A/N: So... I won't say much here this time, I just hope you enjoy this chapter :)
When Harvey arrives at the building, Donna is already there, looking as impeccable as ever. She's adorned in a blue dress reminiscent of the ones she used to wear during their time working together in the office. It's been so long since he's seen her dressed like this that it feels like a fresh blow to his stomach. Her hair falls in perfect straight strands, framing her face, and her makeup, though subtle to the casual observer, hides the freckles he fears he may never see again.
"Hello..." Donna greets, clutching her handbag with hands clasped in front of her, her feet together, and her legs slightly unsteady.
Even though she's dressed to impress, he can sense that this isn't easy for her either.
"Hello..." Harvey responds hoarsely, maintaining a safe distance from her, a distance reminiscent of the one they had upheld for too many years in New York.
"How did your doctor's appointment go?" Donna inquires, and he feels a glimmer of happiness in his heart—she still cares for him. "You had your tests after six months, right?"
Harvey nods, a sad smile playing on his lips. "Everything is progressing as it should. Thanks for asking," he replies, making an extra effort so she doesn't notice that his eyes threaten to fill with tears if he loses focus for a moment.
"Of course, Harvey," she responds, her voice somewhat dry. He can only assume she feels the same way he does.
"Good morning," Donna's lawyer says, opening the office door. "Are you ready to proceed?"
Stepping into that office feels like facing a firing squad, and in a way, it is.
Because... signing the divorce papers of the love of your life, the only person you know you can be happy with—is that not akin to accepting your own execution?
They sit across from each other, Donna accompanied by her lawyer. Harvey had decided to represent himself. Neither of them was interested in a divorce battle. In fact, Harvey had offered Donna more than she was legally entitled to because, as he had done for many years compensating her above her secretary's salary, money remained the only sad and pathetic way he knew to express his love.
Since he's representing himself, Donna's lawyer presides over the brief hearing.
"Are we ready to sign? Or do you need to discuss anything else first?"
Harvey feels as if his heart momentarily stops, his palms become clammy, his head throbs and an overwhelming sense of panic and sorrow washes over him.
Was he truly about to bid farewell forever to the one constant in his life?
Donna nods, and he finds himself compelled to follow suit. The lawyer spreads the papers out before them, indicating all the places requiring their signatures.
As anticipated, Donna takes the initiative. Her trembling hand grasps the pen and executes the first signature, and Harvey notices a terrorific detail—she's no longer wearing her wedding ring. The ring from his grandmother. The last thing he received from his mother. That ring, the one that was meant for her and no one else. And that image is one of the scariest he has ever seen.
He could have envisioned many futures for himself, but never had he entertained even the slightest notion of divorce. The idea of seeing Donna's hand bereft of that ring hadn't even flickered across his mind, not for an instant. Never.
And yet, here they were, actualizing it.
It all felt surreal, almost nonsensical.
Harvey can't bring himself to watch as she signs; the mere thought is unbearable. Instead, he fixes his teary gaze on the table, focusing on the rhythm of his breath and the scratch of the pen against the paper.
The pen clattering onto the papers, accompanied by subdued sobs from his soon-to-be ex-wife, is as agonizing as the beeping of monitors in the hospital. Then she slides the documents toward him, signaling his turn. He knows the moment has arrived. He must undertake the one action he dreads, the one he swore he'd never do: severe ties completely with Donna.
His hand grasps the pen, and he musters a deep breath to initiate the first stroke of his signature. Though he has executed it countless times, though it's etched into his memory, he never fathomed it could prove so arduous to transcribe onto paper.
Almost instinctively—the only manner he can—he signs all the papers too fast, disregarding the appearance of his signature, let alone what image of him Donna is seeing right now. He signs and swiftly departs the room; the sensation of suffocation becomes too overwhelming to endure another moment there.
Donna, as always, rushes after him, her voice choked with tears. "Harvey, wait!"
"No, Donna. No!" he shouts back, turning to face her. Harvey can see a thousand words ready to burst from Donna's lips, yet she opts instead to seek solace in his embrace, to shield themselves from the world together. "No, please. Don't do this," Harvey pleads, attempting to extricate himself from her grip. The thought of this being the last hug with Donna is unbearable.
"Yes, I will," she sobs, holding him tighter. "Hold me too, please," she implores, and there's no way he could refuse.
Their embrace is fierce as if they're trying to merge into a single entity, their tears mingling with the intensity of their emotions. Each sob racks their bodies, the weight of their shared anguish pressing down on them like a suffocating weight.
"Donna..." he chokes out.
"Harvey..." she exhales, loosening her hold on him slightly while still keeping him close. "I want you to find happiness. Promise me you'll try?"
"I can't do it without you, Donna," he confesses, his voice thick with emotion.
"Yes, you can," she assures him, her voice brimming with conviction. "I still have faith in you," she adds, offering a faint smile.
"You're the only one who still does." He responds with a melancholy that is immediately reflected in Donna's eyes.
"Whatever happens, I won't lose that faith," she reassures him, pressing a warm kiss to his cheek, a small oasis in their desert of anguish. "I truly hope you find happiness, Harvey," she whispers, releasing him. "I will always wish the best for you and your life."
"I wish the same for you, Donna," he replies, gently cupping her cheeks and planting a tender kiss on her forehead, a gesture that threatens to unravel her completely.
"I'll send you the ring by Mike," Donna says, her words catching in her throat. "It belonged to your grandmother, so it rightfully belongs to you," she explains before turning and fleeing from the scene.
He wants to shout after her, to tell her not to, that the ring is hers. That he doesn't want it back. That reclaiming it would only underscore his failure in the one thing he had desperately wanted to preserve. He couldn't bear to possess that ring again, just as he couldn't bear to continue wearing his own. With some effort—partly because the ring is snug on his finger and partly because it feels as daunting as signing those papers—he removes it. With an ache that seems bottomless, he lets it slip into the pocket of his jacket, still watching Donna walk away from him.
As Harvey stands there, his heart heavy with regret, he watches Donna's silhouette grow smaller in the distance. The echoes of their shared laughter, the warmth of her touch, the comfort of her presence—all slipping away like sand through his fingers.
He yearns to reach out to her, to plead with her to reconsider, but the words elude him, lost amidst the tumult of emotions swirling within him. His throat constricts with unspoken apologies and desperate pleas, but they remain trapped, suffocated by the weight of his reality.
With a heavy heart, he turns away, unable to bear the sight of her retreating figure any longer. The weight of the ring in his pocket serves as a constant reminder of his failure.
• • • •
Harvey opens his eyes, his body still trembling from the intensity of his nightmare. He feels utterly numb, having dozed off on the couch just ten minutes ago, yet those ten minutes were enough for his mind to plunge him into his worst fears. The nightmare still lingers, hauntingly vivid and distressingly real.
His vision remains blurred, his hands clammy, and his heart thuds relentlessly against his ribcage. His head feels heavy as lead, and the effort to lift it from the back of the couch only exacerbates his agitation.
As minutes trickle by, reality begins to seep back into Harvey's consciousness like a slow, painful awakening. His senses gradually recalibrate to his surroundings, his vision sharpens, and his hands cease their clammy tremors. The weight of the wedding ring on his finger serves as a grounding presence, a tangible reminder that his nightmare was just that—a figment of his imagination. Yet the lingering sense of desolation and loss persists, casting a shadow over his thoughts.
Despite the reassuring presence of the ring, Harvey knows that his life lies in ruins, and the image of Donna without her ring in his dream continues to haunt him. He feels as though he's drowning in a tumult of emotions, unsure of how to piece together the fragments of his shattered world.
Harvey struggles to move and gets up from the couch with effort. His mind is still trapped in the fragments of his nightmare, and the sense of loss pursues him. He looks around, trying to reconnect with reality, but everything seems to be in place, except for Donna's absence in the house. He exhales deeply, running a hand over his face in a futile attempt to dispel the oppressive sadness that envelops him. He knows he must confront the harsh reality of his failing marriage, a reality for which he bears significant responsibility.
Resolving to confront his emotions head-on, Harvey begins to wander aimlessly through the house, as if searching for traces of Donna in every corner. His gaze lingers on the photographs adorning the walls, the mementos of their shared past, each memory a poignant reminder of what once was. The silence that pervades the house is deafening, and the absence of his wife is a palpable weight upon his soul.
Finally, he finds himself standing before the doorway of the room he once shared with Donna. The bed is immaculately made, untouched as if frozen in time, intensifying his overwhelming sense of solitude. With a heavy heart, he sinks onto the edge of the bed, his gaze fixated on the empty space beside him where Donna used to sleep. As he reaches out to touch the cold, vacant expanse, his hand hovers hesitantly, as though expecting her presence to materialize.
As memories flood over him without warning, Harvey's mind drifts back to the early days of their marriage, to the moment they set up their new home on the other side of the country. Despite the challenges they faced in agreeing on many aspects of their new home, there was one thing they immediately saw eye-to-eye on: the bed.
They knew their bed would be more than just a piece of furniture; it would become a symbol of their union and the countless moments they would share together. It would be a queen-sized haven of comfort, adorned with soft and luxurious pillows and a cozy duvet that enveloped them in warmth.
There, Harvey cradled Donna in his arms each night for sleep. It was where they had late-night conversations, both silly and profound, sharing their hopes, dreams, and fears as they lay side by side.
Their bed was witness to the passionate moments of intimacy they shared, their bodies entwined in a dance of love and desire. It was where they sought solace in each other's arms during times of sadness, mixing tears with whispered words of comfort and reassurance.
But it wasn't just the intimate moments that made their bed special. It was also where they shared laughter and joy, cuddling up while watching their favorite movies or TV shows. It was where Harvey would steal glances at Donna as she slept, marveling at her beauty and the peace that adorned her features.
Their bed was a sacred space, a place where they could be vulnerable and true to themselves, where they could express their love in its purest form. And as Harvey reflects on those moments, he's overcome by a sense of longing and nostalgia, yearning to return to the warmth and comfort of their shared sanctuary.
With a heavy sigh, Harvey closes his eyes, unable to reconcile himself to the stark reality of Donna's absence. Once again, his mind drifts back to the haunting imagery of his nightmare. Yet this time, amidst the tears and tremors, he fixates on a detail he had previously overlooked.
"I still have faith in you."
Donna's voice resonates so vividly, so tangibly in his mind, that he could almost believe she's speaking to him at this very moment. It echoes with the same clarity as it did in his dream, just as it had countless times before. Whenever he found himself teetering on the brink of despair, there she was, reminding him that she would never lose faith in him. That had been a light in the darkness for him. Even when he felt like he was about to give in, to let the tide carry him to the bottom of the sea, she would appear there, like a lit lighthouse reminding him that there was still some hope.
The unwavering faith that Donna had always held in him, so palpable and resolute, had pulled him back from the brink more times than he could count.
And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he allows himself to entertain the notion that perhaps all hope is not lost.
The prospect that Donna might still harbor faith in him sparks a surge of energy within him, propelling him to sit up abruptly in bed, his lungs filling with newfound oxygen and a flicker of optimism.
What if Donna is still waiting for him? What if Donna still has faith in him? What if Donna is willing to give him another chance?
Harvey realizes that he can no longer evade reality. He must confront the fracture in his marriage, engage in dialogue with Donna, and endeavor to rebuild what they once shared. The weight of the wedding ring on his finger serves as a tangible reminder that perhaps she still holds faith in him, yet he understands that the road ahead will be fraught with challenges.
He fully understands that everything is a mess—Donna, himself, the marriage they had built—that love still persists but is overshadowed by a tumultuous mix of emotions: anger, regret, resentment, and a turbulent blend threatening to unleash one last fire between them, capable of ending what little remains, turning their marriage into nothing more than ashes.
When Donna left him, in one of the darkest, if not the darkest, moments of his life, he felt on the brink of abyss and could only conceive of seeking help from her. Who else would he turn to in his most vulnerable moment? There had never been another option besides her. And Donna's decision not to answer his call remains an open wound in his heart, a persistent pain that refuses to heal.
Always somewhat clumsy in understanding his own emotions, he has sought refuge in a layer of logical emotions surrounding his heart attack to avoid confronting the raw pain of the situation with his wife. Now, after that talk with Mike... Harvey finds himself grappling with the weight of his own actions, haunted by the realization that he has been inadvertently punishing Donna for his own insecurities and fears. And he feels like the stupidest man on the whole planet. Because she doesn't deserve it, he knows that. And because that's clearly not the way he's going to get her back—as he reflects on their fractured relationship, he understands that he can no longer avoid confronting the truth: he needs to reconcile with Donna before it's too late.
With a newfound determination, Harvey resolves to set things right. He knows it won't be easy and that the road ahead will be fraught with challenges, but he's willing to face them head-on for the chance to rebuild what they once had.
First, he must find a way to reach out to Donna and make amends for his past behavior. He knows he needs to approach her with humility and sincerity, acknowledging his faults and expressing his genuine regret. Otherwise, she'll shut the door in his face for the third time.
• • • •
Sitting in the center of her hotel room bed, still clad in her pajamas, her hair a tangled mess and dark circles accentuating her eyes, Donna punches in Rachel's number once again.
"Morning, Donna," Rachel's voice greets her warmly from the other end of the line.
"Hey..." Donna responds, stifling a yawn before falling into silence.
"Let me guess... You're calling because you want to check on Harvey," Rachel surmises with a knowing tone.
Donna chuckles sheepishly, feeling a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry, Rach."
Rachel giggles. "Sweetie, you don't deserve this."
Exhaling deeply, Donna absentmindedly toys with the hem of the bedsheet. "I'm worried about him."
"I know you're concerned; we all are, but you need to take a breather," Rachel insists.
Mike's voice chimes in from the background. "Tell her that he's still a pain in the ass, but at least he's taking his medication."
Donna sighs and sinks back onto the mattress. "Alright, that's good to know," she acknowledges, trying to mask the tremor in her voice from her friend's notice, but Rachel picks up on it.
"Hey, Donna… Can you listen to me for a minute?"
"Rach, you really don't have to—" Donna begins, only to be overcome by a wave of anguish. "I know it's not healthy to be so fixated on him right now, but I can't help it. I love him."
"I understand, Donna. You've been through a lot for him over the years. But you need to take care of yourself. Stop putting his needs above your own and focus on what you need right now," Rachel advises gently.
"And look where that got me when I dared to prioritize my own feelings!" Donna cries out, her voice cracking with emotion.
"You did what you had to do, Donna."
"But—what if he never comes back, Rachel? What if this is the end of my marriage?" Donna voices her deepest fears, feeling her spirit crumble under the weight of uncertainty.
"Listen, Donna... Harvey may be stubborn as hell, but he'll come around eventually. In the meantime, you have to promise me that you'll take some time for yourself. Stop dwelling on him for just five minutes and do something that brings you joy," Rachel urges.
"Like what?"
"Go treat yourself to one of those delicious pastries they have at the hotel for breakfast; savor your favorite coffee while indulging in a good book. Then, pamper yourself with a massage, a soak in the jacuzzi, or a yoga session... Today is about self-care, Donna. You need it. Let go of some of that stress weighing on your mind and body."
Donna wipes away her tears with a trembling hand, her heart heavy with sorrow. "I'll try, okay?" She promises, her voice laced with uncertainty.
And she genuinely makes the effort. She takes a quick shower, puts on something more decent than her pajamas, and heads out of her room to the breakfast lounge. There, she serves herself a bowl full of seasonal fruits, a slice of her favorite tart, and her favorite coffee. With all that and her book under her arm, she heads to one of the tables in the corner of the room, where the morning sun streams in, and settles down with every intention of focusing her energy on getting distracted by her book. And while she knew it wouldn't be easy, she didn't think it would be this hard.
Her eyes try to focus on the letters forming words, and those words forming sentences... But it feels like a completely failed attempt. Her mind keeps returning to her husband, like a broken record, replaying the nightmare that the past few months had been and the pain that was consuming her.
The idea of living without Harvey had always felt like the most terrifying thing she could face. She knows she can be a self-sufficient woman in every aspect of her life, but that man is her damn Achilles' heel. Cutting Harvey out of herself feels like wanting to cut off a hand or a foot. Cutting Harvey out of herself will feel like a complete restructuring of her life that will not only be the deepest pain of her life but is also something she doesn't want to face.
As always, Donna is more than willing to give Harvey another chance. She had done it too many times before, and experience showed that things could turn out well again.
She's willing to lay all her vulnerability on the table and have a real conversation with her husband. In fact, she had already tried more than once, but he didn't seem willing to do so. So, she knows what she must do is wait. Wait for him. Wait for his mind to clear, for his thoughts to settle, and for him to realize that, at the very least, they deserve a conversation as two adults. Whatever the end of this, they have shared 20 years of their lives.
But for how long is she supposed to endure this uncertainty? Because she already feels the rope tightening around her neck far too much.
Donna takes a deep breath, trying to regain her focus. She picks up her book again, determined to escape into its pages, even if just for a moment. The characters and their fictional problems become a temporary refuge from the overwhelming reality of her own life.
However, as she reads, her thoughts inevitably drift back to Harvey, and the questions continue to swirl in her mind. How did they get to this point? Can they find their way back to each other? Is there still love between them strong enough to heal the wounds of their strained marriage?
She's tired of being the one who always takes the first step and makes the effort to fix things. This time, she's decided to wait. She'll give him the space he seems to need, even though it feels like an eternity.
• • • •
With a stupid glass of lemonade, dear God, how he misses his Macallan. Harvey sits in the yard, seeking some clarity or wisdom in the fresh air and the warmth offered by the sun.
He's determined to win Donna back, but the situation is too fragile for them to rush into it. He's already received reproaches from his wife about his tendency to believe in magic as a solution to their problems and to pretend that everything is okay again. Just as he always expects her to come back to him, and once she does, things get swept under the rug. That had been his mechanism with her for over a decade while they pretended to have only a working relationship. Inevitably, it had been a terrible habit that carried over into their marriage. And although he's handled it better at times, the habits of the past always catch up to him. And that's what he's been doing for these past few months: behaving like the old Harvey. Hoping that things will magically resolve themselves. Hoping that Donna would come back to him.
This is clearly the biggest crisis they've faced so far, at least as husband and wife, so he needs to think about how to handle this.
He knows he could ask Mike where Donna has been these days and go there. But he also knows that could put Donna on alert, and he wants to surprise her. He hopes that's a good choice.
He buys a ticket for tonight's presentation on his phone, opting for the one closest to the stage he can find. He supposes that if Donna happens to spot him from there, it might ease the tension a bit before their reunion. Well, that's what he hopes.
Harvey sips his lemonade and reflects on his plan. He knows that trying to win Donna back won't be easy, and it certainly won't happen overnight. Their marriage is hanging by a thread, and he's the one who let it unravel. But he's determined to do whatever it takes to fix it, even if it means changing his own behavior.
He needs to prove to her that he's willing to change, to put in the effort, and to be the partner she deserves. Buying tickets to the show tonight is his way of showing her that he's thinking about herand that he wants to make an effort to reconnect. He hopes that seeing him there, in the audience, will be a pleasant surprise for Donna, a sign that he's serious about making amends.
However, he knows that this won't be easy, that there will be ups and downs, and that he might face rejection. But he's willing to face it all because he loves Donna, and he's determined to fight for their marriage.
He's ready to take the first step on this long road to rebuilding what they once had.
The rest of the day passes in a blur for Harvey as he continues to think about what and how to say to her.
As evening approaches, he decides to take a long shower and carefully chooses his outfit for the night. He opts for a classic dark suit that he knows Donna always liked. It's a subtle nod to their past, a way of showing her that he hasn't forgotten the man he used to be when they first fell in love.
Harvey knows he needs to make this night special, a turning point in their relationship. He wants to prove to Donna that he's willing to changeand that he's ready to listen and work on their issues.
With a mixture of hope and determination, he heads out the door, his heart heavy with the weight of what's at stake.
As Harvey drives to the theater, his mind inevitably drifts back to many years ago, when he had rushed from the firm to her place. He knows that back then, it had been easier; just one look had been enough for their feelings to surface. This time, he won't have it so easy. In fact, he knows this will be one of the most challenging conversations he's ever had with her if she agrees to it at all. But for now, he won't allow himself to consider any other possibility. She has never refused to talk to him, not if he was willing to do so.
Either way, he has to try.
Memories of the past six months flash through his mind at the same speed as the city lights pass by his car window, and of course, during his drive, a light drizzle begins to fall. He smiles to himself, imagining that if she were in the passenger seat, she'd grumble in annoyance, "Here we go again, goodbye hairstyle." And he'd suppress a chuckle to not upset her further, sliding his hand onto her thigh, turning his head to look at her, and replying, "As if you needed a good hairstyle to look beautiful." Her anger would disperse into a smile and rosy cheeks, and he'd love that.
A deep sigh and the need to turn on the windshield wipers snap him back to reality, and he focuses all his attention on the road, trying to concentrate on the sound of the rain as if that could calm him, at least a little.
Upon entering the theater and finding his seat, the nerves he had felt in the car now seem insignificant compared to what he feels at this moment. He checks his heart rate on his smartwatch and is alarmed by how fast it's racing. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. He came here seeking a fresh start, and he believes that leaving in an ambulance would be quite inappropriate.
The lights around him dim, the murmur of the crowd fades away, and after complete darkness, the stage lights up. Even though he has managed to calm himself a bit, his heart races again when Donna appears on stage.
He's not surprised at all that seeing her instantly makes him feel better. Just as he's not surprised to find her even more beautiful and ethereal than the last time he saw her from the audience. As beautiful and ethereal as he had seen her from that very first night when they met.
And at that moment, the moment he sees her, he just knows he has to get her back. Living without Donna is not an option. No matter what it takes, he's not letting her go again.