there was no one and nothing to distract Prudence from her 'plaything.'

Portia stared off into the distance, trying to think of something that could grant her mercy from the Queen. She knew of course, that she was going to use the battered and cowed woman defence, and that she was just a foolish woman following the advice of her husband and Lord, but she was trying to think of other things that would save her from the headsman or gallows.

The sound of a heavy door opening in the distance caused all of them to sit up and stare towards the entrance to their cell. Many footsteps came down the hall and after they were surrounded by at least a dozen guards, the Queen and Prince Regent appeared. "What do you want?" Prudence snapped.

"How disrespectful." Prince George sneered. "Almost forgot that you're the one locked up."

"What are you going to do to me now?" Prudence said defiantly. "Arrest me again?"

Cressida cleared her throat and ran over to the door. "Mercy. My Queen mercy. I have learned my lesson. I have learned my lesson so well that I will never go near Penelope Bridgerton or any Bridgerton again. Mercy my Queen. I will leave London within the hour never to return. Please grant me mercy and let me out of here. Please get me away from them." She fell to her knees, begging.

The Queen stared imperiously at Cressida. She turned to a guardsman. "Take her out of here. Bring her to the heavy security rooms, but let her clean herself and give her some water and food. I will talk with Miss Cowper later, but I do think she's learned her lesson at last."

"I have. I really have." Cressida grovelled. "Thank you Your Majesty. You are wise and kind and generous…"

"Yes, yes," the Queen waved a hand in her direction. "Stop your snivelling." She nodded to the Guardsman. "Take her."

He nodded and unlocked the cell door. Putting a set of irons on Cressida, she was slowly led out of the cell. The door clanged shut and Portia stared evenly at the Queen, saying nothing.

"Do you have anything to say about what you have done Lady Featherington?"

"What is there I could say that would grant me my freedom? Or restore my fortune? Or restore my name?" Portia challenged.

"That ship has long sailed." The Queen replied. "However, I could be persuaded to change your sentence to a banishment if you can give me incentive as to why I should."

Portia shrugged. "All the usual reasons. Money. Debt. My Lord demanding it, and I, as his dutiful wife went along with it for fear he would hurt me."

The Queen sighed. "If only I could believe you. However I have concrete proof that you were just as complicit in the crimes as your former husband. In some cases, you masterminded the whole thing."

"What kind of mother would that make me if I was the mastermind?" Portia questioned.

"I wonder that indeed." Queen Charlotte replied. "What kind of woman are you Portia Featherington?"

"One you'll never know about." Portia replied cryptically.

"We shall see." Queen Charlotte said grimly. She pointed to Prudence. "Guardsman, take her to the questioning chamber."

Prudence's eyes widened when she realized she was going to be the one hurt this time. "Wait…can't we talk this out?" she asked, stuttering.

"The time for talk is over." Queen Charlotte snapped. "Now I ask the questions, and you and your pathetic excuse for a mother answer them."

"I don't want to."

"Did you hear me ask 'if it please you?'" Queen Charlotte mocked. "No? Then I don't care."

"Mother," Prince George turned to Queen Charlotte. "The stench is quite overwhelming. Let us take our leave and return later. Perhaps these women will be more amenable and polite after they've had some time being questioned."

"I agree my son." Queen Charlotte smiled approvingly. "Let us depart."

Portia watched her chance to end her sentence early walk down the hallway as she watched her daughter being led off to another area for questioning. She heard the heavy doors slam, the key turn in the lock and was once again trapped in a cell.

After a few hours of being inundated with Bridgerton siblings making them pay for slipping out on the wedding breakfast, Colin and Penelope finally waved goodbye and returned into their house. "I have plans with the ladies after our honeymoon for a married woman's evening. It should be fun." She commented as they headed upstairs to change.

"Yes. Very fun." Colin said absently.

"Colin? Are you ok?" Penelope asked, concerned.

"Absolutely Pen." Colin smiled wickedly. "The only thing that got me through our brother's conversation – other than giving Gregory some very bad sex tips and advice, is knowing that I get to strip you naked, bind you, blindfold you and eat your pussy until you pass out from coming on my face and cock."

"Colin!" Penelope gasped, looking around to make sure they weren't heard.

"A little late for modesty now Pen." Colin remarked. "Are you ashamed?"

"No!" Penelope denied. She stopped in the middle of the hallway and spun to face her husband. "Let me show you how unashamed I am."

"What are you doing Pen?" Colin asked, confused.

Penelope began undoing his breeches and dropping them to his knees. She took him in hand and lowered herself to take him into her mouth and began sucking him.

Colin let out a long moan as he reached one hand to Penelope's hair and the other to the wall. "FUCK! Pen!"

Penelope reached a hand up to tug his bollocks as she buried him in her mouth and throat and hummed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw some of their serving staff running out of view while their Lady pleasured her Lord. She let his cock pop out of her mouth and looked up at him, his precum glistening on her lips. "Shame is for people who have something to be ashamed of. I will never be ashamed for wanting you." She said succinctly.

"Get your mouth back on my cock." Colin growled, almost feral with desire.

"Catch me." Penelope said wickedly as she stood up and ran down the hall towards their room.

Just as she made it to the doorway, Colin caught her, wrapped her in his arms, growled deeply into her ear and carried her into their bed chamber. He slammed and locked the inner door, walked over to Penelope and gestured to his erection. "Continue."

Penelope licked her lips and knelt back down to take him back into her mouth, listening to his moans of lust and feeling powerful for making him become a puddle under her. "I thought you wanted to tie me up." She whispered, lifting her mouth from his cock for a moment.

"Oh, I will." Colin promised. "After you finish what you've started."

"And if I don't?" Penelope challenged.

"Well, my love, you'll just have to be punished." Colin promised. "How would you like that?"

The impish look in his eyes let Penelope know that every answer was going to be the right one.

Violet Bridgerton and Agatha Danbury were both beyond foxed by 2 in the afternoon as predicted and were as giddy as two schoolgirls as they came us with various and increasingly gruesome ways to torture the unfortunate names they had in their possession, and then switch topics to something hilarious only to them.

"My children are going to be so vexed with me!" Violet howled with laughter. "And I don't care!"

"You're still a woman Violet." Agatha agreed. "A drunk one!"

"Takes one to know one!"

"Drunken sow!"

"Wench!"

And more laughter as Agatha's house staff rolled their eyes and chuckled at their antics.

Chapter 40: Can you tell me just where we fit in?

Notes:

Hello those who are still around and interested in reading this story! I apologize for the sabbatical, however I have recently been diagnosed with a neurological disorder (fibromyalgia) and as a result we're trying to sell our house, move and rent an apartment along with getting my kids registered for school in less than 2 weeks so I can be closer to medical care. Been a bit hectic. However, today is my birthday (no joke, it is) so a little present for everyone is a new chapter - with Penelope bound.

How do I join the Discord Polinators group? Can anyone let me know? I'm interested.

NIN - Sin is a song listened to on repeat while writing this chapter along with Alice Cooper's Bed of Nails.

This is unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own. Kudos and reviews give me motivation to keep going.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Colin followed Penelope to their bedroom, his eyes darkening and dancing with anticipation. As he closed and locked the door, he stared at his beautiful wife and smiled dreamily. "Are you sure Pen?" he asked again. "I don't want to hurt you. Or remind you of things that might have happened to you."

"Colin, I am very sure. I trust you." Penelope said simply. "And this will go both ways, so I intend to have my own fun with you." she paused. "And nothing that we do together will EVER resemble what those others did to me."

Colin's eyebrows almost reached his hairline at her announcement. "What?" he asked slowly.

Penelope winked at him. "Colin Bridgerton, I have been fantasizing about immobilizing you and having my wicked way with you, and you can't do anything except feel and watch. And then maybe climax all over my chest."

Colin groaned and shut his eyes. "Damn it Pen, you can't just say things like that."

Penelope leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "I can, and I will." She promised as she nibbled his ear. "Tonight is your turn, Colin. I am your toy, do with me what you will." She paused. "Don't blindfold me though, I can't handle that."

Colin nodded his understanding. "Of course, Pen."

Penelope walked over to her husband and kissed him sensuously. "Take me Colin. I'm yours."

Colin silently led her over to the bed. "Remove your clothing and lay on the bed spread eagled." He ordered, allowing a dominant persona to take him over, praying he remembered everything he had heard from others about this particular kind of sex.

Penelope seductively removed her clothing slowly, making Colin moan slightly as her luscious body appeared. She walked over to the chest of drawers and impishly opened one to pull out various types of ties and silken ropes. "I might have wanted to play out this fantasy for a long time." She whispered.

Colin was convinced she was going to kill him with lust. Drawing his features tight, he looked at her sternly. "I said to lay down on the bed spread eagled. You still have not done this. If you do not listen to me, you will be punished for disobedience."

Penelope fluttered her lashes at him coquettishly as she approached him and ran her hands down his still-clothed chest. "How are you going to punish me Colin?"

Colin reached up and tangled his hands in her hair, yanking her head to the side so he could suckle her throat and bite it gently. "That's Mr. Bridgerton to you pet." He whispered roughly. "You listen to me and do as I say."

Penelope moaned softly. "Or what?"

"Or you get a spanking." Colin said darkly.

Penelope's eyes sparkled. "But what if I want to suck your cock?"

"You will do what I say." Colin repeated. "Now get on the bed spread eagled."

Penelope finally listened as she crawled onto their large bed, shaking her ass in his direction as Colin removed his shirt, unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his breeches. He kept his boots on as he walked over to the drawer to examine the naughty offerings within. He saw blindfolds, leather-covered phalluses, various kinds of whips, gags and more ties to bind his wife. He saw a bottle of olive oil and grinned at the thought of the game they were going to play. He felt himself grow impossibly harder.

He walked over to Penelope and roughly grabbed one of her wrists, kissing his way from wrist to shoulder before looping a silken rope around it and securing her hand on their bedpost. He then repeated it for the other wrist and paused to admire Penelope, hands bound above her head and breasts thrust forward, nipples pert and standing up as she grew increasingly wetter, her arousal starting to coat her thighs. Colin ran a silken tie down her torso, letting it dangle above her wetness. Penelope arched against the gentle tickle as she felt it between her labia. She cried out as Colin slowly made his way down to her ankle and tied one leg to the bedpost, and then her other. He sighed as he stood back and stared at Penelope bound, open for him and panting, her breasts heaving.

"Fuck you look amazing." He commented as he knelt over her. "Now, hold still or you won't like the result."

Colin lowered his mouth to her soft wetness and sucked her lips into his mouth as his tongue licked a strip down her middle and thrust into her hold. Penelope moaned wantonly as he sucked and slurped at her sensitive pussy, letting out cries as he would come close to a sensitive spot and then back away, leaving her dancing on the edge. She thrust her hips up to his mouth, wanting more only to feel a painful swat against her cunt. Blinking at him startled, she asked "did you just spank my cunt?"

Colin nodded. "I told you to keep still. Now keep still!"

Penelope tried to keep from wiggling her hips and saw him lower his mouth to her wetness again as he thrust three fingers in abruptly. Penelope screamed with pleasure. "Colin!"

Another swat on her cunt and a sharp pinch on her nipples. "I am Mr. Bridgerton" Colin said sternly. "It would behoove you to remember that pet."

"Yes Sir." Penelope said breathily. "Mr. Bridgerton."

"Good girl." He praised and sucked on the nipple that he had just pinched, his fingers thrusting into her wetness lewdly.

"I need more Mr. Bridgerton." Penelope said softly.

"You will take what I give you, when I give it to you and be thankful." Colin said firmly. "You do not get to decide." He leaned forward to rub his breeches and hardness against her soft wetness. "I have the cock. I make the decisions."

Penelope moaned as she thrust against him, desperate for friction. "Please Mr. Bridgerton." She begged. "I need more."

"More is what you will get you minx." Colin replied. He pulled out the bottle of olive oil and poured it in a thin stream over her breasts and began to rub them together, oiling them and groaning as he rubbed his hands over her slick breasts. Penelope closed her eyes and threw back her head whining.

Colin withdrew to remove his boots and breeches, his cock springing free and so hard he couldn't think about how desperate and needy he was to be inside his bound wife. He reached for the olive oil and the phallus, making the leather slick and wet before thrusting it into her cunt. Penelope's eyes flew open as she let out a shriek at the foreign feeling, her muscles flexing and sucking it deeper inside her swollen pussy. Colin swiftly moved to push her oiled breasts together and shoved his cock between her breasts, thrusting hard to watch her breasts bounce with the force of his thrusts. Penelope wailed as he thrust hard, the phallus inside her giving delightful torture as it rubbed against her walls.

Colin grunted as he thrust. "FUCK pet, I have been wanting to do this for years. Ever since these delicious breasts grew full and round. I can't wait to fuck you like this in front of a mirror."

Penelope tried to buck her hips to move the phallus inside her. "Mr. Bridgerton," she whined. "I want more."

Colin ignored her as his thrusts became erratic. "You like my taste pet?" he questioned, not waiting for an answer. "I'm about to come all over your tits and throat, a lovely string of pearls around your neck, then you'll know who you belong to."

"I belong to you." Penelope whinged. "I'm a good pet."

"Oh yes," Colin agreed as he pinched both her nipples as he thrust against her oiled breasts. "You're an excellent pet. So pliable and willing to please." He sped up his pace. "Take it!" he commanded as he climaxed, covering her breasts, throat and lower part of her face with ropes of his come.

Penelope let out a scream, desperate to climax but unable to even with the phallus. Colin leaned forward panting, staring at his seed covering her body. "You look so good like this pet." He murmured as he captured her mouth in a kiss. "You will be rewarded."

"I'm a good girl." Penelope panted.

"Don't lie to me." Colin said sternly as he reached down to where the phallus was thrusting itself inside her dripping cunt. "Good girls don't get so wet." He spoke lewdly. "Good girls don't take a fake phallus so deep into their cunnies that I can hear it squelch." He teased her by partially pulling it out and shoving it back inside making her scream. "Good girls don't scream like whores." He whispered hotly into her ear before biting it and lowering himself back down her slick body.

"Mr. Bridgerton…" Penelope was almost in tears. "Please let me come."

"No." Colin replied cruelly. He felt himself starting to stir again and slid back up her body, taking the opportunity to fuck her with the phallus a few times before moving on. He stopped when her face was between his thighs. "Suck me hard again pet." He ordered.

Penelope shook her head, whimpering. "Not until I come."

"Are you disobeying me pet?"

Penelope clamped her lips shut defiantly and glared at him, her chest heaving with her panting.

"Very well." Colin said casually as he got up. "That's another punishment on your tally."

Penelope stopped talking as Colin reached forward to untie her hands from the posts. "What are you doing?"

Colin slapped her breasts. "You don't question me pet." He said firmly as he untied her legs. "I want you on your knees, leaning back and thrusting those delicious tits forward. I'm going to tie your hands to your ankles behind you."

Penelope stared at him.

"Now!" Colin demanded. Penelope slowly moved into the requested position as Colin secured her wrists to her ankles. "That's a fucking delicious sight. If I wouldn't kill him I'd ask Ben to paint this image and then I'd finish it off with a spray of my come."

Penelope was panting and writhing under the erotic assault, the phallus slipping out of her wetness and then being sucked back in by her muscles. "Now I believe I mentioned a punishment." Colin remarked casually. "Roll onto your stomach."

Penelope let herself fall over and rolled onto her stomach. It took some wriggling given how her wrists were bound. Colin grabbed her hips and pulled her ass into the air, her face flat on the bed with her arms by her sides. He stared at her ass and grinned as he picked up a paddle and without warning brought hit firmly against her wriggling ass.

Penelope let out a yelp followed by a long moan as he began to paddle her. "Here is your punishment you dirty girl." He said as he developed a rhythm. "But I think you like this punishment."

"S…so…much…" Penelope stuttered out.

Colin yanked the phallus out of her cunt, making her scream at its loss. Like a wild man he leaned forward to lick her cunt from behind as his hands palmed the red globes of her ass. "I must punish you more."

"FUCK YES MR. BRIDGERTON." Penelope wailed.

Colin grabbed the olive oil and spread Penelope's ass cheeks, slowly playing with her dark hole. Penelope was thrusting against nothing, desperate. Colin watched her cunt pucker and suck in air, looking for a cock that had not yet come. Burying his face up to his nose in her cunt from behind, he reached forward to flick her clit, making her scream more. Tears had begun to roll down her face from being unable to come. "You're such a good pet." He praised. "My little fuck doll."

He grabbed the paddle and swatted her ass harder, fascinated by how it was turning into a dusky pink with each swat. He reached forward with one hand to yank her hair back and listen to her wail some more. "You are so loud for me. I fucking love it." He swore. He rolled Penelope back over, using his knee to spread her knees wide and pushed her onto her back, her hands under her ass and her legs spread open. He reached for the phallus and brought it up to her mouth. "But sometimes pet, you have to shut up." He said gently before shoving the phallus in her mouth. Penelope moaned around the phallus and Colin responded by smacking her cunt again.

"You're almost ready aren't you pet? You've soaked the sheets."

Penelope thrust her cunt towards him, earning her a growl of displeasure. "You must stay still my little pet." Colin repeated. "But you are so wet and you've been so good, I should let you come now."

Penelope nodded, sucking on the phallus in her mouth, eyes wide as she watched Colin position himself between her spread legs. "I have never been this fucking hard before." Colin admitted to her. "I could club someone with my cock right now, you have me so aroused pet."

Penelope watched Colin as he teased her nether lips with the tip of his cock. Without warning Colin thrust himself deeply into her in one stroke. Before Penelope could adapt to his length and girth he pulled out and rammed back into her roughly, listening to her muffled scream. Grabbing her hips for guidance, Colin roughly took his pleasure, listening to her moans and wails, watching her bouncing tits, seeing her with a phallus between her lips and the room filled with the sound of flesh on flesh as he fucked her roughly.

He felt the tell-tale flutters begin in Penelope's pussy and knew she was close. He pulled himself out and she screamed in emptiness. Colin thrust himself back into her and began fucking her again, having taken her down from the brink where she had been hovering, her climax just out of reach again.

"You didn't think I'd let you come that easily did you?" he asked, amused. "No little fuck doll, you're going to work for that climax."

Penelope was sobbing around the phallus as she let Colin use her to his pleasure. His thrusts became erratic and his squeezed her tits as he felt himself ready to explode inside her wetness. He pinched her clit hard and shifted his position for maximum friction against her over sensitive flesh and felt her begin to climax. This time he kept thrusting as she came apart around him. He pulled the phallus out of her mouth as she climaxed, screaming his name loudly as she came apart, squirting on his cock and crying as she kept climaxing. "Such a good pet." Colin praised. "Taking me so wonderfully."

Penelope's body slowly came down from her climax, aftershocks giving her small shivers. Colin gently untied her wrists and ankles and helped lay her out flat. He got up and came back with a damp cloth to wipe her as he pressed a bell pull to summon a servant to fill a bath for Penelope.

Penelope slowly opened her eyes and smiled gently at her husband. "I think I blacked out." She admitted as he leaned forward to kiss her gently.

"Did you like that?" Colin asked sheepishly. "I've never done that in my life."

Penelope reached up to cup his face gently. "Colin, that was the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I would never trust anyone in the world the way I do you."

Colin lay next to her, gathering her tightly in his arms. "I love you Penelope."

"I love you too." Penelope said softly. "Get some rest. Next round is MY turn."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I did not overindulge. Much." Violet moaned as she covered her eyes.

Mrs. Wilson headed to the kitchens to bring a hangover cure for Violet. Anthony and Benedict stared at their mother with grins on the their faces that made them pleased she could not see them. Grown or not, if she thought they were taking humour from her hangover she would still chase them around the house.

"Of course not mother." Benedict said in a soothing voice. "I'm sure you and Lady Danbury had no intention of overindulging."

"Truly I did not." Violet said quietly. "We both got so angry and vengeful as we read some of the names." she snorted in disgust. "And that they are still active in society. I wonder what other young ladies have been ruined at their hands."

"What names Mother?" Anthony asked abruptly.

"Oh!" Violet looked at them eyes wide. "It's a secret of course."

Benedict and Anthony rolled their eyes at their drunk mother. "Of course it's a secret Mother. We will keep it, don't worry."

Violet nodded. "Good. Don't let anyone know that Agatha and I have got two pages of names of the men who used Penelope as a child. We're going to take care of it ourselves."

"We would never tell anyone that you and Agatha are hunting noble men of the ton who decided it would be a good idea to violate a child." Anthony agreed. "Where are these pages of names?" he asked casually.

"I have one in my handbag." Violet replied. "Agatha has the other, and the Queen is hunting for more."

"What are you going to do once you find these men?" Benedict asked calmly, staring at his nails.

"We haven't figured that out yet. We know some of these pigs!" Violet said, disgusted. "We talked about showing them that women are not to be trifled with."

"Go get some rest Mother. Benedict and I are now involved in this hunt. I'm very eager to talk to these men myself." Anthony cracked his knuckles as he walked over to his brother and they shared a look and nodded simultaneously.

Half asleep from being in her cups and hungover, Violet stood and began staggering towards the stairs. Benedict and Anthony sighed as each one came up beside their mother, took an arm and began to help her up the stairs. All hell was going to break loose once their mother realized she had revealed her secret to her sons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Penelope moaned in pleasure as she sank into a hot bath, her aching body relaxing. Colin was giving her some space to process their most recent time together and she was using it to plan how she was going to turn the tables on her very skilled and naughty husband.

Notes:

This is very light bondage in this chapter. The next chapter will be a bit heavier and it is drawn from a few years of being a Mistress myself. I am trying to keep things within propriety for the period so there is a bit more research involved. Enjoy and I plan to update by Friday!

Chapter 41: Beds are burning

Notes:

The story lives and so do I! If anyone is still out there reading this, thank you for waiting for my very tardy update. Life happened. We had an impromptu move across the province, two teenagers starting new schools, medical issues, mental health issues and one good old-fashioned night where I sat and wasn't sure I wanted to see morning.

As Elton John said - I'm still standing.

With that in mind please enjoy this chapter! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in Canada!

I am back on a schedule now that our move is over with so updates on this story will be far more frequent. We are over halfway done the story and I am bursting with new ideas, including an AU-Modern with BAMF Penelope.

Trigger warning - pedophile speak

Chapter Text

Anthony and Benedict sat quietly over Anthony's desk in the Bridgerton House study, glasses of whisky poured but untouched as they waited for Simon to show up. "You're sure you don't want to bring Colin in on this?" Benedict asked Anthony.

Anthony shook his head. "He's off in newlywed nuptial bliss, let's leave him focus on his wife and what is important there. If he needs to be brought in, we'll tell him but for now let us just leave them. If for no one else, then for Penelope. That woman has been through more than most and you know I love her like one of our sisters. She deserves a beautiful honeymoon more than Colin."

Benedict snorted and nodded. "What about Greg?"

"What about him?" Anthony asked blankly.

"Should we tell him what we are doing?"

"Our youngest brother?" Anthony questioned, confused. "Why?"

"Because he loves Penelope too." Benedict replied. "And he wants to be included more in what we do as brothers."

"I understand and agree." Anthony agreed. "However, Greg's focus has to be on Eton. He's leaving in a handful of days, and I don't want to interfere with his future that way. We can let him know we have information, and we can share some basics but let him know that due to his education, that takes precedence over vengeance."

"Fair." Benedict nodded. They heard a rap on the door as Simon poked his head in and headed over to the desk as Anthony poured a glass for him and motioned for him to join them.

"Gentlemen." Simon greeted as he sat down. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Not that I am one to complain about a mid-afternoon tipple."

Anthony took a deep breath and laid out a paper. "Apparently our mother, Lady Danbury and the Queen have started a vendetta to track down the men who used Penelope as a child. With the Queen's resources, they are starting to get results. This page here is so far one of two that mother admitted they have with the names of those who Baron Featherington and Lady Featherington 'loaned' Penelope to."

Simon put his glass down and sat up straight, reaching for the paper. "Anyone we know?" he asked casually.

Benedict nodded tight-lipped. "To my everlasting shame yes. We've struck deals and gambled with these men. We've gone on hunts."

Simon's face darkened. "They've suffered no ill effects from using a girl-child?"

"None." Anthony replied. "Mother is currently very deep in her cups and doesn't realize yet that she spilled her secret. Normally we'd pretend we didn't hear anything, but this is a matter that concerns all of us."

Simon nodded vigorously. "She is our sister now. She always was."

"So glad you agree with us." Benedict clapped Simon's back. "Let's form a plan."

Simon swirled his drink pensively. "I know the Queen does not look favourably upon hunting humans as sport, however I'm sure I could get us pardoned if we wanted to play a most dangerous game." He said idly.

Anthony and Benedict looked at each other with wide eyes. "Are you serious Simon?" Benedict asked tentatively.

"I could be." Simon said grimly. "Hell knows I want to be. I'm a father myself, I would kill anyone who tried to harm one of my own, and Penelope is my own so I'm in a killing mood."

"Must be so nice to be a Duke." Anthony muttered.

Simon gave him a grim toast. "It doesn't hurt sometimes." He commented. "However, I don't want to hide behind the Crown and I think it behooves us to get to these men before the women do."

The three of them looked at one another seriously and nodded. "Agreed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"On your knees." Penelope ordered. "Praise me."

Colin dropped to his knees on the floor and stared at his wife. "Take me to bed and rip me apart." He whispered. "You are incredible. You are everything. You are gorgeous, you are sexy and so so seductive. You are a temptress in everything, but especially now that we are wed and all mine. Others can look, only I can touch."

Penelope let a slow and almost terrifying smile cross her lips. "Deny me. If you think you can."

"I would sooner stop breathing than deny you anything my love." Colin said sincerely.

"What is your safe word?" Penelope asked seriously. "I have been studying and reading about this and I want to make sure you are safe."

"Lemonade." Colin replied quickly. "Don't whip me please."

Penelope nodded gently. "I will hurt you, but it will be with love, and you have the power to stop all play if I'm too intense." She gave him a gentle kiss. "I have always wanted to do this."

Colin gave her a devil may care grin. "Let's play."

Penelope flipped her hair over her head and gave him a look he'd never seen before, the glint in her eyes different from other ones he'd seen. "My objective is to distort your view and wreck the very core of you." She spoke. "Before this night is through, I will corrupt you."

Penelope grabbed Colin by his hair and thrust his head back as she brought his face to her wet pussy. "Pleasure me." She demanded. "Make me come."

Colin opened his mouth and began to suck on her clit and lick her seam, listening to her moan of pleasure. His fingers traced up her thigh before parting her nether lips and plunging inside her core, joining his tongue. Penelope's legs wobbled slightly as he brought his other arm behind her, holding her to his face as he ate her out.

Penelope grabbed his hair and pulled him up, kissing him deeply to taste herself. She reached down to grab his hard cock and led him to the bed before pushing him roughly onto the mattress and climbing onto the bed. She reached for the same loops Colin had used to bind her and bound his hands together above his head. She then reached for the paddle and brought it down on his stomach, smiling grimly at his wince of pain but enjoying the sound of flesh.

"Who owns you?" Penelope asked hotly as she ran her body along Colin's inflamed front.

Colin groaned. "You. Always you. Only you."

"Too right." Penelope confirmed.

"I love the way you hurt me." Colin confessed as Penelope's paddle landed another blow on his thighs making him cry out. His cock was fully hard and beginning to weep precum.

"We're going to kiss and then we're going to say dirty words that only lovers say." Penelope promised as she brought a hand up to his testicles and tugged them lightly.

"Yes." Colin cried out.

Penelope straddled Colin and hovered over him, letting her warmth torment him as her arousal slowly dripped on him. Colin bucked up, desperate for her. "Such a needy little man." Penelope commented idly. She leaned forward to whisper in his ear and bit his earlobe. "Are you a man who knows how to fuck?"

"Lower those hips onto me and find out." Colin snarled lightly.

Penelope laughed softly and lowered her hips a small amount, just enough to place half his tip inside her. Colin's snarl turned into a whimper of want as Penelope lightly traced her seam back and forth across his tip, denying him entrance. "I'm not sure you're hungry enough yet. Perhaps more punishment?" she grinned.

Colin shook his head. "I am at my limit for pain my love."

Penelope leaned forward to kiss Colin gently. "Such honesty will be rewarded then my love." she slammed her hips fully onto Colin and had pulled back off him before he could fully register the feeling. As Colin was reeling Penelope lowered herself again and began thrusting her hips against him, riding him hard and fast, taking Colin by surprise as he was unable to register what she was doing until he felt her climaxing on him. As it registered that she had cum, Colin saw her face curl into a snarl as she rode him harder making him cry out in gibberish, unable to hold on. He was awash in sensation, his body over sensitive and unable to focus on the goddess who's hips snapped against him making him her toy, existing only for her pleasure.

He felt Penelope begin to tighten again as her thrusts became erratic. Colin felt himself at his limit. "Pen…"

"Fill me Colin." Penelope hissed.

Colin let out a loud moan as his climax roared through him like a tempest. He didn't think he was ever going to stop climaxing inside her, and once he was drained he fell limply on the bed as Penelope gently unbound his hands and massaged his shoulders.

Their lips met in a gentle kiss. "I love you Penelope." Colin said tiredly.

"I love you more." Penelope replied smiling gently. "Thank you for letting me not be perfect."

"Always." Colin whispered before falling asleep.

Penelope laughed to herself as she got up to clean herself and her sleeping husband.

Violet awoke with a groan and saw that Mrs. Wilson had already brought her a drink with garlic to help her bottle weary head. Cursing Agatha lightly, Violet winced as she drank the hangover remedy and tried to remember getting home. She knew she had spoken to Anthony but could not for the life of her remember what. She reached for the bell-pull to summon Mrs. Wilson to ask for some food as she was not going to the dining hall this morning.

"Good morning Ma'am," Mrs. Wilson said cheerfully as she came into Violet's room. I have a message for you from the Viscount."

"Yes?" Violet asked politely.

"He wanted to let you know that he and Benedict have gone for an early morning hunt with Lords Waterhouse and Stanton."

Violet nodded as she asked for breakfast and began her morning ablutions to prepare for the day, trying to remember why those names were familiar.

Washing her face and sighing at the warm water, Violet's eyes snapped open as she remembered reading those names on a list at Agatha's last night.

A list she showed to Anthony.

Anthony who had decided to go hunting.

Cursing being outsmarted by a Bridgerton man, Violet began to rush through her ablutions as well as try to get letters written and sent to Agatha and the Queen. Operation Avenging Angels was at risk.

Simon, Anthony and Benedict rode slowly behind the group of gentlemen they were able to quickly assemble for an early morning hunt. Thankfully most of them were just back from whoring or avoiding their wives and were more than happy to avoid their households longer. The three focused on two Lords in particular who began to talk about their preferences for less-than-normal bedroom fare. "What kind of woman attracts you my Lord Waterhouse?" Anthony asked casually as he guided his horse alongside.

"Bored in your marriage already Bridgerton?" Lord Waterhouse leered. "Understandable, your wife is quite old. I can only imagine how wrinkled her body is."

Anthony had to bite his tongue to avoid a retort and clenched his reins tighter in an urge to not remove his teeth. Yet.

"Bridgerton, young flesh is where it's at. Firm. Untouched. You need to get them before they turn into shrews which is before they present. Inquiries can be made of course for a price, but there are always young ladies below presentation age that are available for playing and fun." Lord Waterhouse continued, not noticing the look of murderous rage on Simon's face as he came up behind them.

"Have any stood out?" Anthony asked neutrally.

"There was this one redhead a few years ago. Timid as anything. Pale white and almost glowing. Excellent curves and tits for one so young. Her father owed me and I collected in spades. She was so eager to please, so terrified I was going to hurt her more than I already had. I tell you she was a tasty treat men!"

"Did you breach her?"

Lord Waterhouse shook his head. "Nah, I couldn't afford her virgin price even with Featherington owing me so much. He knew what he had with that little treasure trove."

"I've had use of the girl as well." Lord Stanton interjected as he heard the conversation. "What a sweet cunny she had!"

"Did you breach her?"

"No. Like Waterhouse I couldn't afford her virgin price. That doesn't mean I didn't do everything else to her except breach her. Her tears and cries were an aphrodisiac." He raved. "When she begged me to stop, that was when it was the best."

Both Lords failed to notice that Anthony, Benedict and Simon had fallen back with them far enough that the main hunting party was now out of sight, and it was the five men.

"Are you god-fearing men?" Benedict asked idly. "I've always found it an odd phrase myself. Aren't we taught that He is benevolent and loving? Understanding?"

"I do believe I've heard it said myself." Simon agreed.

"I much prefer the old teachings." Anthony said grimly. "And eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth." He held up his rifle and pointed it at Lord Waterhouse's face. "A life for a life."

"What are you talking about Bridgerton?" Lord Waterhouse snorted.

"You stole a young girl's innocent life." Anthony said plainly. "You have used and abused an innocent who didn't deserve it due to your perversions."

Lord Waterhouse leaned forward to Anthony. "Prove it." He said, his eyes glittering. "No man will deny me in court. My word against hers. Men always win."

"I know." Benedict said sorrowfully.

"And sometimes Lord Waterhouse, Lord Stanton," Anthony replied. "Men stand for the women. Now it's time for you to pay for the damage you've done."

Three rifles were levelled at the men.

One loud bang rang out.