Rebel Anarchy

by Kilo8

With no one left and no place to call home, the last surviving rebel fighter from a ruined world begins his journey to avenge his planet and comrades; to Pandora: where he plans to hunt down the leadership of Hyperion, the cause of his misfortune. However, he and the rest of Pandora will soon be thrown into a storm of anarchy when a certain redhead and her robot show up.

24. Chapter 24 Dark Depths

-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

Once again it was that wonderful time of year. . . Well, somewhat after. It was snowing outside the station, flashing Christmas lights were lit up all over the hull, and the holiday cheer was in the air. . . I feel like I ask this every year but WHY IS IT SNOWING IN SPACE? Inside the SOL II, there were dozens of empty bottles of eggnog lying about, half-eaten gingerbread and candy cans, spent shell casings of various caliber, and a pile of white walker corpses begin shoved in an airlock.

(Tina) How? HOW DID WE GET INVADED BY WHITE WALKERS!?

(Kilo) I don't know. Shit, is it really after Mercenary Day?

(Gaige) Unfortunately. Happy belated Mercenary day or any other holiday you celebrate I guess.

(Kilo) Great, between the invasion and life stuff I missed my only scheduled posting date.

He shoved the last white walker into the airlock, unnoticed by everyone the being raise its remaining hand. Before it could reach anyone the airlock door slammed shut, and Kilo opened the outer door, ejecting the former snow zombies into the eternal depths of space.

(Torgue) So what now.

(Kilo) Well, no time like the present. Let's clean up and go watch the new chapter, will leave the announcements and review answers til the end and get this chapter started.

(Gaige) Cool, TO THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER!

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

X-X-X

Stories text formats

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

"Translated AI speak"

X-X-X

Chapter 24

Dark Depths

It was another morning in Sanctuary and after three days of cleanup, taking inventory, and rebuilding the city was starting to look let alone feel livable again. Taking the moment of peace for what it is Kai was in the living room doing a small workout while Tina was on the sofa watching the news. "So, I guess you might call that a case of man bites droid?" The newscaster says chuckling to himself. " On a sadder note, Pizza the Hutt, famed half-man, half-mutant pizza, was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretched space limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death. Coming up, pongo's review of Rocky Six… Thousand!"

"Ooooh, I haven't seen that one yet." Tina said.

"Heard it's pretty good, he has to fight this neo-fascist mutant zombie cultist from an alternate future time in a suspended cage fight over a pit of cyborg turbo crocs." Kai said as he was doing situps on the floor nearby.

"That's epic! We should have a movie night tonight."

"It does sound like a good distraction for the evening, especially after the week we've had." Kai said as his thought drifted to the last several days. Most particularly, to his debriefing with Roland on the day they returned.

X-X-X

Four days before.

After some confusion from the crash of Mister Torgue's ship, a few words with the man and everyone calmed down. Maya, Axton, and Kai made their way to Zed's place which was currently loaded with wounded. After moving through several halls they came to a small surgical room. Axton pulled the curtain back which grabbed Roland's attention and got him to sit up in bed. "Oh, good. You're not dead." The man said as the Vault Hunters noticed his right leg was in a sling and cast with several bandages on his chest.

"Could say the same about you buddy." Axton shot back with a bit of snark.

"Relax Ax. That's his way of saying, wow, you're a badass and I'm glad you're okay." Lilith said as she got up from a chair in the corner and moved next to Roland's bed.

"Right. Sorry. We'd all be dead if it weren't for you." Roland said as Lilith pushed him back on the bed with a grunt.

"We didn't do that much, Lil did all the heavy lifting after all. Which reminds me, gotta ask Lil do you work out, or...?" Kai asked with a grin.

"HEY! That's my line!" Axton shot back as Kai just flipped him the bird.

"Enough you idiots. We're here to debrief them on what's happened over the last two days. Not have a dick-measuring contest." Maya said.

"Alright then, proceed." Roland said. For the next hour, the three Vault Hunters each told the leader their stories and what each had learned or seen. After all of that Roland let out a tired sigh as he kneaded his head as Lilith just looked done.

"Tundra express is a crater, underground bandit cities, talking Bullymong, super villain wannabes, and an AI with questionable allegiances… you guys have been busy." Lilith said.

"I can't believe Jack was controlling Angel all along. We almost got killed opening that Vault, and then helping with Elpis only to find out we were being used!" Roland said shaking his head.

"Well, now the new Vault Hunters have been used again by the Handsome Jackass. Nice to know some things never change." Lilith said and Roland groaned.

"On the bright side, we no longer have to deal with the city shaking quakes from his drilling anymore." Kai said.

"Silver linings, I guess." Lilith shrugged.

"The city may be safe right now, but what happens if Hyperion launches another barrage? We've got no shield." Roland said.

"Ah. Good point. Kai, ECHO please." The teen handed the siren his ECHO to which she set it for wide frequency for everyone to hear. "Listen up, Hyperion! If you've got any bright ideas to blast Sanctuary out of the sky, just remember… I can phase the city anywhere I want at the drop of a hat. But, if you wanna waste another few billion dollars launching mortars at us, be my guest." Lilith dropped the ECHO back in Kai's waiting hand. "Well, that's that taken care of."

"Blunt as always madam." Kai said in a mock British accent as he held himself as a butler would.

"Cheeky little bastard." Lilith said as she gave him a playful pinch on the cheek.

"Was, uh... was any of that true?" Roland asked.

"What? Hell no. It's a miracle I didn't phase us into a mountain." The room was silent at that for an acquired amount of time before Roland let out a cough.

"A change of topic then, we need a plan. Jack's getting closer and closer to digging up the Warrior, and we still don't know where he's got the Vault Key stashed. Has anything come up."

"Not in the last few hours sir." Kai said. "But we're still contacting our other bases and taking stock here according to Carolina."

"Alright then… What's our next move?" Axton asked.

It was quiet for several moments until Maya's ECHO lit up. "I… can help you with that." Angel said meekly.

"YOU?!" Roland yelled in anger as he shot up in bed. "Dammit, we told you never to contact us again!"

"Is this the AI that you guys talked about?" Kai asked Maya with a frown.

"Yeah, meet Angel."

"Will you please just hear me out-"

"Sure, let's listen to the crazy computer that just tried to kill us." Lilith said with a bite of anger in her voice. "Hey, remember that time she told us the Vault was full of loot?"

"I didn't know what would happen when the Vault was opened, and it was Jack who made me do it."

"Bullshit." Kai spat in anger. "As you said, you work for Jack, why should we believe you?"

"Guys, it wasn't her fault." Maya said.

"Don't tell me you're still listening to her?" Lilith asked turning to her fellow Siren.

"We wouldn't have made it out there had she not helped us." Axton said stepping up to defend Maya.

"Seriously? You're still working with her, after what she did!?" Kai asked with a bit of anger.

"Without her, we couldn't have reconnected the Fast-Travel!" Axton yelled back in defense.

"Please just let me explain." Angel begged

"ENOUGH!" Roland yelled. "She's a Hyperion AI still in Jack's grasp. Whether you like it or not we can't trust her, so I order you to shut off that ECHO or else-"

"IT'S WITH ME! I'M CHARGING THE VAULT KEY!" Angel yelled in panic and desperation.

Everyone in the room froze at her words leaving it deathly quiet. The only sounds in the room were the beeps of the monitoring equipment and the distant sounds of medics running around. After a long moment of silence, Roland let out a sigh before he spoke. "... Continue."

After taking a moment Angel spoke again in her normal tone. "As you know, the Key naturally charges itself once every two hundred years. Jack is patient, but he's not that patient. He's been using my power to forcibly charge the Key with Eridium. If you find me, you find the Vault Key."

"And where exactly are you?" Roland asked.

"The Vault Key is housed in my AI Control Core atop a Hyperion base in Thousand Cuts." Both Roland and Lilith smacked themselves and groaned in disdain as Kai chuckles at their reaction.

"What's wrong with them?" Axton asked.

"Long story for another time." Kai whispered with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Please continue." Roland said.

"The Key and myself are protected by three impassable security hurdles. The first is a competitor deterrence field that will obliterate any non-Hyperion entity passing through it."

"Competitor deterrence field? What, like a death wall?" Lilith asked.

"It is a field of pure thermosonic energy programmed to atomize any unauthorized personnel."

"So, yeah. A death wall." Roland translated.

"Beyond that lies the second hurdle, a defense bunker outfitted with the most high-tech weaponry Hyperion can afford."

"That doesn't sound good." Lilith muttered.

"What kind of armament are we talking about?" Kai asked.

"Jack's careful so he built the bunker with no input from me. He went so far that he staged an accident where the worker's shuttles crashed into each other just to keep things secret. So I have no idea, apart from the fact there are a few dozen heavy turrets."

"Well, that's extreme of him. If it comes to it we just level up Gaige's anarchy before the fight and have her go crazy with the Norfleet." Everyone looked at the teen as if he was insane while he looked between them. "Hey, the way I see it Gaige is basically a pocket bunker buster with that thing or any rocket launcher when she's hopped up on enough anarchy." Kai said getting a snort of laughter from Maya.

"The kid isn't wrong. I've seen what she can do to a large rock outcropping with that thing at only fifty stacks."

"Past the bunker, you'll have to get through the final hurdle. A door that will only open for Handsome Jack."

"I'll talk to Tina about a breaching charge, what's the thickness?" Kai asked.

"The door is one of the few things I know of. Unfortunately, it is a two meters-thick solid titanium door. And that is the weakest point on the actual inner bunker."

Kai was silent for several seconds. "I don't think Tina will be able to make anything big enough to get through that… Well, not without a chunk of uranium anyways." Kai muttered.

"I'd prefer not to be incinerated by nuclear fire thank you. Now I may have a way to get through the door, but I'll need time to locate a few key items first." Angel said.

"Out of curiosity, how long until the Vault Key finishes charging?" Axton asked.

"At the current rate, I'd say two months at worst, three at best. Measuring the key's power has always been… Finicky."

"Well, at least we have a bit of time." Roland said.

"Ready yourselves for this fight. This will be your only opportunity to steal the Vault Key and stop Jack from controlling the Warrior." It was quiet for several seconds before she spoke again. "I'm out of time. Do what you will, but promise me this, no matter what happens, do not allow Lilith into my chambers." Angel said before her image disappeared.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Lilith asked in anger.

"If she was luring us into a trap, she would have made it sound a little bit possible." Roland said.

"If we're taking that bitch down, I'm coming. Trap or not." Lilith said.

"Sorry Lil, but you are our plan B if Jack attacks Sanctuary again." Roland stated before turning to the Vault Hunters. "And if anyone's going to shut her down, it has to be you Kai."

"Me? Why me?" Kai asked as Axton and Maya looked at him in shock.

"Before any says anything, we have to face the fact. Angel is a key component of Jack's plan and power. Preferably I would like to capture her to see if we can get more information about Hyperion and Jack. But if things go sideways you'll have to pull the plug, permanently. And it has to be you since you have the least emotional connection to Angel. Understood."

Kai was quiet for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Understood sir."

"Good, now we need to deal with the other elephant in the room." They all looked over to see Mister Torgue sitting on a small waiting room chair that was too small for him and Billy sitting next to him with Remmy sleeping on his lap.

"Ummm, hi." Mister Torgue said.

X-X-X

Honestly, Kai had no idea how to break the news to Gaige about the fact Roland had basically assigned him to pull the plug on one of her few friends if things went south… Although he was unclear about their friend status after what happened.

A loud boom suddenly went off nearby as sirens began to blare throughout the town.

"The fuck?" Kai said as he and Tina looked out the small living room window, to see a cloud of smoke coming up from somewhere in the town

"Kai!" He turned to see a disheveled Gaige running down the stairs. Her head was a mess of bedhead and all she seemed to have on we're a pair of purple striped underwear and a large black tee shirt that said Ah shit, here we go again. Kai also noted she was holding her Ol'Painful in her right hand and his Fast-Talker in her left. She tossed the Fast-Talker to him which he quickly caught. "The swarm is back!"

Tina jumped from the sofa. "I'll man the turrets big bro." She said before running past Gaige and heading upstairs as Kai got up and grabbed his shirt and jacket. I'll grab the ammo you got the punt Kai said as he threw on his shirt.

"Got it. Gaige said.

"Oh and Gaige." She looked back at him questioningly. "Pants." The teen girl blinked for a second until she looked down at her attire and noted her shirt… And her two-shade purple striped underwear. All was quiet with the exception of gunfire and klaxons outside. "I-... I'm gonna go put my clothes on.

"You do that, stripes." Kai said with a cheeky grin that caused Gaige's blush to go nuclear before she bolted upstairs. "Why did you say that Kai?" He groaned in his own embarrassment as he immediately regretted the corny comment. A loud boom outside snapped him from thought. "Right, threat first Gaige's ass later. . . Fuck." He muttered as Hati just let a snicker out as Kai let out another groan. "This is gonna be a long morning."

X-X-X

If one were to look at the flying city from afar it would look like an old WWII naval battle as tracer rounds streaked through the skies in every direction as flak burst blackened the rest. All the while, over the noise of gunfire, you could hear the screeches of thousands of Rakks swarming the skies. All across the city, impromptu anti-aircraft guns had been set up all across the city. Roland, who had a cast on his left leg, was watching the battle with Captain Miller and Mister Torgue on top of the Raiders HQ. "Miller, tell me we've found the nest of these things."

"Tucker and Grif reported in just before the attack. Apparently, Grif found the nest after accidentally falling into a sinkhole. The hole led to a cave with about thirty Rakk Hives,, unfortunately, his fall woke the damn snakes."

"Thirty!? Are they okay?" Roland asked with concern.

"Tucker managed to pull the red out and they're now hiding in a small hole they had to squeeze into… Much to Tucker's irritation, since Griff was complaining to no end in the background."

"Just great, well I guess it was lucky then that Mister Torgue brought along that trailer full of artillery and anti-aircraft guns… Why did you bring a trailer full of artillery and anti-aircraft guns?" Rolan

"Because why the F*CK not!" Torgue said.

"SUCK IT!" The three men turn to see Billy standing on the top of the Torgueanought with a Flakker Shotgun in hand as he unleashed a hail of explosive pellets into a large group of rakks above them. Remmy was next to him firing away with Billy's Fragnum.

"Huh, your sidekick sure is enthusiastic." Roland said.

"Oi! He's my partner, not my sidekick. Show some f*cking respect." Torgue said.

"Sorry."

"Hey Miller, we need back up in the side ally by Moxxi's. There's a swarm focusing us like a school of sharks at a seal's family reunion." Sarge's voice yelled over the ECHO.

"Roger that will send you some help. Kai, you there?"

"Yeah, we're here. We just took out a swarm by Zeds."

"Good, I need you to move over to the side road by Moxxi's, another swarm is congregating there.

"That's on the other side of- AAAGH! FUCK IT! GAIGE WE GOTTA GET OVER ASSES TO MOXXI'S!"

"Are you fucking-" They could hear the Mechromancer shout before the call is cut.

"You're really working them to the bone Miller." Roland said as they watched a badass Rakk get gunned down by several of the Marshels deputies in the town square.

"Their our best Anti-Air team at the moment sir, Kai understands. . . Plus it's good bonding time for the two teens."

Roland was quiet for several seconds. "You got money in the pool, don't you?"

"Everyone does sir. I'm betting they'll be fucking like rabbits by the end of the month. Seriously, everyone but them sees they are interested in each other, it only gonna come faster now that they live together." Miller said.

". . . I don't think fighting off an air raid perpetrated by flying snakes is a good time for relationship bonding." Roland said.

"Says the guy having relationship trouble with Lilith." Miller said.

"And what would you know about relationships, captain?" Roland asked with a slight hint of irritation.

"Considering I'm currently happily married on Pandora of all places, more than you think." Miller said with a cheeky grin.

"I HAVE IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES FLYING IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING CITY! SUCK ON IT!" Came the yells of TIna from across the square. The three men looked over to see the young girl on the roof of Kai's place manning a twin set of 50 caliber Gatling turrets similar to the one Roland had seen on the new condor gunship as they were calling Loggins creation. What surprised the two Raiders was that all that was coming out were tracer incendiary rounds.

"And who gave Tina that much firepower?" Roland asked as he glanced at Mister Torgue.

The man looked sheepish as he chuckled. "The little lady nicely asked and proved she knew her f*cking sh*t, how could I not say no to such a little badass!" Torgue said as Roland face palmed.

Outside of Moxxi's bar. There were a dozen raiders and others firing at a large swarm of rakks forming up just on the edge of the city. Even with all the firepower they had trained on the swarm, things were not looking good. "Aaaahhh!" A girly scream was let out as a large Rakk tackled Donut. "AH GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! I JUST CLEANED THIS ARMOR!" Donut yelled in panic as the creature clawed and bite at him.

*BANG* A blast goes off as the rakk is blown of the pink raider. "Dammit Donut, stop fraternizing with the enemy like a dirty blue and get back to killing!"

"Yes sir, I'll hose them all down with a hot load of-"

"SARGE, DONUT DOWN!"

They both ducked as a large badass Rakk nearly took their heads off as it flew by. It was several meters away when several glowing red tracer shots hit the creature and caused the rakk to lite on fire as it flew off in pain. "Are you boys okay?" Both Raiders turned to see Trixie run over to them with a metallic red Maliwan SMG with Moxxi's figure painted on the side. Trixie herself was wearing what one could call a sexy soldier's uniform, with forest camo short shorts, and an olive drab bikini top with a white star in a circle over the right breast. She also wore an old US army helmet with a white spade painted on its side, both Reds were surprised that it was somehow containing her afro. Lastly, they noted a box of what they both thoughts read extra large condoms in the helmet band.

"We're fine young miss, thanks for the save." Sarge nodded.

"Yeah, thanks Trix." Donut said.

"Good to hear. Now stop playing with the snakes you idiots, and get back to work!" Trixie yelled as she ran past them over to her fellow barmaids who were all in similar attire to her, manning an AA gun nest near the city edge.

"Dammit, why are there so many!?" Susan yelled as she fired a 20mm cannon into the flock.

"Who knows just keep shooting!" Trixie said as she pulled out more ammo for the cannon.

"Where's our backup!?" Abigail asked as she ran out of the bar with a pitcher of water that she immediately poured on the hot barrel.

"I called it in about five minutes ago." Sarge said as he and Donut rushed over to the gun nest.

"MAKE A HOLE! BADASSES COMING THROUGH!" They all looked to see Gaige on DT's shoulder flying through the middle of the street with Kai holding onto the anti-bully bot's back while Hati chased after them. Kai jumped off as they got near and started to pull out several rocket rounds which he set in a line on the ground. Gaige hopped down and pulled out a new weapon as Hati and DT took up defensive stances as the teens prepared the weapon. At first glance, it looked like a Vladof rocket launcher only it had no magazine, several knobs near the rear, and more wood in several places, making it look more like a cannon. The barrel was bare metal with an old Jakob rifle scope mounted on the side, wood grips, and an over-shoulder stock with a heavy shock-absorbing springs for recoil.

Gaige hefted the weapon on her shoulder as Kai opens a back breach. "Loading!" He yells as he shoves a shell into the top breach which automatically slammed shut and locked. "Back blast clear!"

"EAT IT!" Gaige yelled and fired with a thunderous bang. A cloud of pellets filled the sky nailing over forty Rakks in one shot, but nearly half of those rounds ricocheted off them and impacted a dozen more rakks.

"What the fuck is that?" Abigail asked. "I've never seen a weapon like that before."

"I don't know… But I want to marry it." Sarge said eyeing the weapon.

"Oh, a wedding! How exciting, I can plan the cake, the decorations, the bridesmaid's dresses. But they're just so expensive. I wonder if I still can fit in my old dress?"

"DONUT! FOCUS!" Everyone yelled as Gaige fired off another round killing at least sixty more Rakks.

Several hours later,

"Uuuuugh. So tired of this shit." Gaige moaned from the bartop she was resting her head on. Behind her the barmaids the reds and several others were dragging the better looking Rakks into the bar so they could be frozen for meat.

"At least the new gun makes it easier to kill them." Kai said as he worked on said weapon on Moxxi's bar top.

"But it's the only one we have, takes two to operate and we get called to run around the city because of it." Gaige said with a tired sigh.

"You got me there." Kai said.

"Been meaning to ask, where did you guys get that gun?" Moxxi asked as she set a bowl of semi-fresh fruit out for the teens." Due to Moxxi's pregnancy, everyone had her stay in the bar, not that it stopped her from shooting several Rakks that snuck in.

"Oh, I made it." Kai said as he grabbed a small red fruit and blue fruit out and bit into it.

"You made it, What even is it?" She asked.

"I call it the Lång Hammare, it's basically a single-shot super shotgun or punt gun as they called them nearly a millennium ago but modernized to operate like a recoilless rifle. However this one is only a prototype, I still have a few design features I want to work on to make it more user-friendly." Kai said as he finished locking the last part in place.

"User-friendly, how?" Abigail said as she and Susan came from the back store room.

"Let's just say Gaige is currently the only person around here who can safely load the weapon when shoulder mounted." Gaige held up her robot arm to emphasize the point. "It's more Garand hand than Garand thumb with how the breach locking system works right now. Plus her own tech oddly makes her the most effective with it."

"Why that?" Susan asked as she set a tub of small rakks on the bartop nearby.

"Well if you combine her close enough tech with… how much anarchy did you have?"

"Five hundred stacks." Gaige muttered from the bar top.

"Yeah, what she said. Anything she fires has the impact energy of a loaded dump truck dropping from high orbit."

"That is a scary thought." Moxxi said as she looks to the girl in question. "Also are you okay? You seem to be out of it Gaige?"

"It's her anarchy, she stacked it so fast and so high with that cannon it's causing her minor neural feedback. She's currently letting the excess stacks bleed off slowly so as not to blow her arm up." Kai said before finishing his fruit.

"How's she bleeding it off." Moxxi said as the other barmaids joined.

"You mean you don't hear that?" Kai asked with a shit-eating grin. They all listened and could hear a faint buzzing sound. Susan looked at Gaige for a few seconds before letting out a snort.

"Gaige, I didn't take you as that kind of girl." Everyone looked at her and soon noted that her left arm was vibrating.

"Now that's a handy~ feature." Moxxi said with a sly grin as Kai busted up laughing.

Gaige let just out a groan of irritation. "Fuck you guys."

"Sorry dear, no can do. Doctors orders." Moxxi shot back as she patted her belly which had yet to form any noticeable changes.

"Have you figured out the gender yet?" Kai asked. "I want to know if the first gun I make the little badass is gonna be hot pink or baby blue."

"We're still a good month out from even trying to determine that dear. . . Even so, I want it to be a surprise." She said as she rubbed her belly in a motherly fashion.

"WHAT!? Then how are we going to buy cute baby clothes for the little badass!?" Abigail moaned in dismay.

"You'll just have to wait, dear." Moxxi said.

"Plus, where the hell would you buy baby items of any type on Pandora anyways?" Kai added. "I mean, sure we could ask Donut since he oddly has a degree in fashion."

"I've already got several drawings made that are just so adorable. I was thinking of making something with burgundy in it." Donut said as he walked by with several rakks in hand.

"While having a few custom items for photos will be nice, I'll just add the more normal outfits to my regular supply deliveries." Moxxi says nonchalantly.

"Supply deliveries? Wait, you can get shit from off-planet?" Gaige asked as she turned her head to look at Moxxi. Kai also looked to the woman with interest.

"Do you know we're a single jump from the resort planet Tropico?" Moxxi asked.

"Yeah, Kai told me about that when I asked about Pandora's free cable. Why?"

"Well, I've got a few… Fans, who like to request some one-on-one ECHO shows since the lag is so low. A few even have braved the chaos of Pandora just to spend an evening with little ol'-."

"MOX! For Crawmerax sake, I'm your unborn kid's godparent and I consider you my sister in law, I don't want to hear it!" Kai said getting chuckles from the other barmaids.

"Spoilsport. Anyways, some of the more, regular fans divert a supply container or two of mainly liquor and a few other items every month to our little corner of paradise. I phone in what I want, and they drop it down from orbit for me."

"And you never told your dear brother in law. I feel so so betrayed" Kai said in mock betrayal.

Gaige stares at her for several seconds before speaking. "So you can get basically anything?"

"In reason, they won't buy me a bunch of weapons or anything super big, but-"

"Cocoa." Gaige cut in, catching Moxxi off guard.

"I'm sorry?" Moxxi asked in confusion as everyone looked at the teen.

"I want cocoa poweder." Gaige said.

"Gaige, that's going to be expensive, not impossible but really expensive."

"Fine, how much for say twenty pounds of cocoa powder?"

"Eight thousand." Moxxi stated.

"WHAT!?" Gaige yelled in shock. "Why?"

"Because Baroness Von Cioccolato lives in this sector."

". . . Never heard of her." Gaige said

"Not many have, she's the heir of the Eclipse Starways corporation, the company that makes and maintains all the hyperdrives for seventy percent of the passenger starship industry. She also has an all-encompassing obsession with chocolate of all types. To the point, she has developed a sixth sense for sniffing the stuff out and can track down the most minute amount. Even across space. She believes that only the elite can have access to the gift of the gods, and peasants should not be able to indulge in such a gift." Moxxi said mockingly. "As such, she has taken near absolute control over all the chocolate trade in this sector and sends hunting teams after anyone who trades chocolate without her permission."

"Is that even legal?" Kai asked.

"She's rich." Moxxi says as if it was the answer… Which sadly it is.

"You think that bad, a tub of chocolate ice cream cost me twenty grand." Moxie said with an annoyed huff.

Gaige just stared at the woman for a moment until she let out her own huff. "Fine, I'll get you the eight thousand. And it better not be the cheap stuff!"

"It's coming from Tropico, nothing is cheap on Tropico." Moxxi said as Kai got up from his seat.

"Right, well we need to first reload our ammo after this morning's battle before we do anything. Come on R2." Kai said.

"Uuugh… Fine. Hey, if I'm R2 does that make you 3PO?"

"Nope, I'm Han fucking Solo. Claptrap is 3PO." Kai said as they left.

After a few minutes of walking Kai finally broke the silence. "So where are you going to get the money?"

"Well, I have about four thousand saved from missions and loot I sold. I was kind of hoping you'd spot me the rest." Gaige said as she tilted her head down in embarrassment.

"Gaige I am not going to give you that much money so that you may feed your cocoa addiction." Kai said bluntly

"It's not an addiction." Gaige argued.

"For that amount of money, it might as well be." He shot back as they walked through the streets to Marcus. "Look I'll help you with jobs to make the money, but I won't pay you. Of course, the other issue is how many jobs will we have to do to get all of that cash. I mean, after all, it's not like a high-paying job is just going to fall into our hands." Kai stated as they walked down the stairs to Marcus's shop only to find the man crying at his counter.

"What the? Marcus, wrong with you? Did someone steal a five off you again?" Kai asked.

The man looked up and saw the teens. "KAI, GAIGE! I need your help to get my treasure back! I'll pay you both! Twenty thousand, just help me get my most precious treasure back. I beg you!"

"Or the universe will decide to throw us a big bone." Kai muttered as Gaige grinned maniacally.

An hour later the two teens were ridding across the frozen roads of Three Horns in the Mark III. "So did Marcus say exactly what we are getting? I was, busy." Gaige asked as she scanned the area with the turret.

"Yeah, you were, I saw you calculating how much cocoa you could buy." Kai retorted as the other teen pouted. "But anyways during the attack, one of the moonshots blasted Marcus's personal safe out of his store into the ruins of Sanctuary cradle. He wants us to find it before the bandits do."

"It sounds simple enough." Gaige said.

"So long as we can find it. It's a large area and it may have fallen out outside of the wall."

Suddenly Gaige's ECHO sparked to life with several garbled words.

"Awww, who the fuck is, remind me to call Tobias to have him upgrade your ECHO." Kai said.

At that moment everyone's most hated CEO came on. "There you fuckers are, you finally came down from your little castle in the sky I see. I admit it's cute, in the, little sibling makes a mound of sand and calls it a sand castle sort of way. But yours will never be as cool as Helios. Hell, I actually have two badass space stations, the other one is a casino. Yeah, my own casino space station, you know you are awesome when you have your own casino space station! I'm actually about to head over there now for a little two-week vaca. Play some craps, lose a few mil from the engineer's pension fund on the roulette and blackjack tables, and bet on the robot ponies. Then maybe order a few dozen escorts for the evening from my redlight district and take them to my ten-star presidential mega suite. Yea, that's right. I even have my own red light District with all the best strippers money can buy. My events manager there even got me Digby Vermouth to come play at one of my swanky jazz clubs! Oh, I am so excited!"

"Yeah, sounds great. You deserve it for all of your hard work and treacherous doings." Gaige said with so much sarcasm flooding her words it could fill a lake. Kai let out a snort at the obvious jab. "Is there a reason you called or did you just come here to gloat again as you did with the diamond pony?"

"Diamond pony?" Kai asked.

"Don't ask." Gaige replied with a sigh.

"Oh, I'm just giving you the courtesy of letting you know your favorite CEO won't be here to kill all of you for the time being. . . And to give you a parting gift for you little pricks, a shiny new badass Constructor just for you! FIRE!" Jack yelled to someone.

Gaige rotated the turret towards Helios as Kai gripped the wheel. After thirty seconds they both notice a distinct lack of a sonic boom followed by a robot trying to kill them. "WTF, what is going on, why is my Moon Shot not firing!?"

. . .

"What do you mean the OS crashed!? What are we running this thing on, Windows 10?"

. . .

"Why the HELL are we running a trillion-dollar space gun on Windows 95!?" It was silent for a few more seconds until Jack let out a sigh. "Okay, okay, just SHUTUP!" The teens both heard Jack let out a long irritated sigh before he resumed. "You'll have to excuse me, I apparently have to go rewrite our whole Moonshot OS seeing as we somehow have been working on tech older than a . . . I don't know, what's a good analogy. Uuugh, was Back to the Future out before or after 1995?... Anyone?... It was before, I guess that won't work. . . And shove a few idiots out an airlock." He muttered. "So I'm going to be nice and give you a pass today."

"I distinctly remember you mentioning you spooned someone's eyeballs out with a spork in front of their kids." Gaige said.

"Good guy!" Jack yelled before he hung up.

"What. A. Dush." Gaige muttered.

"Forget about him, we're here." They rolled up to the blown outer gate of Sanctuary's old cradle. Even now there were smoke columns coming from the remains. Looks like the neighbors decided to make themselves at home." Kai said as he stopped by the catch a ride outside. "We go in on foot from here." Kai said as they hopped out of the Racer.

They entered the city soon after through what was left of the gate. After killing a few bandits that were found crawling through the remains. They eventually made it to the rim of where the city was. "Woah." Both teens said as they looked at the hole left behind.

"That's a bigass hole." Gaige said.

"That's what she said."

Gaige just turned to the teen with a blank look. "Really, that old joke."

"You left yourself, wide open." He said as he gestured to the hole.

Gaige failed to let out a small snort before staring down the dark-haired boy. ". . . Minus five badass. Gaige said as the Badass system seemed to agree, as a notification on Kai's HUD alerted him that five points had been subtracted.

"Oh come on, even you found it funny." Kai said.

"Let's just find the damn safe." Gaige said.

It took them another hour of fighting and navigating the wreckage until they finally found the safe which was actually a red chest with black markings sitting on its side in a half-collapsed building.

The teens were looking at it from around the corner of what used to be a tax office as Kai pulled out his ECHO."Marcus, it's Kai. What exactly does your safe look like?"

"It's a modified red chest with black bands on it."

"That would be it." Gaige said as she looked around the corner herself.

"Good, grab the envelope inside and get it back here. The code is M0XX1."

"Really Marcus. Your passcode is Moxxi?" Kai asked.

"Just get my treasure before the bandits do. . . And no looking!"

"Yea, yea." Kai said as the connection was cut.

"We're gonna look, aren't we?" Gaige asked.

"Hell yea, getting one on Marcus is always worth the risk." Kai said as he crept to the next bit of cover.

They made their way through the wreckage until they came to the area with the chest. However, they weren't the first ones there. From what they could see there were three bandits in ratty leather jackets with red snakes embroidered on their backs, one tall bandit who had an oversized pompadour was standing and observing. The other two bandits who each had smaller pompadours were struggling to pull the chest back from the ledge. One of the bandit's feet slipped and the chest fell back a foot. "CAREFUL! Don't drop it!" Yelled a familiar voice. The teens glanced down in front of the observing bandit and saw standing in front of the guy was a midget in a similar ratty black leather jacket. He had red hair fashioned into an obnoxiously large pompadour, black spiked boots, and a familiar golden psycho mask.

"You've got to be shitting me." Kai said in disbelief. Causing everyone to turn and see the teens.

"YOU!" Blood Rage yelled.

"Me? What about you!? I've killed you twice now, how the fuck nuggets are you alive!?" Kai yelled.

"Also I thought you were running for the mayor's office in the Fridge, only just five days ago?" Gaige asked.

"Wait, you saw him at the Fridge?" Kai asked.

"Only on TV. He was giving a political speech for his campaign party."

"I was assassinated by Toxic Vine who was against my Skag farming policy." Blood Rage said.

"And yet your somehow alive again in less than five days? How the fuck?" Kai asked.

"It matters not, Kai the Rebel! For I, Blood Rage lay claim to these ruins. Upon the skulls of the tyrants that saw to control Pandora through order, I will build a utopia of chaos, led by me and the Tunnel Snakes!" All of the bandits let out a hiss at that. "We shall slither into the depth of Pandora and infect the order with our chaos, as Tunnel Snakes do!" Again the bandits all hissed at the gang's name.

"Oh for the. . . look, Blood, it's been a long week filled with deadly monsters, misunderstandings, my home being attacked and literally uprooted." Kai said pointing to the pit. "Keeping said home together, fending off Pandora's infinite rakk population, and nearly getting killed by a hoard of bandits who are mad at my little sis before she set off the single biggest explosion in Pandoran history, WHICH NEARLY KILLED ME!" Kai yelled. "So I'm going to make you a deal. I don't care what you do with these ruins, okay. Make a castle, a water park, hell even a strip club for all I care, where here only for that chest, and whatever else Marcus stores in it." He muttered. "So if you give me the chest, I will have Roland mark this area as an independent city, the Raiders will leave you alone, as long as you don't bother us. Peace for a single chest. So how about it?"

However, Blood Rage's hearing was apparently better than he thought. "Marcus, as in the gun bringer? Then that means this chest must contain a weapon of unimaginable power!" He cheered as Kai realized his slip-up. "PIT VIPER, get the girl I got the Rebel." Blood yelled as the bandit pulled out a rusty chain and rushed at the Mechromancer. Blood Rage quickly jumped at Kai with a large rusty dagger that looked like a sword in his hands.

Gaige immediately blocked the chain with her robot arm only for it to wrap around her arm. Viper pulled the chain and Gaige towards him, making the girl yelp in surprise as she tried to catch her balance. Viper immediately capitalized on this and punched Gaige in the cheek with a heavy left cross. "AUGH, you bastard!" Gaige said as she threw her own punch into the man's neck.

As that was happening Kai was parring the midget's dagger with his holo blades. "Ever since I met you, you've done nothing but ruin my plans, my ambitions, MY DREAMS!" Blood Rage yelled and he swiped at Kai with surprising speed. "You've killed two of my gangs, and had me assassinated!"

"To be fair, I only just learned about your political aspirations." Kai said as he jumped back from a dagger swing before thrusting his own blade. But to his surprise, Blood pulled a second dagger and blocked it.

"And now you come into my new base and attempt to steal my property."

"It's not your property and you know it!"

"JUST SHUT UP AND DIE!" Blood rage yells as he throws one of the daggers. Kai ducks letting the knife fly over him only to hear a scream behind him. Kai turns to see the dagger buried in the back of one of the bandits holding the chest.

"Oh shit, Moccasin." The other guy cried as the slain bandit fell back dead. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" The other bandit yelled as the chest started to slide closer to the edge only for the bandit to barely hold it back from falling.

"That was too close." Blood Rage said as both he and Kai let out a breath they were holding.

"AAAAGH-GCK!" Viper cried as he suddenly flew into the bandit holding the chest, knocking them both off the ledge into the pit. Without any support to hold it the chest started to slide off the edge.

"STOP IT!" Kai yelled as he and the midget jumped for the chest only for it to fall just out of their reach. The chest falls and slams into the floor just below them before tumbling down some broken stairs into the pit below. Both Kai and Blood Rage stare at where it had fallen before turning behind them to see Gaige still holding her robot fist out in a punch.

"Uhh, oopsy." Before anything else could be said, the building suddenly began to shake. "What was that?" Gaige asked.

"Oh crap baskets." Kai muttered as the floor beneath them and the building as a whole suddenly fell into the pit below.

X-X-X

Gaige slowly woke up as a strong stench filled her nose. "Ugh, why does it smell like a high school locker room mixed with burning horseradish? Gaige asked as she slowly sat up. She put her hand on the ground only to yelp in pain as she pulled it back. While very minor her right ring and pinky fingers looked burned, she looked to where her hand was and saw she was close to the edge of a pool of glowing green liquids that was bubbling. She looked to her left and found a piece of rebar which she picked up and dipped in the pool. As soon as the piece of metal made contact it let off a hiss and bubbled around it. After several seconds Gaige pulled the bar out and saw it was eaten nearly all the way.

"Pools of highly corrosive acid, just great." Gaige said as she dropped the bar and looked around. Above her was the massive hole that she and Kai had fallen through that was also letting light into the cavern which to Gaige's amazement was massive. As far as she could tell the ceiling was over two hundred meters tall with multiple colossal stone columns in the distance. And the more she stared into the distance the more she realized that it just kept going. "How big is this place?"

Gaige then heard a moan nearby, she quickly turned to see the rubble of the building they had fallen with. Remembering her situation she quickly moved towards the sound. "Kai? Kai, is that you?" Gaige yelled several times as she crawled through the rubble towards the sound. She climbed over the top of a slanted wall only to freeze at the sight before her. In the middle of a clearing was a slow-growing puddle of blood. At the center of the puddle was a broken water heater with a steel pipe sticking out of the top. Mounted on the pipe was a familiar figure.

"Ha, ha, ha. You lose Vault Hunter. . . Your friend is dead." Blood Rage said as he slid a little further on the pipe. "I've killed him, though I have ended myself in the process. But I will die knowing that my greatest foe, my white whale, has been slain. Paid the vengeance has been owed for my comrades, my friends, my constituents!" Blood Rage yells before coughing some. "And though I will likely be condemned to the pits of sanity as my brothers live on in the meat halls of Vaulthalla, I go knowing my victory has been mutually assur-" He stopped when he looked over to where Gaige had been only to see her gone. "Where'd the bitch go? HEY!? DON'T LEAVE A MAN DURING HIS DEATH MONOLOGUE! GET BACK HERE!"

Gaige had left the midget to his ramblings and soon found Kai laying on the ground unconscious under some rubble. She quickly pulled the debris off of him and noted that apart from some bruises he appeared okay. With him okay she quickly dragged him out and away from the building. Once clear, Gaige stopped and laid him by what appeared to be an old Dahl bulldozer. "Hey Kai… Kai wake up… Oi, wakey wakey asshole!" Gaige said as she lightly slapped his cheek with her normal hand.

"Wha-what the? Kai said as he awoke. "Gaige? What happened and why do I hear an angry psycho yelling?" Kai asked noting the distant yells.

"That's just Blood Rage, don't worry about him. I'm more concerned about where we are." Gaige said as Kai finally noted the massive cavern they were in.

"The hell?" Kai asked as he looked around.

"We appear to have fallen into a massive cavern system under Sanctuary." Gaige said as she pointed to the opening in the cavern roof.

Kai got up and walked up a nearby rise only to stop at the top. "Shit" Kai muttered as Gaige climbed the hill and saw what they were looking at. All around them was a glowing greenish-yellow liquid lake that continued into the distance as Gaige had noted before. After a moment of staring at the land before them, Kai pulled out a small book from his ECHO.

"What's that?"

"Hammerlock's almanac." Kai stated as he flipped through the book. "Here we are. Hammerlock calls these the caustic caverns. A sub-section of the expansive Pandora cavern networks that honeycombs the planet. There is very little known about these particular caves as they are incredibly dangerous due to the acid that pools in them. He states that only the hardiest life can live in such an environment."

"That not saying much considering Pandora… What kind of life lives down here?" Gaige asked.

At that moment a screech was let out across the cavern as the two looked behind them to see a large green creature the size of a small car. It stood on four legs with hard-looking keratin armor on its legs and head that was pointed. Its bulbous head had no visible eyes and a curved abdomen protruding from its backside. The badass spiderant beat the ground with its front claws as it let out a furious screech.

"Shit, no time questions, it's time to fight." Kai said as he pocketed the book and pulled his rifle from his back.

The spiderant let out another roar as several more badass spiderants and adult spiderants dug out of the ground or crawled out of various places with five dozen adolescent spiderants joining in. The teens stared at the army in front of them for several seconds. "Or we should probably run." Kai said before the two teens booked it the other way. The hoard rushed after them and soon chases them from the rubble. Which left a certain midget all alone.

"Hello? Anyone there? Hellllooo?" Blood Rage yelled. Just then a small spiderant came out of the shadows along with several more until a large black spiked spiderant queen came out. "Oh no." That was all Blood Rage had time to say before the spiderlings jumped at him.

At the same time, the teen Vault Hunters were running for their lives. "You know, if I knew I'd have to fight a rakk hoard, meet my second nemesis for the third time, and then fall into a cave full of creatures and enough acid to fill a whole lake, ALL FOR COCOA MIND YOU, then I wouldn't have gotten out of bed today!" Kai said.

"Why are you complaining!" Gaige yelled.

"I'm not complaining, I'm lamenting my choices in life!" Kai answered.

"SAME THING!" Gaige yelled before noticing a small opening in a nearby rock wall. "There!" Gaige yelled as the two bolted for the crevice that they quickly squeezed into. Kai just barely made it in when one of the badass spiderants smashed into the wall and knocked itself out. One of its buddies got close and tried to reach its leg into the opening to no avail. Gaige looked the other way and noted the crevice kept going. "I think we can get out of here if we keep going forward." Gaige said.

"Lead the way" Kai motioned before they slowly moved through the crevice. It took several minutes and a few tight squeezes but they eventually made it into a cave and were not too far from the entrance. "Fuck I need a minute." Kai said as he sat down against the wall.

"So spiderants, haven't seen those in a while." Gaige said as she pulled out her ECHO and turned on the flashlight.

"Give me a second." Kai pulled out his own ECHO for a light and the almanac, turning back to the page as Gaige looked around the cave.

"Let see, we know of the spiderants, then there are also reports of Threshers making their way down here, the occasionally Rakks are seen, Varkids, and Sulfuric Piranha."

"Piranha? Like those little fish that stripped the meat off of people's bones in Earth's rainforests?" Gaige asked as she notice something further back in the cave.

"Similar but they can live in these acid pools, which are a product of the Eridium in the ground. Also, according to rumors from Dahl miners they claim there are crystal monsters have been noted to live here down here, there also-"

"Uuuh does that book say anything about caves with a giant vagina?" Gaige asked hesitantly from the back of the cave.

Kai blinked in confusion for a second before he got up and turned to look at his friend. "What do you mean giant vagi-" Kai immediately froze at the sight of the wall of flesh Gaige's light was pointed at. "Coño monstruo." Kai said with dread.

"Huh, Sal said that once." Gaige said looking back, not noticing the movement of the wall.

Outside, a loud roar suddenly blasted from the cave, soon followed by both Kai and Gaige running and screaming as they ran out. Behind them, a massive green and red striped Rakk Hive with an odd metal rod coming out of its head charged out after them with several Rakks flying behind it. "Shouldn't we just, fight it!? Gaige yelled as they ran. A massive wad of acid flew by and hit a rock, turning it into goo in seconds.

"FUCK NO!" Kai yelled as they continued to run. Several minutes later they made it to an outcropping of what looked to be ancient stone pillars which they used to hide and caught their breaths. "I fucking… Hate… Those things." Kai said as he tried to gain whatever oxygen he could from the foul air.

"I never thought rakk hives would look like that. Why does its mouth-"

"Look like a pussy? Don't know, don't care, and knowing the ECHOnet don't ever look it up if you want to sleep." Kai said as he sat on a rock. "There is no amount of brain bleach that will help you if you go down that rabbit hole."

"Shit this place is insane." Gaige said as peeked out of the columns.

"It would explain why no one has come down here since Dahl abandoned it and the city."

"Did they ever say why it was abandoned?" Gaige asked.

"Something about a worker dispute and then being attacked by wildlife."

"Great, so now we have to deal with pissed-off wildlife." Gaige muttered as she leaned against a rock.

"It pandora, all wildlife here is pissed off." Kai said as he started to pull his right boot off.

"That true." Gaige said as she looked around the cavern ceiling again. So how do we get out of here?" She asked as Kai was shaking a rock out of his boot.

"Try calling Roland and request Loggins for a pickup."

Gaige pulled out her ECHO and hit Roland's contact, only for an error message to appear. Gaige frowned and tried several others before letting out a groan. "Shit, no signal." Gaige said catching Kai's attention.

"None?"

"None." Gaige said as she scrolled through the channels.

"How's that possible? There's a giant ass hole in the ceiling?"

"Could be a tenzer feild."

"A what?"

"It's a type of atmospheric shield. Only lets small particles like nitrogen and oxygen through while heavier gases can't get through unless it hits a certain pressure threshold which is why we fell through without a problem.

"So Dahl must have put one on the opening because?" Kai asked.

"It's a quick and cheap way of keeping the bad air separated. However, there's an issue as such fields scrambled ECHO signals. Since Sanctuary probably had an antenna on the bottom they were able to bridge the comm gap, but now we don't so…"

"Just great. Why's it still have power?"

Gaige just shrugged. "Backup generators, solar panels, batteries, skag pup on a hamster wheel, who knows. It doesn't take more than a few hundred volts for such a shield of that size to stay active." Kai let out a sigh before standing up and walking over to one of the old leaning pillars. "What are you doing?"

"Getting some height to scout the land." Kai said as he started climbing the piller. It took him about two minutes to climb to the top which left him tired again. "Man this is slippery." Kai said.

"You know, if you had asked, I could have just had DT carry you up there." Gaige said with a grin.

"Oh, now you suggest that." Kai said as the girl just stuck her tongue out at him.

Kai then looked around and noted they were in fact on an island surrounded by acid with several old Dahl structures dotting the island. One structure caught his attention though. He quickly slid down the pillar and landed near Gaige. "See anything?"

"Yeah, there's a heavy freight lift that leads to the top." Kai said pointing towards a mountain. "If it even works however is a whole other story."

"Give me a crack at it, I'll have it- WHAAAA!" Gaige yelled as she suddenly fell back onto the ground.

"Gaige? You okay?" Kai asked, looking down at the girl in worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But what caused me to- AAAGH!" Gaige screamed as she was suddenly dragged from the outcropping.

"GAIGE!" Kai yelled in panic as he ran out after her. He soon found Gaige being held by her legs as a large brownish-red thresher was holding her up by her ankles with one of its tentacles.

"KAI, HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE A HENTAI PROTAGONIST!" The teen yelled as the creature let out a growl of interest.

"Hey, just be thankful you actually are wearing leggings instead of stockings today." Kai said with a grin.

"NOT! HELPING! Gaige yelled as the thresher started to shake her.

Kai went to pull a weapon when he was suddenly pulled left by an unseen force. "What the hell!?" Kai yelled as he struggles to hold the ground. He looked back to see a grey thresher with purple spots emitting an energy field around it. His HUD identified it as a wormhole thresher.

"KAI!" Gaige scream in fear as the thresher holding her started poking her.

"GOT MY OWN PROBLEM OR DID YOU FORGET YOU'VE GOT A KILL BOT IN YOUR ARM."

"Oh right!" Gaige yelled in panic. She lifted her arm causing DT to spawn. However, since she was upside down he also spawned upside down. This caused to the bot to panic as he fell several feet before his gravity drives righted him.

"What's going- oh, not again!" DT moaned as he looked back and saw his maker's predicament.

"D, HELP ME!" Gaige cried as several tentacles started closing in on her. DT formed his claws and swiped at the tentacles, cutting them into pieces. He fired his laser at the tentacle holding Gaige, slicing it apart and causing Gaige to drop with a yelp. DT however quickly caught her and set her down. "Th- th- thanks DT." Gaige said in a very shaky voice just as several dozen more tentacles burst out of the ground. "Oh no." Gaige muttered in fear as DT took up an attack stance in front of her.

Meanwhile, Kai was still dealing with the wormhole thresher that was dragging him closer. He finally grabbed onto a root sticking out of the ground, halting his movement. "FUCKING HELL!" He yelled as he looked around when an idea came to him. He grabbed a large rock that was embedded in the dirt near him before he kicked off the ground into the air. The force of the thresher gravity carried him through the air towards the creature at ever-increasing speeds. Just before he reached the spiked creature Kai throws the rock at it with all of his strength.

With the combined momentum of the throw and the gravity, the stone smashed into the threshers knocking its head back. Kai flew into the thresher with a holo blade out, stabbing into the creature's neck as his feet landed on either. The thresher released the gravity field, letting Kai fall to the ground, which also caused him to drag the blade with him and slice the thresher open. It lets out a cry of anguish before falling back dead.

"Fucking worms." Kai muttered before looking over in time to see DT stab both his claws into the midsection of the feeler thresher that attacked Gaige. The bot rips the skin and muscle apart, and then unleashes steam of electricity from his eye, straight into the creature's guts. The worm screamed in agony as arcs of electricity racked its body before it finally fell over dead.

"Nice job DT." Before Kai could say anything else a dozen more large threshers emerge from the earth with even more withering tentacles flailing about. "Shit, Gaige we need to-" Kai starts to say as he turned to her only to pale at the sight. Scared out of her mind the teen girl was holding a now very familiar high-tech rocket launcher in hand with a look of absolute fear etched on her face. "GAIGE NO!" Kai yelled.

"I'm not the cheerleader. I'M NOT THE CHEERLEADER!" She screams as she fires the Norfleet in an adrenaline-induced panic. Both Kai and DT ducked behind a nearby rock as world war 5 started.

X-X-X

Back in Sanctuary. The rest of the Vault Hunters were sprawled out in the HQ briefing room looking like they were just done with the universe. "Rakks. . . Why is it always Rakks." Salvador muttered as Roland and Lilith summed up the latest damage report from the morning attack.

"Don't worry about it, Carolina and Wash have taken the Reds and Blues to deal with the nest. Apart from the rakks though, since we lifted the city up it has been one problem after another." Roland stated as he change the monitor to a city readout showing all of the systems. "Which is why you're here. Since Sanctuary is now flying we are no longer able to easily access any source of water." Roland said as he pointed to a chart that showed the city's water supply. "We have enough water in the tanks to last a few more days but we need to set up a resupply system. We can carry water through Fast-Travel but we can only bring in so much at a time meaning we'd have to constantly be using the system twenty-four seven."

"Which is not good since the fast travel is currently our only quickest means off of the city." Axton said.

"Correct, which is why we asked Loggins to start flying supplies in the meantime, his condor can carry in far more in an hour than we can fit through the Fast-Travel without bottleneck it for everyone. But that just leads to another problem, we only have one bird which puts us in a vulnerable position."

"So what, you want us to build more for you? Hate to tell you this Roland, but apart from maybe Gaige, none of us know how to build an aircraft… Speaking of which where are the teens?" Axton asked.

"Kai called in and said something about Gaige dragging him along on some mission. Said it might take the whole day." Lilith said.

"And the love birds didn't invite us… Well, I feel loved." Salvador muttered as Krieg patted the man's shoulder.

"Back to the topic, no you will not be constructing the new Condors. You will however be acquiring some of the parts we need for the new birds we will be building." Roland stated.

"Alright, what's the problem then?" Maya asked.

"Several parts we will need are scattered among a few bandit camps… in Brass River." Roland said.

"FUCK!" Salvador yelled in dismay.

"What's wrong with Brass River?" Maya asked.

"It's a canyon with supposedly five machine guns per bandit that lives there. They say when a fight breaks out a river of brass shells runs through the canyon." Salvador gave out a sigh. "I may be crazy, but I'm not crazy enough to go charging into that varkids nest."

The others just stared at him for several seconds until Maya spoke up. "I feel like Gaige and Kai got the better deal."

X-X-X

Back in the cave, both Kai and DT slowly peeked their heads over a fallen column only to find a scene straight out of world war 1. The field outside of the ruins was covered in craters, blood, burning tentacles bits, and several large fires. One such fire was burning the corpse of a badass thresher, the light of which outlined Gaige's silhouette as she Norfleet at her feet and a Dahl fire SMG in her hands.

Kai walked over to the girl and noticed the vacant look in her eyes. "Gaige?" He asked not receiving a response. He waved a hand in front of her face. "Gaige?" He shook her shoulder as DT floated over. "What's wrong with her?"

DT let out several worbbles. ". . . I don't know what you said." Kai said before he had an idea. He pulled out Hati's emitter and activated it, letting the light wolf wake up. "Bud, need you to translate for me." He said pointing to DT.

Hati nods and translates for the rebel. After a few minutes, Kai was just rubbing his tired eyes in frustration.

"So let me get this straight, Gaige here has an acute case of… plokámiphobia? Am I pronouncing that right?" The two AIs nod. "Right. Which, if I'm understanding right means she is deathly afraid of tentacles, particularly large tentacles that could physically bind or lift a person. All because she accidentally watched an uncensored director's cut of the critically acclaimed XXXX-rated horror film Tentacle Fury 9 when she was five. And now when she sees tentacles, she either locks up or goes on a fear-induced rampage in order to prevent her apparent horror-hentai nightmare from playing out for real." DT nodes as Kai lets out a sigh. "Okay, how do we break her out of this… Funk?" Kai asked. DT spoke again pointing to his chest which Hati translated. "Cocoa, pfft! Of course, it's cocoa." Kai said as he shook his head. "Great… Any other ideas?" Before DT could suggest anything there was a rumble as though something large was moving.

"Hati, tell me that isn't what I think it is." Kai groaned.

Coming around the corner was the angry Rakk Hive from before. For a moment it stared at them until the metal rod in its head blinked red, a second later it let out a roar as a dozen rakks flew from the holes on its back. Kai immediately grabbed Gaige in a fireman carry, grabbed the Norfleet with his free arm which he throw in his ECHO, and bolted in the opposite direction with Hati hot on his heels. "MOVE IT DT! OR BECOME A CHEW TOY FOR THE ECHO-NETS WORST RULE 34 NIGHTMARE!" Kai yelled, getting the bot to rush after him.

The Rakk hive immediately charged after them as the guys ran away. As they weaved around the terrain the creature just barred through all of its obstacles. Kai soon sees a closed heavy door across a rail bridge. "THERE!" Kai yells, getting both AIs to see where he was pointing to. They all quickly ran across the bridge where Kai placed Gaige behind an old minecart. He then rushed over to the door control and hit the button only for nothing to happen. "Shit, shit SHIT! GUYS COVER ME!" Kai yelled as he opened the panel and saw the mess of wires inside. "Fuck my life." He muttered as he started messing with the wires.

The two AIs look at one another and then at the Rakk hive which was attempting to cross the bridge. When it placed a foot on a section it immediately broke away showing that it was too weak to hold its weight. "Two AI's against an abomination of unprecedented ugliness." Hait said.

"SREEEECH" Screamed a rakk that flew out of one of the holes on the hive's back which was soon followed by a flood of rakks.

"And her bastard children. Alright, you take the hundred on the left, I got the hundred on the right." Hati said.

"Got it boss!" DT said getting ready for the fight.

"Ha, boss, I like that." Hati said before firing off an ice spike.

As their partners fought the hoard, Kai was frantically trying to hotwire the door. "Maybe this wire with that wire. AH!" He yelled as he was jolted by the live wires. "Dammit." He looked over to Gaige who was still in a daze and let out a groan. He moved over to the teen and shook her. "Gaige. Hey Gaige, come on. Snap out of it I need your help. GAIGE!" He yelled, still getting no response from the girl. "Ugh, I'm gonna probably regret this." He muttered. "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" He yelled as he gave Gaige a hard slap across her left cheek that nearly knocked her over.

"Oww…" Gaige moaned as her focus came back. "What the? What the hell was that for!?" Gaige yelled as she realized what just happened.

"Ignore it, we need that door open NOW!" Kai said pointing to the door.

"Why?" Gaige asked.

"Why?" Kai said before pointing behind her. "THAT is why!" She looks to see the Rakk Hive and their partners fighting off a swarm of rakks. Several flew by DT as he was lasering a part of the swarm and flew at the teens. "DOWN!" Gaige ducked as Kai whipped out his Fast Talker and fired on the incoming snakes, knocking several of them from the sky, as the survivors flew away.

"Okay, point made." Gaige said as she ran to the control as Kai fired from behind the minecart.

The fight continued for several minutes as the hive continued to release more rakks, while Kai and their companions fought off the hoard."Gaige how is it coming, I'm running low on SMG ammo." Kai yelled back as he slapped two new mags into the gun.

"Here, use my…" Gaige had activated her ECHO to pull out her Ol'Painful only for a piece of paper to fall out. "What?" Gaige looked at the note. "Yo Gaige, borrowing your cool ass laser rifle. Tina." Gaige read. "DAMMIT TINA!" She yelled as she pulled a few SMG mags and tossed them to Kai.

"What wrong?"

"Your sis stole my rifle!" Gaige yelled as she got back to the wires. "Dammit, I need a knife. There was a thunk in the wall next to her as Gaige let out a surprised yelp before noticing Kai's combat knife was now embeded in the wall. "REALLY! I'M ALREADY FREAKED OUT ENOUGH TODAY, WITHOUT YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Firstly, wasn't trying, second get the blasted door open woman! And third, make sure we can close it behind us!" Kai retorted

"DAMMIT KAI! I'M AN ENGINEER, NOT A MIRACLE WORKER!"

"IT'S THE SAME THING!" He yelled back at her only for rakk blood to spatter against his face. He looked to see a dead rakk near him with its smoking wing sliced off. "Thanks, DT!" Kai yelled to the bot who grunted as he swiped at another large rakk.

Gaige meanwhile was finishing cutting a wire and soon twisting it with another. "Please work." Gaige muttered as she hit the button. Slowly the door began to lift open much to Gaige's ire. Why are armored doors on this planet so slow?" Gaige said as Kai moved near her.

"Who cares, just get inside and close it." Gaige nodded as they both ducked under the rising door. Gaige quickly noticed the inner controls and hit the button only for the door to keep rising.

She tried several more times before noticing a second door and realizing what the new problem was. "SHIT! It's a cycled airlock, it has to complete opening this door before we can close it!"

"Of fucking course it is." Kai said as he loaded his SMG.

"Couldn't we just blast that thing with the Norfleet?" Gaige asked as she toggled weapon selection on her ECHO to the launcher only for nothing to come out. "Where's my launcher!?" Gaige cried out in panic.

"Don't worry, I got it, but it won't do any good anyways. We're both out of rockets." Kai yelled over the gunfire as he shoot another rakk

"How?"

"You nuked a hoard of Threshers not longer than fifteen minutes ago."

"But we went to get ammo."

"You dragged me out of Marcus's shop before I could buy any!" Kai yelled.

"I swear those two sound like an old married couple." Hati muttered before jumping into the air and biting on the neck of a large rakk.

The rakk hive let out an angry roar and began stomping the ground that causing the earth around them to shake. "What is it doing!?" Gaige yelled.

"I think it trying to cause a rockslide." Kai said as several boulders fell from the side of the stone roof above them.

The gate finally finished opening letting Gaige close the door. Seeing this the hive increased its stomping. "At this rate will get buried, Kai said as another boulder missed falling on him. At that moment a roar echoed through the cave making the rakk hive stop.

"What was that?" Gaige said as the ground tremored. From the earth behind the hive a massive blue crystal jutted out of the dirt.

"What the hell now?" Kai asked.

The crystal continued to rise from the dirt as Gaige paled at the creature. "Oh shit, it's a crystalisk!"

"A what?" Kai asked, as he shot another rakk which slammed into the inner door.

"A Crystalisk. There these. . . I don't even really know what! We got attacked by some in the Fridge, but they weren't that BIG!" Gaige said as the hive turned to face the crystalisk. Both creatures roared before they charged at one another. They tackled each other with a thunderous slam that shook the earth around them. "If we weren't being attacked by a swarm of rakks this would be so epic!" Gaige yelled as she shot another rakk with a Jakob Longrider shotgun she had pulled out.

The hive let out a screech before stepping back and firing a glob of acidic bile at the rock monster. The blue creature scattered back but was hit on one of the top side crystals, melting some of it away. Just before the door came down and block their view Kai saw something, Marcus's chest was embedded in the crystalisk crystals. "Shit." He muttered as the door quickly locked into place.

Gaige activated the next door which slowly began to open. As it slowly rose there was the occasional rumble from the outside from what they suspected was the monster fight of the decade. "Damn, I hope we don't have to fight any more of those things." Gaige said as they waited.

"Sadly I don't think will have many choices in the matter." Kai said.

"Why?"

"I saw the chest." Kai said as he looked at Gaige who stared back at him in confusion. "The chest that we were sent to find so that we could feed your insatiable cocoa addiction." Kai said pointedly.

It took a few seconds but realization finally dawned in Gaige's emerald eyes. "Oh, where was it?"

"On that big Crystalisk's head." Kai said as the door opened and he walked into the cavern.

". . . Oh." Gaige weakly replied as she followed.

DT turned on a light in his eye and looked around the place, everyone noted the old mining gear and Dahl crates that were littered around. DT soon flashed his light on an old Dahl generator that Gaige wordlessly got to work on. After another fifteen minutes, the rumbling finally stopped just as Gaige got the generator working. Several work lights lit up the cavern showing an old mine with equipment laying about.

"Well get comfy, looks like we'll be here for a while." Kai said.

"How long is a while?" Gaige asked with a notable amount of depression in her voice.

"Twelve hours, to be safe." Kai stated as he started looking through crates.

"Twelve!?"

"It depends on who won out there. If it was the Rakk hive then it will stick around for several hours waiting for us."

"Why?"

"They're very territorial. As for the other one… No idea, you seem to know more than me. . . Anything to add?"

Gaige thought about it for a few seconds before replying. "They seem resistant to elemental weapons, normal bullets seem to be the best. But that's not saying much since they can tank a lot of damage." She paused for a moment as she watched him. "Also, and don't quote me on this, but the crystals on their legs seem to be their weakness." Gaige said as she also started to slowly explored a few crates, only to find more random mining tools.

"Great so we now have to deal with crystal tanks." Kai said. "It's like a Bunkers and Badasses quest gone wrong." Kai said as he opened another crate where he finds several fuel canisters in good condition. Gaige meanwhile had cringed at that statement knowing she was the reason they were in this situation.

"I- I guess you could say that… They also seem to leave you alone if you don't approach the large crystals in the ground." Gaige said slightly depressed as she moved several small boxes to make seats while Kai pulled out a small camping burner from his ECHO's SDU and a fuel canister from the box.

It was quiet for the next several minutes as Kai set up the burner. After a bit of work, he ignited the burner and set a nearby sheet of metal on the cooking grate to help disperse the heat towards them. It was quiet for several minutes as they each stared at the fire. Finally, Gaige let out a long sigh and fell back on the crate. "How did we end up in this situation."

"Well, the long of it is you wanted some cash for something stupid and unnecessary so you dragged me along on a sketchy mission where we accidentally fell into a big ass hole in which we're trapped in, with no communication, and we are now being chased by dangerous creatures. . . The short is because you are a bloody cocoa addict."

"I'm not an addict." Gaige weakly retorted.

"You burned through… Actually, DT how much cocoa mix did you store?" DT worbbled an answer which Hati translated. "Five pounds of powder!?" Kai said in shock. "Gaige, what the fuck? You only found out he had it less then a week ago!?"

". . . I like hot cocoa." Gaige muttered.

Kai just stared at her for several seconds before turning to DT. "D, your maker is limited to one cup of cocoa a day."

"HEY! You can't just-" Gaige yelled as she shot back up. DT however gave a thumbs up and a nod of his head. "Traitor!" Gaige yelled.

"It's for your own good R2." Kai said as Gaige let out another sigh of defeat before they lapsed into silence again.

After several minutes Gaige spoke again. "I'm a terrible Vault Hunter, aren't I?" Gaige muttered causing Kai to raise an eyebrow.

"Now where's this attitude coming from?"

"It's just, I mean the last few missions I've just made so many mistakes. I followed the Alphas against orders, I was tricked by Angel, accidentally shot you and the others because of my tech, frozen up in fear several times because of my fear of tentacles, and now I've gotten us trapped in a massive corrosive cave filled with dozens of dangerous creatures all because I wanted cocoa." Gaige muttered

"Well when you put it like that, yeah, you're pretty bad." Kai said as he adjusted the angle of the sheet metal on the stove, while Gaige just let out a depressing groan. "But no Vault Hunter since the great Typhon DeLeon can say they had an easy start."

"Typhon who?"

Kai just stared at Gaige as if she grew a second head. "Typhon DeLeon? The first Vault hunter. Found the first Vault on Promethea." Gaige just shrugged. "Are you kidding me?" Kai asked in shock as she shook her head. "Whatever, it doesn't matter anyways. The point is every Vault Hunter has had it rough from the get-go. I mean Handsome Jack personally tried to kill you and the gang on the first day by blowing up a train. Hell, my first mission as a Vault Hunter was a fucking disaster."

"Yours? How?"

Kai let out a sigh as he leaned back against the cave wall. "It was about three days after I arrived… Tanis wanted me to steal an Eridium artifact that a cult of vegetable worshiping bandits had procured from a Hyperion science team."

"Vegetable worshiping?" Gaige asked but was ignored as he continued.

"It was just Reiss and me since it wasn't a Raider job. We managed to sneak in and steal the artifact from them easily enough. Of course, we were chased by them as we tried to drive off. And since Reiss was hit in his leg he couldn't drive, that was the first mistake.

"But you're a good driver."

"Good yes, familiar with a Runner and Pandora in general at the time, not so much."

-Flashback-

Kai was frantically trying to control the vehicle as he drove through a winding narrow canyon in a beat-up Runner. Reiss was firing away with the machine gun in the seat behind him at their current enemy. Behind them was a black and rusted Bandit Technical loaded with bandits and psychos in an old ragged purple priest robs. "BY THE POWER AND MAJESTY OF THE EGGPLANT LORD, WE DEMAND YOUR SOULS!" One zealot yelled over everything.

"What the hell is with these guys." Kai yelled back. "And what's with all the vegetable references?"

"Their cultist, they're not supposed to make sense!" Reiss yelled as they continued.

As they pulled around another bend Kai noticed the canyon forked into two roads. The left looked unused with warning signs posted in its direction. The right one had a psycho hanging between two poles over its road which looked more used. To the teen, neither choice looked good. "REISS, LEFT OR RIGHT?" He yelled.

"LEFT!" Riess yelled over the gunfire, but Kai wasn't sure if he heard correctly so asked again.

"Did you say left?"

"Right." Riess said to confirm.

"Got it! Kai yelled as he turned right. It was only when Riess noticed the hanging Psycho that nearly smacked him that he realized the mistake.

"I SAID LEFT KID!"

"What? You said right!"

"I SAID- Screw it! Just keep center and watch out for any grassy rocks!"

"Why?" Kai asked but Riess was again firing. Kai continued to drive as bullets and flaming saw blades were exchanged between the two groups. As he came around another bend he saw one of the large grassy rocks in the dead center of the road. With no time to think Kai swerved around the rock causing the runner to spin out.

"What the fuck Kai!?" Reiss yelled as the Technical rode up in front of them and blocked their path.

"Nowhere to go, melon farmer!" Yelled a bandit whose robs were trimmed with silver. "Yeah! Now hand over the artifact cabbage face." Another yelled.

"Any ideas?" Reiss said. Kai glanced at the grass rock that was behind the bandits and noticed several holes in it.

"Yeah, but it's a long shot." Kai said before pulling the trigger on the steering controls which fired the driver's machine gun. The bandits all ducked at the sudden short burst but quickly saw that they were all fine.

"HA, you missed." A midget with what looked like a large radish-shaped hat on his head yelled. A second later several loud screeches could be heard as everyone looked to see dozens of Rakks rushing from the grassy stone into the sky.

"Kai, what did you do?" Riess asked as the ground started to tremble.

"I uuuh… I shot the grassy rock."

"AT it or INTO it?" He asked nervously.

"Into it. . . Why?"

The ground around the rock suddenly began to split as a mound of flesh and muscle rose from the earth. "That's why!" Riess said as Kai realized what was raising up was a massive creature that stood on four legs, with four glossy eyes and a mouth that looked very disturbingly like something a teen would find in their father's old magazine stash. The creature roared and freaked out the cultists who immediately started driving down the road.

Kai just stared in shock at the creature. "Why does that thing's mouth look like a vagi-"

"DON'T ASK JUST DRIVE!" Riess yelled.

-Back to the present.-

"So you accidentally awoke a Rakk Hive. . . That's pretty bad." Gaige said.

"That was only the first one."

"The first one!?"

"Yeah, but that's not even the biggest mistake."

-Flashback-

Kai and Reiss were still driving through the canyon as there were now five Rakk hives chasing them.

The cultist truck was still ahead of them and was constantly firing on them since they could never seem to get the space to pass the truck. "You had to go right! YOU JUST HAD TO GO RIGHT AND THEN SHOOT THE FUCKING ROCK!" Riess yelled.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" Kai yelled as he juked the runner left to dodge a set of saw blades. "Any ideas?!"

"Just one, there should be another split coming up that will put us on the safe road. The problem is we have to lose the damn monsters and the cultist."

-Back to the present.-

So how'd you get out of the situation?" Gaige asked.

"By mistakenly awakening a god." Kai deadpanned.

"What?"

-Flashback-

After combining two Torgue MIRV grenades, a bottle of moonshine under the seat, Riess's three week old left sock, and the pemintoco in the glove box altogether, Kai had successfully made a bomb with one hand while driving around a large pit in the canyon. All the while the bandits and five Rakk hives were attacking them. After putting on one of the gas masks he also found in the glove box, and making sure Riess had sealed his own helmet, Kai deployed the pemintoco bomb.

The bomb exploded in the middle of the three groups and released a gas that not only killed the bandits but the Rakk hives as well. However, their death cries awoken something. From a large cave on the top of the canyon wall, a titan of a creature flew out and landed on the cliff edge. The creature was similar in look to any other Rakk, but it was nearly three times the size of a Rakk hive, and had golden skin with patches of silver thrown in. The major detail of course was that it had three horned heads, with slightly elongated necks. It looked at the dead Rakk hives before looking back to Riess and Kai's runner, before each head let out a roar of anger before each unleashed a stream of gold lightning into the wall behind them.

"Kai, I think you killed its mates." Riess said.

"Well shit."

-Back to the plot-

Gaige stared at her fellow teen for several moments as he stared back. "So let me get this straight. You accidentally misheard Riess's directions."

"Yup."

"Shot the rock that he explicitly told you not to disturb."

"Also right." He nodded

"And then after creating and using what can only be considered the most vile bio-weapon in existence you killed all your enemies, but in doing so you summoned a Rakk god?"

"We call him King Rahdorah." Kai replied nonchalantly.

"Call, not called?" Gaige asked quickly, noting the pronunciation. "It's still alive?"

"Unfortunately." Kai said with a tired sigh. "We barely made it out of that escape, lost the runner when I threw it off a rock ramp at the beast. Managed to drive the bastard off but he keeps hunting me to this day. Bit of a vendetta for killing its pride. Anyways so that left me having to carry Riess's wounded ass to the nearest fast travel which was about twenty kilometers away. . . And of course, I then owed Scooter a new runner."

Gaige winced at that remembering how Scooter reacted when Zer0 and Sal once brought a runner back with only a few major dings and holes in the frame. She couldn't imaging what the man would do if he found out you lost one of his cars. "How the hell did you get out of that?" She asked.

"Stole a solid gold technical from the motorhead gang… And I mean they had literal motors on their heads." He said motioning to his head. "It's not easy to shoot someone in the head when they're wearing an engine block like a helmet. Also didn't help that most of them were armed with Torgue weapons and a lot of rocket launchers. Anyways Scooter ended up accidentally destroying it after he got drunk and celebrated a little too hard." Kai was silent for several seconds. "And of course, he forgot to scan the damn thing." He muttered.

Gaige just stared at her friend for a minute before letting out a sigh. "Why is this planet so crazy?"

"The common theory is that it's something in the water." Kai said casually as he started pulling a few items from his ECHO. Gaige meanwhile stood up and started walking around.

"That might explain the people and animals, but come on! Magic swords and cursed amulets, creatures that can evolve at will, a seemingly endless supply of giant monsters and crazy cannibal bandits, and a midget that as of today has been killed by us or someone else four times! FOUR TIMES! HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE UNLESS THE BANDITS HAVE A NEW-U SYSTEM!" Gaige yelled before kicking an old oil can into the middle of some crates only to receive a small screech. Immediately Kai was standing and both teenagers had their respective sidearms drawn. They looked at one another before slowly approaching the pile. Once they were close they both looked over the crates to find a small, violet crystal cluster the size of a softball in the middle of the boxes shaking in fright as it slowly backed up.

"Awwww." Gaige cooed. I scared the poor thing." Gaige said as she holstered her gun.

"Careful Gaige, it could still be dangerous." Kai stated as Gaige slowly crept forward. The tiny crystalisk scuttled back into a nearby Dahl ammo box. "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, little guy."

As she continued to talk the little creature out Kai walked around the pile to see if there were any more of the creatures. What he didn't expect to find was a human skeleton in a Dahl uniform that had apparently taken cover in the cave long ago with an old rusted pistol in hand still. Kai looked down at a bag next to the remains and looked inside it. All he found was a few empty boxes of bullets, an old Dahl porno magazine, and several ECHO cartridges. Deciding it was better to not mention the body, Kai took the ECHOs and walked beck around to see Gaige in front of the box still trying to coax out the baby crystalisk.

"While you play with your new little friend, I'm going to get some food ready."

"You have food?" Gaige asked.

"Of course." Kai said as he walked towards the door they came through. "I always keep about ten ration bars on me, about three gallons of water, and several other nonperishables in my ECHO. Of course, most of that is the last resort if I can't find anything to hunt. Don't worry, I got something else for us." Kai stopped to look over at the girl. "You should still have a few extra ration bars on you. Remember, I gave you them before we went to frost burn that second time."

Gaige blanched at the thought of the disgusting bars but another idea came to mind. Gaige pulled out one of the bars and opened it up. She broke off a small piece of the bar and tentatively held it out to the front of the box. "Come on little guy. I got food… not very good food mind you." Gaige muttered.

The little crystalisk moved a little bit out of the box's shadow making a sound that could be a sniff. Gaige brought the piece of food closer making the crystalisk dart back in fear. Noticing this, Gaige pulled off a smaller piece of the bar and set it in front of the box before moving back a little. After a minute the crystalisk slowly crept out again before once again sniffing the offering. After a moment it lowered itself to the piece and took a tentative, bite, lick? It was hard to tell as the three-legged creature appeared to have a separate head between each of it legs. In an instant, the little rock monster gobbled up the piece before rushing back into the shadows once again.

"Gaige, just leave it be. It is obviously scared of you." Kai said as he was working on something.

Gaige looked back to the crate for a moment before breaking off another piece of the bar and leaving it on the ground before she walked back to the camp. Slowly, the crystalisk crept forward and looked between the bar and then at the teen as she walked away.

As Gaige got back to the camp she noticed Kai cutting up some meat on a crate with his combat knife. Where did you get fresh meat?"

Kai reached behind the crate and pulled up a bloody and partially butchered Rakk. "Again, where?" Gaige asked.

"There were several that landed in the airlock after we killed them." Kai stated as he put the creature down.

"And you plan for us to eat that?" Gaige said with a little disgust.

"Gaige, where do you think we get most of the meat around here? More importantly, what kind of meat do you think is in those burritos you like from Moxxi's." Gaige's face furrowed in sudden disgust. "Don't give me that face, you and I know damn well you love those burritos." Kai said as he took the meat and threw it on the metal sheet over the stove making the cubes sizzle. They both lapsed into silence as the meat cooked while Kai readied a small pot of water by throwing in various food packs from his bag.

"Still concerned about your overall skill?" Kai asked.

"A bit… I'm also think if I should have even come to this planet." Gaige muttered which caused Kai to pause his cooking for a second until he resumed. It was quiet for several seconds until he spoke.

"You know… I actually never wanted you to come to Pandora originally." Kai said which cause Gaige to look at him in surprise.

"Yo- you what?" Gaige asked in shock, feeling a sudden stab of pain in her heart.

"Yeah, back when it was me and Riess he found out about my habit of watching all of your ECHO shows. Because of that, he would tease me to no end about it. He even joked that I should invite you here for a date or something." Kai mindlessly said with a chuckle. This caused the redhead's face to light up in sudden embarrassment. She quickly realized though that he had just explained how it had been and that this was not the time to start questioning if he liked her or not. So she bowed her head in an attempt to let the stove light hide her growing blush.

"But, why didn't you want me to come here?" Gaige asked, scared of the answer he would give.

Kai was quiet for a second as he thought about his next words. "I once said that the only people who would come to this death trap of a planet willingly are adventurers, runaways, and criminals." Kai said as he stared at the pot on the stove. "The reason for that is because this world is harsh and unforgiving to those unprepared. Endless boiling deserts, blistering cold mountains, dangerous creatures of all shapes and sizes that will try and kill you. . . And then there are the people. . . Nearly every person on this planet is a bandit, and those who aren't would likely shoot you either out of caution or just spite. So only the adventures, the desperate, and those with nowhere else to hide would come here, and that just those who would come. You have to be strong or smart to survive on Pandora for any length of time. Even money has its limits here." He muttered as he stirred the pot again.

"This planet is the last place I would suggest a schoolgirl let alone anyone come to under any circumstance. Tell me, before DT accidentally killed offed that Holloway girl would you have ever actually considered coming here? Not just thought about it but seriously considered leaving the life you had to go to this backwater of a planet."

Gaige was quiet for several seconds as she stared at the flames on the stoves. "No…"

"And would you have come if you'd know I was here. When I was just another name in a chatroom?"

Gaige drew her knees up to her chest as she kept staring at the stove. "Probably not." She meekly said as she felt a cold heavy pit form in her stomach.

"Of course that would be your answer." Kai said with a shake of his head. "It's a no-brainer when you actually think about it. You grew up on one of the Eden planets. Crime is low, the weather was predictable and tame, the wildlife is calm and tranquil, and the most threatening thing to your life were the lawyers, tax collectors, or an HOA president with too much time on their hands. For most people in the wider galaxy, it would be the perfect place to settle down and have a life." Kai said as he reminisce about his own lost childhood for a moment.

"But you, unfortunately, got dealt a bad hand one-day fateful day, and now, you are both a very wanted criminal and a runaway from the law because you have the second largest bounty in the last two hundred years on your head. Add to the fact you had a passing interest to go on a grand adventure and it's no surprise you choose to come here." Kai said as he pulled the spoon out to taste the stew only to throw more salt in. "Though personally, I would have suggested you try one of the new colony worlds in the expansion region."

"Actually it was my parents who suggested I come here when I was getting ready to run." Gaige said which caused Kai to pause before raising an eyebrow in questioning.

"Huh. . . Hati, remind me to have a word with her parents if we ever meet." Kai said to the wolf who was curled up by his seat. Hati just let out a huff before closing his eyes.

"So the reason you didn't want me to come was… Out of concern?" Gaige asked.

"Of course, why would I ever want one of my best friends to come to this deadly madhouse of a world that tries and kills you every second." Kai said.

Gaige was silent for several seconds till she looked at her fellow teen. "You said you originally didn't want me to come here. . . What changed."

"Honestly. . . It was Moxxi who convinced me." Kai said.

"Moxxi?"

"Yeah, I'll be honest, after you announeced you were coming I spent several days. . . Trying to over prepare for your say Kai said as he thought back.

-Flashback-

It was two days after Gaige's big ECHOcast that announced she was coming to Pandora. Kai was currently in Moxxi's bar, which was currently closed, and was creating a rut in the floor as he pace back and forth. "I mean she has no experience man, what if something happens when she lands? I nearly got mawed by a goliath in my first fight here! What if she runs into a band of cannibals bandits, a horde of rabid skags, a gang of murder midget hobos or a gang of rabid cannibal murder midget hobos!" Kai cried in panic as he pulled his hair.

"Dude, your worrying too much, you already know she going to land in Starzz Town, which while not the best place, it's not the worse place to start here on Pandora. After that, it's just a twelve-hour train ride to Iron Ridge, and boom she's safely in your care here in Sanctuary." Reiss said from his bar seat as he watched the teen pace.

"But what if we get ambushed by the Motorheads, or the Raging Skagallops, or even the-."

"Kai your not gonna get ambushed on Ambush Road. They named it Ambush Road so even the stupidest of bandits wouldn't think to set up an ambush there. So once you pick her up it will just be a quick two hour trip back to Sanctuary and you'll both be here at home, safe and sound."

Kai suddenly stopped and slapped his head. "FUCK, I forgot to set up a place for her to stay! Reiss, we need to go apartment hunting right away. No wait will need a good bit of cash first. To the bounty board!" Kai yelled as he tried to run only for Riess to grab him by the back of his jacket.

"For fuck sake Kai, just stop! Your gonna run yourself ragged if you keep this up."

"Is he still freaking out?" Moxxi asked as she came out of the backroom.

"Unfortunatly." Riess said as he pulled Kai into a stool.

"Mox, I need help finding a nice apartment for Gaige, but it gotta be cheap enough for her to afford. . . Shit, she'll need a job, I can maybe ask Marcus if he needs… No he'll pay only minimum wage if even that. Maybe Tannis . . . Nope. Maybe -mutter, mutter, mutter."

Riess just sighed as he turned to Moxxi. "Every time he thinks of something he starts overthinking it and panicking that he not doing enough."

"Oh for the love of, *Sigh* The poor boy is in that phase." Moxxi muttered before looking to the teen. "Kai."

"She'll need more weapons, a shotgun maybe. No, too weak, maybe a sniper. Yes range is better, don't want those bandits in spitting distance of her."

"Kai." Moxxi said with more force.

"A rocket launcher might be better, no chance for recovery if the enemy is vaporized."

"KAI!"

"I wonder if Scooter could make a tank?"

"SPECIALIST KAI SOLGARD!"

Kai suddenly went ramrod straight turned to Moxxi with a salute and yelled "YES MA'AM." Before realizing who had called him and relaxed.

"Damn she's got you." Riess chuckled, earning a glare from the teen.

"Kai you need to relax, you're overthinking this whole thing."

"Overthink, Mox, she's a kid who's never been off-world or at least out of the Eden system. And of course, she is coming to Pandora! PANDORA!. Fuck why did she have to pick this planet!? Why come here!?"

"I'll admit most of your concerns are valid, but how about giving the girl a chance before you start treating her like a glass doll."

"Glass doll? I'm not treating her like a glass doll." Kai retorted.

"Dude, I heard your muttering. You were talking about reinforcing her apartment with battleship grade armor and several automated sentry cannons." Riess said before taking a draw of his beer.

". . . Too much?" Kai asked

"Overkill." Moxxi deadpanned. "Look, Kai, no woman likes a controlling boyfriend and vice versa."

"Boyfriend!?" Kai sputtered as Riess tried to hold his laughter.

"But you need to give her the space to grow. Gaige seems to be the type of girl who just needs support, not handholding to the point you do everything for her. Plus we already know she is a tough girl. She sliced her own arm off and built a new one in an afternoon. She'll be fine."

"I mean yeah, but it still Pandora."

"Yes, it's Pandora but she won't be facing it alone. Imagine if she decided to run off to someplace else, just about any major colony has its spaceports covered with enough cameras to see when a fly takes a leak. She could be running from a hoard of bounty hunters in minutes. Then she could also have fallen into the wrong crowd, such as one of the Eridium cartels, joined the space mafia on some backwater space station, or have gotten forcefully recruited as an illegal E girl on Gluteus Ten." Kai shivered at the thought of that last one. "I'll be honest, if she didn't get any help from you before she got her, who knows what could happen to a gal like her on a planet like this. But since you are here, you'll able to keep her out of trouble as she adapts to this new life without all and learns the ropes." Moxxi calmly explains as the teen seems to settle down.

"I guess." Kai muttered.

"Besides, it will help you as Kai." Moxxi said as the young man looked at her in confusion. "While you have made friends here, what you really need are some people of your own age to interact and talk with. The saner the better." She added. "Just be there when she asks for help and only intervene when she's about to step into something she'll regret and eventually she'll do the same for you." Moxxi said in a motherly manner.

"Yeah. . . Yeah your right Mox." Kai said with a relaxed smile.

"Of course, I am." she said with her own kind smile that quickly turned devilish. "An once you build your trust with her then you'll move in together, start dating, get married, and finally start making lots and lots of adorable little Vault Hunters!" Moxxi squealed in excitement, causing Kai to sputter as Riess started roaring with laughter.

"MOX! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Kai yelled in dismay.

"Oooh~ just keep telling yourself that.~" Moxxi said with a wink. Kai just facepalmed as she joined in the laughs.

"I'm gonna go, I gotta go talk with Marcus about some new gear anyways." Kai said as he got up. Just as he got to the doorway he turned back to the barmaid. "Hey, Mox."

"Yes, deary?" She asked.

"Thanks for the talk." Kai said with a smile. "It... It really helped."

"Anytime Kai, anytime. Although, if you ever need the other talk, I'd be more than obliged to help you out." Moxxi said in her classic sultry tone that caused the teen's face to light up. "I should probably extend an offer to your cute little friend, she might benefit from some of my… Tips and tricks~." Moxxi said as Kai's face went nuclear in embaressment.

"MOX! I don't need the fucking talk! Nor does Gaige!" Kai quickly cried out as Moxxi and Reiss both laughed uncontrollably. "Fuck, you are so incorrigible." Kai yelled as he left the two adults.

After a few minutes of laughing the two finally calmed down. "Oh god his face, I wish I had a camera! Riess said as he was catching his breath. "Would you actually give him the talk if he asked?" Reiss asked.

"I'm pretty sure he's already had it. But you never know, I may need to give it to his cute little friend when she gets here." Moxxi said.

Reiss, with the start of a sly smirk on his lips, leaned in closer and stared directly into her eyes. "Then might I suggest spending a little time brushing up your technique." Reiss said with a grin which Moxxi was quickly sharing. "I could... assist if you so want."

"Oh my, how generous of you corporal." Moxxi said in a seductive tone. "Would you be available to assist with such practice right now?"

"I think I can spare the time from my ever-so-busy schedule to help out a beautiful woman such as yourself." Reiss said. "Although I don't think the current setting is properly equipped for such. . . practice."

"Then I'd suggest you follow me, Corporal." Moxxi said as she slowly sauntered towards the door to the backrooms as Reiss quickly followed.

-Back to the present.-

"She helped me realize just how lucky it was that you just happened to run to the one planet where you had a friend. The only planet with a friend in a galaxy full of bounty hunters out to get you or other unmentionable horrors and fates worse than death." Kai said sending a cold shiver up Gaige's spine.

"I guess." Gaige said still sounding slightly unsure about his statement.

"And Moxxi also made the point anyone able to cut off their own arm and build a replacement in an afternoon is more than tough enough to survive on Pandora." Kai said with a caring chuckle which got Gaige to smile a little as well.

"Damn straight, I'm a badass." Gaige said joining in the chuckle until she once again looked at his cooking pot. "What are you making?" She asked as the aroma of the pot was starting to get to her.

"Rakk maw stew. Something Riess taught me during a three day mission once." He said proudly as he dumped what looked like canned vegetables into the pot.

"You just happen to carry all the ingredients for stew?"

"Most of them, the stew varies depending on what local game I catch and what canned good I can aquire. Could be skag maw stew one day, or bullymong Gumbo the next." Gaige opened her mouth in sudden concern before Kai cut her off. "And before you ask no, bandits are never on the menu."

"Had to ask." Gaige said as she hold her hand up in understanding.

"Why don't we just listen to something else while I get this ready." Kai said as he pulled out his ECHO and inserted one of the cartridges.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Found them near the crates where you're new little friend was hiding." Kai said as he hit the play button.

Missus Harchek! Today a miner found a crystal formation near the alien ruins, but it started... moving. The... creature appears perfectly peaceful; I don't think it's ever seen a person before." The sounds of an animal could be heard in the background, causing the woman to laugh. "Blue, not now! Here, go play with my hat. Get, there you go, Blue! We're calling it Blue cause of the color it's, uh, yeah. We saw a couple more of these creatures hiding near the ruins. I recommend moving the dig site, for obvious reasons. Security Officer Booth, signing off."

"Blue? Wait, do you think it was that big one we saw?" Gaige asked.

"Gotta be, but why is it aggressive?" Kai wondered out loud.

"Don't know. Play the next one." Gaige said as Kai inserted the next cartridge.

"Miz Booth. While your concern for these... creatures is noted, we shall not be moving the dig site. The Dahl corporation has sent Sanctuary, their greatest mining ship, to this godforsaken planet to mine crystals, and you have found some. Please round up the creatures so that my mining team may... extract their minerals." The ECHO cut off and Kai looked to Gaige only to find her face furrowed in anger.

"What the hell bitch!?" Gaige said in fury.

"Leave it to the corporations to be greedy fucks." Kai said as he set started dumping the meat into the pot

"But it's a living creature! They can't just take a part of it!"

"So was the Rakk I'm cooking, the chickens we've eaten growing up, even wool off of sheep to be made into skimpy and impractical sweaters worn by egotistical E girls who show off their bodies for money." Kai said before popping a small piece of rakk meat in his mouth. "It just life Gaige."

"I understand that, but in this case, there has to be a better way." Gaige argued.

"It's not like we're here for the crystals, so it doesn't matter." Kai said as he started playing the next ECHO.

"Missus Harchek, I don't think you understand, you can't... mine these creatures. They're living beings! Without the crystals, they'll die. Sanctuary could easily find another dig site. My security team and I are not hunting these creatures for you. Period. Security Officer Booth signing off."

Interested in what happens, Kai immediately swapped out the cartridge for the next.

"Miz Booth, need I remind you of the terms of your contract? Your security team is meant to assist my excavation crew. Whether or not you agree with my policies is irrelevant. Shut your mouth, grab your gun, and bring me my crystals like a good little girl."

Again Kai swapped out the cartridges and started it.

"Listen, you heartless bitch. My team has guns, your team has pickaxes. Move the ship or we will move it for you. Security Officer Booth, signing o–"

A single gunshot suddenly goes off which causes Gaige to jump. It was followed by a thump as the teens could hear what they had guessed was Officer Booth letting out a dying gurgle.

"You don't have all the guns, dear. Now… unless anyone from the late Miz Booth's security team has anything else to say, BRING ME MY GODDAMNED CRYSTALS!"

"And here I thought she was a bitch before." Gaige said as Kai swapped the ECHOs with the grace and precision only a person working with firearms for many years could.

"What do you MEAN they're fighting back?! Booth said they were as docile as bloody kittens! Give me that gun, you coward! Aim for the blue one! AIM FOR THE BLUE ONE!"

A cacophony of frantic gunfire could be heard in the background until they heard Harchek suddenly scream in agony before the clip ended.

"Damn." Gaige said staring at the ECHO. "At least the bitch got what she deserved."

"Yeah, at the expense of now having all the Crystalisks now on a kill first, kill more later mentally." Kai stated before looking to Gaige's left. "Well, all but one."

Noticing where he was looking, Gaige turned and was surprised to see the little purple crystalisk peeking out from behind a crate less than two meters behind her. "It must want some more food." Gaige said as she snatched a piece of cooked meat off the steel plate and lightly tossed it to the crystalisk. It landed about half an arm's length from the little critter causing it to scuttle back a foot in surprise. Slowly it moved to the piece of meat, before backing away from it in detest.

"Must not like Rakk meat." Kai said as Gaige watched in thought. After several seconds Gaige had an idea as she pulled the ration bar out. The crystalisk noticed and the bar seemed to have its complete attention. She pulled a piece off and threw it close to the little crystalisk. It immediately pounced on the piece with vigor as it quickly consumed its food.

"Woah, never seen anyone or anything like those bars so much." Kai said as he slotted the next ECHO in.

"Entry log 482. Today my boss, security officer Booth, was mercilessly killed by Miss Harchek for not harvesting the creature's crystals. After her death, Miss Harchek told us she had removed the primary power cell to the lift controls, and said no one would leave until she got her crystals. Blue and the other ones… It did not go well. We were slaughtered and our guns did nothing! However I did send a message to Dahl, and I have my beacon active, meaning all I have to do is wait here and a crack shot Dahl commando team will come and save me. Security officer Rick Densman signing off."

"Oof, yeah I don't think that happened buddy." Kai said as he swapped the next cartridge.

"Entry log 495. It's been three weeks now, I had to kill several spiderants that attacked me. But I survived… Mostly... Lost part of my left ear and have some acid burns from falling in a puddle. But I'm confident I will be saved. I just need to hold out for a bit longer. They must be preparing a whole division to save me. Security officer Rick Densman signing off."

"I'll be honest, I'm a little hesitant to listen to these last few." Kai said as he put the second to last ECHO in.

Entry log…. 531… it's been about four, or five months now… I've been forced to grow moss and spicy ember grass for food. I had to use all the powder in my ammo as fertilizer… I swear the grass is hissing at me every time I harvest a clump. . . Dahl must be gathering the whole army to come for me. I bet there gonna come through that door any day now. Security officer Rick Densman signing- wait." There was silence for several seconds. "The hissing, it's all around me. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" There was a scream before a gunshot went off, and the ECHO cut off a second later.

"Fuck." Gaige said as the little crystalisk scooted behind her leg in fright because of the screaming.

"You said it. Not surprising thought, five months of isolation with no sunlight, little food, and little hope. It would make anyone go insane." Kai said as he hesitantly put the last ECHO in and hit play.

"Officer Densman. We received your emergency transmission from several months ago. Dahl command has just finished reviewing your request for the rescue of yourself from Pandora and has determined that it wouldn't be economical for us to send rescue for just one security officer. As such we are terminating your contract with an honorable discharge in honor of your commitment to the company. We apologize for the distress this may cause you former Officer Denseman and thank you for your service to the Dahl corporation. Remember, at Dahl we fight for your freedom and safety."

The teens just stare at the ECHO for several seconds. "Holy Murphy, that is colder than a winter's night on New Hoth!"

"That's the corporations for you." Kai said as he poured a bowl of the stew into a camping tin before handing it to Gaige. All the while the little crystalisk had crept over and started to poke Hati as it explored its new surroundings. Hati just let out a sharp snort that knocked the little creature over as the teens ate.

"Are any of the corporations not evil?"

Kai thought about it as he poured himself a bowl. "It's more that each is its own shade of gray. I'd say Torgue is on the low end, followed by Jakob, then." From there, the two teens fell into mundane conversation as the friends enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the evening.

In another place, however, a single TV among a wall of hundreds of other TVs showed the teens and their companions. In the darkroom, a man stared at this particular TV with his full attention as a sadistic smile appeared on his face. "Finally, after all this time, I have found you." The man said as he stood up. "And with you, I'll have my freedom so that I can take my revenge on all of YOU! . . . The hooded man looks towards the readers. Yes, I'm talking to you. I know what you're thinking, how am I talking to you readers? Well, let me tell… Wait, don't you dare finish this chapter! Do you know who I am. I will destroy all of you if you switch to those idiots in that dog bone of a space station ag-"

X-x-x

-LINK REESTABLISHED-

-Resuming ECHO Review Log-

Kilo) …

Torgue) …

Gaige) …

Tina) … Okay, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT AT THE END!?

Gaige) Did that character just break the fourth wall?

Torgue) I think he f*cking did.

Kilo) I… I don't know how that's possible. I never planned for the character to have that ability!

(Gaige) Well, somehow we have a fucking Deadpool situation. . . Well, a partial one.

(Kilo) . . . Aww. Crapbaskets.

(Torgue) Could be worse, he only seems to be aware of the fourth wall with limited knowledge of what happens out. He doesn't appear to actually have anyway way of physically interacting with the readers. But he also mentions a means of freedom, so maybe he has a way to escape the story.

(Kilo) That's… Oddly smart of you.

(Torgue) I can be f*cking smart when I want. . . EXPLOSION!

(Kilo) Right, continuing. So before the announcements. I just wanted to say sorry for the late chapter release for those who have been here for so long. And for those of you who have followed since this story this year, thank you. It has been a crazy year between some family health issues, new job and other life happenings for me. So thank you all for the support, everytime I get a constructive review or compliments, it helps keep this story going.

(Tina) Yea, thanks guys!

(Gaige) And a thanks to those of you on the Discord for helping out.

(Kilo) Oh, yeah. I'd like to say thanks to everyone on the Discord. PanzerKampfWagonJager, Killer Mohawk thanks especially for all the help when I need to bounce an idea or suggestions around. And a note for GrimRider here on FFN, I got your PM and sent you a discord link but you never respond, so I'm posting a new link here. Same spacing edits as previous invites.

HT TPS (Colon Double-foward-slash) discord . gg / s6uBdpau

(Kilo) Just a reminder, while I make it a point to check my PMs on the FFN App the best way to contact me is a PM on the actual website. The apps PM system is completely separate from the website and still doesn't seem to always work. . . Actually, if a few of you can try sending a few test PMs on the App, I want to see how it works since the recent App update.

(Gaige) FFN seriously needs to merge the two systems already.

Now then onto the news. First, I'm allowing votes to be submitted through the comment section since I'm fed up with the fact FFN only allows one poll at a time. I'm also letting votes on AO3 count as well. Now with that said, we've got a new poll available, and several are still ongoing.

First, which of the Vault Hunters would you choose to take the voice disguiser and have Handsome Jack's voice?

Next, which clan would you have the Vault Hunters side with at the end of the Clan Wars?

Which Vault Hunter should receive the Excalibasterd?

And finally, what gender should Moxxi's kid be?

(Gaige) I VOTE GIRL!

(Tina) SAME!

(Torgue) NO, I VOTE FOR A BOY. REISS JUNIOR FTW!

(Gaige) Reiss junior? Eeeh, maybe. Shorten it to RJ maybe... Let's just workshop that for now.

(Kilo) Continuing on, let's move on to the reviews we've gotten since last chapter. First comment, CrimsonGeist. . . I'll be honest, I've never really watched much of Technoblades, but damn, he seemed to be one chill dude. It always sucks when the internet loses a good creator. Glad my story was able to help with some of that feeling of lost.

(Torgue) I salute you Technoblades. ALSO! YES!

(Kilo) silentslender. Yes, while both teens were finally right on the edge of expressing their long hidden feelings, the moment was pulled right out from under their feet by a certain mustached wrestling CEO. . .

(Gaige) . . .

(Tina) . . .

(Torgue) . . . Okay, I'm f*cking sorry. . . STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

(Kilo) Also, I'll be taking down your bet for another interruption in Kai and Gaige's. . . Affairs.

(Gaige) Screw you man!

(Kilo) And I'm glad you also loved the action Slender, I took particular pride in that chapter. As for Gaige's MBP disorder. . . I have a looooong list of ideas and I'm not afraid to use them.

(Gaige) . . . nooooooo.

(Kilo) dirtrevor, I believe the best way, to sum up the balance of Borderlands and insanity. . . Yes. As for BL3, oh yeah, Troy was far too underused and very improperly. As he is now he a diamond in the rough villain but if played right he could be awesome. As for Ava… I'm still leaning towards just cutting her from the story, she just does not add anything to the story. If she was never in the game, nothing but a few minor interactions would have changed. The Calypso Twins would have probably still jumped Maya, Lilith would have still sacrificed herself, and the leadership of the Raiders would probably have fallen to someone of actual voting age. I think since Kai and Gaige will both be there as the plan goes right now that a LOT of things in BL3 will change. . . Which just means more insanity! But, that's still a long way off and I still got the main story and a metric ton of DLC to do.

TheClowningPrince, I know, right! Who'd of thought such dice exist! The things you learn when making a story are just crazy! Hell, the last chapter I had to spend several hours learning about different types of alcoholic beverages for Gaige's condition, and then for the Fridge chapter, I had to do a deep exploration of DCs villains gallery… Look up a guy called Snowflame, that villain is insane.

(Gaige) Looking, looking. . . The fuck?

(Kilo) That's what I said.

(Tina) You wouldn't see a character like that in today's comics. Not with all the SJWs running the show.

(Torgue) Not without heavy editing to fit with Modren Audiences.

(Kilo) Next Medatron. Sorry, Medatron if the fact that a few people and a few extra AIs don't make my character seem unique anymore. Firstly, it is not hard to imagine there may be other people who escaped his home world. Was Lisa the only person from Alderan after the Death Star turned her planet into a new asteroid belt? No, the planet had been around long enough that people may have left the world. It's actually kind of stupid in Kai's case to assume he is the only one who escaped.

Next for the AIs, really this isn't that much different than the deployable Roland, Axton, or Moze uses. Rolands Scorpio turret is used by Lance Engineers in BL1, Axton's Sabre turret is a Dahl product, and Moze's Iron Bear is used by a whole division apparently. Let's not forget Wilhelm's drones are modified Hyperion drones. I have also previously made several mentions that Hati wasn't the only AI that was created, after all his people were fighting a war. If you have a way to create a force multiplier that can assist your fighters and reduce losses you can be damn sure every commander is gonna be knocking on her company's door for one. This adds another point, while Hati was built specifically for Kai he was the prototype for a new product line meaning the company had to access to everything needed to make more AI companions. To sum it up think of Hati as the prototype show model your company puts all the bells and whistles into to show off and see how far it can go. After that, you make the production model, which while not bad, maybe stripped down for faster production and or cost to make. Like the RX-78 Gundam which led to the production of the RGM-79 GM mass production suit. Also, I've pulled back on the whole punching bag gag and admit I could have probably written some of those better. I might go back and rewrite some of those parts but then again I might just say whatever, my story.

(Torgue) Not everyone is gonna be a fan.

(Kilo) That is very true Mister Torgue. Pancake12, glad you love the game series and my fic, and great to hear you also enjoyed the sidequest series, I honestly wish more people would give me feedback on that one. Anyways, expect there to be more madness and insanity from our favorite Mechromancer to come.

(Gaige) I AM PUMPED UP FOR THIS YEAR!

(Tina) BRING ON THE NEW YEAR BITCHES!

(Kilo) Well, that's it for this year everyone. Remember, if you are new here don't forget to follow or favorite so you don't miss any future chapters, and don't forget to check out my side series, Rebel Anarchy: Side Quests for more fun. So with that, I wish you all a happy New Year and will see you next time fellow Vault Hunters. Kilo8 out for 2022!

(Tina) Later guys

(Gaige) Happy New Years

(Torgue) Later peeps!

*BZZZZT*

-ECHO Review Log Terminated-

RA Loot Guide

Lång Hammare

Manufacturer: Kai/Jakob

Weapon type: Rocket Launcher

Weapon Grade: Unique

Flavor Text: It's not Mjolnir, but the receiving end doesn't know that.

Description: While it may fall under the Rocket Launcher moniker, the Lång Hammare is by no means an artillery weapon. The Lång Hammare more closely relates to an old punt gun that is actually an oversized recoilless shotgun capable of wreaking havoc on low-health or unshielded enemies formations. A single shell which operates in a similar fashion to 120mm Canister shells from an M1 Abrams, fires about 50 12-gauge pellets per shell which can interact with a user's skills for added damage and effects. Currently, the weapon is still in its prototype phase as the loading system is too dangerous to use by a single user unless they put the weapon fully down or have a prosthetic reinforced hand and arm, or else they may incur a more severe form of Garand thumb.

(Note) Naming and flavor text credit goes to PanzerKampfWagonJager.

Appearance: The weapon takes a similar appearance to a Carl Gustaf M2 84mm Recoilless rifle. The major change is that there's a feeder-style breach similar to the M1 Garand rifle, leaving the weapon somewhat back-heavy. The reason for this complex breach is to help lock the shell in place during firing as early runs showed the original style breach on a Carl Gustaf could not handle the stress of a canister shell. The barrels is a bare gun metal finish with a brown walnut tree cradle/stock holding the weapon and making the grips. The shoulder rest has a heavy compression spring to help reduce recoil.

Stats:

Damage: 6713x50

Accuracy: 82.7

Fire Rate: 1.4

Reload Speed: 6.5

Magazine Size: 1 (Uses 4 ammo per shot)

Bonus: None.