Winter's Refuge
Chapter One Hundred Eighty-Eight
HEYES
"Thought I'd make both a white picket fence and put a slat tree swing in that oak tree for the kids," the Kid answered my question.
"I suggest you ask Vince to help you. He's an accomplished carpenter," I told him.
He nodded and sat on an old bench. He looked tired, drained. I sat next to him and waited in silence, knowing he wanted to discuss something. This is the way it's been all our lives.
"Heyes, I been thinkin' about Chrissy," he started.
"Seems like you think about her a lot. I've never seen two people more in love," I answered.
"Do you know how old she was that day she rode into Devil's Hole after her brothers?" he asked.
"Never thought about it," I answered. "Some of my memories from that time are blurry and others are gone. How old was she?"
"Seventeen, maybe eighteen. When Luke stayed with us, he said she was a year older than Matt. When you confronted him in Devil's Hole, he told us he was sixteen," the Kid explained.
I tried to remember more about that time and was jolted by a strong memory. "I remember the youngest boy just about outdrew you."
"Gave me nightmares. That was Bobby Bell. Saw him die at Brown River," he answered.
But in a passing thought, I remembered how Chrissy thought she saw him days after that in Three Birds. I hadn't thought about that in years. No need to remind the Kid of it.
"So, if Chrissy was eighteen then, that night I brought you to Winter's Refuge she must have been nineteen, almost twenty," I figured out loud, wondering where he was leading with this.
"I never really thought about it, but she went from Winter's Refuge to prison to here. She ain't never really seen too many places," he said.
"Not like us, huh, partner?" I answered. "What have we seen? A myriad of cities and ever-changing towns and hotel rooms and Devil's Hole and ranch bunk houses and barns and campfires …and prison cells that we had slept in before finding a home here. Could have done without a lot of them."
"And we met a lot of good people along the way," he answered. "That's not my point…Chrissy's been kinda sheltered all her life."
"You call all those years in prison sheltered?" I answered. "She RAN Winter's Refuge when their pa died and even before." I wasn't sure what I was trying to convince him of.
He sighed. "Sheltered. At Winter's Refuge she had Jose and Marina Ortiz lookin' after her. In prison, well, there you ain't got no choice what you do each day. And here…well, I ain't never asked her what her dreams were. I never knew she always wanted to paint more than the house or the barn."
I didn't respond, knowing he was trying to work something out in his mind. But I thought about Chrissy, too. As far as I can tell, she's very happy here.
The Kid was getting distraught. "Did I ruin her life? I didn't ask if she wanted to stay here and be a ranch wife. Except to go see Matt, she ain't seen many places. This ranch is my dream. Maybe it's not hers."
"Our dream," I added. "I think Chrissy is very happy here."
"That's just it, Heyes, I never asked her. I didn't think to ask her." He shook his head.
"When are you going to visit her?" I asked.
"Weekend after next. Maybe I should go now?"
"No. Let her have this Sunday with Ruth Ann. But maybe you can go a day or two earlier than planned?" I suggested.
"Good idea, partner. Think I'll do that." The Kid headed to the house. I stayed behind still thinking. I've never asked Angie if she likes it here. She hated it when she and Sam lived with her sister's family.
A quote that I read in prison from Henry David Thoreau keeps going through my mind. "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation." It's such a sad thought. When I was in prison, at first, I thought it applied to prisoners. But then I started watching the guards, and I think it applied to them as much as the prisoners, and even in some respect to the warden. It described the life of most of the civilian staff, like the chefs, too. The only person I thought it did not apply to was Dr. Arden. He worked with a purpose, not in resignation to the job.
But now, what if it applies to my wife…or Chrissy? I examined myself. This is the only place I want to live for the rest of my life. A horse ranch surrounded by family is my dream.
ASJ*ASJ
I helped the Kid get all his little ones changed and to bed. He sat in the overstuffed chair in their bedroom and read out loud to the little twins and Catherine. I know he'll fall asleep in the chair and stay there until morning. He told me his bed is too empty without Chrissy.
I left him there and checked that all the doors and windows were locked before I joined Angie in our bed. She was reading, her leg raised on a pillow. I tried to slip in next to her without disturbing her…unsuccessfully. So, I took the book from her and set it aside.
"Heyes, I was reading that," she said.
"I've got a better idea of what we can do," I told her, taking her in my arms and kissing her neck, careful not to jostle her leg. She reached around my neck returning the kiss with equal passion. Stopping, she whispered, "Heyes, I can't."
"I know, my love, but can we find a way that's comfortable for you where you could sleep in my arms?" I asked.
She giggled like a young girl. It lets me know she's happy here away from her abusive first marriage. I took that opportunity to ask what was on my mind. "Angie, are you happy with your life here? Is there something else you've ever dreamed of doing or living?"
"Of course I'm happy. I never dared to dream that my life would be like this. And Sam is happy and doing so well in school. When he's home, his laughs are so deep and so jolly it makes my heart happy," she answered.
I took a contented breath and snuggled closer to her. "Good."
"Why are you asking me this?" She pulled away a little and looked me right in the eyes. "Is this because Chrissy enjoys painting?"
She knows me well. "Ah, yeah, and I was just wondering if there was anything like that I was keeping you from doing," I answered.
"Heyes, no one kept Chrissy from painting. But yes, there's something I enjoy that I don't get to do too much here," she said with a mischievous grin.
"And what's that?"
"I love dancing at church socials and barn dances. There just doesn't seem to be too much music and dancing," she answered. She knows I don't like parties or dances. This was her way of telling me she does and misses them. Auntie will know what to do about arranging some town socials and maybe Father Patrick can help.
"I'll see what I can do about that…and maybe I'll even take a turn around the dancefloor with you."
ASJ*ASJ
Father Patrick Mahoney had been lost after he was injured at the prison and firmly told by his superiors and those of us who care about him that being a prison chaplain was not his calling. He resumed his duties here in Three Birds and sometimes in Mallard Springs or Mason's Crescent, but I would say he was definitely one of Thoreau's men living in silent desperation. He was lost, almost dead inside. Me and the Kid talked about it, tried to help him. He was going through the motions, but his heart wasn't in being a priest. His faith was shaken. He stayed at Dr. Arden's house most of the time, spent long nights talking with the Kid, Aiden, or Frank and prayed for endless hours instead of sleeping, looking for divine guidance.
I think the tornado was his salvation, but it's hard for me to say that something like that was an answer to someone's prayers. It was just an act of nature. When the people of Mallard Springs refused to help after it hit, Father Patrick's Irish temper returned and with it his great compassion for people became his saving light. He has counseled his Three Birds flock with gentle words of encouragement and God's love. He helped everywhere, at every sickbed, praying, at every funeral blessing the dead and the living, and ministering to the now homeless and hopeless.
We were busy with Three Birds so me and the Kid didn't think about going there, but the day after he returned from Mallard Springs, Father rode up to Mason's Crescent. It's a very small, close-knit town, probably less than sixty people, most of them related. The tornado had gone through the outskirts of their town when it was losing its fury. Still, a barn was gone, roads were blocked, crops destroyed, and a man, two kids, and a goat that a family depended on were injured. They didn't ask for help; they relied on each other and took care of the injured the best they could. They welcomed Father Patrick as a guest, and he helped where he could, and brought all the injured and the ma of the kids back to Three Birds in his wagon.
We welcomed them. Dr. Aiden ministered to all of them, including the goat. Their broken legs or arms were set, cuts were stitched. The next morning, Father Patrick's wagon led a group of five wagons heading back to Mason's Crescent. Our little caravan brought the wounded home and food enough for everyone, supplies to rebuild the barn, and nine men to do the work, and seeds to replant the fields, and two additional goats that the Kid had taken in trade for shoeing a horse. Me and the Kid drove a wagon, but the rest of the men Father chose were among those displaced from the tornado and paid them a day's wages. We were welcomed like heroes, but Father Patrick was the real hero. He worked beside us repairing the barn, then moved to help clear and replow a field. At the end of the day, he said a Mass right there in that barn and I think everyone in that town attended. They thought they were alone, forgotten, but learned that day they had friends that came to their aid unasked.
Before we left, their mayor, whose brother was one of the injured, took the Kid and Father aside to thank them with a private drink of their homemade whiskey and asked how they could help Three Birds recover. He offered two plots of good farmland to any of the displaced families, if we could supply some help building their houses.
Father Patrick did all that by thinking of others. Now I no longer see that look of silent desperation. I see compassion and drive for helping others as he says the way Christ would want us to help our neighbors. And I see his joy is doing that.
JED 'KID' CURRY
Auntie seemed to know what was botherin' me. She told me how pleased she was Chrissy found a new hobby to occupy her time in Denver. If I had known she dreamt about paintin', I would've bought her everythin' she needed. It was hard to wait until my visit; I stayed busy and was amazed how Chrissy got anything done with all our kids always seem to be needin' somethin'. I tried not to think about Roberto bein' with her every day.
Vince and Rocky helped me build a fancy low wooden fence around the front yard and paint it white. I worked on the metal gate at night and made an attachment with our initials, a J with an overlappin' C on one side and an H side by side with an A sharin' one line for the other.
Three more letters arrived before I left to visit my girls in Denver. We read two aloud to the whole family after dinner, except for the private part at the end of Chrissy's letter. It seemed short this time.
I started readin' Chrissy's letter:
"My Dear Family,
I miss and pray for each one of you every day. Our weather here in Denver has been beautiful, warm but not hot. Ruth Ann spent the day with us on Sunday. Aiden and I picked her up early in the morning and she was so happy to see me, she jumped into my arms. My growing belly made this difficult to do and Doctor Aiden immediately took her from me. She pouted, but he signed she was going to have another brother or sister and she must be gentle with me. She remembers when I was with child with Catherine.
She touched my belly gently and smiled and signed, "Girl or boy?"
"We don't know," I signed in return.
"Ruth wants sister," she signed back and I was surprised that my little almost four-year-old spelled out the letters in her name instead of using the movement she had used before.
Smiling, I told her, "Very good. We have to wait for the baby to know."
"Ruth wants sister. Send boy back," she signed. And Doctor Aiden and I laughed. In her answer we saw she was still our stubborn self-centered girl."
"Papa, are you sure it is just one baby this time?" Martha interrupted my readin' of the letter.
"That's what Aiden says," I answered.
"I want another sister," Joy said and Nettie whispered, "Brother."
Angie pulled her daughter onto her lap. "This will be another cousin for you, little one, whether it's a girl or boy." All our little kids get confused on how they are related, but I saw Nettie knit her brow and throw her hair off her forehead the way Heyes does.
"Want boy cousin brother and name him Key," she announced, like that was the end of it.
Smilin' at his youngest admirer, Rocky told her, "That name's taken, but it might be nice to have another little boy around here."
Auntie put an end to the discussion. "Well, it's not for us to decide. Boy or girl, the good Lord will send us whatever's best for this family."
I continued readin':
"As we walked by the flower and plant store, the lady there gave Ruth Ann two daisies, one white and one yellow, and she was delighted. At our cottage, she asked for water for the flowers. I found an old mason jar, filled it with water, and added sugar so the flower would stay alive longer. Ruth Ann placed it in the center of our small kitchen table. It's small compared to the one at Phoenix and could only seat six at most. Oh, how I do miss our family dinners each evening with everyone talking at once and learning about everyone's day. Jed knows I've always wanted a large family. Each and every one of you that shares that table each night is part of our family and I miss you. Jed, don't know if I ever thanked you for giving me this family, some kin, some not, but all family of the heart. But this child I carry will be our last one.
After the flowers were in the place of honor, Ruth Ann fixated on that backyard swing. It's nothing special, but we've never thought of putting in a swing. It is simply some boards nailed together, sanded and painted white, and hung from a rope on each side from the big tree. And it makes Ruth Ann squeal with giggles.
Roberto cooked our dinner at his house and brought it over for an early dinner so I could have more time with Ruth Ann. He is enchanted with her and drew several quick sketches of her. I've enclosed my favorite; he captured the joy on her face that swinging gives her. Roberto asked if all our kids looked alike and I really had to think about it. "No, some have Jed's blue eyes and others different shades of green. Some blond and some with my darker brown hair. Ruth Ann probably looks most like her little sister, Diane Frances, and her twin, Josiah, although their hair is still just a little peach fuzz even after almost two years.."
I admit I stopped talking right then as memories of our dear Trinity Rose commanded my attention. She would have probably looked like Diane Frances.
I wasn't aware of anything, but Aiden later told me Ruth Ann signed, "Mama thinking?"
He didn't touch me but knelt in front of me, just like you do, Jed, and called my name and I left my sad reality behind.
"Miss Chrissy, are you alright?" asked Roberto.
"She's just fine now." Doctor Aiden looked at me with a quizzical look on his face. I understood he wanted to tell him about Trinity Rose and nodded my approval.
When the doctor was finished, Roberto had tears in his eyes. "I married young, very young. My beautiful Lisa and our first child died in childbirth. We named her Anna Maria after my mother."
I had to kiss him then and even though Ruth Ann didn't understand what we had said, she climbed in his lap and gave him a hug. She's always been an affectionate child with a big heart.
It was a sad walk for me taking Ruth Ann back to school that evening, but I tried to be positive. She signed about her new friend at school most of the way. She signed her name as Girl but Doctor Aiden stopped and taught her to spell the girl's name as G-a-i-l. Miss Ellen met us at the door. Taking my daughter's hand, she handed me a paper with the week's progress on it. Ruth Ann walked in without an objection, but her sad eyes looking back haunt me.
Joy, I am so pleased that Miss Mary is teaching you how to sew. You are learning from the best and I'm looking forward to admiring the potholder you are making for Auntie. And Martha and Michael, Auntie told me how much help you are cleaning up after meals. And dear Rocky, Auntie wrote what a big help you are to her.
Heyes and Angie, I'm afraid that a lot of the burdens of my being away have fallen on you. Know that it is appreciated and I pray for you each evening.
And my Jed, don't work too hard and take the weight of the world on your strong shoulders. Let the others help you.
All my love and thoughts are sent in this letter, my dear, dear family.
Chrissy Curry (Ma)"
I read the last part silently to myself. "My dearest Jed, it broke my heart leaving Ruth Ann at school again, but after a rough start, she got an encouraging progress report, encouraging, but not always good. She is still strong-willed. But she has been doing well enough that I can have lunch with her at school Tuesday and Thursday. I look forward to those days. And I look forward to next weekend when you visit and you can hide me in those strong arms and share your strength with me. My bed is so lonely that I stare at it for a long time before I get in. I love you…
Your Chrissy Darling."
I passed the enclosed picture of Ruth Ann around the table after studyin' the joy on her face. If swingin' makes her happy like that, I'll put two swings behind our house before she gets home.
Heyes read Aiden's letter next.
"Greeting To Phoenix from Denver!
I'm sure that Miss Chrissy told you about Ruth Ann's visit. It was a joyous day around here.
Denise wrote that Dr. Crehan is doing well there so far. I was worried about hiring him straight out of college, but he's handled it well with my wife's help…and nothing difficult has come up. Next weekend when Jed comes here, I'll come home for the weekend. A short trip, but I miss my wife and children more than words can say.
Miss Chrissy is healthy but not getting as much exercise that she would get at home. I asked Mr. Malone to take her for a stroll each day. It has put the roses in her cheeks again. The first day he took her to the gallery where his pictures are shown and sold. She could talk of nothing else that evening at dinner. Now he takes her to places he would like to paint and helps her visualize how the picture could be framed…and he's even had her sketch a few of the places. Miss Chrissy is learning fast and she does have talent. At home she draws and paints your horses from memory and she captures them well.
Ruth Ann has settled down and is excited to learn more words to sign. She is also learning her alphabet, quite an accomplishment as she is not yet five. She is accustomed to being around many children so that transition was not as hard as it is for only children when they come here. She is a favorite of all the older students and we have to be careful that they don't spoil her.
Not sure if Chrissy finished writing before we got a telegram. Your friend, Clementine Hale, is coming to take her to lunch tomorrow. It'll be good for her and I will warn Miss Hale not to let her get overtired.
Again, thank Martha and Michael for stopping by the office after school each day. Denise said they are a help with Ajay. Dr. Crehan wrote that both of them, especially Michael, are a huge help to him.
Not sure I'll have time to stop out at Phoenix when I'm home. I hope to spend my time with Denise, Ajay, and Joyce. But if you need me, just leave word with my wife and I'll come out.
One week completed, three to go and we will be home.
Sincerely,
Dr. Aiden Arden"