It was nighttime, and the moon lit Gary's bed and nightstand, while the rest of the room was wrapped in shadows.
Gary has always preferred the light of the moon instead of the sun's. The sunlight was blinding and imposing, whereas the moonlight was timid and soft.
Gary found comfort in the night, in the strips of light that the moon cast on a part of his room. Only in that light, he could be vulnerable. Only in that light, he could show his weaknesses without being scared of a stranger's judgment.
Secrets were born in that moon's glow, and Gary made sure that they would never find their way out of the room.
It was precisely 11 pm, and one of the secrets was staring at him, sitting on the nightstand, menacing. It wasn't a real secret, some people at Bullworth and at Happy Volts knew about his meds. They didn't know, though, what was happening inside his head while he chugged those meds. That was his secret, and it belonged to him and the moon and no one else.
It was precisely 11 pm, and Gary had to take his meds. A pack of medicine read 'Lithium Carbonate,' whereas another one read 'Zeldox' in big letters. He wasn't scared of lithium, the side effects were no longer a problem. However, the antipsychotic was another story.
At the start of that fateful year in which Jimmy Hopkins made his appearance, Dr. Bambillo decided, in addition to the mood stabilizer, to prescribe him an antipsychotic to keep in check the delusions and hallucinations that occurred during his mania phases. It was an antipsychotic different from ziprasidone, and it had terrible outcomes on his well-being, both physical and mental. In fact, he stopped taking it, along with the lithium, during Halloween of that year.
Gary opened the box that read 'Lithium Carbonate' and took a capsule. He put it in his mouth, and with a few sips of water, he swallowed it in no time.
Now it was time for ziprasidone.
Gary couldn't move, he kept staring at the box and nothing else. He didn't want to wake up with a headache and his limbs all stiff. Again.
It was painful and humiliating. How much longer did he have to suffer and take the meds?
It was 11:03 pm.
"I need to move," said Gary out loud.
But he didn't move, he couldn't move. Millions of thoughts were swirling inside his head, but his body was rigid like a pillar.
Why me? Why do I have to endure this shit just to function? Why was I born this weak and pathetic? It isn't fair. It isn't fair, it isn't fair, it isn't FAIR.
Gary squeezed the bottle of water he was keeping and threw it with force against the wall.
It was 11:06 pm.
Gary sat on the bed and observed the bottle of water all crumpled on the floor. Inside, only a few inches of water remained. He knew he had to get up and get another bottle for tomorrow morning.
It was 11:08 pm, and someone knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" asked Gary, annoyed.
"It's Jimmy. Let me in."
With reluctance, Gary stood up and went to open the door. Jimmy was wearing a black t-shirt with a skull on it and beige shorts. In one hand, he had a bottle of water.
"I thought you needed some water. You're always in a shortage when you wake up in the morning."
Jimmy handed the bottle to Gary and entered the room like it was his. Gary closed the door.
"You brought me water?"
Jimmy snorted. "You always complain you're thirsty in the morning."
Gary was speechless; every single thought he had was completely erased from his mind, and a strange feeling was taking over him. It was a feeling that began when he and Jimmy became friends again, and it amplified when they became more … intimate.
He didn't like it. It was something new and different from what he usually felt in his life, and he didn't know how to deal with it. Could he embrace it? Could he let it take over him in this room, in this light, with Jimmy? Probably not. He didn't think he was ready for it.
"So," began Jimmy, his eyes fixed on the crumpled bottle on the floor, "did you take your meds?"
Gary sneered. "Who are you, Dr. Bambillo or something? I don't see you wearing an orderly uniform."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. "I have every right to ask questions like this after what you did last year."
"Ah, don't worry, Jimmy boy." Gary approached him and wrapped an arm over his shoulder, his lips contorted in a grin and his face mere inches from Jimmy's. "I won't go crazy on you. At least for now."
Jimmy removed Gary's arm. "Sure, and don't call me that."
He went to look around Gary's collection of books and pretended to be interested. His entire figure was enveloped in shadows, looking like a creature of nightmares.
"So, did you take your meds or not?"
Gary turned his gaze to the window. He could see the girls' dorm from it.
"You shouldn't be here, especially at this hour." His voice was tense, like something bad was going to happen. He felt exposed having Jimmy in his room in the middle of the night.
For a moment, Jimmy didn't move and didn't speak, his back turned from Gary. Then, with utmost calm, he walked to the nightstand, opened the box of ziprasidone, and took a capsule. He was no longer in the dark.
He went to Gary and handed him the pill, his eyes fixed on his.
Without words and without breaking eye contact, Gary made a face, hesitantly put the capsule in his mouth, and swallowed it with a few sips of water.
"Satisfied now?"
Jimmy nodded.
"You shouldn't be here."
"You already told me. Can I ask why?"
Of course you can't, you idiot.
"It's weird. It seems like a transgression or something, and I don't know if I want it."
Gary felt like a loser. He needed support from another person just to take some stupid meds. Embarrassing.
But, between all the shame and uneasiness, that weird feeling from before re-emerged and trumped over them, its pulse beating faster and harder.
He felt too vulnerable, too human, and yet, instead of sending Jimmy away, he wanted to get closer to him.
What is happening to me?
"Why are you here?" asked Gary in a low voice.
Jimmy opened his mouth to say something, but he immediately shut it down after a glance at the moon.
He took a step towards Gary, and another one, so the two were standing close.
"I'm your friend. I care about you."
Gary noticed, thanks to the moonlight, that while Jimmy's cheeks were redder than usual, his head was held high and his eyes were piercing through him. He looked fierce and shameless, so serious about considering him a friend.
"Petey is also your friend, but you care more about me than him."
Jimmy was taken aback. "What?"
With cat-like speed, Gary threw the bottle of water on the floor, put a hand behind Jimmy's neck, and pressed his lips to his.
Jimmy widened his eyes, and, for a moment, he was stiff. But, after understanding what was happening, he quickly returned the kiss and put his hand behind Gary's head, pulling him closer.
At first, the kisses were messy and fast, given by Gary's inexperience and by both's arousal. Then, when Gary's hand moved to Jimmy's side, grasping the t-shirt, the kisses became slower and more passionate, their mouths more open. Jimmy let his fingers run through Gary's hair and, when the opportunity arose, slipped his tongue inside him, stirring a sound of pleasure from him.
Gary's hand moved under Jimmy's shirt, touching his warm bare back and tracing lines with his long and cold fingers, making him shiver.
Gary was feasting on the sensations, and his mind was completely empty. Only pleasure now guided his actions. No worries, no shame, no self-blame, and no hatred were buzzing in his brain, and it was exhilarating. He really could get addicted to this.
After a while, they parted from each other, breathing hard. For a minute, they didn't say anything and just stared at each other. Gary started to realize what he had actually initiated, and his face warmed in response. He wanted to feel embarrassed about it, but he couldn't; he was too relaxed and satisfied, like he finally scratched a spot that was itching for a long time, to give a fuck about the fact he kissed his ex-archenemy.
"I'm pretty chill right now. The most chill guy you will ever meet, Hopkins," admitted Gary, breaking the silence.
Jimmy burst out laughing like Gary was the funniest comedian in all of the USA, clutching his stomach and all that. "Man, you're crazy. Your ears are all red, and you're talking about being chill. I thought you were going to stab me or something."
Gary touched his ears. They were hot, but he was feeling like that all over his body.
"I didn't know you had these types of fantasies, Hopkins. Me stabbing you. I should probably do that next time."
"Next time? You mean this?" Jimmy gestured to the two of them.
Gary rolled his eyes. "Yes, you moron. I mean this." He made the same gesture that Jimmy did. "Don't make me regret kissing you by asking stupid questions."
"Alright, no need to be an asshole now."
With caution, Jimmy stroked Gary's left cheek, and, upon seeing no negative reaction from him, kissed tenderly his forehead.
"I can stay with you through the night, so I can help you in the morning, when you'll feel sick," he whispered, tracing kisses over the juncture between the neck and the shoulder.
Gary felt like he was going to explode at any moment despite being effortlessly chill.
"Sure," he said, all casual.
He removed himself from Jimmy and walked to the right side of the bed. Without making any noises, he slipped into it. Jimmy went to the other side of the bed and slipped into it as well.
"Turn around," demanded Gary.
"What?"
"Just do it."
Jimmy, as Gary ordered, turned his back to him. Gary leaned closer to him and engulfed him with his body, a leg and arm wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. As a finishing touch, he adjusted the blanket around them so only their heads were out.
Jimmy asked him a question, but he couldn't hear what he said. With the moonlight casting sleeping spells on him, Jimmy's warmth, both physical and not, and his scent so close, Gary's mind was drifting off fast, already embracing the land of dreams.
Before he could fall asleep, he managed a simple "Shut up" and put his face closer to the back of Jimmy's neck.
For the first time in months, he fell asleep without being concerned about what the next morning would bring. His friend was on his side, and he was going to help him.