Chapter 9: Returning By Death
YN's eyes bounced across the room, desperately trying to figure out why he was back in guest room. He finally locked eyes with Rem, who was staring at him for his head darting around the room.
YN: I-is this some kind of prank?
Rem tilted her head in confusion, clueless as to what YN was getting after.
YN: R-Rem?
Rem was silent for a moment before having a more serious tone and speaking in a low tone.
Rem: How do you know—
YN: Hey where's Subaru? If this is... He should be—
With YN cutting off Rem, something he would only do in this state of confusion, he leaned back and forth, side to side, to see around Rem.
If this is some sort of prank of putting me back in the guest room, then Subaru would have to be right over there! In the other bed—
After getting a clear picture of Subaru, right where he should be, YN couldn't believe what his eyes were showing him.
Just as before, Ram was over at Subaru's bedside where he was already awake. Except that instead of him being his enthusiastic self, Subaru wore an equally distressed face as YN's.
No, more distressed.
YN was trying to understand what Subaru was looking at.
Why is he staring so hard at his hands? Did they get more cut up or—?
YN: —Hk!
The bandages covering Subaru's cut and wounded hands were gone. Leaving hands that weren't cut in the least bit. Hands that were yet to be worked.
YN: Subaru... how did you—?
As soon as YN went to turn to get out of bed, Rem blocked his way.
Rem: Guest-sama, please stay where you are, you are not yet aware of your surroundings.
YN: No, Rem, hold on a minute.
Turning to instead get up on the other side of the bed, Rem placed a hand on his shoulder.
Rem: Guest-sama.
YN: Hold on, something isn't right—
After still trying to get up, YN was instead brought back to his original posture. Unknown as to why he had moved back, it wasn't until he saw Rem looking down at him, suspicion written on her face. YN realized that she had made him lay back down.
Recalling the last few seconds, YN realized that it was Rem that had pushed him back down, utilizing some sort of amazing strength he didn't think she was capable of.
Before either could say anything, both of their attention was taken by the door slamming open and the very last blur of a Subaru running out of the room, arm covering his head, leaving a messy bed.
Rem: Nee-sama?
Ram: He just bolted out after mumbling something about a promise.
Rem: We should chase after him shouldn't we? He will only get himself lost.
Ram: Rem, wait here with our other guest unless he decides to take a self guided tour too, I will inform Emilia-sama and go look for him.
Rem: Yes, Nee-sama.
With Ram closing the door, YN was left with questions unanswered still.
Did Emilia use healing magic on Subaru's hand last night maybe? Then why was he so distressed about it...
As YN stared down at his bed sheets in thought, Rem pulled up a chair and sat at his bedside.
Rem: Guest-sama are you feeling alright? Do you know why your friend ran off in distress? Did Nee-sama or Rem do anything to upset him?
YN: 'Guest-sama'? 'Friend'? You know our names Rem, so does Ram. Why are you—?
Rem: A better question would be why does Guest-sama know our names? Rem is doubtful Emilia-sama told you of us in any great detail.
Rem cut off YN in a stalwart, serious manner.
YN: I'm sorry but... what in the world are you talking about? We've been here for the past five days working—
Rem: I do believe you are mistaken on the order of events. Guest-sama have been asleep since Emilia-sama brought you here from the Capitol.
YN: — — —
How? How how how? That isn't right at all.
YN was absolutely lost. His voice trembling, he pleaded to Rem.
YN: I-is this some sort of joke, or prank, or something about last night?
Rem: Again, Rem believes you are mistaken about things. You should lay back down if you still aren't feeling well.
YN sat up in bed and kept to his own thoughts. Finally after a while he turned away from Rem and continued to think, trying to wrap his head around everything.
Finally after what felt like an eternity, he sat back up, Rem still watching him like a hawk.
YN: I need to talk to Subaru. Something isn't right here.
Rem stood up and looked out the window to the lawn on the back of the mansion.
Rem: Guest-sama is in luck, it appears Emilia-sama has found him.
With this info, YN flopped out of the bed, still in just his robe, much like Subaru, and marched down to confront him.
With how he acted, he has to know just what's going on!
As YN rounded the corner down the stairs, Subaru and Emilia were just making their way inside, cheery as ever.
Walking up to the two, YN grabbed Subaru's robe and pulled him away from Emilia.
Subaru: Woah woah hey what's the idea here?
YN: Strategy meeting. Huddle up.
Unable to fight back, Subaru was tugged along.
Subaru: Wait for me there Emilia-tan! I'll be right back!
Puck: How rude! Just when you and Subaru were having such a nice conversation.
Emilia could only look on as Subaru was more or less dragged against his will away.
Emilia: I'm sure he has a good reason...
Rounding the corner to the hallway, YN opened the door to the storage closet, the very one he had grabbed a vase from, and closed it behind him.
Finally letting Subaru go, YN began his interrogation.
YN: You wanna tell just what in the hell is going on here?
Subaru: What? What do you mean? Emilia brought us both back here after the incident in the Capitol—
YN: Don't give me that. You know what's up. I saw it on your face when you bolted on out of the guest-room.
Subaru was now just as perplexed as YN was.
Subaru: I don't...
Subaru looked down at his hands, the same ones he knew hadn't been worked. Yet.
Finally, having enough of it, YN grabbed Subaru's wrist and shoved his palm back into Subaru's face, almost making him smack himself.
YN: Don't piss on my boots and call it rain, Subaru. I know for a fact that you didn't have Emilia heal your hands, you're too proud for that.
Subaru: M-m-my hands?
Finally getting his hand back to himself, Subaru could only think. No. No there's no way he could possibly...
YN: Yes! Your hands! Your hands that were cut, blistered, bit, and bandaged! What. Happened. To. Them?
Taking several steps backwards and falling to his knees, Subaru couldn't believe it.
Subaru: You... you remember?
Patience running low, YN was tired of this conversation moving at such a slow pace when so much had changed.
YN: Of course I do! The work! The twins! Roswaal! The trip to the village!
Perhaps getting a clue as to maybe what this all entailed, YN calmed himself.
YN: Even my moments with Rem... Things I'll never forget.
Please don't be what I think this is...
Subaru: Was it you?
YN: Was what 'me'?
Subaru: Did... did you... die?
Absolutely lost as to what Subaru's question meant, YN was speechless for a moment, not knowing how to respond.
Finally regaining his composure with a sigh, YN responded as best as he could.
YN: The last thing I remember is going to bed.
Subaru: So do I...
YN: Then what's with the odd questions of dying?! This isn't the first time you've asked things like that. You did once in the Capitol, in my car, and another time when we were walking.
Taking a moment to think, Subaru came to a conclusion.
Subaru: Since you know and remember the things that happened, and you are the only one who does, I suppose I better tell you the whole story.
With the meal over, and both of their new jobs secured again as reward, YN returned to his room, where he scrounged out his solar battery and connected his phone to charge.
Sitting down at his desk, he realized that while normally he would begin studying with Rem around this time, that wouldn't happen till at least tomorrow.
YN slumped down in his chair, fiddling with the same, although fresh now, quill pen. This continued for a few minutes until he heard a knock at the door.
YN: C'mon in.
Opening and closing the door behind her, Ram stepped into the rather barren room.
Ram: NY I took the liberty of writing down tomorrow's duties for you that need doing, like cutting the grass—
YN: Edging the walkway, trimming the shrubs, and sweeping the back porch.
Ram looked up from her note, moderately surprised that he knew exactly what she had listed.
Ram: Well then I guess there's no need to worry about you getting your work done then. I suggest getting some good rest, it'll be a long day for you tomorrow. Turning around, Ram opened the door and left without a second thought.
With Ram gone and nothing left to do, YN readied himself for bed. The late evening sun was still coming through his window, which made sleeping impossible. YN was left alone with his thoughts as he laid in bed.
I can't believe it. Everything I did, every impression that I made, it's all gone. YN laid awake and recalled everything Subaru had told him about his "Return By Death." It was impossible to believe but all the odd things Subaru had said or done up to this point made sense now. YN's mind raced with theories. Why did he only appear on the last "loop?" Why wasn't he there on the last ones with Subaru? Why hadn't Subaru at least tried to tell someone else?
With it finally getting dark, YN finally began to feel drowsy. His last conscious thoughts being "Just what killed Subaru?"
Or did I die?
With the dawn of the second day, YN woke up early and did his tasks. Having been familiar with where the tools were and how Ram would have explained how the mansion expected them to be completed, YN was making good headway into getting them done early.
He wasn't doing this merely out of familiarity with the job, but rather, it was demoralizing on top of his other emotions that he felt about losing his moments with Rem, having to put sweat and blood into things he'd already done once.
While cutting the grass, Subaru had made his way outside during one of his breaks, flopping down on the freshly cut grass.
YN: You're going to get grass stains on your uniform doing that.
Jumping up, Subaru brushed some lose trimmings off him.
Subaru: Jeez, you really did this quick today, huh?
YN: Yup.
Subaru: And it looks like you already cut the hedges too.
YN: Yup.
Subaru: Is that all you're going to say?
YN: Yup.
Subaru sighed. He had a clue as to why YN was being distant.
Subaru: Listen, I'm sorry I died, if that makes you feel any better.
YN stopped walking the lawn cutter.
YN: No, I don't blame you one bit.
The two stood in silence for a moment, both reflecting on their own frustrations on the matter.
YN: So, before I bumped into you in the Capitol, just how many times did you die? And... what's it like? To die?
Subaru looked down at the ground in thought for a moment before responding.
Subaru: It's... terrible. I died twice. Once to Elsa, once to a couple of street thugs.
YN: But, what did you see? What was it like being dead?
Subaru: Those two times I felt the embrace of that lady. But last night I was asleep, I didn't feel anything that time.
YN: Hmmm...
Subaru: Is something on your mind?
Putting a hand to his chin in thought, YN spoke his thoughts aloud.
YN: I was thinking it over last night before bed... what if it wasn't you that died? What if it was me? I'm the only other one who remembers what was lost...
Subaru: I have no clue. We still need to figure out why a reset happened.
YN: It's just... why us? Why did you die twice and then I showed up? What if it was just you who died last night? Why do these 'respawn' locations change? Do you control them? Do I? What if I die but you live? Does me dying turn on a reset? Why am I the only one here with a Reading Steiner like ability? Why—
YN continued to go on and on, looking upward into the sky as if pleading to a higher power to answer the question he had. Getting up, Subaru stood back up, and placed his hand on YN's shoulder, stopping him.
Subaru: I think it's best if we play this all by ear. We don't have a guide book for this so let's not worry about things we can't figure out right at this moment. I—, er, we got through with our dealings in the Capitol, we can manage this.
YN: *sigh* Yeah you're right.
Changing the subject, YN decided to push the conversation in a better direction, should Subaru derail the idea.
YN: On the first day of work I finished early, and I bet you probably will today as well. Do you wanna meet up on the back steps after work is done and take a walk and discuss what our game plan is going to be?
Subaru: Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Well, anyway, Ram's probably gunna come looking for me, so I'm getting back at it.
YN simply nodded and went back to cutting the lawn.
As the day began to draw to a close, just like last time, both Subaru and YN finished their tasks early. The workload was rather light, as it was their first day.
After meeting on the back steps, the two made their way along the gardens, a familiar path for both of them at this point.
YN: So what's out goal here? Our main objective. Is it still the night of the fourth day?
Subaru: Yeah, I'd say that's it. We have to figure out what killed me. Or you. Or both of us?
YN: You think Elsa tracked us down?
Subaru: That doesn't quite seem like her style though. Just killing without making a big creepy show of it? I think we're up against a new adversary here.
YN: So we have to simply wait and see what happens? Do we seriously have no leads to investigate?
Shaking his head, Subaru elaborated.
Subaru: Even if it really results in either of our deaths again, it's important to gather information.
YN: Given we still don't know if it was just yours, or mine, or both of our deaths, I can't say I'm really on board with that plan, but we really have no other avenue here.
Subaru: That actually reminds me. Say we do get reset again, do you really want to cut the same grass and hedges all over again?
YN: No. I really don't want to. Why do you ask though? Are you proposing next time around we swap jobs?
Subaru: Not in the slightest.
Slowing his walk, Subaru lined up with, and kicked a small rock on the path further down it.
Subaru: Remember when Roswaal said he'd give us any request?
YN was silent for a moment in thought, but responded quickly enough.
YN: Alright, you've got my attention.
Subaru: We should just ask to be permanent guests of the mansion.
YN: And what? Be this world's version of a NEET?
With the rock Subaru kicked drawing close, Subaru lined up for another kick, sending it further down the path again.
Subaru: While tempting, not exactly. We'll probably get some clues on what happens on the fourth night, and we'll need all the time we can to investigate it, which is hard to do when we work most of the day.
YN: So it's in a bid to make future investigation easier? When you put it that way, I understand.
Getting up to where the rock landed from Subaru's last kick, it was on YN's side of the path now. Lining himself up for his own kick, YN gave it a go. Striking the rock with the odd part of his shoe, the rock tumbled off to the side of the path. Hopping and skipping across the uneven terrain, it finally bounced and hit a bench. A bench off to the side of the path, in the shade of a tree.
The very same bench where him and Rem had held hands, a memory now lost to all but him.
Breaking from Subaru, YN walked up the bench. The sadness of memories lost to only himself plagued his mind and his consciousness. YN stood hollow, staring at the empty bench that would have occupied himself and Rem around this very time had things stayed the same. His sorrow was quickly become frustration. Frustration towards the experiences and accomplishments that now only existed as memories to himself.
Managing to keep it all together, despite his rush of emotions, YN kicked the rock further out into the greenery and returned back to the path where Subaru was waiting. He had a clue as to what was on YN's mind, but chose not to mention anything.
The two only talked lightly as they made their way back in the direction of the mansion. As they walked up the steps to the back porch area, they were met by Ram.
Ram: Barasu, NY.
Subaru: Oh hey Ram, what's up?
Ram snorted.
Ram: Quite the show of disrespect to address your superior with such casual language.
Subaru: Well, we are on our own time here, and—
YN: Anyway, did you have something you needed to tell us Ram?
Showing an ever so slight appreciation for cutting off Subaru, Ram spoke to YN in a slightly less dissapointed tone.
Ram: Yes. I'll get right to it then.
Raising a finger to Subaru, Ram pointed.
Ram: It is obvious that you, Barasu are illiterate.
Turning the direction her finger pointed towards YN, Ram continued.
Ram: —and you, NY, know about only enough to write a few words, spare your own name.
Crossing her arms now and with her eyes closed, Ram arrogantly announced what she had to say.
Ram: That is why, Barasu, I will be tutoring you after the day's work is done. NY, since you originally requested tutoring along side a position here, and Rem agreed to take it on, she will still be tutoring you.
Subaru: Alright, so I'll be learning the same things as YN?
Ram: No. I'll be instructing you in a more utilitarian fashion, how to write orders, make lists, and how to read instructions, making you more effective at your work, which means less work for me, which means less work for Rem.
Subaru slumped his shoulders and hung his head.
Subaru: At least you were true about your intentions in showing me.
Ram smiled putting herself on airs.
Ram: I think my honesty is one of my most charming features.
Resuming her previous expression, Ram concluded what she had to say.
Ram: Barasu, I will be up to your room later to begin. YN, Rem is already waiting for you.
And with that, Subaru and YN headed back to their respective room for their next lesson.