Appendix D

Section M

Alex, Age 18

Don't Give Up

Alex reached the top of the steps, weary, and slowly turned to face the hallway just to the left of the hidden entrance. Sam shut the door behind them, the keypad lock latching and beeping. Then he swung the panel shut, leaving just enough clearance to make the seam noticeable for whoever investigated next. Then he and Dean turned to Alex.

"All right, baby girl; I think you know what's next," said Dean. "We'll have your back the whole time. Unless you want to be alone for this."

Alex contemplated her options. Did she want to be alone with Logan? Or did she need someone living to anchor her to the Earth? "Maybe in the hall."

"Alex," said Sam, "if this is too hard—,"

"No," said Alex quietly. She knew what she had to do and had decided steadfastly to do it, but she still hesitated. Initially she wondered at what caused this lack of action, but then it came to her and she asked her uncle, "What does he look like?"

Sam hesitated himself, reluctant to give a description. He glanced over Alex's head at Dean, silently questioning his brother as to what he should do. Dean met his searching gaze with concern, but gave a short, single nod.

"A little pale," Sam began slowly. "And he's got his bullet wound, and the blood. Other than that, he looks… mostly like himself."

Alex let Sam's words sit in her ear for a few moments. Somehow, someone with a bullet wound looking like themself was not as unimaginable as she would have thought. It was probably a side effect of being a hunter. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she was glad of what she had learned and experienced in the later years of her childhood; she was prepared for this. And now she knew this could have happened whether she was a hunter or not.

"Okay," she said, and walked down the hallway.

Logan's room was oddly bright given the single window it possessed. It must have been the time of day. From her position just past the threshold, Alex saw there were boxes on the floor where his body had lain. She was glad of that; it made it harder to imagine the bloodstain.

She looked down at the EMF reader in her hand. It wobbled between one light and three. Something was here, but inactive. Someone.

She brought her attention back to the room. "Logan?"

Immediately, a chill snatched at the air, making Alex's breath fog in front of her and the reader spike. Then he was there, phasing into existence on the opposite side of the room.

Alex had expected to go into immediate shock. Or burst into tears. Or collapse on the floor. Or have her heart beat so fast it literally broke. Instead she felt what she had always felt when she had seen him; a sudden flash of joy. Because although he was almost precisely as Sam had described, there was something her uncle had missed: the brightness to Logan's eyes, and the genuine smile on his face, as if he felt exactly the same way about Alex as she did for him in that moment.

"Hi, Logan," she said.

"Hi, Alex," he replied, his tone affectionate.

It surprised Sam to hear his voice was so strong. This was not the version of Logan's ghost he had met yesterday. He was different now that Alex was here: far more substantial, far more connected to and aware of the living world.

"God, have I missed you," Alex said softly.

"I've missed you, too," Logan said. Then a touch of confusion clouded his eyes. "I don't know… how long I've missed you, though…. I don't seem to feel… time? So it's like I've missed you forever, but you've only been gone a second. Of course, it only ever took a second for me to miss you."

"God, he's as bad as you were," Dean mumbled to his younger brother.

"Shh." Sam's hiss was quiet but sharp.

Nevertheless, Logan—unaware of the outside commentary—gave a tiny laugh, and Alex laughed with him.

"Well, I've never been in the spirit world myself, but I know people who have, and I hear it's very confusing," she said.

"Yeah, very confusing," agreed Logan.

"And it's hard… being stuck here," Alex continued, "and not getting to go anywhere, or do anything. Just tied to the spot where you died.

"Logan, we know what happened. What your dad was doing, why Nick… you know…. And we know how to help the police connect the dots. We're going to find your killer, and get justice for you and your parents."

"Don't give up," he begged in a whisper.

"We won't, Logan," said Alex. "We'll find him. Then you can move on."

"No, I can't," said Logan.

"Yes, you can," Alex encouraged him. "You deserve peace."

"Don't give up."

"We won't, we'll find him!"

"No, Alex… don't give up on love."

Alex stared, openmouthed, then realized she'd stopped breathing and took a rattling gasp.

Sam and Dean were just about as shocked. They snapped from listening on casual standby to locked in on the scene unfolding in the adjacent room. Perhaps Alex wouldn't simply have to talk her dead boyfriend into leaving Earth forever. It seemed too big of an ask, so they fought the urge to hope that she might find some peace. They failed.

"Is that… is that why you're still here?" Alex asked the specter of her first love.

"What happened to me," Logan slowly shook his head, "that can't be the reason you never fall in love again, never let someone into your heart again."

Tears were welling in Alex's eyes. She was dumbfounded. "Jesus, Logan…," she breathed.

"You think I deserve peace? Well, you deserve joy," said Logan.

A single sob ripped from Alex's throat.

"I heard… well, I didn't exactly hear it, I don't even know what you said, but I felt it, Alex," said Logan. "I felt the moment you shut off your emotions."

"I had to," Alex whispered.

"When you closed yourself off from… from life."

"I had to; it hurt too much."

"I knew I couldn't leave you like that.

"Alexandra Mary Winchester, don't give up."

"I can't…," Alex choked out. "I can't lose someone like this again, Logan."

"We all lose everyone we love eventually," said Logan. "And death is never easy, but it's a part of our existence. You just have to appreciate what you had and move on to the next big adventure."

"Of course, I appreciate what we had," retorted Alex. "It was… one of the best experiences of my life. But now it's gone. You're gone."

"I'm gone," agreed Logan, nodding. "But you're not."

"Feels like I am," said Alex bitterly.

"But you're not," Logan insisted. "The real you, the you I fell in love with, it's just buried, Alex. It's still in there. I know it is. You just have to let yourself… be."

Alex sniffed and gave her head a tiny shake. "And how do I do that?"

"The next time you start to feel like yourself… don't fight it."

Then Logan sang. His voice resonated in the room, clearer than it had ever been. It wasn't loud, but it seemed to sink into everything within reach and bring it to life. Even out in the hall Sam and Dean could feel it humming in their bones. It filled Alex's whole body and all the heaviness she had felt dragging her into despair seemed to be shaken to pieces and evaporate.

"Nothing lasts forever.

Some things aren't meant to be."

Logan slowly traversed the length of his former bedroom to where Alex stood.

"But you'll never find the answers

'til you set your old heart free."

He reached out a hand and cupped Alex's face.

"'Til you set your old heart free."

Then he kissed her, gently, and there was nothing unearthly about it. It felt just like every kiss they had shared when he was alive. And in that moment was not only the overwhelming flood of care and comfort, but hope. And suddenly she didn't want this to be the last time she felt this way.

They parted.

"Okay," said Alex. "I won't give up."

Logan smiled.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," he replied. "Goodbye, Alex."

"Goodbye, Logan."

He began to shine with a white light. It expanded outward, growing greater and brighter. Alex closed her eyes as it gained intensity, too radiant to look at, but she didn't turn away. A mild wind came with the light, blowing her hair away from her face and sliding over her skin, neither warm nor cold, like a Spring breeze just as the snow was melting. Then it faded, and when she opened her eyes the room was empty again.

She wasn't sad.

Alex turned and walked out of Logan's bedroom to her father and uncle outside. They could see she was still crying, but the smile on her face made it clear they were happy tears. It was the most honestly joyful she'd looked for a long time. The subtle darkness that had dampened her entire personality had lifted, and she was herself again.

Her newfound peace was momentarily jostled as she looked at her father and uncle and noticed the dampness on both their faces.

"Are you both crying?" Alex asked them, grinning in disbelief. She looked like she was thoroughly surprised and amused, and it filled Sam and Dean with relief to see her expressing emotions like this for the first time since Logan had died.

"We're just happy for you, baby girl," said Dean. "And… relieved. I think neither me or Sammy really knew what to say to help you through this. But I guess it wasn't us you needed to talk to."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, clearing his throat. "I mean, holy crap, talk about closure."

"No kidding," Dean laughed. "Kinda makes me feel bad I railed on the kid so hard. He actually would have made a good addition to the family, coming back as a ghost just to make sure you were okay. That's got 'Winchester' written all over it."

Alex laughed, too, and had to nod in agreement.

"He was," Sam corrected. "Not 'would have been.' He was a good addition to the family."

"Yeah," agreed Dean. "He was."

"Yeah," Alex said, and turned just enough to look back at the room where Logan had once lived, once died, and twice saved a life. "He was."

The police found the stash of drugs thanks to the fine gap Sam had left in the wood paneling. After questioning the students at the high school, they found out the dealer was named Nick Preston and he had disappeared the night of the murders. The student who identified him was able to give a description for an accurate sketch, which was sent to precincts all over the country. In a few months, Nick was found dealing cocaine at a high school in Lincoln, Nebraska. His fingerprints and DNA were all over the Triplets' house, and ballistics matched his gun to the bullets found in Jane, Don, and Logan. Witnesses came forward to testify he was the man who had sold codeine to Ashland Williams, the boy who suffered an overdose. Nick was extradited to Kansas, stood trial, and was convicted on one count of first-degree murder, two counts of second-degree murder, one count of involuntary manslaughter, and drug trafficking. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

A/N:

"Hello My Old Heart"

The Oh Hellos

Bah-dum bah, bah-dum bah, ... bah-dum bah.

Hello my old heart.

How have you been?

Are you still there inside my chest?

I've been so worried.

You've been so still,

barely beating at all.

Oo-oh, don't leave me here alone.

Don't tell me that we've grown

for having loved a little while.

Oo-o-oh, I don't want to be alone.

I want to find a home

and I want to share it with you.

Hello my old heart.

It's been so long

since I've given you away.

And every day I add another stone

to the walls I built around you

to keep you safe.

Oo-oh, don't leave me here alone.

Don't tell me that we've grown

for having loved a little while.

Oo-o-oh, I don't want to be alone.

I want to find a home

and I want to share it with you.

Hello my old heart.

How have you been?

How is it being locked away?

Don't you worry.

In there you're safe,

and it's true, you'll never be,

but you'll never break.

Nothing lasts forever.

Some things aren't meant to be.

But you'll never find the answers

'til you set your old heart free.

'Til you set your old heart free.

Bah-dum bah, Bah-dum bah, ... Bah-dum bah!

Hello my old heart!

Here ends the Logan arc. Appendix D is finally complete after nine years. And to think it would have just been one funny little dinner if I'd written it way back when. As I've said, I hope it was worth the wait. There's certainly more quantity. Hopefully there's more quality, too.

And speaking of quantity, you're probably thinking something like… "That was 63,000 words? No, that can't be right. But the story's over. What else is there?"

You're about to find out.

Oh, it just goes on and on and on….

…So many questions answered, so many new stories told, and old stories that you always wanted to know…

…and aaaaaalll the feels….

(and at this point, there's an additional 84,000 words since the hiatus… and counting)

Happy Holidays! Appendix E will begin in the new year, the first chapter drop being next Thursday, on the second day of 2025.

For this that has come before, and for what will come after,

Thank you for reading.