Merry Christmas.

Interesting things happen when you confine a small group of tech-literate folks in close proximity, and they spend long stretches of time being bored in-between spurts of being very extremely opposite-of-bored. Such people might not know words like "schadenfreude", but they have the time and capacity to come up with equivalents in the languages they do speak.

"You ready?"

"Sure. Not like I'll get any readier by waiting. Talk to me."

"I had it, you got it."

"…Really? Don't do this."

"Alright, this way then: cold, three out, one in, one turning. Jay-five is bubbling, Ess-seven is simmering… what?"

Cozumel, assistant squad leader in the Third Squad of the Maverick Hunters, sighed. "You know the right way, the formal way, to do turnover. Why are you on-purpose doing it some other way?"

"Lighten up!" said a jovial Vertos, Cozumel's counterpart in the Sixth Squad. A lanyard was looped around his neck, ending in a small magnetized sign reading 'Standby Squad'. "It's only eight hours of waiting and hoping no one calls. What's the worst that could happen?"

"There could be a large-scale Maverick incident where we, as the Standby Squad, would have to scramble, and then get steamrolled buying time for the rest of you jokers to gear up. That's 'the worst that could happen'."

"C'mon, what are the odds of that happening?"

"About one in one-fifty."

Vertos blinked. "Really?"

Cozumel nodded wearily. "Yeah, really. I have a dreary little rookie who likes to do that kind of math."

"He sounds like fun."

"I'll trade him," said Cozumel. "You can have him."

"I'll think about it. Anyway, who cares about the odds? I got through a whole shift just now with nothing more interesting than a gear delivery from Douglas. I was fine, so you'll probably be fine."

"Yeah, because that's not anecdotal or anything."

Vertos smiled. "I get it, you're not looking forward to being the Standby Squad. Just keep griping. Your happiness is delicious."

Cozumel blinked in confusion. "My…?"

Vertos' expression was like he'd just received an unexpected gift. "Are you kidding? You made Azzle without ever learning about the Law of Conservation of Happiness?"

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Not even a little bit," said Vertos with relish. "Formally stated: 'Happiness can neither be created nor destroyed, only transferred between bodies.' If you want to add to your own happiness, you have to take it from someone else. We all know that the people of Abel City are happy and that we Hunters are unhappy, but what people don't realize is that they're happy because the Hunters are unhappy. When I relieved Clement, I lost happiness, and he gained it. Now you're relieving me, and because you don't want to go on-watch, I'm harvesting your happiness. The more you whine, the better I feel."

He leaned back, as if basking. "So keep right on complaining! I can't get enough of it."

That might have been crushing to many reploids, but no Hunter made Azzle without at least a little mental fortitude. Cozumel's regard of Vertos steadied. "So… it's a game," he said carefully. "Whoever gets more happiness from the other person wins."

"Please, like you could take my happiness right now!" Vertos' voice was dismissive, but there was a hollow quality to it, which Cozumel noticed.

"You seemed like you were in a real rush to get relieved," he went on. He cocked his head curiously. "Is there somewhere you'd rather be? Something you'd rather be doing?"

"Just the usual," said Vertos, perhaps a little too casually. "Everyone wants to get off-watch. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," said Cozumel. "It just seems like you were in a big hurry, earlier."

Vertos shrugged. "I can't be in too much of a hurry, can I? Even if you relieved me this instant, I'd still have to go do my formal debrief to the Watch leader."

"But you suggested not much happened on your watch," said Cozumel. "If that's true, you could knock out your debrief in… what, ten minutes? Five, maybe?" The corners of Cozumel's eyes curved up in suggestion of a smile. "In enough time to catch the start of the sportsball game?"

"It's not called 'sportsball', it's called…" Vertos cut himself off, but the damage was done.

Cozumel's smile was triumphant. "Let's do this right," he said, deliberately. "Which units are out?"

"First, Twelfth, and Seventeenth," Vertos snapped back. "With Fifth doing gear change-out."

"Which halves?"

Vertos gave Cozumel a hard stare, as if trying to determine if he seriously wanted to know. Then he rattled off a string of designations, name-squad combos an outsider would have found impenetrable. "Happy now?" Vertos concluded.

"Oh, happier every moment," Cozumel said in tones that matched his words. "I've reversed the flow. I'm sucking up your happiness now."

Vertos' mouth twitched in agitation. "Are we done now?"

"I don't think so," said Cozumel languidly. "You told me Jay-five was bubbling. What did you mean by that? Can you give me some background info?"

Vertos' face was disbelieving. "Are you really doing this to me?"

"Well," said Cozumel with faux innocence, "I could just relieve you… but if I did, and someone asked about it, I'd hate to have to tell them I had an inadequate turnover. I couldn't bear to say that I didn't have a thorough understanding of the situation."

"That's so much static," said Vertos, who'd gone from disbelief straight to fury. "You were on the Jay-five patrol route yesterday!"

"But what if something changed since then?"

"Nothing changed!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

Cozumel laughed. "I think I like the Law of Conservation of Happiness."

"Okay, okay," grumbled Vertos, "you've had your fun, can we get on with it now?"

"Hm," said Cozumel thoughtfully. "I could torment you a while longer, but I don't want you to do the same to me in the future. I think I'll let you go now."

"How enlightened of you," Vertos said with a roll of his eyes—a human gesture he'd appropriated, and which came in handy for a Hunter.

Cozumel composed his features into a formal, impassive state. When he spoke, it was in a ritualistic way. "I have reviewed your situation and mustered my team and I am ready to relieve you."

"I am ready to be relieved," said Vertos with utter sincerity. He took the lanyard off of his neck and held it out. "Do you have any further questions?"

"I have no further questions," Cozumel replied, and took the lanyard. "I relieve you."

"I stand relieved," said Vertos, letting the lanyard slip out of his fingers.

And, at that moment…

"Maverick incident in Jay-five. Standby Squad, deploy."

Cozumel's gaze snapped up to the overhead speaker. "What? No… no!" Face twisted in horror, he looked at the lanyard which he alone was holding, and then back at Vertos. "No!"

Vertos' smile could not be any wider. He was gorging on Cozumel's happiness. "I had it, you got it," he said with delight.

Cozumel's eyes clenched shut. "I hate you so much right now."

Vertos sighed luxuriously. "And that fact is delicious."