The sky outside was painted in gradient, the last of the day's blue skies fading into soft pinks and pale oranges. Hagrid was chopping wood beside his squat cottage as Fang snoozed in the tangled vines of the pumpkin patch nearby. Groups of students were making their way inside the castle after a pleasant day spent enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. Harry barely saw any of this as he stared blankly out of the dormitory window.

He could not remember exactly how long he had been standing there, only that it had been mid-morning when he'd made his way up to the dormitory from Snape's detention and now the sun was near to setting. A while ago, he could have sworn that he heard someone call his name, felt a tug at his robes, but he couldn't be sure. Everything felt so far away.

"Harry... Harry? Harry!"

He was standing on the brink of some great precipice. Howling winds buffeted him, screeching his confession to Snape as their chill cut through him to the very bone. The memory of Snape's stunned face, the way that he had actually shrunk away from him, was like freezing rain against his consciousness. Harry could feel his resolve wearing down as the storm raged on inside him, carrying away pieces of him in the process. His foot was right at the edge. It would be so easy to just let go, take that final leap. He did not know exactly what lay at the bottom of this chasm, but felt that whatever it was, he would finally be at peace.

"Harry? Harry please, come back to us."

Small hands gripped at his face, forcing him out of his own head, back into the castle, and into the moment. Ginny was staring up at him, panic stricken. She sighed her relief as their eyes met and she could see that his trance-like state had broken.

"Merlin's beard, Harry. You scared us! Ron came running downstairs to tell us that you've been standing here frozen like you'd been hit with a full body bind…Where did you go?" She pressed one hand gently to his forehead, as the other slid down just above his collarbone and over his wildly skittering pulse.

Harry knew he should feel comforted by her touch, but the last of his rationality and self control had long since evaporated like cauldron steam. Ginny's hands were too warm, and she was standing too close, and that undefinable sweet scent that always radiated off of her was tainting what had to be the last scraps of fresh air left in the entire world. He grabbed her by the knot of her tie and threw her off of him.

Ginny yelped as she toppled backwards onto her bum. Behind them, there was a sharp gasp, followed by a ferocious snarl. Harry turned on his heel to see Hermione dashing over to check on Ginny, and only just managed to duck the stunning spell Ron had aimed at his head.

"Have you lost your mind?!" Ron bellowed, still advancing on Harry. Ginny appeared by his side and held his arm fast.

"Don't Ron! He didn't mean it, there's clearly something wrong with him."

Hermione appeared at Ron's other shoulder, shaking like a leaf. "This is about that Potions book again. I just know it," she said quietly.

Harry had managed to retreat to the opposite side of the room, and now stood with the back of his knees pressed against the trunk at the foot of Neville's bed. He blew out a harsh breath and made a show of adjusting his lopsided glasses.

"This isn't about the fucking book, Hermione."

Ron began yelling again, but Hermione had found her voice, and it was louder.

"Yes it is! Do you really think that we haven't noticed the way you've been pulling away from us? You've been acting strangely for weeks. You almost killed Draco and now you've put hands on Ginny of all people! You've never been like this before. All of this started when Slughorn gave you that book and you started learning all of those horrible curses. If you would just listen to me, for once…"

"ALL of those horrible curses?" Harry cut his eyes to Ron who blushed a deep crimson that had nothing to do with his still simmering anger.

"Did you think I wouldn't tell her about the Room of Requirement after the way you were acting?" Ron answered flatly.

"Harry," Ginny pleaded. "You haven't been yourself. If you would just tell us what's wrong, we could help you work it out."

"Help me work it out?" Harry laughed cruelly. "There isn't a person in all of Britain that can help me, least of all you three. Do you think that just because I've allowed you to tag along with me all these years, you really understand what I've been going through? You're sidekicks at best."

"Don't you dare speak to us like that!" Hermione screamed. Her tone was biting, but fat tears were tracking freely down her cheeks. "We've risked our lives for you countless times."

"And we would do it again! As many times as it takes." Ginny added, also sobbing.

"Just leave me alone!"

"No. That's enough, Harry." Ron's jaw was set as he raised his wand at him. "If you won't tell us what's going on with you, we'll have to get you help. By force if necessary."

Harry swallowed hard, not taking his eyes off the weapon currently pointed at his chest. His own wand was stuffed into the back pocket of his pants. He was a better duelist than Ron by far, but knew he didn't stand a chance unarmed as he was. Briefly, he considered calling bluff, but the look on Ron's face told him that that was not a wise decision.

Harry's calculations were halted abruptly as the door swung open and Colin Creevy stepped into the room. Noise from the common room below swept in behind him, and Harry realized that someone must have cast a Silencing Charm before they started arguing. The tension remained strong as every head in the room turned to face the newcomer.

Colin's toothy smile faded and he lowered the parchment he had been holding up as he took in the state of affairs.

"Is everything alright in here?"

"Smashing," Ginny replied, hastily wiping the tears from her face. "What have you got there?"

Colin looked unconvinced, but said, "Message from Professor Snape, Harry."

Harry felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach. He tried to flee and put physical space between himself and the slip of parchment that Colin held out to him, but only managed to knock himself off his feet after tripping over Neville's trunk.

"What can he possibly want?" he muttered, mostly to himself. Colin shrugged.

"I'm not sure. He told me not to open it, so I didn't."

"Thank you, Colin," Hermione said, snatching the message before the younger boy could protest. "You did great, but we need some privacy right now."
Colin frowned at Harry in obvious concern, but nodded and backed out of the room.

As soon as the door was shut, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny turned to Harry, who jumped to his feet.

"Give it to me," he said, lunging for the tiny piece of parchment. Hermione backed up and held it out of his reach at the same time as Ron's wand snapped back up to his chest.

"Don't make me stun you, mate. What does he want with you? Did something happen during your detention this morning?"

Harry blanched. "None of your business." There was a tearing noise as Hermione broke the magic seal on the parchment.

'7 p.m. behind Hagrid's cabin,' she read.

"I don't understand. Why would he want you to meet with him outside the castle?"

Harry ignored her queries and breathed out a sigh of relief that the message had not revealed the nature of their morning argument. He pulled his eyes away from his friends long enough to check his watch. It was 6:30, and he would have to leave immediately if he was going to be on time to meet Snape. The thought of seeing the professor again filled him with unspeakable dread, but he'd use any excuse to get out of this room as soon as possible.

Ginny caught him by the arm as he attempted to leave. "Don't think this conversation is over. We'll be waiting for you when you get back." Harry noticed with unspoken pleasure that the spark had returned to her eyes. Some part of his better self must still be alive in there, because he suddenly felt like falling to his knees to apologize to her, even if it would not save what they had. Now was not the time or place, so he simply nodded and headed off towards Hagrid's.

Each step that brought him closer to Snape brought a fresh wave of apprehension. Several times, he had stopped dead in his tracks and considered running back to the dormitory, running to Dumbledore, even running to Privet Drive, if it meant avoiding dealing with what he had said to Snape. The not-knowing was the worst part. Was he going to receive the brutal detention he had wished for? Was he going to be expelled? Was Snape going to attack him? All of these things seemed equally possible under the circumstances, and Harry kept a tight grip on his wand as the lights of Hagrid's cabin came into view.

Snape struck a menacing form as he leaned gracefully against the thick trunk of a tree at the edge of the forest. He looked up as Harry approached, his face betraying no emotion, before he turned and marched into the trees, gesturing with two fingers for Harry to follow. The pair walked straight for a few minutes, Harry lagging a few steps behind, before Snape made an abrupt turn and set off in a direction that Harry had never been before.

By now, Harry had been inside the Forbidden Forest a number of times and was well aware that it was inhabited by some of the worst creatures known to wizard kind, and yet, he would gladly face off against any of them if it meant being freed from Snape in this moment. They had been walking for the better part of an hour, their progress painfully slowed by the increasing density of the trees and the tangle of brambles and low hanging branches that caught on their robes and hair, but Harry still could not bring himself to ask where they were headed.

Finally, after several more agonizing minutes, they entered a small clearing that had obviously been created with the use of magic. The area was wider than it was long, formed entirely by a perimeter of trees that seemed to lean their trunks away to make space for whatever it was that occurred here.

Snape waved his wand and Harry gasped as a massive wooden archway appeared between the cowering trees, its entryway opaque with a shimmering iridescent mist. Without so much as a glance back at Harry, Snape stepped through the shimmering portal and disappeared.

Bubbling panic rose from the pit of Harry's stomach and released itself from his lips as a thin, pitiful shriek. The last time he'd seen someone pass through a mysterious archway, it had erased them from the world of the living instantaneously. He was overcome with a flashback of Sirius' smiling face as he was consumed by death itself. Several unbearable seconds passed as Harry danced frantically from foot to foot unsure of what he was supposed to do.

Just as Harry was thinking about running back to the castle for help, a hand emerged from the archway, grasped Harry by the collar, and pulled him inside. Harry started to scream, but before the sound could reach a blood-curdling level, he found himself on the other side, perfectly safe, and very much alive.

They were standing in a grassy glen. Far away on either side of them, rolling hills cascaded into the distance, their black peaks like massive mossy mounds against the astonishing brightness of a night sky hung with a million twinkling stars. Close by, a meandering brook gurgled downstream as its water passed beneath the low hanging branches of several weeping willows. The trees themselves were filled with the soft glow of fairies flitting here and there in their nighttime endeavors. Harry breathed in deeply and the clean, crisp air was a balm for his frayed nerves.

"Where are we?" he asked Snape.

The man's face was upturned to the heavens and his eyes were closed, as if he too was relishing in the tranquility of the place. "Somewhere I like to visit from time to time."

Harry found himself grimacing at the vagueness of the response. As lovely as this place was, it didn't change what had happened between him and Snape earlier that morning, or the fact that the two of them were somewhere he was sure that no one could hear him scream.

"Why did you bring me here, Professor?"

Snape opened his eyes slowly and turned towards him. "Do you realize you only call me that when you are trying to appease me?" he asked languidly. When Harry did not answer he continued: "I have brought you here so that you can experience the power that you so desperately seek."

With another wordless flick of Snape's wand, a battered training dummy appeared in the grass several feet away, standing upright on its own without the assistance of any stand or pole.

Harry made a quick study of its faceless form, its limbs and head made from various lengths of bound straw.

"What am I supposed to do with that thing?"

"Whatever you want. Destroy it if you like – I'll conjure as many as you want."

A bead of cold sweat ran down the back of Harry's neck. Snape had to be goading him. He could see no other reason for this bizarre situation. It was obvious what he was supposed to do, but Harry was reluctant to show this side of himself. So far, he'd only let himself be vulnerable with Ron, and it had probably cost him the three people he loved most in the world.

Harry let out a trembling breath. Yes. It had cost him the three people he loved most in the world, and now he had nothing left to lose.

White-hot pain lanced through his chest and he channeled it all into sheer force of will.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

The curse sliced through the air like a blade and struck the straw dummy in the midsection. The brittle stalks of hay were rent asunder, but instead of leaving a dry gash, Harry watched in abject horror as a slit of a mouth appeared on the dummy's blank face and it screamed–a chillingly mortal sound–and a torrent of blood and entrails spilled from its belly and onto the ankle high grass.

Harry's head whipped to Snape, but the professor was standing there with his arms crossed, watching the dummy with an impassive look on his face. The dummy was moaning now, lying broken on its side and trying to scoop up its guts and put them back inside. After another moment it fell silent and moved no more.

Harry bent forward and placed his hands on his knees. He was light headed and shaking, both from the shock and the flush of excitement. There was an electric current pulsing in his veins. It was like the world had shifted right side up again and he could finally breathe and fuck….he felt extraordinary. It took several moments before he calmed down enough to straighten up. He looked at Snape, smiling wantonly and not even attempting to hide how hard he was.

"Again."

Snape reset the dummy, once, twice, three times. Harry cut it down again and again, drinking in the feeling and riding out the high. Throughout it all, Snape's face did not so much as twitch at the overt display of brutality and Harry felt freer and lighter than he had in ages without the crushing weight of judgment and expectation. It was only for the sake of some flimsy sense of decorum that he did not undo his pants and get himself off right here in the open.

Snape reset the dummy for the fourth time and it had hardly gotten upright again before Harry hit it with a Sphaera. It hovered off the ground briefly before Harry heard the sickening sound of crunching bones and the dummy crumpled in on itself, leaving behind a gobstone sized ball of straw and a sheet of blood that shot out in every direction, splattering the ground like a dark rain.

Behind him, Snape scoffed loudly. "I knew it."

Harry raised a brow. "You knew what?"

But Snape just shook his head and gave one of his signature mocking smiles. "Well Potter, are you satisfied now that you've had your bloodbath? Would you like to learn more? I think it's about time I teach you an even more powerful spell."

Harry swallowed and tasted bile in the back of his throat. Snape had asked him the same question Tom did in his dream the night that he'd hurt Draco.

Harry looked down at himself and he was indeed covered from head to toe in the dummy's fake blood, reduced to ominous black stains by the dim light of the stars.

"Tergeo" he mumbled, waving his wand in front of himself and vanishing the blood, but he still felt filthy.

He couldn't believe that he'd done this again, in front of Snape no less. He'd promised himself after what happened in the Room of Requirement that he'd never perform Dark Magic again, but he'd barely even hesitated when given free reign to do whatever he wanted. It was truly frightening, just how quickly he'd folded at the slightest nudge. The fact that Snape was standing there sneering at him and acting like an echo chamber of his darkest desires did not help.

"Why are you doing this to me? Is this my punishment for what I said this morning?" Harry asked quietly.

"Forget about this morning. It doesn't matter. This is for your benefit." Snape said coolly.

Harry's wrath, always close to the surface these days, was razor sharp. "This isn't for my benefit. This is for YOUR benefit! I already told you that I didn't want this and that I was scared of who I was becoming. And what did you do? Called me crazy and kicked me out of your office!"

"Don't misunderstand my intentions," Snape ground out.

"That's so rich, coming from you," Harry chuckled. The chuckle became a laugh. The laugh became a full blown fit of hysterics. Harry could feel himself slipping into the inky void, but this time, he did not care to fight it.

"You've hated me from the beginning, yet somehow you've got Dumbledore wrapped around your finger," he said. "But I've never trusted you. You're a Death Eater. You're a part of the reason that everything in my life is so fucked up. You've ruined me."

A black emotion passed over Snape's face. "Do not speak about things you have no knowledge of. If you are ruined, it is because your father's blood runs through your veins."

Harry's eyes flared. He saw Snape tense, but he was faster. "Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand pinwheeled through the air, and Harry caught it in his free hand. A long moment passed as Harry weighed the sliver of wood in his hand, examining its curves and planes.

"Return my wand this instant, Potter!"

Harry cast a dark glance at the man. "It's been six years. I'm tired of this dance between us. Let's end this now."

The grass beneath their feet hissed quietly as the pair began to circle one another, sizing each other up and looking for their opening. Each revolution brought them closer together. Snape was wandless, but Harry knew better than to underestimate him. He would only have one shot at this. He waited until his back was to the shimmering archway and Snape was fully engulfed in its light before he leaped forward and cast his final curse with a wide sweep of his arm.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

A jet of purple light shot from the tip of his wand, and narrowly missed Snape as the man ducked and rolled out of the way. Harry found himself taking a step back as he realized that the man had managed to dodge and close the gap between them in the same instance. There was no time to react as Snape exited his roll in a crouch, using his momentum to sweep one leg out, catching Harry behind the knees and knocking him off balance. Both wands flew out of his hands and landed out of reach in the high grass.

Snape turned on the spot and was on his feet just as Harry hit the ground. "Enough!" he said, breathing hard. "This isn't why I brought you out here."

Harry scowled and scrambled to his feet. "I'll decide when it's enough!" he growled, launching himself at the man with reckless abandon. He grabbed hold of the man's collar with both hands and they hit the ground together in a tangle of limbs.

Harry was on top and he hauled back and hit the professor in the face as hard as he could. Blood sprayed from Snape's nose and Harry bit back a yelp as he felt a bone in his hand break. Snape's answer was a blow to Harry's rib cage that knocked all the air from the boy's lungs and left him seeing stars. Snape used his advantage to hook his leg over Harry's and flip them over.

"Stay still you shithead little brat!" Snape snarled.

Harry thrashed wildly beneath him screaming, "I hate you! I hate you!" Snape put a hand over his mouth to silence him, but Harry bit down hard on the fingers and the man pulled back and released him.

Harry launched himself at Snape a second time, once again getting the upper hand and managing to get in two more clean hits to his face before Snape spat blood at him and he reeled back.

Snape roared his fury now. As he rolled them over, he grabbed hold of both of Harry's wrists with one hand and pinned them to the ground over his head. His legs caught both of Harry's in a wide straddle and his other hand closed around Harry's throat in a deadly grip. Harry fought hard, but Snape was much stronger than he looked. The man tightened his grip on his throat enough that Harry's vision blurred at the edges.

"I said stop!" Snape hissed, loosening his hold on Harry so that he could breathe. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm going to kill you!" Harry said, bucking his hips against the professor's in a fruitless attempt to free himself. Snape ground his hips down in an effort to control him and the friction on Harry's still erect cock had the boy groaning despite himself.

"Why?" Snape asked with a nasty smile that revealed his blood stained teeth. He gave another purposeful snap of his hips and Harry let out an agonized moan. "So you can masturbate over my dead body?"

Harry cringed and tried to tug his wrists out of Snape's vice-like grip. "Let me go!"

"No." Snape said, harshly. "Not until you calm down and listen to me."

The bubbling of the nearby brook and the saw of their ragged breathing were as loud as thunder as the pair stared daggers at each other, each willing the other to back down with the intensity of their gaze alone. Harry broke eye contact first when drips of blood from Snape's broken nose splashed onto his face. He gulped a great gasp of relief when Snape released his throat, but found himself flinching as that same hand covered his vision, tenderly wiping away the blood from his lids. When Harry opened his eyes again, there was a soul-deep sorrow on Snape's face.

"I'm sorry for brushing you off when you asked for help. Your confession caught me off guard and I panicked."

Snape's words were deliberate and laced with such sincerity that all of the fight went out of Harry's body at once. Snape must have felt him relax because he asked, "If I let you go, will you promise to sit still and listen to what I have to say?" Harry nodded and the professor released him and pulled him up so that they were both sitting face to face in the grass.

"I'm a monster." Harry said, his weary voice barely a whisper. "I wish you'd kill me and release me from this wretched existence. At least then I can be with my parents and Sirius again."

"Don't be foolish."

"I'm not!" Harry said, angrily. "You've seen what I'm capable of. I'm no better than Voldemort."

Snape huffed and grabbed Harry by the waist to scoot him forward until their faces were only inches apart. "What you are feeling right now is completely normal," he said, firmly. "Have you ever sat down and tried to work through the way your horrid muggle family has treated you? Did you ever process the fact that Quirinous attempted to kill you in your first year? How about your near–death experience in the Chamber of Secrets? What happened after you watched Cedric die, and were tortured by the Dark Lord? What about Sirius? You are a sixteen year old boy who has seen far too much death and despair and you are desperately seeking some measure of control in your own life. You're not a monster, Harry. You're traumatized."

Hot tears stung the corners of Harry's eyes and he quickly tried to wipe them away. Snape grabbed his wrists and held them tight.

"Don't just push it all down. You need to let yourself feel it."

Harry's emotions broke like a dam. Sixteen years of abuse, and loss, and fear poured out of him as he sobbed uncontrollably, his keening wails scattering the fairies in the nearby trees. Snape held his hands through it all and the stars had made significant progress in their track across the night sky before he was in control of himself again. By the time the last of his tears were drying, he was physically and emotionally drained, but his soul felt squeaky clean.

Snape reached into his robes and uncorked a small vial of orange potion.

"Invigoration Draught," he said, handing it over. "You must be exhausted."

Harry drained the potion without hesitation and immediately felt the strength come back to his limbs. Beside him, the professor waved his hand and silently summoned both of their wands.

"You could do that the entire time?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Of course," Snape said, placing Harry's wand in his hand. "But you were fighting me so ferociously, I thought it best to leave the weapons out of reach."

"I'm so sorry I tried to kill you, Professor."

Snape scoffed, then winced as he used his wand to heal himself and wipe himself clean before doing the same for Harry. "You were never going to kill me, Potter. You had the perfect opportunity to try and you chose a non-lethal curse instead."

Harry flushed. He hadn't even considered that, but it made him feel better nonetheless. He allowed Snape to pull him to his feet.

"Are you ready to learn the spell I brought you here to show you?"

Harry swallowed his nerves as Snape came up close behind him and wrapped long fingers around his wand hand to demonstrate the swishing and jabbing motion required by the spell.

"This is a very powerful spell. The incantation is Florerio. You need to think of someone you love, and hold tight to feelings they stir in your heart. Use those feelings to power the magic."

With his newly unburdened heart, it was easy for Harry to imagine many people he loved and the wonderful feelings they gave him. He thought of his parents, Sirius, and Dumbledore, and the blissfully warm parental love he held for them. There was also the mellow and steadfast love he felt for Ron, Hermione and Hagrid, and the cinnamon-spice of affection he held only for Ginny. He let himself bask in the varied, but equally potent, forms of devotion and prepared to channel them into the spell.

Snape's hands dropped to his hips. "Don't hold back," he said in his ear.

"FLORERIO!" Harry bellowed.

Harry felt the magic leech from his very blood, pool in his core, and then zip upwards and across his arm, before being honed by his wand into a shower of rainbow sparks. Instantly, daylight raced across the sky of the glen and the scene before them burst into vivid color. The willow trees slouched under the weight of full foliage and hundreds of thousands of wildflowers of every color bloomed to life around their feet and as far as the eye could see. A mid-summer's breeze blew across them, carrying the sound of birdsong.

"Good boy! Mostly poppies, I see. I'm not surprised." Snape's laughter was hearty and genuine in his ear. It was a shockingly gorgeous sound, but Harry could not peel his eyes away from the majestic scene in front of him. His knees were shaking from the effort of casting the spell and he let Snape guide him down until he was laying on his back in the fragrant field.

"I had no idea spells like this even existed. Did you create this one on your own?" he asked idly, watching two honeybees playing overhead.

"Yes." Snape answered, softly. "It's just an illusion. It only lasts a few minutes, but it helps with the hopelessness."

Harry sat up to look at him, and found him staring down at a delicate red lily that had bloomed between his feet.

"Remember this spell and use it when you need it." Snape said, still staring wistfully at the beautiful flower. "The issues in the wizarding world will get worse before they get better, and you are right at the center of it all. It's not fair to you, but it is what it is. I know you want to protect the people that you care about, but to do that, you have to take care of yourself too."

It was well past midnight as Harry and Snape made their way back through the forest to the castle. As soon as they had left the glen, the atmosphere between them had shifted, and now they strode through the black woods in a tense silence. Harry detested the awkwardness between them after all they had shared in that beautiful place, but he supposed it couldn't be helped. After six years of mutual hatred, he could not expect their relationship to be repaired overnight.

As they approached the doors to the Entrance Hall, Harry caught Snape by the sleeve to get his attention. Snape whirled towards him with an eyebrow raised.

"I want to thank you for everything you did for me tonight." Harry said, hurriedly. "Thank you for showing me that I'm not a monster and for teaching me that spell."

Snape stared down at him through cold, dark eyes. "I am the monster, Potter," he replied. "What I did tonight was not for you… I've never done anything for you."

He snatched his arm away from Harry's grip, but sighed resignedly, pushing the hair out of his face. After a few seconds, he leaned forward and clapped Harry on the shoulder.

"You're welcome."

And then he turned and strode back into the castle.