Olivia was really struggling with her anxiety and didn't know how much longer she could go on like this. Everyday was such a struggle for her.
Tomorrow Olivia had a science test meaning she was dreading the week even more than normal. She'd spent every minute she could revising over the weekend but she knew it wasn't enough because she still barely knew anything.
Rachel had just finished putting Daisy to bed and was on her way back downstairs. She saw the light was on in Olivia's bedroom so went to see if she fancied coming down.
Olivia was sat at her desk when Rachel walked into her bedroom. She looked absolutely exhausted and Rachel was a bit worried about her.
"Are you going to come downstairs and watch some TV?" Rachel asked
"I can't"
"Why not?"
"I'm revising"
"I can see that and you've already worked very hard for your test so I think you can relax for the rest of the evening now"
"But the test is tomorrow. I need to revise as much as I can before then"
"You've done as much as you can love"
"No I haven't and you standing there talking to me isn't helping" Olivia snapped
Rachel sighed. Olivia had been incredibly irritable lately.
As much as Rachel didn't want to wind Olivia up further, she could also tell that Olivia really needed to stop revising now so decided to persist.
"The best thing you can do now is rest, trust me. You're probably not taking anything new in now anyway"
"So I may as well not even try. Thanks for believing in me"
"Hey that's not what I meant. You've worked really hard for this test and I'm impressed with the amount of effort you've put in but I just think the best thing you can do now is have a bit of down time before tomorrow"
"I've already told you I want to do as much as I can"
Rachel realised she wasn't getting anywhere.
"Okay. Well do another hour and then it's time for sleep"
"Fine" Olivia sighed even though she had no intention of going to sleep in an hour.
Rachel was about to walk out of Olivia's bedroom but then turned around again to face Olivia.
"You know I'll be proud of you whatever the result because you've tried your best"
"I know" Olivia replied before Rachel went downstairs
She knew Rachel wouldn't be proud of her when she received the bad result that she knew she was going to get though.
The thought of disappointing Rachel made Olivia's eyes fill with tears. As well as being irritable she was also very emotional at the moment.
After a little bit Olivia wiped away her tears and went back to her revision. She was so tired and just wanted to climb into bed but this wasn't an option for her right now.
Rachel came up at about 9 to tell Olivia to get ready for bed.
Olivia did what Rachel said and got sorted for bed before climbing in.
Once she was sorted Rachel came and sat on the bed beside her.
"Did you get done what you wanted to?" Rachel asked
Olivia nodded. She hadn't but she didn't want to admit to Rachel how little she knew or how worried she was about tomorrow.
"Good girl. I bet you're looking forward to finishing school tomorrow and having an evening of doing nothing"
"Yeah I can't wait"
Olivia was doing her best to act normal and not show how much she was worrying.
"I'll leave you to sleep now darling"
"Night Rachel"
"Night night. Sleep tight"
Once Rachel left Olivia went back to her desk as quietly as she could and carried on revising.
She kept going until gone midnight when she decided to try and get some sleep.
As Olivia laid in bed she felt sick with worry and it took her ages to fall asleep. Eventually she managed it though and couldn't believe it when Rachel woke her up the next morning. It felt as though she had only just dropped off.
After Rachel left her bedroom Olivia got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
She didn't feel right at all. She was absolutely exhausted, she felt really shaky and the way her heart was beating didn't feel normal.
Olivia washed her face before going back to her room to get dressed. Once she was dressed she put on some mascara and put her hair into a messy bun before packing her school bag.
Once she was ready she sat on her bed staring into space thinking about school and her test.
She heard Rachel shouting up the stairs to her.
"Liv come down and get some breakfast"
Olivia went downstairs and picked an apple out of the fruit bowl.
"I'm just going to have an apple, I'm not that hungry this morning"
Olivia sat at the breakfast bar and slowly ate her apple.
It was soon time to leave so Olivia went upstairs to get her bag before going out to the car.
They dropped Daisy off before driving on to Waterloo Road.
Once they got to school Olivia said goodbye to Rachel and Lexie before going off to find her friends.
They had some flash cards out and were testing each other. Olivia began panicking even more when she heard a couple of the questions and had no idea what the answer was.
"I'm going to the loo" Olivia said realising that she needed to get away from them
Olivia went to the toilets and went into one of the cubicles. She sat there worrying until the bell went.
Olivia slowly made her way to registration and before long the bell went signalling the start of first period.
Everyone started to stand up ready to leave but Olivia stayed sitting. She couldn't breath properly.
Miss Haydock noticed something was up with Olivia so came over.
"Olivia are you okay?"
Olivia didn't say anything. She was starting to hyperventilate.
"Poppy go and get Miss Mason" Miss Haydock said and Poppy did as she'd asked straight away
The pupils that hadn't left yet were starting to stare at Olivia which was only making it worse for her.
"The rest of you get to your lesson, now" Miss Haydock said before crouching down in front of Olivia
"Olivia everything is okay. I think you're having a panic attack but everything is going to be just fine. Try and take some deep breaths for me"
After a couple of minutes Rachel arrived and took over from Miss Haydock. Olivia was still having a panic attack.
"Breathe with me Liv" Rachel said as she took hold of Olivia's hands "come on in and out. Focus on taking really deep breaths"
Miss Haydock put the shutters down so no one could see into the classroom.
With Rachel's support Olivia's breathing began to calm down.
"I feel dizzy" Olivia said
"Okay. Just keep breathing for me. The dizziness will pass in a minute"
Olivia leant against Rachel.
"I really don't feel right Rachel"
"I know but you will in a minute. You're going to be okay"
"I don't want to faint"
"Just stay sitting and you should be fine"
Olivia's head was spinning.
After a minute the dizziness started to pass. Olivia was relieved when she started to feel a bit better. She hated feeling dizzy.
"I'll go and get a glass of water for you Olivia"
"Thanks Steph. Have you got a class waiting to come in?"
"No I have a free"
Once Steph left the room Olivia burst into tears so Rachel just let her cry into her and didn't say anything.
Steph returned with the glass of water and put it down on the desk as Olivia was still crying into Rachel.
"I'll leave you to it Rachel" Steph said quietly
Rachel smiled gratefully before Steph left again.
"Shall we get you home love?" Rachel suggested
"What about my test?"
"I think your test can wait until another day. Here have some water"
"Really? I don't have to do my test?"
"I don't think you're in any fit state to do a test right now. Do you?"
"I guess not. I'm really sorry"
"Hey you don't need to be sorry. We'll have a proper chat about all of this later but for now I just want you to try and not worry and rest for the day. Do you think you're okay to walk now or do you still feel dizzy?"
"I think I'll be fine to walk"
"Just stand up slowly"
Olivia and Rachel went to Rachel's office so Rachel could get her things together before walking out to the car.
Olivia was extremely quiet the whole way home.
"Why don't you go and get changed into something a bit more comfy and I'll make you a hot chocolate" Rachel suggested
Olivia went upstairs and Rachel went into the kitchen. She knew she needed to talk to Olivia about what had happened but decided it was best to wait until later.
Rachel made herself a coffee and Olivia a hot chocolate and then took the drinks through to the lounge.
A couple of minutes later Olivia came in.
"Do you want to stick a film or something on? I need to do some work but I'll sit in here with you"
Olivia nodded. She was so relieved to not be in school. She felt so weak and not capable of doing anything right now.
Olivia put a film on and drank her hot chocolate whilst Rachel did some work.
Rachel had been engrossed in her work and hadn't realised that Olivia had fallen asleep until she got up to go to the loo.
She got a blanket and covered Olivia.
It got to lunch time and Olivia was still fast asleep.
She was clearly exhausted so Rachel decided to let her sleep but went out to the kitchen to make herself a sandwich as she was really hungry.
Rachel was half way through her sandwich when Olivia came out.
"Oh hello sleepy head"
"I can't believe I slept for so long. I didn't even mean to fall asleep"
"You clearly needed it. Are you going to have some lunch?"
"Yeah I'm really hungry"
Olivia made herself a sandwich before joining Rachel at the breakfast bar. She felt nervous because she knew Rachel would want to speak to her about her panic attack and probably before Lexie and Daisy came home from school.
She was relieved when Rachel didn't bring it up over lunch though.
"Shall we go out and get a bit of fresh air?" Rachel asked
"I should probably do some school work. I don't even know what I've missed today to catch up on though"
"I think that can wait. Come on let's go for a walk"
"I'd better get changed first then" Olivia said as she had changed into pyjamas
Once Olivia had changed the two of them headed outside for a walk. The sun was shining and it felt nice to feel it on their faces.
Olivia seemed fairly relaxed while they were out walking so Rachel decided now would be a good time to try and get Olivia talking.
"You certainly seem a lot calmer than you were when I came into Miss Haydock's classroom this morning. Did something happen to bring your panic attack on?" Rachel asked gently
"No it just started suddenly after the bell went"
"What've you been worrying about recently?"
"Nothing really"
Rachel looked over at Olivia clearly not believing her.
"I haven't. Everything's fine" Olivia said defensively
"Have you been worrying about the test you were meant to have today?"
"No not really" Olivia lied. She wasn't good at opening up about her worries and problems
"Well if not the test then is there something else that's worrying you at school?"
Olivia shook her head.
"There must be something that caused your panic attack earlier love"
"Do we have to talk about this Rachel? I don't know why I had a panic attack earlier but there's nothing to worry about"
"Okay let's stop talking about it"
Rachel was going to get to the bottom of this. She knew it was best to not push Olivia though so changed the subject for the time being.
Once they got back from their walk Olivia went up to her bedroom. She was feeling tearful so was glad to get away from Rachel.
Rachel continued working until it was time to go and collect Daisy from school. She went up to tell Olivia she was leaving and was shocked to find her crying.
"Hey what's wrong?" Rachel asked from the doorway
"Nothing" Olivia said as she hastily wiped away her tears
"It doesn't look like nothing. I really need to leave to pick Daisy up but why don't you come with me and we can talk about it on the way?"
"I'm just being stupid. I'll wait here"
"I don't want to leave you when you're upset. Please come with me"
"I'm fine. Just go"
Rachel hated leaving Olivia when she was clearly very upset but she didn't exactly have a choice as she was already leaving later than she should have been.
"I'll be as quick as I can. Call me if you need anything"
Rachel went over and gave Olivia a quick hug before leaving.
She was really worried about Olivia the whole way and just wanted to get back to find out what was wrong.
Rachel got to the playground just as the children in Daisy's class were starting to come out. Rachel really hoped Daisy would be one of the first.
Unfortunately nearly everyone had come out apart from Daisy.
Rachel decided to go and speak to the teacher.
"Hi Rachel"
"Hiya. Is Daisy ready to come out? It's just I'm in a bit of a rush"
"Well I actually wanted to have a quick chat with you about Daisy. But we can do it tomorrow instead if that's better for you"
Rachel could tell by her tone that it wasn't something good.
"It's okay. We can talk now" Rachel said as she knew she would only spend the night worrying about what she wanted
The last couple of children left from Daisy's classroom so then Rachel went inside.
Daisy was sat at one of the desks looking a bit worried.
"I'm afraid Daisy's got into a bit of trouble at school today. Do you want to tell Rachel what happened Daisy, or shall I?"
"You tell her"
"Daisy's behaviour has been very disruptive recently. She's been talking when she's not meant to and not doing what I ask her to. And then today she pulled another girls hair"
Rachel was shocked to hear this. Daisy was normally so well behaved at school.
"Now I know this isn't like Daisy at all. Are you ready to tell me why you did it now Daisy?"
"I already told you I didn't mean to"
"I don't think it was an accident though, was it? The lunchtime supervisor said she saw you do it deliberately"
"Well she's lying"
"I'm so sorry about this" Rachel said "I'll make sure to speak to Daisy about this when we get home"
"Thank you. I know this is out of character for you Daisy so if there is a reason why you did it please tell us"
Daisy didn't say anything. She was looking down at the floor.
"Right well I'll let you go because you said you were in a rush. I hope to see better behaviour from you tomorrow Daisy"
"Come on then Daisy. Let's go home" Rachel said coldly
Daisy picked up her stuff and walked out of the classroom with Rachel.
Daisy was walking slowly and a bit behind Rachel.
"Hurry up Daisy. I haven't got time for this" Rachel said before grabbing hold of Daisy's hand and making her walk quicker. She grabbed it a bit more harshly than she meant to.
Daisy started to cry as she hated it when she was in trouble with Rachel.
"Don't think turning on the water works is going to get you out of this one. I'm not happy in the slightest. Right now I want to get home because your sister is very upset. It's not fair on her that we're going to be late home because you were naughty at school today, is it?"
"I'm sorry. What's wrong with Olivia?"
"That's none of your business"
Daisy didn't say anything. She hadn't expected Rachel to be as annoyed as this.
They drove home in silence. Rachel was not at all happy that she'd had to go into school to speak to Daisy's teacher when Olivia was upset and at home on her own.
Daisy wasn't used to Rachel being like this and felt almost scared of her.
The drive home wasn't too long. They parked on the drive and then went inside.
"I'm really sorry for getting into trouble at school Rachel"
"I don't want to hear it now Daisy. Go and change out of your uniform and then try and stay out of trouble. I'm going to speak to Olivia so don't disturb us please"
"Okay"
Daisy went upstairs crying.
Rachel went straight up to Olivia's bedroom. She felt so sorry for Olivia when she found her still crying.
"Sorry I was so long darling" Rachel said as she sat down on Olivia's bed
"It's okay" Olivia said wishing she'd been able to stop crying whilst Rachel was gone
"Now are you ready to tell me what you're so upset about?" Rachel asked gently to which Olivia shrugged her shoulders
"Earlier you said you're fine but is there something going on what's making you feel like this?"
Olivia gave a small nod of her head. Rachel was pleased she seemed to be making some progress.
"I'm hear to listen whenever you're ready to tell me" Rachel said as she took Olivia's hands in hers
Olivia decided to tell Rachel. She was struggling so much and knew she couldn't go on like it.
"I don't like school anymore. I get really nervous about going" Olivia admitted
"Okay. Has something happened to make you nervous about school?"
"Nothing. I know it's stupid but I just dread going"
"Is there anything in particular that worries you?"
"Not really. I don't know how to describe how I feel about it"
"That's okay. How long have you been feeling this way?"
"I guess it first started after the Christmas holidays but it's got really bad over the last few weeks"
"Can you tell me a bit more about how you've been feeling?"
"I've just been so worried about going to school and doing well. I hate being in school and when I'm not at school I just spend the whole time thinking and worrying about it. I know it seems like nothing but I just feel so anxious all the time"
"It certainly isn't nothing sweetheart. You should've told me you'd been feeling like this instead of keeping it to yourself"
"But it's stupid. It's just school I shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it"
"Of course it's not stupid and you're not making a big deal out of it. You shouldn't have had to suffer in silence for all this time"
"I just want to feel normal again" Olivia cried
Rachel pulled Olivia into her chest for a much needed cry. Olivia felt good for getting it off her chest.
After a couple of minutes Olivia pulled away.
"Anxiety is really horrible sweetheart so I think we should go to the doctors and see what help they can suggest for you"
"Really?"
"Yes, you need some proper help love. I don't want you suffering like you have been"
"I thought it was just something I needed to get on with"
"Nobody should feel the way you've been feeling when there's things that can be done to try and help"
"Do you think I'll start enjoying school again?"
"I hope so. I'm sure there are going to be things that can be done to help get your anxiety under control"
"Thank you Rachel. I really wish I'd told you I was feeling like this sooner"
"I wish you had too. When was the last time you had a panic attack before today?"
"Not for ages. Not since that one I had on my first day in year 7"
"So I take it this test hasn't helped?"
Olivia shook her head.
"I could tell something wasn't right at the weekend"
Olivia snuggled against Rachel. She was feeling exhausted from lack of sleep and also from crying.
"I think it's best if you have another couple of days off school love and then maybe go in towards the end of the week. But we can work something out to hopefully make you feel a bit more at ease. And I'll ring the doctor's to make an appointment for you"
"Okay"
Olivia was so relieved she got to have some time off school. She definitely felt like she needed some time to rest and recover.
"Make sure you tell me before things get this bad next time" Rachel said as she used her thumbs to wipe a few tears from Olivia's face
"I will"
"I'm here for you, you don't need to struggle on your own"
"I know. I just find it hard"
"I know you do. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings either. I guess it's something we should both try and get better at"
Olivia gave a weak smile.
"Are you going to be okay if I go and get on with a few jobs?"
"I'll be fine. Thanks Rachel"
Rachel left Olivia's bedroom feeling glad to know what was going on with her but she did still feel worried and hoped they could get her some help.
After walking out of Olivia's room, Rachel headed to Daisy's bedroom to speak to her.
Daisy was curled up in a ball on her bed crying. Rachel realised she'd been too harsh on her earlier and started to feel a bit bad.
Rachel scooped Daisy up and sat down with her on her lap.
"Are these tears because of me?" Rachel asked gently
Daisy didn't say anything but she did feel pleased that Rachel seemed to be in a better mood now.
Rachel rocked Daisy like a baby while she cried.
After a couple of minutes Daisy moved so that she was sat up on Rachel's lap.
"I'm really sorry for getting into trouble at school Rachel"
"Let's talk about that in a minute. I want to say sorry first for not being very nice to you after school. I was worried about Olivia but I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did so I'm sorry"
"Is Olivia okay?"
"She will be, don't worry. Do you forgive me?"
Daisy nodded her head.
"Thank you. Well now that's sorted I want to talk about your behaviour at school. It's really not like you to misbehave Daisy and you know how unacceptable it is to hurt people"
"I know"
"So why did you do it? And I don't want any more lies"
"I don't know why I did it. I said sorry afterwards"
"I'm glad you said sorry afterwards but you shouldn't have done it in the first place. There must have been a reason"
"There was no reason. It just happened"
"Was she being horrible to you?"
Daisy shook her head.
"Are you sure? You know you can tell me if she was"
"There's nothing to tell. Please can we just stop talking about it now"
"Well if you're not going to tell me why you did it I guess there's not much else to say. Pulling another girls hair for no reason really isn't good enough Daisy. You can stay up in your bedroom until tea and then after tea it will be a bath and straight to bed. And from tomorrow I want your behaviour to improve at school"
"Okay Rachel"
"I'll be speaking to your teacher at the end of the day again to check you've been on your best behaviour"
"I will be"
"Good. You can tidy your bedroom before tea please"
Rachel knew she wasn't getting the whole truth out of Daisy and wondered what had happened to make her pull a girl's hair at school.
It had been a long day and Rachel was relieved when Eddie got home to have his company.
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