He had hardly stepped foot into the room when a voice full of cheer greeted him.
"Doctor, doctor! I've got something really important to tell you, so come quick!"
"Sure, sure," Gorou laughed, indulging her commands. This wasn't the first time she'd done this, where she would-
"I love you! Marry me!"
-throw herself into his arms and once again shout out those words, without a hint of hesitation or a lie.
"…I'm glad to hear that, Sarina. Really, I am." He carefully held her, making sure she was in a comfortable position where her weight was mostly shifted onto him. The first time she'd gone for a hug, he had stiffened up and left her hanging – she would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't spotted her trembling from the one-sided effort. Now, he was an expert when it came to supporting her hugs. "It warms my old, withered heart when someone as charming as you say that to me, but you should save those words for someone special, you know?"
"But you are special to me!" The young girl drew back just a little, a blissfully happy smile still in place. "You're my first fan, after all. I won't ever forget that – no, I don't think I'll be able to, ever! So, nothing less than marriage should be in our future. Doctor, you have to take responsibility!"
Right. He'd promised to become her fan once she became an idol after she was discharged. It was when she had started mulling over reincarnation and next lives with a glass smile taped together with lies. As her tally of morbid jokes increased one by one, and as her eyes grew emptier and emptier – he couldn't bear to watch it.
'You're cute too, Sarina. You don't have to wait for your next life to become an idol. I'll be your fan if you do.'
Even now, he didn't regret saying any of those words. How could he, when she had clung onto his words like a lifeline? Right now, her eyes shined with life itself. Her every carefree movement, every small gesture revealed the energetic young girl she was. The one she should have always been.
…though, how she'd immediately leaped from being a fan to marrying him was a little worrying.
He lightly flicked her forehead, drawing out a whine from her as she sat back on her bed. "First off, I didn't know you watched those soap operas."
The young girl blinked. "Ai talked about them once. The super dramatic twists in every episode made it hard to take them seriously, just like she said. …wait, are you talking about if I know what 'responsibility' means here-"
"Second!" he coughed, skipping over whatever she knew about that. Her smug grin and implications could be forever swept into some dusty corner of his brain. "Unfortunately, Ms. Idol, you can't be seen dating. Idols have that single image they have to maintain, don't they? A rising star found in a relationship with a doctor twenty years her senior – imagine the scandal. I rather not die of social suicide, thanks."
The rumors spreading around the hospital right now would have been hard to bear for any average doctor, let alone a newcoming resident already known for slacking. If he had cared about their opinions of him in the first place, that is. If they thought less of him for spending time with the young patient in this very room, then he had nothing to say to them.
Though, unlike last time where reason and logic were enough to have her hemming and hawing long enough for him to distract her with news of B-Komachi, she straightened up on herself proudly.
"I see, I see. So, the age difference is the biggest issue for Mr. Moralist. But this time, I've gotten more info!" With a flourish he couldn't help but smile at, she dramatically pointed toward him.
"I know you're only twenty-five! Stop pretending you're over your thirties!"
Aw, that pose was a near picture-perfect rendition of the opening line of "Our Sign Is B". Gorou nearly cooed over how cute she was.
…wait no, that wasn't what he had to focus on.
"That's still twelve years older than you," he argued, belatedly realizing that he should have denied that instead of confirming it. Oh well. "It's an uncomfortable age difference, no matter how you look at it."
She pouted in response, crossing her arms. "Doesn't matter, you said you'll marry me when I turn sixteen."
"I said I'll start giving it some serious thought when you're sixteen! There's a big difference!" And by 'serious thought', he had meant more creative ways to dig himself out of the hole he found himself in. "Besides, that period is when idols are at their prime, right? You'll be so busy with your appearances, shows, and practice that you won't have any time to see anyone, let alone an old man like me. Especially once you go back to Tokyo."
He shouldn't have said that.
Forcing her to think about how a relationship with him wasn't feasible if she was an idol – didn't that chain of thought expose how neither of them were very realistic in the first place?
Fortunately, his thoughtless defense didn't get the reaction he'd been afraid of. Unfortunately, neither did it dampen her enthusiasm. She grinned, and he couldn't help but feel like he'd fallen into some trap of hers. "Heh, that's alright. I've got everything planned out! Even if you do forget about me, as long as you don't abandon society and start living like a hermit, everything will work out!"
"I can't help but worry about whatever plan you've got, now," he sighed but then smiled. "Well, we can talk more about that later. But Sarina?"
She tilted her head, peering up at him in curiosity. "Hmm?"
'I won't ever forget you,' he nearly said. But no, that sounded too much like a final goodbye. With Sarina looking towards the future as an idol he had unknowingly set her dreams upon-
He brought up his glasses, playing up his dramatics. "When you did the 'Our Sign Is B' pose – was your use of the right hand to point intentional? Ai used her left hand, I'm sure."
She beamed. "Good, you noticed. If I'm ever on stage with Ai, I can't just copy her every move! Mirroring her would work out nicely, I think. Just imagine, me sharing a single spotlight with her- AHH-! It makes me so happy! I'll definitely make it work, a collaboration with B-Komachi-!"
-there was nothing he could do but dream alongside her, fervently praying that one day, it could become true.
-o-
Ai's fan for all eternity!
Gorou stared into the charm, instinctively hunched over it to protect it from the rain. After a moment, he sighed, attaching it back to its usual place over his heart, and took out his phone instead.
The weather prevented the use of his original place, where he would lean against the railings for his little bi-monthly ritual. But the overhang provided shelter from the rain, the stairs were a decent enough seat, and the rain itself would discourage anybody else from joining him.
"Hey, Sarina. It's been a busy couple of days – but that's still no excuse, is it? Sorry about that."
The young girl on his phone background was laughing. He tried to match it with a smile.
"I mean, it's still so hard to believe that Ai is in our hospital, right at this very moment. Our little place in the countryside and Ai decided to come here all the way from Tokyo. Makes you wonder if Takachiho really is the home to some god-"
Caw!
He winced and nearly dropped his phone in surprise. A crow swooped in to join him beneath the overhang and coolly met his gaze. After a moment, it ignored him and vigorously shook itself, drops of water sliding right off its black feathers.
Shelter from the rain, huh. Well, he didn't mind sharing his place with just a bird. And besides, he had a soft spot for these corvids that hung around the hospital and stole from its rooftop gardens, alongside a healthy dose of respect. The stories of someone messing with the wrong crow and getting on an entire murder's hit list were amusing, but only from a healthy distance away.
Gorou returned his attention to the image of Sarina. "…like I was saying, Ai really is amazing, no matter how and when you look at her. I know I once said that it was the camera and post-processing that made idols shine – if anything, no camera would adequately capture Ai's brilliance."
Once he started talking about B-Komachi's center, his words flowed a bit more easily. They had spent so much time doing so, after all.
"Sometimes, the unwavering, perfect center side of her shows. Even with her fake glasses, even with her dialing it down – she smiles, and you can't help but smile back. At the very least, the cafeteria workers are fans of her already, they just don't know it yet.
"And she's scarily perceptive, you know? Even with a brief glance, it's almost like she knows exactly what I'm about to say and how I'm about to react to what she does. That's a side of her we figured out way back then, Sarina. Her understanding of every human around her is truly outstanding."
Heh, that makes me a genius too, right?
"…yep," Gorou murmured, turning off his phone and slipping it back into his pocket. He stared off into the clouds instead, the charm on his heart feeling just as heavy as the downpour. "A genius, just like Ai."
And that was the problem, wasn't it? It was the reason why he'd met Ai for only the briefest conversation today, before seeing her off for the day. Sure, he had a bit more work than usual, but that had never stopped him before.
He saw so much of Sarina in Ai; he remembered so much of Ai in Sarina. Before Ai came, he was so sure he'd only ever see her at a distance. That the closest he'd ever be with the idol would be the one concert in Miyazaki that he'd attended two years ago, or maybe a brief two-minute interaction at a handshake event in the future. With the firm yet distant relationship between an idol and one of her hundreds of thousands of fans, he never would have guessed just how truly similar Sarina and Ai were.
But with the idol wandering the very halls he was working at? Where he talked with her at least once a day, where he was starting to view Ai as something more than just an idol and a patient? It was clear that it would be unfair for him to burden Ai with his memories of Sarina.
'In short, you're a moralist,' Ai had said, spinning around to face him with a smile that might as well have been Sarina's.
Now, he couldn't help but see her smiles in Ai's. Hear her voice with the little ways Ai so naturally ordered him around. Hear the same rhythm and notes from Ai's lips as the idol hummed the same songs she had once hummed.
He felt guilty for seeing another in place of Ai. And then he felt even guiltier for feeling guilty about Sarina in the first place. All because of how Ai found herself in the one hospital he worked in.
Gorou sighed again, offering his thoughts to the clouds on the horizon. "The gods sure are cruel. Either they understand the human heart and play with it, or they don't understand and yet still do."
Caw!
Despite knowing that it was the same crow's harsh craw of disapproval, despite knowing that it was ingrained into human nature to look towards sudden sounds, and despite knowing he didn't have to, Gorou couldn't help but look towards the bird – and he froze.
The crow wasn't here anymore.
After a moment, he shrugged and returned indoors. He must have been more tired than usual.
He still needed to figure out a way to clear the air with the resident idol, after all.
-o-
Ai glanced at her phone. Five minutes past six. She looked expectantly at the door.
Six minutes past six. She strained her ears. She couldn't really hear anything but the faint, faint chirps of the crickets singing their lonely songs after yesterday's downpour had eased up. All desperately trying to find their partner before the winter cold fell upon them.
At the seven-minute mark, she slumped back onto her bed and reached for her phone again. Another night without the doctor visiting, it seemed.
That's two strikes, doctor. One more night, and she would make true to her promise to get the chatty nurse to go after him. And no, she didn't count the brief greetings every day where the doctor barely said anything more than the hellos and the how-do-you-dos. If anything, that just made it worse.
She knew it was because she'd made things awkward. The tightness in his smiles, the slight tensing of his shoulders, the way he didn't really meet her eyes – seeing her had the doctor wanting to be anyway but near her.
Somehow, even here, she managed to burden everyone around her again. Ai sighed, cradling her stomach.
"Don't grow up too much like your mama, okay?" she asked them, only half-joking as she scrunched into herself. "One of me causes plenty of trouble for all of us, I'm sure."
These little half-truths should be okay. For now. If the website she had open on her phone wasn't lying, her babies were both currently the size of a large banana. Still a couple weeks away from being able to hear her voice.
She wasn't sure why they kept comparing the babies' size to fruits and vegetables, though. It made them seem so delicate, so weak. Something that anyone could pick up and-
This was no good.
Ai sucked in her lower lip, an acceptable compromise of her old, old habit of chewing on her lip. Of course, even that would be unacceptable in public where it would ruin her makeup and trouble the makeup artists – but here, it was fine.
Really, the doctor should take responsibility for bringing the worst out of her. Was it too much to count two consecutive strikes as three?
It was ten past six when there was a quiet knock. She thought she had imagined it, but after a moment, the door slid open with barely a sound. Ai nearly leaped up from her bed-
She saw who it was and quickly caught herself. "Good evening, Ms. Nurse!"
"Good evening, Ms. Hoshino." The nurse offered her a small smile, by the door. Ai's eyes darted to her chest – ack, the nurse had already taken off her name tag. "Would you like to talk for a bit? I can come back any other day if you rather rest."
She hesitated for a moment, before shaking her head with a smile. "No, please, come on in! It's good that you're here."
There were plenty of things she was curious about, after all. Not to mention how it's been a long couple of days with nothing to do. As much as she was used to it, she wasn't fond of being alone.
The nurse gently closed the door, before taking a moment to sweep the wooden stool before sitting on it. Ai was already considering what she could talk about. Though… "You're not a fan of idols, are you? And checkups aren't really needed any more than twice a month, I think. And the doctor isn't here as well."
So why visit her at all?
"Though I do not share the doctor's appreciation for idols, I would like to get to know you better, Ms. Hoshino. I'll be assisting you during your time in labor, and I've found that the occasional conversation goes a long way in building trust," the nurse managed to answer her unspoken question perfectly. "Please rest assured that I offer this to every other patient I see as well."
"I see, I see!" Ai said, relaxing just the slightest bit. So, the underlying reason for her visits is based on both her professionalism as a nurse and her kindness as a person. She really was lucky in terms of the people assigned to her, huh. "Sorry, I don't really get how hospitals work. This level of attention and care – it doesn't seem normal."
The nurse hummed thoughtfully. "Admittedly, not all of my colleagues visit their patients in their free time. It's too easy to become attached and to get hurt because of it, while the issues of professionalism and favoritism always remain a concern. I've fully expected Dr. Amamiya to be here today, but I suppose it's good to see that he's not ignoring his other patients just for you."
"Oh, is he visiting others today?" Though she kept her voice light, Ai had no doubt that the nurse would have picked up on the smidge of annoyance coloring her voice. "I see, I see. The doctor really is kind, after all."
Okay, maybe a bit more than just a smidge.
If she'd known the doctor would waffle on for days... No, she still wouldn't have risked it. But the doctor had always been the one to bring up his own failings first. That had been comforting, knowing that the doctor would offer up his thoughts rather than have her guessing. She had decided to trust that sooner or later, he would explain to her what was the problem.
And that there was where she'd gone wrong. Difficult conversations didn't happen until someone started it. And the last time she tried-
No, stop. It was better not to think about him. Stop.
Thankfully, the nurse's mild sigh interrupted her thoughts. "Right now, I can guarantee that the doctor has barged into another patient's room, and is doing his best to keep them company through the only way he knows how."
-o-
Gorou paused his lecturing for a moment. The patient raised an eyebrow – there wasn't much she could do, considering the cast she had on pretty much her entire upper body.
"…sorry, just had an itchy nose for a moment. Anyways, this right here is B-Komachi doing a performance at the Akiba Culture Theater! It was just three years after their debut, but you could see how there's already a dedicated fanbase – aah, I wish I could have been there-!"
The patient hummed her response. She wasn't really sure why this doctor had wandered into the room and started a class about idols, but at least the room wasn't quiet anymore.
And the center girl was cute, she guessed. Maybe she could style her hair like that next time.
-o-
"Idols?"
"Idols," the nurse confirmed. "More specifically, through videos of you and your performances, Ms. Hoshino."
Hmm. So, the doctor could have been feeling guilty about focusing all of his goodwill on her. She mulled over the potential explanation the nurse offered. Was that why he'd avoided him?
…no. That wasn't enough. The grief in his eyes was left unexplained.
"Well, it's flattering, I suppose, but I wish he would visit me more often!" She laughed, ignoring how the nurse shot her a questioning look and pivoted instead. "Anyways, Ms. Nurse, would you say the doctor is a moralist?"
"A moralist?"
Ai smiled. "Yep. It came up during one of our conversations!"
"Well, I can say he has the best intentions which he tries to fulfill in a roundabout way," the nurse said carefully. "Has he done anything, anything at all, to cause you distress, it would likely be a misunderstanding caused by him due to his clumsy way of handling things.
"So please don't think his current avoidance of you is your fault, or that he will avoid you forever. Amamiya likely needs a bit of time to come to terms with a few things before he can confidently show himself to you again."
Even if she knew she hadn't been hiding it well, Ai still couldn't help but smile back when the nurse gently pointed out her bitter feelings. The smile honed by her years of lying was comfortable for her.
"Right now, Amamiya likely feels guilty about having neglected his other patients in favor of you," the nurse finished quietly, and Ai got the feeling there was more left unsaid.
It was clear that this nurse knew the reason behind the doctor's avoidance.
"Who was the one that introduced idols to him, anyways?" Ai asked casually as if it wasn't the question she'd been hoping to ask from the start.
As she'd expected, the nurse barely hesitated before answering. "I believe it'll be best if you hear it from him directly."
The nurse only smiled indulgently when she pouted at her. So, her chattiness had limits – that was nice to know, at the very least.
"Fine, then I need you to drag the doctor here tomorrow. He promised me that it'll be fine to have you do it!"
"Ms. Hoshino, as much as it would be my genuine pleasure to do so, tomorrow is a Saturday. Neither of us is on the weekend shift."
Huh. The days of the week had started blending together ever since she came here. Ai pondered about that only for a moment, only half-joking when she asked, "Do you know where he lives?"
And judging from how the nurse was shaking her head, Ai wasn't going to be getting anything more out of her. Well, fine. She kept on smiling as she and the nurse chatted about less important things.
A bit of distance between her and him – a bit of time spent away from her – should be good for him. That's what Ai decided to believe.
AN: This chapter took a while, huh! I wanted to give this mini-arc the care and attention Sarina deserves – but the end of the term is fast approaching, which means I'm juggling five final projects at once. Unfortunately, it's only going to get worse from here till December – but at the same time, I've taken the time to develop a proper outline for this fic. I doubt I can reach Ai's due date before next year, but here's to me dreaming that I could!