CHAPTER ONE -LIFE GOES ON
Another day without Amy, no matter how much counseling she went to it was there. The pain that never left her. Haunted her every damn night.
You have to work through this yourself. Don't rely on others to take care of you, Dr. Stevens warned her.
And that is what she had done with her last two relationships.
Completely dependent on Shane Walsh, until he disappeared from her life with no reason. Then she rebounded with Philip Blake, who took care of her like she was a baby. A relationship that was still up in the air. She hadn't officially ended the relationship, but she was making herself more unavailable to him.
Why did she not to tell him that she was going her own way? Because part of her enjoyed him taking care of her.
She was not sure if wanted it over just yet. The way he looked at just took her breathe away, but she wondered how much it hurt him that she did not return those long meaningful stares?
It's not that she did not want to love him. Her heart was too broken to really love anyone at the moment. Even though she had come close with Shane.
Amy's suicide was more then she handle.
Still there was Amy's daughter left behind. Sweet little Addison Brooke, who had no idea that her existence caused her mother so much pain.
If there was any reason for her to get her life together, Addison was the reason. If she continued downhill like this, she lose everything. Her job, her apartment, and her custody of her niece.
You can do this, she says getting up from the table. She closes her laptop knowing that the chances of getting work done are slim.
Walking out to the parking lot she sees him moving near her. Dark pants, short sleeve white shirt, and a big smile. What was Philip Blake doing here at the mall? Out of all the people she run into today why him?
She had stopped in to get a quick coffee from the Starbucks inside Target, and meant to pick up a few things for Addison. Which she realizes that she forget because she been staring to long at work e-mails.
Could Philip somehow knew she was here? No, that's crazy. With his good looks, he wouldn't need to chase her. Besides how popular is Target? It was not unlikely that he was there picking up a few things too. More possible then him becoming her stalker.
They are standing face to face now. Avoiding him had not been possible this time.
"You miss me," he almost whispers close to her ear.
She says nothing, but the blush of her skin tells him all he needs to know.
"You do," he says reaching for her hand.
"Listen, I really have to get back to work," she says finally trying to remove herself from this uncomfortable situation. While she may want to focus on herself, Addison is more important than Philip.
Besides she did not want to deal with this today.
Philip wasn't her ex-boyfriend but they were not together either. So she just did not know how to respond to seeing him.
Clearly she could see how he wanted her to react. She just did not know if they wanted the same thing. Honestly she is clueless to what she wanted as usual.
"Come on Andrea work can wait. We need to talk," he says reaching for her hand again.
"I told you, I need time to make some decisions. Besides this really is not the time or the place. I mean we are in public," she says they move inside the store.
Somehow she ends up walking inside the store with him, grabbing a shopping cart this time. He says nothing about how she was leaving and now is shopping. Forgetting things is one of her charming qualities.
"Nothing we can't discuss in public. It's simple. We should be together. I miss you. And I miss that little girl too. You can't deny that I am a good match for you," he says pushing his own cart.
There is nothing he really needs, but he would buy everything in the store if it brought more time with her.
"She misses you too. I mean you know that. She was calling you daddy before I stopped seeing you. That was part of the problem. Everything was moving so fast," she says at last.
She starts grabbing a box of diapers, toddler meals, and filling her cart with the usual grocery list. She was not ready to be a mother. Amy would have done a million times better, and she knows it.
"You can not be saying we are over," Philip said in nervous tone.
"Give this a day or two, that's all I'm asking. Some time to get my shit together," she says, not wanting to stay with him ,but not wanting him to go at the same time.
"You said that a month ago Andrea. And I have not been able to reach you. Today was luck," he says as calm as possible. He knows not to make a scene in public.
"I know. I need to make a decision. It's not fair to you. I am still freaked out by everything that happened. I am not ready to be a mother or a wife," she says.
"Look, I know you are stressed. Let me help you. I can get these things for you. I can bring them to your apartment tonight. I can even cook you dinner. Then we just talk. What you say? Just have dinner with me?"
"Okay. Yes, dinner will be nice," she says finally. He puts his few items in her cart. One hand pushing the cart, the other one holding hers.
"I know what else Addison needs. You go home and take rest. I will see you tonight," he says when they reach the front of the store.
"Thank you," she says allowing him to kiss on the cheek. She wondered if they would end up back in a relationship now. If only she could allow herself to live her life. Amy would not want her like this. Life would have to go on without Amy.
Just dinner, she reminded herself as she got into her car. Just dinner, she says again. Why did it already feel like more?