A/N: Welcome back! After 15 years, I was curious if I could find this fic again (and log in to my account) and I did! I really enjoyed re-reading the story and all your reviews, and with the encouragement of my best friend, I decided to revisit these characters and start writing again. I'm excited to take this story I came up with as a teenager and continue it with new perspective. Hopefully, you all enjoy it too.
I wish I could say we lived happily ever after. No one wanted it more than I did.
Life doesn't always work out the way we want.
That day in late July, Edward surprised me with a lavish, stunning sunset yacht cruise on Lake Washington. There was champagne and caviar, flowers everywhere, a string quartet. I felt whisked away to another world. I looked at the luxury all around me, the sunset behind us, feeling totally undeserving of it all. But that was Edward, always making me feel like the most special, most beautiful woman that had ever existed.
Edward's emerald eyes gazed into mine with such intensity. I can still hear his words to me…
Anything for the woman I love.
It was the first time he said it, and I remember the love swelling up inside me, so ready to surrender to my feelings.
I love you too.
That night on the yacht, our bodies and our souls intertwined as we made love, the fiery passion that initially connected us infused with something deeper and brand new. Endless possibilities and future dreams laid out before us.
The next morning, I woke up early to the sun pouring in through the windows of the suite. A plush, white comforter draped lightly over Edward's lower body, and I stared at his perfectly toned torso and wondered what I ever did to deserve this man. My Adonis.
He blinked his eyes open, stretching his arms above his head while the comforter slipped down a little further, revealing the sexy V of his lower torso.
His eyes met mine. "Good morning, sweet Aphrodite. How did you sleep, love?"
My heart fluttered.
"I've never slept better, love."
Edward flashed his lazy, crooked grin, rubbing my arm gently up and down. He pulled the comforter away from my body and scanned every inch of it with ravenous eyes.
"Fuck, Bella…you are so sexy in the morning light."
I pulled the comforter closer to my body. "You're too kind," I demurred.
"It's not kindness," he said, very serious. "It's fact."
He leaned in, face to face, and his luscious lips pressed against mine. My body sang. His deft hand rubbed my breast gently, lightly grazing my nipple and slowly moving down my body, eventually finding my hip crease, where he traced gentle but sensual circles with his delicate fingers.
I chuckled. "What, again? Three times last night wasn't enough for you?"
His eyes darkened with passion, licking his lips like he was hungry for a meal: me. "My appetite for your body could never be satiated for as long as I live."
In an instant, our mouths found one another in a frenzied passion, tongues searching for tongues and teeth nibbling lips. His strong, firm hand gripped the back of my head and pushed our faces impossibly closer together, while his other rubbed and pinched my nipples. Bolts of desire sent shockwaves throughout my body.
As he pulled apart from me and pushed me back onto the bed, I let myself surrender to his touch and his lead. My lower stomach did somersaults at his show of control and desire.
He looked at me with those hungry eyes again.
"I'm going to make you scream my name."
The heat and wetness rushed between my legs at his commanding yet velvety voice.
"Please," I begged, breathless. "I need you."
"What's that? I'm not sure I heard you," he teased. "What exactly do you need?"
"I need your tongue on my clit and then I need your cock inside me. Please," I begged again.
A mischievous smile formed on his lips. "As you wish."
His face moved down lower, and he hovered his mouth over my pussy, drawing out the delicious anticipation.
"Don't you tease m-"
His plump lips closing over my clit cut my words off as I arched my back instinctively, surprised by the move and unable to contain the pleasure rippling through me.
He didn't tease me anymore, instead choosing to be generous and abundant with his mouth with strong and soft licks over my clit, drawing little figure eights up and down my vulva, dipping in and out of my opening.
"Now," I breathed, delirious from the pleasure. "I need you inside me now."
He wasted no time entering me, and I moaned and arched my back. I knew I wouldn't last long this time.
"Edward," I groaned.
"Yes?" He managed, panting as he strongly and deftly thrusted into me. "You like when I do that? Tell me you love it."
"I love it when you fuck me like that."
He moved my arms over my head and pinned them with his hands, dipping his head down to the crook of my neck, kissing and licking the sensitive skin there, never breaking the rhythm of his thrusts.
"Edward…oh, Edward," I sighed, my breath catching in my throat, my hips now moving to meet his.
His mouth hovered over my ear, as he whispered, "You better scream when I make you cum."
He took a nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting, until I could no longer hold on.
"Oh FUCK….EDWARD!" I did as he commanded, screaming his name, not caring that the yacht crew likely awake and preparing our breakfast could hear us. Tremors of pleasure sent my body into ecstasy. I could nearly see stars behind my closed eyes.
"Unnhhh Bella," he growled, following me in his climax, his body shuddering and hips stopping their movement.
We just laid there, together as one, basking in the post-coital bliss.
Eventually he pulled out of me and rolled over on his side and propped his head up with his hand.
"Is it possible for you to get any hotter?" I asked, in disbelief of the Adonis in front of me who had just rocked my world yet again, the fourth time in 12 hours.
He chuckled, a sexy smile on his face, like he had a secret that he couldn't wait to share with me.
"Maybe…but you'll have to wait until after breakfast to find out."
That night on the yacht was beautiful and sexy and transformative, but it couldn't cover up the pain inside me. Flashbacks, anxiety, and fear continued to permeate after the encounter with James Campbell. It didn't help that I never got closure; the police continued to search for him, but they lost the trail. Every time I spoke with them, they tried to give me hope, but I could hear it in their voices. The likelihood they would find him got lower with each passing week. At least until he attacked again; I shuddered at the thought. I stopped going to work, stopped leaving the house. The worst thing that ever happened to me happened out there. Why risk it?
As my mental health deteriorated, so did my relationship with Edward. He continued to feel very protective and guilty. He'd always say, If I had just gone inside with you…I felt like I had to constantly reassure him it wasn't his fault.
He often broached the subject of moving in together. I felt like he was just doing this because he felt like I couldn't handle myself on my own. We live right across the hall, I'd say. I love you but I still need my own space. We moved fast in a lot of ways, and I wanted to retain some sense of stability and normalcy. It didn't hurt that I still felt like he was suggesting moving in out of guilt. How could I ever really know he meant it?
It was a Saturday in late October when it happened. I felt change in the brisk, autumnal air, noticing the leaves on the trees were past their peak vibrancy and mostly lay dead on the ground. It was a sad but apt metaphor for how I felt inside.
Edward convinced me to leave the apartment for a short walk around Green Lake Park. I had fully retreated into myself, and his worries and guilt continued to spill over. Still, he was doing everything he knew how to help me.
As we walked around the park, I could feel him watching me, as he always did nowadays, afraid to let me out of his sight again.
"Take a picture it'll last longer," I scoffed. He just looked at me with sad eyes.
"What? That was funny. You should be glad I have some sense of humor still," I said.
"Bella, we need to talk." He gestured to a nearby bench. "Please."
We walked over to the bench and sat down. The few inches of distance between us felt like miles.
He turned his beautiful face towards mine and sighed. "I've found you a therapist, and I think you should go."
Immediately I felt defensive. Who was he to make this decision for me? And to contact someone already? He didn't understand that I wasn't ready to talk about what happened and process all those feelings.
My face felt set in stone. "You crossed a line. I told you I'm handling it myself for now."
"Handling what?" He raised his voice. "You're a zombie, you don't leave the house, you don't go to work, you don't see your friends. How is that possibly 'handling' anything?"
"I know I'm a mess, you don't have to point it out." My tone stayed even but I could feel my blood start to boil.
"I'm just trying to help."
"Well don't.
He looked at me intently, sadness and exasperation etched in his handsome face. He took my hands in his and rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles.
"I can't keep having this same conversation with you."
"Then don't."
Edward's shifted his body backward, dropping my hands from his. "What are you saying?"
"You don't have to stay with me if it's too much to handle. I was taking care of myself before you showed up at my door, I can take care of myself long after you're gone. I'm not a fragile doll." My voice got louder as the anger started to swell in my throat. "I'm sick of everyone my whole life steamrolling me and taking advantage of how accommodating I am of other people. I spent my whole childhood with a ditzy mother, always having to follow her and her whims. I did ballet when she wanted even though I'm as graceful as a hippo, I moved whenever Phil had a new team contract, I accepted her ploys to get me a man with that ridiculous oversized bed she sent to my apartment. And Alice! She never hears a fucking word I say about overstepping and pulling me into things I don't want to do! But I just have to do it because, well, that's Alice and it makes her happy! But what about ME?!" I was yelling now, and a few passersby started staring, but I couldn't care less at this point. Everything I had ever put up with in my life was culminating in this moment and I had to let it out. "Then you – overprotective and making decisions for me. I just can't do it anymore! I feel like I've lost myself! I'm at my fucking wit's end!"
Finally, I took a breath and really looked at Edward. I thought I saw hurt on his face, but if I did it was quickly replaced by a stony indifference. I couldn't tell if it was a cover or if he really didn't care. Maybe he was just too tired from months of a comatose girlfriend to really push back and fight with me.
"It was never my intention to smother you or disregard your autonomy. But now I've seen I've done more harm than good." He diverted his gaze and stared at a ladybug that was crawling on his knee. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
I tucked my brown locks behind my ears, took a deep breath, and said the words I never, ever thought would come out of my mouth.
"Edward, I think we should break up."
He nodded slowly. "I think that's for the best."
I snorted. Really? He didn't care to make a case for us?
He continued, "I think you're right…I think I'm not good for you."
I remained silent, unsure of my exact feelings in the moment, though part of me wanted to protest. Of course he was good for me. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me! But it didn't really matter. He agreed we should break up, and I asked for it, so it didn't feel right to protest. Besides, there was something else inside me that held me back from responding, something I wasn't quite sure of, and I went with that feeling.
"Can we walk back to the apartment together?" he asked.
"Sure."
The 20-minute walk to the apartment felt like an eternity. We walked together in silence, the space between us feeling exponentially more than the reality. My mind was mostly blank, with intermittent thoughts of uncertainty in what I was doing. I loved this man and had been dreaming of a future with him since the day we met. Was I really going through with this?
Edward's silky voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "I'll pack your things up and leave them at your door."
As we approached our building, I looked at his face, my eyes searching his for what he was feeling in this moment. I didn't find anything.
A quiet "okay" was all I could manage.
Once we got to our floor, he turned towards his apartment without a second look back at me. I arrived at mine, unlocked the door, and walked inside the cold, quiet, and lonely 1 bedroom.
My eyes blinked open to the strong afternoon sun, and I threw the blanket off the bed and off my overheated body. It was one of those unseasonably warm fall days which felt disorienting after yesterday's chill. I didn't remember falling asleep, but when I looked at my phone and saw it was 12pm I guessed I must have slept for 18 hours. I rolled over, my arm draped across my forehead and stared at the ceiling fan lazily rotating. I guess this is my life now.
I laid there for what might have been hours, going over the breakup over and over and over again in my head. Did I really mean what I said? He apologized for being overbearing. Maybe we could salvage this if we just laid out clear and concise boundaries?
Against my better judgment, I got out of bed, put my slippers on, and shuffled over to the front door with the intention of going over to Edward's apartment to talk. I was thwarted by nearly tripping over a large box at my door in the hall. My things, just like he promised. I lifted my head towards 11C and was surprised to see the door ajar. I walked around the box and across the hall, peering hesitantly into the apartment.
My breath caught in my throat at the sight of a completely empty apartment. Everything was taken down from the walls, books gone from the built-in shelves, not even his scent lingered. I walked in and my footsteps echoed, reminding me just how alone I was. It's as if he never existed.
"What are you doing in here?" a shrill voice said from behind me. It was Sue.
"I…I came over to talk to Edward. Did you see him today?"
"Yes, and I gave him a piece of my mind, making so much noise early on a Sunday morning with all those movers. What, you didn't know your boyfriend was moving?" She sneered as she said the word 'boyfriend.'
"No, I was…I was sleeping I guess."
"Hmph." Sue rolled her eyes and walked down the hallway to her apartment and slammed the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts as I stood stunned in my pajamas.
He didn't want to talk after what happened yesterday. He didn't even leave me a note or tell me where he was moving to. Did I really mean that little to him? Well then, I'll show him how little he meant to me. Even in the moment I knew that was not the right mindset. Even in the moment, I knew it was a lie.
I turned on my heel and shuffled back into my own apartment, shut the door, and slid down onto the cold floor. I didn't expect to never see him again. I laid down, flopped over on my side, and curled my body into a ball and began to weep. All the pain and anguish and sadness of the last 3 months flowed out of me in the form of tears, until I finally cried myself to sleep.
The sound of knocking at the door startled me awake. I sat up and looked around, slightly delirious, and noticed it was dark out.
"Bella? It's me. I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I'm worried about you. Please open the door."
Who is at the door? I would love to hear your guesses (and your feedback) in the reviews. Thanks again for going on this journey with me.