Title: Above The Moon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 9.6k
Summary: She really is here. Brittany is here, and you think over the past 10 years without her, trying to figure out how destiny didn't bring you back together sooner, but you guess it just wasn't the right time.
Notes: This is a slow burn, and I'm vibing it so I'm glad you guys are, too!
/
Just as promised, Brittany stays over after.
You both clear up the apartment, saying goodbye to your friends who tell you to expect loads of pink things in the mail soon as they're going to send loads of baby shit – not that you need it, nor are you sure you want to go traditional with the colouring – and prepare your room for her. You're going to take the sofa, and she can have a bed as she is pregnant, and it's only for one night and the safest thing to do, so you're being smart about it.
Anyway, after all that, you end up in the kitchen. You're washing up a few of the glasses when you hear Brittany come in from behind and you turn off the water, setting the last glass on the rack before grabbing a rag and drying your hands, swinging it over your shoulder as you turn.
She's on one of the stools surrounding the kitchen counter, and there's a warm smile on her face. Which is a nice change as prior to right now, she hadn't met your eyes since you bitched out at everyone in defence of being accused of having a girlfriend – which you don't – and so you release a breath of relief, your own smiling creeping at your lips. She has her chin in her hand, elbow propped up and she cocks her head to the side, blue eyes narrowing as they drift of your face, but you don't get why she's gone from not looking at you to staring.
You never really know what to expect from Brittany.
"You okay?" You ask, a little self-conscious and head over to the opposite side of the counter, resting your palms down on it.
She chews the inside of her cheek for a long minute. "Yeah… I was just thinking about tonight and you know, I don't think you're different," she says and it's so not what you were expecting that your head jerks back, and you blink at her blankly, so she elaborates. "But then again, I don't know the Santana you were before I got here."
You realise she's talking about Mercedes comment, and you really didn't it think it was that deep and therefore not worth thinking over, but apparently she did. Whereas before, you thought she wasn't looking at you all night because you supposedly have two identities, now you're not so sure and you're a little confused. So you decide to tread carefully around the subject and try to play it cool.
"I don't know what you mean."
Brittany's lip twitches like she wants to smirk, and she doesn't break the eye contact. "I know," she whispers but it's so cryptic you narrow your own eyes suspiciously. What is she getting at? "I just think you're the same person I've always known, and I kind of wanna see this version of you that your friends talk about," she explains and the breath you take catches in your throat. "Or have I, and just not noticed?"
You shake your head. One of the things you know you're totally incapable of is pretending to be someone you're not around her. It's always been your weakness. A weakness that led to you two and your very first conversation because you didn't snarl, insult, or get physical when she stumbled into your smoking patch beneath the bleachers a decade ago, and you remember her telling you when you started seeing her through different eyes something similar to this.
The circumstances were different, because now she's known you for years – or technically only a year, but it feels like 10 – and back then, she was flirting with you and trying to see who you were, but she knows now. So it's confusing for another reason this time, as you're not sure why she's acting like she doesn't know you. You feel like after the past two weekends especially, that you're closer than ever but she's doubting you.
You just don't get why.
"I'm not anything other than me around you," you breathe and it's honest, but it's still mystic and Brittany squints. You crack a smile but take in a deep breath, needing to explain that you're not pretending to be anything other than you, as there's no other choice. You don't want her thinking you're someone you're not and you're not entirely sure where she's going with this, but you guess she has a point.
"I don't need to be a bitch or get my back up because you don't give me a reason to," you get out and your voice is strained, probably because your throat is thick, but you don't know why. This isn't like the teenager version of this conversation, but it just feels like it could be if you gave it a nudge. "Those guys always do, as you saw with the whole Mona thing," you say but it's only when you realise you've inadvertently mentioned the other blonde in your life that you freeze.
Shit. You didn't mean to bring her up.
Your eyes drag back up to Brittany, your breath suddenly shallower but you're shocked when she hasn't flinched or moved, and it's only then that you realise this is where she was going. She wanted to talk about what Kurt offered, and how you sharply dodged that bullet and instead got super aggressive because you felt like your back was against the wall. But you didn't really expect this, even if you probably should have.
"You can bring her, you know," Brittany says and it's a turn of subject that again, you're thrown off, but you need to adjust to this. You're still not used to being around someone who knows where your thoughts go before you do. "It won't be weird or anything."
You can't help but scoff, folding your arms over your chest because you need to get back on track and show her that you're as casual as she is about this. Even if you're totally not.
"It will totally be weird," you retort and Brittany smirks, noticing that you're not going soft and that maybe, you have changed. Not that much, as this is more of a façade than anything else, but she was just talking about wanting to meet the Santana your friends see, and this is kind of her. Although you are being far more flirtatious and less venomous because it's aimed at Brittany. "My ex who's pregnant with my baby, and my date in the same place for a weekend? Yah, that seems like a great idea."
Brittany bites her bottom lip and grins, but something else flashes behind her eyes. "Have you told her yet?"
You gulp, not wanting to revisit that conversation in your head. It actually went really well as yeah, you did tell Mona, but you skipped over how involved you are with Brittany still and just mentioned she's part of your friend group. You two have only had a few dates, so you didn't think it was necessary but if you invite her you might have to explain it a bit more and you don't feel like you're there yet.
You don't even know if you will ever be, and to be honest, bringing her to a weekend is more of a girlfriend thing to do and now you have a reason (after your friends ganging up on you) to prove that point.
So you're good with not doing that, and instead you think of an answer. "Yeah, but she isn't my girlfriend so I'm not gonna ask her."
Brittany hums a sound of acknowledgement, sucking her lips into her mouth and finally moves, pushing up and climbing to her feet. She walks over to you, blue eyes roaming over your face for a second before she leans in, kisses you on the cheek and pulls back, and you get a little breathless, desperately focusing on anything other than the way your skin tingles from where her lips just were and how close she is still.
"Good to know," she whispers and grins at you, reaching over to squeeze your hand quickly. "I'm gonna go to bed… Night San."
You swallow thickly, muttering out the same thing to her but with her name tacked on to the end of it and watch her disappear, pausing at the doorway to throw one final look at you before she disappears behind the wall, releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding.
You don't really know what just happened.
/
You'd known Brittany for a couple of weeks.
You'd hung out and been weirdly nice to her – considering you weren't nice to anyone ever – and done what she'd said and become friends. You stuck around and waited for her to finish Cheerio's practise a lot, and she'd sat with you whilst you smoked your lungs away beneath the bleachers a lot, too, but there was something different about her. Half the time you didn't understand where her thoughts came from, but you'd appreciated being around her as she was like a breath of fresh air.
She wasn't like any of the other assholes in school. The ones that constantly whispered about you, and you and Brittany which usually resulted in you either shoving someone against a locker or releasing some venom until they cried because faculty members were around. They were just assholes, and it was bizarre that you'd befriended anyone – as your parents had kindly pointed out – but they welcomed it as you weren't as much of a bitch when Brittany was around, and it made things easier as you could invite her over and spent time together away from any judgement.
And it was one of those times, where you were lounging around in the pool at home, and Brittany was coming over.
She'd texted you about half an hour before, asking if she could come around for a swim and obviously you said yes, and knew she'd want an ice cool drink as it was ten million degrees that day and she had been at Cheerio practise, so you made her a lemonade and slipped in, wanting to take a dip before she arrived. You'd gone under the water, and when you returned to the surface, you found her on the side, arms folded and a grin on her face, and she scared you, so you jumped back, splashing her slightly.
"San," she whined, and you grinned, regaining your footing, and wading over to the side as your heart returned to a slightly more normal beat. Only slightly as she was still in front of you and that always had an effect. "You got me wet."
Because you two had been flirting recently, after discussing how far you were along in the sexual stages – both of you at first base as you'd only made out with people – you felt the urge to flirt with her as it was an opportunity. You didn't, mostly because it was different when you were at school, but when she came over it seemed a little dangerous and you knew she liked girls, but you didn't know if she liked you. Not that you wanted her to, but you were good looking, and she saw a softer side of you so if anyone had a chance, it would be you.
Anyway, you swallowed the urge to flirt and bobbed your head, the grin on your face smaller. "My bad," you threw back and she narrowed her eyes but smirked. "You coming in?"
Brittany stared at you for a whole minute before swinging her backpack off her shoulder, dropping into a crouch, unzipping it and reaching inside. She pulled out two stringy items and you swiftly realised that it was a bikini due to its bright colour, but you were way more focused on how little fabric there was. You weren't sure if you'd get any sort of… reaction, by seeing her in it and you gulped, not smiling anymore.
"Yeah, let me go get changed," she said, not noticing the way you froze, and you watched her ass (shamefully) as she skipped back into the house, leaving her bag open on the side.
You busied yourself zipping it back up and throwing it on to a lounger nearby before grabbing her lemonade. You hadn't made your own, so you sipped at it and waded in the shallow end of the pool for a couple of minutes before she came skipping out, and you stopped breathing completely.
You couldn't take your eyes off her.
Thanks to the Cheerios uniform, you already knew she had killer legs, but you'd never seen her in such little clothing before and you were completely astounded. The water was no longer moving around you, and your entire body was tense, your mouth open with the straw in the lemonade resting against your bottom lip. You couldn't stop gawking because she was insanely hot, and every part of your mind, body and soul knew it.
She had tight abs, smooth, tanned skin, and you could see every muscle flexing with every step she took, flicking her hair over her shoulder and looking like something out of an exotic shampoo commercial. She glistened in the sunshine and her hair was brighter in this light, but you weren't too focused on that because she was getting closer until she was stood at the edge of the pool, arms folding over her chest and head cocking to the side.
Which you only noticed when you dragged your gaze up her body slowly, appreciating the view and grasping the glass so tight in your hand that you were sure it was cracking until you met narrowed, blue eyes.
"Thirsty?" Brittany quipped, and having her lemonade in your hand was proof enough that yeah, you were, but you were also very thirsty for other reasons. Reasons that included her being almost naked in front of you and you being a normal, horny teenager.
"Yeah," you got out, clearing your throat and removed your gaze, looking around the pool as she giggled and dropped on to the side, slipping into the water carefully until she only had the top half of her body out. You were only a few steps away, but you were glad she was mostly hidden now so you could control yourself. You too were half submerged in water so you could conceal the way you were reacting as you knew you were. There was a too familiar ache forming between your legs.
"Is that mine?"
She pointed towards the lemonade in your hand, and you nodded, forcing yourself to focus on what she was saying, not who was talking and handed it over. "Thought you might be thirsty," you offered, and she took it, brushing over the backs of your fingers with her fingertips and you dropped your hand beneath the surface of the water instantly, almost like you were jerking away from the touch.
You were, but you didn't mean to do it so obviously, but Brittany just smirked and took a sip of the drink, humming at it. She held your eye whilst she did it though, and when she stopped, that damn smirk was still there, and you felt heat creep up your spine by the way she was holding your gaze. There was something behind bright blue eyes, something that you saw the first day you met her when she suggested you become friends, and that's what you were trying to focus on.
That you were friends, pals, buddies. All the platonic things.
"I am," she whispered, and you took a second, but the curious twist on your face swiftly disappeared when you realised what she meant. She wasn't talking about being thirsty for a drink, and in that moment, you believed she felt thirsty toward you. She was freaking flirting with you and at school, it was more manageable. There were students, teachers, people watching, and so you could easily find a distraction, but it was so much harder when you were alone together, and she said shit like that.
It made the air feel stuffier, like there was a fire starting somewhere but you couldn't find it.
"It's nice, though so thank you," she continued and set the glass down behind her on the side, ducking her shoulders beneath the water before returning to the surface, hands skimming across it, but you were temporarily distracted with the droplets of water dripping off her smooth skin. How you longed to be one of them, that close to her. "Like you are," she commented and that was off topic, so you narrowed your eyes which made her smile as she came closer to you, making the distance feel so much smaller than it actually was. "Apparently only to me."
You didn't get it and you knew she was leading the conversation somewhere, but you were scared to find out where. It felt like she was calling you out, exposing you in some way and the combination of her being practically naked, being in a pool with her, and her like a few inches apart from you whilst doing that was almost overwhelming. You felt super pressured and all hot under the collar.
So, you went with a safe answer. "I don't know what you mean."
Brittany bit her lip, taking a moment to reply, blue eyes searching your face, but she wasn't put off that you were playing the oblivious card. If anything, she was enjoying it. You could tell by the smirk on her face that'd been there since she caught you checking her out and it wasn't putting her off. Not that you were trying to, but you just didn't know how to react as this conversation felt significant.
"I know, but I'll explain," she grinned, and you bit down on your tongue, showing you wanted to listen with a soft encouraging smile. "You're nice to me, and you're not to anyone else," she said, and you swallowed thickly. Shit. You kind of hoped she didn't notice that, but she wasn't stupid or blind so you shouldn't have been so surprised. "Everyone at school talks about it, and I'm just wondering why."
You stared back at her, trying not to show anything in your expression because you think you were panicking. Your heart rate had picked up, your skin felt hotter despite the water cooling you down and the sun temporarily being covered by the clouds, and you knew the rise in temperature wasn't due to weather as much as you wanted it to be. It was due to the conversation you were having, and those types of conversations kept freaking happening in recent times.
You kept getting into situations with Brittany that made you get all hot and panicky, and usually blurted out something random or literally ran away as you knew it meant you were acknowledging you were attracted to her in more ways than physically, and you so did not want to deal with the consequences of those feelings.
So you tried to lie your way out of it. "No, I'm not."
"You made me lemonade because it's hot and you knew I'd be thirsty after practise," she pointed out straight away, and you pressed your lips together, looking away. She was prepared for that reaction. "You wait for me after school and walk me home even though you don't live that close to me," she added, and your eyes flashed back to her, swiftly picking up on the list she was giving you. "And don't pretend like you didn't shove that kid into a locker the other day when he asked me to play 7 minutes in heaven with him in the janitors closet," she smirked, and the blood rushed out your face.
Fuck.
You hoped she hadn't noticed that.
"You're my best friend," you spat out, coming across defensive but you were. You felt like you were being cornered, even though you were both in the middle of the shallow end of the pool and just talking, but your body language was off. Brittany was playing with the surface of the water, and you were stood rigidly, your arms now folded over your chest, and it was a clear sign you weren't comfortable with the topic.
"Yeah, but…" Brittany paused and took another step closer and because her hands were out in front of her, she pushed a small wave of water up your stomach, which you were actually glad for as you shivered, but not due to that. The real reason was because she was super close. So close you could count the number of freckles on her cheeks and see the different shades of blue in her eyes. "Everyone talks about this other Santana," she whispered. "I don't think I see that one, and I'm just starting to wonder why."
You felt exposed. You felt like she was asking you but already knew why. You felt like pressure was setting around you because you were hyper aware that you were getting feelings for her that were more than physical and apparently, your actions were showing it. They weren't things you put any thought into, but that was way worse because it was more natural for you to be 'nice' to her, as she put it. You couldn't be any other way.
"It's hard to be mean to you," you tried but Brittany just smirked again, like you trying to find a way out of telling the truth was amusing to her and you were beginning to hate that about her. It was like she could see straight through you, and you never even had a chance to stop it.
"Is that it?"
The question seemed so dangerous, especially because she hushed it out and you weren't really sure how to answer that.
See, the thing was, was that you were trying to. You'd asked yourself the same question recently but pushed it away, scared of figuring it out.
You were incredibly aware of how you had been towards her, even in the few weeks you'd known each other, and it made you entirely uncomfortable, but you overlooked that in the second week knowing if you questioned it, other people would and sure, that happened anyway, but it was different if you did it. If you had, you would've possibly forced yourself to view her through different eyes, but it was difficult to admit that you might have a small thing for her because you were scared.
Brittany was the closest thing you'd had to a best friend in a while, and you were only a Freshman, and you'd rather have a best friend for the remaining few years of high school than grow close to someone and lose them. If you had any say in it, you wouldn't take that risk and that was a weak reason not to admit the potential crush you had on her, but it was the only one you had.
Still, her asking threw you into doubting it. It wasn't totally absurd to think that she might have felt the same way, as it took two to get into situations like that repeatedly. She flirted with you and even started the whole sex questions the other day, but you were nervous. You couldn't help but feel that way as you were totally inexperienced and wildly attracted to someone for the first time ever.
Brittany lit a fire inside of you that you didn't even know was there.
Before you could respond to her question and blab out something either aggressive as you had no other way of defending yourself, or something truthful that would make the situation far more dangerous, the sound of a car pulling up rang through your ears. Your parents were home, and you weren't sure if the breath you released was from relief, or from irritation as you kind of wanted to test the waters with Brittany and see why she thought you were nice to her and put the ball in her court.
You could've turned the tables, but your freaking parents had interrupted and by the time you looked back at your best friend, she was moving away to grab some sun lotion off the side of the pool and rubbing it over her arms like the conversation never even happened.
"Need some?" She offered, catching you looking and showing zero awareness of how close you came to saying something stupid with a soft smile.
You were a little shell shocked, so you just shook your head without even thinking if you did or not, and her face broke into a grin as your mom came through the kitchen doors to say hello.
/
You wake up in the middle of the night to Brittany shouting your name.
You almost fall off the sofa, legs getting caught up in the blanket but then you're scrambling around it and down the hallway, bouncing off the walls as you get to your bedroom and burst through the door, finding Brittany sat up in bed with a pained look on her face. Her leg is above the comforter, her fists scrunching the sheet by her hips and she's gasping your name over and over.
"Britt," you pant and dart towards her, throwing yourself on the bed and hovering your hands out in front of you, not sure what to do. You're also panicking, with your heart beat pounding inside your chest and pulse screaming in your ears, plus you woke up about twenty seconds ago and you're groggy as hell still, so you can't recognise the normal signs coming from Brittany and therefore can't see what the problem is.
"Brittany, what's wrong?" You hiss out, more frustrated at yourself as you need to practise being normal after waking up if you're going to have a crying newborn soon.
She groans in agony and lifts a shaky hand, pointing at her calf and your eyes move to it, finding a protruding muscle sticking out. She's got cramp, and your body floods with relief but then your brain kicks into action and you smooth your palm down her leg, the other hand going to the base of her foot. She used to get this all the time when you were teenagers due to rigorous cheer routines, and you dealt with them then so it's familiar, but you were kind of freaking out that the baby was causing her pain, so this is a better result.
"It hurts," she gets out and you take a hold of her foot, pushing it up towards her ankle whilst supporting her leg, knowing it'll relieve the pressure and your vision flits back to her, watching the pain slowly fade out her face.
"I know, I know," you hush and bend her foot down again carefully, ignoring the way she shivers when your fingers brush over her ankle bone in the process. "Stretch it out," you coo and take note of every feature and how it relaxes, followed shortly by her shoulders and she slumps back down on to the bed, completely void of any cramping pain and you look back to see her calf look normal again. "There you go," you whisper and lower her leg back down to the mattress, forgetting to take your hands away as you rub over her skin gently, almost like you're massaging the muscle but you're not.
Brittany sighs loudly, rolling her head to the side to peer down at you. "I've been a dancer my whole life, and a victim of Sue Sylvester's brutal workout schemes and that was the most painful cramp I've ever had," she breathes and chuckles lightly, and you can't help but grin at her.
"You're getting all the fun stuff from pregnancy, huh?"
Her faces scrunches up as she nods. "Oh, yeah… but I wasn't sleeping anyway," she says but quickly looks like she wasn't meant to say that and returns to staring at the ceiling. "You've got a really big bed and it's kind of weird having so much space," she hurries out as an explanation, but it makes you both freeze.
You instantly think of a way to stop that from happening, but you know you can't. Especially after that weird conversation you've forced yourself not to overthink in the kitchen, as it went from one thing to another and didn't seem to have any connection, but with Brittany you know there always is one. It may not be the most normal logic, but she's far from normal and wonderfully weird in her own ways, and that was one of the most attractive things about her when you first met.
Still though, skipping over the obvious and suggestive response seems like the best way to go, so you do that and finally remove your hand from her leg, tucking it with the other one between your knees to stop yourself from doing it again. There's no excuse to touch her now, even if you shouldn't have to have a reason to but it just feels weird to do it when you're alone and having had the talks you have tonight.
Plus, her staying over wasn't made into a big deal, and it should've been because somehow, you've ended up in here anyway.
"You should put a movie on and see if you can fall asleep," you suggest and stand, moving to the bedside table to grab the remote, flicking it on before setting it back down again and looking to her. "I've got Netflix, so you're good to watch whatever on there," you add and you're not sure why as she knows that – you've watched stuff with her loads recently and that one specific time watching 27 Dresses – but you're trying not to think about that right now.
"Thank you," she whispers and tucks her leg back beneath the comforter, wiggling until she's comfy, and you take it as your cue to leave but then she's speaking again and really, you should've just walked out when you could've done. You weren't exactly lingering, but you didn't make a beeline for the door and instead stared into her eyes for a beat too long and apparently that's given her the impression you wanted to stay.
(You do, but you're not allowed.)
"Do you–Can you wait until I fall asleep?"
It's a normal question, despite the stuttering, but you know that involves getting into bed with her and you two have talked about this. You haven't been able to lay in bed next to each other without something happening and you're not naïve to believe you can now. Nothing's changed, and if she's to stay over yours and you stay over hers, this will be a regular reoccurrence, so you need to get used to it but that just seems… farfetched to think it's not dangerous and you show it with a dubious look.
"Britt–"
"I know I'll fall asleep quicker if you're here," she hurries, interrupting your decline before you can get it out and it makes it slide back down your throat when you see the begging in her eyes, like she's scared to admit that but both of you know it's true. "That's all."
With anyone else, you wouldn't say yes.
With anyone else, you wouldn't be so kind, but you know you've got a major soft spot for her. You always have done, and it was talked about the first time you ever kissed Brittany, but you're trying not to treat her differently because you've made that mistake before. Even tonight, your friends pointed it out and so did she in the kitchen, and if you're going to continue going on dates with Mona, or seeing other people, you need to work really hard not to do that, especially in the event that your friends or Brittany meets Mona.
That kind of thing is obvious to anyone, and you're only considering it now as you weren't exactly aware of your actions. This time around, you didn't notice them because you're not at school anymore with people whispering around you. Your friends are apparently too subtle, too scared, or maybe just really don't care enough but obviously they've picked up on some bizarre behaviour on your behalf as none of them batted an eyelid when you were put under the spotlight and went all Snixx on their asses.
But you suppose you can do it when you're not around anyone. You suppose you can let yourself be Brittany's version of you – as that's the real you – because it's easier than breathing. It takes far less effort than having to be mean and bitchy all the time and she doesn't deserve it either. Not that any of your other friends do half the time, but that's not the point.
So you let out a long sigh, turning on your heel and get on the bed with her, making sure not to let your bodies touch as you have to keep some distance. She doesn't wiggle closer, and instead settles back into bed, her hands going to her bump and within minutes, she's fast asleep.
You still go back to the sofa.
/
It had been a week since the conversation in the pool, and there hadn't been any weird ones like it since.
You'd spent an equal amount of time around Brittany as the week before, just more aware of everything you did as she totally called you out on it, but the actions never stopped. You just tried to do them when people weren't around, like bringing her an iced coffee in the morning every now and then, as she started coming into school early to spend time with you before class started.
You still walked her home from school but didn't wait on the field as you began to think her Cheerio friends were saying shit – she did say everyone at school talked about the other version of you – and maybe that was why she mentioned how nice you were to her. You didn't know who else would say anything and you were trying to avoid reasoning that she had noticed herself. She didn't know any different, just saw you and apparently had been watching prior to speaking to you for the first few weeks of term, and that wasn't enough time to make such a judgement.
Anyway, you were beneath the bleachers, both of you sat on the raggedy leather sofa and Brittany was next to you, flicking through her phone. You were both ditching health class, and when you had to stay out of teachers views, you went down there and you'd only done it a couple times, but you liked to think it was the start of a tradition.
You did it before you met her, but it was far more enjoyable with her there, even if you weren't talking and doing your own individual thing, but it was the shared time that counted, and she didn't tell you off for smoking every now and then, too, so you allowed her to join.
(As if there was reason that existed where you wouldn't have asked her to come with you.)
(You just really liked spending time with her.)
Anyway, you finished your cigarette, getting up to throw it in the make shift ashtray, which was just a metal bucket, and when you turned back around, Brittany was staring at you. She'd been looking at you every other second or so when she was supposedly looking at her phone, but you were looking at yours too and smoking and pretended like you didn't notice. You always caught her looking at you when she wasn't supposed to be, and you only knew that because you did the same thing.
(It made your stomach flutter, but you really didn't want to think too much on it.)
(Even if it was fairly obvious by then that you at least had a crush on the girl.)
Regardless, you didn't know why she was looking, so you stood still and folded your arms across your chest, asking, "What?" like you were self-conscious.
Brittany didn't reply immediately, instead narrowed blue eyes and smirked but shrugged. "Just thinking about our conversation in the pool the other week," she stated, and the blood drained from your face. Shit. You hadn't dodged that bullet. "And I didn't get to tell you…" She trailed off and bit her lip, looking up at you through long lashes. "That I like that you're nice to me and not anyone else, you know."
You hadn't been talking during the time you were both on your phones, so you didn't know where that came from. It was random, but one of the things you'd started to learn about that girl was that nothing was ever too random with her. She said shit sometimes that was confusing, but after explaining the logical path she took to get there, you'd eventually understood, and you liked that about her. One of the many things, you were starting to really like.
"What did I do this time?" You laughed out, but it was nervous, and Brittany noticed.
She didn't call you out though, instead just stood up and moved in front of you, as you were obviously remembering the conversation the other day when she'd listed things you'd done to show how nice you were to her, and you didn't think you had done it that time. You were just smoking and not talking, so you were thrown off and honestly, it was the only thing you could think of to say without making up a bullshit excuse of why you needed to leave.
You felt like you were being cornered all over again.
"Nothing specific," she whispered with amusement in her tone, and you tensed when she reached out, taking your hand and running her thumb over the back of your fingers. You thought it was supposed to calm you down, but it just made you panic as she kept coming that close and you were becoming more uneasy with it as you were beginning to accept the fact you had a small thing for her and shit like that was making it so much worse.
"But it made me think about if I'm nicer to you than I am to everyone else," she exhaled and you did the total opposite, sharply and through your nose as her eyes met yours, her voice confident when she spoke the next five words. "Do you think I am?"
You shook your head as you couldn't make yourself do anything else. You knew what she was asking you without being too obvious and you didn't know what to say and that was obvious, too. She grinned, dipping her chin to her chest, and scratching at her eyebrow like she was trying to hide that she was blushing, or just terribly amused that you were trying to deny the obvious spark between you.
Either way, you couldn't see if she was, but you were scared too if you were honest as if you saw that, you'd probably blush as well and then you'd be two blushing idiots, standing beneath the bleachers, and not looking at each other and it might be awkward to get out of considering the topic you were on. You'd only managed to get out of it last time because your mom came out into the back yard and interrupted.
"I think you're nice to everyone," you carefully replied, choosing your words as they were safe, and honest. It wasn't like you were lying. You were just avoiding answering her question.
She knew that though and returned her vision to you and you gasped at the bright blue colour beaming at you. "And I think I know why you're so nice to me," she fired back, and you sucked in a gasp, trying to swallow it but your throat was too thick when she looked up at you through long lashes. She was impossibly close, her breath coating your jaw and all thoughts of anything other than her just shot out your head. "I think…" She trailed a finger down the side of your neck, and you almost exploded. "I think you've got a crush on me, and you can't help but show it by being extra nice."
It was so bold, your jerked your head back, eyes blinking at her and trying to make yourself tell her that she was wrong but all that was coming out was total silence. She was freaking calling you out on something you had supposedly not tried to hide even though you had, and your heart was in your throat. You were way too hot, bothered, and panicky that you just spluttered unintelligible noises instead, not knowing how to remove yourself from that conversation without saying something dumb and wishing a black hole would appear and just suck you up.
But it didn't, and Brittany just smirked at you, closing the small distance between your bodies until you could feel the heat radiating from her uniform. Her free hand came up, playing with the lapel of your jacket and you almost died because you didn't know what she was doing. You didn't know if she was taking it well, or rejecting you, although you didn't think it could be the latter as she wouldn't be up in your grill like she was, but you didn't know what to think.
You'd basically just admitted to having a crush on her by not being able to say you didn't.
Fuck.
"So," she breathed, and you gulped again, every exhale leaving your mouth shakily and super fucking loud. There was no way she couldn't hear it. "What do you think about that? Do you think I'm right?" She finally asked, and there it was.
Of all the things you were expecting, getting to that point wasn't one of them. The point where you either had to say yes or no, choose black or white. There was no maybe, or grey area and you had not prepared at all for it and therefore, you were rendered completely speechless for reasons other than Brittany being so close to you that you had nothing else in your head apart from what it would be like to just kiss her.
You had just come down here to smoke and ditch class with Brittany and you didn't think it could get to that because you were at school. It was like your safety zone, but you suppose you were beneath the bleachers and away from prying eyes so technically, you were alone and therefore vulnerable, but you just hadn't gotten into any of those situations in the past in recent times and then you were propelled unwillingly into it without any warning.
She was asking you outright if you had a crush on her, and you didn't know what to say. You hadn't even admitted it completely to yourself , even though your body was super aware of it as you got turned on way too easily around her and melted inside when she touched you. There was no other reasonable explanation for it, but you didn't want to admit it for the first time out loud and to her.
That would just be stupid.
"You're my best friend," you said instead, but it was avoiding the answer again, using the same thing you had in the pool and that time, Brittany didn't seem to amused by the response as she did back then.
No, instead she seemed a little put off and it was the first time you saw that confidence threaten to break. You could see a vulnerability in her eyes, and it made your stomach lurch because you didn't want to say no, you were just too freaking chicken shit to say yes and as far as labels had gone, you two had mentioned best friends one time and that was enough until you had figured out other feelings.
Brittany didn't step away though or get distracted by the sound of voices coming from the field on the other side of the bleachers and stared long and hard into your eyes. You could feel your body getting hot all over again, and the need to move away burn far too strong but you were anchored to your spot. One of her hands was wrapped around yours, the other now completely, grasping on to your jacket and the next thing she did, shocked you.
She smiled, the smallest of smiles and then looked away for a long second, taking a deep breath before returning to you, like she was preparing herself for something. That thing behind her eyes had gone though and that drew your attention and was replaced with intensity you hadn't seen before. You didn't get to ask why she was being weird or why there was a sudden shift in the air before the hand nearest your face moved.
A single finger came up to stroke beneath your chin, so your face tilted up and she shuffled closer, dipping her head and pausing at the last second for blue to meet brown before she closed the distance and kissed you.
Her lips were soft and warm, and you inhaled sharply through your nose, eyes fluttering shut, and you'd kissed girls before, but not like that.
She was sucking on your bottom lip, her body pressing against yours and your hand dropped hers and shot to her waist on instinct, her then empty one coming up to rest on the opposite cheek. She hummed, her lips stretching into a grin beneath yours and you would've been distracted by it, but that's when you realised you were kissing her back and holding her and instinct took over, confidence thrumming through your body as you took control.
You kissed her like you'd imagined kissing her before. It felt like a movie kiss, the scene everyone had been waiting for, and you didn't know why you hadn't done it before in that moment because she obviously wanted to kiss you, too and clearly had done for a while. Maybe before in the pool, she wanted to, and maybe even before that when you walked her home from Cheerios practise for the first time. You didn't know if that was the case, but you didn't care as all you cared about that you were finally fucking do it.
You didn't know if you wanted to scream with happiness or pass out and so you showed your own confidence, as you hadn't so far and sucked on her bottom lip, earning the most glorious sound you'd ever heard… Brittany moaning. It was low, and strangled, caught up in her throat and your knees almost buckled as you realised it would repeat in your head for months to come, turning you on whenever you remembered it and used it as motivation to flick your tongue against her lip, allowing her to open up so you could stroke it into her mouth.
Then you were on fucking fire all over again and enjoying the burn.
She kissed you back, your mind swimming as you found a familiar routine and everything inside of you never wanted to stop. You knew kissing Brittany was going to be addictive, just from doing it once because she knew how to kiss you. Her hands were in your hair, her lips sliding over yours and tongue poking out when you wanted it to, and it was like she'd read a book about how to make out with you, written in fine detail as she was ticking every box and doing everything you wanted and needed.
Like biting on your bottom lip, stroking her thumb across your jawline as you continued kissing her for long, hot moments. Like inhaling through her nose instead of breaking apart to get a proper breath, which just made you feel like she never wanted to stop either and it was the most thrilling experience of your short life. You just wanted to do it over and over again, even though you hadn't even stopped yet.
However, it became necessary when neither of you were getting the oxygen required, and breathless, you broke apart, but she kept you close, tipping her forehead against yours and hands still in your hair. All you could hear was how heavily both of you were breathing, panting like you'd been on a run, but you felt incredible. Every part of you was tingling, sparking like electricity and you were starting to get nervous as you knew one of you should speak soon, but you didn't want to be the first one to do it.
You didn't know what to say.
But she did.
"I'll take that as a yes, then," she finally got out, reeling back until she could look you in the eye properly and show the wide grin on her face.
You couldn't help but laugh quietly, rolling your eyes because yeah, you did have a crush, but you didn't think you were the only one anymore.
/
You arrange to see Mona shortly after that night.
You wake up in the morning, feeling all kinds of weird about your dreams of your first kiss with Brittany, and because of that, you set up a dinner date at your place for later. You go through your normal routine, behaving completely normally and Brittany leaves your place to go to work with a kiss on the cheek and lingering eye contact. You're not sure how she's choreographing dances whilst she has a bump, but you suppose she's agile and light on her feet and she's not really showing all that much, so it probably doesn't hurt her ability.
Anyway, you decide to cook dinner for Mona and it's only when she comes over that you start thinking about Kurt's offer about taking her to Montauk for a vacation with all of you, and even though she's not your girlfriend and you've had reasons prior to this not do to it, all you see now is why you should. She's cool, she's funny and you know she'll gel really well with your friends, and so you wait until you're halfway through your meal before you skirt around the subject.
"So, erm… Have you ever been to Montauk?"
It's so not chill, mostly because she was just talking about work and you went in with that, but it was related. You don't know her shift patterns and if she's busy then it's a moot point.
She turns, eyes you and smirks. "No… Why?"
You shrug and look back at your food. "Couple of my friends are going in a few weeks. One of their dad's has a place out there and they asked if you wanted to come, too,"
Mona stills, and you know it's a little far ahead for your situationship as you haven't even slept together yet but you're really trying not to hover over it. It's just a casual invite. "When is it?"
"Last weekend of the month," you reply and finally drag your gaze back to her, dropping your cutlery to the plate and folding your arms, leaning back into the sofa. "There's no pressure, but just thought you might wanna go," you shrug, even though you were starting to feel hot.
Mona stares at you but then she's pinching her lip up at the side, seeming kind of disappointed. "I'm working that weekend," she sighs, and you don't know if you feel relief or regret, and she pushes her food away from her and twists around, hand setting over your forearm until you drop your arms and hold her hand. "But I like that you wanted me to come," she adds and lifts a shoulder. "You must kind of like me, huh?"
You know she's teasing you, but you don't instantly feel heat rush to your cheeks or laugh it off. You do like her, and you fancy the hell out of her as she's exactly your type, but you asked as it seemed like a wise idea. Despite joking with Brittany about it being weird, you think you're kind of glad Mona declined as you don't know how you would've felt about being under the same roof as her and your ex as it just seems like a recipe for disaster, but you also didn't want to not offer as if someone asks you about it again, you now won't have to lie.
At least now you've done it, and she can't come anyway and so you feel better. Not that anything will happen with Brittany or anything – which is the real reason you're hesitant – but now you don't have to find a bullshit excuse and hopefully it will motivate you to stay away from her as you think it'll be challenging regardless.
"Guess so," you laugh out and she wets her lips, eyes narrowing with intent as she stares at you with a smirk on her face, forgetting about finishing the food, and you know what that means as you're in your apartment, after cooking her dinner and you've been on enough dates to get to this place. The place where consenting adults have sex, but it still strikes fear into your chest and so you blurt out the only thing on your mind.
Which just happens to involve Brittany.
"Brittany's gonna be there."
Mona stills again, and leans back, head cocking to the side. She knows who Brittany is, she knows about the baby, but you haven't mentioned how involved you are with her still even though you talk about her quite a lot. She doesn't know she stayed over last night, albeit in different places as you monopolised the couch you're sitting on, but you feel like she should know that Brittany's going so you don't come across shady. She isn't your girlfriend, but if it's out there, then there's less pressure on you.
Apparently, she must see that you're trying to keep things clear, because she smiles softly and sets her hand dangerously high on your thigh, squeezing gently. "Thank you for being honest," she whispers, and you were kind of expecting her to kick off, but you guess you haven't been so dopey when talking about your ex. Maybe you're being the version of you your friends see when you've described her, and it helps as you wouldn't be able to do that if Brittany were around so now you're glad Mona can't even come to Montauk as that won't be an issue. "But I really am working, and I appreciate you wanting me to come."
You let out a sigh of relief, and swallow against the thickness in your throat. You handled that maturely. You handled that well and you're about to start laughing as that's so not a you think to do, but then Mona's hand is moving, darting across to the other thigh whilst simultaneously bumping your crotch and you choke on the breath you try to take as she uses the other hand to twist your face to hers.
"But I don't wanna talk anymore," she whispers, and no more words are spoken before her lips are on yours and you fall back to the couch.
At least you asked her.
/
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