Chapter 98: Separate Ways

Returning, the moment YN's mind was thrust into his body, time resumed, but just like each time he'd Returned before in these series of loops—

YN: *Cough* *Cough*

The tea going down his throat had once more caught him off guard.

Rem: Ah! YN-kun? Was the tea still too hot or was—?

Stopped in her tracks every time she said that, Rem knew what had just occurred.

Keen to keep her from crying though, YN stood up as quickly as he could, water in his eyes from his coughing still as his chair fell over backwards. Embracing the blue haired oni in his arms, he kissed the top of her head.

YN: Rem... Rem. Rem!

With the maid's face buried in his chest, he gently stroked the back of her soft and smooth hair.

YN: —everything is fine now! You did everything you could Rem, so please don't feel like you failed.

Preemptively answering her, YN let her face emerge from his chest to answer. Only a few tears had made it down her face before he had embraced her.

Rem: —B-But why is YN-kun crying?

Using his hand to wipe away the tears he hadn't realized that had begun to be shed outside of the ones he had from coughing, he explained.

YN: I'm just relieved to see you again.

Steadily, YN embraced the oni again. With his hands on the exposed part of her back, he felt the warmth of her skin, just as it should be. He then reached for her hand, and held it tightly as he broke from the embrace.

YN: Rem, we should probably go somewhere we can be alone. I have a lot to tell you.

Rem: Of course. Rem is very happy her YN-kun has remembered his promise to always keep her by his side when these things happen.

YN: You're always the one I'll go running to after these things happen.

Leading him off by the hand he held of hers, Rem guided YN to the nearby unused bedroom in the guest quarters in the Karsten Manor he had returned to.

For the longest time, it seemed as if the two had only spent time holding and embracing each other, not saying a word. While they needed to speak to each other, it seemed less important at that moment than just feeling each other's presence.

At the drop of a hat for Rem, with this Return, it definitely felt as if something had changed between them.

Rem instinctively felt a deeper connection of their hearts for one another. She couldn't explain how or why it was suddenly this way. Maybe it was the way YN had run to her. Maybe it was the way he held her.

But something was definitely different. And thankfully, not in a bad way.

As Rem was a maid very attentive to detail though, she knew they had things to discuss, so choosing to break the silence between them with a kiss, she started inquiring about the past loop.

To say the least, Rem was hurt by all the horrific things she had learned YN had to go through with his last three deaths.

She could tell how much it had hurt him to see her own body mangled as such.

Again like last time too, her sense of guilty satisfaction returned hearing that, YN now too, was a victim of the Witch Cult. But since she had told him of it in a previous loop, he directly asked her about it now.

YN: I know what you're feeling right now though. There's no reason to feel guilty, or anything else bad. I completely understand why you would feel that way.

Caught off guard like he was somehow reading her mind, Rem's eyes remained wide open as YN pulled her close on the bed for an embrace of reassurance.

Rem: —But it is shameful for Rem to have these thoughts. Especially since YN-kun had to suffer so immensely!

YN: It really isn't. It's fine since we can relate to each other about our most tragic memories now. It makes us stronger. Before that, I couldn't have hoped to understand what it was like for you when Ram lost her horn. Now? Maybe I can a little bit.

Rem: YN-kun...

Holding him back, YN had also come to feel an inkling of what maybe Rem was feeling as well now, as coincidental as that was.

YN: Honestly, had I known that we could be closer because of it... I might have subjected myself to it willingly if I were to be the only victim.

Rem: —!

Pulling away, Rem put her hands on either side of YN's face as a worried expression crossed her own.

Rem: YN-kun should not say such things!

Only fueling the guilty pleasure she still had, Rem felt as if she was truly causing more harm than good now.

But relieving those thoughts, YN put his hand over one of hers as it remained on his cheek.

YN: Rem, if it were to ever help you feel better about us, I'd do anything to make it so.

Her face flaring up red in intense emotion, she pressed her forehead into his, speechless to his words.

Rem does not deserve such devotion.

Similar again to the previous loop, but unknown to both, Rem once more wrestled with her thoughts and emotions on how YN was toward her. Just as she did before, her mind thought of what other feelings could spawn from this devotion, and how what he feels for her, might actually, by some small chance, be similar to the truest feelings she held for him. But far too apprehensive still she remained unable to say these things to him, given the risk she perceived.

As a fire of love burned in her chest, she also knew now was not the time to relay these feelings, even if she had the courage. Much was left to be discussed still.

Moving along, YN spoke of all the things he had seen and experienced in the loop after that. Of how Rem had sacrificed herself for him to escape the Whale, and how he had done everything he could for Ram, despite the loop itself clearly coming to an end.

Rem replied again, much as she had in the previous loop as well, reiterating her thanks for YN having done so much for Ram and for how happy she was that he understood her more.

This was also the first time YN had spoken to Rem of what had occurred in just the previous loop. To Rem, she was quietly relieved once more her previous self had acted so selflessly for YN's sake. She was convinced at this point that if not for [Rem] always doing what she must to preserve YN for herself in the next loop, they wouldn't be together at this very moment at all.

Knowing this now, it helped quell Rem's complicated maiden heart that was always making her feel "inadequate" or "less then" her previous-loop-counterparts. Slowly, it would perhaps inspire Rem to realize that she also had these powerful convictions and the strength to carry them out inside herself at this very moment; that she could learn this wasn't a trait she lacked and only appeared in [Rem], but rather, the strength was already inside her.

While this existed only due to her love that she could not voice, if she ever were to have it reflected back upon her, to know for certain that YN felt the same once he found a way to tell her, it would become clear to her that she was not compelled in a spontaneous manner to find this strength, but was empowered on a constant basis from their love for each other.

Speaking further of how he had found [Rem] in the state that she was in upon returning to the snow-covered Arlem, it drew in the same sadness Rem had felt for YN upon his retelling of what had occurred in the caves during what was certainly his hardest ever loop.

Rem could see how unnerved YN remained describing it, and how for the first time in this world, he had been forced to end the life of another person. His dear friend, no less.

Rem: Just as Rem must have from what she's heard from YN-kun, he too must sometimes perform difficult actions to make things right again in his next attempt.

YN: Sometimes it really does feel like a small cost to pay in comparison. It would be foolish to waste it...

Struggling with the morality of Return By Death, Rem shook her head, knowing this wasn't a good line of thought for YN to dwell on.

Rem: It is like what YN-kun once told Rem. We should not worry ourselves by trying to justify our sins of the past in regard to actions that we needed to do. Sometimes, yes, we must do terrible things to secure a future for ourselves where we don't have to live with such consequences. But it is equally important not to fall into a habit of accepting that.

YN: And part of that again is our promises to each other, isn't it?

Rem: For what sins YN-kun cannot carry, Rem will help with the burden.

YN: With the same being true the other way around, we can't let ourselves be overwhelmed by not refusing to forgive ourselves, for we're the only ones here that can.

Rem: We shall not drown in ourselves, but rather accept what we must as wrong, and do our best to refrain from making the same mistakes. But it is only YN-kun who can make sure Rem does not become complacent, and only Rem can do the same for YN-kun.

Drawing on the strength they had found from the ordeal in Saluzzo, the two had built themselves a reliable point of connection between each other.

This could only happen with Rem by my side... I'm sure of it...

As a burning sensation also filled YN, it was similar to what was in Rem right now. It continued from his conviction his consciousness had when it returned to his body not so long ago. More motivated now, YN was determined that after all was done, he'd find a way, —a word, to let Rem know how much she meant to him.

But having said everything that was needed to say, YN sat himself up on the bed, and hung his legs over the side.

YN: I'm worried Subaru might be waiting for us... It's even later than it was in the last loop when he knocked for us.

Rem: Hmm, that is troubling. But that does give Rem an idea.

YN: What's that?

Rem: Rem will announce that she intends to go help with preparations for dinner despite being a guest. After an adequate amount of time has passed, Rem will return saying her offer for support was denied. That should give YN-kun and Subaru-kun enough time to speak freely and devise a plan of what they intend to do to make this loop successful.

While it meant Rem leaving his side so soon, YN had to agree that she was creating a useful opportunity by learning from the mistakes of the last loop she perceived from the retelling he had done.

Leading him out the door, the two found Subaru patiently waiting in the common area, although somewhat fidgeting with a restless leg. Excusing herself, Rem informed them of her intention to help just as she had rehearsed with YN only moments prior. Thanks to her quick thinking, the groundskeeper and the butler were free to openly discuss the challenges they faced with a fresh start on this loop.

The two wayward traveling companions immediately went into a brief spell of brainstormed ideas after discussing everything they knew. While one threw out one idea, the other quickly countered how that wouldn't work. There were many variables to take into account. The Witch Cult's presence, times in which the Highway would be shut down or open, when and where the White Whale would strike, the Witch Cult's involvement with the thieves, the attack on Arlem, when it would occur, and for what reason... The list truly seemed endless.

The choice was quickly made though, they had to accept that no matter what they did on their own, outside help was needed.

YN: Speaking of help, what made you unsuccessful in securing any while me and Rem were trying to stop the theft? —Don't take that as criticism! Just... what could be done differently to secure it?

Subaru: Well, a few things really. I have a good idea on how to convince the likes of Crusch, or maybe Anastasia too to help us... The main issue I keep running into is I have no real authority to represent Emilia.

YN: What do you mean?

Subaru: Emilia pretty publicly disowned me in front of anyone who we're asking help from. I don't have a way to prove I can ask for that help. That's my largest hurdle.

Confused as to how that was his biggest problem, YN had figured something as simple as a forged seal or stamp from Roswaal or Emilia might be the simplest solution. Yet how was his problem not actually convincing them to help in the first place, before they would consider credentials? Certainly, that would be a much higher hurdle.

YN: So you just need a permission slip essentially? How did you go about convincing them to actually help us in the first place if that's your main issue?

Subaru: Truthfully, I didn't get there either. But in the last loop, me trying to do so revealed a lot of information to me. This time around, I know exactly what everyone wants, and what can satisfy those things.

Somewhat proudly patting himself on the back, YN was healthily skeptical of such a bold declaration of Subaru's.

YN: Uh, can you share what some of those 'wants' are and how you learned all that?

Putting a hand to his chin, Subaru contemplated where he should start.

Subaru: Okay, so you know how there's a carriage and ground dragon shortage right now? And how Otto, that merchant we've both met, and a lot of other merchants were struggling to sell a lot of goods that were supposed to do well in the Capitol? Well, what if I told you that was all related...

YN: I do remember, but I don't see how those things could correlate at all.

Subaru: The economy of the Capitol is all in a fuss and it's all because Crusch intends on taking on the White Whale. She's in talks with a guy by the name of Russell Fellow. He seems to be pulling a lot of strings, and it even got Anastasia's attention.

Mentioning names YN found to be suspicious at best with their own underhand dealings, one name stood out.

YN: Who's Russell Fellow?

Subaru: He's some big wig for the Merchant's Guild, but he's providing all sorts of funding and supplies for the attack against the Whale Crusch wants to launch. You might have seen him. Blonde, bit of facial hair.

Thinking back, only one person fit that description in YN's memories.

The guy who shot me that look in the Loop Subaru stole my car...

He remembered how he instantly felt a distrust from that look, as if this person had ulterior motives that were blatantly obvious, yet hidden and obstructed from view.

Sighing to himself, YN spoke lowly to Subaru.

YN: You're bringing up a lot of names of people I can't say I'd be able to trust...

Subaru: We need their help though!

YN: I know! It's just, they all seem so underhanded... I can't trust that, especially not when Rem's safety is involved.

Subaru: — — —

Silent in reply to that, Subaru seemed to be hesitant to say what it was he wanted to.

YN: What? Puck got your tongue?

Sighing, Subaru summoned the courage he needed to ask something he was afraid would be a definite "no."

Subaru: I wanted to ask... if you would be okay trying to help Emilia on your own.

Raising his brows, YN was surprised to hear such a request.

Save Emilia on my own? How would I manage that?

But more pressingly, that meant that—

YN: You want Rem to stay here? Why?

Not understanding what that could hope to accomplish, Subaru explained.

Subaru: Because, Rem is known to be in good standing with Emilia in her camp. If she can affirm I have authority to make deals and trade things, that's the other half of what I need to get help.

YN: But the first half should be actually convincing them to—!

Subaru: I can take care of that, trust me.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Subaru halted YN's criticism.

Subaru: From what you've told me this far, everyone involved seems to not like you for whatever reason but are more open to me... So I think it makes more sense for me to try and negotiate.

YN: Which is odd considering it was you who made such a big scene in the Royal Conference.

Shrugging, Subaru replied.

Subaru: Their dislike for you is just as unexplainable as their openness to me, so don't feel so alone, okay?

Without a way to answer that, Subaru spoke again to reaffirm his proposed solution.

Subaru: So Rem will stay here in the Capitol to get help in taking on the White Whale with Crusch, and as much as I hate to not be the one to be there for her... you'll have to help Emilia with the theft.

Adding another element that had yet to be discussed, YN was less and less on board with this the more he spoke. Completely disregarding the second half to what Subaru said, YN was entirely focused on the element that exposed Rem to the most danger.

YN: What?! You want to bring Rem along to fight the White Whale? Are you crazy?! Absolutely not. I won't lose her again to that. I can't let that stand.

Infuriated Subaru would propose putting Rem in such direct danger, YN pounded his fist down hard on the table they sat across from each other at. Flinching Subaru tried quelling his anger.

Subaru: Hey, hey. Listen, I don't like having to put Emilia-tan's safety in someone else's hands either, but—

YN: —Then why don't we switch? Tell me what I need to know to convince Crusch or whoever else to give us help, that'll let me and Rem handle stuff here. You can try and save Emilia on your own.

Emphasizing how it was equally preposterous that just him or just YN went to support Emilia, Subaru again tried to get him to listen.

Subaru: If you look at what you yourself also know, you know that wouldn't work.

Looking downward, Subaru seemed to curse himself.

Subaru: Emilia doesn't want to see me right now. If I show up, it'll only make her chances of getting away safely impossible.

Holding his head up again though, he forced his resolve to power him on.

Subaru: And it needs to be me to get the help here. There's so many intricate things I've come to understand that only I can do it. Don't take that as me saying I don't trust you, or don't think you're smart enough to accomplish it. We would need to double our amount of Returns at this point for you to understand how I understand it. Maybe more, maybe less. But the point still remains that Rem needs to be here to make any of that happen.

YN looked down at the table between them, his fist still slightly throbbing in pain from the impact it had made on the surface. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew his fellow wayward traveling companion was correct. Could he really make Rem suffer through another three or four loops just so he could learn what Subaru already had? Even if it were just one more loop, that was a loop she herself could be suffering in.

YN: Fine, but leave Rem out of the fight with the Whale. Just stay here while Crusch and her posse go out.

Subaru: I can't do that. The reason we need to fight the Whale is so we can get Crusch's mustered forces to defend Arlem from the Witch Cult afterwards. Since all the weapons and manpower are being concentrated in the Capitol by Anastasia, Crusch, and Russell, they are the only help we can hope to acquire.

Seeing the logic behind his words, YN still drew many problems with the idea, namely—

YN: Okay, let's say you're all heroic and the Whale is slain. What do you expect me to do with Emilia? My Gate is still non-functioning, I'm useless in trying to defend her.

Subaru: Just like I know the intricacies of what deals to make and how to make them here, it's only you who have seen the thieves in any detail and know what they're capable of.

YN: So I just need to figure it out based on what I already know is what you're saying.

Subaru: *Sigh* Yeah, it is. Easier said than done too, I understand. But I trust you'll figure out a way to do it and keep Emilia-tan safe just like how I'm asking you to trust me with Rem's safety.

YN: — — —

While combating it in his mind, YN struggled to think of any other course of action left to them. It seemed everything else they knew of had been tried and failed.

But doing well to drive home his proposal, Subaru presented YN a small knife from his pocket. Resembling a kitchen-steak knife, he held it up to his own throat.

Subaru: If anything were to happen to Rem, I'd end this loop in a second, no hesitation. But I'd like to ask you to do the same for Emilia.

YN: Ending my own life won't restart the Loop though, you know that.

Subaru: That's why I want you to signal me with a Consequence if something truly terrible happens on your end. Two in a row can be your sign to me. I'll do what I must if I get that.

Offering a means of reprisal should anything fail, Subaru said these words with a low voice, trying to show how serious he was about this.

While he was still uncertain about it all, YN felt he was at a major crossroads.

We really don't have any other options...

Being extended a hand, Subaru offered his trust to YN. He too wished for things to be simple again, so was there any reason to distrust him now?

YN: — — —

With a long pause he finally sighed and took the offered hand.

YN: Fine. But I'm still not sure how I'll be of help to Emilia, you know that, right?

Subaru: I have no other choice but to trust you. So I'll choose that then to simply let her go helpless.

Agreeing on their plan, the two were then startled by a knock at the door, but, with YN knowing who it was, his nerves calmed.

Hearing the simple mechanical twist of the doorknob, the blue haired maid had returned and greeted the two where they were still sitting at the table across from each other. Taking a seat next to YN, Subaru also nodded to him.

Rem: YN-kun looks tense, is there something his Rem can do to assist?

Avoiding giving away the impression she knew they had just discussed at length things she shouldn't know, Rem openly asked a broad question to integrate her own voice into the finalized decisions.

Subaru: Well, it's probably because I just told him a lot of bad news...

YN: Yeah...

It was just as hard to keep the facade going in front of Subaru as it was going to be for him to inform Rem she would not be at his side for these pivotal moments in this loop.

I don't want her to think she's getting in the way or something... I hope she doesn't take this the wrong way...

YN now wrestled with the idea that Rem might feel dejected from being asked to stay with Subaru rather than to try again at saving Emilia with him.

Subaru: Rem-san, I need to ask you a huge favor.

Caught off guard by the way he asked as she tried to clue herself in on what had been decided by YN's expression alone, she turned to Subaru with a simple nod, prompting him to proceed.

Subaru: Right now, Emilia, and the village of Arlem are at danger from the Witch Cult.

Hearing its name uttered, Rem's face turned to a scowl at their very mention. Subaru was somewhat privy to Rem's hatred based on what he'd seen before, but perhaps wasn't as informed as YN was. But by choosing to stay silent, Rem kept her knowledge of what he was about to stay hidden.

Subaru: We need to work with some of the most powerful people here in the Capitol and convince them to lend us their strength to protect them. That means we've got a huge road ahead of us. But Emilia is also in immediate danger too. And we can't be in two places at once.

Rem: Is Subaru-kun proposing our group needs to split up in order to tackle these challenges?

Under the guise of questioning, Rem moved the conversation steadily. Utilizing her training as a "maid," these skills were of second nature to her, and her sister.

Subaru: Exactly. Normally I'd have liked to ask you and YN to go see if you can help Emilia with the danger that threatens her, and for myself to secure additional help here. But things aren't as simple as that.

Looking at YN, Subaru seemed to be asking for final approval on the idea. With a simple nod, he continued.

Subaru: In order for us to negotiate getting much needed help, I have to convince a few notable people and assist them with some favors of their own. But unfortunately, by my own stupid actions, I can't do that alone.

Solemnly shaking his head, Subaru went on.

Subaru: Because I was arrogant and a fool, Emilia denied me before the very people we need to ask for help. I need someone of good standing in her camp to be with me to show I have legitimacy to barter and negotiate for this help.

Rem: Then Subaru-kun is asking Rem to be in attendance for these negotiations while it is YN-kun who goes to assist Emilia-sama, is this correct?

Subaru: That's the favor, yes.

Looking to YN now, Rem stared deeply into his eyes for a moment. In the solitary handful of seconds, Rem perfectly understood what it was he was feeling now. Just like him, she did not wish to leave him for even a minute. They each knew they were at their strongest when by each other's side. But at this time, it was necessary.

Rem must depart from her YN-kun for now, so that a future where we can always be by each other is possible.

Sternly looking back to Subaru, Rem answered.

Rem: While it greatly pains Rem to leave the side of her YN-kun, if it is to help him succeed in areas he cannot be of assistance in, Rem will do so.

Saying that with conviction, Rem was in truth glad she could be of use to YN regardless, no other satisfaction could be found in such a situation, but nonetheless, Rem felt at least something to be had in this arrangement.

Subaru: Okay, now that that is settled—

Standing up, Subaru put forth the plan into motion.

Subaru: —We need to set out on our tasks. The sooner the better. Any objections?

Pausing just to be sure he wasn't pressuring the couple like he had the first Return, Subaru honored his commitment to be more mindful of such things.

Rem: None at all. Let us do what we must for Emilia-sama and Roswaal-sama's lands.

Going into motion, each of them set about preparing.

Packing the items they'd believed they would need, Subaru and YN wasted no time, as what they carried was little.

YN: Phone... Wallet... Car keys... Cloak...

Putting on the brown, hand made cloak Rem had given him as a present, YN secured it to his body.

Watching Subaru pack similar items, he checked his own flip phone, as ancient as it was, to make sure it still had power. But just as YN had dawned a cloak, Subaru had one pulled out as well.

YN: Hey, isn't that Emilia's?

As Subaru held out the white hooded cloak, complete with sewn on eyes that mimicked a style of hoodie from their old world, he gave YN a weak look.

Subaru: Yeah... Before Emilia stormed out she threw this at me in anger...

While he was in the possession of something Emilia did dearly cherish, Subaru could not manifest the courage to wear it like YN wore his. The circumstances were too different.

YN: That's the one that Roswaal enchanted to disguise oneself from people, right? So that Emilia could go into public places without her appearance causing any problems.

Subaru: Yeah...

Lamenting over the fact she was denied by her appearance alone, Subaru shook his head and returned to the topic at hand.

Subaru: I guess it would be pointless for me to take this then, huh? It would be even worse if some random, disguised person came asking for favors than even my disgraced self.

Relaying he had obviously thought of disguising himself as some other member of Emilia's camp by using the cloak's ability, Subaru knew that was in vain. Going to fold up and put away the cloak though, YN halted him.

YN: Hold on. I might have a use for that actually.

Taking the cloak Subaru had begun to fold back up, YN held it out.

Subaru: What do you plan on doing with it?

YN: Nothing yet, really. But it might give me some options I wouldn't otherwise have.

Realizing how useful the cloak might be in this situation now, Subaru agreed with the idea.

Subaru: It definitely would be better served with you, wouldn't it?

YN: I'll do my best to keep it safe.

Agreeing to let YN keep the cloak in safe custody, the two finished preparing and re-met with Rem who had also just finished what she needed to do as well.

Knowing this was going to be hard on the couple however, Subaru feigned his normal behavior, and excused himself for obscure reasons, if only to give Rem and YN a moment of alone time before settling out. Vowing he'd be back shortly, since time was still of great importance, his intention for them had gone completely undetected by YN, but Rem had a small inkling based on her institution alone. For which, she silently thanked him in her mind.

As soon as Subaru was gone, Rem reached out and embraced YN. Surprised at first by the sudden affection, he immediately knew where it stemmed from. Embracing her back, he kissed the top of her azure hair as a soft fragrance of flowers entered his senses.

YN: I'm sorry we have to split up at a time like this. There was just no other way to satisfy all the problems...

With guilt on his voice, Rem shook her head in response and did her best to reassure his anxious thoughts.

Rem: YN-kun forgets, such times like these are when we prove we are just as strong together as we are apart.

Taking a step back, Rem's brilliant hair caught the passing rays of sun from a narrow hallway window, perfectly illuminating her in a spotlight as she continued to hold YN's hands.

Rem: Our promises are to lean on each other when we need to, and if this is part of that, Rem will do whatever she must to see that promise continues. She has faith in her YN-kun, just how Rem knows he believes in her to help where she is needed.

Tilting her head slightly, both of her beautiful eyes appeared from behind her bangs.

Rem: Just because we will be far from one another, does not mean we can't continue to lean when we must.

As Rem inspired a hope for success in YN, he joined her in the sunlight as the two embraced once more.

I'll come back safe Rem, don't you worry, just like I know you will too.

Coming apart, Subaru returned in a timely manner like he'd said, and the three proceeded out to where YN had his car covered up.

Starting it up, he was alone this time with no one but Emilia's cloak in the passenger seat. Driving out to the main gate of the Karsten Manner, he rolled the window down on his side to bid adieu to Rem and Subaru.

Rem: Rem will be wishing for her YN-kun's success.

YN: And same for me, to you.

Leaning inside the window, Rem moved her lips towards his, and with a shared farewell kiss, YN set out on his mission alone.

To save Emilia was to save this loop, just as it was their mission to retrieve help and bring it to Arlem.

We both have our part to play...

Riding out as he exited the noble's district, YN prepared his mind for the challenges to come.

A/N: Happy last chapter of the year fellas. Big plans for chapter 100... I hope you all are looking forward to it!