Out of the Closet
The front door slammed shut with a bang and a gust of cold air raced through the house sending shivers up various spines. Strands of tinsel festooning the dining room caught the light as it swayed in the breeze, Christmas tree decorations danced creating a slight tinkly sound which went unheard. Marilla glanced quickly around at their guests as they looked up from their dinner in consternation, the picked over turkey carcass providing a diminished centrepiece. They had gathered friends and family to join them for Christmas dinner but much to Marilla's regret Rachel had gone to her family for the long weekend.
Rachel's daughter Mary had called a few weeks prior and practically begged Rachel to join them. "I'm sure it will be okay," Rachel had placated Marilla saying that absence made the heart fonder and promised her a wonderful post-Christmas reunion. Marilla let her go with some trepidation, after all what choice did she have? This was Rachel's family after all.
Judging by the slamming door perhaps Marilla had been right after all and her fears were founded when a silent but red-faced Rachel appeared at the doorway chest heaving, snow in her hair. She searched around the room fervently, her face relaxing when her eyes lit upon Marilla's then she turned and made her way down the hallway. "Please excuse me for a moment," Marilla said pulling back her chair. There was a silence around the table until Anne turned to Mrs Barry pointedly asking, "you were saying?" The spell broken various people turned to their neighbours mostly to speculate about what they had just witnessed.
The sound of their chatter faded into the background as Marilla made her way out to the kitchen where she found Rachel leaning against the fridge. Her legs looked about to buckle and Marilla crossed over to her swiftly and took her in her arms. Without speaking, Rachel leant into Marilla's chest and just let herself go while Marilla hugged her tightly, sending all the love she had through her embrace. Eventually Rachel spoke saying swiftly, "Oh Marilla, you've no idea." Marilla did have a pretty good idea as it happened, but she merely placed her hands around Rachel's cheeks and tilted her face up for a long and passionate kiss.
Mrs Barry had finished telling Anne her long and frankly boring story about her mother in law's piles and Anne had shifted her attention to Mary Keith on her other side when the interminable tale reached its conclusion. That left Mrs Barry somewhat at a loss as she had been sitting next to Marilla on her other side; the usual seating of boy girl boy being impossible due to low numbers of men.
Deciding to see what was keeping their host so long Mrs Barry got up to investigate. She weaved her way through the hallway of the unfamiliar house, following the seet and spicy scent of christmas pudding wafting through the house. Stopping when she reached the kitchen doorway where she was greeted by the sight of Marilla comforting Rachel in a most unusual manner. The staccato knocking of the Christmas pudding basin against the saucepan provided a backdrop to the low murmurings the two women made in their urgent embrace. Their kiss was far from the chaste peck two friends might bestow upon each other and in fact was considerably more involved than any Mr Barry had conferred upon her in many a year. She stood there shocked forgetting that she might be considered rude for eavesdropping on such an intimate scene. It did not matter, so intent were Marilla and Rachel upon each other that they did not notice Mrs Barry staring at them. She backed away slowly while they continued their attentions.
On her way back to the dining table Mrs Barry determined the best course of action. She swept into the room and ordered her family, "right, we're off. Come Diana and Minnie May, it's time to go!"
"What? No mother, I haven't had a chance to catch up with Anne," Diana protested.
"But we haven't even had dessert yet," whined Minnie May.
"Darling? Whatever is the matter?" queried her husband.
Ignoring their protests, Mrs Barry declared, "I'll, I'll take you to Tom Hortons, aren't you always bugging me to take you. This is your chance," she grabbed Minnie May by the arm.
"Mo-om, it's Tim Hortons," Minnie May rolled her eyes at her mother's mistake. "Anyway, they won't have Christmas pudding and it's my favourite," she wriggled unsuccessfully to get free of her mother's tight clasp.
"I don't understand," Mr Barry said. "Is something the matter?"
"I'll tell you in the car," muttered Mrs Barry. "Pas devant les enfants," she added.
"Not in front of the children," translated Diana. "What can't you say in front of the children, mother?" she put her arms up defensively when her mother lunged at her. "Oh no, I'm staying. You can't drag me off too. I'm nineteen now, you can't force me."
The Keiths sat by open mouthed as this display of familial conflict played out in front of them. Demure Dora looked shocked, but her twin brother Davy was delighted, he always loved it when other families broke down too, it made their family seem normal.
Back in the kitchen the embrace was coming to a natural conclusion. "Do you feel you can join the party? Marilla murmured. They made their way back to the dining room where they bumped into the hastily departing Barrys. "What was that about?" a bemused Marilla asked Matthew.
"Dunno, she, "Matthew pointed at Mrs Barry through the window, "just came in and ordered the rest of the family out, much to their confusion and disgust. Minnie May was most put out at missing the pudding.
The rest of the guests made their excuses after the flamed pudding had been consumed. Diana had driven off with her aunt after promising to catch up with Anne again the next day. Marilla pressed a dessert bowl with some pudding in it into her hands as she left, "I do feel sorry for Minnie May," she explained. "I know how she loves it."
Rachel sighed as she woke up. She had been too riled up to say much the night before, they'd picked up some of the detritus and packed the dishwasher but now after a good night's sleep tucked up next to Marilla she felt clearer.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Marilla asked as she stroked Rachel's silver hair.
Rachel stared straight up looking at but not really seeing the ceiling, her tummy rumbled. Glancing across at Marilla she said, "I'll tell you over breakfast. I didn't get much to eat last night."
Matthew came out to the smell of frying pudding. Fried Christmas pudding was one of Rachel's favourite foods. They sat down with platefuls of food and strong coffee to listen to Rachel's tale.
"I was welcomed in nicely enough. Mary does put on a good spread I'll give her that. The house was spick and span and the children were happy to see me. And I them," she added after a beat. "All went well until the boys arrived." Rachel speared another piece of pudding and popped it in her mouth, when she had swallowed, she continued, "John and Thomas and their wives led the charge. They accused me of dereliction."
"Dereliction?" Marilla queried.
"Of the family. They told me I had deserted them when I moved in with you. They don't like you much, I'm sorry to say," Rachel smiled at Marilla and grasped her hand momentarily. "Anyway, when I asked about that, they said they had expected I would move in to one of their houses and babysit. They complained that childcare is expensive, and my job now was to provide free childminding. Marilla, I've cared for children for nigh on thirty years, I don't want to do it anymore. I want to have a life now." She stopped and washed another piece of pudding down with a slurp of coffee. "When I told them that, they told me I was selfish."
Marilla snorted at that. "You selfish? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."
"Indeed," Matthew murmured looking fondly at Rachel. Fried pudding was a new taste sensation for him, and he was enjoying his morning immensely, though he felt sorry for Rachel.
Thinking about it, Rachel smacked her palms down on kitchen table making all the crockery jump, "well fuck them. Sorry for the cussing, Marilla but fuck the lot of them. I've had it. I rushed out after they'd had their say, despite their attempts to stop me. I'm sorry to say their father's blood runs too hot in them and they're all awful.
"Except…" Matthew said.
Rachel looked at him wild-eyed, "except?"
"Lucy," he finished.
"Oh, yes dear Lucy. She is a lovely girl. She's not like the others, thank goodness."
Marilla sat looking at her friend with admiration. Her swearing was healthy she decided and long overdue.
"It's a wonder Lucy turned out the way she did, considering," Marilla mused the next evening after a dinner of leftovers. They had spent the day tidying up the mess. Anne was out with friends after they had implored to take it easy on the icy roads.
"We-ll I guess so," Rachel replied hesitatingly. Marilla couldn't miss the quick flicker of a glance Rachel made towards Matthew.
"You guess so? The rest of them are so terrible to you and she is such an angel. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Thomas had kinda gone off me by then," Rachel explained. "He said I disgusted him. I'm pretty sure he was casting his net further afield as it were, and my fertility was finally lessening. Not that it stopped the beatings..." She trailed off momentarily before beginning again. "You were out one day, maybe off to Charlottetown for one of your interludes," she looked meaningfully at Marilla who nodded. "Can't remember and I had to get out of the house for a spell." Marilla sat enthralled. "Matthew was home and I came to him for comfort in your stead and well..."
Matthew cleared his throat, "I 'member..." His mind went back, in truth he had replayed that moment for most of his life. She had come to him while he harvested, appearing over the side of the tractor cabin. Hair mussed, blouse ripped open with a bruise forming on her cheek. The stubble had cut her bare feet and ankles leaving angry red marks. When the noise of the tractor had died down, he could hear her sobs. "Marilla's gone to Charlottetown," he told her. She nodded and looked up at him tearfully. He'd gathered her into his arms and carried her back to the barn. His father was out, but his mother was in the house. She'd begged him not to tell her, so he had placed a blanket over a pile of hay in the barn. Fetching a wet rag, he'd cleaned her feet. Rachel had tried unsuccessfully to cover herself up, but the blouse was ruined. She lay back exhausted and when he had finished Matthew had joined her on the hay.
Matthew was not particularly proud of himself, but it had happened and that was that. Two lonely people finding solace in each other. Afterwards she had pulled herself together and limped away and all he could do was wince when she appeared the next time.
Rachel nodded, "you took me up to the barn and tended to me so devotedly. Remember my ankles got cut up by the stubble where you'd already harvested? Matthew nodded. "I hope you'll forgive us, Marilla," Rachel looked her straight in the eye while Matthew looked down at his knees, she turned her gaze back to him, "you were a tender lover despite your lack of experience, Matthew. Anyway, you returned Marilla, and the opportunity never arose again. Luckily Thomas was too drunk to go out one day soon after so I could easily explain away the pregnancy. It was the one and only time I was happy to have sex with him."
Marilla thought back to that short conversation she had with Matthew in the hospital when he was recovering from his heart operation, she'd always wondered who The One was. Looked like she'd just found out. "So, it was no wonder our tender-hearted Matthew would father such a lovely girl as Lucy." Rachel explained. "I never did tell you did I, Matthew? Of course, I can't be one hundred percent certain, but I'm pretty sure. She was slightly early if you recall, Marilla?"
"I do, in fact I'd wondered if you got your dates wrong. She was a good size for one born allegedly early," Marilla replied.
Rachel nodded, "luckily Thomas was never very interested in babies, except for the inconvenience they caused. As soon the baby was born, he'd clamber on me for another go." She shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the memory of him forcing her bruised legs apart mere hours after she'd given birth. Matthew scowled. "I suppose it might be my fault, really," Rachel mused.
"Your fault?" Marilla queried.
"I s'pose I treated Lucy a bit different to the others. She was a sweeter child in any case and thinking of her providence, maybe subliminally I had more patience with her than the others."
"She was the youngest of course," Matthew said quietly.
Rachel glanced across at him, "yes that probably helped too. I never had to parent her while pregnant with the next."
"Have you ever told her?" Marilla asked.
"Lucy? No, and I never will," Rachel answered emphatically. "She's got enough on her plate with her siblings."
"Might help her," Matthew said speculatively.
"Help her?"
"To know she's not completely related to them or may not be. I guess we'll never know. She might like that."
"Hmm," Rachel mused. "I never thought of it like that. Anyway, I need a shower." She got to her feet and made her way out of the room.
Marilla watched her go, but decided she needed to have a chat with Matthew first.