A/N: Again, loosely based on the OVA No Regrets and hence has spoilers. The anime and manga have both ended so spoiler warnings aren't really needed but STILL ! also, slight spoilers for Levi's recent spinoff one-shot Bad Boy but its so small you might not even notice it hehe. Also, I'll be using she/her pronouns for Hange so a heads up for that as well.
Have a good read~!
A single bloodied head rested in his trembling hands.
Wide, vacant eyes stared back at him, pupils blown wide and glazed over in horror. Rain cascaded relentlessly from the darkened sky, each droplet drumming against his back as his knees sank deeper into the sodden mud. He gazed at the ghastly pale face, the mouth open wide in mid-scream, the skin a ghastly shade of sick yellow.
His eyes flickered to another lifeless form nearby.
Blond hair was matted with blood and grime. The body was a grotesque ruin— an arm missing, legs torn away, leaving only a mangled torso. The ground around the corpses was littered with chewed remnants, the grim aftermath of a monstrous attack.
Bile surged in his throat, his breakfast sitting nauseatingly in his stomach. He clutched the severed head to his chest, his own face pressing into the auburn hair, slick and sticky with blood. The rain continued its assault, each drop feeling like tiny pebbles striking his skin as the steam of Titan blood mingled with the cold, creating an eerie mist around him.
The horse behind him neighed loudly.
"Oi," a voice rumbled through the downpour.
Levi curled tighter around the severed head in his hands. His lips parted, but no sound came out, his throat constricted with grief. A firm hand landed on his shoulder, jostling him.
"You heard the Captain," the person mumbled, their voice thick with urgency. "We can't stay here. Let's go."
He couldn't leave them like this— scattered in bits and pieces among the blood soaked grass. His gaze silently swept over the horrific scene, the remains of his family indistinguishable from the rest of the squad. The rain continued falling relentlessly, washing over the carnage and turning the ground into a quagmire of mud and blood.
Rough fingers shook his shoulder again, more insistent this time, and Levi clutched the head tighter, pressing the lifeless face against his chest. His eyes squeezed shut.
"Let me," he swallowed thickly, "collect them at least."
The soldier behind him pursed his lips before nodding solemnly.
"Quick," he said, his voice a hushed rasp. "Before another Titan finds us."
Levi nodded slowly, rising to his feet with a shuddering breath. He swayed in his spot, his clothes soaked with blood and rain, the weight of the grim situation threatening to overwhelm him.
Someone gently took the head from his hands, his fingers reluctantly releasing their hold, numb with cold and grief. He stood there, staring into the distance as Erwin's squad methodically gathered the remains of their fallen comrades. A wooden cart pulled up soon after, the torn body parts silently hauled within it.
The rain pounded down on them, thunder rumbling in the far distance. Levi stood silently, a familiar voice echoing in the back of his mind. "We can grieve at a later time," Erwin had said, his voice steady despite the weight of their losses. "Let's move forward now."
Levi mindlessly mounted his horse, his fingers loosely holding the reins as the squad trudged forward.
The path ahead was obscured by the heavy downpour as the rain soaked through his clothes, mingling with the blood and mud, a physical reminder of the storm within him.
They didn't encounter any Titans on the rest of the journey.
Camp was set up near the forest of giant trees. Soldiers moved around him, their bustling a distant hum, leaving him to stand near a cart where he slowly slumped down, sinking into the damp grass. His eyes were fixed on the ground, his heart lodged within his throat and his breathing ragged.
A few eyes glanced his way, reluctantly noting his low-hanging head. A woman with dark hair and goggles occasionally cast concerned looks in his direction, but no one approached him.
Levi sat there for hours, the world moving around him in a haze. Eventually, a pair of boots stepped into his view. He tipped his head back and his gaze sharpened into cold hard steel.
The rain had reduced to a measly drizzle, darkening the green of their cloaks. Erwin's mouth moved, but Levi couldn't make out what he was saying. The rush of hot blood in his ears drowned out everything, anger and despair surging through him intensely until he was hurtling forward with all his strength, knocking straight into the man.
They hit the ground tumbling, mud and water splashing around them.
Levi pinned Erwin down with his knees, fisting the lapels of a damp uniform jacket.
"You." Levi snarled furiously, his voice trembling with rage. "If you'd just died!"
Erwin remained calm, his gaze steady. Soldiers rushed over, hissing out expletives as they neared Levi to pull him off the captain.
"Stop."
The soldiers halted instantly, watching in hesitance as Erwin's voice commanded over the thrum of constant rain. Levi bared his teeth, his knuckles turning bone white when Erwin clasped his wrist, nodding his head as he lay flat on the ground.
"If this would bring you some peace after the death of your comrades," he said calmly, staring up at his furious glare. "Then go ahead."
I was supposed to protect them. Levi clenched his teeth, reeling his fist back to smash his knuckles into Erwin's face. He wanted to punch him again and again until the bastard couldn't recognize his own reflection in the mirror. Those calm blue eyes stared back at him, unwavering and understanding. The shade faintly reminded Levi of someone— a quiet memory in the back of his mind.
His fist wavered and he let his arm drop to his side. Water dribbled down his head as he stared down at the man beneath him, his heart heavy with the weight of loss and failure. Strong arms eventually slid from behind him, clamping onto his shoulders and peeling him off the captain, disposing him to the side.
Footsteps rushed to help Erwin to his feet.
He heard them all muttering behind him as he sat there quietly, glancing down at the blood left on his clothes. All remains of the Titan blood had completely evaporated, leaving only the crimson stains on the cuffs of his sleeves and the front of his shirt, a grim reminder of the mangled head he had cradled so close to his chest, near his heart, as if to say—"I'm sorry."
His gut churned violently.
He collapsed onto his hands and knees, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the wet grass. His body jerked with each retch, acid and bile burning his throat. When something hot dribbled down his face, Levi labeled it as the remnants of the rain sticking to his wet, dripping hair.
The next few hours were a blur of blood and rain.
Levi's hands clutched the hilts of his blades, slicing through Titan necks with a precision fueled by sheer fury. The loud thumps of their bodies hitting the ground drowned out the shouts of his superiors. He didn't care what they were saying; he needed an outlet for this— this gnawing pain in the pit of his stomach, the heavy weight of dread lingering within his chest.
Every time he saw those tall, lanky monsters grinning at him, he was harshly reminded of a distant memory of Furlan nudging him with a brow lifted in mischief or Isabel's breezy laughter whenever he ruffled her auburn hair.
A sane part of him coaxed that if he didn't slaughter these man-eating giants, he would turn his rage on every scout around him. He would kill and kill until his hands ached and he slumped onto one of the sharp swords himself.
"Levi!" One of the squad leaders shouted. "Stop, we need to leave!"
He ignored the orders, yanking at the reins of his horse and galloping forward. With a hiss of his gas canisters, he was back in the air, the rain coming down in full force and drenching him to the bone as he sliced through another nape.
"I said stop, soldier!"
"Piss off," he snarled back, landing on his horse and digging his heels into its ribs. The animal whinnied loudly in protest, moving ahead through the blinding rain once more.
He saw the heads of two giants, their menacing grins gradually growing clearer behind the curtain of rain. He gripped his blades tighter, and wires shot out from around his waist, locking firmly into the rustling trees before he was up in the air, adrenaline surging through his veins.
His vision swam slightly and he swayed for a moment, an uncomfortable chill spreading across his body for once.
Levi swiftly regained his balance as he pivoted in the air, blades slashing around him in a smooth, blurred arc. The first Titan's nape sliced through under his strike, and he used the momentum to spin toward the second. The rain briefly blurred his vision, but he could still make out that grotesque smile as he closed in.
His blades swung in the air, sinking into hard flesh.
The giant body crumpled easily, adding another deafening thump to the chaos around him. Levi landed on a nearby branch, panting heavily as steam rolled off the blood drenching his uniform.
The squad leader's voice felt closer now, more desperate. "We have to retreat!"
He leaped off the branch, wires retracting and propelling him forward.
Another Titan loomed ahead. His grip tightened around the hilts, his body easing into the motion seamlessly— slashing, cutting, killing. Each strike a cathartic release, each kill a momentary balm for his whirlwind of emotions.
The rain pounded down on him, mingling with the steaming blood that splattered across his face and uniform. The world was a cacophony of screams, thuds, and the relentless drumming of rain. His muscles burned with an unfamiliar ache, his hands throbbed as blood warmed his fingers.
He ignored the pain altogether.
His bloodied fists lifted the blades in the air and with one smooth, powerful stroke, he sliced through another nape of thick skin like butter.
He wasn't aware how long he had been staring at the ceiling. The back of his head throbbed intensely, but the fleeting chill that had been washing over him had finally subsided. He blinked slowly, adjusting to the sunlight streaming through the long windows of the infirmary. The sensation of life returned to his body as he became aware of the soft mattress beneath him and the pillow tucked behind his head.
His fingers twitched, and he parted his lips, breathing softly as he gradually took in his surroundings.
"They said you collapsed the moment you all passed through Wall Maria," a voice remarked from beside him, sounding faintly amused. "And that you killed more than twenty Titans all on your own."
He didn't remember how many he had killed.
Perhaps that number was an exaggeration, but he recalled the relentless movement of his body, his mind easily mapping out every next step. Sheer anger had fueled him, gripping his heart as he thought back to that single bleeding head, those wide glazed eyes. He had needed something to do, something to kill, because otherwise, his insides would implode and he would dig his fingers into his face, peeling off the skin with his bare hands.
Levi had done it before, ripping men's faces off their skulls because they dared to provoke him—
His limbs ached dully, his muscles protesting for rest, craving the calm that followed a mission well done. He remembered Isabel curling up beside him like a lazy cat, nuzzling into his shoulder with a content hum and Furlan smiling kindly as he threw a blanket over the both of them.
Bitterness pooled in his chest.
From the corner of his vision, he spotted a head of blond locks.
Curious blue eyes peeked at him, the face startlingly familiar. The memory of a body beneath him in the rain flickered in his mind, and Levi clenched his hands, slowly realizing the tightness of the gauze wrapped around them.
"Aren't you supposed to be a substitute teacher or something?" he grumbled, staring at the ceiling before turning to his side to face the wall. Grief was a dull rattle within his ribcage.
He clenched his jaw. "Not some shitty nurse."
"It's not nice to talk about healthcare workers like that."Her voice carried a smile, a lightness that had been absent in the classroom. A shuffle followed, accompanied by the creaking of a chair. "Especially when they're the ones looking after you Scouts the most."
Levi glared at the wall, lifting his hands to his chest.
Bandages were wrapped around his palms and fingers, where the triggers and hilts had torn through the calloused skin. The blade handles weren't designed to be held the way he held them— in reverse— and he had gripped them so tightly that it had left his hands bruised and cut.
The pain had dulled to a quiet ache he barely noticed. The real agony lay deeper, a relentless, gnawing grief that he couldn't bandage or ignore. He let out a slow breath, his chest rising and falling steadily with the effort of keeping his emotions in check.
"They said you had a pretty high fever," she continued. Levi closed his eyes, hoping she'd shut up and leave him to his tormenting silence. "Erwin mentioned you were out in the rain for too long. That could be why."
The rain had soaked him to the bone—the first rain he had ever experienced. He bit the inside of his cheek until the pain throbbed through his gums, his bandaged hands gripping the white sheets loosely. There was no rain in the underground, only the flood of sewage after a downpour. He had imagined savoring it with his friends, watching Isabel hop into puddles as Furlan stood beside him, squinting against the onslaught of raindrops.
The memory of a bloodied, pale head flickered in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, exhaling loudly.
Fingers ghosted along his nape, and his eyes snapped open instantly. He whirled around, sitting upright and clutching the intruding hand in a vice grip.
Levi sat atop the mattress, lips pulled back into a snarl as he clutched her wrist tightly within bandaged fingers.
"Ow," she winced, attempting to tug her hand free from his strong hold. "I was just trying to check if you were still warm—"
"Don't fucking touch me," he snapped back at her.
Those blue eyes looked up at him, and he felt a strange sense of recognition. Her fingers wiggled in his hold, and he glanced down at her hand, reluctantly noting a thin bandage wrapped around one of her fingers. The rest of her fingertips were stained with a faded shade of black and brown, the color washed out but still lingering on the pads of her fingers.
He released her wrist.
She cradled her hand to her chest, caressing her wrist where his fingers had left angry, crimson marks.
Levi dropped his hands into his lap, realizing that he had been changed into cotton patient wear. Without his daggers, he felt oddly vulnerable. He curled his hands in his lap, staring down at them in silence. The woman before him fell silent too, watching him as he wet his lips and spoke calmly.
"…Isabel, Furlan." His voice was steady, steeled as he stared down at his hands. "What about them?"
"Your friends were brought back with the expedition," she was choosing her words carefully this time, watching the side of his face as he grimaced. "They'll be getting a proper burial later. With the rest of the martyred scouts."
He was fully aware that she meant what remained of his friends. The parts of their bodies that had been left—because what else would they bury in the dirt there? More graves to add near his mother's, if there was any space left for it in the Underground graveyard. But perhaps Isabel and Furlan would choose to be buried above ground instead, under the wide blue sky where they would feel more at peace.
He finally turned his head to look at her once she shifted in her seat. She had grabbed an apple and knife from the little basket set on his bedside.
Levi watched her cautiously, faintly contemplating who'd bring him fruit in the first place.
Her dress was long, a dark shade of blue, that nearly matched the color of their cloaks. The knife in her grip scraped against the apple, peeling off the crimson skin. He stared at her hands, free from calluses and soft-looking. But the tips of her fingers were still faintly black, like a color that refused to wash off.
She was slicing the apple strangely, cutting it into different shapes.
Her gaze flickered up to notice his quiet stare, and she cracked an amiable smile.
"Whenever my brother got sick," she hummed, turning the knife. "I'd cut apples for him like this."
She presented him a plate of sliced apples, the peels shaped into the glossy backs of red rabbits. Levi regarded the plate with a dull look, turning to her with a flat expression.
She shrugged and placed the plate by his bedside.
Levi watched her as she stood up. Something caught his eye—a glint of metal—and his gaze dipped to the pocket watch dangling from her hip, its chain catching the morning light and glimmering brightly. His brows furrowed slightly and the words fell from his lips before he thought them through.
"You got it back," he muttered.
She blinked, following his gaze to the watch. A soft smile touched her lips as she lifted it, the chain clinking softly in the air. She flipped the top open, her nose wrinkling slightly.
"I'm surprised you didn't sell it," she admitted honestly.
He glanced up at her, meeting her curious eyes. The memory of Kenny's cape rippling as he turned away flashed in his mind, leaving Levi alone—just as he was now. Alone without his friends, without his family. He clenched his fists.
"I'm leaving," he said abruptly.
She paused. "Leaving?"
"Yeah," he curled his hands tighter, ignoring the subtle pain crackling through the joints of his bandaged fingers. "There's no way in hell I'm staying in this shitty place any longer."
"You can't leave."
Sharp silver eyes snapped her way. She lowered her arm, holding the pocket watch in a loose grip. "There's no way out of the Survey Corps."
Her voice was calm but firm. "When you join the Corps, you pledge your life to fight for humanity. There is no option to leave."
"The hell?!" His voice rose in anger. "I don't care if they hand me over to the MPs—"
"Leaving the Corps is treason," she interrupted, her brows scrunching together. "You either die outside the Walls or lose a limb to the point you have to be taken off the field. Unless you want to become a drill sergeant, which requires more than five years of experience on the field."
He stared at her incredulously, and she pursed her lips, looking faintly concerned for once. "Didn't he tell you this—"
The door promptly fell open before them.
Leather boots entered the room, a broad figure stepping inside from the doorway. Levi sat still, narrowing his gaze at the man as he paused, standing there in military uniform.
"Guess that's my cue." She muttered, and he glanced at her as she smiled warmly, dipping her head in farewell.
"See you, Ke— Levi."
His gaze briefly lingered on the sway of her braid as she stepped forward, nearing the door. She halted beside Erwin, her expressions impassive and he stared back at her, brows arching faintly.
"Amelia," he began, his gaze growing a little intense. "What are you doing here?"
Levi watched as she lifted a hand between them, a thin bandage wrapped around her index finger.
"Paper cut," she said coolly.
The fabric of her sleeve slipped down her arm. Erwin's gaze immediately flitted to the mark of hard fingers imprinted on her wrist, standing out against the pale skin.
He reached ahead instinctively, fingertips barely grasping her wrist but she promptly dropped it to the side. She stared at him, silently prompting him to say anything but he remained quiet. His eyes turned to look straight ahead, and Levi visibly frowned back at the blatant stare settling on him.
The woman— Amelia shifted slightly, glancing back at him over her shoulder and Levi's gaze strayed from her to Erwin, his lips thinning into a grimace.
A single thought finally clicked in his mind.
Levi stared at them, his gaze shifting between the two once more. He noted the subtle familiarity of their features— sky blue eyes, blond hair and the faint similarity of their facial structures. He furrowed his brows, blinking once in silent realization.
Amelia brushed past the man before her and paused behind him, peering back into the room again.
A knowing smirk curled her lips, and Levi's mind reeled back to tall, looming bookcases, a girl smiling at him from across a table cluttered with books he could never understand. The same girl now stood near the door of the infirmary, behind the captain of the suicidal military maniacs.
She pressed a bandaged finger to her upturned lips, smiling at him.
His brows subtly arched upwards. Erwin seemingly noticed as he glanced behind himself but she was already reaching for the door, the heels of her boots clacking loudly against the pale tiles. The door clicked shut behind her, sealing away the steely gaze hot on her back.
Erwin turned back to him, contemplatively glancing at the plate of apples set by his side.
Levi leaned against the headrest, a scowl marring his features. Erwin stepped deeper into the room, nearing his bed and Levi peered outside the open windows in the room, watching a pair of birds soar high up into the sky.
The scene tugged a dull ache within his chest.
"I see you're feeling better," Erwin's voice was a deep rumble. He stood before the foot of the bed, assessing him with that knowing gaze.
Levi stared out into the courtyard, loosely grasping the sheets.
"The first expedition tends to take a toll on most," Erwin said. Who are lucky enough to survive, the words went unsaid between them. He pulled a chair aside, seating himself down on it. It seemed too small for his well built stature as he leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. "Isabel and Furlan's funeral will be held later this evening."
Levi looked at him then, dark circles etched beneath his eyes. His face was grim.
Erwin remained unperturbed. "Hopefully you'd be well enough to attend."
Levi peered through the window, at the vast blue sky outside. He exhaled through his nose and reluctantly grasped the bunny shaped apples set by his bedside. He ignored the cold pinpricks of those blue eyes watching him intently as he pushed a slice past his teeth, crushing it between his morals. A loud crunch filled the room.
His traitorous thoughts momentarily offered if this was how Furlan sounded when large, grinning teeth bit into him, splintering his limbs into little pieces.
He spat out the piece immediately, a bitter taste lingering in his mouth.
A/N: This chapter was actually really fun to write for me, especially the first scene heh. I'm always trying to challenge myself to write unsettling violence stuff and aot is just the right fandom for it bet. We'll be getting into more juicier stuff in later chapters which is gonna be hella fun! tysm for reading~!