Finally at the end of second year! It's been a while but great excitement for third - so much potential angst.
Also a new summary because now I actually know what this story is about.
Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, I appreciate every one of them.
Happy New Year!

Chapter Fifteen

As Snape lay staring up at the green hangings his mind wandered to Hermione and the impending destruction of their relationship. He cursed himself for his stupidity… and his failure to tell her straight away. Now she would have the entire holidays to mull over just how much she never wanted to see him again. What if she went to Dumbledore? He thought wildly. What if Potter did it instead? He wouldn't get fired, Snape knew that Dumbledore needed him; but for some reason, Hermione was something Snape wanted to keep from Dumbledore. The happy things in his life only ever seemed to fuel Dumbledore's control over him.

Snape groaned, he felt perverted. Miss Granger was a child, she shouldn't be one of the only people who made him happy, he thought miserably. He definitely shouldn't have just compared her to Lily. But what was he supposed to do?

Four hours late Snape gave up on trying to sleep and decided to workshop what he had begun to call The Confrontation. Pacing around his living room he began to craft what he believed would be the ideal scenario for her to forgive him. All kinds of conversations flew around his head; if she yelled or screamed or just walked out. If she forgave him or if she never spoke to him outside of class for the next five years. He could see her before him, materialising on the sofa opposite as he tried to explain himself.

But...a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered to him, what if he just never told her? He would be saved from her bad opinion... his conscience had worse things to dwell upon anyway. He could just enjoy her thirst for knowledge and how it inspired him in turn. Only five years. If he really wanted to, he could tell her then and never have to see her again.

The fire flared green, and Snape was stunned to see Poppy stepping carefully out onto his rug. She was carrying an armful of books and looked more than a little disappointed. She surveyed him for several moments before seating herself opposite.

"What exactly are you doing here?" Snape asked, finding his voice.

"It's four in the morning Severus." He raised an eyebrow.

"That's not the compelling argument you think it is. You're in my chambers."

"You haven't slept so I figured I had waited long enough to give you these. I wanted to give you a chance to recover a little... and a chance to implement better strategies yourself but since I find you here, I am going to intervene before it is too late this time." She handed him the books, various self-help guides, both muggle and magical.

"Do you really think these will help? Residual trauma from life as an ex-Death Eater, how to not fuck up your life a second time... for dummies?"

"Don't be ridiculous Severus, nobody can tell you how to deal with that , you're going to have to trust someone a lot in order to work through it or do it yourself. And I have to believe that isn't what caused this. I think you've been like this for far longer than you know. Perhaps the death eaters were the first cry for help." He glowered at her.

"How did you even know I hadn't slept, got a little tracker on me have you..." Poppy calmly watched as his face descended into furious anger. "How could you do that!" he screamed, "I'm a fully grown adult, I am thirty... thirty-three dammit you don't get to treat me like a child!"

"Severus if you are going to act like a petulant child, I am going to treat you as one. I acknowledge that you deserve privacy and autonomy, but you are currently a risk, and I can't just let you be." Poppy observed closely as Snape's features moved quickly from anger to what looked like crushing betrayal to the perfect mask she had grown so used to.

"I see," he said. "Well, I'm glad you were watching your back, but no one is going to sue you if I kill myself. Don't you worry."

"That was not what I meant, and you know it, Severus. Of course, we care about you. You may not accept it, but we are not just going to let you waste your life away." They stared at each other for several moments. "Besides," she said grinning, "you're only thirty-three. That's the second burn the world stage." Before he could stop himself, Snape laughed.

"Now tell me," Poppy said, suddenly businesslike. "What are you doing about Miss Granger?"

"What about her?"

"Well, have you told her, are you going to tell her. What exactly is going on?" Snape sighed.

"I have been tutoring her all year. Nothing inappropriate has happened..."

"I know that Severus." Snape opened and shut his mouth several times, trying to find the right words.

"She has been very odd. Something is up, she doesn't take care of herself, and I don't know why." Poppy smiled softly as he became more animated. "She collapsed on me once in a hallway, and I found her asleep in the garden. She's screamed at me and run away and... there's just something very peculiar about her. She- she likes our classes."

"You are a very good teacher Severus,"

"I know that, but they don't usually enjoy it. I don't either. But teaching her is different, I enjoy it. I bloody planned a lesson for her. I haven't done that since my second year."

"Have you told her?" Snape slumped slightly in his chair.

"That's why I'm here. I'm trying to find a way, so she won't hate me. She wants me to teach her alchemy. And..." he sighed again. "I want to, I do. But I don't see it happening if she knows. I don't know how she would trust me again. I don't want to interfere with her ability to get educated because I made some bad decisions."

"I'm not sure she would be that angry. Hermione is fairly level-headed, and she's young, she might not even think much of it."

"I gave her the box."

"What?"

"She came to me and asked for a way to keep things secret, to make sure nobody read them. And I gave her that and then intentionally violated her privacy. It wasn't as spur of the moment as it looked." Poppy stared at him in shock.

"How could you do that?" She said softly.

"I don't know. I don't- I tried not to. After I did it, I let the box sit there, you know it glows blue when you add to it. And I made it an exercise of willpower I suppose. I tried to resist the temptation, and then she got petrified – which was also my fault – and I couldn't anymore."

"But why do it in the first place?"

"I thought I could learn something from Potter. I couldn't resist."

"I think you need to tell her. She needs to be able to make that decision herself. You can't make it for her." Snape nodded. "And tell her everything."

Snape stared glumly into the fire.

"What if she doesn't want classes anymore?"

"I doubt that will happen. But if it does, it does. And you'll have to deal with that. Now," Poppy clapped her hands together. "How about some tea and toast, you must be hungry."

"That wasn't very subtle Poppy." She huffed and began bustling around the kitchen.

In no time they were back on the couch with their meal.

"You should get out more." Poppy said.

Snape scoffed, pointedly sipping his tea.

"What exactly would I do, or meet?"

"You could have tea in the staff room once or twice."

"I do, perhaps you don't notice my presence."

"It isn't doing much to show up and immediately hide with papers, try speaking to someone. Why don't you invite Minerva and I for tea?"

"Because that's uncomfortable, I don't want to have tea with you two."

"Well, that's me put in my place," Poppy chuckled.

"I didn't mean that, but people coming for the express purpose of being entertained by me is not exactly my idea of fun."

"I'll invite myself over then, today is Friday so why don't we come for brunch tomorrow?"

"Brunch?! Brunch means food."

"I'll bring scones." Snape stared blankly at her for several moments.

"Fine."

"Lovely, well now that that's dealt with... why don't you tell me about the newest book you're fascinated by?"

Initially somewhat reluctant, Severus was soon consumed by a very thorough and passionate explanation about the most recent book on rare potions he had read, and, of course, all their errors of judgement. Madame Pomfrey sat back and enjoyed listening to him speak, it was rare she got the opportunity to coax enough out of him that he would light up with enjoyment. She had always thought it such a shame he stayed at Hogwarts, given his obvious delight in experimentation; but she had never questioned. One step at a time, Poppy supposed, she would keep him alive first and then work on making his life truly liveable.

Morning dawned soon enough and as they left for the Great Hall together, Poppy was saddened to see the mask fall back into place as he became the imposing man all the students knew him to be. It was nothing like the young man who had just spent hours expounding upon the intricacies of Mugwort because someone offered to listen.

25th June 1993

I've really enjoyed the past few weeks. Classes have gone well enough, although with no exams it's a little hard to motivate myself to study. Your lessons have been the same as always, I enjoyed them immensely, but you've gone distant again. I don't get how you go from being so considerate one moment to cruel the next, then you're just cold, I guess. Not actively mean just not very engaged. I suppose it is the end of the year, and all the teachers must have had to deal with quite a lot with the Chamber and everything. It is so close to the end of the year, and I actually am excited for it. I would very much like some holidays, just to be able to relax and read, maybe write or something. I think my parents might want me to do the muggle curriculum but I'm not sure, it might be useful to do just in case I want to go to normal uni. It'd be nice to have something to research over the holidays since I can't use magic.

Hermione

"Sir," Hermione asked, unpacking her things, "How are we supposed to do our holiday homework if we can't use magic over the summer? It wasn't really an issue last year but, in the future..."

"I never considered it," Hermione raised her eyebrow sceptically.

"Never? Surely, it's a disadvantage to muggle-borns, that's not fair." he considered her briefly, trying to think of how they had previously solved the problem.

"We have discussed it before. It was agreed that homework involving spells would not be set over the summer holidays since the students had no choice but to go home."

"Well, that's helpful," Hermione muttered.

"It shouldn't matter this year, I'm sure you can fight someone about it later."

"Is there anything I can research that would be useful? Can I take books from the library?"

"You would have to ask Madame Pince about the latter but I'm sure there is something you can research; the world is full of possibilities you know." she fixed him with a stare Snape found vaguely reminiscent of Minerva. Turning to the board he began to remove the papers covered in his messy scrawl, replacing them with instructions, "What would you like to research Miss Granger? Potions? Any other subject?"

"I don't kno- what about alchemy?"

Snape hummed, "That is probably a good idea actually, there should be some beginner books in the library, if Irma will not let you take them can you get to Diagon Alley?"

"I could probably manage it," Hermione said, more than a little disappointed with his apparent disinterest.

"Then four scrolls on what you have discovered about basic alchemy on your first lesson back." She beamed at him.

The remainder of the term passed in blissful normality. Classes were attended and chess games were lost but the trio rejoiced in the simplicity of Hogwarts during such an uneventful summer; in comparison to the last, that was.

Meanwhile, Severus tried to find the sense of normality Poppy implied he had never discovered. He had them over for tea twice more, both very uncomfortable experiences but luckily Minerva and Poppy were more than equipped to entertain each other without much of his input.

He had made a considerable effort, Snape proclaimed earnestly to Poppy one morning at breakfast. He had turned up for every meal and slept every night. It wasn't a great deal, but progress was progress.

Though he hated to admit it, for the first time Snape appreciated their interference. He knew when the holidays came, he would lose most if not all progress, but he vowed to himself he would try at least, to keep it up. He would read the book Poppy gave him. Maybe clean the house a little. Maybe he could take advantage of summer like everyone else... maybe.

Yet Hermione lingered on his mind, he had decided to tell her – and Poppy would hold him to it even if hadn't 'decided'... but Snape dreaded it. His anxiety was high enough for him to recognise it, and thus, far higher than it had been in years. Even his newfound desire to be busy and not wallow in self-pity could not keep it out of his thoughts. As the school year drew to a close, he could not be more excited for a break of some sort, even if it was as listless as usual.

Before either of them knew it, their final lesson had arrived. The very last day of school.

Hermione walked through the door, surprised to see Snape lining up cauldrons on the benches, pushed together to form one large table.

"What are you doing?" she said.

"Hello, there isn't anything to teach you and I have to test all the cauldrons for thickness issues et cetera at the end of each term." Hermione nodded and began to help lift cauldrons from the shelves. Snape paused, looking at her curiously.

"Actually, I have to talk to you." He said suddenly, taking the cauldron from her and placing it in the line before seating himself behind the desk. He gestured to the chair opposite and Hermione sat.

He stared at her for several moments, his mind conveniently blank from all the scripts he had rehearsed.

"Er, Miss Granger. Miss Granger," he nervously tapped the desk with his fingertips, "do you remember that box I gave you for your letters?"

"Yes," she answered slowly. "How did you know they were letters?" Snape raised his hands in mock defence.

"Just a- uh assumption, my apologies. I think you should get another one."

"Another what?"

"Another box."

"Why?" Hermione asked, now mildly suspicious.

"I'm afraid that one was... one of mine. I tried to unlink it but unfortunately, it didn't work." Cursing himself, Snape finally pulled up his façade. "I didn't notice until a few days ago when I found the box it was linked to. I haven't read any don't worry," he assured her as Hermione looked like she wanted to sink through the floor. "But apparently they aren't going to unlink so..."

"It wasn't an assumption about letters then," she said accusingly.

"Er- no. I will teach you the spells early next year. You can get them here." Snape quickly scribbled the address of the shop on a scrap of parchment and handed it to her. Hermione looked at it judgementally.

"Your handwriting really is awful." Snape had to stop his mouth from just falling open.

"Wait here a minute," he said, striding through to his office and then his quarters.

Quickly consulting the bookshelf, he pulled the first text he had ever read on alchemy. Opening it, Snape found it was covered in annotations and notes, he didn't think she would mind.

Reappearing, he handed it to Hermione who felt as though she could be blessed with nothing higher than one of his books.

"I expect it back in premium condition." She snorted.

"Do you want me to undo the damage?"

"No," he chuckled, "Just don't make it unreadable. Not a tall order." Hermione shook her head, beaming.

Snape moved back to the store cupboard as Hermione – carefully – added the book to her already overflowing school bag before reaching for more cauldrons. When he came back into the room, he was surprised to find Hermione lining them up on the table.

"Oh, I didn't mean for you to stay. You're not in detention... yet."

"Oh, thank you sir." he smiled softly at her.

"Have a good holiday Miss Granger."

"You too, sir." She ran out the door.

22nd July 1993

Well, I'm on the train. I can't believe it. Second-year is over. And what a strange year it was. So much has happened I can't believe it. I made Polyjuice potions – SUCCESSFULLY! Well mostly successfully, and I found out what was in the chamber. I got petrified. Wow. It has been a crazy year. And Snape. Somethings going on with me about him. I don't understand it and I'm going to write about it as soon as I get home cause the boys are already looking over my shoulder and the last thing I want to do is reveal myself. He gave me his book though! His own book, with annotations! I can't believe it. Potential classes just keep replaying in my head; for some reason, it makes me so happy. The letter thing was weird though, I'll have to check them when I get home. Not sure if I entirely trust him not to have read them. Anyway, the boys are restless so we're going to play exploding snap until we arrive. I can't wait for the summer.

Hermione