Louis waited for Clem's breathing to steady before carrying her to the school. She looked up at him appreciatively, grateful for assistance. AJ looked at the pair in awe. He would like to be strong like Louis too. Then AJ looked at them with confusion. Clem had carried AJ many times in his life. But looking at Clem and Louis, it felt different.
'Closer and weirder' AJ thought. This made AJ feel stubborn. There was this world all the older kids existed in, not him and Willy. Louis and Clementine, Aasim and Ruby, even Violet had it . And she was alone! AJ missed Tenn at times like this . It was gratifying to be with someone his own age. If only Tenn hadn't been so naive , he would still be here . . .
AJ outside of his most treasured friends' world, spurred his desire for independence. They included him in their games, their jokes and their lives. However, once he realized that funny thing Clem and Louis did when they put their mouths together and froze wasn't a laughing matter, he felt very alone.
He would always love, support and protect Clem. He closely walked beside Clem and Louis. His frequent glances at her were rewarded with her smiles and reaching out to grasp his fingers in hers.
Louis on the other hand struggled to mask his fretting. He savored the weight of his girlfriend in his arms as she was raising his body temperature with her radiant presence. But he was upset over her current state .
"Hey". He smiled at her.
"Hey".
"Feeling any better?"
"Actually, I am".
An amiable silence bubbles between them.
Clementine continues "and, being carried by my boyfriend certainly helps".
Ahh joking. Louis's domain. How he adored her sense of humor, cute and wry. He returns her volley with with his characteristic eyebrow raised expression
"Correction. You are being held milady. And I shall carry you through sickness and health".
The sentiment makes her feel fuzzy and small. She snuggles into his chest, her autumnal eyes dilate and sparkle, looking at him fondly.
Louis adds "And somewhere where Ruby can get a good look at you".
Louis screams inside. He really laid his feelings on the table, dammit. Did she notice? That he threw the ceremonial words of wedding nuptials at her because he was too preoccupied with her health to control his devotion? The longer he meets her eyes the less he worries, the less he thinks, the wider his smile becomes.
"I'm fine. I don't want you to worry. You too AJ. I'm fine, don't lose any sleep over it".
"You're not fine! People who are fine don't faint and shout". AJ crosses his arms and looks away.
Clem is taken aback and begins to say something when Louis cuts in.
"AJ's right. We appreciate your positive outlook but Ruby will be the one to decide what's up. Once she does, then you can read AJ and I some bedtime stories"
AJ's curiosity overcomes his petulance.
"Why'd you say that Louis?".
"Well" Louis says "Clem said she didn't want us to lose sleep right? So if she really is a woman of her word, she would offer her services so we can sleep soundly".
"Clem is great at reading" AJ bounces at the chance to praise his guardian. "She used to read to me all the time when we were on the road. She even taught me the alphabet and toread too.".
"Wow amazing, just amazing Clem". Louis looks at Clementine with amazement. She did it all.
"What's the best thing you ever read AJ?". Louis asks.
AJ reflects for a moment.
"Not sure, I guess it would be the recipe book we had in the car. I got to read that book for a while and it had really pretty pictures".
Clementine says "There are a lot of books to read here AJ. We can look for more so you don't have to read about trout meunière for the hundredth time".
AJ can't help but jump in excitement at hearing this.
"Really?! Louis can you come? When Clem and I go book hunting?"?
"Sure thing buddy. I'll even show you some books I'd think you love". He looks at Clem, begging the question "Maybe more books onn Trout meunière. Really Clem?".
Clem shoots him a warning look "It had pretty pictures".
. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"What the hell happened?" Violet barked at the foursome ascending the staircase to the school.
"Is she okay?" Violet asked to the group, then softened to ask Clementine,
"Are you okay?".
Clementine nods at her friend.
Ruby says "Calm down Vi she's alright. I just want to take her inside and look at her".
"Seems like you have some idea Ruby. Care to give us a hint?". Violet asks.
Everyone anticipates Ruby's answer. They even stop following her expecting her to answer.
"Can everybody chill out?". Ruby fumes.
"Yeesh!'. They stop behind Ruby when she finds the room she wants to go inside.
"Louis bring Clem in here. Then get out". Louis places her in a chair, kisses her cheek and exits but not before shooting finger guns at Ruby. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes mentioning how ridiculous he is. Louis had the master playbook for getting everyone to roll their eyes.
Ruby chose a medium sized classroom to place Clementine. A handful of school desks are in the middle of the floor while the majority of them are scattered as if they'd been thrown in a fit of rage. There is a chalkboard littered with expletives in varying fonts, sizes and color. The largest tag is emboldened with multiple colors that have dulled from time says 'WALKER WALKER READ ALL ABOUT IT'.
Nostalgia passes through both young women as they reflect on life before walkers.
"Takes you back doesn't it?" Ruby sighs.
"It does. I was only in first grade when the walkers came".
Ruby snorts "Yaah, and I was here, making all the teachers' lives here a living hell!".
Ruby shifts from playful to compassionate.
"Clementine I know everyone's experienced some god awful stuff after the world, I don't know, became a playground for the freaking living dead. But I wonder if it's starting to affect you, really bad".
Woah. That was fast. Ruby really didn't pull punches, did she?
'I guess I had the whole walk over here to prep for this conversation" Clementine thought, trying to calm herself for what would inevitably be bad news. Clem gauged the hitting power a stout girl like Ruby would had and felt better than Ruby was only asking questions, and had never literally punched her.
"Of course. I've seen . . . and done, a lot of shitty things Ruby. I don't regret it. I don't regret anything. Because all those things I did kept me and AJ alive".
"I understand Clem" Ruby feels the weight of Clementine's ordeals and shakes her head sorrowfully for her. "No, no I don't. I only got a taste of how barbaric and scary things were out there. I am not gonna sit here and pretend like I know one percent of what you've been through. And I think that's the problem".
Ruby looks at Clementine, stares at her with concern and care muddying her eyes.
"You have been on high alert for years Clem. And from what I know about you, it seems like you have been either fighting for your life or running for it. When was the last time you rested Clem. Shut your eyes without worrying?"
Clementine is startled by Ruby's words. She is grateful to think about the past instead of facing the things she is hearing. It was true. And that stung. Clementine didn't want to feel sorry for herself or envious of the kids who ostensibly, had a better life in the apocalypse thanks to their school gates. Clem looks inside of herself for an answer, she remembers her life outside of the school.
There are memories of being dead asleep. That was from exhaustion from hunger or exertion though. Even then a thread of danger would yank her from slumber, weapon at the ready. If this was after she rescued AJ from the ranch, she would be protecting him with her body. It was lame to call these moments horrific. This may have turned the kids at Ericson to a ball of nerves but this was ordinary to Clem. This was the hard knock life that created her.
She found her answer, "After I came here. I was able to rest easier. It still had its problems though".
"What kinda problems?"
" . . . . nightmares. AJ has them too. They make it impossible to go back to sleep. Or at least to sleep alone. Thankfully AJ hasn't gotten so independent where he refuses to sleep with me if it's having a fit. I can still take care of him".
"What about you Clem?".
Clementine shrugs. "I've dealt with them for a long time, Ruby. I can take care of myself. Always have".
Silence hangs between the girls. Clementine was hard. Asking these questions could insult her or have her lash out. Ruby couldn't have that. She needed to ask these questions the right way to help Clem. She wouldn't fail the person who saved her home.
Ruby was tough, she was sassy and she respected herself. She was the best substitute for a doctor they had. She read books about disinfection, anatomy and public health. Then she ripped the leather covers off of them books to practice her stitching. And she had plenty of practice since the knuckleheads here couldn't keep themselves out of trouble. But relaying bad news to people, when was she gonna pick up that habit? Because it made her heart sink and eyes water every time she had to do it.
"You're not alone anymore. Neither you or AJ. You two have a home now. And you're not in the best shape to fight a horde of walkers so I don't expect you leaving anytime soon. Everything drastically changed. You lost a leg and gained a haven. And your body is rejecting those changes. That thing you experienced in the greenhouse? Looked like a panic attack to me".
Clementine expresses disbelief, "You're kidding me Ruby. After being thrown around by a bomb, escaping a sinking ship that's on fire, and being bitten, you think i'm afraid of some worms in a bucket of dirt?".
"That's now what i'm saying Clementine!" Ruby bites back. Clementine blinks in surprise at Ruby's sudden venom and Ruby apologizes. "Sorry sorry, I didn't mean it. Just . . . let's use that as an example. The boat explodes, you're fighting for your life and all of your friends. You're not thinking. You're acting. A survival machine. But when you're getting the soil ready, you start thinking. Thinking about how scary that was. How the people you loved were in danger. You start to feel all those feelings again, all at once and it's like it's happening all over again. Except you don't have that adrenaline pumping through your veins so you can't run, you can't fight. You just have to wait for it to end".
Clementine gets it "Like a waking nightmare".
Clementine lets this sink it, emotions swirling inside of her and subtly playing on her face.
Ruby looks away pensively, hoping she did a good job of explaining to Clementine.
"Ruby?".
"Yes?"
" . .. Thanks for talking with me about this. I get it, really. It's been so long since i didn't have to fight. It's weird. All I ever wanted was for AJ and I to be safe. Now that we have it, I can't handle it".
Ruby smiles "You can handle it. You have dealt with a lot worse. You're hella capable at surviving, now you just gotta get used to chilling".
Clementine quirks her brow at that word. "Chilling? Sounds like something Louis would say".
Ruby giggles wildly. "You should see Aasim's face when I say it!"
"Soooo" Clementine grabs her forearm and looks out the window.
"What should I, do?"
"Simple. Well maybe not but it's simple in theory. Just do things that make you happy and relax you".
"Okay" Clementine reluctantly agrees.
"You know Ruby, if you just said I was in a waking nightmare I would have totally understood".
"Oh shaddup Clem". Ruby jumps from her seat and jovially punches Clementine in the arm.
'Wow that's power' Clem thinks.
She chuckles until Ruby grabs both of her shoulders then pulls her into a hug. Ruby was getting whiplash from being joking to deadly real and Clem was feeling it too.
"And Clem, if you're ever having one of them waking nightmares, share it with someone. No need to bottle that up. We're friends and if we can shoulder some of your burden I can't imagine anyone here who wouldn't be glad to listen".
Ruby shares a meaningful glance with Clementine. Both girls felt closer than before. Clem appreciated someone else taking the initiative and flattered that all this effort was for her sake. What a reliable friend Ruby was. She could see why Aasim was such a fool for her. He had a lot of willpower which was expected. How else would a former pyromaniac rehabilitate if not for that?. How could he not admire a southern ginger who taught herself to care for an entire community of misfits? She managed bullet wounds and injuries that lied under the surface too.
Clementine sighed. Her downcast eyes hiding a wicked history. If people like Nick had someone like Ruby on their side, things may have gone differently all those years ago.
"What's wrong? What're you thinking about?"
"Nothing just,"
"Doctor's orders Clem. Did you just forget what I said?".
"No Ruby". Clementine pouts "Fine. I was just thinking about a guy I used to know. I met him when I was a kid. Things were . . . really shitty. This guy had a good heart, but wasn't very stable. I was wondering how much longer he would have survived if he had a kind doctor like you on his side".
"Thanks Clem".
Violet knocks on the door. "Hey, 'm coming in. So if you're naked or whatever, tell me right now". Ruby says she can come in and Vi skulks into the room in her normal fashion. "Hey. You two okay?".
Clementine nods "Yup."
Violet uncrosses her arms and sympathetically asks Clem "Are you . . okay?".
Clem smiles wider "Yup. Thanks for asking".
"Good, thank god. I am soo relieved to hear that. I can't tell you how worried I was. If I had to watch you all sick and, different, it would be a real eyesore".
Clementine laughs whereas Ruby gets disgruntled. "You may have one working eye but that doesn't mean you have to joke about it all the time".
"Hey" Violet disagrees "It's how I cope. Anyway, Ruby Aasim asked about you".
"Well, that's my cue ladies. I'll see ya at dinner!".
"And Clem, of course AJ and Louis didn't shut up about you but, if you need to be alone, I can make em scram.
"Scram?" Clementine questions.
"Yeah, scram. Like in cartoons. I could tell them that you got heat stroke and are lying here, butt naked to cool off".
"Come on, don't tease Louis like that".
"Why not? He'd be itching to come in but wouldn't dare. He is the perfect frickin gentleman".
"And we should, punish him for that?". Clementine doesn't know where she gets this sense of humor of hers, but she loves it.
"It would be funny". Vi adds.
"I'm sure he would have a pitcher of water ready for me as soon as I walked out the door". Clementine muses.
"Yet his mouth would be bone dry as if he hadn't drunk water in days".
"You're diabolical".
Clementine situates her crutches to stand. She makes her way towards Violet.
"Oh, so I'm the one with the cheesy vocab then you pull out 'diabolical'?".
"You're not the only one who watched cartoons".