Rebel Anarchy

by Kilo8

With no one left and no place to call home, the last surviving rebel fighter from a ruined world begins his journey to avenge his planet and comrades; to Pandora: where he plans to hunt down the leadership of Hyperion, the cause of his misfortune. However, he and the rest of Pandora will soon be thrown into a storm of anarchy when a certain redhead and her robot show up.

19. Chapter 19 A Fishy Tea Party

-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

Alright people, welcome back to another chapter of Rebel Anarchy. Sorry for the long wait but… You know, life.

(Gaige) Yeah, it sucks… At least the graphics are good.

Agreed. Anyways news and review are at the end of the chapter. Enjoy the show!

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

X-X-X

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

X-X-X

Stories text formats

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

X-X-X

Chapter 19

A Fishy Tea Party

*BOOM!*

"AH!" Gaige screamed in surprise as she bolted up in her bed only to get tangled in the sheets which in turn caused her to roll off the bed and on top of Kai who was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. Kai let out a pained OOF as Gaige landed on him.

Both teens laid there in pain for several seconds as they collected themselves. "Ugh, Gaige, what the fuck." Kai groaned.

Slightly dizzy, Gaige pushed herself up and muttered. "Are we under attack, I heard an explosion?"

"An explosion?" Kai emphasized. "So just the one boom, no vulgar yelling or gunfire after?" Kai asked in a groggy mutter.

"Yeah."

"Then it's nothing, probably Sal just playing Snick-It with a grenade again." Kai groaned in annoyance as Gaige let out a sigh of relief. It was then Gaige noticed a very warm feeling on the palm of her right hand she was using to push herself up. Wiping the sleep from her eyes she looked to see she was on top of a groggy Kai, with her human hand flat against his bare muscle-toned chest as she was straddling him. It was also that moment she noticed something hard poking against her inner thigh.

Gaige's face flared red as she quickly scrambled off of him, inadvertently getting a better look at her friend. She noted that he still had his pants on, which she both mentally thanked and cursed the Robot Policeman for. However, his bare chest was present for the world to see and she couldn't help but look it over. While not ripping with muscles like a bodybuilder, Kai's body was more than just fit, with six-pack abs, moderately toned pecs, and packed shoulders muscles from years of smithing and fieldwork. She also noted several scars from previous wounds including a slash on his right peck and a newer-looking scar from what she could guess was a bullet wound that never healed quite right on his left shoulder. Throw in his messy morning hair and the way he was stretching, only one word appeared in Gaige's hormone-driven teenage head. 'Hot' she thought as a little drop of drool slipped from the corner of her open mouth.

At that moment Kai finally started to wake up as he looked up to see a panicked and flustered-looking Gaige standing in front of him. But what his brain registered next caused all of his thoughts to freeze. Gaige must have removed her tee-shirt during the night because he knew she was wearing a large baggy red tee-shirt before they went to bed. This left her in only a plain black bra and red boyshorts panties with little cartoon skulls all over them. It took Kai several seconds for his brain to process what he's looking at, when he finally did his face turn beet red as he panicked. "Ga-Gaige!? Why are you only in your underwear!?" Kai said with panic in his voice.

Gaige blinked in confusion for a second before she looked down at her own attire and realized her current state of dressing. Before she could react however the door to the bedroom opened. "Hey Gaige, Kai are you guys up-" Maya started to say only to see the two teens' current situation and attire as they looked at her in stunned surprise. Maya blinked in confusion for a second before a sly grin appeared on her face. "Oh, my apologies, I see you're both in the middle of something. I'll just go and let you two take your time. Have fun~." She said with a mischief chuckle before slowly closing the door leaving the confused teens.

"Wh-wh-WHAT! MAYA, IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!" Gaige cried out as steam blew from her ears while Kai just facepalmed himself and fell back on his sleeping bag.

-15 minutes later-

Everyone but the teens were outside of Tina's house-sitting at a large round table that had been set up for them. Just then both Gaige and Kai walked out of the house, each of them wearing a blush on their faces. "Ah, good morning you two. Did you both have fun this morning, I figured you'd have taken a bit longer considering you were indulging in a little morning... Recreation." Maya said with a very emphasized tone.

This caused Axton to spit out the tea he was drinking in surprise, spraying it directly into the side of Zer0's face, making an angry emote appear on the assassin's face. "RECREATION!? Gaige what did rebel scum do-" Before Axton could finish Zer0 grabbed the back of the commando's head and slammed him against the table as retribution.

"IT WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT MAYA AND YOU KNOW IT!" Gaige screamed.

"It is unfair of you to assume things like that." Kai said, as his own blush deepened from her accusation.

Maya just chuckled. "Did I? All I saw was two teens showing off their… assets." She said with a smirk.

"DAMMIT MAYA!" The teens both yelled as she and Salvador laughed at their expense.

Tina came walking out pushing an old serving cart with several containers. "Ah, good, everyone is here. Ladies, gentlemen, idiot." she said aloud.

"HEY!" Axton yelled as everyone but Gaige and Kai laughed figuring they missed a joke or something.

"Breakfast is severed." She set a platter down on the table and pulled off the lid. "We got crumpets, scrambled varkid eggs, skag jerky, and fresh fire melon slices."

Kai raised an eyebrow as he eyed the fruit. "Where the hell did you get fire melons?" He asked as he picked up a slice.

"I picked them myself!" Tina said happily leaving Kai flabbergasted. After several seconds he turned to the drunken Vault Hunter.

"Morde... what the HELL MAN! Why would you let her pick fire melons!?" Kai yelled at the sniper.

"Kai, if the kid can disarm several live nukes in ten minutes flat, then I think she has the skills to properly and safely harvest a fire melon." The old sniper stated.

Kai stared at the man in shock for several seconds before a cold glare appeared on his face. "Are you telling me that not only did you let my dear little cousin harvest a highly combustible plant, but also let her get within arms reach of not just one but SEVERAL FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMBS!?" Kai yelled as he stood up and glared at Mordecai.

"Umm. To be fair it was Roland and Brick who let her get close to the nukes. I was sick at Zed's with a case of the Jarovian flu at the time so I had no part in that incident." Mordecai backpedal.

Kai was about to say something when Tina smacked him over the head with a spatula. "Kai, no fighting at the table. Second I am more than qualified to disarm both a thermonuclear weapon and a firemelon plant, and third, you're to call me sis, not cuz or cousin, big brother. Now sit down and eat this wonderful meal I have prepared before it gets cold." Tina said with a happy smile that silently spoke of unforeseeable pain if he persisted.

Kai finally let out a sigh as he sat back down and grabbed his food. "Just like mom and auntie Linn." He muttered with a small smile, before biting into a piece of fruit as everyone else sweatdropped at the interaction.

"So what is a fire melon?" Gaige asked as she picked up a piece of the rust-colored fruit.

"Oh, just a local plant that I harvest for food, cash, and explosive materials. They're tricky to harvest because the seed pods are suspended in a type of explosive jelly that is even more volatile than nitroglycerin mixed with rocket fuel." Tina said as she set out several more dishes. " It's a nice little double win for me. I get a delicious fruit and a great ingredient for my patented happy firebombs."

"Why are they happy?" Maya asked.

"Because they spread loving warmth to all in reach… Before incinerating them." Tina said as everyone sweatdropped at her honest but somewhat blunt answer.

"Just like auntie Linn." Kai said with a chuckle before taking another bite.

"Right, so you said something about a job yesterday?" Axton asked.

"Coooorrect my dear fool! I am going to be hosting a very special tea party today, and I need all of your help to prepare for it."

". . . A tea party?" Sal asked, raising an eyebrow. "You want us to help you with… a tea party? This is a joke right?"

"I assure you sir, this is no joke. There are several items and guests I'll need you to pick up, so you'll be splitting into three teams. Team A will be Zer0, Krieg, and Maya. Now my date is missing AND I AM NOT GOING STAG DON'T EVEN SUGGEST IT! His name is Sir Reginald Von Bartlesby, a local aristocrat and purveyor of fine arts. I believe his mother has forbidden him from speaking with me. You will convince her to release him into my custody." Tina said with a maniacal grin.

Kai stared at the girl for several seconds. "Date? . . . YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!?" Kai yelled.

"Mordecai just chuckled at the reaction. "Not that kind of date Kai." The sniper said causing the teen to relax a little as Tina continued.

"Team B will be Salvador and Axton, you both will be raiding the Buzzard Academy again."

"Wait, I thought we blew it up?" Axton said.

"They announced that they'll be open today in their daily ECHO newsletter, so it's fine." Tina waved off.

". . . Why do bandits have a newsletter!?" Axton and Sal both exclaimed.

"I will need you to collect several engine cowlings from the Buzzards that fly around there, as well as procure some of their crumpets. They make some of the best crumpets in the Tundra."

"Are you serious?" Axton asked.

"Of course." Tina replied before turning to Kai and Gaige. "And team C will be the love birds!"

"WE'RE NOT A THING!" The teens yelled together. They looked at one another before turning away in embarrassment as several people snickered.

"I need you two to find my dear BFF. Some bandits from the Boney Dicks gang took her to their heavily guarded fortress, and I want her back. This will be the most important and dangerous mission of the three tasks given, which is why I'm giving it to you big bro. I'll give you guys the last task after you've completed all of these and get back here. Okay? Okay." Tina chirped.

Everyone just stared at her as she looked around the table. "Well… What are you all waiting for? GET MOVING OR I'LL GET MR. BOOM BOOM OUT!" Tina yelled causing everyone to scramble for their gear as Mordecai just laughed.

X-X-X

An hour later the two teens were walking through the Tundra to what Tina had explained was a fortress that the Boney Dicks Gang held to the east. As they moved they just talked about random things until Gaige brought up a new subject. "So how does it feel to suddenly find one of your relatives?" Gaige asked.

"It's both relieving and nerve-racking. I mean sure, I'm happy to have her back, but you've seen how she acts. And after what Morde told us…" Kai went silent.

"You're worried about her." Gaige said as Kai just nodded.

"How can I not be. She literally went through the gauntlet of emotional turmoil. I mean you saw what she did yesterday, she blew up a psycho while singing! You only get to that point after seeing some truly traumatizing shit."

"Yeah, that was... intense... Where did Tina even learn to work with explosives like that?" Gaige asked.

"As I said yesterday, Auntie Linn was a demolition chief. What I didn't say was that she is a genius and a pyromaniac. She had several major noise complaints on her record, she would fire grenades into a neighbor's yard when they complained about some HOA violation, using dynamite for gardening, though she could build a car that runs of black powder. You know, things a normal person with ordnance training would do." Kai said nonchalantly.

"Huh, sounds like her parents would have gotten along with my parents." Gaige said, causing Kai to raise an eyebrow. "My dad blew up a factory with a gulf cart and jerry can of gasoline, remember."

"Oh right. Anyways auntie Linn must have given her a crash course in her craft at some point." Kai said. "Considering she was the best EOD tech in the sector then that means Tina is one of the most dangerous people on Pandora. . . Plus she's a teenager soooo."

"Aw fuck." Gaige muttered. "She's going to be trouble for you, isn't she?"

"Yeah… But she's family and is all but a Pandoran native at this point so all I can really do is keep her out of trouble and just give her a nudge in the right direction as needed. Plus chase any potential boyfriends away from her."

"Yup, you're her big brother all right." Gaige chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That comment you made before just oozes with the big protective sibling vibes."

"Hmph, says the only child." Kai shot back.

"Plus that protecting her from boys line is such a classic trope for a big brother." Gaige said with a laugh as Kai just grumbled. It was then that another thought occurred to the teen girl. "So wait, what does this mean for Moxxi's offer." Gaige asked.

"Riiight, the position of godfather." Kai said with a hint of concern. Several days before Moxxi had asked Kai if he would be the child's godfather, seeing as he was the closest to Reiss. Gaige remembers him telling her he would think about it. "I thought it wouldn't be a big deal… But now that I have Tina to worry about I'm really starting to understand the gravity of responsibility that is being asked of me." Kai said tiredly.

"So considering that you have Tina now, are you still even considering Moxxi's offer?"

"Actually I already accepted." Kai said as Gaige looked at him in surprise. He noticed her look and sighed. "I accepted two days ago. Before I knew about Tina obviously."

"And now?"

Kai stopped in his tracks as Gaige stopped and looked at him. "Honestly." Kai let out a nervous chuckle. "It kind of scares me. I mean, I'm not even out of my teens yet and I'm now having to take care of a young girl who just entered her teenage years, and also if things turn out for the worse in the future take care of another child." Kai looked down at his feet with a look of nervousness on his face. "It's just a bit overwhelming."

Gaige walked in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, come on, give yourself some more credit, you are more than capable of taking care of a young teenager. Besides, you got me to help you out, and I'm sure the others will be willing to pitch in." She said with a smile. "Just remember, you're not alone anymore Kai, it's okay to ask for help."

Kai looked at the redhead and gave her a small smile. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks Gaige."

"Besides, I want to be close by to record you trying to control a crazy thirteen-year-old with explosives training." She said with a grin as Kai let out a sigh.

"And you ruined it, you fucking ruined the moment." Kai said as they continued on while Gaige just laughed.

Several minutes later, the pair approach a small hill when their ECHO crackles to life. "Alright bro, you'll find the fortress over this hill, so get ready to blow up some baddies!" Tina said as both teens moved closer to the hill and got down. They slowly crawled forward to the crest where Kai pulled out a rifle scope he converted into a spyglass and peeked over to look.

"What the hell?" Kai asked quietly.

"What, is it bad, do they have turrets, guard towers, barbed wire fences, laser skags?" Gaige asked.

"No, it's just two idiots standing there and talking next to a crap house." Kai said as Gaige peaked over to see a dingy little house with two bandits out front.

"What are they doing?"

"What?"

"I said, What are they doing?"

"As I said they're just standing there and talking?" Kai replied as he looked back through the scope.

". . . What are they talking about?"

Kai let out a groan. "Okay, now you're just screwing with me." Kai said as he turned and glared at the redhead who had a small shit eater grin on her face. "Whatever, stay here and cover, I'm going to sneak up and kill them then clear the house."

"You do realize I'm the worst shot out of everyone, right?" Gaige said as Kai moved away. Gaige soon let out a sigh, I told him I was sorry for that ricochet last week." She muttered.

Gaige lay there for the next several minutes bored out of her mind as she waited for Kai to take the house. her ECHO crackled as a soothing voice came on. "Gaige, are you there?"

"Angel? Hey! It's been a while."

"Sorry about that, I've been busy. Anyways, I heard something about a baby? Is a certain red-headed anarchist expecting a little rebellious anarchist~?" The AI said in a coy tone.

"Angel, have you been eavesdropping on my conversations again?" Gaige asked accusingly as she had found out Angel had been listening in on some of her conversations with Kai and had been sharing the recordings with Maya who then would tease her to no end.

"What can I say, your life is my favorite soap opera. Now spill, I want all the details, possible names, due date, what Kai's like in the sack~."

"Ugggh, get your mind out of the gutter, plus I'm not having a baby Angel. Moxxi is the one who's pregnant."

"Oh, I know, I'm just teasing, but I'm interested in what you and your man meat were talking about."

"Do you have to refer to him like that?"

"Would you prefer I called him your beefcake?" Angel said. Gaige thought back to what she witnessed that morning as a steaming blush quickly enveloped her face.

"Moving on!" Gaige said a little too quickly, earning a laugh from Angel. "If you must know, Moxxi has asked Kai to be the baby's godfather, and we're talking about how he feels for taking on such a responsibility."

"Oh that so exciting!" Angel cheered. "Has Moxxi picked any names yet?"

"Still too early for that."

"Then what were you two talking about before? Anything exciting?"

"Him finding his long-lost cousin who he thought was dead for the last nine years." Gaige said bluntly.

Angel was quiet for several seconds. "Okay, forget the baby, explain now."

Gaige quickly gave her the summed-up version of what happened the day before. "That a lot to take in."

"Oh yeah. Plus her being a crazy bomb maker doesn't help his nerves."

"I can imagine… At least it gives you two practices for parenthood." Angel happily chirped as Gaige buried her face in her hands to hide her embarrassment as Angel laughed at her reaction. "I just love watching your love life."

Gaige was muttering insults at the AI when a devious thought came to Gaige's mind. "You know Angel if you're that interested in romance, I could set you up with a few AI's I know."

". . . What?"

"Maybe Krieg's shotgun, or possibly Claptrap?"

"You wouldn't dare." The AI said with an edge of fear.

"What, I'm just helping a girlfriend out." Gaige said as she was desperately trying to contain a laugh.

Angel let out an annoyed sigh. "Fine, I'll lay off your love life… Just please don't let Claptrap know about me."

Aww, but you two would make such a cute couple." Gaige said, figuring she'd twist the knife just a little more to get the point across.

"Gaige, I swear-" But before she could finish the sound of gunshots erupted from the building, followed by a scream and someone yelling you bastard, before a final crack from Kai's Clementine was heard.

"All clear!" Came Kai's voice over the ECHO.

"Well, I gotta go. Talk to you later?" Gaige said as she got up.

"Unfortunately, I have to go as well, cameras to monitor and all that." Angel said depressingly which Gaige could hear.

"I do not envy you." Gaige said as she made her way to the house.

Gaige walked to what she could only call a patio and saw the two bandits from earlier with stab wounds in their backs. She looked over to the and saw two more bandits who had been shot dead or as in one case, shoved into a toilet that was used as a chair.

"Having fun?" Gaige asked.

"Eh, not really, got about fifty Badass points for a stealth double kill." Kai said from in the house.

"Wait, that put you in the lead… Dammit." Gaige muttered as Kai chukled. "So did you find Tina's friend?" Gaige asked as Kai walked out of the house.

No, there's nobody here. Was she mistaken about the location?" Kai muttered.

Gaige glanced around until she noticed something out of place. "Umm, I think I found Tina's friend." She said as she pointed to something. Kai looked at what she was pointing at. Sitting at one of the chairs was an old white rabbit stuffed animal doll.

"Fluffybutt." Kai muttered.

"Say what?" Gaige asked with confusion.

"That's what she calls it. It's a doll her mom made for her third birthday. Tina almost never went anywhere without it." Kai said as he walked over and picked it up.

"She had us kill several men… For a doll?" Gaige asked.

"You've never lost someone you were close to, have you?" Kai asked as he brushed some dirt off of the doll.

"Um, no."

Kai let out a hmph as he turned back to the doll. "Memories are a powerful thing, but sometimes one needs a medium to help remind them of those memories, to hold onto them so they are not forgotten. For Tina, this doll probably represented the last item connecting her to her old life before things went to shit. A small reminder of a peaceful time before she had to fight day in and out for her survival. A reminder of her parents, and those who loved her."

Gaige thought about it for a few seconds. "So, it's kind of like the gun my dad gave me?"

"Sort of, but the sentimental value of such possessions goes up once… Once the person that is connected to the item is no longer a part of the living." Kai paused for several seconds until he pulled out the tin he kept on him and looked it over.

Gaige eyed the tin which she has seen several times now. "I know you keep your photos in that thing, but there's a story behind the tin itself, isn't there?" Gaige asked.

"It's nothing overly special, it used to belong to my dad, it's a compact tool kit which he used to fix things around the house when I was younger." Kai chuckled, I still have a few tools in here which I use for field maintenance on my gear. Any time I do use them, I would always remember some ridiculous time where he would try and teach me how to fix something, or when he would mess with something around the house only to end up breaking it more and getting mom mad." Kai said with a fond smile. "The point is, memories are something to be treasured because before you know it, you won't be able to make any more with that someone you care about, and then all you'll have left are the old ones." He softly spoke before putting the tin away.

"Woah... that got pretty deep." Gaige said.

"Eh, not really, you want deep conversation try asking someone do ever wonder why we're here." Kai said as he pulled his ECHO out. Gaige looked to be about to answer when Kai held up a hand. "I didn't mean right now Gaige." He interrupted before activating his ECHO. "Hey Tina, need a confirmation on the package's looks, she's about arm's length, fluffy white ears, pink belly?"

"OH! OH! You got Princess Fluffybutt? Oh man. This party is gonna be off the chizzo, for rizzo." Tina said over the ECHO. "Now get my BF back to me crib homies, we got to do final preparations! . . . HEY MORDE! WHERE THE FUEL FOR MISTER SPARKS? . . . THAT FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT MORDE!" Tina yelled before the ECHO ended.

The two teens just stood there as the only sounds that could be heard was the wind and distant sounds of gunfire common to Pandora. "Kai?"

"Yeah Gaige?"

"What is your little cousin planning?"

"... I have no fucking idea." Kai said as he gazed on a distant stone spire and the distant Buzzard School. After another minute Kai let out a sigh and turned around to leave. "Well better get back to Tina." He said as he started walking while Gaige fell into step next to him.

"So how do you think the others are doing?" Gaige asked, causing Kai to take on a thoughtful look.

With team A, Zer0 was running for his life. In his arms was a glass jar holding a blue baby Varkid with a fancy top hat mustache and monocle on the jar. "Zer0 down!" Maya yelled, making the assassin dived to the ground before a rocket flew over him. There was an explosion followed by a screech of anger. Zer0 looked back to see a rhino-sized Varkid shaking off the rocket hit before letting out an ear-piercing screech.

"What's it gonna take to kill this thing!?" Maya yelled as Zer0 ran over to her and Krieg.

"I'll tell you what, A BUSHEL OF FLAMING POOP PEPPERS!"

Krieg yells as he holds up a large bundle of dynamite with a lite fuse.

"KRIEG NO!" Maya yells as the psycho charges forward.

A little bit away in the Buzzard school. Sal was running away with several engine parts in his hands as another Buzzard flew by in a strafing run. "DAMNIT AXTON, KILL THIS THING!" Sal screamed.

Axton who was ducked behind a nearby crate with his turret on top was laser sighting the Buzzard with his shoulder range finder. "Hold babe... Hold it… LET THEM RIP!" He yelled as a dozen rockets fired from the turret's new rocket pods. Several rockets slammed into the Buzzard killing the pilot and causing it to spin out as Sal reached Axton.

"Nice shot!" Sal cheered as Axton beamed with pride. However, a few seconds later that pride was replaced by fear. "Umm, why is it coming this way!?" Sal asked as they watched the burning Buzzard drift towards them.

"DUCK!" Axton yells as both men dive to the ground just before the Buzzard races over them. They looked up thinking it's over only to see it flying towards a large tank with the words Buzzard fuel written on it.

Axton just sighed. "Oh son of a-"

Back with the two teens to neithers one's awareness two mushroom clouds suddenly erupted from the rock spire and school behind them. "Eh, I'm sure they're fine." Kai said as they continued on.

X-X-X

They returned to Tina's where they met with the other Vault Hunters, who were burnt, chard, and dirty. "Damn what happened to you guys?" Gaige asked.

"We don't want to talk about it." They all replied.

At that moment Tina came out of her garage looking slightly miffed. "Gah! Here I am about to throw a tea party and the guest of honor is MISSING!" She yelled as she walked past the Vault Hunters. "I mean the sheer audacity to ignore such a wonderful invitation. I mean how the hell do you refuse a cordial invitation when said invitation is sent to you by a golden rocket!"

"Ugh maybe because it exploded upon delivery." Mordecai stated flatly.

"That's besides the point." Tina waved off as she turned to the Vault Hunters. "Do me a flava and lure our guest to the party or I'll eat your babies."

"Tina!" Kai yelled, causing the young girl to visibly flinch. "I may be giving you a lot of freedom, but as your big brother I will not condone any acts of cannibalism!" Kai said sternly. "Besides we already have one cannibal on the team."

"HEY! I keep telling you pendejos, it was a fucking accident!" Salvador muttered.

"Oh come on bro, I wasn't serious." Tina said.

"Serious or not, I don't want to hear it ever again, or else I'll revoke your garage time." Kai stated.

Tina just palmed her face and groaned. "Alright, alright. I won't say it again. Okay."

"Good, now who is this guest you want us to bring?"

"His name's Flesh-Stick, and I have sooo kindly been trying to invite him for years now but he keeps refusing all my invites."

"Wait, that's a bandit name. Why are you inviting a bandit to a tea party Tina?" Maya asked questioningly.

"Reasons my dear blueberry flavored piece of eye candy, because reasons. Now off with you! I have to go prepare." Tina said as she walked to her house.

"This whole thing is just one big run around for a crazy little girl isn't it." Axton muttered.

"Oi! That my little cousin-."

"SISTER!" Tina yelled from somewhere.

"Right, my little sister you're talking about. And I'll be damn if I disappoint her right after getting her back! Besides I want to know why she is interested in this particular bandit." Kai said as he marched off to the cave entrance.

Axton just let out a groan. "This is gonna suck, I just know it."

"Probably." Maya added with a nod from Zer0 and Salvador.

"Oh come on guys. It's one bandit, how hard can it be?" Gaige asked.

-An hour later-

"Gaige why the ever-flying fuck would you ask that!?" Maya screamed. As the gang ran for their lives. On their heels was a Psycho with a triple mohawk that was blue at the center and gray for the outer two, while his psycho mask had a set of dark tint goggles glued on. Behind the crazy psycho, we're about three dozen of his friends all yelling and screaming for blood and meat bicycles.

"I'M SORRY!" Gaige screamed as they ran into Tina's cave.

Just as flesh-Stick entered behind them an arc of electricity fried from the ceiling, shocking the bandit. "You're cordially invited, BITCH!" Tina yelled from near an electrical breaker box.

As this happened the other bandit ran up and saw this. "The little boom bitch caught the boss! SKIN HER!" A bandit yelled.

"You know, you guys should watch where you stand, you never know what might be lurking just below." Tina said as she pulled out a remote with a comically large red button that she pressed. Before the bandits could react several large explosions went off under their feet. When the dust cleared only about three bandits were still alive, one was screaming bloody murder as his legs and arms were blown off as the other two were trying to run.

"Un-ah bitches you ain't running." Tina pulled out her Jakob pistol and fired. She put two shots into the first one, killing him. But the other one had a shield which ate the bullet. "YEAH YOU BETTER RUN BITCH, OR I'M GONNA STRAP YOU TO A ROCKET STRAIGHT TO THE ERIDIUM BLIGHT!"

"OH GOD, MY LEGS! MY LEGS!" The wounded bandit yelled in agony. As the Vault Hunters watched in shock at the scene in front of them.

"Sorry, but all seats at the party are filled, maybe next time sir." Tina said before pointing the gun at the man and put three shots in his chest.

"Holy shit, your cousin is scary amigo. Remind me to never piss her off." Salvador said, only getting a nod from Kai as they watched Tina hit the remote again causing Flesh-Stick to be sucked up through a metal vent where he was slammed around like a ragdoll if the yells of pain and face-shaped indentations in the metal were anything to go by.

"Good job, friendos. While Flesh-Stick's gettin' sucked through the tunnels, let's talk!" Tina said as she skipped back into the cave.

"Kai just what is your cousin?" Gaige asked.

"... The personification of my mom and aunt… cranked up to eleven million." Kai said nervously as they followed Tina into the cave to a table with five seats around it and one vacant spot with no chair. Fluffybutt and Sir Reginald were already seated at the table.

"Time for the party!" Tina yelled. "Maya, Gaige, two ladies are also invited, so take a seat."

"Huh, never been to a tea party before." Maya said as she took a seat.

"Kai, you're gonna be the waiter." Tina said.

"Wait, why am I the waiter."

Because you'll be in charge of punishments in case any attendees get a little rowdy."

He was silent for several seconds until a smile appeared on his face. "Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this." Kai said as he cracked his knuckles

"Hey, mister attitude." Tina said to Salvador who cocked an eyebrow at the name. "Hit Mister Sparks over there to bring in Mister Flesh-Stick." Without question, Sal raced over and punched the generator by Tina's garage causing it to putter to life. This also caused a vent to lower from the ceiling over the empty spot. Several seconds passed before an unconscious Flesh-Stick who was chained to a metal chair was unceremoniously dropped in front of the final spot at the table.

"Excellent, now that all of the guests are here we can begin the party." Tina said as she took her seat.

"Wait, what are the rest of us supposed to do, stand here looking pretty?" Axton said as the others nodded in agreement. Before anyone else could say anything the sounds of gunshots, screaming, and crude uneducated explicities started creeping into the cave.

"Ugh, what the fuck is that?" Salvador asked.

"Oh, I forgot to mention, I invited Flesh-Stick's friends to. Be a dear and make sure they don't get too rowdy and break the generator! Oh, and be sure to show them the proper Pandoran decorum as you… entertain them." Tina said with a sadistic smile that expressed the true intentions of her words.

Salvador let out a hearty laugh as he whipped out a pair of Jakob pistols. "I knew I liked you kid. DIBS ON EVERYTHING!" He yelled before charging for the cave entrance.

"POOP SACK! THAT'S MY SQUIGGLY INTESTINE!" Krieg yelled as he, Zer0, and Axton chased after him.

As the sounds of battle quickly erupted from the entrance Tina turned to Kai. "Garçon, when you're ready to start the party, please smack Mister Flesh-Stick in his bitch face."

"Of course, madam." Kai said with a grin as he activated his right holo blade. He walked over to the man and grabbed the bandit's hair before lifting his head and backhanded the flat side of his blade into Flesh-Stick's head, waking the man up.

"AAAAGH, WHAT THE FUCK!" Flesh-Stick yelled.

"Ah, sir Flesh-Stick, how good it is to see you again." Tina said as she began to pour tea and handing it to her guests. "I hope you enjoy Earl Grey with a hint of fire melon juice." Tina said as she passed one to Gaige.

"Bitch, why am I herRRRREEEEE!" The Psycho screamed as he was suddenly electrocuted. Kai, Gaige, and Maya looked to Tina to see her holding the same remote from before she released a button, ceasing the shock to stop.

"Now, now. There is no need for such coarse language here sir." Tina said as she set the remote down. "So Miss Maya, I hear you're a Siren, what's that like?" Tina continued, completely unperturbed that she just electrocuted a man.

"Ummm, it's interesting." Maya said nervously. "I mean, I can trap things in a field of energy either stopping them or damaging them."

"That is interesting, and that hair of yours is just fabulous. You must tell me later where you get it done." Tina said before looking to Gaige. "Miss Mechro, I see you've acquired the most interesting arm. Pray tell where did you obtain such a marvelous piece of hardware."

"Ugh. I built it myself… after I had purposely removed my own arm by myself."

"HA HA HA! You must have been a real idiot to have cut off your own arm. What was wrong, couldn't reach that itch so you got yourself the reach. AH HA HA- *SMACK* OW!" Flesh-Stick screamed before turning to see Kai disengage his holo-blade. What the fuck you damn wor- EEECKAHHHH!" He screamed in agony as several hundred volts of electricity shot through him again.

"Now, now Flesh-Stick, show some decorum." Tina said before releasing the button letting Flesh-Stick breathe.

"Scr… Screw you kid. I bet your mommy and daddy screamed as they died!" Without remorse Tina pressed the button again, shocking the man for several more seconds before stopping.

"On the topic that Mr. Flesh-Stick brought up, how did your parents react to such a life-changing modification?" Tina asked, gesturing to Gaige to continue.

It took Gaige a second but she quickly recomposed herself. "Um, well my dad was in a complete panic after he saw what I did. He was all Uhh! Ohh! Uhh! Haha, he tried to rush me to the hospital."

"What about your mother?" Maya inquired.

"She was the surprising one. Calm as can be. She just sat at the kitchen table reading her news ECHO, sipping coffee during the whole thing. Said she was more surprised it hadn't happened sooner." Gaige said with a chulkle.

Maya quirked an eyebrow. "Wait, your mother actually expected you to do that?" Gaige just shrugged as she went to take a sip of her own tea only to find she already finished it.

"Well, that's just fascinating." Tina said as she poured Gaige another cup of tea. And that was how the party went for the next fifteen minutes, small talk, Tina having one-sided conversations with Fluffybutt and Sir Reginald, and constant interruptions from Flesh-Stick which were either answered with a punch from Kai or an electrical shock which Flesh-Stick was currently suffering through at the moment.

"Must I keep reminding you Misur Flesh-Stick not to interrupt the guests." Tina said as she let go of the button for the eighth time.

"Go… go drown in a pool of slag." Flesh-Stick heaved out before Kai happily punched him for the sixth time.

"You know, that reminds me, I read the most EXTRAORDINARY thing the other day, Sir Reginald. Something about slag experimentation." Tina paused for a second. "I forget the details." Gaige and Maya shared a concerned look as Kai raised an eyebrow at the statement. But before anyone could ask they were interrupted by Flesh-Stick again.

"Girly, you better let me outta here or I'll skin you ALIVE!" Flesh-Stick yelled before he was violently shocked again.

"Flesh-Stick! How DARE you interrupt Sir Reginald again?!" Tina said before a yell caught everyone's attention. A pair of Psychos ran into the cave and rushed at the generator. Kai whipped out a Maliwan slag pistol and fired at the first one, putting two rounds into his chest and blew a hole into the man's neck. He aimed at the second and shot one round before the gun clicked empty.

"Stupid piece of shit!" Kai muttered as the Psycho started whacking the generator with his ax.

"Oh garçon, Mister Sparks is takin' a lot of damage and it is RUINING MY DINING EXPERIENCE." Tina yelled.

"I got it, I got it." Kai said as he reloaded and dumped the pistol's entire mag into the Psycho, dropping him dead. "There, sorry about that. Good sidearms are just so hard to come by." Kai said with an annoyed grunt.

"Hmm, quite agreeable, good sir." Tina said.

Another Psycho charged into the cave but before Kai could reload Tina pulled out her own revolver and shot at the Psycho, hitting him in the heart. "Garçon, I believe our friends outside are in need of some assistance. Would you please go see if you can help them out."

Kai whipped the Clementine from his shoulder and cocked the charger bolt. "Gladly my lady." He said before running towards the cave entrance firing at two more Psycho's as he ran out.

"Well, while he's out for a minute, Gaige, let's talk about your… relationship with my big brother." Tina said with a grin as she watched the older teen choke on her tea and spat it straight into Flesh-Stick face while Maya just laughed.

*COUGH* "Tina! *Cough* What the fuck!?" Gaige sputtered.

"Oh, darling, relax. You have nothing to be ashamed of. After all, my big brother is a piece of grade A man meat that I'm more than willing to bet can satisfy any teenage fantasies that may be floating around that pretty head of yours." Tina said as Maya started laughing even harder at her insinuations.

"Tina, it's nothing like that. Also, how do you even know of such topics?" Gaige inquired both with accusation and some concern, which also made Maya curious.

"Survival on Pandora requires at least a rudimentary understanding of several topics, including the Rakks and the Varkids." Tina said with a grin.

"And why would you need to know about that?" Maya asked.

"So I can identify one type of dirtbag from another dirtbag so that I know whether to shot them in the head, or shoot them in the wingding then the head." Tina replied casually making the Vault Hunters stare in horrid shock at the implications. "Anyways darling, where are you two love birds at with your relationship?"

"Uhhh." Gaige said unsure how to reply.

"She passed the denial stage and has accepted that she has a massive crush on your brother, but she still hasn't told him her feelings because she is a nervous wreck about taking the big plunge." Maya said after regaining her wit.

"Maya!" Gaige cried in embarrassment as she tried to hide her blush with her hands.

-Several minutes earlier-

Kai ran out of the cave and found the other Vault Hunters facing off with over four dozen bandits. Immediately he swapped from his Clementine and pulled out a Vladof Rocket launcher and fired several rockets into a group of Brewsers and Marauders, blowing them to bits. He ran over near Sal who was in the middle of loading his assault rifles. "SAL DUCK!" Kai yelled.

Sal immediately ducked down as Kai fired a rocket over his head which slammed into a pair of Psychos charging him, turning them into meat chunks. Sal looked to the meat chunks then back to Kai with a grin. "Thanks amigo, and sorry about letting those pendejos through. Got past when I had to reload."

"Eh, shit happens." Kai shrugged as he fired two more rounds before reloading.

"So, I've been meaning to ask, what do you think of Gaige?" Sal asked.

"What do you mean?" Kai said as he blasted a psycho face off.

"Do you like?" Sal asked as he reload his guns.

"Well shes my best friend, so I'd think that means I like her."

"That not what I meant, I mean do you like like her?" Salvador said with a grin as he gunned a bandit's head off with a burst of lead.

Kai staggered for a second causing him to miss with a rocket shot. "Wh-what the fuck did you say?"

"Constant the struggle is / seeking one's heart is felt / a search for one." Zer0 stated as he shot several bandits with a Dahl pistol before fading away into nothingness.

"WHAT! NO!" Kai yelled. "There is nothing of the sort."

"Oh come on kid, you care too much about her to not be at least a little interested." Sal said while throwing a buzzaxe he picked up at a nearby bruiser, planting the head of the blade right into the man's chest.

"Dude, we're just friends man." Kai said as he swapped the empty rocket with his Fast Talker.

"Damn straight, you're just friends." Axton said angrily as he yanked his tomahawk from the head of a Psycho before turning and firing his Hyperion E-Tech pistol at another bandit putting two glowing red spikes into the guys chest. Immediately the bandit caught fire and screamed in panic for several seconds until the spikes exploded the bandit's chest open.

"Come off it Ax, Gaige is a big girl, she can make her own decisions." Sal said with an eye roll.

"May I remind you we're talking about a girl who thought chopping off her own arm was a good idea." Axton retorted.

"Semantics!" Salvador yelled as he punched a Psycho so hard it snapped his neck with a sickening crunch.

Maya just sighed as she set a half-eaten crumpet down. "Just because he's had a rough up bring doesn't mean he will reject you Gaige." Maya said before taking a sip of her tea.

"Oh right, like a guy who's hell-bent on avenging his friends, family and planet will be interested in a relationship." Gaige said with a sigh.

"Darling, he's not that hellbent. You make it sound like he's a brooding little emo edge lord who's willing to do everything to kill someone like his brother for some big crime that he actually didn't do for no good reason." Tina said.

"Oddly specific." Maya said with a raised eyebrow. "But she has a point."

"But he is damaged enough to think that if he tried to pursue a relationship with me that I might see it as him trying to take advantage of me while I'm mentally vulnerable or something." Gaige said before taking a sip of her tea.

"That is very ridiculous / Why would you think that / gullible she is not." Zer0 said as he sliced several psychos in a row before slowly seething his sword in a badass manner, upon which the frozen bandits began spouting profuse amounts of blood for several seconds before they all fell over.

"I'm not saying she is that gullible in such a way, but she is smart enough to think such a thing at least once." Kai said as he mounted the bayonet on his Clementine before spinning around and firing a shot at a Bandit with a Tediore rocket launcher. The bandit dropped the rocket launcher causing it to fly off wildly before it smashed into a poor Psycho, exploding the man into a mist of blood and fire. "Especially after all of the emotional shit, she's gone through in the last month." He yelled as several Psycho charged at him. "I mean, think about what has happened to her, she replaced an arm!" He yelled as he sliced the neck of the first Psycho. "DT killing her classmate!" Kai continued as he stabbed the next one in the right eye socket. "She had to run away from her home planet!" He iterated as he pulled his Maliwan pistol and fired a slag-covered bullet into the third Psycho mouth. "And having her first kill!" Kai yelled as he removed his rifle from the second Psycho head before shoving it forward again into a fourth waiting Psycho heart.

"Her life has just been one shit storm after another." Kai said as he twisted the bayonet in the Psycho, causing the man to fall back dead.

"He has a point, she would see it in such a way after all of that shit." Axton yelled back as he pares a Psycho buzz ax with his tomahawk.

"I highly doubt it, he's smarter than that. Besides, you said bro cares about you." Tina said as she started finger flicking sugar cubes at Flesh-stick.

"As Moxxi explained it and I quote, he traveled nearly one hundred kilometers in an untested death machine, raced said death machine up the side of a fortress covered in cannons, blew a hole into the roof, and fell onto a giant robot leg that was hell-bent on offing Gaige. Then proceeded to bandage her up, gave her a lovely heart-to-heart speech, and then rip apart said Leg that was kicking her cute little ass in the most badass way possible." Maya said with a smug smirk as she watched Gaige sulk while muttering angrily at how everyone keeps referring to her butt as a cute little ass.

"Barring her ass!" Kai yelled, receiving several laughs from the Vault Hunters and even a few nearby bandits, "I just don't want to risk ruining what we already have, okay!" He said as he jammed his bayonet into the back of a Marauder he had knocked down. "I am happy with the way things are."

"Okay, okay, fine." Sal said as he started throwing a set of Tediore pistols like an exploding ninja star at a Bruiser's groin. "But let me ask you this, while you may be happy right now, are you content with it?" Kai pulled his bayonet from the Marauders back and thought for a second.

After a moment he let out a sigh. "No-"

"- I'm not content. I'm just… Scared." Gaige said with a depressed sigh. "He's the only one who has ever… clicked with me." As she rested her chin on both of her hands.

"Then just take the plunge." The three women all looked to Flesh-stick with odd looks. "Look, I may not look like it, but I know what it's like to try and live it safe in the friend zone with someone you truly love. It may have many fun moments but the longer you put off trying to take the next step, the more it weighs on your heart and becomes harder to ask. And once that person is gone… Well take it from me, the regret will eat at you daily. Not a day goes by where I don't think of what could have been if I had just asked my sweet Annabelle if she was interested. Maybe she would have said yes and we could have had a family, a life. Maybe she wouldn't have gone off to Starwood and became a highly successful and beloved ECHO star with a mansion, and a husband half her age!" He yelled angrily at the last part.

The three just looked at the man for several seconds. "Wait are you saying you were friends with the actress Annabelle Twilight. The most awarded actress in the last century, Popular Tabloids winner for sexiest women eight years running, and the one who has starred in everything from family classics to quintuple X rated adult films?" Gaige asked.

"MY POINT IS!" Fleshstick said with a hint of annoyance. "Don't let your chance for happiness miss you. You need to at least try. If he doesn't return the feelings, then so be it, he's not worth your time. But you'll regret it if you never try, kid."

"That was oddly insightful from you." Gaige said.

"Honestly, that was more insightful than I expected from you!" Kai stated as he chucked a grenade into the last group of bandits.

"I gotta agree with Kai on that." Mordecai said.

"Hey, I have my moments!" Salvador said as he dropped a pair of spent Bandit SMGs with melted barrels.

"Eyeballs to stage left toe belchers! The footballs and blood banks are here for a non-refundable deposit of eight-hole putt putt!" Krieg yelled, getting everyone's attention. Sure enough more than a dozen Goliath's and at least forty psycho midget's were charging from around the left side.

"You heard the Psycho! We're not finished yet!" Axton yelled as he reloaded his assault rifle.

Back in the cave. "You've given me a lot to think about Mister Fleshstick, thank you." Gaige said with a genuine smile.

"Your welcome, now if you would be so kind… LET ME GO! Or else I'll skin you like a week-old skag in summer and then marinate you in Rakk piss you armless freak!" He yelled before Tina once again hit the button causing the man to be electrocuted again.

"Well, that deteriorated quickly." Maya snarked.

"Indeed." Gaige said.

"Well, that's HARDLY appropriate tea party conversation for a welcomed guest." Tina said as she released the button.

I'm- Ugh! I'm glad you had to watch! Seein' your family go like that made you STRONG! Like ME! FLESH-STICK!"

"Mister Sparks?" Tina said nonchalantly before pressing the button again.

As Flesh-stick withered in agony Tina leaned closer to the rabbit doll as if to listen. "Oh, I most certainly agree, Princess. It is a bit cold for this time of year. What do you think, Mister Flesh-Stick?"

"AAAAAAAAAGH! LET ME LOOSE, YOU CRAZY IDIOT!"

"Mm. Quite." Tina nodded.

Gaige and Maya just looked at each other. "Let's agree to make sure that we never get on Tina's bad side." Maya said.

"Agreed." Gaige nodded as Tina finally let go of the button, ending Flesh-Sticks agony for the moment.

"Now then, who's ready for dessert, I have cake." Tina said with an innocent smile.

After another twenty minutes, the rest of the Vault Hunters came back into the cave looking a little worn out, but still in one piece. "Well, we entertained all of Flesh-Stick's friends." Salvador said as he laid his gun against a crate and took a seat on it.

"Considering that none are disagreeing... or are ever gonna be able to complain ever again I would have to agree. How about you big guy?" Axton asked Krieg.

"BLOOD SMOOTHY!" He cheered.

"How about you ladies?" Kai asked. "Have fun?"

"It was... interesting." Gaige said with a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

"Oh, it was very interesting." Maya said, as she elbowed Gaige lightly, causing the girl's blush to increase.

Tina looked at the time on her ECHO next to her and let out a content sigh. "Ah, the hour grows late. I'm afraid Mister Flesh-Stick must bid us adieu."

As a thought of realization hit him he angrily spat out. "I remember you, kid! You should be DEAD! YOU SHOULD BE A PUDDLE OF SLAG"

"Wait, what's going on?" Kai asked as he looked between Flesh-Stick and Tina. It was then that all the pieces seemed to fall into place in Gaige's mind.

"I think… I think he's the one who sold out your Aunt and Uncle to Hyperion." Gaige said, causing Kai to go wide-eyed.

"What an interesting point, Monsieur Flesh-Stick! Mister Sparks, what do you think?" Tina said as she walked over to the generator and started fiddling with it.

Flesh-Stick suddenly realized what Tina was doing. "No! I'm sorry I sold out your family! I'm SORRY!" Flesh-Stick yelled just as Tina pulled the lever causing a cloud of sparks and smoke to explode from one of the panels.

"Mister sparks! NOOO!" Tina cried as she quickly opened the generator and began rummaging through its innards.

"AH HA HA HA! You suck as bad as your parents' kid! HA HA HA-" *WHACK!* All Flesh-Stick could suddenly feel was searing pain on his jaw as stars floated in his vision. "Whar, uh, mo muth! Yo brok ma moth." Flesh-Stick mumbled as he looked to find a pissed-off rebel staring daggers into him.

"Believe me, that will be the least of your problems. After all… You killed my little sister's parents." Kai said with a look of sheer disgust as he pulled out his ECHO. "Morde, get your ass down here, we're performing a Pandoran execution… with a Polarion twist."

An hour later nearly everyone but Krieg and Flesh-Stick was on top of the mountain lookout. "Sooo, how does this work?" Tina asked.

"Just watch." Kai pulled out Hati's photon sphere and threw it in the air letting the wolf out. Kai then looked to Mordecai and gave him a nod.

"Bring out the condemned!" The sniper yelled. From the access hatch, they could all hear something bonking against each rung of the ladder as Krieg came out dragging Flesh-Stick behind him on a chain.

"Gaige we need DT." Mordecai said. Gaige summoned DT who Kai commanded to pick up Flesh-Stick and tie the dirtbag to the highest antenna.

Once completed Salvador walked in front of the antenna and turned to everyone. "Today we stand to pay witness to the execution on one sir Flesh-Stick of the Tundra for crimes against the innocent and for being a stink'en bandit escoria. As such, the pendjo will pay for his crimes by feeding Pandora with his blood and flesh. However, he has also wronged those of another planet, as such he will be punished in accordance with their laws at the same time. Mr. Rebel, you have the stand." Kai nodded and walked up.

"As in accordance with Polaris Freedom Alliance laws in the event of finding a murderer and or a traitor then the convicted shall be tied to a boulder or tree and left to freeze to death… However, this is typically carried out at sunset in order to optimize the chance that the condemned will freeze." Kai said as he looked at the screen on his left wrist device as if he was checking the time. "As it's currently nearing a Pandora sunrise and we're all getting tired we will have to speed things up… Hati, Ragnarok, ten percent."

Hati grew to the size of a small horse as his eyes shifted from gold to red. Flesh-Stick saw this and began to panic as the wolf approached the antenna he was tied to struggle free of his bindings. When Hati finally reached the base of the pole he pointed his head to a spot just below the bandit's feet. Hati opened his jaw wide and breathed out in a manner similar to a child trying to fog up a window. Only instead of heat, a cold bone-chilling mist began to seep from Hati's jaw as the Vault Hunters and Tina all watched in fascination.

To everyone but Kai's surprise, ice crystals began to rapidly grow around the pole and spread upward towards a terrified Flesh-Stick. As the ice reached the bandit's feet blood-red ice spikes began to slowly grow from within his body as he tried to scream in agony. "Holy shit this is the most badass execution I've ever seen." Sal yelled excitedly.

"Gaige, when we get back inside could you find me a few extra blankets, I think I'm gonna need them tonight." Maya said with a shiver.

"Su- sure thing, I think I'm gonna be cranking up the heater tonight anyways." Gaige said.

"Which reminds me. Krieg, you're a walking space heater so you're sleeping near me tonight." Maya told the Psycho next to her.

"SNOZZBARRIES!" Krieg cheered in excitement."

'You do realize we are being objectified, right?' His inner voice said.

They all continued to watch as blood spikes continued to grow from Flesh-Stick's body until his body looked more like a porcupine, including one large spike jutting from his left eye socket. "Daaaamn, that one way to kill someone." Tina excitedly said.

"Mhhhh." Flesh-Stick moaned in pain.

"WHAT! How is he still alive!?" Tina yelled.

"Relax Tina, we knew this wouldn't kill him… Well, immediately." Kai said. "Hey Morde, you got the juice?"

"Got it right here." He said as he passed a jar to Salvador. "Sorry Tina, Sal and I had to use some of your Fire Melon jelly to make this."

"What is it?" Gaige asked.

"Two parts Fire Melon Jelly, one part moonshine, three parts Jakobs whisky number 11, four parts paint thinner, and a cup of fermented Skag stock with a touch of paprika, altogether making what the locals call a buzzkill cocktail. An irresistible snack for our guests who will be helping us finish this punta." Sal said as he held up the jar with a cloudy golden liquid in it before holding it out to Tina. "If the pequeña dama would care to do the honor." Sal said.

Tina looked at the jar in Sal's outstretched hand for several seconds before looking back at Sal and Mordecai. "What do I do with it?" Tina asked.

"Toss it as hard as you can at the bastardo, and watch." Sal said with a grin and evil glint in his eye which Tina quickly shared. Tina grabbed the jar and quickly turned to the bandit.

"EAT IT FLESH-STICK!" Tina yelled as she threw the jar. The jar smashed right into Flesh-Stick face as the concoction covered the Psycho seemed to scream at the shock of it. "Ok' now what?"

"Wait for it." Mordecai said.

Soon a buzzing sound filled the air as several Adult Varkids flew in and landed on Flesh-Stick. Each varkid quickly began chewing on the psycho with a sickening crunch as they ripped apart his frozen flesh. "Soooo… This is a Pandoran execution?" Maya asked.

"Yup, leave the bastard tied up and covered in the favorite meal of the most dangerous wildlife in the area and let them eat the guy till he bones. In this case Varkids." Kai said as he walked up next to Tina, setting a hand on her shoulder. "What do you think Tina, is this an appropriate execution for a dirtbag like him.

"This is awesome!" Tina cheered only for her happiness to falter several seconds later. "Although, I feel like there could be... more."

"MORE! He's being eaten alive by Varkids, what more could you want!" Axton yelled. Before anyone could say anything else an ear-piercing shriek split the air causing everyone to hold the ears shut. "What the hell was-" Axton started to say only to stop as a truly massive varkid raised up behind the antenna Flesh-Stick was tied to.

"Uuuh, what!?" Gaige said in shock as everyone took a step back.

"Th- That's an Ultimate Badass Varkid." Salvador said in fear as he and several others moved back with their guns raised.

"Hold on a second, hold your fire." Mordecai said.

"Morde are you crazy!?" Kai said.

"Just look!"

Everyone looked to see that the massive Varkid was sniffing at Flesh-Stick who was panicking with a newfound sense of fear. During the struggle, his gag fell out. "NO! PLEASE NO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" He yelled as the Varkid reared back. "ANNABELLE, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY FOR PEEPING ON YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM! FORGIVE MEEEE!" The varkid bite down on Flesh-Stick whole as if he was a shish kabob, all while he was still screaming.

"NOW THIS IS PERFECT!" Tina yelled as they all watched the Varkid remove its mouth from the now-empty antenna. The varkid held still for several seconds before letting out a massive belch that echoed across the tundra, showing its satisfaction. Letting out a final shriek it began beating its wings before taking off into the sky.

"Well, Tina… How was that?" Kai asked as he looked at the girl. Tina had a happy smile plastered on her face as warm tears slipped down the side of her face.

"Best tea party ever."

X-X-X

Hours later the gang were back in Tina cave and/or house getting ready for bed. Gaige and Kai were in the room they were sharing before once again. Gaige was already in the bed while Kai was getting his sleeping bag ready on the floor next to the bed. "Hey Kai?"

"Yeah Gaige?" Kai answered as he pulled a pillow from his ECHO storage.

"Are we bad people?" Kai stopped and turned to Gaige for several seconds. "I mean… We just executed a man in an incredibly gruesome way. How would people see what we've done."

Kai was silent for several seconds as he thought about it. "Well, normal people might react harshly to such a thing, but considering the guy was a bandit, admitted to selling people to be used as human lab rats, and being a peeping tom I don't think the majority will care. Especially since we're on Pandora. Think of it like all those haters who live on one of those social media platforms like Insta-ECHO or Whiner-Book, a group of them will raise hell and make noise about some injustice or cruelty, but then the rest of the people just don't give two shits."

Gaige was silent for several seconds. "That's a callus view." Gaige said.

"Well, humanity is flawed, to begin with. After all, look at everything we've created, genocide, global warming, reality TV, it's just a never-ending parade of fuck up."

Gaige cringed at the dark view. "Out of curiosity… When was your first kill?"

Kai stopped and just looked off into empty space for several seconds. Gaige suddenly felt nervous that she may have hit a sore spot in his life when Kai spoke up. "I was eleven when I made my first kill." Gaige bolts up and stares at him in shock and horror.

"E-eleven!? What happened?" She hesitantly asked.

"It was a field survival trip that Mr. Dixon took Tobias, Jenny, and myself on. We were on our way back when we got jumped by a Hyperion recon team.

Flashback, 8 Years ago.

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Jenny yelled as she ran ahead of Kai and Tobias as they ran through the snow-covered woods as the sounds of gunfire chased after them. The three kids quickly jumped into a frozen creek bed for cover. "Where the fuck did these bastards come from!?"

"No idea." Tobias yelled.

"Where Mr. Dixon?" Kai asked as he tried to catch his breath and calm his nerves.

Before anyone could reply, an old man in a fur-lined tan duster with a Jakob's assault rifle in one hand and a Jakob's revolver in the other jumped in next to them. The man had a white bread, dark skin, an old black leather cowboy hat with several bullets around the brim, and a pair of tinted work goggles over his eyes. "Damn them yellowbelly ruffians! Can't you see I got youngins here!" The man yells over the edge before ducking down from a retort of gunfire. "No respect these days." He grumbled.

Dixon hands the rifle to Tobias and quickly loads his pistol. "Stay here and shoot anything wearing yellow." He yelled before pulling out a second revolver and jumping back out of the creek bed.

The large boy looked down at the rifle in his shaking hands. "Wh-Why did he give me the rifle?" Tobias asked in a panic.

"Because out of the three of us you can actually shoot a Jakob rifle without it knocking you on your ass." Kai said, jabbing a thumb towards Jenny.

"Oi!" Jenny retorted angrily.

"While I still can't shoot worth a damn." Kai grumbled in his own anger.

An explosion erupted nearby causing the kids to all flinch, they remained silent for a minute as the sounds of gunfire echoed through the woods. "Do you think Mr. Dixon will be okay?" Jenny asked. Before anyone could reply another explosion went off which caused Tobias to drop the rifle. A second later a Hyperion Soldier came flying over and slammed into the other side of the creek wall before slid to the ice as Jenny screamed in shock.

The soldier shook his shock off and saw the three kids, quickly raising his SMG at Jenny and pulling the trigger. The three friends all flinched as they heard an empty click from the gun much to their relief, the soldier looked at the gun before swearing and dropping it. Kai saw the man reaching for a sidearm on his hip, he glanced down and saw the rifle Tobias had dropped. Without thinking, Kai lunged at the rifle as the soldier grabbed his own pistol. Kai grabbed the rifle and twisted his whole body and pointed the weapon towards the soldier just as he started to level his pistol. "AAAAAHHH!" Kai screamed as he rapidly pulled the trigger, raking the Hyperion soldier with bullet after bullet. Kai kept firing until the gun finally clicked empty as he kept pulling the trigger several more times.

The Hyperion soldier, who was now profusely bleeding staggered back several steps. "Guk- Damn, Polarion… shits." He said before falling back against the side of the creek bed. Breathing heavily, Kai just stared at the man with the empty gun still trained on the man. Tobias, who had jumped and grabbed Jenny to protect her, stared in shock whileJenny peeked out from behind the large kid.

Silence reigned over everything as Kai watched the ice becoming stained with the rapidly cooling crimson blood of the soldier, while a thousand thoughts ran through his mind. Kai then heard the crunching of snow and whipped around with the rifle trained only to see Mr. Dixon standing on the edge of the creekside looking down at the scene. "Hm… Looks like you might actually have some good instincts kid. There might be hope for you yet." He said with a grin.

Flashback over.

"That… That must have been traumatizing." Gaige said.

Kai laid down on his sleeping bag and sighed. "For a little while it was, but Mr. Dixon helped me work through it and then started to up my training regiment with shooting. Later he introduced me to Colonel Ryet who gave me, Jenny and Tobias more training.

"What did your mom think?"

"Mom? HA! She was in a sheer panic after Dixon explained what happened and gained a broken nose from the conversation, shortly after she made Hati as a means to protect me."

"Hey, where is that mutt anyway?" Gaige asked as Kai let out a chuckle.

Over in another room Tina was sleeping peacefully as Hati was in his puppy form. . . Being strangled to death in her arms. 'Kai is so DEAD when I see him.'

Back with the two teenagers. Gaige thought for a second before looking to Kai again. "So do you have any… regrets about that day." Gaige asked hesitantly.

Kai was silent for a few seconds. "Honestly… No." Kai said as Gaige threw him a look. "Well, not anymore at least. He was trying to kill my friend who was a twelve-year-old girl at the time. It could be said he was reacting on adrenaline and fear when he first pulled the trigger and made a mistake, but he didn't even think about it as he went for his sidearm. No, he intended to kill us all with no hesitation. Did he have a family, maybe, did he have loved ones, possibly… But he tried to kill me and my friends… I won't cry for someone like that… Not anymore." He muttered just loud enough for Gaige to hear.

"When you put it like that I guess I can't fault you for not feeling anything." Gaige said as she laid back on the bed.

"Just remember Gaige, it's okay to have regrets, it shows that you're still human at heart and it's what separates us from the monsters in the universe. But if you learned anything from today, it's that not everyone deserves such remorse." Kai said somberly before turning onto his side away from Gaige. "Now you better get to sleep, if today is any indication tomorrow is gonna be just as crazy."

"Yeah. Your right… Hey Kai?"

"Hmm?" Kai replied tiredly.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Kai said softly. "Good night Gaige."

"Night Kai." She said with a yawn before she slowly drifted into dreamland.

X-X-X

Torgue Mini-Adventure

Chapter 6

It was late at night in a desert on a random no-name planet… Well technically it's a moon but nobody cares. On the top of a plateau quietly sat an old mining facility which was the only sign of human habitation on the moon.

*BOOM* An explosion erupted in the facility as alarms started to blare and lights lit up all over. "ALERT! INTRUDERS IN THE BASE! INTRUDERS IN THE BASE! ELIMINATE THEM YOU FOOLS!" Came the voice of a cranky old woman over a loudspeaker.

Another explosion rang out as Mr. Torgue and Billy ran through the smoke cloud. "DAMMIT TORGUE, WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT WE HAD TO RAID A FUCKING MANN CO FACILITY!" Billy yelled as they ran through the maze of wooden corridors.

"Less talking, more f*cking running!" Torgue yells back as they turn a corner to a machine shop. Just as they ran through someone jumped down and smashed a metal bat over Torgue head with a loud bonk! Mr. Torgue dropped the briefcase and stumbled from the blunt hit as a young man in a red tee-shirt, gray pants, and a black cadet cap with a bat laughed at him.

"HA! Ya head's a freakin' bat magnet!" The Scout yells with a cock grin as he runs for the briefcase.

Billy pulls his 88 Fragnum and fires at the man. The Scout quickly jumps back as he sees several small explosions go off where he would have been had he kept running forward. He looks to see Billy aiming the large pistol at him. "WOAH! Fuck this, I'm out!" Scout yelled, running away as several shots were fired after him.

Billy grabbed the briefcase before running to Torgue. "Dammit Torgue, we got to go!" Billy yelled as help Torgue to his feet.

"Yeah, I know! Wait, where the f*ck is Remmy?" He asked.

Unbeknownst to the two, they were being watched from a distance through the scope of a Jakob's sniper rifle by a man with round glasses, an outback hat, dark open vest with a red shirt underneath, dark pants, and cowboy boots. "Alrighty you bloody wanker, just hold still for two seconds." He muttered as he took aim.

"Oink!"

The sniper froze for a second as he slowly looked behind him to spot… "A piglet?" He asked in surprise as he looked at a small red-furred boar with a small pack on his side and back and a checkered bandana tied around its neck. "Well hello there little guy, what brings ya here?"

"Oink!"

"Did you get lost?"

"Oink!"

"Alright then, just wait there one second while I off these two wankers." The sniper said as he turned to take aim again.

"Oink!" *CLICK*

The sniper froze again before looking back to find that the little boar had a Torgue pistol in its jaw, aimed at him.

"Okay little guy, let's not do anything rash." The sniper said as he placidly held up a hand while slowly trying to turn his rifle.

"Oink, oink."

Back with Billy and Torgue, they heard the sounds of a man screaming and several small explosions. "Well, that explains where he is." Billy said as they rushed to another door. As they ran through the hallways they came to a sudden stop when they rounded a corner. Down the hall was a man as big as Mister Torgue. In his right hand, he was a large minigun with the Vladof logo painted on the side. In his left hand was a sandwich which he was munching on. Behind him was a dark black hair caucasian man with black rims glasses, heavy red rubber gloves, and a white lab coat.

"Doctor, are you ready?" The heavy man asks before stuffing the rest of his sandwich in his mouth.

"Aah yes my friend, I'm fully charged!" The doctor pulled out a device that looked like the head of a fire hose and fired a red beam at the heavy man. The Heavy's whole body started glowing red as a maniacal grin appeared on his face.

"Just to let you know, now would be a good time to run, cowards." The Heavy said as he lifted his gun.

"I think we should take his advice." Billy said.

"F*ck that! I can take this guy!" Torgue yells as he pulls a Torgue assault rifle and fires several rounds only for them to bounce off the Heavy's skin like a foam dart. "Oh, sh*t." Torgue muttered as the Heavy leveled his gun and fired. Billy and Mister Torgue quickly scrambled to the end of the hall and ducked behind either corner as tracers filled the air between them.

"Well sh*t, I'm out of ideas, got any suggestions?" Torgue yelled over the gunfire.

Billy thought for several seconds until one idea came to Billy's mind. "Torgue, toss me one of your grenade mods!" Billy yelled. Torque quickly tossed a grenade to Billy who caught it, only to look at it and almost immediately chuck it around the corner where it exploded into multiple MIRV grenades. "I didn't mean toss me a live one dammit!" Billy screamed in anger.

Torgue sheepishly shrugged before he tossed him another grenade which Billy caught and quickly began disassembling as Torgue took several shots with a rocket launcher he had pulled out down the hall at the heavy.

To the man's shock, the rocket exploded against the Heavy but didn't even seem to slow him down as he slowly advanced. "BILLY!"

"Almost done, I just need ten seconds!" Billy answered as Torgue pulled out several grenades and threw them. The Heavy backed up to tank the blow for the Doctor.

"HA! HA! I'M BULLETPROOF!" The Heavy yelled.

"BILLY!" Torque yelled as he kept firing his rifle in a vain attempt to slow the invincible juggernaut down.

"GOT IT!" Billy yelled as he finished screwing the grenades together. "Hope this works." he muttered before pulling the pin and tossing the grenade around the corner. The grenade landed at the Heavy's feet as he just laughed.

"This is nothing you fools!" He yelled. Just then the grenade detonated, throwing several MIRV grenades out, each one then emitted a gravity pulse that threw both the Heavy and Doctor into the air where they were both thrown around like pinballs by the multiple gravity wells. After several seconds the grenades all detonated throwing the medic and heavy into each other and knocking them out. Using the opportunity Billy and Torgue both rush over the bodies and continue running down the hallway.

"Billy that was F*CKING awesome! How you do it."

"I jury-rigged a Torgue MIRV grenade with a Hyperion Singularity I had grabbed, to make a singularity MIRV. The only issue is that it destroyed both mods in the process, sorry."

"No problem, I got like, a thousand more of those things on the ship." He yelled as they ran through another doorway to the outside, only for several beeps to be heard and the both of them to be thrown apart as several explosions went off. Torque landed with a loud thud and quickly picked himself up. What just happened?"

"You appear to have trodden on a mine, mate." Came a heavy Scottish accent, Torque looked to see a dark-skinned man with a short facial beard, an eye patch, and dozens of 40mm grenades strapped to his tactical vest. "I will admit, for a feartie you fly pretty good." He said as he took another swig from a bottle of whiskey in his hand. The man looked back and then frowned as he looked Torgue over. "Wait ah minute, I know you. Yor Mister Torgue! WOW, it's an honor to yea, love your work on Sigma IV with tha mountain range… Shame Ima gonna have to kill yea." He pulled out a grenade launcher and started firing, making Torgue run for cover.

"F*CK! F*CK! F*CK!" Yelled as he jumped behind several mine carts. While explosions went off near him. "Billy! I need a hand over here.

"I have my own problems, Torgue!" Billy yelled back as he was ducked behind an old cement wall as bullets and rockets flew over his cover. Across from where the cartoon bullet was hiding was a middle-aged man with a construction helmet and work goggles making him look like an Engineer. He was sitting in a lounge chair sipping on a beer while next to him was a turret with dual miniguns and a rocket pod on top firing at Billy.

"Now, now, if you would just be so kind sir and step out of cover then my little friend here can end your existence nice and quickly." The Engineer said.

"No thanks, also your turret looks like a child's toy, what shotty engineer built that thing!? Tediore?" Billy yelled.

"HEY! NO ONE INSULTS MY TURRE-" *BOOM* An explosion went off by the man as Billy noticed several 40mm grenades flying every which way.

"FORE!" Came Mister Torgue to voice as Billy heard a metal ping as another grenade soon landed near the downed Engineer and exploded, sending him flying again.

As this was going, in a nearby doorway was a tall lanky man in a red suit with a red mask over his head. "Why must it always be such simpletons." The man says with a french accent which expressed his disgust. "Time to clean up." He said as he pulled out a butterfly knife which he flipped open.

"Oink!"

"What the?" The Spy whips around and sees a little boar looking at him from an open ore shoot.

"Why is this swine here, is this another one of Sniper's disgusting little pets?"

Remmy turned his head back into the shoot for several seconds before he came back out and dropped something on the ground. Arching an eyebrow the Spy picked the item only to quickly realize it was a blood-covered hat. Sniper's blood-covered hat.

*Click* "... Oink." Spy looked up to see Remmy pointing his pistol in the man's face.

"Merde." The Spy muttered.

"AAAAH." The Engineer screamed as he charged with a wrench only for Mister Torgue to punch him in the face.

"Well that was fun but we gotta go." Billy said as he dropped a bloody Demoman onto the ground and picked up the briefcase. It was then that he noticed Remmy running over. "There you are. Where have you been?"

"THERE THE MAGGOTS ARE!" Came a yell, which the three looked to see a man in a red Soldier uniform with a rocket launcher and a man in a full red bodysuit and had a black gas mask on. In his hands was a flamethrower.

"MMMMRRRPH! Hu HURRPM BRRAAH!" The Pyro yelled.

". . . Yeah, I am not fighting that… Man?… Thing?" Billy questioned before Torgue grabbed Billy and bolted in the opposite direction with him under his arm while Remmy ran after them.

"The enemy is running! Now we give them hell! CHARGE!" The Soldier yelled as he and the Pyro charged after them.

"What is with these guys?" Torque yelled as he ducks to dodge an RPG from the Soldier.

"Well, we did steal their stuff!" Billy retorted as a jet of flames shot over their heads. "Well, this can't get any worse."

Just then they heard a shotgun go off as they looked over their shoulder, or Torgue looked over his shoulder as Billy's suit made it so he had to turn his whole body. "Yo, I'm back bitches!" The Scout yelled as he came running after them with a Jakob double barrel in hand.

"Oh great, what next!" Billy muttered.

A wall they run by a few seconds before suddenly burst open as the Heavy barrels through with a still unconscious Medic draped over his left shoulder. "YOU SCRATCHED SASHA! YOU WILL DIE FOR ME!" The big man screamed as he bolted after them.

"F*CKING D*MMIT BILLY! PANDORA RULE ONE, DON'T INVOKE A JINX'S!"

"I'M SORRY!" Billy yelled.

At that moment Torgue spotted a minecart on a rail that led down to a cliff where the Torgueanought was waiting at the bottom. "BILLY HANG ON!" Torque yelled as he lifted the bullet mascot and tossed him into the cart before jumping onto the back with enough force to propel the cart forward. Just before the cart reached the hill Remmy jumped and bit onto Mister Torgue's left upper arm for dear life.

After Billy gathered himself he glanced over and saw that the Heavy was in another minecart with the Scout standing behind him while the Medic was still on the Heavy's shoulder out cold. Behind them in another cart on a parallel track was the Soldier and the Pyro who stood up and threw a fire axe.

"INCOMING!" Billy yelled, making Mister Torgue look back to see the projectile, he swung his body left letting the axe impale itself into the back of the rusty cart. As Torgue was trying to get his right hand back on the cart, Billy noticed the Scout getting ready to jump. Billy looked at the axe and grabbed the handle as the scout leaped forward. When the Scout was halfway Billy ripped the axe out and swung the flat side forward, straight into the Scouts face, sending him flying back.

"FUUUUC- AAH!" The Scout screams as an RPG slam into the Scout's back, blowing the man into meat chunks.

"Scout! I did not give you permission to die, son!" Soldier yelled as he loaded another rocket. "Pyro! Lite the fire!" The masked man saluted before he pointed his flamethrower back and pulled the trigger and let out a jet of flames. The cart was boosted forward past the Heavy's and next to Billy and Torgue cart. "We have you surrounded, at least from this side! Now be good maggots and surrender so I can kill you and claim your hats!" The Soldier said as he pulled out a trench shovel.

"Over my cold shell casing!" Billy yelled as he brought the axe up to block an overhead chop from the Soldier.

As Billy and the Soldier duked it out Mister Torgue managed to get his hand back on the cart only to duck as a phosphorus flare shot over his head. He looked to see the pyro tossing the empty flare gun and moving to the flamethrower. Seeing this Mister Torgue grabs for something on his waist and throws it into the Pyro's face knocking him out of the minecart. The Pyro rolls on the ground for several meters before he comes to a stop. After lying on the ground for a second the Pyro got up and looked at the item that was thrown at him and saw it's a shield. A Torgue shield which started beeping. "Um-oh." Was all Pyro had time to say when the device exploded in a nova.

Mister Torgue stared at the crater they were moving away from. "That was supposed to be a grenade." He said before he looked back at Billy only for his eyes nearly bulging out as he watched Billy shove his grenade into the soldier's mouth. "SH*T!" Torgue screamed as he grabbed the Soldier's leg and threw him back and over him. Before Billy could ask, Mister Torgue jumped up and tackled him into the minecart covering. "STAY DOWN!"

The Soldier got up to see the Heavy's minecart racing for him, only before he could scream the grenade exploded in his mouth. From the explosion, eight more grenades flew out and quickly exploded. From each of those explosions, another grenade was ejected and also exploded, which sent the Heavy and his unconscious passenger flying into the sky. The shockwave sent Torgue and Billy's cart rocketing forward and off the cliff, leaving the pair and one baby boar screaming as they fell until they smashed into the top of the Torgueanought back trailer.

"What the hell was that?" Billy moaned as they got up.

"Bonus Package grenade, never leave home without one. Now hurry up and get inside." Torgue said as he opened a hatch on the trailer. A minute later the three rushed into the cab as everyone took their place. "I got the engines." Torgue said.

"Powering up sensors and navigation." Billy said as he was also flipping switches. Remmy suddenly let out a loud squeal of fright causing them both to look out the window. "Oh, are you fucking kidding me!" Billy yelled. Climbing up the hood of the truck was the burnt, disheveled, and enraged-looking Heavy.

"All of you are dead!" Heavy yelled as he pulled himself up.

"Hurry, hurry, HURRY!" Billy yelled as he watched the massive man raised to full height.

I'M HURRYING! I'M F*CKING HURRYING!" Mister Torgue yelled as he pulled back on the wheel and gunned the engines. The Torgueanought shot up into a steep vertical climb, however to everyone's shock the Heavy was still hanging on by shoving his feet and hands through the truck's hood. "SON OF A B*TCH! I just got that detail!" Torgue yelled as he swerved the controls in an attempt to shake the man off, but to their surprise, he not only held on but he began climbing down towards the window. "I CAN'T SHAKE HIM!" Torgue yelled as Remmy jumped back and latched onto Torgue back.

Billy looked at the Heavy and saw a look of unbridled rage in his eyes as he neared them. "I'M COMING FOR YOU!" He screamed.

Billy looked around the cab for anything that could help them until his eyes landed on the all-countermeasure button. "... Oh fuck it!" Billy said before he smashed the button. To the Heavy's surprise, several turrets rose up from the hood and aimed at him.

"Uh-oh." Was all he could say before the guns opened fire on him, blowing him off the hood and sending him falling back to the planet screaming. With that everyone let out a sigh of relief as they continued into orbit.

"That was a close one." Billy said with a sigh as Remmy jumped back on his spot atop the console.

"Yup, but at least we got out in one piece, with the goods and a f*cking Badass story to boot!" Mister Torgue said as he patted the briefcase next to him.

"Speaking of the goods, what was so important that we had to raid a base full of mercenaries?" Billy asked. Mister Torgue was silent for several seconds until pulled the briefcase onto the center console between their seats. Both Billy and Remmy leaned close to see inside. After some finicking with the locks, Mister Torgue opened the case to reveal. ". . . Tacos?" Billy asked, as Mister Torgue pulled a pair out and set them in front of Remmy. "You risked our lives for tacos!"

"Not just any Tacos, these tacos were made with the long-lost recipe that was lost in the third great fast food war two hundred years ago and was said to be the best taco recipe in the known universe! The case also has a digistruct converter programmed to make more when given the proper base biomatter." Torgue said as he handed him a pair of tacos. "Bottoms up amigo!" Mister Torgue said as he grabbed one from the case and began munching on it.

Billy looked to Remmy who was greedily munching on his own tacos. He looked down at his own tacos and let out a sigh before grabbing one of them and inserted it into a hidden access slot in his costume mouth. After a few seconds of munching Billy let out a content sigh. "Damn, that's a good taco."

Back on the planet the Heavy's corpse lying in a crater on the ground unconscious. A red energy field encapsulated him suddenly, not doing anything for several seconds until the large man let out a gasp for air as he shot up.

"Ah good, you are alive." The Medic said as he put his gear away.

"Doctor, what happened?"

"You suffer a concussion cause via impact with Cedar Mesa Sandstone at terminal velocity."

"What?"

"Ugh." The medic sighed. "You fell and landed on the ground… Hard." The Medic said as they heard several footsteps behind them.

They looked back to see a beaten and bloodied Sniper who was missing his hat walking to them. Behind him, a bandaged Demoman was sitting on a rock with a broken booze bottle in hand, while Engineer was working near him setting up a device on t. After a few seconds, the device spun top, and in a flash Scout flew out of it. "Fuck, did I die again?" He asked as Pyro and Soldier were respawned from the device.

"Yes, you did." Everyone turned to see a burnt and bloodied Spy walk up with Sniper's hat in hand.

"Let me guess, the pig?" Sniper as Spy handed his hat back.

"Indeed." Spy replied with detest as his ECHO came on.

"Anyone there? What's the situation." Came a woman's voice.

"Miss Pauling's, how's it going beautiful." Scout asked only to be smacked by Spy.

"I'm sorry my dear, but we have failed to retrieve the case." Spy said.

Miss Pauling let out a frustrated sigh. "The Administrator is not going to like this."

"Miss Pauling's I want you to listen closely and leave the Administrator a message… Casse-toi boudin!"

"SPY!" Miss Pauling yelled in shock.

"Once you've written it, pack up anything of use and join us, we are leaving."

Everyone stared at the man as though he grew a second head… Again. "Leaving! Now wait just a darn minute you dsmn dirty spy, we can't just up and leave our posts. That would be dishonorable as a warrior and as men. I will not stand for dissertation, I will not stand for treason, I will not stand for."

"The company broke." Spy said, causing Soldier to stop as he and everyone turned to the man.

"Gentleman, tonight we have been thoroughly beaten, robbed, and fucked by a blundering pro wrestler, his mascot sidekick, and a baby piglet." He said as everyone had looks of embarrassment."The recipe that was stolen tonight was the company's last bid to stay afloat. I have seen the file to prove this, and Miss Pauling can confirm this with a quick check of the companies recent secret financial reports."

They all heard some keys being typed on over Spy's ECHO followed by several whispered swears. "Damn, he's right."

"What does this mean for us?" Engineer asked as he put his mobile spawner away.

"It means we are out of the job. So no more paychecks, no pension, no 401K plan, no medical… and no dental coverage." Everyone paled several shades at that one. "With that in mind, I propose we go and steal that recipe back and then go into business for ourselves. We will be our own mercenaries, kill who we want, steal what we want, and protect who we want. Of course, we will need to fund ourselves, which is why I have a proposal: we hunt down the bastards who robbed us and take the taco recipe for our own and sell them for profit. With the funds, we can do whatever we want, plus take our vengeance on the maggots for embarrassing us." Spy said as he turned to look over the desert.

"Pack up everything we can use ladies and gentlemen for tomorrow we take our first steps for self-liberation… Any our first step for revenge." Spy said as everyone else cheered.

X-X-X

(Kilo8) And that wraps up another chapter.

(Tina) To think I'd watch my tormentor get killed all over again, and in such an epic way. Thank you Kilo, that was most enjoyable.

(Gaige) I'm surprisingly with Tina on this, now that I know more of her history watching Flesh-Stick die again was much more satisfying.

(Torgue) I just want one of those tacos.

(Gaige) Although did you really have to put me and Kai in such… a situation.

(Kilo8) Yes. Because it is funny to embarrass you. Now then on to the news. First, I am now cross-posting this story on Ao3, the only difference between the Ao3 version and Fanfic version is that the chapter notes that I have here are cut out.

(Tina) Why are you posting on Ao3?

(Kilo8) Eh, it seemed like a good idea. Moving on as of April 1st, we are celebrating 4 years of Rebel Anarchy!

Everyone let out a cheer and threw confetti in celebration.

(Kilo8) Thank you, thank you. Now before we get to the reviews, I have a challenge for anyone interested. You see I was looking at the game section of Fanfiction and noticed a grievous crime… Somehow Borderlands fanfic is being beaten out by Neopets.

(Gaige/Tina) . . . Neopets?

(Kilo8) Yes, Neopets! By nearly 150 stories. Now I have nothing against Neopets, never played it, but I do find it irksome that Borderlands is being beaten by such a game. Especially since two-thirds of those stories aren't even over 5000 words, let alone completed. So this is my challenge, start writing Borderlands stories of any type, but I also want you to get creative. Don't just follow the story beat for beat, pull something crazy out of left field like a sentient pasta attack or a quest to find the Holy Meat Bicycle! If you don't want to cover the whole game, then make your own epic DLC adventure. Put our love Vault Hunters in new situations, or build new creative original characters that have backstories, unique skills, or powers that have to be used in creative and or hilarious ways. But also try and avoid another dime-a-dozen male Siren trope, start thinking out of the box. Or change things up for the characters we know. My friend SQUALO KING has an OC in his story "The Demon of Pandora", (Check it out) which is a good example of something new, he does great work describing the characters' acrobatics skills. Another great example of a good character is Artemis from Ima Pseudonym 2's three-part Hunter series, which really needs some love and is a great read.

(Gaige) OH! Do more stories about me!

(Tina) AND ME!

(Torgue) Put me and the Vault Hunters in a horror setting, or a silly rom-com with more guns than the marine corp!

(Gaige) . . . You, in a romcom?

Torgue just shrugged.

(Tina) I don't see it. Who would even be the love interest?

(Kilo8) Anyways, I want you all to be off the wall, be as crazy as you can be with your ideas, think outside the golden loot chest, dare to challenge the confines of rational thought! IT'S BORDERLANDS PEOPLE, the more insane it is the better! So I ask all of you to take a stab at it, pull out that idea for your own story that has been itching that creative nerve in the back of your noggin. I want you to start pumping out those stories, let see what you can do while moving this story section up the ladder. Hell! While we're at it, let's open the floor to new Crossovers! Let's bury Neopets in a flood of insanity, loot, and BADASSERY! Let the first Legendary Borderlands FANFIC Story Rush commence!

(Gaige) HELL YEA!

(Tina) LET'S GET CREATIVE!

(Torgue) EXPLOSION!

Now with that out of the way, let's go over all of the reviews from last chapter. First up, silentslender. I am more than capable of making my viewers have the feels just as I am equally able to subvert and surprise. Blaze1992… I'll be honest you sort of lost me with a lot of your comment, but to sum it up the Alucard or Al from the review of the last chapter was the one from the Hellsing Ultimate Abridged series, as is the one I alluded to in chapter 14. As for Tina, you'll be seeing a lot of Tina in the future, but not as you expected. Spartandude928, oh Tina is going to be the cause of more than just a few gunfights, and thanks for the complaints about the last chapter. Next Vedahzii.

(Tina) FIGHT ME DRAGON!

(Kilo8) TINA!... Anyways. Yes, Tina and Kai are cousins, SURPRISE! Also, I'm glad Jenny's reveal gave you a good laugh, I'm also glad you liked Hati's new form.

(Tina) I agree, puppy Hati is SO CUTE!

(Torgue) He's… Just so… FLUFFY!

(Kilo8) As intended… Although I didn't realize until recently a joke I had added with the introduction of Hati's puppy form was cut by fanfiction as the site thought it was a web link. I fixed it now so it can now be seen if you ever reread the chapter. 7thManiac, it's funny how you made this review, it hit so many of the chapter beats for this one it's almost scary. 4ndr3, no problem, I'm always happy to answer a question from a reviewer… Unless they ask for spoilers, no spoilers. Honestly, the idea for the Mythic gear came from the fact that I've always had a problem with the Pearlescent gear in BL2. Sure some of them were good like the Butcher and Stalker but the gimmick on other weapons were just weird or so specific it made them near useless like Tunguska and the Storm. Then in BL3 they still don't have another rarity over Legendary, especially considering how OP some of the most recent weapons are in DLC 6, I mean the new Ionic Disruptor sniper rifle is insane! The Mythic type helps me balance and fix some of the issues while also exploring unused ideas and new possibilities. So expect to see some more interesting Mythics and custom unique and legendary weapons in the future.

(Torgue) I'll say, This one grenade you have in your notes sounds like the SH*T!

(Kilo8) Moving on, Sandshrew master 317, oh we are going to have some fun when the gang gets back to Sanctuary. As for Tina's sexuality.

(Tina) BRING ON THE BABES!

(Kilo8) Yeah… She's gonna be every HR department's worst nightmare. Next, Solo reader, honestly I really don't know if I'll do another Borderlands story after this one, this one is already going to be long, real long! Plus I have this My Hero Academia x G Gundam story idea that has been in my mind lately, so there that. NJred2000, I guess I'll have to work on the innuendos if you're using Private Donut as the benchmark. FriggleBerry, glad you like the story, and I get it, a number of my earlier chapters drag out because of the notes. This is part of the reason I've started posting on Ao3 and have started placing the bulk of my notes at the end of chapters now. And finally, TheRedeemar1995, I'm glad you enjoy the story so far, as for the future of our two favorite Vault Hunters… Well, you'll just have to wait and see.

(Gaige) Aww, but I want to know what happens, do we get together, get married, have kids!? I NEED TO KNOW DAMMIT!

(Kilo8) Umm, well I will get to work on that, but before that though I want to post the next Side Quest adventure. Here a hint to what next, what can create a bullet hole but isn't a bullet.

(Tina) OH! OH! I KNOW!

(Kilo8) Now, now Tina, let the reader find out on their own, we need to give them some mystery. Some last notes, I plan on keeping the vote for the gender of Moxxi and Reiss's child up until the next chapter, so remember to vote on my profile. Also as mentioned a few chapters ago, if you have suggestions or want to write a Torgue Mini Adventure then PM me about it and it may be used in a future chapter, or have suggestions for gear. With that, I just want to thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please remember to follow or favorite so you can be updated on future chapter releases.

(Gaige) And don't forget to leave a review, as they are appreciated.

(Kilo8) Thanks, Gaige. Well, until next time everyone, Kilo8 out!

-ERL Terminated-