Chapter 30 - Mr Bingley Speaks

The mornings seemed to Jane to be the only time that Longbourn was quiet. It had been that way for as long as she could remember. Elizabeth would, more often than not, get up earlier than the rest of the family and go for a short walk, or sit downstairs and read before the others were awake. And more recently, she had gone to check on their father. She never meant to wake Jane, but she always did. Jane would then doze for a few more minutes, enjoying that delightful phase of dreaming when one is half awake and half asleep, and then she would slowly get up and get ready for the day. Taking her time to decide on her hair and gown, simply enjoying the quiet. It was her favourite time, when the day was new and anything was possible.

She enjoyed the peace. In such a large family, peace did not come often, and particularly in a family with five daughters so close together in age. Lydia and Kitty had spent most of the mornings, as soon as they could walk, in her company. Lizzy had never had the patience to deal with Lydia, especial when she was at the hair-pulling age, although she had dealt very well with Kitty.

Jane stretched and saw that Lizzy had already gone downstairs, although it did not look like she had walked out this morning. She drew back the curtain and saw by the weak rays of March sunlight, that a grey mist still hung in the cold morning air, as if the winter were unwilling to make way for spring. It would be getting warmer soon, and then Lizzy would be married. But there was still time; she need not give up hope quite yet. Jane prayed every day and she had faith that a solution would appear. She was already being denied having the pleasure of her father giving her away on her own wedding day, whenever that day was, she would not live with the pain of seeing her beloved sister married to a man she could never love or respect.

It was selfish of her she knew, but she had silently rejoiced that she had never been in Lizzy's place; she could not imagine being forced to decide between doing her duty to her family by marrying Mr Collins, or answering the demands of her own heart. Lizzy had always been much stronger than her, it was Lizzy who was the brave one. Jane knew she was a coward. But it did no good to dwell on such thoughts; with the wedding so close there were a million little things that needed doing, her mother needed her help.

She was just leaving her room when she heard giggling and the low murmuring of voices coming from Kitty and Lydia's room. Clearly they were awake.

ooOoo

Elizabeth's plan was to spend most of the day sorting through her things, deciding what she would be taking with her to Kent and her new life as Mrs Collins, and what she would be leaving behind at Longbourn. She smiled fondly at the odds and ends she had collected over the years of her life. The dairy she had kept for a week and a half- that made her smile. She stopped for a minute to read through some of the things that she had written at the tender age of sixteen. However, that caused her to start laughing which called her attention to the fact that she had become distracted.

Elizabeth added the diary to the pile that would remain at Longbourn. Several novels and books of poetry were added to the pile that would be going with her, as she could not help but smile at thought of Mr Collins' expression when he discovered that his new bride read and enjoyed such things. She was not going to change herself for him; he would have to learn to deal with who she was.

She was resolved on being happy. That was the least she could do- to make the most of the situation. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of the match, she was determined to look at the positive. A tearful, reluctant bride would help no one, least of all herself. She would still rather not marry him, she would rather marry any other man in the world, but he was a respectable young man, and he was not cruel. No, his defect, like many of his sycophantic ilk, was his puffed up humility - a pompous belief of his own importance in due to his superior situation in life and connection with the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Rosings Park, crossed with his flagrant toadying of the same.

There were indeed many destructive characteristics that Mr Collins did not possess, which was a point in his favour, though of course there were likely many advantageous qualities that he did not have either, but Elizabeth thought it wisest not the spend too much time listing those. She would be able to lead him, and hopefully with time he would annoy her less.

She moved on to her gowns, removing several that had faded and were better left behind. One she had only worn once or twice as she did not like it very much, but as it was a morning gown in very good condition she could not in good conscience leave it behind. Mrs Bennet had liked it and said that it suited her very well. Looking at the gown now she could not help but feel that it, like the current situation in which she found herself, might be made more tolerable by focusing on the positive aspects, ignoring the bad and changing the one or two little things there were in her power. She twisted the dress to and fro, trying to look at it again without prejudice, and decided that if she redid some of the trimmings it might be at least a little improved. Perhaps some new lace or fresh ribbon would liven it up a little. And maybe if she encouraged Mr Collins to widen his reading selection. Perhaps with some history? She might just be able to curtail his conversation and by adding a little more knowledge and subject to it. Setting the gown aside, she resolved to do what she could with it later that afternoon.

ooOoo

Bingley had been up that morning as soon as it was light, surprising not only his valet but several startled maids including one who was still engaged in lighting the fires in the downstairs rooms. She hastily finished her work and fled from the room with breathless apology for inconveniencing him. Not that it bothered him at all - how were the servants to know that he would be up so much earlier than was his habit? He did not for a moment suppose that he would be awake early enough to catch them laying the fires again.

Today was the day that would change the rest of his life. At least he hoped it was. His mind was made up, although he wished that Darcy were there. He could have done with some of his advice on the matter. Darcy would have known the right thing to say.

However, Darcy was still in London and not expected to return anytime soon. His sisters would not have been able to offer anything he would call advice. His brother, Mr Hurst was an option, but on reflection he decided against the idea. Miss Darcy was too young to offer any insight-she was not her brother after all. The only other person in the house was Doctor Russell. No, he would have to manage on his own, and hope for the best.

Breakfast was far from ready, as he normally ate much later,so he settled for some tea, bread and jam before going for a walk in the fresh air. It was not as cold that morning as it had been earlier in the week. After a few minutes of walking he realised that he was walking towards Longbourn and that it would be better to arrive on a horse rather than on foot. Not to mention faster.

ooOoo

Georgiana knew her harp would be arriving very soon, but she could not wait. She had hardly even had to hint that she would like it, and Fitzwilliam had arranged for it to be sent to her from London. He really was such a good brother. She honestly did not know what she would do without him, although she knew he spoilt her. A letter had arrived that morning from him informing her that the harp would be arriving later that afternoon. Before she had been feeling rather sorry for herself, but this news had improved her humour. She loved playing on the pianoforte, but there was something so much more elegant about the harp.

The breakfast room was unusually quiet this morning. Miss Bingley rarely came down until breakfast was about to be cleared away, so her absence was no surprise. The absence of Mr Bingley, on the other hand, was most unusual. On inquiry, one of the footmen disclosed that the master of the house had gone for a ride early that morning, and was yet to return. Doctor Russell was busy reading the newspaper and Mrs Annesley was busy with her own post, so Georgiana was left to break her fast in peace.

Georgiana put down her letter and finished her breakfast, idly wondering if Elizabeth Bennet would accept an invitation to spend the day with her. As she withdrew to the music room, she returned to her brother's letter, studying it this time. He had not written in spirits, but then she would have been surprised if he had. She did not know all of the details, but she knew enough to know that the next few weeks might be the most important of his life. Never before had she seen him in love and she doubted very much that she ever would again. He was not the sort of person who easily believes himself in love, not like Mr Bingley, who seemed to have a new love each time she saw him. Once, when Fitzwilliam had thought her too absorbed in her playing to pay attention to the conversation, she had overheard him telling their cousin Richard that he doubted he would ever find a woman who he could love.

Georgiana knew then that if he were ever so lucky to fall in love with someone who desired him that she would do everything in her power to make sure he was happy. At least one of them desired to be happy when it came to matters of the heart.

ooOoo

Bingley paid little attention to his surroundings, his mind focused on one thing. Jane. He was merely killing time until he could go to see her. Ask her to be his wife.

He could see it all: Jane sitting on the window seat in the front parlour of his house in town, looking out at the street as she waited for him to get home. Giving him a secret little smile across the drawing room at an evening party. Sitting next to him at church, her shoulder just touching his. Walking hand-in-hand with his angel on an evening walk. Waking up to her smiling face, still half asleep, first thing in the morning. Her gentleness and her sweetness seeping into every aspect of his daily life, filling his home with a golden warmth. Taking breakfast together each morning, seated next to each other in comfortable, quiet companionship.

He wanted it all. He wanted a life with her.

His mind turned then to what he would say to her. He would of course tell her just how much she meant to him, how much he loved her. How he hoped that she would do him the honour of becoming his wife. That was all fairly simple, but how to begin? How should he get to telling her that he loved her? What if he did not have a chance to speak to her without her family present?

Bingley was so lost in this train of thought that he failed to notice that his horse had wandered towards Longbourn until he looked up to see the Bennet's housekeeper eyeing him expectantly from the open door.

ooOoo

Lizzy laughed, and Jane looked up from her mending once more to see what had distracted her sister yet again. This time Lizzy had found some old letters and was reading them. She had not been with Lizzy very long, but Elizabeth seemed more interested in reminiscing rather than sorting her things out.

"Lizzy, we are never going to get all of this sorted out if you don't stop reading everything."

"But that is part of the fun of sorting out this sort of thing- remembering all of the odd things that happened." Lizzy said as she moved over to show Jane what is was she was looking at. "Look. These letters are from Kitty, when we were in London with my aunt and uncle, just after she turned ten."

Jane sighed and took the letter. Kitty's hand was unsure and uneven as one would expect of a child of ten, especially one who thought a good deal more about dolls and ribbons than her lessons and books. Jane read the letter and laughed at a passage or two, before handing it back to Lizzy .

"I'll keep that if you don't want to." She offered.

"I have a box for letters that-" Elizabeth was interrupted by Mrs Bennet's flustered voice from downstairs.

"Where are those girls?" There was a slight pause where they could hear someone else reply more quietly, and then Mrs Bennet's voice came again. "Hill, call Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth down, directly."

Jane stood up quickly and brushed her gown straight, as footsteps hurried towards the door. Lizzy remained where she was on the floor, surrounded by her belongs, carefully putting Kitty's letter away. When Hill entered the room a moment later, she was more than a little out of breath.

"Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth." She said as she entered the room, curtsying slightly. "You are needed downstairs. Mr Bingley has come."

"Thank you Hill, we shall be down directly." Lizzy said with a smile, before turning to address Jane. "I think we have been inside too long today. A walk in the fresh air would be the very thing."

"Lizzy!" Jane warned, not sure what her sister was hinting at, but not trusting her smile.

"I am sure Mr Bingley would be happy to accompany us." Lizzy's eyes were dancing as they headed out of the room.

ooOoo

They entered the room to find that Mrs Bennet was speaking at length to Mr Bingley. Elizabeth smiled as she watched with pleasure how Mr Bingley's face lit up at the sight of her sister as Jane smiled at him in her gentle way. He stood up hastily as they entered, but, Mrs Bennet was not done speaking. She was telling him about the wedding preparations.

"Mr Collins will be arriving the day before, but he is to stay with the Philips." She smiled slightly. "We shall have such a number of people, my brother and his wife and their children are coming from London. They will stay with us, it will be a little crowded to be sure. But it is such a thing! Lizzy to be married to Mr Collins! It does me good to know that my dear child will one day take my place as mistress of Longbourn." Mrs Bennet paused to take a sip of tea, before continuing in a slightly breathless manner. "The wedding breakfast will be here, of course. I have planned the whole thing. They will spend the wedding night here and then leave for Kent the following morning. Much better than spending the night in a cold inn somewhere on the road."

Mr Bingley opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. He glanced at Jane, who had taken a seat near her mother and was sitting silently. Elizabeth could feel her cheeks flush at the mention of her wedding night, but thankfully no one was looking at her.

"And I am sure, Mrs Bennet, that the wedding will be quite excellent." Mr Bingley said before turning to greet Elizabeth and Jane. They sat in silence for a minute or two. Elizabeth did not feel that it was her place to break it, that duty rested with others. She hoped they would soon before Mrs Bennet began to speak of the wedding again.

At length Mr Bingley suggested that they enjoy the slight improvement in the weather to take a walk in the garden. Elizabeth readily agreed, both to get away from her mother and her continual wedding talk and to give her sister and Mr Bingley some time alone. Lydia and Kitty had left for Meryton not long before, which left Elizabeth, Mary, Jane and Mr Bingley.

Elizabeth walked with Mary while Jane and Mr Bingley walked together, speaking softly with their heads inclined towards one another. There was something different about Mr Bingley today. It was true that he always paid Jane more attention than anyone else, but today, it was as if he could not take his eyes off her.

"Lizzy, do you think it will be very different?" Mary asked her suddenly.

Elizabeth turned her attention back to Mary and asked: "What will be?"

"Father, he-" Mary paused, struggling how to express what was on her mind. "We should turn to the Bible and to God in times like this. But at times like this, I find that it brings me little comfort."

Elizabeth had often heard her younger sister quote from the Bible, or from other religious texts with little emotion unless it was exasperation that she was not being listened to.

Mary continued softly and in a voice that Elizabeth hardly recognised as her sister's, "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going."

Mary had always been the most serious of the girls, even as a child. But there was something in the way she spoke now. She was no longer quoting text, she understand the meaning behind that she was saying. It was no longer just an intellectual exercise, but said with real conviction.

"Nothing is going to prepare us." Elizabeth was surprised by how steady her voice was. "All we can do is pray and hope he will be well again, however, unlikely it may seem. He is going to leave us sooner or later. But we must do everything in our power to make him as comfortable as he can be. What happens after, we will have to face it once it comes. There is no point trying to until then."

Mary sighed, "I think you are right."

"Let us not think of it. Look at Jane and Mr Bingley." Elizabeth brushed the tears away and smiled through them. "Even through all of this I do not remember a time when I saw her look as well as she does now."

Jane and Mr Bingley were standing together by the rose garden still speaking quietly. As they watched, he raised his hand slowly, and brushed a piece of Jane's hair out of her face and gently brushed his fingertips against her cheek. Jane's head was down and tilted slightly to the side as she looked up at him shyly. As he touched her cheek he said something which Mary and Elizabeth were too far away to hear. Jane, however, had no problem hearing, and she lifted her face towards him, blushing a slight pink as she smiled at him.

Elizabeth had seen enough. "Come Mary, I think we should go and see how Charlotte is; it has been an age since I last saw her." Not waiting for an answer she grabbed Mary by the arm and pulled her away from Jane and Mr Bingley, ignoring Mary's complaints as she went.

They did not stay long at the Lucas's'; Mary did not visit them with Elizabeth very often and wanted to return home to her book and instrument. Elizabeth enjoyed the visit, although her mind was not at all present. No, her thoughts were with her eldest sister and the young man who she hoped she would soon hereafter be calling her brother.

As they walked towards the house, they saw Jane and Mr Bingley on the path ahead of them so they entered the house a few seconds before Elizabeth and Mary. Mary disappeared upstairs the moment they were inside. Jane was at the other end of the corridor, while Mr Bingley had disappeared from sight. Jane turned when she heard Elizabeth.

"Oh Lizzy." Jane said as she rushed to embrace her sister. Elizabeth felt a release of emotion she did not even realize she had been clinging to as she saw Jane's smile. It reminded her of before her father's illness, when there was still hope that they would have a brother one day to save them. Jane could have no reserves from Elizabeth, where confidence would give pleasure; and instantly embracing her, acknowledged, with the liveliest emotion, that she was the happiest creature in the world.

"'Tis too much!" she added, "by far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! why is not everybody as happy?"

Elizabeth's congratulations were given with a sincerity, a warmth, a delight, which words could but poorly express. Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of happiness to Jane.

"He loves me." Jane spoke rather breathlessly as they walked into the breakfast room, since they would be assured to have it to themselves.

"Of course he does, I never doubted it for a moment."

"He has gone to Mother." Jane continued more seriously. "I told him about Father. He told me he would have spoken weeks ago, but he was worried that something was wrong and that I would not have accepted him so he waited."

"Is he in any doubt of your affections now?"

Jane laughed, "Why is everyone not as happy as I am? Oh Lizzy, if only I could see you as happy. I must go to Father. He would want to hear it from me before Mama tells everyone in the house. He wanted to go to Papa himself, but I said he is still ill. That he can speak to him this evening.

Elizabeth delighted in Jane's news. At least one of them would be happy. Jane smile was infectious and Elizabeth could not help but enjoy the glow of Jane's happiness. Mrs Bennet's cries of delight could be heard from the other room. Elizabeth and Jane were sitting together quietly waiting for Mr Bingley to return from speaking to Mrs Bennet.

"Dear Jane! I knew she could not be so beautiful for nothing." Mrs Bennet enthusiastic declared to Mr Bingley. "You will stay for dinner of course Dear Mr Bingley?"

Mrs Bennet came through the doorway between Mr Bingley could answer and she continued speaking. "Jane, my dearest Jane, there you are!" She sat down next to Jane patting her hand. "Lizzy run up to your father and tell him the good news."

"Yes Mama."

"Oh my dear Jane, I am so happy." Mrs Bennet cried. "Mrs Bingley, how well that sounds."

Elizabeth smiled at Jane, curtseyed to Mr Bingley, who was smiling broadly at Jane as he took Elizabeth's seat next to Jane. Elizabeth had just reached the door when Mrs Bennet prattle was directed at her again.

"Lizzy ring the bell for Hill. "

"Yes Mama." Elizabeth laughed as she turned around to pull the bell by the fireplace.

"Lizzy - tell Mary to come down."

"Yes Mama."

"You'll have to wait to be married after Lizzy is married to Mr Collins." Mrs Bennet continued seriously. "Since their wedding is in less than three weeks there is nothing to be done about wedding clothes for you before then. But when your sister is Mrs Collins and off with her new husband at Hunsford we can go up to London and look for your wedding clothes"

"Mama-" Jane tried to interrupt, but Mrs Bennet was not as easily put aside.

"I must write to my sister Mrs Gardiner-" Elizabeth heard no more as she went to speak to her father.

When she returned she found Mr Bingley alone, for Mrs Bennet and Jane had gone upstairs to look for something. He claimed the good wishes and affection of a sister. Elizabeth honestly and heartily expressed her delight in the prospect of their relationship. They shook hands with great cordiality; and then, till her sister came down, she had to listen to all he had to say of his own happiness, and of Jane's perfections; and in spite of his being a lover, Elizabeth really believed all his expectations of felicity to be rationally founded, because they had for basis the excellent understanding, and super-excellent disposition of Jane, and a general similarity of feeling and taste between her and himself.

It was an evening of no common delight to them all; the satisfaction of Miss Bennet's mind gave a glow of such sweet animation to her face, as made her look handsomer than ever. Kitty simpered and smiled, and hoped her turn was coming soon. Mrs Bennet could not give her consent or speak her approbation in terms warm enough to satisfy her feelings, though she talked to Bingley of nothing else for half an hour.

When their visitor took his leave for the night; Mrs Bennet turned to Jane again. " "Oh! my dear, dear Jane, I am so happy! I am sure I shan't get a wink of sleep all night. I knew how it would be. I always said it must be so, at last. I was sure you could not be so beautiful for nothing! I remember, as soon as ever I saw him, when he first came into Hertfordshire last year, I thought how likely it was that you should come together. Oh! he is the handsomest young man that ever was seen!"

Mr Collins, Elizabeth, were all forgotten. Jane was beyond competition her favourite child. At that moment, she cared for no other. Her younger sisters soon began to make interest with her for objects of happiness which she might in future be able to dispense.

Mary petitioned for the use of the library at Netherfield; and Kitty and Lydia begged very hard for a few balls there every winter and trips to London.

Bingley, from this time, was of course a daily visitor at Longbourn; coming frequently before breakfast, and always remaining till after supper; unless when some barbarous neighbour, who could not be enough detested, had given him an invitation to dinner which he thought himself obliged to accept.

Elizabeth had now but little time for conversation with her sister; for while he was present, Jane had no attention to bestow on anyone else; but she found herself considerably useful to both of them in those hours of separation that must sometimes occur. In the absence of Jane, he always attached himself to Elizabeth, for the pleasure of talking of her; and when Bingley was gone, Jane constantly sought the same means of relief.

And before she knew it it was two days before her own wedding to Mr Collins.

Note: Thank you for all the feedback and comments, it is appreciated. And yes things are picking up now in terms of pacing.