Chapter 4: A Fox's Wedding

Shirou sighed as he looked up at the rain. It wasn't raining just fifteen minutes ago when he went out for groceries. Most of the fridge was still stocked thanks to Zelretch, but he was running out of rice, since Lunaria was so partial to rice-based dishes. Shirou had to trace a jacket since he didn't bring one.

As he carried the 25 kilo bag of rice over his shoulder, he stopped when he noticed a strange set of stairs. He hadn't noticed it before on his way here, He looked up to see that it was in between two houses and it led up to a shrine.

I didn't know there was a shrine here, Shirou thought to himself. I should go pay my respects.

Despite spending most of his time in London and straying away from the Shinto faith, he still paid his respects to the gods whenever he could, which wasn't often. He climbed the stairs, making sure to stay on the right, while still carrying the bag of rice like it was nothing. As he stood before the torii gate, he put the rice down and bowed to the gate.

As he paused for a few seconds, he thought he saw the gate glow minutely and a small amount of mana entered his senses. It smelt like… fur. Shirou shook his head. It was gone as soon as it arrived. It must have been his imagination.

Dismissing his jacket, he made his way to the chozuya. He took a deep breath before cleansing both his hands and his lips, letting the leftover water drip down the handle as he finished the ritual.

He then made his way to the main shrine. It was still pouring heavily, but Shirou didn't mind. For some reason, letting the rain patter on his skin felt relaxing when he was in the shrine. He looked at the bundle of chords before looking up to see the bell. It was an odd day to pay respects, it being the 16th of the month, but not too unusual. People paid respects to the gods all the time. He took the bell and rang.

As soon as he did, the clouds parted. He looked up in surprise as they parted into a circle, letting the sun shine down on the shrine. Despite that, the rain continued to pour.

As Shirou stepped back to look around, the powerful scent of fur and alcohol drifted into his nose. Whatever happened, there was now someone exuding a lot of mana in the area.

"You!" Shirou whirled around to see a woman who seemed to be in her early twenties point at Shirou. Her hair was ginger and puffy and her eyes were an emerald green. What made her stand apart from any other redhead were the five tails swishing through the air.

"I, Amagi of the Izayoi clan, accept your prayer," The woman said with a smug smile. "Be honored, for I have decided to take you as my husband."

Out of all the things Shirou could have said. All the things he could have done. One word left his mouth,

"What?"

Yes! This is the one Amagi had been looking for! She had been looking for a man for almost 50 years and here he was!

The kitsune had to admit, her criteria was pretty high. A strong man who honored the gods yet was strong enough to stand on his own. He had to be attractive as well. He also had to be a gentle soul. One who would understand her feelings and would communicate with her. This man. The second he started to climb the stairs, Amagi was watching him.

She watched as he gently and respectfully washed his hands and lips. While climbing the stairs he was cautious, carrying a heavy bag of rice like it was nothing, but as soon as he entered the shrine, he relaxed. He knew that the gods would protect them here. He had made sure to stay away from the center of the steps to let the gods pass. He knew how to pay his respects and he did it well.

And he did it on the 16th! The sacred day of the Izaoyi clan. It was almost as if this man was hand-wrapped and gifted to her from Amaterasu herself.

What surprised Amagi the most was his magic. A human using magic? She hasn't seen one of those in ages! This man was everything she wanted and more. A one-in-a-million catch. No… One-in-a-billion! If anyone was going to be her husband, it was going to be him.

"What?" He asked. His face was not one of reverence or awe, but confusion. Amagi was taken aback. She honestly expected him to bow down and graciously accept her offer.

"I said that I, Amagi of the Izayoi clan, have decided to take you as my husband," Amagi siad once more. "Isn't that what you're here for? To take my hand in marriage?"

"I was here to pay my respects to the gods," The man rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Actually, I'm already taken as well."

"Unacceptable!" Amagi stamped her foot on the ground and let her magic energy flow out of her. She… after so long, finally met a man who meets her standards, and he's taken?! "No, I cannot accept that. Human! Lead me to your residence."

"Uh… why?" He asked.

"Simple," Amagi put her hands on her hips. "I will just have to win you over with my cooking."

"Well, I guess you can," The man rubbed his chin. "I have to call Ms. Smith anyways."

Ms. Smith? Is this the hussy that has taken my husband? Amagi thought. Excellent. If she's there, I can just eliminate her myself.

"Here, follow me," The man turned. "By the way, my name is Shirou. Emiya Shirou."

"Nice to meet you," The fox lady said as she skipped along behind shirou.

Izayoi Shirou… Amagi thought as she absentmindedly followed her new husband. It doesn't sound too bad.

"I'm home," Shirou announced as he opened the door. He took off his shoes and stepped inside the house.

"Oh! Welcome—" Lunaria stopped in her tracks. "Shirou, who's this?"

"Apparently this is Izayoi Amagi. I was paying my respects to the gods at a shrine and she just appeared," Shirou said, his eyes flicking over to the fox lady who somehow managed to stay completely dry. "I was going to call Ms. Smith."

"Yes, that seems like a wise idea," Lunaria narrowed her eyes. "Something this… dangerous shouldn't be left unregistered."

"I'm not dangerous!" Amagi protested. "Unless you try to steal him from me, that is."

"It's cute that you think that he's yours," Lunaria grabbed the hilt of her sword. Shiroud started to sweat.

"Hey, can you two please not fight?" Shirou asked. "I don't want have to clean up more than I have to."

"What are you talking about, my dear husband?" Shirou's eye twitched as Amagi leaned and looked up at him. "I'll take care of all the cleaning."

"Don't worry about it," Shirou shook his head. "Now, I need to make a phone call. Please don't destroy the house."

Shirou when he made his way to the landline and dialed a number, the sounds of bickering already beginning to start.

Ms. Smith was just about to leave to meet Shirou when the phone rang. Last night, there were sightings of glowing lights in his backyard and she wanted to see what it was. When she looked at her phone, she smiled.

"Shirou! Just the person I was lookin for," Ms. Smith said with a cheery smile. "What's up?"

"I need your help," Shirou's voice sounded serious. "A kitsune has found her way into my house."

"A kitsune?" Ms. Smith raised an eyebrow. They were rare, only showing up when… when…

"Shirou, please don't tell me she tried to marry you," Ms. Smith said.

"How did you know?" Shirou's confused tone was enough to make Ms. Smith pinch the bridge of her nose.

"I really need to get you a book or something," She muttered under her breath. "First of all, how many tails does she have?"

"Five," Shirou said. Ms. Smith's mouth dropped. Five tails?!

"I'll be there as soon as possible," Ms. Smith said before hanging up the phone. She burst out of the office. This wasn't good.

Since the two were bickering in the living room, Shirou went to make them something. Maybe some food would calm them down. He remembered reading something about foxes and fried tofu so he decided to make that.

The first thing he did was grab the tofu from the fridge. It was already fairly firm, but Shirou wouldn't settle for anything less than the best. Plus, if Zelretch gives you a tofu press, you better use it. He put the press on top of the tofu before grabbing the rice. He prepared four cups. He wasn't sure how much Amagi ate, but Lunaria was quite the glutton. He also had to account for Ms. Smith when prepping the meal.

"My dear husband," Shirou felt a shiver go up his spine as he heard Amagi's voice. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm making us something to eat," Shirou answered, trying to keep his voice as straight as possible.

"That's my job," The kitsune said with a sickeningly sweet smile. "As a good wife, I have to cook for my husband and keep our house clean."

"No, it's okay," Shirou denied. "You're a guest. It's only proper for me to do the cooking."

"Honey, please let me cook," Amagi released a little killing intent, but Shirou didn't back down.

"It's okay. I like to cook," Shirou replied. He didn't let out any killing intent, but he did exude a bit of his mana to push back.

"You shouldn't have to cook when I'm around, though," Amagi's eye began to twitch. "Sit down and let me spoil you."

"It would be improper of me to do so," Shirou replied. He eyed the tofu. He knew that he was on a time limit. After a staring competition, he acquiesced. "How about we both cook?"

"But—" Amagi flinched under Shirou's gaze. "Alright."

"Thank you," Shirou said with a smile. At least he still got to cook. "Now, can you please get some vegetables?"

Just as they finished putting all the plates on the dining room table, there was a knock on the door.

"I got it," Shirou said as he made his way to the front door and opened it. Standing there was Ms. Smith with a shaky smile and sweat beading down her forehead.

"It's nice to see you again, Miss Smith," Shirou said.

"I guess you don't know this, but a five-tailed fox is a very big deal," Ms. Smith pushed her glasses up with her finger. "The strongest kitsune recorded was a six-tailed fox, and when she got mad, the entire province had to declare a state of emergency."

"Oh…" Shirou looked back at the two women fighting. Lunaria was trying to snag a bit while Amagi was preventing her. "That's good to know."

"Indeed it is," Ms. Smith said. "May we come in?"

"Of course," Shirou nodded his head and made way for the two to come in.

"Ah, is this the Ms. Smith you were talking about?" Amagi asked as she scrutinized the woman.

"Yeah," Shirou said casually as he sat down.

"He's mine," Those two words were stated with such ferocity and killing intent. Everyone put their guard up.

"Amagi, please," Shirou stepped in between the two of them. "Ms. Smith is my handler. We were just going to go over some paperwork."

"Paperwork?" Amagi's eyes started to sparkle.

"No, not marriage documents," Shirou shook his head.

"I understand," For a second, Shirou felt himself relax. "You don't want to sign the paperwork until we have a proper wedding!"

"I…" Shirou pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to Ms. Smith.

"Sorry, this one's on you," Ms. Smith put a hand on Shirou's shoulder and handed him a stack of papers. "Please, for the sake of our city. I'm counting on you."

Shirou looked down at the papers and cursed his luck. This was his life now.

Well, it seems like Shirou's bad luck has caught up to him with his Harem Protagonist EX skill. Let's hope he gets out of this one alive. Thank you to my patron Feuer for suggesting Amagi. With that being said, please do consider leaving a review! I would love to read and reply to your thoughts. Also please join my Discord! I would love to talk to you all and answer all your questions! I talk a lot about my thought process while writing, so if you're interested in that, do consider joining. The url is discord . gg (forego the spaces) followed by a slash and CpVs7R8KXz. Unfortunately you'll have to type the rest of the url in manually because I'm not allowed to post links. If you want to read chapters as soon as they're finished along with a slew of other benefits, check out my Patron at pat reon dot com slash kfpisnotacult. All Not Cult Priests and Bishops get to input their own liminal for this fic. Thank you for reading and I'll catch you on the flipside.