CHAPTER 3: MASQUERADE
How hurtful it is to deny one's true self and live a life of lies just to appease others.
But if she were to tell you her secrets, you would never look at her the same.
(June Ahern)
…
It was supposed to be a simple day.
Their class has just graduated, all of the students proudly wearing their Konoha hitai ate s and they are all waiting in the classroom for their team placement. Many fangirls are throwing hopeful looks toward Sasuke, much to his dislike, hoping to be placed on his team and maybe, develop a romance between the two of them. Just like the fairy tales, their civilian parents told them before they slept.
But the thing about fairy tales is that they don't truly exist. They are not promises of happiness and love.
Once upon a time, a little star wished for her happily ever after.
She is still waiting.
Till this day, Sasuke's appeal hasn't changed and still holds the attention of almost every girl in the Academy.
And now, as they hit graduation at fourteen when puberty has started to hit, their devotion and advances have grown frightening.
It seems that their rapid and desperate fangirling has transcended through dimensions.
Fangirls are snakes killing each other through venomous bites.
Choking each other under the disguise of a friendly hug.
Because as her mother had told her, with delicate hands gripping at her shoulders as if a single wrong move would turn them into vicious claws "Courtesy is a lady's amour."
It might be, however, Akari finds it draining. Maybe that is why she keeps her distance from other girls much to Ino's dismay.
Because loyalty doesn't come for free and snakes are not loyal.
"Are you excited about the team placements?" Akari asks her neighboring friends.
"Not really. Chouji and I already know we will be in the next Ino-Shika-Chou trio. What a drag." Shikamaru sighs tiredly from his seat, his handsome face resting on the desk, yet still tilted towards her. His eyes are soft, they always are whenever he gazes at Akari, and it makes her heart, although dead and blackened by her hatred, flutter at the warmth she can see inside of them.
Don't be foolish. His warmth means nothing.
But Akari can't help but bask in Shikamaru's presence. While he is not Sasuke, and he will never be as important as her brother, the Nara heir still looks at her as if she is worth something. He looks at her as if he wanted to unravel her entire being like she is something worthy of keeping his interest.
But when the mask falls, is he going to stay?
Or will Shikamaru leave?
Leave like all the others.
That - Akari doesn't want to know, doesn't want to entertain the thought for she feels it would hurt her. After all, everything she touches somehow ended up destroying her as Stella.
And she doesn't want it to happen again.
She doesn't think her mind could survive it.
Akari is scared, that she doesn't deny, to have someone other than Sasuke so close to her. She didn't plan to love – accept someone else by her side but Shikamaru has slithered into her guarded heart, blew away her walls, and somehow, impossibly, she trusts him.
It will only end up in heartbreak.
Akari knows it.
But have you ever loved someone so much that though you already see the end coming, you cannot help but cling to that person?
Akari hates herself a bit for it honestly. For loving Shikamaru, for feeling so at ease around him when she shouldn't.
When Sasuke is her home and her everything.
Remind me why nothing except Sasuke matters.
The Uchiha heiress awaits, with bated breath and bitterness on her lips, for the Nara heir to show her why nothing, in this and her other world, is worth fighting, living for.
Remind me once more of the hatred that is my soul.
That no one but her twin brother can ever love her.
(Akari is afraid, afraid of the betrayal that has yet to come, afraid to kiss goodbye those nights playing Shogi with Shikamaru. She- )
Her musings stop, halt themselves, as Shikamaru pinches her hand. She shoots him a glare only to get a small smirk in response. He subtly tilts his head towards Chouji who Akari didn't realize had started talking.
"And you, Akari-chan?" Chouji asks as he brings another fistful of chips to his mouth. He chews, eyes twinkling, and swallows. "Are you excited?"
"Yup! It seems fun."
"Fun for you. We are stuck with Ino." Shikamaru complains. "She's so loud and annoying, the ultimate fangirl. At least, you're with your brother."
Akari's smile tightens, slightly and unnoticeable to others except for Sasuke. As he is not near, it passes through the cracks.
Loud.
Annoying.
Is Akari the same?
After all, she used to be described by those same words. Had been hated for them.
"Oh? Wow, lucky you, Akari-chan! How do you know?" Chouji says.
The boy has always been sweet, too sweet that many had thought him an easy target for bullying. It had been all for naught however as Shikamaru and Akari wouldn't let those bullies place a word in. Akari smiles at his cheer.
"The top Kunoichi and Rookie of the year are always paired up together. Since Sasuke is the Rookie and I'm the top Kunoichi, it's obvious they will place us together."
If it isn't the case, well, she can always kill her new team.
If they dare to try and separate her from Sasuke.
She will tear them open.
"And heaven forbids if Akari isn't placed in Sasuke's team." Shikamaru remarks as he sits up correctly in his chair, stretching his arms up with a yawn.
"What's that supposed to mean, Shika?"
The Nara heir shoots her a look as if questioning her intellect. Akari, in a fit of wisdom and maturity, sticks out her tongue at him.
Being childish means being innocent. Being innocent means you can do no harm.
It's part of her mask, the last vestige of the playful little girl she had been.
Her friend sighs, though his lips quirk up slightly.
"Akari, you would never trust anyone with Sasuke's safety outside of Konoha. You're the only one who has the skills to match up to him. And Sasuke would never let his precious sister alone in a team of boys, he would throw a fit if you two are separated."
As it should be.
She and Sasuke.
Her brother loves and cares for her.
It's all she ever wanted.
"We're not that bad."
The lack of response from the two boys is enough of an answer and Akari huffs, vaguely amused, because she knows how devoted her twin is to her and vice-versa. She knows, her friends know, heck the village's authorities probably know.
But do they really?
The others don't know how twisted her devotion really is.
It is their loss, their mistake to not see the sword barely hanging from above their heads.
Akari loves Sasuke. That is a fact. She loves her brother, the only thing that keeps her sane, rooted, and not spiraling to the bottom. The Uchiha princess adores his everything, she craves with obsessive, maddening hunger his love that tastes as if it was made of starlight and fills the emptiness in her heart with soft warmth, something she had not felt in a while as Stella.
Maybe Akari knows it's wrong, the love she bears for Sasuke, but she can't unlove him nor does she want to.
Let the world try to dictate how they should feel. How they should live.
She will burn it down to ashes if it tries.
Loud cries of outrage and rage echo in the classroom, attracting the trio's attention. The sight that welcomes them makes them pause.
Shikamaru blinks and stifles a small laugh, Chouji almost chokes on his chips and Akari just stares, her jaw hanging slightly open, to which the Nara heir shuts it gently with a snicker.
Before them, surrounded by the other girls, are Naruto and Sasuke.
Kissing.
On the lips.
The two boys rip themselves away, loudly gagging and wiping their lips as if it would make their brief kiss go away.
"NARUTO!"
Haruno Sakura, a pink-haired know-it-all, rages and smacks the blonde as other girls yell at him for daring to steal their precious Sasuke-kun's kiss. Akari gives a disdainful grimace at their noise and yells, scrunching her nose. She turns to Shikamaru, a joke on her tongue, but it dies as Sasuke, taking advantage of the commotion, snatches her away from the two clan heirs with a scowl.
"Akari." Sasuke says as he tugs her away to their seat. Her brother doesn't care for his apparent rudeness. After all, the twins both know that Akari will always have time for him
"Sorry" she mouths at her friends, smiling apologetically at them.
She is not, but it seems appropriate to tell them so. She never had someone willingly come and seek out her company with good intentions in mind.
Besides, Sasuke will always take her full attention.
"Troublesome" Shikamaru mutters sighing, but he waves off her apology lazily. It's not the first time that Sasuke interrupts, rather rudely if anyone asked the shadow user, their conversations to steal his sister away.
The twins sit next to each other, at the back of the class, and a bit further away from the others. No one dares approach them, for now, as Sasuke glowers darkly. The Uchiha heir keeps hold of Akari's hand, fingers interlaced and hidden underneath the desk – because they are still Uchiha, and Kami forbids Uchiha Sasuke does anything but brood. His knuckles are white, his features twisting into a scowl as he rubs once more his lips as if to get rid of the memory.
Akari squeezes his hand gently.
"Do you want me to do something about him?" she asks.
The question seems innocent – well, to anyone who would try to eavesdrop on the twins, not that many would dare do that – but Sasuke gives her a sharp, knowing look.
"Do you want me to make him pay?" is what Akari is asking.
She could carve Naruto's lips open.
Burn them with acid.
Anything Sasuke wants.
"No."
"Alrighty then."
Sasuke gives her a small nod.
"But thanks, imouto." He breathes quietly and Akari only beams at him.
The conversations around them continue, though the twins do not mind it, too busy to bask in each other's presence. Only Iruka's entrance and shout for silence make them pay attention. He looks done with their class's chaos, something that Akari has to give him credit for, their year is not an easy one, between the obsessive fangirls and Naruto's pranks to name a few things that have probably given Iruka some early grey hair. The older man starts calling out the teams, the students silent as they listen avidly. Some are crossing their fingers, hoping, while others remain nonchalant as they already have a vague idea of their teams – needless to say that those are the clans' kids.
Like she always says, nepotism at its finest.
Iruka clears his throat as he continues to list the teams.
"Team Seven. Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke –" Sasuke's grip tightens as Naruto whines loudly for being placed in the bastard's team. " – and Uchiha Akari."
Akari smiles at her brother, eyes sparkling with joy.
She can stay by his side. She was strong enough not to be left behind. All her efforts were worth it, not that she ever questioned it.
Even Sasuke smiles, a true one this time, not the usual small curve of the lips and it makes it all the sweeter.
"Why do I have to be with the teme and his sister? I'm way too awesome to be stuck with the teme!" Naruto complains loudly.
Kiba coughs out a faint, snickering sure. Others, cough fangirls, do not bother with being polite and giggle at his words.
"Sasuke and Akari are the top shinobis this year while you are the last one in the placement, Naruto. That's why you three are placed in a team." Iruka-sensei explains patiently, well, as patient as he can be with Naruto's antics.
The blonde grimaces before straightening with a blinding smile.
"That doesn't matter anyway cause I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'll become Hokage! Believe it!" he yells.
Uzumaki Naruto.
The class clown.
The hated black sheep.
"Pf, in your dreams, dobe." Sasuke sniffs, earning an enraged shout from the orange-clad child.
Akari sighs, rubbing her temples gently, at the sight of their new teammate yelling and gesticulating like an idiot. Naruto keeps insulting her brother, yelling about how he will become Hokage. The Uzumaki boy keeps talking about his self-worth as if he was worth something.
Akari doubts he is.
Even if he is the anime's main character.
Naruto is weak.
And being weak in this world means losing.
After all, the strong is loved and accepted. The weak are trampled on.
Sasuke will hate it. Hate the added burden the Council has decided to attach to the Uchiha twins for whatever reasons.
Akari folds her hands neatly on her desk as she absently fiddles with her fingers. Well, she could always play around with her new teammate if necessary.
…
We were children.
Thrust into a world where killing is everything.
What did you expect us to become?
…
"I don't like you guys."
Her new sensei admission makes Akari's brow rise ever so slightly as she stares at the older man. She is delightful, thank you very much, though he could be talking about Sasuke and Naruto's bickers. The Uchiha princess has to admit that the two can be particularly annoying after hours stuck together in the classroom, nerves high-strung waiting.
Silver-haired with a mask covering his lower face and only one of his eyes is visible which crinkles lazily. A man seemingly harmless, taken by surprise by a simple prank. That is their new teacher.
Sharingan Hatake Kakashi.
The jonin wants them to think he is weaker than he is. A cunning strategy. But it doesn't work on Akari.
Knowledge is power.
And power is everything.
Kakashi is a S rank jonin, a child prodigy much like Itachi.
Akari guesses she isn't supposed to know about her jonin sensei, his history with her clan, and all the gossip that comes with it. But being Iruka sensei's favorite has its advantages and who would expect sweet, devoted Akari-hime to snoop around in classified files?
Friend killer Kakashi.
If Akari didn't know better, she would have stormed the Hokage's office and asked how the hell is someone with that nickname supposed to teach her.
How can she trust that guy with Sasuke's back?
But Akari quickly realized how ill-suited the nickname is. Sure, he killed his teammates – indirectly, directly, by accident, does it really matter? Everyone dies at one point. But his teammates's survival rates are now the highest in all of Konoha and that itself is enough to make Akari reconsider.
Hatake Kakashi protects those he cares about.
Those precious.
She needs to get her sensei attached to their new team.
Just another mask to wear.
Easy. She has done it so often, another time can't hurt.
Right?
But when will it stop?
…
Naruto is the embodiment of sunshine, his grin warm and his cheerfulness and optimism almost dazzling. He is weak, a loudmouth, and ultimately useless if Akari ignores the character armor he seems to possess. He is, or rather, should be nothing to the Uchiha.
But somehow, he managed to slither in her heart.
Although their first time as a team had been rough, with yelling and much threatening on Sasuke's part, something in Team Seven changed from the bell test. During that test, Sasuke refused to work with Naruto and when the blonde stubbornly rejected Akari's help, well, the Uchiha princess gave up on him – briefly yes, but still abandons him.
Kakashi-sensei makes sure to lecture them about teamwork and trust, making Akari's jaw subtly tighten because he is a killer, a famed one even, yet this lesson is so utterly naïve she wants to retch.
"Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum."
Ha.
Akari calls bullshit.
Friends would abandon you at the most opportune moment without a second glance, without a second thought. In exchange for their lives, to save themselves.
They would abandon you for less than that.
Because of greed, because of envy.
Still, now the Uchiha princess knows of her sensei's philosophy, and alike a parrot, a blank slate canvas, she adopts that thought process even if it's only for the sake of appearance.
Akari makes sure to get closer to Naruto and it is almost pathetically easy to make him melt in her hands. The boy is starved for affection and immediately latches on Akari's kindness.
In a way, it reminds her of Stella.
So starved for affection, she was willing to lick it off knives.
She tries not to think about it.
Nevertheless, Akari has soon enough taken Naruto closer to her heart than she should have. Like fungus, he grew on her. She dares think of him as a friend, not an acquaintance like so many others are. Friend, not quite like Shikamaru or even Sasuke, but closer to her heart than the rest of the world is.
Akari regrets it already.
Regardless of the impractical, of the clear mistake that is to care once more, what is done is done and she can't help the soft smile that curves her lips when he looks at her, sapphire sparkling, for some validation. A simple 'well done' or a hair ruffle is enough to make him break out in such a wide and infectious grin, it is almost addictive and Akari cannot keep Naruto at arm's length as she does to others.
Akari is scared.
Sasuke is her priority.
If the situation is dire, if needed, she knows who to sacrifice for her brother's sake.
Who to leave to the wolves.
But why does her chest hurt at the thought of Naruto, dead and betrayed?
…
For all the Hokage assurance to give the Last Uchiha the best sensei, it seems their esteem leader has fallen short much to Sasuke's scorn and fury.
Now, the Copy nin is in theory best suited for their team.
If only he manages to teach them something.
After all, for a jounin teacher, Hatake Kakashi is far from being a decent one. He's never on time and takes pleasure in seeing his students humiliate themselves with D-ranks – not that she could blame him.
But most damning of all in the twins' eyes is that he never trains them correctly, too busy with his pornbook or the memorial stone.
Hatake Kakashi is – according to Akari's observations – someone who lives in the past, haunted.
He has lost everyone and everything. For that Akari cannot blame him.
But the Uchiha heiress can blame him for placing on his team the weight of dead people.
Akari isn't blind.
She notices how her sensei sometimes look at their newly formed team and sees through them.
As if he was looking at ghosts, never the students themselves.
She wonders who Kakashi-sensei sees through her, well through her mask. Regardless, there is sadness, and longing mixed with fondness as he watches her treat Naruto gently, caring for him almost in a sisterly manner.
It's what she wanted, no? To have Kakashi-sensei attached, willing to do anything for them? Sure, he doesn't train them often, but he is unwilling to let any harm befall them and that's what matters.
The Uchiha princess knows she's her sensei's favorite. Doted on, never pushed much during the rare training, always focused on self-defense, and was made to stand behind her teammates who almost act like a shield.
But she doesn't want that.
"If you're the weakest, people will resent you for slowing them down. There is nothing worse than being useless." Her father tells her, his grip on her neck tight and his breath warm next to her.
She didn't tear herself apart, didn't push her limits to the point of exhaustion, to be put on the sidelines.
She isn't useless.
She isn't.
Akari is the top Kunoichi, both in practical and theory. A skilled fuinjutsu user, a talented taijutsu kunoichi with some B-rank katon jutsus in her arsenal.
She deserves to fight by her twin's side.
Right?
But Kakashi-sensei would have none of it, not that Akari openly protested against his decisions.
Because she knows it doesn't fit her role.
It's stifling.
How her own sensei doesn't see her, not as Uchiha Akari, but as someone else who she doesn't know. There are expectations placed on her, another role for her to fill yet she doesn't know who to base herself on. And when sometimes, she allows herself to slip – she doesn't anymore – Kakashi-sensei looks at her as if she did something wrong.
Is it wrong for her to try and be herself?
…
And sometimes I wonder.
Have you ever seen me or am I just the ghost of somebody else?
…
"Naru-kun, eat your vegetables please."
"But Aka-channnn!"
"Nope, sorry sunshine, but you really have to eat healthier now."
"Dobe, listen to Akari. Maybe the vegetables will give you some brain cells for once."
Naruto splutters, ramen bits flying everywhere as his head snaps towards Sasuke. "Shut up teme! Wanna fight?!" The blonde shakes his fist in what should be a threatening way – though it isn't and both Akari and Kakashi-sensei know that.
Akari snickers quietly, leaning forward as she wipes away some noodles and broth from Naruto's whiskered cheeks. He almost purrs in contentment at the affectionate gesture and Kakashi-sensei watches on fondly.
"Cmon Naru-kun, at this rate, you'll forever stay the team's baby" she teases.
"What do you mean Aka-chan? I'm not the team's baby dattebayo!"
Akari hums, shrugging as her lips ease themselves in a teasing smile.
"Yet you're the shortest here, ne?"
Sasuke smirks as he plops another tomato into his mouth, ever so blissful at its taste. Kakashi-sensei, his ramen already long finished before his cute little genins could even take a glimpse at his face, pats Naruto's head patronizingly.
"Aka-chan!"
…
I wish I could be the person you think I am.
But I'm not.
I can't.
…
"So, how was it?"
"Utter hell." Akari collapses on the soft grass, giving a soft groan.
Shikamaru snickers as he turns his head to the side, watching her through half-lidded eyes fondly. He reaches out and plucks a leaf that had made itself at home in her ruffled, dark locks.
"Another Tora mission?"
"Yeah, I really don't get Kakashi-sensei. For all his faults, he really likes seeing us struggle with that damn cat! I swear, Tora should be declared a B-rank threat. Let the chuunins try and get him every week." Akari rants, huffing in irritation.
"Of course," Shikamaru agrees with a smile. "Because it requires great skills to catch the cat after all, definitely B level."
Akari gives him a small glare though the smile playing on her lips says another story. The Nara heir always loves to banter with her, to simply allow himself to bask in her warm presence.
"You don't get to say that mister 'it took my team an entire day and many bruises to catch Tora'."
Shikamaru gives a careless shrug, not bothering to try to defend Team 10, it is only a D-rank mission after all. Way too troublesome.
"How many times did you even do that D-rank?" he asks.
Akari pauses, tilting her head as she thinks back to the few months – weeks even – she spent with her team. "At least 15 times." she sighs.
Poor things.
Thankfully, Team Ten doesn't have such a troll for a sensei and Asuma-sensei doesn't enjoy seeing them chase after Tora as Akari's sensei does.
"We did it twice." Shikamaru 'innocently' points out, chuckling as Akari, cheeks puffed out quite adorably, slaps him gently on the side in mock indignation.
"Shush Shika," the Uchiha heiress grumbles. She then smiles brilliantly. "I hope you step on a kunai."
It shouldn't make Shikamaru smile so sweetly, yet her snarky words warm him because he knows that Akari would never tell someone else such thing. To others she stays sweet and elegant, subtly insulting yet never with the same wilderness and fire she has with him.
Shikamaru's gaze drifts back towards the cloudy sky.
"Troublesome."
Akari is troublesome because she breathes magic and makes the world so much more interesting. Her laugh is a siren's song, sweet and angelic and her eyes twinkle with mirth.
Even ruffled and sweaty, Uchiha Akari is the sun.
Beautiful and so brilliant.
…
After a D-rank mission, the Uchiha princess walks towards the grocery store's cashier, a soft smile – so fake it almost tastes of plastic – on her lips, a basket already filled with sweet buns and other sweets tucked in the crook of her elbow. Some civilians bow to her, others, she greets with a small wave as they respond cheerfully. Akari knows some by name, children calling her nee-sama as they regroup around her for small head pats and small smiles she throws around as if it was candy. She likes it, being the village's darling, the object of their love, but civilians'affections are as fickle as the sea. Stella learnt it the hard way, one day adored by her teammates, by everyone and the next, hated. It hurts, yes, and Akari now knows that everything is fake, an illusion that will soon break and reveal the blackened souls of Konoha.
Hurt them before they get the chance to hurt her.
But as Akari arrives at the cashier, her eyebrows furrowed and if she wasn't as experienced, her eyes would have flashed maliciously at the sight that welcomes her.
Naruto – her ball of sunshine and everything nice – is arguing with the cashier, rather loudly, and though his voice is brash, his hands gesticulating and his verbal tick becoming more and more noticeable, the blonde's shoulders are hunched. Almost as if the weight on the world is on his shoulders and he cannot deal with the pressure. On the counter are clearly outdated meat – Akari wouldn't be surprised to see flies fly around it soon – and an old-looking, battered milk carton.
Akari could have left, could have closed her eyes and pretended she did not see the scorn and disdain the cashier held for Naruto, did not see the loathing and cold glares from surrounding civilians and the shinobis's purposeful blindness to the treatment.
The world is a horrible place, the weak will be trampled on.
The unloved will always be prey.
Akari really wants to go back and get some other products. To come back once her teammate left the store.
She almost does.
Till she catches sight of Naruto's eyes. They are no longer shining with joy rather, they glisten with unshed tears as his lips curl into a tight smile.
And Akari remembers.
Smile and hide the pain. Smile for it is the only thing you can do.
Smile and suffer in silence.
Because no one cares.
"Hello cashier-san," she greets with a short nod of the head, nothing too insolent or unrespectful because she still has her mask firmly on, but the small disdain that leaks through the greeting is enough for her. For now.
"Uchiha-sama! What can I do for you today?"
His bow is deep and fervent and Akari can see how different she is treated. How the immense dislike he holds for Naruto is replaced by admiration, and respect. And she sees how Naruto almost flinches at how he is dismissed so bluntly as if he does not matter.
Akari resists the urge to lift her lips into a sneer.
"Well, you can kindly explain to me why you insist on having us buy almost rotten meat and clearly expired milk." She smiles good-naturedly.
"Us?" the cashier gulps as he sneaks a glance at Naruto who is looking at her through wide eyes. The older man clearly wants to sneer in disgust at the blonde child but refrains in presence of Konoha's little Uchiha princess.
"Naruto-kun and myself" Akari states, her hand gently squeezing Naruto's shoulder in reassurance, or support, she isn't sure. "Sasuke is waiting for us back in the Compound, so you will forgive me if I seem a bit brash, I didn't expect such bargaining at a grocery store, it usually is swift."
"I-"
"Or is there a problem? I sent Naru-kun ahead while I get the last ingredients, so imagine my surprise to see him with such low-quality items that are somehow thrice as expensive than usual. I did not know Konoha had a shortage of food to give such bad quality and overpriced products to honest, good stores. Should I talk to the Council to get more trade in?"
"There would be no need Uchiha-hime!" intervenes what seems to be the manager of the store, a bead of sweat dropping down on his temple. "Yui-kun was mistaken. We apologize for the inconvenience."
The two older men bow to Akari, lower than ninety degrees, and the fear and respect she holds withing her palm is enough to make her almost proud.
Around them, customers and employees alike whisper. They whisper of her generosity, of her kindness, and concern for all Konoha citizens alike as she is ready to go to the Council for them when she thought they had a problem.
Blind fools.
Sheeps.
They will believe what they want regardless of the truth and Akari takes advantage of it, fully and gleefully.
"Ah, alright then! It's fine, don't worry, everyone makes mistakes once in a while. The important thing is not to redo them, right Yui-san?" Akari questions innocently as she tilts her head slightly to the right with a soft smile.
The older man nods fervently and the manager smiles gratefully. "Thank you, Uchiha-hime, let me ring up your items."
"Thank you." Akari turns to Naruto. "Why don't you get some fresh meat for us, sunshine? Don't be shy to add some ramen broth and noodles to the basket."
Naruto, still staring at her as if he never saw her before, nods dazzlingly before drifting further in the grocery stores, people getting out of his way but for once not glaring.
"My, manager-san, can you believe how often Sasuke and Naruto-kun ask that I prepare some bento boxes for training?" Akari gushes at the manager who is personally ringing up her purchased items, well aware of the civilians' eavesdropping and counting on it.
She wants to pass a message, a warning that even civilians can catch, though they do not feel the disgust, the hatred she feels as she passes it on. Naruto is not a nameless, hated orphan anymore. While the blonde is still the demon brat, he also is the Uchiha princess's precious friend. He is the Uchiha heir's teammate too. They might not like him, hate him even, but it is clear that he is no longer to be abused.
And though it does not stop the civilians' glares, their hushed whispers as Naruto passes by them, the blatant discrimination – him being kicked out of restaurants, him being sold bad, expired and overpriced products – diminishes.
That is when Naruto decides that being in Team 7 is the best thing that ever happened.
Friends, family, someone who believes in him…
He found all of those and it's perfect.
Now, if only the teme could be less of an asshole.
…
From then on, Naruto is a lot more affectionate, much to Sasuke's detriment though Akari draws the line at physical contact – she can no longer bear much affectionate physical contact anymore because in their warm embrace, she melts even if she knows it's fake. She can ruffle his hair, and nicknames him lovingly 'sunshine', but she doesn't want his hugs and though it slightly hurts him, Naruto doesn't mind.
Anything to have Akari see him.
And the raven-haired girl knows, knows of how starved he is for affection, for recognition. Once she gives it to him, freely with a gentle smile, Akari is rewarded with such brightness, such eagerness to please she almost chokes on it.
Naruto loves her and clings to her with the same desperation a drowned man clings to his life. Her sunshine adores her and if such brightness and good can love her, that means she is worth something right? It might not be Sasuke's love, but Akari still accepts it, greedy for his sapphire eyes that look at her as if she could do no wrong.
She loves it.
And as horrible as it sounds, it is the only part that Akari is able to love in Naruto.
Don't get her wrong, he is a sweet child – why the village hates him, Akari doesn't know – and he is well connected to the Hokage. Although a bit exuberant, he means well. And Naruto is addicted to her approval, almost like a small duckling following her around in worship which only brings her a strange satisfaction.
But his dream. His entire worldview.
So very naïve.
Of course, Akari could sympathize with naivety, for believing that the world is good. It is the logical thing that children assume.
Even Stella, once upon a time, had thought so too.
But Naruto is not a normal child.
He is an orphan, loathed by Konoha's civilians, disliked and ignored by Konoha's shinobis. Uzumaki Naruto is the boy parents warn their kids against – Akari had overheard other parents whisper about him – the one that the whole world (at least Konoha) is waiting to fail.
If Akari could be insecure about her hatred, about the devilish whispers that follow her at every second, she would almost feel inadequate next to him. She would think that her pain is nothing compared to his.
But is it really? Pain is pain and suffering breaks anyone just as easily.
But Uzumaki Naruto does fall into the darkness, doesn't allow bitterness to fester within him.
Stella could never.
Oh no, for some reason, the blonde loves his village, he loves and wants to protect those who spit at him daily. Naruto wants to devote himself to the population who would rejoice if he died.
Fool.
There is a difference between being naïve and being plain stupid.
And Akari does not understand.
Every time they walk through his beloved Konoha, insults and glares follow him like a second shadow till the Uchiha twins stand by his side, Akari's hand ruffling his sunshine-like locks and stating to all her fondness for the village's pariah. It makes her rage, how dare does Konoha abuse their hero? She knows Naruto is a hero – though she can't yet see it – because he is the anime's protagonist, he must be overpowered and she will only be advantaged by that fact.
Akari tries to love him fully, in the same way Ste- Naruto deserves to be loved.
She tries to understand him.
But there is not enough stubbornness in the world to overcome Naruto's blind devotion to Konoha.
And so, after one particularly nasty encounter with a pair of drunk civilians who try to bash Naruto's head with their beer bottles in broad daylight and the civilians watch gleefully while the shinobis ignore it and the ANBU remain hidden in which only Akari comes to her teammate's defense, she stops trying.
"Are you okay sunshine?" she asks while the ANBU come and drags the drunk civilians away from them and it is too late, far too late. They are willing to stand and watch a fellow Konoha ninja be abused and Akari cannot stand it.
Akari remembers curling into herself, hoping that her father would forget her as he flings porcelain and chairs around.
She remembers hearing her mother cry in the kitchen but being too weak, too afraid to ask if she was okay.
"Yeah…" he then gives her a big grin, wide with his eyes crinkling and Akari's breath stills because she sees Stella in Naruto's wake and it hurts to see the damage hidden in his eyes, the fists clenched tightly as his nails dig into his palm to keep himself grounded. "Don't worry about me Aka-chan! Words like that mean nothing to the future Hokage!"
The shrill desperation in his words, how his voice cracks when he mentions his dream is enough to make her chest ache, only slightly, but it is more emotional turmoil she felt for anyone except Sasuke and maybe Shikamaru.
He is just like her.
Just like Stella, when she was still that sweet, naïve girl who thought that being a good person was enough. That life would protect her as long as she remained good.
But that was all but a childish dream.
Nothing protected her. Nothing and no one.
Only her hatred came to her aid and even to this day, it's all she has.
Akari wants him to fall prey to the bitterness, loneliness and hurt that cling to his heart. She wants Naruto to be like her, hate the world, and lash out at anyone who dares and hurts her, them.
She dares to dream of team 7 that has gone rogue, ready to destroy anyone that wronged them.
And then, Naruto destroys, no, tramples on her little dream like the perfect hero.
She could never be so optimistic.
"You'll see, I'll become Hokage and then everyone will have to respect me! I'll protect this village and everyone in it dattebayo!"
His verbal tic used to be endearing, but Akari doesn't like it now, doesn't like what she is currently hearing.
She wants to slap Naruto, to beat senses into him because the world will tear him apart and he is her - her teammate, she doesn't want him to suffer as she did.
She wants to scream at him:
"Can't you see? No one will ever love you! Why destroy yourself over something you have no control on? They decided to hate you, nothing will change, you will always be hated and alone and how can you even want to protect them? They destroyed you, they hate you, hate them back! Make them suffer and regret the day they decided that you are not good enough for them!"
But she doesn't, she doesn't slap him nor does she yell at him for his naivety, for his stupidity and overwhelming childishness.
It wouldn't suit her role after all.
Rather, Akari inhales once, pushes away the snarls at the sheer utopia that Naruto is sprouting and she plasters on a smile as she reaches out and ruffles his hair.
"I know you will" she tells him softly and though her answer gives her the same adoring eyes she used to bask in – a small part of her still does – there is apathy carefully hiding in her eyes, disdain even at the hopeful look Naruto shoots at his surrounding only to be met with cold, glaring eyes.
Weak.
…
The mission to Wave was supposed to be a C-rank, easy enough to get a feel at how well their team will manage outside of Konoha. There is some advantage to having Naruto in her team, Akari notes as her blonde teammates address the Hokage with an affectionate honorific. The village leader is fond of Naruto and often indulges him thus their first C-rank mission.
Tazuza, the bridge builder who requested an escort, is an old man, drunk before noon and with a loose tongue that lashes out at his escorts. Naruto is irritated, Sasuke is too. Akari, well, she doesn't care for it though she isn't impressed.
Back home – a mansion filled to the brim with memories and death – Sasuke packs their thing with enthusiasm, at least, more than usual.
"Excited?" Akari asks smiling.
"Hn. We're finally going on a mission."
"Let's just hope it won't be a waste of time."
"It would be a shame."
The day after, Akari and Sasuke both arrive on time at the village's gates, their backpacks all neatly sealed away in a storage seal that Akari drew. Almost as soon as they start walking out of Konoha, Tazuna starts spewing remarks there and there, questioning Naruto's skills because a ninja shouldn't wear orange and is he even a ninja?
He does have a point, Akari has to concede but she still isn't fond of their client.
"You better remember my name when I become Hokage! Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto yells at the bridge builder, body coiled as if he wanted to jump on the older man, perhaps to strangle him.
"Mah, mah, Naruto, no attacking the client." Kakashi intercepts smoothly with a typical eye crinkle. Akari wonders how much of it is fake.
Naruto sulks, though his attempt at broodiness doesn't last long, soon enough, the blonde is looking around in wonder.
"Ne, ne Akari-chan! Look!" he exclaims as he points at a large tree.
"Dobe, it's a tree." Sasuke deadpans, hands in his short's pockets as he shuffles close to Akari.
"Yeah but it's a big one!"
Akari giggles, reaching out to ruffle Naruto's hair. The smaller guy, already predicting her gesture, tilts his head towards her, a beam on his lips as he feels her fingers lightly scrap his head.
"You seem pretty excited sunshine," she observes with a small smile. Naruto adores that nickname and if it makes both Naruto and Kakashi-sensei fonder then Akari continues using it.
Naruto nods energetically. "Yeah, it's my first time outside the village."
Akari wonders why, though it might be because Konoha doesn't want their hero to live the village grounds, especially since he doesn't have any parental supervision.
They continue walking on the path, Naruto excitedly pointing things at her and Sasuke making a few snide comments there and there though Akari gives him a pointed look when he seems about to say something particularly cruel. Call it twin intuition. Everything seems fine and dainty, till the group passes past an innocent looking puddle. Sasuke, Naruto and Tazuna don't think twice of it's presence but Akari almost falters in her steps. A puddle of water when there hasn't been any rain in weeks? In the land of Fire?
Akari is no fool, she was not raised as one though many of her shortcomings could say otherwise.
When two shinobis, Kiri it seems and maybe even twins as their features look awfully similar one to the other, emerge from the puddle, chains yanking at their sensei till he is torn apart, Akari doesn't take the time to think, yanking out her kunais and seal papers, shifting in front of Naruto who is frozen.
She wants to scream because why is the hero frozen, why is he so incompetent at being a shinobi to let fear freeze him? How on Earth is he supposed to save their story when he is only a bubbling, ramen-obsessed fool who doesn't take his training seriously?
(Sometimes, Akari forgets he is a child.
She forgets they all are.)
The raven-haired girl dodges one of the brother's strikes, sending a kunai flying to his head though he avoids it, letting the blade etch itself on the trunk of a nearby tree. Akari immediately replaces with it, appearing on the tree and using it as a springboard as she slaps a paralysis seal on the shinobi's back.
Kill them, stain the grass red with their blood.
K
I
L
L
Akari ignores the whispers, (burden, they mutter) it never is easy to do so, however, there is no reason why she would use lethal force while taking down her opponent. Kakashi-sensei would have noticed and the thought of seeing his disappointed, bemused stare as she drifts away from her new role makes her chest ache.
For once she hasn't disappointed one of her teachers yet.
"You have so much potential, Stella, yet you waste it."
"I'm sorry." What else can the teenager say?
Her teacher sighs. "I'm sorry too. That talent is just wasted on you, it should have gone to someone more deserving."
So, Akari tries not to.
And if being someone soft, and caring, and weak is what Kakashi-sensei wants?
It's not her worst mask yet.
Kakashi-sensei reappears, unharmed by the chains that had torn into him. He ruffles her hair with an eye crinkle. "Good job Akari-chan and Sasuke, great defense and reflexes. Naruto, good try."
Akari grins.
"Scaredy cat," Sasuke taunts their teammate, chest puffed out at their teacher's praise.
Naruto bristles at his words, gritting his teeth and glaring at his hand. Akari takes out a bandage roll from her seal, wrapping Naruto's hand neatly. Her grip is a bit too tight, but Naruto doesn't notice or at least, doesn't voice it.
"Also, Akari-chan, please check for poison," Kakashi-sensei adds before turning to their client, tense and almost angry.
"Poison?!" Naruto repeats with a strangled gasp.
Ah.
Technically, that counts for a dire situation, right? A life or death one.
She should use it.
It is the right thing to do but when has Akari ever done something right?
It would save Naruto.
Save her teammate to her own detriment. Ha, that is a choice that Stella would have gleefully and uncaringly made before she knew of the rot that plagues the world.
Naruto is the main character.
He has plot armor; he just cannot die.
And if Akari were to reveal her jutsu, that particular skill, Kakashi-sensei will never allow her to be a front fighter like her other teammates.
The more Kakashi-sensei and Konoha know of her skills, the higher their expectations will rise. And expectation leads to disappointment.
Akari feels the ghost of her mother – Stella's mother – touch that lingers on her shoulder, a reminder to never mess up where people can see.
"Look around. Everyone's watching you. And you have the nerve to screw it up."
Team Seven isn't everyone, Akari knows it. But- they are not Sasuke, Sasuke who loves her so fiercely and unconditionally even when the whispers grew too powerful to ignore and she would succumb to her weaknesses and break down.
Unaware of her dilemma, Naruto snarls at Sasuke. "Just wait and see teme, I ain't gonna run away again. I'm going to be the strongest ninja and the future Hokage! Believe it!"
And then, the blonde stabs himself once more, ruining her perfectly well-made bandage in the process, and Akari's eyebrow twitches.
"That's great, Naruto, but you can't do that if you bleed out." Kakashi-sensei points out with wry amusement at the blonde's grand declaration and gesture. Naruto yelps, stuttering as he presses the remains of his bandage to his palm, throwing a panicked glance toward Akari.
As if convinced that Akari could do something for him, as if Akari could be trusted and reliable.
It isn't the first time someone would look at her like that.
But for once, somehow, it doesn't make her want to retch as pressure builds in.
Fuck it.
Akari brings his injured hand closer to her and with closed eyes, hovers her palm and pushes her chakra, shifting it to get her result. She imagines a clear, emerald that knits cells back together, coaxes her chakra to purify. Her brows furrow in concentration.
"Akari-chan?"
She hears Kakashi-sensei's breath hitch when her chakra shifts from a sapphire glow to a soft green one.
"That's-"Kakashi-sensei cannot finish his sentence, voice wavering.
Akari would think she was doing something wrong by the look on his face but surely not.
She's healing Naruto.
She's being good even as the whispers in her mind turn vicious because what a pathetic fool, had she not learned her lesson again and again?
Stop caring, stop trying so much, Kelly's voice snarls at Akari's weakness, always so repulsed at Stella's gentleness. Do you really think anyone would do the same for you?
Naruto cannot love Akari for the sun cannot love the dark.
The sun kills any darkness and must die for it to be born.
Naruto is the stainless sunshine, golden boy, perfect hero while Akari is hatred incarnated, dysphoria of obscene and flaws.
Yet Akari (the twins) still loves- likes him.
"It's the medical jutsu," Sasuke fills in Kakashi-sensei's silence helpfully. He crosses his arms around his chest, practically preening. "Akari is quite skilled at it."
"You don't say," Kakashi-sensei whispers, eye never leaving Akari's hand that is still glowing green.
Under their eyes, Naruto's skin stitch itself closed. When Akari ends her technique, there is only a faint reminder of the wound, barely noticeable and only a pit more pink that Naruto's tan skin.
Akari clicks her tongue at the scarred flesh as if it is personally mocking her.
Because it is.
It is another proof of her many shortcomings, knowing she lives with a mind wary of failures and the fear of averageness plaguing her every steps.
'Skilled' Sasuke, her beloved twin that thinks she can do no wrong, said.
But would a skilled medic really leave a trace behind?
Would anyone even remotely competent be better than her at it?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Even if Akari has lost so much sleep over it, that isn't enough. Even now, it is hard for her to use the medical jutsu. A jutsu that, though useful, condemns her to a sideline support role in her team dynamic and somehow just what Kakashi-sensei wished for.
Mystic Palm. A tedious chakra technic Akari lost so much sleep over, trying to resuscitate a fish, circulating her chakra as she tries to visualize it. It had been hard and even now, it still is. A medical jutsu, useful yes, but that condemns her to a sideline support role in her team's dynamic.
"Woahh" Naruto breathes as he stares at his hand. Akari bumps his nose playfully as she scolds him for being a reckless little sunshine.
What a fool.
There are many things she could say, sharp, cruel words already on her tongue that would tear apart Naruto.
It's almost scary how easy it would be to let them slip.
Because when you are born, raised like a fucking pig for the slaughter, and thrown to wolves and snakes alike as soon as you turned three, it is beaten into you.
Stella unlike Coral had never thrived in politics and social networking as she should have. Another failure added to her name, another shame added to her life, and the list carries on. But, even if by osmosis, she knows how to wield her words like a weapon.
However, Akari doesn't, maybe because it isn't something Uchiha Akari would do, maybe because she knew all too well how deep words cut.
She had been cut, carved open by them.
Naruto, for all his faults, does not deserve it, not when he shines so brightly and adores her so much.
"Since when do you know iryo ninjutsu?" Kakashi-sensei inquires, his eye strangely glazed as he watches her thoughtfully.
Sometimes, Kakashi-sensei's gaze pierces through the phantom of the person he sees within Akari.
It is rare when it happens, but it doe.
Now, it looks like it won't happen anytime soon.
"A year or so?" Akari questions as she places her hand in the crook of Sasuke's elbow, hiding the slight tremble in it because already, she can feel the noose that are expectations tightening around her neck.
The Uchiha princess knows what she did.
She already sees the image, the expectations Kakashi-sensei is building and it makes her grit her teeth.
But Sasuke's presence – warm, steady, home – melts away her fear and tension.
"Mah, good to know we can count on you, Akari-chan." Kakashi gifts her with his infamous eye-crinkle, she guesses it meant he was smiling at her and she smiles back - her fossette showing.
It wasn't a fake smile, not the type of smile she would always wear at the Academy.
It feels good to be acknowledged like that. What a joke, there is nothing good in her to be acknowledged.
Kakashi-sensei's praise doesn't feel empty. Not like the other Konoha-shinobis whose eyes greedily drank in the sight of her apparent prodigious abilities.
Maybe this time will be different.
Maybe this team will work.
It did not.
…
When Zabuza comes and attacks Team Seven, Akari is, quite literally, slapped in the face at how weak and useless she is in the great scheme of things. For all her skills – she knows she has them, that she isn't so helpless because it is the only thing good about her – she feels alike an insignificant insect next to the Mist missing-nin.
"Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, jugular, subclavian artery, kidneys, heart." The man, with the giant looming sword – and yes, Akari is slightly intimidated by it, who wouldn't? – drones almost as if he is reading ingredients from his grocery shopping list. "So many places to kill."
Not really.
But it's not like Akari will tell that man – that oozes danger and blood – that.
Stella had studied those fatal spots and had analyzed many assassination methods throughout history as per her family's mandatory curriculum.
"Remember Stella, death is quick. It is definite. Know everyone's weaknesses and exploit them. The world will never be kind to you, you are too… special. And always remember, if you want to be evil, do it correctly."
Her uncle – not related by blood yet who still wholeheartedly embraces their Family's ways – spits out the word special as if it is particularly disgusting.
'Special'
It is Stella's crown within the family; their special, perfect prodigy.
Her uncle Ken hates her for it.
"Yes, uncle."
"Good girl." Ken smiles tightly before turning to his own daughter with a small sneer. "See Coral, Stella has such a wide arsenal of knowledge, such talent, while you cannot even tell me how many bones there are in the human's body."
Of course, her uncle has to compare the two.
It is all he can do, push his mounting, obnoxious inferiority complex onto his prized elder daughter and compare the two cousins to see who is better.
"206, dad. 206 bones." Coral quickly answers. Stella's cousin looks up at her father, eyes wide and desperate for the smallest praise, for a simple acknowledgment that Stella knows will never come.
Uncle Ken only sighs, disappointment heavy in his eyes as he rubs his hand on his bearded chin.
"Stella already knew that 2 weeks ago."
Coral drops her gaze.
Her uncle clicks his tongue at his daughter, turning away as he pats Stella's head softly who freezes at his gesture.
Her uncle might have never raised a hand to her, but Ken has not been born within their sphere and didn't learn - in the same way that the rest of their family did – deceit. His contempt and disdain are as clear as day.
A dark part of her wonders if he would ever consider making her disappear if he could get away with it.
Anything for money, right? Anything for the heir position.
"Be sure to continue working hard Stella," Uncle Ken coos at her, words sickly sweet yet Stella sees the anger and resentment swirling in his eyes. "If you don't work enough, Coral might even surpass you-" Stella's cousin perks up but immediately, her eyes water as the man continues. "- though it won't happen anytime soon if she doesn't stop fooling around."
Her uncle is a proud, greedy man, living his dreams of acknowledgment and expectations through his eldest child, already deeming his second daughter – little Anna whose only fault is to be born average, weaker than 'normal' – as useless.
For all his backstabbing, for twisting Coral's familial love into hatred, Stella still tries to please him. She sees Anna's misery, how her father could care less about her as he – and the rest of their family – throws her aside for being sickly, for being normal and weak.
She doesn't want that.
No child in their fucked up family does.
Maybe that's why they are all ready to trample on one another to avoid such fate. Anna, though two years younger, has been used as an example of what happens if you become a hopeless failure.
Ignored. Abandoned. Mocked. Uncared for. Worthless.
"Of course, uncle."
"As expected of our little princess."
Coral's anger burns Stella, it twists the little girl's heart at the sight of such loathing in her cousin's eyes. But her fear of rejection, her fear of her father far outweighs any love she holds for her cousin and so Stella turns away.
They were 9 years old.
Akari blinks.
The fog clouding their view and surrounding them feels oppressive, dark as if hungry for their blood. The killing intent whispers to her "I will kill you. Bathe in your blood, tear you to pieces and leave you a rotting, bloody corpse."
Been there, done that already, keep up.
It tries to suffocate her, tightening over her as if someone tries to choke her with a plastic bag. But Akari, strangely enough, doesn't feel much threatened by the threats. The bloodlust washes over her like rain trailing softly on her room's window, undeterred. The promises don't make her freeze in fear and horror, and she distantly wonders why. Perhaps it is because she has done it already, to another human being, and still hasn't felt a single inkling of regret for a life wasted because she was mocking Sasuke, Ami was a monster just like Mari and Ella and killing monsters aren't something to feel guilty for. Akari, like Ami, made the choice to be a monster, Ami made her bed and she had to lay in it, right? RIGHT?
To kill or to die?
To exist or to live?
Akari finds herself listening to the thickening fog's promises of death and a small part of her wonders, would it be so bad?
She's tired, weary and so exhausted.
As much as she loves her brother, living another life-shifting through so many masks every day with only the constant whispers in her head – bloodthirsty, self- hating, and always so hateful – keeping her sane, it makes her eyelids harder to flutter open every morning.
(Some days – the worst ones that always begin with betrayal, blood, and kaleidoscopes – Sasuke has to shake her awake, gripping at her limp body a bit too tightly, voice a bit too strained as he pleads for her to wake up. It can take minutes to hours. And every time that happens, Akari hates herself for doing that to Sasuke)
And then, a traitorous little thought slithers in her mind, for once not whispered to her.
What if Akari simply opened her arms and let Zabuza cut her open?
"You will die." The killing intent promises.
It's not like anyone will mourn her, a high-pitched whisper points out.
Akari is tempted to take it on that offer, her hand drifts towards her pouch.
What if this constant uphill battle could finally stop?
"Don't worry." Kakashi-sensei's voice cuts through the haze, as it reaches her, calm and warm. His voice drags her away from that stray, dangerous thought. "I won't let anything happen to you guys, trust me."
As it should be.
Akari didn't invent herself another persona, another mask so painfully similar to Stella before the world broke her, for nothing. It is as she wanted it to be, Kakashi-sensei ready to die for her twin to live.
Sowhydoesn'tshefeelhappy?
Sasuke trembles next to her, pupils wide and dilated, his body coiled as if it is debating whether to flee or freeze. Though he slightly unstiffens when Kakashi-sensei reassures him, it is only when she slips her hand into his that the tension melts away, stealing a sweet smile from her – a smile out of place here and now, but it is a smile, nevertheless.
She watches on, confident in her sensei's skills and when he is caught in the water prison, Akari freezes, her thoughts halt themselves.
He failed?
Kakashi-sensei begs them to go, to leave him, take Tazuna and run. Akari completely agrees with that sensible decision, whole heartily and her hand trembles slightly as it itches towards Sasuke's arm warmers to tug him away from the mist nin before he decides to cut them all open.
Not Sasuke.
He will never touch her brother.
But Akari has underestimated Naruto's thirst for heroics, his need to be the hero. And she has underestimated Sasuke's protectiveness and his need to test himself.
Both Naruto and Sasuke refuse to, scoffing at their sensei's orders and she has no choice but to follow their lead. The two look at her as if they needed to see her to give them strength and she plasters on a confident smile as she takes out some of her sealing work. Even if her mind is chanting, yelling at her to leave because her brother will die if she doesn't.
But Uchiha Akari isn't one to leave her comrades.
Neither did Stella.
Not till she broke.
Naruto and Sasuke fight, pulling some strategy from where she doesn't know but it somehow works. Something inside of her, the small child within, flinches because they're great without her.
It is normal for them to thrive in such a situation.
They are the anime's main characters.
While she doesn't even exist.
But being useless is not something Akari plans on being.
She takes out a storage scroll and stealthily works on shifting her chakra into lightning. It doesn't come as easy as fire does to her and soon enough, Akari has to smother down hisses as sparks fly through her fingers, stinging.
Her fingers twitch uncontrollably from it. The Uchiha heiress frowns, hoping that no one saw. It wouldn't do to show her incompetence.
And as Naruto attacks from above, Sasuke acting as support with Uchiha ninja wire, Akari pushes chakra into her feet, bursting into a sprint.
She slashes her kunai at the mist ninja and slaps the storage seal on him. Her fingers, singed and hurting from the quick and unusual chakra conversion, form the tiger seal as she barks out in English "Release."
Lightening courses through him and a strangled sound escape Zabuza.
It works, brilliantly if she dares say so but she has miscalculated, stayed too close to the experienced shinobi and even as his body painfully spasms with lightning coursing, he kicks her into the river.
The water is cold and its surface stings as Akari's body breaks into it.
"Go away Stella," her mom snaps. "I can't look at you right now."
"But-"
"No buts! Do you know how hard it was to just stand there and watch you mess up? Everyone's looking at you, they were counting on you and you're selfish enough to ruin everything? I just can't look at you now!"
It's fine. She can't look at herself either.
No one should either.
No one should be condemned to look at a failure.
"Akari!"
She hears people crying out her name, distinguishes Sasuke's voice raw and panicked as she falls into the water. Her body hurts, it throbs and the kick has surely broken a few ribs from its strength alone.
There's a whimper.
She's the only one who got hurt.
F
Kakashi-sensei jumps down, hands circling her waist as he pushes the two of them out of the water.
A
Sasuke immediately tends to her, fretting and taking out blankets from her scrolls. The fabric envelops her like a little cocoon, soft and warm but she only notices it with a distant acknowledgment. The same detachment one would think "oh, my hair has gotten longer."
I
She doesn't feel the blanket's warmth.
L
Doesn't feel a thing.
Naruto did fine.
U
Sasuke too.
Kakashi-sensei collapses from chakra exhaustion, she tells the boys that but they still have to go to Tazuna's house.
R
While underwater, it seems she missed much. An elderly and three twelve years old will have some difficulty carrying a fully grown, muscled shinobi. Akari bites her thumb and summons Eren and his pack.
E
"Akari?" he questions, large teal eyes gazing at her, almost as if concerned.
But why would he be concerned?
Akari is fine, she always is, why is he looking at her as if she was about to break?
She can't break, breaking down is not allowed and Stella doesn't want to be imprisoned in the basement again.
"Can you and the others carry us to Tazuna-san's house please?" The words tumble down from Akari's lips, the 'please' burning on her tongue as the little bird sings her courtesies.
"Why would you roll your eyes at him? Why are you acting like a spoiled brat?" her aunt asks.
"He told me that women cannot possibly be trusted as heirs because they would spend all the family's money on clothes. That I should just shut up and let proper people handle important things."
"So?"
"So?! So I told him fine I'll shut up when I see someone proper but till then I'll continue to tell him that his stupid face better not be anywhere near me –"
Her aunt slaps her.
It's been a while. Stella forgot her dearest aunt clung to politeness.
"That man could tell you to kill yourself and you better tell him 'of course, thank you for your suggestion' with a perfectly polite smile on your face! When you are weak as you are, being courteous is the only thing you can do, got it?"
"Yes aunt, thank you for sharing those words of wisdom." And please, please stop breathing.
"Of course, hime" Toga answers her cheerfully, nudging Eren to the side, her bronze fur glinting in the sunlight and her canines appearing sharper than ever.
Akari gives her the best smile she can muster as thanks and watches on as Sasuke and Naruto mount her summons, already familiar with the pack from team bonding exercises. Her onyx eyes assess her teammates condition. They are all fine. No grievous injuries, no mistake done while in battle.
Why was she the only one who messed up?
WHY IS SHE INJURED?
"Akari?" Sasuke
She shouldn't be injured, not when everyone was fucking fine, all perfect and dainty like the main characters.
It takes her a full second to register her twin's words.
"Yeah?" she tilts her head to her side.
"How are your injuries? You shouldn't strain yourself too much." Sasuke is concerned, worry etched into his aristocratic features. Troubled that his precious sister has come into harm's way.
Somewhere, deep within her, Sasuke's worry makes her heart flutter.
Whywhywhywhy
He shouldn't be concerned for her.
It is her own fault that she got injured.
It's alwaysalways my fault.
"Don't worry Sasuke," Akari chirps with a smile – she thinks it's a smile, it feels foreign, wrong on her lips, but she has to keep smiling. Always and always because it's the only thing she can do. "I already healed myself."
"Hn."
Sasuke almost looks as if he is going to argue but decides better, trusting his twin to take care of herself. He leans down from Eren's back, because she only trusts her strongest summon to carry and protect her brother, and gently kisses her matted forehead. He gives her a small smile. "Take care of yourself, Akari. You've done well. Good job for Zabuza."
"Pathetic. Do it again. Better this time. Again. Why can't you get it right? What is wrong with you?"
"… I'll do better next time."
"You better. You do realize that no one will love you if you prove yourself to be weak, right?"
"Yes, dad."
Akari snatches Sasuke's hand before she can stop herself and her twin blinks at her, surprised from his perch. She nuzzles her cheek into his palm, basking in his warmth. It's the only thing she can feel, that and the numbness that threatens to spill over.
"I'm fine. But, thank you."
He is the only peace in this rotten world.
Sasuke turns away, nudging Eren at the lead to bring them into a safe location, Akari lingering behind. The group is still far too close to her liking when she chokes out a wheeze, coughing in the crook of her elbow and leaving a few drops of blood on her ivory skin.
It hurts.
Simply breathing hurts.
Now, don't get her wrong, Akari didn't lie to Sasuke. She did heal herself.
She did.
Healed the bare minimum to keep her alive that is.
The pain, almost agonizing when she tries to inhale too deeply, is something she can't, she doesn't deserve to numb. A reminder of how useless and incompetent she had been. Let her suffer if it's what it takes for her to realize, that this isn't a game. This life that Sasuke chose for them – tools for their village as shinobis – isn't something she can push through by sheer talent alone.
She coughs again.
It hurts, her chest aches yet it doesn't compare, doesn't stand a candle against the pain she feels within her heart, twisting it and tearing it apart. To know that even as she had tried her absolute best to be useful, it still hadn't been enough.
Not good enough.
Not good enough.
Never fucking good enough.
…
Akari is the first one to master the tree walking technique, not a surprise since using the Mystic Palm requires a lot of chakra control, something she acquired with some difficulty. And she had always practiced her chakra control over the clan's pond, it is nothing new. It's the only reason why she succeeded before the others. Still. Kakashi-sensei taunts Naruto and Sasuke with the knowledge that a girl beat them – as if it was a bad thing – and Akari lifts an unimpressed eyebrow at him, though her sensei pretends he doesn't see it.
"Kakashi-sensei?" Akari asks as she sits beside Kakashi-sensei on a tree branch, dangling her legs as she watches absently her brother and the blonde yell out war cries as they sprint towards their respective trees, marking it with their kunai before gravity called them back to the ground. Hard. She would wince in sympathy, but frankly, it is entertaining to see them flail around.
"Yes Akari-chan?"
"Do you think you could teach me something new?"
Kakashi-sensei flips another page. The cover steals a small, disdainful grimace from Akari and he pats her head good-naturedly.
"Why?" he asks.
"I want to get better in ninjutsu. To protect my precious people." Kakashi-sensei glances at her contemplatively as if debating something. His eye glazes slightly as he stares and Akari gives him a soft smile with crinkling eyes, she slips on her mask as if it is a second skin.
It maybe is.
He is seeing someone else. Again.
"Mah, you don't need to Akari-chan, you already are good at it." He tells her. "Very good in fact, your level is impressive for a genin."
Akari's mouth drops in both surprise and disbelief, however, Kakashi-sensei misinterprets her gaping for something else.
"You should work on your iryo ninjutsu, Team Seven would benefit from a medic." He elaborates and a small part of Akari wonders why he is so insistent to push her on a medic path, the one who is confined on the sidelines. But frankly, Akari is just taken back by his words, his lack of critics of her skills.
Good enough.
Impressive.
She hadn't heard anything like it – such praise – in a long time. She doesn't remember a time where she wasn't pushed to be better, always better because surely her talents didn't impose any limits on her?
"T-thank you Kakashi-sensei." She mumbles. "But I already know the Mystic Palm what else is there to learn?"
Kakashi-sensei flips another page as he shrugs. "Don't you have any medical texts in your scrolls?"
She does, a few books filled with the human anatomy and medicine, and she already read through them, quickly. Akari nods.
"Then, my cute little genin, your next task is to read through them and learn all about the body."
Akari wants to complain, to whine how much it is a waste of time to learn about the anatomy when her sensei, the man rumored having learnt over a thousand jutsus, could teach her other skills that would benefit her kunoichi career. But the fondness she sees in Kakashi-sensei's eyes is enough to make the words die in her throat.
Right.
She forgot herself.
Akari is Team Seven's talented medic kunoichi.
Just another mask to wear.
…
Tell me, father,
Which to ask forgiveness for:
What I am, or what I'm not?
Tell me, mother,
Which should I regret:
What I became or what I didn't?
…
AUTHOR NOTE: Thank you so much for your overwhelming support (likes, follows, etc) ! It really means the world to me and reading your reviews really make my day. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I haven't really polished it, but I really wanted to give you guys another chapter. I'm sorry but I truly seem to not be able to write decent fight and action scenes, but well, I'll try my best. Next up, Sasuke gets the Sharingan, Akari looses another string of her sanity
Next update: Not sure when. Am I writing instead of studying? Yessir but I like to think of it as my therapy and the more stressed I am, the more I write. Since I'm going into my finals soon well, you know what that means.
To SakaPaka, Samael the Lightbringer, RainRozae and PowWow22, thank you so much for your reviews!
To answer PowWow22: Thank you so much for your review. Well, I'm for one glad you like Akari, though I have to admit I didn't really make her likeable ahah. Yes, Akari is truly someone complicated, she's twisted, but also strangely vulnerable at her worst moments. We all love trauma don't we? Expect to read more soon of those moments. After all, I truly believe that Akari was, at her core, a good person, she's just a bit too broken now. I agree, I love her interactions with Shikamaru, I hadn't planned to really use him as an important character at first but the scenes I wrote are too sweet, they changed my mind. As for Sasuke, I was really intrigued to read your thoughts on their dynamic. I completely understand where you are coming from with your thoughts, and while I do somewhat agree I thought I could try to explain some of Akari's psychology.
Basically, Akari truly loves Sasuke, before and after she got her old memories back. However, I do agree that at one point, she is more obsessed over keeping Sasuke's love than truly appreciate it. For us, the manipulations might seem unnecessary, however, Akari hadn't had the best experiences with relationships as Stella. Everyone she had ever loved eventually left her, dropped her as if she was never a reason to stay and that truly hurt and broke her. 16 years of being continuously abandoned by the people she loves made her think that she is unlovable. And she's so scared that Sasuke too will leave her, she tries her best to tie him to her so that he cannot even think of leaving her too. Is it messed up and unhealthy? Hell yeah but like you said, that's a summary of who Akari is. Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and don't be shy to continue!
Lots of love,
Daphne Ackerman.