"Polar bears", said Crowley.
"Penguins", Aziraphale contradicted him.
"Polar. Bears", Crowley reiterated with increasing exasperation.
"Penguins", Aziraphale insisted stubbornly.
"Listen, angel, I looked it up on the internet and it's polar bears up north and penguins down south! Look, here!"
He very nearly shoved his iPhone up Aziraphale's nose.
"It's right there: 'A hypercarnivorous bear whose native range lies largely within the Arctic Circle'– that's the", Crowley tapped on the screen. " 'most northerly of the five major circles of latitude' for you. North. North Pole. Look at the map. QED."
The demon pointed to the relevant bits on the screen insistently and looked expectantly at his companion.
"Anyone could have written that", said Aziraphale in the desperate tones of someone who knows he has lost the argument but is still too proud to admit it.
"The point is, angel, that in this case everyone has written it and I'm inclined to believe it. Oh, whatever, I'm done arguing about this. I'm gonna go take my nap. See for yourself if you don't believe me."
He tossed the phone to Aziraphale who caught it easily and then almost dropped it when it made an unexpected noise.
"Er, how do I…?"
"You'll figure it out", said Crowley.
There was a whooshing sound as air rushed into the space where he had been a moment ago.
"Just try not to delete any of my music, alright?", he hissed and buried himself into the baking hot sand until only his head and the tip of his tail were visible.
Item #29: Have a week-long nap on a remote beach somewhere warm.
.
###
.
When Crowley woke up hours later, it was nearly dark. He looked around disoriented for a moment until he recognized Aziraphale's face – illuminated by the blue light emitting from the screen of the iPhone he was still holding. The angel was completely engrossed in whatever he was reading at the moment and hadn't yet noticed Crowley.
The demon nudged him with his mouth, causing Aziraphale to violently flinch and nearly fling the phone into the ocean.
"Goodness, Crowley! Don't startle me like that!"
"Sorry", said the demon reproachfully.
"I didn't expect you to be awake again already", said Aziraphale. "It's only half past six. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just had a weird dream, is all", said Crowley, regarding his phone with interest. "Have you been reading Wikipedia this whole time?", he asked.
"Oh yes! It's truly fascinating concept! A virtual library about anything and everything under the sun!", said Aziraphale excitedly and scrolled down the page he was reading. "Did you know there is even an article about navel lint?"
"Yes", said Crowley, who had written it.
"There is so much to learn, I just couldn't stop reading! I have to say though, some of those history articles are dreadfully inaccurate. I've tried to correct a few of them, but my edits keep getting deleted. They're always asking me to provide sources, it's terrible – I mean, I've beenthere, you know!"
Crowley stared at him dumbfoundedly.
"I left you alone for less than six hours", he said.
Aziraphale ignored him, clicking on another link instead.
"Oh, and I took the liberty of booking us a flight to Greenland the week after next", he said absently, his mind already engaged elsewhere. "You were right about the polar bears, but I thought it might still be nice to see them for ourselves. Something for the bucket list."
"We'd better hurry then", said Crowley, after he had gotten over the shock of Aziraphale suddenly being able to book flights online. "If my side keeps it up with global warming they won't be there much longer."
"That was nasty, my dear."
Crowley buried into the sand again.
"Still true, though. Wake me in a week", he yawned.
"Uh huh."
Aziraphale was already back to the screen, fighting a bloodless but no less bloodthirsty editing war on the topic of William Shakespeare.