three steps to him:

it was Ben.

just Ben.

it was only Ben.

so it was a complete shock to Miranda when she found herself showering and changing from the christmas pajamas she'd been wearing since Sanaa's sleepover began into something a little more adult—a velvety two piece lounge set which was a gift from her cousin for her birthday. in front of the mirror, she spun, trying to see herself from every angle. maybe she should have kept her pajamas on, Ben had seen her in them before, unmatched and looking a mess. but for some reason, she knew she couldn't show up like that, not tonight, and the thought made her intestines ravel.

a small knock on her door made her jump. "it's open," she said as Sanaa zombied in. Miranda smiled, asking: "yes, ma'am? how can i help you?"

Sanaa climbed into the bed and wiggled into the comforters. "i just wanted to sleep with you."

"aww," Miranda said walking over to kiss to the top of her daughter's head. "well, feel free to sleep in my bed, but i have a, um... uh... an errand to run."

at that, Sanaa sat up, seemingly, no longer tired. "it's really late. where are you going? the hospital? is everything okay? can i come? are you ever going to apologize to Ben?"

"just out for a bit. not to the hospital, everything is fine. you have company. and don't you worry about that, dear," she responded with a wink.

"wait," the teen said pointing. she checked out her mother's outfit and her shoulders relaxed. "okaaaay," she sang, flopping back onto the bed.

"goodnight, girl," Miranda said.

"night. have fun! and be safe!"

Miranda hit the lights, blushing, and headed for the front door.

it wasn't until she was pulling up to Ben's place that she took note of everything that had transpired since her mother had arrived. why was she here? at this time of morning? she was supposed to apologize? and why did it all feel so differently now?

outside of his house, Miranda reached for her phone to call him but, thankfully, his front door opened and the porchlight flickered on. Ben stepped out and sat down on the top step. had he been peeking out of the window waiting for her? had he always looked that good? did all of his t-shirts fit his body like that? her stomach crinkled and she was afraid that she would need to go to the bathroom, nervous. "you getting out or what?" he called out, plucking lint from the black sweatpants he was wearing.

"if i don't?" she said, opening the door. breathe. one foot in front of the other. breathe, she coached herself. standing just a few feet from him, finally, Miranda crossed her arms.

"well?" Ben asked.

"well what?" it worked in her favor to be extra sassy because she couldn't remember how to be normal around him anymore. what was she doing here? maybe she should go home and pretend like—

"c'mere," he said. she shook her head, unable to move. "please." his outstretched hand gave her a target and, begrudgingly, she took the last three steps to him, grasping his fingers. he stood up and pulled her close. his arms hugged her hips and she felt her body mold to his as she slid her arms around his neck, claiming him.

"i... i... i snapped," she began, looking up at the much taller man, her heart racing and through their layers she could feel his thumping, too. "i know you love Sanaa and would never do anything to put her in harm's way." he nodded, rubbing her back. "i was upset and instead of talking to you, i... yelled."

he pushed his forehead against hers and that racing turned to slamming in her chest. "yeah, you did," he said speaking for the first time in a long minute. "it's what you do."

"and i'm s-sorry," she breathed, her voice breaking, a lump forming, a tear streaming.

"it's okay, baby," he said, softly stroking her hair.

"do you accept my apology?"

"of course. i promised i would."

"i know, but..."

"no buts. you're forgiven." the slamming slowed as she listened to him. "i need you back in my life, Miranda Bailey. you and Squish are everything to me. and i am so damn tired of missing my best friend." her hands went to his face, smoothing his beard. their eyes locked and she smiled at him. "what?" he chuckled.

"i love you, too."