Bella's Point of View

Relaxation has been a foreign concept to me lately. Even while I sat, submerged in scolding water, with a subtle floral fragrance being emitted from my aroma diffuser and the lights dimmed, I couldn't find it within myself to completely relax. There are just too many things invading my heart and mind. The pressure I was under felt insurmountable.

I listened, with my eyes closed tightly. A brief exchange with Edward and what I assumed to be the pizza delivery guy. I heard Edward's polite voice, thanking the man and then the door being closed. Soon after, small footsteps racing past the closed bathroom door and towards the kitchen. Mia was always excited for pizza, I suspected it was her favorite meal, since it had been such a rare occurrence for her. In the past, we never really had the kind of money to order from a restaurant or pizza shop. It was nice to offer her this kind of treat once in a while.

Lightly, I washed every inch of my body, taking my time as I attempted to sort out some of my inner turmoil. My main points of stress came from exams, my new health concerns, Jacob's new imprint, and now Amelia wanting me to become her baby's godparent. There were some things that I had to take into consideration.

Exams will end on Friday, which we be followed up with a short break from school. I'll be off for two weeks, then start into the next quarter of the semester. I just needed to hold out until then. Just was just a few more days. My health was a valid concern as well, I didn't know if there was something wrong with me and I was terrified of how it would affect my relationship with Edward, if there was something wrong. My appointment was next Wednesday with Esme. I would get all my answers then. I just needed to remember, no matter what happens Edward will be supporting me. I trust Carlisle will do everything in his power to help me. So, whatever this thing is, I'm sure we can resolve it. Then everything will go back to normal. I just needed to think positively. There is a chance that the events from school today was nothing. Just a one-time thing.

Then, there was Kylie. A random woman just slipped into Jacob's life and effectively will now be in Mia's life. I didn't like it. This had to be confusing for Mia. Once my relationship ended with Jacob, Amelia was in the picture, although, I admit she kept her distance as much as possible. It was clear from the start that she didn't like Mia. She wanted nothing to do with her. She just wanted Jacob to herself. So, they never really had a relationship. I suspected it would be much different with Kylie. At the very least, Kylie seemed nice. But that didn't change the fact that I know nothing about her. It was a difficult situation, yes, I was Mia's mother. But I'd like for her to think of Edward as her second father. So, it would be wrong of me to not allow Jacob to introduce Kylie as a second mother. It didn't change the fact that it made me sick with jealousy. I hadn't realized how possessive I've become with my daughter. It would be selfish of me to stand in the way of Mia having those relationships. But, for my own peace of mind, I would be having a little chat with Kylie. I wanted to get a sense of who she was, her intentions and make it clear to her what my boundaries are when it came to Mia.

Finally, there was the Amelia situation. Not only had she caught me completely off guard, but she opened my eyes to the possibility of having another child to take care of. I was conflicted. There was no way I could take on having a newborn. Not with school and everything else going on. Would Edward even want something like that putting a damper on our relationship. I knew how time consuming it was. However, it was unlikely that anything would happen to Jacob. I most likely would have nothing to do with the child. But there was still that chance. I'm not sure I was willing to take on such an important thing. To become someone's mother, it wasn't a simple task. My biggest question was, why did Amelia want to give up her full custody?

This was all my brain could take and unexpectedly, I felt slightly better. I'd just take things a day at a time. Eventually I'd untangle these twisting anxieties. I just needed to keep moving forward.

With a deep breath, I stood from the tub, releasing the plug to allow the water to drain. I moved to the bathroom sink, watching my reflection as I dried myself off. Edward had hung a robe on the door for me. My heart warmed at his thoughtful gesture. He was always thinking of me. He made everything bearable. Without him, I'm not sure where I'd be. When Renee died, I had no money, or job. I would be living on the streets with Mia. I owed him everything.

I wrapped myself in my robe and slowly moved out of the bathroom. The lights were dimmed throughout the dorm, only a single lamp turned on in this living room. It had begun to rain. I heard the soft tapping against the windows, and it filled me with bliss. It reminded me of Forks. My time living there wasn't all bad. I had some nice memories there. Spending time with Charlie and walking on the beaches of La Push. The place where Mia was born. My first love, although it had ended in heartbreak. It was still precious memories.

As I entered the kitchen, Edward and Mia turned to me, both smiling. As if their favorite person just arrived. It made me feel so good and special. I felt my eyes water a bit as Mia moved over to me to embrace my legs. Pizza sauce coated her lips and chin.

"Momma, we have pizza." She said with an excited glint in her eyes.

I leaned down to give her a hug. I really needed to feel those little arms around me. "That looks so good. Did you thank Edward for getting this for us?"

"Thank you," Mia said with a sweet look in Edward's direction.

"You're very welcome," He responded with a quiet chuckle.

I sat at the table, leaving Mia on my lap and began to eat. The pizza was still warm. Each bite of cheesy, greasy and everything I wanted for a day like this. It was a comfort. It was filled with meat, peperoni, sausage, bacon, everything I loved on my pizza. I wondered how Edward had known.

The three of us sat there together, like a little family. My heart felt whole. And my mind finally was free of stress. This was all that I needed and all that I wanted.

After dinner, I stayed up to spend some time with Mia. We played with dolls, we did some reading and finally, I showed her a few flash cards, to provide some light educational activity. By the time we were finished for the night, she had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. I picked up her limp body and carefully walked her back to her room. She breathed gently, her head propped up on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead as I held her close.

I was holding my entire world in my arms. It left a heavy feeling in my heart. It was something that never changed, even as she grew. I was so in love with this little girl, it was almost painful. Everything I did was for her. And even though we have fallen into hard times, it was all worth it for her. Without jostling her too much, I placed her into her bed and covered her up. Edward quietly moved to turn on Mia's nightlight and white noise machine. Just in case she woke up, this would help, so she wouldn't be scared.

Once everything was in order, both of us walked out and closed the door. Edward immediately pulled me up into his arms, planting a tender kiss to my lips. I melted into him, deepening the kiss. In seconds I found myself in my room and swiftly placed into bed. Edward hovered over me with a hungry look in his eyes as his kisses traveled down my neck. My fingers tugged into his bronze locks. My heart was racing.

There was no hesitation between us this time. He moved to open my robes and continued kisses down to my breasts. I felt my toes curling at the soft, cold touches as his mouth nibbled at my nipples. His breath was hot. I trembled with anticipation. Breathless and desperate for relief, we made love. It was clear that he wanted this just as much as I did. The look on his face the moment he slammed his hips into me was of pure euphoria. I pressed myself into him, attempting to muffle any noises that might slip past my lips. His chest was vibrating with each throaty growl.

We clung to each other, even after we had finished. I draped myself across his chest, enjoying his cold fingers drizzling down my bare shoulders. I kept myself positioned on top of him, not wanting any space between us.

"I really wanted to talk with you about something. I know you heard the whole conversation with Amelia. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter." I said quietly.

Edward's fingers paused for a moment. "About being the godparent to her and Jacob's child?"

"Yeah, do you think it's a bad idea?"

"You're a wonderful mother, there is no doubt in my mind that you are the best choice. However, this is something for you to decide. I'll support anything you choose."

I suspected he would say something like that.

"But this will affect you as well. If something happens to Jacob, it will mean… I couldn't focus entirely on you and Mia. I'm not sure I'm willing to risk that possibility." I sighed, feeling guilt wash over me. I sounded so selfish.

"I highly doubt anything will happen to Jacob. He is healthy. And thanks to his genetics, he ages very slowly. He will be around for a long time." Edward continued.

"Maybe, but anything could happen. Maybe he runs into a bad vampire… and they end up killing him or something."

"As long as he remains in this area, he is under Cullen protection. Not that he would need our help if he found himself in that situation, but I can assure you, he won't be harmed."

That did make me feel a little better. I trusted Edward and his family above anyone else. So, if Edward tells me that Jacob won't be harmed, I believe him. So, I guess I'd agree to Amelia's request. I just hope I don't regret it.

"I guess I'll do it then."

Edward lightly planted a tender kiss on my lips. "You are such a kind person Bella. It's something I've always admired about you."

My cheeks warmed a bit as I moved to bury my face in his chest. "I don't always feel like a good person. When it comes to you and Mia, I'm not willing to compromise much."

"Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason… And then you shot through my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy and there was beauty." He spoke softly.

His words left me speechless. No one has ever said something like that to me before. It sounded like something you would hear in a romance movie. My heart swelled, to the point I was left breathless.

"I love you Edward," I whispered, allowing my eyes to close.

"I love you too," He replied as he went back to tracing over my shoulders. After a while, he began to hum a quiet tune. Something quite beautiful, but I didn't recognize the sweet melody. It was only a short amount of time, before I drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

Saturday

The week had been treacherous, more so than I could have imagined. Exams were over. I gave Amelia my answer before she made her way back to Washington. And tonight, I was going on a double date with Jacob and Kylie. Just so I can get a better idea of who she was and her intentions. After that, we would be packing up and leaving for a little trip. Edward planned a short, three-day vacation. It would have been longer, if it hadn't been for my appointment at the clinic on Wednesday. He isn't telling me where we are going. But after all the stress I've been under, I wasn't about to refuse this trip.

This morning, Alice came by to drag me out for a shopping trip. Jacob had already come by and picked up Mia to have her for the day. And Edward had gone out with Emmett and Jasper for a hunting trip. He didn't want to leave, but I could see his golden eyes turning more and more black as the days went by. He needed this. So, instead of being utterly alone for the morning, I went with Alice. It wasn't my favorite activity, but it was better than the alternative.

We drove a staggering sixty miles, to arrive in one of New Hampshire's biggest cities. Concord. I tried to convince her to shop somewhere a bit more local, but Alice insisted this was the place for the best shops. It would have taken at least an hour to get here, if it wasn't for Alice's maniac driving. It was almost as bad as it was to ride with Edward. She drove recklessly fast. Weaving and bobbing in and out of traffic as if she was driving for her life.

But at least we had made great time getting to the city. Only about thirty minutes. The weather was cold and gloomy. There was a lot less green here. It would have reminded me of my time in Phoenix, except for the buildings here were so unique in design. They kept an old-time feel, some gothic revival and some Greek. It felt like we had gone back in time to the federal area, dating back to the early 1800s. It was truly beautiful here, in its own way.

We moved in and out of buildings, getting lost in clothing, useless trinkets and books. I took most of my time scanning through the massive bookstore, more than anywhere else. I was mesmerized by the elaborate collection of books here. Alice followed behind me with a look of disinterest.

"What's wrong, don't you like books?" I asked as I thumbed through a few papers of a paperback book I'd picked up. We had spent nearly ten minutes in this store, and I got the sense that Alice was getting bored.

"It's not that, I've just… read them all. So, it's difficult to be excited about reading." She replied with a quiet half smile.

That's right. She was a vampire. And has lived a long time. But still, I can't imagine she has read every book there is to offer. As mind-boggling as that was, I felt bad for her. After living for so long, you would easily run out of new experiences. That would lead to a lot of boredom, I'm sure.

"That's kind of miserable."

"It's the hardest part of being a vampire, for me at least. At some point, there is no longer anything new to learn or discover. However, fashion is always changing, it's exciting and gives me just a little sprinkle of something new."

That made sense. It was nice to get to understand Alice a little more. We didn't have a lot of personal time together, due to my hectic schedule. So, I'm glad she reached out to me today.

"Do you, enjoy being a vampire?" I asked as I returned the book to the shelf and moved on to another book that caught my eye.

"Yes, of course. I have a great family. I have a husband that loves me dearly. There are good things and bad things about this kind of life."

"What are the bad parts?"

"In my opinion, the worst part is knowing there is no end to it. Not saying that I'd like to die or anything that dramatic. But eternity is a long time. And I find myself wondering, what is the point in all of it? The world continues around me, changing and becoming something different. But I remain the same. Never changing. What's the point of my existence?" She said, getting a serious look on her face.

I rarely saw that kind of look from her. Alice always seemed to be free spirited and happy. It was interesting to see the other side of her. Her thoughts and feelings did get deeper. Was this the real Alice I was seeing? Was this the person behind the mask of joy. She searched for a purpose.

"Well, isn't that a new discovery you can strive for? To find meaning and purpose in your life?"

"I guess, but I don't want to be selfish. My family needs me. My abilities keep everyone safe. So, I need to focus on that. In the meantime, I'll just focus on what makes me happy. Like shopping with you." She pulled me in for a hug.

I hugged her back tightly. Alice was such a good friend to me. She saw me as a sister. I've never had siblings, so I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act. But I wanted to have more conversations like this with her.

As we pulled apart, I jerked in surprise as someone called out to me.

"Hey Bella," The voice rang out loudly. Completely shattering the quiet, somber atmosphere of the bookstore. The few people that lingered glared towards the disruption. I turned as well, noticing Connor come strolling over with a vibrant smile.

"Connor, what are you doing all the way here in Concord?" I offered him a smile as he stopped just an arms-length away. His eyes flickered to Alice for just a moment.

Alice's demeanor changed slightly, there was an edge to her features now. Tension was pulling at her brows as she watched him. By the slight shock on her face, she hadn't seen this coming. She had been taken off guard as much as I was.

"Well, I had a business meeting in town here. So, I thought I'd pick up a book for Kay while I'm out there far." He explained, his strange exotic eyes rested on me. "How are you doing, I haven't seen you since you moved out of the apartment."

"I've been doing alright, getting by, day by day. How is Kay? Still giving you troubles in school?" It was a casual conversation, but for some reason it felt so… forced. I felt some tightness in my chest as anxiety bubbled up from my stomach. I was friends with Connor, why did this feel so awkward?

"I'm not sure what's going on with that girl." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She won't talk to me. She just stays cooped up in her room, barely even comes out for dinner."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good. Has something happened that upset her?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, next month is the anniversary of our mother's death. So, I'm sure that must be what's on his mind."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It's extremely difficult losing a parent." I swallowed as a rush of emotions flooded me. The image of Renee filled my mind. My heart twisted uncomfortably. I missed her so much. The wounds were still fresh. I don't think any length of time would dull this pain. So, I could relate completely to what Kay must be going through. Especially since she was still so young.

"Yes, even more so in how the death happened. Like I said, she was murdered. But I did fail to mention, what, killed her." He continued, again his eyes moved towards Alice. "I'm sure your companion here could explain that."

I looked at Alice curiously, for just a moment, confused as to what Connor was getting at. But the grim look on her face led me to the realization that it must have been a vampire. Does that mean that Connor knows?

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