A/N: Merry Christmas! I didn't think think I was going to get a Christmas fic done in time this year, and then I jokingly said I was going to write this and then my friend DisastrousDaisy kept asking me if I was actually going to write it, so you can blame her for this nonsense, as well as the entire Superman and Lois discord server for constantly encouraging me.

So I present this crack treated seriously Darkseid/Sophie Christmas fic.

The smell of pancakes wafted through the house. On any other morning, this would have brought a smile to the youngest Cushing's face. On Christmas morning, though, all it did was remind her what day it was.

It was the day her mortal enemy appeared each year to bring her misery.

Knock! Knock!

"Pancakes are ready, sweets," the one who called herself "Mom" said through the door.

Darkseid didn't want to get up. She wanted to lie on her mattress all day until the sun set and she missed the whole day. But her stomach rumbled and the "Mom" one would not wait long, so Darkseid exited her sleeping chamber and followed the delectable scent down the hall and into the eating chamber where most of her remaining clan had gathered—not "Dad", though. He and Mom were having issues. Darkseid and the other spawn would be visiting Dad's new apartment later in the day.

At least He wouldn't have gone to Dad's house too.

"Pancakes, Sophie?" Mom asked, saying that name her clan, and the rest of this world, always insisted on calling her. She had stopped trying to correct them long ago—but she knew who she was.

Standing by the stove, Mom flipped what was in the pan onto an empty plate, then placed the dish on the kitchen island. The pancake was perfectly round. The other spawn, Sarah, was already seated at the island, eating from her own plate,

"No dinosaur pancakes?" Darkseid asked.

Mom frowned. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You know that's your Dad's specialty, not mine."

Darkseid pouted. She never got anything she wanted—that's when these people even bothered to remember she was here at all. It was no matter; when she ruled the world, no one would forget about her—and they would have dinosaur pancakes at every meal.

Sarah looked over at her with a sympathetic frown. At least she sometimes tried—when she wasn't busy with boys, or parties, or whatever it was teenage girls did. Darkseid would find her a good job in her new world order, perhaps as a member of her personal guard. Sarah just had a kind of fury in her.

"Hey, why don't we open some presents," Sarah offered. "Then afterwards I can whip you up something else. Eggs. Oatmeal. Cereal. Whatever you want, Soph."

Still pouting, Darkseid gave the one she called "sister" a quiet "Okay," then followed her into the living chamber.

This was always the worst part of the day. When they opened the crudely wrapped gifts and saw the surprises each child had gotten.

Except it was never a surprise. Darkseid got the same thing every year.

Barely able to contain her excitement, Sarah sat down next to the plastic evergreen tree that had been placed in the corner of the room while Darkseid sat on the couch next to it. Weeks ago, Mom had forced Darkseid and Sarah to help her "decorate" the tree with gaudy, breakable accessories. In Darkseid's opinion, the so-called ornaments would have been more useful as projectiles to be used against their annual intruder, but Mom insisted they belonged on the tree—and instead offered said intruder desserts and refreshments.

Darkseid scanned the pile of gifts. Where was it? Where had He left it? It was always in a different spot.

"Ready to open gifts?" Sarah asked, picking up two presents, and handing one to Darkseid.

Darkseid took it but kept looking for her real gift. The one given by Him instead of Mom and Dad.

As she examined the underside of the tree, she heard paper crinkling open. "Oh my God! Is this a karaoke microphone?" Sarah asked. She jumped off the floor and out of Darkseid's peripheral vision. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

There was always a lot of parental hugging on this holiday. At least until Darkseid opened her present. That always brought down the mood.

"Don't thank me." Mom laughed.

"Oh right." Sarah joined in with her own giggles. "Do you still believe in the fat and jolly dude, Soph? Aren't you getting a little old for that?"

"Oh Sarah, stop. Sophie, don't listen to your sister. Of course he's real."

Finally, Darkseid's eyes were caught by a round present toward the back of the pile. It was wrapped in a paper unlike anything else under the tree. She dropped her gift to the floor and launched for it.

"What's that?" Mom asked as Darkseid pulled it out.

Darkseid leaned back, showing off a rock-shaped gift.

"Oh no! Sarah, you didn't!"

Darkseid tore into the gift, black soot smearing on her hands. She knew what was inside but something compelled her. One day, the rage she felt right now would fuel her revenge against Him.

"I thought I told you to stop it with that horrible prank!"

"I—I didn't," Sarah said. "I swear, Mom."

Now unwrapped, Darkseid held the black lump in her hands.

"I have never given Sophie coal. I don't know how it keeps happening, but it's not me!"

Sarah and Mom continued to argue, just like they did every Christmas while Darkseid stared at her gift. One day she would get that fat, jolly bastard in the red suit.

A/N: Alright, so if you don't know, there is a legit comic where Santa delivers coal to Darkseid (look it up, it's great!) Also, there is a running gag in this fandom that Sophie is secretly Darkseid. So... I kind of mashed the two ideas together and... well, this happened. I hope you enjoyed it, lmao.