A few days had passed since the day with the children at the home... A few days during which Brooke had not seen her priest again, who was supposedly busy with other tasks. She had had the strange impression that Brother Lucas had been distant, and now, he no longer showed himself at all... And for good reason...
After the assurance of a discreet exit in the darkness, Lucas plunged into the plant labyrinth of the garden. Alone in the darkness, a bag on his arm, he repeated this path that he knew by heart between the alleys of trimmed box trees. He then slipped silently into an opening unknown to all to arrive at his first destination. Lucas briefly observed the deserted land of the old farmhouse long since abandoned ... Between the dilapidated and moldy buildings, he took off his cassock and put the clothes carefully folded in his bag. Black T-shirt, pants and leather jacket. He then applied himself to folding his religious outfit and put it in the bag. Once his cassock was safe from any risk of soiling, Lucas advanced towards the large golden and sealed padlock. Each time, he felt the same apprehension ... That of finding it forced or of discovering the broken chain. He took care to hold the barn door as it opened in order to attenuate the creaking noise that accompanied it. Everything was there...His leather boots, his helmet and his beloved motorcycle. With his helmet on, Lucas went out of the shed incognito, pushing his still silent racing car with the strength of his arms. After several meters of pushing and the surroundings considered inanimate, Lucas finally straddled his motorcycle and started the engine. And there he was on the road.
He drove at full speed towards a village, he didn't care which one, as long as it was as remote and as far away from as possible...And that there is a church. The road could well be long, Lucas could drive for hours to hear the sound of the tires screeching on the ground. And thus continue to satisfy and indulge his passion, which remained secret to his brothers ... Even if the landscapes he traveled through had changed a lot since then ... On his bike, he felt alive and free. True freedom. The one that his commitment to the Church and to God obviously did not allow him ... The motorcycle, he had it in his skin and in his heart for much longer than Christ and faith in his soul. Especially since it was about all that remained to him from his past. His social life was now limited to the abbey ... To the parishioners, to the villagers, to the shopkeepers ...But his family was far away and he had lost touch with his old friends. And tonight, more than any other night, Lucas needed to talk to someone... By chance on a long and uncertain road, he had finally found a church, quite old but dimly lit. Never too careful when it came to his motorcycle, he parked and securely attached the lock on the back wheel. Out of respect, he removed his helmet before entering and moving towards the large wooden door of the building. As he walked through the central nave, he observed the small chapel, which apparently had quite old architecture. Stopping in front of the altar, Lucas made the sign of the cross and then went to sit on the first wooden bench behind him. Quickly, the footsteps of the priest who officiated here resonated loudly in the cramped space. When his counterpart approached him and discovered his presence, Lucas stood up and walked towards the confessional. By reflex, he first headed towards the cell reserved for the confessor then narrowly deviated. He took a seat in the voting booth reserved for the penitent. He knew what to say, he mastered the usual phrasing in this area.
LUCAS : Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have come to do an act of penance and I invoke my right to anonymity. I have not confessed for a few weeks, but believe me, I have prepared my examination of conscience. I have already broken several of God's commandments and fear that I may break others soon...
PRIEST : Good. It seems to me that you have thought of everything... Speak without fear, my son. God listens to you and loves you.
LUCAS : It is mainly the sin of lust, and the impure thoughts that accompany it, that bring me to the Lord.
Lucas paused as if to structure the rest of his ideas and remarks. The priest encouraged him.
PRIEST : What kinds of thoughts are you talking about and who is the object of them?
LUCAS : It's about a woman I met... Well, I have to take care of her in a way. She troubles me with all her being. This meeting shakes me and she seems to want to turn me away from brotherly love... I fear I appreciate her presence more than is reasonable... My daily life has always been so monotonous... And she bursts into this emotional desert in an uncontrollable way... She could tempt me, I fear.
PRIEST : To be tempted is human. To succumb to temptation is to sin. Wisdom is to see that something attracts us, then to know why this thing attracts us... Does she seem to provoke you? Why does this person succeed in making you lose your objectivity?
LUCAS : She doesn't seem to provoke me intentionally, at least I think so, but what she provokes in me... She acts tough but I feel her tender and fragile, she's just revolted. She sparkles with energy and freshness... She seems to have a temperament all her own... As if she could shut anyone up, mine included. She has this constant need to be on the defensive without even being attacked but I feel her honest and authentic. She makes me smile more than reason. And she touches me with her spontaneity and intelligence... But also with her impertinence... She chooses to do and say what she wants when she wants. I don't usually encourage these rebellious and undisciplined spirits... But with her, it's... it's just exquisite. And then... She's...
Lucas stopped talking for a few seconds before letting himself go in the spontaneous rush of confession.
LUCAS : She is simply magnificent.
PRIEST : My son, I see that you have made a clairvoyant analysis of the object of your desire...
LUCAS : But I do not have the right. I am forbidden to covet anyone... It is a religious duty.
Lucas decided to lay his cards on the table... thus confessing his membership in the clergy and his vow of chastity. Silence fell for a few seconds as the confessor assessed the situation in light of this new information.
PRIEST : So you are not unaware that the delight of mind and flesh can lead to one of the seven deadly sins...
LUCAS : Lust. I know it better than anyone, believe me ... Confessing is precisely to avoid it at all costs. Because the effect it has on me is special. I meet many women in the course of my activities ... But none of them has ever diverted me, neither in deed nor in thought, from my vow of perfect and perpetual continence. Her hair shines like the rays of the sun and her body undulates like a snake. Her gait ... hypnotizes me. She is not graceful in her language but that contrasts with the delicious vision of her voluptuous body ... Of her tanned skin, her smiling and full lips, her mischievous and malicious eyes ... And, as strange as it may seem, she smells deliciously good ... I find that she smells like cake ... The notes of chestnuts remind me of those of a cake very appreciated in my childhood ... To which are added juicy mango sprays ... Her gourmet and fruity perfume, intoxicates me as soon as she moves a little. As if that were not enough, her gaze on me makes me completely waver ... Just thinking about it, my body reacts. I must succeed in countering this ... Because, in her presence, I am brought back to my condition of man in his animality.
PRIEST : Your understanding of the inevitable risks of disappointment or destruction is already salutary, my son. Chastity is a daily effort and requires self-control where reason is called upon to dominate impulses. The presence of impure thoughts is a venial sin that God will easily forgive you. Have confidence. Our father to all, will help you to annihilate this lust and this attraction, in order to avoid any passage to the act. Allow me this question... No reprehensible act has yet been committed?
LUCAS : No, Father. I am holding myself back with all my strength from stimulating my flesh and my body even more...
PRIEST : Good. It is honorable, God congratulates you. But you will have to help yourself as well... You said you were in charge of this temptation personified?
LUCAS : That is correct. My commitment to the church is precisely the one that entrusts me with this task and this duty... The very one that inspires me with attraction and lust. What should I do?
PRIEST : When sexual temptation burns within us by its insidious temptress ... We must remain rooted in Jesus Christ. Fulfill your priestly mission to serve your God but protect yourself from your torments. Think first of raising your heart to God, and consider this ordeal as a blow from Heaven ... Our good Father sends it to you only as a means of purifying yourself further, and of uniting you more closely to him. Collect yourself within yourself by addressing Jesus crucified so that he comes to your aid. I will pray for you. Imprint his figure in your heart, this heart filled with perverse and degrading abominations. He will deliver you from the mysterious taste of temptation, from the delight with a bitter taste, from the vertigo of animality ... To the point of renouncing the very object of desire and the carnal appetite which tends to subornate it.
The confession coming to an end, it was now time for Lucas to make an act of contrition.
LUCAS : My God, I have a very great regret to have offended you in your infinite goodness and I know that sin displeases you. I firmly resolve, with the help of your holy grace, to keep my distance and to offend you no more.
The priest then offered absolution to Lucas by recommending him the act of penance through prayer.
PRIEST : You are now washed of your sins my son, your repentance can begin. Stay away so as not to need to seek appeasement in the fire of temptation ...
- The next day at the abbey -
Debie and Sister Karen were busy finding Brooke useful but not very fun things to do! At least one of them always accompanied her on one of these missions. Today it was both of them at the same time. They had spent the whole afternoon sorting and organizing boxes in the attic... The day was slowly coming to an end.
DEBIE : We did a good job, that's a good thing done! You're the efficient type, I like that! I'll be sure to mention it to your legal assistant tomorrow morning.
BROOKE : Is it his first visit tomorrow already?
DEBIE : Yes, he should be here by nine o'clock tomorrow morning.
Seeing Brooke's slightly sullen reaction and her anxious look, Debie added:
DEBIE : But everything will be fine... okay?
BROOKE : Oh... If you say so... It's just that it's a first and I don't like my legal assistant. I met him at the trial and he's pretty full of himself... How will it go, actually?
DEBIE : I'll talk to him alone first, then he'll probably want to chat with you a little. Nothing more.
SISTER KAREN : Have no fear my child, you show perseverance and we can feel that you are working on your humility ...
The two women managed to calm Brooke with their kindness and comforting words. Brooke smiled politely at them.
BROOKE : Okay, that's cool! Thanks to both of you... I just don't want to get mad at that guy!
DEBIE : No, that would be better, actually. But tomorrow is another day... And we'll still have work to do! We'll take care of the final checks for the Gala next week...
SISTER KAREN : And in the afternoon, you and I will prepare the vegetables for the family visit the day after tomorrow!
DEBIE : But tonight, you've earned your evening... If you want to have your evening off, that's fine with me...
BROOKE : Really? Like, I can do whatever I want?
DEBIE : Yes! I hope I'm not mistaken in saying that we have established a beginning of mutual trust... I just ask that you respect the curfew. Sister Karen will make sure our Cinderella gets home on time...
Brooke looked at her watch... It wasn't even 5pm yet.
BROOKE : So I have to be home by 8:30? Okay great, I'm off then!
Too eager to enjoy this moment of freedom, Brooke didn't notice the two women exchange a big smile. Without wasting a second, she rushed to her room to get her cell phone and a sports outfit.
BROOKE'S THOUGHT : This is probably the only nice thing to do around here... Plus, I want and need to let off steam!
A few minutes of walking later, Brooke arrived at the gym, changed and started with some cardio. She walked on the treadmill but gradually and quickly increased the intensity of her run. She took care to add mobility to prepare her joints and pushed her headphones into her ears. Soon, she let go of the dashboard. Looking straight ahead, hands relaxed, her run became more and more intense. Once her pace was stable, she increased the speed and incline of the treadmill to reinforce her effort. She liked this feeling. She had missed it. The one in which nothing existed around her anymore. When she passed this unpleasant phase during which the body and mind rebelled ... It burned everywhere, but she insisted, she persevered ... Until pleasure. While stimulating the production of her endorphins, she felt her stress level go down and calm down. She then lost herself in her most intimate and deepest thoughts.
BROOKE'S THOUGHT : I run like a madwoman in a gym, in a rotten city ... To get rid of my anger. At Owen who still hasn't contacted me ... and who has simply disappeared into thin air! At Lucas who seems totally uninterested in my fate despite his fine empty words ... At this legal assistant with a condescending air ... But who holds my future in his hands. At my parents who I hold largely responsible for my bad life choices and friends ... I have to get rid of all this anger that is eating away at me ... And above all, the anger I feel against myself! How did I get here? Who have I become and what will I become ...? After all this? Owen may never resurface and there is no way I'm asking my parents for help!
At the same rate as her painful thoughts assailed her, Brooke's heart rate skyrocketed. A little too much, in fact. In her annoyance, she decided to turn off the machine and it returned to its pre-programmed calm mode. While her heartbeat was pounding too hard in her chest, she looked at her time: 1:32. No wonder she felt on her knees... A pleasant exhaustion, certainly, but her body was suffering. She was thirsty but she had no water. She headed, dizzy and sweating, into the hallway that led to the reception and the other rooms. She looked for the toilets so she could drink tap water since she had no money for the dispenser.
QUENTIN : Hey Brooke!
BROOKE : Hey! Hi Quentin... Excuse me but I might fall soon if I don't find some water very quickly...
QUENTIN : Wait, don't move... Here, take my bottle.
Without thanking him, Brooke emptied the entire contents of the bottle as if her life depended on it.
BROOKE : Oh thank you! Thank you very much! You saved me that time! But now you don't have any water! And I can't even buy you another one...
Quentin searched his bag for a few moments and with a victorious air, took out a new bottle.
QUENTIN : Don't worry! I always have two bottles with me... You know, in case I come across a girl in distress...
BROOKE : I see you're very forward-thinking!
The teenager's presence and infectious good humor instantly brought a smile back to Brooke's face.
QUENTIN : So what made you so thirsty?
BROOKE : I just ran a few virtual kilometers and I was going to start working out and stretching...
QUENTIN : I'll come with you then, that's where I'm going too!
They walked together towards the second room for pumping up and group classes.
QUENTIN : I'm going to the weights, shall we meet up after?
Brooke watched him walk away towards the huge mirror characteristic of gyms. Several men were working out and admiring their reflection in the glass at the same time.
BROOKE'S THOUGHT : Such a common cliché... Let's give them another show!
Brooke put her headphones back on, settled in and started working on her body. It didn't take long for the discreet glances or more insistent stares to start. Fully assuming, she scanned the assembly with her eyes but none of them particularly caught her attention. That didn't stop her from detailing their sweaty male bodies, their muscles bulging from the dumbbells... She enjoyed the view just as she found it pleasant and flattering to be looked at, stared at in turn... A man's gaze could be a very powerful weapon, but it was also double-edged...
BROOKE'S THOUGHT : Used correctly, I feel attractive and desirable. Used badly or too insistent, I feel vulgar, objectified... The line is thin.
As Brooke refocused on her movements, she felt someone approach her. The man's shadow loomed on the ground but she couldn't see him from her position. She took off one of her headphones.
... : You're arching too much there, my pretty...