Follow the Sun
Excerpts of Time: Installment 5
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"You're sure that you'll be fine?" Sakura question Temari, her eyes lingering on Kankruo as he was sat up in his hospital bed. His nurses were gathered around him, all working to get him disconnected from his IV drip and monitor attachments for his last assessment.
Temari waved her off from his bedside. "Yes, we'll be all right."
Sakura hovered there a moment longer, the door to the room held open as Gaara waited for her, and she eventually decided that her assistance was better spent elsewhere.
Following Gaara's return to the hospital the evening prior, the three had posted themselves in Kankuro's room for the night. He'd materialized a few blocks from the hospital, taking the short walk to calm his nerves, and it hadn't taken long to find himself by the front counter, asking if his brother's room had been moved yet. Once shown the way, he'd been welcomed by his sister and Sakura. Both looked tired from the ordeal yet thankful for his return, neither knew what to expect or when he would be back.
Gaara settled into the seat by the door, Sakura insisted on giving Temari the loveseat to sleep on, though she refused and had taken a chair over to Kankuro's bedside. They bunkered down for the night; light would occasionally cut through the dark room when a nurse would come in for rounds, and at one point after Sakura and Temari had fallen asleep, Baki was allowed into the room.
He'd stood there at the door, Gaara sat silently next to him, both just looking at Kankuro as he lay sleeping. Without word, Baki stepped forward, walked around the bed, and came to stand beside Temari. She'd laid her head on the bed at her brother's side, the back of her hand pressed against his arm, and Baki tentatively raised a hand to rest on her shoulder. She mumbled in her sleep and sighed as she turned her face from the faint light coming in through the door. A blanket fell from her shoulders as she slept and he pulled it back over her as gently as he could, not wanting to wake her.
Walking to the other side of the bed, observing Kankuro as he did, he noted that the nursing staff had replaced his respirator with a slimline oxygen tube taped to his nose, he didn't have the breathing tube down his throat anymore, but the lines the mask left on his skin hadn't gone away yet. He had still been tangled up in IV lines, electrode monitors, and a pulse oximeter. Quietly, and with a hypnotic steadiness, the only sound within the room was the whirring of the air conditioner and the patient data scope conveying the beating of his heart.
Fists clenched at his side, a painful mixture of anger and heartbreak overcame him when he looked down at his students. They were still just kids, they looked no different to him now than they had seven years ago when he'd taken over their training; still just as stubborn, defiant, and far too rambunctious. He'd done his best to not get emotionally involved with them and to keep his distance, but he could plainly see now that he had failed.
After the death of Karura, Rasa had spiraled.
He held the same power, the same respected title, but he'd become a shell of the man he once was. Pressured into conceiving for the sake of the city, for the sake of the council really, and even though it wasn't initially his choice to experiment with the Shukaku, his love for his wife and his dedication to the family she'd given him had been evident. But when she died, a piece of him died with her. Days passed until he'd stepped foot into the family home again and, whether he couldn't do it or simply wouldn't, Gaara was never visited by his father during the weeks he spent in the NICU. In fact, he was never held by a parent again after his mother passed away with him cradled in her hands, having only once felt the warmth of a parent. Rasa was a different man after that; he no longer shared a table with the council, his brother-in-law was tasked with further raising his children, and as he was drowned by grief for the wife he'd buried, he had instructed that Temari and Kankuro address him by his honorific, and cease calling him Dad.
With the Kazekage forgetting what fatherhood meant and his children becoming more so his warriors rather than remaining his kids, one shouldn't be surprised by Baki feeling compelled to fill in that space.
At the time, he had no idea what he was doing. Baki had no clue how to comfort a young girl becoming a teenager let alone going through puberty without her mother, or how to rebuild the relationship between two brothers consistently pit against one another. He'd tried his best, made a few bad judgement calls along the way, but as he saw the three of them now, still together and still fighting for one another after everything they'd gone through, he couldn't help but feel proud.
As well as ashamed.
It shouldn't have been Temari in that seat by Kankuro's hospital bed, it should have been Karura, it should have been their mother. Just as it should have been Rasa, their father, to call for the assemblage and demand answers for his sons. It should've been him by the door keeping guard over his family, not Gaara, not the youngest among them. So many people involved themselves within the lives of the late Kazekage and his family, and Baki could deny it no longer; each one had failed them, time and time again.
Baki had hesitated as his hand hovered over Kankuro's shoulder, unsure if it were right for him to reach out and touch him. He did though, and when his palm fell atop his skin, Baki was sure he had overstepped an unspoken boundary, a line he was never meant to cross. His face grew hot, his eyes watered, and he scowled attempting to keep the emotions on his face in check. Now determined, he vowed that never again would he stand idly by as threats were raised against them, never again would he choose loyalty to his station over loyalty to his students.
Withdrawing his hand, he'd turned from the bed and stopped by Gaara momentarily before heading out just as quickly as he'd come. "I'll be back when they discharge him," he muttered.
He hadn't gone home after the hospital; he'd gone to the Sabaku house. The neighbors all went back inside after the commotion died down, but he found that the property gate still wasn't shut, the front door was also still swung open, and theirs was the only house on the street with lights still flooding out through the windows. He'd quietly stepped through the front garden, kicking some sand into the small crater that Gaara had left behind, attempting to fill it in, and walked up to the empty home. With the temperature quickly dropping, a few geckos found their way inside the warm house and were pressed against the tile of the entryway. Baki shooed them out, flipped the lights off, and shut the front door behind him before heading back out into the streets.
Making good on his word, he had indeed come back the following morning. The hospital began buzzing bright and early for those that overnighted there, and the lights to the room flashed on at 6am sharp with the morning nurse's first round.
Gaara had winced when the fluorescents switched on, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes and leaning forward in his chair to stretch his shoulders and back. Temari jolted awake and Sakura also sat up from the loveseat upon the sudden intrusion. With the nurse checking his vitals and people now moving about the room, it wasn't long before Kankuro finally opened his eyes.
Temari had wrapped her arms around his neck in an instant, crying that she hadn't left his side all night, going on about how worried they'd all been.
"All night, what time is it?" he breathed as he tried to pry her off him. He had still been caught in all his tubes and wires. His voice was raspy, it cracked as he spoke. "Where are we?"
They'd spent a few minutes briefing him on what they'd done. They explained the poisoning, that he actually had two broken ribs and a fracture from the CPR, and that they needed to perform other lifesaving treatment that he would likely feel the effects of for a few days. The nurse went over what he'd been poisoned with, what they had given him to counteract it, the sedation and the breathing assistance, everything up until her very next move of removing his IV. She said that the staff were all very pleased with how well he was responding to treatment.
Kankuro had sat there with a blank stare through most of the explanation as he slowly regained his wits. He'd been terribly exhausted upon waking and the nurse's long-winded monolog was punctuated by foggy bits of his pain meds wearing off. The early hours of their morning were filled with tests and evaluations, one after another, all to ensure he was fine to leave that afternoon as he had insisted on being allowed to do.
Once satisfied, they'd agreed to discharge him in good faith, scheduling for a traveling nurse to visit them the following day for a checkup. Before sending him off, they gave him one last dose of pain meds before going over his prescriptions. It was going to take a minute to go over paperwork and wait in line at the pharmacy, so Temari had asked Sakura to head back home ahead of them, she didn't want Kankuro to come home after the incident to the mess left in the kitchen and at the table.
Reluctantly, Sakura obliged. With Baki there, Temari would have all the help she needed in getting Kankuro back home.
"All right," she said after a moment, her fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of her dress. "I'll see you guys there."
She left the room and Gaara walked with her down the hall.
Several members of the nurse staff gave them polite glances and Sakura was thankful that there didn't seem to be many remaining from the overnight crew. Hopefully word of what the ANBU said hadn't made the rounds yet. Sakura still couldn't discern if Gaara had heard what was said to her or not, he hadn't made mention of it yet, but now that they were alone, she was half expecting him to. With a restless anxiousness winding in her gut, she wondered what he might say. Confirmation or denial; was there a superior option between the two? Was it better to hope for a sort of rejection, or to dare think that he could possibly… What about when they left the building, would he teleport them as usual? Imagining her body turned toward him, pressed gently against his own, his hand at her waist…her heart began to skip in her chest and her stomach felt tight.
"Do you-" Sakura suddenly blurted out, unprovoked. Gaara merely glanced over as she fumbled her words, she looked flustered. "Do you think we can walk while it's still cool?" she managed after another attempt.
Taking the moment she avoided his eyes to observe her, Gaara noted that she held her arms close to her body, she merely gestured his way when she spoke, she didn't look at him, and she'd been incredibly avoidant like this all morning. "Sure," he agreed. He kept his tone as neutral as he could, but he was growing suspicious that the morning had cast a harsh light over his actions the previous evening, and perhaps it may have shifted her opinion of him. But then again…
She was fidgeting with the bracelet, she had been for a while now; he could feel it, every turn the sand made across her skin.
…he wasn't so sure.
…
"Easy," Temari urged as Kankuro stood from the side of the hospital bed.
He'd been able to stand, and he wasn't getting faint or losing balance, but his muscles were weak beyond belief. Even when his missions drained him to the bone, he couldn't remember ever feeling this fatigued, and still his knees still wobbled underneath him. "I got it," he grunted, growing more so embarrassed whenever his sister darted out a hand at the slightest of his teetering.
Temari paid him no mind. She offered to have Gaara come back and take him home, or have Baki carry him, but Kankuro flat out refused. He wasn't dead, and he wasn't about to act like he almost had been. "Just see if being upright till Baki gets back is too difficult," she insisted. If he couldn't manage to stand until his prescription was filled, there was no way she was letting him attempt the mile hike back home.
Kankuro grumbled some choice frustrations and braced a hand on the wall of his room.
He could barely remember anything from the night before. The meal he'd eaten and the onset of his symptoms were clear enough, but following his collapse there wasn't hardly anything he could recall. There was no recollection of Sakura giving him CPR, or being taken to the emergency room, and he was shocked that he hadn't felt a single thing they'd done to him within the hospital. His chest ached now, though, and every breath was tinged with pain. He was bruising pretty badly as well, he'd gotten a look at it when he insisted that he be allowed to use the bathroom unaccompanied, and he could tell where Sakura dug the heal of her hands into his chest trying to resuscitate him.
"The incident is under investigation," Temari began, noticing the thoughtful pause that her brother had taken.
"Right," Kankuro responded, clearly skeptical. "Just like all the others, I'm sure."
Temari chewed on those words a moment, they were true after all; none of the investigations of the past had turned up anything noteworthy for the attacks against Gaara. Shocking, indeed. "It was you this time, though," Temari mumbled after a second. "If only you should have seen him last night."
Kankuro didn't respond at first, but he had certainly noticed Gaara from the hospital bed upon waking; aching, dazed, but clear headed enough to see his family, his whole family, in that room with him. "What about it?" he asked.
"He came through like a windstorm, several times. I've never seen him look so…frantic? He got your food from home so they could test for what poisoned you, he was even about to go toe to toe with an ANBU," Temari explained, earning a startled look of confusion from her brother. "I don't know how he did it, especially so fast, but he even found the guy that carried out the job, and the one that organized it, too."
Kankuro bunched his hands in the pockets of his sweats, muttering quietly as he looked at the ground. He didn't know what to think, what to say. "Wow."
"He called an assemblage."
His eyes snapped up to meet hers, going wide. "What?" he breathed. "Last night?"
Temari nodded. "He got back here late, but never left for his runs this morning. I don't know what happened."
"What did he say?"
Temari shrugged. She'd been trying to figure it out all morning but not even Baki mentioned anything about it. "All I know," she began. "Is that if it had been him, I don't think he would have done all that."
Kankuro thinned his lips and scowled. "If it had been him, he'd be dead," he spoke quietly, his voice low so that no one listening could discern his words.
Temari bit the inside of her lip and looked to the floor, unable to confront the statement let alone any of the truth that it held. She felt her face get warm and her heart thumped in her chest. "Well, he's not," she muttered, her teeth clenched. "And neither are you."
Kankuro pondered for a moment, trying to picture what his brother may have looked like storming an emergency room, frantic as Temari said he was, and all for the sake of him. It was a foreign concept that he hadn't often seen put into action, and he wasn't sure he could properly imagine the expression that Gaara would have worn, or the tone of voice he would have had confronting the ANBU.
"Why did he almost fight an ANBU?" he questioned.
Temari grimaced and looked at her feet. She still wore the slippers they'd been given the night before and she scuffed their cheap plastic bottoms against the tile floor. "He ran his mouth," she decided was the best way to summarize it. Kankuro urged her to continue. Temari sighed and rubbed her face. "So stupid," she muttered before continuing, "Apparently Sakura's a master manipulator," she scoffed. "She's got us on the ropes all because he couldn't see how someone so close to the Hokage wouldn't be assigned some sort of espionage against us."
Kankuro choked on a laugh. "What? They said that?"
Shaking her head, Temari explained, "No, not so out-right. But he said that she got me to trust her more than anyone else, like I don't have a brain of my own. And that she couldn't get you to fall in line. Said that was all they needed to label her a suspect, didn't look like he was considering an alternative."
Kankuro was just as dumbstruck as she had been the day before. "That's a pretty piss poor reason to accuse a member of an allied nation that helped save my life," he mumbled. So much had happened since he lost consciousness, he was starting to feel like he'd missed out.
Chewing on her lip, Temari continued. "Well…that wasn't all he said." She glanced to the door of the room, her fingers playing with the hem of her sleeve. "He accused her of manipulating all of us, that she'd…that Gaara was crazy over her." Temari scoffed again and looked to the side, her arms crossing over her chest. "Jackass."
Kankuro paused, studying the sour expression on his sister's face.
Gaara may have struggled to understand the complexities behind attraction and courtship, but not everyone else was so inept. Kankuro had known that people were talking, even their own squad entertained themselves with the gossip from time to time, but he was surprised to see that such opinions had permeated the offices of higher-ranking departments. Misguided though the accusation had been, the focal point remained true, nevertheless.
"Okay," he sighed; it could be so tiring being the middle child.
Neither of his siblings could be praised for their communication skills, and they both found it difficult to be expressive with their emotions, hell; they all did. As the middle child, however, Kankuro had bridged the gaps in their communication by sheer necessity at a young age, and it was mainly through him that the two of them had been able to make progress across all their differences.
"Temari," he started cautiously. "Do you think that might be true?"
She was clearly taken aback and visibly recoiled upon his question. "What? No!" she refused. "She's not manipulating us – are you serious?"
"No," he clarified, "I mean Gaara." The look that flashed across her eyes told him all he really needed to know, but he asked again to be sure. "Do you think Gaara wants her?"
Temari felt her lips seal shut and she was sure that her expression changed. She gripped her arms and didn't want to look him in the eye anymore. She said nothing.
Kankuro could have sworn it was his brother standing next to him, refusing to speak, they could both be so stubborn when they dug their heels in. He looked to the ground, keeping his tone neutral as he spoke. "I mean…he does."
She felt herself frown, her brows pinched together, and she slowly exhaled. "I know."
He peered over at her and studied her for a moment; she certainly didn't look happy.
Gaara had said that this wasn't the issue, but Kankuro was sure that a confrontation such as this would have been plenty of deterrent regarding him taking this step forward on his own. He'd been very accommodating to Temari's wants after their return from the chunin exams; checking in more often, taking walkies with him regularly, spending more time together with them, even being on the scouting team with the two of them had been at her insistence…he was certain Gaara wouldn't want to risk the relationship he'd begun to repair with his sister.
"You haven't said anything about it before," Kankuro noted, gauging her reaction.
She sucked her teeth and looked down. "I haven't," she agreed, her voice quiet.
"You're upset," he said. Not a question, not a suggestion; just an observation.
Temari took a sharp inhale. "I'm not upset," she countered quickly. "I just don't…really know how to feel about it," she admitted, her voice turning soft.
"Why not?" Kankuro asked.
"She's my friend," she said, her tone suggesting what was left unsaid.
"And he's your brother."
Growing flustered, she repeated, "No, she's my friend." Her eyes fell to the floor then, as if unhappy with the way her words had sounded.
Well, he hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry, are you jealous right now?" he asked with a laugh: half joking, half serious.
She rolled her eyes and could have smacked his shoulder if he hadn't just spent the night in the hospital. "Shut up, don't be stupid."
He shrugged, though from his perspective he couldn't tell the difference. "What is it then?" he persisted.
"Well, do you think she likes him?" she countered instead of answering.
"It's hard to say," Kankuro mused with a small shrug. "He's not very forthcoming about anything, but they've gotten close enough."
Temari tapped her fingers on her arm, they were still crossed tightly in front of her. "I'm not jealous," she clarified, her tone getting a little defensive and her brother couldn't help but smirk. He enjoyed getting under her skin all the same. "I just," She paused, struggling to choose the right words. "I don't want him to mess this up for me."
"So, you are jealous."
She did smack him this time, on his arm with the back of her hand and he chuckled as he swatted her away. "No," she refuted firmly. "Look, Sakura's not using me, and I'm not using her. But…we provide opportunities to each other. It's beneficial to have a friend that lives so far away, in an allied country even. It's so much easier to get connections, travel, even apply for exchange programs."
Kankuro nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. But what's that got to do with them?" Temari seemed confused, so he elaborated. "Their friendship, or whatever, has nothing to do with yours."
Incredulous, she quickly retorted, "How? We live together?"
He shook his head. "Not forever, and she would be your friend no matter what happens between them, or anyone else."
She furrowed her brow, her blue eyes showing her worry though her face remained guarded. "What if he hurts her feelings?" she asked, her voice hushed. "Or he does something stupid and she doesn't want to visit us anymore?"
Kankuro could see how conflicted his sister was. He was sure there was a part of her that would have welcomed Sakura becoming closer with the family, but her concerns over a potential falling out left her afraid of losing a friend. Though he didn't think it was her place to intervene, he could sympathize with her frustration and suspected that she wasn't proud of these thoughts she was harboring.
"Well," he sighed. "He's a teenage dude, so I imagine the chances are high."
Temari rolled her eyes. "Thanks," she practically groaned.
There was a quiet pause that passed between them, and Kankuro considered confessing to her the conversation he'd had with Gaara the day prior. Perhaps this was the best time to break the news. He tested the waters first.
"If you're so against it, why do you encourage him to write to her, or hang out like this?" he questioned, gesturing to the doorway they'd exited together just a little while before.
Temari shrugged. "It was always her idea, I wasn't going to tell her 'No', and…" Putting her face in her hands, she exhaled a heavy sigh. "I'm not blind, I know how much it means to him." Her face went sullen as she looked to the floor and Kankuro heard her pop a knuckle. He huffed a weak laugh to himself; the habits of their brother were rubbing off on her it seemed. "Plus, she cares about us, all of us, how could I exclude him from that?"
"Yeah," Kankuro agreed. Ironically, the bruise growing on his chest and the dull pain with each breath were testament to the affection she held for them all. "She's all right."
Temari snorted, she couldn't help but laugh and shot him a half-hearted little glare. "You owe her, you know?"
"What?" he scoffed, jesting, "She broke my ribs!" He didn't need to hear the 'saving your life' that was evident in the expression she returned to him. He rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Whatever."
Temari pursed her lips and pondered for a moment before asking, "Has he talked to you about it?"
Kankuro nodded. "A couple times. I usually bring it up." She asked what he usually said, there was a hesitance to her question. "He's in denial," he said before correcting, "Well, he was. We talked yesterday," he admitted now. "When I went out to the trails."
"Yesterday?" she repeated. "And you didn't tell me?"
He merely made a gesture to the room they stood in, and she quickly nodded. "But, yeah, I got him to talk…sort of. He's still pretty messed up, Temari," he said, taking on a tone of advocacy for his brother. "He's got a lot to work through, but it's obvious that he thinks very highly of her. I doubt that he'd do anything purposefully."
Temari took a slow breath and sighed. She nodded; she knew it was true.
Gaara had taken to Sakura straight away, she was someone that had sought him out, showed him favor and gratitude, and he had returned it tenfold. She knew the care that he handled her with, the way he became anxious upon her mention, and both of them were well aware of his small stash of letters with Sakura's old photo. If the previous night could be any indication, he was certainly ready to get messy in her defense, Temari herself had even been ready to do the same. Everything she'd seen should have made her supportive, encouraging, but she struggled nonetheless.
After her silence Kankuro stepped beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. He gave her a gentle squeeze. "There, there," he said with a lighthearted upturn to his voice. "Everything is going to work out fine."
Temari leaned against him, even though he smelled like sweat, and felt a little lighter now that she'd been able to talk about it. She hadn't wanted to acknowledge Gaara's growing interest in Sakura for so long, scared of what it might change, and even though she was still worried about all the possible outcomes, she was grateful for the brothers that she had. "I'm glad you're okay," she said, putting her arms around his chest and giving him an affectionate squeeze.
Kankuro jumped and yelped, "Ow! Ow, careful!" he hissed, swatting her away.
Temari gasped. "Sorry! I forgot, sorry!"
…
Sakura hadn't said much to him on the walk back, and Gaara was so sure he'd screwed something up that he hadn't known how to broach any sort of conversation. She'd been closed off, nonengaging, and he couldn't think of how to ask for the cause. He could say one thing, however, and he had been waiting for the right time to.
Having been silent besides the shuffling through the house while cleaning, he finally broke the ice by saying, "I can't thank you enough for you for what you did," he spoke in his usual tone. He hadn't looked at her, he was busy rinsing out the sink in the kitchen, but she had heard him just fine from her spot kneeled on the floor, wiping up the last of the mess by the table.
Sakura sat up on her knees, her hands resting in her lap as she pondered what exactly she had done.
She did what she had been trained to do, a gut reaction, and yes; she had helped, and may have even saved Kankuro from serious oxygen deprivation. But she still remembered how her hands shook with uncertainty, how her mind reeled, and how her frustration mounted when she realized that CPR was all she could do. If she had been further in her studies, if she were more skilled, she might have been able to help him avoid the broken ribs and defibrillator paddles.
But that wasn't what Gaara was talking about, she knew that. He meant to thank her for being there, for taking action, and for being invested in the wellbeing of his family.
"You don't have to," she answered after a moment. "I'm just glad we got back when we did."
She had gone back to cleaning. When the floor was done, she gathered her rag and straightened the table back to its correct place, she faced away from him the whole time.
Gaara watched her for a moment and, without thinking, asked, "Are you upset with me?"
"What?" Her eyes quickly snapped over to him and, upon finding himself under that emerald gaze, he felt his breath seize in apprehension. "No," she quickly refuted. "Why?"
He thought about dropping it, but after quietly clearing his throat, he explained, "You've been distant." He wasn't going to address how she kept herself at arm's length all morning, or how she hadn't spoken to him without provocation besides asking to walk back from hospital, but he knew what that really meant; don't touch me.
Sakura hadn't refuted this, and she once again avoided his eyes.
Echoing quietly, from somewhere inside his mind, something laughed at him.
Gaara could admit that he allowed a certain level of deception when it came to his teleportation jutsu. He could teleport practically anything within a decent enough radius of himself, but he'd had to support her weight the first time, and the second as well, and he supposed after that he never corrected her belief that it always needed to be so. Maybe she'd figured him out when he brought Turk along to the hospital, or maybe his anger had driven a wedge into that space she had so eagerly occupied before.
Though anxious, he was compelled to rectify the cause of this wall between them. Just the day prior she had sought comfort from him, cried on his shoulder, ran through the streets to find him… "I understand that it wasn't my proudest moment," he continued. Sakura did glance his way this time. "But given the circumstances…" He trailed off; now that he'd begun, he no longer thought it right to ask to be permitted to his old tempers.
"No," Sakura said again. "I'm not upset, and I don't mean to make you feel that way."
He did drop it after that, though he dwelled on it constantly since.
With the messes cleaned up and the open windows freshening the air, the remaining members of the Sabaku home soon found their way through the front door. Temari and Sakura set Kankuro up on the living room couch; leaned back, feet up, water and tea, something to snack on after the small hospital breakfast, and a thin blanket if he needed it.
After that, the house had never been so lively.
Their front door had been a revolving one ever since news of Kankuro's discharge got back to the scouts and students. It seemed every half hour of their afternoon had been punctuated by the doorbell ringing, and with each new guest a growing pile of get-well treats, grocery staples, and precooked meals covered the kitchen counters. It seemed that the students had returned home with the news of their sensei's condition and their parents had rallied in support, as well as their squad mates. They certainly had their work cut out for them making sure nothing would go to waste, but they were grateful that they didn't need to grocery shop for a while.
"Sensei…" Kuso had begun, hesitant and unsure. He paused a moment, some of his fellow students gathered there at his side. "We're all hoping for your speedy recovery."
Kankuro huffed, it was about all he could do for laughter, and shook his head. "Just enjoy a few days off of training," he advised. "And be ready for when I get back."
Though spoken sharply, his words seemed to lift their spirits a little. "Of course," Kuso, agreed. "We will be ready."
Most of his students had come over to see him together and, after milling about in their living room; admiring the tenacity of their sensei, hanging off every word of his ordeal, they eventually left when Temari's squad made their entrance.
Miller had brought most of them with him upon their return from the morning's run. Though hardly ever a guest in his captain's home, Miller had certainly welcomed himself to a comfortable seat next to Kankuro on the couch and the rest of the squad had followed his example of leisure.
"So, someone tried to take you out, huh?" he joked, a good-natured manner to him.
Kankruo scoffed, a wince quickly followed. "I don't die that easy."
Miller laughed. "Good thing. We need all the help we can get with the other two," he said, waving a hand at their captain currently cutting up a tray of fruit. "Without you, they'd put us all in an early grave."
Temari chose to ignore her subordinate though Sakura did terribly at hiding the grin pulling on her cheeks.
The rest of the group was buzzing to fill Kankuro in on all the exciting details of what had transpired during his treatment – apparently Gaara's wasn't the only spat to be had with an ANBU at the hospital that evening. Enthused as they had all been, they were conscious enough to keep any mention of their visiting guest to a bare minimum; their captain likely wouldn't find it amusing. During this time, Miller took his cue to get up and allow another squad member a seat on the couch. Seeing Kankruo up and walking around so soon was a welcome sight, but he had planned on discussing some other developments during his visit as well.
Leaned against the wall without so much as a hello to the day's various arrivals, Gaara had been quietly overlooking all the comings and goings, likely the only time he'd ever seen his living room so full. Miller walked over and nodded for him to follow as he exited out the sliding door into the back garden. On his way, Temari caught him and handed him a bucket of fruit scraps for their compost.
"So, how'd it go?" Miller asked, the bucket of scraps tossed into the bin and set back by the door. "The assemblage, I mean."
From under the slatted awning, clinging to any shade provided under the afternoon sun, Gaara shrugged.
Miller nodded, expecting as much. "What about an investigation?"
Gaara glanced over at him though his expression remained unenthused. "We'll have to see, though I left them with no need for one."
Chuckling, Miller continued, "Yeah, I heard that you had your suspects rounded up in under an hour." He let the words hang in the air for a moment before thoughtfully observing, "You must have some interesting connections."
Gaara chose not to respond; his connections were not secrets he would so easily let slip.
The sliding door opened, and Sakura excused herself to grab the scrap bucket by the door before closing it again behind her, apologizing for the intrusion.
Miller waved to her, a friendly smile, before turning back to Gaara and asking, "So, you know I'm always looking out for you, right?"
This certainly earned Gaara's attention. "I guess?"
"Did Temari tell you what the ANBU actually said at the hospital last night?"
Gaara rolled his eyes. "Unfounded," he stated. Miller raised a brow in question. "It's cleared up; Sakura won't face any further questioning."
"No," Miller responded. "No, I mean like what he really said," he said before pausing, searching for the right words. "He said that she was only close with you guys for tactical advantage. That she was manipulating you."
Gaara drew his brow together, confused. He could have assumed that it was too tempting an accusation to pass up, but to so blatantly state such fallacies, the ANBU must have been blinded by suspicion.
"I don't know if the captain's pride would let her say it, but according to this guy, Sakura's got her on the beck and call."
Though annoyed, Gaara simply shook his head and affirmed, "Don't be concerned with their speculations, there's no fault in Temari's judgement."
Miller nodded, kicking a stone across the patio. "I also don't know if she'd ever tell you what he said about you."
Rolling his eyes, he merely stated the obvious. "Awful, I'm sure."
Miller continued, ready to just rip the bandage off and be done with it. "He told Sakura that she's got you all worked up. Said that you were pining after her. Hard."
Gaara felt his expression go flat. "No."
"Yeah," he responded, accompanied by a slow nod. "His exact word was, um…thirsting."
All at once, he felt a mixture of anger and trepidation struggle their way into his gut. "What?"
Miller shrugged and looked to the side, feeling like the sudden nervous grin he wore to be unfair in the face of Gaara's reaction. "Just thought you should know." He cleared his throat and thought it best to take his leave, assuming himself to be unfit for the fallout of such a revelation. He truly didn't think Temari would have outright told him that his cat was out of the bag, but he felt it only right that Gaara at least know what was said in front of all those people.
The door slid open and Miller went back inside.
Once the door was shut again, Gaara popped a knuckle on his thumb. He took a breath, that unpleasant mixture writhing in his stomach, his heart now beating anxiously, and he slowly exhaled. Leaned back against the sandstone walls of the house, Gaara pressed his face into his hands and took another slow breath. His exhale was more so a chuckle, and indeed a twisted sort of grin twitched across his face to accompany it.
With this, everything made sense. Her quietness, hesitation, the way she held herself at a distance; all because he'd been made out to be some drooling rabid dog. It was difficult to remember a time when people weren't whispering about him and, ever since her first arrival in the desert, her name had suffered all the same. It had tied her to him in public distain and manifested as suspicion and distrust, her only fault being her proximity to himself and his family.
He cracked a few more knuckles and found himself unsure of what to do next, the mere idea of drawing his attention would've been a perceived misfortune by many. No wonder it felt like his privileges had suddenly been revoked. Having heard such a thing in a moment labeling her as a suspect and a traitor, and without him present to refute such baseless claims…of course she would have been upset. But what basis did the ANBU have? On what grounds was he accused of such relentless pursuit to have labeled him thirsty for it?
He wasn't, he'd never been so shallowly desperate for her affection, he wasn't thirsting, he –
"I just," Gaara said through a tight jaw, his words a whisper to the solitude of the back garden. "I just like her."
Letting the words resonate, testing the way they sounded and how it felt to say them aloud, Gaara wondered what facing his squad or his sister would be like now that his secret had been so unceremoniously exposed. And Sakura…how could he possibly continue on with her as if nothing had happened? Likely, she would have felt deceived, perhaps convinced that his intentions had been untoward this whole time, or maybe suspicious that he'd simply been biding his time with calculated patience.
Frustrated, it seemed too daunting a task to recount their friendship and testify in the defense of his actions. It was difficult to pinpoint when his desires had changed and therefor difficult to know when his intentions had changed as well. How could he possibly explain something he'd only barely begun to understand? Was there anything at all that could be done?
I'm not upset…I don't mean to make you feel that way…
With a heavy sigh, he rubbed his face and looked up to the endless blue sky above him.
At one point, these concerns had been nothing more than trivial inconveniences, they came and went without leaving so much as a trace, just like the desert clouds that never dropped their rain. However, his defeat in Kohona had changed that, and now he was left soaked to the bone. Though more painful, being numb to rejection had been less confusing, but the mere thought of it now struck him to the core. Perhaps he'd reached too far, thought too lofty in his ambitions, and this was his punishment. It was a tall order to back up his claims; protecting his family, taking over the seat of a vacant leader, attempting to draw Sakura closer…he may have been too greedy.
But even while sitting there in anxious thought, soaked as he was by the clouds of his challenges, it was absurd to think that he would settle for any less.
There wasn't anyone short of himself, or perhaps Temari, that could be found worthy of holding the position of the Kazekage. Toward that end, there was no one better equipped than himself to keep his loved ones safe in the upcoming struggles for that honor. Should he succeed, then there would be no one better suited to pursue his beautiful, and precious friend from the Leaf.
Nothing was fought for without consequence, however, and he concluded that this attack and its subsequent provocation was just a taste of what could be to come if he wasn't careful. Difficult as the road may be, he would walk it no matter the cost. Amidst all the conflict and the mounting confusion, at the very least a goal had been clearly placed on the horizon. So long as he had sight of it, he wouldn't allow these setbacks to dissuade him, and he would refuse to falter.
Now, Gaara need only think of how to tell his family.
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