-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-
-Beginning ECHO Review Log-
It was a quiet day on the SOL II as Gaige, Tina, and Mister Torgue were playing a game of Clue, Conspiracy version.
(Gaige) Hmm, alright, I think it was Professor Plum with the M82 Berrett, shooting from the Grassy Noel and hitting the fuel tank on the general's car causing it to explode. During the chaos, Col. Mustard and Mr. Green dressed as local police were able to swap the briefcase with the codes to the orbital death ray satellite with a fake. They then rendezvous with Mrs. White at the casino's hotel where she was able to access the satellite using the codes and then fired the death ray at the ballpark killing the president of Truxidor and triggering World War 5!
(Torgue) *Whistle's* Damn that's a big claim. Beats my theory.
(Gaige) Well Tina, did I get it?
(Tina) Very interesting my dear, BUT you missed one major part.
(Gaige) And what is that?
(Tina) You missed the fact that Professor Plum was actually-
A door is kicked open as Kilo steps in with a Blueray disk in hand.
(Kilo) DONE!
(Torgue) Done? Done with what?
(Kilo) Chapter 21.
They all just stared at him for several seconds.
(Tina) Okay, who the hell are you?
(Kilo) I'm serious! It's done!
(Gaige) How? This has got to be the shortest turnaround since chapter 5, not counting the back-to-back release with chapters 16 and 17.
(Kilo) I had some extra time recently and a LOT of ideas that have been in my head since like, October.
(Tina) SWEET! I'll prepare the theater.
(Kilo) Now, some minor news. Just a reminder to those who might not know I now have a Discord active called te SOL II, I post extra info, pic to show off new loot or character ideas, and sometimes I ask for help with an issue. Which reminds me, thanks Killer Mohawk and PanzerKampfWagonJager for the help this chapter. I even have a section where you can make story suggestions, use the link below to join, all are welcome just remember to read the rules. If you have trouble joining just PM me.
HT TP (Colon Double-slash) discord . gg / g8WDEPWP
The next is just a reminder to everyone, I have an extra story connected to this one called Rebel Anarchy: Side Quest! A collection of stories that involve the side missions that were not added into the main story, plus a bonus mission or two. So if you want more action and adventure with your favorite characters look no further.
(Tina) The chapter is ready!
(Kilo) Well, then let's get this show started! TO THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER!
-ECHO Transmission interrupted-
Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.
X-X-X
Stories text formats
"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Echo/Radio"
'Krieg's inner voice'
X-X-X
Chapter 21
Frozen Madness
It had been several hours since Sanctuary had disappeared from known existence, all the while the Vault Hunters had been fairly quiet as they had driven to the place Angel had marked for them. They soon reached a mountain that wasn't too far from the Southpaw power plant and just a few kilometers away was the Bloodshot dam. It took some time but they found a dirt path with some bandit construction that lead up to the nearest entrance to Dahl resource mine 37, or as the locals called it the Fridge.
"If my calculations are correct you'll be able to reconnect with your friends after you get through The Fridge." Angel was met with a heavy silence as the gang trudged up the winding path. "We're not friends anymore, are we?" She asked dejectedly. There were several grunts as nobody wanted to touch that question.
The Vault Hunter's reach a cave and enter. They walk to the end where they find a large Dahl blast door that was iced over.
"Son of a... witch. The door's iced over. Let me help you with that." Seconds later several torches set around the door ignite and blast the door with flames.
"So what should we expect in there." Axton asked in an analytical tone.
"Not much, the fridge is a network of caves that have a few creatures in it. Dahl had set up a mine in the caves but it was abandoned after Atla's took over. Luckily Dahl and Atlas's have both surveyed the caves and have mapped or made several entries throughout the mountains. You should be able to easily make your way through and meet up with your friends on the other side in just about two, three hours tops."
Finally, the door groaned open to reveal a sight that shocked everyone.
"Or this will be harder than I thought." Angel lamented. Inside the door, the Vault Hunter's gaped at the sight. Instead of a frozen cave, they found a sprawling underground city that had been cobbled together. Overhead roadways with bandit technicals driving around, Bandits and psycho's walking about, Rats peddling stolen goods on street corners. There was even a goliath selling roosted skags and something called Thresher dogs at a hotdog cart.
"Angel what the hell!?" Gaige yelled before Salvador pulled her behind a wall as several bandits looked their way. After several seconds they all just continued with their business as the Vault Hunters slowly peaked out from their cover.
"Okay, Angel as Gaige had asked, explain." Maya said.
"I- I don't understand! A Hyperion team had walked through here just last year, there wasn't a city here!" Angel said in an unhidden panic.
"Well, somehow the bandits built a fully functional city under everyone's noses." Salvador stated as he watched a psycho get thrown out of a shop onto the dirt street.
"Hey, Gaige, does that schmuck look familiar to you?" Axton said as he pointed to something on the side of a skyscraper.
Gaige looked and stared at it for several seconds before she realized what she was looking at. "Oh, you've got to be shitting me?" Gaige moaned in disdain. On the building were several dozen of old flat-screen TVs and monitors all packed together to make a bastardized jumbotron, but it was who was on it that caught Gaige's attention.
"My dear constitutes, I am proud to accept your nomination for mayor and as the new representative of the Rancent Cheese party, I swear to you I will see this city grow, I will allow crime to run rampant, every psycho will get their three pounds of flesh, I will require all doors to accommodate Goliath's, and form a task force to hunt down VAULT HUNTERS!" He yells to the roar of a crowd.
"How the fuck is he alive!?" Gaige asked in shock as she stared at the screen.
"I don't understand? You know that midget?" Maya asked.
"Yeah, Me, Axton, and… Kai." She said pausing for a moment. "We had a run-in with him at Hollow Point. He was the leader of a bandit gang there. Kai claimed that he had in fact killed that same midget his first week here on Pandora. Wasn't entirely sure I believed him before, but considering I saw him put a bullet through his head and he's now standing before us alive means that Sal's theory on Psychos having a New-U system has merit."
"Seriously? I was just joking about that." Salvador said.
"Well, there's the proof." Axton said. "But as much as I want to kill him again, this does present us with some unwanted problems."
"What do you mean?" Gaige asked.
"With how he worded his speech it makes me think will have a tough time moving through here. Already it would be tough to move with all of these bandits, but they seem to have a particular hate boner for Vault Hunters." Axton looks over everyone. "Out of all of us, Krieg has the best chance of moving through here since he already fits the look. Will need disguises if we're to make it through here."
"Okay, so where are we going to get some disguises?" Maya asked.
"I may be of service." Came a scratchy voice. Everyone immediately turned with weapons drawn to point at a man who scuttled back. The man was a short hunched man with a manic look in his eye, he wore a raggedy snow camo cloak that had holes and old boots. His and "Wait, wait, I mean no harm!"
"Who are you, mirón?" Salvador ordered.
"I'm just a humble businessman, good sir." He said in a skittish manner. "Stitches is my name and service is my business. You need to forge something, I can do it, need dirt on a competitor, oh yes I can, do you need to acquire a simple or rare item, I can provide you with such… For a price of course." He said rubbing his thumb and fingers together in the universal sign for money.
"Why would you, a bandit help us?" Maya asked.
"As I said, I'm a businessman. It wouldn't do me any good to deny a possible source of income based on someone's opinion or allegiance. I believe you already know such a person since you come from Sanctuary."
Everyone looked at each other and immediately knew he was implying Marcus. After a second trip that Gaige and Kai had taken to the Bloodshot dam, they found a set of ECHO's that showed Marcus double-dealing weapons to some of the bandits. "Alright fine… So what can you offer us? Some overly expensive piece of crap?" Axton asked.
"Oh no, no, no. Overcharging is such a barbaric practice. It's so easy to chase off customers in such a way, especially first-time customers." Stitches said in a happy tone. "As for what I'm selling, I'm selling you access to my Quick-Change station."
Everyone seemed to like the idea, except Gaige who suddenly looked hesitant at the idea. "Come come. Into my shop before anyone sees you." Stitches said as guiding them into a small ground-level building with blacked-out windows. Inside there was a hoard of parts, trinkets, random weapons, and all kinds of things laying about.
"Where did you get all of this?" Maya asked as she watched Zer0 pick up an old cutlass sword that was laying on a table and look it over.
"Oh, here and there." Stitches said as he walked over to a wall with a curtain on it. "Here we are!" He pulls the curtain back and reveals an old Quick-Change station that looked like it had seen better days.
"So how much will this cost us?" Axton said looking at the machine.
"Five hundred dollars… Each."
"Five hundred!? I thought you said you don't overcharge?" Axton said in surprise.
"I'm running a business, sir. And demand is high for access to a good high-quality Quick-Change that's not only is functional and stocked but is meticulously cleaned as well." Stitches said as he opens it up the door only for everyone to shield their eyes from the bright glow. After letting their eyes adjust they looked in to see that the inside was spotless and actually looked as though it was never used, in fact, it actually seemed to sparkle like crystal glass. It even had a pine-scented air freshener hanging from a hook and several fluffy white towels on a shelf.
Everyone looked around the shop and back to the station. Finally, after several seconds Maya asked the question everyone was thinking "Okay, how? This is cleaner than Krieg's personal bathroom!" Which to the other Vault Hunter's was another big question, while Krieg's room was a mess his bathroom was so clean it looked like it was straight out of a home design magazine.
"Ah, ah-ah, trade secret I'm afraid. Now, who's first?" Stitches asked.
After some grumbling, everyone but Krieg paid and started taking turns. Axton went first and came out with a bandit mask on that had two glowing eyes. His outfit was replaced with an old worn leather coat that said born to kill on its back and worn desert camo pants.
Maya went in next and came out in a set of orange cargo pants, a long fur-lined coat that looked well worn and stressed. She had on a long sleeve shirt that covered her arms with gloves on, while a raggedy white scarf was around her neck. Her hair was a disheveled mess that reminded Gaige of an 1980's hairband and then had a bandana over her mouth covering all her siren marks.
Salvador went next. He came out a minute later with hair in an afro with a pair of aviator sunglasses on, the rest of his outfit was black leather bikers jacket with spikes, dark riding jeans, and black boots with metal coverings.
Krieg who had so far been judging everyone's outfits shuck his head. "Booger salad, mini-man. Too much ghost sauce and pointy metal."
"WHAT! But I look awesome!"
"I think that's the problem." Axton said.
"I agree with both your compatriots. This is too bold for normal bandit fashion. Only someone who wants to stand out or make a statement would wear such an outfit. It's a sure-fire way to find yourself in a fight." Stitches remarked.
Salvador just grumbled as he went back into the station. He came out several minutes later dressed in a red shirt, brown work pants, heavy boots, and a bronze-colored Goliath helmet over his head. "Murderous clawing mini man!"
"He says great pick." Stitches translated.
Zer0 goes in next, and after a good fifteen minutes he comes out. While he still had his suit on, the color was changed to a mix of dried blood-stained red with a mix of rust and browns. He also had several old tactical packs strapped onto his chest and legs. He had shoulder pauldrons made out of segmented bits of rubber tires, and a raged red belt cape. The biggest change was the helmet which had two pointed bat ear-like attachments to it. "Choice is like burnt jerky, but digestible."
"It's an odd choice, but acceptable." Stitches said.
Finally, it was Gaige's turn. "Well, come on Gaige, I know the first time in a quick change is intimidating but it'll be fine." Maya said.
"This won't actually be the first time I've used one." Gaige said in subdued dread.
"Then what are you worried about?"
Gaige let out a sigh. "You'll see." She said before going in.
After five minutes of waiting she came out and left everyone stumped. Gaige was no longer in anything remotely close to her normal outfit. Her hair was changed into long straight strands that were an inch wide each, with a set of thick googles with an X-shaped lens covering, and a tight cloth mask that came over her nose. But it was the rest of her outfit that shocked them. Gaige was in what could essentially be called a chain mail sleeveless dress with a low scoop cut on the chest that showed a little cleavage. The shoulders were both padded and had extra chainmail draped over them. The front and back of the dress's skirt came down just past her knees, and side leg slits came up high on her hips showing a lot of upper thighs. Finally, she had a set of footless chain mail stockings held up by garter straps and a pair of high-heeled stilettos with metal caps on the toes. All the while Gaige was nervously holding her arms as she looked away in embarrassment.
Everyone stared at the teen for several seconds until Salvador finally spoke up. "Niña, what the devil are you wearing!?"
"Yeah, Gaige. We're supposed to be discrete, not dressed up like the badlands Queen!" Axton said while Maya nodded in agreement. Although nobody noticed that she discreetly took several photos with her ECHO.
"Honestly, this was my best option, as the other options were a metal thong bikini set that would have made Princess Leia's metal slave bikini look modest and a black leather corset set that would have made me look like I was a dominatrix starring in a quintuple X-rated adult film!" Gaige said as her face grew redder.
Axton stared for several more seconds till he slowly brought an accusing glare onto the shop owner. "Okay, firstly, why would you give her such a clothing selection, secondly why does this Quick Change have such a selection?" Axton asked as he tried to bore holes into Stitches with his eyes.
"I- I'm just as confused as you sir Vault Hunter. This unit was salvaged from a debunked family water park that Dahl had set up at one point. I mean, of course, I've added some clothing choices to the selections as demand for different styles come, but never anything like this!" He said as Axton, Salvador, Zer0, and Krieg all crept closer to the man as he moved back only to find his back to the well.
"It's not his fault." Gaige muttered as everyone looks back at her. "Every time I've gone into one of these things I choose one style of outfits and instead it gives me something super embarrassing, or kinky. I first tried one when I was twelve, choose a simple tee shirt and jeans outfit, came out dressed like a New New Vega's showgirl. The next time was a year later, I had to use the one at my middle school, because Marcie dumped jello over me at lunch. Well even though the machine was set to only dispense school uniforms it put me in several… Embarrassing outfits. The principal and staff thought I was hacking the machine, but luckily my mom was able to convince them otherwise. Then recently I tried the one in Sanctuary… I swore Kai to secrecy on the threat of using him for my tech experiments if he ever told anyone what I came out in."
"I actually have a video of that!" Angel chipped in. "I thought you were cute!"
"Angel, not helping your case." Gaige said sternly.
"... Sorry."
"That's a very odd thing to happen…" Axton said.
"I'll just find you a new outfit, luckily I have some outfits stashed away for customer emergencies." Stitches said as he step away.
He soon came back and gave Gaige a new outfit, which she quickly changed into. The new outfit consisted of a brown and black heavy jacket with a hood and a pair of gloves so she could hide her robot arm. The pants were the same type of cargo pants Maya had with a pair of old Dahl combat boots. Finally, she had on a mask that appeared slightly conical in shape that had two glowing green eyes and a glowing green X where the mouth would be at. "What do you guys think?" Gaige asked with a slightly distorted voice.
"Butter." Krieg answered with a thumb up.
"Great. Now let's get going." Axton said.
X-X-X
The Pandoran sun was slowly setting casting the Frozen Tundra leaving a sight of beauty as the final rays of light glistened off of the ice and snow that littered the land. All of which was framed in an endless silence, where only the wind was heard as it slowly and calmly blew over the land.
*BOOM!*
"TAKE THAT, YOU DAMN BANDITS!" Tina's voice could be heard as she yelled at several running Bandit near the foot of the small mountain. Tina was wearing a set of bullet bandoliers and had on an old WWII helmet that had the words born to boom written on the side with an anarchy logo next to it in pink. Tina hefted another round into a Torgue rocket launcher she had modified into a mounted artillery piece. Shell loaded sir, Mister Wolf, is the range set?"
Hati, who also had a helmet on was adjusting a set of lever wheels with his jaw that adjusted the elevations. He let out a bark of confirmation. Excellent, General we are ready to fire!" Tina yelled as she saluted to said bird who was sitting on a rail with a tiny four-star general's helmet. The bird let out a caw to answer. "Yes sir! Hati, FIRE!" Tina yelled.
"The wolf hit the firing pedal that had been set up and fired the shell. It arced up several hundred meters before falling back down onto the head of a Goliath that had been taking cover, blowing the mutant head into goo. "Direct hit!" Tina yelled. "Now let's hit the little midget with the paper crown!" Tina yelled as she grabbed another shell.
All the while Kai and Mordecai were sitting in a pair of old fold-up lawn chairs higher up on the lookout as they looked over the Tundra. "And that's what happened." Kai said as he watched Tina fire off another shell onto the bandits attacking the mountain.
"Shit man. To think that bitch not only tricked us but was working for Jack as well." Mordecai said as he took another swig of his beer.
"Yeah, about that, so Roland once mentioned how you guys were tricked by her… Why did you guys believe her?"
"Simple, we were adventures who out to find fame, fortune, and treasure, and have a good fight. The idea of having your own guide is enticing, gives you an advantage over all the other Vault Hunters. Plus she said we'd be saving the world, which who doesn't want to be a hero?" Mordecai said.
"I guess when you want to put it that way. But then why did Gaige and the other fall for it?"
"Probably the same reasons. Think about, the promise to find a vault full of hell knows what, save the world from a tyrannical man, it also helped that Jack tried to off them once before so revenge may have played a good part in their decisions." Mordecai said as he finished his bottle, only to immediately grab another bottle from a cooler next to him and pop it open. "If you want my opinion, I think you were too hard on her man. Hell on all of them. I mean, if me, Brick, Lil and Roland could be tricked by Angel in such a way, then anyone can be."
"But why didn't she tell me?" Kai asked.
"Ah, so that's what's bothering you." Mordecai said as he watched Tina fire another shell. "I get it, after what you told me happened with how the Alpha's betrayed you, and now this new info of the Vault Hunters working with Angel, your trust is hard-pressed. I've been there man."
"What happened to you?"
"I had a girl back on Artemis, did I ever tell you that I grew up on Artemis." Kai just shake his head. "Anyways, I had this girl who I met when I was seventeen named Rina. A blond firecracker who was also a great shot, we met at a shooting competition. We did all sorts of things together, hunting, swimming, camping. It was great." Mordecai said with a look of remembrance. "Then a few months after we started dating I win another competition where I won at sniper rifle your teacher made."
"The Siah-Siah Muckamuck." Kai said.
"Yeah, so I won the rifle and celebrated with Rina that night… I woke up the next day finding she and the rifle were gone. Took me a month to track her. When I did she was two-timing with some upshot mercenary named Zem or Zane. I confronted her and found she was trying to get off-planet with the guy by using some sob story. It didn't take long to prove she was lying as I had an ECHO pic show me being awarded the gun at the competition."
"What did you do with her?"
"Well, Zane was just as much a victim so… We knocked her out, stripped her of any loot, and left her beaten up at the foot of a police station." Mordecai said with no remorse.
Kai stared at him for several seconds. "Okay, but how is that the same as my situation?"
Mordecai stared into the distance as he thought about it. "Honestly, I don't know." He said. "I must be drunker than I thought." Kai just let out a groan at the man's antics. "But let me ask you this, do you really think she wanted to hurt you?"
Kai stared off at the distance as the last vestige of the sun finally dipped below the horizon. "Fuck it." Kai muttered as he shoved his hand into the cooler and pulled out a beer.
"Woah, what are you doing?" Mordecai asked in surprise.
"What's it's look like, I'm getting a beer."
"Drowning you're problems with alcohol won't solve them."
"Pot, meet kettle." Kai said before he took a long swig of his drink. "Plus, I'm not washing any problems down! I'm just taking a sleep aid, because I really need a good night's sleep after everything today. I'll just figure it out when I wake up and deal with the hangover." Kai said before taking another swig of the ale.
"Dude I am not carrying your ass back down that ladder."
"Yes, you are. You have no choice."
"And what reason would that be."
"First, Hati would bite you." Kai counted as Mordecai shivered at the thought. "Second, Bloodwing owes me for the whole Bullymong steak I cooked off for him that one time while you drank yourself into a two-day blackout." Mordecai then began to sweat at the idea of Bloodwing clawing him again. "And finally, Tina's my cousin, who cares about me, so when she sees you left her favorite slash only big brother as she calls me, outside on top of a cold mountain with wild and deadly animals flying around, how do you think she'll respond?" Mordecai's face went stark white as he muttered the word hell have no fury as a scorned TIna.
"I rest my case… Welp, I'll see you in about… Oh, ten to thirteen hours." Kai said before suddenly freezing. After several seconds he fell back into the chair completely knocked out.
Mordecai stared at the teen for several seconds before letting out a tired sigh. "Some days I really wish I can just check out like that." He muttered as the cannon goes off again.
"BOOM! HEADSHOT BITCH!" Came Tina voice as an explosion rang out from below.
He let out a groan before putting his hand into the cooler only to notice a new problem. "Bastard took my last beer."
X-X-X
After the gang got their disguises straight, they set out into the city. Before leaving, Axton got a map of the city from Stitches which he was using to lead the gang through the city. "Okay, we should be coming up to Spitball Lane and Entrail Avenue. From there we go two blocks west to Diesel Head Raceway where we make a left on Skag Shit Row, from there we take a rust tram to Shock Avenue."
"Okay, sounds simple enough, just one problem." Maya said as she points up to a street sign.
Axton looks up to see it read Hanky Panky Lane and Bonar Street. "What!?" He says as he looks over the map. "But that's five blocks east, how did we get here? Where even is here?"
Face it, amigo, we're lost. Not surprising considering we're in a bandit town. For all, we know that map could be out of date."
As Sal, Maya, and Axton argued Gaige looked around the area. It was still shocking to her that the bandits could make such a massive city under a mountain. It was then that she noticed something odd, the edges of several building tops were starting to freeze. "Umm, Zer0, Krieg, I think something is wrong." Gaige said as she pointed to the freezing buildings. Both Vault Hunters looked around and also noticed the sudden freezing.
"A cold shiver approaches / Danger hangs in the air / prepare for winters coming." Zer0 said as he pulled a Hyperion incendiary SMG.
An explosion erupted from a building raining ice and rubble. From the hole in the was a large man in what looked like a frozen-over white and blue space suit with what appeared to be a Maliwan laser in hand. "I feel a chill in the air." The man said. "For Mister Cryo is here!"
"SHIT! It's the frostbite asshole!" A bandit yelled as a dozen similarly helmeted bandits started pouring out of the nearby alleyways. "Quick! Attack the popsicles before the others-" A Marauder yelled before several shots nailed him in the back. Another group of bandits came out of an alleyway with SMGs and shotguns, dressed like old mobsters.
There was a man in a patched-together suit, the left was all black, the right side top was red, and the lower half of the right was black. Matching the theme, his face looked like it was burned and patched while covered by a half mask. "You got three chances, one you live, two you die, or three, will have a movie date with dinner." He said as he pulled out a three-sided dice.
"Oh no. It three face!" A bandit yelled as the two gangs began to fight.
"Fuck, we need to get the hell out of her-" Before Axton could finish an explosion went off that threw all of the Vault Hunters high into the air. Maya flight was the shortest as she landed through the window of a shop and crashed against the counter. "Ouch." Maya groaned as she picked herself up.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here." Maya looked up to see a skinny woman in a strange outfit hanging on a pipe on the high ceiling as though it were a striper pole. She wore a patchwork leather skin-tight catsuit that had hardened chitin plates in several areas, including a set that emphasizes her already large assets. On the head, she wore a mask that looked like the head of a skag with red lens goggles covering the eyes. In her free hand was a flail with three steel spiked balls hanging from it.
"Who the hell are you?" Maya asked as the woman flipped down in front of her.
"The names Skag Woman, and you're interrupting my shopping spree. She said as several crystals fell out of a bag she hand. Maya quickly realized she was inside some kind of pawnshop, and this woman was an angry thief. "So get ready to be bitten little bitch." Skag woman said.
Maya went stiff as she almost robotically turned to the woman. "What did you call me?" Maya said in a tone that spoke of death.
A block away Krieg had found himself flung up into the sky, landing through a rusted roof of a warehouse. He pulled himself from the wrecked remains of a car he landed on only to find himself surrounded by a dozen psychos all dressed like Truxican wrestlers. Well, what do we have here?" Came a deep baritone voice. Kreig looked to see coming from the shadows a large Bruiser in a similar Truxican Wrestling outfit with several tubes connected to his arms.
"What latrine did you bleed from?" Krieg said.
"My name is Juan Franco Guillermo Santiago Emilio Navarro De La Máximo!"
'Well that's a mouthful.' Krieg's inner voice snarked.
"But to those who oppose me." Liquid slag from the looks of it started flowing through the tubes into the man's arms. His body quickly began to bulge all over with ripping muscles in a matter of seconds, leaving him a whole three heads taller than Krieg. "VILE!" He screamed as pounded his fists together.
Krieg stood up and took a battle stance. "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!" He yelled before charging the man.
Salvador found himself smashing through a dirty skylight and landing hard. After a few seconds of shaking off the dizziness, he realized that he had crashed into a fancy nightclub and had was on the bar top. "Huh… Well, at least I have booze to drink while I wait for this insanity passes." He said as he grabbed a bottle of gin that was sitting nearby.
You're planning on paying for that liquor… and the roof, correct?" Someone said. Salvador looked to find a portly man no taller than him with a long crooked nose in a blueish purple suit. He had a metallic purple psycho mask that was cut to only cover his eyes, leaving his mouth visible. The oddest thing was the suit he wore looked like a set of feathered tails that trailed behind him.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"I'm the Peacock, owner of this fine establishment. Now are you gonna pay or are my associates going to have to rufflel your feathers?" He said as several bandits in roughed-up suits started to surround the bar, armed with different blunt melee weapons.
Salvador took several quick gulps of the battle before breaking it on the side of the bar and holding the impromptu weapon out. "BRING IT BIRDY!"
The tail of the Peacock coat filled open to a set of Peacock feathers that all started glowing red.
Zer0 was shaking off his aches as he looked around his landing site. He was in the middle courtyard of an abandoned apartment building at the bottom of an empty pool… Which raised a few questions as Zer0 thought who would build a pool in a frozen cave until he realized Bandits built this town. Suddenly a massive barred door slammed over the top of the pool as a spotlight illuminated a part of the apartment building with a large hole in it.
Standing in the hole was a maskless psycho with pink-tinted sunglasses in a dirty jacket and pants that looked like multi-colored puzzle pieces in red, blue, and yellow. Around his neck was a cracked hourglass on a rusty chrome chain. To Zer0, the outfit looked like something a pompous art dealer would wear. "Welcome blood mate! To the varkid hole of the Puzzler! If you want to keep pumping tomato juice you need to flex on my noggin altering traps!" He yelled as he smash a button that turned a spotlight on over a table in the middle of the pool. On it sat a single three-sided Rubix cube.
Zer0 just stared at it for several seconds until the cage bars started to slowly lower and arc electricity. "TICK TOCK MY NEW FRIEND!" The Puzzler yelled. "If you don't want to fry you'll need to think like a… a… THINK! HA HA HA!"
"Done."
"Eh?" The Puzzler looks into the empty pool to see Zer0 holding a completed Rubik cube. "But, but how, no brother headbanger could solve the cube of mystery!?"
"This holds no challenge / uninspired my mind has been / I seek better stimulation." Zer0 said as he threw the cube away.
"Well then, if that wasn't a challenge, let's see you beat this!" A box fell from above and opened up to reveal a three by three slide puzzle.
"HA HA HA! You'll never solve this noggin tingler before-!"
"Done."
"... WHAT!?" He looked to see the slide was completed to reveal a cute kitten's face.
"I tire of this / I demand a real challenge / I ask not again." Zero said as he folded his arms.
This left the Puzzler shivering in fear as the assassin's featureless helmet stared back at him.
A street away, Axton slowly pulled himself out of some ice and rubble. "Well, you appear to be a chill mofo." Axton looked up to see Mister Cryo walking towards him.
"Okay, what the fuck, is with the getup?"
"My story is a tragic one, I was once just a low-level Maliwan tech who had to deal with a cold-hearted bitch of a wife. All she did was nag and nag and NAG, talking about how Betty's husband would take her out every weekend, and buy her nice jeweler or bring home fancy chocolates. And any paychecks I did bring home she would just spend on manicures, tacky dresses, and lunch dates with her bitchy friends who all just gossip!" Cryo yelled.
"Umm, damn. That's rough buddy, but what does that have to do with the outfit?" Axton said hesitantly as he got his assault rifle out.
"So one day, I took a vat of liquid methane from my work and threw it at her!' Mister Cryo said quietly. "And then throw it on her!" He screamed. "It was beautiful! To see her frozen in time, quiet, unblinking, just held in place by the sparkling ice… Forever!" He was silent for several seconds until Axton could see a grin creep on his face. "And then, I SMASHED her into a million pieces with a snick-it bat!"
"A bit extreme, don't you think?"
"Then I went and froze her friends, froze that bitch Betty and her husband, my boss, that prick from accounting! I FROZE THEM ALL!" He screamed as he shot a random bandit with his laser, turning the man into a frozen popsicle. "And now I gonna freeze YOU!" He screamed before firing at Axton, who jumped behind a wall that was quickly iced over.
"Why do I always get the ones with marital issues." Axton muttered.
Gaige slowly woke up as she could hear gunfire in the distance. "Ouch." She moaned as sat up and took off her mask as could feel a small trickle of blood coming out of her nose. looked around her surroundings to find she had somehow landed in the back of a Bandit Technical that most have driven off. But when Gaige looked to the driver's cab, she saw several bullet holes and blood splatter on the windscreen, telling her the driver was dead. Gaige slowly got out of the technical and looked around to find herself on an empty street called Farfrompoopen Road. "Hanna move it! We're missing the fight."
"Sorry Mister G."
Gaige turned to see about two dozen armed bandits in green outfits and bandit masks that looked like clown faces. In the lead was a lady in what looked like a skintight bodysuit that was purple and black. Next to her was a lanky man with messy purple hair in a green suit with an oddly curled coat tail. He held a manic smile on his clown painted face that creeped Gaige out. The man noticed Gaige and gave her a once-over. "Who left the kid outside?" The man asked with a quirked brow.
"Wait a second, hey mister Gagger I recognize her. She's that teen who's wanted by that quintillionaire. I think the reward was over eight hundred billion." Said one of the goons.
"Eight hundred billion! Well, don't just stand there you buffoons! BRING HER TO ME!" The crazy clown yelled.
"Oh not again! Gaige said before bolting in the opposite direction as the goons all rush after her yelling and laughing. Gaige quickly started weaving through allies and side streets in an attempt to lose them. Gaige fired off several wild shots with her Rogue Smuggler in a weak attempt to hit one, also knocked over several trashcans. After twisting through several more streets and turns Gaige turned down another alleyway, only to slide to a halt as she realized she had run into a dead end. "FUCK!" Gaige turned around to see the goons and the Gagger come around the corner.
"You know it's funny, I thought I would just have a normal day. Throw around a few bombs, dump some gaggle gas into the black light district, pay some taxes because even I wouldn't mess with the IRS."
"Pandora has an IRS?" Gaige asked.
"The point is, I did not expect to strike it rich today. Now we can do this the easy way… Or the fun way." Gagger said as he let out a maniacal laugh. As he laugh the woman named Hanna, pulled out a comically large mace while the goons pulled out guns, barbwire wrapped bats, and rusty crowbars. Gaige aimed her pistol but knew it wasn't gonna be enough, she hadn't had the chance to restock her ammo after the Wilhelm fight.
"Well, what is your choice gonna be deary?" Gagger asked with a manic grin.
"You sound like Mark Hamil." Gaige snarked.
"So I've been told. Anywho, the fun way it is." Gagger said as he snapped his fingers. The goons slowly moved closer to Gaige in an obvious attempt to capture her.
"I'm warning you, stay back!"
"Why, we all have shields, and you're all alone." Gaige suddenly felt like an absolute idiot. She was about to lift her left arm when a roar filled the alleyway that caused everyone to freeze. "Oh shit!" One of the goons said before something smashed down on top of him. From the cloud a large Bullymong with some kind of stick in its right lower hand jumped out and grabbed the nearest guy by the head and ripped it clean offend tossing it at another goon. The head impacted his and caved both skulls into paste making the man fall over.
"SHIT, IT'S KILLER MONG!" A goon yelled as he tossed his weapon and turned to run, only to get shot by Gagger.
"IT'S JUST ONE MONG! KILL IT, YOU BUFFOONS!" Gagger yelled only to duck as a ripped-off leg flew over his head. "Oh boy, somebody hasn't had their banana today… Hanna, it's time to skedaddle."
"Good thinking Mister G." Hanna said happily before they both turned and ran leaving their goons to their demise. After another minute of the Mong murdering the last of them, it was just Gaige left in the alleyway. The Mong turned to her and Gaige noticed several very interesting details. Firstly the mong was standing straight up on its legs which seemed longer and bigger than a normal Bullymong's legs… Second, it had on a nice pair of pants, in fact, apart from the bloodstains from ripping apart the goons the Mong appeared to be wearing a blue 21st Century suit with a maroon tie. The stick she saw before was actually a large cane with a golden head on it. Third, the right mandible on its jaw looked as though it had been cut off about two-thirds of the way down.
The mong took a step forward but Gaige immediately summoned DT in front of her. "ALRIGHT BRING IT ON FLEABAG!" Gaige yelled as she leveled her gun and DT's claws deployed, ready to engage.
"Fleabag! I dare say, I'll have you know I bathe and groom myself daily young miss!" The mong said in a British accent.
Gaige stared at the mong for several second in stunned shock. "Wait, YOU CAN FUCKING TALK!?"
"Indeed I can young miss, and judging from the mechanical design of your friend here." He said gesturing to Deathtrap. "I assume you are not a bandit?"
"Umm, no. Vault Hunter actually." Gaige responded, still confused at the situation.
"Ah yes, I should have guessed. You don't have that gleam of madness in your eyes like most psychos and bandits do."
"Woah, woah, Hold on. Can we get back to the part where you can talk and who or what even are you, and what with all the crazy-themed gangsters? I mean Mister Cryo, Gagger, and that them calling you Killer Mong?"
The mong let out a sigh. "I say that name is so unbefitting, everything was fine during the first few months but ever since Rakkman started his… I dare say, I don't even know what to call it... An assault spree… I guess."
"Rakkman? Tina mention something about that yesterday." Gaige muttered.
"Tina? As in little Miss Tiny Tina?" The Mong said with what could pass for a smile.
"You know Tina?" Gaige asked hesitantly.
"Know her, why we're trading partners. She is the only one on this planet who can safely get me high-quality fire melon leaves for my collection. We also typically have tea together every other Sunday, she is quite the conversationalist even if she does have a pension to over-exaggerate some of the details."
"That still doesn't answer my other questions." Gaige said as she slowly holstered her weapon.
"Hmm, oh of course, of course! Where are my manners, I am Sir Walter Winserton, gentleman, academic, and purveyor of fine tea at your serves. And you my dear lady."
"Umm, Gaige, Gaige the Mechromancer. Just please don't start calling me a maiden, the last guy who did that nearly got me killed by a thirty-meter tall robot leg."
". . . A leg?" Walter asked perplexed.
"Yes, a leg. Please don't ask." Gaige said as she holstered her sidearm.
"Hm, very well then." An explosion in the distance went off along with machine gunfire. "Well, it appears that the populace has finally joined in on the mayhem. Come, come, Gaige, we can lay low at my place until it is safe to go out again."
"But I have to go find my friend."
"Are they Vault Hunters like you?"
"Uh, yes."
"Then the best thing for them to do is deal with the situations they're in and find a safe place to catch a breath. And once they do, you can give them the address to a safe place to reconvene."
"That actually sounds like a smart plan." Gaige said in agreement.
"Why of course. Now then shall we be on our way, I dare say we do not want to be on the street when the midgets start flinging flaming poop."
"Yeeeah. I may be an Anarchist but not that kind of anarchist." Gaige said as she and Deathtrap followed the Mong.
After several minutes of walking and avoiding a few large bandit gangs running about they reached a rather nice and clean-looking four-story building with a shop on the first floor called Winserton Tea Emporium. They entered and went up to the second floor which was a rather nice living area with fine furniture, some paintings, and a stone fireplace which Walter quickly lit up. "Now then while I go change into something more presentable than these bloodied rags go ahead and make yourself at home, and maybe message your friends."
Gaige activated her ECHO "Angel you there?"
"Gaige, sorry. I'm trying to keep track of several fights all at once. Salvador is fighting some Peacock, guy, thing. Maya is in a fight with some chick calling herself Skagwoman, Krieg is in a wrestling match with several drugged-up luchadors, Zer0's driving a single psycho into a mental asylum, and Axton… I honestly don't know what the hell is going on with his fight, it's all over the place! What about you, where are you?"
"I got chased by a clown gang into an alley where a nearly three-meter tall talking bullymong in a suit jumped in and saved me. I'm now at his shop slash apartment taking cover from the fighting."
". . . Wait the bullymong talks?"
"And wears pants." Gaige added.
"... Okay I don't know how to respond to that."
Gaige lets out a tired sigh. "Angel just give everyone the following address once they're done with their fights and tell them to meet me here."
"Right, I'll get on that." Angel said before the line was cut.
Gaige put her ECHO away and let out a sigh as she collapsed on a sofa, somewhat surprised at how comfy it was. It was the first time that day that she had been able to just sit down relax, but this also let her mind drift to the earlier events of the day. The betrayal of Angel, the attack on Sanctuary, and the look of anger and betrayal on Kai's face.
"I have tea and crumpets!" Walter said, carrying a silver tray with a tea set and a plate of crumpets on it. He was also now in a light brown herringbone suit. He set the tray and poured her a cup which he handed to her.
"Thank you, and you also have a very nice place." Gaige said as she before testing the tea to find it at just the right temperature.
"Oh way thank you, one must show their guest the proper decorum of hospitality after all." Walter said picking up a somewhat large cup of tea and taking a sip with all the posh of a gentleman. "But if you think this is lovely then you should really see my greenhouse, I grow over two hundred types of tea leaves in there. I may sometimes brag that it's the greenest place on Pandora." He took another sip of tea before he eyed Gaige for several seconds, noticing her depressed demeanor. Walter set his cup on a small table by his chair and brought his upper hands together to sit on his lap while his lower arms rested on the chair's armrests. "You seemed troubled my dear."
"Troubled is an understatement." Gaige said dejectedly.
"Well don't be shy, maybe I can be of help." Walter said. "Please tell me, what troubles you?" He asked encouragingly.
Gaige thought about it for a moment until she let out a sigh. "I guess I have nothing to lose." So for the next twenty minutes, Gaige went and explained her story to the gentleman. From her incident where DT killed Marcie, to her current situation.
After Gaige finish she looked to see Walter in thought with his upper hands brought up in a thinking pose as he seemed to be pondering her story. It would have been a funny sight to Gaige if not for her current mood. "So let me see if I have all the facts. So you and your Vault Hunters friends started following a mysterious voice who told you only you can defeat handsome Jack." Walter finally asked.
"Yup"
"Only for her to turn out to be an advance AI who works for Handsome Jack and helped trick you into taking a device that let her infiltrate Sanctuary's defense system."
"Mhmm."
And in the process you also ended up betraying the trust of your best friend slash secret crush-"
"I never said that." Gaige said defensively as her face reddened.
"You didn't need to." Walter said with a chuckle. "And now your trying to find Sanctuary in hopes that finding will help bring back him back and show that you are still trustful."
"... Yeah." She said a little dejectedly.
"But your still afraid that it won't be enough to convince him that you mean well, and that you will lose the chance to tell him your feelings of love."
Gaige just sat there trying to hide her blushing face.
"Hm, am I missing anything else?" He asked as he picked up his tea cup.
"Umm, Kai is Tina's long-lost brother."
Walter stopped before taking a sip of tea and quickly set the cup down. "Really, I thought Tina didn't have any siblings?"
"Well, cousin to be more accurate but since their moms were identical twins. You get the picture."
"Hmm, I do. You also realize unless you fix this Tina is going to hunt you down."
"She wouldn't do anything like that… Would she?" Gaige asked hesitantly.
Walter let out a jovial laugh. "You should have seen what that young lady did when Rakkman attempted to liberate Princess Fluffybutts from her evil clutches. It took the bandits a month to fix the south side of the Fridge." He paused for a second in thought. "It did end up brightening the area up though." Walter said as he took a crumpet.
"Ugggh." she groaned. "CRAP! I forgot about Tina. Now I'm really screwed." Gaige lamented.
"Gaige my friend you are not, eh, screwed as they say. True there is a little more pressure on you."
"A few megatons." Gaige retorted.
"Regardless, I can safely say you are on the right path to redemption, all you need to do is continue what your doing with confidence and you'll both be together again in no time."
"And if it's not enough?" She asked.
"Then give the bloke a good wack or two. At worst you both may lose a tooth or two in the kerfuffle, but I'm sure it will only make your impending relationship stronger."
A small smile crept onto Gaige's face. "Ha… I guess it wouldn't be the frist time I did such a thing… Not that I like it." Gaige looked at the Bullymong. "Thank you Walter."
"Of course my friend. I am always willing to lean an ear to those in need."
A bell suddenly rang from somewhere in the apartment. "Ah, I believe that would be your friends. Come now Gaige let's go greet them." Walter said as he stood up and walk to the stairs with Gaige quickly following him.
"By the way, you never did answer me as to what you are?" Gaige asked.
"Hm, oh, my apologies. I'm an escaped Hyperion animal experiment. some kind of super serum experiment that strength my body and sharped my mind by leaps and bounds." Walter said nonchalantly.
"Ah, that explains it." Gaige said as she followed.
Outside Maya, Zer0, Salvador, and Krieg were all standing outside of what they thought was a tea shop. An uncomfortable silence had fallen between them as they waited. Sooo, I'm guessing you each had your own fights?" Maya said after a minute.
"Damn bird ruined a good bar brawl when he started firing fireballs from his tail." Salvador muttered. "But." He said with a grin as he pulled something out. "I did manage to steal some of his boo-" Salvador stop mid-sentence and stared at the empty rum bottle which had a crack in it. "FUCK!" He screamed as he lobbed the bottle down the street where it smashed into a drunken bandit knocking him out.
"I rumbled in the roped Jungle and deflowered the face." Krieg said as he held up Vile's mask.
"A puzzle mine was / difficult the traps were not / very underwhelming it was." Zer0 stated as an angry face appeared on his mask. "You?" Zer0 asked looking to Maya.
"A catfight with a very limber female psycho dressed as a skag." The three other Vault Hunters stared at her for several seconds.
"Did you get any pics?" Salvador asked only to receive a smack to the back of his head from Zer0.
"Anyways, Angel are you sure we're at the right place… Angel?" She asked not receiving a response.
"Sorry l- I'm a little busy trying to keep up with Axton's situation." Angel said.
"Does he need help?" Maya asked.
"No, it just… I'm honestly not sure… But he's not in danger."
Maya narrowed her eyes. "You sure?" Maya asked a bit more forcibly.
"He's fine Maya, it's just… You'll see, he's almost here. But before I forget, Gaige mentioned that her new friend is a-" Before Angel could finish the door opened an they found themselves staring at a large bully mong.
"Qué demonios!" Salvador yelled as he and the others all raised their guns.
"WOAH! Woah! Hold on guys!" Gaige yelled as she pushed out from behind Walter.
"Gaige what the hell!?" Maya asked now confused.
"Guys, this is Walter, Walter my friends Maya, Zer0, Krieg, and Salvador." She said as she gesturing to each.
"Good evening, and I am terribly sorry if my appearance scares you, it is quite understandable considering how my kind typically acts."
"Wait, it can talk?" Maya asked.
"Why is that everyone's first reaction when they meet me?" Walter said .
"How many talking Bullymong do you know?" Gaige retorted.
"Hmm, touche." He said.
"So were not shooting the mong?" Salvador asked.
"No." Gaige said flatly.
"Got it. Got anything to eat amigo?" Salvador asked.
"Well it is about dinner time so I'm sure I can whip up something while you have some tea in the meantime."
"Got anything stronger?"
"Well I did liberate a case of aged brandy." He said thoughtfully.
"PERFECTO!" Salvador said as he followed Walter in with Zer0 and Krieg behind him.
Gaige looked around and frowned. "Hey Maya, where Axton?"
"Angel said he would be here soon, just that something happened with him."
What do you mean something happened?"
Before Maya could say anything they heard a laugh. The two looked down the street to see Axton who had his arm over Mister Cryo's shoulder as they walked along like old friends. "So you really think I can reach my dream. Even after all this time, after all, I've done?"
"Come on man, you built a cryo cannon and froze a city at one point out of scraps, just get some books and brush off the rust, and in no time at all you'll be set."
"Yeah, your right Ax… But, why help me though, we were sworn enemies just an hour ago? Hell, I nearly killed you several times?"
"Dude, in situations like this the bro code trumps the whole enemy thing." Axton said giving Cryo a slap on the back. "But look at yourself, and all you built! Dude you're a genius! Use that brain and follow your dreams."
"Yea. I am brilliant, and I'm going to finally follow my life's dream and open the greatest ice cream shop the universe has ever seen!" Mister Cryo cheered. "Axton, you've been a big help to me!" He said as they stopped on the street. "How can I ever thank you man."
"Think nothing of it man, am just a bro helpin another bro out." Axton said nonchalantly. "Just go make something of yourself… And maybe get back out into the dating scene."
"Damn straight I'm going back on the market!" Mr. Cryo then pulled out a Maliwan laser that was a mix of metallic gray and gold. "Here I want you to have it."
Axton picked it up and looked the weapon over and his eyes widen. "You sure bro, my HUD says this is a fucking legendary gun?"
"You're a Vault Hunter, you'll get more use out of it than I will anymore. Hell, the most use I might get is blasting the freezer when the power goes out."
"Well at that point you sell soup." Axton said which got a good laugh out of Cryo.
After a minute of laughing and calming down Cryo holds out his hand to Axton which he takes and shakes. "Thanks for everything Ax."
"Hey, any normal guy with a proper backbone and an ounce of respect would do the same thing. Now get out there and make something of yourself you brilliant bastard!" Axton said giving the man a final pat on the shoulder.
"See you around bro." Cryo said nodded and walked away, as Axton waved after him.
Maya and Gaige just stared dumbfounded at what they just witnessed.
"Angel please tell me you can explain this." Maya asked with a twitch in her eye.
"I don't- I don't know. One second they were fighting the next they were talking like old friends!" Angel was silent for several long seconds. "I'm honestly not sure what I just witnessed." Angel said.
Gaige who had been quiet for the entire exchange just let out a sigh. "Whatever, I've had enough of today, the last thing I need is to try and psychoanalyze the male brain." She turned to go inside only to stop. She looked back to Axton who was still looking down the street where Cryo had gone. "Oh for crying-." She muttered. "AXTON! Get inside you damn goofnugget!" Gaige yelled which jolted the Vault Hunter out of his thought.
"YES MA'AM!" Axton yelled on instinct before bolting in like a recruit caught by a drill sargent.
"What?" Maya and Angel both asked.
"For some reason he reacts to the word goofnugget and turns into a obedient soldier for about sixty seconds. Only seems to work once a day though." Gaige stated.
"How did you find that?" Angel asked.
"On accident. Kai told him once to go eat a Rakk tail. Ax then tried to go hunting after a nearby flock of Rakks… We think it's a reflex from his Dahl days." Gaige said.
"Huh… Interesting." Maya said with a mischievous grin.
"Don't even think about it. Me and Kai found it so we reserve the right, we need it for if Ax does something really stupid."
"Fine, fine, now can you please explain to me how you met a talking Bullymong?" Maya said as the entered the shop and shut the door behind them.
X-X-X
Torgue Mini Adventure
Chapter 8
It was a picturesque day on the planet with a calm wind that blew golden sakura petals gently through the air of a small Japanese town that looked straight out of the Edo period and that acted as a stop-over for travelers and a small tourist trap. As locals and tourist walked about, Billy was looking through some of the shops picking up some different foods for their ship. "Let see, from that last shop we've got Tarubiean squash, Gneezuno black peppers for heat, several cured Fluffy Bongos, fresh kelpie roots, a slab of Xaklearang ribs, Sionus cherries, and several fresh chickens." Billy said as he went through the list on his ECHO. "I wonder what else we can get? Maybe a couple of uphionge cakes, some ground Addax to add to the taco case. Oh, maybe some Ocoaliv bacon." He said excitedly.
A angry snort caught Billy's attention as he looked down to find Remmy, who had several small bags of food tied to his back, glaring at Billy.
"Oh come on, Ocoaliv's aren't even hogs, there more like fat and angry land hippos. Just because it has the name bacon in it does not mean it's part of a pig." Billy countered. Remmy just let out a huff and continued walking. "Seriously there's a difference!" Billy said walking after him.
After another thirty minutes of shopping the two are walking back to the port when they hear a yell. They turn to see Mister Torgue walking up to them with several large bags in his arm and strapped to his back. "Sup guys, you get anything good?" Mister Torgue asked.
"Got a number of things, and no we did not find any paprika." Billy said.
"Seriously!? This is the third planet in a row that we couldn't find f*cking paprika on." Mister Torgue said with a groan.
"I got something called Bist root. Lady says it basically the same thing, tastes like it too… What's all that?" Billy said pointing to the bags.
"High-quality steel, these types of towns always sell the best quality materials for gun building. Plus I needed some good titanium to fix the hood, that patch job from that merc incident won't last."
"Anything else?"
"Some katanas, throwing stars, nunchakus, a f*cking kaiju tooth which I'm thinking of mounting over the table in the galley." Torgue said as they started walking together.
"You would do something as stupid as that." Billy said.
"Oh come on! It's fucking badass!" Torgue yelled as he threw an arm out which flew into a large drink cup that had kanji that said mega gulp, that was knocked out of someone's hand. Billy looked to see a dark-skinned man who wore an angry glare on his face with a large flowing black afro. He was wearing a white hakama top with a dark almost black pair of pants that splayed out at the bottoms and a standard katana on his hip. The final detail was a white headband the man wore with the Japanese sun symbol on it and the kanji that said number two.
The man stared at the spilled drink for several long seconds as Mister Torgue backed up a step. "Oops… Sorry buddy, I didn't mean to-"
"That was the last cup of lemonade they had in this town… I spent the last three days just to find someplace, with fresh-squeezed lemonade and you just spilled it!" He said in a deep voice." Before Torgue could say anything else he jumped back as a sword cut at where he had been standing. "
"SH*T!" Torgue yelled as dozens of bystanders quickly backed up giving the two-room to move. Torgue shoved his hand into a bag and pulled a katana out while dumping all of his bags and almost immediately having to block a slash from the samurai.
"Boss!" Billy yelled.
"STAY BACK!" Torgue yelled as he pushed the man back and then countering with a vertical slash. The man jumped to the left and then kicked Torgue in the stomach. "YO MAN, IT JUST F*CKING LEMANADE!" Torgue said. "SH*T!" He move his head left just in time to dodge a stab directed at his head from the samurai but could feel a small trickle of blood from a new cut.
"Okay, now your f*cking asking for it!" Torgue yelled as he rushed forward with newfound vigor.
As the fight ensued Billy and Remmy were watching from the sideline. "Since when did Mister Torgue know how to sword fight!?" Billy said in amazement. At that moment Remmy noticed something and nudged Billy's leg. "Hmm, what's wrong?" The piglet pointed towards the crowd across from them and noticed several people slowly pulling out knives, swords, and other weapons. "Oh fuck… Remmy, lock and load." Billy said as he set his bags down.
Meanwhile, Torgue and the afro samurai were trading a fury of moves. "Been meaning to ask, what's with the number two headband?"
"If you have to ask, it's better that you never know." The samurai grunted as he leaned back to avoid a close horizontal slash. The man uses the chance to kick Torgue's hand as it passes, knocking his sword into the air. Torgue had to almost immediately jump back as the man slashed at Torgue, nearly taking his left foot.
"Seriously, if you're that mad about the drink I'll pay for it, hell I'll buy you a new one!" Torgue yelled as he landed near one of his bags and pulled another sword from it.
"You think a bribe will fix what you have done!"
Torgue was silent for several seconds. "Yes?"
Afro was about to charge again when a gunshot went off and a Torgue gyro jet round flew between them. They both turned to see Billy holding a smoking Torgue assault rifle with a bayonet on it. Next to him Remmy was holding his Torgue pistol in his jaw with a look of fury in his eyes. They then heard a groan and both looked the other way to see a thuggish Asian man with a katana in hand with several other thugs flanking him. The guy looked down to find a hole had been blown in his chest. "Fuck." He muttered before falling forward onto the ground.
"Holy shit them bitches killed Taneyori!" A thug with a pair of daggers said.
"Man, forget about him, dat otoko wuz an uh asshole anyways." Said a man in a blindingly red heavy shogun armor with golden hologram horns coming off of the top of the helmet. "Nows listen up Afro samurai, ya can eitha make dis quick n painless by lettin' me off your stupid ass n take dat headband o' me n take mah crew will make your last beatin' da most painful experience ever! nows hand ova da head band!" The man yelled as he pointed a gold and black kanabō at them. Several more thugs were revealed as the civilians all ran away to cover making the total number of thugs a little over thirty.
"All this for a headband? Torgue asked as the Samurai took a battle stance towards the Shogun.
"It's a long story." Afro muttered as Billy moved closer to them and pulled out his 88 Fragnum in his right hand leaving the rifle in his left.
"Well, what all dat shiz gonna be?" Shogun shouted.
A rat-looking thug with a manic grin was dancing around. "I can't stand it! I want blood, I need blood! MUST HAVE BLOOD!" He yelled before rushing towards the group with a pair of kabutowaris. The thug jumped at them with blades ready to strike Torgue only for a flash of light and a bang to go off. The thugs were sliced in two by the Afro samurai while several explosive shells mutilated his upper torso.
"KILL DEM BOYS!" Shogun yelled as a dozen thugs charged. Two ran for Torgue who paired the first guys sword while catching the other guy's arm in his left hand as the thug tried to bring down a bloody kanabō on him. He pulled the kanabō guy around and swung him into the first thug and launched the two into a food stall. Seeing Mister Torgue distracted another guy with a katana in one hand and a tanto in the other rushed in towards Torgue's left as another large thug with a pair of spiked brass knuckles rushed from the right.
Torgue saw the swordsman and threw his Katana at the man driving it through his neck and throwing him several meters until the body is pinned to a building side. He turns in time to see the brawler. Torgue ducked under the man's punch and returned his own to the man's jaw disorienting the brawler. Torgue readied and unleashed a massive uppercut into the bottom of the man's jaw, sending him flying into a store marked Konishi's sharp objects emporium, where the man crashed into a shelf with all kinds of sharp objects that fell and impaled his body. "HA, don't think you can take on a five-time Heavy Metallum boxing champion, you f*cking punk!"
As Torgue was gloating, Billy was firing at several of the thugs with his guns, three guys who all looked like gangster wannabe ninjas jumped at him. Billy shot the first one with the Fragnum blowing out the guy's left hip. He then shot at the second guy who was spinning a kusarigama with the rifle only to find he actually had a shield. "GOT YA BITCH!" The ninja yelled only for Billy to thrust the rifle forward and pierce the guy's sheild and then chest with the bayonet. Billy unloaded the remaining ammo into the ninja blowing chunks out of him with each shot.
"BROTHERS! You asshole, take this." He ran through several odd hand gestures before yelling "Bakuhatsu suru kugi Jutsu!"
In one sweep of his arm the man throws several dozen red glowing darts at him, Billy holds up the body of the ninja on his bayonet as a shield letting it take the hits as the darts hit and explode in small fiery pops. Billy throws the body out of the way before aiming his pistol at the last ninja. "Pop a bitch no Jutsu." Billy said before blasting him with two shots blowing the guy's head off. "Damn weeb."
Billy looks over to see the Afro kick a thug so hard in the face that several teeth flew out of his jaw. He then turned to slash another man with a sword in the head-splitting his head in two. Just then Billy noticed a man with a Jakobs sniper rifle aimed at the Samurai, Billy was about to yell a warning when the thug fired. In a move so fast that Billy never saw it the Afro man had his sword up and a ping could be heard as several thugs behind him were seemingly hit as though a shotgun went off. "Did- did he just cut a bullet?" Billy asked before a yell of another thug distracted him.
Afro looked at the sniper who was panicking while he tried to work the bolt on his rifle. He heard a sound in the air and twisted his head in time to dodge a pair of kunai that had been thrown at him. In a flash, he spun around and immediately grabbed both kunai out of the air with his left hand. Using the momentum of the spin he threw one back at the thrower driving the weapon into the man's skull. As Afro continued his spin he tossed the last one towards the sniper where the kunai wedged itself in the sniper's rifle barrel, the sniper fired only for the gun to explode and pepper him with shrapnel.
Afro heard a yell as he turned to see a sword inches from his face only for a Torgue bullet to hit the wielder in the face and knock the man off course, making him miss by a hair. Afro quickly turned and slashed across the man's chest and cutting him down. He noted the burn mark on the man's face when he felt something land on his shoulder only to see a little read boar with a checkered handkerchief and a Torgue pistol in its jaw. It fired the gun at two thugs quickly putting them down. "Hmm." Afro respond in interest only to then run after another thug while Remmy kept shooting.
Another minute of fighting left all of the thugs either dead or dying on the blood-stained street leaving only the Shogun. "Fuckin' idiots. Fine, if them bitches can't do all dat shiz dis home boy here'll kill yall muthafuckas myself! Come n git all dis shiz!" He yelled holding up the kanabō as the the rest got ready for him… Only for nothing to happen. "Well, what be ya waitin' for, come n git all dis shiz!" Shogun yelled.
"It's your move." Torgue said.
"Mah move! Naw, dat not how da fuq dis works, ya'll come ta me!" The man yelled.
Billy stared at the man for several seconds. "Can… Can you even move in that armor?"
"What! o course, dis badass here can move." Shogun yelled, waving his weapon at them.
"No, I mean… No, you know what, you want to kill us, come here and do it." Billy said in a taunting tone as he spread his arms wide open. Nobody moved for several moments as a purple feathered vulture flew down and started pecking at one of the dead thugs. After several seconds Billy let out a chuckle. "I knew it, you can't move in that hunk of gaudy scrap." Billy snarcked.
"I can to!" Shogun yelled.
"Then go on take a step." Billy said taking a step back. "Uh-oh, I'm getting farther away, you better chase me." Billy said with a grin as both Mister Torgue and Remmy were trying to hold in their laughs as Afro just watched in mild interest.
"Git back here ya damnnnn bitch."
"No, I think I'm good." Billy said as he made a show of looking over his gloved hand as though he was checking his nails.
"For what fuckin reason ya damnnnn naw gooder son o bitches do ya think ya can jus toy wit me. Imma goin' ta rip ya ta pieces n-" He yelled as Billy watched on with what the others could only imagine was a smug grin. After several minutes of ranting, Shogun finally seemed to calm down.
"You done?"
"Ya." He said in an annoyed but tired tone.
"Good." *BANG, BANG!*
Several pellets exploded on Shogun knocking him over and leaving him screaming in pain on the ground. Billy just pulled out a grenade and tossed it at him, itlanded on the guys chest before it exploded and turned the man into scrap metal and paste. "Well, that was fun." Billy said as he spun the Fragnum in his hand for show before holstering it as he walked over to the corpse.
"I'll admit, never thought you would have the f*cking balls to mess with someone like that." Torgue said with a proud grin.
"Eh, I had to deal with a lot of assholes back in college who would act like they're the top dog, mostly with over-muscled steroid heads there on sports scholarships." Billy said as he picked up the Shogun's kanabō and gave it a test swing. "Of course, I always get really hungry after such arguments. Who's up for takeout, I'm craving yakitori, anyone else?" Billy asked nonchalantly as he stretched.
"Now hold up, you still owe me for that lemonade you spilled." Afro said with an angry.
Torgue was about to say something when Bill held up a hand. "Sir, I think I have a way to fix this mess that will be to your benefit." Billy said which earned a raised eyebrow from the Samurai.
Later, as the sun was starting to set and turning the rolling hills gold. The Torgue gang was sitting by a small picnic table they set up outside the Torgue-anought on the hilltop airfield.
A spoon full of yellow ice (NOT THAT KIND!) entered Afro's mouth, after a few seconds he let out a sigh. "Oishii… Refreshing." Afro then set down the empty bowl next to several more empty bowls, all with a look of content. "You were right, that was more refreshing than a normal glass."
"Glad you liked it, I'm just glad I remember we had that shaved ice machine and some fresh lemons in the cryo storage." Billy said as he munched on some yakitori.
"Still, your explanation about the Headband is just crazy. I got to be honest, running around fending off thugs for a headband that only special quality is that you can challenge the guy with the number one headband is f*cking crazy… The whole revenge angle makes more sense then that." Torgue said as he went back to his bowl of ramen.
"He's got a point, you're basically always living with a target on your back with that thing, it's only a little better if you do manage to get the number one headband." Billy said.
"It's my life and my choice… But your right about the practice, which is why I plan to disappear with it, and the number two headband." Afro said.
"Damn that's extreme." Billy said as Remmy oinked in agreement.
"Maybe, but it's still my choice." The samurai said as he got up and picked up his sword. "Thanks for the shaved ice my bullet shaped friend, it was quite refreshing." He then looked over to Mister Torgue. "Hopefully the next time our paths cross we won't need to cross blades."
"Man after that f*cking fight I don't want another go against your sword. I may know some sword fighting, but only enough to fend you off for a short time."
"Ha. Don't sell yourself too short." Afro said before he turned to Remmy who was sitting on the picnic table, with a bowl of half eaten miso soup. "It was odd, but damn good fighting with you little dude." Afro said as he held a fist. Remmy answered with happy oink and tapped his front right foot against Afro's fist.
Afro then turned and walked towards a nearby road. "Catch you later, space cowboys." He said as he walk out of sight.
"That is one chill dude." Torgue said. Alright, finish up. We're getting out of here."
"Aye captain." Billy said as he plopped another stick of yakitori into his costume's food slot.
As Afro walked down the path he passed an old Torii gate. Leaning against one of the pillars of the gate was a dark skinned old man with red rim sunglasses, and a white-haired afro that swayed in the wind. He was wearing ninja garbs with a long black scarf that waved in the wind as he smoked a cigarette. "Man, I keep telling you motherfucker, you need to kick that damn lemonade addiction you have, it just causes you trouble, especially on these small rural colony worlds." He said as he flicked his cigarette away and moved behind the piller.
"But I will say that was a fun as hell fight, got you a good workout, burnt off that stress, and got a good show out of it." The ninja said as he balance himself on top of the gate. "I mean, duking it out with Mister Torgue of the Torgue corporation himself, fighting with a cool as hell gun-slinging piglet, and watching a cartoony bullet mascot rip apart a grown punk-ass twerp who couldn't be a motherfucker if his life depends on it." He jumped down and started walking backward in front of Afro. "I mean, that guy straight-up called that bitch out on his bluff, and then rode that burn straight to the damn bank! That was legit man!"
The man then took a thinking pose as he stopped on the road. Although, there was something fishy about that Bullet guy. He almost seemed more-"
"Shut up." Afro quietly said as he passed the ninja.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were still stressed out. You know what you need, you need a nice piece of ass to finish this day off, with a sweet set of big old tits!" Ninja said gesturing with his hands.
"Shut up." Afro said with a bit more force.
"Man why you gotta be like that?" The ninja said as he fell into step behind him as they walked into the sunset.
X-X-X
-Link Re-establish-
(Gaige) KILO! WHAT THE HELL!? Why would you put me in such an outfit!? Or even suggest such other outfits?
(Kilo) Because it's funny.
(Tina) I wonder what other costumes she could end up in… OH OH! What would happen if we put drunk Gaige in a quick change?
(Kilo) Now there's an idea.
(Gaige) NO NO NO NO NO! Don't you even dare do such a thing.
(Kilo) Sorry Gaige, but it's the will of the pen… Or keyboard.
(Torgue) I'm actually surprised your madder at this than the dream sequence at the beginning of the last chapter Gaige. Both yours and Kai's dream put you in some… How can I f*cking say this? Embarrassing situations.
Gaige's face looked like a glowing red hot piece of metal as steam started rising off her embarrassed and irritated face.
(Gaige) Kilo, never again or I swear-
(Tina) Oh, heeeeell no girl. This shit is too damn good and funny to pass up, and Moxxi would ring our necks if Kilo didn't make anymore. Kilo you have my full permission to write more of this, go CRAZY!
(Gaige) TINA! Why you traitor, how could you just throw me under the Technical like that! How would you feel about such a thing happening?
(Tina) Oh, don't worry, Kilo has my full permission to write such things about little ol' me. Don't leave out any details.
(Kilo) . . . Maybe when we get to Borderlands 3 and you've grown up, I have standards you know. Also, have you been reading Moxxi's literature collection again?
(Torgue) Yeah, even I have to draw the line there little buddy. Anyways that new me adventure was f*cking awesome! Billy f*cking ripped that guy apart. And I got to throw down with a badass samurai!
(Gaige) When did you learn to sword fight, and with katanas for that matter?
(Torgue) Took a kendo class as an elective for my history requirements in college. I was okay, but my size makes any sword I hold more like a short sword, so I could never get the full training without special gear. F*cking budget cuts.
(Gaige) Hm. Neat.
(Kilo) Now then onto the reviews. First silentslender, glad you stuck around for the chapter, and I'm also glad my dream sequences lived up to what you'd expect... Though that does remind me I need to do one for Maya.
(Tina) Can I help with that?
(Kilo) . . . Maybe. Also, I hope to maybe do a few more jokes with Bloodwing. PanzerKampfWagonJager, never left in the first place man, it would take a lot to make me stop. Yeah, things are heated right now with the confused lovebirds, will be seeing how that plays out in the next chapter or two. But I will say storming Opportunity isn't on the list… Yet.
Blaze1992, as logical as it would be to just nuke them and be done with it, Jack is the type of person who wants to watch people he considers enemies to suffer. A nuke is the equivalent of a Thanos snap, with a fancy light show. Not saying he wouldn't do it, it's just he needs to be really pissed and given no choice. As for Kai's talk with Wilhelm, well Kai had already disabled his joints and weapons so he really didn't have too much to worry about. Plus he's not a heartless bastard like a certain Jackass.
(Gaige) You know, it surprises me how not that many people don't make use of the word jackass to describe Handsome Jack.
(Kilo) It really is. Anyways for those curious about the costumes the gang had, here's what they were. Axton had the Bone Blinder head, Maya's was the Phaselock and Roll, Salvador's first choice was Superduperfly until Krieg had vetoed it, he then just got the Goliath's head. Zer0 got the Echolocation head, as for why considering the theme from this chapter why not. As for Gaige.
(Gaige) Oh no.
(Kilo) Now her first outfit is sort of a mix of Aunty Entity (Tina Turner's) dress from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and the dress Summer Smith wore in the Rick and Morty episode Rickmancing the Stone. Her final costume had the Metal Blood head on. If you want examples you can see them on the Discord as mentioned at the start in the costume guide section there.
(Gaige) This is embarrassing.
(Tina) Come on girl, you looked fiiiiine. Strut what you got!
(Gaige) Not helping Tina.
(Kilo) Well, that finishes up this chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it. I will say sorry for not having much action in this one, I just needed to get the story moving again. Please remember to follow the story to get any new updates and please leave a review. So until next time carry on Vault Hunters, Kilo8 out! TINA!
(Tina) GOT IT!
*BZZZT*
-ECHO Review Log Terminated-