Chapter III: The Swindler Salesman
"O-Okay…Grunchie."
After saying the word, Dippens felt he had just said something inappropriate. He was definitely not going to stick with that nickname.
They released the handshakes, and immediately Stanley continued his speal.
"So, what would you like to buy?"
At that, he gestured with both hands to the various display cases around the place.
"You, girl-"
"Margery."
"You look like the, uh, more...stealthy type." He had almost said 'dainty'. In all honesty, he didn't expect too many women customers, so he found it harder to cater to her. "I think you might be into something like the, er, Derringers. They're covert, and they have-"
"I like these." She put her finger on one of the display cases. Stanley walked over.
"Oh, so you found something already? Well that's good- Jesus!"
He was taken aback by what she had picked out, which was a pair of brass knuckles next to a wooden billy club. He walked over, glancing between Margery and the weapons in the display case several times over, as if confirming she was looking at the right item. She nodded every time.
"Um...okay…" Stanley took a moment to think over something in his head. "That's not worth too mu- er, I mean that is quite the weaponry you have picked out! These brass knuckles are one of the strongest and sturdiest among their type, along with the billy club, which is made of refined oak wood, hard enough to make a solid dent in steel!"
As he went on to ramble on about the weaponry, Dippens and Margery ate up every word of it, their eyes widened as they marveled over the supposed grandeur of the weaponry before them.
Ames, however, having been exposed to plenty of con artists and swindlers, quickly caught on to what Stanley was trying to do. Though he was watching the door, he had been listening in on the sales pitch this man was trying to give, and he was absolutely sure Stanley was conning the twins.
Of course, he didn't give enough shites about the twins to save their wallets.
"Well, this is fascinating and all…" Dipper began, interrupting Stanley. "But how much are they gonna cost?"
He had said this as Stanley was on the topic of a sword cane, and he pursed his lips, his eyes seeming to drift slowly over Dippens and Margery, gauging how much these two might have on them.
"...I think 120 silver should do the trick."
"Huh?!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Everyone turned their heads towards Ames, who had bursted out laughing at sudden, who was comically slapping his knee.
"Are you serious?! That's the amount you gauged from these twinks?"
Stanley chuckled nervously, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Wh-what are you talking about? Look, i'm just tryna drive a fair price, bud-"
"120 bloody SILVERS? Does that swordcane grant immortality, as well?"
"No! Look-"
"When did you open up this establishment for shop?"
The sudden question threw off Stanley, though he recovered quickly and responded.
"About three days ago."
"Well, Stan, did you think to set up a sign before opening up shop?"
"Don't patronize me, you dunce! Getting a proper sign is not easy-"
"We're getting off-topic." Ames interjected calmly, his wayward behavior off-putting to Stan even more so. "My point is, have you made any sales in the past three days?"
"No, because no one knows this is a shop yet."
"Then, before you do begin selling, how about re-adjusting your scale of how much you can scam off of customers?"
Dippens and Margery turned their heads towards Stanley, both of their eyes filled with betrayal.
"You were trying to scam us?" Dippens questioned in an outraged tone.
"Wh-what? No, I-"
BANG, BANG!
"OY, OPEN UP, YA DODDERIN' MONGREL! YA PAYMENT'S OVA-DUE!"
Everyone's head swiveled towards the rusty door, where a heavily-accented voice resonated through. Stanley began sweating bullets, and rushed over to one of the doors on the left side of the emporium.
"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, damn it all! I thought they said Fryday?!"
Ames cocked his head back over to Stanley, his eyebrows furrowed in question.
"Your debt deadline is three days in to the opening of your shop? That's just bad planning."
"Quiet, you!" Stanley snapped as he stormed out of the doorway in a hurry, brandishing an odd-looking sword in one hand and a revolver in the other, much to everyone else' alarm. And yet, as he came up to the group, his eyes passed over the weapons on display, and Dipper could his eyes light up, a grin streaking across his face. He sheathed his weapons in their respective holsters, reaching his hands over to pop open the display case.
"So, you guys want these weapons, right?" He asked aloud as he took out the swordcane, then jogged over to the display case with the brass knuckles and wooden baton. "Well, I have a deal for you little killers-"
BANG! BANG!
"AH SAID FACKIN' OPEN UP YA TWIT, 'FORE WE COME IN THERE FORCEFULLY!"
Stanley glanced quickly at the door, then back to the twins as he carried over the weapons in his hands.
"If you guys...take care of those loan sharks at the door, you can keep these weapons. Sound like a deal?"
Before he even finished, the twins were grabbing for the weaponry, with Dippens grasping the swordcane and sliding out the bronze knob hilt, pulling out the gleaming sharp metal hidden inside the oak by the handle, looking over it in fascination. Margery slid the brass knuckles onto her right hand and carried the wooden baton in her left, looking over them with a malicious glint in her eyes.
Meanwhile, Ames was watching the scene in dread, thinking about how irresponsible and negatively consequential it was to handle a couple of underaged individuals the means to harm and kill.
As they were admiring their newfound equipment, Stanley pointed urgently at the door.
"Now, go take care of my problem, lads!"
(Queue 'Hooded Allegro Vivace' by Austin Wintory)
Margery was the first to storm forward, brandishing her brass knuckles and wooden cudgel in a menacing fashion, whereas Dippens stood there for a moment, seeming to now contemplate whether this was a good decision or not.
However, Stan's urged pointing towards the door and his jerking of the head served to further wipe any doubt from Dippens' head, and he went for the door in a mix of ambitious and malicious fervor.
BANG! BANG!
"THAS IT, YA CUNTBAG! WE'RE COMIN'-"
SMACK!
Margery threw open the rusty door forward, the bulk of it smashing into the loan shark speaking. He cried in pain as he fell backwards from the force of the blow, collapsing onto the pavement behind him. The three loan sharks that had gathered around him looked down at him in shock, then back up to Margery, who stood in the doorway menacingly, patting her baton on her other hand and grinning wolfishly.
"Nothing personal, ya meatheads. Just gotta pay off my own debt."
With that, she picked out a loan shark and swung the baton towards his torso.
CRACK!
"AAAAAAAAHHH, BLOODY SHITE!"
The loan shark felt the crushing blow of the baton smack into his ribs, breaking and fracturing several of them. He crumpled to the concrete, holding his ribs in agony, and the battle sparked off.
One of the other loan sharks came forward and wrapped the cudgel in his hands around Margery's throat, pulling her back. She struggled against the hold, using one of her hands to claw at the weapon.
"Yeah, how do you like that, bitch?!"
BONK!
Dippens' swordcane came down upon the loan shark's head, a resounding smack heard as it caused the loan shark to yell in pain and release his hold on the weapon, holding his own head as he groaned. Margery coughed as the cudgel was released and clattered to the ground and, in fury, whirled around and threw a punch with the brass knuckles at the hurting loan shark.
CRUNCH!
The brass knuckles decimated his face, the sound of his nose and cartilage breaking as Margery's fist struck him. He screamed in utter pain and crumpled to the ground, gripping his face as blood poured out of his nose.
"You mangy li'l shitebags! Ahm' gonna skewer yus!"
Margery turned around just in time for the last loan shark to come running towards Margery, thrusting a knife at her throat.
SHICK!
The loan shark stopped, his knife inches from Margery's throat, and looked down at his torso. A large sword had been run through his stomach, the blade protruding from out of his back. He looked up slowly to see Ames, grimacing as he stared at the dying loan shark.
Shhick.
The loan shark released one last gasp as Ames pushed off the loan shark from his sword, the sound of flesh tearing echoing through the alleyway as the loan shark crumpled to the ground, unmoving, blood pouring from his wound.
Mabel sat there in shock, turning white as she realized how close to death she had come. Meanwhile, Ames moved over to the dazed loan shark on the ground, who had been hit with the door earlier, and smacked the butt of his sword into the head of the loan shark, knocking him unconscious. He looked up at Margery and Dippens, a solemn expression on his face.
"Armed fighting is not a game. You could die at any time, no matter how skilled you are. All it takes is one slip-up, one good strike, and you could be the one laying on the floor right now, pouring blood out of your wound."
Ames began cleaning up the bodies, dragging the unconscious and seriously injured ones out to the streets and dropping them off there. He took the dead body and brought it towards the door of the emporium. As he was about to walk back inside, he remarked one last sentence.
"Make sure you remember that for the future."
Stanley was overjoyed to hear the news of the loan sharks, jumping around his emporium with utter glee. Dippens and Margery themselves were jubilant that they had acquired weaponry for which to defend themselves with little adversity. Ames, however, was concerned about one particular subject.
"Those loan sharks didn't work for someone?"
Stanley laughed out loud as he made his way to a nearby table, seating himself on a chair.
"Of course not! Those sultry twigs were just extorting me since they saw me open up, and I couldn't do much but promise them payment at the time."
He snickered, leaning back in his chair and throwing his legs up on the table.
"Looks like they paid their own price."
"That was a terrible joke. I think I might have contracted some sort of vermin disease from that verbal assault."
"Shut up, drama queen."
The whole group also took seats at the table, relaxing there. Everyone sat in comfortable silence for a couple moments.
"Wait, what the hell are we doing? You two got what you wanted, so why are you still here?"
That's when the twins turned their heads towards Stan, grinning. Stanley felt dread creep up his spine as he saw Dippens begin to speak.
"Stanley, we've been thinking about this for quite a bit. We have nowhere else to bunk in this big-ass city, and I was scouting out the emporium earlier-"
"Why the hell are you sneaking around my place?!"
"-And I noticed that you have quite a few empty rooms. We think-" Dippens wagged his finger between himself and Margery. "-That it would be great if we could bunk here for now."
Stanley drew his feet off the table and unfurled his hands from behind his head, setting them down on the table as he stared at Dippens with disbelief.
"Seriously? The hell do you think this is, a bed and breakfast?"
"We'll protect your wares and run errands in exchange for food, clothing, and shelter."
"Done."
Ames almost reeled back from the sudden 180 that Stanley had just pulled. Stanley noticed Ames' surprise and grinned.
"I was waiting for them to present their terms, and it's not like it's easy finding good protection around the slums here. This is a damn good deal. You joining up, cowboy?"
Ames was about to speak up and immediately reject the offer, but hesitated. He knew this city about as well as the Twins did, and he was not just yet ready to delve back into the cutthroat underworld that awaited him outside this emporium. Then again, having to be stuck with this group of misfits…
He groaned, placing his hands on his head as he stared at the green-felt table, which had the same look as a pool tabletop.
"...Sure, why not."
"Wonderful."
Despite his outward loathing for Ames due to his snarky remarks and attitude from earlier, he was secretly glad to have an actual adult and seemingly well-trained fighter as a part of his protection crew. His hubris only grew from there.
"Oh, and Stan, we had another idea in mind."
Stan directed his look over to Dippens, who was looking at him with a deadset expression.
"We wanted to start a gang."