Title: Above The Moon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7.2k
Summary: She really is here. Brittany is here, and you think over the past 10 years without her, trying to figure out how destiny didn't bring you back together sooner, but you guess it just wasn't the right time.
Notes: I won't lie... Lost all motivation and life has been a biiiiitch, so apologies. Anyway, I've just read over the reviews, and I wanna thank everyone for the feedback! But please know, I never change my story or the plot if it's pre-planned. I've drafted out how this plays out and that won't alter no matter what. If it's not your cup of tea, move on and find a coffee :)
/
Last thing you expect to walk into is Mona sitting in front of Brittany in the middle of the bed, her head tipped back whilst her hair is being braided.
Brittany's doing Mona's freaking hair, and you think you must have not actually come upstairs and instead stayed out on the decking with Rachel, having had another bottle of wine and passing out, which led to this elaborate alcohol induced dream that you really don't know how to deal with. Your body spikes, skin going cold like you've been caught doing something you shouldn't be doing, but you guess you kind of were as you chose Brittany's room to go into, and not your own where Mona was supposed to be.
However it seems Mona is right here, and turns her head slightly, eyes sliding as far as they can, so she doesn't disturb what Brittany's doing to her hair, even though Brittany's attention is firmly locked on to you and has been since you opened the damn door.
"Hey, babe," Mona greets but you stand in the doorway, grip on the handle and mouth wide open. You are not handling this well, and apparently it shows because Brittany's looking at you like you need to say something and you realise that the same shock is in her eyes, because she's already figured out you came into her room and definitely didn't know Mona would be in here.
"Uh, hey," you get out and shift uncomfortably in your spot. "Saw you weren't in our room, so came to check on you," you try, fully knowing it's a lie and that you've given it away by the wavering of your tone, but Mona doesn't know you well enough to pick up on it. Brittany does though, and she shakes her head, widens her eyes, like she's conveying that you need to do better because whatever you're doing now isn't very convincing.
Even if she doesn't know why you were coming into her room, which neither really do you, she's still trying to help you out.
"Britt offered to do my hair," Mona continues, clearly fully unaware of the tension in the room. "And I think it looks super cute, don't you?"
You gulp but nod, even though you haven't actually taken your eyes off Brittany since you walked in, she's just holding the eye contact and you would be scared, but Mona's staring right ahead and can't turn her head enough to see as the other blonde is tidying up the other braid now and making her look another way. Not that it needs tidying – Brittany's a pro at French braids as she said it always reminded her of dinosaurs, so she mastered the art as a teenager using you and her sister as hair models – but you think it's for your benefit.
If Mona looks at you, she's going to ask why you've probably paled in skin tone as all the blood drained out of your face when you saw both of them on the bed.
"Yeah, definitely," you get out and Brittany taps Mona's shoulder when you relax your own, showing that you're restarting your body and regaining composure. She knows you need a few moments and for that, you're glad. You don't know what you would've said if you hadn't thought of a bullshit excuse as to why you came into Brittany's room and didn't go and find Mona instead.
It doesn't look good, and it may not be, but you need to find out regardless.
"You're all done," Brittany throws in and Mona gets up from the end of the bed after thanking her, coming over to you and dropping a kiss to your cheek, before showing off her braids with her face twisted with glee.
You force a smile, and remember that earlier, you got Mona to leave you alone by suggesting you needed to talk to Rachel indirectly, and even if Brittany's your ex, she's clearly comfortable enough to get her hair done by her, so you don't think doing the same now would be too out of reach. It's manipulative, and you definitely shouldn't be finding excuses to be alone with Brittany and not with the girl you think you're sort of dating, but you just need to.
You have this insatiable urge to find out the answers to the hundreds of questions now spinning around in your mind and most importantly, you need to apologise for being such an ignorant, inconsiderate ass. You didn't mean to be.
"I'll be in in a minute," you say, eyes darting to Brittany like they did with Rachel earlier, and Mona, being completely unaware that it's not a wise idea to do or knows what she's unwittingly allowing, grins, bobs her head, and kisses you quickly on the lips.
"Okay, but hurry," she replies against your mouth, hand stroking your cheek as she pulls away and it's different to what she did with Rachel, but you suppose you've already been away from her for a couple of hours now as you finished those two bottles of wine off with Rachel on the decking, so it's probably just that. Either way, Mona's eyes move to Brittany, and she flashes her a smile before squeezing your hip and disappearing out the door, which you hold open for her as she goes.
You watch as she disappears and hold her eyes as she shuts the door, throwing you a wink that only you can see but unlike last night and the whole of today, it makes your body go cold. The thought of going in there, of doing things with her that might hurt Brittany are making your insides twist uncomfortably, and that's why you chose to come into this room and figure it out as Rachel's words keep running through your brain.
You guess the alcohol in your veins stopped you from thinking like this last night.
So you take a deep breath, waiting until Mona's gone behind the door before you do the same to Brittany's and close it, pressing your back up against it, turning your attention to her. She's still sat in the middle of the bed, but on her knees now with her hands in her lap and the way she's looking at you makes your eyes squint. Her bottom lip is trembling, but being covered up with teeth nibbling at it and her eyes are soft but wary.
She knows you wanted to come in here and talk to her, but she doesn't know why.
"Hey," Brittany says, breaking you out of your daze and you blink, clearing your throat and taking a step towards her, but you don't sit. You just stand and stare down at her, trying to study every move she makes and recognise how she's feeling, but she feels it because she looks away, taking a deep breath and only looks back when she's got a smile that doesn't reach her eyes on her face like she's trying to fool you.
You're not going to be fooled though.
"Mona asked if I could do French braids, and you know I used to do them on you and my sister because they look like dinosaurs and I love dinosaurs, so I'm kind of a pro and don't get it to do it much anymore," she rambles, but you weren't going to ask about that.
Still, you don't know how to phrase what you want to and just go with the current topic. "Well, when the baby's born," your eyes drop to her stomach to show who you're referring to, and you swallow thickly. Talking about your daughter always makes you well up but you're trying to do it with laughter in your voice. "You can do it as much as you like… Both of us have long thick hair, so she's got a good chance of getting it, too," you settle on and Brittany sighs loudly, her head cocking to the side and you feel her walls come down from around her with the motion.
You're doing something right.
So you close the distance left, knowing this is a good place to bring up what you want to, and take a seat on the edge of the bed, twisting to pull your knee up on to it so you're facing her but with your other foot still on the floor. She breathes unsteadily, eying your every move but you reassure her with a small smile, looking between blue eyes rapidly as your mind think back to how Rachel approached the conversation with you.
You don't think you have a way of skirting this though, and to be honest, you don't want to, but before you can go straight in for it, Brittany's talking again.
"Did you have a nice walk on the beach?" She asks, picking at fluff on her leggings and trying to seem interested, but you know she's not.
She's trying way too hard not to look in your eyes and keeps swallowing, vision darting around the room at everything but you, and you take a minute to study her. You notice she's in more casual gear now, with her hair bundled up on her head in a messy bun and she's irritatingly attractive, but her voice isn't matching the attire as it's wavering, and you know she's trying to come across normal but it's not working.
You've always been able to read her, and you're getting far more familiar with it now, as you've stopped looking for differences and started looking for similarities and it's only arguing your point that you're two different people and have changed over the years as all you can see is the old Brittany.
It's not the confident version of her, that's grown with time as that's probably the biggest change you've noted, bar the fact she just holds herself differently now. She never used to command the attention of the room, always unwittingly getting it, and never entirely liking the limelight, but now she walks into the room, steals the attention, and holds her head high, enjoying it but not bragging over it.
Like she's aware of the power she holds but doesn't use it to gloat.
It's all kinds of distracting, but right now, you're seeing the more vulnerable side to her. You're seeing hesitation, like the hesitation you saw after you told her you hooked up with some random in a bar. You're seeing fear, like she doesn't like how she's feeling because she doesn't understand it, like when she was turned away from you in bed together, at your parents, after you admitted you'd met someone. You're seeing uncertainty, in the promises you've both made but you're right there with her.
Because you still can't figure out why she's jealous, if she is, or feeling some sort of way towards you and Mona, even if you know why you did with her and that sales rep. But if you admit it out loud, and not distract yourself as it burnt out anyway and therefore didn't require any more of your attention, you'll start thinking you feel something more towards her, just like you did before she kissed you for the first time.
You'll start doubting everything and overthinking every time she touches you and that's so not something you need with your situation.
So you need to answer her question. "Yeah, it was nice," you tell her, and she sucks her lips into her mouth, not breaking eye contact but that just lets you see something flash behind ocean blue, and you don't need much more motivation to just blurt it out. You've always been a rip the band aid off as quickly as possible, type of person instead of delicacy, and you think it's going to help here.
If you don't get it out, and get an answer, you're not going to be able to control where your mind wanders to with this suspicion.
So, you just ask it. Straight up and outright with a classic Santana Lopez bluntness. "Are you jealous?"
Brittany gasps, jerks her head back so much her entire body is thrown off and she has to snap her arms out to brace the motion, but she blinks rapidly and looks away. You know it's a tactic, so you can't read her, but you get to see it anyway with the way her jaw clenches and how there's a flush spanning up her neck from her chest, turning her skin a dark shade of pink. You've hit the nail on the head, and you don't know whether you're focused on the intrigue into asking why, or the feeling of confusion as she's shown no actual signs of that to you.
This is all based off what Rachel said and so you don't know if that is the case, even if you should know.
"I'm not… I'm not jealous," she finally replies, and something seeps into your stomach. You're not sure if it's relief or disappointment, but then Brittany's distracting you by sucking her lips into her mouth after they attempt to form different words, and she desperately tries to avoid your eyes whilst shrugging. "It's not jealously exactly, I just… I don't know," she breathes and looks more confused than ever, but you need to understand this.
If it's not jealousy… What is it?
"Britt… You can tell me," you say, carefully and slowly reaching out across the bed to grab at her hand, which she allows you to do but doesn't let you pull it into your lap. She's trying to keep a distance and you narrow your eyes to study her and find out why, but she doesn't give you an answer to that.
"God, this is stupid," she whispers, and you think it's supposed to be to herself. She shakes her head, closes her eyes, and takes a second, like she's having an argument with herself inside her mind, but you want to hear it. You don't want it to be up there, you want it to be out in the open so you can decide how you react to this. You don't really know what she's saying, but you know you're on to something.
"Santana, I just–" Brittany pauses, shifting and swinging her legs out from beneath her, cradling her bump whilst doing so and you shift away, allowing a bit more space before she wiggles over to you, sat in the same position with one leg curled on the bed and one touching the floor. "It's just one thing, hearing about you and your past with other people you know?" She starts again and you know how hard this is for her to say, and you do know, but you don't think you know how to reply to that as seeing it was so much worse than hearing, which is what you think she's trying to get at.
But all this time, you were thinking you were crazy for having such difficulty adjusting to seeing her flirt with other people and show you that it wasn't all just talk. The night you met her, you were internally seething about those jackasses that bought her and Kitty a drink, and with that sales rep, you almost lost your mind and ended up doing something you kind of regret in reaction. But now you don't feel so stupid because she's clearly struggling with you and Mona.
Perhaps not in the same way you were, but she's been super quiet today and you two have barely talked. She's obviously not been herself.
You don't think you've ever seen her struggle so much in fact, or look into your eyes like this though, like she's begging you to give her time to word whatever she's trying to get out, but it's not like you can say no to her, and so you don't even try. Even though that's totally not a reaction you'd have with anyone else, as you're well known for your total lack of patience.
"A-and it was different," she chokes, grabbing your hands again and pulling them into her lap this time, maintaining eye contact with you so you can stare into clear ocean blue eyes that are full of vulnerability. "It was different when you hooked up with that girl in the bar, because it wasn't anything serious and I didn't have to see it but this…" She trails off, swallows thickly and takes a long, deep breath, and you feel the clamminess of her palms, your mind taking note that she's now directly talking about you and Mona. "It's just hard to see you with someone else, knowing that you might be dating them or whatever."
You remain silent, repeating her words over and over again inside your head as you search her eyes. You know she's being honest. You know she's trying to be as clear and concise as possible, but you still don't really understand it. You two said you were okay to date people, and even though you did say you weren't dating material, shit changes and you never planned it to go this way – you weren't even expecting Mona to come to Montauk – but you had to accept it and half of you wants to tell her that she's got to as well.
But then there's the other half of you, the slightly more overpowering one right now that's speaking up and over that first point. It's reminding you that she's giving you a baby, despite it not ever being expected and you were worried about this early on in her pregnancy that this problem would happen. That was the whole reason you brought it up because you didn't want to seem like a jackass and date other people whilst you have a baby coming, and you're suddenly glad you had the forethought to air that so if you react like you think you're going to, it won't come across weirdly.
So you say the only thing you can to quell her obvious concern, and exhale softly through your nose, cracking a small smile and laughing it out as you take control and slide your fingers through hers, waiting until blue eyes meet your brown ones to speak.
"Why didn't you tell me that before?" You say and again, Brittany jerks back, completely caught off guard, but what else are you going to say? You did ask her about dating in the first place for this specific reason.
She just shrugs though, looking entirely sheepish. "I didn't know back then what it would actually be like," she replies quietly and nibbles on her bottom lip. "But seeing you with her here it's… It's just been hard," she admits through a breath, almost so airy that you don't catch it, but you know when she glances away nervously, you know that she did, and that she really doesn't like seeing you and Mona together.
But that just makes you think of another question. "Why?"
"Because–"
You cock your head when she cuts herself off, and you don't want to fill the space with your own response because you could be jumping to conclusions. She did say she wasn't jealous, so it's not like you think she has feelings for you or whatever as that pretty much clears up that suspicion, but you just… You don't know. You want her to answer as anything in your head might not be the right thing and you really can't screw this up.
So you shuffle closer, tilting her chin up with a single finger after removing your hand from beneath hers, and she sucks in a sharp, shaky breath instantly when your eyes meet again. You're so close to her now you can barely think of what you should be saying, but you know you need to. You've resisted her for the last few weeks, and you can continue doing that.
"Because what?" You utter, and it's said so softly that your lips feel the second quivering breath that leaves her mouth, warming the lower half of your face and a noise comes from the back of her throat, almost like a strangled moan but you try not to notice that.
(Even though you're thrilled at the possibility you make her feel nervous when you're this close.)
(It's usually the other way around.)
"I-it's… It's un-unfair," Brittany chokes out, and the moment is broken as you reel away from her, registering what she's actually said.
"Unfair?"
She holds your eyes for a long moment, but then restarts arguing with herself in her mind, the torment clear in blue eyes. You frown, your mouth dropping open to tell her to stop, but then she's pulling out from your touch completely, climbing to her feet and cocking her hands on her hips and you're left with stinging palms, disappointed that she's moved away. When your eyes find her again though, she's got a frustrated pout on her face, and she begins pacing up and down the room, muttering beneath her breath.
And you get distracted it enough, amused by the sight as she never looks like this – you've only seen it a handful of times before – that you realise she's been doing it for at least thirty seconds now and getting more and more frustrated at herself, and snap your hand out, stopping her and getting her to look at you.
"Britt, calm down," you try but her face twists up even further. "It's fine, just breathe… This stress isn't good for the baby," you point to her stomach with your other hand and apparently, that has the desired effect as she huffs loudly, lips pushing out into another adorable pout and you tug her down to you, sitting right next to her again. "There we go," you coo and laugh, which makes her laugh too until she's rolling her eyes and bumping your shoulders together, clearly calming down and getting over her moment.
You're used to her getting baby brain and having hormone control issues, but this is a whole other ball game, and you don't know why you're smiling so much, but you are. Maybe you can handle her in the way she can handle you.
"It's not fine though," Brittany finally gets out and shakes her head again, eyes slowly closing. "It's not fair because it's not like I want anything to happen between us and neither do you–" Your heart tightens in your chest. "But I just want you around me all the time, and all your focus on me," she rushes out and you restart your brain, trying to pick up on the hurried words. "I want you to be there with every kick, not worrying about sleeping next to each other because of someone else… I don't want you to miss a thing because we're having a kid, and all the time you spend with Mona, is time away from me and it's selfish," she shrugs but you're really trying to process this.
It really isn't jealousy, and you don't know how you feel about that.
"It's not fair, like I said," Brittany continues and reaches over, grabbing your hand which also pulls your gaze back to her. "It's not fair and it's so freaking selfish, and I'm not asking you to do anything or even think about it after you leave this room, I just–I had to get it off my chest because it's been eating me up," she chokes and you see her eyes gloss over, but you don't want her to cry. "But even having told you I feel like a total bitch and I'm sorry–"
"No," you fire back, cutting her off and her mouth slams shut, eyes widening with fear. "I don't want you to say sorry," you reassure, and her brows knit together, so you continue explaining why you stopped her. "I get it, and it's fine… You're not being unfair. You're having our baby and so, I mean," you shrug to punctuate your sentence, but she still looks at you unsure. "I can't be mad that you want me there every step of the way."
It's not really an answer as to what this means for you, but that's your thing to worry about and you'll figure out the next steps after leaving. You'll decide how you'll handle returning to Mona, and what this means for your situationship because you don't think you want that now. Something about what Brittany's saying is resounding deep inside, telling you that it's not the right place to push her for any more details as to why as she's been brutally honest, and you understand it enough right now.
You didn't like seeing her with Jean, thinking your baby was going on the date with them and here you are, obviously not able to take the baby as it's still growing inside of her, but you're missing out on things that she could be experiencing by putting your time into someone else and that's the equivalent, you guess. Someone that's frankly, not that important to you and if it's going to end, now is the right time. It's not like you're serious about Mona.
You were there when Brittany had cramp, and there for the first time your daughter kicked, but who knows what will happen in the future if you continue pursuing things with Mona, and it gets nasty just when Brittany needs you the most as you have to decide between them.
"Really?" She squeaks, already wincing like she's expecting you to lash out, like this is the calm before the storm but you're being rational about this and completely honest. You can't say you wouldn't feel the same if you were in her shoes, just like Rachel said, and you don't think she's a bitch.
You think she's having your baby, and you have to make decisions without the influence of that, but also with the influence as it is something to consider as you could miss out on events and stuff the baby does whilst still inside her stomach. A woman's body goes through many changes during a pregnancy, and you can't lie… You're kind of relieved that she wants you there as much as you want to be there.
It's kind of confusing, but it makes sense to you. Whatever follows is your decision, and not based off what Brittany said, is what you're getting at here. She just highlighted things you hadn't considered, or rather technically Rachel did which you'll thank her later for giving you the heads up on, and now they're in your mind you're starting to straighten out some knots.
"Yeah," you confirm for good measure with a genuine smile on your face. "I'm gonna go think on that, okay?" You follow up and take in a deep breath, trying to fill the corners of your lungs but they're restricted. You just don't know why. "But I'll see you in the morning," you finish and lean in, dropping a kiss to her cheek that makes the breath hitch in her throat, but you desperately ignore that and reel away, climbing to your feet again and staring down at her. "Night, Britt."
She stares at you warily, for a good few moments, her eyes trying to pick up on signs that you're freaking out and you feel a lot like you did when she told you about the pregnancy. Back then, you had to go and speak to Mercedes, but you know you can't this time. Rachel, if anything, would be the better choice as she did warn you and has current knowledge on the subject, but you know if you make any rash decisions, it needs to only be your head on the line when you do it.
Bringing anyone else's opinion into this could be messy, so you offer her one last smile, conveying that you're good, you just need time, and she nods her head before you leave without another word, staring at your bedroom door as Brittany's shuts behind you.
You think you know what you have to do.
/
When you wake up in the morning, you stretch out your arms, rolling your shoulders and letting them flop down to the bed.
Your hand comes in contact with cool sheets, and you panic for a second before last night rushes back to you and you let out a long breath, feeling less pressured now you know the situation you're going into today. Yesterday, you weren't feeling great when you woke up and then Kurt called you out in the kitchen, but the conversation will go differently should it happen again as you have some news to announce.
You ended things with Mona, and she didn't take it great, but it meant she left a lot quicker than necessary. You're sure she wasn't quiet when she was throwing a book at you and it narrowly missed you, colliding heavily with the wall, but you'll explain that should anyone ask as you're more concerned people heard her asking why you wasted her time and even invited her to this weekend away if you two weren't going anywhere.
You didn't know what to say, so you just shrugged and reverted into your asshole, heartless state, telling her that you just weren't feeling it. Admittedly, it wasn't fair, but had you not done that, she might have brought Brittany into it and then it would've got real ugly, and you just weren't down with taking the risk.
Anyway, you push that to the back of your mind and get out of bed, changing before you wander downstairs, remembering following Mona down them with her luggage in your hand, and how she snatched it off you with tears in her eyes as you walked her to the cab, trying to keep it amicable and quiet – your friends are nosey bastards at the best of times – but again, that didn't go great either. She yelled, you saw one of the nearby house porch lights flicking on, and so you just asked the driver to take her away as she was causing a scene.
You think you're probably going to delete her number off your phone. No way in hell you're talking yourself back from that and after watching her go, you felt a pressure lift off your shoulders and realised she wasn't right for you. Not if she could make a scene like that, knowing all your friends were inside and probably listening.
Just like yesterday, the second your feet hit the ground floor and lead you towards the kitchen, you see Kurt hauled up on the stool, nursing another iced coffee and flicking through a magazine. You don't see Blaine anywhere, nor anyone else and glance at the time noting it's not that early so you don't get why no-one else is up yet and how this situation is eerily close to the one you woke up to yesterday, minus the raging hangover.
"Porcelain," you call, and Kurt's eyes snap to you, but he doesn't seem surprised that you're here, probably because he heard you coming. "Where's everyone else?"
He goes back to reading his magazine and snatches an apple out of the fruit bowl, taking his bite and answering through the mouthful, "Out getting groceries to make breakfast. You're the last one to wake up."
You frown but look around and note the several empty but used coffee cups stacked up in the sink. Apparently you are the last one here, so you busy yourself with making your own coffee as apparently no-one else did, or bothered to wake you, but as you do it, you hear Kurt talk again and realise why.
"No-one wanted to wake you up after your dramatic showdown with Mona in the middle of the night."
You freeze, hand hovering over the coffee pot and slowly peer over your shoulder at him. "What?"
There's a smirk on his face as he replies, and he's paying zero attention to the latest gossip in front of him now, far more entertained with whatever he's saying. "You weren't exactly quiet, you know," he replies flippantly and raises an eyebrow, apple hovering on his propped up arm as he waves it around, still chewing his first bite but thankfully, swallowing before he does so this time. "In a different way to the first night which, by the way, I'm super grateful for as it actually meant I could get some sleep after listening in, obviously," he grins.
You disregard the second part of his sentence, more concerned that you won't be the one to announce that you and Mona are no more, but you can't be that surprised. Mona was screaming at you that you led her on, which you couldn't argue with but to be honest, you were emotionally detached from her. That's something you've always done after Brittany, never getting too close when getting to know someone, as losing her was one of the most painful things you'd ever endured, and it just wasn't worth risking a repeat of it with someone else.
She did set the bar above the moon, so anything following was always going to pale in comparison.
But that's not why you ended things with Mona.
You only did it because it would be hard to balance so many plates at the same time, trying to keep Mona happy whilst making sure you're always there for Brittany and the baby when it comes, and you didn't go looking for Mona, she just appeared. You gave her time and energy, but you shouldn't have done as you hadn't considered how it'd make Brittany feel as you basically discussed hooking up and not relationships, and you'll feel shitty about that later, but for now, you don't want to show it as then the rest of your friends will come to their own conclusions about why you did it after noticing you feel that way.
Your silence apparently goes on for too long, and Kurt's perceptive anyway, so it doesn't come as a shock when he flips the magazine shut, sets the apple down and leans over the counter, hands clasping in front of him with a seriousness in his expression. He can probably already figure out why you broke things off, even if he doesn't know about your chat with Berry that led you to it – or rather you're hoping Rachel hasn't opened her big ass mouth – nor did he eavesdrop on the conversation you had with Brittany after that, but he's got a whiff of a trail and he's not going to let it go easily.
"Why did you do it then?" He finally asks, a knowing glint in his eye. "Are you gonna try and lie and say it wasn't for Brittany?" He adds on, and you're not surprised he's calling you out as he did something similar yesterday when you were in the kitchen with him, but you still don't like it.
So you just go with your version, which is the truth but just without specifics. "Nope," you shrug and pick up your coffee, blowing the steam off the top as look back at him with an arched brow. "It was for Brittany, just not in the way you think."
Either you've finally outsmarted him and found a way to dodge his bullet, or he just knows that you're obviously not distraught over ending things with Mona, that you're obviously not that bothered and that's something he's used to seeing. It's familiar, as throughout your friendship, he's been there when you've moved on from another girl and seen how emotionally unattached you get to them, to the point where sometimes he yelled at you for it, but it's probably throwing him off as this is a different situation.
But if you handle it differently, you'll have to admit that you might have also ended things with Mona as you can't think of a better excuse to spend all your time with Brittany. That's really not subtle and so not what you should be thinking, but you're going to extreme lengths to tear your mind away from wandering down the path of why you are.
All you know is that you think Brittany will be okay with everything now, and not putting any stress on the baby – a point you need to remember if anyone pesters you too much – and that's what matters.
Whatever it is, Kurt just presses his lips together in an upside down smile, studies you with dubious eyes before shrugging and taking another bite of his apple, just in time for the front door to swing open and the sound of all your other friends voices booming through the cabin.
/
It takes a whole five minutes for someone to ask where Mona is, and shockingly, it's Blaine.
He's cooking some food on the stove, everyone else busying with their own self-appointed jobs so everyone can eat and have what they want. Rachel needs her vegan option of kale or rabbit food or whatever and he's dropping slices of bacon into the pan, pausing to peer over his shoulder at you where you're sat at the counter, taking up Kurt's previous position.
You're not bothered about helping, mostly as there really is such a thing as too many chefs in the kitchen so you've been reading the magazine Kurt was scanning over when you were talking to him and letting everyone do their thing.
However it also means that when Blaine's obviously counting the number of people hovering around to figure out how many slices of bacon are needed, he notices you immediately and the fact that there's no-one beside you. And it just reinforces the reasons you don't really like him that much as either he didn't hear you and Mona calling it quits, noticed that no-one else has asked this question yet probably because they did, or he's just out to piss you off and conveniently speaks right at the moment everyone goes quiet, directly to you so everyone hears.
"Where's Mona?"
You freeze, eyes trained on a picture of a celebrity with a gossip column beside it, but your mind is completely elsewhere. Somewhere that's making it glitch out, not knowing how to respond to that as you were hoping your friends would just let it slide and not bring up the elephant in the room, but obviously not.
Obviously, they're all staring at you, Rachel shifting her gaze to see who else might be aware of the reason Mona clearly isn't joining for breakfast, Brittany completely still but vision trained on you like she doesn't know but wants to, and you just swallow thickly, not bothering to register anyone else's expression. You didn't really want to do this now, as you felt like telling Brittany properly after the talk you had last night in her room, and perhaps alone would've been the right thing to do, but you're being forced into it.
So screw it. Everyone's going to know soon enough for sure as you're a tight knit group, but secrets never stay secrets for too long with you guys.
"She left," you finally reply and watch as Mercedes stops whatever she's doing, eyes shooting to Kurt who lifts his brows. He shouldn't be surprised though, as you were talking about this right before he came but you guess he wasn't expecting you to be so candid.
"Why did she leave?" Mercedes asks, as no-one else presses immediately but you just roll your eyes.
You really don't want this to be a thing, even though it feels like it is anyway.
"We're no longer seeing each other," you shrug and someone gasps, but you don't let another second go before strengthening your voice and holding Mercedes eye with a bitch face on. "And I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" You quirk and Mercedes bobs her head, everyone freezing for a breath longer before getting back to what they were doing and you do, too, content that you showed your teeth, and they backed off before you had to bite.
But you still notice the way blue eyes don't leave you, and how Brittany has to turn away to hide a smile that tugs at her lips like she's happy with what you said.
Which means you are too, so you just do the same.
Maybe things will be easier now.
/
How we feeling?