Title: Herculean Tasks - Chapter 6 - The Good of My Caring

Rating: T

Pairings: Eventual "Goddenport"

Summary: T.J. and Seth struggle with their dual roles as guardians and commanding officers when the Christa is boarded by a fugitive who endangers the crew. To make matters more complicated, the stowaway's motives resonate with the adults in ways they hadn't expected.

Disclaimer: Takes place during "Prisoner of Luff," and some dialogue is lifted directly from the episode to serve the story. I don't own Space Cases; I just like to play in the show's sandbox.

Chapter 6: The Good of My Caring

A sense of dread overcame T.J. as the Christa approached the prison satellite. She objected to flying so close to the facility, and when Seth narrowed his eyes and silently challenged her, she defended her position: she wasn't scared, but they were in close proximity to numerous dangerous criminals. She did not know what kind of security measures the prison had taken, but she was fairly confident that anyone with a basic knowledge of computers could override several systems as a means of escape. Seth's knowledge of prison procedure had caused her to make a dig at him, and his comeback that he was "well read" only served to irritate her more. So when an escaped convict barged into the Command Post with the intent of hijacking the Christa, T.J. did not hold back. She only stopped her tirade when interrupted by the fugitive, Sofiana Mrtz. T.J. complied, uncertain as to what the young woman was capable of.

The crew soon found out.

"Cat is in prison?" Seth said incredulously.

Sofiana sighed. "The only way to escape unnoticed was to get someone to take my place, and you happened to be cruising by."

T.J. shook her head and approached Seth. She never liked saying "I told you so." But it seemed as though none of her concerns—concerns about the children and their safety—were being taken seriously. "I knew it was dangerous to come this close to that awful place. Now Catalina's in jail!" She turned to Seth, fuming, "Do I have to remind you that these students are our responsibility?!"

"Look!" He sternly interrupted her tirade and braced her by the shoulders. Seth was shocked when he felt her instinctively flinch in response, on alert as she stared at him with wide eyes. Was she afraid of him now? His stomach churned at the thought. He needed to diffuse the situation and quickly provide reassurance, or they would soon find themselves arguing about "their kids" in front of an audience.

Seth schooled his voice to be gentle. "Everything is going to be fine. It's not like she can wander off and get lost."

T.J. knit her brows together as she studied the man before her with caution and uncertainty in her eyes. He was becoming more tactile with her lately, she noticed. She took a breath to mask an involuntary shudder, and an unspoken question hung in the air around them in a moment of tense silence.

Radu's soft melancholy voice served as a distraction as he offered, "She can't go anywhere. She's in a jail cell."

"That's right," Harlan agreed. "I mean, she is safe there, right Sofiana?"

"Right…"

Seth gave T.J. a reassuring nod, and she felt more of the tension leave her body as he absentmindedly stroked her sleeve with his thumb before breaking contact.

"There is this little mind wipe thing they do…" Sofiana added, turning back around to face them.

Seth's heart fell to the pit of his stomach. "You were scheduled for a mind wipe?"

"And you set up Catalina to take your place?" Radu fumed.

"How could you do such a thing?" T.J. wondered aloud. How desperate must Sofiana have been to think that kidnapping an innocent teenage girl and violating her mind was an option?

"One mind versus an entire race…" Sofiana genuinely looked sorry for what she'd done. Even so, she justified her decision with, "I thought it was the obvious choice."

Rosie cautiously asked, "You mean she won't know us?"

"She won't even know her own name," Sofiana admitted. When T.J. and Seth shook their heads at her, speechless, she defended herself once again with, "I thought it was the right thing to do."

"Harlan, jump to hyperdrive," Seth ordered, staring Sofiana down the whole time. He looked positively murderous.

T.J. gulped and shook her head as tears glistened in her eyes. It was their fault Catalina was in this position. She had voiced her valid concerns to Seth, but he hadn't listened. And now they were going to lose one of their kids. Because of him.

Seth's hand was like a vice around hers, and he only let go when Harlan called him over to the helm. "You warned me," he whispered as he brushed past her, and it sounded like "I'm sorry; I was wrong."

T.J. paced around the Command Post as the rest of the crew worked in silence. Admittedly, she did not have Seth's "extensive knowledge of prisons." She couldn't offer much tactical knowledge in this situation, and her anxiety mounted along with the feeling of vulnerability. Finally, she sighed and deferred to the man who might be able to help, "Commander, do you have a plan to get Catalina out?"

"Of course."

T.J. stared at him pointedly, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I just haven't thought of it yet."

Before T.J. could articulate a retort, Harlan offered, "Don't worry, Commander. I've got you covered."

"You do?" There was both relief and surprise in the Commander's voice as he looked to their young helmsman for direction.

"Yeah. Sofiana can get us into the prison."

The stowaway shrugged. "I know how to do that."

"And this can get us out," Harlan announced, holding up the document cell before handing it to Seth. "We'll trade the document cell for Catalina."

Sofiana narrowed her eyes. "I thought we had a deal."

"We did. I just changed the terms of our agreement," Harlan explained with a cocky shrug.

Sofiana folded her arms across her chest, deciding, "I won't help you get back into the prison."

"You will," Seth growled with finality, "or we'll turn you back in."

T.J. cleared her throat, trying to ignore the tension in the room. "May I see the document cell, please?"

Seth quirked an eyebrow at her as she took the device and examined it carefully.

No distinct markers, T.J. noted. If she were to swipe it and replace it, Sofiana wouldn't know until it was too late. But no, she couldn't do that to the poor girl. Even if what she'd done to accomplish her mission was unethical and dangerous… Maybe just a peek, then? One look was all T.J. would need to reproduce the code from memory.

Seth cleared his throat in an effort to catch T.J.'s attention. He remained professional as he addressed her, "Miss Davenport? What are you thinking?"

Flecks of green seemed to flash in her hazel eyes as she snapped, "I am thinking that if you want something done correctly, you must do it yourself." She turned, heading for the door, with the document cell in hand.

Harlan and Seth sprang into action as Sofiana moved to follow, and they restrained the fugitive between the two of them.

"Where is she going? That's mine!" Sofiana shouted. "Let me go!"

Seth's grip on the girl's arm tightened. "You already put a member of my crew at risk, and I will not let you hurt another," he growled. "Give me one good reason we shouldn't hold you in the airlock until we get back to the prison satellite."

Harlan blinked back his surprise at the outburst. "Commander?"

"Keep her restrained, Band," was all Seth said as he released his hold on Sofiana and strode out into the hallway.

He thought he would have to chase T.J. down, but instead he found her standing outside the door, staring at the document cell in her hands.

"What's the plan?" he asked her.

"So now you want to listen to what I have to say?" she fired back. "I told you. I told you something bad would happen, you wouldn't listen, and now Catalina is in danger because of your negligence!"

"Teej, I'm so—"

"I don't want to hear it! When Catalina is returned to us as a shell of the girl she used to be, is that what it will take for you to finally listen to my concerns and take me seriously? She will be the one paying the price for your piss-poor command decision!" T.J. gulped, narrowing her eyes as she delivered the final blow, "And if she does not return to us safe and sound, I will never forgive you."

Seth was speechless. After a long moment he told her, "I wouldn't blame you. Because I'd never forgive myself either."

"Well then at least we agree on something," she fired back with tears in her eyes.

"Radu can probably hear—"

"Well then you can be the one to explain the situation to him if he has any questions." She brushed past him, intentionally checking him with her shoulder as she continued down the corridor.

"What's the plan, Teej?" he called after her, unable to keep the defeat from his voice. "Are you going to hide the document cell?"

"No. I intend to return it to Sofiana. But if something goes wrong, or the cell becomes stolen or lost, we will need a backup plan. And 'nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.'"

Seth watched her turn the corner, only vaguely aware of Harlan's presence when he joined him in the hall.

"Radu has Sofiana restrained," the young Earther explained. Cautiously, he added, "He said you might need some help?"

"Uh, yeah." Seth sighed and scrubbed his hands down his face. "Just...go help Miss Davenport," he decided. "I don't know exactly what she intends to do, but I think… Just help her, okay?"

Harlan found T.J. in her classroom rifling through the shelving unit in the corner. Old volumes of Earth literature were casualties of her mission, ripped from their homes and discarded haphazardly on the floor. The young Earther watched wide-eyed and worried, and he even briefly considered leaving while his teacher was distracted, lest he become a target for her fury. But T.J. made his decision for him.

"Mister Band, did Commander Goddard send you?" she asked without turning around.

"Yeah." He decided to tread carefully. "I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but I'm here to help. What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing at all. You are dismissed and free to head back to the Command Post."

"Look, I want to help," Harlan insisted. "Cat's in trouble, and we're going as fast as we can to get back to the prison, but in the meantime I can't just stand around. Please let me help, Miss Davenport."

T.J. finally looked up at the young man and nodded in understanding. "I want to copy Sofiana's files," she answered. "I am searching for a blank document cell, though it would seem I do not have immediate access to any spares, unless I misplaced one. There is something to be said for organization," she rambled.

"Organization, yeah," Harlan couldn't help but quip as he made a show of taking in the mess. "See, I was thinking we'd do a bit of bluffing of our own."

T.J.'s interest was piqued, and she gave her student her undivided attention. "How do you mean?"

"Y'know, the ol' switcheroo. We wouldn't want the Luff getting their hands on the document cell, right? It's our only real bargaining chip. But if we still want to give the real one to Sofiana once we get Cat back, then we can."

T.J. smiled at her student. "I do like that strategy. Two brownie points, Mister Band. But I would still like to make a copy," she cleared her throat, "for myself. If you can help me find a blank document cell, you may take it and head back to the Command Post."

Harlan grinned and hastily grabbed one of the cells from the shelf. He was almost to the jumptubes when he heard his teacher clear her throat and call to him, "You know very well that is a copy of the Starcademy rulebook."

Harlan rolled his eyes. "Why do we even need it? You practically have the whole thing memorized."

T.J. bit back the brag that she didn't only practically have it memorized, she knew it in its entirety down to the last punctuation mark. Instead she motioned for him to return the rulebook to its proper place. "It would also be unwise to hand any of our training materials to hostiles," she added.

"That's why I was gonna delete it all first," Harlan explained in an attempt to lighten the mood.

T.J. only soured further. "I suggest you head back to the Command Post before I have second thoughts about those brownie points."

"Yeah, I get it." A pause and then another joke, "Don't want to risk getting grounded, too."

"Yes, well," T.J. inhaled sharply and turned to busy herself with examining the rest of the data vessels with shaking hands.

Harlan cringed as he observed her obvious discomfort. "Sorry, Miss D. I didn't mean anything by it. Bad joke. You okay?"

"Once we get Catalina back—safe and sound with your help—then, I will be okay."

"Goddard's really shaken up, too. Everyone is. It's not just me and you."

"I am aware."

Harlan spotted a flash of metallic blue in the corner. He knelt down to find three document cells buried under a mess of the bound texts his teacher seemed to favor. "These cells aren't labeled. I think they're blank, unless they're a part of your new filing system here."

T.J. rolled her eyes, secretly glad for a bit of lighthearted ribbing, as she checked the cells in question before handing one back to Harlan. "That one will do."

Fearing another misstep, Harlan decided to keep his reassurances brief as he headed toward the jumptubes. "We'll get Cat back. Thanks for letting me help. Two brownie points for you, Miss D. See you up in the ComPost."

She turned toward him ever so slightly, enough for him to see her smile in gratitude without making eye contact. "Thank you, Mister Band."

Once T.J. was certain her student had left, she inserted one of the other blank cells into the room's control console, along with Sofiana's. She knew the risks of executing the files, so she synced her compupad to the display screen and examined the code using her device's IDE. She wasn't familiar with the programming language Julian had used, but it had a similar structure to others she'd studied, and she was able to piece together the way in which the software was intended to work. It was just as Sofiana had said: the program would render all weapons useless.

"Defense only," T.J. whispered to herself.

Though the Luff would then be vulnerable to attack, Julian's work to neutralize the aggressors' firepower was methodical, precise, and humane.

T.J. soon found herself absentmindedly pacing the room instead of tidying the mess she had created. It appeared a significant portion of history had been rewritten, and this did not sit well with her. She wanted to discuss her worries with Seth, but she was still angry with him. They needed to get Cat back. She wanted to help make that happen, but—

A chill washed over her. Everyone was shaken by the situation, they all wanted to help, and the collective "we" in Harlan's plan implied…

He wouldn't.

T.J. sprinted to the jumptubes and keyed in the code for the Command Post before taking a deep breath and putting her faith in the tube network. She landed in the Command Post to find Rosie and Bova chatting by the Communications console.

T.J. no longer cared to school her voice, and the hysteria was evident when she demanded, "Where are the others?"

"They went to break into the prison," Bova said with a nonchalant shrug. "Goddard left us here to watch over things. He probably thinks we're too young to go on a rescue mission. Which is fine, I guess. We'd probably end up detained, too."

Rosie hurried to her side and led her toward the seat she'd just abandoned, reassuring her, "They'll come back with Cat. You'll see. It'll all work out fine."

T.J. was shaking: from fear or rage, she wasn't certain. All she allowed herself to do was nod when she wanted to voice all of her fears: how none of them would come back and they'd lose Catalina, Harlan, Radu, and Seth. How she might have been able to talk them out of going if she'd been paying more attention instead of locking herself away and satisfying her own curiosity. How she didn't think herself capable of getting Bova and Rosie home without the rest of the crew. How her last words to Seth had been out of anger.

But she'd told him. The students were their responsibility, and he went ahead and made another stupid command decision without asking or informing her. Entering the prison through proper channels was dangerous enough, but they were breaking in and hoping to complete their mission unnoticed and using Harlan's idea for a bargaining chip as a backup plan? What the hell were they thinking?

"Bova, Rosie: you remain up here in case they contact us from inside the prison. I am going to wait by the airlock."

Bova gave T.J. a nearly imperceptible quirk of an eyebrow. "By yourself?"

She narrowed her eyes at the young Uranusian before turning on her heel and striding into the corridor with a sense of bravado she did not feel. She forged ahead, feeling angry and betrayed and muttering to herself, "I will give that man the bollocking of his life."

But after a mere fifteen minutes of pacing and fidgeting in front of the airlock, the doors whirred open, revealing the students, Sofiana, and Seth.

"Hey, look who we found!" Harlan announced, grinning.

"I'll take detention over that any day," Cat announced.

"Did they hurt you?" T.J. asked in alarm, hurrying over to the girl and bracing her by the shoulders so she could look her over.

"Oh, I'm fine," the Saturnian replied.

"That is not what I asked."

"I'm okay. Really. Thanks to these guys."

T.J. was torn between wanting to hug Catalina, throttle Seth, reprimand Sofiana, and thank Harlan and Radu. She looked between the five of them, overwhelmed and shaking as her heart continued thudding in her chest.

"Hey, it's okay, Miss D. Everything turned out alright," Harlan reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I found Cat, the Commander and I negotiated with the guards—" Seth interrupted with a scoff, but Harlan continued explaining, "And Radu was able to remove the collar that—"

This time the Commander interrupted with a cough, glaring at the young helmsman.

"The collar that…?" T.J. prompted him to continue.

"Doesn't matter," Harlan realized, not wanting to upset the teacher anymore.

"And where is the document cell?"

"It kinda sorta…"

"It blew up," Sofiana interrupted flatly. She shook her head and frowned. "It's gone."

The young woman had put them all in danger and nearly gotten Catalina killed, but T.J. still felt an ache in her chest as she watched the younger redhead frown and fidget in the corner. "One mind versus an entire race," Sofiana had said. If T.J. had been in the same position—with the opportunity to reclaim powerful technology, peacefully end a war, and clear her father's name—how far would she go?

T.J. shook the thoughts from her mind. No. She would never risk a child's life. Ever. She found herself looking at Seth, wondering how much of the Mrtzes' story resonated with him. After all, his own rumored wrongdoings seemed counter to every belief he held. The man she knew would never "almost start a war" intentionally, she was certain. But Seth was not a dispassionate man, and if the possibility of war had been an unintended consequence of a decision made under duress…

No. She couldn't allow her thoughts to run away with her.

Sofiana's vessel wasn't designed for long-distance travel, but she insisted that she'd overstayed her welcome and needed to be on her way. Radu, Harlan, and Catalina helped her prepare her escape pod while T.J. and Seth looked on. Sofiana climbed in wordlessly, still unsure. She hadn't yet apologized for her actions. In fact, Radu was the one to apologize for what happened inside the prison.

"Yeah, well, at least I have my freedom. And I have you guys to thank for that," was Sofiana's reply.

"Well, you were only doing what was right," Catalina chimed in.

T.J. put a protective hand on her shoulder. After all Sofiana had put her through, she was willing to forgive her without even being asked. "That's very gracious of you, Catalina," T.J. remarked, hoping to sound supportive and not as unsettled as she felt.

"Yeah, she almost got you killed," Harlan added as if reading T.J.'s mind.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Sofiana said again.

"War can get you all mixed up," Radu conceded.

Harlan agreed, "I guess sometimes what you think is right, isn't right," and it was not lost on T.J. what a huge step it was for the young man to admit this, considering his own personal prejudices.

Cat nodded. "Yeah, and you ended up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons."

T.J. looked at Seth who managed a smile and a, "Good luck to you."

"Without that document cell: I'm gonna need it."

"Oh, by the way, do you think you got any room in there for this?" Harlan asked, showing Sofiana the document cell he'd been concealing behind his back.

"The document cell?" Sofiana stared at it in disbelief. "But I was there. I saw it explode."

"I was bluffing," Harlan explained with a chuckle, and T.J. couldn't help but smile proudly as he explained his plan—the one that had received her seal of approval—to Sofiana and the rest of the crew.

As Sofiana thanked them and the airlock doors closed, she looked like she'd gained some semblance of peace. T.J. rested her hands on Catalina's shoulders, squeezing gently in some approximation of a reassuring sideways hug, and the young Saturnian looked between her two commanding officers with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

"I'm fine," Cat insisted again. "Suzee and I both know you were worried, and—"

"Of course we were! The Commander and I are," T.J. cut herself off and cleared her throat, "responsible for your wellbeing."

"We know." Cat gave them both a cheeky smile, shaking her head and playfully rolling her eyes. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up. That place was gross."

The boys agreed, and the three students teased each other as they headed down the corridor, with T.J. and Seth behind them. When the group passed the classroom, they were all surprised to see the doors open, revealing its state of disarray.

"You need some more help, Miss D?" Harlan joked. He didn't wait for her answer before crossing through the room and picking up a few books along his way. Catalina spared a glance at her teacher before she and Radu followed suit.

Seth hovered in the doorway. "What happened in here?"

T.J.'s cheeks flushed as she looked down at the floor, flustered. "Ah, well, that would be my doing, actually."

"Suzee says she's impressed." Cat chuckled.

Seth shook his head. "That's one word for it."

"I suppose I was in a bit of a hurry earlier, during my search for a blank document cell," T.J. explained.

"And you just left everything scattered around like this?"

She was about to dismiss Seth's concern when the kids began arguing.

"No, Cat, the xenobiology books go next to the physics ones."

"I think I know what I'm doing, Harlan."

"Guys, m-maybe we should ask."

T.J. smiled softly as she watched the interaction. Back to some semblance of normal, she thought. "Actually, the chemistry texts fall between the two. I appreciate your help, truly. But you do not need to worry about it. It shouldn't take long for me to tidy up, and we've all had a long day. Harlan, and Radu: you're dismissed. Catalina, may we speak with you privately for a moment?"

Radu left through the jump tubes. Harlan followed, but not before offering a, "Catch you later, Ring Head," over his shoulder.

Cat rolled her eyes at him before turning to nonchalantly address her commanding officers, "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Seth's eyebrows shot up to reach his hairline. "What did we want to talk about?" he repeated.

"Harlan told me you were arguing a lot today," she deflected with a shrug.

"We were worried about you, of course," T.J. explained. "We still are. That is what we wanted to discuss."

Catalina took a seat in the corner with a sigh of resignation. She sat slightly hunched over, her feigned confidence melting away, and it broke T.J.'s heart to see the usually confident girl appear so fragile and meek.

"You only fight about things that really matter," Cat muttered before biting her lip and turning to the empty space beside her. "That's what Suzee and I figured out."

T.J. and Seth exchanged glances before claiming seats next to each other, leaving an empty space next to their student to give her space. The corner of Catalina's mouth twitched in a grateful smile, and T.J. swore she looked younger than her fifteen years, yet somehow much more weary.

"I saw Sofiana, and the next thing I knew I was in a jail cell," the girl explained. "It really was like being in a cage: no bed, nowhere to wash up. It was dark, dirty. I didn't know how I'd gotten there or if anyone knew I was missing." She flexed her fingers against the edge of her seat. In a small voice she continued, "Suzee and I had to figure everything out on our own. I just needed to get out of there. I kept screaming."

T.J. instinctively reached out to the girl, gently resting a hand on her shoulder as something twisted in her gut.

"I used my sonic scream," Catalina clarified, noting the expression of horror on Davenport's face and the one of shame and guilt on Goddard's. "I used it to weaken the bars and get out of the cell, but we couldn't find a way out of the prison."

"You are safe now, Catalina," T.J. reassured her. "And we are beyond relieved to have you back."

"I saw what they did to the others," she revealed, sheepishly, looking at the Commander. "They brainwashed them. I saw this one guy: he was like a zombie. I wonder if he knew what happened to him, or if it was like some factory reset, or… Was he even a person anymore? What exactly did they do to him? Do you know? Have you… Have you seen anything like that before?"

"No." Seth rasped. "And I'm sorry you had to."

"I thought expressing regret undermined crew confidence or something," Catalina quipped, making a weak attempt at a smirk.

Seth looked between Catalina and T.J., deciding, "Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's what's right, especially when you mean it. Especially when you make a really, really bad call. I'm sorry, Cat."

"How many people do you think are in there, that don't belong in there?" the girl wondered aloud.

T.J. grew even more unsettled as she thought back to the information presented to the crew through the historical data bank: how Julian's story had been rewritten, with the peaceful scientist depicted as a villain and executed by the Luff. She spared a glance toward the opposite end of the room, where the document cells and her compupad were still connected to the control console. "I couldn't say."

"But we helped make things right today," Catalina mused aloud, with a note of hope in her voice. "Sofiana didn't belong in jail. And what happened to her dad was..."

T.J. echoed Thelma's earlier words, "He was discredited and jailed…" but she couldn't bear to utter the scientist's ultimate fate.

"Sometimes the vacuum of space isn't far," Seth began, "and we can't right all the wrongs in the universe. But when we sense an injustice, we do the best we can to try to make things right. It's part of being a STARDOG."

T.J.'s breath caught in her throat as Seth spared a glance in her direction. She fidgeted for a moment in uncomfortable silence before excusing herself to cross the room and tend to her mess.

Seth regarded her curiously, and Catalina could tell he was distracted. "Hey, Commander? I really am okay. I promise I'll talk to you if I'm not." She offered quietly, "And it's none of our business, but Suzee and I think that maybe, y'know..." She pointedly tilted her head in the teacher's direction. "Maybe another conversation could help someone else?"

"Yeah," Seth sighed.

The two stood up, and Catalina surprised her commanding officer by giving him a hug. He hesitated to reciprocate, and Cat tried to be flippant but still sounded timid when she asked, "What? Does Space hate hugs?"

T.J. turned around, and her heart clenched as she watched the scene unfold before her. She made eye contact with Seth over the girl's shoulder, and noticed the shock and fear in his eyes.

"Are hugs against the STARDOG Code or something?" Cat jibed again, outwardly ignoring the silent conversation happening around her.

Seth shook his head before finally hugging the girl back. "No."

Catalina scrunched her nose and gave him a lopsided grin similar to his own before turning to face Davenport and lifting an uncertain eyebrow. T.J. placed her shaking hands on the girl's shoulders again, still keeping her at arm's length as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Catalina asked, her eyes briefly darting to the space next to her.

It was T.J. who surprised Catalina by initiating a hug. The Saturnian hugged back, unused to this level of affection from the usually strict disciplinarian. Cat pulled back and noticed the tears in her teacher's eyes. "Miss Davenport?"

"Please do let us know if you need anything," T.J. offered.

"Yeah. Of course."

Cat looked between the commander and teacher again. She respectfully nodded to both of them before keying in the code for the girls' bunkrooms and departing with a whoosh of the jumptubes, leaving T.J. and Seth alone amidst the fallout of scattered thoughts, knowledge, and emotions.

"The collar that...?" T.J. finally asked.

"Huh?"

"Harlan mentioned a collar of some sort earlier, and you interrupted him," she recalled, wringing her hands. "What happened in the prison, Seth?"

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. There was no good way to share that information with her. He was unable to look her in the eyes as he stumbled over his words and backtracked, "Instead of a mind wipe, the Luff intended to… Cat was wearing Sofiana's prison ID collar. If the prisoners are deemed too defiant, there's a, um… There's a detonator in the collars that can be set on a timer or triggered by remote."

T.J. turned to lean against the shelves for support, trying to put the pieces together. "And the document cell exploded because…?"

"Radu was able to break the collar. He tossed it, and Harlan threw the blank cell in the same direction to sell his bluff. The warden wanted the Mrtz Virus so badly, he went after it."

T.J. turned to lock eyes with Seth. "The warden died, then?"

"I got the kids out and didn't look back," he admitted. "Teej, he was—"

"Someone has most likely died because of your actions, Seth! And what if the students looked back? What if they saw what happened?"

"But Warden Opus—"

"Catalina almost died! And then you chose to lead more of the kids into danger when you went to rescue her!"

"I needed backup, and I needed muscle," Seth rationalized.

"Harlan and Radu are children, for pity's sake! They are not soldiers!"

"They aren't helpless. They are capable—"

"You need to stop thinking like a captain and start thinking like a..." The words died in T.J.'s throat, but she could tell Seth understood. He stepped back, stunned. "They are our responsibility," she concluded, fighting back tears. "They look up to you. Harlan may be able to think quickly in a crisis, but he is unpredictable. And Radu may be strong, but he is a sensitive boy."

"If Harlan and Radu hadn't been there, Catalina would most certainly be dead right now," Seth revealed. "I couldn't convince Opus of the mixup, but I distracted him long enough for Harlan to find Cat and for Radu to remove the collar."

"I do not want to hear it," she seethed. "Are you trying to apologize or trying to prove you were right? Because you cannot have it both ways, and I will not back down when the lives of children are at stake."

"Teej—"

"Don't you 'Teej' me! I'm bloody furious with you, you pillock! I will protect these children, even if that means protecting them from you and your stupidity!"

Seth's eyes glistened with tears. His voice wavered when he finally admitted, "I can't do both. I can't be a leader and a… I've told you, I'm not cut out for that."

T.J. wrapped her arms around herself and attempted to ward off a wave of nausea. "No."

"No?"

"You do not have much of a choice in the matter. These kids… I… We need you."

"Teej—"

"'I help you and you help me,' remember? You will make a space explorer out of me, and I will make a guardian—a caregiver, a role model—out of you. I do believe Father might issue a similar challenge if he had any say in the matter." She stood up straight and made sure to hold her head high to add a sense of finality.

Seth scrubbed his hands down his face. James would always be the ace up T.J.'s sleeve. Seth felt guilty and defeated, and he was certain those emotions were in his voice when he continued to explain, "I needed Harlan and Radu to come with me. Based on Sofiana's intel, it was our best shot at getting Cat back. I considered our options and the risks involved, and I couldn't have done it alone. I won't apologize for my strategy, but I will apologize for not consulting you. You're right: we're a team, and we should be working together. I shouldn't have gone behind your back, and I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

T.J. bit her lip and nodded, taking a moment to process. "Being kept in the dark, all I could offer was my concern. If I had known more, I could have run scenarios… You've been in the field, and you know about these things. While I mocked your knowledge before, it was an asset in this situation. I just worry that the vacuum of space will not play fair. I am sorry, too."

"Never apologize for caring, T.J."

"I am sorry for yelling at you, then. I am sorry for storming off. I should have approached you more diplomatically. It would seem I also need to find a balance between the responsibilities of a ranking officer and those of a guardian. I just… When I think of the ways it could have all gone wrong, I can see them with perfect clarity."

"You could have run scenarios…?" Seth repeated, his eyes going wide.

T.J.'s took a deep breath and confirmed, "My memory allows me to take what I know and... It can be quite helpful when I have all the facts, but it does nothing for my anxiety." Her heart was pounding, and she willed her hands to stop shaking as she rambled on, "We see the most impossible things out here, and my thoughts run away with me, so when you, Radu, and Harlan went missing and all I knew was that you were sneaking back inside the prison, I pictured the most horrible things. I wouldn't be able to keep Rosie and Bova safe on my own, nor would I be able to cope with losing you or our kids, or—"

Seth grasped T.J.'s trembling hands in his. "What color are my eyes?"

T.J. shook her head in confusion as her focus darted around the room. "What? Blue. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Not from memory. Look at them."

She locked eyes with him and felt her heart racing even faster. "Cerulean," she noted, sheepishly, fighting the urge to look away. "They change in the light."

Seth tried and failed to prevent a smug smile from pulling at his lips. "Good. Now what else do you see? The walls: what color are they?"

"Violet," she answered.

"Name three more things you can see."

She knew what he was attempting to do; she'd tried grounding exercises like this before, though she wasn't sure if indulging him was helping. "The seats, the jumptubes." She looked down at the floor. "A chemistry text."

"Good. We're all here, and we're all okay. I know you're used to reliving the past or worrying about the future. But take a deep breath and try to take a moment to be in the moment. Focus on what's here," he instructed gently. "Concentrate on what you can hear, feel, smell..."

The timbre of his voice, the warmth of his hands holding mine, the spice of his cologne... T.J. blushed. She took a deep breath—in for four seconds and out for eight seconds—repeating until she visibly relaxed, the tension in her shoulders and neck disappearing as she slouched ever so slightly. She'd begun absentmindedly rubbing circles on the back of Seth's hand with her thumb, still feeling the need to fidget.

"Better?" Seth wondered.

"Yes, thank you. I…" She gulped and admitted, "I rather like being in the moment. I shall try to do that more often."

"And I'll be more sensitive to your anxieties." With his eyes downcast, he added, "I don't want to push you away."

"You couldn't. Not really. I cannot do this without you."

"I don't know if I believe that," he deflected. "Once we get your self esteem up, you'll be a better commander than me. You'll see."

"That is not possible."

"I've seen you with confidence, Teej. It looks good on you."

"As far as commanding officers are concerned, you are the best person for the job. There is a reason you rose through the ranks so quickly."

"There's a reason I was demoted, too," Seth grumbled.

After a beat of silence, T.J. wondered, "I assume that is still another story for another time?"

"Later," Seth confirmed through a sigh.

She searched his eyes for answers, but she found none. Aiming to lighten the mood, she quipped, "Later: I shall mark it on my schedule."

Seth playfully retaliated with another lopsided smile. He bent down to retrieve the chemistry book and slot it between the xenobiology and physics texts. "Goes here, right?"

T.J. nodded. "You were paying attention."

"So you subscribe to the Dewey Decimal System, eh?"

"It has its flaws, but given the age of these texts, I found it fitting that…" She paused and managed to mask her shock as she challenged him, "What do you know about the Dewey Decimal System?"

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she correctly anticipated his reply, "I'm well read."