Chapter 5: Dark Side of White

Ichigo gave his companions at the table a mystified look, and he turned away to follow the Kuchiki clan leader. Byakuya led him back to the wooden walkway that ran along the length of the main house, then into a room that the shinigami substitute realized was placed next to Byakuya's bedroom. The large room was simply furnished with a low table and rows of bookshelves. In addition to the doorway to the gardens, the room had two other closed doors that Ichigo reasoned led to Byakuya's bedroom and the main house's inner hallway. Byakuya paused by the garden door, lifting one pale hand to set a privacy shield in place, then he walked to each of the other doors to do the same.

"What are you doing that for?" he asked, frowning, "I can tell that what you have to say is pretty serious. Has something happened? Did Aizen…?"

"This is not about Aizen Sousuke," Byakuya answered solemnly.

Byakuya turned back from the inner doorway and knelt on one side of the low table as Ichigo knelt on the other side.

"There is no new information about his activities," the noble added, "other than that he and the other traitors have taken up residence in a fortress in Hueco Mundo that is known as Las Noches. Our stealth force is monitoring the situation."

"Okay…so, if it's not about Aizen, then what is it about? Because pretty much the only reason you ever talk to me is either there's some kind of emergency or you want to tell me to go back to the living world. Seriously, if you called me in here to…"

"I did not call you in here to give you a mission or to tell you it's time for you to leave," Byakuya interrupted, a note of annoyance in his voice.

"Well, while we're on the subject, why did you call me in here?" Ichigo asked stridently, "What's with all of the secrecy? What's going on, Byakuya?"

The substitute was taken aback at the look of mingled discomfort and uncertainty that overtook the noble's usually stoic expression. He moved closer and was shocked all over again at the flickers that rippled Byakuya's reiatsu and the little, riled breath that escaped him.

"H-hey, are you…okay?" Ichigo asked anxiously, "You look like something's really wrong. Is it something I did?"

Byakuya took a steadying breath.

"No, you did nothing wrong," the noble assured him, "nothing at all."

Ichigo shrugged.

"Well, whatever it is, it isn't gonna get solved with me taking shots in the dark. So, why don't you just tell me? What's got you so…unsettled?"

"I am not sure quite how to begin," Byakuya admitted, "Before I do, I want you to know that what I am about to confess to you is not something I knew ahead of time or that I…" "You already apologized for hurting Rukia, Renji and me. I don't think it's necessary for you to go on feeling bad about everything that happened. Yeah, you made some mistakes, but you owned up to them and I told you that we're past those things."

"This is something other than that," Byakuya admitted, his hands beginning to shake softly where they laid in his lap, just out of Ichigo's view, "and I am sure that you will not feel so magnanimous after you hear. I confess that I have…done something wrong. I have done something that I shouldn't have done—and now I will need to pay the price for that."

"Byakuya, I don't get it," Ichigo said, giving the noble a mystified look, "What did you do?"

Byakuya closed his eyes for a moment, then refocused on Ichigo, steadying himself before answering.

"Twice while you were recovering, some of your reiatsu extended itself in my direction."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Ichigo chuckled ruefully, "Kisuke's always telling me to rein it in, but it's hard to do that while I'm unconscious. I'm sorry if it bothered you, but I still don't see how that's your fault or why you're apologizing."

"The reiatsu that reached me was…a very specific part of yours. It was the spirit that manifested during our battle."

Ichigo paled instantly.

"Shit," he hissed softly, "That bastard white hollow got to you? What did he do to you, Byakuya? You said earlier you weren't hurt."

"I was not hurt, although I did allow him to treat me rather roughly, perhaps because I regretted everything that happened."

"You let him treat you roughly? What does that mean?" Ichigo asked suspiciously.

"It means that—"

Byakuya paused, swallowing hard and sucking in a sharp, ragged breath before continuing.

"It means that your inner hollow entered my bedroom and indicated he had warring desires about whether to kill me or to…have sex with me."

Ichigo gave the noble a horrified look.

"I thought you said you weren't hurt!" he exclaimed, "That thing r—"

"N-no," Byakuya said firmly despite the slight shaking in his voice, "what happened in my room was…consensual."

Ichigo froze, staring into Byakuya's dark, wary eyes, absorbing the words and shivering with mingled anger and revulsion.

"Y-you let him…?"

"I allowed the hollow spirit to seduce me. It was not rape, because although I was hesitant at first, I admit I was overwhelmed with a strong feeling of resonance and attraction, but what made the situation wrong and what made me feel the need to come to you and apologize is that my response wasn't just because of Shirosaki's advances."

"What?" Ichigo whispered dazedly, "What are you saying, Byakuya?"

Byakuya broke eye contact, unable to bear the chaotic response in the other man's body and voice.

"What I am saying is that Shirosaki made overtures to me, but at least part of the reason I allowed him to have sex with me…is because I have been feeling…and fighting a strong attraction to you."

"You're attracted to me? Like…me?" Ichigo mused, "But you act like…and you're always wanting me to go as soon as I get here. I don't understand any of this! If you wanted to be with me, why didn't you just tell me? Why did you act like you hated me?"

"Is it really so hard to imagine why?" Byakuya sighed, relieved that at least part of the truth was told, "I told you during our battle, I am the leader of my clan and that means that I have to set an example for others to follow."

"And there's something wrong with you liking me? With you telling me you like me and you wanna be with me?" the substitute asked, crossing his arms and slipping into a more confrontational tone, "Either you want that or you don't. If you do, you should say so and accept the consequences…or if you don't, then you shouldn't be having sex with my inner hollow. You should have kicked his ass and sent him back to me! Byakuya, you aren't acting like someone who knows his duty and is trying to get things right. You put up a front of doing the right thing, but then you turn around and do the opposite! You can't have it both ways! You have to make a decision about what you want and you have to go for it."

"And it matters nothing that I will literally lose everything, even my name? It's fine with you if Rukia and Tetsuya are either cut out of the family or kept and controlled by the leader who would follow me? That is all acceptable to you?" Byakuya asked, his body visibly trembling.

Ichigo started to give an angry answer, then he paused, giving Byakuya a stunned look.

"Did you just tell me that you—want to be with me? You're actually considering?"

"You were right that I need to make a decision, but it's not even just a matter of whether I choose to give up everything and be with you or hide my feelings for you and let you go. When Shirosaki and I were together and exchanged what is essentially your reiatsu with mine, and effect was triggered."

"An effect? What kind of effect?"

"I told you that we were pulled together by a powerful resonance. The effect wasn't just that we joined sexually. While we were together, the mingling of our reiatsu caused something I didn't know was possible. I mean to say that I knew about the effect, but I did not know that I was one who would experience it. There is only one other family member in my time who has had it happen," Byakuya explained, "That person is Tetsuya."

"What happened to him?" Ichigo asked, some of the anger fading from his voice as his curiosity was piqued, "What's happening to you?"

Byakuya yielded just the hint of a smile.

"In some cases, what is happening could be said to be a miracle, and in fact, when it first appeared in our history, after the first war with the quincies, it was something that helped to ensure our survival."

"Okay, so it's not a really bad thing?"

"Not in and of itself, no," the noble admitted, "You see, after the first war with the quincies, the survivors of the great clans realized that they were in danger of dying out. The war took a horrific toll on everyone, men, women and children alike. There was a brilliant scientist who managed to unlock a genetic switch that would allow men to procreate on a reiatsu level rather than the more physical way that we are used to. A group of young men with desirable characteristics were chosen and altered so that they could bear children in reiatsu form. Through acts of intercourse with other men or with women, their bodies would attract the reiatsu and bodily fluids of both parents and their bodies would form a spirit chamber that would combine them and form a new reiatsu. The reiatsu matured over the course of four to six months and then the spirit particles over the chamber would lose cohesion so that the baby's reiatsu could pass through to be born. The reiatsu then solidified to form the child's body. These chosen men were called Breeder Males and they were the singular reason that the noble clans were able to recover after the war."

Ichigo considered for a moment, frowning.

"But if they were so helpful to the clans, why don't you ever hear about them? Or is this something I just haven't heard about. You said Tetsuya had this effect? He's one of these Breeder Males? He never told me or mentioned it in front of me."

Byakuya sighed, looking down at the table between them.

"He didn't tell you because we are no longer allowed to speak of the Breeder Males."

"Why not? You said they saved the clans. Why would they have to keep it all quiet?"

"Well," Byakuya said, straightening, "as the noble families recovered, they began to notice that some of the children coming from the group of Breeder Males were reaching adulthood and continuing to carry the trait."

"But that would be a good thing, wouldn't it?" Ichigo asked.

"It should have been," Byakuya admitted, "however there were those within the families who thought that although the use of genetics and the development of the Breeder Males was necessary before to survive, it wasn't necessary anymore and we were playing with nature in an 'unhealthy' way."

"Sounds like bullshit to me."

"It was at least bigotry, but the ones who sought to end the practice argued successfully that the process of making that genetic alteration had side effects and the male pregnancies were subject to complications because these men's bodies weren't meant to be used for reproduction in that way. Additionally, the children coming from the Breeder Males had no choice as to whether they continued to carry on the trait. Tests were developed to try to see which children were affected, but in the end, the only way to know if a male carried the trait was for him to become pregnant. You have heard about Tetsuya being incarcerated during his childhood?"

"Yeah," Ichigo affirmed, "Rukia said it was because his mom was a commoner and his father was noble."

"Yes, and this was back when such a thing was strictly outlawed. Tetsuya's parents attempted to flee into the Rukongai, but they were caught and imprisoned in an illegal noble's prison called Itamigiri. While in the prison, Tetsuya was sexually abused and he became pregnant. The rule within the prison was that any young man found to have such a pregnancy would be executed. The only reason he wasn't is because I found out about the prison and I led an attack to free the prisoners. Tetsuya was malnourished and injured, and he lost the child he was carrying, but it was known that he had the trait and the elders of the clan ordered him to remain silent about it and never to let on to anyone that he carries the trait."

"That's really fucked up," Ichigo said, shaking his head, "but I'm learning that the noble clans do a lot of really fucked up things."

Byakuya stiffened, but nodded in agreement.

"There are many rules and traditions that need to change, but change comes slowly and has to be negotiated over time. Your more brash manner of breaking down walls simply does not work in this situation, but my family has worked steadily over the years to bring about positive change. In fact, the reason that Breeder Males are now protected, although they are admittedly sworn to silence about their condition, and the reason that allowing certain commoners into the family is more accepted is directly because of my relatives' influence. I also work to end injustices where I see them, but as I said, this takes time."

"Yeah, I get it," Ichigo answered, tilting his head slightly, "So, Tetsuya has this condition and now you…?"

Ichigo froze mid-sentence, realization crashing down like a toppling building.

"You're…?"

"It appears that I am a Breeder Male and I am having your child."

Byakuya paused, waiting silently as warring emotions stormed within the young man in front of him.

"Shit," the substitute breathed, his heart pounding as anger and worry collided in his chest.

"Under our current rules, a clan leader is not allowed to end a pregnancy and I would never take that course of action anyway. I am not allowed to speak publicly about this pregnancy, nor am I allowed to let myself be seen 'showing.' Fortunately for me, the child will remain in reiatsu form inside me until birth, so the change in my body will be smaller than that of a female pregnancy."

"So you'll be able to hide it," Ichigo concluded, his tone bitter, "Then what? What do you say when the kid's born?"

"That depends on what I say or don't say to the elders of the family," Byakuya explained, "If I tell them the truth, that I allowed your inner hollow to have sex with me…"

"I think the old farts would all drop dead on the spot," Ichigo huffed.

"After which, any survivors would certainly have me removed from leadership, cast out of the family and erased from the family histories."

"Damn…"

"If I tell them that I had an affair with you, a human, I will be ordered to then seal the facts of the child's birth to all but the elders of the clan and I would be expected to keep our relationship private. If any of this became public, I would be disgraced and…"

"Thrown out. I've got that part," Ichigo said ruefully, "So what do you want to do? What are our options?"

Byakuya sighed.

"It all comes down to acknowledgment," he confessed softly, "I can raise the child here and make no mention of them being an heir until or unless it becomes necessary for them to take their place…"

"That's not gonna happen," Ichigo said firmly.

"What do you mean?"

"Look Byakuya, I get that you're not so much like the stuffy elders of your family and I heard you when you said that your relatives and you have worked to change things over time, but there is still a lot about the clans that is seriously fucked up and I don't want my kid to be raised around all of that, especially because I've seen how people with any 'differences' are treated in your family."

"Ichigo—"

"Think about it!" the substitute snapped, his eyes flashing, "I've seen how your family looks down on everyone and how they treat anyone who isn't like them. You don't want that for our kid any more than I do."

"No, I don't, but—"

"Then you know that I'm gonna need to raise the kid in Karakura Town, with my family. You won't have to say anything about any of this and you'll be able to go on making a difference in the family, making the changes you want to make over time and being the leader that you want to be, the leader you feel so strongly that the clan needs."

"But I will not be able to be a parent to my child," the noble objected, "I cannot acknowledge him or her if you are going to want to keep them away from the clan."

"Then you can't acknowledge them," Ichigo argued, "Just because you are under the elders' thumbs doesn't mean that me and our kid are gonna be. I'm not gonna ask you to leave the clan or to put Rukia and Tetsuya in a bad position. I'll keep your and Shirosaki's dirty little secret for you, but you are going to keep quiet about all of this and when the kid is born, you're going to hand them over to me and forget any of this ever happened!"

"Ichigo…"

"Tell me that you don't honestly think our kid would be better off being raised around all of this—this craziness here. This way? My way? The kid will have a normal life, friends, fun, a good education, a good life."

"But no idea of his or her own history," Byakuya whispered, "You do realize that the child would eventually need to be told."

"You don't need to worry about that," Ichigo said matter-of-factly, "I'll take care of it."

"You don't know anything about my family's history," the noble objected.

"This kid doesn't need to know either," Ichigo insisted, "Later on, when they're older."

"You don't think they'll have questions when I come to see them?" Byakuya asked.

Ichigo's angry eyes locked on the noble's and Byakuya felt a shiver go through him.

"If you've decided not to acknowledge the kid, then our kid doesn't need you to visit. It'll just raise the chances that someone will find out who shouldn't and this will blow up and land you, Rukia and Tetsuya in a really bad place. Just do all of us a favor and don't share this with anyone. Have the kid quietly, hand them over to me and just—forget it happened. It's better for everyone. You've gotta see that, right?"

Byakuya couldn't answer around the knot that had formed in his throat, but he managed a stiff nod and inclined his head to look at the table in front of him.

"I'm gonna go now," Ichigo said, standing, "I'm going home. You just—tell me when I need to come and I'll be here."

He turned and walked to the door, keenly aware that Byakuya hadn't moved or said a word and his reiatsu was pulled in tightly around him.

"And don't worry about Shirosaki," the substitute said bitterly, "he won't come back here again."

Byakuya waited silently until the younger man had left, then he let out a ragged sigh and closed his eyes.

"I suppose it is what's best for you," he whispered, laying a hand on his still slim abdomen, "little one. Maybe Ichigo is right. Maybe—"

He broke off as he heard Tetsuya objecting to something outside, then the door to the garden doors slid open and Renji barged in with a flustered looking Tetsuya beside him.

"I'm sorry Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya apologized, "I tried to tell him not to…"

He trailed off, taking in Byakuya's pale face and devastated expression as Renji seemed to make the same estimation.

"Watashi no itoko," Tetsuya managed, "What is it? What's wrong?"