Rebel Anarchy

by Kilo8

With no one left and no place to call home, the last surviving rebel fighter from a ruined world begins his journey to avenge his planet and comrades; to Pandora: where he plans to hunt down the leadership of Hyperion, the cause of his misfortune. However, he and the rest of Pandora will soon be thrown into a storm of anarchy when a certain redhead and her robot show up.

9. Chapter 9 A New Day in Sanctuary

-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

{ It was the time of year and the holiday spirit was in the air. At the Satellite of Love, it was snowing outside… Wait how the fuck does it snow in space?... Screw it. Anyways the crew of the SOL we're all enjoying a nice day of happy traditions. }

(Tina) THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I've always wanted a MIRV Fat Man launcher. And it's in pink camo! I LOVE IT! Thank you, Mr. Torgue! Happy Mercenary Day!

(Torgue) Of course mini boom buddy! HAPPY MERCENARY DAY TO YOU TOO!

Kilo, Gaige, and Moxxi we're ducking behind a makeshift barricade.

(Kilo) Torgue, you're insane!

(Gaige) I think they're trying to kill us.

(Moxxi) What else is new.

There was a sudden thud above them causing everyone to look up.

(Gaige) Is someone outside the station? In this weather? Which reminds me, how is it fucking snowing in space!?

They suddenly heard the screams of someone falling down their chimney as someone popped out of the fireplace to the side of the room. The man slowly got up and dusted himself off. Everyone observe that the man was wearing a black fur lined hoodie, a Tardis blue T-shirt that read "Galifrey Falls No More" on it, dark blue-jeans, and black service boots. On his head was a helmet that looked like it was a clear ball with a purple orb arcing electricity to the edges of the glass globe. On top of that was a Santa's hat.

(Brain) HOW IN THE HELL IS IT SNOWING IN SPACE?! AND WHY IS THERE A FIREPLACE WITH A CHIMNEY ON A SPACE STATION?!... (exhale) anyways, Happy Mercenary Day everyone!

(Kilo8) Brain! Where have you been man!?

(Gaige) Wait? Brain? As in MyBrainIsAPlasmaNebulaBall? The same guy who has been checking over the story?

(Brain) Yep, and for simplicity's sake, yall may refer to me as Brain. I come bearing a present for you all.

Brain reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a shiny disc that reflected light like a flawless diamond.

(Brain) Behold! The next chapter; all completely edited.

Everyone cheered and leaped in the air as Gaige grabbed the disc and ran it over to the Mystery Science Theatre console.

(Brain) Dang Kilo, you went nuts with this chapter, my fingers are killing me mate. Plus, I had to edit this chapter multiple times because Google docs can be… sketchy if the file is too big.

(Kilo8) Yeah, I noticed. Let that be a lesson, if sharing files over 10-12K words, break them down into smaller parts.

(Kilo8) Well before we start a few little announcements. Firstly, we've finally reached one hundred followers!

Everyone cheers.

(Kilo8) And, we hit the 80k word mark!

Everyone cheers again even louder.

(Kilo8) So, from everyone here at the ERL show, we wish you all a happy holidays, and thank you for sticking with us for so long.

(Tina) And a Merry Mercenary Day me amigos!

(Kilo8) That too. Anything else you'd like to add Brain?

(Brain) Whatever holiday you celebrate, make sure to be with the ones you love, and always try to be kind to everyone this season. Oh, and a Happy New Year! Now raise that curtain and start the show!

(Kilo8) Well with that, let's start the chapter. TO THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER!

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

X-X-X

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

X-X-X

Chapter Beta Read by "MyBrainIsAPlasmaNebulaBall"

X-X-X

-Stories text formats-

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

X-X-X

Chapter 9

A New Day in Sanctuary

Gaige slowly began to wake up as the sun filtered through the window into her face. Her eyes were still closed but she was mentally aware of 'where' she was. She had stayed with Kai the night before; he basically cried himself to sleep after a few hours and Gaige had also fallen asleep on his shoulder. She was still too sleepy to be embarrassed at the moment and was content with just going back to sleep… at least until she heard a feral growl.

Gaige's eyes shot open and she found herself staring straight into the face of a pissed off looking wolf with red eyes. 'Oh crap, crap, crap,' she thought. The wolf was too close for her to try and summon DeathTrap, and as for her guns, they were sitting on a table downstairs.

"Um, nice doggie," she said only for the wolf to snarled at her making her yelp. This in turn cause Kai to stir a little which reminded Gaige of his presence. "Ugh, Kai," Gaige said quietly. He didn't react to this so she tried again a little louder. "Kai!"

"Wha," he mumbled as his mind started to stir.

"Kai, I hate to disturb you but there's a very angry wolf here, and I think he wants to eat me," Gaige said nervously as sweat start to form on her brow.

Kai then stretched his arms before finally opening his eyes a little. He looked over to Gaige and then to Hati. It took his brain several seconds to finally register what he was looking at, as his eye widens in response. "HATI! She's friendly! Friendly!" Kai yelled.

Hati quickly turned to him and made several low woofs and barks. "Yes, she is dammit! For crying out loud boy, she's the one we've been waiting for! What's wrong with you?"

Hati gave several more woofs. "Well in her defense I did sort of agree with what she did," Kai said as he rubbed his chin. Gaige, who had been trying to make heads or tails of the conversation, finally realized what Hati was mad at.

"Wait, is he mad at the fact I punched you when you first answered the door?"

Hati turned and gave Kai a 'what's she talking about?' look. "She… may have also dropped my ass... with one punch... when I opened the door." Kai said.

Hati looked to Gaige for a few seconds then looked back to Kai and gave a small bark. "No, she didn't use the robot arm," Kai said reluctantly… Hati then began to snicker at Kai. "She caught me off guard, I had a rough day after…"

Kai looked down as Hati also dropped his head. Inwardly Gaige was starting to panic, she didn't want Kai to fall into a state of depression. Before Gaige could speak up however Hati lurched forward and bit Kai's hair and began shaking his head.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Hati that hurts!" Kai yelled.

Hati gave a rough growl.

"I am not an idiot!"

Hati growled and barked some more again.

"Wait... he said that."

Hati let go of him and opened his mouth and the sound of an old rewinding tape came out, then they both could hear what sounded like a TV in the background and Reiss talking... "Hati, we may not always get along, but could you do me one favor. Watch out for Kai incase I… *Woof* Yeah, bite it… Make sure he doesn't do something stupid, keep him level-headed… And doesn't mope around. If he does, bit him."

*Woof, Woof*

"Thanks, man... OH COME ON SCRAP SURFER! How could have let him pass yo-" *Bzzzt*

Hati looked back at Kai, and gave several more woof. Kai blankly stared for several seconds until he let out a sigh, "Even from the grave you crazy S.O.B... Thanks, buddy, I needed that. And thank you, Gaige." Kai said.

"Me? Why?", Gaige replied, slightly shocked.

"Well, you did stop me from doing something stupid, reckless, and more than possibly suici- YEEEEYOO!" He yelled as Hati bit him again. "Hati! What the hell, I'm trying to have a heart to heart and you just- OW! Oh that's it! Get over here!" Kai yelled as he tackled the wolf.

Gaige continued to watch for the next several minutes as the boy and his wolf continue their game of roughhousing. The scene finally peaked when Hati manage to pin Kai down while he just sat on his back with a smug face. Hati let out a few grunts. " I will never admit to the fact! NEVER!" Kai said before Hati took a paw and shoved Kai's face into the floor. "You know this means war, right?!" Kai's muffled voice said.

At this point, Gaige lost it and started laughing. For a few seconds, Kai was stunned by Gaige's laugh but quickly recomposed himself before she noticed. Of course, before he could say anything Hati just huffed and got off Kai's back before he dematerialized. Gaige stopped laughing and her eyes grew to be as big as dinner plates as she watched the wolf disappear into a thousand little lights that all quickly faded.

"What just happened?!"

"I told you before, I had an AI wolf made from hard light," Kai said as he got up.

"It's one thing to hear about it, its another to see it! Where's his projector!" Gaige asked as she jumped to her feet and looked around the room.

"It's on the desk next to-*VVVHHHM!* . . . The mouse." He finished as he looked to see Gaige had rushed over to the desk and was now looking over the projector.

"A Crystalline matrix projector, a VM5j processor, an actual Ano-Might Micro supercapacitor! This is so metal! How do you recharge him in the field!" Gaige asked.

"Uhhh, thermal thread, it's sewn into my clothes. It can pick up heat which is then converted to energy to charge him. He can be charged by just body heat alone."

"That's awesome!" She said excitedly. "How about his name. Is it an acronym for something."

"No, it's the name of a mythical wolf from Viking mythology who would chase after the moon to devour it. His full name is Hati Hróðvitnisson, the name means he who hates. The reason my mom named him that is because when she programmed him she overclocked his friend or foe subroutine, so when he sees Hyperion troops or Hyperion anything he would just go on a rampage if not watched. That or if someone tries to hurt those he considers a friend or ally."

"That's so B.A!... Is that why he looked like he was ready to bite me, because I attacked you earlier?" Gaige asked.

"Basically."

"Huh," Gaige said as she thought over everything until she realized something. "Wait, your mom made him?" She asked as Kai started putting away the guns he pulled out the day before.

"Yes, she did. She was part of a team that were all researching hard light and it's possible application. Hati was at first a mere pet project she started, in the most literal of terms. She wanted to make me a pet since my dad had horrible animal allergies, which meant I couldn't have a normal pet."

"So instead you got a fully sentient wolf who would kill a person if ordered to?" Gaige said with a questioning look.

"As I said, original he was to be a pet, but then the occupation started and my dad was killed. My mom wasn't one to actually go out and fight, and she was more than sure I would join the rebels when I grew up. So she wanted to be sure someone always had my back and would watch out for me if I was away." He said with a smile as he finished putting the last weapon away.

"Hati may be a short tempered pain in my ass fairly often, but he's also the most reliable friend I've ever had next to Reiss… Which, by the way, I still plan on wreaking that Bloodshot camp that killed him." Kai pointed out. Making Gaige glare at him. "Of course I'll actually come up with a plan before I do. Maybe I could possibly get some of the other Raiders to help." he said to himself as he started pondering the thought.

"Something tells me that's already been taken care of." said Gaige..

Kai raised an eyebrow at this. "What do you mean?"

"Well the new friends I came with had to go to that Bandit camp anyways to retrieve the power core that they stole from Reiss. They're all trained fighters in one way or another annNND OH SHIT! I forgot about the others, Sal must be worried sick!"

X-X-X

-Somewhere in Sanctuary-

"I still don't feel quite right amigos," Salvador said as he and the others had now been searching the town for Gaige for almost three hours now.

"Shut up Sal, it's your fault that we're in this mess," Maya said.

Salvador just grumbled till he noticed something and tapped Axton on the arm. "Hey, check it out! They got a bar here, let's get drunk!" Salvador cheered, as he ran for Moxxi's.

Axton and Maya glanced at one another, and both just shrugged as they, Zer0, and Krieg followed the short man.

X-X-X

-Back at Kai's Place-

"Hmm, you said they're Vault Hunters, right?"

Gaige nodded.

"My guess, their ether at the Raider's HQ or, like any other Vault Hunter who just got into town and has no place to go, they are hanging out at Moxxi's. My bet is they're at Moxxi's," Kai said.

"Really, you think they would just go right to Moxxi's. Why?"

"Are you telling me none of your new friends are the type to hit a bar as soon as they see one?"

Gaige thought about it for a moment, until she sighed and muttered "Salvador" with a sigh.

Kai just chuckled at her response. "Tell you what, I'll go make us something to eat real quick, and then I'll help you look for them." Kai said as he started walking to the door.

"Yeah, you may want to put a hold on that," Gaige said with an apprehensive tone.

Kai turned to her and raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Well after I took the liberty to treat myself to a much needed shower, I decided to raid your fridge. Ether your food is all expired or someone is experimenting with bio-weapons, and I'm more inclined to say that it's the latter."

Kai cringed a little. "I guess me and Reiss had been eating at Moxxi's a bit more often than usual. Well, it looks like we're going out for breakfast, my treat. Go ahead and get ready, we will leave in a few minutes." Kai said as he left to got to the bathroom.

Gaige thought about it for a few seconds, 'Is it really okay to go out and eat when I should be looking for my friends?' Then her stomach gave a large growl. . . "Screw it, I'm hungry, we'll deal with it later."

-20 minutes later-

The Vault Hunters we're all gathered at one of the booth tables in Moxxi's, and most of them were either eating or drinking… or both.

"So let's see, we have been around town twice now and no one but the doc has seen her and no one knows where Gaige is. We're missing something… Maya can you maybe I don't know, detect her with your powers?" Axton asked.

"Do I look like a Jedi or something? My powers don't work that way." She replied angrily, making Axton flinch.

"Where could she have gone? / it is crucial we find her / I'm worried for her" Zer0 said ominously.

"Aww, and here I was afraid you guys didn't care about me."

Everyone turned and found a healthy Gaige standing in front of them in her usual outfit with a big grin on her face.

"GAIGE!" Everyone cheered. Axton reached out and pulled her in for a hug.

"Where the hell were you, little lady!? We've been looking for you all morning!"

Gaige quickly got out of his grasp looking a little disheveled. "Wait, what do you mean this morning? What were you doing last night?" Gaige said in a hurt tone as she quickly straightened her outfit.

"Sal here got us all stuck in quarantine at Zed's because of those pemintacos he ate made him sick." Maya said.

"Well that a stupid thing to do." Came another voice which everyone turned to. Kai was standing in front of the table with Hati in his normal mode to Kai's right.

Everyone was silent for a moment till Sal finally asked. "Who the hell are you?"

Gaige snapped her attention back to the moment, "Oh right! Everyone this is the friend I was telling you about, Kai."

Kai gave a smile, "Hel-." There was a flurry of weapons being drawn, cocked, and quickly shoved into Kai's face. "lo? . . . Ugggh, I come in peace," Kai said as he raised his hands to show peaceful intentions.

"GUYS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Gaige yelled in panic and anger.

"We're just making sure you're safe, after all, we don't know what this boy's intentions are for our group mascot." Axton said.

Kai raised an eyebrow and looked to Gaige. "Mascot? Really?" he asked with a grin as Gaige's face to turn red in embarrassment. This lasted until they all heard a growl, they looked to see Hati had grown in size and was now in attack mode next to Kai. While Hati looked ready to jump in and rip out everyone throats, he knew well enough that they would still be able to shoot him before he could even killed two of them.

"Easy boy," Kai said to Hati while trying not to move too much. "Look I get it, you all obviously care about Gaige to, but this is ridiculous. Besides, I don't want any of her friends getting hurt."

"And what makes you think we're the ones who will get hurt?" Salvador asked.

Kai looked over to his left and everyone looked in the same direction to see Moxxi behind the bar with her favorite gun, a Maliwan pistol called Rubi, aimed at them. Next to her, we're Susan and Abigail, who both had purple Maliwan SMGs, and Trixie with a Creamer rocket launcher.

"I'd suggest you all dial the heat back, after all, a lady doesn't like to make a mess," Moxxi said as she glanced at everyone. "But I will be forced to, however, if you don't point those guns away from one of my favorite customers." Moxxi said with a hint of venom in her voice.

"Plus, for every bullet, you guys fire at him will equal the number of slashes you'll each get from DT." Gaige added in.

After a moment of contemplating, Axton lowered his rifle. "You drive a hard bargain Red." The other Vault Hunters followed Axton's lead and lowered their weapons till Zer0 was the only one left with his sniper rifle out. "Zer0, come on man, this needs to be a group effort." Axton said.

After several more seconds, Zer0 finally put his rifle away, as Moxxi and the girls put down their own weapons. Kai was finally able to let out that breath he was holding. "Thanks, Moxxi. Thanks, Gaige."

"Anytime hun, we can't let our favorite customers be killed in my own establishment," Moxxi said as her waitresses all nodded. "Now what can I get you this morning?"

"Two of my usual." Kai said.

Moxxi nodded to Abigail who went to work, as Moxxi turned back to everyone. "By the way, how are you feeling Kai?"

Kai gave a drawn-out sigh. "It… Hurts, but it helps to have a friend around." He said as he looks to Gaige who gave a small smile. "Especially when said friend knocks some sense into you, both literally and figuratively."

Moxxi cocked an eyebrow and looked at Gaige. "What does he mean by 'literally' Gaige?"

Hati who had reverted back to his normal mode started to snicker as Gaige felt like she was being stared down by a mama bear. Everyone else was also nervous by the sheer tension that suddenly seemed to fill the room. Moxxi glanced at Kai and noticed the busted lip he had. "I'll ask again. What does he mean?" Moxxi said even more sternly.

"Ughhh…." Was all Gaige could utter.

"I was acting like an idiot Moxxi," Kai interjected. "After she told me what happened to Riess I… I started getting ready to face the Bloodshots. Gaige tried to talk me down, and I said some things I regret saying now. She then proceeded to snap and punch me in the stomach with her robot arm, jump on top of me, and repeatedly punch me in the face till I saw the errors of my ways."

Everyone was silent for several seconds till Susan spoke up, "Told you she'd jump him on the first night."

Everyone but Kai and Gaige descended into hysterical laughter. Gaige pulled her hood up to try and hide her blushing face as Kai merely sighed and shook his head and muttered "Radi Boga". After several minutes of laughter, everyone finally calmed down and Abigail came with Kai and Gaige's orders. They both grabbed some chairs and joined the others at the table.

"So, Gaige. Are you going to introduce me to your friends?" Kai asked as he bit into his toast.

"Oh yeah! Well, this is Axton, our resident ex-commando." Gaige started.

"Sup." Axton replied.

"Maya, one of only six Sirens in the universe." Maya just waved.

"Salvador, the man of many guns, punches, and vulgar insults." Gaige continued.

"Hola, amigo." Sal said before letting out a loud belch.

"Zer0 our assassin," Gaige continued.

Zer0 just sat there and stared at Kai.

"One of few words… Also, most of his words are in haikus or hologram emotes." Gaige added.

"Why haiku's?" Kai asked.

"We've asked but then he answers us with a really confusing haiku, anyways our last member is well... we're not entirely sure what he is, but this is Krieg." Gaige concluded.

At that moment, a conversation was occurring in Krieg's mind. 'Alright, now just be calm, and say hello to him.'

"I greet you with all of my blade's happy blood, and hope we make the gold monsters that haunt me bleed like a river of hate!" Krieg growled out.

Kai looked at Krieg with a surprised look. 'Oh, great first impression. Now he'll think that we are-'

"Well then, I'm sure will find the bastard that did this to you." Kai replied.

Everyone was silent as they tried to process what just happened.

'Did he just… Ask him something else.' Krieg's inner voice implored.

"You read the screams that fill my wind tunnel?" Krieg asked.

"Yes, I can understand you, mostly anyways; otherwise I can at least get the gist of it." Kai responded. "Let me guess, a Dr. Royd."

Krieg's eye widened in shock only to narrow as he growled in response. "Meat bag lied. Said it won't make blood curdle. Smashed think box in two and head voice won't stop!"

'If I did, you would probably kill anything that moves!' Inner Krieg replied.

"Wait, back up, you can understand Krieg? How?" Maya asked.

"From my homeworld Polaris, which Hyperion invaded and occupied for about ten years. During the early days of the Hyperion occupation before any real fighting broke out several hundred civilians were kidnapped and experimented on. Most who survived had almost no ability to control themselves and had to be put down. As for the few who didn't have their minds scrambled so badly they were only just a few notches up from a mindless killing machine. We found out that those few who retained some of their sanity had a case of split or multiple personality disorder, typically the more insane side is the more dominant one that takes over so we had to learn how to understand them. Oddly enough it's not too dissimilar to Psycho speak. Anyways, it sounds like your buddy here has the former considering he seems to allude to only one other personality. That about right?" He asked Krieg, who nodded before Kai continued, "They were all experimented on by a Dr. Royd, a big shot Hyperion medical doctor and researcher… Krieg by chance, is that bastard on this planet?"

"... Yes." Krieg replied shocking everyone else at the uncharacteristically simple and clear response that lacked his usual insanity.

"Well, if we find any leads about him, count me in on the hunt. I want to get some payback for myself, as well for fellow comrades he tortured."

Krieg jumped up from his seat and grabbed Kai and brought him into a bone-crushing hug. "New murder buddy!"

"Urk! Gaige. Help. Can't... Breathe." Kai said in a raspy voice that caused everyone to laugh.

After Gaige finally freed Kai, they all spent the next hour talking about each other, how Gaige and Kai met, a bit of his past, and finally they told Kai about their adventure on the southern shelf.

"Damn, that's a cool way to start your first week on Pandora, so what do you all plan on doing now?" He asked them.

"Well I was thinking about starting up a little restaurant in town, you know to settle down, find a girl, and what do you think! We're here to hunt for the Vault!" Axton replied.

Kai leaned back into his chair before speaking again. "Well... unless you either have a spare Vault key or a way of taking down Handsome Jack, then I'm sorry to say this, but you're shit out of luck."

"What do you mean?" Salvador asked.

Kai quickly explained to the Vault Hunters about how Jack had stolen the Vault key, and without it, they were basically screwed even if they found the Vault.

"Well, that sucks," Maya said, before looking back to Kai, "Hey Kai, by chance, can you tell me where I can find a former Vault Hunter by the name of Lilith? The main reason I came to Pandora was to learn about my Siren heritage, and I thought talking with another siren would be a good start."

Kai cringed and gave Maya an uneasy look as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Yeeeah, about that. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Lilith was killed over three years ago during the Hyperion attack on New Haven... Sorry."

"Oh. I see." Maya said with much disappointment. This left everyone in a depressing mood as they now had nothing to do.

"This set-back annoys / And Jack keeps angering me / I need a challenge."

"Well, perhaps I could help you with that good sirs and ladies." Said a familiar voice.

They all looked to see Sir Hammerlock standing in the doorway to the bar with his hands behind his back and a new swatch of Bullymong fur coming out of his hat.

"Hammer! Your back! Love the new hat decorations." Kai said, pointing to the swatch of Bullymong fur.

"Why thank you Kai, and where would your dear friend Reiss be at? He's usually with you when you come here." Hammerlock obviously said.

The mood dropped right then as the memories came back.

"He's… he's no longer with us." Kai said dropping his head a little

"Oh what do- Oh. Oh dear... When did he-?"

"Yesterday. The Bloodshots ambushed him, and Gaige and the others here tried to save…" Kai seemed to choke up a little. Gaige quickly rested a hand on his shoulder to reassure him.

"I'm so terribly sorry my friend, he was a good man, a true friend, and a noble badass." Hammerlock said trying to lighten the mood, to no avail.

After several silent moments, Maya decided to finally speak up. "Soooo, Hammerlock, you said you had a job?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Hmm... oh right! Bully-mong. Rubbish name, isn't it? I'd like a better one before my almanac goes to print. Search some Bullymong bone piles, will you? I'll learn something about their diets, and come up with a catchier name for the beasts. Also go ahead a kill a few dozen or so. It will help to have some more references on how they fight, and I'll pay you all a nice bonus for each one." Hammerlock finished.

They all looked to one another and with several shrugs, Axton turns back to Hammerlock. "Why not, it not like we have anything better to-"

Axton was interrupted as the streets of Sanctuary filled with the sound of an air raid siren.

"What's going-" Maya started to ask until there was a deafening 'thump' of something impacting above them. With the exception of Kai and Hammerlock, all of the Vault Hunters jumped for cover. There were about a dozen more impacts before they stopped; the siren died off soon after.

"What the HELL was that!" Gaige yelled as she got out from under the table.

"That would be a Hyperion moonshot bombardment. Jack typically hits us with one at least once a week." Hammerlock said.

"Actually, he increased it since you've been gone. More like two or three times a week now." Kai said.

"Well that can't be good, good thing we have the shield to protect us. Well then, you all better go rearm and prepare for your excursion. I'll call you when you get there, and give you any further instructions then." Hammerlock said. He was about to walk away when he stopped and turned back.

"Oh, I almost forgot. There's also a rumor of a bandit who lives out in the Marrow Fields called Savage Lee. He was supposedly raised by Bullymongs and now leads a pack of them."

"Really? You actually believe that Urban legend. Come on Hammerlock, you can't be serious." Kai said.

"I swear upon my honor as a hunter and a gentleman that he is real." Hammerlock said as he placed his hand over his heart and stood rigid. "I've seen him with my own eyes too."

"Right, just like the tooth fairy, or Terramorphous." Kai said.

"Hmph. Well if the rest of you see him, try and observe him. He would make a truly interesting find. Well then, good luck Vault Hunters, and have fun." Hammerlock said before walking away.

"Well, it not my ideal job, but a job's a job." Axton said. He was about to say something else when everyone ECHO's came to life as a message came through the open ECHO channel.

"Bandits of Sanctuary, this is Handsome Jack here, just wishing you a good day, and to remind you of your inevitable defeat. But there is a silver lining, I hear there are some new Vault Hunters who have arrived in your city. So just turn 'em into me, and you'll be rewarded."

The Vault Hunters all looked to one another with nervous glances. "Don't worry, nobody would do that here. At least nobody with half a brain cell." Kai said. "Nearly everyone here has a bone to pick with Jack."

Just then Axton's ECHO came on.

"Hello Vault Hunters, made it to Banditville, huh? Well done!" He said as clapping could be heard, "It'll be nice to see a few friendly faces when I'm burning that place to the ground."

"Get close to Sanctuary, Jackass, and the only thing you'll see is a bullet with your name on it just before it nails that piece of plastic you call a face." Kai said, as cold as ice.

"... Well, well, well if it isn't the wannabe freedom fighter. I have to say I really 'enjoyed' that last prank you pulled; so much in fact that as a reward, I've raised the bounty on your head."

"Really! Oh boy, how exciting, I can't wait to see the new bounty poster! The old one just doesn't catch my good side." Kai spat back.

"Well I hope you enjoy the new renown, now why don't you just go back to your planet before - Oh! That's right, I destroyed it along with all your friends and family."

"Not all of his friends, shitface!" Gaige loudly replied.

"Wait is that… WHAT!? Did you know that little!? . . . I thought I told you to find everything about them!" Jack yelled to someone.

"What do you mean you didn't find a connection, you're supposed to be able to-... You know what fuck it, FUCK IT!... *Sigh* Sorry about that, so you two know each other. This will just make things more fun for me when I come a knocking. So you idiots all better strap in, because Jack's coming, and there nothing you can do about it."

There was a pause for a moment before Jack spoke up again. "Oh, and I've decided that I will tell all of you my secret later on. Once you've all earned it." he said before the line went dead.

Everyone just sat there for a minute without saying anything. "Well that just happened," Maya said before turning to Kai. "I'm guessing this isn't the first time you and Handsome Jack have butted heads."

"Hardly, the last time I had a run in with the Handsome Jackass, I destroyed a prototype Loader he tried to use to kill Roland." He paused for a moment, "I also sent a computer virus to him again, the same one several times now." he said with a grin.

"Right, well we better go load up before we go." Axton said as he was about to get up.

"Hold on, before we go do anything, do any of you have any Hyperion weapons with you?" Kai asked.

Everyone looked at him. "I've got a few, but I was just going to sell them." Maya said.

"Same here." Axton said.

"Umm, I currently have a Hyperion SMG equipped." Gaige said.

"Okay, well you're all going to have to drop those off at the Raiders HQ."

"What? Why?" Maya asked.

"Because they need to be checked for bugs." Kai answered.

Everyone just stared at him.

"Bugs? As in a listening device, bug? Your joking, right?" Gaige asked.

"Isn't that a bit paranoid man?" Axton said.

"Not really, to date we've found about seventy bugs since we started screening them. We've also have been finding tracking chips in the more recent batches of weapons."

"Jack really that crazy to go to such lengths?" Salvador asked.

"Actually this strategy has been used for years, way before any of us were even born. But I've never seen it used on any other weapons other than Hyperion's own weapons. Some corporate legal BS." Kai replied.

"I can confirm / Found these devices before / An unnerving find." Zer0 said.

"So what, you guys just toss or destroy every Hyperion weapon then?" Axton said.

"Pfft, fuck no. We refurbish them and put them to use, that or sell them to Marcus. A gun is a gun after all so why toss it… Unless it's a white rarity. If it's white, it ain't right." Kai said getting a few questioning looks.

"Well, why don't we split up and deal with both tasks separately. One group takes the weapons to the Raiders HQ, and the others go get ammo and any other supplies we need." Axton said. "Me, Maya, and Salvador will-"

"Uuugh, actually I need to go see Zed again. My stomach is still a little… ugh, loco." Salvador said.

Axton gave a sigh. "I told you that drinking right after having your stomach pumped was a bad idea." Axton replied. "Right, Zer0, take Salvador to Zed's. Gaige, you go-"

"I'm going with Kai!" Gaige interrupted. Axton frowned at this but Gaige just rolled her eyes. "You're not my dad Axton, and besides, if I can drop him on his ass twice in one day I think I can handle him."

"Wait, I thought you said you only got him once." Maya said.

Everyone was silent for several seconds until they heard Hati start snickering uncontrollably. "Oh shut up you damn mutt." Kai grumbled, causing Hati to snicker even more.

The Vault Hunters all paid Moxxi, left the bar, and split up to run their separate errands. Axton, Maya, and Krieg left for Raiders HQ to take everyone's Hyperion weapons there and check out their housing. Salvador and Zer0 went back to Zed's to get something for Salvador's stomach. Kai and Gaige, meanwhile, were off to get ammo and a new gun to replace her Hyperion SMG.

After they both left they went down the block from Moxxi's until they reached a dead-end alleyway. "Where are we going anyways?" Gaige wondered aloud.

"Marcus Munitions, your one stop shop for all your killing needs." Kai said as they walked down a set of stairs into a room which was fairly small with only two vending machines and a customer counter with a large set man behind it looking over a Jakobs revolver. Another man was there In front of them.

"This gun doesn't seem to work, can I have a refund?" The unknown customer said.

"Hmm, I dunno" the large man hummed as he looked it over. He suddenly brought it up and shot a round into the guys left kneecap, causing the man to fall over while screaming in pain as he grabbed his leg.

"Looks like it works too me." The man behind the counter said as he gave the other man a sly smile, showing off the gold tooth he had.

Gaige at this moment had attempted to pull her gun but Kai just grabbed her arm. She turned to him and he gave a small shake of his head before looking back to the scene.

"You shot me! You shot me you BASTARD!" The man yelled.

"Nobody cares, now scram, your bleeding on my floor." The large man said. The local quickly stumbled back up the stairs and out of the store.

"Why does nobody understand the phrase 'no refunds.'" The man said to himself.

"Because you're too much of a cheapskate to put it on a sign." Kai said.

"Ah! Kai, it's been awhile. Heard about Reiss, it's always a shame to lose a good customer."

"Well, you could be a little nicer about it, Marcus." Kai said with a bit of anger.

"Eh, whatever…. Who's the shrimp?" Marcus asked as he pointed at Gaige.

"I'm no shrimp." Gaige pouted.

"This is Gaige, a friend of mine who just arrived in Sanctuary. We're here to get some ammo and upgrade her gear."

Marcus rubbed his chin, "I see, well let see what you have to work with." Gaige brought out all of her main weapons, and Marcus took a look at each. He spent extra time on the Rogue Smuggler. "This is a nice weapon you have here. Would you be interested in… selling it." Marcus asked with a greed ridden smile.

"Hell no!" Gaige replied, as she quickly grabbed the pistol and holstered it. "I will never sell this as long as I live!"

"Fine, fine. From what I can tell you have an okay set of weapons. However, you don't have any elemental weapons other than your cryo grenade, and that shotgun. you could swap either the shotgun for something, or sell the rest of your weapons and I can get you a new uncommon and a decent rare weapon, if it in your budget. Any particular elemental weapons you'd be interested in?" Marcus finished with a small smile.

"Uuuugh..." Gaige looked around unsure of what to say.

"You've never even fired an elemental weapon, have you?" Marcus asked with a deadpan expression.

"Only the grenade mod I have, and I didn't even know it was an elemental." Gaige said sheepishly.

"Well then, you arrived at just at the right time, I got a little job for the both of you. I just got a brand new batch of Maliwan elemental weapons. You want to help me test them out. I might let you keep one as payment." Marcus said.

Kai and Gaige looked at one another till they both shrugged their shoulders. "Why not, we got the time." Kai said.

Marcus soon met them in the indoor shooting range with two crates marked Maliwan. He opened the first to show about a dozen pistols of various colors. The next box had several SMGs and one more item.

"Is that a corrosive laser?" Kai asked as he looked over the weapons.

"Came with the order as a bonus." Marcus said.

"Nice... Actually, these guns look better than your usual stock. Where exactly did you get these Marcus." Kai asked with a slight glare.

"I ugh, well, ugh, uh-hem! Let's get started shall we." Marcus said

He pressed a button next to one of the shooting booths, which wheeled in the targets from out of the shadows downrange. However, instead of a paper target, a chained up Hyperion commando with a ball gag in his mouth was brought in.

"What the hell!?" Gaige said in shock.

"Oh hey, that's the bastard that Michael hit in the nuts with the wrench last week."

"Yup, we didn't get much out of him though. He tried to kill himself by gulping down a bit of Eridium dust. However, that combined with the regenerator Zed hooked him up to heal him caused him to develop an insane healing factor. You can shoot him all you want and he'll just heal back to normal in seconds."

"... Huh, that's cool, what's the catch." Kai asked.

"His long-term memory is fucked, he remembers everything from his past but can't make any new memories. His short-term memory is still there, but his mind resets every ten minutes. You can't really interrogate a guy who heals instantly and can't remember anything after ten minutes. Plus if he's disconnected from the regenerator, he'll go into a seizure; so some of the Raiders decided to put him here for target practice."

"Isn't this a bit cruel and inhumane even by Pandoran standards?" Gaige asked nervously, as both men were being surprisingly calm about the situation.

"Not after what you hear him say." Marcus stated as he walked over and removed the ball gage.

"HYPERION IS GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU FUCKERS! AND THEN JACK WILL PISS ALL OVER YOUR CORPSES, AND THEN KILL ALL THE REST OF THE BANDIT SCUM ON THIS ROCK!" Then a sinister smile crossed his face. "But first, I'm gonna break free, kill you two, and then ass fuck that little red-headed bit-OMF!" He choked as Marcus shoved the ball gag back in his mouth.

"God, you're annoying. Any questions." Marcus asked.

Gaige stared at the Commando for several seconds until she narrowed her eyes, held out her hand and asked, "Give me a gun."

"Alright! Let's try out the fire weapon first, eh?" Marcus said as he came back over and handed her a Maliwan fire pistol.

Gaige took aim and fired several times into the Commando. After the third shot hit the man he suddenly burst into flames and began letting out muffled screams of agony.

"Wow!" was all Gaige could say.

"Yup. Fire weapons are extremely effective against flesh, but they're crap at destroying shields." Marcus said with a grin.

"They're also great tools for when you have to start a fire like for a campfire, burning a Varkid nest, or… I don't know, burning down a trailer park."

"Why would you say that?" Gaige asked.

Kai just shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know… but for some reason, I feel like we will be doing that in the future."

Gaige nodded then grabbed another gun from one of the crates, as Kai started testing some weapons himself. The next gun that Gaige pulled out was an SMG with a glowing blue barrel. At the same time, Marcus hit a button and a shield formed around the Commando, who's ball gag had fallen out of his mouth because of the fire damage it took.

"HA! I've got a shield fucker! What now?!" the Commando said.

"This Hyperion fascist thinks he's safe cause he's got a shield. Spoilers: he isn't," Marcus said "try shooting him with it."

Gaige took aim with the SMG and fired, and quickly bullets began pelting the shield which was quickly depleted. The following bullets hit the Commando directly and he began to scream in agony as he went into a spasm. "Fu-u-u-uck yo-u bi-i-i-tch!" He screamed and twitched.

"Take that, Jack-lover! A few good hits from a shock weapon will zap a shield away quicker than you can say 'buyer's remorse'!" Marcus said with a laugh.

Gaige looked at the gun and then back to the crispy Commando. Slowly, a sinister grin grew across her face. "Ohhhh…. I like this gun."

She slapped in another magazine and started pelting the Commando again and again. After the fifth mag she dumped into the bastard, Kai began to notice something. "Gaige, why are you losing accuracy?"

Gaige looked at Kai then back to the Commando and saw that half of her shots had missed. "Oh, that, that's because of my Anarchy skill. It basically takes the kinetic energy from my recoil and stores it in a capacitor in my arm as stacks. These stacks then, in turn, boost the damage of my weapon, however, the more stacks I have the harder it because to shoot accurately because the charge causes interference with my arms gyroscopic sensor, making it harder to stabilize my firing. Also, for some reason, I lose all my stacks when I reload a gun that still has ammo left... I don't know why though."

"And this affects all weapons?" Kai asked, intrigued.

"Well, Hyperion weapons have that reverse recoil which counteracts it some, but other than that the only weapon that I can shoot accurately with is my dad's gun."

Marcus and Kai stared at her for several seconds, till Marcus spoke up. "Look, I don't have time for any of that damn techno-wizardry, okay. Now, what else. Ah yes! Armor!"

Marcus pressed a few buttons on the control panel again and a chained up Hyperion Loader rolled up next to the Commando.

"Armored targets, like these damned Hyperion robots, can take a lot of damage. It'll take way too long to break through armor with bullets alone! Armor is resistant to most damage types… unless you've got a corrosive weapon."

He said as he handed Gaige the corrosive laser.

Gaige took aim with the laser at the Loader and fired. A green beam sliced through the air wildly and hit the target, Gaige stopped firing after about a second. "Damn! For a laser, this thing has some major kick. But it's still so cool!"

"There are three types of lasers, blaster (rapid or shotgun spread), Railguns, and continuous beam lasers like the one you have there. This one can shoot a constant stream till the cell is depleted, but as you saw for yourself, they kick like a bucking Bull Horned Skag. Also, all laser weapons are elemental weapons, fire are the most common type. Though personally, I would love to have a Cryo laser." Kai said.

"Let's continue on with the test, try shooting the Loader again." Marcus interjected. Gaige took aim again and properly readied herself for the recoil this time. After a few more adjustments she fired. While the beam moved around again, Gaige managed to keep it on the Loader. As the beam persisted, the acid-infused energy beam began to rapidly melt the robot's armor. A few seconds later the hips and legs fell off, leaving the main torso unit strapped to the pole. "See how the acid eats through the metal? I must confess, I love corrosive weapons. Next up explosive!" Marcus said as Gaige handed the laser back.

"Explosives aren't an element." Gaige responded.

"Yes, it's an element; don't question it. Don't you have Torgue weapons on you?" Marcus asked. Gaige nodded and pulled out her Torgue shotgun. "Now, Explosive guns do… okay damage to all enemy types, but they have a sizable blast radius. Go ahead and try it out on both targets."

Gaige took aim and fired at the Commando. It took several more shots to break his shield, but once it was down Gaige could see the Explosive pellets tearing him up. She reloaded again and fired at what remained of the Loader. Its weakened armor buckled under the force of the Explosive and failed after five shots. "Woah, that was fun." Gaige said excitedly.

"See? The damage wasn't amazing, but it's equally effective against shields, armor, or flesh. But really, who cares? Explosions! Now, let's try out these new slag guns!" Marcus said as Gaige put her shotgun away and then picked up a pistol with a purple glowing barrel. "Slag is a bit more complex. If you slag your enemy, all NON-slag damage will hurt even more! Here, slag this chump." Gaige fired the full three shots which, while they penetrated the Commando, didn't do much damage. "Good, now switch to another weapon."

Gaige set the Maliwan pistol down and pulled her Rogue Smuggler out. She didn't bother to aim for the head and just shot at the torso. This time, large chunks of flesh were being torn out by each shot."

"How the hell is that even possible?" Gaige asked.

"Slag a weird element. No one really knows how it works or why it works. Now we have one more element, Cryo." Marcus said with some excitement in his voice.

"What's to know, it's a gun that freezes." Gaige said.

"There's more to it than that. While Cryo does temporarily freeze targets, it also has some similarities to slag. If you shoot at a frozen target, you'll do more damage and even more damage than that on critical points. But, unlike slag, it also causes damage to the target… Plus, it's so satisfying when you shoot them in the head and their whole body shatters." Marcus said as he looked up with a dreamy look in his eye.

"That actually sounds awesome." Gaige said as she shouldered the SMG. She fired a burst at the Commando and after about seven hits his body began to ice over. "That's sooo cool! Pun fully intended." Gaige said with a smile. She swapped to the Rogue Smuggler again and fired several bursts at the Commando's head. However, after dumping the whole clip, he didn't shatter. "Heeeey! What gives? I thought you said he would shatter."

Both Kai and Marcus were pondering this as well. "Think it has something to do with his regeneration?" Kai asked Marcus.

Marcus just shrugged in response, "I don't know. But at least now I have a good target to charge extra for," he said with a grin. "I know a few Raiders who will love this guy."

"Always thinking with your wallet, eh Marcus?" Kai said as he put the last weapon he tested back in the crate. "Well they all check out… Except for this SMG, scope seems off a little."

"Well then I guess it's time for your payment. Pick any one of these guns, minus the laser." Marcus finished as Gaige had opened her mouth to speak only to close it in disappointment. Gaige looked at all the weapons, and after about a minute she chose a rare Maliwan shock SMG.

"Remember, if you want to purchase any elemental weapons like these, you could always buy some from your friendly neighborhood arms dealer." Marcus said as if reciting his own vending machines.

"Only if we want to break the bank." Kai said.

"Kai! My prices are always fair and reasonable." Marcus said with mock hurt in his voice.

"You tried to sell me an assault rifle with a cracked scope for half a million bucks first time I came here." Kai said matter of factly.

"It was a fine weapon otherwise, though."

"Not that fine." said Kai, while shaking his head.

"This is what I get for selling to a gunsmith's apprentice. Just get out of here already, I've got work to attend to."

They both quickly bought some ammo, Gaige sold her extra loot, and then they left to meet with everyone. As they were walking to the town center the both began talking about the possible application of different elements with different weapons when Kai suddenly bumped into something. He looked down to find a short yellow robot in front of him.

"Sorry stranger, I was just looking around for... MINION!" Claptrap cheered when he noticed Gaige. "Minion, where have you been? I was going to show you all a shortcut to Sanctuary, but you wandered off."

"Wait, you knew a shortcut!" Gaige said in shock, but Claptrap ignored her.

"Hey, who's this guy." Claptrap said pointing to Kai.

"Oh, right, this is my longtime friend Kai, Kai this is-"

"Hyperion CL4P-TP general purpose Robot, but you can call me Claptrap. How would you like to be one of my new minions."

Kai just continued to stare at Claptrap for several more seconds until he whipped his Maliwan pistol out and shoved it right into Claptrap's eye.

"AaaAAAHH!" Claptrap screeched in panic.

"WOAH! KAI!" Gaige yelled as she grabbed his arm and forced it up. "WHAT THE HELL!?"

"Ugh... oh geez, look at the time. I got to go!" Claptrap said as he quickly rolled off.

"GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN TRASH CAN!" Kai yelled as he broke free of Gaige's grip. He was about to run after the robot when Gaige grabbed the back of his jacket collar with her robot arm and yanked, causing him to fall flat on his back. Kai groaned and looked up to see Gaige pinning him down with her foot. "Gaige, what the hell? Why would you save a Hyperion robot?"

"Claptrap is a friend, an annoying friend maybe, but still a friend!"

"Why the hell would you trust a Hyperion robot after what Jack... almost…. did," he slowed down.

Gaige was confused as to why he suddenly stopped talking and was about to ask what was wrong when she noticed Kai's face getting red. This perplexed Gaige for several seconds until the reality of the whole situation dawned on her. Immediately she jumped several steps back and held her skirt down as her face was blushing as red as her hair.

". . . You looked, didn't you." Gaige asked, in a small voice.

"Ugh… It was an accident." Kai sheepishly said as he sat up.

Gaige glared at him for several seconds until she suddenly charged at him. Just before reaching Kai she brought her left leg up and then kicked forward. All Kai saw was black and white stripes with a cute skull image before Gaige's foot impacted his face.

X-X-X

About ten minutes later the rest of the Vault Hunters were waiting in the center of town for their last two members.

"Where are they? They were supposed to be here ten minutes ago." Axton asked.

"Relax hombre, Gaige can take care of herself." Salvador said, as he was shaking out one of his boots.

Maya was leaning against a newsstand, Zer0 was curiously looking over a chunk of Eridium he and Sal had… 'found' at Zed's, while Krieg was repeatedly tossing his ax in the air and trying to catch it. Finally, their last two members walked up to them.

"Where the hell were you two?" Axton inquired. "And what happened to your face?" He asked Kai, who was holding an insta-heal coated cloth to the side of his face.

"We ran into Claptrap, and I tried to kill it. But as I tried to chase after him I…" he glanced to Gaige who had an angry pout on her face and still had a strong blush. "I tripped and hit some steps… With my face."

Axton and Maya looked at them both questionably, Zer0 locked his gaze upon Kai, Sal started grinning after a few seconds observing the situation, and Krieg then spoke up. "Kill buddy saw the gates to heaven and was burned by the wrath of fire!" Krieg said with a laugh as he danced around.

"It was an accident! So shut up." Kai said angrily.

"Wait, what did he say," Axton asked raising an eyebrow while Maya covered her mouth to hide her laughter after realizing what Krieg meant.

"Can we just go already, I wanna kill something." Gaige said causing Kai to cringe a little.

X-X-X

About thirty minutes later they had all gone out to a Fast-Travel Station in Three Horns Divide, got their instructions from Hammerlock, and split into two teams. Kai and Gaige were with Salvador and Zer0 originally, but when Hammerlock asked them to shoot a few dozen projectiles that the 'Ferovore's' threw out of the air, Sal and Zer0 decided to split off to find and corner a Ferovore slinger. So Gaige and Kai slowly walked along near the outskirts of the Marrow Fields.

Kai looked over to Gaige, who still appeared mad at him. After another five minutes of silence, Kai sighed and turned to Gaige.

"Look, Gaige, I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. . . look, it just kind of happened." Kai said as he rubbed the back of his head nervously.

Gaige glanced to him as they continued to walk. "I'm not mad at you for that Kai."

"Wait, so you're not mad at me for seeing up your skirt?" Kai asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I am mad at that," she said as more blush painted her cheeks as she slightly turned her face away from him. "I accept that that was partially my fault. No, what I'm mad is that you tried to kill Claptrap without a second thought."

"Oh." was all Kai could say. He thought about it for a minute after that. "Why? It's just a Hyperion Robot."

"Claptrap isn't "with" Hyperion anymore! He his own person... robot, whatever. Besides, I like him, unlike most people, who find all found Claptrap units to be straight up annoying and problematic I find it enduring that this one can still be friendly. Really though, you can't blame a robot for how it was programmed, you can only try and fix it or curse the programmer."

"Okay, so everyone hates them but you, I still don't see why you stopped me." said Kai, not yet understanding.

"Ugh, Okay, let me explain it to you. As annoying as Claptrap can be, he's still a sentient being, unlike the average Hyperion loader. Maybe not, living like you and me, but he still has his own will from what I've seen, like Hati."

Kai looked over to Hati, who was scouting about twenty meters in front of them. Although Hati was programmed to protect him, he still showed a surprising amount of free will compared to many of the other AIs made in his mother's lab.

"Plus, he's a lot like you." Gaige said.

"Like me? How is that tin can anything like me?" Kai asked in disbelief.

"Well… Okay, maybe "like you" isn't the right words. He… shares a similar past with you, Claptrap is the last of his kind, and it's all Jack fault."

"What do you mean?" Kai asked with genuine curiosity.

"The first order that Jack made after he took over Hyperion several years ago was to literally kill off Claptrap's entire product line. The Claptrap you met is probably the last of his kind, just like you are the last of your people."

That actually hit Kai hard. He was about to kill a robot that basically lived through a genocide quite similar to what he had seen and ironically, in a sick and twisted sort of way, both events were caused by the same person. It honestly didn't sit well with him.

"Okay, so I may have jumped the gun a little." He noticed Gaige glaring at him. "Okay fine, a lot, but you have to understand by this point, I'm basically hardwired to shot, kill, or destroy anything with a Hyperion logo; especially robots. I've been fighting Hyperion Loaders nearly every day for three years since they became Hyperion main frontline unit." said Kai.

"And I get that, but do you always have to go with the shot first ask later mentality?" Gaige asked with a tilt of her head.

"Okay, I'll only use that if said target is in Hyperion yellow... Excluding Claptrap."

"Is this also part of the reason why you had everyone either toss or give any their Hyperion weapons to this Tannis guy."

"Woman actually."

"Really?"

"Yep. She's also smart like you, of course, she's also a little..."

"Crazy?" Gaige inserted.

"I was gonna say social challenged," Kai remarked. "But getting back on topic, I take that the moral of the story is: be nicer to Claptrap or you'll rip me a new one with your robot arm."

"Exactly." Gaige said with a cute smile.

Suddenly their ECHO's crackled to life as Hammerlock came on. "Bloody balls! "Ferovore" is trademarked! RRGH! Sod it! I'm so sick of coming up with names for them. You know what? "Bonerfart." All of them, that's right, we're calling them "Bonerfarts" now. Just kill a few of them or something. I don't care anymore."

Both Vault Hunters stopped and looked at each other. After a few seconds, they both started laughing uncontrollably.

"Really!? Bonerfarts! I don't think I can take them seriously anymore." Kai said.

"I'm so posting this on my next ECHO!"

Just then they both heard a howl from nearby, Kai looked around and realized Hati wasn't in sight anymore. "Hati found something, come on." He said as he rushed for the source of the howl with Gaige chasing after him.

After a minute they rushed around a large boulder and found Hati locked in combat with a man. He had on an old Psycho's mask and a makeshift helmet out of a… Bonerfart's skull. He didn't have a shirt, but he did have a pair of shoulder pads and leg guards also made from bone. And in his hand was a rusty axe.

"Holy skaglicks! Savage Lee is real!?" Kai said.

"I did not expect this." Gaige added as they watched Lee and Hati fight.

"My goodness, you found Savage Lee! Engage him in combat so that I may be able to study his behavior and combat skills… Then proceed to kill him." Hammerlock added excitedly.

"Kill him!? Hammer, isn't that a little extreme? I mean, he's just a-"

"I'm gonna feed you to the pack, then wear your bloody ribcage like a corset!" Lee yelled/interrupted.

Kai just casually turned to see Gaige's dumbfounded face. "I… I shouldn't even question you guys anymore about who to kill when you tell me to." She said.

"Yeah. It makes things a lot easier" Kai replied.

Suddenly they both heard a yelp and turned to see Hati de-rezzing as Lee started to jump around cheering like a madman, only to stop when he saw the Vault Hunters. They all stared at one another for several seconds, until Lee let out an animalistic war cry and charged.

"Incoming! Kai yelled as he pulled out his Maliwan pistol and fired three shots while Gaige pulled out her new SMG.

Two of the three shots hit the unshielded man in the chest, but it did little to stop him. Gaige fired her SMG, and though her accuracy was skewed, about a dozen rounds found their mark. While this had more of an effect, it also didn't slow him down. In an act that completely surprised Gaige, Lee leapt at them from ten meters with his ax raised to strike at her. Before he could hit her though, Kai rushed In front of her with his left light blade active and parried Lee's attack. This caused Lee to stagger as he landed, but he quickly recovered to block a left slash from Kai. Using his strength, Lee forced Kai back causing him to fall backward.

"GAIGE! A little help here!" Kai yelled at her as Lee tried to chop him again, only for Kai to parry the ax with his right light blade.

Gaige snapped out of her stupor and brought her SMG up and fired. With her only being about four meters from them, accuracy meant little, as more than half of the rounds hit him. This time the shock effect started to affect Lee as he started jerking around on the spot. Kai kicked him in the stomach, causing Lee to stagger back. A few seconds later and the shock effect wore off, and Lee looked around like an animal seeking its prey, only to see both Gaige with her SMG and Kai with his Torgue shotgun out and aimed at him.

"Any last words, animal?" Kai asked, coldly.

Lee looked at them for a second and then threw his head back and yelled. "WAAARGH! WAAGH WAAGH! WAAAAARGH!"

Kai and Gaige glanced at one another, then decided to finish it. They were both about to fire when suddenly...

WRRRAAAAAAAH!*

. . . "What the hell was that?" Gaige asked.

As if on cue, a nearby wall of ice was smashed open, and a massive Bullymong… or Bonerfart, stood there at more than four meters tall. It had several bones made into a crud armor that covered its arms and head. It had scars all over it, which suggested that it had seen more than its fair share of fighting, and it was staring straight at the Vault Hunters.

"Oh boy... a Super Badass." Kai said sarcastically.

"Well, at least there's only one." Gaige said.

Just then a second Super Badass Bonerfart of similar size and armor jumped out from the opening and roared. Kai just slowly looked over to Gaige with an irritated look.

"Oh come on! You can't blame me for that!" She said as he leered at her for several more seconds.

The Bonerfarts stared them both down as they held their ground. "What's the plan here," Gaige asked.

"Well in a situation like this there really only one option… TACTICAL WITHDRAWAL!" he yelled as he grabbed Gaige by her left hand and started running in the opposite direction. The Badass Bonerfarts roared and chased after them.

On a nearby cliff, Zer0 and Salvador were watching the two young Vault Hunters.

"Shouldn't we… You know, help them?" Sal asked.

"No."

"Why not? Looks like they could use the help."

Zer0 was laying down near a ledge with his sniper out so he could observe them "Red needs the practice / Need to see what Kai can do / Just enjoy the show."

"Aww, but I want to fight the badasses." Salvador griped.

Back with the other two, Gaige looked back to see the two beasts rapidly catching up on them. "Kai they're gaining on us! We can't run forever!"

"I know Gaige!" He yelled as he noticed several stinging cactuses up ahead. At the same time, he heard Hati's recharge indicator. "Which is why now we attack!" He slid to a halt, turned around while pulling out Hati's photon projector, and threw it with all his might. The projector sphere flew straight and true as it pegged the lead Bonerfart in the left eye, causing the beast to fall forward and slide some. Its partner stopped and looked at the other one as it roared in pain. As they were distracted, Hati materialized behind them and jumped on the distracted Bonerfart's back and started digging in with his claws and teeth as the creature started thrashing about. As this happened, Gaige had stopped and watched the fight unfold in front of her, until Kai suddenly yelled. "GAIGE! Stop gawking and start shooting!"

Gaige snapped her attention to Kai who had pulled out a rare Dahl assault rifle with a slag barrel and started firing at the Bonerfart he hit in the eye. Gaige then realized what needed to be done and raised her left arm to summon DeathTrap. "Time to cause some trouble buddy!" Gaige yelled as DT Digistructed next to her.

Deathtrap immediately flew towards the Bonerfart Hati was engaging while Gaige ran over to assist Kai. Gaige pulled out a grenade and prepared to toss it at the creature, "Nade out!"

Kai looked and saw it was a Cryo grenade in her hand. "Gaige no!" but Gaige already threw the grenade which soon landed at the stunned beast's feet. Two seconds later there was an explosion of ice and mist that covered the creature.

"What are you so worried about, I got it." Gaige said.

"Gaige! Cryo doesn't affect Boner- ah fuck it! It doesn't affect Bullymong's!" He yelled as he looked around, trying to figure out where it was. They both heard a roar and the Bullymong came charging out of the cloud with sheets of ice stuck to its fur. It had two of its arms held in front of it in a protective manner as the massive creature charged at Kai.

"SHIIIIIT!" Kai screamed, as the Bullymong crashed into him and sent him flying back into a snowbank.

"KAI!" Gaige yelled.

"I'm okay." a muffled reply said from the snow.

Gaige turned back to the Bullymong. "UrrAAAAAAAGH! SUCK ON AMPS YOU BASTARD!" Gaige yelled as she started firing with her SMG.

The Badass Mong roared as the blue bullets pelleted him. It jammed one of its arms into the ground and pulled out a chunk of ice and lobbed it at Gaige. The shard of ice went wide, however, and overshot her as the creature's depth perception was shot.

This continued for twenty seconds till the Bullymong started rapidly lobbing ice shards. As Gaige dodged one, another finally nailed her in the shoulder causing her shield to flare. While it wasn't depleted it was now only at twenty percent.

"Crap!" Gaige yelled as another projectile hit next to her. She began to run for any cover when she saw Kai setting something next to what looked like a pair of fucked up cacti.

"Gaige! Draw it between the cacti, and don't touch them!" Kai yelled at her. Before moving away from the strange plants.

Not having any time to ask, Gaige slide to a halt and started dashing for the cacti. The Badass Bullymong tried to halt and turn as well, but its larger mass caused it to stumble and lose ground. Gaige made it about halfway before the Badass Bullymong got back up and chased after her and quickly closed the distance. When Gaige ran between the cacti with the Bullymong only two meters behind her, the badass Mong slammed into to the two cacti and suddenly roared in pain as both of the stinging plants discharged into it.

Gaige, who had turned to watch, noticed Kai about thirty meters away, as he quickly unwrapped a rifle he had on his back. At that moment, the cacti both ran out of juice and the Bullymong was looking at Gaige.

"Gaige, get down!"

Gaige dropped to the ground as Kai fired off two quick shots, both shots hit one of several Torgue shotgun magazines placed at the base of one of the cacti. This resulted in the few magazines all detonating in a rapid chain reaction, which caused the left cacti to fall over on top of the enraged creature, pinning it.

Gaige slowly got up and looked at the Bullymong, it looked as though the creature had been killed. Kai approached the creature with his Clementine out and without a word, he stopped a few meters in front of it, aimed his rifle at its head, and...

BANG BANG*

Two new bullet holes could be seen in the skull armor that the Mong wore.

"Okay, now that that's over where is the other-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the Bullymong he just shot burst up from beneath the pile of crushed cactus and snow and knocked Kai back with a backhanded swipe. Kai rolled next to Gaige who helped him up.

"How is that possible! You double tapped it in the head at point blank!" Gaige said as she started firing with her SMG.

"That helmet must be made from Rakk Hive bones! It as tough as a slab of concrete!" Kai yelled as he started firing his rifle.

"Concrete?" Gaige mumbled as she looked at her robotic arm then to the Bullymong. "Kai cover me!" She yelled as she bolted towards the Mong.

"What the? GAIGE!" He yelled as she rushed in. "Argh DAMMIT!" He then started firing as fast as he could to distract the giant creature.

Gaige closed the distance and was looking for a way to get above the creature when the Bullymong suddenly raised its two upper arms over its head, then brought them down and slammed the ground.

"OH SHIT" Gaige yelled in surprise. The hit sent out a shockwave that knocked Gaige fifteen meters into the air. At the Apex of her flight, Gaige looked around quickly only to notice that she was directly above the Bullymong. 'Perfect', she thought.

Using her body mass she managed to flip herself over so she was now aimed head first at the one-eyed Mong. As she started to fall, she quickly cocked her left arm back. "Falcon PUNCH!" she yelled as she shot her fist forward and smashed it into the creature's head. The force of the impact caused the bone Armor to fracture and break. The Super Badass Bullymong fell over as Gaige jumped off before it hit the ground.

Kai stared at the girl in disbelief as Gaige looked back at the Bullymong and then to him.

". . . I AM AMAZING!" she yelled before she started to go into a sort of victory dance. Kai continued to watch until he noticed something.

"I'm a Badass, I'm a Badass, ooh ooh. Come on Kai you're not gonna, WHAT THE!-"

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG PING!*

The snow tundra was silent for the next few seconds as the sound of the gunshots reverberated all around.

Gaige slowly opened her eyes after shutting them during the initial shot. She quickly patted herself to check and found she wasn't hit or injured. She looked to Kai who was calmly reloading his Clementine.

". . . What. The . FUCK WAS THAT! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME KAI. WHY THE-"

THUD*

"...Huh?"

Gaige looked to the source of the sound and nearly had a heart attack as she saw one of Bullymong arms barely half a meter from her. She looked behind her and found the Bullymong head had eight new holes at different locations. Gaige also noticed that it was still breathing. Kai walked over and brought his rifle up to its head.

Bang Bang* . . . *Bang*

The Mong finally stop breathing as Kai turned to Gaige. "You okay?"

"Ugh, yeah. . . Um sorry for yelling at you." She said with her head hung slightly.

"It's fine, at least it's finally dead."

It was silent for a few seconds.

". . . What happened to the other one?" Gaige asked causing Kai's eyes to widen.

Before anything else could be said there was a loud thud behind them. They both immediately spun around with their weapons at the ready.

"What?" Kai said.

"The fuck?" Gaige finished.

They found themselves looking at the severed head of the other Bullymong with a blood-soaked Hati sitting on top as he happily wagged his tail. DT who was also soaked in the beast's orange blood was floating next to him. Hati gave a happy bark to the Vault Hunters.

"Damn… Good job Hati." Kai said.

"Yeah, you to DT." Gaige said.

DT nodded before dematerializing into blue pixelated particles, Hati gave several quick barks before also dissipating.

"Well, that was fun… By the way, um, thanks for… you know… saving me." Gaige said.

"Not a problem Gaige, just watch out for now on. This is one of the most dangerous planets in the known Galaxy after all."

Just then their ECHO's came on. "Bravo! Bravo Vault Hunters! You managed to slay two Super Badass Bullymong." Hammerlock said with bravado.

"What, you're not calling them Bonerfarts anymore, Hammer?" Kai asked.

"My publisher says I can't name them Bonerfarts. So I guess we're sticking with Bullymong, It really isn't that bad of a name. Besides I have plenty of data from the video your ECHO'S and your friends ECHO'S recorded."

"Well, that's good at… Wait, what do you mean our friends?" Gaige asked. She felt Kai tapping her on the shoulder.

"Ugh, Gaige." he pointed.

Gaige looked at where Kai was pointing. On a clifftop about a two hundred meters away, she could see Zer0 and Salvador. "Hola!" They both heard Salvador yell from the cliff as he waved.

"How long have they been there?" Gaige asked.

"I believe they have been watching the whole time." Hammer replied.

Gaige just stared at the two distant Vault Hunters with a blank expression until she held out her hand to Kai. "I need a gun with some range." Gaige said causing Kai to grin.

Back on the cliff, the two other Vault Hunters were still watching.

"You think they'll be mad at us for not helping?" Sal asked Zer0.

There was a sudden whizzing sound as something passed near them.

"Was that-"

The sound occurred again, only this time it went through Zer0, seconds later the hologram failed and disappeared leaving Salvador alone on the cliff.

"Shit!"

Salvador started to run as sniper rounds began to fill the air around him. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY LITTLE SENORITA! OW! MY ASS!"

X-X-X

It had been several hours and the sun was slowly setting as the end of both the normal day and the longer Pandoran day in Sanctuary, yet Moxxi's bar was packed as the funeral/wake for Reiss was well underway. There were dozens of Raiders and Vault Hunters that Gaige and the others met, such as Bill Runner the Truxican Ranger, Master Sergeant, and many more.

Gaige just finished talking with another Vault Hunter when she noticed that Kai wasn't around. So she decided to go looking for him. As Gaige walked through the crowd she spotted the others. Zer0 was talking with a male Vault Hunter who looked like a Samurai. Salvador was trading stories with several Raiders. Maya was chatting with a man who looked like an archeologist. Axton was talking about weapons with the Master Sergeant, a tall man in dark green battle armor, while Krieg was having a knife throwing competition with several people, and was doing pretty good by the looks of it.

Moxxi was still standing in front of the bar talking with several people, wearing a black dress that was a 'little' bit more modest than her usual attire. Only a little though, as it still showed off her assets. In her arms was a bronze urn with Reiss' name carved into it. Apparently while visiting Kai's apartment to see Reiss's room she found his will, which stated that he wanted to be cremated and then have his ashes hidden in Moxxi's Bar so that he could always be close to the woman he had a crush on. However, Moxxi rejected this and said he would instead have a shelf all to himself on the back wall behind the bar so that he'd always be able to watch her 'pretty little ass' as she had put it.

Gaige looked past Moxxi and saw Kai sitting at the bar. So she walked over and took a set next to him.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yes, and no. It's still hard to really accept that he's gone, but at the same time, I at least get to give the man a proper funeral. A 'lot' of people from my planet will never get that chance, hell my mentor, the one I came here with, all I could do for him was dig a small grave with a tombstone made from a piece of our ship's hull." he said before looking over to Moxxi who was talking to one of the older Raiders.

Moxxi soon started to weep again making her makeup run even more, the raider gave her a hug.

"Think she'll be okay?" Kai asked.

"Not sure, I've have never experienced any kind of loss like this." Gaige replied.

"Not even your grandparents or anything?"

"All died before I was born." Gaige said, and Kai just nodded in response and went back to looking at Moxxi.

"So why the quick turnaround for the funeral?" Gaige inquired.

"Well, it's partially because we're always dealing with Jack or some Bandit clan. We have to be quick about this sort of stuff, most of the time we just have a toast, a few words and add a photo to the wall of the fallen comrades that Moxxi set up a few years ago. Of course, this is a pretty big turnout for one man. Hell, we even got a dozen Vault Hunters who usually only show up here maybe once every two or three months." Kai said as he motioned to all the different people around the bar.

As they both continued to watch everyone Gaige noticed that the waiters were going around with trays of filled shot glasses. As they passed everyone was taking one.

"What's going on?" Gaige asked looking at the trays.

Kai looked over to waitresses and saw what they were doing. "Oh that, it's an old tradition that my people did for fallen comrades back on Polaris, it calls for everyone in attendance to take a shot of Vladof Platinum Star Vodka. Reiss said he wouldn't mind such a send-off once so I asked Moxxi and the girls to have this prepared. Come on, I need to make a speech." He said before moving towards the bar. As he did he passed Trixie and grabbed two Vodka shots from her and gave one to Gaige.

He went behind the bar and pulled out a stool that was kept behind the bar. Using it as a step he was able to stand up over nearly everyone. "Attention, can I have your attention everyone," Kai said. It took several seconds until the bar was quiet.

"Thank you… Comrades, friends… loved ones. Today we stand here together to honor not only a fellow soldier, not only a friend, but a fallen member of our family, Reiss." He said proudly. "He was more than just another Raider; to some, he was a great comrade that we would gladly stand with and fight alongside with. To some, he was a friend who would brighten our day, to others, he was a brother, separated only by blood. And for a few," he said as he turned to Moxxi, "he was the single most important person in their lives. The one that filled the void we all have. So to all of us who knew the man, and have been touched by his existence, let our family make a toast to his memory and always remember him." he said, raising his voice.

"TO REISS!" Kai cheered.

"TO REISS!" everyone else including Gaige cheered in return.

"AND MAY WHATEVER DEITY HE BELIEVES IN SEE HIM SAFELY TO THE OTHERSIDE!"

With that everyone drank there shot. Gaige took hers and as soon has it went down she felt as if her throat was on fire. As Soon as Kai finished his shot he slammed the glass on to the bar top. Dozens of other people followed suit, slamming their glasses on whatever surface they could find.

"Right, now that that's over I'd like to say thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of the evening. Now if you all will excuse me, I'll be taking my leave for the evening."

"What! Why would you be leaving so soon?! The wake is still going." Gaige asked. This caused several people to laugh. Kai just sighed and looked over at Moxxi.

"Moxxi, you know the drill. Also, have a good evening, and sorry I can't stay." Kai said to Moxxi.

She nodded in response. "Right, well then, I'll see you all later."

He looked forward and seemed to suddenly freeze on the spot.

"Uhh, Kai? Are you okay?" Gaige asked.

He didn't move a millimeter or even blink for a few seconds. Then he started to sway a little until he finally tilted just a little too far and collapsed behind the bar.

"KAI!" Gaige screamed as she rushed behind the bar. Nearly everyone else was just laughing at this point, while Gaige shakes him. "Kai! Kai! Dammit, Kai wake up!"

"What's the matter with him?" Axton asked as he leaned over the bar to look.

"Oh, nothing. This is just what happens when he gets drunk." Moxxi said.

"Wait, how many did he have?" Gaige asked.

"Just the one." Moxxi said.

Gaige turned and looked at Moxxi in confusion, "Just the one?" She asked in disbelief, to which Moxxi just nodded.

"The poor boy can't even handle a single light beer, and that shot will knock him out for at least ten hours."

"You mean that this "guy", can't drink worth shit without passing out! That's hilarious!" Salvador yelled throwing his arms out. His left arm hit a Raider, who in turn was knocked into another armored Raider who spilled his beer on two Vault Hunters.

"What the hell! This was a new jacket you bastard!" The Vault Hunter tried to punch the armored Raider but he was able to dodge, the punch instead hit Krieg in the back. Krieg turned to the man. "Yeeeessss, AGAIN!" Krieg yelled as he punched the man in the face.

'Don't kill them, this is just for fun. For fun…' his inner voice said with a sigh. With that Krieg threw himself at one of the other patrons as a brawl quickly engulfed the bar.

"What the hell is going on?!" Gaige yelled as she watched the calamity.

"It simple niñita, this is what a Friday night on Pandora is supposed to look like!" He said as he jumped up onto the bar top and turned to the fight. "THIS IS WHY I LOVE FRIDAYS!" He yelled before he jumped forward and cannonballed into the fray.

Gaige decided to stay down as Moxxi and her waitresses quickly joined her. "Well, At least nobody is shooting." Susan said.

"Is this normal!?" Gaige asked.

"Fights like this occur at least once every month or two." Trixie said as a beer bottle flew over them and hit the back wall.

During all of this Kai wasn't even stirring as he laid there on the ground out cold.

"So what now?" Gaige asked. Moxxi and the girls looked at one another and nodded. Trixie opened a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Old Jakobs number five whiskey, while Susan handed out shot glasses to each of them.

"Really? We're going to drink."

"Nothing else to do sugar." Moxxi said as Trixie poured some whiskey into her glass, then poured Gaige one.

"A toast girls, to old friends lost, and new friends gained." she said as she and the others looked to Gaige.

Gaige looked at the glass and back, after a moment of silence (between the girls) she finally gave a shrug. "Why not." she said before gulping down the glass.

"Atta girl," Moxxi said before refilling hers and Gaige's glass. "To Gaige, welcome to Sanctuary!"

"Welcome to Sanctuary!" They all cheered as they clinked their glasses together and drank as the fighting continued all around them.

X-X-X

The showing ended and everyone was about to get up to go back to the command center.

(Kilo8) Woah, where are you guys going?

(Gaige) Well, the chapter is done… Isn't it?

(Brain) Hell no! This madman shoved two bonus shorts in for you all. (he said as he flexed his aching fingers)

(Tina) Awwww sweet!

X-X-X

Omake 1: Pandoran Anatomy

Zer0 and Salvador.

Salvador and Zer0 entered the clinic and noticed Zed in the corner with a Hyperion engineer strapped to a surgical table.

"I'M STARVING! I WANT TO EAT YOUR BABIES!" the engineer yelled as Zed turned to the man with a large syringe in hand.

"Son, this might sting a bit." Zed said before plunging the syringe into the engineer's chest as he screamed out in pain.

Salvador leaned over to Zer0 and whispered. "If I ever need surgery, just kill me." Zero nodded in response.

It was then that Zed noticed them. "Oh hello again, didn't expect to see you back so soon."

"My gut is still giving me trouble, I just need a pick me up for my stomach doc." Sal said with an arm across his abdomen.

"I see, well drinking all those beers right after getting your stomach pumped will do that to you."

"Ugh, how do you know-"

"Your breath has enough alcohol to get a skag drunk from five meters away." Zed said blatantly.

"Okay so I may have had a little to drink." Salvador said with a shrug.

"Three pints of Raak Ale / A bottle of year old Scotch / Two shots of Moonshine." Zero summed up.

"As I said, only a little." Sal said with a grin.

Zed just sighed and shook his head. "He's just like Mordecai," he muttered to himself. "Anyways, so you want something for your stomach, right? Well, let's see here."

Zed started rummaging through a cabinet till he pulled out a small bottle. He turned and tossed it to Salvador. "There you go, antacid. Should do the trick just take-," but before Zed could finish, Salvador downed the whole bottle. ". . . A sip. Right... Well, that will be a hundred bucks."

"A hundred bucks!? What a rip-off!"

"Well, you did drink the whole damn bottle. However, I would be willing to do a trade."

This peaked Salvador curiosity. "What kind of trade?"

Zed jabbed his thumb towards the engineer. "Roland's boys caught this Hyperion jerk bag tryin' to sneak into the city. Looks like they messed up his lungs. Dude needs surgery, bad. You're gonna be my operatin' assistant." Zed said as he turned away from them and organized the surgical tools.

"Bad idea." Zer0 said. Salvador whipped his head to Zer0 and gave him a 'what the fuck' look, only to receive a LOL hologram in return.

"Oh, it will be fine," Zed said as he turned back to them. They both snapped their attention back to Zed, pretending that nothing just happened. "Now, why don't you both just come over here and help me out."

After a nervous glance, they both slowly walked over to the table. Zed handed Salvador a scalpel and pointed to a spot. "Alright, make a small incision just below his sternum, but be careful, we don't want to nick the coronary artery."

Slowly, Salvador took the blade and made a small cut into the exposed skin. "Hey, that was easy." Sal said happily.

Just then the engineer started to groan in pain. "Ugh, did you give this guy anesthetic, doc?"

Before Zed could answer the guy started to scream in pain. "Oh shoot, I knew I forgot something. Just keep looking around inside and I'll get the meds," Zed said before walking to a back room.

"WAIT! Doc you can't leave me like this!" Salvador yelled.

"You'll be fine, now take a look around his insides and see if anything looks off." Zed yelled from the storage room.

Nervously Sal started to poke around the engineer's inners as Zer0 watched. "Be careful not to nick the liver," Zed yelled. This caused Sal to lose his concentration and… Stab the liver, which caused a stream of blood to start shooting out. This also made the engineer scream even louder causing both Salvador and Zer0 to panic. Salvador slowly tried to remove the scalpel.

"Also, watch out for the intestines they move around a lot." Zed yelled just as Salvador got the scalpel snagged on said organ. This caused the engineer to yell even louder. This got Zer0 to start panicking as he looked around frantically.

"Z! Hold him down!"Sal yelled as he was trying to dig through the intestines to find the scalpel. After twenty seconds of searching, Sal finally grabbed ahold of the small blade. "Got it!" He said. However, in his panic, he yanked it out only to cut something else.

"Uh-oh." Sal said as a vile brown and yellow liquid started seeping through the incision.

"And whatever you do, don't mess with the stomach, because that just a whole mess in itself." Zed said while still seemingly oblivious to the screams of agony.

The engineer was going insane on the table as he thrashed about. "THE POWER OF JACK COMPELS ME! MUST EAT! ANYONE! EVERYONE! NEED TO EAT! I NEED TO EAT!" the engineer screamed as he somehow started to break his bindings.

Upon seeing this Zer0 rushed at the engineer, drew his sword, and slashed him horizontally from his left shoulder to his right hip. The engineer stopped screaming and smiled creepily. "I taste the blood, it's so delicious!" He said before falling back onto the table dead. When he did, a glowing purple rock slipped out of his wound and fell onto the floor where it rolled over to Zed's feet. Zed looked at the scene for a few seconds before shrugging. "Eh, close enough." He then bent down and picked up the glowing rock. "An Eridium shard? For- HOW many times must I tell you idiots? You can't get slag powers by swallowin' this stuff!"

Zed took a second to breathe before addressing the Vault Hunters. "That shard ain't no good in the black market, it isn't refined yet. You could probably take it to that Tannis lady on the other side of the town," he said as he tossed the shard to Zer0 who snatched it out of the air. "She's really into that Eridium stuff when she ain't actin' all hoity-toity cause she's got a "real" doctorate. Oh, and lemme know if you're lookin' for work, I got stuff needs doin'. Now move along, I need to clean up."

Salvador nodded and he and Zer0 quickly exited the clinic, after the door closed Zed looked at the dead engineer. He moved closer and glanced over the insides, then gave a disappointed sigh. "Darn, one day, as God as my witness, I will find a useable spleen."

Salvador and Zer0 just stood outside of Zed's door silently for a moment. Both of them had splotches of blood in several places, and also wore an expression of confusion, or in Zer0 case a hologram question mark. Finally, the silence was broken by Salvador.

"Zer0… Amigo… I said it once, I'll say it again. If I ever need surgery, just kill me. I never want to be under that doc's knife."

". . . Hai, Salvador-san." Zer0 nodded as they slowly started walking to the meeting place.

X-X-X

Omake 2: Crazy Science… and a Chair.

Axton, Maya, and Krieg approached the Raiders HQ where the guard spotted them approaching.

"I was wondering when you Vault Hunters would be stopping by."

"Well one of our guys got us all locked in at Zed's after eating something…" Axton paused as he tried to find the right word while Maya started to feel sick just from the memory.

"Say no more, here let me get the door."

After thanking the guard, the trio walked into a room that smelled of chemicals and burnt bacon.

"Holy cow, how can anyone breath in here." Maya asked.

"I feel delightful." Krieg said.

"Well, that's because you're wearing a gas mask," Axton retorted.

They then heard someone talking nearby and looked to see a dark brown-haired women walk from behind a pile of papers and some lab equipment with an ECHO in hand. They figured that this must be Tannis.

"As I've said, Roland, now that Jack has the Vault Key, it is only a matter of time until he opens the Vault. Also, I require a new ventilator - this lab smells of bacon. Bacon is for sycophants, and products of incest." she said.

Axton looked over to Maya and gave her the universal sign for crazy by twirling his finger by his ear. Tannis shut off the ECHO device and sighed only to then notice the three Vault Hunters.

"Oh, hello, Patricia Tannis, I'm guessing you three are the new Vault Hunters that just-" She stopped as her eyes then landed one Maya or more particularly, her siren tattoos. "Oh! You're a siren! Well, this is an exciting day! I've only ever met one other Siren in person before! What kind of powers do you have, pyrokinetic, gravity, mind control!"

"Um, I can create small subspace pockets that let me capture, hold and interact with anyone I choose. I call it Phaselock."

"That is astounding! Dimensional manipulation, how truly fascinating! My, and what interesting hair you have, is it really blue?"

"Um, yes it is. And thanks… I gue-" before she could finish Tannis cut her off.

"Can I take a sample?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh don't worry, I just need say. . . A large lock of it about this long." She gestured with her hands.

"I'm ugh… I'm going to get back to you on that."

"Oh, that's fine, there's plenty of time for that, plus I'm very busy at the moment. So what might you three need?"

"Um, well Kai told us we needed to bring our Hyperion weapons here to be checked." Axton said hesitantly.

"Right, right, let me show you where to put them, the only reason I'm being this nice is because if I don't show you then some buffoon will break something, and I'll have to fix it." Tannis said as she, Axton and Maya follow her up the stairs. Krieg however stayed and continued to look around.

After a few minutes, he was looking at a locked cage door with a Dahl weapons chest behind it, when he heard a noise that sounded like furniture being moved.

'what was that?'

"Don't understand. Anyone here for a tingler?" Krieg asked, looking around the room.

There appeared to be no one around. Krieg was just about to ignore it as nothing when he heard the noise again. This time he looked up to find a… a Chair… planted on the ceiling.

"Why hello Mr. Chair, what your name?" Krieg asked.

'Why are you talking to a- wait, what, who?'

"Oh, it Clork, hello Clork. Do you want to be a murder buddies?"

'We're talking to a chair. And it's talking back...'

The chair suddenly rattled on the ceiling, while somehow defying the laws of physics by not falling down.

"YEAAAA,That's two new murder buddies this sun!" Krieg shouted.

'. . . It's official, we have gone off the deep end.'

X-X-X

-LINK REESTABLISHED-

-Resuming ECHO Review Log-

(Tina) DAAAAAAMN! That was crazy like skag on fire!

(Torgue) That fight was epic.

(Gaige) *Incoherent mumbling*

(Kilo8) What was that Gaige?

(Tina) She said why the hell did you show everyone her underwear?

(Moxxi) Aww, is the little Mechromancer emba-

*WHAM!*

Everyone looked at the new dent in the wall that Moxxi inhabited.

(Brain) Why did Gaige just...?

(Kilo8) Moxxi called her the L word.

Torgue quickly pulled Moxxi out of the wall, and Moxxi was surprisingly okay.

(Kilo8) Alright Brain, since your here we all have a few questions for you.

(Brain) Um… okay, fire away.

(Gaige) Okay, the first thing I got to know, what's with the plasmasphere head?

(Brain)It's a plasma nebula ball, and I use it to hide my face like daft punk. It also symbolizes my chaotic brain that never seems to slow down, I can barely keep up with my own train of thought.

(Tina) Oh oh! Me next! Me Next!

(Brain)Go ahead, my young sabotage expert.

(Tina) Do you like big explosions!?

(Torgue) Awww, that was my question.

(Brain) Of course, I do, but I prefer to NOT look at the ones that I cause. Hehehe.

(Tina) That's soooo badass.

(Torgue) Mr. Torgue approves of your choice practice with explosions! EXXXPLOSIOOONS! WHAAA WHA WHA WHAAAAAAAN.

(Kilo8) Alright, alright, settle down everyone. Okay, next question. When do you plan on getting to the next chapter of your own story, "Caustic Chivalry".

(Brain)I have most of the next chapter written out, but with my paramedic training, the ambulance and ER shifts, and the Christmas holidays, I just haven't had the time to sit down and iron it out. Also, any free time I do have to write I usually spend editing your story instead. What do you have against the apostrophe?

(Kilo8) Ugh, sorry… Look, I've already admitted I suck at English grammar; I'm an art major for Crawmerax sakes, not an English major... Ahem, moving on. Okay, final question, would-.

(Tina) WOULD YOU GO ON A DATE WITH MOXXI!?

(Moxxi) TINA! What kind of question is that!?

(Brain) Only if she dropped the clown makeup and the fake accent. I think the real, southern mechanic Moxxi is the most attractive. Though I prefer short, nerdy girls with Black hair most of the time.

(Moxxi) I… ugh… Ahem… Well, what are you doin' for New Year's?

Tina leans over to Brain and whispers, "Your welcome."

(Kilo8) Ha ha, well anyways I believe that's all the time we have today, after all, it time for one of the best traditions of Mercenary Day.

Kilo suddenly whips out an Excalibastard.

(Kilo8) Its time for the GREAT BANDIT RAID!

Everyone cheers, with the sound of guns being cocked and loaded quickly following suit.

(Kilo8) Hey Brian, you interested in joining us? The more the merrier.

(Brain) I should probably go, ain't no rest in the medical field.

(Kilo8) I got a corrosive Ol' Rosie you can have.

Kilo dangles it in front of Brain, who is trying, and very much failing, to resist.

(Brain) Dang it Kilo! You know my weakness for corrosive weapons all too well.

Brain snatched and cocked the weapon within the second he talking.

(Kilo8) *chuckling* With that, we wish you all happy holidays and a happy New Years. Please remember to follow for future chapters and leave a comment. This is Kilo8.

(Brain) And MyBrainIsAPlasmaNebulaBall.

(Kilo8) Signing off.

(Gaige) Hey Brain, you want to hit the button?

(Brain) - End of Line-

*SLAM* *BZZZT*

- ECHO Review Log Terminated -

UPDATE LOG - 6/6/2020 - Corrections and minor continuity edits