Izuku took a sip of his tea. For all that his crisp, freshly-tailored ambassador uniform, polished leather shoes, steady hands, and serene expression told of unshakable serenity, beneath that skin-deep stillness lay a maelstrom of panic, excitement, and nausea. Here he was, farther from home than any human had ever ventured by millions of light years, on a newly minted human-made interstellar spacecraft, traveling with an honor guard of the same aliens that tried to bombard Earth, approaching the single largest sentient-made space station inhabited by even more new alien species and led by the single largest federation of interstellar nations in known existence. And here he was, in official capacity as a junior ambassador of the freshly christened Human Systems Alliance after Nezu pointed orbital weapons at every major nation, told them in no uncertain terms that the era of divided humanity was over, nominated Aizawa as Prime Minister, and remade the UN into his cabinet. Aizawa had expelled half of them after the first day.
Izuku took a long sip of tea. The swelling sensation of depth climbing past his neck and the weight of mountains upon his shoulders receded to background noise alongside the chittering, screaming voices telling him all the ways this first contact could possibly go wrong. Nezu had evidently learned from the last time he gave Izuku tea and selected something a lot more calming. Judging by the ashen complexion of the business student conscripted into the first contact mission alongside him for his subtitles Quirk, he wasn't the only one needing a strong dose of chill the 'f' out.
Izuku stood at attention on the bridge, alongside the other officials and Heroes selected to represent all of humanity. Star and Stripe - holy crap, she looked even bigger in person - pressed a button to contact the space station looming ever closer.
"Citadel Customs, this is the HSAS Pioneer, bearing the first contact delegation of the Human Systems Alliance, requesting permission to dock. Do you receive?"
The translators had come a long way on both ends, but there were still some minor hiccups with idioms and gendered words. Izuku, on the other hand, endured grueling tutoring from Desonis' crew to ensure they weren't entirely reliant on their translators during their stay. He spoke Turian well enough for someone lacking the spiky facial structures needed to make the clacking and scraping sounds that accentuated some of their letters, along with enough Salarian to tell them to shove it up their cloaca and enough Batarian to know if he needed to sprint in the other direction.
"Your transmission has reached us, and your request has been processed. Proceed to docking station B46. On behalf of the Citadel Council and all the representative species, welcome to the Citadel."
A smaller vessel emerged to guide them over to the dock door. Once they landed inside and lowered the boarding ramp, more Turians, alongside a blue-skinned race Izuku knew as Asari, strode aboard in airtight white uniforms.
"Please surrender all weapons into the custody of the Customs Office for the duration of your stay, barring ceremonial circumstances for which you may petition for clemency."
The Turians all handed over their weapons without complaint. They even made a game of having as many guns on their person as possible. Squabbling started over whether quantity or volume decided the winner. The medic had countless tiny pistols nestled in his sleeves and pants, while a gunner carried his own weight in grenade launchers and machine guns.
The humans didn't have any weapons. It took some time to explain that the blades coming out of a man's arms weren't in fact, bioengineered but were an actual, physical part of his body, but otherwise, their trip through customs went smoothly.
The medic snorted as they got ushered through empty hallways towards the presidium. "Wish it was always that fast. I swear those guys get off on making everything take as long as possible."
An Asari gave the medic a withering glare and said, "Maybe if you didn't make us fill out forty-six separate forms for all the guns you bring in, it wouldn't take so long."
The medic snorted. "Forty-six? Can't you just put them all on the same form?"
"Apparently, someone didn't list a weapon, and a Turian general got pissy when his claim got refused. Half the customs department got fired that day."
Izuku had seen pictures of the Presidium, but the pictures did its lofty domed ceiling, angular white architecture, picturesque winding streets, and lush gardens and grasses no justice. The entire space had a timeless sense of perfection to it, as though every line and curve were carefully painted with an engineer's precision to make a striking vista. Light danced across the rippling surface of the Presidium's pond, while trees cast uniform shadows that invited people to lay beneath them.
The harsh glow of hard-light fencing cordoning off those parks and ponds somewhat spoiled the image a bit, as did the barricades of citadel security keeping the Presidium empty.
Desonis gave him a gentle nudge. His mandibles were twisted in something that vaguely resembled a smirk. "You can gawk all you want later. We better not keep the Council waiting."
Izuku felt his blood pressure rising with the elevator. The low, gentle whine of Eezo electronics was the only indication they made any upward progress, adding to the palpable tension in the air. Izuku drowned in it. He forced himself to take slow, deep breaths. On reflex, he raised a hand to his lips, only to realize customs had confiscated his tea. He dry-swallowed, nearly choking on his own spit, and discreetly coughed into his elbow.
Star and Stripe, noticing his plight, put a massive, muscled hand on his shoulder. "Hey kiddo, no need to be so nervous. I mean, yeah, sure, this may be the greatest and most important diplomatic meeting in human history, but you're not here to decide the fate of mankind. That's my job. And if it helps you feel better, you can always stay behind me."
Izuku nodded numbly, not trusting his brain to make coherent thoughts or his tongue to articulate them without throwing in enough stutters to qualify him for a speech disorder. Star and Stripe smiled at him, Izuku quietly burned that image into his brain, and the business student shot him a betrayed look.
When the elevator door opened, Izuku jumped and nearly yelped on top of that. He immediately filed behind Star and Stripe, hunching over in her shadow as the entourage filed into the Council Chamber.
Three seats towered over the chamber. Izuku risked a peek at the galaxy's most powerful people, but aside from their sleek and austere uniforms, they looked no different than any other aliens he had seen.
"Thank you for joining us," the Asari said.
Star and Stripe stepped forward and crossed her arms. "I was under the impression that our joining of the Council was still under debate."
Without a glimmer of expression, she said, "I apologize, that may be a translation error. I was referring to your arrival just now. Of course, it is our hope that your species shall join the rest of sapient-kind in a harmonious sharing of economy and culture, but we do understand if your first impression of us has been somewhat… soured." The Turian Councilor gave her an irritated scowl, while the Salarian grinned slightly.
"Oh no worries. Accidents do happen."
The Turian Councilor couldn't hide a grimace at that. After all, one did not simply accidentally bombard an inhabited planet.
"Of course," the Asari continued on, "There is the small matter of proving your innocence in this scenario. The Turians have fielded proof that you initiated contact, which should only have been possible if you had activated a mass relay, which is in violation of the Council Charter."
"Despite the fact that we aren't and were not a member species at the time it happened?" Star and Stripe asked.
"It is the duty of parents to punish children for committing transgressions they have no knowledge of. It is the best way for them to learn."
"It is also a great way to alienate an entire species you appear to want to welcome into your community, but that's a moot point. We are prepared to prove our innocence." Star and Stripe stepped aside, suddenly exposing Izuku to the full weight of the Councilors' gazes. Falling back on the months of boot camp Desonis put him through, Izuku stood ramrod straight, and gave the Council a Turian salute. Desonis put his head in his hands from embarrassment, the Turian Councilor oscillated between pleased and confused, and the Salarian looked as though he had nibbled on a lemon.
The Salarian Councilor cleared their throat. "Yes, I've read about your so-called 'Quirks', and I'm not entirely convinced that they aren't simply biotics you've misdiagnosed. Regardless, your species wildly diverse morphology and the files we've received from yourselves and the Turian forces warrant further consideration. We have provided the apparatus you have asked for and verified that the other on Thessia is likewise prepared and within the distance you specified.
The Salarian gestured towards a box with a door, about the size of a port-a-potty. Gulping nervously, Izuku stepped forward, placed a clammy hand on the knob, and pulled. Air hissed inward, small, dimly lit box stood on the other side.
The Turian Councilor snorted. "See? I told you their claims were ridiculous."
The Salarian hopped out of their seat and inspected the open door. "On the contrary. There shouldn't have been a pressure gradient across the door." He fully stepped inside and checked his omni-tool. "I am currently on Thessia."
The Turian pounded his fist on the podium and said, "Preposterous! You're colluding with the humans, I knew it!"
Izuku shrank under his glare, but the Salarian simply smiled and closed the door. The Turian ran over and opened it again, only to find an empty space.
"Very cute," he growled, "But I won't be swindled by a cheap magic trick."
"You witnessed the box's construction yourself," the Asari replied. "Not to mention, I can verify his location with a single call."
The Asari brought the voice call onto a massive holographic screen. Thessia's tall spires loomed in the background as the Salarian Councilor smirked at the camera. The Turian, seeing all avenues of objection closed, simply nodded, gave Izuku one last calculating look, and went back to his seat.
Once they got the Salarian back, the Asari said, "Now that we've exchanged formal introductions and clarified the events surrounding the first contact mismanagement, we will await a formal response from your government regarding your entry as a member species. In the meantime, please accept our hospitality. We have rooms specially prepared for you in the Presidium, an escort to guarantee your safety with us, and the finest luxuries we have to offer mankind.
Those luxuries included a variety of liquors, and Turians evidently had different views on a proper age of alcohol consumption. Izuku woke twelve hours later with a splitting headache, a missing sock, and fuzzy memories of shooting at bottles and taking a shot every time he missed.
He vaguely remembered taking a lot of shots.
Admiral Corvac's eyes snapped open with a blue glow. He sat up stiffly in the freezer and moved his limbs until warmth came back into them. Then he opened the door, shattering the freezer's lock in the process.
A Turian came around the corner, pistol raised, hunting for the source of the noise. Corvac sprang forward, clamped one hand over the trigger and another over the Turian's mouth.
"Traitors will be punished," he rasped. "Soldiers are meant to obey. Meant to do as I command!"
The Turian twisted their free wrist, making an omni blade. They stabbed it into Corvac's chest and neck, but he didn't even twitch. The wounds hardly leaked as they sealed themselves. Digging his fingers into the Turian's skin, Corvac squeezed until the Turian's struggles ceased. Seconds later, the guard's eyes glowed, and Corvac released his grip.
"For the Primarch," Corvac rasped, his voice tainted with the faint screams of metal.
The Turian saluted, turned stiffly about, and headed for the next nearest Turian.
A/N: more Izuku panicking and out of his depth, as a treat
Matt: "Did S made the earth reflect laser bombarbment for a second there?"
Bardothren: maybe she did, or maybe it was any of the eight billion other people with random superpowers on the planet.
Jikker jack: "I expected a long, drown out arc with epic battles. Insted I got an uno-reverse and nearly burst out in laughter.
Bardothren: no one expects the Stars and Stripes inquisition
God of Crossovers: "Man i feel bad for the reapers if star and stripe is still around when they show up."
Bardothren: deploying tactical One for All