It took some convincing before Stirner returned to the inside of my house. He adamantly insisted the rock in the middle of my zen garden looked like a much better seat than my couch. His couch, or whatever, to be exact. Whoever owned the couch aside, the fact of the matter is that we paid a high class professional to groom the garden every month, and having it messed up would only raise the maintenance fee. After holding him back by the collar for a while, I persuaded him to cease the pursuit of my garden rock by promising him high class tea only served in Japan. Apparently, he was one of those people who hung around cafés all day in his home country, so he relented. Really, I only had tea from 7/11, which I disliked so much I took a 100 yen can of energy drink for myself instead.

"So, has anyone passed on recently?" he suddenly asked.

I nearly spat out my energy drink.

"No, why?"

The guy thoughtfully peered out my kitchen window.

"Earlier, before I broke in, there was a man dressed in funeral garb, just hanging out around your perimeter wall, but he left before I could ask him anything. I thought maybe you knew him."

A small tingle ran down my spine. This wasn't exactly good. I had my hands full with Stirner; I didn't also want to deal with-

"Kaiki. His full name is Kaiki Deishu, I think. He knows my aunt, that's probably why he's here. I don't like him though."

"How so?" Stirner asked, seeming somewhat interested.

I shrugged, and went back the almost-boiling water.

"He scams kids for a living last thing I heard; does a pretty good job at it too. I think he earns at least a million yen per month. And well, he dresses like someone's died all the time. I don't know why."

"Right, right," the guy said, and took out a notebook. Scribbling, he mumbled: "try to meet up with Kaiki later, make tons of money"

"Excuse me?" I said.
"Excuse you?" he replied.

"You don't think scamming kids is a good idea, right?"
"How else will I make money?" he shrugged.

"Not this way! I know what your stance is on manners, but don't you have the honour not to scam kids?"

"Honour?" he asked. "Honour is a twist of the mind that lets people who cheat come out on top, and people who adhere to it end up at the bottom."

Honestly, I didn't expect anything else as an answer. "That's the most cynical way of looking at it, don't you think?" I said.

"It's the most rational way. Think about it: what if the people who advocate honour the most also cheat the most? That'd be pretty bad, wouldn't it? Look at the government, it's full of honourable scumbags."

"You can say that about any authoritative system though."

He chuckled. "And that's why all systems of authority are bad."

I sighed, and saw no more reason to argue. In a sense he was right, I concede.

"Just don't go scamming kids with Kaiki, okay? You don't even know the damn guy," I decided on saying.

"I won't. I just said that I would to get a rise out of you. I wasn't even writing anything down, look, I drew a picture of you instead."

Before I could get miffed, he held up a small page with something that resembled my face scribbled on it, with a chibi looking ghost floating in the background.

"See that?" he pointed out, "that's a spook. It's still haunting you."

"Beautiful," I said.

–

So, as you might have guessed, he was still here. The man calling himself Max Stirner. The self appointed hunter of formless entities and… spooks… I guess? Whatever he calls them, he definitely sniffed out an oddity. Me, in other words. With an ability like that, he is probably very powerful in some way. If all goes well, he might even be able to help me. He didn't show up at my house randomly after all… Or so he says.

Now, that stuff's all fine and dandy but… his personality is annoying, to put it lightly. Normally I'm the boke in a manzai duo, but damn, I definitely got the tsukkomi role this time, with him around.

Right now he was lounging against the fridge's door, while I stared pensively at the kettle of water over the fire. Not because I thought it held any secrets, not because I thought it would give me some new perspective on life… actually, I was only pretending to stare pensively. Truth be told, staring desperately is a better way to describe what I was doing. That is, have something to look at just to avoid the man who was still in my house.

"You gave me a fantastic chop to the head, by the way, Kanbaru Suruga. Do you study martial arts?" he asked suddenly.

"I don't know if I should say thanks to that… In either case, I don't. I do exercise as much as I can though, so I can guess I have enough sheer strength to knock someone out. Or maybe you're just-"

Weak, I wanted to say. I didn't.

When I turned to face him, he was, to put it simply, eating a waffle. My waffle. I was relieved he asked me a normal-ish question and was happy to answer, but… he had taken the last damn waffle in the house, the waffle I'd been saving all this time. I know it's just a waffle, but damn! I pounced him as if my life depended on it.

"First the book, and now this? We already did this gag last chapter! Can't we have something new?" I yelled.
"Originality is a spook, Kanbaru Suruga! How do you think Nishio Ishin published so many novels? By being original? Ha! Anyway, don't worry about the waffle, it's safe with me!" he said.

"That's too meta! And, really? This was the last waffle I had! Are you heartless? Do you posses no soul- Did you sell it to the devil? Are you the devil? How can you do this?!"

It really was devastating, I can't stress this enough!

"I need this Kanbaru Suruga! Don't you understand anything?" he said, keeping the goddamn waffle as far away from me as possible.

"You need it for what?"

"Spookbusting!"

"How is the waffle going to help with that!?"
"Everyone needs nutrition, and if I don't get it, I can't bust spooks, Kanbaru Suruga!"
"Oh? So nutrition isn't a spook?"

"It most definitely isn't!"

The waffle was still outside my reach. Height might be the only physical thing he trumped me in, damnit.
"Look," I said, still grasping for my foodstuff, "I would've been happy to share this with you if you'd just asked!"

A keen look flashed across his eyes.

"Sharing, you say? I knew you were a socialist!"

Ignoring his bizarre accusation, I jumped up and reached for the waffle's remains. I didn't even want the thing anymore, this was just a case of principle by now.

"At least give me the last bite!" I yelled- in vain. I could've expected this, I suppose. He dropped the last bit into his mouth right before my eyes, and as if extremely satisfied, all life seemed to escape from his body and he just limped back against my fridge.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm definitely ready for spookbusting now."

"About that," I countered, "you say you're here to eradicate, what, an entity?"

He nodded.

"That's strange, because as of now, you've done remarkably little. Other than steal anything you could get your hands on, I mean."

"I can't steal what is already my-"

"So really," I stubbornly continued, "I see no reason not to leave you outside for the trash-men to collect."

"...Anyway," he ignored me, "if that was the last one, we'll just get some more, right?" He brandished a right big magnanimous smile. It seems the trashmen didn't intimidate him.

"I refuse. I don't want to be seen together with you at the supermarket. Or anywhere else either. I have a feeling I'd be the one paying for the waffles in the end too."

"Paying?" he said, with crumbs still stuck to his cheek, "who said anything about paying? The waffles are already mine. All waffles I mean, Kanbaru Suruga- can you imagine?"

"I really can't."

"I'm not paying for something I already own," he continued, "You didn't pay for this house either, did you? That's crazy!"

"You said it best," I sighed.

Something was definitely crazy here… and it wasn't me.

I didn't want to break yet another truce, so, as grievous a crime as it was, I let the waffle theft slide, and occupied myself with trying to look busy, as an awkward silence fell. I seriously had no idea what to say to this guy, other than to reprimand him. I otherwise hate being a busybody too… But what could I say? I'm interested in the oddity stuff, but to jump the gun and talk about that immediately is not my style… Damn. I wonder what Koyomi would do in this situation. I'd better get him over here as soon as I can.

"Kanbaru Suruga," he said, "I'd say getting finicky over material goods comes dangerously close to being spooky- but the water's boiling over."

The water wasn't the only thing boiling, dammit.

–

I ushered the guy out of the kitchen (so he wouldn't pilfer anything else) and finally got him seated. He insisted on leaning somewhere in a corner of the room, like he said he used to do when he met with friends at a cafe, to look cool. If all his friends shared that sentiment, I suppose the cafés they frequented had to be eight dimensional tesseracts just to fit them all into their own corner…

What the hell am I even thinking about?

The tea I bought at 7/11 was steaming indifferently between us, ignorant of my troubles. I was jealous of that indifference. I wish I was the tea, cheap as it was…

"I can't believe it..." I muttered before I took a sip. I caved in and took it, and finally actually enjoyed this cheap rubbish. Maybe in a twisted revenge kind of way. Serves you right, 7/11 tea. This is what indifference gets you…!

To be honest, I was just trying to keep my mind off of the guy I shared my living room with, the guy who was still wrapped in like two layers of jackets and vests, all contained under an overcoat.

I implored him he take it off like a normal human, but he was persistent in his refusal. I guess he wants to be ready at any time to jump up, strike a pose, and have his coat flutter in the wind.

I sighed again. If sighing really shortens your lifespan, I swear I'll probably be dead tomorrow.

"So!" he said, dragging me out of my inane thoughts instantly, and looked at me from over his glasses, "there's one more thing we need to get out of the way, Kanbaru Suruga. That is, I can't keep calling you Kanbaru Suruga forever. Not in its full form."

He had comfortably settled himself on the couch I had driven him away from just half an hour earlier. Strange how things change in such a short span of time. I'm thanking god he wasn't clutching any of my books this time at least. He complacently crossed his legs and pressed his fingertips together, like we were about to start a very serious discussion. And, in a way, we were. In another way, we totally weren't.

"I guess you can't. Well, maybe you can."

"No. I don't want to keep saying your full name. It's tiring."

"Well? Aren't you all about non-determinism? I doubt you'd listen to me even if I told you what to call me. Just come up with something else."

He stroked his chin.

"Come up with something else? Not a bad idea. My name isn't real either, you know. I made it up. Loosely translated, Max Stirner means big forehead," he pointed at his forehead, looking kinda impish, "cos it's big, see."

It was. Not extraordinarily so. He just had a high hairline. Sort of. More importantly, isn't him making up his own name exactly like a teenager calling himself Xx420N0SC0PExX in an online game? It is, isn't it? It's fitting at least, for him. He reminds me of a typical class-rep, actually, though in looks only.

"...so, we can do the same for you," he finished.

"Enlarge my forehead?"

"Give you a new name. But..." he went quiet, and hesitated for a second, "there's nothing really prominent about you at all."

If he's looking down on me, I swear I'll strangle him.

"But we'll figure something out! Isn't rational thought fantastic?" he asked happily, and left me wondering what he considered 'rational' in the first place.
"Let's see. Name… Kanbaru Suruga. Occupation… student. Age… seventeen. Weight… one hundred pounds- no, one hundred and ten. Three sizes-"

"Hey! Don't go making assumptions about that!" I needed to interrupt his mumbling.

He cocked his eyebrow.

"Why not? Don't they put those sizes on your ID card here in Japan? That's what I've heard. It's not like the numbers would be exactly impressive either in your case either, so really, you don't need to be ashamed- aah! Stop strangling me!"

Honestly, there are lines you can't cross. Isn't he too old to say such things anyway?

"I'm twenty-five," he said while massaging his neck, "but I still feel like I'm fifteen. Anyway, considering everything we've experienced so far, I think the best thing I can call you is…"

Here goes…

"Kanbaru-chan."

"...How about no!"

"Kanbaru-san, then."

"It's too late for that one."

"Kanbaru-gimi?"

"Is this the meiji period?"

"How about Kanbaru-kun?"

"Rejected! Honestly, addressing me as -sama is the only thing you can do now to appease me!"

"Kanbaru-sama then. That seems fine."

"I-I guess it is."

"Then, it's decided."

"Mmh. Yeah. But if you're gonna call me that from now on, I can't keep on calling you the guy any more either. Well, in the narration I can, but not, like, in dialogue."

"Back at it again with the meta comments! Very good," the guy applauded me, "It's like we're really in a monogatari novel now! Well, anyway, since I worked in a high school, I guess you can call me… Stirner-sensei."

"Stirner-sensei? So you really taught in high school, huh? I thought you were lying."

"I'd never. Did I mention it was an all girl's high school, by the way?" he said.

"You didn't."

A wide grin appeared on his face, "Trust me, it was awesome."

…

He cracked his knuckles decidedly. The person now known to me as Stirner-sensei.

It just doesn't roll of the tongue, does it? I can't really see him as a teacher either. Maybe that's why he quit. Not like it's important to me or anything. There's something else I'd rather talk about anyway- so far it feels like we've been meandering around the focal point and talking about useless stuff instead… which is fine, but only after this admittedly intruiging guy's done what he claims he came here to do.

I guess I'll be the one to escalate the plot. This will take a bit of courage, but I'll have to do it- I can't stay passive after all. I caught his attention by awkwardly calling him by his new honourific.

"Stirner… sensei. Ignoring whatever you had to say about your undoubtedly amazing experiences at the all-girl high school, I have to show you something."

He cocked his eyebrow.

"This," I said, "is probably what you came here for," I continued, and with my left hand I started to undo the bandage over my arm.

"Ah," he said, standing next to me, peering at my arm, "so the plot thickens."

He rubbed his chin, leaned close, and said: "Hmm. I see. Indeed. This clarifies a few things..."

"Really?"

Instead of replying, he stroked my arm, and I twitched. It was indeed rather uncomfortable… but I'll have to abide.

"It is quite soft, isn't it?" he said, and goddamnit I couldn't not blush.

"Leave the appraising commentary out and just tell me what you think, okay?"

"What I think?" he said, straightening himself up, "girl, I think you need to see a doctor about this because I have no idea what the hell is wrong with you!"

"So… what?!"

"Yep, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen. This sure isn't what I was here for." He smirked until I threw the tea-cosy at his face. Call him sensei? To hell with that! This guy is useless after all.

–

I left him alone, lying on the couch, while he was muttering "two anomalies in one house… the plot does indeed thicken… I bet it's the damn anti-Hegelians that did this to her…" and I skulked to my room, and fell back on the pile of books I used as a bed. Languidly I punched Araragi's number into my cellphone. Maybe he can make sense out of this.

–

The living room wasn't empty however. It was a good thing Kanbaru left him- with distinguished grace, Stirner put down his cup of tea, interlocked his fingers, and finally, through the gaps of his hostile-squinted eyes, looked at his adversary. They sat in silence, appraising each other, the way Staling and Roosevelt must have done in Yalta, the way Miyamoto and Kojiro must have done before their final battle. The air was thick with tension.

Across from him, with crossed legs and a chin rested on a sleeve-covered hand, a black haired, black eyed girl smiled elusively.

"Ararara~" she said, "you're here for me, aren't you? How interesting, honestly."

"Indeed I am."

"Well," she said, and her smile spread into a proper grin, "I'm pleased to make your acquaintance."

Stirner stood up, shed his coat with what he thought was an epic gesture, pushed up his glasses, and lit a cigarette in the corner of his mouth.

"Let's not mince words, spook! I have found you, and I'm not letting you go. Prepare to be deconstructed!"