Uzumaki Naruto dreams of being a hero.
Bet you didn't know that.
Now, you might ask, what about becoming the Hokage, Naruto?
And yeah, sure, being Hokage would be awesome. After all, if he becomes Hokage, he will finally be respected. Finally, he will get the village's love instead of their scorn and distaste. Sure, being Hokage is almost like a dream come true.
But most of all, Naruto wants to be a hero.
The hero that he, himself, never got.
You see, Naruto has never been liked before.
Tolerated at best, perhaps even fondly looked after like one would look after a pet, but never truly cherished without a second motive.
It's fine, though. He doesn't need them!
Naruto doesn't need to be loved, not that he really knows how it feels. All he wants is to be seen. To be so great, no one could sneer in his face and forget about him like he was a speck of dirt on their shoes.
It is a lonely life.
Oh, but he might dress it up as cheer, might love Konoha because, for all its fault, it is his village, but it doesn't change the fact that it is lonely to stand alone before an ocean of hatred that stems from a burden he never asked for.
Uzumaki Naruto.
It is his name.
Unique and his in a way that the civilians cannot take it from him. No, Naruto makes that name his own by wearing it proudly on his chest even when people's faces harden at the mere sound of it. By shouting it to the sky and to Konoha, so that they have to look at him and acknowledge him.
Uzumaki Naruto.
He is an orphan, lucky enough to have a last name at all. Most don't. So, it is all that he ever had that set him apart from the other orphans, unwanted just like him yet never reviled. Uzumaki Naruto, it's the only thing that Naruto truly owns, and even then, it is Jiji that gifts it to him.
But not anymore.
He has other names to call his own, other people that do not need him to act out to look at him.
Sunshine, dobe.
He embraces both as fiercely as he embraces his own name.
Because they are nicknames, love names that two of his most precious people gave him.
He is lucky to be part of Team Seven, and to have been allowed to shift closer to that invisible line that separates Uchiha Akari and Uchiha Sasuke from the world. Naruto knows it well, and he loves them more than he ever resented them as a child.
The Uchiha twins are people that Naruto, frankly, envies. Ridiculous, right? He means, ha, he laughs at himself silly sometimes when he thinks of it, but other times, it ties a knot in his throat.
Naruto had always seen Sasuke as a reflection of himself in a way, praised and loved but undoubtedly alone in front of an ocean of reverence. There's a kindred loneliness that makes them both different than those kids who do not need to worry about their next meal or dread the Kyuubi festival in fear that drunk, cruel people will come and try to find him.
He shouldn't feel that envy or look at Sasuke and think if only I were him.
He shouldn't!
But if Sasuke is – or rather should be Naruto's reflection – the teme has something that Naruto never will.
Sasuke has Uchiha Akari, someone who loves him wholeheartedly.
Without limit or any reservation.
Sometimes, Naruto wonders how that would feel.
Naruto had tried to have something similar, too, before.
With Sakura-chan and her pretty blossom hair and beautiful green eyes. She had been kind to him, the first to say thank you when he let her pass, the first one to laugh not cruelly when Iruka-sensei had admonished him for acting out while the village was still mourning their beloved Uchiha.
Sakura-chan was like a firelight in an eclipse.
He loved her, wanted her to be happy.
Or at least Naruto thought he loved her.
And then, Naruto met Uchiha Akari.
Don't get him wrong. Naruto doesn't love Aka-chan like how Lazy Nara loves her. The teme and lazy ass would kill him if he ever did. Oh, but Naruto does love his teammate. Ironically, she calls him her sunshine when she is his sun, the light and warmth that kisses life into his lonely existence.
Uchiha Akari is kind, loving.
She sees him, and believes in him in a way that even Iruka-sensei struggled with in the past. Aka-chan gifted him with a precious team, and for that, Naruto will forever hold her in his heart.
So, when the stress of the Chuunin Exams gets to him, nerves vibrating, and Naruto is pacing in his small apartment, he remembers what Akari told him.
She would always be there for him.
Well, that sounds like an open invitation, doesn't it?
It doesn't take the blonde much time to stuff his equipment and jumpsuit in a bag, grabbing his nightcap and pillow. Of course, before bolting out of his run-down apartment, Naruto makes sure to grab the seals that Aka-chan gave him, stuffing them alongside the rest of his things before sprinting south.
Perhaps something small grips his heart, a ghost of endless rejection that cautions him even as he nears the Uchiha. Cautions against rejection and scorn over perceived weakness. God knows how much Sasuke can throw a hissy fit sometimes whenever strength is concerned.
It does not matter if the twins refuse him.
It does not matter if the twins ask him to leave.
It doesn't mean they are scorning or turning their back on him. They'll simply… they'll be setting boundaries. Yeah, that's it, duh. Just like how Akari told Lazy Nara that there is no way in hell (well, in gentler, kinder words) that she's going to settle with a research position and quit Team Seven.
Besides, Akari is way too cool and strong for a paper job (Naruto has seen her cringe at the Uchiha clan's mountains of paperwork, has seen her throw a document across the room, sick of it. The blonde would sooner beat Shikamaru into a bloody pulp than let Aka-chan be miserable. On a side note, Naruto's sure that the teme would gladly join in).
The imposing gates of the Uchiha clan loom like a threat in front of Naruto, but he is not one to be easily intimidated. He wouldn't be a good future Hokage if that were the case. He slips, carefully and respectfully, into the compound and allows the weight of the ghost town to cloak him. It always feels heavy in Aka-chan's home, like a stench of hatred, despair and cruelty is constantly drifting in the air. Only when he stops at the Main House, as Aka-chan calls it – though if anyone asked Naruto, that would be a fucking mansion, pardon the language – that the weight of the sins leaves him.
Naruto breathes in, one, twice, thrice, steeling himself.
As he lifts his arm, it wavers.
Calm down.
The blonde smacks himself, a mirror of the way Iruka-sensei would smack him once his patience had run out. With the traitor Mizuki whispering in his ears, it is more often than what Naruto would like.
(Iruka-sensei knew Naruto more than most did, yet he would always choose to believe others when push came to shove. Maybe that's why it hurts sometimes. Maybe that's why it is so easy to listen when Aka-chan tells their team, "It's us against the world. Oh, but Naruto will change it one day, it is too lonely.)
Ah.
He has to calm down.
It's not his first time coming to the twins' s house. Sure, it wasn't at night, it wasn't to seek comfort, but he shouldn't see it bigger than it is.
His hands are still trembling though.
DAMNIT.
Uzumaki Naruto is the future Hokage. Why is he being such a scaredey cat?
Before his resolve can falter again, Naruto knocks firmly on the imposing door.
It is left unanswered, and so he does it again.
And again.
He knows they are in there.
They can't ignore him the way Konoha does.
They won't. Naruto knows it.
"Oh, Sasukeeeeee" he sings, calling out to his teammate.
They're not going to ignore him like everyone else.
The door is yanked open, and there stands Uchiha Sasuke with tired, bruised eyes that glare daggers. The teme pauses, tilting his head – just like Aka-chan does when considering the proper response to someone's gesture.
Naruto hurries to greet him. "Yo-"
"No."
Only to promptly get the door shut to the face.
The blonde blinks, staring at the closed door.
A second passes, words trying to form themselves on his tongue as an odd, deep voice chuckles inside his mind.
"YOU BASTARD, OPEN THE DOOR" Naruto yells.
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE BEFORE TOMORROW. WE'RE SPENDING A WEEK TOGETHER, 24/7. GIVE ME A BREAK."
Naruto almost flinches at Sasuke's words, the confidence he had built a few minutes ago crumbling into a pile of dust. They sting like the wasps that used to chase him as a child away from their nests in his quest for food.
It's not even a proper rejection, Naruto hadn't had the time to ask for the twins' time, their company, before the Uchiha heir shut the door in his face, but it sure feels like one. Maybe the "I don't want to see your face" is getting to him, but Naruto has heard it too many times.
It shouldn't affect him.
The blonde tries to wear a scowl, but his lips wobble instead as he bites out a strangled "fine! It's not like I wanna – like I wanna see you either!".
The door is opened slightly again, and a scowling head of spikey ebony hair sticks out. But though the raven-haired boy wears a scowl too, it looks softer. Is it because he heard Naruto's wavering voice? Damnit, he's better than that! But the twins tend to do that to him. Leave him floundering while his world is shifted.
"What do you want, Naruto?" Sasuke sighs. "It's too late at night to see your face."
Right.
Naruto purses his lips at his teammate's words. He gets it, gets that sometimes he is a bit much to handle, too loud in his cheer and effort to get people to notice him. "Nothing, forget it."
And if his voice is pitched lower than usual, wavering only slightly in octave, well, it's because he's still a growing boy. Really.
The Uchiha heir quirks a skeptical brow, eyes glancing at Naruto's stuffed bag before flickering back to his face. Something flickers inside his dark, dark eyes as he opens the door wider. "Get in, dobe." The Uchiha grumbles out.
"Nah, it's fine! I'm leaving, don't –"
"Naruto." Sasuke doesn't smile at him; he doesn't do anything but gently tug the jinchuuriki into his home with understanding eyes and quiet solidarity. Naruto quietens. "It's fine. We're always glad to see you. Besides, Akari would scold me if she knew I had turned you away."
The and we don't turn our back on our team goes unsaid.
Naruto takes a quick breath, sniffing away a tear. "O-Okay."
He was so great that it burned the world to see him succeed.
And if there is one thing that the world loves more than a hero, it is to see a hero fall.
For better or worse, Uchiha Akari remembers her previous life.
It is a burden that she could do without, but then again, not everyone gets tortured by their eldest brother. Or at least, that's what she gets from the whispers and the pity some still bestow on her.
That they found her limp in Itachi's grip, tears of blood on her cheeks.
That she was silent yet agonized as the ANBU team rushed her to the hospital.
Thus, Akari remembers Stella's dying promises which she whispered with her dying breath, and imprinted them into her soul.
That she will never put someone else first again.
That she will never, ever beg for love.
Ha.
Naïve little girl.
Even a lifetime after, Stella manages to fail everything she vows to do.
She failed to succeed. She failed to make everyone proud. She failed to die at ten.
Though in a way, Akari thinks it is all right to break her first promise because Akari has always been good at putting herself last. It had been carved into her in the name of loyalty. Why care for herself when she still hadn't won? Why should she value herself when there isn't anything to be valued?
But Sasuke?
Sasuke is her soul, her heart, her everything.
He deserves to be put first.
As for her second promise, well, with someone who loves her so much, who loves her with a fire she had never been able to touch before, it is easy to forget about it.
Though there will always a small part that asks for more.
More and more.
(Give a starving beast a taste of love,
and
he will devour the entire world,
just to taste it again.
And Stella had been starved her entire life for it.)
But as Akari stares at Naruto, the blonde shuffling his feet nervously, her last promise echoes in her head like a chain that rattles and reminds the prisoner of its fate.
"Naruto," she calls, and the eyes that flicker up to her aren't sapphires but dull blue stones that verge to grey. Stella's eyes.
"Please?" he asks, and she almost flinches at the clear plea for the twins not to turn him away, to not abandon him.
"I won't ever beg for love again"
Oh, but look at him now.
Akari doesn't quite know what to do when Naruto comes to their house late at night with his heart shoved into their hands, pleading for them not to drop it. He asks to stay the night, hands shoved into his pockets, but she can see their tremble, the darting eyes that flee any unkindness he might see. It is like seeing a mirror. Being too unused to kindness yet still begging for it. Akari isn't sure if she likes it.
Sasuke is already back at his usual spot, not pausing the way she does at the blonde's request. Naruto is Team Seven, after all. Sasuke thinks that for that alone, the blonde will always be welcome in their house, in their protection.
Sasuke always was the better part of Akari.
For all her talk about "us against the world," Akari finds herself floundering. Naruto isn't Sasuke. He is not of her flesh, not of her blood. He is not half of her soul, and for that alone, he is dangerous.
Because what happens if the twins aren't Naruto's first priority? What happens if Sasuke gets hurt for loving Naruto like how they loved their eldest brother?
What happens if Akari loses her sunshine?
"Hey, Aka-chan?"
"Yeah?" She is back in Sasuke's arms, back pressed against her twin's chest, and only then can she breathe easily.
"What do you want to be later?"
"What do you mean?" she asks.
Naruto tilts his head like a golden retriever. "Like I want to be a hero."
At the word hero, Akari can't help but tighten her smile.
A hero, huh?
She throws a considering glance at the blonde, eyes lingering on his scruffy clothes, old and second-hand at best.
Sasuke snorts. "You would be a terrible hero, Naruto."
Naruto frowns, almost offended. "Whatcha mean by that teme? I'll be an amazing hero."
And here's the thing. Akari knows he would make a fantastic hero. After all, one doesn't get a show named after them without being a perfect, heroic protagonist.
Yet, she doesn't want that fate for Naruto.
She wants something else for him.
Sasuke, too, wishes that.
Naruto shouldn't have to become a hero. It would be too unfair to ask that of him when the Uzumaki is hated and reviled, when the world is so rotten and cruel.
"But you shouldn't be." Sasuke quietly objects, tucking his chin on her shoulder, a small puff of warm air fanning her cheek like a lover's kiss.
Naruto squints his eyes at her twin's quiet answer. "Why?" the blonde asks naively.
"Because there isn't one hero that was happy." Akari breathes out, finishing Sasuke's words for him. She tilts her head closer to Sasuke, pressing her cheek on his, eyes flickering to Naruto and the small girl, a ghost of stars, that hovers around him like a taunting illusion. "And you, you deserve to be happy."
I do not want to see him go up in flames-
The way all heroes end as martyrs.
He shouldn't give up his soul for a world that hates him.
The day of the Chuunin Exams starts with Sabaku no Gaara practically assaulting Akari while she waits for the rest of her team. Well, not quite assaulted.
Just violently grabbed by the arm.
Of course, it is not the boy's hand that grasps her, but rather a hand made of sand. Akari does not fight it as it pushes her toward a more recluse, solitary place. After all, nothing good comes from ignoring a predator, and as much as Akari loathes to admit it, the boy with madness for eyes is one of the biggest ones yet within her age group.
It is a bitter taste to swallow that for all her efforts, for all the times she tore herself up and pushed herself beyond reason, she still feels like she could not stand before the foreigner.
She feels small next to him, small in a way she never felt as Uchiha Akari, and she loathes it. Like there is glass and eggshells beneath her feet, and the air is colder as it cuts through her lungs.
Akari-
She needs to be stronger.
Better.
It's the only way.
There's only one way to act, however, when confronted with her own mediocrity.
Act as if she actually was good enough.
Akari breathes in, letting another mask slip onto her face, one that she rarely used as Konoha's beloved fire princess. Her chin tilts higher ever so slightly, and she feels the beginning of a sneer bloom on her lips.
"Can I help you?" she sneers to Gaara, quirking an eyebrow disdainfully. She allows her eyes to trail from his hair which looks like old blood, to his arms that are crossed. He shifts beneath her gaze as if understanding that Akari finds him lacking.
The sand hand releases her (Akari hadn't allowed herself to flinch from its coarse roughness, didn't allow herself to look any weaker than she already felt). The Uchiha princess dusts herself nonchalantly.
"You have a brother," he observes. His voice is deep but devoid of his usual bloodlust.
A chill runs through her. Akari feels the chakra gathering behind her eyes, and it is with effort that she stops herself from flashing him her Sharingan as a clear sign to back the fuck off.
Why would Sabaku no Gaara mention him?
Suna has nothing to do with the Uchiha.
And if she could help it, Gaara would never get to see her twin brother. She knows not what goes through his mind though Akari knows madness well.
However, the Uchiha princess doesn't let it show how his observation rattles her. Better Gaara thinks Sasuke is irrelevant in the greater scheme of things, although it tears her apart even to think that.
Akari recognizes that thirst for blood; she lives with it daily.
Her beloved twin brother will not be a target for it. She refuses.
"Congratulations, you have eyes." The Uchiha heiress gives a derisive laugh. "I do have a sibling, and so do you. I fail to see how it is relevant", At his lack of response, Akari scoffs, twirling around to leave him.
What a waste of time.
Now, if she recalls, her team should be near soon. It is almost noon and-
"He is weaker than you."
Akari halts.
Weaker?
Her entire body almost flinches at the word. It's instinctual by now.
Akari's voice is deceptively sweet when she turns back toward the redhead, eyes glaring. "Maa," she drawls, cocking her hip to the side and hand on her weapon pouch. She even allows her eyes to crinkle, a poor imitation of her teacher. "I don't understand what you mean by that."
"Uchiha Sasuke isn't as strong as you."
Lies. Lieslieslieslies
The raven-haired girl is grateful her twin isn't there to hear that. It would destroy them.
No one had liked to see Stella succeed.
At least-
Not more than them.
Once she surpassed them, smiles turned bitter and helpful hands turned into daggers in the back.
She won't let that happen.
She will sooner slit her own throat.
"If that is what you think, then Sasuke is much smarter than you." At Gaara's confused blink, Akari scoffs. "A shinobi that lets everyone see his strength is a poor shinobi." The dumbass goes unsaid, and if Akari understands the redhead's isolation – whether it be born from fear or scorn – then the insult flies over his head.
Pity.
"Maybe," Gaara surprisingly concedes. "But his hatred is nothing next to yours."
And the worst thing is that it is true.
Sasuke hates the world more out of principle, out of loyalty for his twin sister.
Sometimes it hurts to be the only one truly drowning in that hatred that clings to her in both lives. But in a way, that only proves that Akari hasn't failed her brother yet. Stella had hated the world, for it had never been a kind place to her. It had left her at the tender mercies of monsters, and for that, she will never forgive it.
If Sasuke doesn't loathe as she does, then he is still free.
Still.
That word should never be associated with her. Not when Itachi's massacre is still a fresh and raw wound to many, so much so that they would see the remaining Uchiha stifled if only to protect their precious power dynamic.
"Hatred?" Akari's smile dies into a straight line. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."
Gaara steps forward. One step and then another.
Akari only lifts her chin and purses her lips at his proximity.
The boy monster looks considering as he tilts his head. "That overwhelming feeling of solitude and bloodlust that plagues your every thought. That desperate need to see everyone that ever displeased you disappear. Like a snake in the desert, just waiting for weakness before pouncing." His eyes suddenly pierce through her, unblinking, leaving her soul bereft for his perusal. "You're drowning in hatred. Because you hate this place, and you hate these people."
Wha-
"I think you are confusing me for yourself," Akari deflects, keeping a tight hold on her mask because no, she cannot be seen, not now when everything is so fragile, why the fuck does that nobody thinks he can meddle in her plays?
How dare he ruin the fragile equilibrium Akari holds on Konoha.
How dare he put into words feelings that Uchiha Akari should never hold.
He squints, wondering. "Mother says you're angry."
Akari practically snarls at him as she snides, "No shit, Sherlock. At least your mother seems smarter than you."
Sand rises in response to her, and Gaara's eyes flash as Akari smiles with too many teeth. Inside, however, she wishes to slap herself. An old habit that had yet to die as Stella, but she cannot do it in front of that foreigner.
"If you only have unintelligent things to say, then you better not speak at all."
Control.
Stop talking.
"If we are done talking, then I will excuse myself," she grits out, but before she can even try to break their gaze, Gaara opens his godawful mouth again.
"I wonder if you will let me see your true hatred if I kill your brother."
Kill your brother –
Kill-
Brother –
That motherfucker-
Akari's heart is burning in outrage and fury as she yanks Gaara by his shirt, hand encased in flames, burning the fabric in her hand. She holds him close, shoving him a bit down so she can loom over him. Their faces are close, dangerously close. Close enough that she can see the turquoise sea of his eyes and the kanji carved into his forehead, its scar raised, puckered, and still angry though it seems to have been years old.
"Just think of hurting him, and I will make you wish you were never born." She snarls, but Gaara only laughs, a soft, deep laugh that echoes in the small space between them. The smell of burnt fabric too drifts in the air.
"I already do, every day. You can't make it worse."
Stella thought so too, once upon a time.
The monsters taught her otherwise.
She barks out a laugh. "Don't be naïve. There are other ways to make it worse. What happens if no one in Suna is ever scared of you again?" Akari knows where the soft sides hide, even beneath an armor of sand. She giggles as he stops laughing, a giggle slightly too high to be considered polite and normal, but between two monsters, masks are hardly needed though Akari wears one once more because she does not know how to stop. "What if I become a bigger monster than you, and they'll be too busy fearing me? Touch my brother, and I will make all your actions look like child's play. I will erase you from their memories. You'll look like a kitten next to me once I'm done with this world if you touch my brother, that I promise. You'll be nothing."
Gaara stiffens beneath her fingers before a crazed smile lights his face up in unholy glee. He looks deranged, crazy and Akari distantly wonders if she looks the same. He presses forward and brings himself closer, close enough that her hand brushes his chest and burns. He doesn't flinch as the flames lick at his skin, only smiles, and she pushes him away in disgust.
"I'll look forward to it." He says. Gaara then bows. "See you soon, Akari-hime."
And he disappears into a swirl of sand.
Like it didn't happen.
Like he never threatened her brother, her Sasuke.
Like they are fine.
Akari clenches her jaw.
Sabaku no Gaara.
Does he think her that weak?
"Don't you see? They are LAUGHING at you!" her father yells, throwing her phone on the wall so hard that the screen glitches.
Black, grey, white.
It's all Stella can see even as her father points an accusing finger at her, his face that looks so much like her own, twisted in rage. "They're laughing, and you dare tell me you did your best? You dare look at me in the eyes when everyone is laughing at you?"
"They're not laughing, they're-"
A slap echoes in the drawing room. At eleven, Stella already knows not to let herself react. She only clenches her jaw, eyes lowering. Her cheek throbs.
"They think you are weak. That you are useless, that's why they're laughing. It's your fault. If you weren't so weak, they would have respected you. If you were better, they wouldn't be laughing. Now? Look at them." He grips her chin and turns it to the TV where a playback of last night plays. Everyone is smiling politely, applauding sometimes. Stella, with her blue tulle dress and pretty bow, has her arms full of flowers and a perfect smile on her painted lips. Someone talks to her on the screen, laughing and ever so polite. At least, she thought so. Her father's tone turns mocking. "They think you are pathetic. You are nothing to them."
Everyone's eyes turn vicious, considering, and Stella can't breathe. What did she do wrong again, why are they laughing, she wasn't weak, she wasn't…right?
Perhaps it is because Akari likes to stay in the shadows and hide her venom through pretty smiles that Gaara thinks her easy to threaten.
He sees her as a fangless snake, drunk on hatred but too weak to do anything.
The redhead is laughing at her, isn't he?
If Akari had been better, than Sabaku no Gaara would have never dared to threaten Sasuke.
It's all right. She can get better. As Father used to say, "it is because of your lack of efforts that you fail."
She just needs to break a little more.
Akari grips at her kunai, letting the blade sink into her palm. Blood drips slowly, and she doesn't feel the sting, has long since stopped feeling any pain from it.
Did Gaara think he could just threaten her brother?
Did he think she would let that insult slide?
For that threat alone, Akari will make him and all of Suna pay.
That much, she promises.
And then-
Then they'll see who is still laughing.
The horror bled on his face when he realized what love can do to a person.
I think he had never truly realized it till now.
Because the things we do for a love like this are ugly, mad, full of fire, and regret. This love burns you and maims you, and twists you inside out.
It is a monstrous love, and it makes monsters of us all.
"I lost."
Sasuke's blunt statement, cold in its fury, echoes in the room Team Seven stays in while waiting for the First task.
Akari doesn't say anything. She knows nothing that she can say will help. She recognizes Sasuke's fury, his wrath that only happens when he fails at something and ends up destroying yet another Uchiha training ground. It is rare and potent, like a forest fire left unattended.
"He's ugly anyway," Naruto dismisses, eyeing warily Sasuke, who is dusting his navy shirt free of the dust from his fight. The blonde is fidgeting, weight shifting from one foot to the other as if not knowing what to do with himself.
Akari stays carefully neutral.
Sasuke doesn't want reassurances; he doesn't quite care for them.
No, Sasuke wants blood. Be it his or another's, it matters not.
"Doesn't matter if he's ugly if he can hit me," Sasuke sneers.
"He barely did. You kicked his ass." The blonde shoots back.
"It was a draw."
"Ok, maybe it was, but he's older than us. That's pretty good, no?"
Akari cannot help but send Naruto a bewildered glance at his remark, noticing that Sasuke does the same at the same time.
That's pretty good?
No.
It's not.
"No, it's not," Sasuke says flatly though anger curls his fists, and his jaw is clenched tightly. Something in Akari aches and aches at the very sight. Sasuke should never know what failure tastes like. He should never know of its burning and scorching touch that makes you flinch away from its shadow at the mere sight of it.
Yet, now, for the first time, Sasuke does.
Against a no-name shinobi.
Rock Lee.
There is shame in Sasuke's posture and disbelief too. It is jarring to be confronted with your own shortcomings, to realize that the world will never cease to try and drag you down. Like a slap to the face, a hand to the throat.
"Teme…" Naruto starts, no doubt ready to sprout some pep talk or something of the like, too chirpy and optimistic for it to be anything but nauseating. Sasuke shuts him up with a glare.
"No," he growls. His teeth are biting at his lower lip hard enough to draw a bit of blood, yet Sasuke doesn't notice it. "I should beat Rock Lee easily. He's no one. I should have trounced him." He pauses, forehead creasing. "What is wrong with me?"
"Nothing!"
Akari intervenes before Sasuke can hit Naruto as he so clearly wishes to. "He caught you by surprise, he won't do so again." She interjects.
Sasuke sneers. "The Uchiha heir shouldn't be caught by surprise." It is almost like a challenge, as if Sasuke, for once, cannot accept her words.
And it is all Rock Lee's fault.
"Then show him his place next time." Akari approaches her twin brother as if nothing is happening. No pity, no wariness. "No one saw it, no one has to know."
Sasuke's shoulders hunch slightly. "You can't guarantee that. They will know. People talk."
"Emma's mother told me that you stumbled during your class dance rehearsal. Care to explain?"
Stella stiffens. "Only for a second!"
"Then tell me why everyone was talking about it."
"Come on, Mom, it's not everyone. Barely anyone cares-"
Her mom snaps her book shut. It echoes in their large dining room, bereft of her dad's heavy presence for once. "Emma's mother mentioned it to me. I am sure the news has gotten through your year." Mom leans forward, dissatisfaction creasing her brows. "Everyone will talk about it. Do you know why? Nothing makes people talk like a failure."
Failure.
Stella swallows, keeping her back straight as it was taught to her, hands demurely on her lap. Her mom can't see them, but they are clenched. "Then, how do I make them stop talking?"
Mom leans back with a smirk. "Give them something else to talk about."
And Stella, Stella mirrors her smirk.
It's true. People talk.
But it's all about narrative, really.
Akari gives a small smirk. Fanged and ready for blood. "They'll know to keep their mouth shut," she assures her beloved twin.
"Wouldn't that be threatening?" Naruto objects.
Akari furrows her brows at his question. "How do you think I got the civilians off your back, sunshine?"
Naruto blinks. "…by asking politely?"
Sasuke snorts a laugh. Akari wants to facepalm though it wouldn't be appropriate for the Uchiha heiress to do so. "They would have never listened if I only asked."
"Sure, they would. You're Uchiha Akari. You're so nice."
"Why would they do that?" Little Stella cries in her grandmother's arms. "I helped them! I was nice!"
Grandmother, ears glinting with rubies and long fingers adorned with gold, wipes away a tear. She shushes her. "Let that be a lesson, mon étoile. Being nice will get you nothing. There's no point in trying." Grandmother tucks away a blonde lock. "Now, stop crying. It is pathetic."
Akari sighs. "Nice doesn't get you things, sunshine. Sometimes, nice doesn't make them listen."
Naruto opens his mouth as if to object, but before he can, a voice echoes in the building.
"All genin applicants, please enter the room. Konoha's Chuunin Exam will begin shortly."
The first Phase is easy, at least for the Uchiha twins.
The third of their team passes through sheer gut and impulsivity, something almost like a trademark of Naruto. It amuses Akari and exasperated Sasuke to no end, he who takes great pride in their decorum, proof of their noble blood and their clan's history.
The proctor, one Mitarashi Anko, explains the second phase.
It is a survival exam.
In the 44 training grounds, otherwise known as "the Forest of Death."
Akari and Sasuke exchange a glance. Memories of burnt flesh and justice flash in her mind and Akari feels her lips shift in a small smirk, one echoed by her twin. A genin wearing the Konoha headband, pale and shaking and pathetic, gulps loudly. Akari recognizes his hair, pale and almost silver if she feels kind.
Kabuto. The one with the cards that came slithering to her Team in an effort to find favor in a Team that all Rookies acknowledge and respect. He had asked her twin if he was interested in seeing any cards. Sasuke had ignored him. As he should. The Uchiha shouldn't need cheats to win, nor can Sasuke even hint at feeling anything other than disdain at his competitors. If he asked for a specific card, it would elevate the person as worthy of acknowledgment.
It would make him weak.
Akari glances to the side. "Do you need a paper bag," she asks 'kindly' Kabuto, whose face turns greener and greener as shadows shifts and suspicious noisin the training ground's entry.
Kabuto gives a trembling smile. "No thank you, Uchiha-hime."
Akari hums.
Sasuke clears his throat, carefully neutral as not to ruin their image, as he takes her away from the crowd. "Ready?" he asks quietly. His eyes, black and loving, are staring into her own, unwavering.
"As I'll ever be."
And they enter the place that saw their legacy of blood and fire take its first breath, together as always.
Did you know that when a ship is sinking, it will tear everything apart, including itself, just to survive?
Oh, but darling, I would tear myself apart a thousand times and more for you to be left untouched.
Meeting Karin is like suddenly being thrust into her littlest cousin's room and being confronted with what weakness looks like.
(a girl so frail that her too thin arms only shaked and a head always bowed because fear taught her so)
Though the girl's scarlet hair is too vibrant, too eccentric to be anything like Anne's, they wear their shame the same way.
With acceptance and longing for an end.
Sasuke is standing on top of the bear's corpse, a speck of blood on his cheek that he wipes away. He's yanking out his kunais, not at all concerned about the girl they saved, trusting Akari with his back.
The Uchiha princess takes in the trembling redhead with sharp eyes. The girl, shorter and very much battered, is frozen in fear though her eyes quickly flicker between Akari and Sasuke. However, as soon as they lock gaze, the girl lowers her eyes.
Akari knows what fear pushes people to do. She knows how the body recoils ever slightly, held tight like a string bow, waiting for abuse.
The girl is afraid, it doesn't bring Akari joy to realize it.
"Y-You" the redhead stutters, awed. "You saved me."
She says that as if she had never been helped before.
Like it is the first time she sees good in this wretched world.
The words clog Akari's throat.
Sasuke grunts, twirling a kunai. "Where's your scroll?" he asks, not bothering to answer her comment.
The girl fidgets, bows her head. "I don't have it. Sorry."
Akari pipes up. "Then, where's your team?"
Oh, that might have sounded like a taunt, a threat, because the girl they just saved juts out her chin defiantly though the fear that plagues her eyes makes it all for naught. "They'll be coming soon. So, if you hurt me, they'll come after you!" Her voice shakes.
Perhaps such a threat would have worked on someone that hasn't been carved apart by abandonment. Perhaps it would have worked on someone who hadn't been raised to tear someone apart with mere words. Who hadn't been taught by cruelty to tear the other's throat before the same can be done to you.
Akari's lips curl up, sneering. "Are you so sure about that?" She makes a point to look around, quirking up an eyebrow.
And suddenly, all fight left the girl, leaving behind a scared shell whose fire had been put out. "No," she whispers.
"So, you're useless," Sasuke deadpans.
The girl, Anne, flinches. But by the way that her shoulders curl into her body, Akari can see she thinks it too.
"What's your name?" the raven-haired asks impulsively.
"Karin."
"Pretty name."
Karin's face looks younger when she smiles. "My mom chose it."
"She's a wise woman."
"Was."
Akari pauses. She inclines her head. "Was. My condolences."
Karin's eyes water, but there is no tear that falls because crying is pathetic. Anne had always been easy to cry. Cry, and then she grew, and tears became anger. Anger became acceptance. And acceptance became her poison.
"Mom's happier now," Karin breathes.
And that isn't the kind of reassurance that kids tell themselves when confronted with the loss of a loved one. No, it is said with a matter-of-fact tone and with the kind of quiet longing and sadness that comes with wanting to follow.
"She's away from you, I'm sure that a part of her is sad."
Karin shakes her head. "She shouldn't. She should just enjoy the Pure Lands."
"A mother never wants to outlive their child," Sasuke adds quietly. "But they'll always watch over them."
His quiet consideration is not born out of pity, at least not entirely. Akari brushes it off. She extends a hand to Karin. "Come," she smiles. "You look like you need food."
Karin extends her arm, and her sleeve slips.
They both freeze.
One out of disbelief. The other out of fear. Sasuke quirks an eyebrow though a frown slips on his face like a distant thought. The Uchiha twins take in her bare arm.
"Who?" Akari asks.
"Oh, it's nothing. I'm clumsy, you see…I'm fine."
Akari knows that excuse all too well. She had used it. She heard others use it. And by respect, she would have let it go. She would have. Sometimes, scars are good. Good in a way that curbs the hatred in your veins, that quietens that mess that begs you never to open your eyes again. It takes away that numbness that only lingers till the first drop of blood spills. But it is not a blade's scar that litters Karin's arm.
No.
They are teeth marks.
Vicious and numerous and all different.
And there is no skin left untouched by them.
"Karin."
The redhead closes her mouth and swallows back the next excuse she was going to use. "It's my job," she whispers.
"And I won't shame you for it." Akari assures her. "But Karin, are you okay with that?"
Karin looks down. Her lips have lost their smile, and she looks older and warier. Like the world has sucked everything out of her and still demands something more. "What choice do I have? I'm useless, it's all I can do."
Sasuke shifts. "And what can you do?"
The girl stiffens and Akari awaits her answer. "Heal." She says finally.
"A precious gift," Akari whispers, tugging Karin's sleeve back down. One that is useful, extremely so and so very easy to exploit from a teenage girl. Her fingers linger on Karin's arm. She can feel through the fabric the indentation the teeth have left behind.
"I didn't want it."
Akari hums. She tilts her head. "It must hurt."
Karin swallows thickly, nodding.
The Uchiha heiress gently tilts the redhead's chin up. "You don't deserve this pain."
She wish someone would have told Stella that.
That for all the little girl's faults, she didn't deserve what she got.
"It- it's my duty."
"To your village?"
Karin nods.
"Your village has to protect you to have your loyalty." Though mostly untrue in this military world, Akari knows those words are a balm to the abused girl. "You don't deserve this."
"I have to."
It is that or die. The sentence is left unsaid, but they both hear it.
"I know. You have to survive. But little bird," Akari gives a soft smile. "one day, make them pay."
Make them pay like how Stella executed the snakes that played human.
She slips her a seal, places it on the back of Karin's neck. It is a simple one, but its strength lies in the English word penned at its center in bold letters.
Numb.
It is not the kind of seals that Kakashi-sensei's books explain. It is not a seal, good and proper, but it will work.
Because it is Akari's, and when the ink responds to her heart, it always works.
"It will numb the bites," Akari whispers. It is the only kindness she can offer to Anne Karin apart from empty words that will sooner be swept away by the wind.
But it is more than what Stella got.
More than what the world will give.
And Karin, Karin who doesn't cry, kisses Akari's hands.
However, the show must move on.
They have to continue, the twins have a teammate to get back to and an exam to ace.
But Akari lingers around Karin. She grasps at the redhead's hands.
"You're strong," she tells her. "And one day, you will be the one to make them suffer. Wait patiently for your time and when it will come, show them the same mercy they showed you."
Karin doesn't smile, but her lips curve up till there are too many teeth. It is not a smile, but it is still a beautiful thing that makes her eyes shine, and her face turn vicious. "Ok, hime."
And that's how you get someone's loyalty.
By being the only one to see them.
All my grief says the same thing:
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
And the world laughs. It holds my hope by the throat and says:
But this is how it is.
Akari can recognize many things. By its smell, its sound.
And she will recognize her brother's voice even in death.
He is screaming, voice cords shaking and agonized. Even without him in sight, she can hear him as if he was right by her side and it makes her want to retch.
Useless.
WHO
DARED
Akari wants to cry, that or make blood rain and paint this world scarlet.
She had promised it, after all. To make the world pay.
Akari curses herself, her hand automatically slapping her left cheek.
It stings. It is salvation.
It is her fault.
There is still snake blood and flesh in her hair.
She has its taste in her mouth.
Or maybe it is her own blood that she draws as she bites viciously into her cheek.
It's HER fault.
She's running, chakra boosting her every steps towards where she knows, with the same certainty that the sun will set tonight, her brother is.
But the sight that welcomes her makes her stumble. Pause in horror and it is like she has died all over again.
Because her brother is on his knees, screaming out agonized cries as a man, pale like death and almost snake-like, licks his lips.
Her brother – proud and strong Uchiha Sasuke that only falters when Akari breaks – her twin brother that has looked at their kin-slaying brother and tried to fight him off for her, is not meant to be on his knees.
Is not meant to be screaming.
To be in pain
No, that was Akari's role to suffer.
"SASUKE!" she yells, almost teleporting to her twin's side. She grasps at him with shaking hands but he remains unresponsive to her voice. Sasuke is unconscious but still screams like someone is burning him from the inside as he twitches in her embrace.
And
And Akari is useless.
Make the screaming stop, please.
She looks at the shoulder he is clutching and sees a seal blossoming on his ivory skin, and her knuckles go white in her fury.
Seals.
One of her specialties.
A seal that makes Sasuke suffer.
Die. Die die die die die die die.
She puts a gentle hand on it, but immediately stops when Sasuke's screams turn from pained to –
Pure agony.
"You!" she snarls at the man who is staring at her with narrowed, thoughtful golden eyes. She wants to pluck them out and make him choke on them.
If Sasuke has to suffer.
Then, so will everyone.
It is only fair.
A pain for destruction.
"What did you do to him?" she asks. Ink, warm and orange, slithers on Sasuke, but nothing fucking works. The seal continues to pulse, its purple hue sickening.
"I gave him a present. Akari-chan." The monster answers smugly, and Akari pulls Sasuke closer to her as she bares her teeth at the man.
Akari opens her mouth to answer, to yell and threaten him, venomous words already on her silver tongue, but the silence surrounding them makes her halt.
Silence.
She looks down fearfully because Sasuke stopped screaming.
Don't get her wrong, every scream that her twin lets out tears her apart, akin to a knife twisting and twisting in her gut because he is suffering while she cannot do a single thing for him.
Useless.
What happened to protecting him?
But somehow, somehow the silence is worse.
Much, much worse.
Because even as Sasuke screams, he is still alive, still breathing and strong enough to express his pain through his voice. But as he falls silent, his voices dies down, and he grows limp in her arms.
Like a corpse though that is ridiculous by the mere thought, the mere notion.
There is a knife in Akari's throat and it twists and it twists and she cannot breathe. She clutches at her throat but her hands remain unblemished.
Sasuke holding her tight at night.
Sasuke kissing her forehead.
Sasuke smiling at her in pride.
Please…
Sasuke stays limp even as she nudges him gently.
… wake up…
"Sasuke?-" she asks. Her voice is trembling, a sob hidden deep into it. It tremors, a call for a sign, anything. But it is left unanswered.
There is only silence.
Sas-
Akari has always liked to fall asleep to Sasuke's heartbeat. It was the best melody she could find when the nightmares grew too strong and her demons too loud. She would press her ear to his chest and quieten. Waiting.
ONE BEAT, TWO BEATS
It was a soothing sound, low and steady in a way that allowed her to cling to it and root herself.
She liked to tell her twin that her heart is his. His to hold, his to break.
Sasuke liked to joke that his heart beat in sync with hers.
It is a melody just for her. One that is all she ever needed.
Sasuke's heartbeat. For Akari, it is all she has in life.
But now, Akari doesn't have anything anymore.
Because the melody has stopped.
It stopped.
(Have you ever heard the sound of your heart breaking?)
It is like glass that shatters.
It is like the world is ending.
And inside of Akari, something burns.