Rebel Anarchy

by Kilo8

With no one left and no place to call home, the last surviving rebel fighter from a ruined world begins his journey to avenge his planet and comrades; to Pandora: where he plans to hunt down the leadership of Hyperion, the cause of his misfortune. However, he and the rest of Pandora will soon be thrown into a storm of anarchy when a certain redhead and her robot show up.

22. Chapter 22 A Craptastic Day

-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

(Kilo) Welcome back everyone to another chapter of Rebel Anarchy!

(Tina) WE LIVE BITCHES!

(Gaige) Uh, what she said!

(Torgue) HELL YEAH!

(Kilo) Now I'll leave the chapter notes, news, and answered reviews at the end, but before we continue I just want to give a shout out to everyone on the Discord for your help and a special shout out to The Killer Mohawk who came up with the name of the special villain in today's chapter. For anyone interested in updates, special content, and early releases, or your just looking for help with your own Borderlands fic then feel free to join using the link I typed out or PM me for an invite.

HT TP (Colon Double-slash) discord . gg / QdSgTw6Z

With that, enjoy the chapter everyone, TO THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER!

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

X-X-X

Stories text formats

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

X-X-X

Chapter 22

A Craptastic Day

Gaige was looking out of a window at the Fridge with a fresh cup of coffee in hand. Not canned coffee, or packaged ten-year-old Dahl grade coffee, but actual fresh bean coffee from one of Walter's several coffee trees in his greenhouse. Gaige took another sip of the dark brew and let out a moan of pleasure. "Dear Murphy, I needed this."

"You sound like you're about to make love to that cup." Maya said behind her, which scared Gaige and almost made her drop the cup. Gaige looked to see the tired-eyed siren with a head of messy hair that was still somewhat styled in her disguise and from waking up.

"When you get your first cup of fresh bean coffee in over a month, it's to be expected." Gaige retorts, causing the siren to perk up.

"Did you say, fresh coffee?" Gaige just motioned to a coffee pot on a silver tray with several mugs neatly set around it. Maya nearly lunged at the pot and poured herself a mug, soon taking a sip of it once she added her cream and sugar. "Oh my god, that is amazing." Maya said with her eyes closed as she savored another sip.

"Careful, your O face is showing." Gaige said, getting Maya to choke slightly.

The siren shot a glare at the teen who had a cheeky grin. "I guess I deserved that." Maya muttered as Gaige chuckled.

They both stood in front of the window looking over the city for several minutes after that in quiet contempt before Maya broke the silence. "So, how are you feeling about what happened?"

"You mean what happened with Kai yesterday?"

"Is there anything else?"

"Oh let me see, we took on a giant murder cyborg, then there the fact Angel betrayed us to the Handsome Jackass, Sanctuary being bombarded from space, Lilith literally yeeting the city into another reality, finding a secret Bandit city, being attacked by a gallery of clowns, one literally a clown, getting saved by a talking bullymong-"

"Okay, I get it. . . Smartass." She muttered as Gaige stuck her tongue out. "But in all seriousness, how are you?"

Gaige was quiet for several seconds. "Honestly a lot better than before. I talked with Walter yesterday, he's a good listener and gave me some good advice."

"What did he suggest?

"Just keep pushing forward, and let my actions speak for me." Gaige said before taking a long sip of her coffee. "After all, what else can I really do."

"I guess that would be the simplest thing to do. You know, most love-struck teens would do something crazy to get their other back."

"As if. Do I look like the kind of girl that would be the female protagonist in a rom-com." Gaige shot back.

"No, you're more the female protagonist in a shōnen anime who chases after the dense as a brick male protagonist." Maya says before taking another drink of her coffee while Gaige stares at the woman in shock.

"Okay, A, life is not a Murphy damn shōnen anime."

"You go on weekly adventures to fight against bandits, creatures, robots, villainous CEOs, mad scientists. Hell Gaige, you took down a giant monster just this week."

"As cool as that fight was, please don't mention that damn bug again. It took me two hours to clean the gore off." Gaige said with a groan at the memory of the day before everything went to shit.

"Quit complaining, you got to kill a giant monster. Hell, we could probably cross-reference your life story as a sci-fi, Mecha, fantasy since we have space travel in our time, you've fought a giant robot leg, and have apparently rediscovered that magic is a thing in our screwed-up universe."

"You're oddly knowledgeable about anime." Angel chipped in just then.

"Oh, morning Angel." Gaige said as she filled her cup again.

"Good morning you as well, now what's this about an anime collection? I just got here."

"Yeah, where did you get your hands on stuff like that? Didn't you say you grew up in a monastery with a bunch of crazy monks with little to no ECHO access?"

"Oddly enough, it was one of the monks who had a hidden anime and manga collection, she hide in a secret room in the library. It was a pretty big collection too, games, manga, old DVDs, and PVC figurines. She even had a complete hardcopy collection of One Piece, Two Piece, and Three Piece, all 5300 episodes, and the 45 movies."

"That's actually kinda impressive." Gaige admitted.

"I'm only a third of the way through Two piece… Wait… Why did a monk have such a collection?" Angel asked.

"She apparently only joined the order because she had owed some massive debt to a loan shark, she figured what loan shark would look for her in a monastery that worships Sirens. Anyways she used to let me hide out in her collection room if I helped her clean up the place. Other than the rest of the library and training my powers it was one of the only forms of entertainment I had."

"Huh… never would have pegged you as an otaku Maya." Gaige said, which earned a giggle from Angel.

"Tell anyone and I'll liquefy your brain." The siren said holding up her left arm and letting the tattoos light up. Gaige just holds her hand up in relent.

"That won't work on me." Angel said merrily.

"No, but I can subscribe your ECHO mail account to every single dating site I can find on the ECHO. Especially the robot dating sites as I know from Hammerlock, Claptrap is on every single one." Maya said with a hint of ice in her voice.

"... Please don't."

Just then both Axton and Salvador walked in looking just as sleepy as she and Maya had been. "I must be dreaming still because I swear I smell fresh coffee." Axton said.

"Your senses don't lie / the holy elixir indeed exists / enjoy while you can." Zer0 said as he stood next to Gaige with a mug in hand.

Gaige stared at the ninja next to her for several seconds. "Seriously, when did you even get here?" She asked no longer surprised by his stealth abilities. Maya meanwhile stared at him with a face of horror.

"Um, how much did you hear just now?" She asked meekly. Zer0 turned and his helmet towards her and it lit up with a (¬‿¬) face.

Soon all the Vault Hunters were seated at the table when Walter came in with a covered plate in each hand. "Good morning my new friends, I see you found the coffee. I hope it's to your liking." The group all gave their praise to the life brew as Walter just chuckled. "Well then, I hope you like my cooking." He said as he put the platters down on the table and pulled the cover off of each platter. "First we have homemade waffles with redbud syrup, fresh Fire Melons, courtesy of your friend miss Tina, scrambled Starhawk eggs, and crispy bullymong bacon!"

The others stared at him in horror. "You- you eat your own kind?" Gaige asked.

"My dear, cannibalism isn't anything new to the animal kingdom, especially here on Pandora. It's a skag eats skag world." Walter said as he sat down in a large chair that would accommodate him at the end of the table. He then took a few waffles from the platter before passing it to Salvador who took some himself. "So I presume you all shall be continuing your quest today?"

"Yeah, if Axton can navigate us out of this damn city." Salvador said as he dosed his pancakes with syrup.

"It not my fault the damn map was made by bandits! What were you expecting?" Axton retorted from across the table.

"Hmm, may I see this map?" Walter asked. Axton handed him the map as the Mong pulled out a pair of special glasses from his breast pocket. "Well, no wonder you couldn't find your way. This map is three weeks out of date."

"Only three? I honestly can't believe a city can change that much in three weeks." Gaige said.

"A normal city yes, but the Fridge is a Pandoran Bandit city." Walter said matter of factly as if it logically explained everything. Though when Gaige and the others thought about it, it actually did explain everything. "May I ask where exactly you were going?"

"The old loading dock on the Eastside." Came a familiar voice from Maya's ECHO.

"Haa, you must be this AI I have been hearing about."

"Um, yes. My name is Angel Sir Winserton."

"Please, please, call me Walter." He said with a laugh. "I believe you have been also trying to help our friends here navigate this city?"

"With little luck, unfortunately."

Walter lets out a small chuckle. "Well, luckily for you, I was planning on showing you the way as well as helping you avoid any more trouble from the local mischief-makers."

"You know you never did explain why all of these guys are dressed like B flick comic knockoff heroes… Or villains?" Gaige asked as she took some bacon.

"Well, it started when a man called Rakkman appeared, this ruffian psycho who wore a Rakk mask with some wings, claimed to be… Actually, I honestly don't know what he claimed to be, he would just spout random shit about Rakks and butter. At first, it was a few random fights with the bandits and psychos, everyone does that, even I do when I need to vent some anger after spilling a good cup of tea. But Rakkman, no no no, he kept escalating things. About a month after he appeared the Fridge woke up to find one new dead body of one of the biggest gang leaders, tough guys, or a few respected community figures in town every day for a week."

"First was Acid Hank, the most acidic Goliath in town and three-time Blood Brawl champion. Found dead on the steps of the Fink's Slaughter Dome with a bottle of Tediore pipe buster drain cleaner shoved in his mouth.

"Next up was Orsino 'The Dapper' Campodonico, head of the Crystal Gorilla's who were the biggest pushers of Eridium dust in town. Was apparently fed enough Eridium over the course of several hours to eventually crap out a radioactive nugget that killed him."

"That's a nasty way to go." Axton muttered as Gaige and Salvador nodded in agreement.

"Then it was Noisy Sandra. Had the body of a supermodel and the voice of a chalkboard ran through a rusty wood chipper powered by nitrous. She could scream so loud every eardrum within a block would be bleeding or shattered. Was found hanging by the neck in a karaoke bar by a microphone cable and had a rebar rod shoved through her head. In one ear and out the other." He motioned which received a few grimaces.

"Calm Alec, an upstanding midget, by bandit standards, who ran several whore houses while funding the Fridge's Central Hospital and drug lab. Was found in his office with three gunned-down psycho hookers and a silver dildo shoved through his heart. And I mean real silver. Not painted plastic but through and through solid silver!"

"What the fuck?" Gaige muttered.

"I think I might be sick." Angel said.

"Elda 'Shotgun' Salone, was the second biggest gun runner on Pandora after Marcus and controlled all of the city's gun sales. They found her headless body in a red weapons chest with several boxes of shotgun shells… Each shell had a bit of her head in it.

"Ghostly Jo, an albino Skag that was an unofficial mascot and unsung hero of the Eastside. He would keep the Stalkers from sneaking into town, for the low price of a fresh midget every week. Found nurtured and put down with a shotgun slug, before being left to be fed upon by the Stalkers."

"And finally Vulpiano 'Iceman' Vazzana, the founder of this city and the man who united several major bandit clans to build this utopia of madness. His body was found outside of city hall with his head trapped in a wooden box filled with instant dry cement with the words I defend this town with the Rakkman logo spray-painted on his chest.

Everyone stared at the Mong for what felt like several minutes. "Holy crap baskets." Maya finally said.

"Yeah, what she said." Gaige said. "So then what happened? The city went into anarchy?"

"Oh no, the city has always been a lawless cesspool of anarchy and mayhem. It's just Rakkman made a show of his acts."

"I'm sorry, what do you mean made a show of it?" Angel asked the question everyone was thinking.

"He was always the center of attention for any major fight and killing in the Fridge, no matter how badass something someone else did was, the conversations would all go back to Rakkman. This caused some of the other bandits to get. . . Jealous. So a number of them started putting on their own costumes to make a name for themselves… If I had to say, we've traded gang brawls with guns and knives, for larp sessions with guns and knives."

"And everyone else is just fine with this?" Axton asked.

"Their bandits, what do they care." Walter said before glancing at an old grandfather clock. "I would suggest we hurry up and finish breakfast though, we will need to leave in the next hour if we want to avoid them."

"Why?" Axton asked.

"These masked fools mostly work at night, so right now they're all asleep for a few hours." Walter said as he took another sip of coffee. "Do you really want to find yourselves caught up in one of their games again?"

"Point taken." Axton said taking a sip of his own coffee. "Is there any chance we could get a bag… Or twelve of this coffee?"

"You humans and your caffeine addiction." Walter said lazily.

"I've never understood it myself." Angel said.

X-X-X

About three hours later the gang found themselves near the entrance to an old loading dock which was next to a frozen-over underground river with several odd glowing crystals clusters on the surface. "Behold, the Eastside Dock." Walter said as the gang looked from a cliffside. "Frozen in time, never to be used even once."

"Never used? What do you mean, looks pretty used to me." Gaige said noting the rusted cranes and vehicles.

"Never used for its intended purpose. This was all finished just a few weeks before Atlas decided to invade again.

"Again?" Gaige asked.

"I believe your friend Roland, and the other Vault Hunters back in Sanctuary would be better suited to tell you that tale." Walter said as they made it to a fence. "Now then, you just need to make your way to that heavy loading door on the other side and it will take you to a tunnel that will lead to the Outwash. I must warn you, Hyperion has a small Moonshot supply port there, so be ready for combat. Oh and of course, you'll need to watch out for the Stalkers… If you can."

Maya looked at him "Whats a Stalk-"

"YOU!" They all turn to see the Gagger, Three Face, and the Peacock upon a container with about three dozen goons with them.

"Oh shit." Gaige muttered.

"Who the hell is the chupamedias with the makeup?" Salvador asked.

"My villain from yesterday." Gaige answered. "The peacock?"

"Mine, and the scarface guy?" Salvador asked.

"He was fighting Cryo at the start yesterday before we were blown away." Axton said before looking at Gagger. "Huh, you weren't kidding when you said he's a clown.

"You damn VAULT HUNTERS made a mockery of us all, you trashed our places, interrupted our feuds, and denied me an eight hundred billion dollar bounty!"

"Awww, Gaige, you didn't tell us you had your first bounty hunter come after you yesterday. We would have celebrated." Axton said in a disappointed tone.

"Firstly he's not a bounty hunter, second, he's by no means the first bounty hunter to come after me already. Third, is this really the fucking time!" Gaige said yelled.

Before anything else could be said the gang heard what sounded like tank treads and motors moving through the dock. "Oh no, tell me that's not who I think it is." Walter said in a voice that conveyed his despised dread. From around a small warehouse what looked like two porta-potties on wheels with the machine gun turret from a Runner came around the corner. Then another porta-potty rolls around the corner. The difference though is this one is about three times the width of a normal porta-potty and is spray painted gold with what looked to be the heavy turret from an old Crimson Lance APC. Sitting in the turret was a man with a blue bandit mask with the image of a silver toilet seat embroidered over the face. Across his chest was a bandolier made of toilet paper with a dozen toilet mints attached to it.

"BOW BEFORE MY MIGHT MORTALS!" The man yelled as Walter and all the villains let out groans of dread.

"Alright, which of you buffoons invited the Portanator?" Three Face asked.

" You know none of us can stand that idiot." Peacock sneered. Mong, is this your doing!?"

"Heavens no, to be even be mentioned in the same sentence as that… thing is utterly ditestable."

"ENOUGH! Jeremy, what the hell are you doing here!?" Gagger yelled in anger.

"I'm here to avenge the slighting on my property! NO ONE SHALL USE MY PERSONAL THRONE AND ESCAPE MY WRATH!" The Portanator yelled as he pointed an accusatory at Salvador.

"What did I do?" Salvador asked.

"You used my Porta Tank, you didn't flush, the water tank shows you didn't wash your hands and you drew a dick on the wall in permanent marker!" Portanator seethed.

Salvador stared at the man and then looked at the tank. "Wait, that the portapotty is a tank? Really, honestly, that was one of the best toilets I've ever crapped on. Looks like something right out of one Kriegs home decor magazine."

"Butterscotch?" Kreig asked.

"Yeah, marble countertop, wood finished floor and cabinets, quadruple ply toilet paper, it even has a little fireplace for added effect. I had to mark such a place!"

"Do you have to say it like that?" Maya said with disgust before turning to Krieg. "And home decor magazines, really?" The man just shrugged.

"IT WILL TAKE ME MONTHS TO FIX THE DAMAGE!" The Portanator screamed.

"Oh, will you shut up Jeremy! Just go away, we have first dibs on the Vault hunters!" Gagger yelled.

"You dare, interfere with my vengeance peasant." Portanator sneered.

"Fuck your vengeance! I want my reward money!" The clown yelled.

"I don't have time for this." Three Face said.

"Oh, you don't time! These assholes tore up my club. They demasked Vile, guy hasn't come out of his arena all night!"

"So, they did nothing to me, this is your fight you damn bird brain!"

"Bird brain! I'll show you bird brains!"

"ENOUGH! Can we just kill the damn Vault Hunters!" Gagger yelled as he shoved the two away from each other.

"How dare thee, I have already laid claim to their heads!" Portanator yelled.

"You have no say in this you damn porta-nut, so fuck off and leave us alone! Now then Vault Hunters, surrender and-" Gagger and the other villains stared at the spot the Vault Hunters had been before only to see them and Walter missing. "What?" Gagger turned to see the gang running towards the other end of the dock. The group of villains stood there for several seconds until Gagger shot them a glare. "Don't just stand there you idiots! They're getting away!"

The Vault Hunters were halfway across when bullets, lasers, rockets, and a kitchen sink started to fly by them from behind. "Now this is starting to become a joy good Kerfuffle my friends, this is where we part ways. I'll distract these ruffians while you make your grand escape."

"You going to be okay, they got a lot of men and guns?" Axton asked not slowing his pace.

"Sir, while I may present myself as an upstanding gentleman, even I enjoy a joy ol' good fight every so often!" Walter cried out in jovial glee. He jumped and grabbed a nearby light pole with both of his left arms and used his momentum to spin around and launch him back towards the villains. "TALLY-HO!" He screamed.

"What I would give to have a fight with him." Salvador said.

"Sal, he's a three-meter tall Bullymong who can probably bench press a Goliath." Gaige said.

"So?"

"You're barely a meter tall, hell you're shorter than me."

"I'm taller than you!"

"And as I've said before, hair doesn't count!"

A roll of toilet paper suddenly flew out in front of them and exploded making the group come to a halt. From behind a stack of containers, The Portanator came barreling out in his porta-tank. "You dare run from the great Portanator!"

"Umm… Si." Salvador answered.

"And you dare MOCK ME! I'll show you to MOCK THE PORTANATOR!" He yelled launching several TP mortars to the side in the show, with several landing in the frozen river. This action however had unintentional consequences as the ice around the crystals began to break.

Hearing this the Portanator looked to the source of the sound just in time to see several dozen large three-legged creatures covered in scales and yellow and black crystals pulling themselves from the ice. "Oh poo." The Portanator muttered as several creatures began firing crystal shards at him like a machine gun.

Gaige looked back to where Walter was engaged in a fistfight with Three Face. As Gagger, Peacock and several goons had turned to fight the crystal monsters, taking note that they seemed to be focused on the glowing crystals on their legs.

She looks back to see the Portanator focused entirely on the creatures as he fired morters and lasers from the turret of his porta-tank. "FLUSH THIS YOU MONSTERS! AHH!" He screamed as a large crystal landed next to his tank and exploded. The blast flipped the porta potty themed tank on its side leaving the Portanator trapped. "Oh God! It's everywhere!" He screamed.

"GO!" Axton yelled as everyone bolted for the cargo door. It took about a minute of dodging fire and killing several goons who had stayed back to make it to the door. Krieg got to the control and punched the control only for nothing to happen. He tried several more times until he gave up. "The portal is snapped like a Karen!"

Gaige ran up and looked at the control as the others stood with their guards up. "Red, what's the word?" Axton asked as Gaige pulled off the panel and started rummaging through the wires.

"Looks like someone messed with the control. But, I can hotwire it but I need a minute."

"Well, you better hurry. We got company."

Gaige glanced back to see several of the creatures lumbering towards them as everyone else opened fired. Gaige rapidly began to cut and splice wires as fast as she could, after about twenty seconds, several sparks shot from the control causing the heavy door to open slowly. She looked at the control and saw it was fried. "SHIT! CONTROLS DEAD!" She yelled. There was then a loud clank that drew her attention to the door and saw that a single large steel rod was connected between the doors. "And the locking mechanism engaged, FUCK!" She yelled.

"Is there another way to open it?" Maya yelled. Gaige glanced at the slightly open doors when an idea hit her. "Maybe… Yes! Axton, hand me that thermite grenade! KRIEG, get over here!"

The psycho quickly ran over to the teen who had rushed to the door, as Axton tossed her the grenade. "Alright big guy, when I tell you it's safe, I need you to pry the door open as much as you can so I can squeeze through and get to the controls on the other side!" She explained quickly, as she pulled out a roll of kaiju tape. Krieg nodded in understanding. Gaige quickly attached the grenade to the bolt with several quick wraparounds of tape. Once done, she pulled the pin and moved back pulling her goggles down to cover her eyes. "Krieg, you may want to look away!" Less than two seconds later the grenade ignited in a flash as bright as the sun, and within seconds boiling liquid metal started pouring out of the grenade and cutting through the lock bolt.

Within ten seconds the bolt melted through as the molten metal burned through the concrete beneath it and into the earth. Making sure Krieg wouldn't get hurt she turned to the psycho who had looked away from the fire show. "Alright big guy, you're up!"

"JAWOHL MURDER BUDDY!" Krieg said as he turned around. He moved to the door and grabbed the two doors and began prying them both, however it was slow going.

"You guys need to hurry it up, our guns are doing next to shit to these things!" Salvador yelled as he swapped from a pair of assault rifles to a common Tediore rocket and a Dahl SMG hoping that at least the rocket would do something.

"Come on Krieg! You can do this!" Gaige cheered only for several rock shards to suddenly hit Krieg in the back, dropping the man to one knee. "FUCK! Krieg's down." Gaige yelled as she pulled an insta-heal from her inventory. "Dammit, Krieg you forgot your shield again didn't you?"

"Electric blanket… To toasty." Krieg muttered as Gaige shot the red liquid into the psycho wounds.

"Come on buddy, you are the only one who can wedge open that door. You're the only one who can save us right now." She hesitated for a second on her next word. "Only you can save the blue rose!"

Krieg's eye shot open as he felt pure unadulterated rage course through him. "No one… can toUchE… mY… BLUE ROSE!" He roared as his right arm bulked up in a similar way as a badass psycho. He bolted up and grabbed the doors again and pushed with all his strength. The metal groaned for several seconds before the right side gave a few inches.

"Come on Krieg, just a little bit more Gaige said as she attempted to squeeze through the opening.

"RRRRAAAAAGH!" The psycho screamed as he wedged the door just a bit more for Gaige to finally squeeze through. Once through the teen quickly ran to the control and hit the control. After a moment of the motors struggling the door slowly began to open.

Gaige then turned to realize that there was still a problem. They were at the top of a long lift shaft and the lift was at the bottom. As the others retreated into the room She looked around and found another set of controls off to the side and quickly ran over to recall the lift. While it began to move, Gaige noted that it was agonizingly slow. "Shit. Sal close the doors!"

Salvador moved over and hit the door control several times, finally getting the doors to start closing. Only they were slower than the lift. "This is as fast as they go ninta!" Sal shouted as he fired another rocket at one of the creatures, managing to kill it in the explosion.

"Where's the lift!?" Axton yelled.

"Slower than these things!" Gaige yelled as she deployed DT and joined the firing line with her Commerce Beta SMG while DT shot lightning bolts from his eye. After another minute both the doors and lift were still only halfway.

"Shit, is there no end to these things!" Axton yelled. "What even are they?"

"There Crystalisk, supposedly a number of them, lived in a cave near my town." Salvador yelled. "Never saw one, but my grandpa said if I ever saw one you need to aim for. . . Uhhh."

"Don't tell me. You forgot!" Maya growled.

"I was five when he told me!"

Just then several explosions went off around the creatures blowing them apart or severely wounding them. From the smoke, the Portanators tank which had several dents and large scratches lumbered forth. "Look what you have done to my precious porta-tank!" A wet Portanator with several dark stains on his clothes yelled.

"Damn, this guy is persistent." Axton said.

"There's no escape for you this time VAULT HUNTERS!" The Poranator yelled with an evil laugh. "NOW DIE!" Before the toilet themed man could fire a metal throwing blade that looked like a Rakk impaled itself in the barrel of the turret. "FOR POOP SAKES! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP NOW!"

Before anyone could ask a large puff of smoke appeared between the opposing groups. "The shiny moonbeams… ATE ALL MY CORNCOBS!" yelled a man with a fake raspy voice. "They sliced my mom's purly-purls and sent the Rakk to graze on her piano-driven corpse!" He continued as several dozen Rakks began to fly around the smoke cloud. "MY PARENTS JIGGLED AND SQUIGGLED AND I DIDN'T KILL THEM I PROMISE! THEY CALLED ME INSANE." The voice screamed as the shadow of a figure could be seen in the smoke. "No. I'M NOT INSANE for I am the throat scratch! I am the ball itch! I am the pebble in your boot, the annoying floater in the corner of your eye, the two-minute ad you can't skip, and the brother-inlaw you hate for banging your sister! I am the PANTS!" A now visible caped figure yelled. "I! AM! RAKKMAN!" He yelled, throwing off the cape and revealing a shirtless psycho with a Rakk mask on his head and a pair of Rakk wings that seemed to be duck taped to his back.

"Crapbaskets, why do you always show up at the most inopportune times! Why are you even here? You hate Vault Hunters just as much as the rest of us, hell you killed several a few months ago." The Portanator yelled.

"You have forsaken the milkshake of misery, and chosen the path of the yellow river Toilet man." Rakkman said.

"IT'S THE PORTANATOR YOU DAMN ASSHOLE!" He shrieked.

"My darkness will engulf your flamingos, and consume your boggers!"

"RAAAGH! Fuck you!" Portanator yelled as he charged forward at the Rakk themed man just as the doors closed in front of the Vault Hunters. To which, they all let out a collective sigh. Gaige fished out her ECHO and tapped a few icons.

"Walter, we've made it to the lift and secured the doors. You can get out of there now."

"Jolly good my friends. I'm currently disengaging so I will take this time to withdraw, it was getting rather busy out there. But boy was that an exhilarating workout. Anyways, I wish you all safe passage on your journey forward."

"Thank you, Walter." Gaige finished as the gang stepped on the lift and Gaige activated it. "Glad that's over." She muttered as she walked over and sat down on the hood of an old mangled car left on the lift while DT floated next to her.

"Tell me about it. I would have hated to fight that guy. I mean, what kind of name is the Portanator!?" Maya said as she leaned on the hood.

"Just imagine if he went into an origin rant." Axton

"Please don't, I don't want to even imagine it." Gaige moaned out. "I already have a bad case of I wish I never thought of that."

"Oh, what are you thinking?" Axton asked.

"Imagine if the Portanator teamed up with the Shit Stain Clan." Gaige answered as Axton shivered.

"That's a horrifying thought, plus I thought we agreed never to talk about the honey pot."

"Wait, it this the honey pot that I was supposedly part of-"

"Don't ask." Gaige and Axton both said.

It was quiet for a minute as the lift continued down before Gaige broke the silence. "Hey Angel, you there?"

"Yes, Gaige?"

"How long will it take for us to get out of this tunnel?"

"If my calculations are right, about a three-hour walk from this particular tunnel."

Everyone let out groans at the answer. "Great, just great." Axton muttered. "And I thought things couldn't get any worse."

"You know, I'm still trying to figure out how this all happened. Let alone why it happened." Maya said as the lift finally reached the bottom.

"What do you mean?" Salvador asked.

"I mean, why did you lie to us, Angel? Why did Jack have to use us to get to Sanctuary? Why go through all of this trouble when all he had to do was wait?" Maya said as the gang started to walk, or ride as in Gaige's case as she sat on DT's shoulder.

"You have no reason to trust me, I get that. But you have to understand, I had no choice. As long as I do as he says, I'm free to move about the ECHOnet. . . However, if I step out of line, or tried to warn you… He would cut me off from the universe, and inflict pain. . . Well, more pain anyways."

"Well, that's… Heavy…" Axton said with grimaces. "Wait your an AI, how can you feel pain?"

"Electro feedback. Happens when robots… And cyborgs." Gaige said lightly rapping her metal fist on DT's shoulder to make a point. "When a certain amount of electricity goes through the bot or person systems. It won't do any permanent damage so long as it stays below a certain point."

"Yikes." Salvador said as Zer0 nodded.

"And the double-cross with the power core?" Maya asked.

"Jack needed a way to catch Roland and the Raiders off guard. While in theory, he could have just waited for Sanctuary's shield to fail, the Raiders would have had time to plan and safely evacuate most if not everyone to someplace else such as Hollow Point or T-Bone Junction before that happened. He needed a Trojan Horse, what better way than making it look like you just happen to find a long-lasting power core and then destroying the shield from within."

"Damn, that guy knows how to play the long game." Axton said.

"He's a ruthless CEO, such tactics are child's play for someone like Jack." Gaige growled thinking of the time her former classmate Marcie bragged about how her father duped a rival company into investing in a small fake tech company. The rival company fell into a trap when the small company suddenly folded, letting Marcie's daddy swoop in and buy up his rival's company for cheap.

"I didn't lie about one thing, without you, Pandora has no hope. For if Jack has his way, he'll be able to lay waste to Pandora and control it with an iron fist."

So we stick to the plan, keep hitting Jack till we can put a bullet in him, simple enough." Salvador said.

"I'm game." Gaige said.

"SLAY THE PUFFERFISH!" Krieg yelled.

"Good to see your all still ready to fight, but if you're going to stop Jack from controlling the Warrior, you'll need my help.

"Skilled us six are / we will stand against Jack / Can we trust you?

"Now that Jack has played his card about my existence, it will be harder for him to notice when I'm helping you."

"Still, what reason do we have to trust you, Angel." Maya said.

"Because, I know where the Vault Key is." Angel stated causing everyone to pause and look at each other.

"Okay, that's a pretty good reason." Maya relented, "But I still have one question. What is the Blue Rose?" She asked turning to Gaige while Krieg looked away and Salvador and Axton tried to hold back their laughter.

Gaige meanwhile gained a smug look as they all continued on. "Maya, my dear friend, whatever do you mean?"

"I know Kai has been giving you lessons on Psycho speak, and I've looked up all the known translations, there is no translation for the term Blue Rose." Maya stated.

Gaige just laughed. "And you never find it in any translation, as it is not a phrase… It's a name."

"Name? Name for who?"

"I can't give you all the answers Maya, there would be no fun in it if you can't solve the mystery for yourself." Gaige said playfully as she gave DT a tap on the shoulder signaling him to move on.

"Gaige… GAIGE! What the hell does it mean?" Maya said as she chased after the teen while the others stood back.

"You know, I thought watching Kai and Gaige's little love novella was fun, but this is a close second." Sal said.

"I second that… Sorry big guy. She'll either figure it out, or you'll get the guts to tell her about your feeling… someday." Axton said giving Krieg a pat on the shoulder.

"The yearning of my blood cells cry to be released, but the void loom's over my clap light."

"Love is a test / a challenge for two side / but both need awareness." Zer0 states.

"I'm sure you are just overthinking this Krieg. And I get it… you are looking for the right time, just, don't wait too long."

"Garbanzo other little voice in my egg." Krieg said as he and the boys walked after the others.

X-X-X

It was just before mid-day when Kai finally woke up with a hangover. After a quick wash, he made his way out of Tina's house to the outside meal table. When he arrived he found Mordecai already halfway through a bottle of ale and Tina working on some random device with a pink toolbox next to her. "Well, if it ain't mister sleepy head, enjoy your beauty rest?" Mordecai said with an obvious undertone of annoyance.

"Yes actually, thanks for bringing me down last night." Kai said smugly as he sat down and grab what was left of the morning's breakfast.

"Not like I had a choice, asshole." He muttered as Kai poured himself some of the cold instant coffee Tina had made earlier.

It was quiet for a minute until Mordecai finally let out a sigh. "So, about what happened yesterday."

Kai let out a groan. "Yeah, I fucked up."

"Fuck up is an understatement bro." Tina said as she pulled a soldering iron from her toolbox.

"Thank you for reinforcing my previous statement Tina." Kai said with a deadpan before taking another bite.

"So what the plan then?" Mordecai asked.

"Well, first I'll track her down."

"Okay."

"Save her, and the Vault Hunters as we both know they're going to be fighting for their lives when I find them."

"It always happens."

"And finally give Gaige an apology."

"Sounds simple enough."

"Wait… THAT'S IT! YOU'RE JUST GONNA APOLOGIZE!" Tina yelled. "You think a simple apology will fix the damage done to your friendship! To a maiden's heart!"

A certain redhead in a tunnel sneezed at that exact moment.

"Firstly, don't use the term maiden for Gaige. That idiot Dirk called her a maiden, and honestly, it doesn't fit Gaige's personality, she got too much fight in her. Secondly, what would you suggest?" Kai inquired.

"You profess your undying apology for your outburst." Tina said in her British accent. "Admit that you were in the wrong as sakura petals rain above both of you under the fading rays of the days sun. And with her heart open at your heartfelt apology, you profuse your undying love to you red-headed warrior princess… And then you hug her and kiss her and pet her and finally you fuc-" Mordecai just slaps his hand over Tina's mouth as Kai stares at her.

"Tina, who the hell taught you about the birds and the bees?" Kai asked hesitantly.

"Moxxi and her hentai collection." Tina said after freeing herself from Mordecai as Kai just facepalmed himself. "That girl really loves her-"

"TINA!" Kai yelled, interrupting the girl.

"What, you saying you're not interested in Moxxi and her tastes? What kind of man are you?" Tina accused.

"The kind of guy who sees Moxxi as an unofficial sister-in-law who's currently carrying my future godchild." Kai said blankly.

Mordecai, who had been taking a swig of his beer, did a spit take before looking at Kai. "Mox is pregnant!?" When did this happen, and who is the father!?" Mordecai yelled in anger.

"Reiss." Kai said, immediately ending the sniper's anger as he soon gave Kai a regretful look. "And it was just before he died, so… three, four weeks now. Moxxi only started having morning sickness about a week ago."

"Shit, sorry man. He was a good man." Mordecai then lifted his beer up in a symbolic toast. "To Reiss.".

"Yeah… To Reiss." Kai said mimicking the gesture before they drank. After he set the mug down he shot Mordecai a shit-eating grin. "By the way, you owe me and the guys seven hundred bucks and three cases of Rakk ale."

"FUCK!" Mordecai said as Kai laughed.

"Okay, okay. So if you're not gonna go bow chicka wow wow with the redhead with the cute little ass, then what are you gonna do?" Tina said as Kai just let out a groan.

'Can something happen so that this conversation will end.' He mentally cried. A sudden explosion nearby rocked the cavern as an alarm started blaring. "What the hell was that?" Kai asked suddenly feeling a sense of dread come over him as another explosion rocked the cavern causing dust and dirt to fall from the cave roof. Tina quickly jumped up and ran to her garage. She jumped up to grab a hanging cord, which pulled down what looked like a submarine periscope from the ceiling. She lock the handles and spun it around as she looked through it. A moment later she jerked back with a look of panic.

"Oh crap! MORDE, it's the big one!" She yelled.

"Big one? What are you talking about?" Mordecai asked as Kai walked over and looked through the periscope, to say he was shocked at what he saw would be an understatement. Outside there were hundreds of bandits surrounding the mountain, from what appeared to be over two dozen different bandit clans and gangs. Out front of the entrance were about ten Blaster Goliaths firing away with rocket launchers in an attempt to blast the door open, and from the sounds of it, they were making headway.

"Fucking hell, that got to be every notable bandit clan in a fifty-kilometer radius! Tina, just how many clans have you pissed off!?"

"Umm, let's see, there's the Burger Monarchy, the Flying Butt Monkeys, the Raging Skagallops, the Twisted Daggers, the Chipotle Ass Rockets, the Fuck Face Fuckers, Cuntbusters, Suicide Squadron, the Sexy Rakk Hive, Psycho's Unlimited, Orgy Fanatics-"

"I get it, I get it!" Kai said trying to ignore the fact Tina knew several words he had hoped she wouldn't learn till she was fifty.

Mordecai took a look through the periscope and groaned. "Man, this isn't good. Even with a vending machine for ammo and a surplus of bombs, I don't think we'll be able to hold them all off with just the three of us."

"Do you guys have a secret exit or something?" Kai asked, making Morde look over to Tina.

"I only just started blowing out a tunnel last week birdman. Even at full speed, it will take days to finish!"

"And I doubt climbing down from the lookout perch will work since we're likely encircled. They'll see us and pick us off in no time." Mordecai said.

Kai thought for several moments before he pulled his ECHO out and punched in a number.

X-X-X

Out in the Dust.

An ECHO was beeping on a workbench in the garage as Ellie was waist-deep in the guts of a monster truck engine. "Hey, Mikey, can you get that? . . . Mikey? . . . Mikey!"

"Dammit Ellie, I heard you the first time! Just give me one second Loggins said as he ran inside and picked up the ECHO. "Ellie's Garage, what broken?"

"Loggins, it Kai!"

"Oh hey, Kai! Here let me get Ellie for you."

"No, No, No! I need your help specifically man!"

"My help? What do you-" Loggins started only to be cut off.

"Remember that favor you own me? I'm calling it in, but it hinges on one thing."

"Which is?" He asked curiously.

"Is your project ready?" Loggins froze as he looked between Ellie who had come to listen in and the ECHO.

"Dude! I got you on speaker." The pilot said with panic as Ellie quirked an eyebrow.

"I DON'T CARE IF ELLIE FINDS OUT! IS IT READY OR NOT!?" The sound of an explosion in the background could be heard as well as some Truxican swears from what sounded like a little girl. "NEED AN ANSWER LOGGINS!"

"YES! I mean, it works but I haven't actually taken it out yet man!" He answered in trepidation.

"I DON'T CARE!" Kai yelled before pausing for a second. A moment later a loud bang could be heard on the other end as someone let out a hoot of a small victory. "Look, the point is if you don't get here soon, Mordecai, myself, and my long-lost little cousin who I just found again after ten years will be turned into a bandit clans feast tonight! NOW GET YOUR ASS TO TUNDRA EXPRESS ASAP OR I SWEAR I WILL HAUNT YOUR ASS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Kai yelled just before another explosion could be heard in the background.

"Kai! Get up top, they're trying to bring in Buzzards for an airdrop!" Mordecai yelled in the background before the call was cut out.

Loggins stared at the ECHO for several seconds as Ellie watched him. "Mikey, what was he talking about?"

Loggins just let out a sigh and started walking out of the garage. Ellie followed him out to the back of the junkyard as the pilot walked between the piles back near the back entrance where a few old Dahl cargo containers were sitting. "Where are you going?"

"To prep this." Loggin's opened a container door and walked in. Ellie followed and walked into a hidden work area with tools and parts all about, but it was what was in the middle of the area that caught her attention.

"Is that what I think it is?" Ellie asked.

"Yup, it was gonna be a surprise but now, it's gonna be used for a rescue mission." Loggins said as he looked upon his creation.

X-X-X

Torgue Mini Adventure

Chapter 9

Billy and Torgue stared at the disassembled hyperdrive pulse induction baffle that was sitting on the ground. Or what was left of it, as several of the baffles were fused together. "Can we fix it?" Torgue asked.

Billy picks up one of the fused baffles and gives it a look over before dropping it unceremoniously on the worn tarp sitting on the hanger floor. "With this damage, not a chance, the worst part is I noticed some melting in the hyperdrive's inner casing while we yanked it out, meaning the whole drive is probably misaligned or worse, could rupture."

"How could this happen?"

"Probably from that hit we took in that plasma storm we barely escaped last week. Honestly, we're lucky we made it this far.

"So what now?"

"Sorry boss, but until we get another drive the Torgue-agouht isn't going anywhere." Billy said dejectedly.

"D*MMIT and we are only one jump away from Pandora!" Torgue yelled.

"Pardon me, my friends… May I offer you some… libations." Said a lanky man in yellow pinstripe slacks and a brown suit jacket with blonde slick back hair with a silver tray with several drinks on it. But the odd thing was the man's eyes, or lack of them. Instead of pupils or irises, his eyes were just black orbs. Beneath his eyes were some blackish streaks that crept down his cheeks.

"Thanks, Mancubus." Torgue said as he took an ice tea off the tray.

"You appear to be dejected, what seems to be… the problem?" Mancubus asked as he set the tray on a nearby workbench.

"The baffles are fused together, plus even if I machined new one's the drive housing has warped, meaning the whole thing is too unsafe to ever use again. Honestly, we're lucky that we managed to make the jump from Vupenope to here."

"Hmmm, I see… that's quite the problem."

"The real problem is where are we going to get a new drive out here in the borderlands." Billy asked.

"New, not happening, will probably have to slap one together with different parts… or steal one." Torgue added.

"That's an option… I've been around you for too long if I'm considering that as a viable option."

"Well lucky for you, I may be able to help you with that. Follow me please." Mancubus said as he walked out of the hanger.

The two followed the man out of the hanger and down the road past the Lodge, an odd establishment that Mancubus ran. Especially considering it sat on the edge of an old and barely used spaceport. They came to a small machine shop down the road with a chained shut and padlocked door.

"What's in there?" Torgue asked.

"Oh, just some of my… larger procurements." Mancubus said as he unlocked the door and removed the chains.

He opened the door and reveals a room filled with tools, and old devices. On one table was a giant beach ball size silver sphere with four antennas sticking off of it. In another corner there was an ancient car that was partially covered by a cloth, the only visible part was the front grill that had the logo DMC on it. On the opposite wall was a large glass display case that held various items such as an ornate wooden box that said Jumanji on it, a large silver and gold key that appeared to have a sword hilt, and an old mangy wizards hat that looked like had a grouchy face thanks to all the wrinkles.

They got to the back where there was a large covered object on a dusty steel pallet. "I have no particular use for this item, but for the right price, I think it will meet your needs." Mancubus said before grabbing the tarp and pulling it off. A small cloud of dust was sent flying that agitated Billy and Mister Torgue for several seconds until it cleared. What they saw shocked them, on the pallet was a gleaming hyperdrive engine, it was more than an engine, it was a work of art. With polished chrome, shining titanium piping, and wiring so neatly done it would leave any IT worker crying at its perfection.

Torgue let out a whistle. "Now that's a nice engine."

"Nice… NICE!" Billy yelled to Torgue's surprise. "Torgue do you have any idea what this is!? This is a Leviathan XJ-5 Warlock Implosion drive, the single most powerful and rarest hyperdrive in existence! There were only a hundred of these beauties ever built before the Leviathan Corporations headquarters and factory on Kepler III was tragically destroyed when the Titanic 3 starliner fell from orbit and crashed into it. The explosion from its impact was estimated to be three thousand megatons, enough that it killed the planet! In the over two hundred years since then, no one has ever been able to replicate or build a more reliable or powerful drive. Sure people in the last fifty years have made some faster drive engines, but they either burn out in a few uses, are incredibly maintenance-heavy or so unstable you'd be better off strapping a lite nuclear bomb to your ass! This engine is second to none, the pinnacle of the starship engineering field, it is like the Ferrari 250 GTO of the car world, the SR-71 of aviation! Bob Dylan's Like a Rolling Stone to music!"

"Didn't peg you as a Bob Dylan fan." Torgue said as Billy was rushing around the drive like a maniac looking it over.

"Your friend has good taste in music." Mancubus added.

Billy suddenly froze as he looked at several parts before turning to Mancubus. "Is this a virgin drive!?"

"As far as I'm aware, it has never been used outside of its factory test." He said.

Billy screamed like an excited teenage girl and started hugging it. "WILL TAKE IT!"

"Now hold on, if this drive is so rare then there has to be a catch. So what are you asking for it, money, gold, our firstborn child, a hundred blood sacrifices?"

"No no, nothing so barbaric… besides I can just put an ad out on the ECHO net and have several psychos come in for the blood sacrifices." Mancubus said dismissively.

Torgue stared at him for several seconds processing the statement. "I think Billy's suspicions of you being a former cult leader may have some merit."

"As for what I want, I need you to go hunt down and kill a creature that has been ravaging the local forest at night. It is called a Nouthrax. A vile beast that feeds on the weak with no remorse."

"So you want us to stop its rain of terror?" Torgue asked.

"While charity work is nice for any community this , what I want is something that this creature and only this creature has. You see, once you've killed it you'll need to… retrieve it's heart."

Torgue stared at the man for several seconds. "Seriously what the f*ck kind of cult are you part of?"

Mancubus let out a light humorous laugh. "I jest my new friend. See all Nouthrax commonly have what is known as a blood pearl that grows in their heart… It's a very valuable gemstone with many… Supposed properties."

"It grows in their heart? Wouldn't that eventually kill it?"

"Indeed it would… You could call it an evolutionary defect. Others call it a built-in death clock." Mancubus said with a wave of the hand. "The problem is that the pearls are difficult to harvest, as only one or two pearls ever form over the creature's lifetime. And once it dies the beast's body lets out a chemical that will quickly dissolve it after about an hour. So between the creature's vicious nature and the time it takes to grow, harvesting these pearls is a… perilous venture that few have ever taken a chance at. This particular creature is one such venture, as a foolish man thought he could raise such a creature himself with very little help. It eventually killed him one day and escaped into the forest where it now… resides. Luckily the man had enough common sense to put a tracking device in the creature which I have the tracker for."

Torgue just hummed in understanding. "How big are these Nouthrex?"

"Nouthrax." Mancubus corrected. On average they usually grow to the size of a horse… Oh, and if you do fight it there's one… stipulation. Bullets are fine… but no explosions.

"WHAT!? NO! F*CK NO! All my weapons are explosive-based! I built the biggest brand of explosives in the six galaxies. I don't care how good that hyperdrive is, I'm not giving up my explosions!" Torgue yelled.

"But boooosssss!" Billy yelled in horror, after hearing the last part of the conversation.

"NO BOOM, NO DEAL!" Torgue yelled.

"I'm sorry Mister Torgue, but explosions could damage the pearl. So this is a stipulation you'll need to follow to… succeed." Mancubus stated.

"I stand my ground on this, no booms, no deal." Torgue said as he folded his arms as Billy was crying anime tears while hugging the drive.

"Hmm. . . What if I throw in this snow globe that re-creates the big bang every time you shake it?" Mancubus asked as he pulled out a snow globe on a red heartwood base with brass ornamentation around it. Raising an eyebrow Mister Torgue looked over the snowglobe and was confused by what he saw. The glass ball looked like a black pool of nothingness that he couldn't see through, even light didn't seem to refract off the glass. Mancubus gave the ball a small shake before holding it still so Torgue could watch it. To his wonder, there was a flash of light as a miniature explosion expanded into trillions of galaxies and stars.

Mister Torgue stared at the snow globe for several seconds before letting out a sigh and looking at Mancubus. "You drive a f*cking damn hard bargain sir." Torgue said as he held out a hand which Mancubus to and shake.

Later.

Mister Torgue, Billy, and Remmy were trekking through an old taiga forest, each armed and ready for the dangers that lie in wait. Although one wasn't as happy about it. "I still can't believe we can't use any explosives! Isn't this against our corporate contract!?" Torgue yelled.

"Only if you or me are seen with any non-Torgue brand gear. Remmy technically doesn't apply as he is a boar and never signed a contract." Billy said as he looked over the tracker. "Since I disabled the live stream camera in my suit we should be good."

While it had annoyed Mister Torgue to have to use none explosive weapons, it did finally give the gang the excuse to look through the weapon crates they picked up on fake Pandora. While they weren't explosive guns, they all admitted the mobsters that the idiots had stolen them from had good taste.

Mister Torgue had a Vladof spingun hand with a Jakob quad barrel shotgun on his back. Billy had a Dahl slag Grenadier assault rifle with Maliwan shock SMG as a backup weapon, Finally, Remmy had a Jakob Maggie, and a single barrel grenade launcher on his back that could launch Tesla grenades.

It was only then that Billy's words sank in for Mister Torgue. "Wait, you have a live stream camera? HOW F*CKING LONG HAVE YOU HAD THAT!?"

"If you hadn't thrown us out of a hundredth story window, then you would have been informed that I have a camera that shoots everything we do, all of our adventures and shenanigans. Corporate has been letting the advertisement department use the clips for commercials and they have been huge hits with viewers. Corporate is even in talks with several streaming services about making a reality show about us. I think the working title is the Misadventures of Torgue and Billy."

"Huh, sounds interesting, shame we won't be able to record this f*cking fight." He said as he climbed up on a rock ledge before turning around and offering a hand to Billy. "So how much further?"

"If I'm reading this right it's about half a klick ahead." Billy said as he grabbed the offered hand and was pulled up.

"Good, I'm tired of this nature hike." Torgue said as the bullet theme mascot took the lead again.

After another twenty minutes of walking, they came to a rocky clearing in the woods just as the last rays of sunlight were starting to fade. There were several dead trees spotted around the edges and an ominous mist lingering in the clearing that dipped down several meters creating what one could call a natural arena. Finally, there was a creepy cave on the opposite side of the clearing that looked like a maw with spikey rocks and some bioluminescent fungus making it look like it had glowing eyes. "This looks like a mini-boss arena straight out of Death Souls 11." Billy said. Leaving everyone silent for several seconds. "Oh well, let's get a' killing." Billy said happily as he racked his rifle.

"Your oddly gun hoe about this job."

"Torgue, we're getting an XJ-5 Warlock, A FUCKING WARLOCK! All for the price of putting down a single animal, this is a steal!" He said with all the excitement of a grease monkey getting to play with a racecar.

"Still wouldn't have pegged you for an engine nut."

"I grew up on a freighter, literally. My parents worked as engineers on this old huller with several other families. Apart from the ECHO net, there was not much you could do other than fix things, especially when we had to rebuild the damn hyperdrive every few weeks. It would make anyone an engine nut."

"Interesting up bring."

"Remind me to tell you some of the stories, this one time while we were docked at this starport over Ver-"

An unearthly howl echoed through the woods as the three crewmates all turned to the cave. Remmy let out a scare screech and immediately took cover behind Billy's legs. They soon heard the heavy sound clicking of claws coming from the cave getting closer. "Hey Torgue, how big did Mancubus say this thing was?"

"The size of a f*cking horse" Torgue said as a large shape that was larger than a horse started to come into view. "On average." He added hesitantly as the creature walked into the moonlight.

The creature had pale sickly grey skin that was about the size of a rhino with a long crocodile-like mouth and four insectoid eyes. Several bone spikes protruded from its shoulders and led to powerful arms which it sat on. From it back were several oily tentacles that each ended with spiky bone ends that slowly swayed like cobras. The gang noted that a glowing green liquid was dripping from the point of one tentacle, when it hit the ground they could see it sizzle and eat the rock. Finally, they both noted its long tail which had a large crab-like pincer on the end that angrily snapped at the air.

The gang stared in shock that the eldritch abomination as the Nouthrax let out a low hiss from its mouth. "Torgue, I'm scared." Billy said before the multiple spots across it body began glowing a sickly greenish yellow as the creature's mouth split open into four teeth-covered sections as several small tentacles with smaller jaws on them shot out of its throat as the creature roared.

"HOLY SHIT!" Was the last thing Billy and Torgue screamed before the creature rushed them.

X-X-X

-Link Re-establish-

(Tina) HOT DAMN! What an escape!

(Torgue) That was F*CKING AWESOME, KRIEG GOING BEAST MODE!

(Gaige) Hey, don't forget about my contribution! Although I feel like we're missing a bit of action in this chapter.

(Kilo) Yeah, sorry. I had to split this chapter, for a certain plot introduction to working next chapter.

(Gaige) Uh-huh. And what happening with the whole attack on Tina's base?

(Tina) YEAH! What the hell man!?

(Kilo) Relax girl, you'll love what I got planned next chapter.

(Torgue) And me having to use none EXPLOSIVE weapons! AND leaving us all on not f*cking one but TWO mother f*cking cliffhangers!

(Kilo) Classic clichés are classic for a reason.

(Torgue) Fine, but it better be f*cking EPIC!

(Tina) YEAH!

(Kilo) Right, with that out of the way. As I said I had to split this chapter for plot reasons. You'll see why in the next chapter, plus the next chapter is going to be action-packed. Hell, some of those parts have been written over a year ago now.

(Gaige) Damn, that's a long time.

(Kilo) Yeah, and I can't wait to work on it. Now then lets move on to the reviews from last chapter, and we go a few here. First up CrimsonGeist, you wanted more! I give you more!

Next, Silentslender, I'm glad you liked Walter man. He was an idea me and a Co-Worker bounced around, I figured it would also explain where Tina's pension for acting British comes from, after all, who else but Tina would befriend a tea-drinking, talking Bullymong! I also hope to have him make a few appearances in the future or have him give out a job or two. And I really want to have him and Hammerlock meet, that will be fun to write. As for the Quick-Change shenanigans, that has been an idea in my head for a while now, but I could never implement it till that chapter. And I do fully agree, it is annoying when game Devs make badass female characters dress like strippers. Sadly it is also sometimes an unavoidable line that creators have to deal with. Case and point, Samus Aran's Zero Suit, while it can be considered sexualized it also makes sense as it is primarily a skinsuit/environmental undersuit that works with her armor, it is just like a wetsuit in that regard, but the appealing aspect is unavoidable because it has to be skin tight to function.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum with female character designs like Quiet from Metal Gear 5. Here you got a badass female soldier who can kill a man 50 different whys before they can cry help. However, they made her backstory in such a way it gives the Devs the excuse as to why she has to wear nothing but a bikini in the middle of combat.

(Gaige) What was the reason for that?

(Kilo) Something about an anti-parasite treatment that had unseen side effects that makes it so she can only breathe through her skin. Really it's BS and obviously a fanservice ploy since most clothes such as a simple cotton T-shirt are actually quite breathable.

(Torgue) Did you know some idiots complained about the female Mandolorian armor from the show? They claimed that the director was sexualizing them.

(Gaige) *Snort* Skagshit I say, I cosplayed as Jango Fett one Halloween a few years ago, with all real metal armor. Let me tell you, while I might not have Moxxi's assets (Pointing to her chest) I have enough to know that having metal body armor compresses these puppies down for a long period of time fucking hurts.

(Kilo8) While the point is made I think we are getting off-topic guys. Alright, next TheRealShenron…. As I've stated in a PM to you, yes I know I am insane, anyone who deals with Borderlands has to be insane, but what did you mean by greedy? Since the comment was listed from chapter 16, I'm taking the benefit of the doubt and assuming you are referring to one of the Alphas. That or you're making a quote… If you are, I'm fairly sure I've never written that. Seriously though, I'm curious what you meant.

Loligang. You make a point sir, it is Borderlands and I have introduced magic to a certain degree, sooo.

(Gaige) Don't even think about it Kilo.

(Tina) Oh come on girl, don't be like that. Think how hot you'd look. Mmmm!

(Kilo) Firstly, Gaige, I was joking. Second, down Tina. As for your other question about my plans for BL3, oh I got plans for that steaming mess. It's still a long way out but the main issue I have with that story is 3 points. One, is how to use the Calypso twins. While they had the potential to be as memorable as Handsome Jack, Gearbox underutilized that potential, I have a few ideas as to how to rectify that problem. Two, the focus of characters, the Vault Hunters you play as in 3 are kind of an afterthought if even that in this story. In all honesty, they felt more like side characters in the story while Lilith was the actual main character.

(Tina) I think this happened because when Gearbox made this game it was at the height of the SJW/WOKE movements so the devs tried to cater to a demographic by focusing on the female characters. Now while that demographic looks big on the outside it is actually a very very small vocal minority that would rather spend their time arguing on Twitter than do something normal like watch sports, play video games, or even read a book to better themselves! This also undermined the well-established progressiveness of the previous Borderlands games, such as Hammerlock being gay, deciding to make Axton become Bi because of a glitch and leaving it at that, and having Athena from the Pre-sequel dating Janey Springs. I mean sure they dialed things back to a degree after the DLCs for 3, but they still did a number on the story overall. Look at it this way, BL2 was very low key about it where they used such topics to make jokes, not at those communities mind you, but just to make some funny dialog that fit and developed the characters while not making it into a statement. Or they would just make a passing mention of it, like with that ECHO from the Doctor's Orders mission with Doctor Samuels, Jack threatened her by saying he'd hurt her wife. That's very low-key, it provides interesting background info that doesn't impact the main story. I mean, for fuck sake people Borderlands entertainment, not a political platform!

(Gaige) … Huh, didn't take you for the political activist Tina.

(Tina) HA! Hell, no girl. I just like to poke holes into Political fanatics' arguments with simple logic! It makes them sooooo angry. Yes, YES! Your tears and anger feed me! AH HA HA HA! . . . Also Buttstalion for 2024.

(Kilo8) … Right, so anyways the last issue and this is the big game-changer, should I include Ava, or just cut her from my take on the Borderlands Universe entirely and put in one (or two) new and better OC characters that all my readers would most likely rally behind.

(Torgue) What kind of characters?

(Kilo8) Well, not to spoil anything, but the gang has kind of sort of met one of the characters already.

(Gaige) "Kind of, sort of? . . . Should we be worried that you're messing with the readers again. I mean no one has yet to figure out your one long-run joke you said you have about me, and now you leave a new mystery.

(Kilo8) Eh, I look at it like Jaune from RWBY when Roosterteeth teased the fans for years about what his semblance was by saying all will say is, that you've seen it in action once already.

(Torgue) IT WAS F*CKING SO OBVIOUS!

(Tina) It is surprising how everyone missed it.

(Gaige) Can we wrap this up?

(Kilo8) Sorry. The last comment from Master Lumine Omega, soon my friend, they with be together soon. The unasked question as to together together… Now, that I'll leave as a mystery.

(Gaige) You and your cliché cliffhangers Kilo.

(Kilo) Anyways that will be it for this chapter. Stay tuned for the next chapter which will bring the Rising Action arc to an end. So remember to follow so you don't miss it, and leave a review, we appreciate them and they help drive me to finish chapters faster. And if you want more Rebel Anarchy remember to join the Discord with the code at the top of the story for sneak peeks and bonus materials and to possibly help with making this story. So until next time Vault Hunters, Kilo8 out. TINA!

*WHAM!*

(Gaige) . . . Okay, so I have to ask… The Portanator, really?

(Kilo) The name was Mohawk's idea. It was quite clever.

(Torgue) Where the F*ck did you even get the idea for such a character?

(Kilo) I saw this piece of Borderlands art called Borderlands 3 - Splash Damage on Deviantart by an artist named Craigburynart. The artist made a motorized bandit portapotty with a turret on top. Looks like a classic Borderlands intro card. Anyways I found the idea hilarious so I beefed it up and made the character loosely based on the Toiletnator from Code Name Kids Next Door.

(Tina) I just pulled it up… HA! That is awesome! It's like a bandit version of a mimic.

(Kilo) Right!

(Gaige) Oh shit. Guys, the transmitter is still on… Again.

(Kilo) Dammit. Torgue I thought you replaced that switch?

(Torgue) The part is on f*cking backorder.

(Kilo) Uuugh, Tina, just unplug it.

(Tina) K!

*BZZZT*

-ECHO Review Log Terminated-