50wtkhb 32

Quick A/N: I realize now that the writing style for this series closely resembles a sad game of Mad Libs. I assure you, no Mad Libs, drugs, alcohol, or ovens had anything to do with this chapter.

Christine (that's the baby's name, right?) cried in the background as Booth pounded his fist into his face repeatedly.

"I cannot stand that child anymore. I didn't know raising a child would be like this!"

"You raised Parker, didn't you?" Brennan asked.

Booth turned to her. "Did you even watch the show? I did all the easy parts of parenting. I took him to the park, played catch, and then got to be an FBI agent during the day. I clearly had very little to do with actual parenting."

"I have not seen the show." Brennan said, probably confusing the readers with a very ungraceful fourth wall break which should probably be backspaced along with the last 31 chapters.

"We need a night out." Booth declared. (He hadn't stopped punching himself)

"Where would we go, Six Flags?"

"It's 11 o'clock at night. It's closed."

"How about the zoo?"

"Also closed."

"Blockbuster!"

"You are not seeing the pattern here."

"I'll see what Angela is doing tonight." Brennan picked up the dog and dialed A-N-G-E-L-A.

"Whaddup?" Came a hairy voice.

"Angela?"

"Wrong number."

"My bad." Brennan hung up and dialed 8.

"Hello?"

"Angela, it's Doctor Teperance Brennan. Booth was just-"

"Hold on." Angela began frantically calling to Hodgins in the background. "It happened! Booth finally snapped! Jack, grab the kit, we're going to Aruba-"

"We were wondering what you guys are doing tonight?" Brennan said calmly.

"…Oh. Um, well, we were about to go roller skating."

"I could tell from the noises in the background." Brennan said. "Mind if Booth and I join?"

"Not at all! Come on down! We're just gonna finish, um, trading stocks, then we'll head right over there." Angela said.

"What's the name of the roller rink?" Brennan asked.

"Death Lasers."

"Sounds wet." Booth said, grabbing the phone. "I'm in." He slammed down the phone and threw it across the room into the crib.

"You want to go?"

"Totally!" Booth said. "Grab your mitt, and your batting gloves-"

"Booth, it's a roller rink."

"…What? I thought she said "batting cages"?"

"How did you possibly mishear that?"

"Looook what Iiiiii gottttt!" Booth sang opera from a monster truck parked in the driveway.

"A monster truck?" Brennan asked.

"Yes, as was blatantly stated in the previous line. What, were you expecting another twist? Please, Brennan, get in the car."

Brennan hopped in, totally forgetting to close all the windows of the house before leaving.

"Can I join?" Hannah asked, standing at the end of the driveway.

But it was a monster truck, so there are many blind spots. Fortunately, Booth had a rear backup camera feature installed, so he could back the truck slowly over her skull with amazing precision.

"Wow!" Brennan cried with excitement. "I didn't know a spiral fracture could be inflicted on the entire occipital lobe!"

"Swag." Booth said.

"Exclaim something cool as we drive away!" Brennan said, bouncing a little in her seat.

"Smells like green paint!" Booth cried.

"No, that's stupid. Say something cooler."

"America runs on Dunkin!" Booth hollered as he revved the engine, then they tore off down the street, flames shooting out the back and burning to a crisp the somehow-still-alive-and-conscious-until-now Hannah Burley.

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A/N I guess the roller rink part will be in the next chapter. I'll cut it here because I have actual writing for Second City I should be doing. Spoiler: Angela and Hodgins are building a Doomsday Bunker.

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There's something about smelling green paint and monster trucks, I forget where that's from. I know it's something I wrote.