Chapter 108: Pick Your Head Up

Elevated to new heights, YN had made use of his car to regroup with the convoy that had left him and Rem behind in their moment together.

Drawing much attention from his speedy arrival and the sound of the car, Subaru who was riding on Patrasche had noticed him, and fell back where he was bringing up the rear.

YN moved back further and rolled down his window as his wayward traveling companion met his pace. Out of earshot of everyone else ahead of them, the two greeted each other.

Subaru: You sure took your sweet time getting here, but uhh, where's Rem?

YN: I had her go with the wounded and exhausted back to the Capitol. I really should have done that to begin with.

His eyes opening wide with mild surprise, Subaru admittedly had to agree with the idea before he replied.

Subaru: That's probably not a bad idea. But uhh, what took you so long to get back here? You guys didn't disagree about anything, did you?

YN shook his head and smiled as he looked ahead at the convoy before them.

YN: No, not all. Something else happened.

Subaru: —?

On cloud nine, YN tried to hide his embarrassingly wide smile and keep himself from tearing up.

YN: Rem told me that she loves me.

Subaru: —!

Dropping the reins of Patrasche much like he dropped his own jaw upon hearing such a revelation, Subaru was surprised to learn such a thing had happened only moments ago.

Subaru: That didn't happen last time, did it?

With reference to what had occurred in the last Loop, given they both had experienced this same course of events twice now, it led into their discussion of what had occurred in the recent bygone Loop.

Subaru: Was it her having to leave that sparked her to say that?

Shrugging, YN became slightly more stoic as he relayed the difference in circumstances, but was careful to keep things as vague as he could while also continuing to conceal the fact Rem was aware of their ability to relive their lives.

YN: That's maybe part of it. But it might have been something I said too that prompted her. The way I died heavily involved her, so seeing her again probably moved me to say things I wouldn't have otherwise said.

Raising a brow to what he said, Subaru inquired more on it.

Subaru: So you died too, huh?

YN: ...Yeah, I did.

Knowing it was obvious Subaru had died, he had not yet been given the opportunity to inquire as to what YN's fate had been.

Subaru: You, the Twins, and the other cohort of villagers were gone by the time I woke up from that explosion. Did something happen while trying to evacuate them?

Nodding, YN's tone became slightly more somber as he explained.

YN: The very last Finger ambushed Ram ahead of us... Rem felt their connection break suddenly and by the time we rushed to her, it was far too late.

Subaru: That... must have been difficult to see.

Now knowing he'd seen both twins dead at one point, Subaru cut in with his curiosity overtaking his need to be polite.

Subaru: Wait, I'm sorry but you said 'the very last Finger,' how did you know that?

YN: The madman explained it himself. But I gotta warn you, Subaru, just killing the Fingers isn't enough. Petelgeuse can—

Subaru: —Take over the bodies of others that are qualified to be spirit arts users and don't have a contracted spirit. I know.

YN: —?!

Shocked, YN could only hope it wasn't Rem he had seen possessed by the madman. As far as he knew, she was the only other one that had seemingly met the conditions he needed.

Unless it was one of the Iron Fang or Crusch's warriors... Who else—?!

Coming to the realization of who it was, YN turned his head of thought back to the one who was the answer.

YN: Subaru... You had it happen too?

Equally as surprised now as well, Subaru once more raised a brow to YN.

Subaru: I take it we both know what that feels like then...

Shaking his head, his wayward traveling companion found an issue in how that was plausible.

Subaru: Wait, wait. How did he manage to get inside your head?

Lowering his head, YN informed Subaru of the darkest part of the last loop.

YN: Rem went into a frenzy from seeing Ram dead, and we ended up slaying Petelgeuse. But when he died—

Subaru: I can imagine that part. But YN, you have Algol. It shouldn't have been possible for him to possess you.

YN: That's because I let him. So he wouldn't take Rem.

Caught off guard by his words, Subaru nearly fell off his ground dragon.

Subaru: You did what? For Rem? She has potential to be—?

YN: —As Petelgeuse himself said, she met the bare minimum to host his consciousness while he tried getting into my head. When he popped back out, I broke my contract and had Algol protect Rem. After that... well... I can let you guess what happened.

Imagining it was no different for him, Subaru looked down at the ground where loose dust was still being kicked up from the mighty stampede of moving feet up ahead.

Subaru: Rem had to be the one to do it then, huh?

Solemnly nodding, he confirmed that to Subaru.

Subaru: I guess that explains why we couldn't find the last Finger. We counted nine, but then all of a sudden, I felt him go after me.

Looking out past the horizon, it seemed Subaru was also disturbed by the sensation of the madman hijacking his body, and what it had meant for his own death.

Subaru: I guess before that all happened to you, when I woke up the village was still being attacked. Wilhelm and the others had been fighting for a long time, and couldn't anymore by the time the I guess the ninth Finger had appeared. But that's when Emilia finally had heard enough, and came down from the Mansion to help.

Subaru cast his head down as he remembered what the one who held his heart had to do upon showing herself.

Subaru: Emilia used her ice magic and killed that final Finger we fought...

Surprised to hear it, YN couldn't imagine the kind hearted girl going as far to end someone's life.

YN: That's... wow.

Subaru: I think everyone around could tell she wasn't handling it well. She stood by the ice prison she'd conjured for a while and no one else could seem to work up the courage to go talk to her. I couldn't either.

Feeling like he'd failed by not being there for her, and not distinguishing himself from everybody else by being the one that could be for her, Subaru slumped his shoulders.

YN however, couldn't let his friend be so discouraged.

YN: Would anyone have known what to say to her though? I get wanting to be the one person who can make the difference for the one you cherish, believe me. But at the same time, the connection between you two that's maybe needed to be that, and to have the right answer for her, isn't established yet.

Seeing some truth to that statement, Subaru seemed to pick himself up slightly at the logic of it.

Subaru: You're right. Emilia isn't ready to face such things, and I'm not ready to console her should they happen. That's part of the reason why I'm having her immediately evacuated. I don't want her to be exposed to any of this.

YN: One day you two can face things like this, together. But it's only after you've grown from things like this.

Hesitantly, Subaru agreed it was simply something that the two would eventually have, if he played his cards right.

YN: Was it Emilia that had to kill you then?

Shaking his head with a great relief, Subaru went back to recounting what had ultimately occurred less than an hour ago for him.

Subaru: I was about to approach Emilia actually, on Ferris' advice. But that's when I felt it.

Tightening the grip he held on the reins of Patrasche, the feeling of the madman entering his consciousness was still fresh.

Subaru: Ia suddenly became unattached to me, and had to retreat to Julius. The second I heard his voice in my mind, I ran as far away as I could. Ferris chased after me and I think Ia drew Julius back over as well, letting him know something was wrong with me.

Tilting his head back, he admired the mid-morning sky above them as he continued.

Subaru: I ran out into the forest with both of those guys running after me, wondering what was wrong. Once I couldn't control it anymore, Petelgeuse took over, and that's when they realized... They begged me to fight back against it but—

YN: You can't though. It's too powerful. You can only delay it.

Nodding in agreement, Subaru went on.

Subaru: I asked both Ferris and Julius to kill me.

Paused, Subaru looked out into the convoy where he could see the same two companions having a cheerful discussion. Seeing his gaze, Felix waved to him while Julius only coolily looked on. Going back to their talk after Subaru returned the gesture with a weak expression, he turned back to YN.

Subaru: Ferris had tried to use his healing abilities to make my death a painless one, but Petelgeuse spooked him into botching it. He got freaked out by seeing me in so much pain, so he begged Julius to put me out of my misery.

YN: Jeez, you just never get the easy way out, do you?

Amused slightly by his correct observation, Subaru also shook his head.

Subaru: It doesn't seem like it.

But with a return of his pained memories, the brief release from them was ended.

Subaru: They both couldn't work up the courage to do what needed to be done though and end it. Ferris was crying and the look on Julius' face... it really wasn't fitting for him.

Recalling how horrified he looked knowing he was going to have to put down a friend from such a cruel fate, Subaru wished he hadn't seen it.

Subaru: But the last thing I remember— the last thing I saw and felt, was a bright light, and a lot of heat.

Looking over to YN, Subaru told him of his first assumption.

Subaru: I could have sworn it was you using your Yang magic. I thought maybe you had found us and saw what was going on, and did what they couldn't, knowing the death wasn't permanent. But there's no way that could have been, since you were already dead.

Perplexed as to how he had died then, YN didn't have the answers either.

I assume that Rem had to have done it, but that doesn't sound like something she could have done, 'heat and light...'

At an impasse, YN could only remain as clueless as Subaru was at the exact cause of his death.

YN: We're here now though, and we got a change in where we end back up.

Subaru: That is true. We passed a new flag.

With each having shared the information they had gathered, Subaru set on informing YN of what was to come.

Subaru: The plan is now, to get to work on getting Emilia and Ram to realize the blank letter was a mistake, and get Emilia out as quickly as we can. From there we work on destroying the Witch Cult's communications and outing the Merchant traitor.

YN: Traitor?

Subaru: Yeah, he was responsible for the explosion. A fella by the name of Kety. He's a Witch Cultist embedded into the Merchants since they were going around the area.

YN: Sort of like that woman who was working with the thieves, yeah?

Subaru: Has to be the same idea. The Witch Cult has their hands in everyone's business it seems. That's why they're always two or more steps ahead it feels like.

YN: We've got the advantage this time though.

In agreement, Subaru nodded.

Subaru: Yeah. After that's taken care of though, we'll need to deal with the Fingers and their various hideouts, as well finally taking on Petelgeuse at their main base so he doesn't have anywhere to go.

YN: Well, he'll still try taking over you, won't he?

Subaru: Oh don't you worry, I've got a plan to deal with him.

Acknowledging he had a well thought out strategy like he always seemed to eventually form, YN inquired about it.

YN: How do I play into it?

Subaru: Well, I'd like you to assist the others in subduing the other Fingers. I'll be present on handling the final bout with Petelgeuse.

YN: Your thought is to have me in reserve in case something happens to you, right?

Subaru: Precisely. —Am I really that easy to predict now?!

Not giving him an answer on that, YN only laughed it off, to which Subaru also did. But as it seemed everything else had now been relayed between the only two who were privy to what the immediate future may hold. YN still though had one key thing he hadn't had the chance to tell his wayward traveling companion yet.

And that one thing was very closely related to what he could tell Subaru was still anxious about.

Reaching behind his seat, YN pulled the white, animal-eared cloak from his backseat, and tossed it to Subaru.

YN: Catch.

Subaru received the familiar cloth, and held it out before him.

Subaru: Huh? I thought you were gonna give this back to Emilia after you secured Puck's crystal.

YN: Well, some other things were said just afterwards that sort of made me forget to do that...

Folding the cloth up and securing it onto the saddle he rode on, Subaru raised a brow to what YN meant by that.

With a big long sigh, YN knew he needed to word his explanation in a way that didn't upset Subaru. He already didn't like hiding the fact that Rem knew about Return By Death to him, but to close away another large piece of information from a friend just seemed too cruel.

YN: After the thief and everything else was dealt with, Emilia offered me something, but before I tell you what it was, I just want to preference it by saying I flat out denied her.

Seeing his friend's face become more stern at the prospect of what that offer could be, Subaru replied tentatively.

Subaru: You've got me kinda worried when you say it like that...

Gone was the friendliness that usually accompanied Subaru's tone. It wasn't like when he was frustrated back in the Karston Manor upon their first Return of the last series of Loops. The air that was imbued in Subaru's voice was one of hesitation and suspicion, something that dug right into YN's psyche.

Taking another large sigh, YN voiced his words as sympathetically as he could.

YN: The truth is, Emilia asked me to be her Knight.

Saying those words, there was no response. The denied knight looked square ahead of where he rode, turning his attention away from the conversation at hand. YN could see the emotion he was desperately hiding on his face. Without a word to say in reply, it seemed Subaru had decided the conversation was over.

Perhaps feeling remorse over his actions that led to Emilia seeking out another to be her Knight, or maybe in envy against YN, it could have even been a suspicion that YN was a bad faith actor. He truly couldn't tell.

YN: Subaru! C'mon! Don't be that way! I told you I denied her!

Worried his honest words might have wounded their friendship, Subaru slumped his shoulders in a low, delayed response.

Subaru: ...Maybe it's better you are her Knight... She clearly has no intention of wanting me to fill that role.

Speeding up ahead of Subaru, YN cut him off by slamming his brakes, bringing his car to a complete stop. Getting Subaru to halt as well, the groundskeeper looked at him with conviction after putting his car in park. Their entire attention focused in on one another, it was clear YN had a record to set.

YN: I denied her because I'm not the best choice to be that for her. I told her there's only one person capable of being her Knight, and that he was off bringing together an impossible coalition of warriors and mercenaries in an alliance to bring down one of the largest scourges of the land and protect the village from a raid by the Witch Cult. I told her there was no one else in the entire Kingdom who would be more willing to stand by her, through the thick and thin of it, and be more loyal than you. Sure you might break a promise or two, but she needs to understand that sometimes you gotta do that.

Taking a deep breath, YN calmed himself down before continuing.

YN: Frankly, I almost told her if that wasn't enough for someone to be her knight, she might as well give up on ever having one. She might still feel that way, but the only person who can prove her wrong is you.

Subaru: — — —

Conflicted, Subaru looked down at the familiar cloak he had been handed, silent in reply.

YN: You should use that hood and go see her when whoever it is informs her of the letter's miscommunication. If she didn't recognize me while wearing it, it should work for you too.

Furrowing his brow, Subaru was confused midst his current state as to why YN would suggest that.

Subaru: ...Why would I go disguised?

YN: Because, the next time you go to approach her after this, it won't be so hard. You know that even if you solve all the hurdles ahead of you right now, the first time you speak to her after all this will be a hurdle too. Are you prepared for that?

Subaru: — — —

Truth be told, Subaru knew YN was right when he said that. Laying it on more, he drove home the point.

YN: A Knight shouldn't be wary when talking to the one he's bound to, so this way, you hopefully will be over it by the next time you do.

Seeing the logic behind his suggestion, Subaru finally let himself be softened by YN's intentions.

I'm stupid for thinking he didn't mean well from the very beginning, aren't I?

Subaru let a small crack of a smile form as he looked away, humbled by the support he was being given. Any doubt he had of YN that had formed was quickly dashed away.

He just wants to see me have my moment too just like he did with Rem.

Without a word more, Subaru ordered Patrasche to move onward. Quickly catching up to him, YN matched his pace.

YN: You'll get your Hero's welcome, Subaru. I know you will.

Maybe too embarrassed or humbled, all Subaru could reply with was a confidant nod in confirmation of YN's beliefs in him.

Weaving his way up ahead in the convoy, away from YN, they neared their first destination. As the Knight responsible for organizing this entire ordeal, it was only fitting he be at the forefront to coordinate it.

Go take fate by the horns, Subaru.