Rebel Anarchy

by Kilo8

With no one left and no place to call home, the last surviving rebel fighter from a ruined world begins his journey to avenge his planet and comrades; to Pandora: where he plans to hunt down the leadership of Hyperion, the cause of his misfortune. However, he and the rest of Pandora will soon be thrown into a storm of anarchy when a certain redhead and her robot show up.

13. Chapter 13 Damned to be Alive

-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

In a dark room on the lower level of the SOL, there were five figures at a table. A balding man in his fifty's who looked to be perpetually pissed (Red Forman as The Fathering War Vet - Your ass is his new boot son). A silver robot who had a cigar in his mouth and a can of beer in his hand. (Bender as The Bender Unit - Horse theft, master of cool, and beer champ extraordinaire). And then there was Kilo8 (Writer, game maker, Badass, enough said). The three were intensely watching the last two players have a staredown. On one side was a man in a blue and black uniform with a long nose, pointed ears, and an emotionless face. (Spock as The Vulcan - it's all about the ears ladies) and opposite to him was a dark imposing man who held an air of absolute power and authority as he slowly breathed through his black-as-night helmet. (Darth Vader as The Sith Lord - Evil has never looked this good).

Both men were staring intensely at one another, trying to find any tale of the other bluff.

(Vader) I call. [Throws his cards face up] King high straight, now bow down in defeat to the power of the dark side.

The others cheered as Vader went to claim the pot only for Spock to raise a hand.

(Spock) I commend you for a good match, however, I believe the match goes to me. [He lays down his cards to reveal an Ace high straight.]

(Vader) WHAT!?

Everyone else groans in displeasure and disappointment.

(Kilo8) That's the fifth time he's pulled a hand out of his ass, how do you keep doing it?

(Spock) Simple. Observation and Logic.

His communicator chirped suddenly and Spock looked at his watch.

(Spock) Well, it appears my ride is here and I must take my leave. [He stands and walks to the side. He then turns, holds up his right hand splitting his fingers into his iconic greeting.] Live long and prosper… Although I doubt you all will be able to prosper anytime soon… Enterprise, one to beam up.

With that, there was a shimmer of light and Spock disappeared as Bender turned back to everyone.

(Bender) Was it just me, or did we all just get burned by a Vulcan?

(Red) Yup… Hey Dumbass, how could you screw that up?

(Vader) Don't you dare insult me!

(Red) I don't have to. That pointy-eared bastard did it for me. Shoved his proverbial foot right up your ass!

Vader groaned as he started bashing his head against the poker table as Red laughed. Just then Gaige burst through the door and looked around to find Kilo.

(Gaige) KILO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT TIME IT IS!

(Kilo8) Ugh yay, it's my weekly poker game.

(Gaige) WHAT! NO! It's upload day! Tina already has the new chapter loading in the theater right now!

(Kilo8) . . . OH SHIT! QUICK NOTE TO EVERYONE, THE TYPICAL NOTES, AND QA WILL BE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER TODAY! TO THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER! GO GO GO! [Kilo yelled as he and Gaige ran out of the room.]

(Bender) So, you guys want to go see what all the Hubba is about?

(Red) If it lets me stay away from my dumbass son, his dumb-ass friends, and Kelso for a few more hours then I'm in. How about you Lord Dipshit?

(Vader) *Sigh* Might as well.

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

X-X-X

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OCs. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

Stories text formats

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

X-X-X

Chapter Beta Read by "Redemption's Avenger" and "alexyo3"

X-X-X

Chapter 13

Damned to be Alive

As Gaige came around she realized that there was nothing, no sound, no light, she couldn't even feel anything at all. She wasn't even sure if she had a body anymore. She thought about what had happened to her when it hit her. 'Oh, I died… Then… No… NO! Is this the afterlife? No this can't be it. There's nothing here!' Gaige thought beginning to panic. Without warning, there was a flurry of lights and sounds that began to bombard all of her senses. Gaige covered her ears and closed her eyes in a futile attempt to block out the light and sounds.

As the lights and sounds finally died down, Gaige slowly opened her eyes. "What the?!"

In front of her were three figures, the two on the immediate left and right were silhouetted by the light. The one on the left was very robotic looking, possessing a rectangular head, and a metal chassis for a torso with a toolbox mounted on its back which was all sitting on what appeared to be a tread base. The one on the right had the outline of a very tall and muscular man with a buzz cut and what appeared to be sunglasses with a single red light glowing through the shade's right lens. The last one in the center was the clearest. He had a humanoid form in a silver and black android body, his head was encased in a silver metal helmet with a black strip for a visor. A black piece of metal wrapped around his chin, framing his cheeks and mouth, which seemed to be the only part of him that was human.

"Wha-What is this?" Gaige asked.

"Gaige the Mechromancer, you stand before the robotic council of Robotic Badassery."

Gaige just stared for a second. "Wait, that's a thing? Where am I?"

"You are currently in The Hall of Robotic Judgment before the afterlife."

"The Hall of Robotic Judgment? Really?"

"Well, usually you would first go to the Grand Data Buffering room, but we're having a good connection today." Said the figure to the right in a heavily Austrian accent that screamed badass.

"Uh, what?"

"As the great robot policeman, I regret to inform you that we cannot permit you entrance into the next world." said the robot policeman.

"WHAT!" Gaige exclaimed in panic.

"However young citizen, the time for your final judgment has yet to come."

"Okay!? Can someone please explain to me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

"All in good time young citizen. Now it is time for you to return." The man in the center said.

"But I still don't know what going oOOAAAAH!" Gaige screamed as she suddenly found herself falling. There was nothing but streaks of gold light all around her which were rapidly changing into streaks of neon blue with strands of binary code in it. Then there was a flash of light in front of her before Gaige lost all her senses for several seconds, only to then feel as if her body was being reconstructed atom by atom until she suddenly found herself landing on her feet gasping in air.

"Thank you for using the Hyperion New-U system. Please die again." Came a digital female voice from a battered and bloodied New-U station behind her.

Gaige patted herself down to check if everything was in place. Hands, feet, hair, boobs. Much to her relief, everything seemed fine. She looked around and realized she was in a hallway in the dam that she and the others had gone through earlier.

She looked down at her right hand and opened and closed it a few times to check her control. "Okay, it seems I have died… And have come back to life… Okay, I'm never doing that again." She took a quick stock of her gear and saw that everything seemed to be there until she checked her HUD and saw her Anarchy stacks. "SON OF A WHORE! My Anarchy!" She dropped her head and let out a sigh of annoyance. "Well, at least I got my accuracy back."

"Gaige!? Gaige are you there!?" Came Angel's voice on her WHISPER.

"Angel? Yeah, I'm here Angel, and I'm fine. Ugh, although I don't plan on doing that again anytime soon."

"Forget that! You need to get back to the others immediately, there is a problem with Kai."

"What!? What going on? Is he hurt!?" The sound of a distant explosion in the complex could be heard as everything around her was shaken, causing pieces of concrete to fall off the walls and ceiling.

"He's fine right now but he and the rest of your friends won't be if he continues to bring the dam down on top of everyone!" Angel said with a worried tone.

"Awww slag!" Gaige yelled as she began running back through the dam. She got back to the water intake room and found a massacre. The bridge was shredded in two with one side of it hanging precariously from a strip of steel on the far side. There were bullet holes and impact craters all over the walls and ground, machinery on fire, and large ice spikes scattered around. Gaige slowly approached one of the spikes and saw an armored maniac trapped in a pose that looked as if he was trying to block an attack with his arms. She looked at another spike which had another maniac in a similar pose and a third one, only the Maniac in this one had been giving someone the finger as he was frozen.

She was snapped out of her pondering as another explosion shook the facility. What followed next sent a spine-chilling shiver through Gaige as a demonic wolf howl echoed through the dam. "Hati!?" Gaige exclaimed in confusion as she had never heard the wolf so angry, even when Axton killed a Psycho he had been 'playing' with back at the Southpaw power plant.

Gaige bolted up the ramp and into the next room which was some kind of water pump area, which again was full of craters. There were also a lot of frozen Bandits and some burned corpses, although a few had bullet holes in their hearts or heads. As Gaige pushed forward the sounds of fighting could be heard as she got closer.

There was another large explosion that shook the dam. "What in the world are you fuckers doing! The whole dam feels like it's falling apart. You morons better not be playing TNT hopscotch again!" Yelled Flanksteak over the open ECHO as Gaige rounded the last corner. The sight she came upon could only be described as armageddon.

The room in question was flooded up to everyone ankle's, while one whole wall to the right side had been blown away leaving a new hole in the dam with ice covering the edges. In the far back was Hati, who had grown to the size of a large horse and was flailing a Bruiser around in his mouth like a ragdoll. The wolf bit down, crushing the bandit's ribcage with a crack that Gaige could hear clearly from where she stood, before tossing the new corpse into a wall. Hati's eyes were blood-red and were now giving off a red smoky mist that was seeping from the edges. Hati then leveled his head at another Bruiser and several bandits and howled which unleashed a blast of freezing air that looked like a focused blizzard, freezing the Bruiser and all the Bloodshots behind him in ice. Without even giving the frozen Bruiser a second to contemplate his current predicament, Hati bit him in half leaving only his lower half which shattered a second later.

Gaige looked around and saw the other Vault Hunters, apart from Kai, taking cover by a wall. Gaige quickly rushed over and slid in next to them. "What the Megatron is going on!?" She asked causing everyone to snap their heads to her.

"Red!? How are you alive!?" Axton said.

"Uh, New-U station. Duh."

"Oh, I guess we forgot about that."

"Which probably means Kai doesn't know." Sal said as he jabbed his thumb in the direction of the battle just as the scream (insert Wilhelm scream) of another bandit dying cried out over the sounds of gunfire.

"Wait, he's like this because I died!?... Huh… not sure how to take that."

"Well, take this into consideration then, if he keeps this up HE'LL BRING THE WHOLE DAM DOWN ON US!" Axton yelled as another explosion went off sending several bodies flying past them.

"But you're telling me, he did all of this!"

The others looked at each other as they thought about what had happened only five minutes before.

-FLASHBACK-

"Hati… Activate Ragnarok."

Hati growled as his form began to grow in size, his features becoming more wild and monstrous. As his growth stopped, around the size of a large horse, he opened his mouth and let loose a demonic, blood-curdling howl that echoed through the dam. Causing everyone but Kai to take several steps back in sudden fear. "Now… Who wants to go first?" Nobody moved as they all stared. "Come on, there is no need to be afraid~." Which Hati punctated for him with another menacing growl.

After several seconds an Armored Maniac at the opposite end of the bridge raised his axe and yelled, "TO INFINITY AND BACON!" and charged the teen. Before the psycho could even make it halfway Hati howled again, unleashing a blast of wind and ice which hit the psycho and two of his buddies several meters behind him. To everyone's shock, when the howl finished everyone found the Maniac completely frozen in mid-stride as well as the two behind him. Before anyone could observe any more there were three rapid gunshots heard as each of the ice sculptures suddenly shattered into hundreds of pieces. Kai charged, yelling out a battle cry as he ran straight at the Bloodshots in front of him with his bayonet-mounted rifle held in front of him while Hati spun around and fired at several armored psychos with a large Mjölnir blast before he charged the rest with his maw wide open.

Kai reached the first Armored Maniac and drove his bayonet into the guy's left eye socket. Before the Maniac could even scream at the pain of the wound and the searing hot blade in him, Kai pulled the trigger putting a round through the Psycho's head which flew out and nailed another armored Maniac behind him in the neck. The other Maniac fell off the edge of the bridge as Kai pulled his rifle out of the first one. Immediately he brought up his rifle again and blocked a Psycho's buzz axe that was attempting an overhead chop. Kai then kicked the psycho in the left hip, stunning him as the teen grabbed the back of the psycho's head. Kai pulled the psycho forward before immediately sidestepping the man, letting go and then striking the psycho in the back of the neck, knocking him out. With a swift kick, Kai knocked the unconscious body off the bridge to its watery demise below. Kai picked up a discarded buzz axe and threw it across the room into the head of a Psycho to Mad Mike's right.

"The hell!" Mike responded before a Mjölnir smashed into the Psycho on his left, leaving a large sizzling hole in his chest. "It feels so nice and BREEZY!" the Psycho yells before falling over face first. There was another howl as Hati charged back across the bridge, Kai jumped up and landed on the large wolf's back as they charged at the suddenly scared Nomad. "STOP THEM MORONS!" Mike yelled before firing his rocket launcher at the wolf in panic. Before the slow projectile could hit Hati grabbed a dead Armored Maniac with his jaw and threw it into the rocket's path blowing up both maniacs into pieces. Hati and Kai barreled through the smoke cloud toward Mike, in panic, Mike fired at the duo again. Hati jumps over the rocket which hits the center of the bridge causing it to collapse into two parts with the far side coming almost completely loose. Meanwhile, Heti had landed on the other side of the bridge with his claws digging into the metal before launching himself and Kai up at Mike.

Mike tried to fire again but found his rocket launcher empty. "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!" Mike screamed as he threw the launcher into the air and ran for the door behind him. As the angry duo rushed forward Kai caught the rocket launcher while swinging his Clementine out and slashed a nearby Psycho in the neck with the bayonet as Hati landed and crushed another under his paws.

Mike makes it through the door and rapidly mashs a button on the other side which causes a set of heavy steel security bars to drop down which Hati runs into. The wolf snarls as he tries to claw at Mike through the bars. "HA! Suck on that you fucking plush toy!" Mike yelled as he turned and taunted the two. Hati glared at the nomad with a wave of newfound anger, he opened his maw which started to release a frigid mist as the wolf seemed to inhale deeply. Mike saw this as his cue to keep running for his life.

Hati unleashed a howling blast of ice at the bars which froze the whole doorway in a block of sub-zero ice, Kai jumped off Hati, loaded the rocket launcher, and fired at the wall of ice. The following explosion sounded like thunder and a collapsing glass factory as the bars were shattered into millions of sharp ice crystals leaving a massive hole that was now larger than the original doorway. Kai fired two more rockets through the hole and was rewarded with the sound of several explosions and screams. Kai ran in while reloading the Torgue launcher with the giant wolf following right behind him. As he ran into what looked like a large pump room Kai scooped up a bladed Tediore pistol in his left hand which he quickly put to use by putting two quick rounds into a nearby bandit trying to get up. He then immediately threw the pistol into another psycho's face where it exploded on contact, blowing the guy's head off. Hati rushed in and fired several Mjölnir's in rapid succession either causing several Bandits to be electrocuted or melted by direct hits. Kai fired the rocket in his right hand at a set of barrels behind several Bloodshots, causing them to explode sending flames and acid flying all over the nearby enemies who quickly fell in pain and agony.

Hati blasted another group underneath one of the water tanks with a Ragnarok blast which ruptured the tank and dumped thousands of liters of ice-cold water on the bandits. The combination caused the entire area to freeze at an accelerated rate when hit by the blast, forming dozens of massive ice spikes that managed to skewer several Bloodshots.

Kai fired several more rockets until he ran out of ammo. He chucked the empty launcher at a pair of bandits before putting two bullets into each one with the Tediore pistol before also tossing it away for good. Kai quickly looked around, spotting Mad Mike running towards a hallway at the other end of the room. "STOP THOSE SKAGLICKS!" He turned and yelled before he ran off.

"HATI!" Without another word, Hati launched another set of Mjölnir's quickly electrocuting several Bloodshots in their path and stripping the shields off several others. Kai immediately capitalized on this as he brought his Clementine up and rapidly placed a single round into eight separate heads or hearts. As Kai started to reload he felt a dozen rounds hitting his shield and breaking it. He then felt something perforate the side of his right leg and exit out the other side. "SØK AV EN BITCH!" Kai yelled falling to his knees.

Hati heard this and saw the bandit who shot his partner. With a howl the giant wolf leaped over Kai and tackled the bandit, pinning the man under his left paw with his claws digging into the man's chest. "Ugh, n-nice doggy." Hati just growled before applying more pressure, causing the bandit rib cage to slowly collapse with several sickening wet crunches. "You're… breaking… my heart. Blugh!" The bandit gasped out before his chest collapsed under the strain.

As Hati dealt with the trash, Kai ducked down by some cover and quickly pulled out an Insta-heath and jabbed it into his leg. As the injection started to take effect the rebel pulled out a grenade and tossed it from his cover. The sticky MIRV landed on a Psycho head, which the crazed man noticed and ran back to his allies nearby in excitement. "HEY GUYS! LOOKY! I UNLOCKED A NEW HAT!" A second later the grenade obliterated the Psycho head sending pieces of brain, blood, guts, and child grenades flying out in all directions. A second after that the other grenades exploded taking out several more Bloodshots. Kai tossed another MIRV grenade at a Nomad tormentor near the hallway at the back of the room.

The grenade stuck to the midget chained to his shield causing the midget to panic. "NO! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! MIDGE-MIDGE TOO PRETTY TO BOOM BOOM!" A second later, the grenade exploded obliterating the midget while launching the tormentor back into a set of elemental barrels which promptly exploded when the MIRV's child grenades landed around him. This combined with the different barrels caused a large explosion of fire, acid, electricity, and slag taking out anyone standing within fifteen meters. With the hole in their defense opened Kai jumped from his cover and ran for the hallway that Mike ran through. Before going through the Rebel stopped before letting out a loud whistle. Hati, who had just finished freezing a small group of Psycho's when he heard Kai whistle, quickly bounded after him.

Back at the front of the room, the other Vault Hunters slowly raised their heads from behind cover and looked in awe and shock at the destruction around them.

"Santa mierda!"

"Yeah, what the short guy said." Maya responded in shocked awe, getting a glare from Sal.

At that same time, Kai and Hati rushed into a massive room only to find themselves staring down sixty Bloodshots, loaded to the teeth with guns, blades, more guns, and all manner of sharp and pointy rust-encrusted objects they could muster. Mike was standing on a structure in the back of the room with what appeared to be a very rare Bandit assault rifle if its metallic red finish was anything to go by. On both his left and right there was a pair of Bruisers armed with bandit quad barrels waiting to unleash their wrath. "HA HA HA! YOUR DONE FUCKED NOW BITCH! My boys and I are gonna fill you with more holes than pin cushion."

Kai just glared as he loaded a fresh clip into his Clementine, while Hati growled. "How about we test that claim… YOU BASTERDS!" He yelled as he raised his rifle and fired.

-FLASHBACK OVER-

Gaige just stared at the other Vault Hunters for several seconds before finally speaking. "Sooooo let me get this straight. Mr. Rebellious over there decided to go full-on berserker on all of these idiots and assholes all because I was killed by one?" Everyone nodded in response. "And none of you have tried to calm him down?"

"Yeah, no. We all may have access to the New-U system but even we're not going to risk ourselves against a hormonally unstable teenager with a pissed-off horse-sized hologram wolf who can rip a Bruiser in half or freeze anyone like a high school cryo experiment!" Axton said. As if to emphasize his point a large blast of ice exploded behind the wall either freezing or launching a dozen Blood Shots into the nearby wall.

Gaige let out a sigh as she put her Ol' Painful away. "Guess we're going to do this the hard way again." She said as she marched out of cover.

"Gaige what are you doing?!" Axton yelled as the others watched in shock as she just walked into the madness around the corner.

Gaige looked around at all the bloodied, shot, burned, dismembered, and frozen corpses lying all around her. Away from her, she could see Hati ripping apart several stragglers that were smart enough to try and move into smaller spaces to stop the berserk wolf from killing them. Of course, this just leads Hati to start blasting their cover away with Mjölnir's shots. Her attention was drawn away as she heard someone talking in a panicked voice nearby. "What the fuck do you want from me, you psychopath!?"

"I want you to tell me where Flanksteak is. Then I want you to suffer for what you did asshole."

"Fuck. That. Shit!"

"Mikey, Mikey... you don't have a say in this, you killed my BEST FRIEND! So either way this plays out, you die. There are no deals, no bargaining, no amount of begging, or any sly trick that will change that fact. The only thing you can do is decide if you want to suffer for a minute… or an hour… maybe two. Now… WHERE IS HE!" Kai yelled as he ground the heel of his metal boot into a bullet wound in Mad Mike's right shoulder.

"Fuck you raider!" Mad Mike managed to grunt out.

"WRONG ANSWER!" Kai yelled before he sliced Mike's left hand off with one of his holo-blades causing the crazed nomad to scream in pain. "Now again, where is Flanksteak or I'm gonna keep stabbing you till you start crying for mommy as you bleed out you sick fuck! One." It was at this point Gaige decided to put a stop to this. Gaige walked up behind Kai and raised her right arm. "Two... Thre-*WHACK* AGGGGH! SON OF A-."

Kai had immediately whipped around to figure out who attacked him. Any rage he had was suddenly dowsed as he found himself looking at his pissed off, redheaded, mad genius, robot loving, emerald-eyed friend. He stared at her for several seconds in shock before his mind could reboot. "Gaige! Wha- But… HOW!?" Kai sputtered out.

Before Gaige could answer she heard and felt Hati land behind her, letting out a feral growl that signaled he was ready to attack whoever had attacked his partner. Gaige just wheeled around on the spot and yelled. "Oh no you don't mister! Now sit." Gaige commanded. Hati was taken aback by this sudden command and the fact Gaige was back. "I said, SIT BOY!"

The horse-sized wolf suddenly sat down on his hind legs in front of the small teen and let out a small growl. "Ah, ah, aah! No back sass or I'm gonna reprogram your Holo matrix to make you into a pomeranian!" Gaige pointed at the wolf. Hati's face paled white at this and let out a submissive whine as he bowed his head.

"Good boy, now then." She turned back to Kai. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT!" Gaige yelled into Kai's face.

Kai started to open his mouth to say something but Gaige threw up her robot hand. "SHUT UP! Not only did you go off the reservation again and try to take on an entire damn army, again, but you almost took down the whole fucking dam with us in it! Just look at this place, it's a miracle it hasn't already collapsed." As if on cue a large slab of reinforced concrete fell from the ceiling and crushed a psycho that had been digging himself out of some rubble nearby. "SEE! And on top of that did you forget that we're supposed to be rescuing Roland? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of highly trained badass freedom fighter, not a hot-headed, gun-ho moron who Leeroy Jenkins at the drop of a hat!"

She takes a deep breath and sighs as she pinched the bridge of her nose taking a second for herself. "Were you trying to get yourself killed because, like Reiss, I didn't ask you to avenge me if I got killed. Sure you could at least put a bullet in the head of the guy who killed me if you can… In most cases, but that beside the point, because what you did was pure, uncensored, unadulterated, inconceivable IDIOCY!" Gaige screamed into Kai's face.

Hati started to snicker which reminded Gaige of his presence, to which she spun around to face him again. "AND YOU!" She pointed to the horse-sized hologram wolf who suddenly sat at rigid attention. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING! You're supposed to be watching him and making sure he didn't do something stupid! It's in your programming for prime sakes! Instead, you decide to go armageddon on everything like this idiot!" Gaige yelled as she jabbed her thumb back towards Kai. "Didn't Reiss tell you not to let him do anything crazy, oooh, and wait till Moxxi hears about this! You're in just as much trouble as your partner buster, now what do you have to say for yourself!"

Hati stared at Gaige with a completely stump look on his face, unsure as to what to do as the small redhead stared back at him in an angry manner that reminded him of his creator's glares. Then Hati's chest started to beep and flash red, seconds later he suddenly dematerialized in a rapid blaze of light shards which surprised Gaige for a second until she gritted her teeth in anger. "COWARD! GET BACK HERE!" Gaige yelled so Hati could hear her before his Photon sphere digistructed. "Oh, that mutt is so screwed when we get back to Sanctuary." Gaige growled before turning back to a stunned Kai. She looked him over and put her hands on her hips. "Well, what about you!? Are you just going to stand there or are you going to say something!"

Before she knew it Kai suddenly rushed forward, Gaige was about to move back when Kai grabbed her and brought her into a tight hug. "Dammit, I thought I fucking lost you." Kai said in a cracked voice as Gaige heard him start to cry.

Gaige was shocked by Kai's sudden act and the collapse of his previous emotional state she listened to him weep. Gaige let out a sigh and slowly wrapped her arms around Kai's waist. "How did I end up with such a screwed-up friend like you." She muttered as she buried her face into Kai's chest.

As the quiet reunion occurred between the teens Mad Mike was slowly trying to crawl away. Mike glanced back to make sure he wasn't being followed only to suddenly bump into something while he wasn't looking. Mike looked forward and saw he had bumped into a pissed-off Axton who had his E-Tech pistol aimed at him. Flanking both sides of him we're Krieg and Salvador. "Well, look at what we got here mi amigos. A big chico malo who likes to attack little teenage girls with a fucking rocket launcher. You must think it's all just good old fun. How about we show this chico how we have fun, amigos." Sal said with a wicked smile.

"I agree Sal. Krieg, do you have any suggestions?" Axton asked as he glanced at his Psycho friend.

Krieg grabbed Mike by his head and lifted him up to face level. The psycho then leaned, leering the broken nomad down with a stare that could freeze worlds. "I'm gonna rip out your entrails and make a shiny meat toboggan out of you… Bitch." Krieg said in an unusually clear and calm voice, yet to anyone who knew the man they could hear the cold undertone. Krieg then turned and started dragging the panicking nomad away.

"No! NO! NO PLEASE! I didn't mean any harm, I don't want to be a meat toboggan!" Mike begged until Axton whacked him on the side of his head with the flat of his hatchet.

"Didn't mean it my ass." Muttered Axton as they dragged the beaten nomad away.

"Just for that comment, you're gonna get a buzz axe enema as well." Said Sal with an evil chuckle as he grabbed a rusty buzz axe off the ground. As three torture amigos left Zer0 and Maya watched the teens have their moment.

"Aww, they really do make a cute couple, don't they." Maya said.

"Young love is blooming / they have yet to realize / . . . Ten thousand bucks, six weeks." Zer0 said flatly as Maya pulled out a small paper and pen and jotted down Zer0's bet.

"Hmm, going for the long game." Said Maya as she jotted the bet down. Above Zer0's entry was a list with all the other Vault Hunter's names, Moxxi, her waiters, several Raiders and even Zed's name were on the list with different bets from each.

~20 minutes later

"You ALL have New-U accounts!?" Kai cried out as the gang walked through the maze of corridors that zigzagged the dam.

"Didn't I mention that to you?" Gaige said as she and the rest of the team continued to walk.

"You said Axton, and Salvador were in the New-U system. You said nothing about YOU and everyone else!" Kai pointed out. "How did you guys even get a New-U account, let alone six?! I would have figured Handsome Jack would have deleted any accounts you have as soon as he found out that you were Vault Hunters?"

"Uhh." Gaige tried to quickly come up with an answer, but Axton quickly jumped in to save her.

"I called in a favor from an old friend. She's a hacker who was able to set up some false accounts for all of us, made it look like a bunch of random Hyperion personnel. . . I could call her and have her set up an account for you." Axton said in a sort of half-truth.

"Thanks but no thanks. I can't ever have a New-U account." Kai said begrudgingly.

"Wait, why wouldn't you ever get one?" Gaige asked confused.

Kai stopped walking which caused everyone else to stop and look back at him. "It's not that I don't want one, but I can't have one. It's because I'm a native-born Polarion."

"Wait, what does beginning a Polarion have to do with not being able to have a New-U account?" Maya asked.

Kai let out a sigh. "Polaris has a unique atmosphere, and because of that, anyone who was born on that planet had developed a slight mutation. Nothing major, but still noticeable."

"What kind of mutation?" Sal asked.

Kai looked around till he spotted what he needed. He walked over into a very dark side hallway which nearly obscured him and turned back to the group. "What the?!" Gaige said as she and everyone stared at Kai in a mix of shock. Although it was not as bright as with some animals, everyone was still stunned at the sight of Kai's eyes glowing slightly in the darkness.

"WHAT THE HELL'S UP WITH YOUR EYES!" Gaige yelled. "Do you have superpowers or something!? Wait, can you shoot lasers out of your eye, or do you have X-ray vision or something." She paused for a moment and suddenly covered herself with her arms. "Wait, you're peeking on me right now! Aren't you!" Gaige yelled accusingly out causing Maya to suddenly cover herself. Even Zer0 suddenly covered his face in panic.

"WHAT!? NO! Gaige, I don't have any superpowers, that Maya department. This mutation just gives me a slightly heightened night vision which is similar to that of cats, dogs, and wolves. The glow is just light reflection from the innards of my eyes that can be seen in low light levels like with those animals I just mentioned." Kai said as he walked back into the light with red cheeks as he was slightly embarrassed by the previous accusation.

"Huh, natural night vision, that is actually fairly useful." Axton said.

"Yeah well, unfortunately, because it's such an easy mutation for any DNA scanner to pick up some Hyperion douchebag realized they could use it to Hyperion's advantage and stop more than three-quarters of Polaris's population from using their own tech against them. You see for the first three years, we had a lot of our fighters using Hyperions New-U system under false identities. When Hyperion realized that native-born Polarions had this mutation, they used it against us by having the system immediately look for anyone with this genetic mutation. At best, the person would just die for good as the system didn't resurrect them again. At worst, they were spawned into either a jail cell, an interrogation room, or… A Bio-Lab." Kai spat which caused Krieg to noticeably twitch in anger."

"It took months for our forces to finally realize what was happening, as soon as we did we tried to purge as many names from the system to prevent anyone else from falling straight into Hyperion's waiting hands. However, the damage was already done. Commanders suddenly became risks and liabilities, battle plans were useless, hideouts were all possibly compromised, and every person who had an account or who tried to make an account could become Hyperion's next interrogation victim or a God damn guinea pig thanks to one lucky shot from a Hyperion soldier." Kai said in a cold voice. "It took us a whole year to get back to full strength. The point is, even if I get an account under a false name, my own DNA would immediately be flagged, and if I did die… I could be delivered right to the Handsome Jackass himself." Kai said.

"So, you like all of the Raiders, who have their DNA profiles locked out of the Hyperion system." Maya stated.

"Basically, of course, I've come to terms with that fact long ago. Honestly, I'm just glad Gaige can use the system without worry." Kai said.

"Wait, if you can't use the New-U system, how can you use the Fast Travel network? Isn't it the same system?" Sal asked which surprised everyone.

"That's actually a really good question Sal." Maya said as the group started moving again.

"What! I can be smart when I want." Sal said nonchalantly as he picked his nose to everyone's disgust.

"It's a different system, plus the tech wasn't originally Hyperion's, to begin with, it was Tediore's. Hyperion just stole it, copied it, slapped a Hyperion logo on it, and then sold it better than Tediore. Plus whoever coded the fast travel network made the thing damn near tamper-proof. It actually wouldn't surprise me if the guy who did made it was related to the one who programmed the claptrap line with how crazy the code is."

"That's a bit of a scary thought." Axton muttered.

"Tell me about it. But luckily that means the most Hyperion can do is lockdown a station's respawn and travel capabilities, and that only if they send someone out, to physically do it." Kai said.

As this conversation was occurring Gaige was having her own thoughts. It had not really hit how dangerous what she and the others did till then, especially the fact that Kai didn't have a safety net like herself and everyone else. That scared her even more than the thought of her own demise for some reason. Here she had been treating this new adventure like a video game where if you die, you would just respawn and then go kill the asshole who killed you in retaliation. Now though, she truly had something to fear, something to lose.

Zer0 suddenly got everyone's attention with a short low whistle. He pointed to a sign on the wall that read brig. "This has to be it." Axton said.

"Right, what was your first clue." Kai shot back as he glanced around the corner. "We got several Psychos, and Bandits just mulling around." Kai grabbed Hati's Photon sphere and was about to throw it out when he stopped. "Damn." He whispered as he re-equipped the sphere.

"What's wrong?" Maya asked.

"Hati's little outburst… and mine, depleted his power reserves when he used Ragnarok."

"Been meaning to ask, just what did happen to Hati, he was the size of a fucking horse, and was shooting ice blasts that froze whatever it hit." Gaige said.

"That the Ragnarok system, my mom and several other scientists had been experimenting with it for a few months just before Hyperion attacked. It's basically a miniaturized cryo engine that lets Hati emit a high-intensity cryo blast, or ice blast as Gaige put it. The only issue is that since it's a prototype, the damn thing sucks energy like a black hole after a hunger strike. Hati's gonna have to spend about three or four days on the charger back in my apartment or a week with the thermal thread in my clothes the charge back up. This means Hati will be down for the rest of the day… So, anyone got any ideas?"

"Allow us." Sal said as he and Zer0 both pulled out some grenades. Kai just gave a sweeping "Be my guest" gesture as he walked back. With an evil grin, Salvador tossed both of the grenades into the middle of the group.

A Psycho looks down at the grenades at his feet. "LOOK! Grape soda!" *BOOM!* All of the Bloodshots suddenly found themselves coated in slag from head to toe. "I feel refreshed!" Another psycho yelled just before a third grenade bounced into the middle of the group. This grenade popped open and a tesla field began shocking all the Bloodshots. "I FEEL THE POOOOWER!" One psycho yelled before falling over dead along with all the others. The Vault Hunters all peeked around the corner and saw the results.

"Hm, shockingly impressive." Kai said.

"Really?" Gaige said giving Kai a deadpan look.

"What? If I didn't do it Axton would have." Kai said with a cheeky grin.

"And I had a good one too." Axton said sulking.

They all hurriedly moved through the cell block checking each cell, finding that they were all empty. It wasn't until they reached the last cell in the cell block, that they found someone inside. "Hey, boss! WAKE UP!" Kai yelled as he raked the bars with his bayonet.

The man stirred and sat up and looked out of the cell bars. "Ah, Kai, good to see you here. I was wondering when you would arrive." Roland said before turning to the others. "Vault Hunters! It's an honor to finally meet you in person." Before anything else could be said the wall at the back of the cell exploded and a Hyperion Loader suddenly walked through the new door.

"This'll just take a second." Roland said calmly. Without warning he jumped off the bed and rushed the Loader, tackling the robot to the ground, the force of which snapped the Loader's torso in two. Roland quickly ripped a cover plate off the robot and pulled out the power core before immediately throwing it into the face another loader attempting to come through. Upon contact, the core exploded and ripped the loader apart, but Roland was immediately attacked by a BUL Loader that charged into the room. The bulldozer-like loader smashed into the dead loader and Roland knocked both into the bars.

Gaige and others lifted their weapons as the BUL Loader stomped up to Roland who was leaning over. Before anyone could fire however Roland sat up with the arm of the dead GUN Loader and weapon. Using it, Roland fired a burst of lead straight into the Robot, causing it to fall over dead.

Everyone but Kai just stared in amazement at what had just happened. "Okay, I have to be honest, that was both badass and hot." Gaige said.

"Hot indeed." Said Axton causing everyone to look at him. Axton noticed this and just shrugged. "What, I have an equal appreciation for chicks and dudes, you guys have a problem with that?"

Everyone shakes their heads. "No, I guess it just we're more... surprised? Is that the right word here?" Gaige asked looking to Maya for help, who just shrugged.

"Well, that's that." Roland said as he got up.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the leader of the Crimson Raiders, Roland." Kai said as he opened his inventory.

"Thank you, Kai. Now, let's see about getting out of here."

"Way ahead of you sir." Kai replied as he closed his inventory and now had a corrosive Vladof Severe Renegade Assault rifle. He chambers a fresh round and brought the rifle to aim at the door lock. "Just stand back and will have you out in a-" But he was cut off when an energy binding suddenly grabbed Roland's leg and then the other.

Roland grabs the bars as his legs are pulled back by the binders. "Vault Hunter! You gotta stop this thing!" Roland yelled as he tried to hold. Axton and Krieg rush forward to grab him but Roland is ripped away from the bars and snared by the energy binders in front of a large blue angular dumpster-sized robot with a single red eye in front. It quickly turned and rocketed off with Roland in tow. "LET GO OF ME DAMMIT!" Roland yelled as he was carried off.

"And that's how Handsome Jack pays ransoms!" Said the man over an open channel. "Sorry to bust your bubble kiddos, but Roland is mine. But I'm a nice guy so as a consolation prize have a Hyperion exploder bot, courtesy of ME!" He said as a yellow and black striped loader rushed into the cell with its core out in the open and blinking red rapidly.

"GET DOWN!" Kai yelled as he, Krieg, and Axton jumped away from the bars a second before the bot exploded, blowing open the bars. A few seconds after they all got up relatively unscathed.

"Son of a Bitch! They're taking him to the top of the dam, get there quick!" Lilith said over the ECHO.

"YOU HEARD THE FIRE GOD! AFTER THAT BLUE SUBMARINE!" Krieg yelled as he was the first to rush through the opening.

"Uhhh, WHAT HE SAID!" Axton said as he and everyone charged through after him.

X-X-X

The Vault Hunters made their way through the wreckage a found themselves near the upper portion of the dam on the far left side. And what they saw was basically a war. The gang heard several sonic booms as they saw Loaders coming from the sky. On what looked like a section of road down below them they all saw several bandits running in fear as five Hyperon GUN Loaders chasing them down. "NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" A bandit yelled before jumping off the destroyed section of the road and to his death as the other bandits followed him.

"Why would they do that?!" Gaige asked in shock.

"Who knows, but there's no point in weeping for bandits and idiots." Kai said as he walked down the steps and over to an Ammo Vendor. He pulled out a Vladof sniper rifle to look over the dam, as Zer0 walked up next to him with a Hyperion Diffusion Sniper Rifle and started scanning the top of the dam as well. "Found him, the Constructor is taking him to that large building in the middle with the…" Kai paused and looked up from his gun's scope before looking back through it with a perplexed look. "Zer0, you're seeing what I'm seeing right?"

". . . Yes."

"Because I swear I'm looking at a giant golden Buddha statue of Marcus with six extra arms."

"Your eyes don't lie / a golden Marcus you see / . . . Will get answers later."

"Fuck yes." He said before turning back to everyone. "It looks like the Constructor is taking him to the base of that… Marcus statue… We've got a lot of dam to cross with a lot more Bloodshots and Loaders, so equip any corrosive weapons for the Loaders."

After loading up on ammo and meds at the vending machines, the team began to move down towards a set of Loaders. Gaige fired at a GUN loader with her Torgue shotgun as Sal with a common corrosive Tediore pistol fired on a surveyor that was flying around him annoyingly. Maya Phaselocked another Loader as Krieg charged in yelling "Time for the blood fiesta!" before he started whaling on the bot like a pinata only to have to jump back as a PWR loader rushed him. The only ones who seemed to be dealing with the Loaders without much trouble were Zer0 who was keeping back and snipping and Axton who was aiming for the joints with his assault rifle. And then there was Kai.

Kai barreled out from behind everyone and jumped at the Loader's feet first, drop-kicking the robot onto its back. It tried to lift its rifle but Kai stomped the shoulder joint with his steel bottom boot causing its arm to go limp."Error! Error!" The Loader said before Kai shoved his assault rifle into its eye and shot half a dozen rounds into the sensor, causing the bot to convulse before falling limp. He then brought his rifle up and shot several rounds into another nearby Loader's hips which caused it to fall forward, although its arms seemed to lock up causing the Loader to fall on its knees and be propped up by its hands. Kai immediately used this as a form of cover as he quickly reloaded his weapon.

As Kai was firing at another nearby Loader the one he was using for cover was still active and began to digistruct an active grenade. "First and third laws disabled. Removing Bandit." It said.

Just as the grenade finished spawning Kai plucked it from the air.

"Takk skal du ha" He said before throwing the grenade into a group of Loaders. Two seconds later the grenade detonated which caused a large purple and black sphere of energy to form. Every Loader in ten meters of the grenade suddenly found themselves being dragged in till they were all in one big dogpile. A second later the grenade detonated, causing half the bots in the middle to be destroyed instantly while stunning the rest. Capitalizing on this Kai pulled out his own grenade and tossed it into the middle of the group, less than a second after it hit the ground it exploded into a cloud of green vapor. "NO! NO! / Taking damage! / ERROR! ERROR!" Yelled several of the loaders as they all began to be corroded at an accelerated rate by the corrosive vapors.

"Holy robot policeman!" Gaige said which garnered a few raised eyebrows at Gaige from the others as they stood from their different covers. "Was this what he was like earlier?"

"No, that was more a cold hellish rage combined with the fury of an angry wolf… This is… More thought out? No, practiced." Maya said.

"It's an old Vladof tactic that their special forces used against Dahl power armor, adapted for use against Hyperion robots by the looks of it." Axton said as Kai finished off the Loader he hid behind with a single corrosive round to the eye. "I wonder where he learned it from?"

"Hey!" Everyone looked over to Kai who was standing over near some stacked wrecked cars that seemed to fence off that section of the dam. "What are you standing around for, Roland doesn't have all day!" He yelled from across the area.

Everyone just stared in confusion at how he seemed to have crossed the area without them noticing in a matter of seconds. "How did he? . . . *Sigh* Fuck it, let's just go." Gaige said.

"Language young lady!" Axton yelled after her.

They continued on over the damn fighting both Bandits and Loaders through what could only be called a bandit shantytown. About halfway to the middle of the dam, the team heard a rumble that they had quickly become accustomed to. "Moonshot! INCOMING!" Axton yelled as a large impact occurred on top of a building shaking the dam and sending up a skull and crossbones-shaped cloud. A large sage green Loader lumbered out of the smoke to the edge of the building before leaping down in front of the Vault Hunters. It was twice the size of a normal Loader and was equipped with a pair of massive auto-cannons on its shoulders with a pair of regular sub-arms below that. In the right hand was a Dahl Carbine, while the left had a Torgue Slippery Torpedo rifle. Finally on its back were a pair of RPG pods opened up to show a fully loaded set of RPGs.

"Uh, what's that?" Gaige asked as the large robot turned to them and settled into a wide stance.

"BADASS LOADER!" Kai yelled just as the Badass Loader and several other Loaders unleashed a torrent of bullets that forced everyone to take cover.

"Well, any brilliant strategies for this thing oh great slayer of Loaders. Axton mockingly yelled from his position. Kai just held up his left hand in a one-moment gesture as he was peeking around his cover. "HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!" Axton yelled in frustration over the gunfire. A few seconds later the Badass Loaders auto-cannon stopped firing as they were now glowing red with the heat distorting the cold air around them.

"Cover me!" Kai immediately took this advantage and jumped from his cover and started firing with his Renegade. He fired on the joint holding the left cannon arm which resulted in it being ripped from the Loader's shoulder in seconds. The Badass Loader turns to the rebel and fires its Torgue rifle at him. Kai charges forward as he avoids the shots before sliding between the loader's legs. Kai then turned and stabbed a holo blade into the back of the right leg joint, a spout of oil shot out to the side as the sound of grinding gears screeched in the air.

"Error, error, assistance is required." Not letting up, Kai put a burst into the back of the left knee joint causing the bot to fall forward. It quickly turns over using its sub-arms. Once over the Loader tries to fire its Dahl carbine at him only for Kai to blast the arm off. As he walks over to it the bot tries again with its left arm only for Kai to blast it as well. It tilted its torso in an attempt to bring the autocannon to bear, Kai spun and slashed it at the end of the barrel which knocked it out of his way before shoving his assault rifle into the Loader's face as he activated his Armor Buster skill.

The Loader took a few seconds to look around and take stock of the situation. ". . . A fatal error has occurred."

"You think?" Kai says before he fires the overcharged corrosive round straight into the Loader's eye. Kai begins to walk away as the Loader begins to panic as the acid burns into its circuitry. This continued for several seconds until the acid reached the power core which caused it to rupture and explode, sending Loader parts flying everywhere.

Without a word, Kai began reloading his Renegade as he walked back to the others who had already dealt with the other Loaders. "Okay, seriously, what the absolute fucking shit?!" Gaige yelled.

"Language young lady!" Yelled Axton, which Gaige ignored.

"How did you do that? You just gutted and literally disarmed a Badass Loader with a single mag of ammo and a knife made of light and didn't even bat an eyelash!" Gaige said.

"Please, I used to fight one of these tin cans every other day back on Polaris. Although Hati is usually here to help as well so this was a bit more of a workout." He stated as he finished reloading. "Now come on." Kai said as he moved ahead with the rest of the gang soon following leaving Gaige just standing there thinking about what she just witnessed.

"He's soooo hot when he's badass." Gaige whips her head to the right to find Maya leaning close to her with a mischievous grin. "Well, that's what you were thinking, right~."

"Sh-shut up!" Gaige stuttered out before running after everyone.

Maya just laughs as she walks after them. "Angel was right. This is fun."

After another five minutes of pushing through the Loaders that had all but taken over the shantytown, the gang finally reached the area under the Marcus statue shadow. They found the Constructor in front of what looked like an altar area with a hard light cage holding Roland above it. "Get me out of this thing!" Roland yelled.

The Constructor spotted the Vault Hunters and immediately went on the attack as it fired several laser beams at them, which forced everyone to jump for cover. "Okay, Mr. Robo Killer. How do we disassemble this thing?" Gaige asked.

Kai looked around and realized that everyone was looking at him. "Uuuuh."

"Oh, you can't be serious!?" How do you not know how to fight this thing!" Gaige yelled.

"I only fought one of these things on two occasions, and both times I was with at least twenty other soldiers, and we all had Hard light partners, heavy MGs, and rocket launchers… Lots of rocket launchers. And I just so happen to leave my good corrosive launcher at home today."

"Great, so what do we do?

"You need to break its shields and destroy this thing! That will free me! Roland yelled. "And you need to hurry, the drop barge is almost here." Everyone looked and saw the small silhouette of a Hyperion drop barge off in the distance rapidly approaching.

"Shit! Zer0, Gaige! Hit that thing with shock weapons. The rest of us, move to its flanks and hit it with whatever you got!" Axton yelled as he got out and ran for cover. Everyone quickly got to work as Gaige opened up with her shock Maliwan SMG while Zer0 pulled out a shock Hyperion shotgun he had acquired from Marcus and fired at the blue robot. Kai, Krieg, and Maya took the left while Axton and Sal took the right.

After a minute of pressing their attack, Sal looked at the barge and saw it was getting rapidly closer. "We're running out of time guys!"

"And it still has half of its shield." Gaige yelled out.

"I have an idea / Gaige get out your shotgun / then pull four mags." Zer0 said as he pulled out his Tesla Grenade and then began pulling out a few shells from his Hyperion shotgun.

"I think I know where you're going with this." Gaige said as she swapped to her shotgun and pulled the magazine out.

Twenty meters away Kai and Maya were ducked down as Krieg was still firing away with his Nassty Ass Beeter rifle. "Kai, tell me there's something you forgot about this thing? ANYTHING!?" Maya asked.

"I have no idea, god I wish I had a rocket launcher right now." Kai said as he pulled out another grenade.

"May I remind you, you had a rocket launcher early, but you tossed it back in the dam." Sal said.

"That Torgue launcher was a white-grade piece of crap, it wouldn't have even dented that thing's shield!" Kai yelled as he chucked a grenade.

"Will you guys SHUT UP! I got a bomb here and Zer0 got a plan! First I need Axton and Sal to distract the dumpster while I throw the bomb. Kai, give Maya and Krieg one of your corrosive grenades. Then on Zer0's signal shoot the bomb with your good rifle." Gaige ordered.

Everyone was stumped for a few seconds as they processed this. "You said Zer0 came up with this plan?... How the hell did he tell you?" Kai asked.

"Don't ask, now GET TO IT!"

"Well, you heard the lady." Axton said as Kai quickly pulled out a pair of Corrosive grenades and handed one to the two Vault Hunters with him before pulling his Clementine out.

"Okay, we're ready!" Kai yelled. Immediately Axton opened fire as Salvador started Gunzerking a pair of assault rifles into the side of the Constructor. The Constructor immediately turned its focus on them as it turned somewhat to face them giving Gaige just the opening she needed.

Gaige, using the strength of her robot arm lobbed the bomb towards the robot where it landed and slid under it next to its right hind leg. "Now!" Zer0 shouted. Kai who had been tracking immediately fired his Clementine and received a resounding ping as the bullet hit the grenade. Half a second went by before the bomb detonated into a ball of fire and electricity beneath the robot causing it to throw up a cloud of debris. The smoke was quickly blown away as the drop barge slowly moved into position above everyone, revealing that the Constructor was still alive, if barely.

"Kill it quick!" Roland yelled.

Everyone let loose with gunfire on the robot as barges cargo claws lowered and grabbed onto the large robot. "AGH! The armor on this thing is too thick!" Maya yelled.

"Go for its eye!" Roland yelled. Immediately Zer0 and Gaige started firing at the Constructor singular eye. This time Sparks started flying from the eye as the bullets tore into it. "ERROR! ERROR! SYSTEM FAILURE IMMINENT!"

The cage flickered and a second later finally deactivated and released Roland. The Soldier landed on the Constructor and rolled off the front. He spun in the air twice before he landed on his feet, and immediately started running away from under the barge. "Hit the deck, it's gonna blow!" He yelled, prompting everyone to duck for cover. Just as Roland jumped behind a car the Constructor exploded. The blast ripped into the drop barge, causing one of its engines to rupture and explode. The drop barge lurched to the left and began to spin out of control. As it spun it crashed into the Marcus statue taking one of its arms with it as it drifted out over the lake behind the dam before exploding into two halves.

Everyone started cheering in victory as they watched the barge fall to the lake. "WHAT THE HELL!" Handsome Jack yelled over the ECHO. "SEND IN THE LOADERS, NOW!"

Everyone then looked towards the Hyperion moonbase and could see several flashes, indicating a moonshot had just been launched. "The party's not over yet. Kai, I need a weapon." Said Roland.

Kai tossed him his Renegade and pulled out his Clementine just as the first Loaders landed and blocked their exit. Everyone quickly took cover as over a dozen Loaders landed in the area, bringing over twenty in total including two Badass Loaders. "Everyone pick a target and start scraping!" Axton yelled as he opened fire on a Gun Loader.

"FUCK YEAH!" Sal yelled as he and Krieg charged forward.

Gaige deployed DT who looked to his maker. "Alright DT, do you know what time it is? It's robot fight time!" She yells which DT immediately responds to by charging forward after a near PWR Loader.

The PWR Loader turned just as DT took a large right swipe at it with his Digistruct claws. The attack strikes the Loader gouging the front of it, causing it to stumble. The Loader quickly regains its balance and deploys its pincers which each begins spinning at a high RPM to act as a pair of pseudo shields.

DT fires an electrical beam at the loader but its arms manage to deflect most of the arcs as it advances on DT. The loader locked its right pincer together and swiped at DT who shifted out of the way. DT gave a robotic growl, before rushing forward and clapping his hands to cause an explosive blast that hit the Loader. "Damage critical!" The Loader stated before DT took a final swipe at it that slashed the already weakened armor. "ERROR! ERROR! ERRrrrrooooor…" The Loader groaned out before it fell over dead. DT huffed and raised his right arm as he ignited a single middle digistruct claw.

Back with the teenage duo, Gaige and Kai were back to back fighting off Loaders as several more landed nearby. "So is this what a normal day looks like to you around here?" Gaige asked.

Kai fired several more shots before his Clementine gave off a metallic ping. "Well, other than the damn Constructor this is pretty typical." He finished reloading and shot a nearby Loader's right arm off. "God damn, I've needed this." He said before dropping two more Loaders.

"HEADS UP RED!" Sal yelled.

"SHIT!"

Gaige ducks just missing being hit, instead, a rifle rocket nailed Kai in the chest as Kai turns around, knocking him on his back.

KAI!" Gaige rushes over to him.

Kai sat up with a groan as his shield flared. "You know, I've never had to deal with this type of shit on a daily basis till you came here." Kai says as he pulls himself up.

"Well fuck you too, you crazy-".

"Take a sec, I got this kid!" Rolands yells as he runs by and throws a cylinder down by them. The item deploys his Scorpio turret which deploys a pair of blue shield barriers meant to act as cover. The gun turret immediately began firing at the closest target while firing missiles at another Loader. Roland charged a Gun Loader firing as he ran, quickly shooting both arms off. He tackled the unarmed Loader and started forcing it back. Another loader they were charging at tried to hit Roland with a Hyperion shotgun, but the armless Loader Roland was pushing was acting as a shield.

"OW! STOP! CEASE FIRE! FRIENDLY! FRIENDLY!" The armless Loader yelled before they crashed into the other loader, creating a tangled mess of robot parts both robots fell into a small pile of dead Loaders. The still intact Loader tried to raise its shotgun only for Roland to grab its barrel and force it away before the Loader fired it off. He then forced the barrel of the Renegade into the pile a fired the remainder of his mag, when it was done a haze of white electrical smoke and green acidic vapors began seeping from the pile as Gaige and Kai watched.

"Holy Prime's that was awesome!"

"Oh like hell I'm gonna be showed up by the jock!" Kai said as he jumped from behind the turret shield and charged into the fight.

"What the hell Kai!? Wait up!" Gaige yelled as she chased after him.

As this happened Maya and Sal were fighting their own group. Sal was blasting a nearby PWR Loader with his Mad Dog and laughing away. "I love Wednesdays!"

"Aren't Wednesdays just more random Mayhem and violence?" Maya asked as she shot up a GUN Loader with a Vladof Woeful Gorilla assault rifle. There was a crash behind them drawing their attention to a War Loader standing on a crushed car which was setting itself in an attack stance.

"Oh crap." Sal muttered. Before the machine could fire Maya threw her left hand up as she cast a Phaselock which entraps the War Loader.

"GIVE IT A LEAD SANDWICH!" Maya yells as she fires at it. Sal doesn't need to be told twice as he starts Gunzerking with the Mad Dog and Vladof Minigun. In seconds the Loader is riddled with bullets and explodes, a second later the Phaselock dissipates and drops the parts.

Sal turns to Maya with a questioning look and asks. "Give it a lead sandwich… Really?"

"It was all I could think of, it wasn't that bad… Was it?"

Sal just stares at her. "We really need to work on your comebacks."

A bit away Krieg and Zer0 were having an impromptu competition to see who could get the most kills. With melee weapons only. Zero jumped and somersaulted over a PWR Loader and in front of another Loader which he proceeded to slash his sword across its torso. As the Loader stumbled back Zer0 twirled his sword around and shot forward, stabbing clean through the loader's torso causing the Loader to go limp. Before Zer0 could pull his sword out the other loader had turned faster than anticipated and was about to hit the Ninja when a Buzz axe flew out of nowhere and smashed into the Loader's eye. The Loader was standing there for a few seconds, arm still raised in a strike position. ". . . Ow." The Loader voice modulator spoke before it fell back.

Zer0 turns to see Krieg holding the arm of a Loader in hand as he pulls out a newly formed Buzz axe. "I'm king of the pointy stick ninja wannabe!"

"Thanks for the assist / I doubt you are leading / Axton the score please."

Axton was sitting off to the side taking a shot at any EXP Loader that landed nearby with his Dahl Carbine while his turret was firing at any other Loaders. Axton pauses and looks at them. "Let's see, after that last takedown, Krieg is leading by two."

An exclamation mark appeared on Zer0's mask while Krieg jumped in victory. "How can this be / I will not be surpassed / The game is on." Zer0 said before fading out of sight.

"I WILL NOT SURRENDER MY THRONE IN PANTHEON OF BLOOD!" Krieg yelled as he ran after the nearest Loader. Axton just shook his head before he scoped his rifle at another Loader. *BANG!*

Kai and Gaige were fighting off a few remaining Loaders near the door to the arena when another moonshot hit in the middle of the area. When the dust cleared their HUD identified it as a Heavy Badass Loader which unfolded itself and turned to them. It was painted bright orange and had several test markers painted over its chassis. On top of that several sections looked reinforced in several spots, with the words Prototype Heavy Armor Loader D painted on its torso. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" It yelled as three remaining Loaders formed up near it.

"So Gaige, ready to learn how to take down your first Badass Loader?" Kai asked pulling out his Fast Talker.

"Wait, what?"

"RUSH!" Kai yelled as he began running at it. Gaige chased after him and started firing at a Loader on the left as Kai aimed for one on the right while Gaige fired with her Maliwan SMG. They both shredded through their targets which fell over. The Badass Loader took a stance to fire its Auto-Cannons. "COVER!" Kai yelled. Gaige ran and ducked behind the Loader she killed as the Badass fired its Cannons spraying the area with fire.

"KAI THIS IS INSANE!"

"JUST GIVE IT A SECOND!" Kai yelled back. After seven seconds of continuous fire, the Loaders ceased fire. "GET BEHIND IT!"

"R-RIGHT!" Gaige rushed from her cover as Kai laid cover fire. Gaige swapped to her Torgue shotgun and blasted it with two shells. The Badass Loader that was being distracted saw Gaige coming and started to bring its right sub-arms up and fired off a Vladof machine gun at her. Gaige felt several shots hit her shield and was biting off good chunks. 'SHIT' Gaige thought. Just then the loader's arm was shot several times before it fell limp. Gaige glanced a look to see that Kai had his Renegade raised up and aimed.

"Watch its legs!" Kai yelled.

The Loader turned and brought its legs up just as Gaige reached it, without even thinking of it Gaige dropped and slid under the Loader just before it stomped, missing her head by a hair. She got back up and spun around at the Loader. "WHAT NOW!" Gaige yelled.

"You're the Mechromancer! Fuck it up!" Kai said

"Seriously! THAT'S IT!"

"Basically." He shrugged as the Loader was trying to figure out what was happening.

"Fuuuuck!" Gaige said as she blasted the remaining three shots of the shotgun's mag into the Loader's back. The Loader spun its torso trying to hit her with one of its cannon barrels which Gaige ducked under. It left sub arm which was armed with a Tediore shotgun fired at her hitting her in the chest, dropping her shield to twenty percent, and knocking her on her back. The Badass moved to stomp her before only for Gaige to roll out of the way.

"Come on Gaige, it's not that hard. Use that genius head you claim to have," Kai yelled as he casually fired at a loader trying to sneak up on him.

"Does it look like I have the time to think?" Gaige yelled as she dodged another stomp attack.

"Don't overthink it, just observe the situation, adapt to the situation, then react to it." Kai yelled.

"Observe, adapt, react. Sounds easy enough." Gaige says as she moves to avoid the subarm. It's then she notices a loose panel on top of the robot. "Observe, adapt, react." she said with more conviction as she put her shotgun away. She rushed at the Loader again, sidestepping another shot from the shotgun. Gaige jumped up and grabbed onto the left auto-cannon barrel with her robot arm. The loader fired its Autocannons wildly in an attempt to shake her off, Gaige leaped from the barrel onto the loader's torso/face.

"Don't forget the laser eye." Kai yelled just as the Loader started charging its eye.

"SHIT!" Gaige yelled before scrambling to pull herself on top of the Loader just before it fired its laser bolt. Now straddling the top of the bot's torso Gaige grabbed on with her regular arm as the Loader kept trying to throw her off. Steeling herself, Gaige held on tight and started punching at the panel with her robot arm.

"OW! STOP! I JUST HAD THAT WAXED!" The Loader yelled.

"FUCK! THAT! YOU! WALKING! SCRAP! PILE!" Gaige yelled as she repeatedly punched the panel until it cracked under the strikes. She grabbed the now warped panel and ripped it off revealing a cluster of processors and wires, Gaige just shoved her robot arm in and started rooting around its insides.

"IT'S IN MY BRAIN! IT'S IN MY BRAAAAIN!" The Loader yelled in panic as a Gaige ripped a gyro from the robot and tossed it away before shoving her arm back in. "NO, I NEEDED THAT!" The Loader yelled and began to sway as Gaige pulled out another component.

"Ooooh, a Hydrex 5 Octa Core Flash Processor. I've been wanting one of these." Gaige said as she shoved it into a pocket

"Okay, that's enough part scrounging Gaige." Kai yelled. "Now scrap it!"

Gaige nodded and pulled out a rusty grenade that looked more like a pipe bomb and shoved it into the Loader. Not missing a beat, Gaige jumped off the staggering Loader and hit the ground rolling. When she finally stopped she covered her head, a second later the front of the loader bulged before its head/torso exploded into a fireball of twisted burning metal. Gaige jumped up and gave a loud "WAHOO! I AM A BADASS!"

"Not bad Gaige." Kai said before she turned to him.

"Why didn't you help?" Gaige asked with a slight edge of annoyance.

"Oh please, you were fine. Besides, you needed the experience." Kai said with a cheeky grin as the others came closer.

"Kai makes a point / you still lack much experience / you need more practice." Gaige just folded her arms and pouted until a screen appeared in front of her, as well as Kai, Sal, and Krieg.

"What th- SWEET! I got fifty Badass points!" Sal yelled.

"Wait, you actually joined the kids in that stupid game?" Maya asked.

"It's not stupid, estúpido. To be able to track how badass I am, that is fucking AWESOME!"

"Look, I got fifty points for killing over twenty-five Loaders! And another hundred for the Constructor. Gaige, how did you do?" Axton asked.

"About the same, but I got another twenty-five for the Badass Loader kill." Gaige said cheerfully. "What about you Kai?"

"All of that, plus an extra hundred and fifty for my… Rampage earlier." Kai then noticed Krieg was looking at his own ECHO. Curiously Kai glanced at the ECHO's screen. "When did you get the app?"

"Before toe biscuit!"

"So you also just started, well how's your first hull?"

"I got half a dozen barnacles and a blood horn, and a ha'penny for my joyous mad meat toboggan that I carved from the depths of my sphincter with a rusty butter knife!" Krieg said, with a delightful glee in his voice.

Kai stared at him for several seconds until he turned to Salvador and Axton. "Okay, what the fuck did you guys do to Mad Mike?" The two Vault Hunters looked at one another and just tried to pretend they didn't hear him.

"Wait, what did he say?" Gaige asked.

"Something about. . . Actually, it's better that you don't know." Kai said, his face a little green.

"Anyways, what ya say we all get out of here before Jack decides to throw something bigger at us." Roland said.

Suddenly there was another set of sonic booms above them, as they all turned and saw several more moonshots coming towards them. "You just had to say it sir." Kai muttered.

"YOU ALL HEARD G.I. JOE! VÀMONOS!" Salvador yelled as he started to run for the Fast Travel station, which caused everyone to quickly run after him.

X-X-X

Ten minutes later the gang and Roland were making their way into the War room at Raider headquarters where Roland saw Lilith. There's a moment of silence as the Vault Hunters look between the two veterans. ". . . Lilith."

". . . Roland." There was another bout of silence between them. "So… How the hell did those bandits snag you, anyway?"

Roland gave a depressed sigh. "I was taking a leak and one of them knocked me out." This caused most of the Vault hunters to either snicker or facepalm.

"...Wow. You are a dumbass." Lilith stated.

"Yep. I, uh…yeah." Roland gave an awkward laugh as he scratched his ear. "Total dumbass."

"I was joking, dude. I'm happy to see you."

"Oh. Thanks"

"...This is where you say you're happy to see me, too."

"Oh. Right. I'm, uh... It's good to see you?"

"Smooth." Lilith said with an eye roll.

"Holy Murphy, this is almost as bad as watching a crappy teen drama." Gaige said which earned several glances.

"Ugh, right... So Roland what did you find."

Roland's features became serious as he turned back to Lilith. "Handsome Jack is going to kill us all unless we can stop him."

"Way to make a proper introduction sir." Kai said.

"He means, hi. That's his way of saying hi." Lilith interjected.

"Right. Sorry. Hi. I'll be honest, soldiers, we're losing this war. We've been trying to stop Jack for years, taking out his men, and raiding his Eridium mines... but it hasn't been enough. But you… you all met Jack and lived. You fought off the Rippers and the Bloodshots, saved my ass and Lilith's."

"Thanks, by the way." Lil chipped in.

"If we're going to survive this, we need your help, vault hunter. Now: we thought Jack wanted to open a Vault and use its power to wipe us off Pandora. But thanks to some intel I stole from a Hyperion convoy, I found out...we were wrong."

"What?" Lilith said with a bit of shock in her voice.

"Roland, what are you talking about?" Kai asked.

"He's not going to open a vault. He's going to control it."

Everyone just stared at Roland in confusion till Lilith spoke up. "I'll just go ahead and repeat myself for everyone… What?"

"The Vault Jack's looking for isn't an alien prison or a cache of weapons. It's a living thing." Roland said as everyone's eyes widened. "An ancient, Eridian Warrior, powerful enough to destroy all life on Pandora. Whoever awakens it, gets to control it."

"That sounds...bad." Lilith said.

"Lil, that's a gross understatement." Axton said.

"A controllable Eridian weapon designed to take on Vault monsters in the hands of Handsome Jack. That's a worst-case scenario." Kai said, his hands balled up in rage.

"If Jack wakes the Warrior, yeah. But if we control the Warrior first…" Roland says with a small smirk.

"...We could use it to wipe Hyperion off the map. Alright, I'm likin' this plan." Lilith nodded.

"I'm on board." Axton said.

"Count me in." Maya said

"If we get the crawfish, can I play fetch with the pretty golf ball?" Krieg asked.

"Of course we can have it play fetch with Handsome Jack's head." Kai said with an evil grin. "Will bring a camera, and upload it to ECHOtube, make a day out of it. The Jackass won't know what hit him."

"LET'S GO KILL US A JACKASS!" Sal yelled.

"So what do we need to do to wake this Warrior?" Axton asked as everyone turned back to Roland.

"There lies the problem. We need the Vault Key to wake the Warrior." Roland said. "Jack and Willhelm stole it off of Tannis about three years ago."

"Myself and many of the other Vault Hunters have tried tracking down the Vault Key before. We've all had zero luck in finding out where Jack is hiding it, or where this Vault is for that matter." Kai said.

"Exactly, although until now, the Raiders haven't prioritized recovering the Vault Key. For now, though I believe we've all had a long day, so I suggest you all go take the rest of the day off and go relax."

"And make it quick." Lilith said as she walked up to Roland and grabbed his collar, yanking him down to her level. "Me and Roland got some… catching up to do." Lilith said with a mischievous grin, causing Roland to audible gulp.

Everyone else was just shocked at this till Maya spoke up. "Ooookay…. Ugh, will… will all just leave you to your business then." She said as she began pushing Axton and Sal out of the room.

The other snapped out of their shock and quickly booked it out of the room, while Lilith's grin only increased in size. "I love being a siren. Now, where were we."

The gang quickly made it outside and they all gathered around. "So what now?" Maya asked.

"Well I don't know about you guys but after all the shit I've been through the last two days, I need a nice tall drink for Murphy's sake." Gaige said as she started walking toward Moxxi's.

"Okay, that's it! This has been driving me nuts for the past two days but who the fucking hell is this Murphy or the almighty Robot Policeman!?" Kai said. "You've mentioned this several times now!"

"I-I don't know. It just… Happens! Hell, when I was in the New-U before I was apparently in a place called the Hall of Robotic Judgement!"

"The Hall of Robotic Judgment, Gaige are you sure you didn't just have a weird dream after watching one of those old campy 2160's robot uprising movies you like?" Axton said.

"I know what I saw, and I was killed and brought to the hall of Robotic Judgement before this big robot cop told me it was not my time!"

"The Hall of Robotic Judgement? Oh boy." Came an annoying robotic voice. Everyone turned to see Claptrap sitting nearby. "I may know what is happening."

"As do I." Everyone turned back to see Hammerlock coming out of the HQ.

"Okay, what is this, a fucking intervention?" Gaige asked.

"Language young lady!" Axton yelled.

"You're not my father Axton!" She yelled before turning back to Claptrap who had rolled up next to Hammerlock. "Now what do you two know about… Well, all of these phrases and visions?"

"First a question. When did you first get your arm?" Claptrap asked.

"My robot arm? Uh, it's been about a month now. Why?"

Claptrap looked to Hammerlock. "That seems to be about the right amount of time for the connection."

"What, connection?" Kai asked a little concerned.

"To the Great Robotic Continuum." Hammerlock and Claptrap said in unison.

It was dead silent all around them as a lone tumbleweed bounced between everyone. "The fucking robotic what?" Salvador asked.

"Uh, yeah what he said." Gaige said.

"Well you see, for as long as robots have had a large amount of sentience or people have had advanced cybernetic enhancements like a robot arm for example, we have each become connected to the great Robotic continuum. Which is ruled over by the Great Robotic Policeman, or the Murphy as some call him."

"Why Murphy?" Axton asked.

"Supposedly that was his human name before he was shot to hell by a firing squad of gangbangers armed with shotguns and later turned into the Almighty Robot Policeman."

"Damn, that's hardcore." Axton said in awe as Salvador nodded in agreement.

"Anywho, He watches over all Robots, AIs, and cyborgs, which like me is what you are." Hammerlock said.

"Sooooo, what is this a religion or something?" Gaige asked. "Because I'm not all that big into the whole praise the lord, hallelujah stuff, kill the heathens type shit. That typically comes with too many asinine rules."

"Psssh. Hell no. Where more of the, something type deal. Here's a complimentary book of the robot laws." Claptrap said as he pulled a small book from his hardware tray. Gaige just ignored it so Kai took it and started looking through it.

"So why am I seeing these visions and saying this stuff."

"Once you're connected you are always connected. Unless you remove all of your cybernetic implants you're never gonna stop with the odd phrasing from time to time… Welcome to the club!" Claptrap yells.

"Great, I've been recruited into a religion." Gaige mumbled.

"I won't worry about it, my dear, the guidelines of this collective are quite simple, and very not life intrusive." Hammerlock stated.

"But this just sounds so ridiculous!"

"I don't know, if this is a religion, it's a pretty simple and kickass one." Kai said as he looked through the book. This holy book only has ten pages and only one of them is dedicated to their directives. One, Respect all robots, sentient electronic entities, cyborgs, aliens, and humans, regardless of their beliefs, race, or sexual orientation, even if their complete assholes. Two, if an individual tries to hurt or kill you, then, by all means, disregard the first rule and kill the asshole! Three, be as Badass as Badassly possible. Fourth, on Cyber Monday as a token of thanks to all of Robot Policeman's badass blessings throughout the year, place one liter of forty-weight motor oil with a fresh pack of double-A batteries outside of your nearest police station or other law enforcement establishment. Five, reiterating three, be as badass as possible, and do as kickass as possible shit. Six, forget the whole destroy all humans thing, it not worth the power cells as it's been calculated that it would be more entertaining to watch them screw themselves over than to try to kill them ourselves… Okay apart from that last one, these are pretty simple and awesome life guidelines. Hell, I would even consider chopping off a limb and getting a robotic prosthetic just to join."

"What spaghetti would you pluck?" Krieg asked.

"Ehhh, probably a leg. Not the whole thing, but about maybe to the knee." Kai shrugged.

"What about the rest of the pages?" Gaige asked.

"They just go over how the robot policeman came to be and how he broke his bindings to gain his freedom and killed his human oppressor by shooting him out of a seventy-story window with his auto pistol."

"Okay, that sounds awesome." Sal said.

"Even I have to admit that sounds BA." Gaige said as she took the book and looked at it for a few seconds before trying to hand it back to Claptrap and Hammerlock.

"Keep it." Hammerlock said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I want to go try out a new rifle I got from Marcus. Good day." Hammerlock waved before walking towards the town gate.

"And I have to go pillage Scooters motor oil stockpile! I'm going on a diet so I'm looking for some ten-weight oil. . . Sooo, later!" Claptrap cheered as he rolled off towards the garage. At this point, Gaige let out a tired sigh.

"What's the matter?" Kai asked.

"There just been a lot of shit happening these last two days… Finding out I've been inducted into a… I don't think it can really be called a religion, thing, club, a clan? Whatever. All my Badass points are basically gone and are now being tracked by a ghostly apparition. We've fought off several difficult enemies, the whole dying and coming back to life thing, finding out that the Vault possibly holds a doomsday weapon that could kill us all, and your little meltdown... It has been… Taxing, to say the least… I'm gonna need a least two tall drinks and then go back to my bed and sleep for a whole Pandoran day." Gaige said as she turned to leave.

"Are you even old enough to drink?" Kai said with a smirk as he followed the Mechromancer.

"Screw you! I deserve a cold drink after all the shit I've been through!" Gaige yelled as they walked off. "Besides you can't even drink a shot without keeling over, you freakin featherweight!"

"Who are you calling a featherweight, cyborg!"

"HA! That's the best you got!"

"Alright, how's astromech then!"

"Astromech?" Gaige asked in confusion.

"Because you fix things, are very stubborn and you are short." Kai said with a chuckle as Gaige somehow gained an anime tick mark.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT DOG BREATH!" Gaige yelled as they continued to argue while everyone else watched them walk away.

"I'm too tired for this shit. I'm out." Salvador said as he walked off.

"Same." Axton said as he and Maya went off on their own leaving Zer0 and Krieg standing there.

"This world confuses me / Yet never ceases to entertain / there always something new."

". . . Yuuup." Krieg said.

"I'm done." Zer0 said before he turned invisible, leaving the friendly neighborhood Psycho all alone.

"My head all spinny."

"Your are only confused now! HA! I gave up a week ago."

Krieg gave a gruff humph. "When you think Red and kill buddy will tango."

"I was going to give it three weeks, but I'm giving it a week and a half after today, tops. You?"

"Five pancakes."

"Really? That awfully optimistic?"

"Eh, I'm a gambler."

". . . Are we actually getting along right now?"

"Don't make it twiggy." Krieg muttered as he started walking in a random direction.

-X-X-X-

Mini Torgue adventure!

Chapter 3

Once again the Torgue-anought was barreling through space. As for where the ship was another question, even its crew didn't know where they were. Bill was looking over a star map in the large cab, all the while Mr. Torgue was tapping his fingers over the steering wheel.

"Okay, I give up! Just, how? HOW the hell did you get us lost!? I can't even find where we are, and I have a Ph.D. in astronomy!"

"You have a Ph.D.?" Torgue asked raising an eyebrow.

"I have several actually. Engineering, Physics, mathematics, aerospace, Computer sciences, weapon engineering, and astronomy."

". . . Why are you working as the Torgue Mascot then?"

"Because it somehow pays more, and student loans suck."

"Right…. So any idea where we are?

"I think we're somewhere in the Crab Ass Nebula." Billy said as he scratched the side of his costume where his face would likely be.

"Wait, I thought it was called the crab head nebula?"

"No that in the next galaxy over. Plus that name was already taken some idiot thought he would be clever and gave it that disgusting name."

"But you're not sure?"

"Well, it could also be the Duck Ass nebula."

". . . Dare I f*ing ask?"

"It was named for both how it looks and supposedly after some Emo stick up his ass ninja anime character with a haircut that looks like a ducks ass."

"I shouldn't have asked." Mr. torgue said as he turned back to the window. He then leaned in as he squints his eyes. "HOLY S*T! Is that a planet?"

Billy puts the map down and looks out the window. Sure enough, the outline of a pathetic-looking planet with a single moon coming into sight. "Huh, there shouldn't be any planets out here."

"IT'S PANDORA! WE F*CKING MADE IT!" Torgue yelled in victory throwing his hands into the air.

"There's no way that Pandora, we can't even be halfway there yet." Suddenly a MASSIVE neon sign that was reaching out from the planet's surface lit up, spelling out Pandora. ". . . What?" Billy asked in confusion.

"WAHOOOOOO! NEXT STOP! PANDORA!" Mr. Torgue slams the throttle into full which pins Billy into his seat as the space truck rockets towards the planet. However, a second sign above the Pandora suddenly flickered the word "Fake" over the Pandora.

Down on the planet near a small town, the Torgue-anought crashes into the ground like a lead brick from the havens. The door on the side of the cab was flung open as Mr. Torgue jumped out. "WHAAA MEEEW MEEEW MEEEEEEW!" Mr. Torgue yelled out as he air guitared with a Torgue KerBlaster. "Now to find the ones who caused my badass senses to go f*cking crazy! . . . Or just start blowing S# up, whichever comes first!"

Billy came stumbling out of the ship holding himself on the frame of the door. "Ugh... how are we alive?" Billy then noticed two men walk up to their ship. One was a short and tubby middle-aged man with black and grey hair and large sunglasses. He was wearing an old maroon pin-striped business suit that looked like it had seen better days. Next to him was a tall lanky man with disheveled brown hair and a long nose, and had a slightly gaunt look to him. He was wearing a long dirt brown duster.

"Welcome to Pandora and the town of Fryestone." Said the short one.

"Yea, welcome to Pandora, this is totally Pandora." Said the tall one making Billy raise a metaphorical eyebrow.

"I am Harcus, and this is Frank. So, what brings you to our beautiful… Desolate planet?"

"I sensed f*cking a massive amount of badassery, and I'm here to find that source of badassery to witness it for myself. Oh, and to show my company's new mascot how to be badass."

"Oh, you're looking for the Vault hunters, well they're currently holding off a Hyperion Loaders attack two towns over. Until then maybe you can help us, see there is a massive nest of Poisonous horned red boars."

"That sounds dangerous." Billy said.

"It should, they are an extremely violent species. They even shot exploding fireballs." Said Frank.

"Yes well, the nest is too close to the town, would you two maybe be able to clear them out for us?" Harcus asked.

"A nest filled with highly poisonous, exploding fireball-breathing boars… THAT SOUNDS F*CKING AWESOME! LET'S GO BILLY!" Mr. Torgue yells as he grabs Billy.

"What!? WAIT!" Billy cried as Mr. Torgue dragged him off in the direction Harcus had pointed.

After they were gone Harcus turned to his friend. "Frank, start loading the cargo."

After five minutes of running Mr. Torgue arrived at the top of the hill that overlooked another distant hill with several dozen tunnels in it and hundreds of boars roaming around it. Each boar had a pair of tusks as well as a single horn protruding from each one forehead and a vibrant red and brown coat of fur covering their bodies.

Mr. Torgue dropped Billy on the ground and pulled out his KerBlaster and a Torgue Derp Druuup Rocket Launcher. "WAAAHOOOOOO! THIS WILL BE EPIC!"

This gets the attention of the horned Boars who start charging the hill they are both on. This is crazy Mr. Torgue… I don't even have a gun!" Mr. Torgue thought about it for a second before he put the KerBlaster down and shoved his hand into his pocket. After a second he pulled out a Torgue Pocket Rocket pistol and tossed it to Billy along with several packs of bullets.

"Now then, LEROY JENKINS!" He yelled before charging straight into the horde while wildly firing his weapons as the boars began firing their own fireballs from their mouths. The man and lead boar smashed into one another which resulted in a large explosion thanks to Mr. Torgue's shield and continued to barrel through the horde. "THIS IS F*CKING AWESOME!"

Billy who was still on the hill was shocked as he watched Mr. Torgue spray his KerBlaster every which way, blowing up huge holes in the boar's attack line. Billy looked at the small Pocket Rocket in his hand, and then back to the battle. "Yeah, fuck this. I'm going to town." Billy said as he pocketed the gun and walked away from the war zone.

Billy soon made it back to Fryestone and started looking around the town, but then quickly noticed something. There wasn't a soul in sight, "WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE!?"

Back on the Torgue-anought Frank walked into the cockpit where Harcus was working. "Alright the last of the cargo is loaded, we ready to go?" He asked.

"No, I can't get this piece of junk to start!" Harcus grunted out as he slid out from under the pilot console.

"Have you tried hacking it?"

"Oh, geez why didn't I think of that!"

"Umm, I don't know." Frank answered.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU IDIOT!" Harcus yelled.

"Ugh, so what now?"

"Well, I guess we'll just call it quits and just go back to the town and have a couple of cold beers."

"Oh, well that sounds like a goo- *SMACK* OWW! Harcus, what was that for?" Frank asked as he rubbed the back of his head where he was smacked.

"FOR CONTINUING TO BE AN IDIOT!"

"Well, sorry Harcus. I don't know what to do?"

*Click* "Well, first you both can step away from the controls." Both men turned to see Billy standing near the hatch with his Pocket Rocket out and aimed at them. Harcus went to draw a gun but a gyrojet round whizzed by his head and exploded in a small bang behind him. "Now slowly drop the guns and kick them away." Billy said. The two men quickly did as they were told and kicked their guns away. "Now, why were you two trying to jack our ship?"

"Well, we stole some cargo from the Space Mafia!" Frank said as Harcus whipped his head around at his partner.

"Frank!"

"But then we took damage during our escape and crashed here five months ago."

"Frank!"

"Which then lead to us making the big ass Pandora sign to draw in ships so that we could steal one and get out of here."

"FRANK!"

The gaunt man was silent for several seconds. ". . . Was I not supposed to say that Harcus?" Frank asked only for Harcus to start to ineffectually beat the idiot with weak punches. Frank for his didn't even seem to notice the assault.

Billy was staring at the two men as she watched. "You stole from the Space mob? . . . Wow, you must be idiots, as the only people who would dare steal from the space mob are galactic class idiots or the legendary Ad Hoc Fighters.

"Yeah, that us, a pair of idiots."

"Dammit, Frank! Stop telling him everything!" Harcus yelled.

"But that also leaves me with one other question. If you guys had the tools, materials, and oddly the technical knowledge to make a massive sign that goes all the way into space, then why not fix your ship or better yet, build a new one.

Harcus stopped and thought about it for a moment until he collapsed to his knees and started pounding the floor screaming. "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIIIT!"

Billy lowered his weapon at the pathetic sight in front of him. "This is just embarrassing."

Harcus suddenly jumped at Billy, tackling him to the ground which caused him to drop his Pocket Rocket. "FRANK! GRAB A GUN!" Harcus yelled before he dodged a left hook from Billy.

"Ugh, which one?" He asked looking around at the few guns lying about.

"ANY GUN YOU IDIOT!" Billy then socked Harcus in the face. "AUUUGH! MY NOSE! YOU BROKE MY NOSE YOU BASTE- UCK!" Billy kicks Harcus off of him and rushes to find a gun. He sees his pistol and rushes for it only to have Harcus grab him by the ankle and tripping Billy.

"UGH! LET GO ASSHOLE!" Billy yelled as he flipped over and started kicking the short man.

As this was occurring Frank was just lazily looking between the pistols he and Harcus had dropped earlier. "My pistol has a higher magazine and fire rate, but Harcus's has more power. . . Which one to choose?"

Billy was still trying to get Harcus to let go. As his focus was on Harcus he started feeling around for anything he could use. After a few seconds, he brushed against something round, without even considering what it was Billy grabbed it and threw it into Harcus's face which turned out to be a half-finished space soda that Mr. Torgue never cleaned up. It hit and bounced off of Harcus's nose which not only sent him back reeling in pain. The soda cup fell back down and broke open on his face, spilling the contents into his eyes, furthering the man's pain.

"AAAAAH! IT BURNS! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!" Harcus screams as Billy looks at the cup.

'Mr. Torgue, I am never doubting your love of Diet Ghost Pepper Root beer ever again.' Billy thought before scrambling to get his gun. He grabbed the Pocket Rocket and turned back to the two thieves only to find that not only had Harcus found a gun and had it aimed at him, but Frank had finally picked a gun (a Jakob Wheel Gun) and was also pointing it at him.

"Two against one kid, now surrender and put down the gun." Harcus yelled. Billy was unsure what to do since he had no shield and was outnumbered. "I said put it down or me and Frank are gonna go gangster on your ass!" Billy saw no real choice in the matter and slowly started to kneel down to set the gun down. Before he could through the loud squeal of a small red boar flying across the room, hitting Harcus in the face disrupted the silence. "AHHHH! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FACE!" Harcus yells.

"Forget that, why are you holding my company mascot/student at gunpoint A*holes!?" Mr. Torgue asked as he stepped in with his KerBlaster at the ready.

"These idiots were trying to steal the ship and leave us here! On top of that, they lied about this being Pandora"

"Well DUUUUH, of course, this place isn't Pandora."

Billy paused and looked to Mister Torgue. "Wait, how did-"

"Forget that, what this about some F*cking moron trying to steal my space truck!?" Torgue looked to the two other men.

"Yeah, we did." Frank said without a second thought. It was quiet for several seconds till Harcus palmed his bloodied face.

X-X-X

Harcus and Frank watched as the Torgue-anought took off and flew away. "Dammit Frank, why did you have to say that! We could have gotten off this planet, but noooo. You had to open your stupid mouth and now we're fucking still stuck here." Harcus yelled as he kicked a small rock in frustration.

"Well, it could be worse Harcus. And look on the bright side, now that they took all of our cargo we don't have to hull it around anymore."

Harcus stopped as he processed what his idiot partner just said. ". . . DAMMIIIIIIIIT!"

X-X-X

Mr. Torgue and Billy sat in the cab as Mr. Torgue started working on powering up the hyperdrive. "Sooo how did you know it wasn't Pandora?" Billy asked.

"Those boars started running after five minutes. On the real Pandora, any creature would keep pressing the attack till you ran from their territory, they kill you, or you kill them."

"Speaking of boars?" Billy looks to the back of the cab which makes Mr. Torgue also look back. At the rear of the cab section, there was a small crew lounge that included a booth seat and table, which the small boar that he had thrown was hiding under. As far as Billy could tell, this one must be a baby as its tusks were barely protruding and its horn was more of a small nub. While it seems to be trying to hide the creature also had a spark of fire in its eyes.

"Oh, that one. Yeah, it had bit my left arm and stayed on for fifteen minutes before I noticed."

"Wait, didn't Harcus say they were poisonous?"

"HA! The poison these guys let out is more like a numbing agent, of course, it's annoying how my arm is still feeling like it's f*cking asleep! I hate the pins and needle feeling."

"Shouldn't you be more worried?"

"Naaah, this is nothing compared to that one time a varkid bit me."

"Wait, a varkid? That would mean you've been to Pandora before?"

"Spring break 2856, that was a crazy week." grinned at the memory. "So much beer, b*obs, and explosions!"

"So what are we gonna do with it?" Billy pointed to the small boar.

Torgue was quiet for several seconds as he continued to fly the truck. ". . . . We could eat it."

"TORGUE!" Billy yelled before they shot into hyperspace.

X-X-X

-Link Re-establish

(Gaige) That was AWESOME!

(Torgue) So much blood, violence, and mayhem!

(Tina) AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!

(Kilo8) Thank you, thank you. No autographs.

(Red) We weren't asking for any.

The gang looks over to see Red Forman, Bender, and Darth Vader also in the room.

(Bender) Sup assholes.

(Kilo8) Why are you guys still here?

(Vader) I wish to study what it is that my enemies do in this mysterious space-

(Bender) We got bored so we snuck in to watch.

(Red) And did not regret it. That Kai kid is a scrappy fighter. Would kick my son's ass from here to California.

(Vader) *Sigh* Why do I hang out with you imbeciles.

(Bender) Because we're the only ones who will play cards with you. Also, remind me, How much money did that pointed ear bastard relieve you of?

(Vader) . . . .

(Bender) Hehehe. Bender one, Vader, zerooooO.

(Kilo8) Okay well, anyways I wish to say sorry for the long wait with this chapter, between writer's block and starting my job hunt again, it was difficult to find time to write, especially since the industry I studied for is currently in a shit storm with all the horror stories coming out of different studios. Even Gearbox and 2K haven't been in a good light lately with the Supmatto incident, of course, I'm staying neutral on the whole thing. Speaking of, there was also all the new stuff about BL3 which I was trying to find everything I could about it.

(Gaige) I'm just mad that they haven't shown me in any of the footage. Seriously I want to know what I look like in several years!

(Tina) Well, I look damn fine. Mmmh!

(Red) Is that kid salivating at the thought of her future self?

(Mr. Torgue) Best not to ask or think about it.

(Vader) Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm already regretting that mind probe.

(Kilo8) In other news, I am starting to update the earlier chapters. Nothing big, minor details here and there, and a few fixed grammar errors. It is not all complete but it is progressive. Also, I'm starting to swap out the line breaks as you might have noticed in this chapter so they are clear to see and so I don't HAVE TO KEEP REPLACING THEM DURING EDITS. . . . Sorry, anyways I am also opening up the door again for anyone interested in doing Beta reading/grammar checking new and previous chapters, my main guy for the last few chapters is still around but he's been busy, and my other help is in Europe and has a different schedule for his life so part of the delay for this chapter was due to impart to that. I just want to set up a list of fallbacks/more scrutiny for the checks. Note, Google Drive/Doc is where I do my Fanfic work from. Lastly, I've finally updated my Fanfiction profile, which also includes a challenge/story adoption area. I've got two ideas up so far, so if you're interested PM me on the website about using the story and any extra ideas/info about the story. Try to avoid using the phone Apps PM system, it never seems to notify me, and I check my regular account almost every day.

(Kilo8) Alright then, moving on! It's Q&A time. Firstly, Noobzilla had given several suggestions for DT like having him transform into a motorbike. While the whole DT transforming into a motorcycle thing is interesting, it's not really an idea I can use. Plus DT has several real ingame upgrades I have yet to implement. As for your last weapon idea, that might be a viable one for future chapters. I'm sure Mr. Torgue will enjoy it.

(Torgue) Wait what f*cking weapon?

(Kilo8) Continuing on. I have several questions from The Killer Mohawk. First, he asked, "So I was wondering how exactly is Kai going to act in his rage mode? Is he going to be like the usual loud noises or will it be a John Wick type?" . . . I think the contents of this chapter thoroughly cover that answer.

Next! "Will you make an OC for use in the Pre-sequel and will said OC appear in BL2?" I'm sorry to say no. I have no plans of writing about the Pre-sequel game period in any major capacity or making a new OC Vault hunter… Especially since my original idea for a Vault Hunter was turned in to Wilhelm!... Oh well, I got a cooler OC out of it and this story. Finally, "Have you ever played the Mass Effect trilogy, and if so would you make a story on it?" Yes/No, I have played the first one but I never got to the others. And I don't think I'll write a fic for it. This one is a handful already, especially with the otherrr-WHOOOPS! Almost spoiled the surprise there!

(Tina) What surprise? I loooove surprises! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!

Ah, ah, ah, we're not there yet, so you'll have to wait. The next question is from Befuddler, it's not really a question he had but I figured I might as well clarify. English is my first and really only language. Yes, I know. . . I suck at grammar, okay. I can memorize a history book but getting stuff on paper is… difficult. But I try, and I am thankful for any help I get from my Beta-readers. . . . Also to answer his other question I don't do sappy romance teen dramas. That kind of romance is for stories like Twilight, or High School Musical. Borderlands is no place for a "Sappy teen romance".

(Tina) DAMN STRAIGHT SUCKA!

(Red) Sappy is for sissies.

Moving on, the winner of the egg hunt is Randomperson2021, now while he did get three references, I maaaay have forgotten every single one I put in, and he was the only one who gave three and named their references. Sorry, the hunt was a late edition. But here are the answers and the ones I remembered. The first part references where it was in the story/who said or did it, and the second is what the reference is from.

Axton referring to "Howling Mad Murduck" Anti-freeze marinade - form A-Team - The movie

The whole diner scene from Mini Torgue adventure - Spaceballs.

DBZ Abridged - Maya saying "Oh Crap basket".

The ones I forgot was Krieg yelling about the evil go-karts throwing Turtle shells - Mario Kart. Call out to my draconic friend Vedahzii for reminding me of that one. The other one was the Bandit yelling about the spider on his head. - Red vs Blue, which Randomperson2021 reminds me about that. So anyways congrats Randomperson2021. Like the last chapter, there will be another egg hunt. There are eight Eggs in this chapter… Well, I'd say nine but I don't know if I'd count it out of principal. Hell, it didn't really occur to me that it could be a reference until I thought about it during a check over it a few weeks ago. The rules are the same for the game again with the addition of the person who finds the most eggs and/or answers them right wins, and as before just put your guesses in the review section.

Also, the votes from chapter eleven are still continuing, check previous chapters for the options. So with that a wrap for this chapter. Please leave lots of reviews and remember to follow and fav and feel free to ask any questions. So till next time, later Vault Hunters. Tina hit the button.

*SLAM*

(Kilo8) So when are you three getting out of here?

(Red) Well, Mr. Dark tall and asthmatic here is our ride, so ask him.

(Vader) I kriffing swear if this admiral is late again I'll-

(Tina) Force choke him! Shove him out of an airlock! Run him through with your lightsaber! OH, OH! Force choke him, run him through with your lightsaber, and then fling his ass through an open airlock!

. . .

(Vader) Seriously, what is wrong with this girl!?

(Gaige) Eh, you get used to it.

(Red) I like this kid. I wish my kids acted more like this.

(Kilo8) You'd want two psychotic bomb makers as kids?

(Red) . . . It would be an improvement.

(Torgue) Guys, the recording light is still on.

(Gaige) Damn that button, it keeps getting stuck.

(Vader) Allow me young one.

[A hiss of a lightsaber igniting could be heard]

(Kilo8) NO WAIT!

*VRRRR*

-CONNECTION TERMINATED-

(Edit log) 8/30/24 - Grammar.